Elmer Studios and Susano Productions presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 21! Our second collaboration with Mike Surbrook. It's back to Bubblegum Shift. Whoopdy-sh*t. Bubblegum Shift is copyright Brett Handy (Darkwind) who couldn't come up with a more generic fanfic if he tried. Bubblegum Crisis is copyright Artmic/Youmex. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Rebecca and Maya enter the room, talking. Maya is wearing navy blue slacks, a matching jacket and a loose grey blouse. Her hair is currently light purple and held back with an ornate clip. Rebecca looks like she always does.] Rebecca: ... So, anyway, Arnold Schwarzenegger's Leon walks into chairman Quincy's- Maya: Who's he again? Rebecca: Malcolm McDowell, or Gary Oldman if he's not available. Maya: Continue. Rebecca: Yeah, Quincy's office, Gena Davis in a fright wig hanging off one arm- Maya: Why the fright wig? Rebecca: She's playing Priss. Maya: Ah. Rebecca: Yeah. Anyway, he pulls out that norkin' big railgun- Maya: The stomach. Rebecca: What? Maya: The railgun's called 'Stomach.' I thought you'd know that, being the gun expert. Rebecca: Well, it's semi-automatic, so I don't really care. And he aims it at Quincy and says [Fake german accent] "You're fired." [Normal] BANG! End of movie, roll the credits. Maya: And check how many miscellaneous boomer voices Frank Welker did. Rebecca: Touche. Voice: Uh... Maya: Don't forget the closing song by some currently trendy but eminently forgettable band. Rebecca: Yeah, whatever. [They both head over to the computer table.] Voice: Um... Maya: Oh, hi there. Voice: I dread the thought, but what are you two on about? Rebecca: BGC the Hollywood movie. Now shush, I wanna check the fanmail. Voice: Whoah, hold on. Arnold Schwarzenegger as Leon? Gena Davis? What are you thinking? Rebecca: Oh, I forgot to mention. It's the way Hollywood would actually cast it. Maya: Regarldless of the original characters. Voice: I see... Maya: I think we dropped Linna because she wasn't important. Rebecca: Apart from being Priss' love interest. Now shush, we've got fan mail! > I found and read your MSTing of Bubblegum Shift on the Vault of Anime > MSTings lately, and I decided to send you a few comments. (Actually, the > real reason why I decided to write was to say that I got your riff "So why > didn't Pete put it on his technical files?") Rebecca: WA-HOOO! Maya: [Shrugs] > Obscure references aside, > though, this MSTing was fun. After a while, I stopped waiting for the > next MSTing of NXE. (You are still working on that, though? Right?) Rebecca: It should be up one of these days... > You did a > good job of making fun of the overdone elements of the fanfic and answered > its running problems (extraneous commas) with running gags of your own. Maya: We run those gags right into the ground. > I'll say that I agree with Nightbreak's comment and say that you've become > one of my favourite MSTers (at least partly because I'm familiar with the > backgrounds of the fanfics you MST), and that I'm looking forward to your > next work, whatever it is. Maya: Although after you see this, you might change your tune. > Keith Palmer | The handyman's secret weapon: > krjpalme@sciborg.uwaterloo.ca | duct tape. > University of Waterloo | - The Red Green Show Rebecca: Cool! Thanks muchly. Maya: And we got two from Mike Surbrook... Rebecca: That name sounds oddly familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. Maya: Marta. Rebecca: Ack! Don't do that! Maya: [Sniggers] Anyway, this is on BG Shift Pt 1 > Whew... what a stinker. I will arogantly admit that I think "The Price > of Business" is the best things you guys ever read in terms of story, > content, characters and fight scenes. Rebecca: I'll agree with both those points. And that's from someone who wasn't even there! > The rest of this stuff is just dross. Maya: You're telling us? > BTW: I have a *new* horror for you. Brett Handy (or whatever) is > an *Aussie* who wrote some seriously bad AMG (OMG) stories called "Oh, > My God" Maya: Which is the general audience reaction. > is which our boy Brett ends up meeting Urd, falling in love and > becoming a *god*. I'm sure, if you look around, you'll find this mes--- > gem. Maya & Rebecca: AAAAAAAAAAAH! > Have fun. Maya: Some fun. Rebecca: He's probably giving the Great Big Head ideas... > Oh, and Marta wants to meet Maya. Maya: I'm honoured. Rebecca: Oh dear. > And Noriko says "Ha, ha... very funny." Rebecca: And here's what he said on FF7 Valentine. Which I missed. > > Elena: You whore!!!! > > Tifa: I'll kill you!! > > Aeris: Go to hell, silicone princess!!! > DS: Insert gratuitous Lara Croft joke here. > Matt: Or Marta joke. > Ahem... hate to burst your bubble, but Marta's breasts are 100% natural. > No implants there. It's the rest of her that's laced with artifical > reinforcement and parts. Rebecca: I'm sure that's what Matt meant. Really. It's a kind of double joke. > > Vincent: (Fires at Jenova) > > Rude: C'mon, Reno!!! (Shoots rapidly at Jenova) > > Reno: (Shoots at Jenova) Oh, I'm too drunk... > > Tseng: (Fires two guns at once at Jenova) > DS: Somewhere, Chow Yun Fat is crying. > Do tell... Maya: Well, it probably seemed very Chow Yun Fat or John Woo esque with everyone firing off their guns and the casings going flying in slow motion... Sounds familliar. Rebecca: Finally, one more from Paul Fauth... > PS Thanks for the latest adventures, please keep them coming. Rebecca: Great. A masochist with a sense of humour. Maya: Thanks everyone for writing in. Rebecca: So... who's joining us today? Voice: Um, well... [The door opens and in walks Marta and Shion Nys. Marta is dressed in her usual working outfit of a tight black bodysuit, boots and gloves. Shion is wearing her full 'Empress' outfit, cloak, armor, boots, bodysuit etc. Both stand and stare at the room.] Rebecca [Muttered]: Oh great. It's the Cha-Cha Twins. Shion: I think I've been here before. Rebecca: Voice? Voice [Nervous]: Yes? Rebecca: What are *these* people doing here? Voice: We came up a bit short. Rick, Dan and Tsuneo are unavailable and I can't seem to contact any of the others, so I asked them. Marta: Oh... who are *you*? Maya: Maya Gold! You must be the famous Marta I've heard about! Marta: Why... yes I am! So... what have you heard about me? Maya: Oh... things. [They file over to the couches and sit - Marta and Maya facing the TV, Shion and Rebecca on the other couch. Shion is closest to Marta on the corners. Maya inches close to Marta. Rebecca mimes being sick.] Shion: Okay, Mr. Voice, what is it today? Voice: [Nervous] Well, we're doing part two of Bubblegum Shift... Shion: *Another* Bubblegum story? We seem to get a lot of those. Rebecca: I promise it's nothing like Koopa. But after a while, you might prefer it. [The TV switches on] > A Bubblegum Crisis FanFic Marta: Twentieth Century Frog presents... Shion: Yet another Bubblegum Crisis story that will have more explosions than any three Schwarzenegger films. Rebecca: Or John Woo. Marta: Yes, but I'd rather watch John Woo any day of the week. > Bubblegum Shift Marta: You know, you've got an extra 'f...' Maya: Did that last part. Rebecca: But it probably still holds up. > (Part 2) Marta: Electri--- Shion : Nope. I'm sick of that one. > by > > Brett Handy Rebecca: [Shrill] Read a book! Marta: Hey... Shion: He's not... Maya: What? Marta & Shion: The writer of "Oh My God!" > "Damn", snarled Brian J. Mason, as the telemetry was lost > on the last C-55. They had sent two Boomers in to the ADP > headquarters and both had been destroyed in minutes. Shion: If the ADP managed to destroy two boomers in a matter of minutes, this *must* be a work of fiction. Maya: Now we bring up a question from the last part. Why did he make an overt attack on ADP headquarters? Rebecca: Because Daley was there. Maya: [To Marta] She's always like this. Marta: Tell me about it. > "Bring up the last visual playback", said Madaline, his > ever-present shadow. All: [Singing] Me... and my shadow... Ow! Marta; Hey... didn't you kill her Shee? Shion: Yes, but she was called Madagin at the time. She was also dumb enough to pull a gun to me. > The screen flickered and began to playback > the last minutes of the ill-fated Boomer's 'life'. Marta: [Marvin the android] Life. Loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. > Mason looked at the figures from the data recorders, "It > looked like it picked up a priority target, that can't be right", > he said worriedly. Shion: Priority target? Rebecca: He's programmed his boomers to immediately attack shapechangers on sight. Shion: Could've been handy in AK. Marta: What shapechangers? Rebecca: It's a self-insertion. Shapechangers. Go fig. > Madaline also looked over at the readout, Marta : Brian, anyone ever tell you you really suck at Doom? >"Yes, it looks like it did", she agreed. Shion: All the emotion of a rock. > Mason looked at her curiously, but could read nothing Maya: Mason needs to turn up the lights I think. > in her expression. The picture angle on the screen changed, as the > Boomer entered the ADP building, there were images of people > scrambling out of the way, some stupid ADP officers trying to > shoot it with small arms fire.... Marta: Right, fighting for your life equals 'stupid'. > then Mason saw something that confused the hell out of him. Shion : The plot. > The Boomer had been moving quickly > towards the priority target, when the target suddenly began > moving in its direction, very quickly. Shion: Could the target possibly be fighting back? > "Hold the image", Madaline said sharply. Standing about five > meters in front of the Boomer, was a Maya: Rogue comma. > jet black figure, Marta: Batman! Rebecca: No, but he probably thinks he is. > it was in > the process of running straight towards the Boomer. "No.. not > him.. not again", Madaline was muttering under her breath. Shion: [Madaline] Not another self-insertion character! > Mason glanced in her direction, noting the hate filled > expression, "Who or what is it?", he asked. Rebecca: [Deep] I'm Batman. [Normal] I never get tired of that one. > Madaline turned to face him, "He calls himself 'DarkWind'", > she replied. Rebecca: And I know a rather large Decepticon who'll be PO'ed about that. Marta: Some how I think the title "Break like the Wind" would be more fitting. > Mason continued the playback, watching as the Boomer was > destroyed by the dark figure. "Well it looks like this > 'DarkWind' came off second best this time", he said, Marta: Uhm... I hate to bust your bubble there Mason, but didn't DarkWind just wreck a boomer there? > watching the > crumpled figure that the Boomer had thrown through the wall. The > Boomer's systems were almost all off line, and the last image it > recorded was that of a silvery coloured blade descending into its > lens. Rebecca: All the intense recap action of X-Raider! > Madaline stood quickly, "I must report this to my > superiors", she said, walking hurriedly from the room. Shion : That fact that I am leaving right *now*, should not be taken as a plot point... bye! > Mason looked at her retreating figure, Marta : "They looove to watch her strut!" > "hmmm maybe I can use this to my advantage", he thought. Rebecca: That's so dirty, not even I'm gonna touch it. > ********** Maya: Will someone *please* get a snowplow? > DarkWind or rather Jim Maya: I'd rather not either, but never mind. Shion: This would be the self-insertion then? Rebecca: Regrettably. > awoke to find himself lying on a bed, > tubes running from his arm and wires attached to his body. Maya: [To Marta] Just asking a professional, but doesn't someone's head caving in usually mean they're dead? Marta: Is he an Author Avatar? Maya: Yes. Marta: Then no. > A small machine was making a beep every second or so, Shion: [British] Oh, look, I see you have the machine that goes 'ping!' > next to his > left ear. The beep seemed to match the throbbing pain he felt in > his whole body. He groaned, trying to find a more comfortable > position. Marta: Assume the position... [Shion whacks her with a cushion.] Maya: Leave her alone. Shion: She's *my* sister, I'm *allowed* to beat her up. Rebecca: Dang straight! > At his soft groan, a face suddenly appeared above his > own, "Kathy..", he said weekly. Shion: He should say it more often. > Jim was surprised to find himself and her still alive. Rebecca: I *knew* the 55C was defective! > He was sure that the Boomer had > killed him, when he hit the concrete wall, but the pain in his > body proved otherwise. Maya: Why? You can hurt in hell too. > Kathy was anxiously looking at Jim's face, trying to see if > it was delirium or if he was really awake. Maya: [Kathy] Damn, he's awake. Back to being a subservient moron, I suppose. Shion: How bad is he? Rebecca: Not god-powerfull, but he exudes a very strong PC field that turns all other characters, including Kathy, into morons. > When he had weekly murmured her name, Shion: Same time, same channel. > she had to restrain herself from giving him a Rebecca: Punch? Marta: Blow job? Maya: Fortunately his PC field isn't that strong. Yet. But Kathy's been drooling over him for ages, apparently. > hug. It had been three days since their encounter with the pair > of C-55s and Jim had been unconscious all that time. It was > lucky that she had gotten him back to Epsilon Industries before > he had resumed his 'normal' shape. Shion: There is nothing normal about his shape. > The doctors had assured her > that he would make it, but until she had seen it with her own > eyes..... Marta: She still couldn't beleive how small he was. >"Go back to sleep Jim, you need to rest", she said softly. Rebecca: [Kathy] Just close your eyes... you won't see what hit you... > ***** Marta: The last thing Jim saw. > It was nearly a week, before Jim was out of bed, even though > he was healing quickly, Rebecca: Naturally. > it was still slow going. Maya: Herding those commas into those run-on sentences really tired him out. > Kathy walked into his office, after her shift at the ADP had finished. Marta: And thank god for the small details. > "What are you doing out of bed?", she asked in a concerned > voice. Marta: [Jim] She couldn't last. You want a try? [Shion whacks her with a cushion] Rebecca: Sick! Maya: Well done! > Jim looked at her steadily, "Oh Please!, I'm quite capable > of tending to this normal business, I've been doing this for > almost forty years", he replied. Marta: Boy, he really can last! Shion: [Raises a cushion] Rebecca: Keeps going, and going, and going... [Shion whacks her with the cushion.] I don't care! It was worth it! > Kathy walked over and sat down opposite him, "Well I guess > if you're well enough to argue, your well enough to run the > company", she said. Maya: Well done! Both spellings of "you're" in the same sentence! Pity they're being used for the same purpose. > Jim turned on one of the monitors, "I'm getting worried, it > looks like Genom is buying up a lot of residential land and is > planning to turn it into factories and offices", he said. Rebecca: Next thing you know, they'll be chopping down Forestville and throwing out all the animals. [They all stare at her.] Well, sorry. But that sounds straight out of a tree-hugging hippy enviro-crap cartoon. Shion: Strangely enough... I believe you. > Kathy shrugged, "What can we do about it?", she replied. Shion: Complain to your congressman! > Jim stood up painfully, wincing as his shoulder stretched > the newly formed scars. Maya: Not to sound nitpicky here, but given his ability to create new forms as well as just shapeshifting into existing ones, shouldn't he be able to get rid of those? Marta: Hey, yeah... > He walked over to the large window, All except Maya: Jump! Jump! Maya: He'll just turn into a raven and fly away. Rebecca: Or land on his head and suffer no harm. > "Well I'm getting sick and tired of that company, remember where > you were living with your uncle, when we first met?", he asked. Maya: Oh yes, did I mention this is a sequel to a Ranma fic? Shion: My god. This guy is almost as bad as Gonterman. > Kathy nodded sadly, remembering her uncle and his little > house. Marta: Upon the prairie. > "Well now all those 'little people's' houses have been Rebecca: Made into 'big people' houses. It is a simple case of evolution in action. > destroyed to make way for Genom's further expansion, even the > school you attended was destroyed to make way for their > headquarters", Maya: And a few rampaging run-on sentences. Shion: Actually, I am willing to bet that the school was destroyed in the Second Great Kanto Earthquake. > he said angrily. He turned his back on the view > and walked across to stand in front of her, "When my father died Marta: [Jim] I cheered. Rebecca: [Ditto] He never did notice the arsenic. > and I became CEO of this company 35 years ago, Shion: [Jim, maniacal] It's mine! Mine, you hear me? All mine! Marta: Shee, you're worrying me. Maya: [Holds Marta's arm] You're scaring me too! Rebecca: [Muttered] I'm gonna be sick. > I promised myself > that I'd do my best to avoid getting involved in corporate > politics", Shion: By running a really big... [Shakes head] No, you idiot. > he explained, "but now, I think that if someone > doesn't try to put the brakes on Genom soon, even the Circle > won't be in a position to do anything before much longer". Rebecca: And this is bad, because? Marta: How much does this guy know about BGC and Genom anyway? Maya: I'd have to say practically nothing. Shion: Circle? Shapesifters? Is this a hyped-up version of "Feng Shui"? > Kathy rose and patted him on the shoulder, "I'm sure you'll > think of something", she said. Jim winced as she touched one of > his scars. "Oh.. I'm sorry Jim, does it hurt much?", she asked. Rebecca: [Jim] Only when I talk. Ie: all the time. Marta: Only when I laugh. > "Well, its not as bad as the first time *you* beat me up, Marta: She could beat me up any time. Maya: [Innocently] I didn't know you were into that. Marta: Uhmm... well... > but yeah it does hurt quite a bit", he replied in a light tone of > voice. Shion: Thank you, whoever you are, for the small mercies. > It was Kathy's turn to wince, as she remembered the mess she > had made of him, when she was under the Conclave's control. Maya: Those commas hurt! > Jim saw the hurt expression on her face and smiled kindly, > "I'm just kidding, don't take it so hard", he said. Shion: [Jim] I'm only bringing back a major traumatic life event. Marta: Dunno, some people I know *like* to take it *hard*. > Kathy rose and left without a sound, quickly leaving before > he could see the tears in her eyes, "It's *my* fault, I should Shion [Kathy]: Have killed him when I had the chance. > have just left the ADP building when you said to", she thought > guiltily. Maya: Even though she was trying to drag him away. Shion: Are you going to keep doing that? Maya: Is the fic? > She returned to her room, sitting on her bed she > finally came to terms with something that had been nagging her > for some time. Marta: [Kathy] Diet Dr. Pepper tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper! Shion : Why can't I be a three-dimensional character, with a personality and everything? > ********** Maya: That's more stars than last time! Do you think that's significant? Shion: I think he can't even type stars properly. > Leon yawned mightily, as he stepped out of the ADP pursuit > vehicle, he looked over at his new 'partner'. Rebecca: She's working with Nene and he's working with Daley, but never mind internal continuity. It's overrated anyway. > "Kathy is looking terrific as usual", > he thought glumly, "but why can't I ever get > the *good* looking girls to go out on a date with me". Maya: Because Daley keeps scaring them off. Rebecca: And only a desperate dog would go for you. Marta: Leon in the AMP... now *there's* a scary thought. Shion: Don't let Noriko hear you say that. > He had > been called out early, because of some kind of riot going on in > district three. Shion: Oh, sure, Leon. It's *just* a riot. Nothing worth cutting into your *precious* grooming time for. > "Speaking of good looking girls", he thought to > himself, as he saw Priss, Rebecca: Yes, there's Priss, but what's this about good looking girls? Maya: Actually, I think Priss is rather beautiful. Marta: Oh yeah? Same here. What do you think of Linna? Rebecca: Oh, yuck. > being held by some big guy in a suit. Shion: Probably the author. > "Hey, your being pretty familiar", he said to the big man. "So > you live around here", he whispered to Priss, "How about we go > back to your place later". Rebecca: Even Leon isn't this bad. Dan: yes. Leon: no. > Priss looked at him disgustedly, "I'm being evicted", she > said angrily. Maya: It's certainly a better one than 'I've got a headache.' Shion: How do you get evicted from a cargo trailer? > Kathy had followed Leon over, Shion: -The cliff. Rebecca: Please? > and was looking curiously at the woman Marta : Hey, Priss, are those real? > standing beside a man he recognised as being Brian > Mason. "I'm sorry but what they are doing is completely legal", > Leon said sadly. Maya: [Barbrady] Move along, there's nothing to see here. > Madaline was standing slightly behind Mason as this > encounter with the police was progressing, she couldn't help > feeling like she should know this strange police woman, who > seemed to be studying her intently. Rebecca: [Kathy] I wonder if she's free tonight? > Mason's bodyguard kicked the unconscious form of a protester, Shion: Oh yes, kicking them when they are down, always the best time for it. > and the young lady who was > causing the most trouble picked up a crowbar Rebecca: [CrowBar] Help! Reno! Kali! Someone save me from this madwoman! > and hit the > bodyguard in the chest. Madaline smiled slightly, "Stupid girl, Marta: Trix are for kids! > can't even recognise a Boomer, when she see's one", she thought. Marta: If he keeps dissing the main characters... [Starts to rise from her seat.] Maya: Calm down, okay? Just relax. [Takes Marta's hand and pulls her back down.] Rebecca: ... Shion: If it will help, I'll give you Ling Ling's number. > Kathy noticed the hollow sound of metal striking on Rebecca: -Priss' head. Marta: [Throws a cushion at Rebecca] Stop that! > metal > and stopped her examination of the strange woman, to look back > and see Priss begin held up off the ground, by a huge man. Maya: Armed with a dangerous comma. > "Boomer", shouted Leon, drawing his gun and firing a warning > shot into the air. Rebecca: How observant! You get a cookie! > "That's enough", said Mason, turning and walking back > towards his waiting limo. With that the machinery started up, and > began to trundle towards the apartment building. Shion: We shall now proceed with the 'Kathy rescues Sho's mother' scene. Rebecca: Of course, that would mean that Kathy actually did something. > Kathy noticed a young boy running towards the building that > the machines were advancing upon, she quickly ran to intercept > him. Rebecca : He's at the 20, the 30... Shion: He - could -go -all -the - way! > The boy's mother caught him first, but then turned and ran > into the building! Kathy followed her as Priss grabbed the > little boy, screaming for the crane's driver to stop. Kathy > threw herself at the boy's mother, pulling her back, as a huge > piece of concrete almost killed her. All: Uh? Shion: One assumes that's from falling on her. Maya: Why does his immaculate description fail now? Rebecca: Jim's not here. The scene, ergo, is not important. > The woman slumped to the > ground, as she was caught on the side of the head by the heavy > concrete. Kathy lifted her up and ran out the door, just as the > building half-collapsed. Shion: Regrettably, I was right. Maya: Now that's two. > Back outside, she shouted to Leon, > "call an ambulance, this woman needs to get to a doctor". Leon > sprinted back to the car. > > "Bring her over here officer", called a familiar voice. She Shion: Ahh... the self-insertion character deos return. > looked up to see Jim, although he looked about ten years older > than normal. "What's he doing in his 'Millionaire' disguise", > she thought. Rebecca: The answer is: Being a bigwig pain in the ass, probably. > Jim was standing in front of a corporate helicopter, > marked with the Epsilon Industries logo. Around him were a squad > of four men, all carrying automatic weapons and wearing body > armour, they were followed by two men in suits. Shion: And of course, no-one present noticed it land or the guards deploy. > "Get her aboard > and we'll take her to see a doctor", he said kindly, motioning > two of his men to help. Shion: Shoot this annoyying twit, please? > Priss, who was still holding the young boy came over quickly > as the Sho's mother was loaded into the helicopter, "Who are you > people, what are you doing with her?". Marta: I'm Dr. Menin, this is Dr. Black. Now please look at the light... > Jim looked at her steadily, "We are getting her to a > doctor", Shion: Yeah, right. > he replied, motioning the chopper pilot to take off. > > The helicopter ascended quickly, heading back towards > Epsilon Industries HQ. Priss watched the helicopter leave, "Is > mom going to be alright?", Rebecca: I may puke soon. Maya: Can't imagine why. > asked Sho, in a wavering voice. > > One of the men wearing suits walked over to Sho, "She'll be > fine son, we'll give her the best care possible", he said gently. Marta: Best funeral money can buy. Rebecca: She isn't dead. Marta: I know. [Sniffs] > Priss recoiled from the man, so obviously a corporate > stooge. Maya: Must be Moe. Marta: Hey Moe! Hey Moe! Maya: Nyuck, nyuck, nycuk! >"You shouldn't have done this in the first place you > bastard", she spat out at him. Maya: I wonder if Priss has noticed that this is a different group of- Shion: Corporate stooges? Surprisingly not. > The man gave her a surprised look, "I'm sorry I couldn't get > here sooner, but I got delayed", Maya: In a *helicopter?* Shion: [Jim] Traffic's a killer. > he said, "Now where is Mason?". Marta: Busy hiding behind the boomer. Next? > Mason and his bodyguard were stalking across the road, > towards the new group of men. Rebecca: Hissy fit! Hissy fit! > "Who the hell do you think you are, interfering with my men?", Marta: And my sheep. > he said angrily, "Officer, I > want you to arrest these people immediately". Maya: At last, they're going to book him with everything they can think of. Shion: It won't happen, you know. > Leon looked at Mason, as if he was something he had just > pulled of the bottom of his shoe, Rebecca: No, that's Leon. Shion: [Thumps Rebecca] Cool it, Leon's not that bad. Rebecca: [Muttered] Bet you're an Avatar too. > but turned to face the newcomers, > "Well, I'm afraid he's right, I'm sorry to have to do this", Marta: [Leon] But the kid's just gotta go! BANG! > he said. The man who had talked to Sho so kindly, pulled > an envelope out from under his jacket and handed it to Leon. > Leon looked surprised, Maya: [Leon] That's where all the commas come from. > but opened the envelope and read the forms inside. Rebecca : Teee... ayyyyych... eeeee... uh... oh, the! > Suddenly and huge grin spread over Leon's face, echoed > by one from the man in the suit. Rebecca: [Leon] Marry you? Why of course? Marta: [Jim] Actually I was more interested in Daley. > Leon turned to Mason, "I'm > afraid you're trespassing on private property", he said, "I'll > have to ask you to leave". > > Mason was spluttering, "What are you talking about, *we* own > this whole district". Shion: Genom. We own your ass. Marta: They almost owned yours. Shion: Shut up. Maya: Do I want to know? Rebecca: No. > "I think the correct word is *owned*, Mr Mason", said the > man in the suit. > Mason grabbed the papers out of Leon's hands, reading > quickly, "It.. Its not possible", Marta: [Shocked] How... Maya: Not yet. He'll no doubt try and explain it. > he said angrily. Mason's bodyguard/Boomer Maya: /Pet. Shion: /Caddy. Marta: /Play doll. Rebecca: [Commando Elite] Fully poseable. > began advancing towards the man who had handed > out the envelope. Suddenly the four men with automatic-rifles > trained their weapons directly on Mason. Shion: Guns? Do you think I'm meaning puppy? > The Boomer stopped, > realising that if it made one move towards the man, its boss > would be very well ventilated. Rebecca: Not that it'd matter. Mason's already one big hole. > ********** Shion: Morse code message incoming. It says: 'Get me out of this crappy fanfic.' > Mason was still spluttering Marta: He'd better go for a tune-up. That sounds bad. Maya: And that wasn't funny. > angrily, as his limo pulled into Genom HQ. Maya: He has an impotence problem. [They all stare at her.] I... I mean he feels helpless in the face of opposition. Marta: [Grinning] Sure. > "I can believe it, they cancelled our bill-of-sale and > sold to someone else", Shion: Yeah, you're not the only one. > he was saying as he walked into Qunicy's > office. Madaline, who had missed the arrival of the new group of > men, stood uncomfortably beside Qunicy's desk. Marta: And to think a moment earlier she had been kneeling under it. Maya: Wasn't she just with Mason? Rebecca: This guy's Kefka! Run-on sentences, ret-cons... Shion: *Pray* there are no furries around. > Mason sat down in > the chair opposite to Qunicy. "I understand that we lost the > rights to the third district", he said quietly. Maya: Not yet... Just wait for the explanation. > "Yes, another corporation bought it out from under us", he > replied, placing the papers he had obtained from the police > officer. Marta: Now? Maya: Now. Marta: Fine. I'd love to know how the hell he thinks Genom is going to have a problem with this, considering they already *own* half the city, its council and even the Japanese government! They could get the land regardless of opposition, AND squash Epsilon flat! [She stops, panting for breath] Maya: [Applauds] Well done! > Quincy looked over the papers, "So, this Epsilon > Industries", wishes to tangle with us, does it", Maya: Don't joke about it, Quincy. They've got a free-range comma *and* a rogue quotation mark on their side! > he said to himself. At the mention of Epsilon Industries, > Madaline seemed to start slightly. Marta: And she needs a tune-up too. > Qunicy looked up at her, "You know this company?", he asked. Shion: I'd love to say no, but the author's smothering us with it. > Madaline nodded, "I've had some dealings with them... very > unsatisfactory dealings", she replied. Rebecca: [Madaline] They have a *very* noxious customer service line. Marta : I didn't come. > Qunicy leaned back in his chair, Marta: CRASH! Too far back. > "Very well, we'll have to > do something about them then", he said, "lets see how they like > owning a pile of rubble". Shion: Alright, everyone. Time for the villain laugh. All: Bwahahahahaha. Shion: Thank you. Marta: You should be good at that by now. Shion: Shut up. > ********** Rebecca: Look! It's a fleet of flying saucers! Maya: I want to believe... that those saucepan lids could be convincing. > Priss watched as Mason's limo pulled away, "I'll get you > yet, you bastard", she thought angrily. Marta: [Priss] And your little dog too! Rebecca: She's doing a pretty good villain act too. > Sho tugged on her arm, "When can I see my mother?", he > asked. Shion: When you stop being ingratiatingly twee. > Priss looked over to where the men in suits were discussing > something with the construction crews. Marta: [Foreman] We'll put the statue of Jim here. > She told Sho to wait here for her and walked across to them. > "Hey you, which hospital did > you take that woman", she called out angrily. Shion: St. Elsewhere. Rebecca: St. Healthscare. > Two of the guards levelled their rifles at her, Maya: Well, there goes public relations. > but at a gesture from one of the suited men, they lowered them. > "Actually we took her to our corporate headquarters", > he said moving across towards her. Shion: So you took a critically injured woman to a corporate headquarters? That makes perfect sense. Maya: It does if she is supposed to be the next experiment. Shion: That's not funny. > "Well I want to see her... now!", Priss said. Rebecca: [Kid] I wanna lolly too! > The suited > figure looked at the young Sho, "Yes, we'll take you and the boy > to see her as soon as possible, ok?", he said. Maya: Now have a lollipop and shut up. Marta: G'wan kid, ya botherin' me. > Priss was taken aback by his friendly attitude, so unlike > most corporate executives. Shion: [To Rebecca] Now I see what you mean about that PC field. > Leon and Kathy walked over to were she was standing, "Well > Mr Williams, I think you won't have much trouble here, so we'll > be going now", said Leon. Marta: Hmm. Is that Quincy's diabolical laughter in the background? > Mr Williams shook Leon's hand, "Thank you for all your help, > officer", he said. Leon leaned over to Priss, "How about dinner > next week", he asked quietly. Rebecca: [Priss] How about a napalm enema? > "In your dreams, pal", she replied. Marta: And your point is? > Leon shrugged and put his hand on his partner's shoulder, > "Ok, fine, let's go Kathy", he said. He and Kathy walked back > towards the car, he still hadn't removed his hand from her > shoulder. Maya: Is he usually this bad? Marta: To cut a long story short - Yes. Maya: [Rolls eyes] Men. Marta: [Grins broadly] Rebecca: [Mimes gagging] Shion: I don't like where this is heading. > Priss just shook her head, Rebecca: Plop! Should've fastened her neck bolts more securely. > "that guy just won't take 'no' > for an answer", she said quietly. Shion: Notice how the author clearly singles out which characters he does and doesn't like. Marta: Well, at least Leon's acting in character. > She looked back at the man she > now knew as Mr Williams, noticing an unusual expression on his > face, as he watched Leon and Kathy walked back to their car. His > expression was one of resigned disappointment. Marta: [Jim] Oh, man, Leon's gonna get her first! > As Leon and Kathy > neared the car, Kathy suddenly grabbed Leon's hand, throwing him > across the car, judo style, "Keep you hands to yourself", she > said angrily. All: [Applaud] Rebecca: At last she did something right. > Mr Williams expression changed to one of > amusement, and he shook his head slowly. Marta: Still a dyke I see. > "So when can Sho see his mother", she insisted. Rebecca: When he promises to stop being obnoxious. In about five thousand years or so. Shion: Never. > Mr Williams raised his hands and stepped back, "Ok, Ok... > We'll go right now", he said. Just then another helicopter > landed, Maya: Such convenient timing. > Williams motioned for her and Sho to board it as he got > into the pilot's seat. Shion: Thunderbirds are go! > Jim's plan had not turned out quite the way he had intended, > no one was suppose to get hurt, but he hadn't gotten there in > time to prevent the young boy's mother from being wounded. Shion: He shows a truly amazing amount of compassion. [All stare at her] What? Marta: Nothing. > The helicopter lifted off smoothly, "not quite as smooth as the > Stalker", he thought to himself. Rebecca: [Bitterly] Oh, yes. Of course. Nothing's as good as *your* chopper, is it? > Sho was enjoying himself, sitting in the co-pilot's seat, > asking about how everything worked. Rebecca: Pressing all the buttons and causing the 'copter to crash. > While Priss just sat in one > of the passenger seats, a frown creasing her forehead. "Why the > expensive transport, don't you own a car, Mr Williams?", she > asked sarcastically. Marta: [Jim] Yes, but this enhances my... presence more. Maya: Jim has issues. He spent part of the first scene describing his corporation's *twin* *towers.* Marta: Oy vey. > Jim glanced back at her, "Its faster and yes I do own a > car... please call me James", he replied. Shion: [Jim] Bond. James Bond. > "How fast does it go, James?", asked Sho, "can we go home > the same way?". All: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? > Priss didn't know what to make of this strange corporate > executive, he seemed to be a nice guy, but there was something > familiar about him that she couldn't shake off. Rebecca: Could it be, and this is his description, that he looks just like the guy at the dance but a few years older? Others: Nah! > She listened to > him as he explained how the helicopter worked to Sho, who sat > with a wrapt expression on his face. As she saw the towers in > the distance, she finally realised Marta: The true extent of Jim's problems. Rebecca: Hey... I can see my house from here. > why the company logo seemed so > familiar, this was Epsilon Industries, the same company that had > manufactured that attack helicopter that saved her in the fight > with the super-Boomer. Rebecca: Priss is just so observant. Maya: Don't blame her. The run-on sentence got in her way. > "Sylia will be very interested in this", she thought to herself. Shion: Why? Is she majoring in psychology or something? > Jim smiled at the young boy, "It'll go very fast Sho, Rebecca: Straight down. Shion: Aren't we dark today? > and if you like you can go home in it..". Maya: [Jim] Still, your home just got demolished... bit of a bummer, that. > The flight passed quickly, Jim bringing the helicopter down >for a soft landing, on the top of Epsilon Towers. Shion: KABOOOOM!!! Ooops... > ***** Rebecca: The number of hedgehogs killed on English roads increases every year. > Sho's mother was sitting up in bed, when Priss saw her, Sho > ran straight up to her, jumping on the bed for a big hug. Maya: [Sho's mother] Aack! Get off! Get off! > Priss found her eyes a little moist and rubbed her nose. Marta: Aw, she's just a big softie. Maya: You wish. > Mr Williams, > or James as he kept telling her to call him, looked very proud of > himself. Shion: [James] Aren't I so disgustingly smug? [Normal] I want to kill him. Rebecca: Five hundred thousand? Shion: Sold. > A doctor came into the room and explained that Sho's > mother had a concussion, Shion: She really should cut down on those. > and had to remain in bed for a few days. Marta: I could deal with that. Shion: You and Ling Ling alredy have, remember? > Priss volunteered to take care of Sho, but Mr Williams offered > Sho a room nearby and introduced him to a friendly nurse, Marta: Helllooo nurse! Maya: Do you have to ogle the *other* girls? Marta: Sorry! Shion: No you're not. > who would take care of him until his mother was better. Shion: Take care of him? [mimes holding her gun to her head] Rebecca: No, no, take to dinner, tuck him in at night, make sure he goes to school. > Williams led Priss out of the room, towards the elevators. > "Sho and his mother can stay as long as they like.... I haven't > told them, but their building is no longer sound enough for them > to live in, Maya: It did sort of collapse, and all. > so I'll find them somewhere else to live", he said, > as they walked down a long corridor. Priss quietly followed him > along, not responding to his attempts at conversation. Finally > they came to a large office, Williams sat down behind a large > desk and motioned her to take a seat. Rebecca: [Priss] Fine. Where do you want it taken to? Shion: Really. That's one of the oldest. Rebecca: Does this fic deserve better? > "Why did you bother to help Sho and his mother", Priss > finally asked. Maya: [Priss] And where did my question mark go? > Williams looked across his desk, "I could ask you the same > question, can't anyone do something nice for no reason at all", > he replied. Rebecca: Okay, what are you selling her? Shion: Life is pain, anyone who says otherwise is selling something. > "Bullshit!", Priss replied, "You corporate types are all > alike, money hungry, power mad, assholes who only care about > themselves". All: [Applaud] Shion: Perfectly correct! Bonus points! > Williams just smiled, "Well if that's true then what are you > doing here?", he said. Maya: [Priss] Lipping off at you. What does it look like? > Priss narrowed her eyes at him, "So what are you getting out > of this", she said. Marta: [Jim] Hostages. Maya: Sexual fantasys. > Williams stood and walked over to a monitor, "Genom owns > around 70% of the city already, I'm trying to slow them down", he > explained, "If someone doesn't stop them soon, they'll own > everything". All: Ahem, Genom *does* own everything! Shion: Just goes to show how little this guy knows about BGC. > Priss looked concerned, "Where did you get that information > from, I hadn't heard anything about them owning that much of the > city". Rebecca: Okay, I think it's an established fact that Priss doesn't read the financial papers. > Williams shut off the monitor, "It's actually owned by fake > companies, who are really Genom", he replied. Suddenly the phone > began to ring, Williams picked it up, "Hello.... Yes... WHAT!!!, Rebecca: [Jim, deadpan] Size nine. Shion: I said "No starch!". > no it can't be!", he said, "Well call the ADP straight away!". Marta: For all the good that'll do. > Williams slammed the receiver down, swearing. > > "What's wrong?", Priss asked. Rebecca [Tsuneo] & Marta [Ling Ling]: I'm caught in a crappy fanfic! Maya: Spooky. > Williams turned to her with a face full of anger, "Six > combat Boomers have suddenly decided to go 'rouge' Shion: The boomers decided to go 'red'? Marta: Either that or they are are applying blush to everyone they can find. > in district 3", he replied. Shion : '5' sir. > Sho's apartment was a pile of rubble, by the time Williams > and Priss arrived overhead. Maya: Pardon me, but wasn't it a pile of rubble already? Rebecca: [Jim] Well... it's more rubble! > "Damn those bastards", growled Jim, Shion: Damn you, stinkman! Rebecca: You bastard, try this melon! Maya: I sense a running gag. > bringing the chopper down in a low pass over the district. Marta: Strafing everything in sight. > Virtually the entire area was a wasteland, luckily most of the > people had already evacuated in expectation of Genom's levelling > of the buildings. Shion: Insert stock footage of the LA riots here. Rebecca: Which LA riots? Shion: Any. > "No...", muttered Priss, looking at the ruined state of her > trailer. Rebecca: How can you tell? Marta: [Priss] Yup, it's fine! Maya: Wow. He's even got Genom out of character. > Jim looked over at her, "Don't worry, I'll replace anything > you or anyone else has lost", he said firmly, "You have my word". Shion: And which one is that? Rebecca: Uh... how about 'maybe'? > ********* Shion: Get the shovel. We're all snowed in. > Priss was angrily putting on her hardsuit, it hissed > together with a satisfying click, "I'll have my revenge you > bastards", she growled. Rebecca: [Priss] For putting me in this fic. Shion: You bastard, try this melon! Marta: You said that already! > "Not by yourself, you won't", came a > familiar voice. Sylia was standing by the door, wearing her > jumpsuit. Marta: Ooohhh... if we're lucky, this could turn into "Bubblegum Crisis: Raging Pink" any moment now. Shion: I think I'd rather see that than this... > "We heard about what happened in district three, the Boomers > attacking it and levelling people's homes", put in Linna. Maya: Viciously rearranging furniture. > Nene nodded, "Besides going off alone would be in violation > of the Knight Sabres code, section 2", she said smiling. Maya: Like Priss cares. Marta: Hey! Maya: No, no offence, it's just that she's the leading rules breaker of the Knight Sabres. Rebecca: [Priss] Me Priss. You kill me friend. You die. Togg. [Normal] Insert sound of Motorslave breaking. Repeat. > ********* Shion: It's the last thing a possum sees. > Kathy rushed into the weapons locker, just as a very angry > DarkWind was emerging in full armour. "Where do you think your > going?", she asked. Maya: [Jim] Out for takeaway. Care to join me? > DarkWind's red eyes, All: [Zombies] Pink eye! > met her blue ones, "I'm not going to > let Genom get away with this", he said evenly. Shion: I hate to break it to you, but they already did. > Kathy smiled, "Well you go and warm up the Stalker, and give > me a minute to change", she said. Maya: [Kathy] Just let me slip into something more comfortable. > DarkWind smiled (a very rare event indeed), "Thanks > partner", he replied. Shion: Now I know who's going to get killed during the action sequence. > ********* All: [Singing] Star trekking across the universe! > As the Knight Sabres' armoured transport sped along the > concourse leading to Genom's headquarters, Rebecca: [Optimus Prime] Roll out! > it's sides opened up > to reveal Priss & Linna's hardsuited forms, along with their > combat cycles. Rebecca: Broom putputput. Brrrm, brrrrr brrrrrmmmm. Maya: Are you feeling alright? Rebecca: Fine. Marta: More's the pity. Maya: Tell me about it. > The two bikes shot ahead of the slower moving > truck, racing along towards the summit of the Genom tower. Shion: [Announcer] Here we see Linna and Priss making a record breaking attempt to scale Mt. Genomanjaro. > Priss suddenly noticed four targets moving towards them from > the tower, they were BU-12B combat Boomers, she jinked to the > side as they opened fire with their machine-guns. Maya: And run-on sentences. > Dodging and > weaving she looked over to see that Linna had transformed her > cycle into it's robot form and was taking cover behind it's Marta: That's a motorslave for those following along at home. > larger mass, shooting sporadically. Rebecca: Poor sporadically. What did he ever do to you? > Priss dodged to the right > again as one the BU-12s shot it's grenade launcher at her. Some Marta: What grenade launcher? BU-12bs have a 12.7 mm machine gun and a 46mm recoiless rifle. Rebecca: Fangirl. > unexpected help came in the form of an ADP patrol helicopter, > which distracted the Boomer for all of two seconds, before it was > blown from the sky. Shion: And that's about all they're good for. > ***** Marta: For a five star hotel, this place sure sucks. Shion: Yeah. Where's room service? Voice: There is none. Marta: Nice try. > DarkWind watched the firefight progressing along the Genom > building, waiting until the attack conditions were just right.... Maya: And all the camera crews were in place. > "NOW!", he shouted to Kathy. Marta: Swallow! > At the signal Kathy launched a > volley of laser guided smart missiles, aiming for the Boomer that > was attacking the blue Knight Sabre, the Boomer disappeared in a > huge fireball. Rebecca: [Hick] Any ah youse seen mah boomer? Ah lost it in ah hyuge fireball. > DarkWind dodged under a grenade shot and returned > fire with they 30mm chaingun that was hooked into his helmet. Rebecca: Notice how he takes away what little power Kathy has. > Kathy joined in, bringing her own chaingun into play. They > Boomer disintegrated under the force of the depleted uranium > rounds. Maya: In a city? Rebecca: Hey? It's a US Department of Defence proven fact that depleted uranium is perfectly safe for use as ammo. Shion: Just make sure you use it outside. Marta: Yeah. Sure. > A explosive impact rocked the helicopter, one of the > other Boomers had decided that a helicopter was an easier target > than a Knight Sabre, it was pounding them with its machine-gun. All: [Cheer] Maya: Go boomer! > DarkWind desperately dodged out of its way, All: Boo! Rebecca: I don't see why he's so worried. Modern gunships are all but immune to high-caliber machine gun rounds. I'm sure Jim's uberchopper would shrug off a Bu-12B's widdly 12.7mms! Marta: Nice rant. Rebecca: Thanks. I haven't done one in ages. > engaging the jet > boosters in an attempt to get away. Luckily for him, the blue > Knight Sabre had returned the favour they had done for her > earlier, blowing up the Boomer with a pair of missiles. Shion: Since when has Priss's suit packed missles? Rebecca: Could have been from the Motorslave, which doesn't have missiles either. But I'm beyond caring. > **** Maya: Well, the rating's getting closer. > Priss sighed in relief as she finished off the BU-12 that > was attacking the helicopter. Marta: She could never explain why she did it, though. > Linna was taking care of the last one, Rebecca: Subjecting it to the lap dance of doom. > giving Priss a chance to help their new-found friends. She > raised her arm and waved to the pilot, who raised his thumb in > response. Shion: In return, she raised her middle finger. > She then transformed her bike into booster armour, and > began to fly towards the roof. Linna had finished off her Boomer Marta: [Linna] And it was delicious! > and joined Priss in a flight towards the summit of the Genom > tower. The strange helicopter didn't wait for an invitation, it > engaged some kind of afterburner Rebecca: I thought afterburners only came in one variety. Afterburner. > and took off almost straight up, > leaving Priss and Linna to catch up. > Sylia was standing facing a battle-suited Brian J. Mason. > Mason looked at her scornfully, "This place will be your > gravesite", Shion: Classic villain line no. 104. Marta: You should talk. Shion: When have I *ever* used such trite dialogue? Rebecca: Shoot him now! Shoot him now! > he finished, locking his armour into place. Sylia > was scanning his armour looking for a weak spot, Rebecca: Ooh, there's one, around the waist area... > when one of the > figures behind him, rushed towards herself and Nene. Nene opened > fire on the figure, revealing it as a Boomer. The figure had > just punched Nene across the roof All: WA-TAK! Maya: That was fun. > when a helicopter, suddenly rose up into the sky, behind her, Shion: Hey! It's a scene from "Blue Thunder"! > its lights trained on the > Boomer. "Don't move", came a greatly amplified female voice. Of > course the Boomer immediately opened its mouth in preparation to > firing its laser beam. "We warned you", it said again, as a > quartet of missiles streaked into the Boomer, obliterating it > instantly. Shion: [Tim the Enchanter] I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you... oh, no, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Marta: Are you okay? Shion: [Blushes] Fine. > Mason just stood and looked at the strange helicopter, "You > want to fight me?", he called out. Maya: [Jim] No! That oughta fool him. Marta : So. You want to fight me? Hunh. You must be. Tired of living. Hunh. > "With pleasure", came an amplified voice from the > helicopter, but this time the voice was a hissing whisper. The > chopper landed on the Genom roof and a dark figure leap down from > the pilot's compartment. Rebecca: If I was him, I would have just hosed him from the helicopter. Shion: Yup. > It walking slowly across the building > and stopping between Sylia and Mason. Marta: Yeah, what exactly is Sylia doing right now anyway? Taking a cigarette break? Shion: She is obviously in awe of the self-insertion character's awesomeness. > The figure was seven feet > tall, it had glowing red eyes and looked nothing like a hardsuit. Shion : I am a terminator. > Linna and Priss finally arrived, landing next to Nene. Rebecca: [Linna, monotone] I must stand and gawp at the self-insertion's awesome power. I have no free will. I have been assimilated. Maya: Now that conjures up thoughts of Linna in a 'Borg 36 of D' outfit. Hmm... Marta : Hey... > Mason looked at the strange figure in front of him, he > recognised it as the same one that defeated his C-55s that he > sent to the ADP building. Shion: No, it's just any old seven foot tall, black, winged, red-eyed monstrosity. Rebecca: I suppose you've met a few? Shion: Not me, that's Noriko's job. > "It looks like you have recovered from > your encounter with my little pets", he said. The figure turned > to Sylia, "I'm sorry Knight Sabre, but I must deal with him". Maya: [Sylia] Be my guest, I don't care. He only killed my father and I'm at the tail end of a ten year vengance trip, but never mind. > With that he faced Mason again, "You will now pay for your crimes > against innocent people", Marta: [Moaning] Oh, god. It's 'Chaos in Time' all over again. Maya: [Pats her back] There, there. I'm sure he doesn't wear his sailor suit in public anyway. > it said in a chilling tone. Mason > laughed and raised his autocannon, firing a burst that signalled > the beginning of the battle. Rebecca: Should I point out that it's semi-automatic? Shion: No. Rebecca: Okay. > The dark figure easily avoided that > first shot and answered with a mini-missile from it's forearm. All: Akagiyama missile! Rebecca: At least he's not claiming it as his own schtick. > Mason shot the missile down in mid-air, staggering slightly as Shion: With what? > the concussion from the blast hit him. He looked around for the > black shape, and was just turning to his sensors, when he felt a > sharp pain in his leg. Marta: Down, boy! Back! Not now! > He quickly swept the area with autocannon > fire, backing away, limping slightly. > DarkWind knew he had to finish Mason off quickly, if any of > those autocannon shells hit him, his armour wouldn't make much of > a difference. Moving quickly her raced Maya: [Startled] Well, he is a shapechanger. Rebecca: Oh, man! Darkwind *is* Oscar! > forward and sliced at > Mason's autocannon, his claws sunk into the arm of Mason's suit, > making the gun useless. Shion: Youngster, your brain is useless I guess. > Unfortunately, Mason had brought up his > other hand and now had a grip on DarkWind's shoulder. Attempting > to break the hold, DarkWind bought his claws down on Mason's arm, > attempting to sever it. Mason laughed as his armour protected > the arm, "Now I'll crush you", he said. All: I'm crushing your head! Crush! Shion : I must break you. > DarkWind knew he was in trouble when Mason got a hold of his > neck and began to squeeze. "Only one chance", he thought. Shion: Die now and save me the bother. > Mason felt his opponents neck crush under his hand, the body > went limp and he bought up his other hand to support it's weight. > He failed to notice that a large puddle of some kind of liquid > was pooling around his opponents feet. Maya: My god! It's the bad guy from 'Terminator 2!' Marta: How many times do I have to say it? Go *before* combat. > Mason turned to Sylia, > "Now it's your turn, Knight Sabre", he said viciously. Maya: Yeah, what were they all doing during that fight? Rebecca: A foursome. Marta: You forgot Kathy. > Then he > noticed that the Knight Sabre's attention was directed at > something behind him, he began to turn just as DarkWind cut the > servos to his arms, Maya: Hmm. What about that *armour* that *protected* his arms before? > locking the metallic hands around the > now-empty armour he was holding. He turned to face he now > reformed opponent, "You, your a shapeshifter too", All: NAW! Rebecca: What, you think he just naturally looks like that? > he said > suddenly. The dark figure smiled and turned to walked away. Rebecca: I'm ignoring you, does this bother you? > Sylia watched as the strange figure walked up to her, > seeming to be ignoring Mason all together. 'What are you doing, Maya: [Sylia] Starting a quote with an apostrophe? > Masons still alive", she said. Marta: Flash Gordon's alive! >The dark figure looked at her, > "Not for long", it said. Suddenly Mason exploded Shion: Then, house explode. > in a huge ball > of flame, knocking everyone from their feet. Marta: Except Dorkwind, no doubt. Maya: Dorkwind. I like it. Rebecca: Dorkfish! > Sylia looked over > to where Mason had been standing, there wasn't even a piece of > metal to mark his death. "What the hell did you do to him", Shion: [Jim] I downloaded the complete works of Gonterman into his brain. > asked a shaken Priss. The dark figure looked back to where Mason > had been standing, "I detonated the fuel in my jet pack", it said > conversationally, "worked quite well too, don't you think?". Marta: [Jim] Ain't I so cool? Maya: [Ditto] Of course, I could have needed that jet pack... > Sylia looked stunned, as the figure began to walk back > towards the helicopter, "wait, who or what are you", she said. > The figure turned around, Rebecca: [Jim] I am the terror that flaps in the night! > "I'm called DarkWind", it said, then it Shion: And that announcement, dear readers, would have made me break out laughing right then and there. > turned and jumped back into the helicopter. The chopper lifted > into the air, and left on a scream of jet boosters. Sylia looked > at the burn marks that were all the remains on Brian J. Mason, Marta: You know, he's such a messy eater and all. Shion: Wrong, little sister, the proper line is: All: No one could have survived that! > "Lets go home", she said. Marta: Great, let's go. [Marta grabs Shion's arm and starts hauling her to the door.] Voice: Not yet! We're not finished! Shion: What? Voice: That's only half the chapter. Maya: There's more... [Starts sobbing] Marta: Ah, don't worry. [Puts arm around Maya] It's just a fanfic. You really should relax. Maya: Thanks. Rebecca: Oh, god. Shion : And I still don't get any. [They both sit down] > ********* Shion: Yeah, that's about how I feel about this fic. > Madaline winced and shaded her eyes, as Mason was > incinerated, she ducked under some debree thrown in her > direction. Marta: You did a real load of good there. Never mind helping your partner, or anything. Shion: She'll be first on Largo's hit list. > "Stupid fool, I told him how dangerous DarkWind was", Rebecca: I mean he's so big! And he's got this huge rotary missile launcher... Uh, forget it. > she thought to herself. She continued to watch, as first the > helicopter and then the Knight Sabres left. Getting up from her > hiding place, she moved quickly to an elevator, heading for > Quincy's office. Maya: No, girl, now is when you turn into a bird and follow someone. Rebecca : STUPID! > "I take it Mason is no longer with us?", Quincy asked, as > she walked into his office. Shion: He's gone to a better fic. > Madaline nodded, "He took on more than he could handle". Marta : Shinji gave him the full 14 inches. Shion: Errk... > Quincy smiled unpleasantly, "How unfortunate", he said > sarcastically. He punched up some data onto one of the monitor > screens, "It seems that Epsilon Industries is more trouble than > we originally thought", he said. Rebecca: They own Microsoft. > Madaline nodded, "I thought that this might be the case, so > I've enlisted a little help", she said quietly. Maya: And you didn't do anything before now... My head hurts. > Quincy looked at her curiously, "What kind of help?", he > asked. Shion: An editor would be nice. Marta: Madaline's going to bring in the Punisher. > Madaline stood and walked towards the door, "I'll need some > Boomers for backup, please arrange it", she said, walking out > into the hall. Maya: I thought *Quincy* ran Genon? > Quincy's face turned red, Marta: [Wendy Testaburger] Hey, he's like Rudolf! > "How DARE she order me around", he > thought. He was about to protest when he thought better of it, Rebecca : I'd better not make to big a stink, o I may be the next to go... > "Well if she can solve my problems, so be it.", he said quietly, > "And if she solves the problem of *herself* at the same time, > even better". Shion: [Bored] Yeah, yeah. Insert stock diabolical laughter here. Rebecca: Notice how we've secretly replaced Quincy with Dr. Evil. > ********* Maya: Who sneezed on the fic? Marta: Not me! Rebecca: Will someone *please* separate those two? I am going to *puke* over here. > Fargo was sitting nervously at a bar. Maya: We are *not* doing that again? Rebecca: [Minnewiegan accent] What's that? Marta: [Ditto] Do what? Maya: Grr... > "Why didn't I become > a CPA like my mother wanted", he thought to himself. Shion: Because you're not a boring tick. > He looked up at the door, as it opened to reveal the man > he was suppose to meet. Marta: The introductory agency had worked after all. > Fargo nodded to him and motioned him over to one of the > booths that lined the wall. Rebecca: The one that read insert 25 cents for the first minute. > Jim had arrived slightly early and was surprised to see > Fargo already waiting for him. He proceeded over and sat down > were Fargo had motioned. Marta : Should I be bothered that the seat is sticky? > Fargo tossed him a data disk, Shion: Nice throw across the room. Well, Fargo's still at the bar. > "Here's the information on the Boomer, that you wanted", he said. Maya: [Fargo] Of course, the commas will cost extra. Rebecca: [Minnewiegan accent] Oh, yah. Those things are very expensive you know. Maya: ... > Jim nodded, "I hope it's accurate". Maya: Well, I wrote down everything I could find in the Fuzion sourcebook. Rebecca: No railguns for Priss then! > Looking shocked Fargo spread his Marta: Not here! [Shion throws a cushion at her] > hands in a gesture of > surrender, "Hey it was the best I could do", he said. Shion : I'm a Hero gamer myself. > Suddenly he stood and started to move off. Rebecca: [Fargo] I'm leaving and I'm taking the kids with me. > Jim grabbed his hand, "Not yet... What about the other > matter we discussed", he said. Marta: [Fargo] But you're not my type! Shion: I'm surrounded by them. > Fargo gulped nervously, "Ahh... Well I couldn't find out > anything", he said in a rush. Maya: That was so convincing. > "Your manner indicated otherwise", Jim said evenly, "I > *don't* like people who lie to me". Rebecca: I think you'll find that very few people do. > Gulping down even more air, Fargo slowly resumed his seat. > "Look I can't tell you anything", he said, "I'm sorry that you're > upset but I've got no information for you". Marta: But I do have this nice set of ginsu knives... and a bamboo steamer, now how much would you pay? > Standing quickly, Jim leaned over close to Fargo, "I'd hoped > for more.... keep the extra cash, if you hear anything else about > the Boomers let me know". With that Jim walked out of the bar. Rebecca: Hissy fit! Hissy fit! Marta: So Jim gave him extra *before* he found out anything? He's *really* gonna last in business. > Fargo watched as another figure rose and followed the man > from the bar, "I hope she know's what she's doing", he thought Rebecca: Sylia? In this fic? We're lucky if she can tie her shoes. > ********* Shion: Pretty stars... pretty pretty stars. > Sylia followed the man, Marta [Sylia]: Cute ass. Maya: Thanks. I didn't know you cared. > making sure to keep a careful > distance behind him. "Its a good thing Fargo gets a cut of our > commissions", Rebecca: Given how often you get paid, he must be starving. > she thought, remembering how much money this man > had offered for information on them. Shion: Names, addresses, measurements... Marta: Favourite hang-outs... Maya: Notable preferences... > Usually she would not have > bothered looking to this herself, but the Boomer information he > had asked for had interested her. Rebecca: Maybe Sylia's in the market for a used 33S. Marta: Right. This means war. Rebecca: Why? Am I dissing your girlfriend? Marta: No, It's just that she wouldn't need one. Rebecca: Hey, Linna can't be free *every* night of the week. Marta: Who needs just one? Maya: Aww... > She stopped in her tracks, as the man walked into a phone box. Shion: [Jim] Ow! Didn't see that there. > Looking over the road, she > flashed a quick thumbs up at Linna and Priss, who were sitting in Marta: Back of a car making out like sex-crazed weasels. Shion: Why I ever let you read "Vanity Angel" I'll never know. > Linna's car across the street. Linna returned her gesture, Rebecca: With the middle finger. > sighing Sylia leaned against a wall, waiting for him to finish > his conversation. > ***** Maya: He's taking ages! > Jim caught another glance of the person following him. "So > Fargo got a little nervous", he thought. Marta: You must admit she's hardly being subtle. Shion: She's hardly being Sylia. > He quickly dialled > Kathy's number, putting the disk into the phone's reader. A > blinking Kathy answered a moment later. Maya : Do I know you? > "Jim... What's wrong?", she asked quickly. Marta: Well, for starters, you're talking like captain Kirk. > "Never mind that now, set your terminal to receive, I've got > that data I needed", he replied. > > Kathy looked at him strangely as she activated her terminal, > "Why give it to me?", said stated rather than asked, Shion: Because you're supposed to die next. > "Your in trouble", she concluded. Rebecca: Kathy, your ability to grasp the bleedingly obvious- Maya: -And basic grammar. Rebecca: -Is amazing. > Jim shook his head, "I'm only being followed, I'll loose > this joker and see you tomorrow", he said as the download > finished. Shion: Obviously it's not an AOL phone. > Kathy's eyes became troubled, "Be careful", she said > quietly. > > Jim put on a shocked expression, "Hey, this is me, Rebecca: Not Han Solo. > I'm always careful", Rebecca: [Kathy] You mean besides that time in Bangkok with the two call girls, the power sander and the herring? Shion: [Jim] Well, obviously, besides that. > he said as he shut of the terminal. > > ***** Rebecca: Nice grouping there, Tex. > Sylia was wondering how much longer he would be, Maya: She really needed to go. > when he > suddenly opened the door and continued quickly down the street. > She motioned over to Linna to keep following and started off > quickly down the street. Maya: Is anyone *not* moving quickly down the street? > The stranger was moving fast, and > darted down an alleyway. Sylia realised that she had been > spotted, Shion: I think this deserves another 'naw.' All: Naw. > she indicated to Linna and Priss to try and cut off the > other end of the alley Marta: Regrettably they were already too busy in the back seat of the car and couldn't back her up. > and quickly ran forwards. Rebecca: To the 10, 20, 30... she could go all the way! > Jim hugged the alley wall tightly, Marta: The wall was Jim's *special* friend. > waiting for the person > following him to come around the corner. As the figure rushed > around the corner, Marta: Nope, this ain't Sylia. Something to do with brainpower. Rebecca: Avatar effect. Marta: Damn. > Jim grabbed him by the throat, pinning him up > against the wall, hard. He was surprised when he looked into the > eyes of a pretty-looking young woman. Maya: So he didn't notice it was a woman before... Ouch. Marta: How did he miss the amazing Sylia frontage? > As the had clamped onto her throat, Sylia realised too late > that it was a trap. She was shoved against the wall, roughly. Marta: Now it sounds like we're in the Kefka zone. > The stranger looked surprised as he looked her in the eye. Shion : But... but... *no one* looks me in the eye! > "Who are you and why are you following me", Jim asked > angrily. Rebecca: I'm here to recruit you for the next AAA tournament! We think you're a shoo-in for first place! > Sylia moved quickly as he asked the question, kicking him > hard, in the Maya: Comma. > groin. Unfortunately her well-placed kick had > little effect, other than a slight smile on the man's face. "Oh, > god... he's a Boomer", she thought. Rebecca: [Sylia] Got him right in the nuts! > Jim had anticipated the kick and had restructured his body, > so that her kick had little effect. Shion: [Disgusted] Oh... of course he had. Maya: Well, it must happen to him a lot. Rebecca & Marta: [Snigger] > "That's not an answer, I don't want to have to hurt you", he said. Rebecca: But I will anyway. I'm a sadist at heart. > Sylia was loosing hope quickly, Shion: She'd been to the webpage and seen that there were two more chapters of this dross. > Linna and Priss would not be able to help her in time Marta: Mainly because they still hadn't come up for air. > and there seemed nothing she could do to > break this person's (if he is a person) grip. She look up him > defiantly, "Go to hell, Boomer", she said. Shion: I'm already here. > ***** Maya: [Singing] When you wish upon a star... All: Get us out of this crappy fic! > Priss and Linna had arrived at the other end of the alley, > and realised that their target was nowhere to be seen. "Damn, > it was a trap!", said Priss, Rebecca: Priss, your ability to graps the blatantly obvious amazes me. > drawing her gun and jumping out of > the car, running to the alley. Linna was two steps behind her. Shion: Heaven forbid that she arrived first to do anything useful. > Jim heard running footsteps from the other end of the alley, > "It looks like you friends are coming", he said, "I guess I'll > have to be going.... Let me make one thing clear, Marta: [Jim] Diet Dr. Pepper does *not* taste like normal Dr. Pepper. > *don't* try and follow me again, > and tell Quincy that he'll have to do better to > catch me". He grabbed her by the shoulders and picked her up off > the ground. Rebecca: And on a first date too. > Priss and Linna ran towards the two figures, Priss raising > her gun. Suddenly they were hit in the chest as Sylia was hurled > at them. Marta: Other people have all the luck. > The three went down in a heap, Rebecca: [Linna] Here? Now? Why not? > bruised but mostly unhurt. Shion: Except for their egos. Maya: Only if this was the real series. Shion: Point. > Quickly Sylia was on her feet, looking around they > alley. "He moves very quickly for a Boomer", she thought. Shion: Well, they usually *are* pretty swift. Marta: Just how little does this guy know about BGC anyway? Maya: Judging from part 1? Nothing. > "What the hell happened", asked a very pissed off Priss, > dusting off her shoulders. Rebecca: [Linna] We played catch and lost. > Sylia shook her head, "I think this is more serious than we > originally thought", she said. The three women walked out of the > alley and got into Linna's car, heading for home. Marta: And another three-way. Shion: That does it. When we get home I'm burning all your copies of "Vanity Angel". > A black Raven watched the departure of the three figures, it > jumped into the sky and winged it's way back to the Epsilon > Industries towers. Maya: No, now you follow them home to see who they are... oh, forget it. > ********* > > "Working for Epsilon Industries was always an interesting > experience", Rebecca: Especially when the boss asks you to work late? Maya: Why? He's got Kathy for that. Marta: It's when Kathy asks you to work late. > thought a confused receptionist. She had just > admitted three very interesting guests into the building. Shion: Their top financial advisers Moe, Larry and Curly. > After having finally made a start on a mountain of paperwork that > seemed to appear out of no-where, Maya: Level three wizard spell: summon paperwork. > she was working at her desk, > when three armoured figures walked through the front lobby. They > wore strange combat suits Maya: Is that as well as being armoured? Shion: I think the Department of Redundancy Department has been here again. > and the receptionist recognised them as > the Knight Sabres that everyone was talking about. One of they > walked right up to her and spoke to her in an electronically- > modified voice, > "We would like to see Mr Williams", it said. Maya: Spoke to her... it said. Shion: And again. > Now although she had seen all kinds of people come into to > visit Mr Williams, Rebecca: Although it was usually nice young ladies in very skimpy outfits. > this was the first time someone had attempted > to visit him in full-combat armour. Marta: Obviously she never worked at the Neo York office. > When she asked the figure if > it had an appointment, it shrugged, "Just tell him the Knight > Sabres are here", it responded. Mr Williams had told her to send > them up immediately, Maya: Isn't that what we're doing? > so she motioned them to the elevators. > "Well I hope they don't cause any trouble, it might mean my > job!", she thought, going back to her paperwork. Marta: [Receptionist] Thank god they're gone. I'll get my appearance fee and get out of this crappy fic. > ***** Rebecca: Here we see the flies coming to feast on the dung that is the fic. > Priss was shifting nervously from foot to foot. "Everyone > be careful, Sho and his mother are on the same floor as Williams' > office", she said. Shion: So does that statement mean that you're planning to blow it up? Marta : Blow things up! Blow things up! Blow things up! Blow things up! > Sylia nodded, as did Nene, "We'll be careful not to let > things get out of hand", Nene said. Maya: Just a second. It said there's three of them. So where's Linna? I mean, I could understand if Nene's not there, but Linna? Rebecca: Now think about that. Do you *really* want to know? > The elevator finally arrived and the door opened to reveal > at least a company of armed guards, all pointing their guns at > the three Knight Sabres. Shion: Ever get the feeling that soemone doesn't like you? > Priss raise her own, gun arm, "Its a trap", she cried. All: Uh? Maya: "Priss raise her own, gun arm..." Is it just me, or is the writing getting worse? > Sylia grabbed her hand, "No don't", she said sharply. Sylia > turned to the guards, "We don't want any trouble, we only want to > talk". Rebecca: [Guard] Fine by us. FIRE! > The lead guard lowered his rifle slowly, "We can't let you > in with all those weapons", he said shortly. Maya: He... said it quickly? He knelt to say it? Help? > Suddenly a voice echoed down the corridor, "Never mind > Kemper, Marta: Yes, let's not mind him. > let them through", it said. The guards shouldered their > rifles at a gesture from the guard named Kemper, "If you harm > him", he began. Rebecca: [Kemper] We'll help! > Sylia shook her head, "We don't intend to hurt anyone", Marta: [Singing] We come in peace, shoot to kill. Shoot to kill. Shoot to kill. > she replied. Kemper nodded and led the three Knight Sabres down the > long corridor. Marta: Of doom! > Nene was getting a little nervous at all the electronic > hardware in the corridor, she spotted concealed lasers and > targeting cameras. Thankfully they were all turned off. Rebecca: How can you tell that? Shion: And why in frig would they be off? > "I don't like this Sylia", she said over the comm. Marta: I'm not to fond of her either. Can we have regular Sylia back? Maya: So that's where the spare commas came from. Rebecca: Well done, by the way, giving away your bosses name. Ever consider they might be monitoring the comms? > Sylia glanced at her companion, "Don't worry, I'm sure > everything will turn out alright", she said comfortingly. Shion: Thankfully the hardsuit prevented anyone from noticing that Sylia had been replaced with Kasumi. > She paused as the guard opened a large set of wooden doors, he > motioned them into the room. Marta: Of doom! Shion: Stop that. > ***** Rebecca: Sylia's reaction after seing that she was signed for two more parts of this dross. > Jim looked up as the three Knight Sabres walked into his > office. "Umm they looked smaller before", Marta: What? Their breasts? Maya: They look bigger on TV. > he thought. He was > once again in his millionaire disguise, sitting easily behind his > treasured hardwood desk. Rebecca: Is that the one Kathy put a dent in? Just wondering... > "I would offer you a seat, but I think > it might be difficult in those suits", he observed. Marta: [Jim] Duh, I made a funny. Rebecca: That's one of the reasons why they wear rubber underwear. > Sylia looked at the man sitting behind the antique desk, he > looked somehow familiar. Shion: Could it be that he chucked you down an alley last night? > She activated her comm link, "Does he > look familiar to either of you", she asked. Marta: [Priss] Didn't he drop you on us? Not that I'm complaining... Maya: Oh, you... [Nudges Marta] Rebecca: Excuse me while I redecorate the floor with my breakfast. Maya: Oh, lay off it, Rebecca. Can I help it if I like her? Marta: [Grins] Shion: Help me. > "Yeah, but I can't place him", replied Nene. Maya: Could it be that you danced with him at the ball? Rebecca: That was the 'young' Jim Williams. Shion: Who looks just the same, anyway. > Shaking off the feeling, Sylia walked over to stand in front > of Mr Williams. "We would like to know why you keep interfering > with our operations, Mr Williams", she said bluntly. Shion: [Jim] Because I'm the self-insertion and I can do whatever I like! Rebecca: Sounds familiar... > "Call me James", Jim replied, "and I have no idea what your > talking about". Maya: He's so worried he's fluffing his lines. Rebecca: Marvellous innocent act. > "Don't give us that", retorted Priss, advancing towards him > menacingly. "We know that a helicopter that your company > designed is involved, so cut the shit", she said, still advancing > around the desk. > Sylia was about to call Priss off, Marta: Down, Priss! Back, Priss! Sit! Sit! Good dog. Maya: Woof! Woof! > when a quartet of Mini- guns popped from the ceiling and floor. > Two of the guns were tracking Priss, a single one was locked > onto her and another on Nene. Maya: Nice... security. Marta: How broke must Epsilon be? I mean, a secret hangar full of advanced military gear, laser defences in the hallways, pop-up miniguns in his office for crying out loud... Rebecca: You're joking, right? They use avatar money. Shion: I want to know why he's bothering to point one of them at Nene. > <*Tracking targets, awaiting orders*>, came a computerised > voice. Shion: I think I saw this scene... in Robocop. > "That's far enough, I have no wish to fight you, but if you > take another step, you'll look like Swiss cheese", Jim said. Shion: And the award for the corniest threat outside a Sailor Moon fic of 1998 goes to: James Williams! Rebecca: I'm sure he's proud. > Priss stopped moving and she glanced back a Sylia. Sylia > motioned her back to stand beside her. Maya: [Sylia] Maybe you can soak some rounds. > "You'll forgive me if my precautions seem a little > excessive, Shion: Oh, just a little, is it? > but I'm not sure as to your reliability", he said. Maya: So why did you let them into your office... [Holds head] No, I'm not going to think about it. > Syila's eyes narrowed under her visor, "I don't like being > threatened", she said sharply. Rebecca: Oh, *now* you show some backbone? > Jim sat back at his desk, "Neither do I", he replied > angrily. "Now what would you do if I said that I do know about > that 'mysterious' helicopter", he asked. Marta: Put a cap in yo' ass! > "I would have to ask what your intentions are", Rebecca: [Jim] Re-write the OVAs and boff every one of you! Marta: Uhm... deal. Except Nene. > said Sylia, > "We can't be too careful, many people would like to eliminate us > and obtain our hardsuits". Maya: [Sylia] Like Bert. And Locke. And Kyrind. And Takei. > Jim nodded, "Yes your suits are very impressive, Marta: Especially the curvy bits. Maya: I like the contents better. > but have > the pilots of that craft done anything that would make you think > they were out to get you", he asked. Shion: Well, they blew up my house. > Sylia shook her head, "No, but I would like to know who they > are, if only to verify *their* reliability", she said. Rebecca: Ouch. Score one for Sylia. > Jim shook his head, "I don't think so, how can I be sure you > wont use that information against me or them". Shion: Well, you could pay us to keep quiet. > "Have we done anything that would make you think *we* were > out to get you or them?", she retorted. Rebecca: Two nil, Sylia's favour. Marta: Yeah! Cane him! Maya: I'm sure he'd enjoy that. Shion: I've wandered into the foul-mouthed zone. > Jim smiled, "Good point.... Well I can arrange a meeting for > you with them, if you think it would help", he said. Marta: Isn't he being *amazingly* subtle? > Sylia nodded, "That might help", she said. Rebecca: I haven't gotten any in weeks. Priss keeps saying she has a headache and Linna won't return my calls. > Rising from his desk, he walked over to a wall panel, he > pushed one of the buttons and a swirling hologram rose up from > the floor in one corner of the room. Rebecca: [Jim] Here we see the Imperial Death Star. It is near completion, in orbit around the forest moon of Endor. Maya: Yes, very nice, but what's it a hologram *of?* > Jim motioned them over, "I > was talking to another person about this only a few days ago", he > began, "It looks to me as if Genom is attempting to gain complete > control over they city.. All: Nah! Maya: 'They city...' Um, you lost me. Isn't that in California? Marta: [the Tick] The city. My city. > government officials are begin bribed, > terror by Boomers in areas that won't sell out is common", > pausing Jim sat into one of the couches, 'Soon it will be too > late for anyone to stop them"". Rebecca: And Shinra will own everything... Er, oops. Maya: And you started that quote with an apostrophe and finished with two quotation marks. But I don't know why I bother anymore. > Sylia looked at the image in concern, Rebecca: Whatever the hell it was. > Priss had explained > this the other day, but she had no idea how close Genom was to > achieving ultimate power in the city. "What can we do about > it?", she asked. Rebecca: Blow up some Mako reactors! Uh, sorry. Sorry. Shion: Destroy the Death Star and restore freedom to the galaxy. > Jim looked up at her, "I don't know", he said quietly. Shion: Amazing! The Avatar admits a failing! > <*Warning weapons have been locked on this room*>, came the > computers voice again. Maya [Computer]: You are all going to die. Have a nice day. > Jim looked up, "What!, from where!", he exclaimed. Marta: The forces of BGC fans all over the world. > <*Multiple targets approaching from 016 degrees, range two > miles*>, replied the computer. Maya: [Computer] Cloudy patches clearing on the coast. Rebecca: [Computer] Enemy power-up detected. Shion: [Computer] Warp core breach imminent. Marta: [Computer] Have a nice day. > Jim look strangely at the Knight Sabres, "You have some > friends coming?", he asked. Rebecca: [Priss] Yeah, we all thought we'd hang out here, watch the tube and have a few beers. Marta: I'm into that. > Sylia shook her head, "We have nothing to do with this", she > said. Shion: [Sylia] Really! Absolutely nothing! Don't worry about where Linna is! > Jim called to the computer again, "Identify targets", he > commanded. Marta: [Computer] Yup, they're targets! Maya: [Jim] Shut up, smartass. > <*Targets classified as four C-55 and two BU-12B > Boomers..... One target identified as a class-one shifter*>, it > replied. Rebecca: [Jim] No! Ixnay on the shifter! > "What the hell is a 'class-one shifter'", said Nene. Maya: Someone who has more brains than Jim, considering they changed into a boomer. Marta: [Jim] It... It's a type of rare, equatorial... penguin! That oughta fool 'em. Shion: I have a very hard time imagining Nene saying 'hell'. > Sylia began to walk towards them window, "Mr Williams, get > out of here, we'll handle this", she said. Shion: You're joking, rght? With what Jim's Avatar powers have reduced them to, they couldn't handle anything. > Jim placed his hand on her arm. "Don't worry about it, just > follow me", he said moving towards the room's exit, "Computer, > evacuate the towers", Jim called to the computer. Rebecca: [Computer, muttering] Why do I have to do all your dirty work? > Sylia was about to object, but suddenly the computer once > again began to call out warnings. Maya: Self destruct in five minutes! > <*WARNING MISSILE LAUNCH*>, Rebecca: [Deep] Death Hand launch detected! > the computer said calmly, <*Activating defences*>. Marta: Shredding everyone in the office. The End. > The Mini-guns that had been trained on the Knight sabres > suddenly swung to the window. Maya: So those things are going to shoot down the missiles? Marta: Looks like it. Maya: Pretty dumb idea considering their limited arc of fire out the window. > Jim rushed to the door, "Come on, > the computer will take care of it", he said. Rebecca: Unless, of course, you've installed Windows 98, in which case everything is going to lock up and you're dead. > Priss reluctantly followed her companions, moving out into > the hall, "What about everyone else in the building", Shion: [Jim] What about them? > she said, remembering Sho and his mother. Maya: And the fact that Sho's mom still owed her twenty bucks for that last babysitting stint. > Jim smiled, "Everyone will soon be gone, the only people on > this floor is us... Rebecca: And the small army of security guards. Marta: Ah, they're just redshirts. Who cares? > the computer would have ordered everyone else out", he said. Maya: I'm impressed. He used three different tenses in the same sentence. > <*Defences engaging targets*>, came the computer's voice, > followed by the sound of the mini-gun opening up on the incoming > Boomers. Rebecca: Just one of them? Shion: Having seen BGC Episode 1, I really have to wonder what good a mini-gun will do. Marta: You mean an Epsilon Industries super-minigun? Shion: Don't remind me. > The three Knight Sabres followed Mr Williams down the > hall, meeting up with the security team and proceeding to the > elevators. An explosion made the building shudder, Marta: Man, knock off those burritos! > <*One target eliminated*>, the computer reported. Maya : I now have one extra life. > The security team took up > position guarding the elevator doors. Williams motioned the > Knight Sabres into the elevator, "Robert, fall back and let the > computer deal with the problem", he ordered the team commander > just as the door closed. Maya: What happened to Kemper? Shion: No doubt he got redshirted. > Jim grinned at the Knight Sabres, Marta: [Jim] Ain't I just so sickening. > "I hope you didn't have a > big breakfast", he said, punching in the last security code > number. Rebecca [Jim]: Because you're going to loose it now. [Normal] As I may do if this goes on too much longer... > Nene was about ask what he meant, when the elevator dropped > suddenly, "EEEEeeeeeKKKKKK!!", she screamed. Rebecca: Oh, well, at least he got Nene right. > Priss and Sylia would have expressed similar sentiments, but > they were busy trying to hang onto the floor. Marta: That's right. Just take away whatever usefullness the Knight Sabres had left. Shion: Jim, of course, is unaffected. All: [Disgusted] Of course. > The descent continued for a while, before the elevator > slowed and stopped, far below street level. "Where the hell are > we?", asked Priss. All: The Batcave! > Jim punched in another override code and the doors opened, > "We're in the control room", he replied, walking out of the > elevator. Maya: Aren't these the people whose reliability you weren't sure of? > The Knight Sabres followed him, having nowhere else to go. > "We should be up fighting those Boomers", snarled Priss over the > comm-link. Rebecca: [Priss] Me wanna break boomer. Me wanna break boomer. > Sylia sighed, "If Mr Williams' security systems can handle > the problem, we shouldn't waste our ammo, it does cost money you > know", she said. Rebecca: [Sylia] Along with all your motorslaves. Maya: [Priss] Yes, mum. > Priss just grunted and trudged along, following Williams. Rebecca: That's the most intelligent thing she's done all fic. Marta: Shut up. > Jim took his seat in the control room, motioning the Knight > Sabres to stand behind him. A huge explosion rocked the > building, <*WARNING! outer defences breeched, activating internal > security*>, the computer called out. Maya: [Computer] Laying out the welcome mat and preparing the complimentary biscuits. Shion: All redshirts get ready to be killed. > "Damn, they got through", Jim noted reading the computer > display, "We've taken out three of the C-55s and one of the BU- > 12Bs, Marta: Where have you taken them to? > but they're are still coming." Marta: And coming and coming and coming and... Rebecca: Now we know why the floor's so sticky. Shion: I've had dates like that. > Sylia looked surprised, it took a lot of firepower to do > that much damage to Boomers, "What the hell have to got as > defences?", she asked ,"Surface-to-air missiles?". Shion: There's the pitch... > Jim nodded, 'Among other things..... Shion: And what did you expect? > I was expecting this to > happen, but I didn't think that they would use this much > firepower", Maya: If they wanted to use firepower, they'd use a *lot* more than that. Not to mention that Genom would never be so overt. > he said. Jim punched up some interior displays, Marta: Ow! Oh! Ouch! What did they do to you? Maya: Oh, look! It's Kathy's bedroom! > "It looks like we've got more company", he said, motioning to the > four figures walking across the now-deserted reception area". Rebecca: It's the Turks! Maya: Get it straight. This is *not* Shinra. Rebecca: Shinra, Genom, what's the diff? > There was another shuddering as the building was rocked with > more explosions, "We've got to get out of here", said Nene Shion: No shit, Nene. > looking at her readouts, "It looks like the Boomers are doing > serious structural damage to the building". A second later the > computer confirmed Nene's analysis, Maya: [Nene] Told you! Marta: Norton Disk Doctor for buildings. Get it now! > <*WARNING!, Structural > collapse imminent, evacuate command centre, estimated time to > collapse five minutes, ten seconds*>. Shion: Your actual mileage may vary. > Jim smashed his fist into the metal desk, "NO!, this > building survived the Great Earthquake, now its going to be > destroyed by Boomers!", he said angrily. Marta: Mister temper tantrum! > "Mr Williams, we must leave", Sylia said, "There's nothing > you can do now". Maya: [Sylia] God alone knows why I'm concerned about you, but never mind. > Jim looked at her, anger in his eyes, Shion: Evacuate? In our moment of victory? I think you seriously over-estimate their chances. > "There is only *one* > thing I can do", he said, "If this building's going, then its > going to take a few of those bastards with it!". He stood and > walked over to the wall, entering a code into a keypad. Rebecca: The guy needs a code for everything. I think if you've got this far, its' a pretty safe bet you're meant to be here. > A door opened in one wall, "Go through here, it will lead to the > outside, a good distance from the building". When no one moved > he added, "I'll follow you soon, get moving!". Shion: That sounds like a line from a doomed man. Maya: Hooray! Rebecca: Don't get your hopes up. > Sylia motioned to the others to head down the tunnel, "I'm > sorry we had to meet under such circumstances, I hope you make it > out", she said, shaking his hand. Rebecca: Oh, god... I really am going to be sick. Marta: Well, Jim, nice knowing you. Not. > Jim nodded, "Don't worry, you'll see me again". With that > he moved back into the hallway leading to the elevators. Maya: And certain death. > Sylia was turning to leave when she noticed the very deep > imprint in the metal desk that Williams had hit in anger. She > looked at it thoughtfully, before heading into the escape tunnel. Marta: [Sylia] Hmm... there's something wierd about him... Shion: Big deal. I can do that. Rebecca: Me too! But only with my left arm. > "Computer... Activate explosive bolts, set timer for three > minutes", Maya: Or until golden brown. > Jim said as he ran towards the weapons locker. Marta: Guns, guns guns, gimme guns! Shion: Guns? Do you think I'm meaning puppy? > <*Explosives Activated, three minutes and counting*>, the > computer responded. Jim shook with anger as he ran, the use of > the explosives would ensure that the building would fall straight > down, containing the destruction. He raced into his locker, Rebecca: That is a big locker! > emerging a few seconds later as DarkWind. Shion: Actually, no. He realized he'd run into Kathy's locker. All: Ooohhh... Maya: The funny thing was: He enjoyed it. > "Its just lucky that the vehicle hanger is a separate complex", Shion: This guy has a lot of complexes. > he thought to himself as he raced back towards the > escape tunnel. A huge explosion obliterated the elevator doors > at the end of the corridor, revealing a BU-12B combat Boomer. Maya: Avon calling! > DarkWind quickly fired his mini-missiles, All: Akagiyama missile! > ducking into the > control room. DarkWind dived behind a desk as the explosion from > the destroyed Boomer washed over the room. Rebecca: Hey, it's like in Starship Troopers, where hiding behind a rock protects you from a nuclear blast. Shion: Don't even think about mentioning that waste of film again! > He stood and began to make his way over to the escape tunnel. > <*One minute and five seconds till detonation*>, the computer said. > The smoke and dust was thick in the room, making visibility scarce. > DarkWind turned at the entrance of the tunnel, > "Good bye, father", he said quietly. Rebecca: [Clutches stomach] Oh yeah... I can feel it coming. Shion: Father? Dare I ask? > A laser bolt caught him in the shoulder, Rebecca: That oughta kill him. Voice: NO! Rebecca: Ah, dammit. > knocking him to the ground, Marta: Now aren't you so glad you sayed behind? > "How touching", came a sarcastic, but familiar voice. Shion: Oh thank god. I thought the sentiment was going to continue. > DarkWind looked across the room, "Madaline, I knew you'd be > involved here somewhere", he said calmly. Maya: Of course you never mentioned it to your partner or even thought it... > Madaline walked slowly into the room, eyeing the escape > tunnel, "Good, I knew you'd have a way out down here", she said. Shion: Come out or I will fire aimlessly! > She was in her fighting form, similar in appearance to Kathy's, > but with a more human look about it, instead of blades, her arms > ended in the 'business-end' of some kind of laser weapon. Rebecca: Nice touch! Marta: [Jim] Ahah! I draw my sword! Rebecca: [Madaline] Fine. Bang! > DarkWind stood slowly, his sub-dermal armour had absorbed > most of the damage, but it still hurt quite a bit. "Sorry, that > exit is for *invited* guests only, I'm afraid you'll have to use > the regular exit, up in the lobby", he said. Maya: [Jim] Ain't I so smug. Rebecca: Gawds, he's sounding like DJ. > <*Detonation in forty-five seconds*>, came the computer's > voice. Shion: Oh, shut up. > "Somehow I don't think you'll make it", he added. > Madaline's eyes narrowed dangerously and she raised her arm, > pointing the laser she had concealed in her arm, right at > DarkWind's head. Marta: Do it! Do it! You know you want to! > "And how are you going to stop me?", she asked. Shion: [Graham Chapman] What are you going to do, bleed on me? > A volley of cannon shots came from the exit, Madaline ducked > and rolled behind a bank of computers. "Move it fella!", came > Sylia's voice from the escape tunnel. Marta: It's the old 'call for reinforcements' trick. > DarkWind bolted in her direction, dodging under one of > Madaline's laser blasts. He grabbed hold of Sylia as he ran > through the opening, throwing her across his shoulders. All: Eh? Shion: [Disgusted] Obviously she can't even escape on her own. > "Hey what are you doing?!?", she cried. Rebecca: [Jim] Getting in a good feel. Marta: I... damn, beat me to it. > DarkWind didn't respond, he simply turned and pointed one of > his arms at the tunnel entrance. At a twist of his arm, a laser > (very similar to the one Madaline had been using), Maya: Thank you. That was vital. We *really* needed to know that. > popped from concealment. Marta: Is that a laser in your arm or are you just happy to see me? > He shot a multiple burst at the tunnel, collapsing > the entrance. <*Detonation in ten seconds*>, came the computer's > voice through DarkWind's communicator. Sylia was still > protesting Marta: [Sylia] End nuclear testing now! > being thrown over his shoulders, "Put me down!", she shouted. Rebecca: Okay, you've got bad hair and terrible dress sense. Happy? > "No time, hang on", was DarkWind's only response. All : "Hang on snoopy, hang on!" > Sylia was wondering what he meant when suddenly his jetpack > lit off, Maya: Lit off? Lit up? Fired off? Help? > washing the tunnel in blue flames. She was gasping from > breath as they rocketed down the tunnel, "I hope this tunnel is > straight", Maya: Wouldn't you know, given that you were in it? Marta: Straight... in a direction sense of course. > was her only thought. A shattering explosion rocked > the tunnel, just as they exited into fresh air. Rebecca: Yee-ha! Yee-ha-ha! Marta: To infinity and beyond! > Priss and Nene were bowled over, as DarkWind and Sylia flew > past. Priss had just picked herself up off the ground, when she > noticed the collapsing Epsilon Industries tower. Shion: Just noticed it. It's nothing important or anything. > It fell back on itself, tons of concrete and steel, crushing the Boomers > remaining inside and collapsing the escape tunnel. A huge cloud > of dust and smoke rose into the sky. Rebecca: You reckon that killed off Madaline? Marta: Nah, just slowed her down a bit. Shion: I could have survived that. > DarkWind flew back over to Nene and Priss, placing Sylia > gently on her feet. Sylia stood shakily, "Thanks for the lift", > she said. Maya: [Sylia] My hardsuit *can* fly, but never mind, if it means another oportunity to drool all over you. > DarkWind nodded, "Thank *you* for the assistance". Shion: No offence to Sylia, but I curse her for all eternity for that. > Priss looked back at the dust cloud, "What happened to > Williams?", she asked. Maya: Just figure it out already! > DarkWind twisted the laser back into concealment in his arm, > "Don't worry, he's safe", he replied. Rebecca: [Priss] Ah, dammit. > Nene looked around nervously, "Well the ADP will be here > soon, we'd better get going". Marta: Within the same day, too. Amazing! > Sylia nodded, "There's not much we can do now", she said > sadly. Shion: [Sylia] Except *still* more of this dross. > DarkWind looked back at the dustcloud, "I really thought > that building would stand forever", he sighed. Maya: [Stunned] We were saying something about... Jim's problems? > He looked at the Knight Sabres, "Well I guess nothing lasts > forever... ", Marta: Except for Sailor Moon, and that only seems like it. > he said, bringing his jetpack back online. > > Sylia looked at him closely, "Genom missed this time, but > you can be sure they'll try again, keep an eye on Mr Williams", > she said. Rebecca: Geez, Sylia, figure it out! > DarkWind nodded, "Till next time", he said, engaging the > Jetpack. DarkWind streaked skywards, leaving a trail of blue- > flame. Marta: *Definitely* knock off the burritos. > ----------------------------------------------------------------- Rebecca: Sign on the line and kiss your soul goodbye. > AUTHOR'S NOTES: > > Well there we have part two finished. Shion: And not before time! > You'll probably > notice that I've put more emphasis on events other than those > which occurred in the BGC OAVs. Maya: And we are *so* thankful for that. Marta: I'd say he ignored the events of the OVAs. > The next part will involve probably cover parts 4 & 5 of BGC, All: Eh? Maya: Maybe it means that it will cover parts 4 & 5 of BGC and involve elements from them. Shion: Great. He'll save Sylvie and kill Largo. You watch. Marta: Well... I'd save Sylvie too. > with a *lot* of 'new' things for the Knight Sabres to do.... Rebecca: Now there is a statement that bodes. > Thanks for all your comments, I welcome all criticism > (constructive or otherwise). > > Comments/Criticisms/Threats to: Marta: Oh look! He's inviting us! > darkwnd@sv.net.au Shion: Right... enough of this. [Shion stands up and points her left arm at the TV.] Marta: Oh... shiiittt... [Marta ducks behind the couch.] Rebecca: Ah? Maya: Might be an idea to follow her lead. [Maya ducks behind the couch] Rebecca: Hey! Wait for me! [Grabs inferno toy from coffe table and jumps behind the couch] [Shion stands, not moving, with her arm points straight at the TV. Her cloak and hair as rustling as if a breeze is blowing up from her feet.] SFX: zzzzzzzzzzzzzmmmmmmmmmmmm... [Shion is still standing, her eyes have narrowed a bit and her mouth is a thin line. Her cloak and hair are starting to dance in a unseen wind, while a myriad of small objects are starting to drift towards the ceiling.] SFX: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzmmmmmmmmmmmm... Voice: Uh... wait a minute. [There is a snapping sound as the window develops a long crack down the center of the pane of glass. Other cracks appear in the ceiling and walls. A moment later lights bulbs burst and racked glasses in the kitchen shatter.] SFX: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzmmmmmmmmmmmm! Voice: Stop! Marta: Too late! [Everything fragile in the apartment, except the TV, explodes in a crescendo of shattering glass. Long cracks appear in the ceiling right above Shion, as the ceiling visibly indents. Shion's cloak and hair are billowing about her body, and it looks like a major windstorm is centered directly on her. Anything not nailed down in the apartment is swirling around her in a cloud of debris. The couches slide away from her, across the floor.] Voice: Sto-grmphfzzztttt! [The speaker explodes in a shower of sparks] Rebecca: So much for him. SFX: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! [A small dimple appears in the TV screen. It is the tube slowly collapsing. It does not implode, however, as Shion's telekinetic power holds in in place. The entire TV slides backwards to press up against the wall, which is developing a large circular crater. It looks as if Shion is standing in the center of a great bubble of force, that is slowly pushing the walls and ceiling away. Marta is huddled on the ground, not looking at anything, her arms crossed over her head. Maya is also on the ground, clinging to Marta for dear life. Rebecca is curled up in a ball in one corner.] SFX: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! [There is a loud pop and a could of dust as the TV collapses into itself. A second later there is a deafening crash as the entire wall pushes out and away from the living room. The scene switches to outside the apartment building as we see a massive jet of smoke, dust and debris blast out from the building.] Shion [still standing in the center of the room, her arm outstretched]: Ahh... I feel much better now. Rebecca: [Stands up and dusts herself off] Whoah. Let's see... two arms... check! Two legs... check! Ant... check! Maya: [Stands up] Does she do that often? Marta: [Stands up] Not often enough, probably. Shion: I've wanted to do that for ages. Maya: Right. I suppose we've got to review the fic now. [Dead silence] Rebecca: Now that I think about it, what are we meat to review to? The camera no doubt got trashed, and the voice is out of it. Marta: Well, the door's still locked. [On cue, the door falls off its hinges.] Marta: Never mind. Shion: Fine. I'm outta here. Rebecca: Me first. Marta: [Turns to Maya] So... shall we head into town, or just curl up together here? Maya: Actually... neither. Marta: WHAT? Shion : Oh, this looks to be interesting. Rebecca: I'm liking this. Marta: But... but... Maya: I'm not even in the slightest bit interested in you. I think you're a nasty, insensitive pig who's almost as bad as Dan. Rebecca: Now that's a put-down. Shion: [Laughing] This is too good. Marta: But... but that's unfair! Shion: Yes, I think Alexander Misamoto might agree. Maya: [Sniggers] Marta: So you're not really a lesbian, are you? Maya: Actuallly... I won't answer that. Marta: [Distraught] No! Argh! Rebecca: Whatever. I'm outta here, because I don't like the looks of that ceiling. Nice work, Shion. Shion: Thank you. Rebecca: The best we can manage is Natasha putting a coffee table through the set, but then she has a headache and moans about how unfair life is for a while. [They leave] Maya: Better luck next time. [What's left of the screen goes black.] Marta: I hate you. All of you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Mike Surbrook (susano@access.digex.net) Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Shion Nys & Marta Nys Copyright 1997-1998 Michael Surbrook Maya Gold is copyright 1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Surbrook's Stuff! http://www.access.digex.net/~susano/index.html A Hero System/Champions source (especially for anime and manga material) plus lots of pretty pictures! Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Priss raise her own, gun arm, "Its a trap", she cried.