Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 30. A big celebration of our 30th fic riffed, so we're returning to our roots - the epic conclusion to Chaos in Time. Special thanks to Tina for being such a good sport. Sailor Moon is copyright Naoko T./DIC. Tina's world is copyright 1997-98 Tina and contributing authours, of which I'm ashamed to say I'm one. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. The place has been redecorated on a Christmas theme, although truth be told, it looks more like an explosion in a tinsel factory.] [Rick and Dan are setting up a clearly plastic christmas tree in one corner. Tsuneo is standing on the forwards-facing couch, taping some tinsel to the ceiling.] Rick: Hand me a 14-B. Dan: [Passes him an obviously fake branch] So, how does it look? Rick: Pretty terrible [Attatches the branch.] Tsuneo: I still don't know why we're bothering. Dan: 'Cause it's Christmas! Rick: And we have to work here, so we might as well make it look good. Tsuneo: [Climbs down and looks around.] That's a dubious claim. Dan: If you don't mind, I think the tinsel looks quite good. Tsuneo: No, it looks good when you can still see the walls. Dan: [Scratches head] Well, maybe I did overdo it a little... Rick: Ah, come on. For stuff that fell off the back of a truck, it's pretty good. Tsuneo: And I'm still hoping that's a joke. [Rebecca enters, carrying a huge box of decorations and singing "Christmas at Ground Zero."] Rebecca: Hi, guys! Tsuneo: Ye gods! Not more tinsel. Rebecca: Yup. But this stuff's all for the tree. Dan: You're joking. the box is bigger than the tree. Rebecca: [Looks at the tree] The less we see of it, the better. Rick: Good point. Dan: I still say that you were reading those instructions wrong. Rick: Oh, come on! They'd gone from Chinese to English via Korean with some very amusiong adventures in the middle. Tsuneo: I'd be surprised if anyone could read thewm right! Dan: Do you reckon we should decorate the TV? Rebecca: Why bother? [Walks over to the tree] We'll only trash it. [She drops the box on Dan's feet] Dan: YEOWCH! Rick: Well, we could trash it in a festive way. Dan: How? By throwing a turkey through it? Tsuneo: Smother it in tinsel? Rebecca: Drop it down a chimney? Rick: Whatever. Dan: Any fan mail? Tsuneo: Just a second. [Tsuneo walks over to the computer desk, brushes some stray tinsel off the chair, and sits. He fiddles with the mouse for a second and deletes some festive spams.] Tsuneo: Yeah, we've got some. [They all cluster around the computer desk.] Tsuneo: Here's one from Mark "Screaming Mad Ghosty" Foster. > What can I say about Hellstorm Evangelion... Tsuneo: Preferably nothing, and let us forget it. Rick: There there, Tsuneo. Don't riff the fanmail. > OH MY GOD THAT WAS JUST SICK! > > Well that just sums it up - I nearly threw my computer out the > window... the Magic Voice sure got a stinker this time! > > Obviosly when Issei said his friends cried when they read part two - > his imaginary friends most likey namely 'Mr Right Hand' and 'Mr > Vaccum', and his dog - the poor thing. > Ghosty > > Mark Foster - foster@powerup.com.au Dan: All very true. Rebecca: Thanks, Ghosty... again. Tsuneo: And... Another one from Keith Palmer! Rick: Cool. > >> came a somewhat- > >> familiar voice. "What was that thing's name again?", she thought. > > > >Rick: Darkwing. > >Rebecca: BB. > >Dan: Get that one, Kieth. > > I most cheerfully admit defeat. Of course, since you misspelled my name, Dan: Whoops. Rebecca: Don't worry, I'll pulverise Dan for that. Do you reckon we should actually bother explaining that one? Rick: Nah. > you just might get a message from someone else starting the whole cycle > again... ;) > > Otherwise, this time around the MSTing generally seemed fine. I finally > began to worry about the new character designs for the new BGC (all right, > I actually haven't *seen* them yet) when you mentioned the prospect of a > whole new wave of self-insertions at the end. I probably won't be the one > MSTing them, but the thought that they'll be out there is somehow troubling. Dan: You're telling me? Tsuneo: Just you watch as The Voice dredges some up. > Keith Palmer | Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than > krjpalme@sciborg.uwaterloo.ca | they appear. > University of Waterloo | Rebecca: Thanks again for your supposrt, Keith. Rick: [Muttered] I still say she shouldn't look like Ifurita. Dan: [Elbows Rick] Can it. Tsuneo: And one more from Paul Fauth. > BGShift3? I hope you are taking something for it Dan: Lots and lots of booze. Rick: Well, thanks everyone for writing in, just so you can get your names mentioned. Voice: Good morning. Dan: Uh-oh. Rebecca: He's especially cheery today. That's a bad sign. Rick: If he starts calling us boobies, I'm outta here. Rebecca: I'll bite. What's with the cheery voice? And don't tell me it's the festive season. Voice: I thought I'd give you a break from the hard stuff and return to something you've done before. Rebecca: More Neon Exodus? Dan: More Bubblegum Shift? Tsuneo: Please not more Hellstorm. Voice: No, this is a lot better than those. Rick: We're in for it. Voice: Come on. It's the conclusion - and I might ad, the best part - to Chaos in Time. [Long silence.] Tsuneo: You really hate us, don't you. Dan: Hey, you weren't there for part three. It was kinda fun. Rebecca: You only say that because you were between Shion and Marta. Dan: So? [They sit - Dan next to Tsuneo on the forwards facing couch and Rick and Rebecca on the other. Tsuneo and Rebecca are closest on the corners.] [The TV screen lights up] Rick: Just so my head doesn't explode, but what happened in chapters 21 through 30? Rebecca: Let's see... that mist thing gave some girl a highly suspicios rod with some highly suspect dialouge, another Neo Scout turned up and said the usual blather, the tower morphed a few more times, Marta and I made lots of dirty comments and Dan's head exploded. Tsuneo: [Dryly] Sounds like fun. Dan: Oh yeah, and another poor Gazebo was mercilessly slaughtered. Rick: O-kay. > Tina's World Rick: You'll laugh! you'll cry! You'll hurl! > Sailor Moon: Chaos in time Rebecca: Return to the greatest nightmare of my life. > A multi-authour fanfiction. Tsuneo: Just a fancy way of saying crap. > Tuxedo Mask, Warrior Mars and Warrior Jupiter trudged along the scorched, > barren earth. Dan: The mother of all games. > Suddenly, Mars stopped.  "Wait!  What's that?" Rick: It's acting rejected from Resident Evil! > "What's what?" Jupiter asked. Dan: Who's on first, what's on second. > A shrill scream echoed in the distance, Tsuneo: [Scream] Get me out of this fanfic! Rebecca: Getting started early? Tsuneo: You bet. > followed by a huge explosion that lit up the dark sky. Rebecca: Tux boy has really got to knock off the bean burritos. Tsuneo: Can we *plese* not have a repeat of "Homecomings?" Rebecca: You're no fun. Dan: Thankfully. > "Come on," Tuxedo Mask called, already running towards ground zero. Rick: That's it... Further towards the kill zone. > As they approached, they saw the smoking remains of a town. Tsuneo: I see Dr. Akagi's been partaking in some more urban renewal. > Dead center, were two charred figures lying on the ground. Dan: [Tuxedo Mask] Damn, Nav got here first! > "It's Neo-Mars and Neo-Jupiter!" Raye called, rushing to them. Rick: It's so sad... after such a successful career in Thinker fics, to be reduced to this. Dan: Different ones, moron. Otherwise it would be Neo-Jutiper. > Neo-Jupiter crawled to her knees.  "Mars... you sacrificed yourself for > me... why?" she asked the form beside her. Rebecca: [Neo-Mars] Becasue... I love you... Dan: Too early. Tsuneo: Too easy. > The blackened and twisted shape that once was Neo-Mars Rick: [Deep] When yoga goes too far. > struggled for breath.  "I had to," Tsuneo: [Neo-Mars] It was the only way out of this fic. > she creaked. "It's up to you, now..."  She closed her eyes. Rick: [Hoarse] There is... another... Skywalker. > "...no... please..."  Neo-Jupiter felt a hand on her Rebecca: Ass. Oh, gods, this is just too easy! > shoulder.  "I'm sorry," Warrior Jupiter said sadly. Dan: [Jupiter] She had to go. She was muscling in on my airtime. > "There's no time for mourning.  We need to--" Tsuneo: Call our agents. > "VENUS PEACE AND LOVE STRIKE!!!" Dan: PACIFIST KICK! Rick: KINDNESS TO ANIMALS CRUSH! Rebecca: GOODWILL TO ALL MEN SMASH! Tsuneo: I really, *really* don't want to know. > A whistling sound... All: [Singing] It's Christmas at gound zero... > "--RUNNNNN!!!!!" Dan: [Tuxedo Mask] It's Von Doom! Rebecca: Ah, Nav's better. Dan: Sure, just stick up for your boyfriend. > The ground erupted, Tsuneo: Quake3! > shooting everyone into the air. Dan: [Tuxedo Mask] I can fly! > Tuxedo Mask growled, shielding himself from the blast. Rick: Even though he'd been hurled into the air. > "Cowards!!  Come out and fight!" Tsuneo: No! Rick: Well, that's *why* they're cowards. > The smoke cleared, revealing Mistan, Neo-Venus, and Neo-Mercury. > Mistan pointed a clawed finger. "Kill." Rick: Roll over. Dan: Play dead. Tsuneo: [Badly dubbed] Huh. Such stunning. Dialogue. You all die. Now. > Mercury and Venus leapt towards the girls, Rebecca: [Sniggers] Dan: Just leave it out for once! > as Tuxedo Mask rushed Mistan.  The battle was joined. > > * * * * * > > "MERCURY LIQUID-NITROGEN BUBBLES... BLAST!!" Rick: [Bill the Bubble Man] Bubbles come out of my head! > Shards of ice flew towards Warriors Jupiter and Mars. Tsuneo: I thought they were bubbles. > They dove in different directions to avoid the attack, Dan: Remember: Duck and cover. > but Jupiter didn't dive far enough-- several > ice slivers buried themselves in her thigh.  She dropped heavily to > the ground. Rebecca: Of course, this wouldn't happen if you didn't go around in those ridiculous skirts! Dan: She isn't. She's wearing armour, remember? Rebecca: No. Tsuneo: Don't worry, the authours have probably forgotten too. Voice: I heard that! Tsuneo: Ooh, this'll be fun. > Neo-Mercury grinned, then began a second attack.  "Now to finish the > job... Rick: [Neo-Mercury] Even though I've only lightly injured one and there's still two more unharmed. > ICE... DEATH...!!"  Tsuneo: KOO KOO NUTTY FUNKYFRESH GRAVITY MAGIC! Rick: Huh? Tsuneo: [Shrugs] It just felt right. Rebecca: I wanted to do that one. > A halo of bluish light surrounded her, Rick: Man, bad static. > as a ball of ice began forming between her hands.  > > Venus looked away from her battle with Warrior Mars to gaze at the > gathering energy of Mercury's attack. Tsuneo: Training! It's a good idea. > Mars took the opening... Rebecca: Yes, poor Mars. After her series ended, she was reduced to crappy fanfics and supermarket openings to make a living. > "MARS EXPLOSIVE INFERNO!!"  Venus was instantly vaporized in fire. Dan: Woah! That's a bit excessive, ain't it? Rebecca: No. > This only enraged Mercury, whose ice sphere was now huge. Rick: Very nice, but how about you do something with it? > As she released it at Mars, Neo-Jupiter leapt in front of her, Dan: Well, that was smart. > releasing her > own attack.  The two forces collided in a terrific explosion that > engulfed them both. Rebecca: Man, they're dropping like in a Nav fic! > Mars and Warrior Jupiter gazed in horror at the armageddon. Tsuneo: [Mars] That film was so bad. > * * * * * > > Tuxedo Mask leaned heavily against a doorframe.  His fight against > Mistan was not going well. Dan: Every time you kill her, she pops back up again. > He gingerly touched his side, and > grimaced at the warm sticky liquid he felt spreading there. Rebecca: My god! He's wandered into an Issei Mataloun fic! Dan: [Whacks her with a cushion] That is *not* a detail I needed. > His only comfort was that Mistan was doing worse than him. Tsuneo: He had far more fanfics to appear in, but she was a one-shot authour created monster. > She faced him, several feet away, oozing a black substance Rick: Hmm, Diet Coke. > from many wounds. > > "It ends here, do-gooder."  She moved to a ready stance. All: Hooray! > "I beg to differ," the tuxedo-clad man replied. Rebecca: Isn't he the most imposingly menacing figure you've ever seen? Rick: Right up there with the Paisley Avenger. > He began his chi attack, running towards her.  "KAMEN CAAAAANNNNEE..." Dan: I love the way they've remained so faithful to the original series. > Instantly, her clawed hand rushed towards his chest. Tsuneo: Leaving the rest of her behind, clutching the bloody stump. > His eyes > widened as he sank to the ground.  Mistan stood over his prone form. Rick: Everyone will remember where they were and what they were doing the day Tuxedo Mask died. Rebecca: What? Did something just happen? > "Thanks for doing the dirty work. Dan: [Garnetia] I *hate* laundry. > Now die." Tsuneo: Damn, I'll burn you into BBQ chicken! > Garnetia snapped her > fingers.  Instantly Mistan's atoms were simultaneously pulled and > pushed inside-out.  Before the mist creature could utter a cry, she > ceased to exist. Tsuneo: I'm stunned. This fic's best character just got killed by a plot contrivance. > Garnetia retrieved the fragments of the Time Key.  "Now, the power > belongs to me." Rick: But only until the end of the season, when you have to give it up for a stunty freak in a blue costume. > Chapter 31 was submitted by Dan: Rebecca Bartley, no doubt. Rebecca: Nah, that's amateurish. > Zang > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > "... then, she winked out.  We didn't know what to do, Tsuneo: You guys really don't have a clue, do you? Rebecca: Frontal charge across the minefield under cover of daylight into enemy artillery fire. Works for me. > so we came back here." Rick: [Mars] We need someone with brains. Know anyone? > Raye bowed her head. "I'm sorry all I can give is bad news." > > Amy nodded Dan: -Off. > quietly, and swallowed past the lump in her throat.  All the casualties... Voice: And I didn't get to kill off any of them. Rebecca: Diddums. Voice: Well, sorry. But I just saw four of my characters get wasted in one chapter. Rick: Voice? Tell someone who cares. > She shook her head and continued her queries.  "And you, Serena? Dan: [Serena] No, I'm Serena. get it right. > What happened to Venus?" Tsuneo: Still in second orbit around the sun, right where it's meant to be. > "I.. I'm not sure..." Rick: Have you tried behind the couch? When you loose something, it's always there. > The blond girl frantically wrung her hands as > she spoke.  "We were walking, Rebecca: Uh-huh. Sure you were. Dan: Now that's just getting stupid, Rebecca. > an-and then, Sailor Earth was gone. Totally disappeared. Rick: Not there, even. > We couldn't find her anywhere.. at least I couldn't." Rebecca: You couldn't find your ass with a map. Dan: Will you quit riffing the show and just riff the fic, already? > She looked down, conscious of her inability to transform. Rick: She'd lost her little engine figure. Rebecca: Try pressing the white tab. > "Mina-- she went after her.  She said she knew where she was, Tsuneo: Who said who knew where who was? I'd say I'm confused, but I don't really care. > and that I needed to get the doctor. Dan: The script doctor. > So I did, but it's just a healer, because > there aren't any hospitals here, Rick: [Serena] And I'm starting to babble here. > and then you came, and... you said... Rebecca: [Mars] Root me! > and..."  Serena gave in to the tears streaming down her cheeks. > > Lita tried to comfort the crying girl.  "Don't worry, Serena... Dan: [Lita] We'll give him a really first-class funeral. > I- I can't help but think everything will work out somehow." Rick: Oh, sure. If this was a Marvel comic, it would all be ret- conned out of existance in a couple of years. Tsuneo: Okay, I think I've spotted our target company for today's viewing. > Her attempt at a cheery smile left much to be desired. Rick: You have now entered... the prozac zone! > "Bu-but.. you don't understand!" Rebecca: No-one can understand that dialogue. > she sobbed.  "I.. I'm supposed to lead...  Tsuneo: Which you're bloody worthless at anyway. Dan: Excuse me? Tsuneo: Sorry. > I should be able to stop these things... but I can't... I'm > worthless..." Rick: No collectable value at all. > She buried her face in Jupiter's Rebecca: Cleavage. Dan: Aw, I wanted to first. > shoulder. > > "Serena..." > > "Quit your blubbering." Tsuneo: But we only catch those whales for scientific purposes! Rebecca: That's really sick coming out of you. Tsuneo: Hey, it's a clinically controlled experiment on just how far we can push the international community. > The sharp voice belonged to the woman who > appeared twenty or so feet in the air. Dan: [Garnetia] Aaahhh... SPLAT! Rick: Don't you hate it when you mess up a teleport spell? > She floated softly to the > ground.  "Sorry for interrupting your soap opera, but I have little > patience for melodrama." All: Join the club. > "Garnetia..." > > "The one and only," she commented, giving a little bow. Rick: So she doesn't come in six-packs. > --------- > > Garnetia held the pieces of the Time Key in her hand. Dan: [Garnetia] I've finally got the whole set! > The Sailor Warriors looked at her with dread. Mercury stepped forward. Tsuneo: Never mind blasting her to pieces there and then. > Garnetia mockingly regarded her.  "Too bad your powers are worthless > Mercury, you can't harm me. Rick: Now that is straight from "famous last words 101." > Now watch this." Dan: Watch as, told they're useless, they don't even make an effort! > She levitated the > Pieces in front of her, then cast a spell that wreathed them in > flames. The Warriors gasped, terrified that the Key would melt. After > a few seconds, Rick: It was cooked to a golden brown. > Garnetia stopped her flames, and the rod clattered to > the ground.  It was unharmed.  The dark magess Tsuneo: Magess? > scowled, and pulled out > her dagger.  She threw it into the ground next to the rod. Rebecca: I see her aim's improving. > Dark > Energy crackled around the weapon, but the Key was unharmed. Garnetia > reached for the rod, but Mercury put her foot on it. Rick: That's it, girl! Put your foot down. > Garnetia smiled to herself and took the dagger, and stood up.  The > Warrior and Magess looked each other in the eye. Tsuneo: Fortunately, Garnetia was kneeling and Mercury was standing on a box. > Garnetia shrugged, > "Sorry."  She plunged the dagger into Mercury's heart. Rebecca: That's one mighty long dagger to get past all that cleavage. Dan: Jealous? > Mercury stared at the weapon, then fell backwards. Rick: [Mercury, monotone] If I die, there will always be someone to replace me. Tsuneo: That does it! [Tsuneo leaps off the couch and decks Rick.] Tsuneo: Never, EVER compare EVA to this trash again! Dan: Hey! [Dan leaps up and tackles Tsuneo. The three of them brawl for a while.] Rebecca: Well, score one to Garnetia. Voice: Would you mind, Rebecca? Rebecca: actually, I'm quite enjoying this. It's better than the fic. Voice: [Sigh] Please? The fic's paused until they stop, and you've got to watch it anyway. Rebecca: Oh, alright. [Rebecca gets up and kicks the three of them.] Rebecca: Now get back there and riff! Rick: [Scared] Yes ma'am! [They stand and resume their places, glaring at each other. The fic resumes.] > Garnetia gestured and the life energy of Mercury formed a blue globe in > her hand. Dan: Watch in awe as Garnetia's powers are magnified! Tsuneo: By the miracles of plot contrivances! > "If fire doesn't work, then how about-" Dan: Yelling at it? Rick: Budanskiesque logic? Rebecca: A plot contrivance? Tsuneo: Jumping on it? Dan: Hey, if she can just out and disintegrate Mistan, why can't she do the same to the key? Rick: Budanskiesque logic. > The Water Power of Mercury's lifeforce flowed into the Key.  It froze and > shattered. Tsuneo: Ah, it wouldn't actually shatter until you... oh, never mind. > The remaining Warriors stared with fear and terror. Rebecca: Fat lot of good you guys did. > Their friend was dead, and their way back shattered into shards of ice. Dan: And they hadn't had a good burger for weeks. > Chapter 32 was submitted by Double E, and Silver. Tsuneo: And Brett Handy, apparently. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > Sailor Earth woke up to a feeling of dread. Dan: She could swear she'd heard the theme from "Stop the Pigeon" in the distance. > She tried to sit up but she realized that she was tied up. Tsuneo: Displaying marvellous observational skills. Rebecca: And the funny thing was, she liked it. > Her arms felt numb from lack of circulation. Rick: My brain is feeling numb from the excess of fanfic. > She felt something over her mouth so she couldn't yell for help. > > "Hello, dear daughter," said the evil Sailor Moon. Tsuneo: Right up there on great villains of all time with Barney, the Angry Red Herring and Dr. Miriam. > She kicked Celeste > in the stomach.  The poor scout could only wince at the pain.  "I see > that you're awake. Rick: [Grunge Moon] Because it's time to die. > Ready to die?" Rebecca: Ooh, good call. > she asked maliciously.  The mohawked > woman raised her hands to the young scout.  Dark lightning crackled > around her hands, Dan: [Emporer] So be it, Jedi. > all of her dark power aimed at Sailor Earth. Rebecca: Hooray! It's national "Beat up Sailor Scouts" day! > Sure that it was over, Sailor Earth closed her eyes.  'I love you, > Daddy,' she whispered mentally. Tsuneo: Urgh. I may puke. > "Good-bye, pesky scout!" Rick: Which pesky scout? Be more specific. > Her dark power slammed into Sailor Earth. Rebecca: Killing her instantly. The end. > "VENUS!  SUNBURST SLAM!" Tsuneo: BRETT HANDY PUNCTUATION STRIKE! > From one side ran Warrior Venus as she used > her weapon's power on the evil Sailor Moon. Rick: I bet she's been wanting to do that for ages. > Once she was thrown over a few trees, Dan: [Garnetia] Team Dark Moon's blasting off again! > Warrior Venus ran over Rebecca: Sailor Grunge Moon in a truck. Rick: Watch it. You're getting too dark. Rebecca: You didn't read chapters 21 to 30. > to Sailor Earth.  > "CELESTE!" she cried fearfully.  She quickly untied the limp scout.  Dan: Lame scout is more like it. > "Mina?" Rick: [Mina] No, Gabrielle. Tsuneo: Maybe Seung Mina. Please? > Celeste whispered as she opened her eyes.  Once she moved her > arms, she knew what had happened.  "We have to get back!" Rebecca: [Sailor Earth] South Park's on! > "Easy, Cel.  You're hurt, remember?" Dan: [Sailor Earth] Oh, gee, I just forgot that I've been kicked in the ribs a few times. Rick: Perfect qualification for a mobile infantryman. > "Doesn't matter!" Tsuneo: When you look at it, does anything really matter? > cried Sailor Earth as she got up slowly.  "We have to stop her now!" > > "Who!?" Rick: Tina! > "GARNETIA!" Rebecca: You mean the one you just punted into orbit? > Sailor Earth closed her eyes and cupped her hands over her heart. Tsuneo: RUN! She's gonna start singing! > "How?" asked Mina, who was truly confused. Rick: It's not hard. Dan: Hey! Er, actually, it *is* Mina... > "With this."  Sailor Earth glowed for a few seconds and then > something fell from her body Rick: I don't want to know where that came from. Rebecca: Oh look. It's the Holy materia. > and into her hands.  "My friend said I could only use this Rebecca: After you go to the city of ancients and pray real hard. > if it got serious." > > Mina gasped.  It was the Silver Imperium Tsuneo: -Plot Device! > Crystal!  "Wha-?  How-!?" Dan: Uh, yeah. I'd love to know, too. > "I was born with it. Rick: That could have been very painful for your mum. Dan: Does anyone here remember that she wasn't born so much as removed? Rebecca: No. Especially not the authours. > I don't know why Rick: Neither do we. Really. Dan: Hear that? It's a thousand Sailor Moon fans screaming in agony. > but I'm glad that I have it!" Dan: And not Star Mech. Tsuneo: Or Soundwave. > Sailor Earth started to run back to the HQ of the Resistance. > Warrior Venus was close behind her. > > "Where...who's this friend that you keep talking about?" asked Mina. > > "The one friend that I had died in the time warp getting her.  My > Aunt Mercury." Rick: Well, given that she's just died, it kinda wrecks things. Rebecca: "Aunt" Mercury? Is there something she's not telling us? > Mina was stunned. Rebecca: I thought that was her natural state. Dan: Watch it. > * * * * * > > One of the things Garnetia and Rubeus shared as brother and sister Rebecca: [Pause] Oh, yuck! Dan: Heh, heh. Rick: -Was a few girlfriends. Dan: Aargh! > was the ability to teleport to each other's location. Tsuneo: And another amazing plot contrivance power, folks. > While this sometimes led to embarassing situations, Rick: And sharing of girlfriends. Dan: Of course, it would *help* to *check* where they are first, so you don't catch Rubeus on the crapper for the 89th time. > there was no more convenient way to keep in contact. Tsuneo: You know, it doesn't hurt to right every now and then. > After effectively crippling the Warrior Scouts, Rebecca: The Tonya Harding method works best. > Garnetia decided to use this power to check up on her little > brother. Dan: Let's see how much we can use this to embarass Rubeus. Rick: Um, excuse me. Question! Dan: Okay. Pause! [The fanfic pauses] What is it? Rick: If Garnetia can do that, why, when Rubeus had her exiled into outer space, didn't she just teleport back? Dan: Umm... range limitations? Tsuneo: She just didn't think of it? Rebecca: He was having a really *huge* dump? Rick: Oh, yuck. Fair enough. [The fanfic restarts.] > * * * > > Rubeus squirmed under Wiseman's Rebecca: -Rear end. Dan: Sick! [Clobbers her with a cushion] > piercing gaze.  "I'm at a loss for > what to do with her.  She's so powerful... and reckless. Dan: [Rubeus, whimpering] And big and scary! > Luckily we have a truce..." Rick: Yeah, but so did the Serbs and Bosnians. Rebecca: So that's what you call your whimpering and pleading. > I told you to get rid of her a long time ago.  Why does Garnetia > still live?" Wiseman asked in an angry tone. Tsuneo: So why didn't you just kill her, rather than exiling her? Dan: Yeah, wise-ass. Rick: Because. Tsuneo: Eh? Rick: The plot stopped him. Tsuneo: That is so lame- Rick: That normally only Marvel uses it. Rebecca: Or James Bond movies. > He clenched his withered fist. Rick: Oh, look, it's Mr. Burns. > "...  She's my sister.  I don't like her either, but I don't want to > kill her..." Dan: That's no excuse. Rebecca: Dan, not everyone has a family as warped as yours. Tsuneo: By the way, Rebecca, what precisely did you say you got for your fourteenth birthday? Rebecca: ... > Rubeus apologized. > > "Look, who's making the rules here?? Tsuneo: [Wiseman] And why do I have this extra question mark? > I want her ELIMINATED!! Rick: Killed even. > And I want it NOW!!" the Wiseman shouted. Rebecca: Quit whining, you brat. > "As a wise earth man once said, you can't always get what you want!" Dan: [Wiseman] Yeah, but I am the Wiseman! Rick: He's got you there. > a cold voice replied. Tsuneo: [Voice] I'm freezing in here! Rebecca: And no prizes for guessing who this is... > Garnetia stepped out from behind a pillar. > > "Garnetia?!" Rubeus gasped. Rick: [Garnetia] No, I'm a frost-free fridge. Dan: No, it looks more like Jessie. Others: Uh? Dan: You know, from Pokemon. Tsuneo: I can't believe you watch that. Dan: It's fun! Rebecca: Kill it! > She stared at her brother, who guiltily rose from his humble stance > in front of Wiseman. Rebecca: [Breaks down laughing] Tsuneo: My god. I've been scarred for life. > "Well brother, it's been a whole two days > before you betrayed me. Dan: [Pained] How does she figure that it's been three days since... oh, forget it. > That must be a new world record."  As > Rubeus opened his mouth to reply, Garnetia held out her hand. Rick: [Garnetia] Keys? > Rubeus's body instantly came to a stop. Tsuneo: He'd wound down, and you need to turn the key a few more times. Rick: She really should upgrade to an electric one. > "I'll deal with you later." Rebecca: In the way you always deal with these things. > Garnetia turned to Wiseman. Rick: So she knows transformation magic too? > "As for you, old man..."  She walked to the huddled mass of robes. Dan: How did that Jawa get in there? > "I want to see your face before I kill > you."  She pulled off the hood of his cape to reveal... All: Molly! > Nothing. > > "WHAT?!"  Garnetia pulled off the remainder of his robes, Rick: Uh, Garnetia, you may not want to do that... Rebecca: And thus discovering where her underwear vanished to. > finding nothing as well. Blackarachnia: [Voice over] Negative Zero, even. All: Huh? Voice: Got to get that damn thing fixed... > "What the hell...  What kind of twisted, cruel trick are you trying > to pull?" Garnetia asked, glaring at Rubeus. Dan: Why are you blaming him? He cvan't pick his nose without assistance. Rick: It's her standard routine. Rebecca: Say, I thought *I* wasn't meant to riff the characters. Dan: It's Rubeus. Rebecca: Natch. > A deep chuckling echoed around the chamber.  "Foolish girl!  I know > about your ability to find Rubeus, and exactly how powerful you are. > I didn't get to be this age by acting stupid!" Rebecca: You've got Rubeus to do that for you. > The Wiseman appeared at the other side of the room. > > Garnetia whirled towards him, Rick: So she's an expert ballroom dancer too. > a dangerous smile on her face.  "It's > time for you to step down as head of the Dark Moon.  If you won't > make me your successor, I'll destroy you-- the outcome is all the same." > > Wiseman's tone turned dark.  "At one time your rebelliousness was > amusing, but that time is long gone. Tsuneo: Is this rebellion? It is! Kill! > I will grant you the chance to > defeat me-- but I don't think you'll like the odds." Dan: [Garnetia] Ha! I laugh in the face of danger! Ha ha ha! > Out of the corners > of the room gathered a group of Wisemen, ringing Garnetia from all sides. Rick: Wouldn't the fact that they're ringing her imply that it's from all sides? > She tossed her head.  "Spare me these parlor tricks. Rebecca: [Garnetia] Do you do birthdays? > You're on." > > Chapter 33 was submitted by Malaur, and Adam. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > Garnetia immediately charged Rick: That card of hers gets so much use. > at the true Wiseman, black blade held over her head. Tsuneo: Hey, where's that come from? Rebecca: Probably pulled it out of a plot hole. > The Wiseman simply stood at the end of the hall, his > reflections motionless as he was. Dan: That's because they're reflections. > She swung the sword down and cleaved > straight through him... leaving an empty robe once more. Rick: That's not Wiseman! It's Obi-Wan Kenobi! > "Curses!" she yelled as she spun around.  The other reflections had > faded-- save for one behind her and to her left.  It extended its > withered arm and let out a huge wave of energy. All: [Do a mexican wave] > Garnetia was picked up Rebecca: [Garnetia] Fine, but I don't kiss on the first date. > and thrown across the room, slamming into the opposite wall. All: TOGG! > "Are you finished with this futile little display?" Tsuneo: No, there's about another six chapters to go. > he said, voice > rasping.  A sudden cough had him bent over, wracked with pain. > > Garnetia used her chance.  As she rose, she teleported straight over to > him, bringing her sword across in a double-handed arc, Tsuneo: I'll cut your fats out, don't you believe it? > aimed at removing his head. Rick: And thus garunteeing him a role in "X the Movie." > The blade slowed, as if moving through molasses, and > stopped altogether an inch from his hood. Dan: [Garnetia] Out of gas, and at a time like this! > The Wiseman raised his hand and fired another blast, but this time > Garnetia was prepared. Rebecca: She got lunch ready well before the visitors arrived. > Pushing her skills to the limit, she vanished as > soon as he fired the blast, and reappeared in front of him. Tsuneo: Wasn't she in front of him before? Dan: Hey... yeah! So she teleported away from the blast to the same location in its path? Rick: Looks that way. > She lashed out with a foot, catching her adversary in Rebecca: A very, *very* painfull area. > the stomach and knocking the wind out of him. > > "And now... we shall see under that robe of yours." All: It's a new car! > She grasped the > hood of the stunned Wiseman and yanked it back.  Her eyes grew large > with surprise, Dan: Judging by her intro, that's rather difficult. > and her jaw hung open at what she saw.  Gibbering and > muttering to herself, she collapsed to her knees, clutching her head and > trying desperately to understand what was happening. Tsuneo: It's a crappy fanfic. You've just got to live with it. > Under the hood, wizened, white-haired, laced with scars and with both > eyesockets empty save for a blinding white brilliance, was the face of All: [Singing] -The face of my Hibachi dealer who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me- Voice: Stop that! > her brother Rubeus. Rick: Welcome to Star Trek writing 101: Paradoxes made easy. All: [Singing] Everything you know is wrong! > * * * * * > > "Mercury? I don't get it!" Rebecca: No, but Mercury did get it. > wheezed Warrior Venus as she tried to keep up with Celeste. Rick: Better lay off the donuts, kid. > Sailor Earth stopped running so Mina could catch her breath.  "Look, when > I ended up about a decade into the future, I was about six years old. Dan: About? Isn't this one of those things you should know? > Lady Mercury found me and raised me as her own.  She taught me how to > fight Dan: Mercury teaching someone how to fight? That's like... it's like... hell, I don't know what it's like. > and use my powers as Sailor Earth. Rebecca: Ah, just read Neo-Scouts for that. Tsuneo: And that's meant to teach you? Rebecca: Point. > She and I were the last of the > Scouts so we were the only ones to stop Garnetia. Rick: You're doomed. > Problem was, we didn't have the power needed. Dan: But... you've got the... Ouch. > So Aunt Mercury and I traveled to the past.  But > Garnetia found out and killed Aunt Mercury Rebecca: Boy, Mercury, it really sucks to be you. > before we could get here." > Celeste wiped away her tears that fell from her cheek. Rick: Is it just me, or did that last paragraph make absolutely no sense whatsoever? Rebecca: You're right. > "I had no idea-" began Venus. Rebecca: You- Dan: Let's just leave that out, okay? > "Don't.  Let's just make sure that her death wasn't in vain." Dan: Of course, when you find out she's just died in there, thus invalidating your whole existance... > The two > girls ran to Resistance Headquarters. But the tears continued to fall > from Celeste. > > "AMY!" cried Serena as she held Warrior Mercury's limp body.  "Why? > WHY!?" she wailed angrily. Rick: [Serena] Oh, my sis Amy! My sis, my sis, Amy! Would god I had died for ya, my sis, my sis, Amy! Who has mortally wounded my blue-haired, socially inept, nerdy, Rei Ayanami or possibly Umi whatsername wannabe sis? WHO? Tsuneo: Ladies and gentlemen, the Rick-gets-hit-over-the-head sketch. [He whacks Rick with a cushion.] > Sailor Time was crying too, now that Cyllene had died moments ago. Rebecca: Remind me, who was Cyllene again? And do I care? Dan: A) she's one of the resistance heads who was found injured in a previous chapter that everyone else forgot about, and B) no. > She > didn't know what to do anymore.  "I don't want to be a Scout anymore," > she whispered. Rick: [Sailor Time] I want to be... a lumberjack! > "You won't have to," said Celeste as she and Mina returned. > > "AMY!" All: ADRIAN! > yelled Mina, horrified.  She ran to Serena.  "What happened!?  It > wasn't supposed to be like this!" Rebecca: [Mina] We were gonna get married! > "Garnetia killed her. Dan: [Serena] And we didn't even do a thing! > Now, our Time Key is gone and we can't get home!" whimpered Serena. Rick: [Serena] We don't even have enough money for the bus. > "Maybe you still can," whispered Celeste as she held the Silver Crystal > in her hands.  "This will fix everything." Tsuneo: Of course! Your friend's dead, you're way home's destroyed, the villains are winning and characters are dropping like flies, but as long as you've got the plot contrivance crystal, everything's going to be fine! Others: [Applaud] > Chapter 34 was submitted by Jinas Dan: Just keep digging that hole, boss. > and Malaur. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > "The Imperium Silver Crystal..." Rebecca: Whoop-de-shit. > They all gazed at the glittering rock, troubles momentarily forgotten. Rick: How much do you reckon we could flog it for? > Finally, Serena broke the silence. Rebecca: [Belches] Pardon. > "Does it work? Dan: No, the batteries are flat. > Mine..."  She pulled > her own crystal from its locket.  It had a marked lack of shimmer. Set > next to Celeste's, it was like a cubic zirconia versus a real diamond. > > Celeste blushed.  "I don't know.  I've never used it... I'm not quite > sure how to. Tsuneo: Uh, hello? Hello? I thought her Aunt Mercury told her and eveything? Hello? > I was told only to use it in the most dire of emergencies... Rick: In case of Barney, use crystal. > I think this counts..." She trailed off, eyes listless. > > * * * > > Wiseman gave a patronizing half smile.  "Well, sister? Tsuneo: [Wiseman] Confused yet? > Are you satisfied? Rebecca: [Breaks up laughing] This is too easy! Dan: [Garnetia] No! I want my money back! > I've always told you your ambition would get you into trouble." Rick: Like, say, getting-shot-into-space-in-a-tiny-capsule trouble? Dan: Or being-forced-to-watch-crappy-fanfics trouble? Tsuneo: Coming soon: Mystery Dark Moon Theater 3000! Rebecca: Watch it. Someone might just do it... > He chuckled at her wild attempts to put her confusion into words.  > > "But... but..."  Garnetia's mind was reeling.  Her little brother was > plotting against her with Wiseman, who was... her little brother...?! Rick: It makes no sense! Chewbacca is a wookie, but he lives on Endor. None of it makes any sense! Thus, if Chewbacca is a wookie, Rubeus must be the Wiseman. Dan: That about sums it up. > She threw a furious look at Rubeus. Rebecca: Who caught it and threw it back. > "This is all your fault!!  You knew!" Dan: [Laughing] I love it! First sign of trouble, blame your brother! Rebecca: Obviously you're speaking from experience. > The red-haired man held up his hands in innocence. Rick: [Rubeus] I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything. > He approached > Wiseman with a look of surprised wonder.  "It really... you're me." Rebecca: [Rubeus] Does this mean all these years I've been banging myself? Dan: BAD! [Hits her with a cushion] BAD! [Hits her with a cushion] Bad girl! Rebecca: I don't care! It was worth it! [Dan keeps hitting her] Rick: Oh, just get a room, you two. [They both stop, and look embarassed] > Wiseman hmphed.  "Why do you think I never killed you, despite all > your mistakes?"  He sighed.  "This opens us to all kinds of paradoxes--" > > "Paradoxes?" Rubeus asked.  "What sort of consequences?" > > The ancient man coughed shallowly before continuing.  "Well, the time > stream isn't meant to have multiple versions of the same person. Tsuneo: Never mind that that's what half this fanfic is about. > One of us is likely to end up going insane. Rick: Well, there's not much worry of that. > Since I'm used to this, it'll probably be you." Dan: [Cartman] God, damn you suck, Rubeus. > He smiled at Rubeus's horrified look.  "Calm > down, this is bad, but nothing I haven't planned for. Tsuneo: Nothing you haven't... Ye gods, he's thought of everything! Rick: But has he thought of Aardvarks? Others: What? Rick: Never mind. > Where is the Time Key?" > > Garnetia grinned, getting to her feet.  "It's been destroyed. Dan: Let's see ya plan for that. Rebecca: No-one could plan for the incompetence of the wonder twins here. > Those > silly Scouts won't be returning to the past, and neither will you!" Tsuneo: Well done, Garnetia. You've just totally screwed up the entire space-time continuum. Do you have anything to say for yourself? > Her wild laugh Dan: Ye gods, she's as bad as Zoicite. > was cut off as a clawed hand of force slammed her into the wall. Rick: That's gonna leave a mark. > "You what?!" Rebecca: She said... Tsuneo: Don't. > All trace of feebleness was gone from Wiseman's voice. > "I should kill you..." All: Do it! Do it! Do it! > The hand tightened around Garnetia's neck. > She gasped, finding it hard to breathe. Tsuneo: Yes, that's the general effect he was looking for. > "Stop it," Rubeus cried. Rick: [Rubeus, whiny] You big meanie! > "Don't-- I..."  He trailed off at the feral > look Wiseman turned towards him. Dan: Um... Anyone care for a shot at that one? > "You...  You still have the piece of the Time Key from all those years > ago..." Rick: And you only just thought of that? Man, these guys are lame! > Without releasing Garnetia, he approached Rubeus, eyesockets > glinting red. All: [Zombies] Pink... eye! > "Give it to me," he growled. Tsuneo: [Wiseman] Please? I'll be good! > "..help me..." his sister gasped, her struggles becoming weaker. Rebecca: Better yet: Don't. > Rubeus backed away, searching for an answer.  Garnetia had been ready > to kill him just moments ago. Plus, he wasn't sure he could defeat > Wiseman in a fair fight-- and it was assured the battle would be tipped > in his favor.  However, appeasing Wiseman didn't seem a much better > alternative.  Once he had the Time Key piece, he'd probably kill both > him and Garnetia... maybe worse. Rebecca: No, I think killing both of you is worse. Tsuneo: Does anyone want to point out to poor Rubeus here that the Wiseman has a vested interest in keeping him alive? Rick: Does anyone want to point out that Rubeus would be better off without Garnetia? Dan: You mean back to his original incompetence, rather than his new-found incompetence? Rick: Kill him! Kill him! > Rubeus chose the best alternative of the two people depending on him. > He fled. All: [Singing] Brave sir Robin ran away! Bravely ran away, away! When danger reared it's ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. > With a slight wind, he was gone. Rebecca: [Blows rasberry] Rick: And then the Breezeforce come rushing to the rescue! Rebecca: Except all their arms fell off. Dan & Tsuneo: Huh? Rick: Never mind. > "Damn," Wiseman commented.  But this proved one thing-- Rebecca: Rubeus has a yellow stripe down his back. Dan: And a yellow patch in his trousers. > Rubeus still > had the Key piece.  He'd have to be found.  And for that, he'd need her. Rick: Idiocy loves company. > He released Garnetia, letting her slide to the floor.  Eventually, she > drew a shallow, ragged breath. Tsuneo: So she's choked half to death, then holds her breath for a while? > Perfect.  "Now you'll listen to me," he > addressed the prone woman.  He placed a hand on her forehead and began > weaving the spell. Rick: He's doing the Vulcan mind meld! > * * * > > He felt a presence. Rebecca: A soft and squeezy kind of presence. Dan: I thought we used up all our "soft and squeezy" jokes in part 3. > Quickly, Wiseman replaced his hood. Rick: This one was too worn out. and besides which, he preferred it in plaid. > "Who enters > unbidden?"  He heard a noise behind him.  It was that worthless servant, > Sailor Moon. Rebecca: How did he guess? Tsuneo: Probably the stifling aura of cute in the room. > "What?" he barked, not turning.  But something felt wrong. > He turned to see the mohawked girl fall face-first ot the floor. Rebecca: Hooray! Let's hope it's fatal. > Standing behind her was a girl in a pink sailor fuku. Tsuneo: Speaking of a stifling aura of cute... Rebecca: I'll get the shotgun. Dan: This is the grown-up P.H.M.F. She can't be nearly as bad. Rebecca: So? > "I am Sailor Little Moon!" Dan: Which is about the worst translation you could make of her name. Rebecca: [Whacks Dan with a cushion] Shut up, Dan. Rick: I suppose we should brace for another pointless "in the name of the moon" speech about now. > she cried.  "I will right wrongs, and triumph > over evil!  For the awful things you've done to my family and this world, > that most definitely means you!" Tsuneo: [Bored] Wow. I am truly terrified. > She struck a fierce pose. Rebecca: And be ready to at all times gratuitously pose up a storm! > Wheezing, breathless laughter filled the room.  "Do you want to fight, > little girl?  I'm afraid you're a little out of your league." Rick: This should be fun! > Little Moon replied with a tiara attack. Dan: [Director] Cut! No, no, no, you've got to call it out first! > It whirled through the chamber > and hit Wiseman, trapping him in a ring of pink energy.  "That's for > murdering my father!" she cried tearfully. Tsuneo: [Little Moon] You nasty, nasty person! > "Oh, but you're mistaken.  I didn't kill your father. Rick: [Wiseman] You see... I am your father! > However, I'll be happy to do you and your mother instead." Rebecca: Now that is just off! Dan: And that's rich, coming from you. Rebecca: It's referring to the pink-haired mutie freak. Dan: [Pause] AACK! Bad mental image... won't go away! > Wiseman began to glow with > dark energy.  He was quickly free, Little Moon's tiara lying broken on > the floor. Rick: I always knew it was plastic. > "Now, get ready for a family reunion..." Dan: [Wiseman] 'Cause you're going to hell! > Lances of dark energy sprang from his hands, piercing both Little Moon > and the mohawked woman.  As the last vestiges of life began to drain out > of Little Moon's body, Rebecca & Rick: Yahoo! [Cheer] Tsuneo: About time, too. > Wiseman paused.  Here was his chance to finally > rid himself of the Crystal Child-- Sailor Earth.  This girl would be the > perfect bait. Dan: Nope, no. She's not dead yet. Rick: Ah, what? Ripped off! Rebecca: Yeah! How about ripping some things off her? Starting with her head. > * * * > > Sailor Earth blanched.  "It's my sister... she's in danger-- I can feel > it!" Rebecca: [Mina] Do you mind, Celeste? > "I feel it too," Raye nodded. Rebecca: [Raye] A definite presence... around my rear end. > "I'd wondered where she'd run off to... Rick: Hopefully the minefield. Voice: Do you guys want to get any more tasteless? Rebecca: I'm not started yet. > From the amount of evil around her, she must've been captured by the Dark > Moon. Rick: Hmm... close enough. > Serena clenched her fists.  "We'll go save her.  We can't afford to lose > anyone else. Tsuneo: Which is why you're going to run at their heavily guarded fortress to save her. > If Garnetia or Rubeus has her-" Rick: They can keep her. Dan: Finished yet? > "No."  Sailor Time sat motionless, eyes glassy. Dan: [Sailor Time] Wow. This is so trippy, man. > "Rubeus is with the Time Key." > > "But the Time Key was destroyed!" Mina protested. Tsuneo: Well yeah. That kinda throws a spanner in your vision. > "Most of it, not all," Time continued. Dan: But... she had it all... assembled... ouch. > "Rubeus posesses it.  And he is alone." Rebecca: There is no-one behind the grassy knoll. Really. > Sailor Time stood.  "I've never sensed this before.  I need to > find the Time Key while I can still feel it." > > For the first time since Mercury's death, Lita spoke. Dan: Well you've really done a lot for this fic, haven't you? > "We should split into groups. Tsuneo: [Lita] So we can get picked off more easily. > I'll go with Rini... Rebecca: Girl, you are really desparate. [Dan whacks her with a cushion.] > Amy died for the Time Key; I won't give it up." Tsuneo: No, she died to destroy it. I thought you were there. > "Then I'll go with Celeste," Raye replied.  "I couldn't save Amy. Dan: Maybe if you had, say... ACTUALLY TRIED TO DO SOMETHING INSTEAD OF STANDING AROUND LIKE A LUMP! > Maybe I can save Little Moon." Rick: Question is: Do you want to? Tsuneo: Question is: Do we care? > "All right," Serena said, assuming a leadership position. Dan: Alright, first one to say "assume the position" gets it! [Dead silence. They all look at each other] Voice: Assume the position... [Rebecca, Rick and Tsuneo burst out laughing.] Dan: Ah, god dammit! > "Let's keep in touch. Rick: With Telstra easycall direct. > If anyone gets lost or > separated and can't use their communicator, come back here."  Tsuneo: A line that stinks of a setup that will no doubt be completely ignored. > She softened. "I... I want to see you all back here.  Be careful..." Rick: Don't accept any wooden Indians. > "Let's move out!" Serena, Sailor Earth and Mars traveled east to where > Sailor Little Moon was captured, while Time, Jupiter and Venus moved south Dan: For the winter. > to Rubeus and the Time Key piece. > > * * * > > "Master, it's begun," Rebecca: Actually, this is chapter 35 which means it's nearly over! All: [Cheer] > Garnetia said in a dull, emotionless voice. Rick: I see Garnetia went to the Kurt Russel school of acting. Rebecca: Let's not mention that film again, okay? I still get nightmares about those parking meters. > "Of course," Wiseman said.  "All according to plan.  Soon the Scouts will > be dead, and the Key-- and the Imperium Silver Crystal-- will be mine." Dan: You think you could manage to have any worse stock villain dialogue? > Chapter 35 was submitted by Double E. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > "The Time Key is here... I can feel it..." Rick: Okay, that does it! No more star Wars references! > said Sailor Time. "I think it's > in this building." She pointed at and old house and the group cautiously > entered. Dan: Oh, look. It's the opening to Scooby Doo. > "Let's split up, Rick: [Bill Murray] We can do more damage that way. > and if anyone finds it or gets into trouble just beep > everyone on the communicator, ok?" Tsuneo: Is that a set-up line, or what. > suggested Venus. Jupiter and Time agreed > and went off into different directions. > > Sailor Time was about to enter a room when she heard mumbling. "Wait, > there's someone in there... should I warn the others?" Dan: [Sailor Time] Nah, I'll just walk in there and get killed by myself. > she thought. She fingered her Rebecca: Time for that later, girl. > communicator nervously. She quietly entered the room. In the far corner, a > figure was sitting down hugging his knees and rocking slowly back and forth. > She took a step in the room and the old floor boards creaked. Tsuneo: Then to the left five steps, up nine steps, left two steps and up six steps. Others: Huh? Tsuneo: Forget it. > Startled, the > man looked up and looked back down. Sailor Time whispered in shock as she > recognized him. "Rubeus?!?!" Rick: There's an awful lot of him going around. > *** > > The Dark Tower loomed ahead Dan: Oh, god, we're not starting *that* again! > as Sailor Warrior Mars, Sailor Earth, and Serena approached. > > "Why am I here? Rebecca: Why are any of us here? When you think about it- Tsuneo: Oh, shut up. > I have no powers, my crystal is dead, I'm useless." Rebecca: And I don't think you'll get any arguments there. Rick: She could whine someone to death. > Serena thought to herself. > > All of a sudden, a strong wind rose Dan: Gotta cut off those beans. > and a black figure appeared in front of them. Tsuneo: It's Darkwind! > "Garnetia!!" shouted Sailor Earth, surprised. Dan: Ah, close enough. Big, dumb and evil. > "My master wishes for your crystal..." said Garnetia without emotion. Rebecca: Garnetia auditioned for the part of Borg 36 of D, but was rejected on the grounds of having too much personality. > "I don't think so! Your evil days are over!" Dan: [Mars] From now on, you're going to work night shifts. > yelled Mars as she charged > Garnetia. Garnetia glanced at her and Mars was thrown back colliding into > Serena. They both fell unconscious on the ground. Rick: Well that was quick. Tsuneo: Yep, she's really gonna give up being evil after that impressive display. > "Earth Spririt Bomb!!" Tsuneo: CRAZY GRAVITY MAGIC CD RACK ATTACK! > Earth quickly shouted while Garnetia was distracted by Mars. Rebecca: That short skirt got their attention every time. Dan: She's wearing armour now. Tsuneo: So was Jupiter. Dan: Natch. > Unfortunately, Garnetia recovered fast and jumped out of the way > of the yellowish balls of energy. She formed a black dagger in her hand > and threw it at Earth. Earth tried dodge but wasn't fast enough and the > dagger embedded itself in her shoulder. Rebecca: That aught to kill her! Rick: I refuse to rise to that. > Sailor Earth grunted in pain and grabbed her shoulder. Black energy rose > around Garnetia and she pointed at Earth. Lightning shot out of her finger > and hit the dagger. Earth screamed and collapsed to the ground. Energy > began flowing out of Earth, and a point of light appeared in her chest. Tsuneo: So... she's gonna colapse into a black hole like the Bobbi golem did? > "Now the crystal is ours..." droned Garnetia. All: [Monotone] Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha. Rick: I've already done that Kurt Russel one, haven't I? Others: Yes. Rick: How about the one about the parking meters? Others: Did that. > The light grew larger until > the Imperium Silver Crystal was fully formed. It began to float towards > Garnetia. > > "NOOOOOOOOO!" Rebecca: [BW Megatron] Yesss. > cried Serena and she threw a rock at Garnetia. Tsuneo: That's *really* gonna work. > Distracted, Garnetia let the crystal fall to the ground in front of Earth. Tsuneo: I... I... I don't believe it. Rick: Fortunately Garnetia is a total yutz. > Serena > ran towards the crystal and picked it up. "Now it's my turn, MOON > CRYSTAL MASAMUNE POWER!!" Tsuneo: BIG EYES AND SPEED LINES! SHORT SKIRTS AND LONG LEGS! Others: WHAT? Tsuneo: I've been waiting all fic for that. > In a flash of light, her transformation began. Rick: And the audience went to sleep. Dan: Not this audience. Rebecca: [Hits Dan with a cushion] You're terrible. > Chapter 36 was submitted by Zang. Tsuneo: Zang here is *really* piling up the offences. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > A golden circle etched in the ground around Sailor Moon, Rick: So... she's gonna turn into Dark Schneider? Rebecca: Actually, that wouldn't be too bad. Dan: Rebecca, you're drooling. Tsuneo: He could make a great impact on this fic. Rebecca: Preferably with the Megadeath. > and then suddenly flared up into a brilliant tower of light. Rick: And now it's Beast Wars, I guess. Tsuneo: I wonder if it's gonna turn into a dimension? > Inside, the silhoutte of Sailor > Moon levitated off the ground and she began to glow. Rebecca: Her head spinning and vomit flying everywhere. > Millions of white, gold, > and red ribbons flew out from her silver crystal and surrounded her. Rick: My god! She's stumbled into the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade! > They > hardened into a crystal breast plate with matching greaves and gauntlets. Tsuneo: Now is it just me, or does that sound really, really stupid? Dan: I don't mind. > A tabard with a crescent moon symbol unfurled over her armor. Dan: Ah, god dammit. > A golden tiara formed on her forehead with Tsuneo: A big "G" and a "13" emblazoned upon it. > another crescent moon in the center. In > her right hand, energy gathered and formed into a beautiful massive blade. Dan: What is this, Sailor Moon or Rayearth? > "I am Sailor Warrior Moon!" she cried. Rebecca: Hold it! Time for a refreshing pose break everyone! Tsuneo: Ta-daa! Rick: Awoo! Dan: Hnnh! Rick: Grit those teeth! Rebecca: Good posing kids. You can go back the immanent fight scene now. > As Sailor Moon posed, Garnetia gave no response Rebecca: And shot her instead. > and instead rushed her with a sword of dark energy. All: SOULEDGE! > Giving a cry of fear, Dan: [Sailor moon] I get impressive new powers, then I scream in panic. Rick: At least they got that right. > Sailor Moon desperately raised > her sword and managed to parry the blow. The strength of the attack knocked > her back a bit, giving Garnetia another chance to strike. All: [Make lightsaber noises.] > This time, Garnetia struck furiously, giving a barrage of blows. Dan: KIYIYIYIYIYIYI! > Sailor Moon > gave her best to defend herself, but she couldn't avoid all of them and was Tsuneo: Promptly cut to ribbons. Well, at least, that's what should happen. > forced back even further. > > 'I need to get away, she's too good with the sword. There's no way I can > beat her like this...' thought Sailor Moon. 'I've gotta... AH!' Her thought > was cut off Rick: Now there's a bad choice of words if ever I read them. > as she tripped backwards and fell. Rebecca: Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen. > Garnetia slightly smiled and raised her sword for the final blow. Tsuneo: FINISHING TOUCH! > "MARS EXPLOSIVE INFERNO!!" Rebecca: HOT LEAD SUPPOSITORY! > "EARTH SPIRIT BOMB!!" Rick: Boot to the head! > From either side, flames and earth energy slammed into Garnetia, throwing > her into the air. Rick: I suppose Team Dark Moon's blasting off again. Dan: Shaddup. Rebecca: Meoweth. Dan: Shaddup shaddup. > Mars and Earth limped towards Sailor Moon helping her up. > "Sailor Moon, are you okay?" Mars asked. Rebecca: Think about who you're asking, lady. > She shook her head to clear it. All: [Make rattling noises] > "Ow... Thanks for the help." She set a > determined expression on her face. Tsuneo: And promptly lost it when the next ice-cream van went by. > "Now it's time for some moon-dusting!!" > She sprinted towards the prone body of Garnetia. Dan: Kicking them while they're down? Rick: Best time, sir. > As she approached, > Garnetia propped herself on her elbows and, fingers splayed, sent out a > wave of magenta darkness. Tsuneo: With that nice raspberry flavour. > Mars and Earth crumpled under the assault. > Sailor Moon managed to stay on her feet, using her sword to deflect the > power. > > "It's... not.. that easy to... stop me!" she grimaced. Rick: Grit those teeth! Grit them hard! > She slowly pushed forward against the surging energy. > > "How could this happen?" Garnetia thought. "I must get the crystal, I must > serve Wise... man?" Dan: [Garnetia] I must pick up the dry-cleaning while I'm at it. > She lowered her hand. "Wiseman? But I... don't want... I..." Rick: [Garnetia] I... must talk... like... William Shatner... > Sailor Moon took this new opportunity to attack. "MOON... SOUL... > CLEANSING." Dan, Rick & Rebecca: ELIMINATE EVEN THE TOUGHEST STAINS! Tsuneo: I'm glad I don't get that. > Energy gathered and swirled from her crystal, through the > sword, and erupted towards Garnetia's chest. Dan: Probably not a difficult target, actually. > Entering her heart, > Garnetia's eyes blazed as she began to glow with white light. Rebecca: [Dazed] I see a bright light... > A cry ripped > from her soul as a black substance oozed from her eyes and mouth. Tsuneo: It's Dr. Pepper! Yuck! Rick: So the Dark Moon comes from the K'Tord nebula? Rebecca: Mega, mega obscure. > The light > around her died out, and she laid on the ground, coughing up the last of > the nastiness. Dan: [Garnetia] Go away, you nasty black goo, you. > Sailor Moon slumped to her knees, exhausted. "Your evil... is gone now, > Garnetia." Dan: It took all that? Man, it was *easy* to help the four sisters. > "Do you know how long it took me to corrupt her soul? Rick: [Wiseman] And how much money? Rebecca: [Wiseman] And all those little "donations." > And to finally get it > to work for me?" Wiseman's voice boomed from the sky. "I'll take care of > both of you myself..." Tsuneo: Of course, you could have done that earlier, rather than let your lackeys get plowed down. > With a scream, Garnetia and Sailor Moon disappeared. Dan: Scotty! Beam them up! > Chapter 37 was submitted by Zang. Rick: He's really making a pest of himself. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > Mars struggled back to her feet, and checked on Celeste. "I'm... okay," Rebecca: Owie owie owie. Rick: [Celeste] But why are my feet over there? > she said in a weak voice as she stood up. "But my mum..." They both looked > up at the tower. Tsuneo: Amazing! It's been a tower for all of this part, and it's *still* a tower! Rick: Um... I thought it was half-wrecked. Dan: Yup. Rick: Oh, gods. > "They've got Rini too. Well, your Rini," Rebecca: That's still a couple of Rini's too many in my book. Rick: They should just leave her there. Dan: Then what would they tell her mum? Rick: Who's in there too? Rebecca: Hmm... an all-win situation. > Mars responded. She swallowed, > tears welling in her eyes. "I guess it's just us now, kid." Rick: Go away, kid, you bother me. > "Kid?" Earth said, slightly peeved. Dan: Uh, Earth? She is kinda twice your height and all. > Mars smiled and laughed slightly. "Alright, sorry." Rick: [Mars, muttered] Stunty freak. Dan: [Earth, muttered] Pyro. > "Hey," came a voice behind them. Venus approached, ahead of Jupiter and > Sailor Time, who were supporting Rubeus between them. Rebecca: He's a real drain on their finances. > "Where is everyone?" she asked, looking around. Tsuneo: Probably off hassling their agents. > Mars explained the situation, as they sat Rubeus down. > > "Well he's useless," Dan: At last! Someone recognises his true talent. > Sailor Time said, standing up, "but we got this off > him." She produced a shard of the Time Key, Rebecca: The *totally* destroyed time key that still had a part left that no-one thought to get off him for the last seven years even though they were all looking for it. Tsuneo: Nice work there. I'm impressed. > the last part remaining of > the powerful weapon. But it's too weak. To use it, we need to be > where there's great power." Tsuneo: And maybe a spare quotation mark. > They all turned towards the tower. Raye looked grimly at it, ignoring > the others. Jupiter placed a hand on her friend's shoulder, interrupting > her reverie. "They're in there, aren't they?" Rick: Where else are they going to be? > "Yeah..." > > "Then that's where we're going," Dan: [Earth] Aw, gee, do we have to? > Venus said, without enthusiasm. "At least there's five of us again," Tsuneo: one's a stunty freak and the other's a grown-up stunty freak, but never mind. > she said, smiling slightly. Rebecca: [Venus] So we can do it like we used to! > They fell silent, and as one, started out towards Rebecca: Epsilon industries, I'm guessing. > the tower. > > * * * > > Sailor Moon and Garnetia found themselves in a large chamber. Dan: [GM] You are in a large chamber. There is a treasure chest in the middle with corpses strewn around it. Next to your foot is a rock. Rick: I go for the chest! Rebecca: Do the stiffs have any good treasure on them? Tsuneo: Which one of my feet? Dan: The AD&D sketch, folks. > "Where are we?" Sailor Moon asked. Tsuneo: Near the end of a crappy fanfic. > "This is the Wiseman's lair." Dan: [Garnetia] And mosh pit. > At Moon's look of confusion, she continued. > "Wiseman is the leader of the Dark Moon Kingdom. He was the one who exiled > me a long time ago." Tsuneo: [Garnetia] Sorry, what? It's near the end of the fic, and the heroine doesn't know the major villain yet? My bad. > She clenched her fist. "He's incredibly powerful, so > watch yourself. Don't underestimate him." Rick: Like you keep on doing? > "Good advice." Rick: The best advice is not to listen to advice. > Wiseman appeared before them. With a wave of his hand, > flaming projectiles appeared and flew towards Sailor Moon. Tsuneo: Damn, I'll burn you into BBQ chicken! > "AaAaAaAaAa!!!!!" she screamed, Rebecca: Good to see her dialogue's up to standards. > jumping and dodging all around the room > until she misstepped and fell. A flaming ball bulletted towards her head. > There's no time to get out of the way! she thought. I'm going to die!!! > She raised her arms in defense. > > The bullet hit. Rebecca: YAY! > "Huh?" Moon questioned. The bullet sat in midair and dropped to the ground. Rebecca: Aww... I thought it hit. Rick: It probably bounced off her- Dan: [Clears throat loudly] Rick: Er, hair. Yeah. > She looked at Garnetia. > > "You forgot about someone." Dan: Larry! > Garnetia said. "I'm the one you need to worry about." Tsuneo: [Garnetia] I'll bleed all over you! > "Hmph!" Wiseman grunted in derision. "You've already proven yourself > unworthy to fight me. But if you're really that eager to die..." Tsuneo: Almost wishing to dead! > He sent out an intense blast of energy towards her. Rebecca: BIG ASS BLAST! > Garnetia nimbly evaded and countered by sending a lance of energy running > through the ground and bursting up beneath him. Dan: Man, they're really tearing up this room. Rick: Although it's half destroyed already. > Making little sign of injury from the impact, he gave a short grunt and > sent more flaming Rick: E-Mails. > bullets at Garnetia. "This time, no mercy..." Dan: [Chip Hazard] There will be no mercy! > "You should do more fighting and less talking." Rebecca: She paused to yell at her opponent. > In a swift motion she > summoned her dagger and launched it towards him. The blade buried itself > into his chest. Tsuneo: You're stain! > "Is this supposed to hurt?" he asked, derisively. Rick: 'Tis but a scratch! Dan: A scratch? Rick: A flesh wound! > "No, but this will...LIGHTNING STORM!!" Rebecca: TESLA ZAP! > She directed the huge bolts of > lightning to the dagger. Acting as a lightning rod, the energy surged > through it and crackled through his frail body. Tsuneo: You bastard... All: TRY THIS MELON! > "Urgh!" Dan: Ooh, I'm dead. > he uttered through clenched teeth. Ignoring the pain and the > electricity blast, he grasped the knife and wrenched it out. Rick: And the blood goes spurting out, psssht, in slow motion. > Garnetia > barely slowed in her assault, but in the moment she faltered, he whipped > the blade back at her. With a clipped groan, she dropped, the dagger > embedded in her stomach. Tsuneo: How can you use my intestines as a gift? > "Well, it seems it's just you and me now. There can only be one victor..." Dan: There can only be one, Highlander. > he chuckled evilly. Rick: Do you think he could act any more the cliched villain if he tried? Rebecca: Does he have an elaborate yet easily escapable death trap? Dan: Where's his white cat? I don't see a white cat. Tsuneo: Or a pihana tank. > Sailor Moon gasped, eyes wide, Rebecca: That statement's a little redundant, but never mind. > then gained a determined glint. She readied > her sword. "I'm ready for you... *gulp*" Her arms shook visibly, but > maintained a steady grip. Rick: Yeah, you really look it, too. > "Oh really? Then let's begin." Dan: Round 1! Fight! > Chapter 38 was submitted by Jinas Rebecca: Just keep digging that hole. > and Tina. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > A huge blast shook the base of the tower, Rick: I told you to turn down the god damned stereo! > and a single stone slab collapsed > inwards. Sunlight poured into the dark room, silhouetting the three warriors > and their companions. Rebecca: Avon lady! > "What, no welcome wagon?" Lita said, smirking. Dan: 'Allo stranger with our new coffee flavour for you. Rick: Uh... okay. Fic's getting to you too, huh? > "Ask a stupid question…" Tsuneo: In a stupid fanfic. > Raye returned, not taking her eyes off the enemies moving towards them. Tsuneo: Suddenly, appearing without so much as a warning, or even an establishing shot... All: It's the opressive forces of the Dark Moon- Rick: Or whatever- All: Posing up a storm! > "Here they come!" Rini called. Rebecca: Shoo. Shoo. > The five of them leapt forward, their attacks streaming out to meet their > foes. Rick: Um, excuse me, but where were all these witless minions in the previous chapters, when they could have been used to fight the scouts, or find the time key, or... Dan: So... Which bad guy, precisely, would be giving them their orders? Rick: Point. > * * * > > The Wiseman fired again and again; single, but massive balls of fire > streaming out at Sailor Moon. She dodged each in turn, Rick: She's getting some really good dice rolls there. > barely, by scampering around the edge of the room. Tsuneo: I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! > But she was rapidly running out of breath, > and unless she did something, she knew it was only a matter of time > before she Rebecca: Had to go. > ran out of luck as well. > > "I can hold out forever, brat. Can you?" the Wiseman mocked. "Even so far > away, the conjunction gives me nearly unlimited power. You can’t win." Dan: The conjunction! I forgot about that! Rebecca: Obviously, so did the authours. > "We’ll see about that!" She paused and took aim. Spinning in a circle, Rick: [Sailor Moon] I am so dizzy. > Warrior Moon ended with her sword pointed directly at the Wiseman. All: Ooh... Aah... [They hold up signs reading: 9.3, 8.9, 9.0, 9.7] > "Moonbeam Strike!" Rebecca: 32 ton weight! > she yelled. Ten needle-thin beams of pure white > light shot from the sword’s blade, whipping towards the Wiseman with > incredible speed… > > Only to deflect harmlessly off his robes. Tsuneo: [Wiseman] Dan laundry girl uses too much starch. > Serena could only stand stunned. Rick: Her natural state. > * * * > > Leaping up over five stairs at a time, Dan: You guys are really cruising. > Raye and Celeste lead the group up > the spiraling interior of the tower. Lita followed, supporting an injured > Rini. Rick: Paying for her schooling and medical care. > Mina was backup, Dan: Lita lead vocals, Raye on guitar, Celeste on keyboard and Rini on drums. > leaping and twisting to keep approaching monsters from ambushing them. > > "Look out!" Celeste cried, stopping dead in her tracks. A series of energy > blasts shot down at them, All: ZOG! > blasting the stairs they were on to pieces. Rebecca: Thus causing them all to fall to their dooms. The end. > In the nick of time, the five leapt away to more secure footholds. Tsuneo: Beware! Near is evil close! > A figure stood near the blasted stairs, regarding them all. It was > impressively tall and well muscled, Dan: I'm huge! > with silvery skin that seemed to be half flesh and half armor. Rick: So they're hiring Transmetals now? > A large wing-like structure protruded from > each shoulder, and its small head consisted mainly of a narrow visor. > In a heavy, leaden voice it spoke. "I am Neue Ziel, greatest of the > Wiseman’s creations. You shall go no further." All: [Burst out laughing] Tsuneo: Do you think the authour was being ironic, given that Neue Ziel is actually German for "new goal?" Rebecca: Naw. Probably just thought he was being funny. He isn't. Voice: Actually, I just wasn't trying by this point. Rick: Yeah. Sure. > "I don't know about that! Time’s Arrow!" Dan: Is a crappy Star Trek double episode, but I don't see how it's relevant now. > Rini yelled out, loosing a magic arrow at the creature. It swatted it > aside with a single oversized hand, and spread its shoulders. Rick: I see that huge shoulderpads are back in fashion. > Five large > rubies appeared on each and launched a volley of red energy beams. Tsuneo: Aah! It's emerald WEAPON! Rebecca: A few of those guys could really cheer things up around here. > "We've gotta get past it!" Celeste called to the others as they frantically > dodged its shots. Dan: [Mina] If we beat this boss, we can get to the final level! Tsuneo: Actually, it's almost like that... > "I noticed!" Mina yelled back. "Venus Light Ray Envelop!" Tsuneo: BAD SPELLING ATTACK! > She sent streams > of light at the monster while leaping from one perch to another. Neue Ziel > easily avoided the attacks Rick: [Neue Ziel] I'm invincible! > and launched itself off the stairs, still firing at them. Rick: You know, Neue Ziel there must be doing wonders for the tower. > "This isn't working," Rini commented apprehensively, as she fired another > arrow to no avail. All: We noticed. > "We can't give up! They’re up there… somewhere." Raye said. "I feel them." Rebecca: [Raye] Often, when it's dark. > "Less talking, more fighting," Tsuneo: She yelled out loud so everyone could hear her. > Jupiter grunted, pushing Mars out of the > path of a stray blast. Rick: And further towards the kill zone. > "You get upstairs and find Serena. I'll cover you." > Mars nodded, moving away. "Jupiter Spark Shower!" Rebecca: INTEROSITOR DEATH RAY! > Crackling balls of electricity formed around her Rick: Disco fighting! > and whisked towards Neue Ziel. Buffeted on > all sides by the spheres it dropped to one knee, for the first time pausing > in its attack. Tsuneo: Of course, its I-field should have protected it. > The scouts took this opportunity to rush up the stairs, All: Run away! Run away! > still wary of > their adversary, but aware of the task that lay ahead. "Did we get 'im?" > Celeste asked, looking back. Dan: Well, let's just say "don't get your hopes up." > Neue Ziel approached them, not quickly, rather with the deliberate pace of > one who is assured of victory. "No…" Mina moaned. Rebecca: Go NZ! Go NZ! > "This guy doesn't get hurt! What'll we do?" Rini asked. Rick: Die? > "Run," Raye replied. Rebecca: They're getting good at that. > * * * > > Warrior Moon gave a short cry as her sword clattered to the ground. Tsuneo: Youngster, your brain is useless, I guess. > She > leapt aside as the Wiseman sent a massive lightning bolt at her, but > stumbled and fell, rather than landing as she had planned. Rick: If they had a clumsy olympics, she could take gold in all events. > A wicked > grin spread across his face as he gestured towards his prone adversary. > Wailing helplessly, Rebecca: But she's the expert at that. > arms and legs > flailing, Serena was lifted into the air by the Wiseman. "And now… you die." Dan: So be it, Jedi > His whole body crackled with dark energy, Rick: Man, I'd hate to have his utility bill. > which shot out in a massive > discharge that entirely enveloped Warrior Moon. Her cry of pain cut out by > the roar of the blast, she was flung against the wall like a rag > doll. It was a full second before Wiseman let her body drop to the floor. Rebecca: This is the point where he gloats a bit and turns his back on her. > Smugly grinning once more, he turned his back on the girl and moved to leave. > "Pathetic," he derided. Tsuneo: You're petulant, but not concentrated enough. Rebecca: See? Dan: Anyoine could see that coming. > "No," a voice creaked. Wiseman whirled around to see Moon slowly > struggling to her feet. Rebecca: Just hurry up and die, already. Rick: [Bored] Is that Darth Vader slumped over there in the corner, or is it just me? > "If there’s one thing--" she was cut off as he > blasted her into a wall. All: WA-TAK! > Picking herself up again, she continued. "...That > Luna taught me--" Dan: Try to avoid hairballs. Tsuneo: When in doubt, take a nap. Rebecca: Shedding is an art form. Rick: Couches are for scratching. > Another wave of energy hit her, but she stood her ground, > gritting her teeth as it slammed into her... through her. "...It’s to > believe in myself!" She sprang forwards, straight into another of the > Wiseman’s blasts, which simply washed over her. Rebecca: I'm gonna puke. Dan: This is just like More Than Meets The Eye. Voice: Hey, it wasn't me. Rick: Uh-huh. Quit making excuses. > "I'm not afraid! I can do this! I AM SAILOR MOON!" Rebecca: And I *am* going to be sick. > she cried, leaping > towards him. Without slowing she held out her arm, and her sword flew to > it. Dan: Let's see Luke Skywalker do that one. Tsuneo: But can she fly an X-Wing? > In one fluid motion she swung at Wiseman, all previous doubts gone. > He dissolved, leaving his robe behind to be sliced in half. Rick: You guys were saying something about Star Wars? > Serena turned > to see the Wiseman-- no, Rubeus; older, paler, scarred and clutching his > chest in agony. Rebecca: And wearing cutesy pink boxer shorts. > "You’re… the Wiseman?" Rick: [Wiseman] No, I'm a frost-free fridge. > Serena asked, unable to believe her eyes. Tsuneo: Or the plot. Dan: Well we weren't either. > "Yes, puny one," he panted grimly. Rebecca: If he calls her a human germ, I'm outta here. > Serena couldn't decide whether she should drop her jaw in amazement or > break into laughter. Rick: So she did both. > "But… You’re such a failure! I can't believe I was > afraid of you! I mean, you mess up everything!" Tsuneo: You think he could be responsible for some of the fics we've read? Rick: Nah. Dan: Yeah. They take too much talent. > Turning red with shame and embarrassment, he screeched back. "Shut up! > I can still beat you!" [Long pause] Dan: Dude, this is pretty ****ed up right here! > She grinned and got a better grip on her sword. "Try it," she said > determinedly. Tsuneo: [Sarcastic] Ooh, help. I'm scared. There is a schoolbrat pointing a sword at me. > * * * > > The Warriors raced up the tower, followed by the titanic Rebecca: Ego of Leonardo DiCappuchino. > Neue Ziel. > Raining blasts down on him, and dodging his own shots, they came to a > landing at the top of the tower. Cornered, they stopped and turned > to face the monster as it landed. Rick: [Random scout] Go away. > Immediately it fired at them again. Tsuneo: You won't die in one piece! > They leapt aside, but Rini was too > slow. She caught a blast directly in the chest and was slammed against > the tower wall. All: AT-TAK! > Enraged, Jupiter flung her javelin at the creature. It > embedded itself in the creature’s right shoulder, Rebecca: Must not say... Dan: [Whacks her with a cushion] Feeling better? Rebecca: [Whacks Dan with a cushion] Yeah. > causing it to howl > with pain. Mars followed her initiative, and leapt at the creature, > bringing the Fire Glaive down on its left shoulder. Rick: They really like to go for the shoulder shots, don't they? Dan: Well, that *is* where it's weapons are... > Neue Ziel bellowed > once again as the glaive lodged itself in his shoulder, and swatted Mars > away with a simple backhand. Venus charged at it, Rebecca: She charges by the hour. > the Light Staff > glowing with power as she brought it down on the creature’s head. Neue > Ziel caught the staff and, ignoring the burns to its hand, used it as > leverage to pick up and toss away Venus. Dan: Up, up and away! Tsuneo: It's a long fly ball. No, wait. It's a long fly scout. > The staff slipped from her hand > and she collapsed to the ground. The creature plucked up the three > weapons and sent them clattering down the tower. Rick: We that was smart. There goes the source of your powers, you know. > "What can we do to it?" Rini asked, Rebecca: Rini, talk to it for five minutes. That oughta do it in. > as they all saw its wounds, the only > damage they’d managed to inflict on the creature, heal themselves. Dan: Poopy. > "We’ve only done it once before…" Mina said, as she, Raye and Lita glanced > at each other. Rebecca: [Lita] Cool, but where do we get a hamster in here? Dan: I am really beginning to worry about you. > They nodded in sync and wordlessly stood and held hands. Rick: Hold hands for friendship and world peace. > "What are they doing?" Time asked. Tsuneo: [Earth] Making themselves easy targets. > "Come on," Earth said, grabbing her hand and leading her to the Warriors. > The joined hands with the others, forming a complete circle. Rebecca: A "Full Circle," even. Rick: Someone get a flo-bee. > "Venus Power!" Dan: Electric power! > The monster bellowed at them as Venus was surrounded in golden light. Rick: Fortunately, she always has a stage lighting crew on hand. > "Mars Power!" Rebecca: Hangover power! > It hunched down and spread its shoulders once more as Mars glowed red. Tsuneo: She really needs to stay out of the sun. > "Jupiter Power!" Rick: [Dr Thinker] Jutiper Power! > Once again the rubies emerged on Neue Ziel’s shoulders as Jupiter was > surrounded with green energy. Rebecca: My god! It's Abe! All: AAAH! > "Earth Power!" Dan: Feel the power of... Dirt! > A strange brown glow appeared around Earth. Dan: First one to do a "neccessary" joke dies. > The monster roared once more and fired its energy blasts, Tsuneo: I'm firing, don't move! > slamming into > Jupiter, Mars and Venus’ backs. Their lights flickered briefly, Rick: See whqat happens when you don't pay the bill? > but didn't fade as the pain washed over them. > > "Time Power!" Rebecca: Lame-ass Star Trek plot power! > A purple glow surrounded Rini Tsuneo: Hey, look! It's the heavy funk! [They all pelt him with cushions] Alright, alright already! Cut it out! > as she completed the circle of power. The > monster kept firing, but the three Warriors absorbed the brunt of its > attacks. Rick: How noble. Dan: How heroic. Rebecca: How stupid. > Fighting the pain from their injuries, they joined the two > junior scouts in completing the attack. Rebecca: The universe enema! > "Sailor Planet Power!" they all called out together. A ball of energy > formed above them, and immediately shot towards Neue Ziel. Tsuneo: Bump him dead! > Giving a last shriek of pain, it disintegrated in the wave of energy. All: I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way! > Releasing their handholds, Lita, Mina and Raye collapsed to the ground. > Their backs were bloodied, and each was still. Rebecca: Woo-hoo! Rick: All right! > "What… they can’t be…" Rini murmured. Tsuneo: Face it, kid. They are. > "They did it to protect us," Celeste said, looking down on the bodies. > A single tear rolled down her cheek. > > "Come on. It’s time we finished this." Dan: Real cold bitch, isn't this kid? > Chapter 39 was submitted by Jinas Rebecca: I knever knew the Great Big Head was such an anti-moonie. Voice: Well it *was* going to be more dramatic this way. Dan: *Was?* Voice: You'll see. Rick: Don't believe it, Dan. He's just trying to say he's a nice guy who's been maligned by his editor. > and Tina. Rick: [BW Inferno] Burn in the fires of Inferno! > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > Wiseman fired another lightning bolt at Sailor Moon, Tsuneo: He's gonna have to run out of MPs soon. Dan: What about the conjunction? Tsuneo: Ah, yes! The switchable on/off plot device. > the girl nimbly > evading the blast and returning with one of her own.  "Moonbeam Strike!" Rebecca: HUGE SCARY CHAINGUN! > The needles of light shot towards Wiseman, slamming into a shield inches > from his body. Tsuneo: And thank god for MBarrier. > He grunted with exertion as the force field wavered, losing > ground to Moon's attack.  The two struggled, Sailor Moon slowly pushing > forward, Wiseman slowly yielding ground.  Finally, in a surge of brightness, > the moonbeams smashed through his shield and into Wiseman, the force > sending him flying backwards. Dan: [Wiseman] I can fly! > Serena gave a quick victory gesture, Tsuneo: [Hums FF7 victory music] > then ran to the prone man. > > "Give up, Wiseman." Rick: Cause you're a loser! > Her self-assured voice echoed through the silent > hall. "Or should I say, Rubeus. Rebecca: AKA Weenieman! > As usual, you can't win.  You have no more lackeys to help you, coward. Dan: You should have gone to Lackeys R Us! > No longer will the earth be ruled by your evil!" Rebecca: Ack! I can't believe she just said that! > She stood menacing over him, sword inches from his chest. Rick: Giving him a wonderfull view of her panties. Dan: Armour, remember? Tsuneo: Actually, all she's wearing is a breastplate, gauntlets, greaves and a tabbard. All except Rebecca: Oooh... Rebecca: Boys. Rick: I'm sure the authour just forgot the extra details. Dan: You had to ruin all my fun, didn't you? > "Now, tell me how I can get back to my own time!" Rick: Hitch a ride on the next passing TARDIS. > "No!  I will not accept defeat!" Tsuneo: I thought he'd be used to it by now. > With a great yell, a wave of energy radiated > from his body, battering Sailor Moon to her knees. Rebecca: And serving her with hot chips. > He began to glow as > energy rushed to him.  The glowing darkness whipped through the air, > surrounding him and lifting him off the ground as the smoky substance > absorbed into his body. Rick: [Stoned] Waaah. Groovy, man. > It solidified into pitch black robes adorned > with a glowing inverted crescent moon.  A large, black sword appeared > before him, and he clasped its hilt with both hands. Dan: Damn. How are you meant to beat a villain who's got a snappy transformation sequence too? > "This," he said, > grinning, "is the Crystal Sword, the last and greatest of the Crystal > Weapons. Rebecca: You don't think he's compensating for soemthing? Tsuneo: You don't think everyone forgot about the Crystal Weapons since chapter 6? Rick: Crystal what? Tsuneo: Precisely. > You don't stand a chance." Rick: Which is the sort of thing villains usually say just before they lose. > With that he lunged at her, leaping across the room with a double-handed > swing.  She barely stepped back and brought up her own word to parry the > strike, Tsuneo: Aha! So the pen *is* mightier than the sword! Rebecca: Maybe she's using a dictionary? > and shuddered back from the force of the impact.  He advanced, > raining blows on her, each one barely blocked and sending her staggering, > until her back almost touched the wall of the chamber. Tsueno: Hello? Tactics? Strategy? This guy's an amateur. > Wiseman swung horizontally, Dan: It's the latest dance craze! > attempting to cleave her head off.  Sailor > Moon shrieked as she saw the blade streak towards her and ducked, scampering > forwards and away Rick: [Sailor Moon] Fool! Your super weapon is no match for my pitiful wailing! > as she regained her balance and turned to face him. > She stood up, swinging around wildly with her sword in an arc Wiseman > easily avoided. Tsuneo: [Bored] Wow. Her sword technique is awesome. > "Your swordsmanship is hopeless," he commented, smiling.  He lunged > forwards, the sword held one handed in a stab that she barely avoided. > He once again took the offensive, forcing her back with no opportunity > for her to retaliate. Tsuneo: Well, I've got furious now! > Finally, he struck her sword out of her hands. Rebecca: [Sailor Moon] Oops! Dropped it... > "Witness now the true power of the Rick: [Bored] Dark side of the force. > Dark Moon."  Wiseman, smiling, as he outstretched one hand. Rick: My god! It's an Auton! Rebecca: I dare anyone to get that. > Immediately tendrils of darkness whipped > towards Sailor Moon, wrapping around her like a python. Dan: Monty Python? Tsuneo: Anacondas do a much better job of it. Except rubber ones. Rick: My god! It's lord Jizuho! All: Aah! Tsuneo: Or even Jizjuno! All: Aah! > Serena screamed with pain, the tentacles crushing her Tsuneo: Lo! I shall crush your head, thus rendering you even more inferior to my glorious self! > as well as burning her skin. > > "I had considered giving you an easy death. Rick: [Wiseman] But, hey. I'm a bad guy. I do bad things. > However, I think this way will be much more enjoyable." Dan: Some people just never learn. > He gave a twisted grin.  A twitch of his > fingers summoned an onyx sphere, which hovered, then splintered, > shooting towards Sailor Moon like darts. Tsuneo: Expolode at 11 o'clock sharp! > She flinched at the glancing > blows, as her white uniform bloomed red in an unnerving number of places. Rebecca: The dry cleaner's gonna love you for that. > "Don't toy with me, Rubeus.  Or are you too weak-- or too cowardly to > finish me off?" Dan: Probably the latter, all things considered. Tsuneo: Remember, he has the plot contrivance conjunction on his side. Rebecca: As well as the penile augmentation sword. Rick: Are we being excessively mean to Rubeus? All: Nah. > Serena scowled defiantly.  She definitely didn't feel > as confident as she sounded.  The tentacle things holding her seemed to > be sapping her energy, in addition to her wounds... Tsuneo: I *don't* like where this is going. > And the others... she had an awful feeling about them... Rick: I said, no more Star Wars refs! > "Never call me that!" Wiseman thundered. Dan: It's Neo-Scouts! Run! > The darkness binding Serena > tightened sharply, crushing her ribs...  Her vision became cloudy...  Rebecca: I wish that would happen to me about now. > Just as suddenly as it began, the crush stopped.  "I almost forgot," > Wiseman smirked, composure regained.  "Before I kill you, Tsuneo: [Wiseman] I'll gloat some more and let your allies sneak up on me. > take a look > at your friends."  With a sweep of his arm, an image of the antechamber > appeared before them.  The room showed signs of battle as the view panned, > finally landing on a bloody heap of bodies on the floor. Rick: [Wiseman] Whoops! Sorry. That's the Nav fic on the other station. > "No..."  Serena closed her eyes, unable to look, tears mingling with the > blood on her face. > > "Yes.  It seems they had a little run-in with one of my minions. Dan: [Wiseman] And never piss off my postmen. > Sadly, > Neue Ziel didn't make it, but it did its job."  A small sound behind > him... Rebecca: [Blows rasberry] Rick: [Phillip] That fart sounded like a telephone ringing, Terrence. > "Which is more than I can say about you..." All: Pitch. > Darkness snaked > behind him, engulfing the figure sneaking towards him to the breast. Dan: That's a lot of darkness. > "... sister." All: Hit. Tsuneo: Cut and paste. Rebecca: Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't she currently have a knife stuck in her gut? > Garnetia glowed with an inner light, dispelling Wiseman's darkness. "You > should know this won't work on me, dear brother." Rick: [Garnetia] Because you suck. > Red energy lanced > towards Sailor Moon, severing the darkness holding her.  "Are you so > weak then that you must beat on children?" All: Yes. > Garnetia scowled.  "Or do > you just fight her because you know you can't defeat me." Dan: Lady, he's whipped your ass twice already. Take a hint. > "Don't interfere where you aren't wanted!" Wiseman yelled, snapping > his fingers and teleporting her out of the room. Rebecca: These two get on about as well as a certain other brother/sister team I know. Dan: Shut up. > "You can't get rid of me this easily!" she replied, Rick: [Garnetia] Because the plot is on my side! Tsuneo: [Garnetia] Because now I'm a good guy, and I don't have a library card! [He gets pelted with cushions] Cut it out! > following back. > However, upon her return, a large force dome had been erected in the > hall. Rebecca: [Nelson] Ha-ha! > No matter how hard she tried, she could not penetrate it... but > she knew Warrior Moon's screams of pain would be able to. Tsuneo: I reccomend... Earplugs. > I've made enough of these in my own time... she thought, cursing herself. Dan: What, mistakes? > All that time wasted being evil... Rebecca: Wasn't it fun? > now she had a chance to redeem herself, > and she was locked out. "Damn!" she swore, banging a fist against the dome. > It wavered slightly, but did not yield.  Ironic, the source giving her > incredible power was the same that kept her from fighting Wiseman herself. Tsuneo: Plot contrivance power! > He always was better at channelling power...  Channelling... that was it! > Garnetia could help Sailor Moon after all! Rebecca: She could go to the SOS page and fill in the whiny petition. > /Sailor Moon!/ > > What?  Garnetia...  You're... in my head? Tsueno: [Sailor Moon] And talking in /'s? Rick: [Garnetia] I'ts dark in here. And messy! When were you planning on cleaning up? > /There's no time to explain. Dan: We're running out of fic and the audience is dropping off. > Look, Wiseman is channeling power from a > planetary conjunction... it makes him much more powerful than he usually > is. Rick: Double nothing is still nothing. > I get this power too, but I can't get through the force dome to > fight him.  If you open your mind, I can channel it to you./ Tsuneo: So... And let me get this right... She can send "power" through the force field, but she can't teleport through it? Rebecca: Something like that. > A-alright.  Serena grimaced, dropping the defenses protecting her mind. > There was a brief period of intense pain as Wiseman attacked, then a red > warm feeling as Garnetia's energy poured into her. Rebecca: [Garnetia] Fooled you! I'm gonna crush your mind! > /Don't worry, Sailor Moon. Dan: [Garnetia] It'll be over soon. > We'll make short work of him./  Serena could > picture Garnetia's confident head toss punctuating the statement. Tsuneo: You mean, the one she's never done before? Rick: Oh, yeah, *that* confident head toss. > She > closed her eyes, feeling more and more power fill her. Rejuvenated, she > felt her wounds heal as she began to glow, pushing the dark tentacles away > from her body. Tsuneo: Out! Out, you demons of stupidity! > In a burst of golden red brilliance, Rick: So was it golden or was it red? > she was free, energy blowing her hair and clothes. Dan: Oooh... Rick: Me see Paris, me see France... > Warrior Moon was solemn, slowly moving her hand to a level > position.  The Moon Sword returned to it, gaining a golden red glow. Tsuneo: Again with this golden red thing. Rebecca: Maybe it means "cooked to a golden brown?" > "You killed my friends, Rick: And about time too. > ruined the earth, changed the future and the past... > committed more sins than I can list. Dan: [Sailor Moon] At least, not in what's left of the chapter. > And for that, in the name of the moon, > I will punish you, if its the last thing I do." [Loud snores come from the audience] > With this, golden red light > beamed from the blade, slamming into Wiseman and destroying the force dome. Rebecca: And making the world a happier place. > Staggering backwards, he returned with volley of energy spheres, buffeting > her on the blasts. Tsuneo: "Buffeting her on the blasts..." Eh? > With a feral snarl, Wiseman closed in with his sword. > > "TIME'S ARROW!" Rick: [Bored] Descent, even. > "EARTH SPIRIT BOMB!" Tsuneo: BLAZING NINE-MILIMETER SEMI-AUTOMATIC DEATH JUGGLE! > Wiseman fell, his sword clattering out of his reach. Rebecca: If I had a buck for every time someone's lost their weapon in this fic... > Cursing, he struggled to his feet to see Sailor Moon standing over him. Rick: If I had a buck for every gratuitous panty shot in this fic... Dan: I wouldn't care. > "It ends now.  MOON SOUL CLEANSING...!" Rebecca: MOON SOUL CAKES! Oh, no, damn. That's a Discworld thing. > Light brighter than the sun formed around Warrior Moon, Tsuneo: SUPERNOVA! Rick: This fic'll be over before that summoning finishes. > shooting through her blade and engulfing Wiseman. > He gave a shriek of pain as the pure light illuminated the darkness of his > soul, evil bubbling from his body into the air. Dan: Smell's like... Barbequed dog hair. > The darkness finally dispelled, Wiseman flopped to the ground. Tsuneo: Man, why beat? Take it easy. > Spent from the Cleansing, Sailor Moon sagged, making her way to Wiseman's > prone form not without difficulty. Rick: The drain on some of those spells is a killer. > "Well?  Aren't you going to finish me > off?" he asked, giving a shallow cough. Rebecca: Please finish him off? Dan: Nope. Now's when she shows that she's a responsible person and gives him a chance to come clean. Then he dies. > She shook her head.  "I can't kill you...  I'd rather you repent, and work > for good.  Even though you did such awful things, it wouldn't be right to > do anything else," she said softly. [They all stare blankly at the screen] Rick: I don't believe this. > Wiseman hmphed.  "Foolish, but it doesn't matter... I'm dying anyway." Rebecca: Well damn you, Dan. You're right. > He cracked a pained smile at her horrified look. All: Psyche! > "Don't be so surprised. > Your 'Soul Cleansing' is a neat trick, but when you've been evil for > as long as I have... Rick: [Wiseman] You really come to appreciate the perks of the job. > there's not much left."  His expression changed to > a grimace as shudders wracked his bony frame. > > "But...  Can't you use the power from before?" Serena asked frantically. > "Can't you--" Tsuneo: [Wiseman] Oh, yeah. Didn't think of that. > "No," Wiseman said decisively.  "I'm... finished. Dan: [Wiseman] I can't eat another thing. > It's too late for > me..."  He trailed off, eyes heavy. Garnetia..." he reached for the woman, > who clutched his outstretched hand.  "Take care of Rubeus, sister," Rebecca: [Wiseman] I reccomend a good pair of concrete boots. > he > wheezed.  "Don't let him turn out like me..."  Wiseman struggled for a > few last breaths and was still, cradled in Garnetia's arms. > > Wordlessly, she gazed at the others as Wiseman's body disintegrated, > fading into thin air. Rick: I can't stand it! They just riffed Yoda's death scene! I'm so sick of- Rebecca: [Waves toy Inferno in front of Rick] BOOGA! Rick: Thanks. I needed that. > After a heavy pause, Sailor Earth broke the silence.  "The Time Key..." Dan: [Sailor Moon] It kinda got blown up. We told you, remember? > Sailor Time held out her hands, head bowed.  "I'm sorry... it's gone... > Serena, I'm so, so sorry..." Rebecca: [Time] But it's all her fault! Dan: [Earth] Is not! > "Gone?"  Serena's lip trembled as she struggled to maintain control. > "What.. what happened to it?" Rick: From the looks of things, it fell into a plot hole. > "I don't know.  Time gulped. "I..I'm not sure... Tsuneo: [Time] I'm missing a quotation mark. > I think it was hit by > that Neue Ziel thing we were fighting before... Dan: It's a pretty lame excuse, but I guess it'll have to do. > And now it's gone. What do we do?" Rick: Form a conga line! > Serena was quiet for a long moment.  Slowly she spoke. Rebecca: Like William Shatner. > "Sailor Time, you have to go back and fix the time stream....." Rick: Oh, come on. That's a cop-out and a half! > She continued with difficulty.  "Only you can protect the others. Dan: Only you can save mankind! > I... I'll stay here." Tsuneo: [Sailor Moon] On my own. Don't mind me. You just run along. I'll be fine. Really. > Sailor Time looked up, eyes tearful.  "But.. I can't leave you here! Rick: Why not? Rebecca: Go on, kid, you know you wanna. > Once I leave, I dont' know if I can return to this time!" > > "She won't be alone." Garnetia put her arm around the shoulder of Warrior > Moon. Rebecca: She'll have her *good* friend Garnetia with her. > "I'd like to make amends for my behavior... If I could, I'd like > to help this world rebuild." > > "We'll stay with her too." Celeste approached, carrying Sailor Little > Moon in her arms.  "Look what I found," Dan: [Earth] Can I keep her? Please? > she said, smiling.  "She's weak, but alive. Rick: Ah, dammit. > Thank you." > > "See, Rini?" Sailor Moon smiled sadly.  I'll be fine here.  Now, you go > and save the others. Tsuneo: [Sailor Moon] Shove off. We don't want you here. Rebecca: One mutie freak's enough. > You need to stop Rubeus from using the Time Key > in the first place.  That's all you need to do." Dan: [Sailor Moon] But droppijng off the answers to the end of year exams would also be nice. > Time cried out, feeling herself being pulled again, Rick: You are yanked in a direction you never knew existed... > just like when she > had first appeared in the future.  "I'm sorry, it seems I have to go now. > Goodbye everyone... Tsuneo: [Earth] Don't be a stranger! Rebecca: [Sailor Moon] Y'all come back now, y'hear? > Serena..."  Shimmering softly, she faded away. > > * * * * * > > "Who's hiding, Sailor Scrubs?  I'm right above you."  The Scouts looked > up to see Rubeus balanced on the chandelier. Rick: This seems familliar. Tsuneo: Gawds. It's a lame Star-Trek style "History changes so everything's OK" ending. Rebecca: So the fic's using old footage... making it all right to re-use old riffs! > "Aah!  I am Sailor Moon!  I will right wrongs and triumph over evil!  > And in case you weren't paying attention, that means YOU!" Rebecca: [Rolls on floor, gagging.] Dan: What's with her? Rick: Guess, you cretin. Dan: But she really says that. Tsuneo: [Rolls on floor, gagging.] > "Where are the sisters?" Mars asked. Rick: Like I said, in Australia. Dan: FOUR sisters! Rebecca: [Getting up] Give it up, Dan. > "Sorry to disappoint you, but they had to step out for a bit. Tsuneo: [Rubeus] Such a shame this is a twelfth floor apartment. Rebecca: [Rubeus] I gave them a choice. It was either that, or appear in this fanfic. Rick: Glad you two have recovered. > Hopefully I can entertain you in their place." > > "Ooh... come down and fight like a Sailor Scout, Rick: What, whine a lot in a ridiculous outfit? Rebecca: Tut, tut, Rick, you know he only wears that outfit for the wiseman. Dan: Or better yet, stay up there and fight like a villain! Tsuneo: I'm surprised Dan let that one go... > you scumbucket!" Venus challenged. > > "Again I apologize..."  He pulled out an incredibly adorned golden rod Rick: And had another sneezing fit. > and clicked three parts together. "...but you really must go.  It wasn't > nice knowing you, Scouts, but it'll be great knowing you've never existed. Tsuneo: Yes, won't it? Rebecca: Hear, hear! Dan: Ohh... Can it. > "What are you babbling about?  'Never existed'?" asked Mercury. Rick: [Mercury] You can't 'never exist' me, I've got to go back to Nerv HQ tonight. Tsuneo: [Whaps Rick on the head] Now stop that! > "It's only a matter of time. Excuse the pun." All: NO! > A burst of light startled him, and he shielded his eyes. Tsuneo: [Rubeus] Auntie em! It's a lame Jan De Bont movie! [Normal] If that's not redundant. > The scouts looked > up at its source.  Above them, a swirling portal had formed. Rick: [Cat] It's an orange whirly thing in space! > Through it, a figure barely could be seen. > > Sailor Time shot out of the portal, trails of energy streaming behind her > as she sped towards Rubeus. "TIME'S ARROW!"  Tsuneo: METEORAIN! Rebecca: MEGADEATH! Dan: GIGA SLAVE! Rick: BFG 9000! > Before he could react, the purple energy had destroyed the Time Key. Dan: And there goes the past fourty chapters up in smoke, ladies and gentlemen. Rebecca: Wow... So all our hard work was for nothing? Rick: Seems like it. Rebecca: Well... Let's all go have ice cream! > Furious, Rubeus leapt towards her, only to meet with another arrow. Rick [Rubeus]: Hi Arrow! How's things? > He dropped to the ground, wounded. Cursing, he gestured sharply. Dan: Hopefully, it was a TV-friendly gesture. > "Vitra! Come forth!" > > From the ceiling melded a youma. Rick: At least it's not a mutanted droid... Dan: Here we go. Just when I thought I'd survived an SM fic without melding the Japanese version into it. > "I'll take care of these for you, Lord Rubeus." Rebecca: [Vitra] Not that you could do it yourself, loser. Tsuneo: [Rubeus] Watch it. I'm both your bosses, you know. > Turning to the Scouts, she snarled.  "VIBRATION..." Rebecca [Random Scout]: Ooh! I like this monster! > They'll be alright, now, Time thought, And now, it's time for me to go. > > "Wait-- who are you?" Rick: Sailor Soulstone! Dan: Captain Universe! Rebecca: Nightman! Tsuneo: Ankoku! > Sailor Moon asked as she turned around to face the Sailor Scouts. > > "Sailor Time," she replied simply.  All around her, the world seemed to > become unreal, unraveling itself. Dan: Wow. Trippy. Rick: I expect to see Mr. Mackie's head float by any second now. > "Farewell," she said, a single tear trailing down her face. > > There was a brief shimmer, then nothing but darkness. All: Hooray! The fic's over! > Chapter 40 was submitted by Tina and Jinas. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > Epilogue Dan: Not yet... not yet... > "Wow.. that monster wasn't very powerful," Mina commented over pizza. Rebecca: [Mina] Fun, but... > "Maybe you're just getting stronger," Luna suggested, Tsuneo: *Finally* getting her appearance fee for this fic. > snuggling into Amy's arms. > > "Or they're getting weaker," Lita returned, smiling. Rick: These are Rubeus' thugs we're talking about. > "No, what I want to know is, who was that girl that attacked Rubeus?" > Serena asked, reaching for another slice. All: Sailor Time. Rebecca: Didn't you hear her? > "What girl?" Amy asked.  "I don't remember seeing anyone." Dan: Is she blind? It couldn't have been too much more obvious. Rick: Naw. She was just peering up Raye's skirt again. > "No?"  Serena stopped chewing, her face screwed in thought. Tsuneo: You can just hear the gears grinding. > "She looked > kinda familiar... like we'd met somewhere before..."  She frowned at the > others' blank looks. Rebecca: Think pink hair... Rick: [Serena] Nope, that just brings on visions of antipersonnel mines. > "She said her name was Sailor Time," Serena mused. > "I wonder if she's an ally." Tsuneo: Let's see... She saved your lives, injured Rubeus, calls herself "Sailor Time" and wears a sailor suit similar to yours. Tough call. > "Well, maybe she's here to replace you as leader," Raye teased. Rick: Please? > "Rayyeeee!  You're sooo mean!!!" Dan: Of course, you never found out what Rubeus did with the sisters, so they could all be dead or imprisoned or horribly maimed... But never mind. > * * * > > Sailor Time smiled, knowing that peace had finally settled.  The time > stream had repaired itself, the Dark Moon would no longer rule the future. > It was up to Sailor Moon to destroy Rubeus, and eventually Wiseman, but > she was confident it would happen. Rick: Of course, by altering the future, she has probably prevented her own birth. Thus she won't be able to alter the future... Oh gods. Never attempt paradoxes in fanfics. > "Be well, mother.  I shall guard the time streams forever." Dan: I suppose this makes her Sailor Pluto, huh? At least it explains the green hair... > With that, holding the power of Time, she set off ahead to see what the > future held. Dan: Right. [They all stand, intent on maiming the television., A groaning sound fills the room, and the television twists inside out and vanishes with a "pop."] Tsuneo: Uh... huh? Rebecca: The TV imploded! Rick: I guess it was just *that* bad! Dan: So... Rick: So. Rebecca: Well. Tsuneo: My head hurts. Voice: Who wants to go first? Rick: Well, I'm not going to give a review. The TV said it for me. Dan: It sounds drastic to say this, but the quality's slipped since part 3. There were so many plot elements simply being forgotten and dredged up later. Especially some of the characters, like Little Moon and Grunge Moon, who each only got one scene. The ending, of course, was about as corny as it comes. Rebecca: Well, putting aside the obvious flaw that it's a Sailor Moon fic, I guess what got me was the sheer inconsistency of it all. The scouts' vanishing armour, the conjunction that everyone forgot about, that kinda stuff. Although I've got to admit that the body count was rather amusing. Tsuneo: What got me was how the authour created characters seemed to take over, especially Garnetia and Sailor Earth. It's meant to be a fic continuing the original show, so you'd assume the original characters would be the big stars. That and Garnetia got just plain out of control. In chapter thrity one, she snaps her fingers and kills off a formerly unkillable monster. It's ridiculous! Dan: Well, look at it this way, guys. No more Chaos in Time ever! Voice: Did I mention Tina's contemplating another multi-authour SM fanfic? [Dead silence. The screen goes black] Rick: All of a sudden, I don't feel very festive. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Wiseman gave a patronizing half smile.  "Well, sister? Are you satisfied?