Elmer Studios presents... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Episode 125 brings us a GI Joe/BGC crossover. Deal. Bubblegum Crisis is copyright Artmic/Youmex. GI Joe is copyright Hasbro Snakes in Megatokyo is copyright Starscream --------------------------------------------------------------------------- [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Rick and Dan enter, talking] Rick: So it's all over now? Dan: Pretty much, yeah. Rebecca pulled the plug on my hosting just this morning, and is already demanding back-payment for bandwidth. Rick: That's harsh. Dan: Well, Tango offered to host it, but I didn't think that was a good idea. Rick: Ah. So what about the guest strips? Did you ever get any? Dan: Only one, and that was from Natasha. Rick: Did you use it? Dan: It was a deep and dark exploration of the depths of the human soul and man's capacity for good and evil in eight panels. Rick: Wow. So did you use it? Dan: I couldn't make head or tail of it. She had to explain it to me. [Tsuneo and Rebecca enter] Tsuneo: I really shouldn't be doing this. Rebecca: Come on, what else could you do for a living? Tsuneo: Well, my doctor says I should be avoiding major stress. Rebecca: Is that why you keep auditioning for roles with Dan in tow? Tsuneo: His fault. I find a good job, he latches on and ruins it for me. Dan: Hey, not my fault. Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have hit on that last chick. Tsuneo: She was the director! Dan: Well how was I to know that? Tsuneo: She was sitting in the director's chair! She was telling us what to do! She got fired by an executive producer! Of course she's the director! Dan: Eep! Rebecca: Relax, Tsuneo. you're steaming. Tsuneo: I'm sorry, it's just... The fics we're getting these days. Dan: Man, you really should calm down. I tell you, I've found a great way to relax. Tsuneo: Oh? Dan: All you've got to do is find a good sauna place. All that heat just takes away the tension. Tsuneo: Seriously? Dan: Yeah, but you've got to make sure the windows are within reach. [Rebecca grabs a cushion form the couch and hits him with it] Tsuneo: Not... quite my style. Rick: Try beer. Beer works wonders. Tsuneo: I don't like beer. Rick: Well, that's me out. Who's next? Rebecca: Well, there's the old classic method. Just keep repeating calm phrases and relaxing thoughts. Tsuneo: You'd recommend this? Rebecca: Hell no, it's for hippies. But I figure you wouldn't take well to my usual method. Tsuneo: Just out of curiosity... And I probably don't want to know this after all... But what is your usual relaxation method? Rebecca: Blow stuff up. [Long pause] Tsuneo: I am a rock... Voice: If I may interrupt- Rebecca: Morning, Master Mold. Rick: Is he the self-aware adaptive type? Rebecca: No, he's rusting old technology. Rick: Yeah. The voice could never afford Frank Quitley's art. Voice: ... Tsuneo: I am a rock. I am unmoving. I am everlasting. Dan: So what is it today? Voice: I've got another Bubblegum Crisis fic for you guys- Tsuneo: CalmblueoceancalmblueoceanclamblueoceanCALMBLUEOCEAN! Rick: Best hurry up. I'm not sure he can hold out for too long. [They sit - Rebecca and Tsuneo facing the TV, Dan and Rick on the sideways couch.] Rebecca: You gonna be okay, Tsuneo? Tsuneo: You sound like you genuinely care. Rebecca: My bad. [The TV switches on] >This story contains the following Rebecca: Bad characterisation, plot contrivances and innumerable typos. Tsuneo: You sound pretty sure. Rebecca: Happens every time. >YES! This DOES contain adult language. YES! This DOES contain some violent >content. This is what makes America great! Rick: Swearing, Sex and Violence, it's the foundation of this great nation. >Snakes in MegaTokyo Dan: That's right, Genom's newest line, the boomer snake! Rebecca: So what does it do? Dan: Uhm... >By Starscream >On a quiet moon less night in Megatokyo, a silence that was broken by the >wail of >a police siren. Tsuneo: Followed by explosions and ADP officers dying in droves. It always happens. >A THP patrol car pulled over an American made black Lexus. Rick [Cheif Elgin]: Does this model come in a convertible? Dan [Iraqi commander]: No, only hardtop. >The >pursuing Policewoman climbed of her car, walking over to the Lexus. "You >were 20 >miles over the speed limit. License please." Rick: Hey! This is Tokyo in the future! We use Metric round these parts! Rebecca: Maybe it's badly dubbed. >A man wearing a blue helmet and a >chrome faceplate was revealed as he rolled down the window. My license... >of >course." He said with a reptilian hiss. Rebecca: Blue helmet... Chrome facepate... Hiss... It's not... >"Here's my license!" The man produced a >gun and fatally shot the patrolwomen. Dan: So there were two of them in the car? Tsuneo: Yeah, he managed to get over penetration with the one round. >Driving off, he left the patrolwomen slowly bleeding to death. >Pulling into a parking structure, Tsuneo: Parking structure? Can't you just say Car Park? Dan: Maybe it's a generic car park. Rick: Rigid Parking Structure.... >the blue uniformed man climbed out of his Lexus, >the man walked over to a camouflaged man at the elevator. "You're late >Commander." >The camouflaged man pointed out. "Merely a minor traffic delay, Firefly." Rebecca: Firefly... Urk! Dan: What's up with you? Rebecca: The voice has sent us a BGC/GI Joe crossover. Rick: Cartoon or Comic GI Joe? Rebecca: Cartoon. Rick, Dan, Tsuneo: Urk! >Entering >the elevator, the Commander pressed a button for the penthouse. Dan: Henceforth known as CC's swinging pad. Rick: Hmm, do you think it's ironic that a crossover featuring Cobra Commander was written by someone using the name "Starscream," when they both had the same voice actors? Dan: I think he just knows a cool villain when he sees one. >"Is everything in >order?" The Commander asked as he and Firefly walked out of the elevator. Dan: [Firefly] Yeah, but we ordered it all from a dot com, so it may never arrive. >"Yes Commander, most of the personnel and equipment will be arriving by >ship. Dan [Firefly]: We tried posting them, but we didn't have enough stamps. Rick [Cobra Commander]: You fool! You don't post Cobra personnel! Dan [Firefly]: Sorry. Rick [Cobra Commander]: You send them C.O.D.! Remember that next time! >And then transported by convoy to the staging area." Tsuneo: From there, they'll try to stop Baragon. >Firefly reported while reaching a >door guarded by two Crimson Guards holding rifles with bayonets attached. Dan: [Firefly] We got these on loan from that nice mister Palpatine. >Automatically the guards lowered their weapons and saluted the Commander. Tsuneo: Guards? Hallways? This is a pretty huge penthouse. Rebecca: You know, you just use some curtains and soft colours, makes the place look that much bigger. >After walking in the Commander inspected the penthouse; Rick: It'd been decorated in 60's glam just as he'd ordered. He likes the 60's. Dan: Any reason? Rick: Take a look at the Baroness' costume. Dan: [Glances at Rebecca] ...Point. >the living area was used >as briefing area/office with a desk in front of some bay windows with a >view of the >city. Tsuneo: Hey look, you can see the ADP getting slaughtered from here. >As ordered a private room was set aside for dining. Rebecca: I guess he has to take off his mask to eat... >"Excellent, I'm assured that all necessary precautions have been taken?" >The Commander >hissed Dan: [Firefly] As requested, we're leaving the windows wide open and listing your name in the phone directories. >"The Techno Vipers Dan: Remind me, what did they do? Rebecca: They made dance remixes of NES game themes. Dan: Thought so. >have finished installing the security system throughout the >building." Firefly said, then added. "However, the Tele-Vipers Dan: And them? Rebecca: They're the colourful Vipers who have their own kids TV show. >will have the computers online and the Communications system ready in 5 >hours. Tsuneo: They still have to install the liquid nitrogen cooling system. >Several generators needed to be installed due to the considerable power we >use." Dan: So it's almost as good as Tango's rig, is it? Rebecca: Almost. It only blacks out small city blocks. >"Very well, I'm giving those Tele-Vipers 5 hours. But my patience is not >without limits. Rick: They said they'd be five hours and you gave them five hours? What kind of evil overlord are you? Tsuneo: A Badly-written one? Rick: Good point. >Firefly, once communications is online contact Destro, the Baroness, and >Major Bludd." Rebecca: The bad, the worse and the amusingly-accented. Rick: Which is which? Rebecca: Does it matter? >Firefly nodded and replied. "Yes Commander." As Firefly began to walk out, >Cobra >Commander called for Firefly. Dan [Firefly as John Cleese]: Yes, dear, coming, dear. >"Oh, Firefly, send two Vipers to find the best Chinese >restaurant in town." Rick: They'll promptly stumble around, show up to a Pizza Hut, give the wrong order, wander home with a happy meal and alert the Joes to Cobra's presence. >Firefly had a confused look under his gray skimask. "Why a Chinese >restaurant?" Tsuneo: Because he doesn't feel like Italian, twit. >Cobra Commander looked at Firefly then out the window before replying. >"Because I >feel like having take out tonight." Rick: You need to send Delivery Boy Vipers to do that. Dan: They have those? Rick: They've got a Viper-type for everything. If CC's toilet backs up, he's got a Plumber-Viper to fix that. >Firefly walked out to the door to carry out his orders, Rick [Firefly, muttered]: I'm a ninja, not a dogsbody, you know. >leaving Cobra Commander to >himself. Sitting down at his desk, he glanced at the evening paper. The >headline >read, "Genom Exec found dead." Rebecca: He was found face down with fourty-three bullet wounds, eighteen stab wounds and a fire axe embedded in his spine. Police have ruled out foul play. >Looking at the article caught Cobra Commander's >interest, continuing to read. "Genom Executive Brian J. Mason found dead on >the >rooftop of the Genom Tower. Tsuneo: Given how often this scene is re-hashed in fanfics, he must be used to it by now. >Seems he died in hand-to-hand combat with the group >calling themselves the 'Knight Sabers.'" Tsuneo: No mention was made of his battlesuit. >Resting his elbow on the arm of his chair and his hand against his >faceplate. Then >turned the chair to allow him to look out the window. Staring out the >window he >had to chuckle. "So these 'Knight Sabers' have one similar aim to mine. Dan: Oggling chicks running around in tight outfits? Tsuneo: He knew Dr. Stingray? >Soon the world will belong to Cobra!" Tsuneo: Heard it. Dan: Seen it. Rebecca: Taped it. Rick: Forgotten it then taped over it. >Halfway around the world in the United States. At the Headquarters of the >elite >special operations force co-named: GI Joe. "You wanted to see me Duke?" >asked >Scarlett, the Joes Intel and Martial Arts Expert. Rick: Hmm... Judging by the names going around here, I'm guessing that the authour's ignoring the fifty year difference between GI Joe and BGC. Either that, or there's going to be a huge clash of senior citizens. Dan: They could just have new people, and be re-using the codenames. Rebecca: So where'd they find a new horribly mutated snake man? Tsuneo: What? Rebecca: Forget it and go back to sleep. >The Joes field commander nodded as Scarlett walked into the room. "Yes, I >have a >mission from General Hawk for you and Cover Girl." Duke said, handing >Scarlett a >manila envelope. Rick [Duke]: Scarlet, this is an envelope. Rebecca [Scarlet]: I am vaguely aware of that. >"Recent intelligence reports suggest that Cobra in holed in >Megatokyo, Japan. Rick: [Duke] We were suspicious when a hundred Hiss Tanks rolled into town. >I want you and Cover Girl to go to MegaTokyo to confirm those >intell reports and see what those Snakes are up to." Rebecca: Couldn't he send Roadblock instead? Tsuneo: Any reason? Rebecca: Imagine the look on Leon's face when he sees a huge black badass wandering around Tokyo with an M-60. It'd make his day. >Duke explained. "This just >a routine recon and intell gathering mission. Just get the information and >get >out." Tsuneo: You can almost see where this is going. Dan: How so? Tsuneo: Think about it. Two female agents in Megatokyo. Odds on they end up in Hardsuits. Rebecca: What I want to know is why he's sending a Tank driver on a Covert Ops mission. >Scarlett placed the orders on the desk. "When do we leave?" Scarlett asked. >Duke >replied. "As soon as you inform Cover Girl. You are authorized the use of a >Skystriker." >After trading salutes with Duke, Rick: He swapped a whole box of commons for her one rare salute. The joke's on him though. Tsuneo: Why? Rick: It's been banned from tournament play. >Scarlett left to find Cover Girl. Not very long >after her meeting with Duke, Scarlett found Cover Girl Tsuneo: Such suspense and drama! Scarlet searches for Cover Girl! Scarlet finds Cover Girl! It'll keep third graders enthralled for whole seconds! >in the motorpool; Dan: I'd prefer to see her in the swimming pool. Rick: The motor pools' right next door to the Variable Power Pool. >Under the >hood, trying to replace a fuel line on a VAMP jeep. Rebecca: Tunnel Rat's assisting her. Or at least, that's what he's going to claim at the court martial. >"This worthless hunk of shit. >When are those idiots on the Hill going to give us funding to get the >proper parts?" Tsuneo: When they realise how silly they look charging $987 for a coffee pot. >Cover Girl complained. "This damn fuel line is for a fucking Ford Explorer. >Those >Goddamn morons! 'Cut cost' they say, sons of bitches!" Cover Girl muttered >as >Scarlett stood behind her. "Excuse me Cover Girl..." Rebecca [Scarlet]: ...That *is* a Ford Explorer. Rick [Cover Girl]: Well I'll be *%$#ed. >Before Scarlett said anything else, Cover Girl banged her head on the hood. Tsuneo: So, uh, these people are meant to save the world, right? Rick: It's the old Gobots syndrome. Sure the good guys are morons, but they're okay since the villains are even dumber. >"Oh, you goddamn idiot! Ow! My head. What the hell is it?" Berated the tank >jockey. Tsuneo: Didn't you forget something? Rebecca [Cover Girl]: You goddamn idiot sir! >"Sorry, if I was disturbing you, but you and I have been assigned on a >mission >from General Hawk." Scarlett told the former fashion model. Tsuneo: Fashion model? Rick: Yeah, but she's a tank driver now. Rebecca: Yes, of course. Send a ninja and a tank driver on an intelligence mission. Any reason? Rick: Their action figures weren't selling. >"So what's the mission. I got nothing better to do, then fixing these >POS's." Cover >Girl replied as she wiped off sweat and motor grease from her face. >At the local mall in MegaTokyo, Cobra Commander wearing a fedora and >trenchcoat >with collar turned up; since he was only wearing his faceplate, Rick: He's dressed like that because he doesn't want to attract attention. >walked down to >a magazine store. While there, he picked up several magazines and >newspapers from a >couple major US cities. Rick: Hang on, why's CC going out to get papers himself? Can't he just get a Paperboy Viper to pick them up for him? Rebecca: You see, this is the part of the plot he blatantly gives himself away and someone discovers his master plan. Rick: Of course. >The cashier looked at the stack with amazement. "You must really like to >read?" Tsuneo [Cobra Commander]: I don't know. Do I? >The cashier asked as he started ringing up his order. Dan: Playlizard? The hell? Rick: They did a pictorial of Pythona. Dan: Mmmm... Rebecca: You worry me. >The Commander replied. "I prefer >to know what is happening in the world. Ignorance could have dire >consequences." Tsuneo: Says he as he walks into the closed door. Rick [Cobra Commander]: Stupid mask. >The >cashier finished ringing up his order. "You're total is 300,000 yen." >Pulling out >his Extensive Enterprises Corporate card, the Commander handed the card to >the cashier. >The card was accepted and the transaction was complete. Tsuneo: Features INTENSE CREDIT CARD TRANSACTION ACTION! >Putting the items into a bag, >the cashier happened to stare at the Commander's faceplate as he handed him >the bag. >"Is there a problem?" The Commander hissed in annoyance. >"What happen to your face?" Dan: [Cobra Commander] This is my face. Rebecca: [Cashier] My condolences. >The cashier asked. "An unfortunate plastic surgery accident." Rick: An accident with a kitbasher, a model knife and some good intentions. >lied the Commander. Grabbing his bag, the Commander rushed out of the >store. Not looking at where he was going, he slammed into another person, >knocking her down. Tsuneo: What are the odds he's just collided with a Knight Saber, thus giving away his presence and ruining his plan? Rebecca: Getting better every time. >"I'm terribly sorry, my dear." the Commander hissed an apology to the lady. >With outstretched black gloved hand, he offered to help the lady up; Sylia >refused his offer by getting up by herself. Rick: Good call. Rebecca: She never talks to strange men and, frankly, you're about as strange as they come. >"Next time I would suggest that you watch where you're going." Dan: [Cobra Commander] Do you know how hard it is to see out of this thing? >The young lady with the black hair with a bluish tint coldly remarked as >she glared at the Commander. Dan [Cobra Commander]: She digs me. >Picking up his bag, Cobra Commander walked off. Walking off >in the other direction, Sylia stopped. Turning to glance at the trenchcoat >figure, there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind about him. Tsuneo: Could it be the Chrome Faceplate he was wearing? Rick: Naw, it was just the voice. The Chrome Faceplate didn't begin to factor into it. >With that Sylia rushed off for the parking structure. Sitting in her >Mercedes for >what seemed like hours; glancing at her rearview mirror she spotted her >quarry. Rick: They were filming an episode of Dr Who in it. Dan: Which one? Rick: Any of them. >The Commander drove off in his black Lexus. Dan [Troy Barlow]: Hey... Is this a convertible? Rick [Chief Elgin]: Man, I think you're in shock. >Silently her motor started Dan: That's no fun. What's the point of having a sports car if you can't VROOM the motor? >and she began to >follow the Commander. Maintaining a constant distance, Sylia kept the >illusion that >she wasn't following him. Rebecca: Sure. You're driving around in a bright red vintage Mercedes sports car and you're trying to be inconspicuous? Why don't you just put on a chrome faceplate, trenchcoat and fedora while you're at it? >After Cobra Commander pulled into the parking garage, Sylia >looked at the building as she slowly passed by before driving off. Rebecca: [Sylia] There's something suspicious about the gigantic snake's-head symbol plastered all over it, but I'm not sure what it is. >As soon as Sylia got home, she made a beeline for her office. Once on the >net, Sylia accessed the Interpol database. Tsuneo: Let's see... Throw an investigation... Pay off an officer... Ah! Rifle confidential files! >For her field parameters of her search, all she >typed in was a chrome faceplate under distinugible features; clicking >search, the result was one match. Rebecca: But all it turned up was Baron Ironblood. Rick: I guess Cobra Commander's not having a Uniform Variation this year. Dan: No, but he does have three of the same gun in different colours. >Clicking on the link, she brought up the file of Cobra Commander >who had the largest Interpol record on file for all the crimes he has >committed. Rebecca [Sylia]: Let's see... where does this start... "Steals fire from the gods". >Picking up the phone, Sylia dialed the number for the ADPolice and then an >extension number. Ringing a few minutes, Dan: [Sylia] Pick up, I'm growing cobwebs. Tsuneo: [Answering machine] You've reached the ADPolice. All our officers are dead at the moment... >the person she wanted to talk to answered. Rick: Don Beech speaking. >"Officer Nene Romanova, how may I help you?" >"Nene, its Sylia. When you are on your lunchbreak, can you swing by my >place; I'm in need of your talents." Dan: IfyouknowhatImean. Rebecca: Dan, now you're being silly. Dan: Sorry. She'd call Priss or Linna for that. Tsuneo [To Rick]: They're worryingly alike at times. Rick [To Tsuneo]: Don't think about it. >Over the phone, Nene told her that she'll be there in 3 hours. Dan: That's a really big lunchbreak. >At that same time, screaming over the pacific was the Skystrkier >approaching MegaTokyo >at sonic speeds. "So we're going to MegaTokyo, just to confirm some intell >reports?" Rick: Actually, Hawk wants you to add a few frequent flyer miles to his card, so he booked it. >asked the Joe's resident female "tank jockey," and former fashion model. >"That's the >job... I've read in news accounts that Megatokyo has this mysterious group >women that >wear some type of body armor and take care of the local boomer rampages. Rebecca [Scarlet]: And this is different to our day job because...? >It might be >good to check it out" Scarlett mentioned to Cover Girl. Tsuneo: But they've already been operating for a while. why haven't GI Joe checked them out yet? >"Boomers? Oh god, they're >worse than BATs; at least with a BAT one good shot and their dead. Rebecca: Unless you hit them in the head; in which case they're kind of funny. >But Boomers are >nothing but trouble and a waste of money." Cover Girl telling her >displeasure of the >Boomers. Tsuneo: Really? I thought she was saying how lovable and huggable they were. >About 3 hours later, Nene walked into Sylia's office. "What's up Sylia?" >asked the redheaded ADPolice officer. >"Nene I'm about to ask you to do something completely illegal. Rick: Don't you guys do that all the time? Dan: Yeah, but this time it's really, really illegal. >If you refuse to do it, I'll understand." Sylia started out grimly. Rebecca: [Nene] Sounds like fun. >"What do you want me to do?" asked the concerned redhead. "I want you to >hack the main >computers at GI Joe headquarters and retrieve any information on a >terrorist organization known as Cobra." Dan: Failing that, try an action figure collector's magazine. >Sylia told Nene. "Why, thinking of going into the anti-terrorism >business." Nene said with a giggle. Tsuneo: Don't you guys do that anyway? >"No, I had a run in with their leader in the mall who seemed to be there >incognito. I recognized him after I saw his Interpol file." Rebecca: See? He's just screwed up the whole plan. Rick: I guess all he needs now is for Destro and the Baroness to try to usurp him, and it's a normal working day. >Sylia told Nene as the redhead sat down >weighing her options about hacking into the GI Joe's main computer. Dan: On the downside, if you get caught, you're dead. On the upside, if you pull it off, you can brag about it to all your little hacker friends. >"I don't know Sylia. The punishment for computer theft especially >classified military >computers can be pretty severe if they trace it back to here." Rebecca: Fortunately, this is the Pentagon, so they probably won't notice. >Nene explained to Sylia, who silently nodded. Tsuneo: Why is she worried? It's not like she hasn't done it before. In fact, she should be burbling over with joy at the idea. Rick: Great. Now Nene's OOC. Does it get worse? Dan: Linna could be OOC, but they'd have to find one first. >"Nene this is voluntary, I won't force you to do anything you don't want >to." Sylia said to Nene as she placed her hand on Nene's shoulder. Dan: ...Now that just sounds wrong. I can't think why though. >"Sylia there maybe way to get the information without hacking." >Sylia raised an eyebrow. "How?" Nene gave her boss and friend a smile. >"Simple, I can >simply request the information on the basis of that the ADPolice would want >to know what they were dealing with, if the situation should arise." >Sylia preferred Nene's idea of getting the information. "Well its worth a >shot. You better get back to work." Tsuneo: In the mean time, you can hope that Cobra doesn't do anything in the six weeks it takes to process the request. Rick: This is CC we're talking about here. He'll probably let the whole world know what he's doing before he actually does it. >Later that night Sylia walked towards the changing room just as Mackie >walked into the >hallway after working on the motoroids. "Hey Sis, where you're going?" >Mackie asked his sister. "I'm just going out for some air. " Rick [Mackie]: Wearing your Hardsuit innerwear? Rebecca [Sylia]: Yes. Rick [Mackie]: Sweet. >She responded to Mackie. Mackie knew she was >lying, but he chose not to pursue the matter. Dan: Preferring instead to go drill more peepholes. >Entering the changing room, Sylia took off >her regular clothes in exchange for the softsuit prior to putting on her >hardsuit. Tsuneo: Insert gratuitous getting dressed scene hare. Dan: Hey, I'm not complaining. >Once outside, Sylia used her jumpjets to jump from rooftop to rooftop. Rebecca [Sylia]: SPOON! >In a room in the building across from the building Cobra Commander used as >his base of operations. Scarlett and Cover Girl watched the building through >binoculars. Rebecca [Scarlet]: What are those two doing in there? >"Hmm. 4 Vipers on the roof, two at the entrance and two BATs (Battle >Android Trooper) patrolling the fire escape. " Rick: For Cobra, that's the height of subtlety. >Cover Girl remarked as she lowered her binoculars. "There >must be a way in?" she added to herself; bringing the binoculars back to >her eyes looking for another way in. Tsuneo: There's never an exposed ventilation shaft when you actually need one. >Walking to the edge of the roof, Sylia used her the viewfinder in her >helmet. Zooming in >on the building. "4 guards on the roof. 2 at the entrance. 2 at the fire >escape." Sylia observed, magnifying in on the guards on the fire escape. Tsuneo: Say, is there any reason why Sylia is doing this herself without telling the others? Why doesn't she get Nene to electronically eavesdrop on the place instead? Rebecca: We're reading a BGC/GI Joe crossover and you're asking for sense? Tsuneo: Silly me. I'll just nip off and shoot myself. >"Those can't be Boomers? The >body structure is too small." Sylia dealt with Boomers but never seen >something like she was observing at that moment. Rick: A BAT would be small enough for a police or assassin boomer, you know. Rebecca: But would it look anything like a BAT? Rick: Probably not. >Noticing a Viper walking into the building gave Sylia an idea, Dan: He used... the front door! >enough intel gathering for her. Rebecca: [Sylia: Time for a hottie and a cup of cocoa. >"Scarlett hand me that digital camera." Cover Girl asked. "Here you go, >why?" The Intel >expert asked after taking the snapshot, the photo showed up on the display >of the laptop. Dan: [Scarlet] Wow, it's a... Garbage can. Rick: [Cover Girl] I'm making a collection. >"I believe we have someone else who has an interest in Cobra." Cover Girl >explained to Scarlett as she showed her the digital photo on the laptop. Rick: An urban fox! Now all she needs is the Surrey Puma, and she's completed her collection of mythical wildife. >The photo of Sylia leaving. Dan [Documentary Voice]: Here we see the Knight Saber in its native environment. A shy, retiring creature, it avoids contact with humans. >"Better send the photo back to Headquarters for them to examine." Scarlett >recommended. "Now the question is how do we get in there?" She asked herself. Rick: One of you could pretend to inexplicably defect to Cobra and be accepted into their elite special forces almost immediately. You'd have to wear a silly ninja-girl costume though. >Entering her office with a cup of coffee, Sylia logged on her computer. >With a glance at the clock it was 2 in the morning. Rebecca: [Sylia] Quick game of counterstrike, then it's back to covert ops. >Sipping her coffee, she read Nene's e-mail. Dan: [Nene] j0 >"Sylia, >This all the information I could get, hope it helps. >Nene :)" Dan: [Nene] |\|3|\|3 0vv|\|z0|2z j00 814+(|-|!!@!1 >Once downloaded, Sylia was about to read the information; But she really >needed was some sleep. Rick: She's losing it. She used to be undermining evil forces all the way through to sunrise. >Shutting down her computer, she got up, turned off the lights and headed >for her bedroom. Rebecca: [Sylia] YAARGH! POW! Dan: [Mackie] Owie... >At 9:00 in the morning the next day, a female Viper was making a daily >round of the building and back alleys for anything out of the ordinary. Tsuneo: Hoping that nobody noticed a heavily-armed trooper walking around in a red and blue uniform and helmet. Rick: Maybe it's just the latest theme gang. Rebecca: And remember, Cobra is an equal-opportunity army of terror. >As the Viper walked by a back alley, Sylia came out of her hiding place and >attacked her. Rick: So that's her plan? Wouldn't she feel like a burke if there weren't any female Vipers in there. Dan: What's your name, trooper? Rebecca [Sylia, trying to be butch]: Bob, sir! >After a brief struggle, Sylia dragged the female Viper into an abandoned >building. Where she traded clothes with the Viper, Dan: Can I watch? [Rebecca hits him with a cushion] Hey! it's a BGC fic! It's fair! >sticking her regular clothes into a gym bag; she walked over to her car and >put the gym bag in there. Tsuneo: And what, just left the Viper there? Dan: Hmm, there's a half-naked girl lying unconscious in a back alley with a gym bag full of clothes. Score! >Placing the helmet on her head, she was surprised that the chrome faceplate >acted like a two way mirror. Rebecca: It'd be pretty stupid if it didn't. >It was also fortunate that the Viper's uniform was in her size. Dan: Isn't that convenient. Rick: Aren't you a little short for a Viper? >Walking towards the entrance, another Viper stopped her. "See anything >strange?" Rebecca [Sylia]: I saw a huge robot mowing down the local police en masse. Does that count? Rick [Viper]: Carry on. >The Viper asked. "No sir, all clear." Sylia replied. Rick: [Viper] So what was all that noise? Sounded like a fight. Rebecca: [Sylia] Alley cats. Rick: [Viper] It was awfully loud... Rebecca: [Sylia] BIG alley cats. >Sylia entered the lobby to see it wall-to-wall with Cobra propaganda. >Seeing this sickened her, as she walked over to the front desk. Rick: You think that's bad, you should see the waiting room. Dan: More of the same? Rick: Worse. Old magazines. >Approaching the elevator, a Cobra officer guarded the elevator; Rick: You can tell he's an officer, because he's got more hit points and carries a heal potion. >Unlike the Vipers, the officers wore blue uniforms with a white Cobra >emblem on the tunic, black gloves, a blue helmet with a black insignia and >a black cloth mask that covered the bridge of his nose to the base of the >neck which was covered by the turned up collar of the tunic. Tsuneo: So the troopers get full body armour but the officers don't? Isn't that kind of silly? Rebecca: No sillier than a casually mentioned officer's uniform getting a full description, but the uniform Sylia's in getting none at all. >About to press for the elevator until the Officer barked at Sylia. "Where >are you going, >soldier?" Snapping a salute in the presence of an officer was Sylia's first >reaction before she explained herself. "It is 1200, Tsuneo: What, it took her three hours to mug and subdue a Viper, steal her uniform and walk through a lobby? Rick: She got lost. >sir. I'm suppose to make a security sweep of the Commander's office." The >officer looked at her for a moment Dan [Officer]: Nice boobs, soldier. >before replying. "All right,you're authorized to conduct your sweep. Make >it quick, you're actions will be closely monitored." Tsuneo: It must be employee evaluation time. >"Yes sir!" Sylia stated, throwing a salute with military perfection. Rick: ...Fourteen meters, a new world record for the Olympic Salute throw. >Once in the elevator >car Sylia breathed a sigh of relief since she made it this far. Reaching >the penthouse, Sylia walked down the hallway to the door of the penthouse. > Upon entering Sylia began hersecurity sweep moving to the right towards > the Commander's dining room. Rebecca: Hey, what happened to the two Crimson Guards who were at the door? Rick: They went to the little Viper's room. Rebecca: But they're fanatical elite soldiers. Rick: So? Even the best need to go sometime. >Closing the door, >she discovered no security cameras. "Hmm, the Commander must really like >his privacy." [All cough loudly] >Sylia thought to herself. Reaching into a case slung over shoulder, Tsuneo: That the other Viper and the officer conveniently failed to notice. >she pulled out a canister marked "chaff grenades." >"Perfect." Opening the door, she tossed two chaff grenades onto the floor. >Once they've exploded, hundreds of metal strips fluttered to the ground and >jammed the cameras. Rebecca: Uh, no, that's not how Chaff Grenades work. They jam heat sensors, but not cameras. And wouldn't whoever's monitoring the cameras be a little suspicious that they all went off at once? And didn't the author just say there were no cameras? Tsuneo: Rebecca, you're thinking about the fic. Rebecca: Gawds, I'm turning into you. Tsuneo: ... >Walking over to the Commander's desk, Sylia pulled at a file drawer which was >locked. Pulling out a lockpick set, Sylia picked the lock and open the drawer. >Flipping through the files, Sylia came across a communiqué from Cobra Commander. >"To: Destro, the Baroness, Major Bludd, and Zartan >From: Cobra Commander Rick: [Cobra commander] We're all getting new figures this year in mock-Japanese outfits. >Your presence is required in Megatokyo, Japan concerning Operation Diet. >Signed Cobra Commander" Rick: [Cobra commander] PS: Bring Beer. >"What in hell is Operation Diet? Unless... Oh my god!" Sylia thought to >herself. Rebecca [Sylia]: They're going to destroy Japan's supply of desserts and soft drinks! >In a >hurry, Sylia picked up her laser rifle, and rushed for the elevator. >Reaching the ground floor, Sylia headed for the exit after telling the >officer everything was fine in the Commander's office and she was going off >duty. The officer nodded and Sylia left. Rebecca: Hello? Duty rosters? Checklists? Security sign-ins and sign-outs? And isn't someone going off-duty in their uniform and full kit a tad suspect? Don't you people have any idea of security at all? Rick: The sad thing is that Cobra's really run like this. >Walking down the street and around the block, Dan: I guess she's avoiding pursuit by... being as obvious as possible. >she reached her car. Once in her car, Sylia breathed a sigh of relief as >she took her Viper helmet and faceplate off. Dan: Boy, does it stink in there. >Unfortunate she couldn't go to the authorities since she didn't have any >proof and she was the one who broke in. "I don't have to go to the >authorities, I have something better." She smiled. Tsuneo: You have... a hammer. >Back in the Commander's office, the vent of the ventilation duct opened >with Scarlett first dropping to the floor, followed by Cover Girl. Rick: You know, it's a good thing that Sylia already deactivated the security systems in this room, otherwise the whole building would know about these two by now. Rebecca [Scarlet]: We, uh, planned it that way. >"Now let's see what the Commander's planning?" Cover Girl remarked as she >headed for a row of filing cabinet as Scarlett looked through his desk. >Cover Girl had to laugh as she looked through the filing cabinet. "What's >so funny?" Scarlett asked. Tsuneo: The plot of this story? Rick: Besides that. Tsuneo: The writing and grammar? Rick: Besides that. Tsuneo: The awful contrivances? Rick: Oh, forget it. >"I think found the Commander's private library of Playboys." Cover Girl >replied. Dan: Oddly, it's the all-reptile issue... Rick: There's some images I could have done without. >Scarlett couldn't help but laugh at the fact Cobra Commander gets his kicks >from these dirty magazines. Tsuneo: Whoah! Sudden tense shift! >"Look in the next drawer, Cover Girl. We may find some of his stag >films." The two female Joes regain their composure to get back to work. Rick: Think you could make any more noise? you've only alerted *half* the base by now. >Pulling on the file drawer, Scarlett was surprised that the drawer was >unlocked. That was not like Cobra Commander to leave his desk unlocked. "It >looks like someone else was in here." Scarlett said to herself Rebecca: All the foil strips scattered across the room could have given it away. Tsuneo: Do you think that Sylia could have been any less subtle? Rebecca: She could have been the Danger Girls here. >while she looked at a communiqué in her hand. "Operation Diet?" She blurted >out loud. Cover Girl raised her head from the opened file drawer. "So Cobra >is now concerned about everyone's health?" Rebecca: Maybe their master plan is to put mind-control drugs in low-fat foods and take over the world that way. Tsuneo: Well that's a stupid plan... which makes perfect sense for Cobra... >Cover Girl asked. "Or they're concerned about the Japanese Diet." Scarlett >interjected. "We better inform headquarters." She added. >At that same time, Sylia walked in the front door of her penthouse, still >in her "borrowed" Viper uniform, with the helmet held under her right arm >and the gym bag slung over left shoulder along with the black case of chaff >grenades. Dan: I really gotta know: What did she do with the Viper? >Mackie happened to walk into room while Sylia placed the helmet on the >coffee table Rick: Turn it upside down and you could have a nice salad bowl. >and sat on the couch to rest her feet. "Uh, Sis?" Mackie nervously asked. >"What is it Mackie?" Sylia bluntly asked without looking at him. "If you're >about to ask 'why I'm wearing this uniform, I'll explain later.'" Rebecca [Sylia]: Priss is coming over. >Sylia added. "But sis." Mackie persisted. Then his sister looked at him >dead in the eyes with severe seriousness in her voice. "I'll explain >later." Rick: She tells her team so little, she could be The Doctor. Dan: Who? Rick: Exactly. >After that Mackie did not want to pursue the matter and piss off Sylia in >the process. So he'll just let her be by herself for a while and she'll >explain everything in due time. Dan: And besides which, she'd have to get out of it sooner or later. Rick: Say, have we seen anything resembling characterisation thus far in this fic? Tsuneo: Besides Cover Girl insulting the parentage of a jeep, no. >Back at GI Joe Headquarters, Duke and the GI Joe CO, General Hawk entered >Mainframe's lab; seeing if Mainframe could make heads or tails of the photo >taken by Cover Girl. Dan: Well, if you turn it like this, it looks a bit like a bunny rabbit. Rick: I can never see those magic eye things. >"Mainframe >have you figure out that photo?" Hawk asked. "Yes sir, this is just a >hunch, but this could be a Knight Saber." Mainframe told Duke and Hawk. Dan [Duke]: Aren't they the bunch who run around in ballerina outfits and fight monsters? Rick [Mainframe]: Those are the Sailor Senshi, sir. Dan [Duke]: They are? Damn, the CIA really missed the mark on that one. >"A Knight what?!" Duke asked with a confused look. All: Knight Saber. >"A Knight Saber. According to sources >from Megatokyo; they're a high tech group supposedly mercenaries who deal >with Boomer rampages and missing people, any other information is unknown >at this time." Mainframe concluded. Rick [Mainframe]: They're also hot. Rebecca: If you need them, and you know how to find them... >Duke turned to General Hawk, "General, Scarlett and Cover Girl did confirm >those intell reports. I don't understand how those snakes were able to keep there >presence in Megatokyo so quietly." Duke asked his CO. Rick: They hid out in the run-down parts of town not seen since episode one. >Hawk simply replied. "We'll find out soon enough. Right now Duke, we better >mobilize the troops and get ready to head for Megatokyo." Tsuneo: [Hawk] we're going to flood the streets with mis-matched and over-specialised vehicles and troops >Outside Megatokyo in an underground structure, Cobra Commander briefing his >command staff which consisted of Destro the chief supplier of Cobra's weapons; the >Baroness their intelligence officer; Dan: And all-around babe. >Major Bludd a field commander; Rick: Wielding the twin weapons of terrible accent and bad poetry. >Firefly, Cobra's expert saboteur; Dan: And CC's butler, from the looks of things. >and Wild Weasel Cobra's ace pilot. Tsuneo: Serpentor and Dr Mindbender were out getting pizza. Dan [Serpentor]: I have devised a plan to get us pizzas! All I need are elephants; lots of elephants! I shall crush them and then seize their pizzas for the glory of Carthage and Cobra! Rick [Dr Mindbender]: What is it with you and elephants? Everything is elephants! Every plan you come up with involves overrunning the enemy with elephants! Get off the elephants! Dan [Serpentor]: Sorry. >"Wild Weasel, you will take our Rattlers, Night Ravens, CLAWS and Trouble >Bubbles >to launch an assault on the JSDF's airfields and military installations." >Cobra >Commander ordered his ace pilot. Tsuneo: [Cobra commander] They will see you coming, and you'll all be shot down. >"Firefly will sabotage the security system and cut the phonelines. Then >we'll launch our assault and take the diet hostage." >added Cobra Commander with maniacal laugher. Rick: That's your plan? Where are the mind control drugs? Where are the shrinking rays? Where are the cloned dinosaurs? Where's the elaborate yet easily escapable deathtrap? That's what makes a real Cobra plan! Rebecca: Maybe this is the comic-continuity Cobra... except everything else says otherwise. Tsuneo: Do they really use vehicles called Trouble Bubbles? Dan: Yes. Deal. Tsuneo: I know, but- Dan: Deal. >A couple minutes later, Wild Weasel continued to look at the aerial photos. >"Is there a problem Wild Weasel?" hissed the Commander. Rick [Firefly]: I'm a mercenary Ninja and you're using me as your dogsbody! I'd say there's a frigging problem! >Wild Weasel nodded "Yes >Commander, I've looked at the photos and noticed that they're near civilian >areas." Rebecca: Uh, What? This may come as a shock to you but... you're a terrorist. Blowing up civilians is part of what you do for a living. You guys are evil and all. Rick: The Cobras are OOC. Help. >"So?" the Commander replied. "I don't know if we should bomb so close to >civilians?" Wild Weasel looked worried. "I gave you an order Wild Weasel, >you will bomb the JSDF. Inflict civilian casualties but I want the JSDF >out of commission! Inform the other Air Vipers and Strato-Vipers of the >mission." The Commander ordered. Dan: What do Air Vipers do? Rebecca: Air Vipers are their really good basketballers. >Later that night at Hot Legs, the group known as the Dreadnoks eyed Priss >who was sitting at the bar enjoying her cold beer. Tsuneo: I foresee a sequence of events that precipitates violence. Rebecca: The Dreadnocks walk into a bar... this sounds like a joke set-up. Rick: Given how eighties Megatokyo looks, they'd fit in fine. >"Hello there, baby." Ripper greeted Priss with his Australian accent. Rebecca: English accent. The Drednocks are English punks, not Australian. >"Yeah, how about a date with the Dreadnoks. We'll show you a good time." >Torch interjected. The Bartender tried to tell the three that >screwing with Priss is done at one's own peril. Dan: Check your life insurance before proceeding. >Ripper just shoved away the Bartender Tsuneo: Don't they have a bouncer for this? Rick: They already laid him out. >and Buzzer gave Priss a pinch in the butt. Dan [Buzzer]: Firm and fruity! >Getting up from her bar stool, Priss grabbed Buzzer by the shirt and told >him flat out. "You've just made the biggest mistake of your life." Rebecca: No, his biggest mistake was buying Amazon.com shares. This is pretty close, however. Rick: In the GI Joeverse, could Amazon be a Cobra front company? Tsuneo: Hmm... non-existent stock, run on fake money... I think it already is. >With that Priss threw Buzzer into the other two Dreadnoks; >As Torch, Ripper and Buzzer laid on the floor, Priss made a motioning >gesture with her finger. "Come on boys, who's next?" Priss smiled. Ganging >up on her to attack; Priss uppercutted Torch, kicked Ripper in the head. >Winding up his fist Buzzer said. "Say hello to my fist, luv!" >Priss retorted. Dan: How long does it take to throw one punch anyway? >"Say goodbye to your balls!" Priss rammed her knee into Buzzer's >crotch. The knee shot knocked him unconscious. Tsuneo: He asked for it. >Smiling at her handiwork, Priss had the Dreadnoks seeing stars. Rick: Hey, where was Zarana hiding during all that? Dan: Under the table. She's the smart one. >When she got to her motorcycle, her beeper went off. >"Hmm. Wonder what Sylia wants." Priss thought to herself as she sped off to >Sylia's. Tsuneo: Well that was a thoroughly pointless and obnoxious interlude. >Suddenly skidding her bike to a halt, Priss looked up to see squadrons of >Rattlers, Night Ravens, Trouble Bubbles and Claws. Dan: Say, uh, stupid question but where were they hiding all those planes? Rick: The unused 2020 Olympics stadium. Tsuneo: And what is a "Trouble Bubble" anyway? Rick: Best not to ask. >"What the fuck!" Priss thought to herself. >The Cobra air squadrons approached a major JSDF military installation. >"Wild Weasel to Rattler and Night Raven squadrons prepare to drop your loads >over the base. Trouble Bubbles and CLAWS strafe the personnel and ground units. Dan [Wild Weasel]: You, press that button and run off to the left of screen. You over there, say "Soda Water Rhubarb" to him and walk over there. Do that nine times. You, wander around carrying a heavy object. >Inflict maximum possible casualties. COBRA!!!!" Tsuneo; Yes, I think they know who they work for by now. >Wild Weasel ordered as the Rattler pilots and Strato Vipers >dropped heavy bombs and clusters bombs on the base and several civilian >targets as the Trouble Bubbles and CLAWS strafed the troops where they stood a >even going as far as killing the wounded. All: BREATHE! >"Yo, Sylia the whole city is going to hell in a hand basket! What the >hell's going on?!" Rebecca: [Sylia] Just a normal day on the job, really. >Priss questioned as Sylia, Linna and Nene watched intensely at the breaking >news."The JSDF is getting slaughtered. They never had a chance.... oh my god!" >Linna voice Rick: Linna Voice? Any relative of yours, Voice? >trailed off as the news reporter showed a infant being carried out of the >rubble of a bombed hospital, the infant was dead. Rick [Damien Day]: In its hands, a profound reminder of this tragedy, a battered teddy bear. >Sylia slumped back in her chair in utter shock. Rebecca: [Sylia] and they never even saw the huge flights of attack planes- Tsuneo: And Trouble Bubbles. Rebecca: [Sylia] -coming. >"What do we do now, Sylia? Nene looked at her fearless leader. Sylia was >consumed with shock and anger she couldn't speak. "Those..Those monsters....cowards! >They've bombed a hospital with innocent children." Rebecca: As well as a baby milk factory, a refugee convoy, a primary school and the Chinese embassy. Isn't it always the way? >Sylia muttered to herself trying to contain her >anger. Regaining her composure. "Suit up ladies, let's stop these >terrorists." Rick: Actually, they prefer it if you call them "Freedom Fighters." Tsuneo: Same thing, really. >Sylia >said gesturing towards the changing room. Sylia was going have Cobra >Commander's ass on a plate. Dan: With fries even. Tsuneo: ...Sylia does not talk like that... >At the same time GI Joe mobilized their forces, troop transports, Tomahawk >choppers, X-30 Conquests and Skystrikers heading for Megatokyo. Rick: You're just a bit late, guys. but thanks for the effort. >"Those snakes really made a >shambles of the JSDF, General Hawk." Duke said as he flew X-30 Conquest. Dan: While we're at it, why are they using equipment that, according to the toy line, are fourty to fifty years old? >"I know >Duke. Dial Tone just reported in that the causality figures are still >coming in. Tsuneo: So he just reported to say that he's waiting on a report? Rebecca: The military mindset at its best. >Those bastards bombed civilian areas. Shit!" Hawk replied over a headset >from a Tomahawk. Dan [Lift Ticket]: Sir, we bomb civilian areas too. We are in the US Military. Rick [Duke]: But we use smart bombs so we rarely hit innocent bystanders. And our bombs only kill bad guys too. >"Lift Ticket what is our ETA?" Hawk asked the Tomahawk pilot. "Our ETA is 2 >hours." Lift Ticket answered. Tsuneo: ...The dialogue in this fic amazes me. Rick: "Lift Ticket, what's your favourite sauce?" Duke asked. "Barbeque." Lift Ticket replied. >Back in Megatokyo, Cobra ground forces headed for the parliament building. >"Commander what of the Advanced Division Police?" All: What of them? >Destro asked the Commander who was sitting in >the command chair of the lead STUN. "Simple Destro Rick [Cobra Commander]: We do nothing. They're screwed as it is. Rebecca: Hmm... Who wins... An ADP Officer or a Viper? Dan: I say the ADPig. They can at least hit their targets, even if it doesn't do anything. >a full legion of our Battle Android Troopers will take care of the >ADPolice. All forces keeping moving. COBRA!!!!" Tsuneo: [Cobra commander] Yes, we're sending weak, stupid robots against a paramilitary force specially equipped and trained to fight robots! Victory is ours! >Approaching the parliament building, Cobra HISS Tanks smashed through the >Security Boomers protecting the Diet. Dan: Didn't we see this in MegaZone 23? >Soon Cobra forces surrounded the building and stormed >building. "What's the meaning of this?!" Rick: It's a word used to indicate a reference an object or action, but I don't think it's important right now. >demanded the Prime Minister; Pointing a >gun at the Prime Minister, Cobra Commander coldly hissed. "Consider >yourselves as hostages of Cobra!" Tsuneo: ...Well, their plan's worked so far. It makes me wonder why they haven't tried it anywhere else. Rebecca: Because it's a logical, sensible plan that involves directly attacking a valuable strategic target. Tsuneo: Well that makes sense... Huh? >As Cobra started their attack on the diet, a truck approached ADP >headquarters ramming the entrance of the tower. ADP officers in heavy riot >gear and security boomers surrounded the truck. Without warning 50 Battle >Android Troopers engaged the security Boomers and more were on the way by >being airlifted to the roof. Dan: They would have come by bus, but the traffic is murder. >Leon with >his feet propped on the desk was cleaning his gun when the alarms went off. Rebecca: Leon's been caught playing with his gun again. [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion] >"What the fuck!" he yelled when he heard the chanting of the BATs All [Daleks]: Exterminate! Exterminate! >"Attack! Attack! Attack!" Rick: Great. Now instead of being killed by Boomers, you're being killed by foreign-made boomers. >4 hours later, the N-police had a command post set up just as much of the >ADPolice could muster, arrived to back up the N-Police. "What's going on Captain?" >Asked Inspector Leon Mc Nichols. Dan: How'd Leon get here? Last I saw he was in the surrounded ADP HQ with no conceivable way out. Rick: Didn't you see the harrowing escape sequence from ADP HQ? Leon steals a K-12 and fights his way through hordes of BATs, desperately trying to save the surviving officers? Dan: I think we skipped it. Rick: Don't worry. It'll be in the deleted scenes in the DVD version. >"A terrorist group have taken the Diet hostage." replied the N-police >captain. "Have they made any demands?" Leon asked, the Captain nodded. >"Yeah 1 billion dollars per every member of Diet. Tsuneo: That's steep. Rebecca: Do they get a bulk discount? >I just sent a negotiator in." Rick: Eddie Murphy returns in: Metro 2: This time it's war! >Then Cobra Commander's helmeted presence flashed on the screen. "Your >negotiator has just been shot. He was a good negotiator. Dan: Well he can't have been that good... >You have 48 hours." Leon turned to see a GI >Joe AWE Striker pulled up with some heavy artillery. Leon approached the >AWE Striker. >"Inspector Leon Mc Nichols ADPolice. " Leon introduced himself. "General >Hawk, GI Joe. What's the situation son?" Dan [Leon]: Everything's all messed up. Rick [Hawk]: Is that the best you can do? Dan [Leon]: Everything's all messed up, sir! Rick [Hawk]: Much better. >"We've got a complete nutcase in there. For the release of each member of >the Diet, he wants 1 billion dollars within 48 hours. The son of a bitch >killed one of our best police negotiators." Leon answered General Hawk. >"And we can't send in the troops or Cobra will kill the hostages." Hawk >told Leon. "Who is this nut, General?" Leon asked. "His name's Cobra Commander. Dan: His parents must have really hated him. >He may be a nut, but he >commands the largest and most well equipped terrorist group in the world. >GI Joe was created to deal with Cobra." Hawk explained. Tsuneo: Ladies and gentlemen, the plot! [They all cheer wildly] >Suddenly an aircraft flew over head heading for the parliament building. >"Well, General, meet our ace-the-hole so to speak... Rick [Hawk]: I thought you were the ace-hole around here. >the Knight Sabers." Leon told Hawk as they watched the Knight Sabers go to >work. >On the Skycarrier, Mackie notified his sister from the cockpit. "Sis, we're >almost over the building." Mackie said. "Thank you Mackie. All right Ladies, >we're over the drop zone, prepare to jump." Sylia told her Knight Sabers. With >her elbow, she smashed a glass case for opening the boarding ramp manually. Tsuneo: Uh, Sylia? There's a button on the wall for that. Dan: Do you mind, she's on a rampage here. Rick: [Mackie] I sure hope we didn't need that door... >Once the boarding ramp opened, Sylia gave her >friends some final instructions prior to jump. "All right, we're about to >jump. Just remember to use jumpjets in bursts to slow down your descent or the >only way you'll get out of your Hardsuit is with a can opener." Rebecca [Linna]: We know, Sylia. We do this all the time. Rick [Sylia]: I'm just saying, that's all... >Priss approached the boarding ramp and was the first to jump. Next Linna. >Nene was reluctant to jump. "Sylia have I told you I have a fear of >heights?" Nene asked Sylia sheepishly. Rebecca [Sylia]: Too late! [Mimes shoving someone] >"Well, just remember what I told you and look out below." Sylia said >as she took Nene's hand and jumped. >"When will they give into our demands, I expect to be paid." Zartan >remarked impatiently. "Patience Zartan, those fools will give..." Before >the Commander could finish, four armored females came crashing through >the skylight above. "What the hell?!" The Commander yelled as he fell >over in his chair. Dan: Well, either the strippers you ordered have arrived, or you're in deep trouble. >"Knight Sabers... Its showtime!" Sylia commanded her Knight Sabers. >"Vipers, dispose of the interlopers!" Ordered Cobra Commander to his Vipers >as they surrounded the Knight Sabers. "40 against 4. Good odds." Priss >observed as she assumed a fighting stance. "For whom?" Linna sarcastically >asked Priss. Rebecca: Well, they're not Named Characters, so I'd say it favours you. >First to lash out was Priss when she ripped a punch into a face of one of >the Vipers. Upon impact, the chrome faceplate shattered and the Viper was >knocked out. "Just don't stand there, you idiots! Terminate them!" The >Commander berated his troops. The Vipers began to open fire on the Knight >Sabers. Leaping into the air, Sylia came down arms first to performed a one >arm hand spring, landing behind a Viper to throw him into several >other Vipers. [They all applaud quietly] >"Let's see if you can hit those high notes!" Priss yelled at her opponent >as she upper cut him in the family jewels; not only knocking him, it sent >the Viper flying back. Tsuneo: I hope they don't mind the casualties they're dealing. Between metal fists and feet and massively amplified strength, they must be killing those guys. Rick: They're just mooks, they don't count for anything. >Lunging forward, another Viper tried to punch Linna, which she only jumped >into the air for a few seconds. After he took a few steps forward, Linna landed >and kicked the Viper in the back into a wall. Dan: Say, uh, between all the shooting and the killing and the fighting and such, what's happened to the hostages? >Cobra Commander watched with utter disbelief as the Knight Sabers trashed >his Vipers. Dan: But doesn't this happen all the time? Rick: Yes, but usually it takes a whole bunch of Joes packing the firepower of a third-world nation. >"It has become apparent that it would be prudent to make my departure." The >Commander hissed as he ran for the helipad. "Linna, Nene and Priss begin mopping up >here. Rebecca [Priss]: Cool! The three on the left are mine! >I'm going after Cobra Commander." Sylia told her friends before pursuing Cobra >Commander. The Commander ran down the hall nearing the helipad until a shot nearly >grazed his helmet. Turning around he saw Sylia with her arm cannon pointing at him. >"What is the meaning of this? Who are you?" Dan: [Sylia] Candygram? >"I've read about you Cobra Commander. I know about your crimes and the >slaughter you ordered against the JSDF and those children you murdered. Its time someone >brought you to justice. Dan: For great justice! [They all hit him with cushions. Repeatedly] Hey, no fair, Rick! You put it in your comic! Rick: That's a pop culture reference to appeal to the target audience. Dan: And... So what did I say? Rick: An over-used, over-hyped, one joke catchphrase. Dan: What's the difference? Rick: I get paid to do it. >As for 'who am I?' I'm you're worst nightmare." Tsuneo [Cobra Commander]: "I'm your worst nightmare?" Is that the best you can do? Rebecca [Sylia, sheepish]: Sorry. >Sylia coldly explained to >the Commander. Out of almost nowhere, Firefly fired a rocket launcher at >Sylia's back. Rick: It's a ninja with a rocket launcher. How cool is that? >Fortunately the rocket incapacitated Sylia and did minor damage to her >Hardsuit. "Good work, Firefly. We may have got something useful from this >operation after all." pleasantly retorted Cobra Commander as two Vipers >carried her to the helipad. Rebecca: This is a bonus for him. Usually when he gets his ass handed to him, he doesn't get anything for his efforts. >When Firefly and Cobra Commander were about to walk out the door, until a >rail gun shot was embedded into the door jam. Tsuneo: "Until a rail gun shot was embedded into the door jam..." Aaaagh! I think I've gone blind again! Rick: There there. Tsuneo: I can't take too much more of this. >Turning around again to see Priss with her railgun ready >to fire again. After hearing Sylia screaming over the comline, Priss knew >something went apeshit. Rebecca: King Kong with the runs? Others: Eeeeeeeewwwwwwww! >"All right you son of a bitch where's my friend?" Priss said coldly trying >hide the anger in her voice. Firefly tossed a couple of handgrenades before >he and the Commander left. Rick: Grenades; because, every now and then, Ninjas cheat a little. >"Commander! The Joes are breaking through! We must depart while we can!" >Destro called from a chopper still on the pad. While climbing onboard >the Commander asked. "Is the prisoner secured?" >"Yes sir." A Cobra trooper responded. "Take off!" The Commander ordered the >chopper pilot. The chopper took off and flew into the night sky. Tsuneo: And what's Priss doing while all this is going on? Dan: Ogling the Baroness. >Back in the main chamber, Linna and Nene were finishing putting the Vipers >that were KO'd into a nice, neat little pile as General Hawk entered the room; Dan: Not only are the Knight Sabres efficient, they're also very neat. >followed by Duke, Beach Head, Lifeline, Rock 'n' Roll and Snake Eyes. Dan: Then Inky, Pinky, Blinky, Sue and Clyde. Tsuneo: So we've got a whole bunch of random Joes who haven't shown up yet. Any reason? Rick: They're wearing variant uniforms. Gotta shift those variations. >"What in Sam Hill happened here?" >A stunned General Hawk asked as he saw 40 Vipers with their lights knocked >out. "It seems these ladies gave those Snakes a run for their money." Duke >said to Hawk in reference to the Knight Sabers. Then Priss emerged from the >door leading to the helipad, holding her arm and limping before collapsing >to the floor. Tsuneo: When did Priss get so beat up? Rick: Probably when Firefly thew all those grenades at her. Tsuneo: But the fic didn't mention anything about her getting blown up and... Urk! Rebecca: You alright there? Tsuneo: My nose is bleeding. >"Oh god Priss!" Linna ran to her friend's aid, Priss laid on the floor >semi-conscious. Dan: [Linna] Just the way I- [Rebecca and Tsuneo glare at him; normal] I'll stop right there. >"Lifeline, check her out." Hawk ordered. Lifeline began to examine Priss. >"I can't examine her with this armor on. I need to take it off." Lifeline stated. Tsuneo: Is he a medic, or is he just trying to get fresh? Rebecca: Don't worry, he graduated in the same class as Dr Nick Rivera. >"Linna, should we allow >him?" Nene asked, Linna only nodded allowing Lifeline to remove her >Hardsuit to examine her injuries. Dan: That does it. Next time they should bring a human cleric with them. >"Well, the good news for your friend is, she has a sprained arm and leg; >and a minor concussion." Rick [Looks up from book]: According to the BGC RPG, Priss can soak a 120mm shell. Rebecca: With or without hardsuit? Rick: Without. Those grenades should be nothing to her. >A few minutes passed before Priss came to. "Linna?" Priss asked when she >recognized her friend. "Priss where's Sylia?" Linna asked, Priss just shook >her head sadly, Tsuneo: You lost her, didn't you. Thought so. Have you tried the lost and found tent? >before stating. "That faceplated asshole has Sylia." Linna bit down on her >lower lip. "Damn, if they have Sylia, then they have her Hardsuit." Linna >gave out a sigh at the possibly. >"I'm sorry about your friend...." Hawk stated, Rick [Hawk]: But rest assured, it's only a deep coma. She'll live. [He sniggers] >but Linna cut him off. "You don't >understand.... what was your name?" Linna wasn't formally introduced to >Hawk. "General Hawk, GI Joe." Hawk introduced himself. "anyway General Hawk, >you don't understand Sylia's Hardsuit is the strongest and most advanced of >all four Hardsuits and she created them." Dan: It's amazing what you can do these days with some cardboard, some craft glue and a little imagination. >Linna explained to General Hawk. "I tend to agree with you miss, Cobra >always captures the person who creates a device capable of reaching their >goals." Duke said to Linna. Tsuneo [Hawk]: That's why the government cuts back on research, so Cobra's got nothing to steal. Rebecca: Hey skull, better watch it with these fics. Find a bad enough one, and they might just come after you. Voice: I have a prior arrangement. Rebecca: What was that? Voice: Er... nothing! >"From first hand experience Cobra is very thorough in an interrogation." Dan [Cobra Commander]: Dr Mindbender! Fetch... the comfy chair! >Added Duke, Linna snapped her head in Duke's direction with a frown on her >face. "If you're saying Sylia can be broken. I can assure she can't, her will >is just too strong." Rick: Wait, is this the "Superhero" version of Sylia or the "Action movie" version of Sylia? >Finally the darkness lifted from Sylia's eyes as she came to. Judging by >her surroundings, she was in some sort of prison. Dan: Listen carefully in the distance and you can hear someone with a harmonica. >Looking at her clothes, she was wearing a gray prisoner's uniform. Tsuneo: Looking at the food confirmed it. >When the metal door creaked open a Viper holding a rifle told Sylia. "Cobra >Commander wishes to see you." Rebecca [Sylia]: Does he have an appointment? Dan [Viper]: Well, no... >The Viper led Sylia to the Commander's dining room. "Greeting Ms. Stingray, >I'm delighted that you decided to accept my dinner invitation." Tsuneo: Well, she wasn't doing anything else this evening. >The Commander politely >hissed. "Of course against my free will." Sylia retorted. Cobra Commander >chuckled as he offered Sylia a seat. "You do have a flair for sarcasm, my dear." >Sylia took a seat never taking her eyes off her helmeted enemy. Rick: You can tell a lot about a man from his eyes. This gets her... Nowhere. >"What shall we talk about my dear? Tsuneo: Crappy crossovers? Dan: Why she was stripped of her innerwear? Rebecca: Hard to come by early-eighties action figures? Rick: Larry Hamma's work since GI Joe? >How about your knowledge of the technology of your Hardsuit?" Cobra >Commander asked Sylia. Rick: Well, yes, she does know about it... Tsuneo: Care to be a little less cryptic there? >"Never, I will never give you that information. I won't assist in your >activities." Sylia flatly refused the Commander. Dan: [Sylia] I've left my team with your location and approximate forces. They should be making a rescue attempt about now. >"You won't enjoy the alternative Ms. Stingray. We'll >break you if we have to." Cobra Commander coldly replied. Tsuneo: Of course, they'll have to break her is they want the info... So there's no point saying they'll break her if they already have to... Damn, anyone got a tissue? >Sylia showed no sign of fear >or weakness. Opening the door, Cobra Commander called for the guards to >take Sylia to the torture chamber. Rebecca: Or, as we call it, the Voice's apartment. >Once in the torture chamber, Sylia was restrained in a chair while >a Crimson Guard stood before her. "Now let's talk about some certain >information you possess." The Siegie (Crimson Guard) said. "Go to hell!" >Sylia answered. The Crimson Guard simply punched Sylia in face but she would >not talk. Rebecca: Sylia sells for nobody. >After an hour's worth of >interrogation, Sylia's face was swollen and bruised with her nose and lip >bleeding; still she remained unbroken as for the Crimson Guard, he was exhausted. Dan: So they all took a Rest Hold. Rick [Tony Schiavone]: This is spectacular! his is the most amazing match I've ever seen. This is the greatest night in the history of our sport! >"Heh, you can torture me, beat me; you can even kill me, but you can never >break me!" Rick: You see, she lives with Mackie. Everyone else: Ahhhh... >Sylia spat out with labored breath. "I will never be broken!" she added. "Guards >take her back to her cell." The Crimson Guard ordered as two Vipers released Sylia >from her restraints and dragged her back to her cell. Dan: And so, after an hour's vigorous repetition, we'll give her a break before more of the same. >"Well, did you get anything out of her?" Cobra Commander asked the Crimson >Guard who interrogated Sylia. "No Commander, I couldn't make her talk after >beating her senseless for an hour." Tsuneo: [Slowly] If she's senseless, then she couldn't talk. [Holds nose] Damn. >The Commander leaned against his desk with his elbows on it. "I see that we >may have to employ more drastic measures." The Commander recommended. Dan [Cobra Commander]: This is a copy of "Grand Mal." Rebecca [Sylia]: Noooooooo! >Two hours later, Sylia woke up restrained on a table as the Commander >spoke. "Since you have been uncooperative, that you force us to use some >extreme measures, Ms Stingray. But I must have the information of your >hardsuit; Information you possess." Cobra Commander hissed as the table >Sylia was strapped into, rotated her in the upward position. Tsuneo: It's worse, he's taking her to the dentist! >Still Sylia remained adamant against the Commander's wishes. "Never." Rick [Cobra Commander]: Please? Rebecca [Sylia]: No. Rick [Cobra Commander]: Pretty please? Rebecca [Sylia]: No. >"You may begin Interrogator." Cobra Commander told before leaving the room. >Once he left, the Interrogator began sending electricity through Sylia's >body, very low voltage. But Sylia felt like her insides were on fire and >her body was going to convulsions. Rebecca: So, do you want your Knight Sabre well-done or rare? Tsuneo: Rebecca! Rebecca: What? At least he didn't ask her to hold a frying pan. >As the voltage increased, her body insanely convulists. All that the Knight >Saber could do was scream in agony. Rick [Interrogator]: So tell me, my main man. What is wrong with Michael Jackson? >Ceasing the electroshock, the Interrogator had the guards release her back >to her cell. >This was not the end of her torment, hours later she was suspended to by >her wrists from the ceiling. "Electroshock didn't loosen your tongue, let's >see if the traditional cat o' nine tails will." The Commander laughed. Dan: The thing is, he gets the Baroness to do it. Rick: Kinky. >A Viper ripped open the back of Sylia's prison outfit Tsuneo: Watch it, that's an Armani. >as another Viper proceeded to whip Sylia. Upon impact the whip broke her >skin in a criss-cross fashion. Clenching her teeth, Sylia refused to break. >After 2 hours of endless flogging the Viper fell from exhaustion All: Wuss! >and Sylia passed out from the unbearable pain. Cobra Commander just shook >his head. "I can't believe this! She has to have a limit of >punishment she can take!" The Commander berated. Rebecca: Might help if you gave her a chance to talk in between. Tsuneo: She's been practicing. Each night, she watches a reality TV show or two and then browses fanfic archives. Dan: That's harsh. Tsuneo: Hey, it works. >"Guards take back her back to her cell. Have a Med-Viper clean her up, Rick: [Medi-viper] What happened to her? Dan: [Interrogator] She hurt herself bouncing around her cell. >and put her on meager rations." The Commander ordered. Dan: [Viper] That's better than we get. >Back in her cell, Sylia was too tried to have her bread and water. Not only >she had to stomach the meager food, but she had to sleep on the cold hard >floor, since there was no bed. Rebecca: The service in this place is terrible. Rick: Can't say much for the leisure activities either. >Now she was starting to doubt that she was able to hold out through the >brutal interrogation sessions. But she still had faith that she will be >rescued, the only sliver of hope that kept her from breaking. Tsuneo: One question, who's in charge of the KS when Sylia's out of action? Rick: Uhh... I hope she's not expecting a rescue soon. >Only thing now Sylia could do was cry herself to sleep. Dan: You get the feeling the authour just doesn't like her. >As the Knight Sabers and GI Joe prepared to resuce Sylia; the torture grew >worst both phyiscal and psychological. Rick [Cobra Commander]: You see, your average "Joe" has never seen anything like today's film. Your average "Joe" hasn't even heard of it. Today's film is something called "Manos" the "Hands of Fate." Enjoy, "Joe." >Cobra Commander had one of his Viper beat the information out of her, even >to the point where the Viper would grab her by the neck and slam her >against the walls repeated times. Rebecca: And I didn't even know that Cobra had a rugby team. You learn something new every day. >If that wasn't even enough, using advanaced equipment and computers, Cobra >Commander had his interrorgators extract the information for her mind and >inflict a little mental rape in the process. Still in her already weak >condition Sylia fought with all her mental strength to resist the mental >probing. Rebecca: This is going to sound stupid, but why doesn't he just hook her up to the brain-wave scanner and mind-control her into building him hardsuits? Rick: Because... it's the obvious choice? Rebecca: Good point. Let's move on. Dan: And what's taking them all so long to rescue her? >Cobra Commander was to the point that Sylia was no longer necessary for >him. Once ordering the guards to take her back to her cell; He demanded for >Sylia to be executed for her failure to cooperate. Tsuneo: Is she in any danger? Dan: Naw, he's likely to go for execution by elaborate yet easily escapable deathtrap. >Approaching the Cobra fortress was a GI Joe Tomahawk carrying Duke, >Scarlett, Beach Head, Bazooka, Lady Jaye, Lifeline and Rock 'n' Roll. As >well as Priss, Linna and Nene. Rick: Oh yeah, those guys. Apart from Priss and Sylia, they haven't actually done anything, have they? Rebecca: Just like a real BGC episode, actually. >"Okay everybody we're over the target. Good hunting!" Lift Ticket told his >passengers. "Let's go! Yo Joe!" Duke told the others as they parachuted out >of the Tomahawk while the Knight Sabers jumped and used their jumpjets. >"Commander, a GI Joe strikeforce is attacking!" A Tele Viper told the >Commander. "The Joes! Destroy them!" Cobra Commander ordered, the Tele >Viper obeyed and sounded the alarms. When the alert sounded Crimson Guards, >Vipers and BATs rushed to the battle. Dan: Just how many mooks can you fit into the one penthouse anyway? >Engaged in a heavy firefight, the Joes kept shooting at Cobra forces as >they slowly advanced. Tsuneo: In which, oddly enough, no named characters are killed or even wounded. Rebecca: Just like a real GI Joe episode, really. >"Beachhead, Lady Jaye and Lifeline help the Knight Sabers find Ms. >Stingray's Hardsuit and then Ms. Stingray!" Duke ordered as he fragged a >Battle Android Trooper. Rick: Hey, they've got the Cobra Island map for Counterstrike. Neat. Dan: You think that's cool, wait till you see Cobra Commander's "special" Baroness Skin. >Priss and Beachhead shot two Vipers up the stairs guarding the lab. When >they reached the door to the lab, Priss stopped Lady Jaye from kicking down >the door. "Allow me please." Priss said, then with a powerful kick from her >hardsuited leg knocked down the 2 inch thick titanium door right off its >hinges. Rebecca [Lady Jayne]: I can do that. Really. >"Shit!" Lady Jaye said with shock. Entering the lab, Beachhead and Priss >took out the Techno Vipers in the lab. Dan: It was a great evening, until the bill arrived. Rebecca [Linna]: Hello? Other characters here. Do we get to do anything, or are we just scenery? >On the center table was Sylia's Hardsuit and softsuit. "Linna, Nene grab >Sylia's Hardsuit, softsuit and helmet." Priss ordered. Rick: So Priss is the leader now? They're doomed. >"Beach Head, Lady Jaye take point and lead us to the prison area." The two >Joes lead the way for the 3 Knight Sabers with Lifeline bringing up the >rear. The 3 Knight Sabers and 2 Joes (except Lifeline, since he was a >pacifist) Tsuneo: So why are they bringing him on an excruciatingly violent rescue mission? Dan: They need a decoy. >fought their way to the prisoner cell block. Dan: Lifeline took the rear and looted the bodies of their gold coins and healing potions. He's still going to leech off their experience points. >"All right Snake, either you open the door or I'll air condition your >head!" Rick [Viper]: Flow through or reverse-cycle? Dan: [Beachhead] Wanna see me install the defogger? >Beachhead told the Viper as he held him by the tunic with his rifle pointed >at the Viper. With no other alternative the Viper complied and opened the >cell door. Entering the cell, Priss found Sylia slumped against the wall. >Automatically Lifeline walked over to Sylia and started his examination. Rick: His Bot AI says "Go to the most wounded character and heal them". It's kinda funny when he wanders into the middle of a firefight trying to save lives. >"How is she Lifeline?" Priss asked. Lifeline answered. as he finished his >examination. "Multiple bruises and abrasions all over the body and a bit >malnurish but she'll be fine." Rebecca [Priss]: One question... "malnurish"? Tsuneo [Lifeline]: I have no idea. >"Hey, Sylia we brought you something." Nene said as Linna and her showed >Sylia her hardsuit and softsuit. "If you don't mind then, I would like to >change into something a little more apporiate." Sylia smiled implying to >her hardsuit. Tsuneo: You'd think so. Rick: Actually, she was hoping they'd bought her nightgown with them. >A few moments later, Sylia emerged from her cell in her hardsuit. >Using a targeting laser, a BAT targeted a distracted Scarlett in the back >of the head, Rick: Hey, when'd Scarlet get here? Dan: There was an animation screw-up. See, in this next frame, her uniform's going to be the wrong colour too. >before it could pull the trigger; a blade was rammed through the BAT's >head. Then swiped the blade up, slicing the BAT's head in half. >"Thanks!" Scarlett said to Sylia; Sylia only nodded. >"Now for the big man himself! YO Joe!" Tsuneo: He is big head man, he is lousing around. Dan: You okay? Tsuneo: I found my happy spot. >Duke said as he, the Joes and the Knight Sabers ran down a corridor until >they came under fire by Vipers with Cobra Commander standing behind them. >"Slay them all! Especially Stingray!" Rick [Cobra Commander]: And her little dog too! >The Commander ordered his troops before heading to the hanger. Seeing Cobra >Commander running for the Hanger, Sylia ignited her >jumpjets and flew after the Commander. Dan: You see, she's a leader figure and can do what she wants, but the others have to target the enemy figure closest to them. >"Cobra Commander, you're mine!" Sylia said to herself not so much for >personal vengeance but for the death of those children when he ordered the >JSDF bombed. Rebecca: Don't the Knight Sabres have a rule against personal vengeance trips? Dan: Does it matter? Rebecca: True... >In the hanger, All: Hanger? Dan: Just so I know, this is still in the penthouse, right? >Cobra Commander boarded the cockpit of a FANG helicopter and started the >motor. Running in, Sylia jumped and grabbed a landing skid just as the >Commander took off. Holding on with one arm, Sylia pulled herself up to >where she was next to cockpit. "Hold on Commander we've got some unfinished >business!" She yelled over the chopper blades as she punched the Commander. >Not only the punch knocked him, but also it made him jerked the controls, >rocking the FANG, until he regained control. Tsuneo: Agh! Sentence... destroying brain... must... maintain control... >"You fool! You'll kill us both!" The Commander yelled. Grabbing the >Commander by the throat, Sylia coldly told him. "This is for those children >you murdered!" Sylia extended her mono blade to the stab the Commander, but >with one hand Cobra Commander jammed her hand in the chopper blades, >cutting her right hand off. All: Ouch. Dan: How did CC get that strong? Rick [Scott Steiner]: Honest, it's just eating right and exercising three times a week. >Sylia screamed in intense pain. Tsuneo: Because her hardsuit was damaged? Rick: Isn't this the point where CC reveals that he's her father? >As she fell off the FANG, she pulled off the fuel line; causing the FANG to >lose fuel. The Commander bailed out, and pulled the ripcord to his >parachute. >Putting pressure on her wrist, which use to hold her severed hand, Sylia >activated her flight pack to slow down her descent. As she reached the tree >line, her flight pack ran out of fuel Dan: Oops... Guess who forgot to top up their tank. Tsuneo: I'm surprising that it even works at all, given that Firefly hit it with a missile. >and went crashing down and breaking branches as she fell. She landed flat >on her back also breaking her arm and leg. Tsuneo: Some days, it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. >Sylia laid there unable to move, hoping she wasn't paralyzed, seeing Cobra >Commander standing over her. "I must admit, you were a most worthy opponent >Ms. Stingray. Especially how you disguised yourself as one my Vipers. Dan: How'd he know that? Rebecca: It could be a lucky guess... or it could be that he saw her on the security cameras rifling his office. >But you've paid the price for defying Cobra!" Cobra Commander hissed prior >to her losing consciousness due to blood loss. After that Sylia experienced >brief lapses of consciousness such as the sight of a Joe Tomahawk above >her before losing consciousness. Tsuneo: Well, if she's lapsing in and out of consciousness, of course she's going to loose consciousness and... Agh! Rebecca: Don't worry about it, Tsuneo. The fic's over. Tsuneo: Thank you, god. [The TV switches off] Rick: Well I don't know about you, but I think it was a completely pointless exercise in sheer stupidity. Voice: I'm not actually asking for reviews yet. Rick: Oh. Can I save that one for next time? Dan: You mean we've got to do another? Voice: Just one more part. Tsuneo: Great. Now I'm really stressed out. Rebecca: What are you gonna do now? Tsuneo: Now? Now I'm going to drink a lot of beer, peek on a women's sauna and blow something up. I'll feel a lot better afterwards. Dan: I'll join ya. [The screen goes blank. Dan yells out in pain] Tsuneo: I feel much better. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com) & Jinas (jinas@elmerstudios.com) Dan and Tsuneo Tateo are copyright 1999-2001 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1999-2001 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, random DELTA Invasion Episode Generator and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova Satori shrine, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp, all in one big steaming pile. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- >Not only the punch knocked him, but also it made him jerked the controls, >rocking the FANG, until he regained control.