Elmer Studios presents... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- With Rick gone, who will take his place? Episode 127 gives us our first temp. How will it turn out? Bubblegum Crisis is copyright Artmic/Youmex. Bubblegum Clash is copyright largo2032@hotmail.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------- [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Rebecca, Dan and Tsuneo enter, talking. Rebecca is carrying a clipboard] Tsuneo: Well, it's day one of our HappyTemp program. I'm kind of nervous about how it'll turn out. Dan: Me too. I mean, we've had a few problems with them in the past. Rebecca: You mean a lot. Dan: Well, I wouldn't say that. Rebecca: Admit it. Have you ever met a member of the B-Team who didn't have some horrible problem? [Long pause] Dan: Good point. Rebecca: Let's see, we've got a schizo with wires plugged into her head, an oversized psycho, a mad midget with a sledgehammer, an uppity elf, a secret agent who wigs out at inopportune moments, a cat-man who co-wrote Cruel Lina's Thesis and Tango. Tsuneo: How come you defined all the others but not Tango... oh, wait, I get it. Dan: You missed Janice. Rebecca: I think everyone did. Tsuneo: She's the smart one. Dan: So who have we got today? Rebecca [Looks at clipboard]: Well... Oh. This should be good. Tsuneo: Who is it? [Tango enters, carrying a folding table. He calmly sets it up, and leaves.] Tsuneo: Tango? [Tango returns with another table and sets it up next to the first one] Dan: Tango's our replacement for Rick? [Tango returns with a third table, putting it on top of the other two] Tsuneo: That's who the agency sent us? Rebecca: Don't look at me, I'm as shocked as you are. [Tango adds a fourth table to the pile.] Tsuneo: No you're not. Rebecca: Okay, so I'm not. Deal. [Tango adds several folded metal chairs, and then sets up a ladder next to the unholy pile.] Tsuneo: What the hell is he up to? Dan: Do you really want to know? Tsuneo: ...point. [Pulling out a flamer pistol, Tango sets the pile on fire, then casually walks out the door. A few seconds later, he runs back in and charges up the ladder] Tango: WUBBLE! [Tango throws himself through the unholy burning mess, vanishing into a pile of burning furniture. A few seconds later, he emerges, none the worse for wear.] Tango: And remember, kids, don't do this at home. Leave it to trained professionals. And knowing is half the battle! [Silence] Rebecca: He's got me. That's a record. Voice: Morning guys- GAH! Rebecca: Good morning, Barry. How's things in Nanite Land? Voice: Um, fine. Tsuneo: He let it slip. Dan: That's a good sign. Voice: What's *HE* doing here? Rebecca: He's a HappyTemp. Tsuneo: We hired him to replace Rick. Voice: Ah, yes, well, replace Rick. Of course. Tango: I like guns and cheese. Tsuneo: Of course, we probably would have been better off with any other member of the B-Team. Or an avocado plant. Or a- Rebecca: Giant talking snake? Tsuneo: I don't know what you're saying, but I'll agree anyway. Tango: I don't either! At last we have something in common. Dan: Tango, what was that in aid of? Tango: It's my tribute to the now-deceased ECW. Dan: But that was months ago. Tango: It was? Rebecca: Yes. Tango: So what was that PPV I was at last week? Tsuneo: That was my washing machine you were watching. Tango: Well it gave a jolly good show! Voice [Unsettled]: Well, if you're all finished, I've got today's uh, thing um... Tango: Masonry? Voice: Yes, Masonry! Today's masonry for you. It's a Bubblegum Crisis masonry called Bubbleg- Wait a minute! That's not the word. Tsuneo: I think what you're trying to say is that you've got a Bubblegum Crisis fanfic for us today, right? Voice: Yes! Fic! [They sit, Dan and Tsuneo on the forwards-facing couch, Rebecca and Tango on the other couch. Dan and Rebecca are closest on the corners] Tango: The voice is losing it. [The TV switches on] > Bubblegum Clash Tsuneo: Could we have a *less* original title? Rebecca: Naw, it's just Bubblegum Crash mistranslated. Tango: What, like Animeigo did? B-doom, tish, thank you! > By largo2032@hotmail.com > Prologue: > Flashback > May 12, 2025, 2 A.M. Tango: The city of Townsville! > Doctor Richard Itami was speaking his thoughts into his private computer > journal. Dan: [Dr. Itami] Anyway, it's getting late and I probably should be finishing up soon... Man, I'm hungry. And I've got this real funny pain in my... Tango: [Computer] I'm an unintelligent machine and even I'm bored! > "As seems as if this type of cyberdroid that Julianna is working will > have intelligent thought. Rebecca: [Dr. Itami] That was a bug, and we're hoping to get rid of it in time for the Beta release. > Today, she showed me a sample of the programming, my God! Tango: [Dr. Itami] She's writing AI programs in Basic. > It goes further than what Dr. Stingray created before he died. Tango: [Dr. Itami] This one's got a slide-back sunroof head and realistic toes. > It probably is what he hoped to design." Rebecca: What he'd hoped to design was a toaster that browned reliably. The boomer was a side product of that research. > Itami leaned back and continued. "I don't like that > fellow from GENOM coming around here. Tsuneo: [Dr. Itami] I mean, he does own us and all. > I believe his name is Brian J. Meison. Tsuneo: OW! Ooh, revenge of the bad translation. > I know that he's Quincy's right-hand man. Rebecca: But you don't want to know what Quincy does with his right hand. > He's very shadowy, just like his boss. Dan: Maybe they need to change the light bulb. > I don't trust wither one of them. Dan: [Mason] Don't mind us, we're the happy, smiling faces of corporate evil. Tango: [Quincy] Indeeeed. > Julianna and I don't understand what Quincy and Meison want with this project. Tsuneo: Hmm, let's see, hulking, near-indestructible robots that could hypothetically be armed. Figure it. Tango: They want to make soft-serve ice cream! With sprinkles! Dan: SPRINKLES, GOOD! > It's not even ready for public use. Tango: The ice cream keeps coming out all hard. > Now GENOM's beginning to scare me......" Rebecca: Only beginning to scare you? Dan: C'mon, it's 2025! They only own 73% of everything. > The door to Itami's office opened. The Doctor looked up and saw Meison enter. > "What do you want here?" Itami asked. Dan: [Dr. Itami] And what are you doing here at 2 in the morning? Rebecca: [Mason] I own the place and I couldn't sleep. > "GENOM only funds this project." Tango: I think that gives him the right to do whatever he damn well feels like. > "As of this minute, GENOM is replacing you as head of this project, Doctor." > Meison smiled at him. Tango: [Dr. Itami] What, the whole company? How will they fit in the office? Dan: [Mason] I'll repaint it in cream colours, makes the place look bigger. > "Under whose orders?" Itami glared at the man in front of his desk. He stood a > slammed a fist against the desk. "What gives you the right?" Tsuneo: [Mason] The contract you signed, remember? Rebecca: [Dr. Itami] Well besides that! > In one gloved hand, Meison held up a Gulf & Bradley .45. Tango: Unfortunately this is using Counterstrike rules, so the whole clip only did 45% damage. Dan: But that's okay, Mason blamed it on the lag. > "Myself, mostly. I have my own agenda." Tsuneo: [Mason] 2:30: Have nails done. 3:30: Have full body massage. 4:30: Take over world. 5:30: Go home for microwave TV dinner. > "Why?" Fear crawled icily up Itami's throat. He realized that he was a problem > in Meison's grand scheme and had to be killed... "Why?" > "I want to live forever!!!!!!!" All: [Singing] Fame! I wanna live forever! Voice: No eighties musicals! Tango: Not even Starlight Express? Voice: Especially not Starlight Express. I don't to have to re-lay the carpet like last time. > Meison aimed the gun directly at the center of the Doctor's forehead. Dan: [Dr Itami] You know, I really should have seen this coming. > "Too bad you won't. Please, give my regards to Stingray > when you see him." Dan: [Dr. Itami] Why, am I getting reassigned? Tsuneo: [Mason] No. Dan: [Dr. Itami] So I'm going on a trip? Tsuneo: [Mason] No! Dan: [Dr. Itami] Oh, we're having an office get-together? Tsuneo: [Mason] No, I'm going to shoot you, you idiot! Dan: [Dr. Itami] So is tomorrow's lunch off then? > Meison pulled the trigger. A flash from the gun lit up the > room as the bullet tore through Itami's frontal lobe and straight out the back > of his head. Rebecca: So it went through his frontal lobe, missed the rest of his brain and went out the back? What did it do, take a circular route? Tango: Naw, it used the Quake 2 engine. > The body slumped across the desk. Tsuneo: Ten seconds later, the body vanished to conserve memory use. > Meison glanced at the computer > monitor and smiled. He leaned closer to the corpse's good ear and whispered. Tsuneo: [Mason] So what was the password for your computer? > "You where right not to trust me." He opened the doctors hand and placed the gun > in it. Rebecca: So he shot him through the forehead, and wants to make it look like suicide? Dan: Yeah, looks like he took himself by surprise. > He reached into his pocket and removed a portable hard drive and copied the > entire computer onto it. Tango: You know, between all the pr0n, the MP3z, the DivXz, the juarez, and webcam footage from the ladies room, there might actually be some work related material in there, although it is unlikely. > It only took a few minutes to download. Dan: That's a lot of pr0n. Tsuneo: You said pr0n. Dan: Damn! Tango, that's your fault. Tango: 5\/\/337 @|253!@! > Meison replaced > the drive into his pocket. He pulled the keyboard over the desk and typed in a > single command. 'Delete All Drives.' Tsuneo: Bad command or filename. Rebecca: In the future, they don't have "format." Dan: DoS isn't futuristic enough. Tango: They're still using MS-DoS, though. > Within seconds, the computer was empty. > Just like the body of Dr. Itami, Tsuneo: So what, they've already stripped him of his organs? Tango: They've stolen his eyes then rebadged them as Z-ray eyes. Tsuneo: Z-ray? Tango: They're two better than X-rays! > which still laid across the desk. Meison taped > an envelope to the monitor, replaced the keyboard and left the office. Dan: This is the point where he realises that the whole thing was caught on a' security tape and sold to the Fox network. Rebecca: Up next on "when executives attack" > May 12, 2025 8:00 A.M. > 14 year old Sylia Stingray Tsuneo: Hey look, it's the TV Ifurita. > had awoke to the sound of her video-clock. She > picked out her wardrobe, put it on and headed into the living room to get the > morning paper. As it printed, the headline caught her eye. Dan: STUFF HAPPENS > 'BOOMER DESIGNER DEAD' it screamed from the page. Tango: Genom stocks up two points. > Sylia started to read the > article. "Dr. Richard Itami, 46 was found dead early this morning in his > Shinjuku office. Suicide was the apparent motive. Dan: So the murderer killed him in suicide? Rebecca: Yeah, he shot himself in self defence. > The doctor worked under Dr. > Katshuito Stingray, creator of the boomer technology. Details will be released > after notication of next of kin have been notified. Tango: Ma'am, we're here to inform you that we're here, to inform you that your husband was killed of death. > Sylia knew that it wasn't a suicide. Tsuneo: The way they said it may have tipped her off. > Dr. Itami was a very close friend of the family. Rebecca: So close that they handed him a restraining order. > He was telling her about how Brian J. Meison, a GENOM executive was > prowling around the labs, scrutinizing every little thing that they did. Dan: And cutting off their funding at random intervals. > Sylia closed her eyes and offered a silent prayer to Itami. Rebecca: [Sylia] Wait a sec, I just remembered I'm an atheist. Tango: In that case, pray to nothing! > 'Soon, it all ends, GENOM. Very Soon. I'll avenge my father and you also dear > friend.' Thought to herself. Dan: [Sylia] And my goldfish. And my Gobot toys. > "Morning Sis!" 10 year old Mackie walked into the room and sat on the sofa in > front of the T.V. He looked at Sylia and noticed how worried she looked. "What's > wrong?" Rebecca: You're ten years old and you're ogling your sister. *Everything's* wrong. > "Remember Uncle Richard? One of Father's friends?" she asked. > "Yeah! Uncle Richie!!!! Dan: [Mackie] Yeah, he owes me ten bucks! Tsuneo: [Sylia] Well don't expect it back anytime soon. Dan: [Mackie] What, he's in jail again? Tsuneo: [Sylia] No. Dan: [Mackie] So he's on another "business trip" to Thailand? Tsuneo: [Sylia] No. Dan: [Mackie] His wife threw him out of the house again? Tsuneo: [Sylia] He's dead! > What's wrong?" Mackie asked. > "He died this morning." Sylia walked over to Mackie and sat down next to him. > Mackie started to cry. Tango: [Mackie] But he never returned my Playboys! > "He died like daddy. Didn't he Sis?" Mackie asked her. Rebecca: [Sylia] Yes, they shot him, burned down his office and buried the remains. > "Yes. Nothing is going to happen to us. I'll protect you." Sylia stood. Rebecca: [Sylia] If anyone comes near us, I'll blast them with my Staff Key. Tsuneo: *Ahem!* Rebecca: [Sylia] Okay, my cute little TV style Staff Key. > "Go get dressed and I'll make you breakfast." > "Okay!!!" Mackie ran into his room to go get changed. Tsuneo: He cheered up pretty quickly. Rebecca: That's because Sylia's gown was slipping. Dan: [Peers forwards] You're right, it was! [Rebecca whacks him with a cushion] > Things where going to change. And with the data tape, she would fulfill that > promise. > May 14, 2025 > Dr. Itami's funeral was short. Dan: Nobody liked him anyway. Tsuneo: Then they all played golf. > Sylia saw Julianna Mason, Dr. Itami's partner with her son Michael. Tango: I get it, the horny old goat was playing around with Mason's sister. > She walked over to them. "Hello Dr. Mason" > "Hello Sylia. How are you and Mackie doing?" Julianna asked. Dan: Relatively normal. Tango: [Mackie] Sis has pink panties on. Dan: [To Rebecca] Hey, why don't you hit him for that? [Tango grins] Good point. > "Fine, how are you doing?" Sylia could tell she was upset. Tsuneo: Not with this wooden acting she can't! > "Michael and I are taking a vacation. We'll be back in about a month or so. > After all that's happened." she replied. Tango: So their response to this family tragedy is to go on holiday? Dan: They're probably Kennedys. > "Yeah! I can't wait Syl!!!! Mom and I are going on a real vacation!!!!" Michael > smiled. Rebecca: [Michael] Okay, so Dad had to die and all, but he was a loser. > He ran a hand through his unruly hair. "You still haveta....." Michael > was interrupted. > A man approached the three of them. Tsuneo: Three? Where's Mackie gotten to? Rebecca: They tossed him in an open grave. > "Hello, Julianna." he said in a business-like tone. "How are you doing?" Rebecca: [Julianna] Fine, at least I don't have a huge pole shoved up my- Dan: [Mason] Kids, you'd better leave about now. And fetch a gravedigger. > "Fine, Brian. Leave me alone." Julianna growled. She turned to Michael and > Sylia. "Kids take a walk, please." Tango: [Mackie] Let's go play in the crematorium. > Both nodded and walked off. Tsuneo: So where'd Michael vanish to? > "That guy is weird, Syl. He scares me." Michael told her. > "That's Brian J. Meison isn't it?" she asked. Tsuneo: No, it's Brian J. Mason, but the confusion is understandable. > "Yeah, he was always at the labs checking the progress of Mom's work." Rebecca: [Sylia] Now remind me, isn't he your uncle? > They heard a loud slap. They turned around a saw Julianna slap him again across > the face. Tango: And once more for good luck! > "You leave my son out of this, you bastard!!!" She walked over to the > two children and took their hands. "C'mon kids we're leaving." > Julianna drove Sylia back to her home and walked her to the front door. Dan: [Sylia] We left Mackie at the graveyard. Rebecca: Well you know what happened? Tsuneo: This is going to involve necrophilia, isn't it? Rebecca: who, me? Tango: He was jumped by Dark Carnival looking for a theme match. > "Sylia, > take care. Stay away from that man you saw today. He's evil and not to be > trusted." Tango: [Julianna] He's got a fluffy white cat, a secret volcano lair and everything. > Julianna kissed her forehead. "Take care Sweetie." Dan: [Julianna] Don't go talking to any strange boomers! > Michael and Julianna went back to their house and started to pack. "Michael, > take whatever you want. We've got to go. We're going to your Grandfather's place > in Los Angeles." Rebecca: So you're getting away from killings by going to LA? That doesn't make much sense. > "What?" Michael asked. "What did that man in the cemetery tell you?" > "Listen, that man in the cemetery is your..... Rebecca: [Julianna] Aunt. > never mind. He threatened to kill us. Dan: [Michael] This is about when I puked in his lap, isn't it? > Tonight we leave, and we're not coming back for awhile." Tango: Yeah, those queues for Splash Mountain can be a real killer. > Julianna packed her two suitcases and helped Michael with his. > > November 23, 2032 - On Top of GENOM tower. Dan: Hey, I can see the Sydney Kings loosing from here. > Brian J. Meison stood there in full body armor looking at the four Knight > Sabers in front of him. Dan: Brian J Mason was lurking behind him hoping not to be spotted. > "So, you finally came. Rebecca: [Sylia] Sorry, the bus was late. > It doesn't surprise me." He spoke. "Let's get this over > with...Ms. Stingray." > Sylia was in shock. How did Meison know? Tsuneo: It says it on your namebadge. > "I'm going to kill you as I killed your father." Tango [Badly Dubbed]: Ha ha ha ha ha. Rebecca [Sylia]: So you're going to drop half a building on my head? Tsuneo: [Mason]: I didn't mean it literally. > Meison lowered his visor and waited for them to make the first move. Dan: [Sylia] Hello, my name is Sylia Stingray. You killed my father. Prepare to die. > Sylia lunged at him and he sidestepped her. "Bitch!" He hit her in the back. > She realized the he had some kind of strategic movement device in his armor. Tsuneo: Yes, they're called legs. > "Shit! He knows what I'm going to do before I do." Dan: It. The key word here is "it." > She moved quickly to her left and threw herself to the right, lunging straight > at Meison. Sylia pushed him backwards, the both of them sending sparks up into > the air. > After a few moments of intense fighting, Tango: And rest-holds. > Sylia released her vibro-blade and shoved it directly into Meison's stomach. Tsuneo: No, the neck. Rebecca: So her aim's off. I don't think it's gonna make much difference to him. > Brian opened his mouth to speak, but blood came out instead of his vile words. > He choked on his two final words....'My Son....' Tango: [Mason] Get a job and clean up your room. > Priss, Linna, and Nene were in shock, "Sylia?" She broke one of her own rules. > Her revenge was fulfilled. Dan: If they ever bothered to enforce that rule... I guess they wouldn't exist full stop. > "Let's go, it's over." She said to them without turning away. She lowered her > hand laser to the ground and started to carve a message. Tango: [Reading] Mason is a- Oh, that's just immature! > Minutes later, the A.D. Police arrived. Dan: Late as usual. Tsuneo: They stopped for donuts. It's a wonder they're even here. Tango: Are they advanced donuts? > Leon McNichol stepped onto the roof and > looked around. He noticed the red pool on the ground next to an armored figure. Rebecca: Offhand, I'd say he's dead. > As he approached the downed figure, the face became clearer. Tango: And that's when Leon realised: He didn't have a clue who it was. > It was no other than Brian J. Meison. Quincy's lacky. Dan: Accept no substitutes! Tsuneo: What about Mason? Dan: Okay, you can accept him. > Next to the body, carved into the ground were two words: Tango: Doody head. Dan: Life stinks. Rebecca: Scott Summers. Tsuneo: I quit. > 'Knight Sabers'. "Nice, they just did Mega-Tokyo a huge favor." Tango: So instead of paying them a huge wad of cash, we'll give them chocolate ice-cream. > Chapter 1: > Music And Mayhem > October 13, 2033 > She was preparing for one of her shows tonight as she did every weekend night. > Priss put on one of her tight stage outfits and adjusted her blonde wig. She > walked over to the mirror and glance quickly at herself. Dan: [Priss] so do I look like enough of a fashion disaster yet? Tsuneo: Hey, is that Rutger Hauer behind her? > 'That ought to satisfy > them for awhile.' she thought ruefully. > She dressing room door slammed opened. Dan: It's a female door? Tango: You can tell that because it doesn't have a knob. Tsuneo: I'd hurt you for that, but I don't think it's possible. > (If you called a drafty closet with a bare light and a mirror a dressing room.) Rebecca: Only for the actors in Roger Corman films. Dan: No, for a Roger Corman film, we call that a set. Or maybe a production studio. > "Yo Priss! Two minutes until > showtime!" her drummer yelled. "C'mon! Magma Diver is finishing up their set!" Tsuneo: [Voice] And Asuka's plugsuit has inflated again. > The door slammed shut again. > "Yeah, yeah. I'm coming." she mumbled and turned off the light and exited the > room. Rebecca: Intense Room Exiting Action! > The owner of the club came onto the stage. "And now 'Hot Legs' presents our > special guests! Welcome Priss and the Replicants!" Tsuneo: But aren't they there every weekend? Rebecca: They're the regular special guests. Dan: Like Dwilght Schultz and Marina Sirtis. > The wild response of the packed club told him that this band was his meal > ticket. Dan: They've been playing there fopr at least a year! Wouldn't he know by now? Tsuneo: The *last* owner, yes. > He nodded toward the stagehands and the lights began to dim. The lasers > flickered across the club walls and floors Tango: Ah, my retinas! Tsuneo: Obliterating everything in their path. Rebecca: Okay, whose idea was it to use fifty thousand *mega*watt lasers instead of fifty *mili*watt lasers? > as the owner left the stage and Priss > strided across the stage toward the microphone. > She took the mike into her hands and softly cupped it Dan: I wanna be a stage mike. > and began to sing while rocking her body with the beat of the music. Tango: [Breaks down crying] Not singing... No... [Perks up] I'm over it. > "Searching for the whereabouts of my interrupted dream, > Which kept running down the stormy highway, > Letting all my lies and bitter illusions, > Blow off my back, with the wind. > `Big City' we're all just lonely `Heart to Heart' > Everyone's a lonely child lost in love. > `Big City' `Day by Day' > Tears only shake sleepless hearts. Tsuneo: So let me get this straight... she's singing the *same* song she uses *every* night for a whole *year*? Tango: Brittany Spears can get away with it so why can't Priss? Dan: Dude, Brittany's got more than one song. Tango: How can you tell? > Tonight... `Hurricane' Tango [Hurricane Helms]: Stand back, there's a Hurricane coming through! Rebecca: Couldn't we have Kamikaze Stasiaiak instead? Dan: Mmm... Stacy Keibler... [Rebecca hits him, just because] > I want.... `Hurricane' > To Tell You... `Hurricane' > Tonight.... `Hurricane' > ...Touch Me.. `Hurricane' > Like you mean it. > `Touch!' `Give me Touch!' Tango: I caught touch once in a stopover in Bangcok. Nasty stuff. > I cannot share the pain in your heart > With darting words that merely placate. > I want you to tell me what it is > That make your eyes cloud over. Tango: Then roll back, and you pass... [He passes out] > `Big City' all torn and tattered `Heart to Heart' > Tired of dancing around each other > In the tattered, broken night. > `Big City' is empty `Day by Day' > We waited anxiously for a little empty warmth. > Tonight... `Hurricane' > I want.... `Hurricane' > To Tell You `I love you.' > Tonight.... `Hurricane' > ...Touch Me.. `Hurricane' > Like you mean it. > `Touch!' `Give me Touch!' > `Big City' we're all just lonely `Heart to Heart' > Everyone's a lonely child lost in love. > `Big City' `Day by Day' > Tears only shake sleepless hearts. > Tonight... `Hurricane' > I want.... `Hurricane' > To Tell You `I love you.' > Tonight.... `Hurricane' > Feel the Hurricane > Right on your bare face > `Touch!' `Give me Touch!' > Tonight... `Hurricane' > I want.... `Hurricane' > To Tell You `I love you.' > Tonight.... `Hurricane' > ...Touch Me.. `Hurricane' > Like you mean it. > `Touch!' `Burning Touch!' > `Give me touch!' > `Burning touch!' Rebecca: Okay, kiddies, here's lesson one in padding your fanfic: Bulk copy and paste song lyrics. > She replaced the microphone and smiled to the wildly cheering audience. Tango: These people are so pissed, they'd cheer at anything. Dan: I thought you'd passed out? Tango: I had? sorry. [He passes out again] > She noticed that a pink haired girl in the back signaled her. Rebecca: [Priss] More damn groupies. If I throw a stick, will you leave? Tango: It was actually Mylene Genius looking for tips on how to be more eighties. > 'Damn it Nene! Why now?' she thought and exited the stage. Rebecca: [Priss] Didn't you go before we came here? > Priss ran back to the dressing room and started to change. "Why does a boomer > always decide to attack when I'm performing!!!! Dan: Maybe it's your singing that sets them off. > Baka!!!!!!!" She threw her boot across the room. Tsuneo: And we have random Japanese word. The crowd goes wild! Dan: [Bored] Yay. > The dressing room door slammed open. Tsuneo: So just how often does he burst in on the female performers in here? Dan: When Mr. Peephole tells him it's time. > And the owner of the club entered. "Why > the hell did you just walk off the stage?????" he yelled over the music in the > hall. Tango: The crowd were getting ugly. Any uglier, and they'd be a User's Group. > "Something came up." was her only response. Rebecca: A hurled beer-mug. > "Something came up? Something came up? PRISS, THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME THIS MONTH > THAT 'SOMETHING CAME UP'!" Rebecca: If she only performs on weekends... and it's the thirteenth... That means a boomer goes on the rampage two or three times a night. Tango: I guess Genom just don't make 'em that good any more. > "I promise that I'll do a week of performances for free. Dan: [Manager] But you only do one a week! > Just let me change and go." she pleaded with him. > He sighed. "Okay, Okay. This is the last time, you know. I've got other acts > that I could promote." He left the room and shut the door. Dan: So what are you going to use to replace Priss on short notice? Tango: An overexcited schoolgirl with a good dub? Rebecca: Fire Bomber. They're eighties enough. > "I'm sure you do." She pulled the wig off of her head and slammed it down. Tsuneo: I wonder if that thing gets danger pay. Dan: Careful, do you know how many tribbles died to make that thing? > She finished changing and exited the club. Tango: Well, she'd look stupid if she did it the other way around. > Nene was waiting for her outside. "C'mon Priss! Sylia's waiting for us!" Tango: Isn't this just bulk copied and pasted from the first episode of BGC? Not that I'm complaining, I had a wicked party that way. Dan: I suspect the boomer is a BU-55C with a minigun fused to one arm. > "The one night there looks like no trouble at all, a fucking boomer shows up!" > Priss grumbled. Tango: A f*cking boomer? So it's a rouge Sexaroid? Dan: Now you're being silly. Tsuneo: Now? Dan: Point. > "Oh Priss! Dan: [Priss] Oh Nene! Rebecca: Oh shut up. > I thought that you liked to 'suit up and kick some boomer ass to > hell'!" Nene said it her perky-as-always cheeriness. Rebecca: You know Nene, one of these days your medication's gonna give out. > "Yeah, I did. But that was before I told the club owned that I'd do a week of > performances for free." Priss fumed. Tsuneo: [Priss] If the boomers cost me my job, you're dead. > Michael Kyle Mason Tsuneo: Why look, it's the annoying kid from the prologue. > and his band Magma Diver Tango: With their gimmick inflatable costumes! > had just finished opening for Priss and the Replicants. Rebecca: With their number one hit "I Look Like a Munchkin In This." Tsuneo: And if you get that, you've been listening to Tiffany Grant. Dan: As a band, they sucked. But as doormen, they were passable. > They were sitting around the bar, waiting for Priss to come > back on stage. Dan: Three hours later... > "I loved that song!!! Can't wait to see Priss go back on!" Jenn, the bass > player said. "I love her style!" Rebecca: Jenn must have thing for big boofy mullets. > "Yeah!" Toshi, the drummer nodded. He looked toward the stage and saw Priss' > drummer and the club owner yelling at each other. "Hey, Michael. Look." > Kaneda, Dan: Kaneeeeeeeaaaaada! Rebecca: Tetsuuuuuuuooooo! Tsuneo: Idiots. Tango: Indeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed! > the Replicants drummer walked over to the bar. "Hey, Akira! Gimme a beer!" Dan: [Akira] Hold on, I've got to destroy Tokyo first. > A few moments later the rest of the Replicants stormed out of the club. > "What happened Kaneda?" Jenn asked him. Rebecca: His best friend was abducted by the government and turned into a mega-psychic killing machine. Apart form that, he's fine. Tango: Three Akira riffs in a row! A new record! > "What didn't happen? The bitch left again. She performs a number or so and > leaves. Tsuneo: She's got a good contract. Tango: Shre works harder than half the ex-WCW talent. > No explanation where the fuck she goes. Dan [Kaneda]: I mean, she's always rushing off whenever there's a boomer rampage or some other disaster, and she's never around when the Knight Sabers are there, and... hey, could it be? Tsuneo: You mean? Dan [Kaneda]: Of course! Priss is actually Superman! > And the guys and myself can't take it anymore. Tango: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! Rebecca: Have a donut. Tango: Yummy. All better. > It serve her right if we just dumped her ass." Kaneda finished > his beer. "I'm going home, perhaps I can get into another band." Dan: I hear they're looking for a fifth Beatle... > The club owner came up to them. "Can you guys go on again? We need a band and > you guys are the only ones here." Rebecca: Well, you've either got Magma Diver or nothing. And when it comes to that, there's only thing to do. Dan: Close for the night? Tsuneo: Go into a new line of work. > "Yeah." Michael nodded. "We'll do it." Michael's beeper went off. "I'll be > right back." Tango: Five years later, his body was found alongside Elvis in an Aztec Temple. > Michael dialed the number on his pager. After a ring, a voice and picture > appeared on the phone-monitor. "Hello, Hunter speaking." Tango [Hunter]: I am the game-uh! And I am that damn good-uh! Dan: The WWF's been so good without him. > "Hunter? It's Michael. What's wrong?" Michael already knew the answer. Dan [Hunter]: Dr Doom has kidnapped the president and is threatening to destroy the city with his Atomic Black Matter Ray. Rebecca: Uh, wrong number. > "Everything. We got a rampaging boomer out there and A.D. Police needs us." Dan: The ADP need a Boy Band? Tango: They were looking for cannon fodder. > "Fuck! My band was getting ready to go on stage again!" Tsuneo [Hunter]: Well, you've got to make a decision between saving the city and going back out. I think you know where your priorities lie. Tango [Michael]: My adoring public awaits! Tsuneo [Hunter]: We need new men. > Michael yelled, almost throwing the phone down. Tango [Michel]: Damn you, Telephone! And damn you, Alexander Graham Bell! > "Well, cancel it. We need you." Hunter said. Rebecca [Hunter]: I need you. I've been so lonely. [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion] > "If it means anything, All: It doesn't. > I'm sorry." > "Fine. I'll meet you at Headquarters." He hung up and headed back to the bar. > "Who was that, Michael?" Dan: A dork in red spandex with a sonic rifle? Rebecca: No, that's the Huntsman. Dan: Oh, so it was a lecherous detective in a mini? Rebecca: No, that's City Hunter. Dan: So it was a kid in a flightsuit with a jet fighter? Rebecca: No, that's Rick Hunter. Dan: So it's a re-colour of the Cobra Officer who drives a tank? Rebecca: No, that's a different Hunter. Dan: So it's a British detective and a badly pupeteered cat who teach physics to kids? Tango: Dingdingdingdingding! Most obscure riff ever! > Jenn asked. She saw Michael's face. "Not good, huh?" > "Yeah, I've got to go to work. We've got a 'rampager' out there." Rebecca: So it's a big scary Transmetal crab? Tango: No, it's a sheep with a beeper! Get it, Rampager? Ram-Pager? Bdoom-tish! [Tsuneo hits him and ends up clutching his fist in agony] Tango: Spinach! > Michael said. > "Perform what you guys want. I've got to go." > Toshi shook his head. "Shit, Masa is gonna be pissed. We don't want our singer > scattered all over Mega-Tokyo. Tsuneo [Toshi]: So wear this bright red "kick me" shirt I made you. Dan [Michael]: Are you trying to get rid of me? Tsuneo [Toshi]: What gave you that idea? Dan [Michael]: Sorry. > Be careful." > "As always." Michael said as he ran Tango: -Into the door. > for the door. "Give Masa center stage. You know he loves to show off." Rebecca: And that's what he said to the police when they arrested him for indecent exposure. Tango: Him and RVD are going to have a posing contest. > Priss and Nene were in the back of the Delivery van changing. [Rebecca clamps a hand over Dan's eyes] Rebecca: You're too young. Dan: Hey! I'm twenty... one. Rebecca: Mentally. Dan: Oh, right. Hey! > Priss was still > brooding over leaving her concert early. She was going to take her rage out on > something. Dan: And then, what do you know, Mackie entered. Tango: And there was much rejoicing. > "So what are we up against?" Priss asked. Tsuneo: A poorly-written fanfic with likely self-insertion. Rebecca [Priss]: I'll get the big gun. > Her armor softly hissed shut around > her feminine form. Tango: And then she realised that she had it on backwards! Oh, the humanity. Dan: [Mel Brooks as Priss] Why didn't anybody tell me my ass was so big? Tsuneo: Never, ever do that again. > Sylia punched a few buttons on the control panel. A picture of the boomer > appeared. Dan [Priss]: What's with all this swirling and stuff? You call that a Boomer? Rebecca [Sylia]: No, I call it Mr Coffee. Do you want some? > "This was footage taken about five minutes ago. Tsuneo: All I see is a slow white Bronco. > It seems to be the new RX-71 prototype. Dan: Which is like the Guntank, only dumber-looking. Tsuneo: Aaack! Never mention the Guntank again. Dan: Sorry. Rebecca: Zakrello. Tsuneo: Aaaack! > GENOM doesn't know what activated it, Dan: Product testing? Once it successfully destroys a city block, it enters the beta stage. Tango: An unholy desire for Cheesy Peas? > and then it broke out of > the lab it was in. No one was in the lab at the time. But, it's killed three > A.D.Policemen so far." Rebecca: Only three? Must not be much of a boomer. Tsuneo: It's not actually a combat boomer. It's actually an automated pot-plant cleaner. Rebecca: Well that's okay then. Tango: Dopp! Tsuneo: Aaack! > Priss snorted. "Great, the A.D.Police get slaughtered due to another boomer. > Nothing new." Rebecca [Priss]: So what's on RAW? Tango: Yaaaaaaalbert and Big Slow giving each other Rest Holds. Rebecca [Priss]: Thought so. > "That's not fair, Priss!" Nene squealed from the back. "Remember I work for the > A.D.Police!" Dan: [Priss] So how's that transfer to front line duty going? Tsuneo: And we sympathise, Nene. Tango: If by "sympathise" you mean "point and laugh" then yeah, we do. > Priss yelled back at her. "I don't feel one bit sorry for you." > Mackie's voice came over the intercom. "We'll be there in five mintues." > "Suit up!" Sylia commanded. Tsuneo: But weren't they already suited up? Rebecca: Well, they undressed and got dressed again just for the benefit of the fanboys. Dan: Mmmmmm... Rebecca: See? > "Oh yes!" Priss smiled and put on her helmet. "Prepare to die, boomer." Tango: Well, as a non-sentient mechanical construct, it's not really alive per se, so it can't really die, so it's not much point in you saying that. Unless you want to argue that they are alive, in which case you could argue that, by creating life, Dr Stingray is a god. Now if you don't mind me, I must go and find the "reset" button. Wubble. > A.D. Police Van: Highway 23 headed north. Dan: Then they realised that they left the oven on, so they turned around. > "Lt. Mason! Your squad is ready to move out." A tech reported from the front of > the van. Rebecca: It's been nice knowing you guys. Dan [Michael]: We're not dead yet! Rebecca: Just wait thirty seconds. Tsuneo: Oh look, he's number 28. Tango: Agguy! Tsuneo: Ack! Tango: Okay, Acguy! > He nodded. His long raven colored hair slid about his face. Tsuneo: Self-insertion sign one: Long hair in face. It always happens. > "Let's go. Groups 2 and 5 go east, groups 1 and 3 move north. Rebecca: Group four will stand around and look stupid for a while. Dan: [Weedy officer] But sir, it's in the south west. Tango: [Mason] Exactly. > My group will cover the west closing > the circle at Tokyo Bay. Move out!" Dan [Michael]: Being the hero I am, I'll be leading the mission from the safety of this super-reinforced underground concrete bunker thirty-seven miles form the battlefield. > The van pulled to a halt and released the 'Fire-Bee' mini copters. Rebecca: The Fire-Bee! It's fast target practice! Tango: It's like a ride-on lawnmower with a vulcan gun, but not as safe. > The teams > moved off. Lt. Michael Mason thought to himself. 'I've just signed these men's > death warrants.' Then a haunting, menacing little voice entering his mind. Tango [Voice]: I am the I that exists in your mind. It's dark and lonely in here. > He recognized it as his own. 'Just like Tali's huh?' All: Backstory! Tsuneo: What is the haunting past of our Monkeyboy hero? What tragedy made him the man he is today? What happened to him between the prologue and now? And, most importantly, who gives a rats? Tango: He installed WinME and watched his Athlon burn to a crisp. Rebecca: He bought Amazon shares. Dan: He bought comics from the Marvel MAX line. Rebecca: Luke Cage... urgh. > He hit his head against his fist. Tango: Take that, foul fist! Taste my forehead of great justice! > He had been torturing himself about her death > for the last three months. Rebecca: Each morning, it's five hundred lashes, followed by an hour on the rack, followed by repeated dunkings and a Pauly Shore marathon. > He pulled on his helmet and darted off after his group. Dan [Michael]: Hey! Wait for me! I've got Angst! I'm kewl! I want to be massacred too! > Tinsel City: Tango: Tinsel City, for all your Christmas decoration needs! > The boomer had just started to wreak havoc through the streets. Cars exploded > into flames, people were running for the nearest shelter. Dan: Citizens flee in badly-dubbed terror! Tango [Raymond Burr]: Yes, I see. > And Leon's group turned up on the scene. Tsuneo: And their opponents for this match: Red-Shirted Security Ensigns. > "Okay, I want heavy artillery along this street now! Rebecca: Nerf-Guns on standby, sir. Tango [Leon]: Damn the budget cutbacks. Damn them. > Leon pulled out a modified assault rifle from his patrol car. He lowered his shades. Dan: Because Leon can't bust heads if he looks bad. > "Ready!" > "Yeah!" His patrol responded. > "Good. Aim ahead and prepare to fire when you see it!" Tango: But when do we actually fire? Dan [Leon]: Um... > Leon aimed straight ahead with his group. Tsuneo: "I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!" > About a mile down the street, Michael saw his team going down around him. Tsuneo: There's nothing but casualties, wall to wall gore... it's horrible. Tango: Ice cream and strawberry topping? Tsuneo: Thanks. > "NO!" > Michael lifted his rifle up and aimed.....and just dented the boomers face. > "What the fuck? That should have went through it's head!" Rebecca: You're in the ADP; you should be used to things like that happening by now. > It grabbed Michael's > neck and started to choke the life from him. Dan: Of course, it's no-selling and doing a Chokeslam. That's no boomer, that's Mark Calloway! > A blast came from above, four armor figures descended from the sky like cyber > angels. Rebecca: Only without wings or halos, and in a variety of colours. > The boomer gave off a metallic howl and released Michael. Tsuneo: Trust me girls, you'll regret that. > The side of his head hit the sidewalk. Tango: There was a hollow, ringing noise. > "Knight Sabers...SANJO!" the gray suited figure yelled. Tango: I play the Sanjo. I won an award for it once. > "Knight Sabers....finally.." Michael muttered and fell to the ground > unconsciously. Dan [Michael]: Took your damn sweet time about it. Tango: Mackie got lost. > Priss jumped on top of the boomer. She smashed her fist straight through the > boomer's head and ripped out it's control box. "Nighty night, motherfucker. Dan: Additional dialogue by Bruce Willis. > Sleep peacefully....in hell." Rebecca: It's gone to Silicon Hell with all the photocopiers. > Chapter 2: > Sole Survivor Tango: So we've gone from a BGC Self-Insertion to a really, really, really lame C&C knock-off cash-in mega-multiplayer game? Weird. Rebecca: That would have never happened with Blizzard. They'd still be testing it five years later. > October 14, 2033, : 2:30 A.M: Scene of RX-71 Boomer incident > "This is Angela Nakamura reporting live in Tinsel City. We are at the scene of > another vicious boomer attack. Tango: Only three more, and FOX can put together a special. > Less than four hours ago, ten A.D. Policemen where slaughtered by the machine." Rebecca [Reporter]: One of them carrying a profound reminder of this tragedy, a battered teddy bear. Tango: Only ten? GENOM need to improve their quality control. > The reporter walked among the burnt out shells of cars. Dan: Is it Mega-Tokyo or Cabramatta? You be the judge. > "Ten is the total count of A.D. Policemen killed in tonight's skirmish." Tsuneo: You already said that. Rebecca [Reporter]: For those of you who missed it, ten ADP officers were killed. > She paused for effect Dan: And the Autocue to catch up. > and continued. "However the Knight Sabers destroyed the rampaging machine." Tango: Now here's the battle replayed in slow motion, gore and all. Thanks to FOX news; we report, we decide. Tsuneo: Mega-Tokyo might as well fire the ADP and just put the Knight Sabres on the payroll. > Leon watched the reporter give her report and looked as his men searched for > clues. Dan: They found a white tablecloth, some luminous paint and an alarm clock. Leon and Daley went to find some snacks. Rebecca [Velma]: Jinkies! A clue! > Angela noticed Leon. "Let's see if we can get any questions answered. > Inspector?" > "No comment." Leon said. "This incident is under investigation." Tango [Leon]: Say, baby, how about I put you 'under investigation.' Rebecca [Reporter]: How about I lodge a police harassment charge. Tango [Leon]: So can I take that as a yes? > He turned, and walked off. > Inspector Daley Wong met him part way. "These guys are almost done." Daley > yawned. > "What a night." Leon watched as the ambulances carried off their fallen > comrades. > Daley nodded. "You can say that again." Rebecca [Daley]: Nummy-nuffin. > Leon thought back to when he was a rookie, and it depressed him. Tsuneo: [Leon] I never pulled any chicks in the academy because my face was covered with spots... > All of the recruits that he started out with where dead or retired. Tsuneo: Retired with gruesome injury benefits, no less. > He pulled on his sunglasses. "Let's go." Tango: Does he just pull off his sunglasses only so he can do the super suave move of putting them back on? Big Zam! Tsuneo: Ack! > AD Police Infirmary: 3:00 A.M. > Michael woke up in Leon and Hunter were with him. > "Welcome back to the land of the living, buddy." Hunter said. > Leon nodded. "We thought that you a goner." Dan [Leon]: I had money riding on it. Tango [Hunter]: Pay up. Dan [Leon]: Damn. > "Yeah." Michael reached up and touched his head. He felt the bandages. "Ouch!" Tango: [Mason] These bandages are sore! > "You got a nasty bump on your head. Must've been when the boomer dropped you." > Leon said. > "What about my team? Are they..." Michael asked, already knowing the answer. Rebecca: They were downsized. His new team consists of a rubber plant, and his new office will be the old supply cupboard. Dan: [Mason] When did they get fired? Tango: [Leon] Two seconds before they died. That way we don't pay death benefits. > "Only you survived." Hunter said. "Sorry, buddy." Tango: They've all gone to work for dot-com startups. > "Shit! I could have saved them." Tsuneo: But you said you'd never need that save point. > Leon nodded. "You tried, but come off of it Michael. These things happen." Rebecca: Besides which, it's not like you know or care about them. Dan: They're ADP Officers. They're already dead. > "Like hell! I lost my first partner to one of them! And it's all GENOM's fault. > One day they are going to pay. I swear!" Michael started to yell. Tango: And, unfortunately for GENOM, they weren't on the low introductory interest rate. > "Calm down buddy. I'm taking you home." Hunter said. Rebecca [Daley]: But I called dibs! [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion] > "You need some sleep." > Leon handed Michael his jacket. "Here. I've got to go back upstairs." Leon saw > a lot of himself in the young lieutenant. Rebecca: I bet Daley saw a lot of himself in the young lieutenant too. [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion] Tsuneo: Will you stop that? Rebecca: It's Daley! It's all perfectly allowed. > "Thanks Leon." Hunter said to him. > Leon didn't say a word, he headed back upstairs. > Michael got off the bed and put on his jacket. He started to feel woozy. "Shit. > I'm going to need some time off." > "It's already arranged. I took care of it for you." Dan [Hunter]: You've got thirty minutes to clean out your desk and leave the building, then we set security on you. The rubber plant's taking your place. > "Thanks Hunter. I need to stop by my desk before we go okay?" Rebecca: [Leon] Have you got your bin liner? > "Sure. Let's go." > Nene was at her desk, typing her reports Rebecca: And not downloading Gundam Wing Slashfics. Nosir. Tsuneo: Thanks for that. I may throw up. > up into the computer when Michael and Hunter came in > "Hey Nene." Michael said. > "Hi Mike!!" Tango: Hi Tom, Crow. > she smiled and got up. "I saw your show tonight. I loved your set!" Rebecca [Nene]: Pity about the actual band. > "Thanks. After Priss left we were going to go back onstage. Then I get called > back into work." Dan: The Ansett staff were getting bored and low on coffee. Tsuneo: Australia's next airlines: A man with a cow fling, and Compass Mk 47. > She lowered her head. "I heard about that. I'm sorry about your team." Rebecca [Nene]: I had money riding on them too. > "Yeah." Michael nodded. "Luckily the Knight Sabers came and saved my ass." Tango: They managed to save his ass. Where do you want it saved? Dan: They didn't do much for the rest of him, though. > 'We saved Michael?' Nene thought Dan: Better make sure that you don't do that again. > and then spoke. "You better get some sleep Mikey!" > "He will." Hunter jumped in. "I'll see to that." > "Thanks, Mom." He muttered. Tsuneo: Ugh... Nene breeding. Now there's a terrifying thought. > Nene hugged him. "Well I hope that you'll be back soon! Rebecca [Nene]: I need someone around who makes me look good. > I also hope you have another performance too!" Dan: They're going to go up there and perform covers of 60's sitcom themes. Tango [Michael]: And now, Gilligan's Island, the death metal remix. > "I'll call the rest of Magma Diver later and find out what's going on." Dan: They ditched him. > Michael smiled. "I'll be lucky if I still have a band." Rebecca: They all left you. On the upside, there's a trained chimp act who have a vacancy. > "C'mon, enough talk. Your gonna get some sleep." Hunter said. "Even if it kills > you." Tsuneo: ...well that didn't make any sense whatsoever. Tango: Yes it did. Tsuneo: My point. > "You always have a way with words, Hunter." Nene grinned. Tango: I always thought he had a way with suffixes-uh. > "Bye, Nene." both of them said as they left. > "Bye guys!" Nene called after them. Rebecca [Nene]: They're gone. Now, back to the Everquest marathon. > ********** > Hunter drove to Michael's apartment. Dan: Michael drove to Hunter's apartment. It all got very confusing. > Hunter took notice of road and glanced over at Michael. > Michael had his head resting against the leather headrest of > the seat. Rebecca [Michael]: Is this genuine leather? Dan [Hunter]: I've got more at my place, if you want to try it out. Rebecca [Michael]: Cool. Tango: Make of that what you wish. Tsuneo: I'd rather not. Dan: Is it time for another Daley riff? > Hunter breathed. "You're lucky to be alive." He'd seen A.D. police survivors of > boomer rampages missing arms, legs, or other body pieces. Rebecca: Several were missing arses. Tango: They were trying to get enough to make a few complete officers out of the bits. Dan: Either that, or Street Fighter figures. > "And in one piece." Dan: He's Mint On Card too. > Michael winced. "Tell me about it." His head was hurting and any little noise > aggravated it. Tsuneo: Now cut that out! Tango [Hides drum kit and amplifiers]: What? What? > Hunter kept driving. "It could have been worse....." He brushed a strand of his > blond hair out of his eyes. "Right Michael? Er... Michael?" Dan: He'd left several scenes ago. The fic is just that good. > Hunter glanced over at his passenger. Michael had slumped into his seat and > passed out. Tsuneo: The intense action of the fic finally got to him. > "Poor kid." Hunter frowned. > 7:30 AM - Silky Doll, Sylia's Apartment Tango [Mackie]: Here's your newspaper and coffee, sis. Would you like some... 'strudel' with that? [Tsuneo hits him with a cushion. It bursts] > Sylia and the rest of the Knight Sabers were in Sylia's apartment. Dan: How'd they get there so early? Rebecca: They were there all last night. Tsuneo: Damn. [He frantically hunts around for a cushion] > "As for the boomer, it was an RX-71. Tango: It was foolly hotted up, maytez with the fool alloy wheeelz. Fooly lowered sick leh. > The newest in GENOM's line of machines." Dan: Not just does it cleanly and neatly dispose of your enemies, it also makes a mean cup of coffee. > Sylia spoke. "It's a construction boomer created for work on the moon and > GENEROS." Rebecca: They made it because Australian Unionists refused to go there. Tsuneo: Why, because it's too harsh or too dangerous? Rebecca: No, because it means working. > "What's it doing here? Shouldn't it be on GENEROS?" Linna asked. Rebecca [Linna]: I got a line! > "If it's for those types of jobs..." Dan: It's on holiday. > "The labs on GENEROS weren't well equipped for creating this boomer. Tsuneo: They don't have Advanced Technology II yet. Rebecca: All they can make is GIs and Grizzly tanks. > The > assembly and testing were going to be done here and then it was going to be > shipped to the space station next week." Rebecca: They'd already wrapped it and put on the postage. > Sylia spoke. "But it went rogue and > trashed an A.D.Police squad before we stopped it." Dan: That just means its working. > "As always. The A.D.Police can't shoot in a straight line..." Dan: Well this is what happens when you send your men to Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy. > Priss said > leaning back onto the sofa. "They always fuck up. One way or another." Tsuneo: Well let's see you stop a Boomer with hopelessly inadequate weapons, little miss smug. Rebecca: Looking at her RPG stats, Priss could probably stop one armed with just a rolled-up newspaper. > "That's not true, Priss! At least one of our guys tried to stopped him!!" Tsuneo: "Tried to stopped him?" Are you on crack again, Nene? > Nene squealed. Tsuneo: Ow! Dan: Earplugs? > "Well Nene, would you like to tell us what you found out about that squad and > the reports?" Sylia asked. Rebecca [Nene]: They died horribly. This concludes my report. > "Surely! Only one guy, Michael, survived in that squad survived. Tsuneo: He survived because he survived surviving. Tango: All the words are making my head spin. Make the bad man stop, mummy! > We saved him before the boomer could kill him. Tango: Could you come a little later next time? > Michael is okay, he does have a slight concussion Dan: [Nene] But he's fine! No really! > and some bad bruises on his head." Nene spoke. Rebecca: He's turning a very funny shade of purple. > "Luckily he survived." Linna said. "And in one piece." Tango: [Linna] Hey! I got another line! > Nene nodded. "We don't have the right equipment to fight boomers at A.D. Police > headquarters. Tsuneo: Actually you do, but you're not allowed to use it. Sucks, huh? > Luckily, we as Knight Sabers do." Dan: Just to rub it in a little more. > "Thanks to my father's work." Sylia added. Rebecca: Dr Stingray was a genius. Not only did he create boomers and hardsuits, but he also invented an easy-to-program VCR. > Mackie entered the room. "Sis?" he asked. > "Oh, Hi Mackie!" Nene blushed. > "Hi guys, Hi Nene." Mackie smiled and looked toward his sister. Dan: He was standing over her, of course. Rebecca: [Sylia] Mackie? Up here? > "Here's the > morning paper. Anyways, I've got to get these repairs done." Dan: [Mackie] If anyone needs me, I'll be covering for even more of Priss' mistakes. Rebecca: [Priss] Bite me. Dan: [Mackie] Really? > Sylia excused her brother and looked down at the paper and read a little bit > about her group's 'early morning performance.' Rebecca: [Sylia] Yes, you did a good job with the boomer Priss, and yes you did keep civilian casualties at a minimum. but I do think that spray painting "Priss rocks!" all over the scene was a little excessive. > Sylia scanned the article. She stopped in her tracks when one name appeared in > the course of the report. > Lt. Michael Kyle Mason. > 'Could it be Michael?' She quickly thought. Rebecca: It's her old boyfriend! Tsuneo: It always is. > "Yo Sylia? You okay?" Priss asked. Tango: No. I thought we'd figured that our by now. > "You look like you've seen a ghost!" Linna added. Tango: And he was coast to coast! > Sylia nodded. "There's a name in the paper that looks familiar." > "Which one?" Nene asked. Dan: "Knight Sabres." Tango: [Sylia] The name "Sylia Stingray." Have you heard of her? Rebecca: [Priss] Okay boss, now you're freaking us out. Tango: [Sylia] Took you that long? > "Michael Kyle Mason." Sylia said. "I knew someone with that name, when I was > younger." Tsuneo: Flashback in three... two... one... Flashback! > ***** Tango: Nice dissolve. > GENOM Tower 8:00 A.M. Dan: Quincy's Really Gig Room. > Quincy looked out his office window. Tsuneo: [Quincy] The ants look like ants from here. Dan: [Junior tick] Those ants are people, sir. Tsuneo: [Quincy] Can't have those. > The expanse of the mega-city below him. Tango: LRPs that should never be played number 48: Sim-City. > Some words floated into his mind. Dan: He's in the hall of hush! > These words were spoken by Largo, Tango: [Largo] ph34r m3! Dan: Wrong Largo. Tango: So is he going to threaten the world with a pair of stolen nukes? Dan: No, the other Largo. > that damned > super-boomer that nearly destroyed this office two years ago. Tsuneo: In other words, long after Priss had lost her job, split with her band, tried going professional and failed? Rebecca: Their reunion tour on the Floating Island fixed all that. > Largo's saying was > something like this "Once one has attained these heights, they find it hard to > go back down." Rebecca: Unless you give them a good strong push. > "How right you were, Largo or shall I say, Brian J. Meison...you bastard." Tsuneo: You should say "Brian J. Mason," but who's counting? > Quincy muttered under his breath. This was the real Quincy, not an android that > stood looking out the window. He turned and returned to his desk. Dan: [Quincy] Back to Everquest! Tango: He's hoping to knock "lee7n3n3" off the top scores. > A voice spoke from the intercom. "Mr. Quincy? Mr. Dickinson is here with the > morning reports." > Quincy pressed the button on the intercom. "Send Reginald in." Rebecca: [Quincy] And make sure the trapdoor is oiled and the Pirahna tank is ready. > "Yes sir, Mr. Quincy." > Dickinson straightened his tie and walked into Quincy's plush office. > Reginald Dickinson, a 24 year old corporate executive was hoping to fill > Meison's and Madigan's empty chair in the corporate ladder. Rebecca: He also had his eye on Madigan's empty clothes. > He stood before Quincy's desk. > "Good Morning, Mr. Chairman." > "Morning Reginald. Please, have a seat." Dan: [Quincy] No, the one with the high-voltage cable attached to the back. > "Thank You Sir." Reg seated himself into the fine leather chair in front of > Quincy's oak desk. > "So what's in this morning's corporate news?" Quincy asked immeditaly Rebecca: Let's see... Small bunny eats carrot, kitten stuck in tree, fourty-eight dotcoms and an Australian airline go broke... nothing out of the ordinary. > "Well, Mr. Chairman, the building of GENOM Baltimore is starting construction > today. It will be completed in 2036." > Quincy smiled. "What else?" Tango: I made a model of the Devil's Tower out of mashed potatoes! Well, I tried to, but it ended up looking like Gonzo's head. > "The reconstruction of GENOM Sidney and GENOM Chicago have been finished and so > have the reconstruction of both cities." Tsuneo: Sydney, Australia, on the other hand, was on it's own. Rebecca: Well, at least Major Bludd's got a place to hang out now. > "Excellent, what is the setback in dollars?" > Reginald glanced down at his papers. "Only $40,000,000,000 for each city sir." Rebecca: Does that include GST? Dan [Reg]: Um, no. > Quincy laughed. "Pure pocket change, my boy." > 'How Much money does GENOM have?' Tango: Lots. Tsuneo: Can you be more concise? Tango: Lots and lots! > Reginald wondered to himself.. GENOM had > money coming in from virtually every corner of the market. Tsuneo: That's because they own the entire market. If you want to be second Banana, it might help to know these things. > "What about last night?" Quincy asked, pulling Reginald from his daydreaming. Rebecca [Reg]: I don't want to talk about it, sir. It got "weird." [Tsuneo finds a cushion and hits her with it] > "The Knight Sabers had a run in last night with the experimental RX-71 last > night and destroyed it. Tsuneo: Then they destroyed it until it was destroyed. > It broke out of the testing facility last night. There's > no explanation why it activated. Dan: [Reg] Nudge nudge wink wink. > In its wake it killed eight A.D. Police members." Dickinson explained. Rebecca: Funny, the ADP said ten. Tsuneo: It's a rounding error. > Reg handed the reports to Quincy. "Sir, I believe that me should pay homage to > the fallen police officers. Dan: [Quincy] I'll name a target range after them. > Also, perhaps we should give a considerable sum of > money to the families of the fallen officers, to give us a good image with the > public. Dan: [Quincy] Why? they've got insurance. Tango: [Reg] The families are angry, sir. Dan: [Quincy] Bulldoze their houses and charge them for it! Tango: [Reg] You're getting good at this megalomania thing, sir. > Also the A.D. Police want to see the lab." Dan: [Quincy] How's work going on my fluffy white cat? Tango: [Reg] Excellent sir! We've just installed the plasma cannon! > Quincy nodded. "Fine. I'll personally take care of the donatations. Dan: [Quincy] I found some loose change in my wardrobe; just a few thousand. Tsuneo: Some donations might be good as well. > You will be > in the lab when the A.D. Police get there so they can't wonder off into the > resricted areas. Dan: [Quincy] Lock the doors this time. > Quincy read through the reports and turned his chair toward the > window behind his desk. Tango: It went round the whole way. Dan: [Quincy] Wheeeee! > "How long does this set back our project?" > "Well, we have the RX-71 in the lab. Tango: [Reginald] Our detailed analysis reveals it's a Mazda sportscar. Dan: [Quincy] I know that you twit! Tango: [Reginald] We think it might be green. > We can start replacing parts and upgrades > as early as tomorrow. We are probably set back by month or two." Reg said. > "Okay. That's all for now. Mr. Dickinson." Quincy was not admused. Dan: [Quincy] You're failure makes me angry. And when I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people die! > He wanted to > use the RX-71 in orbit replacing parts of GENEROS. > "Thank you, Mr. Chairman." Reginald left the office. The oak doors closed. > In the hall, the calm face of Reginald Dickinson sneered. "You old fool. You're > playing into my hands. And I will have this company, and you'll have nothing." Dan: [Quincy] REG! Tango: [Reg] Did I say all that out loud? [The TV switches off] Tsuneo: Well that was brief and pointless. Rebecca: Looks like we got yet another I-started-it-but-can't-be-bothered- finishing-it effort on our hands here. Voice: Well, if I could have your reviews, please? Tsuneo: I've read this fic before. Okay, so the names were different, and the typing was often better, but I've read this fic a few times before. It's one of the most generic self-inserts around. We've got a cool-as hero, a new ineffectual villain, and blatant rip-offs of existing scenes. Ho-hum. Dan: What's with that Reg guy? I mean, are we meant to be afraid of him or something? He wanders into Quincy's office, simpers, apologises, and then thinks he can rule the world? As if. How are we meant to respect this guy? Tsuneo: So what about the rest of the fic? Dan: Who cares? Rebecca: On a technical front, the fic was rather poor. Everything was done in a minimal way, with little description or introduction. We don't know what Michael looks like, for example. Nor, for that matter do we know what the Boomer looks like. Also, there's a number of errors with unnecessary repetition of words and completely nonsensical sentences. Tango: It was a masterpiece, truly one of the greatest stories ever told. A dramatic comedy that would be worthy of a channel 7 Sunday timeslot. Dan: you thought the fic was that good? Tango: The fic!? I was talking about the infomercial for the Abtronic (TM) I saw earlier today. Voice: Ok, but what about the fic? Tango: Well... [He gets up and starts rolling around in the flaming mess of tables] IT BURNS! IT BURNS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAKE THE PAIN STOP! [He gets up] I think that got most of the dirt off. [Dead silence, even from Rebecca] Tsuneo: We need Rick back. Desperately. Dan: Oh, come on, it's just the first day of our Temp Program and we did use Tango. It can only get better from here. Rebecca: You'll be eating those words before we find a suitable replacement. You watch. Tango: Fortunately, I know a good recipe for cooking words. All I need is a little bit of salt, some butter, some milk and a lump of U-235. Rebecca: Would a Battle Nun Arabella figure do? Tango: Possibly. Anyway, I must be off. Sabu is about to challenge the sock draw to an exploding barbed wire burning cage match! Excelsior! [He leaves] Tsuneo: This will all end in tears. If you don't mind, I have to leave. My bedroom is about to be extremed upon. Dan: I think I'll go too, before anything else catches on fire. Rebecca: Good plan. [They get up and depart. The couch catches alight. The screen goes blank] Voice: This wasn't what I had planned. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Riffed by: Jinas (jinas@elmerstudios.com), Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com) and Twin Cannon(ausmax@ihug.com.au) Tango is copyright 1997-2001 "TS" Eliot (Twin Cannon) Dan and Tsuneo Tateo are copyright 1999-2001 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1999-2001 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, random DELTA Invasion Episode Generator and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova Satori shrine, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp, all in one big steaming pile. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "What a night." Leon watched as the ambulances carried off their fallen > comrades. > Daley nodded. "You can say that again."