Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 33. Once and for all, the last part of BGShift! No more Darkwind ever! Once again, I'd like to thank Mark Foster for pointing us in the direction of this wonderful piece of... work. Bubblegum Shift is copyright Brett Handy (Darkwind) who couldn't come up with a more generic fanfic if he tried. Bubblegum Crisis is copyright Artmic/Youmex. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are straggly bits of tinsel hanging off the walls and ceiling, and a fake christmas tree lying on its side.] [Rebecca and Celena enter] Rebecca: So how'd you do in the Christmas present stakes? Celena: Pretty poor. I got socks and underpants. Rebecca: I know how you feel. I did only a bit better - socks, underpants, hair elastics and a couple of Bill Bryson books. At least there were no surprises like that suit I got for my birthday. Celena: Still no idea who sent you that? Rebecca: No. And it worries me. Celena: So we both got nothing we wanted. Rebecca: Depends. What did you want? Celena: Just a few things would have been nice. A new flightsuit, some ammo, some supplies, Mick's head on a plate. That kind of stuff. And you? Rebecca: Sephiroth and Dark Schneider in a clothes match. Celena: Hmmm... I like it. [Maya and Karen enter] Karen: Well I didn't get what I wanted either. Maya: And what was that? Karen: For the entire Japanese care industry to fall into the ocean. And interface plugs that don't itch. Maya: And you got? Karen: Socks and underwear. Maya: Natch. Rebecca: So what did you want? Maya: Hmm... A holiday. Karen: And what did you get? Maya: Work and agravation. Althought the two of them are prety much synonymous. And Alex picking the grit out of her shoes on my report again. Rebecca: Subordinates. Go fig. Karen: You know, it's people like you who make me glad I'm not an officer. Maya: Gee. Thanks. Karen: No problems. Anytime! Rebecca: Any festive fanmail? Celena: Just a second... [She walks over to the computer and clicks on a few clicky things] Celena: Here's one from Kieth Palmer on "Hellstorm Evangelion". > I saw your MSTing of "Hellstorm Evangelion" in the Vault, and decided > automatically that I would read it. I was slightly curious as to how your > work would differ from Chuck Williamson's version, and, having been > captivated by the poorly spelled, ludicrously plotted story of the first > part (a nice change from the merely dreary and dull fanfics that seem to > have become standard MSTing fodder lately), I wanted to see what would > happen next. > At first, I kept thinking of Williamson's previous work while reading > yours. Since your style of MSTing, which frequently and directly points > out a story's flaws, is different from his, which had a lot of extended > dialogues between the standard MST3K crew, I perhaps didn't get into the > first part as much as I might have. I have decided, though, that your > version didn't have quite as much sick humour as Williamson's riffs, which > can be a good thing. > Then, I started reading the second and third part... > Whoa. The story didn't improve any with practice. It's still one of the > silliest works to ever be MSTed, which made me appreciate your riffs more. > My appreciation of funny material is usually pretty dry, but I was laughing > out loud as I read this MSTing. I half-hope there's more of the story to > be mocked, but I also don't want you to be subjected to any more pain. Voice: ... Rebecca: Oh dear. > One comment I would like to make is to point out some typos in your riffs, > such as > >Dan: All right1 At least there's something worthwhile in this pile of trash. ^ > >Rick: That kid really has to knock off those exclamation marks. They're > >becoming an endagered species. ^ > I can see how it's hard to spell-check a MSTing, particularly one as poorly > spelled as this, but errors in riffs seem to detract from the work. Rebecca: Sorry about the Typos. I blame the Voice who scribes them all. Voice: ... Celena: And here's one from Rob C. Bungie, also on Hellstorm. > On 'Hellstorm Evangelion" > Ouchie...I can just imagine you guys staring at the monitor and sobbing > over this. Rebecca: We did. > I printed this out, and found myself reading it during an > exam! Very funny...as funny as that piece of trash could be made, at > least. > Bravo. > ------------*.sig------------- > "Only a cynic can create horror-for behind every masterpiece of the sort > must reside a driving daemonic force that despises the human race and its > illusions, and longs to pull them to pieces and mock them." - H.P. > Lovecraft > Capt. Bungie's Mailboxes: http-www.no.tomorrow.com@juno.com, > CactusJack27@netscape.net > fuckauthority-hityoassintheheadwitmy.40 > -- Rebecca: Good to know we're appreciated. Karen: Forgive me for asking, but what was this infamous "Hellstorm?" Rebecca: An EVA self-insertion by a gay 12 year old with the same literary talents as a cockroach that has just been hit with a sledgehammer. Voice: Well, fortunately, you're not getting that today. Maya: So what are we getting? Voice: Today's fic is the fourth and final part of "Bubblegum Shift". Maya: I don't know wheather to cheer because it's the last part or to be horrified at the thought of watching it. Rebecca: Not more Brett Handy! Aaak! Karen: My head hurts. Celena: Wow. You guys must really hate this one. [They sit - Maya and Celena facing the TV, Rebecca and Karen on the sideways couch. Celena is next to Rebecca on the corners.] Celena: Do I want to know what's happened so far? Rebecca: Well... This guy called Darkwind showed up, blew up the Superboomer, rescued Irene and Sho's mother, exploded Mason by bang, threw Sylia down an alley then over his shoulder a few times, got hit on the head by a plot contrivance and lost his memory. Oh yeah, and the KS' brains have turned to mush. Karen: Not that you'd notice on Nene. > A Bubblegum Crisis FanFic > Bubblegum Shift Celena: There's an extra... Others: Done that. Celena: Well, it's my first chapter, already. > Part 4 Maya: Knight Sabres: Nill. > by Karen: Someone we all know and hate. > Brett Handy All: [Shrill] Read a book! > Something touched his face, Rebecca: Nene's- Maya: No. Rebecca: Aww... Celena: You are getting started early, I see. Rebecca: The problem is, Brett makes it too easy. > and a voice spoke softly, "Hey, come on Jim, wake up". Karen: Because it's time to die. > Startled he opened his eyes quickly and tried to sit up. Maya: Although he probably needed instructions for that. > A hand pressed his chest back, preventing him > from sitting up, "No, take it slowly, Rebecca: Yes, that's what they did all last chapter! Maya: Although, when you think about it, that's probably a good thing. > you've been unconscious for almost a week", Maya: [Voice] We tried to wake you yesterday, but you wanted "another five minutes." > said the same voice. The woman speaking to him > spoke gently but firmly, Celena: Yeah. Okay, Brett, we'll believe you. > "Do I know her?", the man thought quickly. Karen: Of course, "thought quickly" for Jim is measured in geological epochs. > He looked at her carefully, Rebecca: Aah! It's the demoness Ifurita! Maya: No doubt lingering on the *details* of her nightie. > she was rather attractive, and spoke with a small smile. Celena: Actually, I'm hoping this isn't Sylia. Rebecca: Maybe it's Rei Ayanami. > "Who are you", he finally managed. Maya: Even though it should be a question. Celena: [Dark] Your worst nightmare. > He looked around the room, noting that there were two other > people in the room. Karen: And a piano suspended from the roof. Thank you! > There was a young boy and another woman who had brown hair Maya: Makoto and Nanami? > "I'm a friend, you were badly hurt", she said. He thought > about it for a while, she was his friend. Rebecca: Man, you'll buy anything, won't you? > Suddenly he realised something. Celena: [Jim] Where did my clothes go? Karen: [Jim] I'm caught in a crappy fanfic! Rebecca: [Jim] And what's this thing bursting out of my chest? > The man frowned, "If I'm your friend", he began. At a nod > from the woman he continued, "can you tell me who *I* am", Karen: Hey, let's pull a joke on him and convince him he's TV's Frank. That should be worth a good laugh. > he asked desperately. Maya: Without even so much as a question mark. > The three people exchanged glances, Maya: Here, you can have mine and I'll keep yours. > the woman who had talked > earlier spoke to him again, "Mackie here will get you some > clothes", Celena: I *was* joking earlier. Serious. Rebecca: From his extensive stash. Jim, what's your cup size? Maya: Mackie was one of Happosai's best students. > she said, indicating the young man. Karen: [Mackie] Hi! I'm Mackie, and I'll be your waiter for the night. > She motioned to the other woman Rebecca: Here? Now? Celena: Done and done. > and they both stepped outside and closed the door. Celena: And started pumping in the nerve gas. > The man stood awkwardly And Mackie provided some assistance, Maya: You might want to get some clothes on him first. Karen: [Mackie] Wow! And I thought *mine* was small. > his legs were rather sore and he felt a bit dizzy. Celena: [Jim] Gotta knock off those all-night Guiness binges. [Normal] Him, not me. > "Must be from so much time in bed", he thought to himself. Karen: Maybe it's from the injuries that put you there in the first place? Hello! > Mackie handed him some clothes which he quickly put on. Maya: And thank god for that. > "You really don't remember who you are?", Mackie said > curiously. All: Hooray! > The man shook his head, All: [Make rattling noises] > "I'm sorry, I can't remember much of anything", he said sadly. Rebecca: Trust me, it's no tragedy. > Then he looked at Mackie squarely, > "Do you know what my name is?", he asked. > Mackie nodded, "You're called 'Jim'..", Karen: [Spock] Your name is... Jim. > he said, "Well mostly", he added after a moment. > The man thought for a moment, Celena: The wheel's turning, but the hamster's dead. > "Jim", he said, as if trying the name out. Karen: [Jim] I don't like it. Can I take something in a two syllable? > "Jim it is then", he said finally. > The man now called Jim, Maya: The artist formerly known as Prince. > finished dressing and stood, "Why are my legs sore?", Karen: [Jim] Why do I still have legs? Rebecca: Because he tried the Morrigan trick a bit too hard. > he asked, bending and testing their movement. Celena: [Instructor] Come on, girls, lift those legs! > Mackie smiled, "They were broken when you came in", he said. Maya: So why aren't they in plaster? Karen: Because Sylia flunked first aid. > Jim nodded, "That would probably account for the stiffness > then", he said. All: Ya reckon? > ****** > Sylia close the door firmly behind her, Karen: [Sylia] No! Do it yourself! > "He's got to be lying!", Priss began angrily. Celena: No, looked like he was sitting up to me. Rebecca: It's startling, but Priss is beginning to act in character again. It can't last. Maya: Was it the blushing or the way his ears turned red that gave it away? > Sylia leaned back against the wall and thought for a moment, > "I doubt it, he seemed pretty confused", she replied. Maya: All the commas were clouding his vision. > "I'm telling you it's all an act", she insisted. Karen: Just like getting his legs broken. All part of the plan! > "Well act or not, we can't just let him wander around", Rebecca: Why not? You let Mackie do it. > Sylia > said, "*IF* he is telling the truth we can't just let him wonder > out of here, it would be cruel....". Celena: But very, *very* funny. Maya: [Jim] Hi there! I wonder if any of you bikers would care to tell me who I am! *Thwack!* > Priss then smiled slightly, "And if he *IS* lying, then he's > got no excuse to leave", she finished. > Sylia nodded, "But we still have to be careful", Maya: [Sylia] And not talk in loud voices, letting him accidentally discover our secret IDs. > she said, > "I'm going to have the doctor that treated him check him out, Karen: And make sure he pays his hotel bill. Rebecca: [PA system] Dr. Akagi to surgery, please. Celena: [Ritsuko] Oh, good. My new test subject has arrived. > at least that way we can get some idea if he's telling the truth". Maya: By having a doctor check on him. > Abruptly there was a knock at the closed door. Karen: [Gumby] Come in! Celena: [Makes crashing noise] Karen: [Gumby] No! Open the door first! Celena: [Gumby] Sorry! [Makes more crashing noises] Karen: [Gumby] Hello, mister Gumby! Celena: [Gumby] My head's stuck in the cupboard! Karen: [Gumby] My brain hurts! Maya: Ladies and gentelmen, the "Gumbies" sketch. Rebecca: Actually, that's not as funny as you think. > Sylia opened it to see Jim standing there, "Well I'm dressed", Karen: [Jim] And I overheard everything you shouted. > he said smiling, "What next?". Rebecca: It's time for your daily execution. > Priss sighed and shook her head. Jim looked at her strangely, > "Do I know you?", Celena: No, and neither does anyone in the record industry. > he asked curiously. > Priss sighed again and stuck out her hand, "The name's Priss", Maya: [Priss] Priss Asagiri. Rebecca: [Priss] Liscence to trash. Karen: [Priss] Call me 'Priscilla' and you die. > she said. Jim shook her hand, "Pleased to meet you", he said. Rebecca: Nup, you obviously don't know her. > "Well I guess this is pretty strange", Jim said smiling > awkwardly, "introducing yourself to your own friends". Celena: Looks like Jim has been reduced to the level of a smiling moron. Rebecca: Check that "reduced." > Priss and Sylia exchanged a glance, "What's wrong?", Maya: [Sylia] Takei's complaining about the rent again, Bert won't turn down the stereo, Kyrind wants veto on more houseguests and Locke never picks up his dirty underwear. Rebecca: [Sylia] I'd complain, but that's how Priss usually behaves anyway. > Jim asked worriedly, "Did I say something wrong?". Karen: Yeah, about four chapters worth. > Sylia shook her head, "No Jim, Celena: [Sylia] Bad Jim! Bad! Look what you did to the carpet! > you didn't", she said, "by the way, I'm called Sylia". Maya: [Sylia] I'm just going to reveal my secret ID to this stranger, but who cares. > Jim shook hands with her and smiled, "I > must say it was nice to wake up to your voice", he said. Rebecca: [Jim] You fine, foxy lady. Maya: He's getting an early start. > Sylia frowned slightly, "Yes, well I think we should have a > doctor look you over", Rebecca: [Sylia] And give you an anal probe. > she said, motioning him to follow her up a set of stairs. Celena: [Sylia] This way to the chamber of horrors, please. > The four went upstairs, Mackie headed off to his room and Jim > followed the two women into a living room. Jim looked around > cautiously, "We're not in a hospital?", he asked. Karen: You don't say! How long did that take him? Maya: It probably had something to do with an absence of nurses, screens, machines and other such stuff. > Sylia shook her head, "Your in my house, we have a good > infirmary", she said. Maya: [Sylia] But regrettably no grammar checker. > Jim nodded, "Right", Karen: Is this turning into Power Rangers now? > he said, concentrating on remembering > something about this place. Looking around he found nothing > familiar, Karen: That Sylia, she's such a practical joker. Redecorating while his back was turned. > the room was pleasant (if a little too sterile for Jim's > taste). Jim smiled slightly at the thought. > "What's wrong", Priss asked, nothing his smile. Maya: Meaning she stated it, considering his smile was nothing. > "Oh, its just interesting to note that while I've lost my > memory I can still judge the aesthetic value of a room", he said > shaking his head. Rebecca: Now he's an interior decorator too. > Priss grunted, Maya: She'll probably start picking fleas off Linna soon. > unamused, "So how long until the doctor gets here?", she asked Sylia. Karen: You can never tell with that dodgy TARDIS. > Sylia smiled slightly, Maya: I don't know who that is, but it isn't Sylia. Rebecca: Kasumi still. > "he should be here soon, would you like > some coffee?", she asked the other two. Karen: [Sylia] I made cookie-dings. > Priss nodded, "Yes, black with two sugars", she said quickly. Maya: That explains a lot about Priss. [They all nod.] > Sylia turned to Jim, Karen: And I thought he was the only shapeshifter here. Celena: What? Maya: Oh, sorry. Jim here has incredibly contrived shapeshifting powers that can also shed his mass and only notice his clothes when he wants them to. Rebecca: He got them from a plot contrivance comet. Celena: Fine. > "How about you?", she asked. > Jim thought for a moment, "Ahhh well I'll have it the way I > usually have it", he said awkwardly. Celena: [Sylia] Right then. One straight black with arsenic coming up. > Sylia smiled slightly, "You've never had coffee here before > Jim", she said kindly. Karen: You'd remember. Trust me, you'd remember. Rebecca: [Jim, gagging] Oh, yeah. That coffee. > Jim blushed, "Oh.... Well whatever Priss is having will be > fine", Maya: If you don't want to get to sleep tonight. > he finished, shrinking back into the couch. Karen: [Jim] Uh, Sylia? Your couch is a bit too soft here. > Priss looked across the room at him, "How are you feeling", > she asked. Rebecca: And in a few minutes, that question will become "Who are you feeling." > Jim shrugged, "Aside from having some pain in my legs, I'm > feeling fine", he said. Celena: Thus causing us a pain in the head. > Sylia emerged with the coffee, handing them each a cup, Jim > took one sip, made a face and quickly put it down on the side- > table. Maya: I guess all the commas in it didn't help the flavour. > "I don't really think I like coffee very much", he said > quickly. Maya: Apparently you don't like manners very much either. > Sylia nodded, "Very well then, I can make you some tea", she > offered. > Jim shook his head, "I'm fine, although I could do with > something to eat", he said. Celena: [Bored] The intense domestic bliss scene, ladies and gentlemen. > Mackie emerged from the kitchen a moment later with a plateful > of sandwiches. Jim ravenously began eating, wolfing down most of > the plateful by himself. Celena: And now he's wandered into Slayers. Karen: Maybe Lina will Dragon Slave this whole fic into oblivion. > After his feeding frenzy Jim sat back in > the couch and relaxed slightly, Rebecca: And then Sylia showed him the bill. > these people seemed to be Celena: Doped up to the eyeballs. > his friends, if he could only remember them. Celena: Well I can barely recognise them. Maya: He tried to concentrate, but all he got was visions of commas dancing through his head. > ****** > Kathy Thomas slammed the phone back into place. Karen: [Kathy] Take that, you nasty phone, you! > They still > hadn't located so much as a trace of Jim. He had been missing more > than a week and there was still no sign of him. Maya: Didn't you just say that? Celena: And the department of redundancy department goes into action. > Jim's head of security was frantic, Rebecca: He realised he was wearing a red skivvy. > he had most of his squad out searching the city. Karen: [Guard] We found a spoon! > Kathy slumped back into a chair, it was futile searching a > city as big as Mega-Tokyo, looking for just one man. Celena: So why the hell are you doing it? Rebecca: so why not ask the police for help? You do *work* there, you know. > The doorbell rang Karen: Room service! > and Kathy raced across the apartment to open > it. She flung it open quickly, standing there was Nene. Celena: Ack! Don't do that! > Kathy sighed, "Oh, hello Nene", she said quietly. Maya: Don't sound so thrilled. She's only one of your good friends. > "It's good to see you too", Nene said sarcastically, "Are you > going to let me in?". Rebecca: No, we're going to leave you out there in the rain. > Kathy nodded and stepped back to let Nene hobble in on her > crutches. Noting that strange fact Celena: Took your sweet time, didn't you? > Kathy looked at Nene strangely, > "What happened to you?", she asked, concerned. Rebecca: She broke it escaping from Bert. > Nene smiled, "I had a spill on my scooter and hurt my leg", > she said quickly, "I'm almost right now, this cast can come off any > time". Maya: And here I thought a broken leg took more than a week or so to heal. Celena: Very true. > Kathy nodded, relieved that her friend was alright, Karen: No, it's Nene. > "So what brings you here?", she asked. Maya: [Nene] A taxi. Rebecca: [Kathy] What are you doing here? Maya: [Nene] Standing in your doorway. Rebecca: [Holds up and reads from sign as Kathy] I - mean - why - did - you - come - here? > Nene looked at her carefully, "I heard that you've taken some > time off", she said. Kathy nodded in response. Karen: Something to do with her not being there. > "You remember Jim?", Celena: Do I have to? > Kathy asked, receiving a nod she > continued, "Well Jim's been missing for almost a week, I don't know > what happened to him". Karen: Have you tried behind the couch? When I lose something,it's almost always there. > Nene frowned slightly, "He didn't say where he was going?", > she asked. Celena: [Kathy] He just said "I'm going out for a walk. I may be some time." > "No, I came home and he was gone", Karen: He wasn't there, even. > Kathy said, sitting down on > a couch putting her head in her hands. Rebecca: [Kathy] All I found was a note that said something about taking the kids... > Nene sat down beside her, "I'm sure he's alright", she said. Celena: Wheather you like it or not. > Kathy shook her head, All: [Make rattling noises] > "I've known Jim all my life, he would > *never* disappear without telling me first", she said. Maya: "Never disappear without..." What? Tell me she didn't just say that. Rebecca: Sorry, she did. Maya: Still more proof of Kathy's intellect. > Nene patted her friend on the shoulder, "I'm sure he'll turn > up", Celena: Face down in the harbour, that is. > she said. Nene smiled slightly, "I thought *you* were the one > that didn't want him living here?", she teased. Karen: Ouch. Score one to Nene. > Kathy blushed, remembering her explanation to Linna and Nene > when Jim had first turned up on her doorstep. Rebecca: [Kathy] He followed me home! Can I keep him please? > "He's my *friend*, I'm just worried about him", she insisted. Celena: [Kathy] In case he comes back. > Nene laughed, "OK, well I'll tell him that I saw you and that > your concerned, if I come across him", she said. Maya: Thrill as the grammar slips down a few more notches. > Kathy smiled, "Thanks, your a big help!", she said. Rebecca: Those last two paragraphs sounded so Thinker. > ****** > Nene turned up at Sylia's place later that afternoon. Karen: [Priss] Found her! She was here all the time. > "Well > Kathy seems to have no idea what's going on", Nene announced. The > four ladies were seated around Sylia's dinner table. Maya: Do those three live here permanently now? Rebecca: Well, Priss does spend an awful lot of nights there. > "Are you sure?", Priss asked, "if she *has* known him all her > life, she's got to know about his.. um.. unusual abilities". Karen: Well, Lois Lane knew Clark Kent for over fifty years before she found out. Celena: But Lois Lane was a moron. Karen: And this *is* Kathy we're talking about. Celena: Good point. > Nene looked at Sylia, questioningly, "You couldn't tell he > wasn't Fargo?", she asked. Rebecca: Given that he didn't make a single pass on her, she should have guessed. Except that she's been replaced with a Brett clone. > Sylia shook her head, "No, his ability to change shape seems > to be very convincing", she explained. Rebecca: [Fargo voice] Oh, yah. He even got the accent right. Karen: [Ditto] Yah, for sure. Maya: Please, no. > Nene nodded, "Well, if he's that good, he might have fooled > Kathy for this long", she said. Rebecca: Well, this *is* Kathy, remember. > Linna spoke up, Celena: [Linna] Wow! I'm actually getting a line. > "That's really beside the point, the question > is what do *we* do with him", she stated firmly. Karen: I hear there's good money in compost. > Everyone looked at each other, waiting for someone else to > come up with a brilliant idea to save the day. Maya: And that's going to take *ages.* > Nene snapped her fingers suddenly, Karen: [Nene] Ow, they broke. > "Williams!", she said. > Everyone looked at her questioningly, "Look, we know that the > helicopter that he was flying belonged to Epsilon Industries?", she > asked, at a nod from Priss she continued, "Well, why don't we just > turn him over to them, I'm sure that they can take care of any of > his problems", she continued. Rebecca: Wow. How long did that take them? Maya: Especially considering all the alternate identities of him they've seen that look pretty much identical. Karen: I'd take that scene as proof of what's happening to the KS. > Priss frowned thoughtfully, "It has possibilities", she mused, > "turning him over to them would also mean that he would get better > medical care than we can provide". Rebecca: [Priss] And I can get the couch back. > Sylia nodded, "We'll wait and see what the doctor says, but > that does seem like the wisest course of action", she said. > ****** > "So, what's the verdict?", Jim asked. Celena: Guilty as charged. Shoot him. > The young doctor looked at him seriously, "Your body seems to > be healing up well", he explained, "The soreness in your legs > should fade soon and your burn wounds are healed up nicely". Rebecca: Actually, I'd love to know why they're not in a hospital. > "Burn wounds??", Jim asked. > The doctor nodded, "Yes it looks like you had a serious burn > to your shoulder, it's a few weeks old, but healing nicely". Maya: Had a burn wound, but it's still healing. Now he's reached the level of inconsistancies in the same sentence. Any minute now, I expect this fic to degrade to a page of rough ideas. > Jim frowned, "What about my memory?", he asked. Karen: 640K should be enough for anyone. > The doctor frowned, "I don't see any kind of brain-damage, Celena: No brain, no pain. Maya: What, did you cut him open and check? Or just how well-equipped is Sylia's infirmary? > and > there's no physical reason I can put it down to, it's probably the > result of the Rebecca: Plot contrivances. > concussion you suffered", he said, "Hopefully your > memories will come back within a few weeks..." Maya: Or we could use the other part of this stock sitcom plot and bash him on the head again to cure him. Karen: Can I? Please? Rebecca: He didn't actually get hit on the head, you know. So how's he got a concussion? Karen: Oh. Can I hit him anyway? > Jim stood suddenly, "Look, isn't there something you can do?", > he said, "I can't remember anything...". Maya: Believe me, you want it that way. Karen: He should be in politics. > The doctor sighed, "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do, Celena: [Doctor] He's dead, Jim. > medical science has come along way, but....", he broke off, Rebecca: Oh, look. It's a Gobot. > noticing Jim's reaction. > Jim slumped back down onto his bed. "Well thanks anyway", he > said, shaking the doctor's hand. > The doctor smiled, "Hey, at least you get to recover with four > beautiful women hanging around", he said, giving Jim a sly wink. Karen: GAH! Must... control... fist of death... Rebecca: *Four* beautiful women? He needs his eyes checked. Celena: Although one of them's probably a gorilla by now. Maya: Are all physicians on your planet this professional? Karen: Heck, this guy's an amateur. He's making a housecall. Rebecca: I think I'd feel safer with Dr. Nick. > Jim smiled weekly in return, "Yes, but it would be nice if I > actually knew more about them than their names", he muttered. Celena: You probably don't want to, actually. > Jim laid back down on the bed, his hands laced behind his > head. These people seemed to know him, but their knowledge seemed > to be very limited.... Maya: Especially to do with fashion. Rebecca: Just like Brett Handy's knowledge of BGC. > ****** > "So, what did the doctor say?", Mackie asked curiously. Maya: Jelly baby? > Priss shrugged, "He's fine according to the doctor", Karen: Who probably got his medical degree from the back of a cereal box. > she said. > The two were walking up from the hardsuit storage area, Sylia had > just called down to them about a mission. Celena: Is it worth asking what they were doing there in the first place? > "So do you still think he's faking it?", Mackie inquired. Rebecca: Something Priss does rather often. > Priss shook her head, "I think he's telling the truth, what > would he gain by lying?". Celena: A good opportunity to discover your secret IDs, your base, operating procedures, strengths, weaknesses... > The two walked into Sylia's dining room, the rest of the > Knight Sabres and surprisingly Dr Raven were waiting for them. "It > looks like Dr Raven has a mission for us", Sylia began. Celena: Even though he called them on the vidphone at this point in the series. Maya: Since this is a week later, the Griffon should've been dealt with. > ****** > Jim stood just out of sight of those in the room. Karen: Lurking around the corner in a marvellous display of trust. Rebecca: He's been learning from Lennier. > He had been > just about to come out and talk to Priss and Mackie, when he had > caught Mackie's final question. "Priss thought I was faking it?", Rebecca: No, Priss was faking it. > he thought to himself, "What the hell's going on here?". Maya: You're about to learn the Knight Sabres' secret IDs in the lamest way possible. > Jim moved downstairs slightly, so he could still hear the > conversation, but not have to worry about anyone seeing him. He > heard Sylia's voice say, "The Knight Sabres would be happy to > accept, how could we refuse *you* Doctor?". Rebecca: [Sylia] Especially after I've carefully shouted our names and this conversation loud enough so that anyone within earshot could hear every minor detail. > "Knight Sabres?", Jim thought, the name seemed familiar. Maya: [Jim] Oh, yeah! They used to be the stars of this show. I'll fix that. [Laughs maniacally] > Noticing that they were leaving the room, Jim quickly slipped back > down the stairs Karen: Who left that banana peel there? Rebecca: Priss. > into the infirmary. > "Who are these people?", he thought, sitting on the bed. Maya: By now? A bunch of brain-dead dim,wits who don't even consider that their houseguest is worth worrying about when discussing vital, secret business. [Sniffs] I hate him. > ****** > The black Griffon exploded in a ball of flame, a burning wreck > lying crushed beside the highway. Rebecca: Oh, my god.. Maya: It's incredible. Celena: What? Rebecca: A major event went by without Darkwind butting his ugly mug in. Maya: That's practically a miracle in this fic. > Mackie was banging his head against the control panel, Karen: You know, that burns 150 calories per hour. > "Why did I have to give Priss my bike?", Rebecca: Becasue she threateened to tell Sylia about the photos. > he groaned. > Finally he looked up when everyone else got back, "Nice riding > Priss", Karen: [Mackie] Care to spread that bike any thinner? > he said sarcastically, looking at the wreckage that they'd > brought back. Celena: Never mind that she just saved two lives there... > "Mackie!", Sylia called sharply, gesturing to the control > readout. Rebecca: A TV-friendly gesture, I hope. > Looking up he saw a red light on the proximity alarm. "What > the hell!", he said punching up a picture. Karen: It's a red light on the proximity alarm, but that's not important right now. > Surrounding the command truck were about fifty men, all > carrying assault rifles and wearing full combat armour. Celena: Appearing suddenly... without so much as a warning or even an establishing shot... > Behind the > men and surrounding the truck on all sides were a quartet of what > looked like the squat shapes of main battle tanks. Maya: WHAT THE HELL? Karen: Um... huh? Maya: Okay, I might just believe that the police had managed to miss a squad of fifty armoured soldiers moving up to a parked truck on the *same highway* that they were barracading but four tanks? That's just stupid! [Stands] Even if they'd managed to move through the entiure city without detection, there's no way that the Knight Sabres, who had *just returned* to aforesaid truck could miss them! It's ludicrous! Celena: That's one hell of a rant. Maya: It needed saying. [She sits] > "Where the hell did they come from?", demanded Priss, Maya: Yeah, it is a good question, isn't it? Karen: Cool it. > angrily > shoving her helmet back on. The other three Knight sabres also > replaced their armour, Celena: Even though Nene was back at ADP HQ relaying info to them. > while Mackie powered up the meagre weapons > that were built into the truck. Rebecca: And I'm sure that super soaker will really deter them. > "Linna and I are almost out of power", Sylia noted, looking at > the readouts. Maya: Oh, come on! They've used their suits for far longer than that without any problems! > Priss sighed, "Well it looks like it's up to me then", and she > prepared to buy some time for her friends to escape. Karen: Hey, don't worry about her getting killed. She can soak a tank shell without armour. Rebecca: And another gratuitous Fuzion joke. > "KNIGHT SABRES!!", came an amplified voice from one of the > tanks, Karen: It was probably Dr. Thinker. > "YOU WILL SEND A REPRESENTATIVE TO SPEAK WITH US". Karen: [Sylia] No! Celena: [Tank voice] Please? > The four friends looked at each other strangely, "They want to > talk??", Karen: Well, they ain't firing. > asked a confused Priss. > Sylia shrugged, "If it buys us some time..", she said, moving > to the truck's rear exit. Maya: So why not Priss? She has, supposedly, the most power left and is a lot less vital to the team than Sylia. Rebecca: Becasue the plot says so. > ****** > As she stepped from the truck, Celena: And into the waiting arms of the press. > she noticed at least twenty laser scopes tracking over her armour. Rebecca: Ever get the feeling someone doesn't like you? > "HOLD YOUR FIRE!!", came the same amplified voice. Karen: [Soldier] Aw, gee, do we have to? > Sylia sighed with relief, that amount of fire-power would have > made mincemeat of her, armour or no armour. Maya: [Sylia] Phew! I'm so useless in combat situations. > She walked towards the > voice, noting that an exit had been made for her in the ring of > solider. Maya: That's one huge soldier. Rebecca & Celena: [Singing] When I sit around the house, I really sit around the house... > She had just passed outside the ring when she saw a familiar > face. Rebecca: Not Takei again! > "Follow me", said the man she recognised from her visit to > Epsilon Towers. All: Ensign Throwaway lives! > He was wearing similar body armour to the other > men, but had his helmet removed and was carrying only a large > calibre pistol. Maya: Ah, yes, US Army logic, where the officers are less equipped than the soldiers. Rebecca: That's why the Southern Cross Army is so cool. > "What's going on?", she demanded. Celena: We'd love to know. > He shook his head, "It's not for me to explain", Maya: So why are you out here to meet her? Karen: Calm down, okay? Maya: Sorry, but this fic just makes no sense. > he said, gesturing for her to follow him, this time with the pistol. Karen: Yeah, I'm sure she's really scared. > Sylia bit back a reply Rebecca: [Sylia] Yum! Tastes like chicken. > and followed, now that she new what to > look for, she noticed the insignia on the men's armour was that of > Epsilon Industries. Celena: Oh, marvellous subtlety. > She followed the commander past one of the large tanks, it was > a brand new Defender 4000, the choice of countries that didn't use > combat Boomers. Maya: Didn't... use... ow. Karen: You know, is it possible that they use both tanks *and* battle boomers? Rebecca: It's a well recognised and popular tank, so of course Epsilon Industries makes it. > Sylia noted that it also sported the company logo Celena: Do they want to be any more obvious? > and was fully armed. Maya: Well, you'd hope they loaded it before they left. > The commander led her into a command vehicle, where she was > gestured to a chair and told to wait. Karen: Fortunately, there was a selection of out-of-date magazines for her to browse. > "You'll be seen to shortly", he said. > Sylia sat for about two minutes Maya: During which, the ADP still failed to notice them. Karen: Bitter? Maya: Yep. > before the door to the vehicle opened and a strange figure entered, All: [Hum Close Encounters theme] > she recognised it immediately > from Priss and Linna's descriptions of their encounters with it. Rebecca: Without actually telling the audience what it is. > "What do you want?", she asked bluntly. Celena: [Morden] What do you really want? Karen: [Kathy] My own TV show! > The golden figure sat opposite her Maya: Ah! They're on a talk show! Rebecca: Next on Springer: Armoured vigilantes and the shapeshifters who love them. > and spoke in a modulated > voice (Sylia could recognise that it was female, but not much > else), "Where is DarkWind", it said, "We want him back". Maya: [Kathy] And his commas. We're running out. > Sylia frowned under her helmet, "What makes you think that I > know where he is?", she replied. Celena: [Kathy] Gee, I dunno... Just guessing, really. > The golden figure stood abruptly and leaned over at Sylia Maya: Giving her a wonderfull view in the process. [Celena whacks Maya with a cushion] What? Rebecca: Lesson number one: Never make cleavage jokes near her. Maya: I can see why. [Celena whacks her with a cushion again] Sorry. > menacingly, "According to witnesses, *you* took him with you when > you left the Hilton", Karen: And you haven't done a thing about it until now? And Kathy was worrying about him so much? Rebecca: You only saw her in part 1. She's half the woman she was back then. Maya: And Priss is twice the man, apparently. > it accused, "Now unless you tell me what you > did with him, your friends are going to pay". > Sylia's mind was working overtime, Rebecca: And in this fic, that's hard. > "You can't kill us", Karen: [Sylia] My spark is indestructable! [Everyone stares at her] Sorry. Rebecca: Gratuitous "Sylia is a boomer" joke number 1. > she concluded, "Then you'll never find him". Karen: [Sylia] Ha! I've run rings around you, logically. > The Golden figure hissed, Rebecca: They should really patch that. > "Where is he?, you must know", it said. Maya: I'd point out all the grammar errors in that line, but it'd take too long. > Sylia frowned, they had been planning on returning Jim to > Epsilon Industries anyway, Celena: Thus avoiding the late fine. > and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do so. Maya: Huh... [She falls off the couch, stunned] Rebecca: Whoah! You okay, there? Maya: [Weakly] I'm fine... [She climbs back onto the couch] Just the stupidity of this fic is getting to me. Rebecca: Then it's a good thing you missed part three. > "Very well, once we're away, I'll transmit > the location for you to pick him up". Karen: And every tow truck in Megatokyo will be there. > The Golden figure laughed, Celena: It's Naga the serpent! Run! > "Oh, I don't think so", it said, > "What guarantee do we have that you'll actually turn up?". Celena: You don't. You'll have to *trust* her. > The Golden figure was silent for a moment, "I think we'll just > keep you", it concluded, "You can arrange with your friends to make > the exchange". Maya: That's ridiculous! Sylia's holding all the cards, *and* they've just showed how important he is to them. Now would be the perfect opportunity to drill them for info on him, but she lets them walk all over her! It's ridiculous! There's no way in hell that she'd just hand him over like that! Rebecca: Maya! Maya: [Turns to Rebecca] What? Rebecca: [Whips out a toy Rampage in huge scary crab mode and waves him at her] BLEAGH! Maya: Aack! Rebecca: Better now? Maya: Er... yeah. > ****** > "What the hell are you talking about?!?!", Priss screamed into > the microphone. Maya: The rampant abuse of punctuation in this fic. Karen: [Priss] Cut my hair? Never! > "I told you", replied Sylia, "I want you to return to base and > then deliver him Rebecca: That's gonna be an awful lot of postage. > to what's left of Epsilon Towers, Celena: [Sylia] Let's rub in the fact that he's lost everything some more. > tomorrow night". > "But what about you?", Mackie asked worriedly. > "I'll be fine Rebecca: [Sylia] Just fine! Don't worry about me! I'm happy with Kathy. > and I'll meet you there", Sylia insisted, "These > people just want their friend back". Karen: [Sylia] And they've doped me up to the eyeballs. Celena: Yeah, and the tanks were just a way of getting their request across. > "But Sylia...", began Linna. Rebecca: [Linna] It's my turn tonight. > "That's an order", Karen: Javold, mien fuhrer! > Sylia said cutting her off. > Mackie noticed that two of the tanks had moved back Rebecca: They preferred their old flat better. Maya: CRASH! Might have helped if they'd remembered they were on an elevated freeway... > and there > was room for the truck to leave. Reluctantly he nudged the truck > out of the opening Celena: [Mackie] But I wanna be shot by tank guns. > and headed for home (by a *very* indirect route). Karen: Admit it, Mackie, you just don't know where you're going. Rebecca: [Mackie] Rats, how'd you guess? > Linna and Priss looked at each other, Maya: [Linna] You look tasty tonight. Rebecca: [Priss] Ugh. Me horny. Maya: Priss as cave Grunge... Ugh! Scarey thought. Celena: Although about right by now. > "How do we explain this to Jim?", Linna asked. Karen: You don't. Just drop a sack over his head and hit him with a hammer. Works for me. > Priss frowned, "Why explain anything, these are *his* friends, > let them explain things, we'll just bring him along", she stated. Celena: [Priss] Not that I'm mad about them taking my friend hostage or anything. > "I don't think Jim's likely to not ask any questions", Maya: And again in English please? > Mackie > said, "And you've got to admit that what we're asking him to do is > a bit strange". Karen: But kinda funny. > The three remained silent for the rest of the > trip, each with their own thoughts. Maya [Nene]: Would I look better as a blonde? Celena [Priss]: Me need bathroom now! Rebecca [Linna]: Should I tell Priss that I've been sleeping with Sylia? > ****** > Sylia stepped from the command vehicle into what could only be > described as a Maya: Drive-through restaraunt? Karen: Pet store? Rebecca: Gun shop? Celena: Art gallery? > small military installation. There were two rows of > vehicles lining the walls of the huge hangar areas, some of them > easily recognisable as antiques, but they all looked in mint > condition. Celena: So why not call it a huge hangar? > The commander of the guards (who she remembered was called > Robert), Rebecca: But we'll just keep calling him Ensign Throwaway. > led her down the row of hardware, Karen: And into the gardening department. > and into a small office, it was comfortable, but small. Maya: And small. Did I say it was small? It was small. Karen: Okay, okay. > "Please wait here, All: [Hum "Greensleeves"] > I'm sure she'll > want to talk to you further", he said apologetically, "If you need > anything just ask". Celena: [Robert] It's not like we're gonna listen, but you can ask anyway. Karen: Classic helpdesk logic. > Sylia nodded, "If I could have access to a power source it > would be appreciated, my systems are getting a bit low", she > requested. Rebecca: Yeah, I'm sure her navigation systems are shot. > Robert grinned, Maya: [Robert] Is she gonna take her armour off? > "Yeah, it'd get hard to move that suit without > power, wouldn't it?", Karen: And the much coveted award for statement of the bleeding obvious goes too... > he looked at the suit enviously, Rebecca: [Robert] Why can't I be built like that? > then noted that she seemed a little quite, Maya: Uh... yeah. > "Oh, don't worry, I might like looking, Rebecca: [Seedy voice] I like to watch. > but I'd say that your hardware's safe from prying eyes here". Maya: [Robert] Your *software* is another matter. > "And where is here?", Sylia asked. Celena: Stately Wayne manor... > Robert shook his head, "Sorry, can't tell", Karen: [Robert] I seem to be just as lost as you are. > he smiled, "It's > good to know our scrambling devices work", he added. > Sylia frowned in frustration, "That's why my GPS system isn't > working", Rebecca: Well, there you go. Her navigation systems *are* shot. > she thought to herself, it had stopped the moment she > entered the command vehicle. Maya: Without mentioning it to us when it happened in the fic. > Robert said he'd bring back a portable generator in a few > minutes and then left Sylia alone. She looked around the room > thoughtfully, Karen: Searching for traps and secret doors. > on one wall there was a map of MegaTokyo, Genom > Industries areas were clearly marked, along with notation on guard > strengths and defences. Celena: And the bus routes. > She stood and walked over to examine it more closely, "These > are attack plans", she thought, noticing the markings of planned > strike runs from attack aircraft and ground support positions. She > shuddered to think what this would do to the city, it looked like > they were planning a full-scale war with Genom. Maya: Oh, my god. I thought it was just the Knight Sabres, but it looks like *everyone* has been dumbed-down. I mean, locking someone of questionable alligance in a room with all your *clearly marked* plans? Preposterous! Rebecca: This is Kathy we're talking about. Maya: Something serious must have happened to her in part three. Rebecca: Oh, yeah. What little brain she had left decided to get up and take a walk. > A knock echoed from the door, "Come in?", Sylia said, not know Maya: [Distant] Conjugate the verb... Conjugate the verb... > what else to do. Maya: Getting a grammar checker would be a good place to start. > The same Golden figure Karen: Nah, it's her identical twin. > that she had spoken to earlier entered, > ducking slightly at the door, she was carrying a portable generator > in one hand, and a tray of food in the other. Maya: [Kathy] I hope you like comma soup. > "I see you like the decorations", she said. Rebecca: [Kathy] I was thinking traditional Christmas tinsel, but then I thought "what the hell, secret plans are the way to go." Karen: Any minute now, I expect her to start stroking a cat while gloating up a storm. > Sylia sat back down, "I don't like the idea of all those > innocent civilians killed in these attacks", she retorted. Celena: There are no innocents! Maya: Hey, claim they're Genom stooges and you can justify anything. > The Golden figure laughed, Karen: Someone's been on the happy pills. > "Neither did DarkWind", Rebecca: Smokescreen, on the other hand, was right behind them. > she said, "That's why they're still only plans". Celena: So why are they keeping them up there? > Sylia shuddered, "You could really amass that much > firepower?", she asked. Karen: Don't you know? This is the super corp. They can do anything. > The Golden figure snorted, Celena: Now that would explain an awful lot about Kathy. > "*I* couldn't, but DarkWind has the > contacts to get almost anything done", Maya: What, like Fargo the suddenly useless? Rebecca: I haven't seen this much ego stroking since Neon Exodus. > she said, "He's never > *really* considered going all-out against Genom, Celena: So he just drew these up for fun? Karen: Nah. It was for his wargaming club. > there are too many problems involved". > Sylia shook her head, "There would be nothing left of > MegaTokyo if he did", she said. Karen: And that's a problem? Where I live, it would be a considerable improvement. > "No great loss", the Golden figure responded, Maya: Ouch. Score one to Kathy. > "This city's > been going down hill for the last quarter-century, crime, > pollution, overcrowding Celena: Spice Girl concerts. Rebecca: Rampant self-insertion. Maya: Atomic monsters every other week. Karen: And have you seen the cab drivers? > and now Boomers... It probably would be > better to start over from scratch". > Sylia bristled, "This is my home", Karen: My little house on the prairie. Rebecca: It may be a heap of dingo droppings, but it's *our* heap of dingo droppings. Maya: The City... My city. > she said angrily, "I've > been fighting Genom to keep it from being destroyed and I'll fight > anyone who tries". Maya: One all. > The Golden figure laughed, Karen: She must really like this insane laughter kick. > "You won't have to fight me, or DarkWind", Rebecca: Please? I promise they'll lose. > she said, "We've seen Tokyo change a lot, but neither of > us want it in ashes". Celena: Ruins, yes. Ashes, no. > They sat for a moment before the Golden figure spoke again, > this time more quietly, "How badly was he hurt?", she asked. Maya: Fatal but not serious. > Sylia decided that there would be no harm in telling her, "He > had two broken legs and Rebecca: He was shot in the rotunda. Karen: That's a painful spot. > a *very* serious concussion", she said. > The Golden figure sucked in a breath, "How serious?", it > asked. Celena: He'll never play the piano again. > "The doctors say that there's no brain damage", Karen: More's the pity. > Sylia began, > noticing the slight wince at the mention of brain damage, Maya: Even though she was saying there was none... > "But unfortunately he's lost all his memories". > "WHAT!!", All: She said he's lost his memory! > the Golden figure demanded, grabbing the front of > Sylia's armour, it's fingers scrunching the metal together. Karen: You wanna watch it with that? Do you know how hard it is to get a crease out of this thing? > Sylia knocked the arm away, Celena: Letting it land on the floor in a bloody heap. Karen: She's gonna be feeling that tomorrow. > her power was down to almost nil, Maya: And her ratings with it. Rebecca: Hey, what do you expect after midnight? > there was no way she'd be able to fight off this creature. Maya: Come on, it's Kathy! She'll probably knock herself out at this rate. Rebecca: But this is Brett-clone Sylia we're talking about. Celena: The question is: Which is dumber? > After a moment the Golden figure regained some composure, "I > apologise", she said, "I'm just worried about Jim". Karen: [Kathy] But I'm not his girlfriend. Really. > Sylia nodded and resumed her seat, "He's fine physically, but > doesn't didn't even remember his own name", she continued. Maya: He doesn't realise how truly lucky he is. Rebecca: Of course, this prevents him from butting into anything. So I don't see why everyone's so worried. Celena: Because by now, they're helpless without him. > The Golden figure bowed her head, "You of course have found > out about his strange DNA?", she asked. Karen: [Sylia] Actually, no. But thanks for mentioning it. > Sylia nodded, "It was most unusual, he seemed..", she began. Celena: [Sylia] Strangely godlike. > The Golden figure shut her off with a sharp gesture, Maya: Not a TV-friendly one, clearly. > "Lose it", she said flatly. > "What??", Sylia asked, confused. Rebecca: [Kathy] Try sending it by mail. That should do the trick. > The Golden figure turned to walk back to the door, "It's not > a threat or anything, but if you reveal any of that information, Karen: [Kathy] We'll get so cross! > there will be nothing I can do to help you.", she said, "even > DarkWind would be forced not to interfere". Maya: I dunno, that sounds an awful lot like a threat to me. > Sylia frowned, "But..", she started again. Celena: And she's not going to press for any more? Hello? > "Call it friendly advice", the Golden figure said, Karen: It sounded rather unfriendly to me... > "But I'd loose that info if I were you". Maya: Uh, Kathy? You just said that. Rebecca: Poor Kathy. Can't even remember her name some days. > Opening the door she indicated the lock, Karen: Yes, it's a lock! All: [Cheer wildly] > "You can lock this from the inside, no one will disturb you > and there are no surveillance devices in the room, Maya: And if you believe a single word of that... > you might like > something to eat", she said, gesturing to the tray of food, "Or > freshen up a bit", pointing to the bathroom. > Sylia nodded, her instruments had already confirmed that there > were no surveillance devices in the room, Maya: Apart from the fact that they can't detect peepholes, but never mind. Rebecca: Survielance devices in the bathroom are another matter. > after the Golden figure > left, she pulled the armour off and set it to charge from the > generator. Looking at the delicious meal before her she set about > recharging herself. Rebecca: Insert stock "Sylia is a boomer" joke here. Karen: Tokyo 2040. Rebecca: You win. > ****** > "Kathy!", Celena: [Kathy] Let me check. Umm... yep! I'm Kathy! > Robert called, running up to her, out of breath, > "Recon-one has been able to follow the Knight Sabres' van for the > last half-hour, Karen: [Robert] They're lost. Maya: [Robert] So far they've stopped at two fast food stores and a roadside fruit stand. Do you think they're trying to lose us? > it looks like it's getting close to home". Rebecca: How can you tell if you don't know where they're going? Maya: Actually, they're going to keep driving around in circles until Recon-one radios them to say "Hurry up already." > Kathy (who had now resumed her human form) turned to him, > "Call them back", she ordered. Celena: [Kathy] And have them get me a pizza on the way. I'm starving! > "But....", Robert said, "I thought that was the plan, follow > the mercenaries back to their hideout?". Rebecca: Robert here took gold in the braindead olympics. Maya: Am I to take it that he dispatched this recon mission without consulting her? Karen: I'd say yes, if not for the fact that it would require him thinking for himself. > Kathy shook her head, "These aren't normal mercenaries, Rob", Celena: You don't say. Rebecca: [Kathy] They're a lot cuter. > she explained, "I think Jim was right when he said that Karen: [Jim] I'm the god! > we were fighting on the same side". Maya: When did he say that? Rebecca: [Shrugs] Celena: Of course, that may be rather different now that you've taken their leader hostage. > Robert frowned and clicked on his suit mike, Karen: Or his suit Joel. > "Recon-one, this is Hawke, return to base", he ordered. Karen: [Robert] And don't forget the milk! > "Roger Hawke, returning to base", came the static-filled > response. Maya: I bet you he buzzes the tower. All the fly-boys do that. > "I hope you know what your doing", Robert said, Celena: Of course, not. It's Kathy. > "This is Jim's life we're talking about..". Rebecca: Hey, if he dies, you all go up a rank. > Kathy closed her eyes tightly, "I know", she said quietly, > "But I think we can trust them to live up to their promises, we > should do the same". Maya: [Kathy] Notice how often I trust complete strangers. > Robert nodded, "Very well, would you like to inspect the > troops?", he asked, grinning. Celena: [Robert] Because we all know how much fun that is. Maya: Why's he grinning about that? Rebecca: because he knows something that she doesn't. > Kathy sighed, "Alright, lets go...", she groaned. Karen: [Kathy, whiny] I don't wanna! > Since she > had put this unit together from what was left of Epsilon Industries > security officers, Celena: That's sad. Realy, it's sad. The surviving redshirts. > it was expected that she lead by example. Maya: What, so they're all meant to be stroppy and useless. > The men were milling around one end of the hangar, Rebecca: Both of them. > each of > them was wearing full body armour, similar to the ADP's but > enclosing the whole body, including the officer's arms and legs (it > was also lighter and provided better protection). Maya: [Bitterly] Oh, yes. Of course it was. > Each of them carried the latest Karen: Microsoft upgardes. Ugh! > Colt 5000 assault rifles, and had several clips > of armour-piercing rounds, underslung on the rifles was a automatic Rebecca: Ping-pong ball launcher. Karen: NERF gun. > grenade launcher (it only held five rounds, but was still effective). Maya: Well, you'd hope it would be effective regardless of the number of rounds it carries. > "Where did you get all the weapons?", Kathy asked, looking at > the firepower. Celena: It's amazing wht you'll find under the bed when you look. Rebecca: Dan would say something incredibly rude about now... > Robert shrugged, "Most of it comes from North America, > straight from the front lines of the Rebecca: Michigan state militia. > Polar war", he said, "We got > this stuff specially for fighting Boomers, the AP (armour piercing) > ammo should slow them down enough for the grenade launchers to do > some damage". Maya: Is this really neccessary? Others: No. Maya: So why's it in here? Rebecca: To show how Jim's ragtag security force is so much better than anyone else. > Kathy shuddered, there was more firepower in this one hangar > than the ADP had in it's whole arsenal. Karen: That's not difficult! > She looked at the four > tanks, all lined up, technicians going over them, checking for any > problems, Mayqa: Like all the commas that get caught in the treads. > "I still can't believe you got you hands on those tanks", > she muttered. All: [Bored] She's not the only one. > Robert grinned, "I didn't, Jim had them shipped to use just > before he disappeared", he explained, "He managed to swindle them > out of the US government". Maya: [Bitterly] Of course he did. Celena: Hell, you can swindle almost anything out of them these days. > Kathy nodded sadly and then spoke to Robert in a quite voice, > "Well from what the Knight Sabre tells me, Maya: [Kathy] Which, of course, I believe without question. [Normal] I have a really hard time believing she's the secret agent she's meant to be. > Jim might have a little trouble negotiating anything in the future", Rebecca: Fargo told him where to stick it. > she said and then proceeded to explained what she had been told. > Robert's expression was grim, "If it's true, Karen: [Robert] It's party time! > *You're* going to have to talk to the Circle elders", he said. Maya: [Kathy] But I don't wanna! > Kathy sighed, "Well we can always hope his memory comes > back...", Rebecca: Now think about that. Do you really want it back? > she began, then broke off sobbing. Maya: [Bitterly] Ladies and gentlemen, Kathy Thomas. The symbol of female empowerment. > Robert shook his head and put an arm around her shoulders, > "I'm sure he'll be alright", Karen: [Robert] After all, it's his fic and nothing bad can happen to him. > he said comfortingly. Kathy cried on > his shoulder for a few more minutes, Rebecca: That's gonna make one hell of a mess out of his uniform. > the stress and worry of the last week had caught up with her. Celena: So is this that "leading by example" you mentioned? > Waving away the offer of help from some of the officers, he > picked Kathy up and carried her to the command vehicle, placing her > gently into Karen: The washing machine. > one of the bunks, "Have a rest Kathy", he said, smiling > down at her, "Tomorrow we'll have Jim back". Maya: [Robert] And I'll have to go back to being a subservient lackey. No, wait, I am one already. > ****** > "Ma'am!", called a anxious voice. > Madaline opened one eye, "What?", she asked bluntly. Maya: She's still alive? Rebecca: I knew getting a tower dropped on her wouldn't stop her. > "We've got a surveillance report from sector two, Karen: K-Mart's having a sale! > Circle shifters have been spotted, Rebecca: Although they look better in stripes. > in numbers", the voice exclaimed. Maya: And in commas, even. > Madaline stood quickly and opened the door, it revealed an, > eager faced young man, Maya: It's Kensuke Aida! > he offered her a data disk, "This is what we > were able to record", he said, then he turned and walked back down > the hallway. Rebecca: And the unenviable role of "man with datadisk" will be played by... > Madaline closed and locked the door before placing the disk in > the viewer, it was from a long-distance camera and was spectrally > enhanced for greater detail. Karen: Individually sanitised for your protection. > What she saw both intrigued and disturbed her. Rebecca: So she's been reading Eyrie fics again? > The Knight Sabres had been all-but captured by an > Epsilon Industries security team, but they were let go, Celena: They were too small and had to be thrown back. > unharmed > (well, all but one that remained inside the C&C {Command and > Control} vehicle). Maya: But who cares about her? > "So Kathy", she mused, "What are you up to?". Karen: Sobbing. What do you think? > She was surprised that DarkWind didn't take care of the > operation himself, it was unusual. "But then I'm sure he gets that > little bitch of his to do *all* kinds of things for him", Rebecca: Jealous? > she > muttered angrily. Even as she said it she new it was unworthy of > her, Jim Williams or DarkWind was a much respected enemy, Maya: Oh, gods. I wanna puke. > and she knew him to well to believe that. > "Get me Qunicy!", she growled into a com-pad. Celena: [Madeline] With a side-order of chips. > ****** > Jim was concerned, he was sitting beside Mackie in the front > seat of a large truck, "Where are we going again?", he asked. Karen: [Jim] Are we there yet? > Mackie shrugged, "We're going to meet some more of your > friends", Celena: [Mackie] We're getting rid of you for good. > he said, "They've got access to better medical facilities > than we do". Maya: And pay TV. > Jim nodded, "Well, now for question two: Rebecca: [Jim] Where do my socks keep going? > Why are we driving in a truck?", he asked. Celena: Because Mackie's compensating. > "We've got some other things to deliver to them as well", he > replied. Maya: [Mackie] They sent out for pizza. > Jim frowned but said nothing, Priss and Linna had seemed to be > in a very bad mood when he met them last night Rebecca: And I think we all know why. > and it got even worse when he asked where Sylia was. Celena: [Priss] We're jealous because she got away from you. > Mackie had been preoccupied all day Rebecca: In the bathroom with the door locked, I presume. > and Nene was no better. He kept returning to his overheard > conversation, Maya: So somone overheard what he was saying? > "Who the hell are the Knight Sabres", Rebecca: Brett Handy's wet dreams, from the looks of things. > he thought to > himself, it obviously involved Sylia and the others, but did it > involve him? Celena: Wouldn't they have told you if you were? > After driving in what could only be termed circles, they > finally arrived a what looked like a delmolished building, Jim felt > a flash of recognition looking at the rubble, "Do I know this > place", he thought. Rebecca: No, you're just getting as flash of recogition for no reason. > Mackie gestured for him to step out of the cab, "It's > alright", he said, "They'll be here in a minute". Maya: [Torgo] It'll be dark soon. > Jim nodded and stepped down from the cab. He walked around > and looked at the wreckage, Celena: Yup, it's wreckage. Karen: [Jim] How do you get so much rubble into one heap? Maya: Oh, for crying... When are they gonna clean up that mess? > he managed to make out the word, Rebecca: 'Manos.' Karen: 'Minador.' > 'Epsilon'. He frowned, it seemed damn familiar, now what did > epsilon mean, he recognised it as a member of the Greek alphabet. Maya: But does it have anything to do with commas? > It was also used, he remembered, to denote efficiency. Karen: Or lack thereof. > Well there was nothing efficient about his place, it looked > like a bomb had hit it. Rebecca: You kidding? This is the best Epsilon's been in years! > A moment later he saw another vehicle turn > into the abandoned area, it was almost invisible in the darkness, > and he only made it out after hearing it approach. Celena: He's going for a hit-and-run! > A pair of figures stepped from the back of it, Karen: Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith. Maya: [K] Please look directly at the light. > one of them was about eight feet tall Rebecca: I'm huge! Karen: Wasn't she seven feet tall before? Blackarachnia: [On speaker] Maybe she's related to Acid Rain. Celena: The hell? Voice: Gotta get that thing fixed. > and shimmered golden in the headlights of the > truck, the other seemed to be a brilliant white. Celena: You know, those forms of theirs are really stealthy. > Jim took an involuntary step back towards the truck cab. Rebecca: It's Ator and Thong! Run! Karen: Fong. Rebecca: Yeah, Fong. > "JIM!", called the Golden figure and it began to race towards > him. > Feeling a building panic Jim turned and started to run for the > truck, Celena: Run away! Run away! > not knowing what it was that was chasing him. Maya: The bird from "A Bug's Life." > "No!, Jim, don't run", All: Run, Forest, run! > the voice cried again, "I'm your friend". > Jim had just reached the bottom step of the cab when a hand > came down on his shoulder, Celena: CRUNCH! [Kathy] Whoops! Forgot my own strength, hehe. Rebecca: Manos. > he looked up fearfully at the strange > creature, it's golden face seemed to be shaped like the beak of a > bird and it's two blue eyes studied him intently. The second > figure caught up and put a steadying hand on the golden creature's > arm, "Remember, he doesn't even remember his own name", it said. > The voices seemed very familiar to Jim, but they had been modified > electronically. Maya: If they can change their shape, shouldn't they be able to change their voices by adjusting their vocal chords? > Jim slumped back on the step of the truck, "What's going on?", All: A crappy fanfic. > he said desperately, "everything's going nuts". Maya: Going? > The Golden figure nodded, "Alright, thank you for your co- > operation", it said to the white one, "I can take it from here". Celena: [Kathy] Go away. > The white figure nodded, "Very well, if you think that's > best", it replied. Maya: Wasn't that the agreement? Rebecca: [Sylia] Anything to get rid of him. > Jim looked on in horror as the two strange figures decided his > fate, and he was about to protest when a huge explosion rocked the > truck. Karen: Mackie should really lay off those bean burritos. > A fireball was expanding a dozen or so meters behind the > truck, Rebecca: Oh, look. It's this summer's big Hollywood action movie. > and a series of dangerous looking figures were walking thought it. Maya: So... This is all a dream? It's some kind of illusion? Help? > "Boomers!", Celena: "Dangerous looking figures?" Has this guy ever heard of description? > shouted the white, figure, jumping in front of Jim > and raising it's arm. Karen: But god knows why she wants to protect him. Rebecca: She'll just end up slung over his shoulders again. > The Golden figure also stepped in front of Jim, "Defender > team, six targets, south perimeter, engage and destroy", Rebecca: Earn big money working form home. > it shouted. > From underneath the rubble a rumbling began, Celena: Are you ready to rumble? > chunks of > concrete were tossed aside as pair of tanks emerged from > concealment, Rebecca: And here was me thinking it would be Invid shock troopers. > their main guns and missiles tracking towards the > approaching figures. Jim resisted the urge to run, Karen: And instead wet his pants. > he wouldn't last ten seconds trying to get away from here by himself. All: Run! Run! Run! > The white figure looked at the golden one, "Preparing for > trouble?", it asked sarcastically. Maya: And making it double! [Everyone glares at her] Sorry. > "Always", the Golden one replied, "But I think that Jim would > be safer away from here". Celena: Nah! Maybe somewhere there ain't tank shells zipping around. > The white figure nodded, "Get him out of here All: [Cheer wildly] > and we'll help your men with the boomers", it replied. Celena: what's this got to do with the Knight Sabres? Let 'em rot! > "We?", the Golden figure asked. Maya: [Bored] Gee. Oh. I wonder who she could mean. > "Knight Sabres... Karen: Wait for it... wait for it... > GO!", it said in reply, running towards the approaching Boomers. Rebecca: Uh... Freedom's the *other* way. > A moment later three other figures joined it, > all heading towards the enemy. Celena: [Kathy] Better them than me. > The truck started and headed out of > the danger zone, moving as quickly as it could on the broken ground. > Jim was suddenly left alone with the strange figure, it looked > at him closely, and the threw him over its shoulder, Rebecca: [Breaks out laughing] Maya: I don't believe it! [Starts laughing as well] Celena: Does someone care to explain this to me? Rebecca: Well, jim there has a thing for carrying Sylia over his shoulder when she's perfectly capable of getting by on her own. Maya: Yeah. Payback time. > "Lets go", it said, moving quickly towards the other vehicle. > Jim closed his eyes, totally confused and quite scared. > ****** > Sylia got off several shots at the lead Boomer before being > forced to dodge under it's return fire. She noted that it also > avoided her fire, ducking and weaving, "It's one of those new > models", she said to her friends. Rebecca: [Clears throat loudly] Celena: Hmm? Rebecca: Well, the Knight Sabres decided in part 3 that a boomer was a new model because it tried to defend itself. Celena: Uh-huh. Why? Rebecca: Because. > Priss swore, and fired a rail-spike at one, it dodged easily > and returned fire with it's laser. Maya: Say, does he mind metioning what kind of boomers these are anyway? Rebecca: Heck, no. It's not like he's ever gotten a boomer's weapon load right before. > Dodging and weaving the Knight > Sabres tried to concentrate their fire on a single target, they > swarmed around it, attempting to get close enough for a point-blank > blast. Maya: Um, would you mind repeating that last run-on sentance in English? > "Got it!", Linna exclaimed, blowing the Boomer backwards > slightly with the blast, rupturing it's chest armour. Celena: You know, I don't know what's worse. Koopa's minimalist fight scenes or these totaly incoherent ones. > A sudden burst of static filled their com channel, "Down!", a > voice called. > Linna ducked as a 120mm AP shell hit the Boomer in the > stomach, Karen: Showing just how much regard the tank gunner has for his newfound comrades. Rebecca: That's gonna leave a mark. Unless it's Priss. > she was thrown slightly back and was surprised to see the > Boomer still standing, Maya: Now this is getting silly. > a moment later a second round (this time > High Explosive) impacted into it's chest, blowing it into pieces. Celena: And all four Knight Sabres couldn't manage that on their own. I think it's worth noting. > Linna looked back to see one of the tanks bearing down on her > position, its muzzle still smoking, she waved to the driver Karen: [Linna] Hi there, cute stuff! How much do you make per week? > and he > responded by opening up on another boomer with autocannon fire. Karen: [Linna] I was just being friendly! > Unfortunately, the second tank was not doing so well, Rebecca: Stuck in a dead-end job with no hope of promotion. > it had > destroyed two boomers (one with a well-place missile shot and the > other with Karen: An atomic wedgie. Maya: Its bad personality. > it's main gun), but had received few a bad hits from the > Boomer's lasers. It was limping back, attempting to get out of > range, Celena: From a 120mm tank gun. In a demolished lot. Uh-huh. > Linna and Priss set about distracting the Boomer pursing it, Rebecca: Now just stand still and paint a bullseye on your chest. > while Sylia, Nene and the other tank started working on the > remaining pair of Boomers. Maya: But they needed a few more parts before they were finished. > The battle lasted only a few more minutes, after Priss and > Linna had managed to destroy another boomer, the two remaining > turned and fled. Karen: [To Celena] Uh, you were saying something about fight scenes? Celena: Forget it. > ****** > Jim sat quietly in a room, it was comfortable enough, but it > still felt like a cell. Maya: It had a bed like a cell... Rebecca: It was dark like a cell... Celena: It had bars like a cell... Karen: It was, in fact, a cell! > He had returned with the Golden figure to > the C&C vehicle and had sat silently while they travelled to > wherever they were now. Celena: Area 51. > He had been ushered into this room and had > been waiting for almost an hour, a doctor had come in and examined > him, asking all kinds of questions that he answered truthfully. Karen: [Doctor] Have you ever attempted to subvert the US government? Maya: [Jim] No. Karen: [Doctor] Are you, or were you ever a member of the communist party? Maya: [Jim] No. Karen: [Doctor] Are you carrying any fresh fruit or vegetables? Maya: [Jim] Well, I wouldn't call them fresh... Celena: B-doom tish. > "Hello Jim", said a voice from the door, All: Hello, voice. Voice: Hi. > he saw a man he > didn't recognise (of course) who was smiling at him broadly. Rebecca: Jim, you should probably feel lucky that you don't recognise him. > "I'm afraid I don't remember you", Jim replied, a little > heatedly, "I keep telling people that, but no one seems to listen". Maya: Actually they did, but never mind. > The man walked up and offered Jim his hand, "I'm Robert", he > said, "You usually call me 'Rob'". > Jim nodded, "I please to meet you 'Rob'", he replied, "But you > still don't ring any bells". Karen: [Rob] Well, take me to a church. Get it? Bells? Church? Ah, forget it. > Robert sighed, "That's a pity", he said sitting down in a > chair, "We've been friends for years". Rebecca: Psst, Rob. Now's the time to mention all the money he owes you. > Jim shrugged, "I'm sorry, but I can't...", he began. > Robert cut him off, "You don't remember anything?", he asked, > "Not that bar in Hong Kong where we first met, Rebecca: [Rob] The slinky red number I wore? Maya: In fact, it's probably a good thing he can't remember *that* night... > you don't remember our mission to Russia?, Rebecca: [Jim] Yeah, let's blow up some commies! > you don't even remember rescuing Kathy from the Conclave?". Celena: Now why would someone do something stupid like that? > Jim felt a slight stirring at the mention of the name Kathy, Rebecca: Boy, I'll bet he did! > "I don't think so..", he said. > Robert looked at him closely, "What have you remembered?", he > asked urgently. Celena: [Jim] I need to pee. > Jim sighed back into his seat, Maya: Is this some new use of the term "sighed" that I was previously unaware of? > "Nothing really, just sort of feelings, vague and hazy", Karen: What, have you been to LA recently? > he explained, "I remember the name > 'Epsilon', from somewhere and that place I was at seemed to be > familiar". Rebecca: [Jim] Maybe because I like huge piles of junk. > "Anything else", Robert encouraged, "Anything at all?". Celena: [Jim] Yeah. You owe me money. > Jim nodded, "I seem to remember something about the name > Kathy", he replied. Karen: [Jim] I hate her. > "Well Kathy will be pleased to hear that", Robert said, > grinning from ear to ear. Rebecca: [Rob] You owe her money too. > Jim frowned, "Who's Kathy?", he asked. Karen: Proof of how long a human can survive without a brain. > Robert just smiled, "Oh you'll meet her soon enough", he said > mysteriously. Maya: [Jim] That's not an answer! [Normal] Wouldn't it be better to jog his memory there? > Jim sighed, "What was my life like?", he asked quietly. Rebecca: You were a pretty generic self-insertion god-boy. > Robert's grin faded, "Your life was, or I should say *is* > important", he explained seriously, "You have seen and done things > that no one else could even dream about". Maya: He's a replicant! Karen: Bet you he's even seen a Tannhauser gate. > Jim sighed, "I want to remember", Celena: [Jim] I want to believe... that those two saucepan lids could be convincing. > he groaned, "But I can't". Rebecca: Don't worry, you're not missing anything. > Robert laid a hand on his shoulder, "It will work out", he > said comfortingly, "Don't worry about it". Maya: that has to be about the least reassuring thing I've ever heard. > Jim nodded, "Well what's next?", he asked. > Robert smiled, "Time to go home", he said, standing up. > Jim shrugged, "We'll lead the way", he said, also standing. Celena: But you don't know the way. Karen: And how many of you are in there anyway? > ****** > Kathy had just finished dinner when she heard Robert arrive > home with Jim, Maya: [Kathy] Hmmph. Men! Go out after work and expect *me* to get *everything* ready for them. I just don't know why I put up with them... > she resisted the urge to hug him again. "Things > didn't work out so well last time", she thought to herself, > remembering his terrified expression. Celena: Well, it could have something to do with the fact that you were an eight foot- Rebecca: Ahem! Celena: -Seven foot tall golden haired monster. > "If you'll wait here, I'll see what's happening for dinner", > she heard Robert say. > Kathy looked at him questioningly as he walked into the > kitchen, "How is he?", she asked. Rebecca: [Rob] Well, have you ever seen the episode "Spock's Brain?" > Robert frowned, "Jim doesn't remember me at all", he replied, > "he also doesn't remember this place or his own last name". Maya: You know, that is what "forgot everything" means. > Kathy fought back tears, Jim had always been there for her, > now it was as if he was gone, Celena: Oh, dear. Poor Kathy will have to learn to be an idependant human being for a change. > "On the bright side", Robert said, smiling slightly, Rebecca: [Rob] He *doesn't* remember that night we spent in San Fransisco... > "He seemed to remember *your* name". Karen: And it cauised him great pain... > Kathy looked up hopefully, "But all he remembers is that it's > familiar", Robert added sadly. Maya: [Kathy] Has he remembered anything about commas? > Kathy gestured to the food set out, "If you want to help me > carry this out", she said. Celena: God, no. He's a man. Why would he want to do that? > Robert shook his head apologetically, "Sorry, I can't stay, > we've got major repairs to do on that number two Defender and I > have to be there to supervise", Rebecca: [Rob] Because, you know, the trained technicians can't handle their jobs on their own. Karen: He's just getting while the getting's good. > he said, "I'm sure that you'll get > along fine with Jim, even though he doesn't remember, he's still > the same person underneath". Celena: Wheather you like it or not. Rebecca: And he's still got the same bra underneath. > Kathy looked worried, "Well I'll see you tomorrow then?", she > asked. > Robert nodded, "I'll come around about midday", he replied. Maya: [Rob] Hopefully you'll be *at work* by then. > Kathy steeled herself, "This isn't going to be easy", she > thought to herself, picking up her and Jim's dinner. Celena: Walking and carrying hot things *really* taxes Kathy's little brain. > ****** > Jim nodded a reluctant farewell to Robert, who said he had > other work to attend to and inspected the room carefully, it looked > nice enough, if a little feminine. He was wondering about that > when a young lady walked into the room. Maya: Meanwhile, in the same scene... > "Hello Jim", she said, smiling, "my name's Kathy". Rebecca: [Kathy] And I'll be your witress for this evening. > Jim felt a surge of memory, he new this person, "Ahh, hello", > he replied awkwardly. Karen: [Jim] Do I know you? I think I know you. > Kathy gestured for him to take a seat at the table and placed > a delicious looking steak dinner in front of him. Celena: In Japan? There goes her paycheck for the month. > He sat for a moment looking at the meal. Maya: [Kathy] You do remember how to eat, don't you? > "Well", Kathy said, "That's your favourite". Celena: [Kathy] Like it or else! > Then she seemed > to look sad for a moment, "Well it used to be", she added. > Jim nodded and began to eat, he ate in silence. "That was > very nice", he said, having finished it. Maya: Yup, that's the old Jim alright. > Kathy looked at him strangely, "Are you all right?", she > asked. Rebecca: He was turning a very funny shade of green. Karen: Wow. She's almost as good a chef as I am. Rebecca: Oh? Karen: Yeah. If I'd been cooking, he'd be purple by now. Celena: [Kathy] Just want to know if the arsenic's kicked in yet. > Jim shook his head, "No I'm not alright", he said angrily, "I > don't have a clue as to what's going on, All: Join the club. > who I am or even what I'm suppose to be doing". Maya: [Jim] Wait! I remember skipping English class! > He stood angrily, "I can't even remember my own name, I had to > be told what it was", he ranted, his head bowed over the table, his > whole body was shaking and his hands were clenched into fists. Rebecca: So now he's gonna punch out Kathy's table? > Kathy stood and placed a hand on his clenched fist, "It's > alright Jim", she said quietly, "We'll get thought this". Celena: Is thaere anyone in this fic who *hasn't* said that to him? Rebecca: Is there any woman in this fic that hasn't been replaced with Kasumi? Karen: Priss. She's been replaced with a gorilla. > He shuddered for a final time and then turned walked over to > the couch and slumped down onto it, Maya: Would you mind repeating that? I kinda missed it. Rebecca: Is this guy Kefka in disguise or something? > his head in his hands. Kathy > walked over and sat beside him, placing an arm over his shoulders, > "It's alright", she said, "Your safe here and I'm sure things will > work out". Maya: [Kathy] I'll just say some more stock, wishy-washy, reassuring lines. > Jim nodded silently and then sat back, "I remember you", Karen: [Jim] Kathy... Your name is Kathy. > he said, "I remember we were good friends". Rebecca: Hey, Kathy! This is your golden opportunity! Don't waste it! > Kathy smiled, "You've been my best friend ever since I can > remember", she said. Celena: [Kathy] I'm suffering from amnesia too! > He looked at her carefully, "But nothing more than friends?", Karen: Jim, do you want to be any more obvious? I think a blind man in Mongolia missed that one. > he asked, uncertain, indicating the apartment that they obviously > shared. > She shook her head, "We never got around to being more", she > replied. Maya: [Kathy] We never had those awkward pauses in conversation. > Kathy stood and walked back towards the kitchen, "If you > need anything, just call", she said. > He sighed as she walked from the room, "Pity", he murmured, > watching her leave. Rebecca: Wow. He can't remember anything, yet he still manages to be a noxious blowhard. > ****** > Author's Notes: Rebecca: We're home free! > Well here's the long awaited (and boy has it been long - > almost a month since my last release :) continuation to Bubblegum > Shift. Celena: Brett? Don't rush on our account. > I've been working on this for a while now, but > unfortunately it's slightly smaller than previous parts (about 9K > less), Karen: I don't see anyone complaining. Any of you guys complaining? Others: Nope. > hopefully it makes up for that by being more interesting?? - All: [Break out laughing] Maya: What, with Jim wandering around saying "Who are you people," and everyone else saying "Don't worry, it'll be alright?" More interesting? That's a good one! > well is it?, All: No. Maya: So, Brett, what's with your question mark/comma problem? > hopefully by now you've read it Ceelna: Well, the notes *are* down the bottom... where they belong. > (I don't know anyone who reads the Author's notes first...), Karen: Some people like to skip ahead to the good bit. > so I'd like to hear some > responses - come on, lets here some support for this series. Maya: First convince us it deserves it. > In case you interested I'm writing my stuff on the basis of > how much I'm enjoying writing them and how many responses I'm > getting - Rebecca: Then he must really, really love writing it. > it's lucky I like writing Shifters stuff, cause the > responses to the second and third parts have been few and far > between, Karen: Can you blame them? > so hopefully this will pick up with part four. Celena: So much for that. > For anyone interested, Karen: I know you're out there. I can hear the popcorn. > part two of a Trek into the Past should > be out by the end of the week (exams and work permitting) Maya: Please give him an F, oh please, oh please, oh please. > and part > seven of Oh My God should be out by wed or Thursday of next week. Rebecca: We can wait. > Hmm is that all I'm writing?? - I think so... Maya: I hope so... I really hope so. > oh I do have a couple > of other Fics that I'm thinking about, but they consist of about > five or six pages each - so I wanna get more done before I think > about releasing them :) Celena: What's the bets they all feature the amazing Brett Handy? > For those interested I've also written the > beginning of a second series of OMGod - Karen: I don't believe it! He hasn't even finished the first! > its basically when 'Brett' > starts getting to do his job, if ya wanna advanced copy {ie: a > *very* beta version}, Maya: You mean this was edited? Rebecca: Here's a sacry thought. This guy was an editor for Bert Van Millet. Karen: Ugh! > mail me - I'll send it to ya for a look... Celena: Please? Please? Someone say you like me? > OK well part five of this might be a long time coming if I > don't get more responses Maya: And the rest is, as they say, history. > (I'm enjoying the OMG fic a *hell* of a > lot... and while I enjoy shifters, if people want OMG Rebecca: They'll get what they deserve. > I'll give em OMG and continue shifters more slowly...) > -----Brett (2/12/95) [Celena reaches into her backpakc and draws out a double barreled shotgun. Everyone dives for cover as she unloads both barrels into the TV set, blasting it to pieces.] Voice: And that's the last time BGShift was touched. Karen: Wow. They must have really loved it. [They all return to their seats] Voice: Now I'm just going to have to ask for your reviews. Rebecca: Well... Let's see. Where to start? I'll tell you where. It's a BGC self-insertion. Plain and simple. The Authour writes himself in as an ultra-powerful character who doesn't fit the setting- Karen: Ahem. [Rebecca glares at Karen. She shrinks back] Rebecca: As I was saying... And he then goes around making sure that anyone who was going to die wouldn't, and that the Knight Sabres don't do anything useful, like blowing up the Superboomer and Mason. Maya: I was truly, truly stunned by the editing on that fic. Or, rather, the lack thereof. Excess and vanishing punctuation, run-on sentances, appaling spelling... It just doesn't end. Karen: What got me in the two parts I saw and everything Rebecca and Maya said about the other parts was Kathy. She was lecturing, arrogant and Avatar-like in part one. But after that, she's generally useless, and seems to be inccabale of any independant thought or actions. And what does she do when Jim's in trouble? Sob uncontrollably. Ceelna: The most obvious thing, thouhg, is the characters. I mmean, they were being treated like filth, totally out of character and acting completely stupid. Plus he seems to know almost nothing about BGC to start with... Ugh. Voice: Well, thanks guys. Celena: Yeah, whatever. Karen: You've got to wonder, though. What would've happened if Brett had continued his work? Rebecca: Let's see... he would've been back up to scratch by the start of "Moonlight Rambler" so he can rescue Sylvie. Heck, maybe even have his amazing contacts rescue *all* of the sexaroids. Celena: Logic would dictate that Largo would be out for Jim's life after he killed Mason, but he'd probably forget that. Hell, Largo will probably be reduced to "Ha, ha, ha, now you puny, humans shall die, for my revenge." Rebecca: Just as long as he gets an extreme close up when he does that. Maya: I've got to wonder about "Double Vision." I mean, Irene's still alive, so why would Vision be out for revenge? Karen: Say, where did Irene go? Maya: Same place as Sho's mother, probably. Just vanished, because they weren't important anymore. Rebecca: Yeah, but she'll show up just so Jim can sling her over his shoulder and defeat the Giant himself. Celena: And then just to finish things up, he'll finish off all of Miriam's boomers and slug out the doc. Karen: Scary. Rebecca: Yeah. Let's get outta here. [They all get up and file out. The screen goes blank.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Maya and Celena are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Karen McMillan are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > The Golden figure hissed, "Where is he?, you must know", it said.