And now for my 6th MSTing - going solo again to handle a special request by Mike Surbrook. Enjoy, people! Kazei Five and The Price of Business are copyright Mike Surbrook (susano@ access.digex.net). My apologies to him but, well, he asked for it! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Dan and Tsuneo walk into the room chatting. Dan goes to the fridge for a beer, and Tsuneo sits at the computer.] Dan: So anyway, he says "The clown I like, but get rid of the Ferengi in the gorilla costume." Tsuneo: [Sarcasitaclly] Hah, hah. Real funny. Dan: Well, maybe it misses something in the translation. Get you a beer? Tsuneo: Depends. [Looks up.] Hey! What's on today's agenda? Voice: We're doing a special for a fan. He sort of requested it. Tsuneo: Dan, there should be a stash of whiskey in one of the cupboards. Dan: And I won't bother with the glasses. Voice: Oh, ha ha. This one's actually worth something. Dan: I'll believe that when I see it. Tsuneo: [Checks watch] You know, the others are awful late. Dan: Yeah... Hey, are we getting any substitutes? Voice: Yeah, I'm afraid. Rick's gone on strike again- Tsuneo: When can we go on strike? Voice: Ask me after the fic. Dan: Very funny. So where's psycho girl? Tsuneo: Are you talking about the black or red haired one? Voice: She was last seen boarding a flight to Texas while trying to smuggle a sawn-off shotgun through customs. Dan: We won't see her for a while then. So who's the replacement? [A short, young woman, about twenty years old with long brown hair enters. She is wearing a flight jacket, stained t-shirt and jeans and a cap labelled "USS Exculiber." Her name is Janice Ryalle.] Janice: Hello all. Anyone here? [Dan and Tsuneo both turn towards her. Tsuneo rolls his eyes, while Dan's mouth drops open.] Tsuneo: Not again. I know where this is going. A new girl comes in, we get nice with her, she's a total bitch and probably breaks something. Janice: [Stares at him incensed] Oh, thank you very much! [Stomps into the room] So you just go ahead and make assumptions about every girl you meet based on a few bad experiences? How limited is that. Dan: Yow. Sorry, miss. Janice: The name's Janice. And you're the other resident crackpot? Dan: Whoah! Calm down! Look, sorry, this is all just a big misunderstanding. Tsuneo: Yeah! Sorry, but if you knew who we had to work with. Janice: Well, I guess that's okay. [Tsuneo breathes a sigh of relief.] So, who are you guys. Dan: My name's Dan, and the man you've just stared to death is Tsuneo Tateo. Voice: Hello. Janice: [Startled] Whoah! What in blazes was that? Dan: Our boss. You'kl get used to it. Janice: I hope so. Scared me half to death. Voice: Would you mind introducing yourself for the viewers? [Janice looks around, confused. Dan indicates to the camera. She wanders over to the couches and faces the camera. The other two follow.] Janice: Well, er, hi. My name's Janice Ryalle, I'm a mercenary from the 2020s. I pilot a mecha called a Razor and I'm generally a nice person [Glares at Tsuneo with a sudeen viciousness in her voice] unless people piss me off! [Returns to normal.] This is my first time here, and I've been briefed on the job. Voice: Thank you. Would you mind taking up your posts? Janice: Huh? Dan: He means sit down. [They all sit on the couches - Dan and Janice on the one facing the TV, and Tsuneo on the other one, closest to Dan.] Voice: Today's fanfic is a sample of Mike Surbrooks writings of the Kazei Five universe- Dan: [Hopefully] Does that mean... Marta? Voice: Yes, it does. Dan: Woo-hoo! Alright! Yes! At last, a decent stroy! Janice: Er, right. Who's this Marta person, anyway? [Tsuneo leans over and whispers in her ear for a few seconds. Her face goes red, and she stares at Tsuneo for a second.] Janice: Why not? Tsuneo: 'Cause his head will probably explode. Dan: I'm really going to enjoy this! Janice: [Worriedly] Yeah... Us too. [The TV screen lights up] > THE PRICE OF BUSINESS Dan: Let's see, there's office rental, stationery, computers, equipment... Tsuneo: Bribes, payoffs, developement costs of blackmail photos... Janice: Do you always do this? Dan: Helps us stay sane. > (dedicated to John Woo, Ringo Lam, Robert Rodriguez and Chow Yun-Fat) Janice: And more people we don't care about. Dan: Good start! > written by Michael Surbrook Dan: Marta... Tsuneo: Oh, dear. > Even at 2:00 AM, Janice: [Motherly voice] Come on kids, time to get up! > Hong Kong seemed as awake now as it had been 8 hours > ago. The only noticeable difference was a major drop in bicycle and > pedestrian traffic, Tsuneo: And this little thing called the sky. > and that the buses had stopped running at midnight. Janice: Mainly because the last one was scheduled for 7 PM. > But this clearing of the streets Dan: Hopefully with a bulldozer. > was more than made up for by a dramatic increase in taxis. > Marta Nys Dan: YES! Woo-hoo! Janice: [Sarcastically] I can tell I'm going to enjoy this. Tsuneo: [Ditto] Me too. > walked steadily through the light misting rain, ignoring the > scattered neon signage Tsuneo: Someone should get that stuff fixed. I mean, it's just lying all over the place... [They both stare at him] Sorry. > that almost screamed for attention. Even here, > away from the more commercial sections of town, Tsuneo: In Hong Kong? Less commercial? > business promoted their > products with brightly light masses of glowing tubes Tsuneo: See? > that advertised > everything from soft drinks to sexual partners. Janice: [Sweetly] So _that's_ what she's doing here! Dan: Hey! Janice: They sell men too! Dam: And you know this because... Janice: No fair! > The signs created garish swirls of color in the pools of runoff Tsuneo: Toxic run-off? Dan: In Hong Kong? Tsuneo: That's a yes. > that were spread erratically across the sidewalk. > Marta sighed slightly, her breath coming forth in a thin white cloud. Janice: There's one that looks like a whale! [The other two strain to see it.] You missed it. > Her quest Dan: Your mission, should you choose to accept it... > to free her sister, Shion, Tsuneo: The one who looks like a guy. Dan: Lay off, she doesn't! Janice: Two-timer! > from Genom's [Silence] Dan: [Quietly] Oh, dear. Janice: This bodes. > clutches had carried > her first to Sydney, and now here, to Hong Kong. This was the city where > business was everything, and everything was business. Dan: Men were real men... Tsuneo: Women were real women... Janice: And small, furry things from Alpha Centauri were real small, furry things from Alpha Centauri. > It was said that > one could buy anything in Hong Kong; Janice: How much does Marta go for? Tsuneo: Knowing her, fifty cents. Dan: HEY! > the newest software releases, guns, > ancient Chinese works of art, simsense chips, Tsuneo: Hey.. That's Shadowrun! Janice: So... Shion's a magician now? > counterfeit copies of > famous name clothing, vehicles, drugs, and if the rumors were true... Janice: And given the obvious mood of this piece, they were. Dan: Has the sun gone down all of a sudden? > human slaves. Dan: Try and smuggle _that_ out of the country! > Like most people, though, Marta was here to buy that most > precious commodity of all: Dan: Naw, I won't do that. > information. Janice: Whatever happened to good old-fashioned hacking? > Pausing at the mouth of a brightly lit alley, Tsuneo: Now there's a rarity. Dan: Probably by a sign saying "Vital Information on Rescuing Your Sister Available Cheap Here!" Janice: Get real. > Marta checked the sign overhead against the directions she'd been given. [Dan smiles broadly. Janice mutters something under her breath.] > Although the Chinese characters meant nothing to her, Dan: Or us, so you can skip it. > the green glowing outline of a dragon was unmistakable. Tsuneo: Although considering this was Hong Kong, that could be any of a thousand different places. > This must be the Pool of the Black Dragon, Janice: Dumb question, but wasn't the sign green? Tsuneo: Don't worry about it. > which meant > that Fei Shang's Tea Shop was just within the alley's mouth. Walking > forward, Janice: [Singing] I take two steps forward... Dan & Tsuneo: [Singing] I take two steps back... > she found a set of covered stairs that led up the side of the > building to a small landing near the roof. A simple wooden door marked > the entrance. Janice: [Innocently] What an unusual sign! Dan: You're good, girl. > Inside, the tea shop presented a more opulent appearance. Painted silk > screens, potted plants and innumerable hanging birdcages Tsuneo: Eichi Hoba was here. > divided the main dining room into several smaller sections. Janice: Birdcages as room dividers? > As late as it was, Tsuneo: 2 AM's early, actually. > there was a surprising crowd, drinking tea Tsuneo: Well, it _is_ a tea shop! Dan: Man, you did _not_ need to do that. Tsuneo: I didn't need to read this either, did I? > and partaking of the wide > assortment of dim sum that was circulated on seemingly ever full carts. > Stepping around the large aquarium set Janice: [Announcer] Aquarium set, $69.95. Give your kids one for christmas. Dan: [Ditto] Fish sold separately. Tsuneo: Maybe I can save myself some pain and drown in one. > near the door, Marta noted with > some amusement that one of the tank's inhabitants was contentedly > swimming upside down. Dan: What have they been putting in the water? Tsuneo: Liquified fanfic. > System maintenance on water going synthetics was always a touchy thing. Tsuneo: [Liverpudlian accent] Oh, Lennon! Look what's happened to McCartney! > According to the instructions, Janice: Insert tab A into slot B. Dan: Second star on the right, and straight on till dawn. Tsuneo: Down the hall, out the door, over the hill and round the bend. > she would be meeting her contact in one of the back rooms. Janice: I know those things are expensive, but this is ridiculous! > Picking her was Dan: I pick that one! Tsuneo: Who said that? > carefully past the tables, and trying > to avoiding coughing on the thick clouds of cigarette smoke, Janice: As if. I've been in far nicer places than this, and you can't even see the ceiling for the smoke! Dan: Count the number of people who've pawed her by now. Tsuneo: And how many of them weren't Dan. Dan: Hey! > Marta made her way to where the private booths were located. Tsuneo: No doubt she needs instructions for that too. Dan: Stop that! > She was aware of numerous eyes upon her as she passed, Janice: Just brush them off. > for it seemed that she was the only occidental in the place. Tsuneo: She's a dentist ox? > Marta sighed inwardly, lawless as Hong > Kong came across, one couldn't wear guns openly. Tsuneo: No, you carry them. They're not fashion accessories! Janice: [Glances at the large sword strapped to his back] Sure, whatever you say. > Normally, Marta armed herself heavily when working, Janice: [Inocently] Some customers are fond of that touch. Dan: HEY! CUT THAT OUT! > unfortunately, she wasn't able to do that > here. Gone was the katana and smartlinked Sig-Saur, Dan: Sig-saur? Janice: A german dinosaur? Tsuneo: See-saw? > instead, she was > wearing a short sleeved, knee length jacket over her armored black > bodysuit, with the Genom Dan: Ooh, boy. Here we go. Janice: What? Dan: Well, we've had Shadowrun simsense chips and a Genom gun. Now, I know we've had Genom before, but this bodes of some kind of bad crossover. Tsuneo: Don't read too much into it. > Hoshoku Zeta magnum in a shoulder rig. > Although not quite as vain and arrogant as her older sister, Dan: No-one is. Tsuneo: And I've got as bad feeling about Shion too. Janice: Oh? Tsuneo: Let's just say this... If she's an android, I'm leaving. > Marta knew > that she'd attract attention regardless of what she was wearing, Dan: [Dreamily] You said it... Janice: [Muttering] This looks serious. > but it > didn't hurt to try to be subtle. Ignoring the whispered comments in a > language she didn't even begin to understand, Janice: Well, no wonder she was ignoring them. Tsuneo: You don't need to know the language to understand some comments. > she strode purposely to > the far side of the room, stopping in front of a curtained alcove. Tsuneo: I'll take door number two, Roy. > "Come in." The voice bore only a faint accent. Tsuneo: CRASH! [S.J. Gumby] No! Open the door first! > Sliding the curtain aside, Marta stepped into the small room. All: [Singing] You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out... > A circular > dining table was set just inside. On it was an assortment of tea pots, > bowls, trays and other dishes. Janice: No actual food, just cutlery and chinawear. > The smell was most enticing. Tsuneo: That's some _damn_ nice cutlery! > Across the > table stood a rather tall Chinese woman, dressed in a traditionally > styled, tight-fitting black jacket and trousers. Tsuneo: And the affect might have been somewhat better if she could still breathe. > Her luxuriant fall of hair came almost to her waist, Tsuneo: She must spend a fortune on conditioner. Janice: [Looks at Dan's hair] Maybe you should. > only partially obscuring the tapering > points of her cosmetically altered ears. Janice: [Frowning] What kind of a woman does that to herself? > "Miss Nys?" the woman adjusted her glasses slightly, "I am Ling Ling Li." Janice: Ling Ling? Tsuneo: [Deadpan] Chinese telephone noise. Dan: All right! She's cool! Tsuneo: [Rubs bridge of nose] I forsee hurt and pain. Janice: Wasn't she from 3x3 eyes? Tsuneo: Er... yeah. > "I am pleased to meet you Miss Li, I am Marta Nys." All: [Bored] We know that. > Ling Ling gave a polite smile and indicated the table before her, Janice: [Ling Ling] You round-eyed barbarians may not know this, but this is what we call a table. Tsuneo: Grr... Baka. Janice: Hey! You spoke Japanese! Tsuneo: And you spoke Westerner. > "It is rather late, shall we have some dinner before we talk business?" Tsuneo: Hmm, that cutlery looks tasty. Dan: Done to death, pal. > Marta eyed the spread before her appreciatively. "I would be delighted." Janice: This place is just dripping with innuendo. Dan: Between them? Get real. [Janice opens her mouth to say something. Tsuneo slowly shakes his head and mouths "Don't. Say. A. Thing."] > As the two women seated themselves, Marta noticed that there was a third > person inhabiting the small chamber. Tsuneo: The sleeping bag and toothbrush are a dead giveaway. > A short oriental woman, shorter even that Marta herself, Janice: Quite an accomplishment. Dan: [Looks at Janice] People who live in glass houses... > dressed in casual Western clothing. She stood with her > arms crossed in a far corner of the room, staring steadily at Marta. > Although she looked non-threatening, Janice: Trust me, that means nothing. Dan: Gulp! [He shys away from her.] > Marta found that the unknown woman > made her slightly uncomfortable. Tilting her head slightly, Marta > indicated the woman to Ling Ling. Dan: Boy, I'm glad Rebecca's not here. > Ling Ling raised a tea cup and smiled, "Miss Nys, may I introduce my > bodyguard, Pai. Tsuneo: And again. Dan: Where's Yakumo? > Pai, this is Miss Marta Nys." Dan: Goddess. Tsuneo: Shrine fodder. Janice: I really think we should tell him. Dan: What? Tsuneo: [Quickly] Oh, nothing. > She paused and turned to > face her bodyguard directly, "Sister to the Empress." Tsuneo: no, she doesn't have a red bushy tail and a friggin big sword. > Pai's eye's widened. Dan: All 3 of 'em. > "I am pleased to meet you," she breathed in halting English. Janice: Her English might be better if she actually used her vocal cords. > Marta smiled and nodded her head, returning her attention to the meal in > front of her. Tsuneo: [Marta] Oh! Where's the food come from? Janice: Heard it. Dan: Taped it. Janice: Hated it. Dan & Janice: NEXT! > Inwardly she winced, her sister's almost mythical reputation Tsuneo: She's known all throughout the Helgebard Empire. Janice: Leave off, I think we've got the picture. > as the world's most powerful psychokinetic almost sickened her at times. Tsuneo: Now she knows what she's subjecting us to. Dan: Leave off. It's not that bad. > And, considering Ling Ling's comment and Pai's reaction, she was willing > to bet that Pai possessed telekinetic powers as well. Tsuneo: Not to mention being able to summon a demon bird, capture a soul... Dan: Stop. That. Now. > She gave an inaudible sigh, at times it was hard to believe that Tsuneo: For all the authour's professed talent, he can't use a semi-colon. > the tall, elegant, > aristocratic Shion had once been a skinny, gangly-limbed girl that had > teased her younger sister to tears by constantly referring to her as 'Marty'. [All snigger] Tsuneo: 'Marty,' huh? Dan: Man, I am going to _have_ to remember that one! > Pushing such thoughts from her mind, [Dan glares at Tsuneo] Tsuneo: What? Janice: Hold onto it for rarity value. [Dan switches his gaze to her.] Sorry. > Marta helped herself to the food spread out before her. [Both stare at Tsuneo.] Tsuneo: Okay, alright already! > Living in San Francisco, she had acquired a taste for > Chinese cooking, and the dishes here looked as good as anything she'd seen > in California. Tsuneo: Well this _is_ in Hong Kong. Duh! > For a time, no words were spoken, as both Marta and Ling Ling > were content to simply enjoy their meal. Dan: [Whingeing] I'm hungry. Voice: Tough luck. You should have known you weren't getting anything here. > Her hunger sated, Marta filled her tea cup and took a deep swallow, Tsuneo: And promptly started spitting out feathers. Janice: [Ling Ling] Now how do you suppose that got in here? Dan: Ask E. Hoba, he runs the place. > surreptitiously examining Ling Ling's well proportioned figure [Dan starts slobbering] Janice: Yuck, Dan! Tsuneo: [Quietly] I forsee hurt and pain. > with a > critical gaze. Idly, she wondered what the Fixer would be like in bed, and > if she had any chance of finding out. She'd never had an oriental partner > before, and Ling Ling's tall, slim waisted, full breasted form appealed to > her tastes. [Long silence. Time seems to freeze. Both Tsuneo and Janice draw deep breaths and watch Dan carefully. Finally...] Dan: Aw, she's probably just jealous. [Turns to Janice] Wouldn't you be? Janice: But... But... Dan: What, you don't think she's gay or something? [Snorts] Get real. [Tsuneo lets his breath out, sighing in relief.] > Placing her chopsticks upon the table and pushing the plate aside, Janice: Crash! Whoops! Too far. > Ling Ling > produced a cigarette and a lighter. Lighting up in a cloud of aromatic smoke, Janice: [Stoned] Wow. Tsuneo: [Ditto] Funky. Dan: [Ditto] Groovy, man. > Ling Ling gestured almost casually, "Now, what can I do for you?" Dan: [Marta] Well you could strip to your undies. [Tsuneo and Janice stare at him shocked.] Well it's just a fic. Who cares? > Following Ling Ling's lead, Tsuneo: I am _real_ glad Rebecca's not here. > Marta pushed aside her own utensils, Janice: Crash! Whoops! Silly me, I did it too. > leaning forward slightly on the table, Dan: [Awestruck] What a view... [Janice smacks him on the back of the head.] > "I am looking for data on certain Genom installations Miss Li. Tsuneo: [Marta] You know, those huge towers they like sticking up everywhere. Dan: Hey, he may just be using the name, you know. Tsuneo: Wanna bet? > Installations that may be involved with research > centering on replicant design, Janice: I thought they retired that division. [Dan and Tsuneo groan loudly.] Dan: That was BAD! Tsuneo: How could you? Janice: [Blushing] Sorry. I don't know what came over me. > clone production and psychokinetic testing." Dan: [Marta] New ice-cream flavours, cure for the common cold- Tsuneo: [Ditto] Sattelite link-up systems, mind transfer technology- Janice: [Ditto] Frost-free fridges and diet colas that don't leave a yukky aftertaste. > Ling Ling remained still, Dan: [Ling Ling, nervous] What do you want to know about the ice-cream for? > a sudden exhalation of smoke her only reaction to Marta's request. [All cough and hack noisily] > She had expected something like this; Dan: What, for a gorgeous girl to wander in, eat her dinnr and make inquiries about Genom? Boy, you lead an exciting life. > there were stories > circulating that Genom had finally retaliated for Shion's assault on on > their Mega-Tokyo Tsuneo: That's bad. > tower Dan: That's worse. Tsuneo: I don;t care if there's a lock on that door or not; if Quincy's mentioned, I'm leaving. > several months ago. "That information may be somewhat > difficult to obtain, All: Nah! > Miss Nys. Genom is not noted for being very open about > exactly what form of research is being carried at any of their installations > and manufacturing centers. Janice: [Marta] Really? Last time I checked, they had neat signs up all over the place telling just that. Tsuneo: [Ling Ling] So why'd you come here? Janice: [Marta] Umm... Geez, I'm an idiot. Dan: Now cut that out! > How soon would you need this data?" > "How soon does anyone need any information?" Tsuneo: Ask a beauracrat. > Marta kept her voice calm, but the irritation was obvious. Tsuneo: So her voice _wasn't_ calm? > "I would like it as soon as you can possibly get it. Time is of the essence." Tsuneo: [Elf] We must take action. Dan: [Ditto] Even elder races get tired of waiting. Janice: [Shakes head] Boy, oh boy, but no-one's going to get THAT one. > Ling Ling inclined her head, Janice: [Ling Ling] You know, Marta, you look better at a ninety degree angle. > "I apologize, I did not intend to be rude." Dan: Yes you did! Yes you did! > She > paused and took a long drag on her cigarette, staring almost thoughtfully at > the far wall, Dan: [Jamaican] What is she smoking, man? Tsuneo: [Jamaican] And where can I get some? > "I have certain contacts in Mega-Tokyo Tsuneo: [Ling Ling] Her name's Nene and she's real cute! Dan: Okay, enough already. > that that may be able to > help. I should be able to produce something in about 24 hours. Is that good > enough?" Janice: No, you'll just have to be shot. > "Excellent." > "Thank you, Miss Nys. Janice: [Sarcastically] What beautiful aliteration. Dan: No-one could miss her. Tsuneo: You're pathetic. > Now, is there anything else you need?" Tsuneo: Originality? > Marta took a deep breath, Tsuneo: Coping a lungfull of Ling Ling's smoke and choking to death. The end. > she'd been told that Ling Ling was one of the best > fixers around, second only to the legendary Nabiki Tendo All: Aargh! Dan: He couldn't help it, could he? Tsuneo: Now all we need is for Basara Nekki to be her favourite singer. Janice: Don't tempt fate. Dan: Or talk rubbish. > in her ability to > acquire equipment and data. "A hardsuit Miss Li." Dan: Swell. Sure. Just buy a BU-55C while you're at it. Tsuneo: Pain. > She laid a disk upon the > table, "You will find the desired models and design specification on this." Janice: It;s the digital version of the Artmic Bible! > Ling Ling nodded to Pai, who stepped forward and scooped up the floppy Janice: Wouldn't they be using recordable DVDs or something by now? Tsuneo: Calm down, girl. > in a > single fluid motion. Silently, she returned to her place against the wall. Tsuneo: They've even carved a niche for her, isn't that nice? > "I can have prices and availability in six hours, is that sufficient?" > "Of course." Dan: INTENSE NEGOTIATION ACTION! Tsuneo: [Bored] Yay. > Marta reached inside a coat pocket, producing the thin black tube of a > certified credstick. Tsuneo: Shadowrun again. Dan: What's he trying for? The David Gonterman Memorial Award for Most Crossovers in a Single Fic? Janice: 'Memorial award?' Dan: Wishful thinking. > "I believe this should cover any initial expenses." Janice: [Ling Ling] No, I want money, not just a black tube. > Apparently ignoring the money, Ling Ling blew a stream of smoke at the > ceiling, Janice: Of course, the authour's not trying to glorify one of the world's most addictive drugs here, is he? Tsuneo: Naw. He just thinks it's cool. Dan: [Shakes head.] > "You do know that all of Genom's research centers are in Japan? Dan: [Game show host] Yes? Well, congratulations! You win tonight's grand prize of sixty-four! [They all clap wildly.] > All > of their other corporate towers are primarily concerned with manufacturing." > "Yes, I had heard that." Dan: What's this whole scene for, anyway? Couldn't he just say "They negotiated this and that," and cut to something interesting? Tsuneo: It's building up to it. Just be patient. > Marta wondered how much the other woman knew, and what she was getting at. > "Should I make arraignments Tsuneo: Or possibly even arangements. > for you to be traveling to Mega-Tokyo then?" Janice: Oh, come on. She's a big girl- Dan: [Admiringly] VERY big girl. Janice: [Pointedly ignoring him] She can do that herself! > "Possibly..." > Ling Ling gave Marta a slight smile, "Good, I..." > ^Ling Ling! Trouble!^ Tsuneo: ^Fanfic's approaching!^ Janice: Whoah! How'd you do that? Tsuneo: Simple. I just put a ^ on either end of the speech. Dan: come on, don't be silly. You're acting like this is some dumb story. > Pai stepped away from the wall with surprising speed, > snatching up the credstick Janice: [Troi] I sense double entendre, captain. Dan: [Picard] Blow it up! > as she came between the fixer and the alcove's entrance. Dan: [Pai] And while they're confused, I'll sneak away with the money! > Marta stood up immediately, turning towards the tea house's central dining > room. Dan: [Marta] Give that back, you thief! > A fairly large group of men had entered, and were heading to where she > and Ling Ling were sitting. Dan: [Thug 1] Look at the cuties over there! Huh, huh. Tsuneo: [Thug 2] Wait, we'd better not attack. They've got names, and we're just thugs. Janice: You two are terrible. > Several had produced pistols from under their > jackets, and the rest were following suit. One of the men stood out in front, Tsuneo: The one with the bullseye on his shirt. > gesturing to either side of the booth, having the others cut off possible > avenues of escape. Dan: [Wicked witch] I've got you my pretty, and you're little fixer too! > Marta stepped back, pushing her chair to one side, trying to keep everyone in > view. Janice: That's going to be hard, considering she's in front of Ling Ling. Tsuneo: Maybe she's got Dolby Surround Eyes. > With a thought she triggered her wired reflexes, All: [Singing] And I'm wired for sound. > a sudden tingling signaling their activation. Dan: [TNG computer voice] Plot device activated. Janice: [Ditto] Intiating fight sequence. Tsuneo: [Ditto] Warning: Munchkin alert. > Beside her she could see Pai, standing quietly, eyes narrow. > One of the men stepped forward, a Genom Hoshoku Tsuneo: Gesundheit! > Zeta gripped tightly in one hand. Dan: [Cat] This is my shiny thing and I found it! Janice: [Marta, blubbing] But... butt, that's my supercool gun. > Carefully, he looked Marta over. Satisfied with what he saw, Tsuneo: [Thug] How much for that one? [Dan whacks him with a cushion] > he turned to one of his companions, ^That her?^ Dan: How'd he do that? > Another man stepped forward, nodding quickly, ^Yeah... yeah, that's her Tsu- > Shen. Tsuneo: She's got a Tsu-Shen? Janice: I had one as a kid. [Drippy vopice] Itr was sooo cute. Others: Awwww... > She's the one that iced Walter, Vu and Chang.^ Dan: Hey! Now they're all talking in ^'s! Janice: How do you guys pronounce those things? > Keeping her expression calm, Ling Ling swore silently. Dan: That must take some considerable facial acrobatics. Janice: Marta's favourite sport. [Dan whacks her repeatedly with a cushion.] Alright, already! [He stops] Sheesh! > The men standing > before her belonged to one of Hong Kong's many Triads, Tsuneo: Paid for in full. Dan: With cash, even. Janice: I do hope they're still under warranty. > a gang headed by a man named Tony Wang. Dan: That is such a borderline name. Tsuneo: you two are terrible. > Even among the incredibly violent Triads, Tony had a > reputation for ruthlessness. It was just her luck that she'd sent Yakumo off > on business to the other side of the island. Dan: Where he's probably dying in a variety of messy yet sickly humorous ways. > Ling Ling glanced at the collection of gun-toting Triad soldiers with a > haughty gaze. Slowly, she breathed forth a thick cloud of smoke, [All cough and hack again] Janice: [Gagging] Does she ever let up? > narrowing her eyes Dan: [Checks K5 group shot] That's a bit difficult. Janice: [Leans over Dan's shoulder to gawk at pic] Hey, who's that? Dan: That's Ling Ling there, Marta next to her, there's her sister Shion and that's Noriko Kobayashi, who doesn;t seem to be in this fic. Janice: Wow. [Pause] Hey, Shion _does_ look like a guy. Shouted voice from next apartment: I DO NOT! [Dead silence for a few seconds] Dan: Was that... Tsuneo: Don't think about it. > as she fixed the group's apparent leader with a dark look. Tsuneo: [Ling Ling] His arm was coming off. Consider it a free service. > "Gentlemen," her voice was even, but cold, Tsuneo: Calm but irritated. Even but cold. what next? Hot but freezing? > "you are interrupting my business. > If you have an argument with Miss Nys, so be it, but it can wait until we > have finished our affairs." Janice: [Cat] Smooth, with a capital SMOO. > Calmly, she took a long pull on her cigarette, > apparently giving no notice to the gun muzzles that had begun to point her > way. Dan: Ah, never liked her anyway. > The man referred to as Tsu-Shen stepped past Marta to lean heavily on the > table, his pistol now pointing directly at Ling Ling's chest. Dan: That's a lot to aim for. [Janice whacks him on the back of the head.] Janice: [Angry] All men are the same. > ^Oh, aren't we special,^ he sneered. Tsuneo: [Tsu-Shen] Just because _we_ use quotation marks! > ^I know who you are Li Ling Ling, Tsuneo: Could he have made that fact any _more_ obvious? > and I don't care. > Mouth off once more, and you'll end up just like your 'client' here.^ Dan: What, an cybered-up- Tsuneo: Over-munchkin- Janice: Midget- Dan: Babe? Go right ahead! > Ling > Ling's only response was a fine cloud of smoke that jetted from her nostrils. Janice: Does she ever give up? > Slowly, and with great care, Ling Ling ground out her cigarette in the > bottom of a tea cup. Dan: Hoo-friggin'-ray. Tsuneo: When the manager finds that, he'll be pissed. > The sudden elevation of the table's contents was all the warning anyone had. > A moment later, the floor exploded Tsuneo: Plummeting them all into a basement to land in an embarrassing heap. > into a cloud of dust and splinters that > hung motionless between Marta and the rest of the Triad members. Janice: There goes the special effects budget! > Turning in a blur of motion, Dan: You think for an action piece like this we could get better camera work. > Marta slapped Tsu-Shen's gun aside, smashing his head down > into the table with her other hand. There was a booming crash as the Zeta > went off, digging a deep furrow in the wall. Popping the razors in her > fingers, Marta raked her free hand across the man's neck, blinking slightly > at the sudden jet of blood that sprayed across table top. Tsuneo: [Director] And you can fight the thug and pull your razors on him, and the blood will go spurting out, pssshhhttt -In slow motion. > As soon as the floor had been ripped apart, Janice: What was it that did that anyway? Dan: Bad coreography? > Pai leapt in front of the alcove > entrance. Concentrating her telekinetic power, she formed a wall in front of > her, deflecting the sudden fulsaide of bullets effortlessly. Rounds spanged > away from her invisible shield, to ricochet back into the main room. Tsuneo: The civillian casualties are going to be immense. > Behind > the Triad soldiers, the tea house fairly erupted into total chaos as > screaming patrons dove for cover or ran for the entrance, overturning tables > and chairs in their haste to escape the sudden gun fire. [All leap up from the couches and run around, screaming in panic. Janice overturns the coffee table for no good reason, and Dan and Tsuneo grab each other by the neck and start yelling at each other.] Voice: Now stop that! [They all sit down again. Dan puts his feet up on the overturned table. > The Triad soldiers > scattered as well, taking cover behind tables, plants and floor screens. Dan: Man, but those rubber plants can sure take a lot of abuse! > Taking advantage of the momentary lull in the shooting, Pai Tsuneo: Summoned her demon bird to kill them all! Others: [Bored] Yay. > unleashed with > a force bolt, shredding the floor in a broad swath from her to where several > of the Triad had clustered. Janice: Or, instead of showing off, she might try to actually _hurt_ one of them. > The table they were crouched behind > disintegrated into a flying swarm of fragments as the three soldiers were > tossed about, to land in groaning heaps on the floor beyond. Janice: [Blushes] Hehe. Sorry. > Rising from Tsu-Shen's body, Dan: [Croaking] I'm not dead yet! Tsuneo: Put a sock in it. > Marta turned to the confusion out in the tea house's main room. Janice: You know how uppity those waiters can get without a good tip. > The remaining Triad members had gathered themselves for > a rush at the private room, hoping to overwhelm Pai through sheer force of > numbers. Grinning slightly, her extended razor's dripping, Marta went to > meet them. Dan: [Cartman] Marta Nys kicks _ass!_ > Ling Ling sat motionless behind her table, seemingly oblivious to the > violence around her. Janice: What was in those cigs? > In the 18 hours since Marta had first contacted her, Tsuneo: Now, this is probably a stupid question, but why not do your business like that, and save time and a messy fight? [They sit in silence for a few moments] Tsuneo: Well? Dan: My friend, have you ever been hit over the head with a polo mallet? Tsuneo: [Confused] No. Dan: Shut up then. > Ling Ling had gone to great lengths to learn as much as possible about her > future client. Janice: Measurements, preferred underwear... Dan: Hey! Stop that! Janice: Sorry. The fic was asking for it. Tsuneo: Girl, you are a natural. > It seemed that Marta had engaged in some interesting wetwork > a few days ago; airing out three of Tony's boys Tsuneo: By hanging them over her back fence and beating them repeatedly. Dan: Yes please! Janice: That would make an _interesting_ interrogation method. > in a very messy, and very public fashion. Tsuneo: Someone else's fence, then? > Sources said that Alec Quan, Tony's biggest competitor had > been responsible. His hiring of Marta, unusual for a Triad, was an obvious > attempt to avoid the expected retaliation. Marta, meanwhile, had been more > than happy to take the job; word was that she was desperate for money and > was taking all sorts of odd contracts. [Silence] Dan: Man, oh man, but Rebecca _should_ be here. Janice: Around Marta? [Tsuneo stares at her] Er, nothing. > Ling Ling sighed, business was never > a simple matter in Hong Kong, especially if it involved one of the > innumerable Triads. Tsuneo: One... Two... Three... Dan: Old gag. Waaay old. > Slowly, almost imperceptibly, Ling Ling curled her fingers around the black > rubber Dan: Saaayyy... > grips of a Desert Eagle .50 Dan: Nuts! > resting in a holster mounted under the > table. The chrome-plated pistol was a massive weapon, and Ling Ling liked > it for it's sheer intimidation value. [Large sweatdrops appear on the backs of all of their heads] Janice: Does this girl have an unnatural relationship with her gun or something? Tsuneo: Something. Dan: Never before have I so much wanted to be a chrome-plated black-rubber- grip Desert Eagle .50. Janice: You are sick. > The sudden, oily, click of a weapon being cocked drew her attention to the > present. Standing on the far side of the dining table was one of Tony's > lieutenants, a tall, thin-faced man by the name of Philip Lang. Janice: My god! He got a name! Tsuneo: Suddenly I can't help but think of Austin Powers and the bar scene. > With an > evil grin he raised his Berreta submachine gun, the under barrel laser > sight forming a thin red line in the smoke and haze. Tsuneo: This writer really, _really_ likes his guns. > ^Time to die, bitch,^ he growled. Dan: [Deep voice] Fry, piggie! > The table literally exploded Tsuneo: blowing up Ling Ling who was sitting at it. The end. > as a continuous stream of 9mm rounds ripped > their way up the center. Ling Ling threw herself to one side, Dan: You know, there ain't actually that much room to move in a room like that. > firing her > sidearm as she fell, the strength of her genetically upgraded body allowing > her to absorb the gun's recoil easily. Janice: Yup, we really wanted to know that. Tsuneo: Munchkin alert part 2. > The pistol's .50 caliber slugs > ripped gaping holes in the table, the ceiling and the back wall. Tsuneo: Might be nice if she wanted to do some property damage, but I think the guy with the SMG is a more important target. Dan: Details, details! > Philip > ducked and spun away from her line of fire, keeping the submachine gun's > trigger depressed as he did so. Rounds went wild, shattering lamps, a > mirror and tearing the wall hangings into shreds. Janice: That's a very easy way to kill off your comrades. > Rising to one knee, Ling Ling sighted carefully along the barrel. Tsuneo: [Angrily] While the guns are going off around her and that maniac's spraying wildly into the croud? Sure. Take your time. No-one important's DYING here! Janice: Nope, just Phil, Tsu-Shen, a grab-bag of thugs and randomly assorted innocent bystanders. Dan: Should grab 'em for the rarity value. > She could > just see Philip behind the dark mass of a potted plant. Steadying the pistol > with both hands, she fired one round, reducing Philip's shoulder to a > shattered mass of flesh, bone and blood. He pitched forward with a scream, > trying to bring his own gun to bear. Ling Ling calmly put the next round > right through his forehead, sending the back of his head spraying across the > floor in a flood of brains and gore. All: EUGH!!! > Leaping past Pai, who looked to preparing a second force blast, Marta > slashed at an unlucky Triad, opening the side of his face as the blades cut > his cheek to thin hanging strips. Janice: [Catwoman] Tic tac toe. Tsuneo: You won't die in one piece! > Screaming incoherently, he stumbled > backwards, firing his pistol blindly in the direction of his attacker. Tsuneo: That was smart, Marta. > Spinning from his line of fire, Marta grabbed a second gunman's outstretched > arm, twisting him around in front of her just as third opened up with his > PN90. Dan: PN90 what? Sub-machinegun? Tsuneo: Rapid-fire bazooka? Janice: Banana? > The unfortunate gunman's sudden scream collapsed into a bubbling, > bloody gasp as the barrage tore through his lightly armored jacket. Tossing > her now dead shield aside, Marta struck the machine pistol All: Aah. > to the floor with a blinding snap kick. Dan: Do you know why it's called a snap kick? Janice: No. Dan: Mess up doing one some day. [Janice winces.] > Leaping forward, the man launched his own kick, a high > circling strike, that to Marta seemed painfully slow. Tsuneo: Of course, not _everyone's_ cyber-munchkined, you know. > She dodged the > crescent kick by throwing herself straight back, to fall flat on the floor, > her attacker's foot passing harmlessly overhead. Janice: All right, no need to show off. > Twisting around, Marta > swung her leg in a tight arc, catching the man's leg just behind the knee. > There was a satisfying crash as he fell through a nearby table. Dan: And the property damage mounts _yet_ again. > Jumping to her feet, Marta ducked a second attacker's wild swing Dan: With what? A knife? Tsuneo: A katana? Janice: A wong buk? [They both stare at her] Those things can be lethal, you know! > and just > managed to catch a third's incoming knife thrust with a circular forearm > block. Producing her Hoshoku Zeta Janice: You know, that name sounds like something dirty. Dan: Or a silly mobile armour. > in her other hand, Marta jammed the gun > tight against the man's body. She fired three rounds in rapid succession, > reducing the chest to a red ruin. Dan: Only three? WUSS! Tsuneo: That's opression of the art form, that is! Like take John Woo. In his Hong Kong movies, woo could do scenes where Chow Yun Fat just hauls off and- Janice: Do you have any duct tape here by chance? Tsuneo: [Gulp] Sorry. > He fell backwards in a spray of blood, > his knife spiraling away to land amid the debris of the floor. Tsuneo: The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold? > There was a > faint ringing as the spent shell casings bounced across the floor. Janice: Ooh. Nicely dramatic. > Turning to her other opponent, Marta snapped her left leg forward, Tsuneo: Crack! [Marta] Ow. > delivering a series of kicks that traveled up the man's torso. Dan: What is he, a step ladder? > His weak > attempt at a block was futile, as her first blow landed on his knee, > fracturing the kneecap. Dan: Snap! > Following kicks impacted on his thigh, Tsuneo: Crackle! > his hip, Januce: Pop! > stomach and chest, her steel-laced skeleton allowing her to deliver blows > with far more force than her slight frame seemed to make possible. All: [Bored] Yay. > Her > final strike staggered the man, and she paused a moment before delivering > a high spinning kick that snapped the man's head around with a grinding > pop, sending him flying across the room to fetch up against a far wall. Tsuneo: Ooh. [Holds up sign: 9.5] Janice: Aah. [Holds up sign: 9.1] Dan: Big deal. I could do that. > Marta's savage grin was her only comment. Her implanted cybernetics were > some of the best made, and when running at maximum output made everyone > around look painfully slow. Dan: [Cartman] Boring. [Others giggle.] > They made dealing with common street sams such as these mere child's play. Tsuneo: Shadowrun terminology AGAIN? Dan: Now she's acting like a player character. [All laugh at this silly notion.] > Spinning back to her original target, Marta found him crawling along the > floor, desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood with one hand. Janice: This is just getting pathetic. > Ignoring him, she then turned to the man she'd kicked through a table. He > had regained his feet, and was glaring at her. "That's it, bitch," he > rasped "You'll never escape now." Tsuneo: On what basis is he saying this? The Ryu fight logic? > Slowly and carefully, Marta raised her pistol, her face expressionless, > "Then I'll see you in hell." Janice: Such shockingly original dialogue! > The gun roared twice, Tsuneo: Better get that thing checked. > sending the man stumbling backwards to fall heavily to the floor. Dan: Not actually _hurting_ him or anything. All: Naw. > With a sigh, Marta returned her gun to it's holster. Janice: Yup, just hide it, and no-one will know it was you. > Stepping over the > tangled bodies and debris strewn across the floor, she approached the room > where she had met with Ling Ling. Dan: Yuo know, this reminds me of my last dental appointment. [They both stare at him incredulously.] What? > Once again, Pai stood beside the entrance, staring silently at her. Dan: [Pai] Hi honey, you're back. Just another boring day at the office? Tsuneo: I can't be bothered. Dan, consider yourself whacked. > Rising from the floor, Ling Ling glanced around the ruined remains of the > tea house. Janice: [Ling Ling] Well, that was fun. Same time next week? > The air was thick with the smell of gunpowder and raw meat. Tsuneo: Someone's having a barbeque! > Blood > was splattered about in thick, red pools, dripping from walls and forming > twisting patterns across the floor. The moans of the wounded combined eerily > with the squawks of startled songbirds and the cries of terrified patrons. Dan: [Dumb voice] Gee. I wonder what happened here. > Ejecting the Desert Eagle's spent clip, Ling Ling casually tipped the > shattered dining table aside, sending it's contents sliding to the floor > with a crash. Looking over at Marta, she gave the other woman a thoughtful > look. "You realize," Ling Ling said with a slight smile, "this is going to > cost you extra." Tsuneo: Insert final line of witty dialogue her. Cue the movie's end theme (by a forgettable but currently fashionable pop group). Roll credits. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Return to Kazei Five Dan: And that's a wrap. [The TV switches off] Janice: Well... Dan: It probably wouldn't have been so bad if not for the fact that the writer pretended to be John Woo. Janice: So can we go now? I need a drink. [Dan passes her the whiskey bottle] Thanks. Tsuneo: 'Fraid not. We've got to do our reviews first. Janice: Huh? Tsuneo: Just follow our leads. Voice: So how'd it go? Tsuneo: Well. [Pause] It wasn;t so badly written for once. Voice: Really? Tsuneo: That doesn;t mean it was terribly good, either. Story-wise it was less than brilliant, just being a meeting, some smutty innuendo and a ridiculous fight scene. It's no doubt part of a longer series, and probably the low point of it. Dan: The lack of originality got to me. I mean, Genom, Shadowrun stuff, Hardsuits, Pai, Yakumo & Ling Ling - hell, even a mention of Nabiki Tendo. Sure, the main character's his own, but that's one in a sea of hundreds. Even her sister's a rip-off... If Tsuneo's to be believed. Janice: My turn? [They nod] Well, I think that the problem was that it centered around a fight scene which basically sucked. The three of them against a hoarde of nameless thugs, and it's hardly fair. Marta is munchkinned to a riidiculous level, Ling Ling's probably quite tough and all too, and even the cameo extra's a powerful psychic. Tsuneo: And we probably could have done without the smoking bit too. Voice: Er... Thanks. You guys can go now. Janice: Hey, Dan, why's this bottle empty? Dan: The fic was like that. Come on, guys, let's hit a bar. [Dan leaves and the others follow him slowly. The screen goes black.] Janice: Can't I explode his head a little? Please? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas (rickr@one.net.au) Dan, Tsuneo Tateo and Janice Ryalle are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Jinas' World: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, official Bubblegum Crossfire material and new MSTings! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > narrowing her eyes Dan: [Checks K5 group shot] That's a bit difficult.