[SCENE: A well-lit room. All that can be seen is a large plush couch, a big screen TV and a VCR. Marta and Ling Ling are sitting on the couch, a low table between them. Both of them have foil-wrapped card packs in their hands.] MARTA: You got what? LING LING: Three Shions. MARTA: You have to be kidding me. You got *three* Shions in *one* booster pack? LING LING: Yup. What did you get? MARTA: Uhm... a Crow, Dan, Dan's Sister, Wyndham Teahouse and Star Mech armor. LING LING: I see... did I mention I also got a Bu-99K Koopaboomer and a OCC Lemon? MARTA: No... LING LING: And a Mai Shuranui. MARTA: What! What does she do? LING LING : Tap to remove Marta Nys from play for one turn. MARTA: ... You're kidding. LING LING: Nope. You should be glad it's not a Ling Ling card. MARTA: Why? What does that one do? LING LING: Tap to remove Marta *and* Ling Ling from play permanently. MARTA: You're making this up! LING LING : No I am not. It is all here, in this. MARTA : "Special Marta Modifiers." Like what? LING LING : Ahem. If Marta and Samantha Jones are on the same side, subtract one from all of Marta's stats. If Marta and Ling Ling are on the same side, add one to all of Marta's stats. If IC Lemon is played, remove Marta and Ling Ling. If OOC Lemon is played and Exdeath is present, remove Marta and Samantha, otherwise remove Marta and Shion. If - MARTA: Stop! What is this? They have a whole book relating to how my card reacts to all other cards? LING LING: Looks that way. MARTA: That's not fair. LING LING: It's what you get for being one of the most powerful cards in the game. I mean, who else automatically has Both Guns Blazing and Carnival of Carnage? MARTA: My sister? LING LING: Your sister isn't a character, remember? She's a Disaster. SHION: I'm a what? LING LING: Uhm... MARTA : You're a Disaster. By playing a Shion, all Gonterman related cards are removed from the game. If one pays 10 resources, you can use Shion to remove *anyone* from the game. SHION: Hmm... I like that. NORIKO : You would. SHION : Shut up. NORIKO: I suppose that I am in that pointless time expenditure as well? LING LING: Yes. You special ability is that you are the only person who can use a Graviton. NORIKO: Hmm... I like that. SHION: And I'm betting she's the only character without a Seduction value. MARTA: Well, Noriko's immune to the Lemon cards. LING LING: I think we should consider another topic for discussion. NORIKO: Yes, let us do so. SHION: Well? MAGIC VOICE: You've got mail! ALL: Ack! MAGIC VOICE: John Felix writes: >> SHION: Allowing our many fans to fulfill their wildest >>fantasies. >> MARTA: You BITCH!!! >Heh Heh Heh.... MARTA: Grrrr... and what is so funny? NORIKO: You have to ask? >> LING LING: Here, put this on before every fanboy in the >>universe writes you into a sick lemon. >The Drooling fanboys will have to go wash their hands and throw >their pants into the washing machine before actually writing that > sick lemon, ling ling. LING LING : I figured as much. MARTA: Magic Voice, have I mentioned that I'm still mad at you for that trick? MAGIC VOICE: But, it wasn't my fault. SHION: Didn't work for Han, it didn't work for Lando, and it's not going to work for you. >(John Proceeds to write a lemon about Ling Ling, Marta and some >Butter. It however, will not have a cameo of Marlin Brando.) NORIKO: Marin Brando? SHION: A reference to "Last Tango in Paris" I think. MAGIC VOICE: Ahem... Jamie Jeans writes: >Dear K5 Ladies and Mr. Surbrook, > Alexander Misamoto here. I'm just writing in to say you all did >a very funny job of riffing both parts of the Reluctant Boomer, > although I kinda passed out at the beginning when I saw Marta and > Ling-Ling doing it, MARTA: Anyone suprised by this say 'aye'. [Dead silence] >and I was just wondering if me and big sister could come by and riff >this horrible Sailor Moon lemon called 'Night of the Full Moon > Fiend'. NORIKO: I'll pass. SHION: Hasn't that one been done? MAGIC VOICE: Yes. LING LING: I think we are going to avoid doing anything that has been reviewed before. MARTA: Especially a Sailor Moon story... >The first part doesn't have allot of sexual material and it's all done >pretty badly. Also, dad bought you all some Christmas presents and > wants me and Samantha to drop them off. MARTA: Wahoo! SHION: Well, that would be very nice. > And one last thing. JFelix told me to ask you this: Who is Rocki >Roads? ALL: O_o. SHION NORIKO: Where did that come from? LING LING: Well, Marta? MARTA: Ahem She's a really attractive adult film star. LING LING: And? MARTA: And busty too! SHION: Naturally. NORIKO: And? MARTA : And I'd do her in a heart beat. SHION: Naturally. >Yours Truly, >Alexander Misamoto ALL: Bye Alex! MARTA: Anyone want to bet that Alex passed out when Shee's last picture made the rounds? [Dead silence] MAGIC VOICE: Right. Alex Fauth writes: >Well... I just read the second install ment of that epic peice of (naughty >words go here) that was the Reluctant Buma. What can I say? That was >an >awesome MSTing! I laughed until I stopped! It was... Well. I don't >think >I have seen such a vile peice of fic die so horribly in ages! SHION: Well... there was "American Kitsune"... >First up, I laughed out loud at the idea of Marta and Ling Ling finally >getting what they deserve. LING LING: What did *I* do? MARTA: Yeah, leave Ling Ling out of this! > Well, OK so the laughter was more at Marta's >expense... I'm sure that there is a certain long-haired, shirt-less, >jacket-wearing, band-aid on his cheek individual who will pay huge >sums >of cash for a copy of any recodrings made. I'm sorry to sound so SHION : Oh... that would be *Dan*... >cruel, buty it was hillarious to see those two suffer! Ha! Don;t worry >>Marta. I do belive you about your looks. Really. MARTA: Unhunh... NORIKO: >(I bet it was Marta who sent Rebecca the suit she's wering in her pic >though) MARTA: Did not! >As for the fic... It was terrible. I really would like to know what planet >the authour was on when he wrote it. What was with the constant >interruptions and butt-ins? Did he really think it added to the story, or >was he just trying to be funny? It just ended up being trying... As for his >writing style.... Well. It made Bubblegum Sh*t look coherent. Nearly. >Whatever. NORIKO: Incoherent does a good job of describing the story. >Misisle sub? Combat Cyberdroid? What was he on about??? ALL: Drugs. >But to the point. I loved the MSTing. You hit hard and fast and didn't let >up for a second. That goddam fic was torn to peices, rippaed apart and left >bloody on the floor. Win 98, Newt Gingrich, Kenneth Starrrrrrr, David >Gonterman (MUST DIE! Ahem) the Sailor Scouts (Yes! Riff the scouts >some >more!) and, of course, our old friends, the ADP - is nothing safe >from >being used on this fic? SHION: Not that I could see. >And why couldn't it have killed the kid? NORIKO: Well, it did seem to be a Disney version of BGC. >And two of my suggestions got in! >> MARTA: Spam Powered Vertical Knee System? >(Although if I had said "Stoat Powered" then I could tell my friend Dr >>Sinn and let him explode!) and, of course... ALL: Uhm... >>>list of achiements, >> MARTA: Sexual preferences... >Heh. By the way... anyone who was caught appearing in BG Crap >(Whups... I >meant Crash. Really) was summiralrly exocuted without >trial. This >explains why the Knight Sabres will look totally different in >BGC 2040. SHION: Uhm... NORIKO: I, for one, would like very much to see the new designs. >Please riff Fuzion all you want. I love every second of it. Hopefully, some >of it will get back to RTG and they will take the hint. Although given >>that they've apprently cancelled Mekton for Fuzion and Cyberpunk 3rd >Ed >(also for Fuzion).... SHION: That should tell you something, shoudln't it? MAGIC VOICE: Daniel Robert Nelson has this to say: > I just got done reading the Where's Ryoko lemon you MSTied with >Jamie Jeans, and I noted you said you've never ran across a Kei-Yuri >lemon fic. I have. But, it wasn't Kei having sex with Yuri. It's this MARTA: Damn. >eighty-some page story about how three college students run across a >computer language that can create life (Kei and Yuri). Long, boring, lots >of geekspeak technical terms, the writers self insert themselves and >everyone else in their school, have Kei and Yuri fall in love with them, >and cross over the cyclones from Robotech. NORIKO: Sounds horrid. MAGIC VOICE: Platinum Dragon writes: > I must say that I rather enjoyed your MSTing of my fanfic, even if I >do think that a couple of quips were invalidated by the next line. Thanks >for taking the time to do it. Believe it or not, I wanted it MSTed. It >seems to me, that while they can be rather... embarasing, they can also be >a bloody good source of input for the next screw-up... err, fanfic writen. SHION: What fanfic? MAGIC VOICE: "Where's Ryoko"? NORIKO: Oh... LING LING: Ohhh.... *that* one. SHION: And what is *that* supposed to mean? [Ling Ling turns to Marta and gives her a *long* kiss. As they part, Marta winks at her sister.] MARTA: Wouldn't you like to know! > Two questions, and then I'll go away for awhile. > One, I'd like to put the MSTing up next to the original on my page. >Is this ok? NORIKO: Certainly. It would be an honor. > Two, I'm working on a couple others, and have finished a couple >others. (Non-Lemon, I decided to stay away from them after WR.) I'm >wondering if you and the others that MST WR would be interested in >MSTing these as well. LING LING: We'll be sure to pass this on to SVAM. > Thanks again, and no hard feelings. NORIKO: Well, we did comment on *your* fic... MAGIC VOICE: Right. Let's get started, shall we? [The TV turns on] SHINAKUMA V.S VEGETA MiSTed by Michael Surbrook with Noriko Kobayashi, Ling Ling Li, Marta Nys and Shion Nys > ShinAkuma V.S Vegeta NORIKO: Who's 'Shinakuma'? MARTA: He's from Street Fighter Two Super Turbo Champion Alpha Plus The Final Countdown Last Chapter Deluxe Edition. NORIKO: Oh. SHION: Come again? MARTA: Not on your life. > The race for the Dragon Balls. LING LING: Anyone *not* think this was going to be part of the plot? [Dead silence] MAGIC VOICE: Now cut that out. > Part 1. SHION: Of how many? MAGIC VOICE: Uhm... seven. ALL: Groan. MAGIC VOICE: They're short. >The new sun was just begining to rise over the Masaki household. NORIKO: All, get real! *Every* fanfic with Tenchi in it starts with a nice quiet dawn at the Tenchi household. For once, I'd like to see a new beginning. MARTA: Like what? LING LING: Tokyo getting nuked. SHION: Been done. >Everyone was still in there beds. LING LING: Visions of sugerplums dancing in their heads. NORIKO: Or, if you're Marta, Mai Shuranui. MARTA: Uh... > Vegeta was asleep on the couch as usaul. MARTA: Vegita? Vegita is living with Tenchi? SHION: And what does 'as usual' mean? MARTA: *Very* OOC. > Thane, NORIKO: Bane? SHION: No... 'Thane'. MARTA: Who the hell is Thane? LING LING: I'm betting he's the SI. NORIKO: Okay... how many lines of this have we seen? MAGIC VOICE: Six. MARTA: *SIX*? Six lines, and already we have a stupid crossover, a self-insertion and guaranteed OOC actions? LING LING: This is going to go down *hard*. >was locked away in his room snoring loudly. MARTA: Ahh! My ears! LING LING: Someone turn the bass down! >And nothing seemed out of the ordinary. ALL: >For the masaki household anyway. >The yard outside was littered with shreaded metal, SHION: What, had Nav been by? NORIKO: Only if this is a Sailor Moon fic. > from a previous battle of the night.. SHION: And who was fighting? NORIKO: Vegita and Ryoko? MARTA: So, Ryoko is now a wet spot on the grass, right? >every one where in a heavy sleep ALL: Zzzzzzzzz... >since all of the fighting from the night before. >The things that where destroyed are really not material to this story. MARTA: Are you kidding? So far, the plot has not been material to this story! SHION: There's a plot? NORIKO: This is a story? >For the main focus here, is to tell the tale of All : "a tiny ship... on a three hour tour!" >destruction,destruction, LING LING: Spam, spam, spam, spam and spam. > and pretty much some more fighting. MARTA: The basic plot of any van Damme movie. >Here in japan, NORIKO: The hand can be used as a knife! EVERYONE ELSE: >often the land on the Masaki is never silent NORIKO: "On the Masaki"? So, Masaki is a river now? >The sun was almost at it's peak in the sky, it was now about 12:00 in the >afternoon. LING LING: This can't be the real Tenchi series. Sasami should be up and making breakfast. >vegeta yawned, waking up, he began to stretch. MARTA: Whew... morning breath. >Tenchi came down the stairs and saw veggie, he waved ALL: >"good morning veggie" tenchi said. ALL: O_o. SHION: Veggie? MARTA: Veggie? VEGGIE!!? Vegita is the prince of the Saiyans! He's one of the most powerful anime characters ever created! He's arrogant, overconfident and delights in being evil! There is *no* way that he would tolerate Tenchi calling him "Veggie"! LING LING : Down girl. >"ahh whats good about it, tenchi...i have a headache" vegeta said NORIKO: Not to mention you can't find any capital letters. >"well you should of thought about that before the fight > last night" tenchi said with a slight laugh to himself SHION : I'm signing my own death warrant, this is *so* funny! >"ahh what would you know tenchi, you BARELY helped" vegeta roared LING LING: Considering the type of people Vegita fights, I wouldn't help either, even if I *was* Tenchi. >just as the slight arguement started to heat, >ryoko came down the stairs, wraping >her arms around tenchi's neck, squeezing. MARTA: not-so-tight... can't-breathe... >"hey tenchi, you sleep well?" ryoko said EVERYONE: MARTA: What? >"yeah, fairly well, why ryoko?" tenchi said with slight interest MARTA : You want to go back to bed? >"umm no reason tenchi"with that she kissed him on the neck NORIKO: Yeah, right. Considering Ryoko, I'd trust her 'no reason' about as far as I could throw her. >By now, most of the house was awake. SHION: Whoopie effin do... >The Irishmen was still asleep upstairs, LING LING: Who? NORIKO: Odds are it's this "Thane" person. > and Vegeta had fallen back asleep on the couch again. MARTA: Damn, he's got to lay off of those all-night benders. >with that, suddenly, there was a knock at the door. *RAAP* RAPP* LING LING: Incoming! MARTA : Somebody's at the door! NORIKO: How do you misspell 'rap-rap'? >"oh, i'll get it" tenchi said, moving to the door SHION: It's my delivery of capital letters and punctuation. >"who is it?" tenchi said SHION: It's the plumber, I've come to fix the sink. MARTA: Get real, it's Majin Buu and he's going to kick everyone's ass! >with the rapping at the door, NORIKO: Rapping at my chamber door. SHION: Nevermore! > Vegeta woke up again. LING LING: Damn rap music... >this time he stretched wide and went down into washuu's lab, NORIKO: To be 'sampled'. >to train in the g room. SHION: I can buy that. MARTA: It's the only thing that has made sense all story. NORIKO: This is a story? >Tenchi opened the door, there was no where there. LING LING: Who ever it was had wisely decided to abandon this fic while the getting was good. >"Weird" tenchi said. NORIKO: I just had a capital 'T' a sentence ago... >just then Thane was comming down the stairs yawning lazily MARTA: Whew, *more* morning breath. >"ughh..twas bad night indeed" thane said with > hardly any enthusiasim SHION: And a really bad brogue. >ryoko was sitting on the couch watching tv NORIKO: I think this is the first IC act I've seen yet. >"oh, hey thaney, yeah it was pretty bad last night" ryoko said MARTA : I didn't come. LING LING: And we tried all night, too. >"heh, it was bad, compared to most of our little problems around here NORIKO: "Little problems"? Kagato was a 'little' problem? >ryoko lass" Thane said sitting down, in the chair where he usaully did >"and who was at the door?" thane said standing to go outside SHION: I told you, it was the plumber. MARTA: Majin-Buu. LING LING: Candygram for Mongo. >he opend the door, looks around, then looked down... NORIKO: To see a thermal detonator at his feet. MARTA: Ohh... I like that idea. >"ACCKKK what is this?!?" thane yelled in suprise NORIKO: A thernal detanator! SHION: Either that or the welcome mat. >"what what?"ryoko perked up MARTA: Exactly which *part* of Ryoko perked up, hmmm? LING LING: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't smack you. MARTA: LING LING: Okay, give me two... >"ummm..." thane picked up the envelope that was on porch SHION: Most intelligent thing he's said yet. >The envelope was black, laced with green metallic ink. LING LING: Whoa! Celestial Calligraphy! Maybe it will dispel this story! >"WHAT IS GOING ON UP HERE!" Washuu bursted out of the lab MARTA: A really bad story? NORIKO: Absolutely nothing. >"umm sorry washuu lass, just have nae seen a letter like this is a >while" thane said apoligizing to her SHION: And I haven't seen an accent like this in a while. NORIKO: Or a story. MARTA: I think the last time we saw something this bad was "Akanes Deleryium". LING LING: Or "Tales of the Red Knightsabers". >"heh, thats fine thane, MARTA : Hold still while I extract the 'sample'. > JUST DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN!" Washuu NORIKO: Now we know why there aren't any captial letters in this story, Washu's hoarding them all. SHION: Has anyone ever seen Washu get angry like this? WASHU : No. ALL: Uhm.... >roared, with that she turned and went back downstairs NORIKO: Under! Not 'down', under the stairs! SHION: Relax, Noriko. >"heh..i think i made the lass a bit upset..." thane said ALL: No, shit. >"ahh don't worry about mom, now what is that envelope SHION: It's a folded piece of paper designed to hold a letter, but that's not important right now. >thane" ryoko said with curiousity >"hmm..lass, it be a challange, to get more training in" thane said MARTA: Ie. a fight scene. >explaining >"but, why would it be addressed to the saiyan" thane said questionally SHION: Since there is no question mark, I'm glad we're getting these dialogue cues. NORIKO: Yes, what is this? "Said explaining", "said questioningly", "said with curiosity"... What's wrong with 'explained', 'asked' and 'said curiously'? SHION: Blame Malahelicon. >"hmm, don't know..." ryoko said SHION: Rock stupid anime characters, film at eleven! >Just as thane sat down on the couch, veggie came upstairs... MARTA: To find the author of this story and kick his ass for calling him'veggie'. >"now thats alot better" vegeta grinned MARTA: Wow... I didn't know Washu went in for that sort of thing. SHION: MARTA: Ow... >"hey veggie lad, ye got mail over here" LING LING: "Ye got mail"? NORIKO: Scotland Online. > thane said waving the letter >"oh? who's sending me mail" vegeta walked over and took the letter LING LING: Any number of enemies and would-be challengers. MARTA: If this was a real Dragonball Z flic, the fight would have started by now. SHION: And go on for the next 45 minutes. MARTA: So? SHION: Point. >"hmmm" thane wondered what it could be NORIKO: Perhaps a letter? >Vegeta began reading it to himself.... SHION: You... may... have... already... won... >his eyes moving back and forth reading.... >"soo? what does it say veggie, LING LING : "Greetings from the Humongus! The Lord Humongus! The Warrior of the wastelands, the Ayatollah of rock and rolla!" >don't keep us in the dark" ryoko pryed >"well...according to this....someone named akuma is looking for the > dragon balls" veggie said NORIKO: So what else is new? >Thane shook his head >"but can nae be veggie lad, did ye nae say, that the dragon balls can >only be used once per year" thane looked at veggie oddly. LING LING: "Oddly"? NORIKO: Probably while standing on his head. >"yeah, thats right, so i don't know what this guy is looking for them >for" veggie said shrugging MARTA: Okay, Mr. Rock-stupid, have you ever considered the fact that someone might want to get all the dragonballs and hold onto them while waiting until they can be used again? SHION: Naw, that would make too much sense. >he tossed the envelope aside with disinterest LING LING: I don't care what Ed Asner says, I *never* win these things. >"well lad, ye should look into it, i know who akuma is..he be a demon, >said to be dead...." thane said, as he began to explain who akuma was LING LING: Well, first, there was Streetfighter II, and then there was Streetfighter II Turbo and then... NORIKO: Enough. >"also lad Akuma be very dangerous, what if he found someway to use >the dragon balls even without the wish?" thane looked at him MARTA: As what? Ammo for a slingshot? The only things the balls are good for is granting wishes, and Shenlon only hands them out once every year! >"it's not my problem thane" veggie said MARTA: Wow... that sounds like Vegita. >"im not the keeper of the dragon balls" veggie said, with less and less >interest MARTA: Ack! Back-to-back IC Vegita lines! What is this fanfic coming to? SHION: Down girl. >"well lad, ye should at least look into it"thane said NORIKO: If you don't, we've wasted 10 pages of pointless text for *nothing*! >"yeah, it might be fun veggie" ryoko said NORIKO: Great... Ryoko's idea of 'fun' usually results in mass destruction. SHION: Anything to liven up *this* story. LING LING: This is a story? >"mm yeah maybe. heh, what are we doing today anyway?" veggie said MARTA: Hmmmm... let me see. 12:00 - wake up. 12:30-1:00 train in 100 G room. 1:15 - Help Goku save the universe. 1:20 - act arrogant and overconfident and get the stuffing beaten out of me while helping Goku save the universe. Not much, what do you want to do? >"umm nothing lad, as far as i know...i did nae think we were, generally it > would be a good time to recoup...heh "thane laughed slightly ALL : hahahahah... NORIKO: Baka. >"yeah recoup...thats something we hardly ever do" ryoko laughed as well SHION: This rock-stupid disease must be catching. >"heh well, maybe i will look into this tomarrow" veggie said, and went >off to go back to training >"oi...well i guess i might as well get back to training myself...tis nae >reason in sitting around ryoko lass" thane said getting up LING LING: Can anyone here understand what he's saying? EVERYONE ELSE: No. >"well im happy right here thane" she stretched out on the couch, and >went back to watching her soaps MARTA: I think someone has replaced Ryoko with Urd. >"Suit yeself lass"with that, thane walked outside to train >Outside thane ran into ranko... LING LING: Ranko? NORIKO: So now were are crossing over with Ranma 1/2? >she was going to the lake to get some MARTA: Oh... kinky. >catch some fish for breakfast. MARTA: Oops. NORIKO: Wait a minute... Magic Voice, replay that sentence. MAGIC VOICE: As you wish. >she was going to the lake to get some catch some fish for breakfast. NORIKO: I see that the writing has reached an all time low. SHION: We are reaching Koopa's level of incoherent. >"hey sis!!" thane waved to her ALL:"Sis"?!!! MARTA: This has gone beyond stupid. >ranko turned, she smiled >"yo thane" ranko waved LING LING: I'm thinking that Ranko here would have trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time. >"hmm what are ye up to sis?" thane said SHION: About 5'3". NORIKO: Are you implying somehting? SHION: No, are you reading something into what I just said? MARTA: Stuff it you two. >"hmm not much, im about to catch me some breakfast" ranko said, >holding >out the fishing pole and the basket to hold the fish NORIKO: Redundancy... redundancy... thy name is this story!!! >"hmm really now, you sure you don't have time for a quick spar, before >that sis?" thane said, with a slight grin.. >"Sure" ranko said LING LING: I'm rock-stupid! >"alright sis" thane grinned MARTA: I don't trust him. he's *always* smiling. >With that, the fight began..... SHION: Hold it! Time out for a refreshing pose break, everybody! LING LING: Grit those teeth! MARTA: Grrrr...! SHION: Good posing, kids. Now you can get back to the imminent fight scene. >Thane opend with a high kick to ranko's face. >Ranko dodged, and fliped thane off his feet. ALL: That's gotta hurt! >Thane landed on his back, ALL: Ooof! >and quickly fliped up...then sweeped her. SHION: Under the rug. >ranko leaped up to avoid thanes sweep, and kicked him in the chest.... ALL: Biff! Bam! Pow! >And the fight went on.... NORIKO: And on, and on, and on, and on... SHION: Maybe this really *is* Dragonball Z! >Meanwhile, back at the Masaki household. LING LING: In another part of the move. MARTA: Stately Wayne manor! >"Washuu!, where are you washuu" tenchi called out SHION: Oh, Washu, oh Washu, where for art thou Washu? NORIKO: Oh, what scientist through yonder window breaks? MAGIC VOICE: Shakespear must be turning over in his grave. >washuu came out of the lab MARTA: And out of the closet. NORIKO: What? >"yes, tenchi, what is it?" washuu looked at him LING LING: It's your name, Washu, but that's not important right now. >"umm litte washuu i was wondering, MARTA: When will I reach puberty? >if you could help us cook breakfast today, since sasami and aeka are gone >right now" tenchi said timidly, SHION: I guess this means this is set in the OVA series. NORIKO: Maybe... >knowing he was almost asking fro trouble NORIKO: Why? Washu can cook. We saw that in the OVAs. >" Sure tenchi!, i can try and help" MARTA: Get that sample I've always wanted. >washuu said with enthusiasim >"eh heh" tenchi mumbled to himself about the last time washuu tried to >cook >Meanwhile......outside..... LING LING: In another part of the movie. >The fight between Ranko and Thane...was comming to an end >"HIRYUU SHOTEN HA-REVISED HORIZONTAL BLAST!!" ALL: SHION: How the hell do you say *that*? LING LING: And why? NORIKO: It is a genre convention. MARTA: Say... do you suppose that "hiryuu shoten ha" is Japanese for "revised horizontal blast"? NORIKO: Maybe, it would depend on the characters used to write it. SHION: Meaning the Ranko just yelled out her attack twice? LING LING: Maybe she's providing her own subtitles? >Ranko shouted, as she attacked Thane revesing his NORIKO: "Revesing"? SHION: Now you start on the spelling? >SHINKUUHADOUKEN. NORIKO: I see. That exaplians the lack of capitals up until now. SHION: Why is the technique in all caps? Especially since no one is shouting anything? LING LING: I think you two better give it up before someone gets hurt. >Thane flew back, and hit a tree.... ALL: THUD!!! CRACK!!! MARTA: That'll leave a mark. >But shoke off the incredible attack of ranko... NORIKO: Yes, being buried under all those captial letters must be painful. >He stood back up and started gathering his chi again. LING LING: Which had spilled *all* over the floor! >"SHINKUUSEMESEKEIHADOKEN" MARTA: SU-- EVERYONE ELSE: SUPER VEGITA BIG BANG ATTACK!!! MARTA: Heyyy... that's not fair. >thane shouted, as he realesed, his gathered chi at her NORIKO: Looks like he picked up an errant comma as well. SHION: Watch it before the Fauth Brothers hear that you've stolen Rebecca's gag. NORIKO : I'm scared. >Again she used the Hiryuu..... >And huge explosion outside ensued... ALL: Oooohhhh... Ahhhhh... [hold up signs reading 9.2, 9.5, 9.8 and 8.6] >Thane and ranko, where laying on the edge of the lake >now...unconsious... ALL: Yeah! >"teeenchi!" ryoko whined MARTA: I want it now! LING LING: Okay. [Embraces Marta, the two exchange a long and passionate kiss.] NORIKO [glaring]: Enough already. SHION [depressed]: And I still don't get any... >"when will breakfast be ready" ryoko whined some more MARTA: I'm having a hard time picturing Ryoko whining. NORIKO: The scary thing is... she does. >"in a little while ryoko!" SHION: Why is Tenchi talking like Shatner? >tenchi said, slightly annoyed >ryoko pouted slightly, and went back to the soaps >As washuu was making Chaos in the kitchen ALL: "Ph'ngui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!" MAGIC VOICE: Uh... stop that right now! MARTA: Ahhh... fhtagn you! MAGIC VOICE: When you all get eaten by He Who Must Not Be Named, don't blame me. >dishes breaking, typing can be heard, and little floating droids, floating in >and out of the kitchen NORIKO: These are not the droids we are looking for. >"err, i hope the food does not taste like motor oil" tenchi said watching.. >Outside..... >"ughh...good fight sis, as always" thane said getting up LING LING : Can you help me find my head? >"yeah you too thane" ranko was also getting up to go back to fishing, NORIKO: For a few spare commas. >which is exactly what she did once she got up. >Thane began to stagger back into the house..... SHION: Damn... drunk again. >Now, lets, pan over to a Remote island off the coast of japan. MARTA: I love the random capitialization, don't you? >Akuma sat in his throne thinking. LING LING: Why is there air? MARTA: Why does anyone care if I leave the toilet seat up? SHION: I wonder if he got this throne from Shinji over in the Dark SVAM fic? >He sat in the dim light, just pondering on how to become stronger MARTA: Eat more burittos. NORIKO: I... never mind, I'll pass. >He picked up the papers he had dug up, in his treasures in the battle >cave. NORIKO: Hmmm... my stock in Capcom went up three points. >He began reading, his eyes sweeped back and forth SHION: You... may... have... already... won... >over the old scroll, a slight grin started to curl around akuma's lips, MARTA: I've won a million dollars! LING LING: Ed McMahon would *never* lie! >showing his small fangs. >With that, after finishing reading, Akuma droped the scroll, at the top of >>the scroll it read, SHION: "Property of TSR." NORIKO: One long run-on sentance. >about a legend of stones that if all seven collected you NORIKO: O_O LING LING: If the stones collected *you*? SHION: I think someone needs to gather up all those extra commas and put them in thir proper places. >would be granted one wish by Shen Ron; SHION: Now, how much would you pay? MARTA: That's Shenlon!!! >yes, you guessed it, these stones, are known as the dragon balls. LING LING: And he want's 'em back! >Akuma began walking outside, and loooked NORIKO: Now that's a long look. >out at the ocean before him. >He grinned to himself, and then disappeared as lightning crashed over >>head, just as the tropical storm began to hit his island home. >Now we move to america. NORIKO: Why? I like it fine in Tokyo. LING LING: And I prefer Hong Kong. >For in a Dojo in Michigan, There he stood, it was Bruce keeZ, LING LING: Bruce Keez? MARTA: No, no, Bruce keeZ. NORIKO: How did you *do* that? >a martial arts sensei. SHION: One of thousands. MARTA: Yeah, they are always underfood. >At the time, he was training some student, NORIKO: "Some" student? LING LING: One of this faceless minions. >in a new style, which he called KeeZ Kwon Do. ALL: MARTA: What? Wha... hahahahaha! LING LING : Keez kwon do? SHION : Stop! No more! NORIKO : Bruce Lee must be rolling over in his grave. >The style was a mix of Shotokan/tae kwon doe/something that was his >own form MARTA: In other words, part Shotokan karate, part tae kwon do, part stuff Bruce-boy is pulling outta his ass! LING LING: The van Damme school of martial arts... >"Alright class, thats it for today" bruce bowed to his students ALL : Hai, sensei! >they began to file out of the dojo training area. >Around bruce's neck, he wore an amber looking stone, that had a small >star inside of it. MARTA: Geeee, I wonder what that is? >The stone was given to him, when he was very young by his parents MARTA What?! WHAT?!! LING LING : What? SHION: Relax, little sister. MARTA : No!!! Do you realize how screwed up this is? The dragonballs can *only* be used once a year, and only if you have *all* seven. That means that if Bruce-boy has had a dragonball since he was very young, he's probably had the ball for 20 years or more! That means the balls are active and Akuma would have every reason to gather them up! NORIKO: I think you need to calm down. MARTA: I... argh... LING LING : Well, I think that was a nice rant. [kisses her passionately]. >Bruce began to wipe his forehead of sweat SHION: You two better break it up, Bruce is getting excited. MARTA: Awww... >"Phew* that was a work out today" >bruce said as he finished wiping his head of sweat NORIKO: That's a lot of sweat... either that, or he's melting. >Just then someone entered the dojo NORIKO: Looking for a period to end one of these sentences. >He was a young man, wearing sunglasses, and a T-shirt, and some blue >jeans >"Hey Bruce!, long time you see bud" mike said with a smile ALL: Ummm... MAGIC VOICE: Different Mike. >"ohhh i figured it was you mike" bruce laughed turning around LING LING: What was your first clue? SHION : Don't answer that. >"yeah, the one and only" mike said sarcasticly >"well what brings you to my neck of the woods, mike?" bruce said >questioning NORIKO: His role in this story. >"got bored with your computers?" bruce laughed ALL: Michael? Never! >"Speaking of which, how is MooreWare doing?" bruce said NORIKO: Have you noticed that Bruce has asked three straight questions without waiting for an answer? MARTA: Is MooreWare anything like Tupperware? >"yeah, it's fine"mike smiled SHION: I'm being purchased by Micro$oft tomorrow. >"the real reason i came out here, is because i wanted a good fight" LING LING: I'm sorry, this is the argument clinic. MARTA: No it isn't. LING LING: Yes it is. MARTA: No it isn't. LING LING: Yes it is. MARTA: No it isn't. LING LING: Yes it is. SHION: This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction. MAGIC VOICE: STOP!!! >Mike grinned, hoping that bruce was not to tired from MARTA: 'Instructing' his female students. >his days classes, and would fight >"hmmm well, i am kinda tired" bruce said >"But hell why not, you came all this way" LING LING: It is only proper that I beat you up. >Bruce said, steping back on to the mat >Mike grinned... NORIKO: What is with all the grinning? Do these people know something we don't? >Mike was skilled fighter, he had trannined with Ken, SHION: Mmmmmm... Ken. MARTA: You're drooling. >another very skilled fighter. LING LING: You could say that. >Ken had tought him the ways of the Shotokan NORIKO: Rule one, tear the sleeves off of your gi. >Mike steped back a few feet from bruce. >Bruce bowed slightly, not lowering his eyes >As did mike. ALL (Michael Buffer voice): LLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUUUMBLE!!!!!!! >Then bruce opened the match, he threw a body kick at mike ALL: BOOT TO THE HEAD! >Mike blocked it >"ahh come on bruce you can do better than that" Mike sweeped bruce SHION: Under the rug. LING LING: You did that one already. >Bruce avoided the sweep, and snap kicked mike >Mike staggered back... >He started gathering Ki NORIKO: Say... LING LING: Did someone spill the chi again? MARTA: Get a broom. NORIKO: When did we switch from chi to ki? >"HAOOOO" mike yelled as he hurled the attack at bruce LING LING: Well, I've got furious now! >Bruce quickly rolled out of the way >Mike ran in, with a sliding sweep, SHION: Safe at home! >then fliped up and stomped on bruce ALL: Pow! >Bruce cringed MARTA: Not in the face! >as both attacks hit home,then he fliped up.. >Bruce glowed slightly blue SHION: This menas Bruce is a good guy, right? >"THOUSAND HUMMING BIRD STIKE" bruce yelled and began to >throw MARTA: - up. >a barage of incredibly fast jabs like needles at mike >Mike blocked, taking some hits NORIKO: But his shields are still up so he's okay. >Mike held his ground, he fliped kicked at bruce, bruce high blocked >Bruce uppercutted mike >Mike flew back into the wall LING LING: Haven't see seen this before? MARTA: NOt even Dragonball Z fights are *this* monotonous. >Bruce started gathering his Ki NORIKO: I understand now... throw a few strikes, pause, gather ki, fire off special technique, paure, repeat. >"GOREZUKEN" ALL: Bless you! >Bruce hurled a bright blue chi attack at mike with one >hand LING LING: Explode at 11 o'clock sharp! >Mike blocked just in time >Mike got up SHION: WILL ONE OF YOU FALL! MARTA: Uhm... I think you need to relax. >"SHINKUUHADOUKEN" Mike shouted as he hurled the huge blast of >energy at bruce >Bruce countered with a blast of his own NORIKO: This must be doing wonders for Bruce's dojo. >........now we move back to Japan NORIKO: Where the hand can still be used like a knife. >"YUCK" tenchi gaged, MARTA: On Ryoko. >then covered his mouth, so washuu would not hear >Ryoko had falled out, MARTA: Of Tenchi's mouth. SHION: Stop that. >once she had tasted the food >and Veggie was eating away as usaul MARTA: Sounds about right. >Thane was knawing at what he was trying to eat whatever it was. NORIKO: Probably the play-doh food from "Journey to Babel". >" good huh everyone?" Washuu said with a smile >"eh heh, yeah, it's fine little washuu" tenchi said LING LING : >"umm yeah lass, it be fine" thane said SHION: Tastes just like the haggis mother used to make. >"well then eat up, theres plenty more" washuu said, points to all the >food she had made >"weeelll i guess i will be going" thane said getting up SHION: I need to have my brogue tuned up. >"eh thane?" washuu said suspiciously >"oh, nothing washuu lass"thane said, as he ran out the back door >"hmm strange" washuu said, sitting back down and went back to eating >"Well little washuu, im stuffed" tenchi said getting up, dragging ryoko to >the couch MARTA: For a little 'fun'. >"well ok tenchi, but don't fret, im making dinner too" Washuu said >cheerfully LING LING: How does boiled octopus pizza sound? >"heh, well...err..alright little washuu" tenchi said apprehensivley SHION: Can we order out? >Back in america... >The fight was at an end... SHION: Finally. >The dojo was an utter mess, NORIKO:Now, whhy do you suppose *that* is? >Mike and Bruce where breathing heavily now. both down on the mat >Final score. MARTA: Giants win the pennet! > Tied ALL: Copout!!! >No one was strong enough to continue the fight. SHION: Thank goodness. >"Well good fight mike, your getting better all the time" Bruce said as he >began to push himself up MARTA: Off of? SHION: No. >Mike laughed ALL: Hahahaahahaha... NORIKO: Baka. >"ahh your not too shabby yourself bruce, at least your not fighting like >my grandma anymore" mike said LING LING: You're petulant, but not concentrated enough. >they both began to laugh as they got to there feet at mikes joke SHION: I see that they are very easy to amuse. >Then they both stoped.... >Something evil was near them, and they could sense it. LING LING: Beware! Near is evil close! >"whoa man, what the hell is that?" mike said SHION: Gonterman? MARTA: Exdeath? LING LING: Nav? NORIKO: Marrisa? >Bruce narrowed his eyes, much like that of someone was going to kill NORIKO: Errr... uhm... LING LING: Forget, you'll only hurt yourself. >"an evil omen" Bruce said seriously SHION: My ex-wife is coming. >"What could be that evil though man?" mike ask SHION: Gonterman. NORIKO: Jesse Helms. MARTA: Newt Gingrich? >"i don't know mike" bruce said, he furrowed his brow >Just then, one of the walls of the dojo started to shake violently, then a >huge blast of energy came though the wall, SHION: Avon calling! >mike and bruce ducked, to avoid the blast >Then they saw him, SHION: Who? NORIKO: Darth Vader. LING LING: Jet Li! MARTA: FREEZER!!! LING LING: Kooler! >It was Akuma, he floated in the air above them, then >settled on the ground with a cruel grin across his face. SHION : I have you now! >"AKUMA!" Mike shouted MARTA: Masturbate in hell! LING LING: What? MARTA: Well... it seemed to fit. >Akuma turned >In a deep evil voice LING LING : That's my name don't wear it out. >"yes, that is my name." akuma spoke in a dead tone, that would give >shivers NORIKO: To what? >"what do you want?! and whats the idea of destroying my dojo?" LING LING: What can I say? I'm a bad guy. I do bad things. It's my job. MARTA: Heyyy... that's not an HK line. LING LING: Close enough. >bruce readied >"hmm..you are not worthy to fight with me." akuma said LING LING: Youngster, your brain is useless I guess. SHION: I'm going to stay out of your way on this one, Ling Ling, you've got everything under control. >"i have come for what you wear around your neck" akuma grinned >"WHAT? ALL: He said "I have come for what you wear around your neck"! >my necklace" bruce growled >"there's no way im giving this to you"bruce began gathering his chi MARTA: Which is still all over the floor. SHION: I wonder if these guys have considered gathering their chi beforehand and keeping somewhere that's easy to get to? >Akuma smirked LING LING: What? Is this rebellion? It is. Kill! >"yeah, buddy, i have heard about you from ken, your bad news" >mike got into a fighting stance MARTA: Got ready to have his ass kicked you mean. >"The both of you, wish to loose your lives at my hands" >akuma motioned for them to attack NORIKO: Great... get ready for another five pages of nothing. >"HEY! you better start thinking about where your going pal" mike said SHION : Why, I'm going to Disneyland! >"Damn straight" bruce agreed >With that akuma, fliped into the air >and hurled down 6 Zukuu-Go-HADOUKEN's, on mike and bruce MARTA: Not one! LING LING: Not three! SHION: But five Zukuu-go-hadoukens! NORIKO: Now how much would you pay? >Mike and bruce where slamed into the ground, knocked out cold MARTA: Wow... someone was actually beaten in a fight... >Akuma landed, he grinned LING LING: Drunken Fist? Only so-so. >"pathetic" akuma laughed NORIKO: Akuma must have read this already. >he reached down to bruces neck, grabed the chain, and broke SHION: And broke Bruce's neck. The end. MARTA: So, what's on RAW. >the dragon ball off of bruces neck >"ughh.." bruce groaned LING LING: You always use violence. I should have ordered glutinous rice chicken. >With that akuma turned, and disappeared, with the First dragon ball..... ALL: Wait for death in 18 years! >Ok, this is the first part of my fanfic. NORIKO: And how many more to go? MAGIC VOICE: Six parts. ALL: AAAAhhhhhh! >just so you need to know. SHION: This sucked. MARTA: This blew dog! >all of the chracters in here, come from different anime, and persona's on >AOL. ALL: O_O. SHION: AOL? MARTA: That explains... something, I guess. >for one hell of a crossover. NORIKO: Hell is correct! >Tell me what you think ALL: NORIKO: Isn't that we have been doing? >@ >DeathThane@aol.com LING LING: Oh great, Thane *is* the SI! >LaTeRZ MARTA: That explains Bruce KeeZ. LING LING: How *do* you do that? >look for part 2 soon SHION: Don't remind us. MAGIC VOICE: I have something for you, that I think you will like. NORIKO: And that is? MAGIC VOICE: This: >Dear Ladies, > Well, it's close to the Christmas season and all is well... >except that you're about to take on a horrid Vegeta/Akuma seven part >crossover, from what Michael has told me. I hope you all enjoyed your >presents and I give you this one more gift. SHION: Presents? MAGIC VOICE: You'll get them soon. >Kazei 5 >Through many a fanfic >have these ladies gone, >riffing each line, >one by one. >Their style, their beauty, >have all set a precedence, >which no one ever >has surpassed since. >Marta and Ling Ling, >the perfect couple, >loving, riffing, fighting, >those two have done everything except biting. >Noriko, with the level headed mind, >and the straight one of the group, >keeping everyone else in line >as she points any spelling that's out of loop. >Shion, the Empress, >with hair and aura that of snow, >impossible to impress >with power to show. >For every time >they've gone into that room, >I've had to hold my sides >as my laughter boomed. >So for you ladies, >I've wrote this poem, >I hope you enjoy it >and carry it home. > Merry Christmas and take care ladies. And don't forget... >there's gonna be a huge Christmas party at the Club Anipke. Come on over >and we'll all have a good time! ^_^ ALL: ... MAGIC VOICE: That was from Jamie Jeans. LING LING: That... that was very sweet. MARTA: Perfect couple? I like that. [Ling Ling and Marta kiss] SHION: I do think that Jamie has manged to capture my essence perfectly in just four lines. NORIKO : Domo Arigato Gozaimasu. \ / \ / -- O -- FFIIIIISSHHHH / \ / \ MAGIC VOICE: Merry Christmas to all!!! ALL: And to all, a good night! "ShinAkuma V.S Vegeta" written by DeathThane@aol.com. No copyright infringement indended by this MSTing, which is for amusement purposes only. Shion Nys & Marta Nys (c) 1997 Michael Surbrook Noriko Kobayashi created by Jeff Mueller, used with permission. Ling Ling Li Copyright (c) 1987-97 by Yuzo Takada. This version was used without permission. MSTed by Michael Surbrook susano@otd.com Visit Surbrook's Stuff! A Hero System/Champions source (especially for anime and manga material) at http://www.otd.com/~susano/index.html >With that, after finishing reading, Akuma droped the scroll, >at the top of the scroll it read, about a legend of stones that if all >seven collected you would be granted one wish by Shen Ron; >yes, you guessed it, these stones, are known as the dragon balls.