Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 19 now! Including two works in progress. Time for another BGC generic self-insertion! Yay. No-one will be seated during the horrifying 'Fargo' sketch! I'd like to dedicate this one to Screaming Mad Ghosty, who dropped this one in my lap. Thanks... I think. Bubblegum Shift is copyright Brett Handy (Darkwind) who couldn't come up with a more generic fanfic if he tried. Bubblegum Crisis is copyright Artmic/Youmex. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Dan and Rebecca enter the room, talking.] Dan: Don't tell me Wonder Boy's run off again. Rebecca: 'Fraid so. He got past the last chapter of Neon Exodus and whoosh! No sign of him. I think he said something about 'training.' Dan: Would that have anything to do with your paintball duel with DJ? Rebecca: [Grins] No. What could give you that idea. Dan: Ugh. I'm glad I'm not watching that one. So is he really as bad in person? Rebecca: Hmm... yeah. Dan: I suppose it's substitue time, eh? Rebecca: 'Fraid so. [Looks around] Say... er, where's Rick. Dan: Please, no. I couldn't handle more than one new neurotic mess at a time. Rebecca: I have a horrible sense of foreboding. Remember the last time those two scarpered? Dan: Hey, Mohan and Sandara were cool. Rebecca: And what were we watching? Dan: Ouch. It's almost as if they can sense it. Rebecca: [Sits at the computer desk] So I expect *lots* of pain. Dan: Any mail? Rebecca: Hold on... This machine hasn't been the same since he got Win 98. Dan: That Xena one was fun. Rebecca: [Rolls her eyes] Case proven. Anyway... here's one from Nightbreak. > Brothers Fauth. . . [They both look around, confused, then shrug and turn back to the computer.] > Congratulations, my fellow MSTers. You have become one of the best on > the Vault, in my opinion. Just wanted to tell you! :) > Nightbreak Rebecca: [Stunned] Whoah, dude! Dan: Kickass! Thanks! I wouldn't say we're *that* good. Rebecca: Can it with the false modesty. Thanks a lot, we appreciate the praise. Dan: Not that it's often enough... Rebecca: [Looks up] So, Mr god-like smarty-pants, when are we getting replacements? Voice: Funny. They'll be here... [The door opens and a short, attractive woman of about twenty walks in. She has long blue hair, hanging loose about her face, and green eyes. She is wearing a white blouse, a long grey skirt and an open grey vest. She looks around and walks up to the computer desk.] Woman: Are you the ones who put in the ad. Rebecca: Er, no, that was our boss, the Great Big Head In The Sky. Voice: ... Rebecca: We're just the remaining victims. Dan, put your jaw back together. Dan: Uh, heh, hi. [Extends hand awkwardly] Dan. Hi. Rebecca: *Super* smooth, there. Woman: [Smiles] Hi, I'm Maya. [She shakes Dan's hand vigourously] Dan: Uh, yeah. Maya: [To Rebecca] Is he always like this? Rebecca: Simply put: Yes. My name's Rebecca, by the way. Voice: Well, now that you're here... Maya: [Startled] The, uh, Great Big Head In The Sky, I presume. Rebecca: The one and only. [Pause] although I'm beginning to doubt that. Maya: Cute. Dan: Wstflrx. Rebecca: Cute? Voice: Since this is being taped, do you mind introducing yourself? Dan: [Breaks out of it] Dan! Hi! [Extends his hand to Maya] Maya: [Smiles & shakes his hand] We've met. Rebecca: This could go on all day. Voice: [Strained] Please? Maya: [Shrugs] Okay. [Turns to camera] My name's Maya Gold, an intelligence agent from... well, another planet. I'm not cleared for precise details, though. I'm a generally nice person, and my cover job is a technician. Is that enough? Voice: Fine. Just be wary of counter-espionage. Maya: Oh, I can handle *them.* Rebecca: So I suppose it's on with the hurt, now. Maya: I've been informed of the job. Sounds like fun. Dan: Wha? Voice: Not... quite yet. [The door opens and a woman enters the room. She is short, with shoulder length scruffy black hair. She has light blue eyes and pale skin. OK, she's also a tad overweight and not so much as attractive as... er whatever. Picture a cross between the Major from "Ghost In The Shell" and Bibi Ava from the Clone "Summer Of Fun" Special. That should have lost them.... Oh, she's wearing a police uniform, complete with tie.] Woman: Er... Is this the place? Dan: [Staring] My god! It's Noriko after a visit to the garbage compactor! [At which point, she leaps into the air, swinging viciously downwards with an oversized sledgehammer that appeared out of nowhere, driving Dan into the floor.] Maya: [Blinks] What was that. Rebecca: [Flat] A sledgehammer. Dan: Ahh! It's a free-range mallet with hair attached! [She whacks him a second time for good measure.] Woman: And my name's Karen McMillan. Officer McMillan to you. Dan: Fine. [Picks face up off floor] Voice: Would you mind introducing yourself for the audience? Karen: Wha? Rebecca: Our boss. The disembodied voice. Karen: Uhh... okay. Maya: You get used to it. Karen: Well. [Turns to camera] Umm... well, I'm a power armour pilot in the Chicago Police Special Vehichles Division. And I am twenty, despite what it may seem. Rebecca: Yeah. Dan: Sure. Karen: Ah, damn. Don't anyone believe me? Maya: Why not. Okay, I'll believe. Karen: Thanks. Rebecca: You are one wierd chick. Maya: Thank you. Voice: If you people don't mind... Rebecca: Oh, yeah. Today's experiment. Maya: Experiment? Voice: It's a review, thank you Rebecca, and I found something actually well- written for you this time. Karen: Hoh, boy. That sounds real believable. [They file over to the couches and sit - Dan next to Maya facing the TV, and Rebecca and Karen on the other couch. Dan is closest to Karen on the corners.] Dan: So what precisely is it today? Voice: Well, I've got a BGC fic for you today. Rebecca: So instead of lesbo schoolgirls in sailor suits, we've got lesbo vigilantes in hardsuits. [Pause] Linna and Priss! Linna and Priss! Dan: I'm gonna suffer this all the way through. Maya: Is she always like this? Rebecca: Yes. Karen: Cool. [The TV switches on] Dan: Help. > AUTHOR'S FORWARD: Karen: Co-authour's playing midfield, and the editor's in goal. Dan: Good start. > This time I've decided to put in my comments at the > beginning. Dan: Fine. Hurt us earlier. See if I care. > If your reading Maya: I didn't know I had a reading. Rebecca: Stock spelling error no. 1. Get used to it. > this story without having read my others Dan: Oh, no. I sense series. > you'll probably need to read the prologue - Karen: [Whiny] Ma, do we have to? > if your familiar Maya: I'm not a witch, so that doesn't apply to me. > with my characters and their background, feel free to > skip the intro and get right into the story. Dan: Sounds like a plan to me! Rebecca: Mr Voice, can we? Voice: No. Rebecca: Aahh... > Ok the story leading up to this is a bit complex, the > previous FanFic (its called Shifters - you can find it at > ftp.std.com) I've written was in the Ranma1/2 universe > everything that happened in that previous story is considered > almost 40 years in the past Karen: So Ranma is in the past of BGC? Why does everyone do that? Rebecca: Great. I sense imminent crossover. > - I won't be making many references to it, but it HAS happened. Maya: [Rimmer] It HAS happened, it will have going to have happened, it was an event that will be happening in a future time. Simple as that. > The characters might have changed a > little - after all 40 years is a long time, even for Shapeshifers. Dan: Shape- Hooboy. Rebecca: So either the Ranma cast are going to be running around in BGC, or... ugh. > At the time I'm writing this - I'm only just finishing my > Ranma1/2 FanFic, If you see any contradictions between the > stories Maya: Just put it down to normal fanfic incoherence. > - let me know.... I've done my best to keep this story > to the guidelines that I set up in Shifters. Now without further > blathering by me here is BGS Karen: I reccomend removing the 'G.' Dan: Everyone uses the 'G.' Karen: I meant from the fanfic's title. > (Bubblegum Shift).... Karen: There was an extra 'f' there, but never mind. Maya: Oh, give it a chance. It could be fun. > ----------------------------------------------------------------- Rebecca: [Soldier] All clear on the western front. > > PROLOGUE: (Taken from Ranma1/2 - Shifters) > > The story begins around two and a half thousand years ago, Dan: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... [All hum Star Wars theme] > in a little village on the steppes of northern Turkey. Maya: Where are the mountain goats? Rebecca: Obscure. I like it. > The > village was in an isolated little place and had everything that > the inhabitants could wish for. Karen: Convenient for transport. Rebecca: No airport noise. Dan: Local sporting venues. Maya: Low crime rate. > There was enough room for their > livestock to graze and good fertile soil in which to grow food. Maya: How pleasant and peaceful. You just know something's gonna happen. > The village got most if its water from a large lake, from which > flowed a small mountain stream. Karen: [Announcer] From these pure springs comes Evian. > The village had maybe thirty > people living in it, with another fifty to sixty living in the > area. Maya: I didn't think they'd invented censuses then. Dan: Maybe thirty, give or take a dozen. > Late one night, the peaceful village was split by a roar > of thunder, Dan: BURP! Rebecca: Thunder, you should lay off the expensive stuff. > a huge meteor impacted into the lake, Maya: [Laughs] Karen: Wiping out the entire village and the surrounding countryside! Maya: So much for the peaceful village. Have to wonder why he bothered with it. > flattening the > trees on the waters edge (and incidentally wiping out the local > fish population). Rebecca: And then all these funny green crystals began growing around the place. > The villagers didn't know what had caused the destruction > and after tiding up, Maya: They're too far inland. > they continued their lives as if nothing had > happened. Karen: [Villager] Ah, hell, jsut a meteor; just a village or two. Who cares? > Five generations later, Dan: And an awful lot of bad films staring William Shatner. > a young boy was the first to > discover one of the benefits of that unexpected meteor. Rebecca: It's not a meteor! It's a plot contrivance comet! > He had > taken up a dare, and was climbing the cliffs above the village, Maya: I could never guess what's gonna happen. > intending on showing his friends how brave Dan: Read: stupid. > he was. Unfortunately he slipped, plummeting to the earth. Rebecca: Splattering in a messy heap and preventing the entire cast from being born. The end. > The villagers ran over to > where the boy had fallen, expecting to find his mangled body. Karen: Someone get a spatula! Dan: Well, the lead-up was a Ranma fic... > Instead they found a small sparrow sitting on a tree branch, > which flew to the ground and reformed into a human, Rebecca: What, with clothes and everything? Maya: Ooh. > that young boy was the first shapeshifter. Dan: I know this is going to be important later... which gives me an *awful* feeling. > Most of the villagers knew the boy, so they were not about > to burn him at the stake or anything drastic, Karen: Never *mind* that we're talking about primitive civilizations that are liable to burn *anything* at the drop of a hat. > they instead talked > to him, having him explain exactly how it felt when he changed, Maya: But he was too young to adequately describe it. > after much discussion, it was decided that the boy would become > the village's lookout, to keep lookout for the nomadic marauders > that occasionally attacked the village, Rebecca: They'd come stomping down from the mountains, PPC's a blazing, only to get stopped by an unexpected Harmony Gold lawsuit. > they had no idea where the boy's abilities would lead them. Dan: Up the garden path. > In the years that followed, more and more Karen: Fanfics were written, good shows were destroyed and audiences were tortured. > of the children exhibited these strange abilities, > changing into all manner of creatures. There were two distinct > groups that began to emerge, the 'true' shapeshifters and the > changelings. Maya: Which he's not going to describe right now. > Everything went along fine the village was very > prosperous, and after almost seven hundred years, ALL of the > villagers were shapeshifters of some description Dan: Obviously they managed to avoid contact with the outside world, or the nearest bunch of fanatics would have wiped them out. > The two groups differed in that a 'true' shapeshifter could > change their shape into any form (from inanimate objects to birds), Rebecca: I'm detecting great plot contrivance powers ahead, folks. > they could alter their forms at the molecular level, strengthening > themselves greatly. The changelings, on the other hand, are > shifters who can change into one particular animal species. Karen: But they're inferior, so we won't worry about them. > The > farmers in the outlying areas were the main ancestors for the > changelings, and the main villagers were the shapeshifter's > ancestors. It has something to do with the water that the people > were drinking. Dan: [Stoned] Whoah, man, what's in the funky water, man. > Along with these abilities there was also another > unexpected result, people began to live longer. Rebecca: Hoh, boy. This is leading up to something VERY PAINFULL! > Now while it's not uncommon for people to live to around one hundred, All: [Laugh] Maya: And *what* time period was this? > people began to live much, much longer Karen: Thanks to... The Treatment! Others: Duh-duuhh!! > It came to the time of the first crusades knights All: [Singing] We're knights of the round table, we dance when we are able. > from north- > western Europe were making their way towards the 'holy lands'. > Unfortunately, the original shifter village was in their way. Karen: Convenient, that. Maya: This village had been left alone for *how* long? Dan: Must have been some very lost knights. Rebecca: See, plot contrivance comet. > A > group of about twenty young knights rode into the village, looking > for a way to the south. Karen: Just follow the mountie and his wolf. > The villagers had not had much contact > with the outside world, but they did understand the swords the men > were carrying. Maya: You see, the sharp end goes this way... > The knights stayed in the village for two days, Dan: [Knight] I am so lost. > before one of them saw a young shepherd, who was preparing to > muster his sheep, transforming into a sheepdog. Rebecca: [Deep] Beast mode! > The knights > immediately attempted to kill the 'evil monster'. Now while a > sheepdog might not look very threatening, a full-grown wolf, tends > to scare most people. Maya: Especially when armed with a rogue comma. > The twenty knights rode from the village, screaming. Dan: [Laughing] One wolf scares off twenty knights? What kind of wimps were they? Karen: [British accent] Run away! > Unfortunately for the villagers, crusader knights were > not ones to give up easily, two weeks later a company of one > hundred knights returned, to destroy this 'haven of evil', Maya: And run-on sentence. Rebecca: And potential self-insertions. > as they > called it. Not one of those knights ever left the valley, they were > destroyed to the last man. Dan & Rebecca: Colt strikes again! Dan: I *knew* he survived getting killed again! Karen: Wha? Nah, I don't want to know. > While the villagers were able to defeat the knights almost > half of them were killed, the remaining people realised that > eventually word of their village would spread, and more knights > would come to attack them. Karen: Or sell 'em stuff. > The village council was split as to > what should be done, some believed that the only way they would be > safe, was if humanity was destroyed. Rebecca: Now that's a bit extreme. So it's one village versus the world? Maya: I've seen worse odds. > The others believed that, if > they hid their powers, humans might accept them. After much > discussion everyone who wanted to fight left for the north, where > the knights had come from. The remaining villagers went west, All: [Singing] Go west! Life is peaceful there... > travelling together, looking for a place to live. > > The two factions became more and more hostile towards each > other, Maya: Never mind one ran into a bunch of knights and probably got massacred. > leading to a secret war, Rebecca: Just as long as you don't mention issue three! Don't mention issue three! > which exists still. The first > faction has been come to be known as the Conclave, it shuns any > non-shifters (it barely tolerates changelings, but NO halfbreeds > are allowed). Dan: That kind of tolerance sounds familiar. [Rebecca throws a cushion at him.] > The second is now known as the Circle, Dan: That was a cool episode by DS9's standards. Rebecca: *Full* Circle? Ugh! > it is still > very guarded with non-shifters, but it does not kill anyone without > good cause. Rebecca: Ah, you bunch of wimps. > Fighting between the Circle and Conclave has shifted > from battlefields to boardrooms, Karen: Battlefields and boardrooms! The new game from Hard 8 enterprises! > as each tries to gain power over the other...... > > > Bubblegum Shift > > by > Brett Handy Rebecca: Handy with *what?* > > > A lone corporate jet, passed over the bustling Maya: Bustle. Bustle bustle bustle. Bustle. > streets of Mega-Tokyo, Karen: Hey, you can see the Power Rangers from here. Dan: [Pilot] It's going to be a difficult landing, coming in between Godzilla and Gamera. > it's single passenger looked out at a city that she > hadn't seen in almost 30 years. The bulky presence of Genom's > world headquarters cast a shadow over much of the area she had > once lived. Her 'Uncle's' Rebecca: Her 'special' uncle. Dan: No, girl. Not again. > house had long ago been bought up by > the corporations, as had most of the houses which budded Maya: Ah, the beautiful houses budding in May. > along > Tokyo's CBD. The jet turned sharply and began to slow, as it > approached it destination. It's sleek wings folded back as a > trio of lateral thrusters engaged, Dan: So it thrusted sideways and folded back its wings to slow... [Rubs temples] This is gonna *hurt!* > slowing the craft, its landing wheels extended downwards. Rebecca: My plane's much nicer than that. > The craft bumped slightly as its > wheels touched helipad on the top of Epsilon Towers. "My > apologies, we have a rather strong cross-wind today ma'am", Karen: Yeah, well, if you hadn't been flying *sideways...* > announced the pilot, "We are down and locked, welcome to > Mega-Tokyo". Dan: [Pilot] Atomic monster capital of the world. Maya: Oh, look, it's EVA-01. > Kathy Thomas chuckled to herself, as she got to her feet. > Epsilon Industries had build these towers around 40 years ago. > After all this time, the twin towers, Rebecca: I'm not compensating! No, siree, I'm not compensating. > had been overshadowed by > much taller and more impressive buildings. Karen: [Quincy] Mine's bigger than yours. Rebecca: That was disgusting. Neat. > Having travelling overnight, Maya: So this fic's a refuge for gerunds? Dan: Here we see a gerund in its native environment. Cast out of many sentences, gerunds thrive in all manner of fanfics. > Kathy was not surprised that the pilot might have been > a little jumpy, after all, the towers in New York were at least > three times the size, Karen: [Kathy] Ah, my city's much bigger than that. Rebecca: This talk of *tower* *size* is pretty *significant,* eh? > and he was used to landing on a bigger helipad. Dan: Of course! Everything's bigger in the US! Maya: So he landed a passenger *jet* sideways on a helipad and is complaining about it. Makes sense. > Moving quickly as the doors opened, Kathy picked up her > bag and stepped out into the early-morning sun. Karen: Ow! Ouch! Hot, hot! > ***** Rebecca: Five stars, what was Leonard thinking? Karen: Laserblast: 2 and a half. Forget it. > Jim Williams, or rather, as he was known in business > circles, James Williams the Third, Rebecca: [Shudders] Dan: What's up? Rebecca: I feel a disturbance in the force, one that I haven't felt since... > stood waiting for his friend > at the huge window overlooking downtown Tokyo. Jim had only > spent only a few weeks here the last decade and was surprised at > how much bigger everything had become. Rebecca: Oy vey! Maya: Say, how much do you reckon shifters can change, anyway? Karen: [Flatly] I don't want to ask about that one. > When he built these > towers, all those years ago, he had never expected that the CBD > would come this far out from the centre of what used to be old > Tokyo. Karen: Earthquake might have had something to do with it. > He looked over at the horizon, seeing the jagged cuts in > the city, made by the great quake. Maya: That game really chews up processing power. > It was fortunate for him that > one of Epsilon Industries main products had been an experimental > shock-absorber for buildings, Rebecca: Convenient, that. > which saved a lot of time and > effort rebuilding. Jim turned as the door to his office hissed > open, Dan: He's so advanced, he's got starfleet doors! > and Kathy walked into the room. > > Kathy paused, looking around at Jim's familiar office. > "This place hasn't changed much", she remarked, as if they had > spoken just last week. > > "Good to see you too, Kathy", Karen: [Cathy] Jerk. Dan: [James] Bitch. > smiled Jim. It had been > almost seven years since they had last worked together, and he > was looking forward to seeing how much her skills had improved. Rebecca: I bet he can't wait to sample them! > "So what do you need me here in such a rush for?", Dan: [James] I haven't had any in weeks. > Kathy > asked as she sat down a chair opposite, Jim's polished hardwood > desk. Maya: She had to brush the commas off it first. > Jim sat down and gestured to a monitor on the opposite wall, > "This brings you here", he said. Karen: [Kathy] No, it was a jet. Rebecca: [James] My TV's busted. Can you fix it? > Kathy looked over at the display, it contained a lot of > technical data about some kind of combat robot. "These robots, > or as they are called, Boomers, have been showing up around Tokyo > over the last few months", Dan: No, way. Pause! [The fanfic pauses] Does anyone else here realise that, by assuming she doesn't know what a boomer is, he's basically called her the biggest moron on the face of the planet? Maya: Yes. His accuracy remains to be seen, though. Rebecca: And it's too late for a timeout, anyway. Play! [The fanfic restarts.] > he began, "The sample data, Rebecca: Whoah... bad Tenchi flashback. Maya: Well, they are part organic. > I've been > able to obtain from the AD-Police, shows that these Boomers were > not just randomly killing people, they had a specific type of > target and just appeared to be on a rampage". Maya: They're probably out to get that run-on sentence, for starters. > Kathy looked back across the desk, "So what does that have > to do with us?", Karen: [Kathy] You're cutting into my valuable grooming time, you know. > she replied, "you know we are not suppose to > interfere with the public at large". Karen: [Kathy] Cattle, yes, but people... > Jim stood and walked over to the monitor, pointing out > several, components on the monitor, Maya: Including at least one excess comma. Karen: I've got it! It's being written by William Shatner. Rebecca: After Tek War, I could believe that. > "These parts, or at least the > prototypes were stolen around five years ago from an Epsilon > Industries Lab in Europe". Dan: So you're basically saying your company invented the boomer? Rebecca: [Shudders] Here goes... > He then switched to another picture, > "I'm sure you're familiar with this symbol", he said. Maya: [Kathy] Nnnnnope. I don't get it at all. > Kathy looked at the small logo, etched onto one of the > components, Rebecca: [Reading] Crapola Inc. > and suddenly realised why she had been called away > from an important case in New York. "The Conclave", she said in > a small voice. Karen: So this secret society just likes to carve their symbol on boomer parts. Riiight. Maya: It's the little things that give the villains away. > Jim looked at her, "Yes, this is the from same company that > we've known is a Conclave front for the last ten years". Dan: So from this I take it they're both shapeshifters... And that means... Rebecca: [Shudders] Maya: right. So he'll join up witht he knight sabres, save Irene & Sylvie, and remove any element of tragedy from the story. Now all we need to know is which Scout he'll end up with. Dan: Uh, Knight Sabre, not Sailor Scout. Maya: Right. Those two shows are so alike. > Kathy slammed her fist down on the desk, "Shit, why didn't > you let me waste the place when we found it!!", she swore. Karen: Boy, you really believe in subtlety. Boy, why can't I deal with anyone that good. Rebecca: Of course there's the possibility that she ends up with a Knight Sabre. Dan: Leave it out. Rebecca: No! Linna and Priss! Linna and Priss! Karen: Done to death. Rebecca: Mina and Lita! Mina and Lita! Dan: Been there, seen that. Rebecca: Trowa and Quatre! Trowa and Quatre! Dan: Damn! Maya: Is that a gratuitous gay crack or a gratuitous lesbian crack? > Jim looked at her seriously, "If I'd let you destroy them, > we wouldn't know who we're dealing with now, Dan: You wouldn't *be* dealing with them now! Karen: Grade 'A' on the brain scale, ain't he? > and stop damaging my desk!". > > Kathy looked down at were her hand had cracked the seasoned > hardwood, "Oh, sorry", she mumbled. Maya: [Kathy] I do dumb things like smash furniture all the time. > "The other thing is, the top target in the boomer's memory > banks, were people with this type of DNA trace", he said, > switching to another picture. Dan: [Blinks] So it can study a person's DNA just by looking at them... [Clutches head] Oohhh... Rebecca: The marvels of plot contrivance technology! > Kathy looked at the DNA strand, Maya: Yup, it's a DNA strand! Karen: Those things are a bit hard to miss! > it seemed oddly familiar, Rebecca: [Kathy] Oh, yeah! I went out with him! > "You'll have to forgive me, its been a while since I studied > genetics", she said. > > Jim looked back at her and smiled, "This DNA is the same > mutated strand that's in both your and my cells", he concluded. Rebecca: It's official! They're both long-lived, super munchkin shapeshifters. > Kathy began to have a very bad feeling, "So what happens if > I run across one of these Boomers?", Kathy asked nervously. Maya: Waht happens if one of the Conclave runs across one of those boomers? Dan: That's a bit of a programming problem. > Jim looked over at her, "Run", he replied, "I've got some > items that may help us to deal with them, but they're all still > in testing". Maya: Which means that they'll work perfectly, because he built them. Karen: Hey, look, we haven't got *decisive* proof yet that he's S-I. > Jim switched off the monitor and sat back down, he reached > into his desk draw and pulled out a holstered gun and some ID > packets, tossing them across the desk to Kathy. "From now on > your Katherine Thomson, Dan: Wow. That's almost as good a secret ID as the ones Lara used. > special investigator with the United > States, anti-terrorist division, on loan to the AD-Police", > he finished. Karen: [James] And it's costing them a packet. > Kathy held up the gun with two fingers, like she felt that > it would dirty her hand to hold it, Maya: [Kathy] Guh-ross, it's like, mucking up my nail polish. Rebecca: Why do you assume she's a bimbo? No, forget it. > "You can't be serious, you > know how I feel about guns", she stated sourly. Rebecca: Ah, diddums, ya big wuss. Karen: If you want to be a cop, you've gotta have a gun! And a rocket launcher. Dan: I think the Brits have got the right idea. Rebecca: That's because in England, not just any old dumb fourteen- year-old punk can walk into a store an buy a howitzer. Maya: I take it this is some kind of tragedy, right? > Jim grinned at her, "Well get used to it, agent Thomson", he > said, "and if it makes you nervous, don't use it on anybody". Maya: I'm sure it will mean a lot to the murderer you just shot that you feel really bad about it. Dan: You don't seem to have anything against voilence. Maya: Actually, yes. Sometimes I just can't stop. Dan: Uh... okay. > Kathy stood, buckling her new, unwanted possession under her > jacket, "So what will you be doing while, I'm playing Fed?", she > asked. Rebecca: Watching the Playboy channel and jerking off. Maya: And hunting down all those rogue commas. Dan: Okay, leave the commas alone. Maya: If they leave me alone. > Jim walked over to the window, sliding it open, he turned > back to her, All: Jump! Jump! Jump! > "I'll be looking at finding an unofficial source of information", Dan: That's wonderfully specific. > he said, "close the window for me will you?". With > that Jim stepped out of the window. All: Yay! > She shook her head as she made her way over to the open > window, "God he likes a dramatic exit". Karen: [Kathy] God, I hate you. > As she pushed the window > shut, she watched a large black raven, winging its way into the > early morning streets of Mega Tokyo. Rebecca: Question. Dan: Yes? Rebecca: Where'd his clothes go? [Pause] Karen: Some innocent bystander's gonna get pelted. Maya: Oh, look! It's a wallet full of money and valuable ID cards! > ***** Karen: With all the money we spent on that antenna, you'd think we could get better reception. > Kathy pulled her car into a parking bay under the ADP > building. All: Heave-ho! > Getting out she was almost hit by a girl on a > motor-scooter, Maya: [A-ko] Eeexxxcccuuusssee me! Karen: Sounds like me running early. > who swerved to the side narrowly avoiding the open > car door. "Uhh.. sorry, I'm late", shouted the girl as she > jumped off her bike and ran to the elevators. Dan: Any bets? Rebecca: [Rubs head] She is going to be assigned Screaming Nene Romanova as her partner. Talk about the blonde leading the blonde. > Kathy shook her > head and walk slowly towards elevators, heading for the > reception desk. The receptionist directed her to the correct > office and told her to talk the department head. Maya: [Kathy] Are all your departments run by severed heads? > Kathy walked over to the elevators and waited. > > Nene lay panting at her desk, she had just made it in time, > yet again. "I need to set my alarm earlier", Karen: This is so familiar. Dan: Are you like this every morning? Karen: Sometimes I'm later. > she thought, for about the 100th time this year. Rebecca: And it's only February. Wonderful. > Nene looked over to the chief's > office to see him sitting talking on the phone, Leon was nowhere > to be seen Karen: Best place for him. Rebecca: Probably snuck into that APC with Daley again. Dan: Don't you start. Maya: Yes, it's the Sabres' sexualities in question, not Leon's. Dan: ... Rebecca: I can't have any fun. > and the office was almost empty. She had just started > working on a report that she had forgot to finish yesterday, Maya: [To Karen] Are your police always this ineffectual? Karen: Usually more so... Hey! Maya: [Sniggers] > when > a hand tapped her on the shoulder. "Excuse me, where can I find > the head of the department?", Maya: [Nene] Over there, on the shoulders of the department. > asked the young lady who tapped her > on the shoulder. Nene recognised her as the car-driver she had > almost run over in her haste to get to work on time. All: Funny, that. Dan: Try harder. > "Uhh Rebecca: [Nene] You're so cute... > he's over there", Nene replied, pointing to the chief. "Thank you", > replied the strange woman. Nene breathed a sigh of relief as the > lady walked away, "Good she didn't recognise me". "Oh, buy the > way, Maya: How much does it cost? > why don't you just get up five minutes earlier, instead of > running over helpless visitors to the building?", the woman > suggested. Dan: Ugh. That sounds so Pat Lee. > Nene blushed and turned back to her paperwork. Maya: [Nene] God, I'm stupid! Rebecca: Registered Avatar side-effect. Original character's IQ's plummeting. > A chuckling Kathy walked into the chief's office, just as he > slammed down the phone, swearing. "Ahh excuse me?", she > ventured. > > The Chief looked up angrily, "What do you want?", he > snarled. > > Kathy dropped her ID on the desk in front of him, "How about > a little professional courtesy", she asked sweetly. All: NO! Dan: Geez, who woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning? Rebecca: Are you kidding? She's *only* insulted two people so far. Maya: She's only *talked* to two people so far. > The Chief picked up her ID, looking it over, as if he wanted > to find something wrong with it. Karen: [Todo, reading] M-O-N-I-C-A L-E-W-I-N-S-K-Y. Well, that seems to be in order. Dan: That was good! Karen: I was just impersonating my boss. Of course, she's a woman... > "So your that hot-shot agent from the US, huh?", he asked. Maya: [Kathy] No, I'm an authour-created character, reaching almost avatar-scale arrogance and self-importance. > Kathy looked at him with a smile, "That's what my ID says", > she replied. The Chief shook hands with her, and apologised for > his earlier rudeness, Dan: Todo... apologised. Well, I don't know who this is, but it seems Todo's taken his retirement early. Rebecca: Oh, great. We're stuck with George Bushisku from BGCrash. > explaining that he had one man in particular working under him Dan: No. Rebecca: Aww... Maya: Anyone would think you two were married. Rebecca: Watch it, shorty. Maya: 'Shorty?' > that caused all kinds of trouble. > Kathy nodded and said that she had a co-worker that made her feel > exactly the same way. Karen: [Kathy] Must... kill... self-insertion. > Nene had just finished her late report, > when the chief called her into his office. "Officer Nene, this > is Agent Thomson, of the United States, Anti-Terrorism Unit, > she'll be working with us for a few weeks, hopefully she will be > able to aid us in solving some of these Boomer crimes, that we > never seem to run out of", Karen: Well, it *is* kind of your job and all. Maya: Also, hopefully, she'll be able to do something about all these rampant run-on sentences. > he said, introducing the two women. > Kathy smiled and shook hands with Nene. "I want you to show her > around the building and make sure she has everything she needs", > he finished. Dan: Congrats, Rebecca. Rebecca: [Moaning] I wish I was wrong. > Kathy and Nene walked out of his office and over to Nene's > desk. "So", Kathy began, "Get much action around here?". Rebecca: [Nene] All the time, at Linna's! And then, when Priss is there too... > Nene laughed and said "More than our fair share". Dan: What with all these BGC self-insertions rampaging around. > Kathy spent the rest of her day with Nene, looking around > the building and begin introduced to other officers. Around > eight o'clock that evening, as Kathy was keeping Nene company, Rebecca: So that's what they call it these days. > in > the radio room, a call came in about a rouge boomer, over in > district 14, heading down 104th street. Maya: In pursuit of a whole *horde* of commas. Dan: Okay, we get the picture by now. > The regular police units > were in a frenzy, screaming for assistance for the ADP. Kathy, > activated her sub-cutaneous Maya: Cutaneous... Hmm... [Pause] "Of the skin." What's wrong with "sub-dermal?" Or "implanted?" > communicator immediately, informing Jim where the Boomer was. Dan: Because, as we all know, the ADP are butt-useless, and can't do their jobs alone. > ***** Karen: Snow's come early this year. > Jim was enjoying a concert by a talented singer named Priss, Rebecca: [Breaks out laughing] Dan: Grr... Karen: How come the term 'holy war' suddenly springs to mind? > when his communicator activated. Dan: [Picard] Picard here, go ahead. > The communicators were small > enough to fit just behind the ear, perfect for shapeshifters. Karen: And munchkins of all varieties. > Jim got up from his seat, moving quickly to the exit, almost > colliding with another man, wearing dark glasses, heading to the > exit as well. Dan: This seems very familiar... Oh, please god, no. Not one of *those* BGC self-insertions. Karen: Those? Dan: Rather than adding himself at a later date, he includes himself from pretty much the beginning. Of course, this means he can warp reality even more. > Once he was clear onto the street, Jim ducked into > an alley, shimmering into the form of a raven, and flying quickly > across the city streets in the direction of the distant fires. Maya: He must go through a *fortune* in clothes that way. > The Raven watched as the ADP units opened up on the boomer, > their small arms fire, bouncing off harmlessly. It was all he > could do to restrain himself, as the boomer took out the two, > small police helicopters. Maya: Aren't you a helpful and merciful guy. Rebecca: Viper 3-7 going down! ARGH! Dan: [Grins] Obscure. I like it. > Jim realised that he didn't have much > of a chance against the Boomer, not at least until he had some > extra weaponry other than his claws. All: [Gasp] Rebecca: The god-boy admits a failing. Be still, my beating heart. > Kathy was continuing to listen to reports, both from the ADP > and Jim, who was following the boomer at a safe distance. Dan: Shouldn't it have spotted him and tried to kill him by now? Karen: Shaddup. Dan: I mean, it can *read* his DNA by just *looking* at him. Karen: Shut up. Dan: Never mind that to change shape, he'd no doubt change his DNA- [Karen draws the sledgehammer into existance and again pounds Dan with it.] Karen: I said: SHUT UP! Dan: [Dazed] Ahh... okay. > Nene > looked very worried for some reason, "You alright Nene?", Kathy > asked. Dan: [Dazed] I'm fine... just wish these little flying elephants would go away. > Nene looked at her with a worried frown, "It's just that > I've got friends out there", she replied. Kathy gave her an > understanding look, before it turned to pure rage, as Jim > reported the destruction of yet another ADP helicopter. Rebecca: [Kathy] Calm blue ocean... Calm blue ocean... > Nene looked at Kathy strangely, "are *you* alright", she > asked worriedly. Maya: [Nene] You're kinda boiling over in here. > Kathy wiped the angry expression off her face quickly, "I'm > just upset too", she said. Karen: [Kathy] I miss my blanky. Dan: Guys, are we being unneccessarily mean to Kathy? Rebecca: Define 'unneccessary.' > Jim was busy dodging 20mm bullets, as the boomer started > using a captured mini-gun. Dan: Thinkhappythoughtsthinkhappythoughtsthinkhappythouhgts... Karen: Where'd this boomer learn to shoot? Stormtrooper academy? > "Geeze, can't these guys stop him", > Jim thought to himself. The boomer, stoped suddenly and turned > in his direction, Maya: Wasn't it just shooting at him? > the sensors in its eyes, scanning his way. > "Oh, no", thought Jim, "he's picked me up". Rebecca: [Jim] And here's me without a thing to wear. > The Boomer was about > to raise it's gun again, when it suddenly turned and sped off > down the highway. Dan: [Boomer] I'll menace you and... run away. Karen: [Boomer] Whoops, gotta run! South Park's on, an I wanna know who his dad is! > Jim flew as fast as his wings could take him, > following the Boomer on its run. Suddenly some kind of motorbike > flew past down the highway, it's rider wearing some kind of blue > combat suit. Rebecca: Oh, look. It's little miss destructive, out to *save* the city. > Jim realised that he was travelling too slow, as a > raven and quickly switched to the more versatile form of > DarkWind, Karen: [Jim] Darkwind, terrorize! > extending his bat-like wings, DarkWind proceeded down > the highway at a much faster speed. Dan: [Jim] I am the terror that flaps in the night! > By the time DarkWind reached the edge of the canyons, Maya: The coyote was already falling straight past him. > the > Boomer was facing off against three figures in some form of power > armour. DarkWind stayed in the shadows, Dan: I'm hiding in shadows! Yeah. [Muttered] 80% roll... D'oh! > watching as the strange > figures finished off the troublesome boomer in less than a > minute. It took a lot to impress an 80 year old shapeshifter, > but DarkWind was impressed. Karen: [Jim, whiny] Ma, I want one! Rebecca: [Motherly] Wait your turn! Karen: [Jim, whiny] But ma! Rebecca: [Motherly] No, wait until Takei's done with them. > The three figures disappeared into the night, Dan: [Badly Dubbed Martial Artist] Ninja... Vanish! > as a squadron of ADP helicopters began to arrive. > "This is getting even more interesting", Maya: For you and you alone. Rebecca: Yeah, you're not reading this. > he thought to himself. > He decided to head back to the club, investigating these three > would take some time and if his contact came through he might > just be able to find out some more interesting information > tonight. Dan: Like their measurements. Ho-hey! > ***** Maya: Pretty stars, pretty, pretty stars... > It was after midnight when, a now human, Jim Williams > finally met his 'fixer'. Dan: [Desparate] Man, I need a fix now! > The man called himself Fargo, Maya: [Minnieweigan] Cue corny coincidence number two. Karen [Minnieweigen]: Oh, yah, it's wonderful this time of year. > he was > known in the seedier side of business, as a man who would do > almost anything for money. Rebecca [Minnieweigen]: Oh ya, he'll even put on the sailor suit if you ask nicely. > Jim started the ball rolling, "So > what can you tell me about Boomers", he asked. Karen [Minnieweigen]: They're kinda funny looking. Rebecca [Minnieweigen]: Funny looking? Karen [Minnieweigen]: Ya. Funny looking. > "Well, they're big, mean and kill people for fun...", began > Fargo. Dan [Minnieweigen]: Talk about the statement of the bleedingly obvious. Karen [Minnieweigen]: Only if you mean combat boomers. Maya [Minnieweigen]: Oh ya. > "Cut the crap", broke in Jim, "I want specific information > on who is supplying this make of boomer", Dan [Fargo, Minnieweigen]: Well, there's this big company with a monopoly on them. Could be hard. > throwing a disk across the table to Fargo. Rebecca [Minnieweigen]: Accidentaly hitting him in the eye and blinding him. Dan [Minnieweigen]: Feeling dark today? Rebecca [Minnieweigen]: Ya. > Fargo, caught up the disk and asked, "is that all?". Dan [Minnieweigen]: You could ask why no-one's heard of them before in a society based on boomer labour. Maya [Minnieweigen]: Could do, could do. > Jim looked over at him thoughtfully, "If you can find out > some information about these vigilantes, I believe they're called > the Knight Sabres, it would be much appreciated", he said, > slapping down a thick pile of pile of 10,000 yen notes. > Fargo looked at the notes and rather nervously picked them > up, "I'll see what I can do", he said, getting up to leave. Karen [Fargo, Minnieweigen]: Time to take that early retirement, ya? > ***** Maya [Minnieweigen]: It really snows this time of year. Rebecca: Okay, that's enough with the 'Fargo' jokes. > Jim finally arrived back in the towers, just after 2 am. He > flew to his perch outside his office, and the automatic windows > opened to let him in. Maya: That must do wonders for his office when it's raining. > "Nice to see you back so soon", said a > sarcastic voice. Jim looked over to the couch, to see a > sleepy-eyed Kathy just waking up. Dan: [Jim, bleary] Honey, I'm home. Rebecca: That should be a shock to his system, considering he just *flew* in and there's a *woman* in here. > "I thought I you had an apartment on the other side of > town", Jim said in a surprised tone. Karen: [Kathy] It got in the way of a boomer, so I'm borrowing your couch. > "I do", she said, stretching, "But I wanted to talk to you > before I left in the morning". Jim went to sit behind his desk, > but Kathy motioned him over to the couch. Rebecca: One of *those* chats, huh? > As he sat down > opposite her, he felt a stunning blow to his chin, which lifted > him out of his chair and threw him backwards. Maya: [Kathy] And that concludes our little chat. > He shook his head groggily, "What the hell did you do that > for!", Maya: [Jim] And where did my question mark go? > he groaned. Dan: Could it have been that opening scene in which you made her look like a total moron? > Kathy stood and walked towards the door, "That's for > worrying your partner, if I remember you did the same thing to me > after that business in Hong Kong". Dan: Ah, who cares about you? You're not the self-insertion. > Jim stood, "I gave you a slap on the face, not an > uppercut!", Karen: Interest! > he said. Kathy kept walking towards the door, not > looking at him. Rebecca: Hissy fit! Hissy fit! Karen: We have a domestic at Epsilon Towers, nearest unit report. > "By the way, Kathy", Jim called, "I'm speeding > up production of those new weapons, from what I saw tonight, > we'll need them". Dan: [Jim] I need a bigger gun. > ***** Maya: Skies are really clear tonight. > Kathy had spent the last week, working with the ADP, Karen: So who are these ADP guys, anyway? Dan: They're basically an over-armed, totally ineffectual police force whose main job is to get mowed down by the rampaging boomer of the week. Karen: Sounds just like where I work. Except for the boomers bit. But we've got power armours, so it doesn't really matter. Dan: So do they. Karen: Now *that's* useless. > over > that time, several boomer-related reports had crossed her desk. Rebecca: [Boomer] Rar! *Stomp* *stomp* *stomp.* Coming through! > One in particular disturbed her greatly. Aqua city, a huge > floating island, had exploded, Dan: Then, house explode. > and according to one of the ADP > captains, a guy named Leon, there were a number of boomers in the > area, as well as the Knight Sabres. Kathy could only marvel at > the abilities of the suited women, they could really kick some > serious butt. Karen: Something *you'll* never manage. Maya: [Kathy] How come I never get to kick butt in any of these fight scenes? > According to Jim, just prior to the 'accident', > the USSD had requested that Epsilon Industries, make another > 'special control chip'. Dan: Oh, for crying... they built *that* too? Hello? Anyone ever heard the term 'secret?' Rebecca: [Guide] Here at Epsilon industries, we build everything from orbital death-ray cannons to toasters! > Although Jim thought nothing of it at the time, Karen: [Jim] Let's see... just want another death ray controller, take over the world with sattelite weapons... yup, nothing unusual with that! > the chip was a part of a controller for the Defense > Satellites, orbiting above the planet and it was one of those > satellites that destroyed Aqua City. Maya: Nah, it was just any old orbital particle beam cannon. > "We've got to find out more > about those Knight Sabres", she thought, Karen: Given her level of competence, she'll probably research them through Koopa fics. Rebecca: I could *really* use one of those right about now. > worried at the > possibility of having to fight them, after they had done so much > good for the city. Maya: Being, I suppose, their destruction of Aqua City? > Kathy stood up and hurried out of her office, > heading for the car park, she was due at the aerobics club. Dan: Oh god. No. Please. > Nene > had invited her to attend one of her classes, with a friend named > Linna. Karen: Cue ridiculous coincidence number three. Rebecca: Linna and Kathy! Linna and Kathy! Dan: Give it up. > Kathy had enjoyed the class and had continued to attend, > becoming friends with Linna, who enjoyed having someone in her > class that could keep up with her. Rebecca [Linna]: She keeps going all night! Dan: This fic's just too easy. > Following that afternoon's class, Linna was talking to a > young girl, about an accident at a Genom research lab. Dan: Here we go again, folks. Twenty says she makes it through the episode. Maya: It can't be a bet if we all agree. > Kathy > moved over to offer some words of encouragement, when she saw how > upset the young lady was. Karen: [Irene, whiny] I want outta this fanfic! > "We were going to get married when the > project was finished", the young girl said sadly, "But now this > ring is all I have left". Kathy moved up beside her, "Linna, > who's your friend?", she asked. > > Linna looked over at Kathy, "This is Irene, Irene this is > Katherine a friend of mine", she responded. Maya: See what happens? You use up all your commas early, and you've got no more when you need them. > Irene managed a sad smile, "Please to meet you", she said. > Kathy looked over at her, "I know what would make you feel > better", she said. Rebecca: [Kathy] A threesome! > Irene raised her head, "what's that", she said. Rebecca: [Kathy] That's when you, me and Linna... Maya: Is there any reason why you always do that? Rebecca: 'Cause it's fun. Maya: Makes sense. > Linna, looked at Kathy, Kathy looked at Linna, and they both > said together, "Shopping!". Maya: [Irene, monotone] Yes, my fiance is dead and I just spent all my money. I feel so happy. Rebecca: [Ditto] Let's all act like happy female stereotypes. Dan: So that doesn't work? Maya: Not usually. Dan: Damn! > The three women were sitting at a restaurant eating some > dinner. "I do feel a little better", said Irene. Karen: [Irene] Now that I've survived that unexpected scene change. > Linna looked at her squarely, "You look it too", she said. Maya: [Linna] Those implants are so *you.* Dan: Now you've got her doing it too! Maya: Just part-time. > Kathy was busy eating her dinner, when she noticed a black > car, driving slowly past the restaurant, the driver seemed to be > looking straight at her. Karen: Take no notice of me! I'm just an evil black car. I'm just paranoidly watching you. Nothing unusual here. Dan: What was that? Karen: That... That was a pigeon. > "I going to try to find out what happened to him", stated > Irene firmly, referring to her fiancee that had been killed in > the accident at Genom. Dan: [Deadpan] I never would have guessed. Karen: [Irene] And then I'm gonna buy a boat and move to the country. And get married, and have lots of kids, and get one of them this beautiful music box... Rebecca: Okay, we get the picture. > "Find out?", asked Linna. > > Kathy looked back at Irene as she explained, "Because of the > recent Boomer crimes, Genom will be a media target, since they > produce the boomers, I'll try to expose what happened". Dan: [Slowly] You'll try to expose what happened because they're a media target and build boomers... Ack! > "That could be dangerous", interjected Kathy, "If you like I > can try to look into it myself". > > Irene looked a little confused, "Investigate it how?", she > asked. Linna spoke up, "Kathy here is an agent for the USA's > Anti-Terrorism Unit, currently working with the ADP". Karen: They've got some talent for once. Rebecca: This *is* Kathy, don't be too sure. Dan: Just throw her a donut and she'll be useless. Karen: *I* don't go all useless at the sight of a donut! Dan: Coffee! Karen: Where? Where? [Pause] Grr... > Irene looked at Kathy hopefully, "You really think you can > find out something?", she asked. > > "I'm sure of it", Kathy replied. > > The three women finished dinner and were just walking onto > the street, when they noticed Linna's car begin towed away. Maya: [Muttering] Linna's car begin towed away... Linna's car begin towed away... [Normal] Nope. I don't get it at all. Rebecca: Has Dr. Thinker been editing again? > "Hey, that's my car!", shouted Linna, as it rolled around the > corner and out of sight. > > Kathy said, "Well, I can probably find my own way home....". > Irene nodded her head and agreed that she could walk home from > here. Karen: [Irene] Lalala, I'll just stroll down this darkened street alone. > "Ok", said Linna, "take care..". Karen: [Linna] Look both ways before crossing the street. Maya: [Irene] Yes, mum. > Irene turned around, "I'm glad your so concerned about me... > Thank you", she said as she continued to walk down the street. Rebecca: Have a nice death! > Linna began to walk towards a phone booth as Kathy looked > around for a taxi. Suddenly a car swerved straight at Linna, who > dove out of the way. The car then reversed out and headed in the > direction that Irene had taken. > > "Irene", shouted Linna. Maya: [Camp] No, cut, cut. You've got to do it wiht more emotion. Like: [Deep breath] IRENE! Rebecca: [Camp] Oh lovely, baby, super. > Kathy rushed down an alley, reforming as she ran. Rebecca: [Kathy] No more cigs, no more alchohol. No more cigs... > With each > step she got taller and more powerful looking, until by the end > of the alley, instead of the blond, attractive Kathy, there was a > eight foot tall, golden skinned creature, Karen: Do you want to try and stand out some *more?* > with arms that ended in silvery coloured blades. Dan: Edward scissorhands gets a guest appearance. > The creature had a vaguely humanoid > shape, but its head had no mouth, Maya: [Kathy] I can't breath! > and its only other feature was > a set of brilliant blue eyes. Kathy leaped up onto the top of a > building, activating her communicator, "Yo!, Jim... I've got a > little problem here", she called. Maya: [Kahty] I'm a useless female character who needs the buff male lead to help her out. Rebecca: [Jim] No can do, Kath, I'm busy doing my nails. > "Huh... Kathy, where are you??", Karen: [Kathy] In a crappy fanfic! > Jim replied. Kathy gave > him her location, and he said he was on his way. Rebecca: [Jim] I'm off! Faster than a speeding plot contrivance! > Irene ran until she had no feeling in her legs, only just > dodging down an alley in front of the black car. Dan: [Car] That's right, I'll follow you very slowly. > She screamed > for someone to help her as she ran, but no one seemed to be > around. Reaching an overpass and ran blindly up the stairs > collapsing with relief, as she reached the top. As she got up to > run, she tripped, her legs unable to bear her weight. Rebecca: [Irene] Shouldn't have had that fifth course... > Suddenly > the black car pulled up in front of her, and a woman got out, she > was tall, wear a red jacket and dress. Maya: -A few too many commas, a tense error and a run-on sentence. > As Irene started to shuffled backwards, Maya: Started to shuffled... Urk. Dan: It's the latest dance sensation! > the woman reached down and grabbed the front > of Irene's shirt, lifting her up off the street. Suddenly the > woman's right hand, turned into a razor sharp, Maya: Lethal comma. > metallic claw. All: WOLF-A-RINE! WOLF-A-RINE! Rebecca: Just had to do it. > The now-revealed assassin boomer, slashed Irene across the face, > drawing blood. Suddenly there was a flash All: Gah! Karen: Something's *seriousy* wrong with this boomer's programming. > of silver light in > front of Irene's face and she fell to the ground, the boomer's > hand had been cut off at the wrist. Rebecca: Darth Vader strikes again! > Kathy recover from her downward swing, as the boomer turned > around to face this new target. Irene scrambled back down the > stairs, just as Linna got to their base. Karen: And Linna's on third! The crowd's going wild! > The boomer slashed at > Kathy with its clawed hand, missing by inches as Kathy hurriedly > jumped back. Kathy swung at the boomer again, only to have it > grab her sword Dan: Where'd that come from? Karen: Do you *really* want to know? Dan: Maybe not. > as it whistled by. "This boomer, might be a bit > more trouble that I thought", she said into her communicator. > > "I'll be there in 30 seconds", Dan: [Jim] Otherwise it's three dollars off. > replied Jim, sounding like he > was screaming over a loud noise. The boomer threw Kathy into the > side of the black car, smashing a large indent in the passenger > side door. Karen: Back to the panel-beaters with you. > "Boy am I glad that my bones are a carbon-composite > in this form", she thought. Just as the boomer was approaching > her, intending to finish her off, she heard a whine of jet > engines and saw a black shape flash in front of the boomer, > slashing a long cut in the boomer's chest. Dan: [Deadpan] It's our hero. All: [Bored] Yay. Rebecca: [Kathy] Thank god you arrived. Otherwise I might have had to do something usefull. > DarkWind flashed by, All: GAH! Rebecca: I don't *care* if you're a self-insertion, some things you're just *not* allowed to do. > propelled by a specially designed jet pack, Karen: It's Robby Rocket Pants and his jet-powered Rocket Pants! > racking his claws over the boomer's chest. He looped up > again, hovering above the roadway and raised his arms at the > boomer, a pair of mini-missiles streaked in at the boomer, Dan: [Jim] Akagiyama missiles! > blowing it in half, and sending pieces of it all over the place. Rebecca: Ew! They'll be cleaning that up for *weeks!* > Kathy looked up at him in surprise, "So those new weapons systems > are ready, hey?", she asked. Dan: [Jim] I just borrowed them off my pal Ankoku. > DarkWind landed on the road beside her, "Need a lift?", he > asked in a guttural whisper. Jim had changed his fighting form > rather radically, to accommodate the new weapon systems. His > wings, rather than being bat-like were now looking like something > off of a modern day fighter plane. Karen: Hey, it's Skywarp! > His arms were much bigger, > having to house the twin missile launchers and the jetpack looked > like it was part of his body. Maya: That would look so dumb. > Funnily enough, he still hadn't > changed his voice, preferring to chill the opposition with it's > strangeness. Rebecca: Yeah, I'm sure that 'hello sailor' voice *really* scares them. > Kathy suddenly realised that they had an audience, Linna, > Irene and another girl who had arrived on a motorcycle were > watching them curiously. Karen: [Jim] Don't mind me. You see big, black, half-organic critters every day. > DarkWind noticed her looking at the ladies below Rebecca: [Kathy] I want that one! > and called out to them, "Glad to be of service > ladies", before grabbing hold of Kathy's shoulders and engaging > the jet pack. Dan: [Impresonates Gun Jack lifting off] > Kathy and DarkWind sped over Tokyo, towards > Epsilon Towers and the helipad waiting for them. > > Kathy noted that they were travelling very, very quickly. Dan: Wow. We're dealing with a real mind here. > "How fast are we going", she said into her communicator. > > "According to my HUD, about 400 kph", DarkWind replied. > > "Talk about improvements!", Kathy muttered, "I gotta get > myself one of these things". Dan: I've gotta get me some of that. Maya: [Whacks him gently on the back of his head] You naughty boy. > ***** Rebecca: Another beautiful line of Cid Highwind dialogue. > "Who or what was that??!!?", All: The Self-Insertion. Next! > asked Priss, as she watched the > two figures fly away on a pillar of flames. Rebecca: Time to be absolutely crude and disgusting? Dan: Please, no. > Linna didn't answer, she simply held onto Irene, Rebecca: [Linna] It's my shiny thing, and I found it! > who was still sobbing. "We had > better get out of here, the cops will be here soon", said Priss, > indicating the mangled wreckage, that was still burning brightly > on the overpass. > > Linna put Irene on the back of Priss's bike, motioning Priss > to leave. "Get her out of here, I'll meet you back at Sylia's > place", she said. Karen: To the batcave! > About half an hour later, the Knight Sabres were sitting > around trying to decide where they were suppose to go from here. > "Well we've still got that lead about the new Genom lab in the > Kawasaki factory zone, that we can check out", Mackie said > cautiously, looking at his sister, Rebecca: [Mackie] Sis, are you gonna take off all your clothes again? Dan: I'd complain, but it *is* Mackie... > to gauge her reaction. > > Sylia nodded, "In any case that needs to be investigated, > but I'm rather curious about Irene's mysterious benefactors", she > said. > > Priss stood and said, "Well I don't care who they were, lets > just go and kick some boomer butt!", Karen: *Please* tell me she doesn't always talk like that. > and with that she moved towards the equipment storage bay. > > ***** Maya: Space, the final frontier... > At the same time as the Knight Sabres were getting suited > up, Kathy was being introduced to a side of Epsilon Industries > that she didn't know existed. Rebecca: Oooh... Maya: Merchandising! Where the *real* money comes from! > After they landed on the roof, > DarkWind punched a certain key code Karen: [Jim] Take that, you naughty keycode! Hahahahaha! Dan: [Worried] Uh, are you okay? Karen: [Sweetly] Oh, fine. > into the elevator's control > pad. He followed that by producing a DNA scan, before the > elevator began to move. "Where are we going?", Kathy asked. Maya: [Kathy] Are we there yet? > "You'll see", was all that DarkWind replied. Dan: It's the Magical Muckraking Mystery Tour. Rebecca: Wow. Obscure. > The elevator continued its descent, Karen: Descent to the depths! Rebecca: Oh, look. It's Tim Eldred and Bruce Lewis. Karen: Super obscure. > far below street lever, Maya: What happens when you pull the street lever? > it ground to a > halt. "This area is totally secure, less than two dozen people > know of its existence", Maya: [Jim] Plus the hordes of construction workers that built it. > DarkWind said. He moved across a large, > steel-walled room, towards an open locker. Kathy walked into the > room, looking around in wonder, she had been in this building > hundreds of times, and she never new that it had a hidden floor. Karen: Well, you see, that's why it's HIDDEN! > DarkWind stepped into the locker and he seemed to melt, Dan: [Jim] I'm melting! I'm melting! > his > jetpack locked into a wall brace, the missile launchers were > clipped into a rack, and what amazed Kathy the most, Maya: This amazing run-on sentence. > was what > looked like a set of body armour that he seemed to flow out of. > When he finally regained human form, Jim looked at the expression > on her face. Rebecca: [Kathy] You forgot your clothes again. Karen: We're getting a *lot* of milage out of this clothes thing. Dan: I'm praying for a jar of toothpicks about now. > "Oh, that's sub-dermal body armour, it provides > good protection against anything up to about 12mm rounds". Maya: Of course, it doesn't do the skin it's under much good. > He > gestured Kathy across the room towards another heavy steel door. Rebecca: [Jim] Now if you'll step this way to Jim's Lovely Suite... > Kathy followed Jim into a long corridor, All: [Hum 'Get Smart' theme] > sitting in the middle was a moving walkway. Maya: Wouldn't it be better if it was installed? > Jim walked onto it calmly motioned her to do the same. Dan: Geez, he has to tell her how to do *everything.* > The walkway moved them quickly down the > corridor, travelling for about five minutes. Karen: Where in blazes are they going? > Jim got off as it > stopped at a huge steel door, he punched a code Karen: Ow! Again? > into the door's > control pad. And it slid back into in wall. Kathy stopped and > gaped, inside was a room, which vaguely resembled an aircraft > hangar. Line up along the walls, Dan: Yes, sir! [They all stand, and line up against a wall of the apartment.] Voice: Ha, ha. Get back to your seats. [They all sit] > there were a series of > helicopters, jet fighters and what looked like a couple of tanks. Karen: So they just looked like tanks. Could it be they *were* tanks? > "What the hell is this??", Kathy exclaimed. Rebecca: [Jim] This? Oh, I need this to compensate for my really small- Karen: [Clamps hand over Rebecca's mouth] Thank you. Maya: I guess there's some thing's he can't change. > Jim turned and gestured to the assembled firepower, "Each > one of these was built by Epsilon Industries, or at least by a > company controlled by Epsilon Industries", Karen: Epsilon industries! Bringing you the lkatest in military-grade death technology. > he pointed out a sleek > jet fighter, "This fighter is currently being used by the USAF, > as their front line interceptor". Rebecca: Ah, this is the part where the god-boy starts making me sick to my stomach. > Kathy stood amazed, "I was wondering how you were able to > come up with some weaponry so quickly", she said. Jim continued > to walk through the room, pointing out various aircraft, > explaining their purposes. Rebecca: [Jim] That's my big black van mech, which I'm using to fight the Decepti- er, robots. > Finally they came to the end of the > hangar where Jim motioned to Kathy, to have a seat at a small > table. Maya: All this money and you still can't afford a decent meeting room? > "The Jetpack is not a new discovery, I've had one in > planning for a number of years, the only problem is that it has a > rather short fuel supply, about 15 minutes flight time, at best", > Jim stated. Karen: Actual milage may vary. > Kathy looked around, "Well I had no idea Epsilon Industries > was so heavily into the military hardware area", she observed. Dan: [Jim] We also have a great line of kitchen appliances! > Jim stood and walked over to a control panel, "The only > thing that we don't build is boomers, I don't believe that people > should send out robots to fight their wars, they should do the > dying themselves", Maya: Geez, what a great stand. So rather than seeing generals order hordes of disposable robots into battle, you'd rather see them order hordes of living people into battle. Dan: Anyone ever told him that boomers are used for purposes other than combat? > he said, "this is the latest addition to our > little collection". Dan [Jim]: It's our swimsuit section! > Kathy looked up to the roof seeing a sleek-looking > helicopter sitting on the elevator platform. "This is the > Stalker assault helicopter, it was intended as a replacement for > the ADP's ageing pursuit helicopters, but for some reason it was > cancelled at the last minute", Jim explained, "Someone in the > government wants the ADP to keep using old equipment". Karen: Maybe it just costs too much. Rebecca [Jim]: They don't wanna use my equipment... It's gotta be a conspiracy! > Kathy stood up and moved over to the helicopter, noting the > heavy armour and jet boosters on it's sides. "It seats two, a > pilot and gunner, Rebecca: Just like nearly every other combat helicopter. Karen: Ad manpower restrictions to that list. > its armour is a huge improvement over what the > ADP currently has, Maya [Jim]: We use only the highest quality masonite! > it would have saved a lot of lives, but it > never got the chance", Jim said sadly. Dan [Jim]: I'm not bitter! Rebecca: I'm touched. I may weep openly. > Jim and Kathy started walking back towards the exit, when > Jim's communicator suddenly informed him of the fight over in the > Kawasaki industrial district. Karen: There is a fight going on in the Kawasaki industrial district. You have an appointment at the dentist for 11 am today. You have mail. > Jim turned to Kathy, "Have you > ever used a 30mm chain gun before?", he asked her seriously. Rebecca [Kathy]: No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it! > ***** Karen: Enemy ECM's playing hell with the radar. > Priss had just finished off another assassin boomer, Maya: And she was *still* hungry! > and began moving towards Sylia and the others, Rebecca: She was getting out of that trailer and going upmarket! > when she saw the Huge > red boomer moving towards them. Dan [Jimbo]: It's coming right for us! > "Oh, shit", she thought. Priss > quickly ran over to her friends, dodging a couple of plasma beam > shots on the way. They each new what they had to do, moving > quickly to attack the boomer from all sides. She had begun > moving when one of the assassin boomers Dan: Hello? Assasin Boomer? They finished them all off. Or is he busy re- writing a perfectly good fight scene as well? > knocked her to the > ground, she rolled over just in time to see the tell-tale glow of > a laser beam, preparing to fire. Maya [Sarcatic]: I thought you said it was a plasma shot? > "PRISS!!!", screamed Linna. Dan: Adrian! > Suddenly the boomer seemed to disintegrate, Karen: Damned cheap foreign knock-off boomers! > huge holes appearing in its body. Rebecca: It's not getting shot or anything. They're just appearing. > As the smoking boomer finally fell, Priss > looked over its crumpled form, to see a sleek helicopter, Rebecca: Cue fanboy. > its > twin chainguns still smoking, heading towards her. The > helicopter was dodging around, under and over the steel > superstructure of the buildings. Maya: Clipping its rotors on an errant pipe, causing it to crash and burn, killing both occupants instantly. The end. > Suddenly, the helicopter's > wings seemed to burst into flames, Priss thought for a moment > that it had been hit by boomer fire, but then saw about a dozen > missiles streaking out at the remaining assassin boomers. Dan: Oh, so it was the assasin boomer firing the laser. In which case... THEY DON'T HAVE LASERS! Others: Shut up Dan! > Priss > turned back to her fight with the Super Boomer. It was over in > less than a minute, without the backup of the assassin boomers, > the so called 'Super Boomer' Maya [Jim]: I didn't design it, so I'm gonna look down on it! > was finished as the Knight Sabres > surrounded it, blowing it to pieces. Karen: Boomer then go runk zunk rillie me re etc and burst into flames. Rebecca: Super-obscure! I like it! > ***** All [Singing]: Star trekkin' across the universe! > "Good shooting, Kathy", called Jim enthusiastically. Rebecca [Cowboy]: Nice shootin' tex! > Kathy just concentrated on targeting the remaining boomer, > but the Knight Sabres would be in the missile strike zone. Karen: Ain't that what the chainguns are there for? Maya: Did your police force have helicopter support? Karen: Might have helped. > "No good, I've got no angle for a shot", she said. > > Jim attempted to manoeuvre closer, but the boomer was > finished off anyway. Maya: Boy, Priss does have an appitite! > Jim quickly turned the helicopter back > towards the hidden hangar, Dan: So anyone can trace its flightpath. Rebecca: They never found the Knightwing, you know... > engaging the boosters, so that they > would be well clear when the ADP showed up. Karen: A kid on a tricicle would be well clear by the time the ADP got there. > The helicopter had > performed better than all his expectations, Maya: The Slurpee maker made more flavours than planned! > "it was a real shame > that the ADP had to put up with the garbage that they're using, > if they had a squadron of these.....", he thought. Dan [Jim]: They didn't acknowledge MY omnipitence so I'm gonna keep whinging! > ***** Rebecca: Typical dialouge in an Eddie Murphy movie. > Sylia discarded her hardsuit, Maya: Don't you think you're gonna need it later? > placing it carefully on its > rack. Priss was jubilant, "We really wasted those bastards, this > time!", Dan: Yeah. You got whacked and rescued by a helicopter. Yup, real victory. > she was saying. > > "Yes", said Sylia, "But you almost got wasted yourself". Rebecca: Try harder next time! > Priss's face put on a sour expression, "Well, I'm still > here", she said tartly. > > "It was just luck that helicopter came along at the right > time", said Linna. Karen: Oh, come *on.* I' can't believe anyone would actually say something *that* corny. Maya: She did. Live with it. > "I've never seen a helicopter quite like that one..", mused > Nene, "it didn't belong to the ADP, All: We noticed. > and who else runs armoured choppers?". Dan: The army? Rebecca: [Barbrady] That? That was a pigeon. > Sylia thought for a while, before calling Mackie on the > intercom, "Mackie, download the suit's data recorder, and try to > get me an identification on that helicopter", she said. > > ***** Karen: Look, it's the constellation boredom. > Kathy unplugged her helmet from the helicopter's computer, > getting stiffly up from her seat. All: [Make creaking and popping noises] > Jim was out already, checking > over the helicopter for damage. As she jumped down from the > cockpit, Kathy noticed Jim's wrapt expression, "He looks like a > kid who just got a new toy", she thought. Maya: Looks like a certain red-haired cop and her tank. Rebecca: And probably carries on a similar relationship. > Jim walked back over to Kathy, "She handles magnificently, Rebecca: Yes, but what about the helicopter? > the best helicopter I've ever flown", he exclaimed happily. Dan: Of course. The god boy made it. Maya: The way he strokes his ego with this helicopter is sickening. Rebecca: That's not all he strokes with it. Karen: That's it! [Sledgehammers Rebecca.] Rebecca: Okay, I'll stop! Dan: [Applauds] > Kathy just shook her head, "Well I'm tired, I'll see you > tomorrow", as she started for the elevator. > > Jim went back to the helicopter, to download it's flight > recorder, "some of the footage might be useful", he thought. Dan: [Jim] I knew it was worthwhile putting a camera under the gunner's seat. Karen: You too! [Sledgehammers Dan.] Rebecca: [Applauds] > ***** Dan: [Dazed] Look... stars! > It took Mackie two days to identify the helicopter, and he > was only able to do it after accessing the ADP's main database. Maya: That would have taken two minutes. Karen: Shouldn't have been using AOL. > The Knight Sabres were all seated around the computer screen, as > he bought up the technical readouts that he was able to access. Rebecca: 3025, 3026, 2750... Sure are a lot of them. > "Its called the Stalker, a heavy assault helicopter, developed > for the ADP, but its production was cancelled after budget > problems", Mackie explained. Karen: Told you. > Everyone else was studying the readouts carefully, "It's a > real pity the ADP never got this one", said Nene wistfully, "I'm > sure it would have been a great help". Dan: [Jim] I'd like to project myself into this scene to point out that I'm still not bitter. Thank you. > "Hell, Nene", said Priss, "If the ADP had this kind of > equipment, we wouldn't be so busy!". Dan: [Jim] Really! I'm not! Honest! Karen: Okay, enough. > Sylia looked over the diagrams carefully, "There are some > areas missing, Mackie", she said. Rebecca: Ack! Don't *ever* mention Mackie's *area.* > Mackie looked apologetic, "Sorry Sis, the rest was not in > the ADP's records, Dan: Especailly not the seat camera. Maya: Or the Slurpee maker. Rebecca: Or the stains on the seat. > something about it being classified by the > production company", he said. > > Sylia frowned, "Who designed this then?", she asked. Dan: A noxious fanboy. Next! > "Well, that's what took me the most time", Mackie began, "it > says on the records, that the company was called Walker > Enterprises, Rebecca: So why didn't Pete put it on his technical files? Karen: Obscure. If anyone getsd that one, I wanna know. Maya: [Shrugs] > but when I checked, that company's database also > didn't contain full technical specifications, so I kept digging > and finally found out it was designed by Epsilon Industries". Karen: Very good! You get a cookie! > Nene looked up at that, "The ADP's computer systems were > provided by that company", Rebecca: So we've got a noxiously perfect fanboy at the head of a noxiously perfect company. Grr... > she said, "what would they be doing designing military aircraft?". Maya: Making lots of money. All: Next! > Sylia stood and walked across the room, to pour herself a > cup of coffee, "I take it that you couldn't get into their > database?", she asked Mackie. Dan: [Mackie] My connection went down. Something about unpaid bills. Rebecca: Now *there's* a scary thought. Mackie's internet bill. Maya: Now you know where all the Knight Sabres' money goes. > "It was locked up tighter than a drum, they have *really* > good security", Mackie replied. Dan: Bet Nene could hack it open anyway. Rebecca: Shut up, Dan. Dan: You shut up. Maya: Excuse me, are you two married? Dan & Rebbeca: What? Maya: Well, it seems that way. Dan & Rebecca: ... > Priss and Linna sat back down in their chairs, Nene was > fiddling with something on the computers and Mackie began to look > bored as Sylia thought about their next move. "I think we might > pay a visit to Epsilon Industries in the near future", she > concluded. Karen: [Sylia] So I can meet the fanboy and fall head-over-heels in love with him. > ***** Rebecca: Blue space! > Mason stood at attention, avoiding Qunicy's accusing > gaze, "You fool, loosing the super-boomer, and failing to > eliminate any of the Knight Sabres", he growled. Dan: [Clears throat loudly] Rebecca: Shut up, Dan. > Mason nervously replied, "Uhh sir, the unexpectedness of the > attack, combined with...". Maya: [Mason] The prevailing wind patterns. Karen: [Ditto] The phase of the moon. Dan: [Ditto] The price of eggs. Rebecca: [Ditto] And the density of the rasins in my fruit muffins means I'm an abject failure. > Quincy cut him off with a curt > gesture, "Enough, I'm through with your excuses", he broke in. Dan: [Quincy] They're defective, and I want my money back. > Mason looked nervously over his shoulder as a young woman > entered the room, she looked around 25, but walked with an air of > confidence, far beyond her years. "This is Madaline, she'll be > working with you on this project from now on", Quincy announced. Rebecca: [Mason] Hoh, boy! I can hardly wait! Maya: Face it, Mason, you're redundant. > Mason's face took on a contemptuous expression, "Her!?, what > good can she possibly be", he replied scornfully. Dan: Take a good look at her and ask me again. > The woman walked straight up to Mason, she looked him > straight in the eyes, "I can be quite useful, as you'll soon find > out", she said in a sultry voice. Dan: Woo-hoo! Alright, baby! Rebecca: ... > Mason suddenly took a step > back, as the woman began shimmering, her features reforming. > Suddenly he stood facing an eight foot tall, silver armoured > female warrior, Maya: And who saw that one coming? [They all raise their hands.] > who picked him up by the shirt front. Karen: [Mason] Not in the face! Not in the face! > Face to face with such a imposing figure, Mason's face > suddenly showed fear. Rebecca: So did the seat of his pants. Dan: Huh? Did we suddenly hop into Hellstorm Evangelion? > "Uhh.. I apologise, I can see where you > can be quite useful...", he broke off as he was suddenly thrown > to the ground. Dan: [Mason] Can I please be allowed to lick your boots? > Qunicy watched all of this calmly, standing and walking over > to where Mason was lying on the ground. "You see Mason, Madaline > here is a representative of one of our biggest shareholders... Dan: [Coughing] *Bullshit.* > they call themselves 'The Conclave'", Karen: Hang on a minute here. [The fanfic pauses] So, the Conclave, this bunch of evil shapeshifters, are controlling Genom. And they're behind sending out boomers programmed to hunt down and kill shapeshifters... So what's to stop the boomers they send out from turning on them? Dan: Absoultely nothing. It's one of the great holes in this fanfic. Karen: Okay. I can live with that. Maya: Just one more thing. This looks like it's just going to boil down to shapeshifters vs. shapeshifters. So why does he need to project it onto BGC? Rebecca: So he can boost his ego by boffing Sylia. Besides, would you read it if it was just a normal story, not a fanfic? Maya: Almost certainly. Rebecca: Wierd. That makes one of us. Play! [The fanfic restarts.] > he explained, "She is one > of their top operatives, and might be able to help you to > eliminate the Knight Sabres.... But for now, I want you to finish > that business over in district three, our plans have been delayed > long enough, the new industrial area must go ahead on schedule". > > Mason pulled himself up off the ground and walked quickly > back out of the room. Rebecca: [Mason] Heheheh... I need to go potty. > Madaline shimmered and reformed into her human shape. Dan: With no clothes on too! Woo-hoo! [Karen hits him with the sledgehammer again] > "Quincy, have you completed installing Karen: Windows 98? Not likely. It's still only 2032. Maya: Stuck it to Microsoft enough yet? Karen: Hmm... nope. > that new directive in each > of the 'rouge' boomers?", Madaline asked quietly. > > Quincy smiled and sat back in his chair, "Your enemies have > been upgraded to the 2nd highest kill priority, just under the > Knight Sabres", he replied. Dan: And just above Barney. > Madaline nodded her head, "Good, the payment will be made as > soon as we begin getting some confirmed kills", she said as she > followed Mason out of the office. > > Quincy turned in his chair, Maya: That's gotta be uncomfortable. > looking back out over > Mega-Tokyo, "I'm beginning to regret accepting their money in the > first place", he thought. Just following the great earthquake, > Genom had been in trouble finically, Dan: [Clears throat loudly.] Rebecca: Go on. Let it out this time. Dan: I just think it needs to be said that Genom's only where they are today *because* of that earthquake, which they apparently caused. > and a mysterious benefactor > had appeared to finance the massive reconstruction work of > Genom's factories, allowing Genom to start production of the new > boomers. Without that help, Genom would probably never had > recovered so quickly. "Well hopefully this will be their last > 'favour'", he thought, unfortunately he new that it was far from > over. Maya: So this is the world's greatest businessman, huh? Dan: Was, before the fic got to him. Karen: [Quincy] Don't look at me. I needed the money. Rebecca: Of course. He lives in a dumpster, remember? [Lenghty pause] Dan: Mega obscure, but I love it. > ***** Maya: For five stars, the food sure stinks. > "Come on, kill the sucker", said a frustrated DarkWind. Karen: Hurry up! Kill it! Voice: Still a while to go. Karen: Aww... > Kathy ignored him, concentrating on aiming her remaining > anti-radar missile. The sleek chopper shuddered as her missile > blasted out of its rack, tracking straight into the AAA gun that > had been annoying them. Rebecca: Mad turtle on the right! > "It took you long enough", commented DarkWind. Dan: [Kathy] Well sor-ee. Not everyone's perfect. > "This isn't easy in the best of conditions, why the hell are > we using our combat forms?", she asked testily. Karen: [Jim] Because I have to justify the special effects budget. Maya: So he's fitting in a helicopter's cockipt with a jet pack, enlarged arms and wings, and I quote, "like a fighter plane's" on an eight foot tall frame. Rebecca: Yup. Maya: Makes... perfect sense. I think. > The helicopter suddenly dropped straight at the ground, > levelling out a scan few meters above the tree tops, "What > happens if we have to ditch this thing?", DarkWind asked, "What > form would you prefer to be in?". Maya: Anyone remember how fast they supposedly shapechange? > Kathy stretched uncomfortably, Dan: [Kathy] There's something under the seat... > "I still don't like all this > extra equipment", she complained, rubbing the skin over her > forearms. Kathy had been enthusiastic about the new weapons and > armour, until she had tried it out. Rebecca: Especially the *special* attatchments. Dan: Karen? Would you do the honours? Karen: Nah. Dan: Fine. [Throws a cushion at Rebecca.] > While the sub-dermal armour > provided great protection, having a layer of kevlar/mylar coated > titanium, under the skin tended to itch a bit. Karen: Never mind the *weight.* Maya: Remeber, she can become super-strong in any form. Karen: [Darkly] Yeah. I hadn't forgotten. > DarkWind suddenly engaged the jet boosters, turning the > copter in a tight turn, as a series of laser guided missiles > streaked past their left weapon pylon. "God, why do we have to > use live ammo?", thought Kathy angrily. Dan: Maybe they'll pull a "Starship Troopers" on us and get killed off in a training exercise. > She concentrated on the > pair of attack helicopters that had appeared behind a hill to the > east. DarkWind jinked the helicopter turning and coming up > behind the slower choppers. Kathy finished them off with a pair > of quick chaingun bursts. Karen: Fine. But just how much is this training costing you? Maya: [Jim] Er, try to kill them cheaply, Kathy. Rebecca: And where, precisely are they doing this? > "That's better", he said encouragingly. Rebecca: [Grimlock] Better. But not more better enough. > The Stalker assault helicopter came in for a landing, just > to the rear of a large transport plane. The now, human-looking > Kathy and Jim, Maya: Who'd just been crushed by all the extra equipment now lying around in their cockpits. > jumped down from the cockpit, allowing the > air-crew to finish off the post-flight checklist. Dan: [Tech] Why do they have to leave this junk for us to clean up? > Kathy shook out her long blond hair, and began to quickly > walk towards the waiting corporate jet. "What's the hurry?", Maya: [Kathy] I'm getting away from you. > Jim > asked, "I still want to go over the flight recorder data, with > you". Dan: Are you sure you want to show her that extra footage? > Kathy turned around to face him at the bottom of the > boarding ladder. "Oh didn't I tell you?", she said smiling, > "We've got to be back in Mega-Tokyo for tonight's ADP-Policeman's > Ball". > > Jim looked at her squarely, "What do you mean we?", he said. Maya: We. Used by and with reference to more than one person. It's simple enough... > "Oh didn't I mention that *you're* taking me?", Dan: [Jim] Um... I 've got this... emergency appointment! Yeah! Can't miss it. Sorry! > she replied sweetly, turning and walking up the boarding ladder. > > Jim followed her slowly up the ladder, taking his usual seat > in the cockpit. With a roar of jet thrusters, the small jet > lifted off and headed across the Sea of Japan. Maya: Whoah. So they flew the copter out of the country, tested it, and are now flying back without it? And no-one's suspicious? Karen: Um, that's about it. > Strangely enough, > Jim didn't fly the plane the entire way home, about twenty > minutes into the flight he came back into the passenger cabin and > sat down opposite Kathy. Dan: [Jim] So, bored yet? Rebecca: [Kathy] Are we there yet? > "So why aren't you up front, telling the pilot how to fly > the plane?", she asked curiously. Rebecca: God, I hope she's joking. Karen: [Jim] He got bored and jumped out half way. > Jim sat back in his seat, "Well I was wondering who you > wanted to take to the party?, Maya: Anyone but you. > Jim Williams, part time school > teacher or James Williams the Third, Multi-Millionaire?", he > asked. Rebecca: Take door number three! Door number three! Dan: Any reason why he maintains two different, busy identities? > Kathy looked at him strangely, "They're both you, right??, > so what's the difference?", she replied. > > Jim laughed, "well on one hand you get a scuffer driven limo > and on the other you ride on the back seat of a motorcycle", he > said. Maya: [Raises hand] I'll take the limo! > ***** Karen: This fic should have its mouth washed out wiht soap! > Jim glanced over his shoulder at Kathy, she was dressed > in nice evening dress, covered by a leather biker's jacket Maya: Now that makes perfect sense. What *wonderfull* dress sense you have, Kathy. > and > hanging on around his waist as he drove through the streets to > the ADP building. "I can't believe she wanted to go with 'Jim', > I know that *I* would have preferred a limo", Dan: You gave her the choice, shmuck, live with it. > he thought. They > pulled into the almost-full parking lot, stopping to take off > their riding clothes. Rebecca: Please let that be all they took off. Maya: Is Jim getting to you a bit too much? > Kathy looked over to Jim, taking off his accustomed jacket > and helmet, to reveal a dinner suit, Dan: [Jim] The name's Bond. Jim Bond. > "He never did look much like > a school teacher", she thought. By the time the pair had reached > the large training room, that was holding the party, it was > already in full swing. Karen: [Jimbo] Let's do the drunken barn dance! > A live band called 'Priss and the Repreciants", Maya: Twisted clones of "Priss and the Replicants". > was playing a fast dance number, and most people > seemed to be enjoying themselves. Maya: The kind of music they play would be highly innapropriate here, but never mind. > Kathy looked around for > someone that she knew, seeing Nene sitting over at one table, she > grabbed Jim's arm and pulled him across the room. "So why are > you sitting over here, all by yourself?", she asked Nene. Rebecca: [Nene] 'Cause Linna's taken, and Priss is busy. Dan: I swear. One more outta you... > Nene looked up at her and sighed, "I broke up with my > boyfriend last night", Karen: [Nene] Me and his diabetes just didn't get along. > she said sadly, then noticing Jim leaning > against a wall, asked, "So who's this?". > > Kathy gestured towards Jim, "you mean that bum?". Rebecca: Amazing. I find myself agreeing with Kathy for once. > Jim bristled, "Hey, If your not careful, you'll walk home > tonight", he said. Karen: [Kathy, muttered] Ah, I'll just grow wings and fly home. > Kathy just laughed, "This is Jim, an old friend of mine", > she explained to Nene. > > Nene looked at Jim appraisingly, "Hmmm.. So how long have > the two of you been going out?", she asked. Maya: [Kathy] Oh, about five minutes now. > Kathy and Jim both looked at each other and laughed, "No, > it's not like that at all, Nene", Kathy said, "We're just > friends..". Rebecca: [Kathy] We're just friends! Just good friends! Honest! > Nene stood up smiling, "Good, then I'll take this dance", > she said grabbing Jim's arm. Dan: [Jim] Aah! I'm gonna need that! > Nene pulled Jim onto the dance floor, Jim looked a bit > awkward dancing to the fast-paced music. Kathy sat down and > watched the two of them dance, Maya: [Cat] You call that dancing? I've seen people on fire move better than that! > "She doesn't know what she's getting into", Kathy thought. Rebecca: A crappy self-insertion fanfic. Dan: Don't worry, she's used to them by now. > The fast-paced number finished and > was replaced by a slower number. Kathy found herself fighting > down a spurt of jealousy, watching Nene and Jim dancing. Rebecca: [Kathy] Just friends. > She > shook herself, "ridiculous", she thought, "I've know Jim for > nearly forty years, he new me when I was a baby...". > > Her train of thought was shattered as a red-nosed Karen: Reindeer. > Leon sat down beside her, "Wanna Dansh??", he said drunkenly. Maya: [Kathy] No thanks. I'm trying to give them up. > Kathy looked him squarely, suddenly changing her eye colour > to a deep red, All: [Zombies] Pink eye! > "I don't think so", she said in a deep throated growl. > > Leon jumped back, falling off his chair in fright. Kathy's > eyes quickly changed back to normal, as Leon got up and examined > her more closely. Dan: [Leon] Woo-hoo! Rebecca: Slap! [Kathy] Not *that* close! > Daley finally found his wayward partner, "Come on Leon, stop > harassing the nice lady", he said. Daley steered him across the > room, "Yes I'm sure that she's a monster", Dan: Hey, but aren't red eyes and a deep voice the top two signs of a disguised boomer? Rebecca: Yup. And Leon's a seasoned and professional cop, which means of course he didn't think of it. Karen: Sounds more familiar by the second. > Kathy heard him say in reply to a slurred comment made by Leon. > > ***** Dan: [Stoned] Whoah, man. Lookit them stars. > Nene and Jim finally finished their dancing, Jim flopping > exhausted into a chair beside Kathy. "Hey Priss, over here", > called Nene. Rebecca: [Nene] Threesome time! Dan: That does it! [He lunges at Rebecca and knocks her to the floor. They begin fighting.] Karen: CUT IT OUT! [She whacks both of them with the sledgehammer, leaving them dazed.] Maya: Thank you. > The singer, Karen: [Clears throat noisily] [Dan and Rebecca take their places, warily watching Karen.] > who had just finished her last number, walked > over to the trio at the table. "Having fun?", Priss asked > sarcastically, sitting down opposite Nene. Maya: Are you kidding? Nene could have fun in a morgue. Rebecca: Ah - Never mind. > "Yes, I'm really enjoying myself", she said, looking > straight at Jim. Rebecca: Avatar effect a twelve o'clock sharp! > Priss noticed her look and smiled suddenly, > > "Gee, your boyfriends gone for less than a day and already > you've found another?", she asked. > > Kathy was starting to feel a little jealous again, when Jim > entered the conversation, "So your this 'Priss', I've been > hearing so much about", Maya: A name spoken in awed tones whenever motorcycle mechanics meet. > he said conversationally. > > Priss looked at him oddly, "Hearing about from where?", she > asked. > > "Oh, various people I know in the music industry", he said > in an offhanded manner, "So how come your playing at the > ADP-Ball?, it doesn't seem to be your style." Rebecca: [Priss] I need the cash. > Priss gave Nene an angry look, "Well I kind of got 'bullied' > into coming by a certain friend of mine", she said. Maya: Hey, isn't there a Knight Sabres rule about not knowing each other? Dan: Yeah, but they all ignore it. Rebecca: It's lots more fun that way. Karen: That... That's close. Just don't push it. > Jim nodded, "I know what you mean", he said looking at > Kathy. Maya: Anyone would think those two were married. > Kathy blushed and stood, "Well I think we had better be > going then", she said. Karen: This si doing wonders for her 'not jealous' act. > Nene blurted out, "but you only just got here". > > Kathy just grabbed Jim by the arm, "Sorry, seeya later", she > said as she hurried across the room. Dan: [Jim] Aah! Give that back! Nene's still got the other one. > Jim was staggering along behind her, "Hey, what's up?", he > asked, "You wanted to come to this stupid party". > > Kathy stopped pulling him along as they left the room, "I > think I've had enough of this party", she answered. Rebecca: Hissy fit! Maya: Does this girl have mood swings or what? > Jim looked at her strangely and laughed, "I can't believe > that your jealous", he said. Maya: You've got a jealous? Where do I get one? > Kathy's face assumed one of great anger and she spluttered > an quick, "I am NOT jealous". Karen: [Kathy] Really. I'm not. Honest. Maya: Do you think she's trying to be transparent or something? > Jim just looked at her calmly, "That's good, if you'll think > about it, I'm not likely to become involved with someone sixty > years younger than me", he said. Suddenly an explosion rang out, > from back in the training room. Karen: Someone really needs to clean out their locker. Those old lunches get to be killers. Maya: Not that it's important enough to warrant a new paragraph. > Jim and Kathy quickly ran back to the double doors, > pulling them open. Through the smoke and haze, they saw a pair > of C-55 boomers, Karen: The doublemint twins. > standing in what was left of the north wall. > The few ADP officers that were armed, began to shoot their > pistols at the two intruders. Dan: Wow. That's gonna work. Rebecca: [Scott] I'm giving you cancer with my mind! > "Shit, we'll never be able to take > on two of them", Jim said, grabbing Kathy's arm Maya: [Kathy] Aargh! Karen: How can he? He doesn't have any arms left. > and pulling her back from the door. Dan: [Jim] Stay away from the naughty boomers, dear. > Kathy shook off Jim's hold, "Look I've got friends in there, > we've got to try to hold them off until help arrives", she said > angrily. > > Jim glanced back to the room, the two boomers were coming > straight towards them! Rebecca: [Ned] Thin out their numbers. > "Well I'd suggest you shift, cause here > they come", he said. Kathy and Jim both shimmered, in their > place stood a pair of huge figures. Maya: And of course, using the 'Sailor Moon' rule, no-one noticed. > ***** Karen: [Documentary announcer] Here we see a herd of wild asterisks in their native environment. > DarkWind was slowly advancing toward's the first boomer, > "God, we haven't got any extra weapons this time", Dan: [Jim] We'll just have to attack it with our personalities. > he thought. > Suddenly the boomer's mouth opened revealing it's laser cannon. Karen: It's the mega halitosis gun! > DarkWind threw himself to the side, only just avoiding the > searing blast of energy. "I've got to get in close", he thought. > The boomer was re-aligning itself for another shot, when it was > distracted by an ADP officer, who had managed to lay his hands on > a grenade launcher. Maya: It was for when the crowwds began getting rowdy. Rebecca: Or if anyone actually heard Priss singing over the noise. > As the boomer blasted the poor officer, Karen: Life's hell being 'ADP officer #1.' Dan: Do you think he was number 28? > DarkWind suddenly launched himself, claws extended, at the > boomer's unprotected back. His claws bit into the tough metal, Maya: You really need a manicure. > tearing a huge gash deep into its body. The boomer spun around, > extending its own claws, All: WOLF-A-RINE! WOLF-A-RINE! > swiping at the black figure that had > damaged it. DarkWind grunted as the claws tore at his shoulder, > leaving a bloody streak where they had broken his armoured skin. Karen: That's gonna leave a mark. > The boomer was about to deliver another strike, when a series of > high-calibre rounds impacted into it's chest. > > DarkWind looked up to see a K-11 combat armour, standing in > the doorway, its gun rapidly emptying bullets into the boomer. > Making use of the distraction, Dan: So the K-11's not actualy hurting it, just *distracting* it with a direct torso hit? Rebecca: It's one of the many symptoms of self-insertion. Anything not directly related to the Avatar instantly becomes useless. > DarkWind drove his claws deeper > into the boomer's circuits, feeling a satisfying crunch, Maya: [Announcer] When you just need that big peanut crunch... > followed > by the boomer's hydraulic fluid washing over his claws. The > boomer, its systems failing struck DarkWind repeatedly, opening > up a great cut in his chest. Karen: Wasn't he on its back? Rebecca: That's how big the cut is. > DarkWind was thrown back into (and through) a wall, All: WA-TAK! > he groaned and dropped into unconsciousness. All: [Cheer wildly] Dan: [Deep voice] Finish him! > ***** Karen: Oh, look. It's another ASCII art job on Kenshiro's chest. > Kathy's fight was not going well, although she and DarkWind > had practised against simulated boomers, they had never thought > they would be fighting without their new weapons. Dan: Well, that was pretty stupid, wasn't it? > She had > managed to get her blades into its chest a few times, but she was > only able to lightly damage some of its armour. Karen: So Darkwind's gouging out huge chunks, and all she can do is scratch the armour? Dan: I get the feeling even Kathy's only here to stroke his ego. > She rushed in > again, aiming not for it's chest, but one of its leg joints. She > felt the metal separate under her blade, severing one of its > legs. Dan: [Black knight] 'Tis but a scratch. Karen: [King Arthur] A scratch? Dan: [Black Knight] A flesh wound! Maya: Are these the same claws that could barely hurt it just before? > The boomer was partially immobilised, and proceeded to > start blasting everything with it's laser cannon. Dan: Well, that was another genius move. > She ducked a > blast, rolling behind a what was left of a concrete wall. As she > regained her breath, she noticed another pair of figures hiding > behind the wall, Nene and Priss. Rebecca: Yeah, I'm sure that was what they were doing behind the wall. Karen: [Casually clouts Rebecca with a cushion.] You've been warned. > Priss looked at the golden figure gasping for breath, Maya: Is this or is it not the golden figure with no mouth? > recognising it as the same one that saved Linna from the assassin > boomer. Karen: No, it's just any old eight-foot tall golden monster with sword blades sticking out of its arms. > "Who or what, the hell are you?", Dan: [Deep] I'm Batman! > she asked, wincing as > yet another laser blast split the air just above her head. The > golden figure looked at her with deep blue eyes, "I'm a friend", Rebecca: And if you believe that, there's a bridge I'd like to sell you. > it replied, in a pleasant female voice. With that it jumped back > over the wall and raced towards the boomer. > > "I sort of guessed that", Priss called out sarcastically. Rebecca: Ah-hah-ha. Priss, your rapier with just stuns me. > As Kathy approached the boomer, she noticed that one of the > ADP's K-11s was moving to help DarkWind. Side-stepping a > reaching claw, she dove one of her blades Maya: She dove blade first? She shaped it into a dove? Help? > into the boomer's > mouth, ruining the laser cannon. Now with it's cannon gone, the > immobile boomer, was an easy target, Dan: Ladies, repeat after me. Heat cannon. Others: Heat cannon. Dan: Thank you. Helpless? Nuh-uh. > she finished it off in under > a minute, driving her blades through its chest. All: TOGG! > "That wasn't so > bad", she thought, "and Jim thought we couldn't take them". Maya: And he was right! > Just > them she looked over to were DarkWind was fighting the remaining > boomer, only to see him thrown through one of the > steel-reinforced concrete walls. "NO!", she screamed, rushing at > the now, almost dead boomer. She began to slash the boomer > repeatedly, only stopping when she had it in almost a dozen > pieces. Dan: It slices! It dices! It even makes french fries, crinkled or shoestring. > After having Finished off the boomer, she the ran over > to where DarkWind lay in a crumpled mess, under some concrete. Karen: [Jim] I've fallen, and I can't get up. > Daley regarded the two figures, one laying unconscious and > the other hovering over it's companion. He was standing in the > K-11 combat suit, reloading his gun. "And I thought the Knight > Sabres looked weird", Rebecca: No, sir, you are wierd. Anything else is secondary. > he thought to himself. After finally > reloading his gun, he walked across the room to the two figures. > The bigger golden figure, stood at his approach, taking up what > looked like a combat stance. Dan: [Deep] Round one. Fight! > Daley lowered his gun and said, > "take it easy, I'm not going to attack you". Karen: Me friend! > The golden figure > reached down to it's companion and picked it up gently. Daley > looked at the smaller black figure, it was in bad shape, blood of > some type was flowing from multiple cuts and it's head looked > partially caved in. Maya: That, ladies and gentlemen, is dead. Rebecca: I dunno. Didn't stop Colt. Dan: Or Ryu. Karen: Just don't tell me. Even if, in a moment of weakness I ask, still don't tell me. > The only way he new the creature was still > alive, was by the shallow breaths it was taking. Rebecca: Told you! > "Your friend > looks in pretty bad shape, the medics will be here soon, Karen: Well, they'd better bring a spatula. > they can take care of him...", Dan: I think not. > he began. The golden figure shook its > head, "No, I will take care of him", it said in a feminine voice. Maya: Ooh, Daley! You might just get lucky with this one. > Daley nodded and turned his back on them, "Well you'd better get > going, in ten seconds I'll have to arrest anyone looking > suspicious", Rebecca: Daley, just save them the bother and book yourself. > he said. "Thank you", said the golden figure and > with that she picked up her friend and ran from the building. > > ----------TO BE CONTINUED---------- All: [Scream] Maya: That felt good. > ---------------------------------------------------------------- > More Author's Notes: All: [Scream some more] > Alright, I admit - I'm doing something that many have done > before - re-writing the BGC universe so that I can change a few > things. Karen: Wow. Dan: I'm stunned. Rebecca: So he admits it, yet he still does it? > Some of the changes you might note from differ other > authors re-writes Dan: Why? Irene's still alive. Karen: Sho's mother, Sylvie, Anri. You watch. > are firstly my characters have no idea about > future events, and they are also *not* super-powerful.... All: [Cough] *Bullshit.* > I'm trying to keep to the limits of abilities that I set out > in my previous FanFic and I can tell you thinking up solutions > for giving my shifters enough firepower is a real challenge (I > think I can thank a lot of time playing Gunship for the idea of > the Stalker). Rebecca: I knew that game was bad in some way. > If anybody has any ideas for new equipment - let me know. Karen: Great. so he's gonna let other fanboys in as well. Dan: Um, if they can do inanimate objects, why not jsut shift into boomer forms? > With this first part I'm really trying to just set the tone > for the following parts Maya: [Authour] I'm the god! I'm the god! > - things are going to differ in the > future, while the BGC universe will still continue along (and my > characters will continue to change [what they can] for the best), Rebecca: Yeah. We'd kinda guessed that. > I'm going to be writing a bit more towards *my* characters being > central to the story (if you don't like it TOUGH!). All: We don't! > Enough meaningless babble - I hope you liked BGS, Maya: [Starts laughing deeply] Dan: Uh... you okay there? Maya: [Dark] Fine. Just fine. > I'm > currently writing part 3, which goes along side part 4 of BGC - > Revenge Road. Karen: Watch as he punches the Griffon's lights out! > If anyone has any suggestions or comments about my > FanFic, you most welcome to drop me a Dan: Bomb. > line.... > > Mail at: darkwnd@sv.net.au > > > -----Brett Handy (aka: DarkWind) Rebecca: Well, that proves it. > [Karen leaps out of her seat and does a "power smash" with her sledgehammer, totally flattening the TV] Karen: That made me feel so much better... Rebecca: Yo, head. I suppose we're gonna have to sit through all of this? Voice: Well... yes. There are another three parts to see. Dan: Three... *ulp.* Maya: [Starts laughing evily again. Her hair shimmers and turns black.] Dan: Uh... Maya? Maya: [Normal] Yes? Dan: Your... hair. Maya: Huh? Oh, it always does that. Dan: Fine. Can we go now? Rebecca: Try and stop me. Voice: Okay. [They all rush out the door, barging past each other. The screen goes blank.] Voice: I've got to do something about those TV sets... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Maya Gold are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Karen McMillan are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Jim turned to Kathy, "Have you > ever used a 30mm chain gun before?", he asked her seriously.