Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It's episode 103; or just a little bit into the New Age of Elmer. Which, for some reason, hasn't actually started yet. Anyway, it's time for more Dragon-filled fun with The Dark Side! Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Evangelion: The Dark Side is copyright raiu@northcoast.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "YYYEEEAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" Dan ran screaming across the churned-up, muddy ground. He cursed at his stupidity, having dropped his paintball gun when Rebecca had barely missed her shot (that had whizzed straight between his legs). Now Rebecca was chasing him, paintballs spraying wildly, and yelling for him to "come back here and get shot." For some reason, Dan didn't taker up her offer. He surged through some bushes into a relative clearing, surrounded by a few sturdy trees. Hang on a sec, I've got an idea. He checked behind him, seeing Rebecca following closely, then dashed straight at one of the trees. It's simple, he thought, all I've got to do is run up the tree, backflip off the trunk and land behind her. Then I can disarm her at my leisure. No problem for an ace acrobat like myself. Just as he planned, with Rebecca hot on his heels, Dan stepped up the side of the tree, then kicked off. Unfortunately, all this resulted in was Dan landing unceremoniously on his back, lying flat in the mud. Rebecca sighed, shook her head and stepped over to Dan. "Owww..." he moaned. "Nice move. Bang." Rebecca pulled the trigger, and landed a glob of blue paint square in the middle of Dan's chest. "You know, we are meant to be on the same side," Dan said. Rebecca shrugged. "Yeah, well, you know. In war, things happen." "Thanks a bunch," Dan replied. ***** Behind a nearby bush, Rick and Tsuneo, both splattered with mud and paintballs, shared a hip flask. They paused their chatting to listen to Dan and Rebecca's exchange, then Tsuneo shook his head. "Those two are idiots," he intoned, to which Rick solemnly nodded. ***** Dan was busy dragging himself to his feet, when a guttural cry emerged from the trees above them. Before they could react, a crazed figure dropped from the trees, covered head to toe in mud and dressed only in a pair of boxer shorts. A large, boxy machine was strapped to his back. "Take that, mother whatevers!" he hollered and opened fire on Rebecca. She stood dumbfounded as yellow paint splattered all over her outfit. She glanced down at it, then looked up just in time to get hit in the face with some kind of cold, soft projectile. As Rebecca pitched over, the crazed figure turned to face Dan. A hollow click from his rifle prompted him to toss it away. "Hah, got you!" Dan declared. The figure disagreed, first by headbutting Dan, then by grabbing him around one arm and across the neck. The crazed figure then flipped backwards, tossing Dan overhead and leaving him to land flat in the mud again. ***** Tsuneo and Rick emerged from their break to an amazing sight. Both Dan and Rebecca, laid out in the mud. Rebecca splattered with paint and Dan covered head-to toe in mud. But the most unusual part of it, was that on each of them was a large glob of- "Ice cream?" Tsuneo asked, bemused. Rick tasted a bit. "Soft serve. Not bad." ***** [The scene: A well-appointed wood-paneled room. A large window overlooks a forest outside. On one wall is a sideboard, mounted by a display case showing a number of expensive trophies. A few doors lead off to other parts of the building. A soft couch and a pair of armchairs sit in front of a large, wood-paneled television set.] [Rebecca, Dan and Tsuneo enter from one of the side doors. Rebecca is wearing a towel wrapped around her hair.] Tsuneo: Well, until then we were doing well. Rebecca: Come on, you were the first casualty. Tsuneo: Hey, I took out Rick at the same time. We agreed on it. Dan: Only so you two could nip off and have a drink. Tsuneo: What I want to know is what happened with you two. Rebecca: Us? Oh, nothing. Dan: Nothing? Rebecca starts taking pot shots at me, and we're meant to be on the same team. Rebecca: Sorry, I thought you were Tango. Tsuneo: That's stretching it. Rebecca: Well not with how much mud he had on him. Dan: Speaking of which, where is he? [A door opens on cue and Tango enters, a soft-serve ice cream machine strapped to his back. He sets it down by one of the armchairs.] Tango: What ho! Jolly good sport, I say what? [Stunned silence] Tango: What? Rebecca: What the hell were you doing? Tango: Simple tactics. Gain surprise and scare the enemy. Psychological warfare. Dan: Not that, throwing me around like that! And what was with the headbutt? Tango: A simple way to disarm the enemy. Rebecca: But this is paintball, not war! Tango: Well it's hardly good training without hand to hand combat. Voice: It's actually meant to be a team building exercise, but never mind. Rebecca: What? What's the Master Control Program doing here? Voice: Well since you're all there, I thought I might send you this week's fic. Tsuneo: Why here? Voice: So someone else can pay for the damage. Tango: I resent that someone else! Rebecca: So what is it anyway? Voice: You'll be watching the second chapter of Darkside. Tsuneo: Joyous. [They sit - Dan and Tango on the couch, Rebecca to the left and Tsuneo to the right on the armchairs. The curtains slide shut, darkening the room.] Dan: You know, I've always wondered... [He yanks the towel away from Rebecca's head, only to find her hair already dried and braided.] Dan: I don't believe it. [The TV switches on.] Rebecca: I'm hoping that Fillia will come along and WA-TAK Raiu into oblivion. > Disclaimer: > The story, its original contents and ideas, Rebecca: None. > and any original characters Tango: Dragons or otherwise. > belong > to the author and cannot be used or reprinted without the author's > permission. Dan: Not that we'd want to. > All other characters belong to their respective owners. Tsuneo: [Authour] Blowed if I know who they are. > Italicized sentences > and phrases within italicized quotation marks ("" instead of "") indicate > telepathic speech. Dan: That would be nice if this wasn't a text file. Rebecca: Ixnay on the outhfay allway. Dan: Huh? > (Author's notes: First, a short summary. Tango: Stuff happens. Raiu is good. Gendo, bad. Rei gets all hot-headed and emotional. Shinji says Hell Yeah. A dragon shows up, and has nothing to do with Raiu. Even if he was wearing board shorts. > In the weeks since his arrival, Raiu has Tsuneo: Dominated the storyline, warped the characters to his own desires, and made a toal ass of himself. > become friends with most of the people working for NERV. Tsuneo: [Authour] I won't actually bother doing those scenes, because those people don't matter. Rebecca: Even Keller and Truss? > Most of the NERV staff know Raiu's past. Dan: I thought it wasn't to go beyond that room. Tango: Well, he told Misato, who went out and got drunk... > He has redesigned the EVAs greatly. Rebecca: He installed passenger seat airbags. Of course, they don't have passenger seats. Dan: Thanks to their redesigns, they look less like the original 1980s Dougram mecha, thus they can't get sued over them. Tango: And they can sell new model kits. > I apologize for > any inconsistencies between my first fic and the Evangelion series. I have not > seen all the episodes, so I had to rely on the episode synopsis' on various web > sites.) Tsuneo: Well don't write the damn fic until you know what you're talking about. Rebecca: Never trust anything you read on the internet. Dan: According to this, angels are actually made out of pie by Pen-Pen. I read it on the internet, so it must be true. > Genesis 1.02 > Feelings Revealed and Crushed Dan: [Raiu] This is the chapter where I score with Rei. I know, it's late. > A Tokyo 3 High School, Friday Rebecca: Not actually the one any of the major characters go to. > "Hey, Rei. Ya wanna go for a ride?" Tango: [Raiu] I'll give you a lolly. Dan: [Rei] I'm not meant to talk to strangers. And they don't come any stranger than you. > Rei looked up to see Raiu standing next to a NERV motorcycle, Tsuneo: Since when have Nerv issued motorcycles? Rebecca: Since now, baby! > wearing a black leather jacket in place of his trench coat. Dan: No matter what he's wearing, Raiu's always cool. Tango: What's not so cool is that he forgot to wear trousers. > A helmet sat atop > the seat of the motorcycle. Rei glanced at the motorcycle nervously, Tsuneo: [Rei] Should it be smoking like that? > then back at Raiu. She stood there, looking at Raiu for almost a minute. Dan: [Raiu] Well. Rebecca: [Rei] Well. Tango: This is thrilling. > "Rei?" Dan: [Rei] I'll think about it. > "Gendo wanted me to return to the base immediately." > "Why?" > "He did not say." Rebecca: Something to do with the fact that you work there and all. > "Do you always do what he says, Rei? Tsuneo: Well, maybe something to do with orders, respect and so on? You know, things you'll never understand? > You are your own person. Free will, able to make decisions on your own. Dan: Yeah, but Gendo's still her boss. Yours too, for that matter. Tango: And you do have to follow orders from superior officers. Tsuneo: Doesn't matter. He'll cap Gendo in a few chapters anyway. > Do you want to always be Gendo's puppet? Tsuneo: [Raiu] Wouldn't you rather be my puppet instead? > Just try it. So, you wanna go for a ride with me?" Rebecca: [Rei] you're the fifth person to ask me that today. > "Um, sure," she hesitantly replied as she approached him. > Raiu smiled and handed her the helmet. Dan: [Rei] What are you going to wear? Tango: [Raiu] Don't worry, my head is protected by a bony ridge. > She put it on and sat behind him on the motorcycle. Rebecca: [Raiu] Do you mind, not on the tail. Tsuneo: [Rei] This is an all to familiar scene. Dan [Rei]: DJ's is bigger. > "Okay. Just put your arms around my waist and hang on." Dan: [Raiu] No! I said waist! Not neck! > Once he was sure Rei had a good grip on him, Tango: And the circulation of blood to the brain had stopped. > Raiu started the company bike and took off down the road. Rebecca: [Rei] Why did Nerv give you a bike? Tsuneo: [Raiu] that's none of your damn business. Tango: Okay, so it's a company moped. Happy? > Raiu sped up once they reached the > edge of Tokyo 3, where the traffic was almost non-existent. Dan: [Rei] Where exactly are we going, anyway? > Rei almost immediately tightened her grip on Raiu and clenched her eyes > shut. Tango: [Raiu] I... can't... breathe! Rebecca: [Rei] Yes, I know. > Feeling that, Raiu slowed down a little and continued on. Tsuneo: Wow, he's ruining and manipulating everyone's lives in a friendly and considerate way. > NERV HQ, Gendo's office > "You wanted to talk to me?" Gendo asked. Rebecca: [Fuyutski] Isn't it time for our regular exchange of sentence fragments? > "Yes." Fuyutsuki replied. "I wish to resign." > "May I ask why?" Dan: [Fuyutski] It's all these fanfics. And I don't get to do a thing! > "I feel unable to keep up with what we are doing anymore. Tango: Isn't it always the way? I mean, you turn your back for five seconds and Gendo's gone and installed a swimming pool and caused third impact. > And I > don't agree with you wishing to bring about a Third Impact just to be with Yui > again." Tsuneo: [Fuyutski] True, there's also the overriding goals of Nerv and Seele to think about... > "Well then. It sounds as if you are set in your path." Dan: Don't you hate GMs who just railroad you through an adventure? Impenetrable forest, my foot. > "I am." Rebecca: [Fuyutski] And those are my only lines. Tsuneo: [Fuyutski] At least now I've got an excuse for not appearing in this fanfic. > With that, Fuyutsuki began walking toward the door. He was > stopped by Gendo before he got near it, though. Dan: [Gendo] I'd like your company car keys back. Tango: [Fuyutski] Damn. Dan: [Gendo] *And* the ones to the women's locker room. > "You were wrong about one thing, old friend." Tango: [Gendo] They *are* bigger than grapefruit. > "Oh? And what is that?" Fuyutsuki inquired without turning. > "I do not wish to instigate the Third Impact just to see Yui > again." Dan: [Gendo] Okay, so I did it for the perk of being the god of all humanity. Well, you would too! > The confused look on Fuyutsuki's face disappeared when he turned > around and saw that Gendo had opened the chest of his shirt. Rebecca: [Fuyutski] You've got breasts! Tango: [Gendo] They're not breasts, they're Dalek bumps. They can detect etheric beam emissions and they're *very* firm. > "Dear God!" > Gendo closed his shirt and pressed a button on the desk before > him. A pair of guards entered the room and stood silently, awaiting orders. Tsuneo: Hey, it's Ensign Throwaway and Johnny Expendable. Hi, guys! > "Dr. Fuyutsuki has decided to leave us. Escort him out and make > sure he is unable to divulge any of our secrets." Dan: [Gendo] So I shall explain all my plans to him in clear and precise detail, then lock him in an easily escapable cell, watched by a single incompetent guard. > "Yes, sir." > The two uniformed men grabbed the aging man by the arms and > guided the stunned man out. Tsuneo: [Fuyutski] I want a lawyer! I want my phone call! Tango: [Gendo] How can you make a call if you don't have a mouth to speak? Oh, wait, you do. > Gendo sat down again and smiled to himself. [They all place a pinkie in front of their lips] > NERV Hospital > Shinji walked into the room and sat down in the bedside chair, > his eyes never leaving the figure lying in the bed. Dan: We're not going there, are we? Rebecca: Clearly, Shinji isn't master of his own domain. Tsuneo: And I thought you couldn't go lower. Rebecca: And I thought the same about Shinji. [Grins] > He just sat and stared for a few minutes before speaking. Dan: [Shinji] Yeah, my life is that interesting. > "Please . . . please, wake up." Tsuneo: [Shinji] I mean, god alone knows why. The city's fine, Rei's happy, everyone's getting along well and I've got a cool new friend. > The young teen held the figure's hand, hoping for some kind of > response. > "You have to wake up. NERV needs you. Everyone needs you. Tango: [Shinji] Ratings have plummeted since Raiu arrived. We need more fan service! > But, most importantly . . ." > Shinji paused to trace his knuckles along the side of the > figure's face. > " . . . I need you, Asuka." Dan: [Shinji] My scars have healed, and I need some more. > NERV HQ > "Where the hell are they?!" Gendo raged. Dan: [Gendo] RAGE! > "Shinji is visiting Asuka." Misato answered. Tango: Of course, that's not a problem, since the hospital's right here in the geofront. > "As for Rei, she was last seen riding off Tsuneo: Into the sunset. > on a NERV motorcycle with Raiu." Dan: [Gendo] When did we start handing out motorcycles? > "Doesn't he realize that we need Rei here in case another Angel > attacks?!" > "Sir, if I may." Maya interrupted. "The chances of that happening > are extremely slim. Probably non-existent." Tsuneo: [Gendo] Oh, is that like the last angel that appeared out of nowhere that operations conveniently failed to spot? Rebecca: [Maya] I'm going back to my post, sir. > Gendo sighed in defeat and dismissed the two women. Dan: [Gendo] Okay, but when we all get killed by an invading angel, we'll all know whose fault it is. > Countryside Tango: Oh look, it's some daffodils and a bus stop. Tsuneo: And there's Kensuke, shooting things. > Raiu stopped the motorcycle and started to get up when he felt > that Rei still had a death grip on him. Rebecca: And we were just joking. > "You can let go now, Rei. I stopped the bike." Dan: [Rei] I'm not letting go until I squeeze every last breath out of your body. > Rei looked around and blushed as she let go of Raiu. Rei removed > the helmet and set it back on the seat once they stood up. Tango: [Raiu] So, was it good for you? Rebecca: [Rei] He just doesn't die. > She looked at the ground, still blushing. Tango: [Rei] The ants look like ants from up here. > Raiu smiled slightly and lifted her chin, making her look him in the face. Rebecca: [Raiu] Stop looking at the ground! You must gaze upon my magnificent self. Dan: [Raiu] And try not to be distracted by my tail. > "There's nothing to be ashamed about. Rebecca: [Rei] So what's that stain on the front of your pants? > Everyone's got something they're afraid of. Dan: [Raiu] Me, it's the Dragon Orbs and Lina Inverse. > Don't worry. Just stand up to your fears, and you can > accomplish anything. Tango: [Rei] Okay. Raiu? Get lost. > Besides, I'm here to protect you." Rebecca: [Raiu] Did I mention I look really dashing in a tux and have and endless supply of roses? Tango: Tuxedo Camel's better. > Rei remained silent even though she was comforted by his words. Tsuneo: [Rei] Let me guess, this is the scene where I swear my undying devotion to you. > "Look around you," Raiu suggested after several minutes. Dan: [Rei] It's a field. Your point? > Rei looked and saw they were in the middle of an orchard. > Pinkish-orange streaks of sunlight shone through gaps between the trees. Rebecca: Hey, didn't I see this in just about every Disney movie? > The cherry blossoms on the trees were in full bloom. Tsuneo: How fiercely generic is this scene? > Rei stared in awe as the > breeze turned the pink petals of the blossoms, showing the blood red backs of > the petals. Tango: I don't know if this is "hammy girly movie" generic or "Days of our Lives" generic. If it was Days of our Lives, Raiu would fall down a conveniently empty elevator shaft. > Waves of red and pink rippled through the orchard. > "It's so beautiful!" Rei exclaimed, then seemed to catch herself. Tsuneo: [Rei] Wait, no, I'm breaking character, no, bad Rei, bad! > Raiu looked at Rei questioningly as she looked away from him and > at the ground. He walked up and put a hand on her shoulder. Dan: I hope it's his. > "What's wrong?" Rebecca: [Rei] Well, this arrogant and overbearing kid barged into Nerv, mucked around with the EVAs, insulted Gendo, took unit 01 out on a joyride, abducted me and forced me to watch and appallingly twee scene of flowers. And my nose itches. Tsuneo [Rei]: I'm stuck in a crappy fanfic being drooled-over by a god-boy. > "Nothing," Rei sighed. Tsuneo: [Rei] Not that I get to express my feelings. > "Don't lie to me. Twice, you've shown you were happy, Dan: Rei is happy to be happy. Rebecca: Yeah, from her nose to her toes. Tango: Civet cats, naked mole rats and big black dragons just want to be happy. Tsuneo: ... > then immediately acted as if that was wrong. Why?" Tsuneo: Because... and this might be a shock to you, but it's because she was out of character. > "I . . . I'm not . . . that good with emotions." Rebecca [Rei]: I keep thinking I'm happy, then I realise I just want to smack you over the back of the head. > Misato's apartment Tango [Singing]: Home, home on the range... Where the rats and the cockroaches play... > "I'm home! Anyone here?" Misato called out as she opened the > door. > When no one answered, she checked all of the rooms. Dan: LOOK ROOM. Rebecca: You are in a ten foot by ten foot room. There is an Orc in the middle guarding a treasure chest. No-one knows why. > Finding nobody aside from Pen Pen, Tango: Wark! Can't a flightless waterfowl get any privacy around here? > she entered her bedroom and collapsed on the bed, exhausted. Tsuneo: She'd had a really hard day doing nothing. > Half an hour later, Shinji came home and checked on Misato. Dan [Shinji]: Yup, just as I thought. She's a woman. > When he saw that she was asleep, he went to his bedroom and turned on his > Discman. Tsuneo: This feircely generic scene bought to you by Evangelion: The Dark Side! > Touji's apartment Tango: Hey look. Toji's playing Pipi and Bibi. Who would have guessed? Rebecca: Whoah! Toji's back, and he's actually got a place to go to. I allways assumed that he just camped out with Kenskue. > Touji opened the door and walked through, heaving a sigh of > relief. Dan: [Toji] Do you know how hard it is to climb all those stairs with only one arm and one leg? Tsuneo: Oh, I've got a feeling that Toji's limbs will be back to normal. > "Man, it's good to be home. Finally." Rebecca: After a six week vacation to the ASADAE Floating Island, Toji's back. > Kensuke followed him in, looking around. Dan: Who invited him. Tango: Someone's got to help him up the stairs. > "Jeez, the place looks like a dust factory." Tango: What do you know, it's a square room with Dust Man in it. > "Well, excuse me for having a family that hasn't been here for > several months at the least." Rebecca: Well there's a weighty and improbable sentence for you. > "Hey, sorry. How are those artificial limbs holding up?" All: Well there you go. > "Pretty good, actually." Rebecca: Wit till he finds out that his surgeon was Dr. Nick. Tango [Dr. Nick]: It's my old friend, Toji McGregg, with a leg for arm and an arm for a leg! > Touji replied, flexing his new arm. "Those doctors did excellent work." Dan: It's amazing what you can do with brown paper and duct tape these days. > "Well, duh!" Kensuke exclaimed. "It's their job!" Rebecca: So... What was that scene there for anyway? Tsuneo: To say that Toji's back, and he's going to get his newly repaired and upgraded EVA. Rebecca: Of course. Why didn't I think of that? > Orchard Dan: Oh, so that's Seed's retirement home? Tsuneo: Shut up. > "What?" Tango: [Raiu] Is there something on my head? Something in my teeth? No, wait, it's the tail again, isn't it? > "I'm not really good at displaying emotions around other > people. I just don't know what emotion to express when." Tsuneo: Episode eighteen. Done better with Toji. New scene, please. Rebecca: Okay, how about whenever you're around Raiu you express homicidal rage? > "Emotions are tricky things." Raiu stated. Dan: You've got to be careful around them. They're very hard to track, and can be dangerous when wounded. > "You can't just choose when to feel them most of the time. Rebecca: For that, there's medication. > Like love, for example. You just can't control who you fall in love with. Tsuneo: [Raiu] That's *my* job. > I've heard of people falling in love with their worst enemy before." Tango: [Raiu] But only in movies or anime. Not real life. [They all snigger] > "That's not all." Rei cut in. Rebecca: [Rei] If you call in the next thirty seconds - not that we're rushing you - and you'll get a free set of steak knives! > "I just don't know what some emotions > really feel like, or how to react when I feel a new emotion." Dan: Oh great, now she's channeling Data. Rebecca: I thought only Tasha Yar did that. > "Well, the feel of emotions I could probably help with, Dan: [Raiu] I'd like to feel something of yours. [Rebecca hits him with a cushion] > but how to > react to new emotions, well . . . that's a bit tougher. You just do what > you feel is right." Tango: [Raiu] Where are you going with my arm? > "Oh." Rei whispered, then quickly changed the subject. Rebecca: [Rei] So, how about them Cubs? > "You said that everyone has something to be afraid of. What are you afraid > of?" Tango: [Raiu] St. George. > Raiu remained silent long enough for Rei to turn and look at > him. She saw a look of pain and sadness engulf his face. > "I -" Dan: Indeed, Rei. I think that's the most profound thing anyone's said in this whole fic. > "Don't apologize. You didn't know. I'd have to say . . . > dying alone." Dan: [Rei] Been there, done that. > " . . .?" Tsuneo: Hey, that's my line. > "As in, having no friends or family to acknowledge my death and > remember me. Tango: [Raiu] Apart from the adventurers who loot my hoard. > No one to tell them I love them with my last breath. Without > that, it'd be as if I'd never existed." Dan: Why's that a bad thing? Tango: For me, it's getting caught behind enemy lines without my towel. > "Oh . . . I'm sorry." > "Why?" Rebecca: [Rei] Dunno. Guess I'm not sorry after all. > "I didn't realize you had that much pain in your heart," Dan: Nothing indicates that. Tango: It's all those fatty foods he eats. > Rei whispered, her attempt to look into his eyes blocked by his shades. Tsuneo: If you're having a deep and meaningful, take the damned glasses off. You just look like an uncaring jerk. > Raiu removed the shades and looked at Rei. Before he could > say anything, the two heard a loud beeping. Tango: [Dot Matrix] That was my virgin alarm. It's programmed to go off before you two. > Raiu pulled a small cell phone out of his pocket and turned it on. Rebecca: [Raiu] Hello? Did I mention I'm really cool? > "Yeah?" he grumbled. Tsuneo: [Raiu] No, I'm not interested on saving on my long-distance phone calls. > "Raiu!" Maya exclaimed on the other end of the line. "Where > are you?!" Dan: [Maya] Raiu-doo! Where are you? > "Um, northeast of the city a couple miles in a cherry > orchard." Tsuneo: That's one hell of an orchard. > "Look to the south. We'll expect you here in less than > fifteen minutes." Tango: [Raiu] Sure thing, chief. Dan: [Maya] And don't call me chief. Tango: [Raiu] Sorry about that, chief. Rebecca: Say, what do they need him for so urgently anyway? Tsuneo: Gendo's ego has been allowed to recover. > Raiu grumbled as the connection was closed and put away the > phone. Still grumbling, he leapt straight up, clearing the treetops. Dan: Super Fujisaaawaaa jump! > He landed and ran > to the motorcycle. Raiu grabbed the helmet and tossed it to Rei, Rebecca: How did Rei get here so fast anyway? Tango: [Rei] I walked. > who barely managed to catch it and put it on. Rebecca: [Rei] What's the problem? Tsuneo: [Raiu] We need to get back to base. Rebecca: [Rei] Why? Tsuneo: [Raiu] Orders. Rebecca: [Rei] Whose orders? Tsuneo: [Raiu] Gendo's. Rebecca: [Rei, sweetly] Are those the orders I shouldn't waste my life slavishly following? Tsuneo: [Raiu, small] I hate my life. > "What's going on?!" Rei asked. Dan: We're not entirely sure. We were hoping you could tell us. > "Angel," Raiu replied as he got on the bike and looked at Rei > expectantly. Rebecca: How'd he know that? Tango: He's guessing. > Rei ran over and sat behind Raiu again, putting her arms > around his waist. Tsuneo: No, higher up. Dan: Is it wrong of us to want Rei to strangle him to death? Tango: Only if he suffers. > "Hold on tight, 'cause we gotta be there quick!" > Rei barely had time to tighten her grip around Raiu before the > motorcycle shot off at almost 60 mph. Tango: Zero to sixty in no time at all? The gees must have flattened them. > Rei adjusted her grip, sliding closer to Raiu in the process. Dan: [Raiu] This is the part where the authour justifies my existence. Rebecca: Oh look, they're gonna get all touchy feely on a high-speed vehicle. > This time, instead of closing her eyes, Rei kept her head > up, allowing the wind to whip at her face. After several minutes and > comfortable in the knowledge she can face her fears, great and small, she > laid her head against Raiu's back, thus protecting her from the wind. Dan: She's a better person for riding on a motorbike. Tsuneo: But she doesn't have any fears. Rebecca: And that's how she conquered them so easily. > Raiu would > have noticed had he not been concentrating on keeping the motorcycle from > crashing at over 150 mph. Dan: 150mph? now he's being silly. Rebecca: Of course, by this point the wind resistance has whipped both of them off. > NERV HQ, main entrance Tango: [Guard] ExcusemesirIneedtoseeyourpass... Oh, never mind. > Raiu stopped the motorcycle and waited for Rei to get off. > "Good luck." > "What? Why aren't you coming in with me?" > "I thought I saw some injured people. I'm gonna go help 'em." Dan: I don't think they called him down to help the EMTs. > "Wait. The Angel hasn't even reached Tokyo 3 yet. How can > there be injured?" Tsuneo: Well, you know how fast you were going... > "It's got laser beams. See ya." Tango: [Dr. Evil] Using a sophisticated heat beam or "laser." > Without another word, Raiu drove off, leaving Rei to watch him > disappear around a corner before heading inside the base. Rebecca: [Rei] Have you noticed how he's never around when that big dragon thing is? > Outside Tokyo 3 > When EVA-00 and EVA-01 reached the area the Angel was last > sighted in, all they saw was blood and destruction. Tango: From up here that's an awful lot of blood. Dan: You lost an Angel? Well done. > Shinji picked up a strange signal > on his scanners. He saw an energy signature that seemed to be growing larger > between the two EVAs. Shinji and Rei looked up to see a large creature > falling straight toward them. Dan: It's the Stupendous Splat Man! Rebecca: I think they can tell the difference between "right above" and "in between." > "Get out of the way!!" Misato screamed over the comm. > The two EVAs dove to the side just before the creature hit. Tango: Graceful. Tsuneo: Faceplant. > As the three titans landed, Dan: Hang on, one falling angel... What? > a guttural shriek was heard from above. The EVAs looked up > to see another creature falling straight at them, or more accurately, the > creature that had already crashed. All: Huh? > The creature on the ground fired an energy > beam at the other, knocking it off course. Rei and Shinji recognized the > creature that had been shot as the dragon they'd met a few weeks earlier. Dan: [Shinji] Are we doing anything here? Rebecca: [Rei] I think we're meant to be Raiu's cheer squad. > The other creature looked just like the dragon, only it was > silver and white. Tsuneo: Oh look, it's an albino swack-iron dragon. > The white dragon stood up and saw the two EVAs. It quickly grabbed > them in headlocks and faced the black dragon. Tango: Hang on a minute, the ref's giving them directions. > "Kurinaka, ni choutie!" > "Tou chakanahk Shito!" The black dragon snarled. Dan: Well K*SO you! > "If you're going to > make threats, at least speak modern Terran so the natives can understand > you." Rebecca: [Dragon] Okay. Yo, listen up, yo' punkass unh-huh yeah. I'm gonna bus some caps in yo' az, biatch. > "Ynear? Dan: Not quite, but we're working on it. > Ah, yes. I forgot. Wonderful Terra, how sweet the memories." Tsuneo: [Dragon] The cute way she turned into an Esper. > "Enough of the small talk. Release the EVAs now." > "And why should I? Right now, all three of you are at my > mercy." Tango: [Dragon] Because you're free to move, and I'm hampered by restraining the EVAs. > "Not necessarily," Black replied, disappearing from sight. > White grinned and turned around, expecting Black to attack from > behind. He was greatly shocked to feel his back sliced open by Black's > forward blades. Rebecca: [Dragon] Curse, he tricked me by attacking from the front. > White collapsed to the ground, his spine nearly severed. The two EVAs > backed away quickly, drawing their prog knives in the process. Dan: [Shinji] Well I'm getting to do about as much as usual. you? Rebecca: [Rei] I'm meant to be the love interest, but that just amounts to being talked at. > "Put those away." Black snapped. "They won't even scratch his > skin, much less his AT field." Tango: [Dragon] Because I, the invincible Authour Avatar am the only one who can save the day! Dan: So who's fault is this awful menace anyway? Tango: [Dragon] D'oh! > As Black finished speaking, White stood up again, his back > completely healed. Rebecca: Damn it... everyone's got a mutant healing factor these days. Tango: I don't. I have to rely on my collection of model trains. > White faced Black and fired a beam of energy so powerful, > the EVAs' armor was singed from two football field lengths away. Tsuneo: Mega-Flare! Rebecca: Did I mention that he's incredibly powerful? He's incredibly, incredibly powerful. Dan: He's almost as powerful as the megaweapon. > The beam hit > an invisible barrier in front of Black. The dark dragon held the AT field > for as long as he could, then let go and dove to the side, breathing a cone of > fire at his pale counterpart. > "Take this, chakana!" Tango: But I've already got a Chakana! It was in my cereal box this morning. > Black roared. > When White's beam faded, the others could see that the white > dragon was ablaze. Rebecca: That's a real pain, you know. There you are, minding your own business, then pow! Some guy sets you on fire. Dan: Ah, that's just the White Dragon's stunt double. > Black took advantage of this and charged White, slashing at him > with his forward and elbow blades. White was forced to retreat under the > barrage of edges. All: Run away! Run away! Tango: Barrage of edges? So he's running away from a Canadian doing a five-second pose? Tsuneo: Good thing the Authour Avatar was here to save us all from certain doom. Rebecca: Authour Avatars are God-NPCs for those who don't have any friends to role-pay with. > NERV control room Rebecca: The really big room. > "Why won't they attack?!" Gendo yelled. Tsuneo: Because nothing the can do will even harm the immense might of the all-powerful authour avatar. It must be true because he said so. > "I don't know about the white," Hyuga replied, "but so far, > the black dragon hasn't attacked them. Actually, it's been helping them." Dan: [Gendo] I don't care! I'm the villain in this story, so I say you have to do everything possible to get rid of the Avatar. Tango: We're with him. > "So did Kaoru before he betrayed us." Tsuneo: Um... no... Kaoru never did anything for Nerv. He just hung around for a bit. > Gendo picked up a small microphone and yelled into it. > "Attack them both before they destroy the city!" > Outside Tokyo 3 Tango: [Shinji] ...And what I really get sick of is being saved all the time. Rebecca: [Rei] This is just like Matt Blake in EVA-04, except he isn't insulting us while doing it. > "Tell your commander to shove it!" Black roared. > "How could he hear that?" Shinji asked aloud. Dan: Cause he's omnipotent, clearly. > White backed up quickly Rebecca: [Dragon] Fortunately, I keep a stack of floppy disks on me at all times. > as the flames died and fired another beam at > Black, blowing a hole through Black's unprotected arm. Tango: So where'd his Impenetrable Wall Of Spam get to? Tsuneo: It's down for repairs. > The dark dragon clutched his arm, a piercing glare locked on his opponent. Dan: Ooh, he's glaring at you. Scary. > The pale dragon began flying at insane speeds, Rebecca: Insane being the operable word. Tango: You mad fool! We're already going thirty mph! Gad, it's a wonmder men can live at this speed. > circling his dark opponent. White fired several more beams, > hitting Black in various places. Soon, Black was kneeling to conserve > strengthfrom the loss of blood. A pool of the orange liquid collected > at his feet. Rebecca: So it bleeds orange! Can we have a reason? No? Didn't think so. Tango: Fanta? I knew those people at Coca-Cola were evil. Dan: Hey, maybe he's connected to Orangel. > A small sphere of blue flames appeared in front of Black's open mouth as > the wailing of a thousand ambient voices filled the air. Tsuneo: Wow, Raiu's got his own soundtrack. Rebecca: [Raiu] Yeah, everywhere I go, there's all these monks, like chanting my name. It's like, so totally awesome, y'know? > Shinji and Rei looked around, expecting to see an Angel > attack, then realized the sound was coming from Black. Dan: Well gee, he's the only guy around cool enough to have his own backing track. > White halted several hundred yards > from Black, facing him. The small flame sphere grew in size until it was > as big as Black's head. Suddenly, the sphere disappeared and Black fired a > blast of energy at White. The energy punched through White's stomach and > continued on, destroying an empty building that had jammed in place when > the city retracted. Tsuneo: Right, so it stopped flying around for no good reason right in the path of the energy blast. Tactics! > When the blast dissipated, White was holding what was left of > his intestines in his hands, blue blood pouring from the wound. Tsuneo: [Dragon] How can you use my intestines as a gift? > "You may have injured me, but you won't be returning to our > old home." Tango: [Dragon] Wait for death in eighteen years! > "What are you talking about?" Dan: [Dragon] Wellll... I sold the house. > "You ever see what a fusion grenade does to a bata fruit from > the inside out?" Rebecca: Depends. What's a bata fruit? Tango: It's a fruit that hasn't been completed for final release yet. Dan: And how'd you get a grenade in one? Tsuneo: [Dragon] Okay, bad example. > "NOO!" > "Nuyo cra, yun chara. Yo nek tiem hou fek, tou chi lonu taiwe > tou gren sot yun." Tango: Me fella number one. Other fella number ten. Catchee all same-same, you savvy? > Without another word, White teleported away. > NERV HQ > The staff in the control room sat in a stunned silence for > several moments, then burst out in clamor. Rebecca: Hang on, we're having a spontaneous scene here! People, do stuff! > Gendo quickly got everyone under control. Dan: [Gendo] Quick! Improv some dialogue! > "Get the positron rifle to Shinji and the rail gun to Rei! NOW!! > We can't afford to let another Angel attack us so soon. Shinji, Rei. Kill > the Angel quickly." All: Hooray! > Outside Tokyo 3 > The two EVAs grabbed the guns delivered to them and aimed them > at Black, who was on his hands and knees, panting from exhaustion. He looked > up at the two armored titans and shook his head. > "Go on. Kill me. Heartless, back-stabbing, shrakas." Tango: How dare you! There are ladies present! Dan: [Shinji] Yep. Bang. > "We have no reason to kill you yet," Shinji replied. Tsuneo: Apart from the fact that you're an Angel and thus a danger to all humanity. Not to mention we've got orders to destroy you. And we don't like you. Tango: And we're out of orange Kool-Ade. > "I'm sorry." Rei stated, cocking the rail gun. "But we were > ordered to do so by Commander Ikari." Rebecca: How do you cock a railgun anyway? > "Do you always do what Ikari tells you to, Rei?" Black asked > in a hauntingly familiar voice. Rebecca: [Rei] Yes. Bang. > Do you always do what he says, Rei? You are your own person. > Raiu's voice pounded in Rei's head. Dan: For the terminally hard of thinking. > "How do you know my name?" Rei asked, surprised. Tango: [Rei] And why are you wearing board shorts? > "How do you think I heard Ikari tell you to attack me the first > time? I can hear any communication frequency within a ten-mile radius. Tsuneo: [Raiu] not just that, but I can control my own body mass in cream pies, and I can wash whites and colours together without any running. > Now, if the pleasantries are over, either kill me or let me leave." All: Kill! Kill! Kill! > Black tried to stand, but collapsed from the pain. Dan: So what's Shinji doing during all this? Tango: He's just found out Unit-01's got an internet connection, and he's hacked into Gendo's private stash. Rebecca: So why does it have an internet connection anyway? Tango: Do you know how grumpy Yui gets if she can't keep up with her newsgroups? > "Damn it!" Gendo roared over the comm. "Kill the Angel now!" Dan: [Gendo] And the fic will be over! > Free will, able to make decisions on your own. Just try it. Rebecca: What about following orders? I mean, Gendo does know what he's doing. Tsuneo: Actually, he knows it's Raiu. You can't blame him. > Can I? > Your own person. > My own person? > Make your own decisions. > Am I able to? Tango: [Raiu] Okay, so you'll be doing what I say. But it's got to be better. > "Rei! What are you waiting for?!" Tsuneo: Hurry up, before the plot congeals any further. > Free will. > Free? > On your own. Dan: [Raiu] Well, actually just doing what I say. > By myself? No. I have friends. Shinji, Asuka, Misato, the > others. Rebecca: [Rei] Fuyutski. The long haired technician. Toji. Not Kensuke. > "Enough waiting, Rei! Attack now! While it's still down!" Tsuneo: Kicking them while they're down? Tango: Best time, sir. > Just try it. Dan: So now Raiu's doing sports shoe endorsements? > But Ikari . . . > Do you want to always be Gendo's puppet? Rebecca [Rei]: Yes. Tsuneo [Raiu]: I hadn't thought of that... > But . . . Tsuneo: No buts, young lady! You'll go OOC and you'll do it now! > Puppet . . . > I'm . . . > Puppet . . . > I'm . . . > Puppet . . . > I'm a . . . All [Singing]: You are just a puppet. > "Rei?" Shinji questioned worriedly. "What's wrong?" Tsuneo [Rei]: The god boy is forcing me to be OOC and fall in love with him for no adequately explored reason. Dan: She's an Evangelion character. Something's *allways* wrong. > Puppet . . . > Am I? > Puppet . . . > I'm a . . . Tango: BZZZT! I'll take "Puppet" for five hundred, please! > "Rei!" Gendo screamed. "You have to kill the Angel to save > Tokyo 3!" Rebecca: Face it, Gendo. You've got another one of those "freaks out the pilots and makes them go all introspective" angles on your hands. > Puppet . . . > I'm a puppet? Tsuneo [Raiu]: You know Rei, you're a puppet. Rebecca [Rei]: I am? Tsuneo [Raiu]: Yes, you are. Rebecca [Rei]: I am? Tsuneo [Raiu]: Yes, you are. Rebecca [Rei]: I am? Tsuneo [Raiu]: Yes, you are. Rebecca [Rei]: Well, I am what I am. > "Are you?" a new yet familiar voice asked Rei in her mind. Dan [Rei]: I'm not too sure... could I call one of my outside aids, Regis? > "NO!" Rei shouted over the comm., shocking everyone. > "What did you say to me?" Gendo growled. > "We have no reason to kill him." Rei stated with sudden > determination. Rebecca: Can we kill him on general principles? > "He saved us when the other tried to kill us. More > importantly, he saved Tokyo 3. Rebecca [High-pitched kid]: Raiu is mighty! He is friend of all children! Raiu is really neat! Tsuneo: Raiu is good but misunderstood, just like Mr. Plutonium. > We owe him at least our gratitude, if not more." > With that, EVA-00 walked over to the dark dragon and helped > him stand. Rei looked at Shinji through the onboard viewscreens. Rebecca: External cameras? Tsuneo: No! > Without being > asked, Shinji moved EVA-01 over to the other two and helped Rei lift Black, > ignoring Gendo's commands to do otherwise. Tsuneo: Stuff Gendo! He only knows what's going on and what to do. Tango [James Hedfield]: GENDO... BAAAAD! Rebecca: Remember, folks, Gendo's bad because the Authour doesn't like him. > The two EVAs carried Black over to > the launch tubes. They set him down on one of the launch pads and stood > beside him as it dropped down the tube. Dan: Of course, the first thing you do is bring a dangerous creature that the EVAs can't effectively fight right into the center of operations. Tsuneo: Not to mention that the pilots don't control the elevators. Tango: They're going to do scientific research on it. well, actually they're just going to prod it with sticks. > EVA docking bay > Almost half an hour later, the two pilots exited their EVAs as > Gendo approached them. Rebecca: How long does it take you guys to get out of your EVAs? Tango: They were confirming their cover story. > "What the hell is the idea bringing an Angel down here?!" Gendo > shouted. Dan: Yeah, that's what we want to know. > "I ordered you to kill it, not bring it back with you! And you, > Shinji. I thought I ordered you not to help her!" Tsuneo: Well actually, you didn't. You just ignored him out there. > "I may have been made by you," Rei retorted, "and I may pilot > an EVA for you, but I am not your puppet anymore." Rebecca: [Rei] I'm gonna stand on my own two feet! If it's okay with Raiu. > "You insubordinate little -" Gendo snarled. > Gendo pulled his hand back and backhanded Rei across the face. Tsuneo: And here I remember Gendo as being patient and cunning. > Before Rei had even hit the ground, Gendo was staring straight into one of > Black's eyes from mid-air. Dan: [Gendo] Hey, you've got some grit in the corner... might want to do something about it... Oh, never mind. > "I ever see you attempt to kill a defenseless female again, I > will kill you." Tsuneo: So a slap is trying to kill her? Rebecca: Oh yes. Remember, all women are weak, frail and have to be defended. [Rebecca gives off a low growl.] Tango: Don't you know? Gendo has a 2D6 HKA! > "You can't do anything to me. Tango: [Gendo] I'm invincible! Dan: [Raiu] You're a loony. > I'm the supreme commander of NERV." Tango: [Gendo] I've got a neat jacket and I get the really big chair! > "What use is rank or title against a being that is more than > capable of destroying an army of EVAs? Dan: [Gendo] I write your paycheck. Tango: [Raiu] That's not me! That's... the other guy! > This is your only warning, Ikari. You do > that again, and I will kill you. Even if you think there is no way of me > knowing, I will find out. Tsuneo: [Raiu] Because I'll know, even if there's no way... of... Er, that came out wrong. > Are you even aware that if I had not caught her, Rei would > have fallen to her death?" Dan: Yes, she would have hit the floor where she fell and died from it. Rebecca: [Through clenched teeth] Yes, Rei's so weak, she can't even survive a fall from four feet. > Gendo looked at Black's other hand to see Rei unsteadily getting > up in the creature's palm. Black set them both on the catwalk Dan: Whoa, that slap sent her flying? What's he hit her with, a battleship? > they'd been on > and slumped against a wall and closed his eyes. The first thing anyone > noticed was that almost all of his wounds had healed. Rebecca: He's got a mutant healing factor too. Who would have guessed? Tango: Just wait until Magneto rips out his skeleton. > "Your wounds!" Rei exclaimed. > "I know. I heal as fast as my counterpart does. Tsuneo: And since the white dragon wasn't as badly hurt, he should be back right about... Tango: KABOOM! Tsuneo: Now. > I'm just really drained right now. My Mega Flare usually does this to me. Dan: [Raiu] And takes eighty MPs from the caster. > A massive loss > of blood doesn't help either. Once I've rested enough, I'll be leaving." Rebecca: [Rei] So much for gratitude. Save your life, disobey orders and get myself into trouble just so you can run off. MEN! > "Not before we run some tests on you," Gendo stated. Tango: Ritsuko wants to take your temperature the *hard* way. > Upon hearing that, Black opened his eyes and glared at the > Commander. > "As it is right now, I'm plenty pissed at you, Ikari. Dan: [Raiu] Just because your minions saved my life and all. > Don't push your luck any further." > With that, Black closed his eyes again. Tango: [Raiu] And my rigid grill structure is bearing down on your unprotected cargo bay door. > "Wait!" Rei called, unusually talkative. "What's your name?" Rebecca: [Raiu] I am the terror who flaps in the night! I... am out of my trademark purple smoke. > "My name?" Black sighed. Tsuneo: My name is Slartibartfast. > "It's been so long since I've had need of a > name. Just call me . . . Tango: General Von Krakenfart! > Ragnarock. Rebecca: [Rei] So you're the Norse version of the end of the world? Dan: [Raiu] Yeah. Ain't it cool? Tango: Ragnarok and roll, baby! > Your kindness will not go unpaid. Tsuneo: No good deed goes unpunished. > I will be here to protect you if the need shall arise." Dan: [Raiu] Just use the "Bahamut" materia. > Before anyone could say anything else, Ragnarock had fallen > asleep. Tango: I can see he went to Barney's institute of security training. > Gendo ordered a recovery team to go collect some of the blood left by > Ragnarock and the other dragon. He turned back to Rei and Shinji. Tsuneo: [Gendo] I want you two to leave the room while we pump him full of every toxic chemical we have. Tango: Hey, let's dunk him in tiberium and see what happens. > "You two ever disobey me again, and I will see to it that you > never pilot an EVA again." Rebecca [Shinji]: And this is a threat because? > NERV lab, an hour later Dan: Here at Muppet Labs, we're working to develop the spray-on dragon repellant. > "Sir!" Shigeru exclaimed. "I think you should look at this!" > Gendo reluctantly walked over to look at a small viewscreen. > Not understanding what the Lieutenant wanted him to see, he started to walk > back to the other terminal. Tango [Aoba]: That's right, completely ignore me... wouldn't be the first time... > "Sir!" Shigeru repeated in an impatient voice. "This is a DNA > scan of the two dragons." > "So?" > "Unh." Shigeru sighed. "There are two different anomalies in > the white dragon and three in Ragnarock." Dan: [Gendo] Oh, is that apart from the fact that they have big wings, scales and breathe fire? Tsuneo: [Aoba] Well, if you put it like that... Dan: [Gendo] and that's abnormal compared to all the other dragons you've examined, right? Tsuneo: [Aoba] Permission to go cry in the corner, sir? > "And that's supposed to mean what?" > "Take a closer look at them," Shigeru stated. > "I don't see anything." Tango: [Gendo] It would help if you switched the screen on. > "In the white dragon, we can see a normal human DNA strand. Dan: [Aoba] Believe me, it's in there somewhere. Tango: [Aoba] It also contains illudium Q-36, the shaving cream atom. Tsuneo: Shouldn't Ritsuko be working on this kind of thing instead of Aoba? Rebecca: She and Maya are working on something else in the next room. > On top of that strand is another DNA strand. That of an Angel." > "So you're saying that the white dragon is half-human, > half-Angel?" Gendou inquired. Tango: And it has a refreshing mint flavour. Tsuneo: Oh gee, like we haven't seen enough of those already. Rebecca: Meet John Barren. And Jon Ellis. And Lisa Foster. They're all special. > "Not exactly." Shigeru corrected. "The way I see it, the > creature can change shape at will between a human form and an Angel form." > "And how did you come to that conclusion?" Dan: [Aoba] I read it on the internet, so it must be true. > "The Angel DNA was dominant until a few minutes ago, then the > human DNA became dominant." Tsuneo: So that's a sample separate from the dragon? And it's still responding? Riiiight. Rebecca: But wouldn't all this make him an EVA? Tango: Sssh. You're not meant to make sense of fanfics. > "And Ragnarock?" Gendou asked. > "Well, first off, his blood is LCL. Tango: See? Orange Kool-aid! > Which is strange enough on its > own. He also possesses three different DNA strands. Tango: Aardvark, frog and walnut. > Human, Angel, and - you're not going to believe this - All: We don't. Dan: Hasn't stopped them so far. > what looks like what Evangelion DNA would look like." Tsuneo: Of course, since EVAs are made from a blend of human and angel DNA, you wouldn't have distinct EVA DNA. Tango: So he's half Angel, half human and half EVA, huh? Rebecca: Great. Raiu's related to Lisa Foster. Although it would explain why Rei's suddenly so stroppy. Dan: So... does that make White the Inane Jo? Rebecca: Let's hope not. I don't think anyone here could stand Raiu and White getting it on. > "How is that possible?" Rebecca: Through the miracles of pseudo-scientific babble! > "I don't know," Shigeru replied. > "Which strand is dominant?" Tsuneo: DNA isn't dominant or repressed. Dan: Tsuneo, you're thinking again. Tsuneo: Well the fic certainly isn't. > "Both the human and Angel strands. It seems as if the EVA DNA > is being repressed by the other two." Tsuneo: Well that's because there isn't any EVA DNA, is there? Rebecca: Will you calm down? Tsuneo: Sorry. This fic has something to offend everyone. > NERV lounge > "Just out of curiosity, why'd you defy Gendo?" Rebecca: [Rei] I expressed my individuality as Raiu told me. > When Rei didn't respond, Shinji sighed and began picking at a > loose chip of plastic on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. Dan: [Shinji] Yeah, my life's just that interesting. > After several long moments, Rei finally spoke. > "I don't know why. It just felt like the right thing to do." > "No offense, but since when did you care what the right thing > to do was? Tango: since she blew herself up to save Shinji's life. > I recall you followed Gendo's every order as if it were a direct > command from God." Rebecca: [Rei] Well, he's working on it. > "I had some advice from a friend." Tsuneo: Rei, what have we said about listening to Kensuke? > "Glad to see you used it," a voice stated from behind the two > pilots. Voice: No, it's not me. > They turned around to see Raiu standing in the doorway, Rebecca: [Raiu] Hey everyone, I'm back. You can resume worshiping me. Dan: Wasn't anyone watching the dragon? You know, to make sure it doesn't shapeshift and wander off? > his > left arm in a makeshift sling. He walked over and sat in a seat between the > two young teens. They noticed a slight limp in his right leg. Dan: So what happened to him? Rebecca: Well, he overworked his arm for starters. Dan: I don't want to know about the leg. > "So, how was your fight with the Angel?" Tango: [Shinji] Well, it was going well until some god-boy arrived, bossed us around and told us what to do. Tsuneo: [Raiu] That wasn't me. I wasn't near there at the time! No sir! > "Actually," Shinji began, "we didn't do any fighting > whatsoever." Dan: It was five minutes of rest holds and Tony Schiavone. > "Eh?" > "A black dragon we'd encountered the day you arrived was already > fighting the Angel, if it was even that. Rebecca: [Shinji] So, where were you in all this? Tango: [Raiu] I, uh, was getting ice cream. Yeah. > The black dragon defeated the Angel. Unfortunately, the Angel got away. Tsuneo: [Shinji] We just stood by and let it. > The rest - well, I think you should ask > Rei about it. I'll see you two later." Dan: [Shinji] Well I have no further part to play in this. I think I'll go organise my stamp collection. Tango: [Shinji] I'm still the hero of this crummy show. > With that, Shinji left. Raiu looked at Rei, who was gazing > out the window away from Raiu. Rebecca: [Rei] Take the hint. > "Are you?" Tango: Yes! No! what was the question? > Rei spun around and stared at Raiu in surprise. Her mind had > been replaying the incident with Ragnarock. Tsuneo: With the advantage of slow-mo, replay and close-up. > She'd just gotten to the point that > the strange voice had said, "Are you?" when Raiu asked her the same question. > "Am I what?" Rei asked in a quaking voice. Dan: [Raiu] A dragon? no, wait, wrong question. what a giveaway. I'm not a dragon, by the way. > "Gendo's puppet." > "Not anymore," Rei sighed. Tsuneo: [Rei] I've dumped characterisation along with any semblance to the series! I'm happy! Because *you* said so! Rebecca: She's happy to be happy. > "So, after Ragnarock defeated the white dragon, what happened?" Tango: The adventurers took the loot, drank some healing potions and tramped off back to town. > "How did you know his name and what the other Angel looked like?" Rebecca: Don't you know? Raiu's omnipotent. He knows everything. He's even heard of the Thrashing Gonberts. > "Well, duh. I saw the Angel before you and I came back to base. > And this wasn't my first stop here. I went down to the docking bay first. > But, by then, Ragnarock had left. Dan: And what, they just let him? > Another engineer filled me in vaguely about > what had happened after you three got back. Tango: He then wandered off to take over the enemy's construction yard. > But, from the sound of Shinji's voice, something else happened." > "Gendo ordered me to kill Ragnarock." Rebecca: Some orders are meant to be followed, young lady. Dan: Is it wrong to hate Raiu this much? Tsuneo: Tell me one of likeable features. > "But, obviously, you didn't." > "I finally decided to live as my own person." Dan: You know, you can still do that *and* follow orders. > Raiu smiled wholeheartedly at that. Rebecca: [Raiu] No! You're meant to live as *my* person, not your own! > "And you're talking more." > "Yeah. Thank you." Dan: [Raiu] Now shut up and listen. Tango: Now Rei knows how the Delta version of Asuka feels. > "For?" > "The advice. I finally feel . . ." > "Complete?" > "No, not yet, Dan: [Raiu] I'll fix that. Tango: She still feels an empty space. > just . . . free." Rei sighed. "What happened to you out there?" Tsuneo: That's what we're trying to figure out. Tango: Nerv was attacked by a giant purple dinosaur! We fought it off with our Cream Pie cannons and Disco lights! > "Got tagged by some falling debris. Rebecca: Never play tag with a sixteen ton weight. You'll lose. > Busted my arm, dislocated my hip, and hyper-extended my knee. Dan: It's a typical day in the WCW for Hogan. > I'm surprised I was even able to walk > back after the motorcycle got totaled under a small building. Dan [Raiu]: It's not mine, so NERV has to pay for it! Take that, Gendo! > It'll be healed > in a few hours to a day at the most. One of the ups of being genetically > engineered. Rebecca: Great. They made him with a mutant healing factor. That's bloody wonderful. Dan: Actually, he got that when Dark Beast cut open his head and pumped his brain full of chemicals. > Oh, yeah! I almost forgot. The engineer said that Ragnarock spoke to them > just before he left. He said 'Tell Rei thank you. She's the only person > to ever show me kindness.'" Rebecca: Read: "I don't want to get it on with Shinji, so he doesn't count". > NERV lab Tango: Many, are they going to be pissed when they realise that Raiu left while all their backs were turned. Rebecca: Of course, they'd know his secrets as he'd be monitored by cameras the whole time... > "Find out all you can about Ragnarock. Dan: Here's a book on Viking Mythology. It's a good place to start. Tango: It's Cloud's ultimate weapon. You get it when you defeat The Proud Clod. Everyone knows that. > Also, if he's on our > side, and can shape shift, I want to know who he is." Tsuneo: Are you all that hard of thinking? Dragon and new kid show up on the same day. Dragon and new kid are never seen at the same time. Dragon gets hurt, new kid has similar injuries. New kid has superhuman powers. And his name means "Dragon". Figure it out guys! > "Yessir!" Maya, Hyuga, and Shigeru stated in unison. Rebecca [Hyuga]: Well, I've had my token line for the day. See you guys later. > With that, the three turned back to their computer consoles and > began working. Gendo walked out of the room, his thoughts travelling along > a single track. Dan: [Gendo] How *do* I beat Vince McMahon in the ratings? > If I can find a way to clone that creature, I can make an army > of mindless drones. I won't need the EVAs and their insubordinate pilots > then. Tango: [Gendo] Then I will hold the world to ransom for... One million dollars! > Rei's apartment, that evening Rebecca: [Rei] You know, I'm thinking of redecorating. How about some more garbage and bloodstained bandages over in that corner, and I smash a window? Tango: Get a cactus. It always brightens up a room. > Rei lay on her bed, thinking about the strange voice that had > spoken to her before she defied Gendo. Rebecca: So that's your plot, Voice. You've been planting suggestions in Rei's head. Voice: I did not! But you know... Hmmm. > She looked out the window and watched the > sunset as Raiu's words penetrated her thoughts once again. > You are your own person. > Am I now? Rebecca: No-one owns you, except Gainax. > Free will. Tango: E. > But at what cost? > Able to make decisions. Tsuneo: She could make decisions before, she just didn't feel like it. > What if I choose wrong though? Dan: That means you die on page 86 and get to go back and change your choice. > Did I make the right decision in defying Commander Ikari? > On your own. > By myself? > Another look of determination crossed Rei's face again as she > asked herself that. > No. I have friends. Shinji, Asuka, Hikari, Misato, the > others. Dan: Kensuke counts as "other." > "Raiu," the strange voice stated in Rei's mind. Rebecca: Voice? What are you doing in Rei's head? Voice: Not me! Tango: Oh, that's just the Her that exists inside of her. > Huh? > "You list your friends, and yet Raiu is absent from that list." Dan: And for good reasons. Rebecca: [Rei] I don't list domineering overlords in that category. > I hardly know him. Tango: [Rei] He only runs my life and everything. > "Is he not a friend of yours? Perhaps your closest friend." > My closest friend? Tsuneo: [Rei] Oh, Shinji? The boy I developed a crush on, who saved my life and I died protecting? Dan: [Mysterious voice] No, the other one! Tsuneo: [Rei] Toji? Dan: [Mysterious voice] No, the other other one! Tsuneo: [Rei] Hikari? Dan: [Mysterious voice] No, the other other other one! Tsuneo: [Rei] Random innocent bystander girl? Dan: [Mysterious voice] Oh, forget it. > "You are blind and deaf then." > Blind? And deaf? > "Yes. Do you not see how he acts around you? The emotions in > his voice when he speaks of you and to you?" Rebecca: I get it, the mysterious voice is Raiu reinforcing his mind control. > I see a person that is a great mystery. Tango: Prisoner number six! > I hear what I guess an old brother would sound like. Tsuneo: Then shouldn't he have his music up loud and leave his dirty socks lying around the place? > "Well, then. Either you are blind and deaf, or Raiu does not > know how to express himself." Dan: I'm going for number two here. > Who are you? Rebecca: The voice in your head! Who do you think it is? > "Someone close to you and Shinji." All: Asuka? > What is your name? Tango: Rei, take a hint! He's got a tail, breathes fire, wears sunglasses and board shorts and talks back to his boss. > "How do you feel about Raiu?" Dan: [Rei] Psychotic rage. Is there any other answer? > I don't know. But - who are you?! Rebecca: [Mysterious voice] Well, I'm not Kisanth, I'm not Smaug, I'm not Fillia and I'm not Rotgut. > "And here I thought you'd changed. Became someone that knows > who they really are. Tsuneo: [Rei] I always have. Dan: [Mysterious voice] Er... whoops. Been wasting my time. Sorry. > Able to tell what they feel for someone." > Raiu? Dan: Yes, finally! She's figured it out! All: Hooray! > "No. Someone else. Tango: [Rei] Well no-one else is stupidly omnipotent enough to communicate with me like this. Rebecca: So maybe the mystery voice is Jon Ellis. > You and Raiu will need each other's strength in > the near future. Know what you feel for people or you may lose them." Dan: [Mysterious voice] I'll do everything possible to push the two of you together! > How do you know all this? How are you able to speak to me > like this? > When the voice didn't give a reply, Tango: [Mysterious voice] Gotta run, I'm overdue on two routine possessions and a "talking to God" session. > Rei stood up and walked over to > the phone. She dialed the number for Misato's apartment. Rebecca: You know, if I'm having emotional problems, a drunk, a neurotic and a penguin would be the best people to call. > After several rings, the phone is finally answered. > "Hello?" a female voice asked. > "M-Major Katsuragi?" Dan: Who else would it be? > "Yes? Who is this?" > "Ayanami." > "Oh, hello, Rei. How are you?" Tango: [Rei] Introspective. You? > "I'm well." Rei answered. "Is . . . Raiu there?" Tsuneo: [Misato] Yeah, he's lounging on his pile of gold right now. Dan: [Misato] He's demanding a sacrifice of fair maidens, but I can't think of any. Rebecca: [Rei] So that's what he wants me for. > "No. Whatever gave you that idea?" Tango: [Rei] Oh, that seems to be where all the real loonies hang out. > "I just thought he would be there since -" > "Since he's underage and doesn't have a home, right?" Dan: [Rei] And you are known as the compassionate doormat around here. > "Y-yes. I apologize." > "Don't." Misato stated. "It's understandable. You might try > NERV HQ. He could still be there." Tsuneo: [Misato] He's just got to rub Gendo's nose in a few more things. Tango: Raiu practically lives out of his cubicle. > "I will," Rei replied before hanging up. > After a few minutes, Rei dialed the number for the NERV > control room. Halfway through the first ring, the line was connected. Dan: [Aoba] Hey there, Bootleg Records. Oh, it's you, Rei. > "Yes, what?" an impatient voice snapped. > "Hello -" > "Who is this?" Rei recognized the voice as Maya Ibuki, albeit > sounding busy. Rebecca: [Maya] Do you mind, Dr. sugglebunny- Er, Akagi and I are right in the middle of a very important... private... meeting. > "Rei Ayanami. Is Raiu Kusanagi there?" Tango: [Maya] Let's see... Hey guys, do we have any Keanu Reeves wannabes? > "No. He left soon after you did. I'm quite busy and can't > talk right now. Rebecca: [Maya] I'm too busy handling Dr. Akagai. No! I'm too busy with Dr. Akagi. Damn. > Goodbye." > "Wait!" Rei stated quickly. "Doesn't he stay at NERV at > night?" > "No. We don't know where he goes when he's not here. Tsuneo: Apart from muttering something about a deep ocean research facility. > Now, I have to go! Rebecca: [Maya] I'm flat out and my hands are full. No, wait, I didn't say that! > Goodbye." > Before Rei could say anything else, the line was disconnected. Dan: [Rei] Sex fiends. > The young girl had a sudden idea of where he might be. Tango: Brooding on a skyscraper in Gotham? > The only problem was transportation. Tango: [Rei] Where am I going to get an ornithopter as this time of night? > Rei dialed Misato's number again. Rebecca: [Misato] It's two in the morning, and I'm not a freaking taxi service. > Orchard > Raiu leapt from treetop to treetop, Dan: [Raiu] AaaaAAAaaaAAArrgggHHH!!! SPLAT! Tango: Hey, it's Kevin. Rebecca: Who? Voice: [Quickly] Nothing. Forget it. > performing stunts a master acrobat would envy. All: Naturally. Rebecca: Jackie Chan's better. And funnier. > Hard as he tried though, his mind would not stay empty > of brooding thoughts for long. Dan: [Raiu] Do I look better in the yellow sundress or the pink lace? > Why was I so worried when I saw that creature holding Rei? Tango: Which creature was that? You? > I was worried about Shinji as well, but still. Rebecca: [Raiu] He looked so sweet and delicate... Tsuneo: [Raiu] *He's* not me or my chosen pet, so *he* isn't important. > It was nothing compared to my feelings for Rei. Rebecca: [Raiu] So maybe I'll have it off with Shinji on the side. Dan: Good thing he hasn't met Asuka yet. Tango: [Raiu] I'll have to score her as well. > His own words began ricocheting back and forth in his head. Tango: [Makes ricochet noises] > I'm here to protect you. > But will I always be? Tsuneo: Well, until you try to go beyond the great wyrm category. > Just stand up to your fears, and you can accomplish anything. Rebecca: you can do anything if you believe in yourself! Blech. Who is this guy, Tuxedo freakin' Dragon? > How could I say that when I can't even stand up to my own fears? > I'll help you with emotions. Dan: So now he's got a voice in his head, too? > Bullshit. How can I tell someone what emotions are when I > don't even know what most of them feel like. Tango: Then don't go around saying it, you big dork! Rebecca: If you go all angsty on us, I'll have to get my dragonlance out. > You just have to do what feels right. > Some great advice giver I am. I don't even know what my feeling > toward Rei are. And here I'm telling her to face her fears and do what she > feels is right. Rebecca: See, it was him all along. > I'd have to say . . . dying alone. Tango: For me, it's getting caught behind enemy lines without my soft-serve ice-cream machine. > When those words echoed in his mind, Dan: For no reason at all. > Raiu shuddered. Tsuneo: He'd just thought about that soft-serve machine. > No one to acknowledge my death and remember me. > It would be as if I never existed. Rebecca: Just like the Floating Island or the Omega ray. > No one to tell them I love them with my last breath. Dan: That's tragic. Anyone got any popcorn? Tango: I've got some ice cream. Tsuneo: I don't want to know. > Oh, God. What have I done to deserve this? Rebecca: [Raiu] Isn't it just awful how I'm a nigh-omnipotent dragon who can rebuild EVAs, bend people to my will and ridicule whoever I please? > First, I'm brought here after losing everything I once knew. Tsuneo: Well, he was the one who came here. You know, by himself. > Then, I'm not even sure how much longer I'll be around. Tango: [Raiu] And I'm still only getting five thirteen an hour. > No one to tell them I love them with my last breath. > How do I feel about Rei? Dan: [Raiu] I feel like I want to dominate her, change her life and bend her to my every desire. Rebecca: Raiu's a figure modeler. > Raiu jumped off the tree and landed mere inches away from > something slightly smaller than himself. > "AAAHH!!!" Dan: [Raiu] It oughta be illegal to leave a pitchfork pointed that way. > Raiu looked up to see Rei staring at him in fear. Tango: Finally, the right reaction! > He quickly stood up and stepped back a couple of feet. > "Rei! I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were down here!" > Rei calmed herself before replying. > "No. It's my fault. I should have tried calling your name. I > apologize." > "Alright. So we were both in the wrong. Let's forget about > it, eh?" > "Alright," Rei stated, smiling slightly. > "What are you doing out here anyway?" Tsuneo: [Rei] I wanted to go somewhere they wouldn't find the body. Dan: [Raiu] What body? Tsuneo: [Rei] Gets 'em every time. > "Looking for you." > "How'd you know I'd be out here." Tango: [Rei] It's the only place you've shown sentimental attatchment to. That and you don't have an apartment. Dan: [Raiu] But my lair's nearby. Want to come in and see the horde? > "I didn't. I just had a feeling you would be." > Still unsure of what to say, Rei remained silent for several > moments. Dan: [Raiu] So. Rebecca: [Rei] So. Dan: [Raiu] Why are you looking at me like that? And what's with the chainsaw? > "Let's go sit down by that tree, eh?" Raiu suggested. Rebecca: Oh great, we're getting stroppy sentimentality already. Tsuneo: How can they see anything at this time of night? Rebecca: Oh, it's romantically lit by millions of fluttering fireflies. BLEAGH! > Once the two had sat down, Rei turned to Raiu and started > speaking. > "Raiu, I - I . . ." Dan: [Rei] My record's stuck. > Raiu looked at her questioningly, as if asking her to continue. > "I, I . . . Ugh, why is this so hard to say?!" Tsuneo: Because what little is left of your persona is rebelling. > Rei took several deep breaths then continued, looking straight > ahead. > "Raiu, I - I . . . what I want to say is . . . I have feelings > for you. I, I'm not sure what the feeling is, but I think it is love." Dan: It could also be indigestion. In fact, it probably is. > Rei looked back at Raiu, only to see a small drop of red liquid > running down the same path a tear would. Rebecca: [Rei] Eeeew! He's bleeding before I started on him! > Raiu bit his lower lip and leaned > his head back, taking his shades off in the process. Dan: This is going to sound stupid, but why is he wearing shades in the middle of the night? Rebecca: Because his enhanced hearing, smell and infravision means that he's just as good during the night as he is during the day. > "Raiu, wha - what's wrong?" Dan: [Raiu] I can't decide if I look better in the black trenchcoat or the black jacket. > "You have no idea how painful it is to say this, All: This. Tango: See? That wasn't so hard. Now you try it. > but I - I can't risk what might happen." Tsuneo: What? A story? > "What are you talking about?" Dan [Raiu]: Me. Ain't I cool? > "I can't risk what might happen if I say I feel the same way > toward you." Rebecca: Y'see, outside of bad AD&D novels, Dragons and humans can't, well, you get the picture. > "What could be wrong with two people loving each other?" Rei > asked, dumbfounded. Tsuneo: Absolutely nothing, provided that it's in character and not caused by having your personality warped to the author's whims. > Raiu stood up and turned away from her. Tango [Raiu]: I need to go. > "You don't understand. I just can't." Rebecca [Rei]: You mean, you can't, you know. Dan [Raiu, muttered]: No. Rebecca [Rei]: Hey everyone! Raiu can't get it up! > Without speaking, Rei stood and slowly backed away from the > older teen. Tango: That's it. Just back off slowly and avoid eye contact. That way he won't hurt you. > Soon, she was in an all out run from him until she got back to > Misato's car. Tsuneo [Rei]: Home, Parker. > Rei jerked the door open and jumped in. She shut the door and curled > up in a ball on the seat. Rebecca: Look, Rei. You're not the first one who'se potential boyfriend swings the other way. You'll get over it. > Misato looked at Rei curiously, but before she > could say anything, Rei cut her off. > "Just take me home," the blue haired teen hissed through her > tears. Dan [Misato]: Mutter grumble why'd you wake me up to drive you out here in the first place mutter grumble mutter. > It took all of Raiu's willpower just to keep from running > after her and telling her how he felt. Tango: But his need to be an l337 dickhead prevailed. > He turned back to the tree he'd sat beneath > only moments before with a look of pure rage. Tsuneo [Tango]: Tree, I don't like the way you're swaying at me. > With a single kick, Raiu broke the five-foot-thick tree in half. Tsuneo: That's a very thick tree for an orchid. What were they growing here, Redwoods? > He then proceeded to demolish the falling > tree with a flurry of punches and kicks. Tango: And tailswings! Tsuneo [Raiu]: Take that, defenseless tree! > Once he was done, he sat down among > the debris and cried for several minutes. Rebecca: What's the mater, baby, gonna cry, huh? You gonna cry? You want to wear the daddy pants, do ya? Huh? > "Why?" Raiu asked no one in particular. "Why me?! WHY?! DAMMIT, > WHY?!?! ALL I WANTED WAS A NORMAL LIFE! COULDN'T YOU EVEN GIVE ME > THAT?!" Tsuneo: Raiu, it's no good shouting at the sky. Go yell at the authour about your screwed-up life. Rebecca: Besides which, that's Tom Dyron's schtick. > Raiu suddenly remembered something he'd forgotten upon arriving > in Japan. Tsuneo [Raiu]: The people here speak Japanese! Dan [Raiu]: I can get used schoolgirl's underwear from vending machines! Cool! > He smiled grimly and stood up. Raiu turned toward the city and started > walking. All: TAXI! > "They will have a fighting chance." > EVA docking bay > "And this is the EVA docking bay," Maya finished. All: NAW! > "Impressive." The pale teen following Maya stated. Rebecca: And here comes The Inane Jo... > "Your engineers must be very talented to design armor that good." Dan: Actually, we just pay some god-boy dragon $5.13 an hour to go to town. Rebecca: And remember, that's $5.13 before tax. > "You could tell the quality of the armor just by looking at > it?!" Hyuga stammered. "You are good. Dan: Well, there's this huge "Made in Taiwan" sticker on the side of it... > Actually, it was just one person that designed the armor. Tsuneo [Aoba]: Have I mentioned how wonderful Raiu is yet? > He signed on with us not too long ago." > "Would his name happen to be Raiu Kusanagi?" the pale child > asked. > "How'd you know that?" Shigeru asked. Tango [Kea]: Well, he signed his name on it... > While the boy paused, Maya took another look at him. White > hair, pale skin, grey outfit, blood red eyes. Rebecca [Boy]: I'm not an angel. Or a dragon. > Just the opposite of Raiu, Maya mused to herself. Dan: Oh look, it's the Monochrome brothers. > "Because. I'm his brother." Dan: Did he learn English off William Shatner or something? > "Bullshit. My brother is dead." Tsuneo [Darth Vader]: I am your brother... er.. father... Dan: That didn't quite work. > The four people looked over to see Raiu walking toward them. Dan: In the back, Raiu is WALKING! > "If you are my brother, prove it. When you were dying, what > did you say to me?" Rebecca: [White] Get your knee off my chest. > "Live." All: ...long and prosper! [all make Vulcan hand signs] > Raiu sighed and shook his head, then extended his hand. Tango: Go go Raiu ARM! > "Good to see you again, Kea." Dan: Good to see you too....Mr Bond. > The pale youth took Raiu's hand and shook it. Rebecca [Raiu]: Hey give that back, those take forever to regenerate! > "Good to see you as well, Raiu." Tsuneo: We meet again Raiu, but this time the advantage is mine! > "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do." > "Anything I could help with?" Kea asked. > "No. I don't need help for this. Besides, you know I prefer > to work on my own." Rebecca: [Raiu] Me and my right hand will be fine. > I just hope he and I can keep up this charade long enough, > Raiu thought to himself. Tango: [Raiu] Oh wait...I just said that out loud just now, didn't I? > NERV Hospital, the next day Tsuneo: I hate this place. > Shinji sat next to Asuka's bed yet again. Rebecca: Well his trousers are still on so that's an encouraging sign. > This time however, > he said nothing, only stared at her face and gripped her hand. Tsuneo: Uh Shinji, it's turning purple. I don't think that's normal. Tango: Hey, I can make my face turn purple and I'm completely normal! Tsuneo: Case proven. > So intently > was he staring at Asuka that he didn't notice the sounds of two sets of > footsteps approached the room. Dan: Gendo's MiBs. Poised and ready to strike! Tango: [Outside, quietly] Pink, with little blue bears. Rebecca: [Outside, quietly] Oh right, there they are now. > The two people entered the room and stopped suddenly > when they saw Shinji sitting there. Rebecca: Hey Kensuke, you and Shinji now have a common interest! > "Hey, man," Kensuke stated. Tango: [Kensuke] Jo dewd, j00 g0+ m@o| l337 \\`@|23Z ?/>? Rebecca: Figures that Kenskue would talk in WareZ-Speak. > Shinji looked up, startled, to see Kensuke and Touji watching > him. Rebecca: If Kensuke's got his camera this could get VERY interesting. > He quickly released Asuka's hand and rubbed the back of his head nervously. > "Hey, guys. What brings you here?" Dan: [Toji] Our feet. > "Not much." Kensuke replied. "Just checkin' on Touji's sister." > "How's she doing?" > "The same." Touji coldly answered. "What are you doing here?" Tsuneo [Shinji]: Trying to avoid the all-pervasiveness of Raiu. > "Don't have anything better to do, so, here I am." Dan: Hanging around people in comas is a happening thing for Shinji. > "Don't you have any tests to do with the EVAs?" Kensuke inquired. > "Not since Raiu redesigned the EVAs." Shinji said. "All we > have now is an occasional practice outside city limits to keep from getting > rusty." > "Hey, wait." Touji interrupted. "Who's Raiu?" Toji [Shinji]: He's not in any way, shape or form a dragon. No sir-ee. > "He's a new engineer that volunteered to work for us a few > weeks ago. He totally redesigned the pilot-EVA interface, armor, and weaponry > of the EVAs." Tsuneo [Shinji]: He's also talked back to Gendo, made Rei his slave, pushed me around for no reason and made us act completely out of character. It's so cool! Dan: Hey, notice how Shinji's stopped being the badass he was in the first chapter. Rebecca: Okay, but if he says "damn straight", I'm out of here. > "Good for you," Touji sneered. Tango [James Hetfield]: TOJI... BAAAAD! > Kensuke snapped his head up to look back at Touji. > "What is your problem?!" Tsuneo: He's an extra in a crappy fanfic? Rebecca: He gets his limbs back only so he can be the god-boy's flunky? Dan: He doesn't like the cornbread either? Tango: The little mice in their rocket ships are bothering him again? > "What problem?" > "He's still pissed at me from when EVA-01 destroyed EVA-03," > Shinji stated. Rebecca: Well, gee. You did kind of take two of his limbs off and all. > "Get over it!" Kensuke exclaimed. "Don't you know Shinji > didn't have a choice in the matter?!" > "He was piloting EVA-01 at the time. He could have stopped > it." > "No." Shinji sighed. "I couldn't. Gendo activated the Dummy > Plug and disconnected me from EVA-01. If you can't accept that, then this is > goodbye." > With that, Shinji walked out of the room, ignoring his two > friends. > NERV HQ > Rei was numbly walking down a hallway when she barely heard a > muffled thud come from a nearby room followed by unrecognizable voices. Tango: Something about "wasting them with a crossbow". > She crept over and put her ear to the door. Rebecca: Rei, that's Gendo's office. You don't want to know what's going on in there. > Suddenly, Rei jerked her head up > as if she'd just woken up. She looked around to see that she was lying > against the wall. Tango: So what, she was sleeping standing up or something? Dan: Er, Rei? That's the floor. > Rei opened the door to the room she'd heard the sounds come > from. When all she saw was an empty room, she scratched her head in confusion, > then continued down the hall, her thoughts akin to a hurricane. Rebecca: So they were sweeping in from the ocean and destroying everything in their path? Dan: Yeah. They can even drive a piece of straw through a wall. > EVA docking bay > "What do you mean, 'he's in charge'?!" Raiu roared. Tango: He means that he's in charge. What part of that don't you get? Dan [Raiu, whining]: But I wanna be the boss! > "I meant what I said." Gendo replied calmly. "Kea is now in > charge of EVA upgrading and maintenance. You will answer to him as you answer > to me." Tsuneo: What, with utter contempt for his position and authority? > "In case you haven't noticed, you old geezer," Raiu snarled, > "I don't answer to you. Tsuneo: Er, yes you do, remember? You begged him to give you a job at NERV in the last chapter, and he reluctantly agreed. Rebecca: It took some pretty big "favours" to Gendo to clinch that job. [Tsuneo whacks her with a cushion] > I bet you don't even know half of what the EVAs are equipped with." Tsuneo [Gendo]: Actually, I do. I did make them. Dan [Raiu]: Oh yeah. > As the two argued, Kea watched in amusement. Gendo glanced at > him before continuing. Rebecca: Did I mention that Gendo's a dickhead? He's a dickhead. Dan: He's almost as much of a dickhead as Cyclops. > "I don't care right now. You can either work under him, Rebecca [Raiu]: Can he work under me instead? > or you can leave now and never come back." > "Heh. Well then. Since you put it that way. I either > continue working on the EVAs by myself, or I can dismantle them all right now. > Leaving you up shit creak without so much as a boat. Get my drift?" Tsuneo: Raiu, there are things called orders. When a superior oficer gives them, you are expected to follow them Dan [Raiu]: No way, man. I'm a cool anti-authoritarian type. Tango [Gendo]: Your fly's undone. Dan [Raiu]: Aaaah! Rebecca [Kea]: Pink with little blue bears? Why Raiu, you saucy devil! > "There's no way you can dismantle an EVA." Gendo countered. > "Besides, my men would shoot you down in an instant if I gave them the > order." > "I'll take you up on that bet. Get one of your best marksmen > in here with an M-16 and I'll prove how futile that would be." Rebecca: Can I have a go? I'm a very good shot, you know. Tsuneo: So how are you going to dodge bullets while trying to dismantle the Eva, huh? Tango: He'll just use Kea as an inhuman shield. Dan [Kea]: Inhuman? I'm a perfectly normal human. No, really. > Gendo pulled out a walkie-talkie and turned it on. > "Don't argue with him, Gendo." Kea stopped him. Tsuneo [Kea]: Because he's perfect and always right and you're the bad guy of this fic anyway. > "I've seen > what he can do. Dodging bullets would be no problem for him." Tango: Actually, what he usually does is lets someone else take them for him, huh Kea? > "Fine then." Gendo growled. "But, Kea will at least work with > you on the EVAs." > "He works under me and it'll be fine by me," Raiu stated. Rebecca [Kea]: Of course, my sweet Raiu. I'd be glad to work under you. > NERV Hospital > Soon after Touji and Kensuke had left, a slight shift in > Asuka's monitoring system could be noticed. Dan: Wouldn't it be horrible if the first thing you saw after recovering from a coma was Kenskue? Tango: I once had an out of body experience. There was a dark tunnel, a bright light, voices and a strange smell. Then I realised that I was in a subway and the light was an oncoming train. > Her slowed heart rate and > breathing began to slowly speed up. Later that night, Shinji came back > and sat down in the chair. Nervous, Shinji fidgeted for several moments, Rebecca [Shinji]: Damn fly's stuck again. [Tsuneo whacks her with a cushion] > then got up enough courage to walk over to the bed. He leaned down, staring > at Asuka's face. He pressed his lips to her cheek and slowly stood up. Rebecca [Asuka]: What? You dare smooch the great Asuka's comatose body? WA-TAK! > Shinji reluctantly sat down in the chair again and continued > watching her. Tango: This show's boring. Can we see what's on the other channel? > It wasn't long before he fell asleep. Dan: He should have bought a book. Rebecca: Great. Then we can have a replay of NXE's Intense Reading Action scenes. > Finally, around midnight, Asuka's vitals were back to normal. Dan: Or what passes for normal with her. Rebecca: There's nothing normal about Asuka. > Her eyelids fluttered rapidly as her > head began moving side to side and her hands gripped the sheets over her until > the knuckles turned white. Dan: What's up with her? Rebecca: She's having a horrible nightmare that she's being seduced by a WAFFy lesbian angel/dragon/evangelion/human hybrid rockstar kickboxer who is the clone of Lara Croft and talks like Steve Austin with a smarmy British accent. Oh, and they're special. Tsuneo: I'm amazed. > Almost half an hour later, Asuka jerked upright and gasped. > She looked around and saw nothing but shadows. Tsuneo: And Mr. Morden. Rebecca [Mr. Morden]: What do you really want? Dan: Never, ever ask that. > Asuka's hand > raised to her cheek as if she had and could still feel Shinji's kiss. Once > her eyes had adjusted to the minimal light, she looked around again. This > time, she was able to see shapes and lights, like the heart monitor, Dan: Should the little line be all flat like that? > the digital clock that read 12:39, Tango: And it's still blinking on and off. > the - Tango: Hordes of little Mengs headbanging all at once! > "What the . . ." Asuka whispered. Dan: ...Yeah, Tango, that's what I'd like to know. > She took a closer look and could barely make out Shinji's > sideways face as it lay on the small table at which the chair sat. Asuka > smiled at the thought of him staying there with her but then thought again. Rebecca [Asuka]: Why is his fly undone? [Tsuneo whacks him with a cushion] Tsuneo: You're determined to go there, aren't you? Rebecca: Why not? Anno did. Tsuneo: ... Dan: Good shot. > Why would he stay here? And for me of all people? Tango: Because it sure as heck beats hanging out with Toji and Kenskue. > After all, > I have been really mean to him. Whoa, I'm thinking this? Could it be that I > really . . . Dan [Asuka]: Am going all WAFFy and OOC? Rebecca [Rei]: Join the club. > "No." Asuka whispered. "Not a chance." > Nonetheless, the young red head stayed awake the rest of the > night, thinking. Rebecca [Asuka]: Hordes of little Mengs headbanging all at once? [The TV Switches off] Rebecca: That was bad. Tsuneo: That was sad. Dan: That was painful. Tango: Anyone want any ice-cream? Dan: Not from that thing, Tango. Tango: Awww... Voice: Well, now that the chapter's over can I have your reviews? Rebecca: Brace yourself, head. This isn't going to be pretty. Tsuneo: As far as I can tell, Raiu's going out of our way to make sure we hate him. Everything he does, everything he says, from the way he talks down to people to his I-have-to-wear-sunglasses-everywhere-I-go-because- I'm-a-congenial-idiot-who-thinks-it's-cool mode of dress is designed to be as irritating as possible. Especially his attempt to get all angsty on us. "Oh, woe is me that I can destroy anything I like, have a cute babe hanging off my arm and am totally indestructible." It doesn't quite work. Dan: This may sound really shallow of me, but that fight was just damned awful. I mean, Shinji and Rei who are meant to be the heroes of the show get to stand around and watch these two dragons flexing their pecs. And then what? White runs around in a circle really fast, only to stop right in front of Raiu's Really Big Attack. How stupid is that? Rebecca: Actually, White, or Kea, or Raiu's snugglebunny, or whatever his name is was what got me this chapter. He's one of the few things that I hate more than an authour avatar; a supermenace that *only* the Authour Avatar can defeat. He's only there so he can beat up the EVA cast who will then be saved by Raiu, who will prove how superior he is to every one in the process. Rah rah, Raiu's the star, who gives a crap. Tango: I'd like to build I giant rocket and put every single dickhead author to create a stupid arrogant avatar such as Raiu. Problem is it would never be big enough. Dan: I suppose there's more of this tripe to come, right? Voice: Yes, there is. Rebecca: I would say that it could be worse, but I can't think how. Tsuneo: Don't worry about it. We've managed to survive another reveiw- Rebecca: Experiment. Tsuneo: Whatever. Voice: And without any major damage to boot. [Tango suddenly leaps up on top of the couch, paintball gun in his hands.] Tango: Right! Time for round two! Take this, mini-Mengs! [He begins shooting wildly at everything around him. The screen goes blank] Voice: So much for the damage deposit... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) and Twin Cannon (ausmax@ihug.com.au) Tango is copyright 1997-2000 "TS" Eliot (Twin Cannon) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-2000 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-2000 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > The confused look on Fuyutsuki's face disappeared when he turned > around and saw that Gendo had opened the chest of his shirt. > "Dear God!"