Elmer Studios presents... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Episode 141 brings us the continuation of The BGC/BGC Crossover. Huh? Bubblegum Crisis is copyright Artmic/Youmex. Bubblegum Crisis: Tokyo 2040 is copyright AIC. Crossed Crisis is copyright Raiu Kusanagi. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- [The apartment has been considerably cleaned up. The tables and couches have been dusted and are neatly arranged, the stains have been worked out of the carpet, and there is a bowl of fresh fruit on the bench by the kitchenette. Dan is pacing in the living room] [Tsuneo enters] Dan: Hi there- Ah damn, it's just you. Tsuneo: Me? What's that supposed to mean? Dan: I was waiting for Rebecca. Tsuneo: Are you feeling well? Dan: Oh, forget it. Tsuneo: What... what did you do here? Dan: Oh, this? I just cleaned the place up a bit. You like? Tsuneo: Wait... you cleaned something up? That's unnatural. Dan: C'mon, don't be like that. I just thought that, y'know, it was about time we started taking responsibility for this apartment since we spend so much time here. [Tsuneo glares at Dan] Tsuneo: Did your landlady kick you out again? Dan: No, she didn't. Tsuneo: So what do you care? I've seen your place; you never clean that up, and you've got to spend more time there than here. Dan: Sometimes I wonder... Tsuneo: So what is this about, Dan? Dan: Nothing! Don't you believe me? [Tsuneo glares at Dan again] Tsuneo: This has got to do with Rebecca, doesn't it? Dan: No! Not at all. Never. C'mon, get real. No sir. [Pause] Yes. Tsuneo: [Shakes head] Man, will you just give it up? Hasn't she given you enough bumps yet? Dan: C'mon, it's not like that. Tsuneo: Oh yes it is. [Tsuneo takes an apple from the fruit bowl] Dan: Hey, you're messing up the arrangement. Tsuneo: Forget it. It's not like it'll work anyway. Dan: She'll warm to me. Tsuneo: Warm to you? Is that like the time you asked her to the movies? Dan: What about it? Tsuneo: And you suggested Chasing Amy? Dan: Okay, so that was a bad move on my part. Tsuneo: She dumped you in a garbage truck and it took three men to stop her from compacting you. Dan: C'mon, there have been better times than that. Tsuneo: Oh, yes! When you invited her to your place to watch videos? Dan: See? Tsuneo: And picked up La Blue Girl on the same day? Dan: I've still got the scars. Tsuneo: Not to mention when you took her shopping. Dan: Okay, now you're being unfair. Tsuneo: Me? Me being unfair? You never did tell her exactly how you knew where the fetishwear shop was. Dan: That's because she was busy grinding my face against an escalator. Tsuneo: You see? Give up, man. Dan: This is different! I'm being sensitive! I'm playing it cool! She'll love me for it! [Rebecca enters in a khaki jumpsuit splattered head to toe in mud, trampling dirt into the carpet. Grabs an orange from the fruit bowl which sends the rest of the arrangement save for a bunch of bananas scattering to the floor.] Rebecca: Hey. What's up? Tsuneo: I was about to ask you. Rebecca: This? Went on a practice run with my gun club. Didn't bother cleaning up afterwards, since this place is always filthy. Tsuneo: [Whispered to Dan] Sensitive and cool? Dan: Forget it. [Rebecca steps away from the fruit bowl. The ceiling caves in and a giant transparent ball drops through with Tango inside] Tango: Bananas! Score! Bonus life! Rebecca: Hey there. Tsuneo: Not again. Dan: My fruit bowl... [The ball opens and Tango steps out. He recovers the mostly crushed bananas and eats one] Voice: Hello every- TANGO! What are you doing here! Tango: I'm engaging in live-action Monkey Ball! Want to go for a roll, Megabolt Megatron? Rebecca: He needs a body first. Tango: How about you guys! Rebecca: Dan would love to! Dan: I would? [Rebecca blinks cutely] Oh yeah! I would! Voice: Well, uh, in the meantime, we've got today's review to get on with. Tsuneo: ...And I was hoping for something really amusing. Tango: Fic is cool! Bananas are good! Fire is bad! Voice: Yes, well... Today I've got the second half of "Crossed Crisis" for you. Rebecca: Great. More fun with Raiu the Dragon. Voice: That's the wrong fic, Rebecca. Rebecca: You know what I mean. [They sit, Dan and Tango on the forwards facing couch, Tsuneo and Rebecca on the other one. Dan and Tsuneo are on the corners] Tango: Banana anyone? [The TV switches on] > Disclaimer: Please tell me you know this part already. Tsuneo: Not if it's a Wanderer D disclaimer. Then it might be Manos. > If not: the characters > ain't mine; they belong to whoever created them, I forget the names. Dan: Then look it up! Rebecca: Who does own BGC these days? Tango: Some kid who wandered into the office with five bucks and a rubber band. > " " Speech > < > Thoughts > * * Action sounds or emphasis > | | Computer/radio/telephone vocalization Tango: [ ] want to know why they've been left out. It's discrimination, I tell ya! > Crossed Crisis > Chapter 2 > By Raiu Kusanagi > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > "Forgive me, Sylvie," Priss choked out, pulling the trigger. All: Been there, seen that. > A quick burst of three bullets fired from the gun; two hitting Max in the left > side of his chest and punching through, Rebecca: Is it wrong to cheer at this point? Tango: Yes, but let's do it anyway! w00)0t! > the third going wide and hitting one > of the support struts of the cockpit hatch. As nearly half of his chest was > destroyed, Dan: Hey look, you can see the seat behind him. Tsuneo: But those things aren't explosive. Rebecca: [Priss] Didn't hit it that hard. Must've had a self-destruct. > Max coughed up several mouthfuls of blood. Dan: [Max] I'm not dead yet. I'm getting better. Rebecca: [Priss] Look you stupid bastard, your chest's exploded. Tango: There's an interesting variation on a stock gag. > He flashed Priss a weak smile Tsuneo: [Max] I may be dead, but I'm still smug. Rebecca: He'll get over it. Tsuneo: What, death or being smug? Rebecca: Death. Nothing can cure this case of smugness. > as the Battlemover stumbled to a halt and fell to the ground. Tango: Allowing the Australian battlemover to win the gold medal! > The > damaged support strut collapsed, making the cockpit hatch fall back into > place and forming a makeshift coffin for the teen. Tsuneo: The service will be held at twelve, thank you. > Priss let herself fall out of the Motorslave and slumped to the ground. > "Max!!" Sylvie's voice cried out. Dan: [Max the bunny] Sam! > Priss looked up to see Sylvie running toward the Battlemover as Nene helped > Linna and Sylia stand up. The singer watched blankly as Sylvie tried > unsuccessfully to pry the Battlemover's cockpit open Tsuneo: Can opener? Dan: So where exactly did she keep the jaws of life? Tango: That's none of your damn business! > while her fellow Knight Sabers moved to stand beside her. Rebecca: [Linna] I wanted to bag this one. > "You did what you had to, Priss," Sylia stated, placing a hand on the singer's > shoulder. > "That doesn't mean I have to like it," Priss hissed, unable to do more than > watch helplessly as her best friend grieved. Tango: Admit it, you did like it. Rebecca [Priss]: Well, yeah. > They remained like that for nearly a minute Tsuneo: [Sylia] So... How about them cubs? > before Sylia ordered the Knight Sabers to depart. Rebecca: [Sylia] Show's over. Move along people, there's nothing to see here. Tango: [Wiggam] Come on people, nothing here. Oh my god, it's a battlemover wreck! Come on everybody, gather round. Don't be shy. > Priss wearily pushed herself off the ground and stared at > the woman kneeling beside the downed Battlemover, trying to decide whether to > leave with the other Knight Sabers or risk being identified by the AD Police > when they arrived. Tsuneo: Say, where's Leon got to? Dan: Aw, who gives a rats about Leon? > The sound of Sylvie's sobs made the decision for her. Tango: [Priss] Hey guys, wait for me! > Without looking back at her fellow vigilantes, she walked forward, intent on > at least trying to comfort her friend. Tango: [Priss] Okay, so he's dead. Hey, bad news for him. But on the other hand - it's party time for all the little worrms! > A loud clang stopped her in her tracks and caught the attention of the other > four women. Rebecca: That would be Leon. Dan: [Leon] Uh... Near dead ADP officer in wrecked battlesuit? Hello? > Priss mentally asked. no way...> > A second clang followed only seconds after the first, followed even quicker by > a third, then a fourth, until a steady rythim took form of about two clangs a > second. Dan: It's 'shave and a haircut.' Rebecca: No, no, it's a metal drum band. > The cockpit hatch of the Battlemover had shuddered slightly at the > first few hits, and was now visibly shaking, making Sylvie back away in fear. Tango: It's possessed! The devil! The devil! > Their caution was rewarded when the cockpit hatch tore free of the > Battlemover's body and slammed into the ground where she 'd just been > standing. Tsuneo: Whoever's inside there should be more considerate. He could have gotten her killed. > Moments later, a figure could be seen moving around in the dust cloud that had > been kicked up. Tango: Oh my god! The Ultimate Warrior's out of retirement! He's running slowly to the ring! > It moved forward as the cloud settled, gradually revealing itself. Dan: How dare you! Put your clothes back on! > "Priss, the next time I tell you to shoot me, remind me to specify *exactly* > where." Rebecca: [Priss] Okay, where do you want this one? Tsuneo: Try the head next time! > A series of hacking coughs followed that statement as the women got a good > look at the figure standing there. Max held his right arm across his chest, > clutching the wound as if to stop the bleeding. The wound was gruesome; > almost the entire left side of Max's chest was missing, Tango: Coming soon from Fox studios: Dude, Where's My Chest? > with blood flowing from the wound and his mouth. Dan: It's a good thing he's wearing black, otherwise he might stain. > Blood already coated most of his left side and was trying admirably to do the > same to his right arm. Tsuneo: But did I mention the blood? Rebecca: Maybe this is a Troma film Mackie. Dan: Nah, not enough naked women or green slime. > The shackles that had held Max in place were still > clamped onto his arms and legs, the cables torn and shredded. The shackle > that had been around his neck was missing, although there was an odd black > mark around his neck. Tsuneo: So if you could do that at any time, why didn't you do it before? Dan: [Max] It wasn't dramatically appropriate. > "Max?!" Sylvie cried, starting to run toward him. > "Stay back!" Max snapped, his mouth twisting into a snarl. Dan: [Max] I might bleed on you! > "I'll absorb > anything - *cough* - anything organic or robotic uncontrollably until - > *hack* - this wound is healed." Tsuneo: So why didn't he absorb the battlemover? Rebecca: Stop thinking about it, Tsuneo. You'll only hurt yourself. > "What in the world...?" > Priss looked to the side to see Linna standing beside her, Sylia and Nene on > the dancer's other side. Dan: They can't believe it either. > The raven-haired woman had her visor up and was > staring at Max in shock. Max noticed their stares and smirked. Tsuneo: [Max] Must regain inner smug. Tango: I dunno, his smugness has been pretty badly damaged there. He's going to have to absorb half the city to make up that much smug. > "Yes, I'm a - *hack* Tango: Of course he's a hack, otherwise he wouldn't be writing this tripe. > - a Boomer. All: We guessed. > And it takes - *cough, hack* - more than this to permenantly kill me. Rebecca: Let's find out how much. > Good thing - *hack, hack* - my vitals dropped to > zero long enough for the - *cough, cough* - the Battlemover to shut down. > Fuck, this is gonna hurt." Tsuneo: Oh trust us, it's hurting already. > Without warning, Max dropped to one knee beside the Battlemover's head and > started tearing chunks of metal and wiring from it with his right hand. Dan: He's trying to find the toy at the bottom of the package. Tango: I got a sixteen inch cannon in this one! > The > women gasped in shock and nearly puked when he stuffed the components into > the wound. Rebecca: What's the big deal? You've all seen this before. Tsuneo: Yeah, but it was never hammed up like this. > Max's jaw visibly clenched, the muscles in his neck tightening, Tango: Oh my god! It's squidgey Sid! > as > he strained to keep from screaming in pain. Once the wound was completely > filled, the shackles on Max's arms liquified and flowed into his sleeves, Tango: Hey look, it's the weenie terminator from Terminator 2. > disappearing, as he tore the other shackles from his feet and the black mark > around his neck faded. Max clutched at the wounded side of his chest and > coughed up more blood when a wet squishing sound could be heard coming from > his chest. Dan: Hey, if he's a boomer, why does he bleed? Rebecca: It's the mysterious goop that boomers from BGC 2040 tended to squirt. Tango: Mustard! > The Knight Sabers and Sexaroids Tsuneo: Sexaroids? Where did the others come from? Tango: That's Nam. She's still trying to get into this fic. Rebecca: [Nam] Everyone got saved except me. What did I do to deserve this? Dan: Nam was good. She got to avoid the fic. > could only watch in shock as the > teen shakily rose to his feet and turned toward the Battlemover. The women > could plainly see the hole in the back of his jacket and shirt, Rebecca: And pants. > but Max's back was unblemished, as if he'd never been wounded. Dan: It's like he has a mutant healing factor... Or something. > "Stingray, return," Max stated. Tango: Please insert 25 cents for the next three minutes. > Just as Sylia was about to ask what he meant, the Stingray came tearing up > and slowed to a stop next to Max. Dan: His faithful steed. > Max all but fell onto the motorcycle and slumped over the instrument panel. Tsuneo: That's not how you ride it. Tango: Oh look, he got blood all over the buttons. > "Stingray, auto-pilot. Let's... go home. See ya... there... Sylvie." > |NEGATIVE.| The Knight Sabers were surprised to hear a voice speak from the > motorcycle. |INVALID COMMAND. QUANTUM SHIFT IMPOSSIBLE AT THIS TIME.| > "Quantum shift...?" Sylia mused, then started walking toward the bike. Tsuneo: [Max, desperate] I'm not from the future or an alternate reality at all, nosiree! > "Smartass..." Max sighed. "Meant... home here..." Dan: [Stingray] MAKE UP YOUR BLOODY MIND. Rebecca: He just got outwitted by his bike. How humiliating. Tango: But it's such a cool bike! > |COMMAND CORRECTION ACKNOLEDGED. ENGAGING AUTO-PILOT.| Tango [Stingray]: Well, I say Autopilot, but it's not really autopilot is it? It's me, Muggins here, who has to do all the work. > "Wait," Sylia ordered, stopping in front of the bike. Tango: [Wooden] Don't open that door! Dan: You saw Resident Evil, huh? Tango: It kept up the proud acting tradition of the games! > "What... is it?" Max hissed. Dan: [Max] Do you mind, I'm busy dying here. > "You have some explaining to do. Like -" > "Fine. Stingray... new command: follow... Knight Sabers." Tsuneo: [Max] Good boy! Fetch the stick, boy! > |COMMAND CHANGE ACKNOWLEDGED. PREPARING TO ENGAGE AUTO-PILOT.| Tsuneo: [Stingray] I should just dump him and be done with it. I'm the star of this fic! > Before Sylia could say anything, Max passed out. Rebecca: I think that solves that argument. > Sylvie stepped forward and started to get on the bike behind Max Dan: Just how big is this bike? Tango: It has its own postcode. > when Sylia stopped her. > "This doesn't concern you, ma'am." > Had her helmet not been on, Sylia would have been on the receiving end of a > very painful slap. As it was, she was only barely rattled from the impact. Dan: Wow, Sylvie's a pretty ungrateful bitch. Tango: That's why they keep killing her. > "The hell it doesn't!" Sylvie snapped, ignoring the pain in her hand. "He's > my brother!" Tsuneo: Pull the other one. It's got bells on it. > Sylia was about to protest when Priss cut her off. [Tango imitates a revving chainsaw] > "We don't have time to argue, Sylia. The ADP will be here soon." Dan: Then it'll all get complicated. Tango: We found the battlemover like this! Honest! Yes, it fell over when it was cut off by a 1989 Hyundai rice burner. > Sylia frowned at Priss using her name so openly, but nodded anyway, cutting > off her reply at the faint sound of approaching ADP choppers. Rebecca: Quick! The ADP will be here soon! They'll be here really, really soon. Really soon. Yep, really. Any second now. Any second. Really. > "Let's go, then." Tango: Quick! To another scene! ZIP! Big dog! ZIP! [They all stare at Tango] Tsuneo: Remember Rebecca, this one's your fault. > * * * * > The sound of voices was the first thing Max heard as he slowly regained > consciousness. Dan: Oh, great. The voices in his head are arguing again. > He felt that he was laying on something soft. Rebecca: Could it be - a bed? Tango: Actually, it's the remnants of last night's pizza binge. > Wonder if breakfast is ready.> Tango: [Max] Yes, I'll have four kilos of processed steel, a hundred meters of insulated cable, and a 10/100 network switch. Rebecca: [Sylia] Get it yourself, you lazy bum. > The young man slowly sat up, holding his head and groaning in pain as he felt > what seemed like several railgun needles get jammed into his head. Tsuneo: [Sylia] Priss, take those out. Rebecca: [Priss] You ruin all my fun. > "Crap, this hurts. Hey girls, we got any painkillers handy?" Tango: I've got a hammer. > When nobody answered, Max started to open his eyes only to snap them shut > when he realized he didn't have his sunglasses on. Tsuneo: [Max] Ahh! My shades! I can't be a looming badass without them! Dan: Here, have some swimming goggles. Tsuneo: [Max] It's just not the same. > He pushed the pain aside and started feeling around for them. Tsuneo: [Max] Puts on brave face and continues act. Still hurts, though. > musta given me one. Dunno why. Told 'em before I don't need one. Dan: [Max] I'm too badass for sheets. And I'm cold! > When he didn't feel them anywhere, Max turned to his left and leaned back > against the wall behind him. > "Real cute, ladies." Max sighed. "Where'd you hide my shades?" Rebecca: [Sylia] Well, you asked for breakfast... > "You'll get them back after you answer our questions," an unfamiliar voice > answered. Tango: [Max] I'll die before I talk! Dan: We'll break your shades and scratch your bike. Tango: [Max] I'll talk! > "Huh? What the?!" > Max's eyes reflexively snapped open just long enough for him to glance at the > room and realize his eyes were open before he snapped them shut again. Rebecca: Wait, he opened his eyes before he realised his eyes were open and... Tango: Hey look! He's a middle manager! > With a > sinking feeling, the previous night came back to him in a rush, allowing him > to make a rough guess of where he was when he saw the room. > Dan [Max]: Things are looking up for me already! [Rebecca hits him with a cushion] > "Shit, shit, shit! Someone give me my sunglasses, now! Tango: Who is this guy, Jonny Bravo? Dan: Now you're being mean to Jonny. Rebecca: Isn't everyone? > Sylvie, please tell me nobody's acting like I made eye contact with them." Tsuneo: Don't worry, they're avoiding it at all costs. > "Everybody seems to be fine, Max," Sylvie answered. Tsuneo: Apart from a severe case of brain rot, but that's to be expected. > "I don't see what the big deal is." Priss snorted from her position next to > the door. "They're just sunglasses. And it's not that bright in here either, > so what's the problem?" Tango: He's got Digi Charat eyes, and he's afraid they'll take away from his mystique. > "It's not the light or a fashion fetish. Dan: Well it is, but never mind. Rebecca: Actually, the authour was just looking for a lame excuse. > The problem is what happens when I > make eye contact with someone of the opposite gender. Tsuneo: [Max] They slap me in revulsion. Tango: See? Jonny Bravo! > Does anyone here - > aside from Sylvie, of course - know what can happen if someone makes eye > contact with a Sexaroid when their eyes are glowing red?" Rebecca: They stare at them until a truck hits them. > Everyone but Sylia and Sylvie voiced a negative answer; Sylia because she > wanted to hear Max's explanation and Sylvie for obvious reasons. Dan: She was off doing her hair. > "Damn." Max sighed. "Makes this a bit longer. When a Sexaroid looks someone > in the eyes and their eyes glow red, their 'target' - so to speak - is either > knocked unconscious or becomes horny as hell." Rebecca: Why knock them unconscious? Dan: So you can rouse them half an hour later, ask if it was good for them, then collect the fee. Rebecca: Speaking from experience? Dan: ... > Linna, Nene, and Mackie blushed at this, while Priss merely frowned slightly, > wondering why he'd excluded Sylvie from his question. Tango: Because she'd aced Boomer Trivia 101! > "My problem is somewhat similar. When I make eye contact with a guy, instant > knockout. If it's a woman," Max shuddered a bit before continuing, "she gets > so aroused she'll do anything short of suicide to get me in bed. The last - > and only, thank god - time it happened, the woman damn near clawed her way > through a steel door before I could knock her out. Now comes the real > problem: I can't turn it off. Even though my eyes don't glow, the effect is > still on 24- 7. Now that I've explained the problem, would you please give me > back my sunglasses?" Tsuneo: Now for the next question: Why does he have Sexaroid eyes? Dan: No, the next question is why would he not want the Knight Sabres to see them, especially when they're all there at once? [Rebecca hits him with a cushion] > "Very well," Sylia replied, grabbing his sunglasses off the table and tossing > them to him. Tsuneo: So can we please have an explanation for all this? Tango: Not now, we're talking about his amazing eyes! Tsuneo: That's to do with his eyes! Tango: But! His eyes! His eyes! > Without opening his eyes, Max reached out and plucked the sunglasses out of > midair, then slid them on. He smirked when Sylia raised an eyebrow in > curiosity. Dan: Ten out of ten for style. Minus several million for sensible application. > "Enhanced combat reflexes and hearing come in handy, Ms. Stingray." Tsuneo: "Tell me about it," she said, thumbing through his wallet. Tango: He can carve a roast faster than anyone he knows! > As soon as the words were out of his mouth and registered, Sylia flinched in > surprise, Priss' eyes narrowed, Linna, Nene, & Mackie gasped, while Sylvie > merely looked confused. Rebecca: Rebecca yawned. Dan: Dan scratched himself. Tsuneo: Tsuneo stared out the window. Tango: Tango set fire to himself and ran around screaming! [Tango pulls out a box of matches, but Tsuneo grabs them from him] Tango: You ruin all my fun. Tsuneo: You can do it after the fic's over. > "How -" Sylia started to ask before she was cut off. > "Just who - or what - the hell are you?" Priss snarled angrily. Dan: [Max] I'm not a dragon! Rebecca: [Sylia] What was that? Dan: [Max] Uh, never mind. > "And just how do you know us?!" Tsuneo: He looked you guys up on the internet. Dan: Especially the "adult" fanart galleries. > "In reverse order." Max calmly replied. "With what I know, and your reaction > to my mentioning Sylia by name, it was a safe bet who you were. Add to that > the willingness to lie for her, Tsuneo: [Max] You know her because I say you know her! I'm right because I say I'm right! Rebecca: Wouldn't it be embarrassing if he just happened to meet a different 'Priss' and 'Linna' who just happened to be friends? > and the answer becomes blindingly obvious. > Secondly, I'm a Boomer. I guessed that was so bloody obvious after last night > that only a blind retard wouldn't figure it out. Rebecca: [Priss] Actually, we figured that out when we first met you. A real human would have shame. > Apparently I misjudged your > intelligence, Miss Asagiri." The teen smirked as Priss gritted her teeth. "As > for who I am, I'm Max. Although... considering the looks on your faces, that > ain't good enough." > "Why don't you tell us who you really are," Linna suggested. Dan: [Max] I am the terror that flaps in the night! I... am apparently out of my trademark blue smoke. > "Alright. I did say I'd explain to you last night, didn't I? Well, here goes. > I just hope you're ready for it, 'cause I'm not gonna leave a damn thing out. Tango: [Max] It was the eastern front in 1943. German troops dressed in women's fur coats were charging our position. > The name I used to go by is Tango: The Shockmaster! > Mackey Stingray." Rebecca: But now he has become Azrael, Agent of the Bat. > "Try again." Sylia interrupted. "My brother is right over there and you > mispronounced his name. It's Mackie, not Mackey." Tsuneo: Picky picky picky. > "So? You just said so yourself: our names are pronounced differently, > probably spelled differently, too. Tsuneo: Or it could just be different translations from Japanese text. Your call. Rebecca: "Thunderclucker". > A lot of what I'm going to say won't make > a damn bit of sense until the end so please don't interrupt." Tango: Witless Interjection! > When everyone nodded, Max continued. Dan: [Max] Now sit right back and I'll tell you a tale, a tale of a fateful trip... > "Okay, just to clear up a few things, whenever I use any of your names, just > assume I'm talking about someone else with the same name. Got it? Well, it > all started in..." > (A.N.: I know this is probably a poor writing habit, Tsuneo: This entire fanfic is a poor writing habit. > but since I don't feel > like writing a summary of BGC2040, just assume that's what's given, starting > with Nigel's explanation of Mackey's origin in episode 15, then the rest of > the series, from episode 6 on.) Tango [Max]: Well, first came the dinosaurs. They got fat and died. Then came total quality management. Then lots of Japanese CEOs got fat and died. Somewhere along the line, My mum and dad met and had a kid. You all with me? Rebecca [Sylia]: N- Tango [Max]: Well, anyway, Dad stuck things into my sisters head. That's Sylia, not you but Sylia the one who isn't you but is Ifurita. That's the OVA version, not the perky goth TV version. Although then she kinda looked like the TV version only with the OVA versions head. Then he cloned her to make me. You got all that? Rebecca [Sylia]: Bu- Tango [Max]: Anyway, then he invented the Voomer which is like a boomer only it isn't, using Sylia who's not you as a kind of prototype. Then they all started going mad and ballooning out like a sitcom actress or a Japanese CEO. So Sylia who isn't you and had grown up into OVA Ifurita only without the staff decided to form the Knight Sabres. Only they all died like Dinosaurs, that is to say they died but they didn't get fat. Do you understand what I am saying? Rebecca [Sylia]: Well- Tango [Max]: Then I re-enter the scene when Sylia that's not you but isn't actually Ifurita either formed the new Knight Sabres. Then we found out she had a clone who kind of looked like TV Ifurita with OVA Ifurita's hair, who was stolen by Brian J Mason. Then the clone grew up to become a perky goth kind of like OVA Ifurita with TV Ifurita's hair, if you understand what I mean. Rebecca [Sylia]: You've lost- Tango [Max]: So we had a big fight with her which involved building new hardsuits out of Boomer bits, because you see our hardsuits are mad out of boomers you see. So we had a fight with the Sylia clone that's not a clone of you but looks like OVA Ifurita with TV Ifurita's hair who had fused with all the boomers in Tokyo and put Brian J Mason on a pole. That's our Brian J Mason not yours, where ours looks kinda dead and has a pole rammed up his- Rebecca [Sylia]: Ah the sho- Tango [Max]: Then we went into space to fight the Sylia Clone who's not a clone of you but the other Sylia who's Ifurita but not TV Ifurita and we fought her and Priss who's not you but is you with deflated hair achieved instrumentality or something like that and we all ended up on a desert island where I got to see Linna and Nene's boobies except I wasn't there and was dead at the time but I got better. Rebecca [Sylia]: So... In short? Tango [Max]: Ifurita's hair is really cool, but only the OVA version. > "Thankfully, we found her only a couple days later, wandering around in the > desert not far from her wasted hardsuit. Dan: [Max] Of course we watched her for a couple of hours just for yucks. > After that, things went back to > normal for a while, though there were far less Rogue Boomer incidents. Tsuneo: I imagine there would be far less boomers. > Nigel and I rebuilt the hardsuits and Motoslave. Rebecca: Why? You didn't need them. Dan: [Max] Because I think my Knight Sabres looked hot in them! It was the low- cut bare midriffs that got me. > Well, not long after, I started aging. Tango: Puberty finally caught up with him! He started sounding more like Spike Spencer. > You have to realize that for almost a decade and a half before that, I > hadn't aged a single day. Dan: Stuck at fourteen forever. What a terrible, terrible curse. Rebecca: Unless it's a romantic comedy. > After running a series of tests, we found out that > my Core had been altered. Tango: It was now chewy and caramel. > "Theoretically, I possessed all the powers Galatea did, Tango: Like the ability to make glowing green things. Rebecca: And terrible taste in lipstick. > but nothing I did > could bring them out. I was also aging twice as fast as a normal human. After > that, everyone started gradually distancing themselves from me. Dan [Max]: At the same time, I developed a passion for bean burritos. I wondered if the two were connected. > I won't go > into detail about what happened in the following three years, but things > changed. A lot. Tango: He had to stand on a street corner with a sign saying "Will code PHP for food". > "About a year and a half after my growth spurt started, it abruptly stopped, > leaving me like I am now. Linna came out of the closet. Rebecca [Linna]: Priss, there's something important I have to tell you. Tango [Priss]: Me too, Linna. I think I know what it is. Rebecca: [Linna]: I'm... That is to say... Ah, you go first. Tango [Priss]: I'm getting married to Leon. What did you have to say? Rebecca [Linna]: I'm... Moving to Tibet and becoming a monk! > Heh, shocked the hell > out of everyone. Sylia and Nigel finally tied the knot. Dear God, that was > disturbing. Tsuneo: ...For once, we agree. > Seeing someone who consistently wears only coveralls, wears his > hair in a ragged ponytail, and doesn't shave for days at a time clean shaven, > his hair combed and cut short, dressed in a tuxedo. Dan: I be he still had a loose tie and the top button undone. Tango: Basically, Nigel had evolved into Kaji. Tsuneo: There's a difference? > Honestly, I have no > bloody clue how Sylia managed to get him to wear one. Priss and Leon broke up > a little while after that. Rebecca [Priss]: Why can't you be more like that? Dan [Leon]: Get me a proper job and ask me that again. > "Here comes the real killer on that part. Priss got absolutely plastered one > night real soon after her break up with Leon and ended up at Linna's house. > She'd just had a falling out with a girlfriend that had told her she was only > good for a one night stand and was almost as drunk as Priss was. I don't know > what they did that night, though I do have a pretty good idea." Tango: They played battleship for eight hours! > Max leaned his head back, lying it on the bed, and chuckled dryly. Part way > through the story, he'd migrated to the floor, Dan: But failed in his application for Migrant status and ended up marooned in a camp outside Woomera. > leaning against the side of the bed. > "If Linna coming out of the closet was a shocker, Priss doing the same thing > the day after was enough to floor everyone. Rebecca [Priss]: I'm gay. Everyone Else [Bored]: We know. > To my knowledge, they hadn't > broken up by the time I left. Anyway, about three years after Galatea was > destroyed, Nene's sister, Yuri, came to live with her. Dan: Bringing her destructive friend Kei with her. Tango [Max]: Then Tokyo kinda exploded. Nene's place was ground zero. Rebecca: Of course, Yuri is a *male* name in Russian... > That was sorta the > straw that broke the camel's back on our already strained relationship. > Admittedly, I was to blame for a lot of it. Rebecca: Hmm... Self-loathing. Yet another part of being a god boy the Eyrie Way! Dan [Max]: I guess my bitching about Yuri keeping all her guns in the house Didn't go down to well. > "A few months after my growth spurt stopped, I noticed my temper started > getting a lot worse. Tango: He started calling everyone 'squares'. > I began avoiding everyone when I could, afraid I'd lose > it and blow up at one of them or do something else to totally alienate them. Rebecca: Yep, at this point he's just bulk copying Gryphon's life story from "Hopelessly Lost." > That's also when I started wearing sunglasses; my eyes would glow green like > when Galatea was controlling me if I got really angry. Dan: You're not Mackie! You're Zartan in disguise! Tsuneo [Zartan]: Who were you expecting, Spiderman? > The angrier I get, the more they glow. All: Ooooooooooh! > I gradually built up a wall around my emotions, blocking them > out in hopes of keeping my temper reined in. > "Then, after Yuri arrived, all it took was a single snide comment for me to > snap and lose control. Rebecca [Yuri]: Would it kill you to be less of an antisocial jerk? Dan [Max]: See? She was so self-centred. > What I had truly feared happening happened. Tango [Max]: I explained my backstory! Others: No! > I went > Rogue. Nene was there when it happened. She managed to get Yuri out before > she got hurt. Then, Nene, bless her heart, tried to calm me down, but it was > too late. Even though I remember every goddamn detail of when I'm Rogue, Rebecca: Including the dreadful accent and the inexplicable attraction to Gambit. Tsuneo [Shudders]: Thanks for that mental image. > I somehow managed to block out what happened next. > "All I remember is that one second, Nene's standing in front of me, trying to > calm me down; the next, I'm staring down at my hand. All: WA-TAK! > It was covered in blood. > Nene was lying on the floor at my feet in a pool of blood, a gaping hole in > her chest, her lifeless eyes staring up at me accusingly. Tango [Nene]: Mackie Stingray, in the bedroom, with the fist of death! Dan [Max]: Damn. You got me. > Even though all the > proof of what happened was right there in front of me, my mind couldn't seem > to make the connection, Tango [Max]: Nene dead. I'm covered in blood. Nope, don't get it at all. > as if refusing to believe what my eyes were telling me. > "Yuri's scream knocked my brain into gear. With horrifying clarity, I > realized what happened. For lack of a better word, I panicked. I ran out of > the apartment complex and straight into Priss and Linna. For whatever reason, > they'd taken the Motoslave to visit Nene. Tsuneo: Because... you needed a handy super-powered vehicle? Dan: Doesn't the Motoslave only fit one though? Rebecca: That's fine for Linna and Priss. > After I pushed past them and took > the Motoslave, everything gets blurry. Dan: That's just the drugs, man. > I don't know how long I ran, Tango: I ran and ran and ran like a constipated Wiener dog. > but > eventually I came across some sort of field test for a new Boomer of some > sort. Thing looked like a deep sea drilling Boomer with a lightning rod tied > to its back. Dan: Funny thing is, it was a deep-sea boomer with a lightning rod tied to its back. These guys have too much time and funding. > Stupid fools testing it had it out during a lightning storm for > some reason. Tsuneo: It was part of a complicated scientific experiment? Rebecca: They were drunk? > Well, I still wasn't thinking clearly and drove the Motoslave > straight into it just as a lightning bolt hit it. Dan: Hey, since Mackie's a boomer and thus can't reproduce, do you think he could win a Darwin award anyway? Tsuneo: After this performance, certainly. > One flash of light later > and I'm on Genaros, though I had no friggin' clue at the time. Tango: Ahh! Plot Device Lightning! > "The first person I met there was Sylvie. She can tell you the rest if she > wants. I need to get some air. Dredging up all those bad memories has left a > bad taste in my mouth. Hope you understand." > "Hold it," Priss stated, blocking the door as he approached it. > "What is it?" Max sighed, stopping. Tango: Can you say all that again? I missed it! Rebecca: ...I'd hit you, but it wouldn't make any difference. > "You don't actually expect us to believe that bullshit, do you?" Tsuneo [Max]: Well... no. But I wanted to see what you thought before I try selling it in Hollywood. > "Heh." Max chuckled. "I expect you to believe whatever the hell you want to > believe, Ms. Asagiri. Now please move out of my way." > "Not till you've told us the truth, not some chicken-shit fairy tale." Tango [Mackie]: Ok, the truth is I'm a guy called bob who built a really cool Bike. You want to hear about my bike? > Max smirked evilly, sending an involuntary chill down Priss' spine. Before > she could react, the teen had grabbed her by the throat and lifted her two > feet off the ground. Rebecca: And then X-Suck comes in and hits him in the balls. > "I'll say this only once, Ms. Asagiri. Depression fuels my Rogue Syndrome > just as easily as anger does. And right now, I'm close enough to going Rogue > that if I don't take the time to get some air and calm down, Dan: But Boomers don't need to breathe! Tsuneo [Max]: Oh. Well, um... Now I'm lost. > I'll wind up butchering everyone in this room. Do you understand?" Tsuneo: Yes, we understand that you're a brooding, angsty self-important little twerp who thinks he's "kewl" because he wears black and spends all his time moping and blowing stuff up. Rebecca: So is he a BGC self insertion or an Image superhero? Dan: Put Sylvie in tight spandex and we'll see. > Priss glared hatefully at Max in response, her face turning red. Tango: That's just her choking. Somebody try the Heimlich manoeuvre! > The singer > grabbed Max's fingers to try and pry them off her throat, but her strength > was nowhere near a match for his. > He's as strong as a 55-C, but he couldn't be! > He'd not big enough! Tsuneo: Couldn't he be a 55C that hasn't shed its disguise yet? Rebecca [Priss]: I didn't think of that. Tango: No, it's just a 53C that's been overclocked. > And Sylia said his skin was actual skin, not that fake stuff a 55-C has.> Rebecca: Or most Hollywood actresses. > The sound of a small click from a short distance behind his head caught Max's > attention, coupled with Priss' strained smirk. Without a word, the teen > released the woman, who fell to the ground, gasping for breath. Max turned > around to stare down the barrel of a mini-revolver held by Sylia, Dan: That's not Sylia, it's Merril Strife! Tsuneo: Yay! Can we watch Trigun instead of this, Voice? Voice: No. Dan: Please? Voice: No! Tango: Pretty please with Teflon-coated Depleted Uranium rounds on top? Voice: NO! Dan, Tango and Tsuneo: Awww... Rebecca: Mmmm... Woolfwood... > her face an expressionless mask. Dan: That's not Sylia, it's Shwartzenegger! Tsuneo [Bad Schwartzenegger]: Dis is my face of rage. Aaarg. Aaarg. > Looking past her, Max could see Sylvie staring at him in > shock while the other two Knight Sabers and Mackie's glares could have melted > steel. Tango: With their laser beam eyes! And the strength of five gorillas! > "Are you alright, Priss?" Tsuneo: With that hair? Rebecca [Priss]: Nobody I know or care about has died in the last few minutes, so yeah. > Priss nodded silently, still sucking in air. Tango: For Priss has now become... MEGAMAID! Dum dum dum dum dum dum duuuuum! > "I would have released her when she answered my question or passed out," Rebecca [Priss]: I give up! I give up! I admit it! The capital of Argentina is Beunos Aries! > Max > snapped, starting to lose control of his emotions, "whichever came first. Now > if you'll excuse me, I'd rather not black out and find myself in the middle > of a bloodbath again, thank you very much." Rebecca: [Sylia] How about I just shoot instead? Dan: [Max] Well... you could do that... > Without another word, Max turned around and opened the door to leave. Tango: [Max] I'm going out. I don't know when I'll be back. Rebecca: [Sylia] That's the cupboard, Max. Tango: [Max] Fine! > "Where are you going?" Sylia asked coldly. Tsuneo: He's going to lurk on a rooftop and brood. > "The roof. Best place to get some air," Max answered instantly. > "I'll go with you." Sylia stated, sliding the gun into a pocket. "There are > still some questions I'd like answered." Rebecca: For starters, she wants to know who used all the hot water. > "Hehehe. Pro'lly be your funeral, lady," Dan: [Max] Heheh. Making stupid threats is kewl. Heh. > Max chuckled oddly, Tango: G'FAHAHAHA! > then walked out > of the room before anyone could say anything, Sylia following him a moment > later. > The room was silent for several moments as Priss finished catching her > breath, then turned to Sylvie. > "I think there are a few questions you need to answer, Sylvie." Tango [Sylvie]: I didn't do it. I wasn't there at the time. I look nothing like that. And I didn't inhale. > * * * * > On the roof of the building, Sylia watched silently as Max sat cross- legged, Tango: Yogayogayogayoga... > his back to her and his arms folded across his chest. Dan: And levitated. > The teen had assumed that position Rebecca: Are you trying to make this easy for me? > and lowered his head almost as soon as they were out the door. Tsuneo: [Max] I am the Spore! The dark scourge of evil with scabs that never heal! > She'd tried asking him a question or two, but his reply had been blunt both > times. > <"Quiet. I need time and silence or else I'll go Rogue." Tango: So you'll develop an inexplicable fondness for cheesy Cajuns and everyone will hate you? Rebecca: Half way there! > <"If you don't shut up right now, I'll allow myself to go Rogue, damnit!"> Rebecca: [Sylia] Then I'll have a reason to kill you. Dan: [Max] You're cold, lady. Rebecca: [Sylia] You don't know the half of it. > Sylia barely suppressed a shiver that threatened to run the length of her > spine as she remembered his voice each time he'd spoken. Tango: Look kids! It's Mark Hamill, doing an impersonation of Mark Hamill starring as Mark Hamill playing the voice of... Mark Hamill! > The first time, his > voice had been so cold, it could have given glaciers advice. After her second > attempted question, his voice had been nearly hysterical with what sounded > like an insane giggle near the end. Tsuneo: Yeah, that's how we feel about these lines too. > "So what did you want to ask me?" Rebecca: [Sylia] I already asked you. > Sylia jerked in surprise and looked up slightly to see Max standing before > her, his face an expressionless mask. Tsuneo: There's a thing called acting. You may have heard of it. > "That was certainly quick," Sylia commented. Tango: [Max] Are you implying something? > "Practice." Max smirked ruefully. "Way, way too much practice for my liking. > What about those questions you wanted answered?" Rebecca: You have three hours. Use the answer form provided. Do not mark outside of the box. Only fill in one box per answer. Do not attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once. Do not take internally. > "Oh, yes. First off, last night your motorcycle -" Tsuneo: -overcompensation. > "Stingray." Tsuneo: Captain Scarlet. Dan: Thunderbirds. Rebecca: Terrorhawks. Tango: Joe 90. I win! > "What?" Sylia blinked in surprise. > "His name is Stingray. Chalk it up to sentimentality, nostalgia, whatever. > But call him by his name." Rebecca: [Sylia] You named your bike after yourself? Dan: [Max] So? Rebecca: [Sylia] This is the bike you straddle and ride around all night? Dan: [Max] So? Rebecca: [Sylia] You have issues I don't want to contemplate. > "Very well. Last night, Stingray mentioned something about a quantum shift > being impossible. Tsuneo: No, just highly improbable and completely daft. > I was hoping you could clarify that a bit." Tango: Oh, that's where he jumps across space and time guided by a dirty old hologram and becomes the captain of the Enterprise. > Max stepped up beside her and leaned against the wall near the door, sighing. > "I'm not too sure on all this myself, but when I was transported to Genaros, > Stingray detected a large cloud of quantum particles floating around us. Tsuneo: Ah, plot contrivance particles! Tango: Mr. Minovski, you are a bad man! Very, very bad! > Based on that, I've come up with a rough theory of what happened. Tango: STUFF! > I think the > Boomer I rammed with Stingray was being used in some sort of quantum physics > experiment, probably to create some sort of portal to who-knows-where. Rebecca: It was trying to create a pink light! > "Judging by the weather conditions at the time, I'm also assuming that they > needed a huge surge of electricity to power it, hence the lightning pole. Dan: [Max] Because they don't have power plants. Waaait a minute... > What most likely happened what that, somehow, Stingray's ECM and ECCM fields > expanded when I ran into the Boomer, which also happened to be at the exact > moment the lightning bolt hit it. Tsuneo: There you have it, ECM plus lightning bolt equals time travel. So if you excuse me, I'll go run out in a thunderstorm with an EF-111. > "I may not know much about quantum physics in general, Tango [Max]: But I know what I like. > but I read enough here > and there to know that I'm insanely lucky to be alive, much less in one > piece. Tsuneo: [Max] It's almost as if there was a huge contrivance guiding me here... > Anyway, calculate all those factors in, Tango: Add a dash of salt. > and somehow you'll come up > with me being shot from my world to this one; in a space station in geosynch > orbit, no less." Rebecca: Isn't it incredibly lucky how he managed to wind up exactly where the plot was happening? > "That is easily one of the strangest things I've ever heard." Sylia stated > after a few moments of silence. Rebecca: [Sylia] I'm not buying it. Tango: [Max] Okay, what really happened is there was this monkey in a giant ball who likes bananas... Rebecca: [Sylia] This sounds more plausible. > "But I prefer to keep an open mind. Rebecca: And there's a lot of fanfics to support that statement. > I've > studied enough about quantum physics to know that something like what you > think happened isn't impossible, just extremely improbable. Tsuneo: Now remember, just humour him until the guys from the funny farm arrive. > Plus you sounded > sincere enough during both explanations, so I've no real reason to doubt you. Tsuneo: APART FROM THE FACTY THAT IT'S A RIDICULOUSLY STUPID, IMPROBABLE AND CONTRIVED LOAD OF RUBBISH?!? [Tango squashes a banana on his head] Tango: Now stop that, or you're going in the Monkey Ball. Tsuneo: I'll behave. > For now." > "But you still don't trust me, right?" Rebecca: [Sylia] Let's see, you spend all your time brooding on rooftops, wearing dark glasses, avoiding questions and acting like a dick. Who would? Dan: Todd McFarlane? > Sylia stepped away from the wall and turned to face Max, who raised an > eyebrow questioningly. > "No, I don't. And that also brings me to my next question. Since you know who > we are - and have known for some time, it seems - what do you plan to do with > that knowledge?" Tango: [Max] Write a low selling, highly exploitative comic book that comes out only three times a year! > "If you're wondering whether or not I'll reveal your identities to the > public, why would I? There's no gain in it for me, Dan: [Max] Besides the huge amount of cash the National Enquirer will pay me. Tango: Don't you know, they've already been identified as alien clones of Elvis. > since I don't consider you enemies, Rebecca: You will when you find out what Priss did to your bike. > plus I'd have to give some evidence, which I don't have. Also, my > own identity would be called into question. I have no indentification for > this time period, no history, no family, nothing. People would be a bit > suspicious if some unknown vagabond shows up spouting what would seem like > utter nonsense about the Knight Sabers." Tsuneo: I thought they'd get that all the time in Megatokyo. Tango: [Derelict] Mumble mumble bugrit millenium hand and shrimp mumble Knight Sabres bugrit. > When Sylia's response to his statement was to merely continue staring at him, > Max sighed. Dan: [Max] What? What? Is it my hair? Is something on my face? > "Alright." Max said, placing his right hand over his heart. "I swear on my > life Rebecca: [Sylia] You're an android. Dan: [Max] D'oh! > that I will not reveal any of your identities to anyone that does not > already have hard, clear, irrevocable evidence about who you really are." Tsuneo: How about 'no-one at all,' and leave that decision to the real KS? > Sylia's lips twitched slightly, as if trying to become a smile. Rebecca: It says it in the script, but she's damned if she's going to. Dan: Looks like she's going to bite him. > "Thank you. I do hope it doesn't come to that." Tsuneo: That would require more chapters. > "You no more so than I," Max replied. > "However, you'll be on a sort of probation period until we're absolutely sure > we can trust you." > "No problem." > "One last thing: you were deliberately vague in your explanation of what > happened after Galatea was destroyed. Why?" Rebecca: There was no script to copy. > "Everybody has their secrets, Sylia. Dan: Not all of them are interesting. Tango: Wait until she tells him she's not a natural blue. > Even though I trusted you enough to tell > you my story, it doesn't mean I trust you enough to give you all the details. > Yet." Tsuneo: The author's still making it up. > "Very well." Sylia sighed. "However, choosing not to tell us everything will > extend your probation period." > "Heh, no skin off my ass, really. Tango: But it's artificial skin! > Maybe I'll consider it if you cough up all > your Tango: Hairballs. > secrets." Max smirked when Sylia flinched in surprise, then continued > before she could respond verbally. "So what say we go back down and see how > the others are doing, eh?" Tango: ZIP! Jar of marmalade! ZIP! > * * * * > "If you knew he was a Boomer, why'd you trust him?" Rebecca: [Sylvie] I'M A BOOMER! Tsuneo: [Linna] Oh yeah. > Sylvie sighed and took a sip of her tea, mulling over Linna's question. > "Because I didn't know what kind of Boomer he is. Tsuneo: Isn't that a good reason *not* to trust him? > I still don't, really. And > after he protected me on Genaros, I didn't have any reason not to trust him." Dan: Except he could have just done it to get into your shorts. Heck, I would. > "Protected you?" Priss asked, suddenly interested. Rebecca: [Priss] Hey, that's my racket! > "A couple of men were hanging around the area where Max was hiding. When I > came by to check up on Max, they accosted me and tried to force me to..." Rebecca: Get them cold beverages? Dan: Join their poker game? Tsuneo: Point out the men's room? Tango: Shoot them around a billiards table? > Sylvie hesitated a moment and lowered her head, finishing her sentence in a > low voice, "to service them." > "What?!" > Sylvie looked up at the unanimous exclamation to see the other four occupants > of the room staring at her in shock. Dan: [Linna] Well that's your job and all. Rebecca: [Sylvie] You're not helping! > "Those pigs!" Priss snarled. > "I can't believe someone would be sick enough to do something like that!" > Nene added. Tsuneo: And you work in a police incident room? > "Then you need to grow up. Scum like those two bastards is all too common." > Everyone turned to see Sylia and Max walk into the room. Tsuneo: Speaking of which. > Sylia returned to > the chair she'd been sitting in previously as Max leaned against the wall in > the corner next to Sylvie. > "Just wait 'til you hear what happened to those two bastards." Tango: They went out for pancakes! Mmm, pancakes! > After glancing at Max and seeing his almost imperceptible nod, Sylvie > continued. Rebecca: [Sylvie] They paid their fifty dollars each and went home. We showed them. > "Before they could really do anything, Max showed up. He either saw what was > going on or heard them speaking. He didn't even give them a warning before he > attacked. One of the men had a prosthetic arm. Max ripped it off and beat > them unconscious with it. Then he threw them down the street. They landed > nearly a hundred meters away. I... I don't know whether or not they > survived." Tsuneo: Because as we all know, the best kind of justice is vigilante justice. Tango: EAT HOT LEAD, JAYWALKING MOTHERWHATEVER! > The Knight Sabers looked over at Max to see him scratching Dan: His crotch. > at something on the back on one hand with the other. Rebecca: How'd that blister get there? I guess he was just working it too hard. > When he felt their gazes on him, he looked around almost cluelessly. > "What?" Max asked innocently. > "What do you mean what?" Linna asked. "Don't you care that you may have > killed those two men?" Tsuneo: [Max] Do you mind? I'm a hideous badarse cliche! > "For your information, that was over a month ago. Tsuneo: Oh, that makes it alright. > Also, those two bastards > were trying to rape the first person to show me any kindness since I came > here just because they thought they were better than us." > "Us?" Sylia suddenly cut in. > "Yeah... us." Max chuckled nervously. "I was a vagabond up there and Sylvie > was... one of the bottom rung workers. Heh, heh." Dan: Don't joke about, you all know what her job was. Tango: yes, she cleaned ladders! Dan: What? Why? Tango: Because she's a BOTTOM RUNG WORKER! [He poses dramatically] Tsuneo: I'd hit you, but I'd only hurt myself. > "It's alright, Max." Sylvie sighed, placing her cup on the table before her. > "They would have found out eventually, anyway." > "Yeah, I know. Want me to say it?" > "Why not? It should be easier for you to say it; you've got no sense of > tact." Rebecca: [Sylvie] You've already told them about all the amatuer porn I made. I was young and I needed the money! Dan: [Max] That was only last week. Rebecca: [Sylvie] They only made me two months ago! Of course I was young! > "Hmph. Sylvie's a 33-S Sexaroid Boomer." Max stated, then grinned evilly. > "Also, just to spite her previous 'owner' - pfeh, he was a cowardly bastard > if I ever saw one - Sylvie had me reprogram her to 'swing the other way.' Bet > that puts a whole new spin on your relationship, eh, Priss?" Tsuneo: Not to put too fine a point on it, but a Sexaroid is probably programmed to "swing" just about every way. Dan: Yeah baby, Yeah! Tsuneo: Not to mention that making a conscious decision like that probably means she doesn't have to be reprogrammed. Tango: Yeah, but she was built around Windows XP, so she crashed and had to be reprogrammed anyway. > "Ma-ax!" Sylvie growled angrily, blushing furiously and seemingly oblivious > to the reactions of the room's other occupants. > "Payback's a bitch, ain't it, sis?" Max smirked at her, Rebecca: [Sylvie] Payback for what? Dan: [Max] Uh... whoops. > inwardly chuckling at > the stunned expressions on everyone's faces save Sylia. "Besides, that's > something someone without tact would have done, isn't it?" Tsuneo: So is he admitting he's a dick now? > "I will get you back for that, just you wait," Sylvie hissed, still not > noticing everyone's reactions. > Priss shook her head as if to rattle something loose and ignored Max's > comment to focus on the bigger issue. > "Sylvie... you're a... Boomer? Why didn't you tell me?" Rebecca: [Sylvie] I was going to wait until our honeymoon. > "How could I?" Sylvie replied, looking at the floor, refusing to meet Priss' > gaze. "I... I didn't know how you'd react." Tango: There's only one man who can sort out this relationship now - Jerry Springer! > Max glanced at Priss to see that she was paying attention to only Sylvie, who > wasn't paying attention to anything, then turned his head toward Sylia and > nodded toward the door. She raised an eyebrow questioningly, only to receive > the same gesture accompanied by a short jerk of his thumb toward the door. [Dan wiggles his eyebrows. Tsuneo smacks his forehead. Rebecca hits Dan. Tango spins on the floor and raises both hands.] > "But... I thought you trusted me..." > Sylia glanced at the same two women Max had, then nodded slightly in > understanding. By then, Priss had walked forward to stand a few feet in front > of Sylia, facing Sylvie. The leader of the Knight Sabers stood up as silently > as she could, gestured for Mackie, Nene, and Linna to follow her, then > followed Max toward the door. The group crept through the doorway and managed > to shut the door without making enough noise to disturb the two other women. Rebecca: Mackie dashed off to peep-hole number seven. Dan: [Max] What are you doing, kid? Tsuneo: [Mackie] Um... perving on Priss and Sylvie. Dan: [Max] Do you know how rude and inconsiderate that is? Tsuneo: [Mackie] I'm sorry! Dan: [Max] Now make some room! > "I do, Priss... but I didn't know what you thought of Boomers. Rebecca: You could have asked. Tango: They're a great mode of transport and they go BOING! Tsuneo: That's boomers, not pogo sticks. Tango: There's a difference? > I didn't know if you'd try and return me to GENOM or not. Tango: She's got a five cent deposit, but only in South Australia. > I'm sorry. If you don't want anything to do with me... I'll understand." > Silence hung heavily in the air until Sylvie felt a hand grip hers. She > gasped and looked up to see Priss leaning down in front of her so they were > eye level with each other, a faint smile on her lips. Rebecca: [Priss] You're fine. I just can't stand your brother. Tsuneo: [Sylvie] You and me both. > "Sylvie, I don't care if you're a Boomer or not. What hurt me was that you Tango: Backed over her in a white hummer! > didn't trust me enough to tell me." Priss paused before hesitantly adding, > "Outside of the Knight Sabers, you're the only friend I have." Rebecca [Priss]: At least, the only one that's still breathing. > "Priss, I..." Sylvie stared up at Priss for a moment before turning away and > pulling her hand from Priss'. "How can you be so kind to me? I'm a Boomer; > nothing more than a machine! Just a goddamn machine!" Tsuneo: [Sylvie] That's why I risked everything to escape. Wait a sec... > Sylvie's head was jerked back toward Priss' face, who was now glaring angrily > at the other woman from only a few inches away. Rebecca: [Priss] Hold on, you've got something on your face... > "Don't you ever say that again!" Priss growled. "You are a person! Not a > machine! Tango: She's a frost-free fridge! [Ding] > Just because you came into this world a little differently than > others doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me! I -" Priss paused, as if > realizing what she was about to say, then continued in a softer tone. "I care > about you, Sylvie." Tango: That's touching. I may weep openly. > "Thank you, Priss..." Sylvie's voice trailed off as the two pulled each other > into a tight hug. Tango: ZIP! Line of asterisks! ZIP! > * * * * > Max gently shut the door, careful not to make much sound, and turned around > to see the two Stingrays, Nene, and Linna watching him. Tsuneo: [Linna] How did you change tense like that? Dan: [Max] Ancient ninja secret. > The teen sighed and leaned against the wall next to the door. > "Just why did we have to leave the room?" Linna asked pointedly. Dan: [Linna] I wanted to be there... For my friend! Yeah. > "If Priss and Sylvie want you to know, they'll tell you," Max answered, then > pushed off the wall and started to walk past them. > "Where are you going?" Sylia asked. Tango: [Max] Rigel Seven. I mean home. Haha. > "Home." Max replied over his shoulder just before disappearing around a > corner in the hall. "Need to tell the others we're okay and I left my cell > phone back home." Dan: So why don't you just call your cell phone? Tango: [Max] Are you kidding? I've got to go home, get my cell phone, leave, and call them on my cell phone. > * * * * > TBC... > * * * * > Author's Notes Dan: [Authour] Max are having a really cool bike because he are cool and I are making it up. > Sorry if Max's identity was too obvious in the first chapter. Tsuneo: Only to people who have seen BGC 2040, seen a picture of BGC 2040 Mackie, read about BGC 2040, been told about BGC 2040 or read BGC 2040 spoiler pages on the net. > But I wanted > people who've seen BGC 2040 to tell who he was with only moderate difficulty. Tsuneo: Moderate difficulty? How about blatantly obvious? Rebecca: Maybe if they were blind. > C&C is welcome, flamers will be used as target practice by the Knight Sabers. [Tango sets fire to himself] Tsuneo: Well I didn't see that one coming. Dan: Shouldn't we help him? [Pause] Rebecca: Probably. Tsuneo: Come on. [They beat out Tango, save for a few spot fires] Tango: Much better. [He resumes his seat] Voice: Well, uh, um... Tsuneo: We're going to do reviews and then we're going to get out of here. Voice: Yes! Reviews! Out! Good! Tsuneo: Well, here I was hoping I'd never see any more of the Dork Side again. Silly me. I'd like to say this fic was somehow memorable or distinctive, but in reality, it's just his earlier fic with the numbers filed off. Tango: And different pants! Tsuneo: Right. The main thing is, as I've said so many times, when a fic is centred around a single new character, make sure the character is interesting or likeable. Problem is, Max isn't. The end. Dan: Well, Wonder Boy hit on it, but what really ticked me off was Max. Not that he was a jerk or anything - I mean, he is, but never mind - but that's he's so much a new and separate character from Screaming Spike Mackie that there's no point making him Mackie. I mean, 2040 is barely touched on apart from screwing up it's ending, so there's no real point to having 2040 stuff there. Except to say 'hey, I wrote a BGC/BGC 2040 crossover,' but that's just marketing. Rebecca: What got me about this fic was there seer implausibility of it all. To start with, GENOM just HAPPENS to be experimenting with interimensional technology. Why? Because. Then, Mackie just HAPPENS to drive on up to the boomer while they're testing it and then the whole thing just HAPPENS to get teleported to Gneero where he just HAPPENS to bump into Sylvie and rescue her and all the other Sexaroids. Except for Nam. She's on her own. Tango: AIAI likes Bananas. Dan: Hey Voice, why does he get away with saying something totally stupid, but we have to give a serious review? Voice: Because I don't want to hear Tango's review. Tango: Well that seems reasonable to me. Bibble. Voice: Well, thanks anyway, guys. Rebecca: "Thanks anyway guys." You're just being nice because we didn't break anything. Tsuneo: And no, that wasn't a self-written invitation, Rebecca. Rebecca: Awww. Tango: Hey, Dan, you still up for that game of Monkey Ball? Dan: Sure thing! Rebecca: It's not like you've got anything else to do. [Dan gets up] Dan: So what do I do? [Tango gets up] Tango: Well, first you get into the ball. [Dan gets into the ball] Dan: Cool... This is a nice fit. Tango: I had it custom made! They all thought I was nuts buying a giant Monkey ball, but I showed them! [He twitches] Tsuneo: This can not end well. Rebecca: But it'll be funny in the meantime. Tsuneo: Very true. Dan: So what now? Tango: I put the lid on. [Tango puts the lid on the ball. Dan rocks it around experimentally] Dan: I think I've got this. Tango: I'll get you started on the first course right away. Dan: Cool! Thanks Tango! [Tango pushes the ball, rolling it over the TV and up to one of the windows. Then, he shoves it out the window, hard. Rebecca and Tsuneo run over.] Rebecca: 132 MPH! Good start! Tsuneo: Do you think he'll be okay? Tango: He'll be fine as long as he makes it to the finish line in sixty seconds. I fall off buildings all the time and I'm perfectly okay. [He twirches] Tsuneo: But I don't see a finish line. Tango: Oops. Rebecca: We could go down there and help him. Or we could go get ice-cream. Tango: Yay Ice cream! Tsuneo: I'm up for that. [They leave. The screen goes blank] --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com), Zogster (jinas@elmerstudios.com) & Twin Cannon(ausmax@ihug.com.au) Tango is copyright 1997-2002 "TS" Eliot (Twin Cannon) Dan and Tsuneo Tateo are copyright 1995-2002 Max Fauth (Zogster) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-2002 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, random DELTA Invasion Episode Generator and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. Rick's Cruel Mockery of HTML: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova Satori shrine, Osama Bin Laden's Camel, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp, all in one big steaming pile. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > "Yes, I'm a - *hack*