Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode 92 means that it's only eight episodes until the big 100! What Happens then is anyone's guess. In the meantime, it's time for more BGC fun. Bubblegum Curse is copyright Krimlin Bubblegum Crisis is copyright Artmic/Youmex. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A cardboard box sits by the bench, with the tattered remains of a plastic Christmas tree and pieces of tinsel sticking out.] [There is a large, smoke-filled semi-transparent cylinder in one corner. A humanoid shape can be made out inside it.] [Dan and Maya enter, talking] Dan: I haven't seen you in a while, Maya. Maya: [Quietly] Thankfully. Dan: How've you been? Maya: Oh, fine. Save for falling an incredible distance into the ocean. Dan: How'd that happen? Maya: Long story. Dan: Can you cut it short? Maya: I fell an incredibly long distance into the ocean. Dan: Well I did ask. [Rebecca enters] Rebecca: Well if you're here, it's a bad sign. Maya: I'll say. Dan: How's that? Maya: It means I'm here, for starters. Dan: Eh? Maya: Never mind. Rebecca: What that means is that we're going to be launched into some trite BGC fic. Dan: You don't know that for sure. Maya: She's right. I mean, when was the last time I was here? Dan: Um... that 2040 fic. Rebecca: And before that? Dan: Er, BGShift... Oh dear. Maya: But the funny thing is, I don't see Rick anywhere. Rebecca: Me neither. [pause] Say what is with that smoke-filled tube thing anyway? [The tube hisses open, pouring smoke into the room. Tango steps out with an inverted ice-cream bucket on his head.] Tango: Are we at Metaluna yet? Maya: Who is that? Rebecca: Oh, that's Tango. He followed us home one day. Dan: Say hi, Tango. Tango: Hi Tango! Maya: Interesting. Rebecca: Even better, he does tricks. Dan: Oh no, not that again. Rebecca: Hey, Tango! Tiffany Grant's outside and she's going to sing! [Tango runs around the apartment screaming, then stops and tries to bash down a wall with his forehead.] Maya: Fascinating. Dan: This is him on a good day. Rebecca: Alright, you can stop now. Tango: One more... [THUNK!] I'm done. Voice: If you're all quite finished- Tango: It's the Controller! We are on Metaluna! Voice: ... Maya: Say, why would you want to go to Metaluna? Tango: Don't you know? Uranium contains five of our seven required daily vitamins. Dan: That doesn't actually answer the question. Maya: But I don't think I'll pursue the matter any further. Voice: If I could have your attention, please- Tango: Don't mind us, we're not here. Voice: Are you ready for today's fic? Rebecca: No. Voice: Tough luck. Do it. Maya: Is it just me, or has the voice gotten meaner of late? Rebecca: He just showed us thirteen chapters of Delta invasion. How mean do you think he is? [They sit - Maya and Tango sitting on the forwards-facing couch, Dan & Rebecca on the sideways one.] [The TV switches on] > krim@gbsmail.attmail.com Dan: The dread Krim, legend beast of the deserts! > Bubblegum Crisis Fanfiction > > (1995(c) Copyright by Karl "KAL" Rim, the ex-Krimlin) Rebecca: Krimlin, that was a kind of Soviet ASW frigate, I think. Maya: I thought it was the 32nd flavour. Tango: I used to have one of those, but the head fell off. > krim@gbsmail.attmail.com > > Bubblegum Curse 1: Ghosts of Crises Past Rebecca: Which will be followed by the ghost of crises present, then the ghost of crises future. Maya: I curse thou, vile fanfiction... > =========================================================================== > Historical Note: These events take place shortly after BGC 8. > I am totally ignoring BGCrash. Dan: It also ignores the second issue of the ADP comic, the third episode of ADP and the first ten minutes of Moonlight Rambler. Rebecca: On the other hand, it considers Grand Mal to be canon. > [ Opening Scene: Night, the empty streets of MegaTokyo. Maya: Funny, at night they usually fill up. Rebecca: I thought Megtokyo was one non-stop traffic jam. > A lone man is running in the night. Tango: Run Forest, run! > He has slicked back dark hair and wearing a blue suit. Maya: Oh my! It's... The man. > He is panting and breathing hard Dan: [Man] Knew that... donut diet... was a bad... mistake [Wheeze] > but retains a determined look on his face. Rebecca: [Man] There's got to be a bathroom around here somewhere. > A few seconds later we know why. Maya: Well, it's a few seconds later and we don't, sorry. > From the shadows two large figures emerge. Dan: It's Big Ron and Heavy D! They're going to destroy all talent in a 20 foot radius! > Soon the moonlight falls on them. They are BUMA. Maya: All right, but there's no need to shout about it. Tango: Agents of the evil BUMA organisation! Rebecca: [Singing] Buma man, he flies like a moron. > One of the Buma opens its mouth wide and lets loose a plasma > blast. Dan: Do you reckon they don't like him? Tango: Take that, you generic running person! > The shot narrowly misses the man but he is sent > reeling from the debris. Rebecca: Aie. Maya: I miss the good old days, where boomers would hit but not do anything anyway. > He falls down and turns to face his assailants. ] Tango: And now he's giving them the bird. > MAN: Come on, let's get this over with. Maya: [Man] Alright, I'll try your new soda already. > BUMA1: Our orders are to take you... Dan: On a trip to Tahiti! > BUMA2: ..DEAD. Rebecca: [Man] Isn't that typical, no-one is glad to see me these days. > [ The Second Buma prepares to unleash a mouth-blast ] > > MAN: Drop Dead. Maya: Not that they're really alive per se, but you get the drift. > [ The plasma blast fires, but not from the Buma. The Buma's head > explodes Dan: Oooohhh! Tango: WA-TAK! > as it goes down. It's partner looks around to see who > fired the shot only to face an oncoming limosine which rams into it > and crashes them both into the side of the building. Maya: [Man] I was hoping something spontaneous yet not entirely unexpected like this would happen. Dan: I hope that wasn't his car. Rebecca: He's got a massive plasma cannon installed in his car? Tango: Yeah, I've got one of those. > The driver, Rebecca: Parker's back, and he's pissed! > a man with a long black ponytail, a white blazer and dark glasses, Maya: [Driver] I wear this so I don't look suspicious. Dan: Hey, it's a generic Chow Yun Fat character. > comes around and helps the man up to his feet. ] Dan: [Man] Took your sweet time. Tango: [Driver] Sorry. do you know how hard it is to find parking for a limo in this city? > DRIVER: Sorry for the delay, sir. Tango: [Driver] The escalator broke down, and I had to stand on it for two hours while I waited for a repairman. Dan: [Man] Well why didn't you sit down? > I was intercepted by their secondary team. Maya: [Driver] I was held up at the lights by kids wiping the windscreen. > MAN: Never mind that, did you retrieve those files? Rebecca: [Man] It's got my name on it! I can't live without it! > [ A burst of flame interrupts them. Maya: Pardon. > The limosine from the collision explodes. Tango: It's one of those delayed reaction things. > Then the car's frame shifts and starts to move. Dan: It's alive, it's alive! Rebecca: [Man] Say Perkins, what did you pack in the luggage? > Something from within the flames moves, it's the Buma. Dan: Nah, what did you think it was going to be? > Slowly it lifts the limo over it's head Tango: [Boomer] Me big! Me strong! > and gives a metallic snarl. Maya: Is he allowed to say that in public? > It steps towards the pair slowly blazing in all it's Buma glory ] Rebecca: What, badly spelled? Maya: Could you at least put some pants on? > DRIVER: Regrettably, NO! Dan: [Driver] Well sir, they *were* in the car... Tango: [Man] It's not good enough. You'll have to be shot! Dan: [Driver] Oh thank you, sir. > [ He takes the missle launcher draped on his back Maya: Say, where did that come from? Tango: [Driver] That's none of your damn business. Rebecca: [Driver] I keep this thing handy in case of muggers. > and quickly fires it at the Buma. Dan: Aiming would be nice. Tango: Rocket launcher at point blank range. I don't think you can miss. Rebecca: Is splash damage turned on? Tango: Oopsie. > The shot strikes it straight in the Buma's chest. Maya: What actually is the difference between a "boomer" and a "buma" Tango: A "buma" is a New Zealand boomer. > The Buma actually feels the missle and takes a couple of steps backwards. ] Maya: I see they've upgraded the quality of their disposables. Dan: [Driver] What do you want me to do now, sir? > MAN: I see they've improved on the armor from the previous C-series. > What is the current operating version? > > DRIVER: I believe it's the new standard is E-series. Dan: As opposed to C for combat, what does the E mean? Rebecca: Explosive? Maya: Expendable? Tango: Edible? > [ The man fires another shot, this time aiming at the Buma's right > knee. The missle takes out his leg. Maya: He's an astoundingly good shot with that missile launcher. Tango: That and he put a sniper scope on it. > The Buma falls down Dan: On them. Whoops. Rebecca: And he can't get up. > and the > limosine he was carrying falls on top of him. An even bigger > explosion occurs. ] Maya: [Man] You do realise that's coming out of your salary, Perkins. > MAN: Then this night was been a total disaster. Tango: [Man] I got pulled up, rolled, left for dead and *then* attacked by boomers. > You've lost equiptment, investments, resources and my confidence > in your abilities. Not to mention my favorite Limo. Dan: Well you're just going to have to steal another one, aren't you? Rebecca: [Driver] Sorry sir, next time I'll try to avoid saving your life. Maya: [Driver] Well, you were the one who insisted I take it on this dangerous mission. > DRIVER: My apologies, sir. We will obtain the files for sure next time. Dan: [Driver] I'll need another limo, though. > MAN: No, I don't think so. You've failed the last three times and > nearly got me killed in this most recent raid. Tango: [Driver] So it's another bullet to the head is it, sir? Rebecca: [Man] 'Fraid so. Maya: So does this guy hire him for anything other than taking the blame? > I think it's time we try something different. Rebecca: [Man] This time, I'll wear the bunny suit and you carry the flowers. > [ He pulls out a vicious looking gun from his jacket and fires. Tango: A shot to the head. How nice. Dan: [Driver] I guess that's my retirement plan, sir. > The shot hits the Buma as it started to drag itself from the car wreckage. Maya: They were so busy chatting, I forgot about that thing. > It was > still functional until the shot hits it in the forehead causing its head > to explode ] Dan: Fists fly, bones shatter, blood spurts, buildings crumble and heads explode! Tango: What is this, Boomer of the North Star? > MAN: These new E-series certainly are more durable. Maya: They've also got a slide-back sunroof head and realistic toes. > But I think we're going to have to use a less direct, more > subtler approach. Tango: So I suppose that rules out knocking on the door. > Come, Rang, Rebecca: Rang? Is that seriously his name? Dan: I wonder if he's related to Dong. Tango: That's Fong. Dan: Yeah, Thong. > we better leave before some one comes to investigate. Maya: Let's see now, two headless boomers, one wrecked limousine, enormous shell casings... no, I don't see anything unusual here. Dan: And that's probably what the ADP would say, too. Tango: [Man] They'll be here in thirty minutes, or it's three dollars off. > Hail us a cab. Rebecca: Yeah, there's going to be plenty going past this warzone. > And Rang, next time, try not to total the limo, Dan: [Rang] Yes *sir,* very good, *sir.* > I'm a limited budget. Maya: [Man] Which is why I sent an expensive car on a dangerous mission. > RANG: Very good, sir. Tango: [Rang] Just you wait until your back's turned, *sir.* > [ The scene changes and we see an overview of MegaTokyo. As always > it's a beautiful sight, Dan: What with all the smoke and cars and pollution and the run-down sectors and the rift and the flotsam wreckage of Aqua City and stuff. > all the shiny skyscrapers lighing up like > christmas ornaments in the black night. ] Rebecca: Ooh... Aah... Maya: Looks like a generic cyberpunk metropolis to me. > YOUMEX (wannabe's) PRESENTS Dan: At least they're honest. > [ A melanchony musical score begans as the logo flashes on the screen ] Tango: So it's melancholy grungy eighties metal, huh? > MegaTokyo 2033 Rebecca: Seven years later... > BUBBLEGUM CURSE 1 Tango: Curse you, Knight Sabers, curse you! > [ Some early flashbacks of each of the Knight Sabre's painful > childhood zip through ] Maya: Well, dad went chasing after a girl from another planet, mum passed away quietly, sister ran away and got turned into the enemy's male ace and lover married a duke and died. Dan: That's BGC, not Escaflowne, you twerp. Rebecca: Ah, so you did watch that! Dan: Ah... Damn! > GhOsTs of CrIsEs PaSt Tango: A ToRgO PrOdUctiOn oF A ToRgO FiLm. Maya: Don't ever do that again. > [ We see Priss giving some teachers a hard time Maya: [Teacher] No Priscilla, the London underground is not a political movement. Rebecca: [Teacher] I remember the second great Kanto earthquake well... Dan: Nice variation on a stock gag. > while growing up by herself in an orphanage Tango: So it's a single-occupant orphanage? > until she finally runs away. Dan: She'd finally filed through the leg irons. > Song: Memories can be sad Memories can be blue. Maya: Memories can be false and implanted. Tango: Songs can be rubbish. > We try to run away We try to hide the pain Rebecca: I must not run away, I must not run away... > But there is nothing we can do > From the enemy that is you. Maya: Does that mean you don't mind me? > We are all children crying in the night Dan: And keeping our parents awake to all hours. Rebecca: Speaking from experience? Dan: It wasn't my fault, my sister kept on hitting me. > The hurting past haunts our present Tango: According to this, your evil twin sister is trying to kill you, your ex-girlfriend is the bad guy's heroic combat ace and your parents were killed in a freak accident involving a fruit salad. > And soon the darkness catches up Dan: Back darkness, back! > and suffocates like a jealous lover Maya: Sounds like my last boyfriend. > It's soft touch can bring you fear > It's warm breath can bring you tears Tango: Uck, onions! > There is no one to fight or attack Rebecca: Menzenoberranzan the game? Dan: Super mega obscure. Rebecca: And hard to pronounce. > There is only surrender to defeat > At best holding back the troubles > another day, another year Tango: That's how long this song drags on. > Memories can be sad Memories can be blue. Dan: Memories can be mint flavoured. > We try to run away We try to hide the pain > But there is nothing we can do > From the enemy that is you... Rebecca: Is this one of these "must confront the demon inside you" heaps? > [ Next up, Linna staring teary eyed at her parent's funeral ] > > CHARACTER DESIGNS by Kenichi Sonoda Maya: Not that he'll have anything to do with this. > [ The ever popular scene of Sylia when she learns of her father's > death and stands transfixed outside his office building as > FireFighters attempt to put out the flames ] Dan: Read: stock footage. > STORY by Karl "KAL" Rim, the ex-Krimlin > > [ Nene's childhood. She's in detention for cutting classes so often. ] Rebecca: Of course, she'd have to be there to be in detention. > [ The music dies down and the scene switches to a huge office in > Genom towers ] Maya: Isn't Genom towers that new five-star hotel? > EXECUTIVE 1: Although the target has eluded us, last night we > almost had... Tango: Pie! > CHIEF: Maya: Can we get a name in here somewhere? Dan: Hey, it's Kontrol! They've relocated to the Genom towers. > Almost?! There is no "Almost" in this business! Tango: Do or do not, there is no try. > As the head of Corporate Security, Tango: [Chief] It's my job to get punched out by Tank Abbot. Maya: [Chief] I get to sit in a comfy office and have you do all the work. Rebecca: Nah, all he does is wear a silly sash and get beat up by Ferengi. > the responsibility of this matter falls directly on me! Dan: You're screwed. > President Quincy wanted this matter resolved last year! Tango: Well just say that it's in a beta test form. > I'm getting tired of your incompetence making me lose face! Rebecca: One of the advantages of being the boss is that you get to blame everything on your witless minions. > EXECECUTIVE 2: But sir, last night was the closest we've ever been > to eliminating him. Dan: We bothered trying! > We've even had a actual sighting done by one of the Buma... Tango: That's only because he flipped it off. Maya: Latest sightings say The Man has been seen in a Kay-Bee in Walla Walla Washington. > CHIEF: I don't want to hear about possible captures! Maya: [Chief] It's the progress report I asked for, but I don't want to hear about it. > The very fact that he's still alive out there means that he > might be revealing corporate secrets to any of our competiters. Dan: You know, for the world's most powerful company, these guys are strangely inept. > I wan't that leak plugged immediately! Rebecca: Well call a damn plumber! > Every second we give > him increases the threat and potentially lowers the company stock. Maya: [Chief] Which is why I'm holding you hear to yell at you. > Our department is rapidly losing credibility. Tango: It can drop further? > EXECUTIVE 3: Rebecca: Doesn't anyone here actually have a name? Dan: Well, there is Rang. Rebecca: Okay, doesn't anyone here have a *real* name? > But sir, we may be getting closer to capturing him. > After listing the last three encounters we noticed > a pattern... Tango: He fires the Hard Knuckle, jumps into the air, lands head- first then just stands there. > CHIEF: I'm not interested in your theories! I want results and I > want them now!... Maya: With leadership like this, it's no wonder they're getting nowhere. Dan: Say, is that the pointy-haired boss? > [ Later after the meeting is adjourned, two of the executives are > talking over some coffee ] Rebecca: So, did you catch last night's match? Tango: I hear cattle mutilations are up. > EXEC 1: What's his problem? Maya: He's angry because he doesn't have a name. > EXEC 2: He's under a lot of pressure with this renegade bussiness. Dan: Renegade business? Rebecca: Yeah, quality control went rogue. > If he doesn't show some results he's afraid his pension will > be cut. Tango: He wants to keep his pay rise after the Olympics are over. > EXEC 1: What's the big idea about this one ex-employee anyway? Dan: He didn't approve of the Genom retirement plan. Maya: What's the retirement plan? Dan: Concrete shoes. > EXEC 2: Aparantly he was some big time Vice-President, Maya: Oh, so that's who The Man is. Rebecca: And now for stock BGC fanfic plot number one, Brian J. Mason or Largo comes back to life. > Director of some advanced research project, Tango: He was trying to make a diet cola without a yucky aftertaste. > had a bad falling out over a failed assignment or something. Rebecca: He kinda died. > Rumor has it that he holds some pretty pretty big secrets Maya: "Pretty pretty big secrets?" Dan: Those are the ones that Genom really, *really* don't want you to know about. > which could bury Genom. Tango: That and a lot of dirt. > EXEC 1: That makes him one very lucrative target. Dan: Isn't that why we're going all-out to kill him? Rebecca: And his little Rang too. > EXEC 2: No kidding, but the way the section chief is handling things, > he's only going to botch the job. Maya: Oh, you noticed too? Tango: Well maybe if you hadn't padded out your security force with Imperial Stormtroopers... > EXEC 1: If he only bothered to listen to the report, he'd know that > every time the target was located, it was near the same area. Rebecca: The red light district? Dan: What would Largo be doing at a red light district? Rebecca: Take a look at some of the vacuum cleaners around there. > EXEC 2: Yes, the site of the original Genom Main Laboratory. Tango: Muppet Labs? > EXEC 1: Meaning, he has or left something important there... Maya: His car keys, obviously. > EXEC 2: And that he'll continue to return to that area until > he obtains whatever he's trying to acquire. Rebecca: A blue Furby! Dan: You guys sure are jumping to conclusions. > EXEC 1: Maybe we should go to the top with this kind of information. Tango: We're going to the Really Big Room! > EXEC 2: You mean, going over the chief's head? > EXEC 1: Why not, it could mean some really good brownie points for us. Dan: He'll reward us for bringing him shoddy theories and blatant guesswork! > EXEC 2: I just wanted to check with you first. Maya: So when it all goes wrong, I won't cop all the flack. > [ The two grin at each other Rebecca: So, your place or mine? > and finish their coffee in a single long drink ] > > [ At a completely different location, in a seedy neighborhood, Dan: Hey, there goes the Man now! > a very expensive looking car parks outside a run down building. The > door opens, someone in a dark suit wearing a large hat walks out and > stares at the building. Tango: El Kabong! Where have you been? > Sighing, the person walks into into a run down building. Maya: Yet another nameless miscellaneous character? What a surprise. > Inside however, the place is well decorated but very dim. Dan: Hey, it's a classy run-down building. Rebecca: Hey, is that Lawrence Fishburne in the trenchcoat over there? > The person walks down a long hallway until some beaded curtains bars > the way. Tango: Help! Help! I'm caught in a beaded curtain, help! > Passing through the curtains, the person sits down at a table > in the center of the room. A fat bald man is already seated there. ] Rebecca: General Leonard! Dan: [General Leonard] Not now, I'm eating! Maya: When will he be finished eating? Rebecca: July. > BALD MAN: Tango: Gesundheit. Maya: Say, what language is that meant to be? Dan: I think it's some kind of Arabic. Rebecca: It looks more like badly strung-together Japanese syllables. > AGENT: Cut the crap, you know I haven't spoken the language > for years. Let's stick to japanese. Dan: I win! > BALD MAN: My apologies, I know how intelligent you are. Rebecca: Or not as the case may be. > I was confident you would be able to understand. > I suppose I was wrong.. Dan: Score one for the "Bald Man." > AGENT: I didn't fly in sneaking pass customs for small talk or insults. Tango: [Bald Man] You didn't? Did I come here for nothing? Maya: Let's see, we've got "Chief," "Bald Man," "Agent" and "Executives." What an amazingly diverse array of characters. Dan: Hey, don't forget The Man. Rebecca: And Rang. Dan: Yes, Rebecca, the only guy in this fic with a name is called Rang. Deal with it. > BALD MAN: Still all work, I see. Very well let's get down to business. Dan: Anything to make this fic go faster. > The job is recovering some information. Rebecca: Oh I get it, this is Shadowrun. Tango: Shouldn't a troll with a minigun pop in about now? > AGENT: I don't suppose it's legal. Dan: Is anything this slow legal? > After that last job I took from > you I was almost branded an international terrorist. Tango: Try harder next time! Rebecca: [Agent] Unfortunately, Isama Bin Laden never returned my call. > BALD MAN: Oh, it's nothing like that. More like corporate raiding. Maya: Personally, I'm more interested in that old job. > Have you heard of a company called Genom? Dan: Don't they have a controlling interest in the world? Rebecca: You know, multi-national company? Likes big towers? Builds boomers? Never heard of it? Tango: Are you kidding? I've got "Made by Genom" stamped on my- Dan: I don't want to know. > AGENT: Who hasn't? The car I drove in was a Genom C-series. Maya: So it was blue, had a mouth laser and ripped out of its bodywork? Rebecca: So he drove here in Super Boomer Car X? > BALD MAN: And you also know Genom is one of the world's leading > weapons suppliers. Dan: One of? Who have they got left to compete with? Rebecca: Boeing-Northrop-Grumman-Lockheed-Martin-Chrysler-British Aerospace-MiG MAPO. Tango: And my car boot sale. > AGENT: Particularly, in killer androids. Maya: [Bald Man] Like the one aiming at you now. > Had a nasty run in with them a few years ago. Dan: [Agent] That's what happened to my head. > I can only guess how dangerous they are now. Rebecca: Well they do own sixty percent of everything. > BALD MAN: We've recently received information that there is some very > important data that can help us gain afoot-hold over Genom. Maya: So you've got information about information? You're progressing about as slowly as those security executives. > AGENT: And how reliable is this information? Tango: I read it on the Internet, so it must be true! > BALD MAN: That's not important, just do what you're paid to do. Dan: [Agent] So what am I being paid for? > AGENT: I suppose so. The usual deal? Rebecca: What is the usual deal? Tango: Is that the soapy frogs? Maya: No, it's a convenient storytelling device that allows a transaction to take place without worrying about the details. Dan: Soapy frogs? > BALD MAN: [ pushing a briefcase forward ] Rebecca: [Bald Man] We'd like to buy out your company for this briefcase. > Count it if you wish, half now, half later. Dan: [Bald Man] Half now, half tomorrow and half on delivery. > AGENT: [ taking the briefcase ] > What... Rebecca: [Agent] I don't understand. Dan: [Agent] Where's the tea? > [ The agent spins and throws something into the curtains behind. Two > figures fall out onto the ground. ] Maya: So what did he throw that took out two agents at once? Rebecca: I'm guessing a grenade. Dan: No, that would involve an explosion. Tango: Okay, a pair of rolled-up sports socks. > AGENT: [ grabbing the Bald man ] What is this?! > [ suddenly notices something ] What in... > > [ The Bald man's veins start popping and his eyes starts expanding. Dan: You are already dead... > Soon his entire body explodes Tango: In a mess of blood, gore and ampersands! All: WA-TAK! > in a mass of blue liquid armor ] Dan: Liquid armour? Wouldn't that be kind of useless? > AGENT: BUMA! Maya: [Boomer] Agent! > [ The agent jumps back Rebecca: Up a tree, no less. > avoiding the Buma's reaching hands. ] Tango: [Boomer] Boomer squash! > AGENT: Ha! Missed me! WHOA! Dan: [Agent] Didn't mean to do that. > [ Dives for cover as the Buma shoots Plasma Spitballs ] Maya: Spitballs? How technical and precise. > Why you..! That was my best jacket! Rebecca: [Agent] Not that anything's happened to it, I just wanted to point it out. > [ The agent quickly takes off the jacket which is partially on fire Dan: Ow! Hothothothothot! Rebecca: So when did that happen anyway? > and throws it at the Buma. The Buma just blows the jacket away > with another plasma-blast. Maya: Nice plan. Now what? > But when the jacket is blown apart, > it's target is no where to be found. Dan: He's already on a plane to Brazil. > The Buma slowly turns his head side to side scanning for it's target ] > > VOICE FROM ABOVE: Looking for me?! [ The Buma looks up ] Rebecca: Hey voice, are you getting another cameo? Voice: That's not me. Tango: That's what these big disembodied voices always say. > [ The agent runs up UNDERNEATH the Buma carrying some type of > handgun. Dan: So where'd that voice come from? Rebecca: Don't you know, he's a ventriloquist. > A shot is fired into the Buma's neck ligament. The Buma > goes up in smoke ] Tango: He shot the boomer in the neck from below? I thought there'd be a more prominent weak spot. Rebecca: C-class don't have that kind of stuff. They're kind of like Ken dolls, just a bump and a trademark. > AGENT: Fools them every time. [ Buma shuffles ] Maya: It's the boomer shuffle, the latest dance sensation. > Oh great, they took out the weak point. Dan: Yeah, it doesn't have those three red dots on its back anymore. Rebecca: Very obscure. > [ The Buma is still operational and lunges forward ] Tango: It's coming right for us! > AGENT: Blast! > > [ The agent reaches for something in a pocket and throws it at the > Buma. Dan: There goes your wallet, but I don't think you can bribe this thing. > The object flies through the Buma's chest causing it to explode ] Rebecca: It's the bloody card! Maya: So why didn't he do that earlier on? Tango: Because he wanted to leap around the room first. > BALD MAN: Well done. I see you haven't lost your touch. > [ he walks into the room and lights a cigar ] Dan: Don't you know those things are bad for you? > PERSON: You jerk! What's the big idea sicking two gunmen and a Buma on me?! Maya: So is "Person" Agent? Rebecca: He's The Person Formerly Known As Agent. > [ throws some spikes which knock out Baldy's cigar from his mouth ] Tango: Baldy is he now? Rebecca: Yeah, he's Baldy the Bald Man. > BALD MAN: Calm down. As you said, Buma can be extremely dangerous. Maya: Especially when they're not pluralised. > My employers wanted to be certain that you were up to the job. Dan: [Bald Man] Which is why I threw away two valuable men and an expensive android! Tango: They weren't valuable, they were Ensign Throwaway and Johnny Expendable. > You more than lived up to their expectations. Rebecca: You're still breathing which is a good sign. > And for consolation, > we'll be giving you a bonus in addition to your usual wage. Dan: And a new jacket? > [ At the mention of money, the agent noticeably calms down. Tango [Agent]: Ooh... Money. Drool drool. > The Bald man walks over and checks on the two men on the floor ] Rebecca: One of them's dead, the other's doing the club circuit in Cleavland which is pretty much the same thing. > Destroying a Ten Million Won Buma was understandible, Dan: Won? Where are they, Taipei? Maya: Current value: two dollars. > but couldn't you let my men live? They were two of my best guards. Tango: [Agent] Well they did jump me, and I killed them in self- defense. > AGENT: Sorry, but I was under the impression that it was a life or > death situation. Rebecca: Something to do with the gunfire. Dan: Even though he was the first one to attack? > So I didn't feel like aiming for non-lethel areas just to incapacitate. Maya: He didn't even aim, he just threw something and they fell over. I need a weapon like that. > Next time maybe you > should just get a couple of expendible rent-a-guards. Dan: Have you tried R&B security? They fall over just as easily. > BALD MAN: To be expected, afterall, their orders were to shoot to kill. Tango: [Bald Man] I threw away some expensive and valuable guards and I'm surprisingly calm about it. > Now now, don't look so bloodshot, Maya: How does one look "so bloodshot" anyway? Tango: I once saw some bloodshots. One of them threw a rock at me. > you know as well as > I do that there is no room for second best in this business. > > AGENT: That robot could have killed me! Dan: Then you wouldn't be the best, would you? Maya: [Bald Man] I'm going to test your abilities by killing you. > BALD MAN: It was only an old C-Series model, > they're much more dangerous now. Rebecca: Oh, so the 55-C isn't good enough for this fic now, is it? Dan: Not since the authour got a copy of BGC EX. > AGENT: Was that meant to be reassuring? All: Yes. > BALD MAN: If you couldn't even handle this one, heaven help you with > the others. Hmm.. and I thought you didn't use firearms.. Dan: And while we're at it, how the hell did he beat that thing with his weapons? it takes a railgun to even dent them. Rebecca: [Bob Skir] Real heroes don't use guns. Dan: Bitter? Rebecca: Very. > AGENT: Normally I don't but given the circumstances I decided to > snag the explosive bullet pistol from one of your ex-goons. Maya: Okay, so maybe one of the goons just happened to have a huge phallic weapon of doom, and maybe the "Agent" just happened to spot it, but when did he actually grab it from the thug? > And about the money... Tango: Yes, it's green and folds. Your point? > BALD MAN: I wasn't lying, it's all in the briefcase... Rebecca: [Bald Man] There are no traps on the latch, and you will not be exploded as soon as you open it. Dan: [Agent] So what's the combination? Rebecca: [Bald Man] I'm not telling. > AGENT: WAS in the briefcase. I had to use it as a shield against > Mecha-Godzilla Junior, here. Maya: Yet another detail of this amazing fight scene that we completely missed. > I expect another payment in full. Dan: Whatever happens to the money, it's your fault. > BALD MAN: Groan! It'll take a little while for us to replace it.. Rebecca: I think this Agent guy must have singlehandedly bankrupted the Bald Man by now. > AGENT: Then by all means, do it. I'm not leaving for Mega-Tokyo > until I get it. Tango: [Agent] I'm out of cash. > In the mean time you can find me at the Lotte Hotel under your name. Maya: [Agent] Not that you actually have a name. Dan: [Agent] I'll be booked in as "Bald Man." > By the way, here's your wallet back, minus the cash and credit cards. Rebecca: Won't do you any good, since they're all maxed out. > BALD MAN: How..?! Tango: He probably used a free-range contrivance to get it. > AGENT: You should know by now how fast I am. See ya. > By the way, I'm also taking your car. > You really should get a better alarm system, this one only took > me forty seconds to bypass. Maya: Okay, I think by now that we can classify this "Agent" guy as at least a likely candidate for self-insertion. Rebecca: True, he's impossibly good at everything, incredibly smug, ridiculously overarmed and can do ludicrous acts in amazingly short time. Tango: We might be able to clinch it if he had a frigging name. > [ Elsewhere, in a dimly lighted business office Dan: It's the back room at Wierd Pete's! > in a skyscaper, > a group of business executives are huddled around together ] Dan: Are these the same guys as before? Rebecca: Um... I have no idea. > MAN 1: Are you sure this was wise? > MAN 2: The order came from the top brass. > Whatever this thing is, the president wants it. Maya: So now we're having nameless people in a nebulous setting discussing a vague item. Could this fic get any less specific? > MAN 3: What do you expect? Tango: A story would be nice. > Genom has always been beating us out in defense contracts. Rebecca: Okay, so we can assume these aren't the same execs as before. Dan: Unless they've got a very fast employment plan. > The way Genom operates, the > only way we have a chance is to play as dirty as they do. Maya: So how dirty is that? Rebecca: So dirty that they'll get Janet Reno set on them. > MAN 4: Like we already don't. > MAN 1: Yeah, but to summon.. her?! Tango: They hired a gorgeous, graceful and powerful sorceress, but they got Lina Inverse instead. > MAN 2: She's one of the best. Top-notch. Rebecca: The Empress Shion? [A small portal opens above Rebecca and a wad of cash falls into her hands] Tsuneo: I should have guessed. > MAN 1: But actually going ahead and hiring an assassin? Dan: Not an assassin. They're called "trouble consultants." > MAN 2: She occassionally preforms other jobs as well. Rebecca: Eh, eh, know what I mean, know what I mean, say no more, nudge, nudge? > MAN 4: Besides, our regular corporate spies have all failed. > MAN 3: You mean killed. Maya: [Man 4] Is this really a good time to argue semantics? > MAN 2: The point is that our previous efforts have failed. Dan: And we've runout of people to shift the blame to. And agents. > The board decided that instead of using our own resources Tango: We're going to cue up some stock footage instead. > this time the use of a specialist might be more fruitful. > > MAN 4: Where is she anyway? She's late. Maya: The traffic's murder this time of day. > MAN 2: She'll be here. Dan: Or we get three dollars off. > MAN 1: You're the first person I've ever seen that was anxious to see her. Rebecca: [Man 4] Yeah, well you don't have the July issue. > MAN 4: Eh?! Why do you say that? Tango: [Man 1] Because you are! Rebecca: [Man 4] Oh. > [ Suddenly the lights in the room start to blink on and off. Dan: Someone really should fix those. Rebecca: And "On the Edge" starts playing. > A wind begins to rise into the room as all the papers in the office > start rising ] Tango: Okay, who let fly? Dan: Not me! It was Man 3! > MAN 4: What in..?! > MAN 1: She's coming! > > [ A door bursts open and Tango: A fat guy in a stormtrooper helmet fell through. > within a blazing white light Maya: Ooh, flashy. Rebecca: See? Shion. > a young woman in a tann business dress glides in ] > > WOMAN: I'm here. All: We noticed. Rebecca: That's about the least impressive entrance line I've ever seen. > [ takes a puff of her cigarette Maya: Hey, no smoking. Unless you're on fire. > and blows it into the air. > The smoke takes the form of a dragon before dissispating ] Dan: [Man 3] Big deal. My grandad used to be able to do the Olympic rings. Tango: [Man 4] What happened to him? Dan: [Man 3] He choked to death trying to do a dodecahedron. > Who do you want me to kill? Rebecca: Certainly not the plot. That was dead on arrival. > MAN 2: You weren't summoned for an assasination job. > > WOMAN: Really? How odd. Dan: [Man 4] Nah, we just want you to do some more smoke tricks. > MAN 2: This time we have a reconnaissance job instead. Rebecca: [Woman] Is that like the reconnaissance job Man 4 did last night with the camera? > [ Elsewhere in an empty room in Mega-Tokyo, Dan: So the scene just cuts out there? Tango: We seem to do a lot of cutting between empty rooms. > a familar group of girls are moving in lots of boxes ] Rebecca: Oh look, its Girl 1, Girl 2, Girl 3 and Girl 4. > PRISS: Thanks for helping me move guys. > LINNA: Dan: That would be girl four. Tango: Even if there's only three of them in this scene. > No problem, Priss. > NENE: So are you finally moving to a real place instead of that > trailer you used to live in. Dan: She's upgrading from an abandoned trailer to an abandoned warehouse. She'll have lots of room. > PRISS: I'm moving the tractor trailer on the other side of the lot. > It has a lot more room. Maya: I guess Priss really is Trailer Trash then. Rebecca: She's moving into the old Knight Sabers Battlewagon. Dan: And if anyone gets that... > LINNA: Priss, any thoughts when you're finally going to settle down? Rebecca: [Linna] and stop wriggling and squirming about? Maya: [Priss] I thought you liked that. > PRISS: Settle down? Rebecca: [Linna] You know, have a normal life? Maya: [Priss] Normal life? Rebecca: [Linna] You know, like normal people? Maya: [Priss] Normal people? Rebecca: [Linna] Oh, forget it. > LINNA: You know, get a real home, a nice man, some kids... > A life. Tango: I thought having kids and getting a life was somewhat contradictory. > PRISS: I like my life just the way it is now. Dan: You tell 'em! Rebecca: For some reason, Dan, you endorsing Priss' lifestyle sounds right. > LINNA: Really? Maya: [Linna] Well you sounded pretty serious last night. Rebecca: Hey, that's my line! Maya: Since when? > PRISS: Yup, living on the edge, on my own, with no rules, > responsibilities. > NENE: Sure you do. Let's see: living in a pit hole, spending all > your nights in sleazy bars, barely making a living much less > a career. Rebecca: Dan! It's you all over! Except you don't even barely make a living. Dan: Shut up, it's not like you're doing any better. > LINNA: You forgot freelancing as an armored mercenary. Maya: [Priss] Oh yeah. How did I forget that? > PRISS: Hey! I'm doing just fine. And at least I'm living my dream Rebecca: Most people's nightmares. Tango: Sounds like fun to me. > instead of working at some dinky 9-5 job thinking about > what I could have been. Dan: If we ignore Crash, doesn't that mean Linna's still an aerobics instructor? > LINNA: But Priss, don't you want to, you know... > eventually raise a family? Maya: [Priss] Yeah, but how would we have kids? Rebecca: Will you stop that? > PRISS: I don't think I was made to raise kids... Tango: Horrible thought... Priss breeding... Hordes of little kids tearing around on kamikaze tricycles... > NENE: Well I don't know about that. What about that cute little > kid Sho that you used to take care of? Dan: Yeah, what ever happened to Sho? Tango: They sent him away to the farm. > PRISS: He's in the orphanage that I was raised in. Maya: Isn't that the one you hated so much that you ran away from? Rebecca: Yeah. I expect he's in a biker gang by now. > His mother died in that Genom housing project... Tango: [Priss] I did kind of tell you about it, remember? And we went off and killed Mason? > NENE: Oh, I'm sorry... > PRISS: No, it's all right. It has been a while since I saw him. > Maybe I'll visit him. Dan: It's been eighteen months already. Maya: That's how good a parent she'll be. > LINNA: I think motherhood would solve all of Priss's problems > and help dull her rough spots. Rebecca: [Linna] And I'll help her get there! > PRISS: I don't think so. Dan: Irresistible cheer meets immovable gloom. > NENE: I just think Priss needs the right man to sweep her off her > feet. Some incredible handsome man (who's also really rich) Tango: [Quincy] Hi! My name's Quincy. I enjoy taking over the world and taking strolls on moonlit beaches. > to take you away and spend all your time in his strong > arms holding and caressing you... Sigh... Maya: So this will be what our Mr. monkey-boy agent will do for the fanfic. > [ Silence as Priss and Linna stare at Nene ] Dan: Hey, they're just like us! > WHAT?! > > LINNA: There you go again, day dreaming! Rebecca: At least you could daydream about yourself. > PRISS: Sorry, you must have me confused with another person. > Besides, thanks to Sylia, NONE of us will ever go out on a > date much less have a romantic life like that. Dan: What, you're blaming Sylia for everything now? Rebecca: Well, Sylia keeps them all *so* busy. > [ The three break out in a laugh ] Tango: It's rather contagious. > PRISS: Hey, c'mon! We've got my moving to finish. > I want to be settled in my new place before dinner! Dan: How much stuff does Priss have to move anyway? Rebecca: Oh, she just enjoys watching Linna grunt and heave. > LINNA: Why Priss? You wan't to make sure you can find your > tea pot for your instant ramen? > [ The three laugh again ] Dan: [Priss] Just wait until we get to my knives, Linna. > NENE: Priss, it's going to take forever to move all your stuff with > my car. Dan: Why's it going to take so long anyway? Maya: Maybe because Nene doesn't have a car. Tango: It's on the other side of the lot! You can walk there! > PRISS: No problem, I have the Battle Van, it has plenty of room. Dan: You're right, she is moving into the battle wagon! > LINNA: The Battle Van?! How did you convince Sylia to lend it to > you just to move your stuff? > PRISS: Well, I kind of convinced Macky to lend me the keys and > access codes. Rebecca: I don't think it takes much for Priss to convince Mackie of anything. > [ The three laugh again. Linna and Nene walk out the door with > boxes leaving Priss alone. Priss stares at her still messy room > for a few moments until she finally breaks her trance. She shakes > her head clear and walks out with a box. ] Maya: So people, what's in the box? Dan: A photo of her ex-boyfriend! Rebecca: A photo of her ex-girlfriend! Tango: The OMS! > [ At the Silky Doll, in Sylia's office ] > > Sylia: Fuago, Dan: Fuago? Rebecca: Fargo's cousin from South America. > this better be important, calling me on my public line... Rebecca: So he didn't use the 1-900 number? Dan: Nah, he just wanted to buy some lingerie. Fargo has issues. Tango: Hey, it's not Fargo, it's Fuago. Sounds like a flavour of ice-cream to me. > A new job?... Tango: [Fuago] Si. All the Nitro girls quit at once. > How much?.. Rebecca: [Sylia] Did you say "yens?" > Did you do a full background check?... Dan: [Fuago] No, it was handed in by an eneegmatic stranger een an eneegmatic black jumpsuit, senorita. > I don't care how much they're offering, I want it done. Tango: [Sylia] I need my pool cleaned, and I need it now! > The last time we accepted a sloppy job, Dan: [Sylia] We got ketchup all over our hardsuits. > we ended up > with a conflict of interests, protecting a Genom scientist > from a dead friend's sister. Maya: [Sylia] Yes, we are going to recap as many episodes as possible. No, we're not going to have a story of our own. > When you have the proper clearances done call me back. Rebecca: He was never heard from again. > [ Sylia hangs up her phones and sighs. For a few moments she just stares > at a photo on her desk. Maya: Aww, It's her and Kyrind. And Locke. And Bert, for that matter. And Takei. And Chris Meadows. > It was the last picture the Stingray family took together. Sylia as a young teenager, her baby brother, Mackie and their > solemn looking father showing one of his rare smiles. Tango: And their cousin, Kalia. Dan: Yeah, it's just more old material. Can we have something new? Maya: With a name, maybe? > She slowly shakes > her head and gets back to work on the computer on her desk. ] Tango: [Sylia] I'll get Xan for sure this time! > [ Scene changes again. Rebecca: At least this fic gives us some warning. > Now it's late afternoon, at the Hot Leg's Priss > and is relaxing after a rehearsal with her band ] Dan: Say, how long until this group dumps her? > PRISS: Okay guys, take five. > > [ Priss gets a drink from the bar and sits down. Nearby on another > stage, there's a woman playing a saxophone to a small audience. Rebecca: Priss would notice. Tango: Where did that sax come from? Wouldn't they notice if someone interrupted their practice? Rebecca: Yeah, Priss would headbutt her. > Although she's dressed like a Blues Brother, a dark suit, sloppy > tie and even dark glasses and all, Dan: So is there a pile of destroyed ADP vehicles out the front? > she's very attractive with long > dark hair flowing down her shoulders. She's playing a classic Jazz > Blues piece. Priss seems captivated by her music. ] Rebecca: Well, not the music. Maya: I guess this is the love interest for this story. > PRISS: Who's that? Maya: Does she have a name? Tango: Name? Who needs one of those? From here on in, I will be "Crazed Commando!" > GUITARIST: Dan: What does he do? Tango: He plays the drums. Dan: Oh. > Her? She just wandered in yesterday looking for > a part-time job. She plays here every other day or so for > the afternoon crowd. Tango: So she plays every other day since today? > PRISS: She's pretty good. Maya: [Priss] Yeah, she's good alright. Rebecca: [Priss] She's pretty hot... On that sax. Dan: Help me. > [ The stranger finishes her piece to a modest applause. She gets a > drink from the bar as well. ] Tango: So what, the band are practicing and Priss is wailing into the microphone while she's playing to an audience? How can anyone hear anything? Dan: I want to know why they're practicing in front of an audience. > PRISS: Hi there. > STRANGER: Hello. Rebecca: This conversation is so intense. > PRISS: I noticed your performance, you're pretty good. Maya: [Stranger] You weren't too bad yourself. Rebecca: Stop stealing my thunder, dammit! Maya: I was talking about the music. > STRANGER: Thank you. > PRISS: New in town? > STRANGER: Yes, I just arrived. > PRISS: If you're looking for a good time I could show you around. Rebecca: Oh, so the fic admits it's going there? Dan: Since when was Priss so forward and open with strangers? Maya: Ask Sylvie. Dan: Hey! Maya: What? I mean they were friends. Dan: Er... Yeah. > STRANGER: Look, I may not have a steady guy, but I'm not > really interested in that sort of thing... Rebecca: Take that how you will. Maya: [Priss] Hey, I just wanted to show you the sights. > PRISS: Hey, don't get any weird ideas! You just seemed kind of > lonely and you sort of remind me of me. Tango: [Priss] Only you're nothing like me at all. > I just thought you might like some company, being new here. > > STRANGER: ... Dan: I agree fully. > Look, sorry about that, it's just that I've been in some > really crazy places. Tango: Arkham Asylum! Oh, the memories. > If you're still up to it, I'm free tomorrow night. Rebecca: Yeah, she's always up for it. Maya: Hang on, isn't Sylia keeping her from dating? > PRISS: Sure. Is there anything in particular you like to do? Rebecca: [Priss] I can tell Linna to stock up on whipped cream. Dan: Could you guys stop that? Rebecca: When they do, we will. > STRANGER: Well, I haven't practiced in a decent racetrack for > a while. > PRISS: You like racing bikes, too? Tango: This is just too convenient. No way could they be that ridiculously alike. Maya: Yeah, she hasn't had a good ride in a while. > STRANGER: Dressed like this? You bet I do! Dan: so she likes to get around on racing bikes in a suit and tie? > In fact I used to belong to a bike gang when I was a kid. > I was kind of a maverick. Maya: This is just far too convenient for words. Rebecca: [Stranger] Hold on until i read the next page of your background, Priss. > PRISS: Me too. Oh, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Priss. Rebecca: [Priss] Having become my friend, you're now obliged to die by the end of the episode. > STRANGER: Priss? Of the Replicants? Maya: [Priss] No, of Seikira. The Replicants dumped me. > I heard you play before. Dan: [Priss] You saw me on stage. > You're very popular from where I come from. Rebecca: San Francisco? > Actually I'm a bit of an admirer of your music, myself. Rebecca: I bet she admires her in a whole lot of other ways. > PRISS: Really? Maybe we could jam together some time. Maya: Oh yes, eighties J-pop and blues go together so well. > I didn't even know people knew I existed outside of MegaTokyo. > > STRANGER: You're kidding me! Back in my home town there's even > a sort of cult attraction for your group. Dan: Okay, now this is starting to get silly. > PRISS: Hey, I never caught your name. > STRANGER: Oh.., call me... Sylvie. Maya: She's determined to push all of Priss' buttons, isn't she? Rebecca: No, that comes later. Dan: I dunno, I don't think Priss would be so friendly with someone just like her. I mean, I know I'd be really wary of someone just like me. Tango: Don't worry, no-one's like you, Dan. > [ Late Night at the Hot Legs, Priss's band is playing with Sylvia's > on as an extra, playing her sax. Tango: That's about as wrong as it sounds. > As usual the crowd is ecstatic with their performance. ] Dan: Solely because they're a bunch of tone-deaf clods. Rebecca: And remember folks, this is from the guy who likes reggae. > Sylia: Fuago, your contact sites are starting to be something to be > desired. Rebecca: [Sylia] I mean, last time at the aquarium was a little excessive. > Arranging a meeting here of all places! Tango: Hey, Fuago's got to live too, you know. > Fuago: Hey, I figured you'd just be another gorgeous mysterious > woman in the crowds. Dan: [Fuago] And I wanted to oggle the band. > I doubt anyone would notice a > connection unless they already knew your secret. Maya: Of course, dressing how she usually does, Sylia would look out of place here. Rebecca: Being identified as a person of money and taste. > Sylia: So what about the security checks? Tango: 3lit3 war3Z dud3 cracked the password on Winzip and hacked the authenticity that way. Dan: How do you pronounce that anyway? > Fuago: I'm still working on it. Maya: [Sylia] So why'd you contact me? Rebecca: [Fuago] I was lonely, okay? Fuago's got to get some. > But the price they're willing to pay... > Sylia: I've already told you, I'm not interested in... Rebecca: [Sylia] Your latino heat. > Fuago: Look, this compact disc contains all the data on the job briefing. Dan: [Fuago] Plus a free introduction to AOL! > You could at least take a look at it. > I think you'll find it very interesting. Maya: [Sylia] This is going to be another vague and uninteresting scene, isn't it? Rebecca: [Fuago, deadpan] Couldn't say, precisely. > Sylia: I'm sure it will be a real page-turner. Dan: Straight to the last page, ruin the ending and never read it again. > Fuago: Just take a look, okay? Maya: [Sylia] Do I have to? Tango: [Fuago] Look, it's the plot, alright? The story can't progress until you look at the stupid disk! > [ He finishes his drink and pays his bill on the counter and leaves. > Sylia carefully removes a chip from his pile of coins and pays > her own tab. Dan: Regrettably the chip was just a decoy and the real information was in one of the coins. > She looks towards the band and gives a smile to > Priss before walking out to her car. Maya: Say, do you want to be any more obvious? > When she seats herself in her > car she loads the microchip into the dashboard computer. Tango: Installing software, please wait. Eleven minutes remaining. > On her small moniter various documents flash across. ] Rebecca: [Sylia, reading] She pressed her heaving bosom against his manly... Damn, he gave me the wrong chip. > Sylia: What in..?! No, it can't be... Dan: [Sylia] We're getting makeovers and I look all pale! > [ The next day we see two figures zipping down the road on racing bikes. Rebecca: It's Scott and Rand. Those guys have been really hard up for work. Dan: Hey, is that Thrust over there? > One is Priss, the other is the woman, Sylvie. Sylvie is matching > Priss's course exactly ] Tango: That could lead to a rather nasty, but amusing accident. > PRISS: You're as good a rider as I am! > SYLVIE: Better! Dan: I think we've spotted our avatar, folks. Maya: I thought that was the Agent. Dan: So what does that make this girl? Rebecca: Maybe she's a sidekick like Kathy. > PRISS: We'll see. > > [ The two continue on for a while neck and neck. No matter what > track they come to both speed through expertly, neither outgaining > the other to any real extent. Dan: What I want to know is how they're getting away with all this on a Tokyo highway. > Eventually they speed to a stop. ] > > PRISS: [ Taking off her helmet ] > OK, I'll admit it, you're pretty good. > > SYLVIE: Phew! You're not so bad, yourself. Rebecca: Take all that how you will, folks. Maya: They've been testing each other all night. Rebecca: They've been going for a long ride. Dan: Will you two cut that out? > PRISS: Where did you learn to ride? Dan: [Sylvie] This guy called Shogo taught me. > SYLVIE: I did all kind of stunts when I was in school. > Like I said, I was sort of a rebel. Tango: That doesn't really answer the question. > PRISS: You know you should really wear a helmet. > SYLVIE: Experts like me don't need to. Maya: [Priss] Okay, but when your brains are smeared all over the highway, it won't be my fault. > PRISS: Don't be so cocky, I was in two accidents last year. Tango: [Priss] I usually try for more, but my expenses are limiting me. Rebecca: Obviously we're not counting motorslave destruction here. > If I wasn't wearing a helmet I may not have been able to > walk away from them. > > SYLVIE: Like I said: "Experts" > PRISS: HEY! Rebecca: [Priss] Well one of them did involve a satellite weapon. > SYLVIE: [ Laughs ] Well I like to live dangerously. Maya: [Sylvie] Or not live at all. > In my life style a little thing like a motorcycle accident > is the least of my worries. Dan: So what is your lifestyle pray tell? Bomb disposal technician? UN peacekeeper? > PRISS: Do you always wear those same clothes? > > [ Sylvie is still wearing the same outfit as when we first saw her, > namely the dark suit with the hat and even the shades ] Rebecca: Ye gods! What kind of an idiots goes biking in a suit? Maya: Wouldn't she have lost the hat by now? Tango: [Sylvie] Actually, I nail it on. > SYLVIE: Of course! These are my work clothes. It's my style. Maya: Well your work clothes aren't suitable for biking, young lady. > "I'm 500 miles from civilization, > I have half a tank of gas, > a whole bottle of scotch, > It's daytime and I'm wearing sunglasses. > Let's rock." Dan: Hey, that's the Blues Brothers. That's actually good. Don't ref it in this heap. > Listen, Priss, I've really had a blast with you, > but it's time for me to move on. Rebecca: [Sylvie] I think my husband has caught up with us. Tango: Is that Carrie Fisher over there with the machine gun? > PRISS: You're kidding, you've barely been in town! Maya: She's into fast relationships. > SYLIE: I know, I know, but I really have to go. Rebecca [Sylvie]: And there isn't a public toilet in miles. > Playing at the bar was just something I was doing on the side. > I'm here on other.. business, and that's almost concluded. Maya: Oh I get it. She's the Woman who was hired by the Men to get the Information. Dan: So what does this have to do with the Execs, the Bald Man and the Agent? Rebecca: Or The Man and Rang? Tango: Probably nothing. > Please don't be mad. Tango: Be even. > I really enjoyed myself these days, Rebecca: Take that how you will. Maya: [Sylvie] I hope we can do it again some time. > I never had many friends when I was young. Dan: We're not counting the voices in her head then? Tango: Hey, don't knock the Voices. > It was really great knowing you. Here's my card with my > beeper number on it, I'll give you a call if I ever return to > Mega-Tokyo. Dan: But that will have to wait until the sequel. Rebecca: Can this be one of those episodes where a friend of Priss' is killed causing her to go on a vengeance trip? Please? > [ Sylvie flicks a Business Card Tango: The Bloody Card? > to Priss before starting up her engine and driving off. Dan: She was never seen again. > Priss stares at her disappearing form for a while. Maya: Hey look, she's riding off into the sunset. > Eventually she straps on her helmet and drives off herself ] > > [ In a secret location, the man that the Buma Tango: What is the plural of Buma anyway? > were originally chasing > in the beginning of the story is patiently scanning through some > computer files. Dan: Metallica MP3s, faked JPEGs of Sarah Michelle Geller... doesn't anyone post anything worthwhile here anymore? Rebecca: Speaking from experience, Dan? > Behind him, Rang enters ] Dan: Look! It's a guy with a name! Maya: If you can call "Rang" a name. Rebecca: I wonder if Rang has a phone? Tango: Yes, I just rang Rang. > RANG: Sir, everything is ready. The information has been circulated. > MAN: Have all the players been set? Rebecca: Well, they put up a "temp wanted" ad in Weird Pete's, so they'll have to wait and see who responds. > RANG: Yes sir, we estimate at least four major players are coming > into the fray. Dan: So we're going to be introduced to Players 1 to 4? > MAN: Good, now all we have to do is wait for the drama to unfold > and our window of opportunity to arrive. Tango: Translation: Sit on our butts and let everyone else do the work. > RANG: If I may ask, sir, how do you know all the players will all > come together at the appointed time? Rebecca: He's got the script. > MAN: Each group wants the files and they all know where the files > are generally located. Dan: A filing cabinet somewhere in Ulanbataar. Rebecca: Under a rock in Canada. > And if they have any intelligence, Tango: In this fic? I've chatted with more intelligent rocks. > they will also know everyone else wants the files as well. Dan: So that's why they're auctioning it on eBay. > Not being entirely stupid, Maya: That's open to debate. > each party will spend a reasonable amount of > time scoping out the area and measuring the defenses. Maya: And if they had my team, they'd fight over who drank the last of the coffee, bicker, pick things out of their shoes and stumble over each other. Rebecca: That's any stakeout anywhere. > But, if say one of the players begins their move a bit early, Dan: That'd be the one with the highest Speed attribute then. > then it will force the hand of the rest. Tango: Is that anything like the Hands of Fate? > No one will be > willing to risk the files falling into any one else's hands > but their own. Rebecca: So the plan is in fact to have a lot of people sit on their butts and do nothing. Dan: I can tell the rest of this fic is going to be as dull as it's been so far. > RANG: And you will be the one forcing their hand. And admid the > confusion, we will make off with the prize. Maya: So.. they'll sneak off with the prize... while everyone else is watching the place... this makes no sense. > MAN: Exactly. It's all a game of feints and coutner-feints. Rebecca: Then you bap them on the head with a Kendo stick. > It reminds me of my old corporate politics as I clawed my way > to the top. Tango: Next time, use mountaineering gear. > I'm glad to see you are learning. > > RANG: We all try, sir. Maya: And you're very trying, Rang. Tango: Heh. You said Rang. Heh. Cool. > MAN: And after tonight, you will be learning even faster. > Make sure the preparations are ready for tonight. Rebecca [Man]: The guests will be arriving at seven, so I want everything ready by six-thirty. Make sure the champagne is properly cooled and the dinner is warm. And try to do your fly up this time. > RANG: Yes, sir. Dan [Rang]: Yes, my queen! > [ As Rang leaves, the man goes back to his terminal, engrossed in > the data, whispering to himself... ] > > MAN: Sylia, Sylia Stingray. Maya: OK, I think we can officially confirm that "Man" is Largo. [The TV switches off] Rebecca: Well that was kind of pointless. Voice: Well it isn't over yet. Dan: It's not? Voice: That's only half the fic, guys. Maya: Can't help but wonder what the rest of it is going to be like. Rebecca: A lot of Men will sit around and scheme their little schemes. Sylvie will be inane. Dan: Random authour-created characters will destroy boomers in highly improbable ways. Rebecca: Linna and Nene will natter on about nothing. Dan: Sylia and "Fuago" will argue over why Fuago hasn't done what Sylia asked him to do five times. Tango: The prize turns out to be a purple stuffed horsie. Maya: In other words, just like this part. Dan: Probably. Tango: Except without the pink truffle sponge. Maya: I like him. He's cute, in a kind of psychedelic way. Tango: Really? You want to see my windshield collection? Maya: Um.. Tango: Come on, I'll show you! [He drags her out of the apartment] I've got a great display of Sporty Wombats. It's kind of hard to collect them at eighty klicks per. Maya: Help me. [They exit. The screen goes blank] Rebecca: You know, I think they might just hit it off. Dan: That's too disturbing for words. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) and Twin Cannon (ausmax@ihug.com.au) Tango is copyright 1997-2000 "TS" Eliot (Twin Cannon) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-2000 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-2000 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, the Satellite of Rednecks and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > PRISS: If you're looking for a good time I could show you around.