Elmer Studios presents...
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Episode 105. And now for something completely different.

DV8 is (was) copyright Wildstorm/DC
The Doomed Generation is copyright Skyrocket
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[The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation
in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video
recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small
kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk,
home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver
Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A cardboard box
sits by the bench, with the tattered pieces of tinsel sticking out and a
trodden-on plastic Christmas tree lying next to it.]

[Rick is sitting on a couch, reading a comic. He has had a haircut and has
gotten rid of his ponytail. Rebecca enters]

Rebecca: Whoah! There's something you don't see every day!
Rick: What?
Rebecca: You, here for work.
Rick: Very funny. You know, I've been busy of late with my real job. Unlike
the rest of you guys, I actually work for a living.

[Rebecca peers over his shoulder. Rick shrugs away and closes the book so
Rebecca won't see it]

Rebecca: What you got there?
Rick: Nothing you'd be interested in.
Rebecca [Takes a look at the cover]: "Huge breasted women in g-strings, Guest
starring Lara Croft". I see Top Cow are sticking to their usual quality of
book.
Rick: Uh-huh.
Rebecca: So why so defensive? Rick, you're not hiding a serious, semi-
intellectual, well-written comic behind there, are you?
Rick: Me? No fear. Gratuitous exploitation and fan service with no plot
or dialogue to think of all the way.

[Rebecca whips away the comic to reveal that Rick is reading another comic
inside it]

Rebecca: Aha! The Red Star! I thought so!
Rick: Damn, found out!

[Dan enters and takes the comic in Rebecca's hand]

Dan: Hey... this is some good stuff. And this artist draws a way too hot Lara.
Rebecca: Morning Dan.
Rick: Hi there.
Dan: Hey there, guys. How... Whoah!
Rick: What?
Dan: What are you doing here?
Rick: What? I work here!
Rebecca: I think he's referring to your presence here.
Rick: Why?
Rebecca: Well, the fact that you've missed seven out of the last ten experiments
might have something to do with it.

[Tsuneo enters]

Tsuneo: And for most of those seven, we've had to put up with Tango.
Rick: Look, I've been busy at work. And who is this "Tango" guy you keep on
talking about?

[Silence]

Rebecca: Well...
Dan: Well what?
Tsuneo: Tell him about Tango.
Dan: No! You do it.
Tsuneo: Not me.
Rebecca: Well I'm not.
Rick: Would someone please explain this to me.
Rebecca: He's umm...
Tsuneo: Um...
Dan: Ummm... He's...
Tsuneo: Indescribable.
Rebecca: Incomparable.
Dan: Totally nuts.
Rick: Never mind.
Voice: And I'm not too fond of him either.
Rebecca: Oh, hi there Pepe.
Voice: I don't like you. Not one bit.
Tsuneo: The feeling's mutual.
Dan: So what do you have for us today.
Rebecca: I reckon it'll be an Evangelion-
Tsuneo: Self-insertion-
Dan: Crossover-
Rick: With Slayers.

[Silence]

Voice: Actually, for once you are completely wrong.
Rebecca: That's a surprise.
Tsuneo: So what do you have for us this week?
Voice: Actually, this week I've got a DV8 fanfic for you.
Dan: He's right. That is different for him.
Tsuneo: Well, I guess that's me out then. It's not really my scene.
Rick: Speaking of which, when can I have all those issues I lent you back?
Tsuneo: ...
Rebecca: Not really your scene, huh?
Tsuneo: ...
Dan: All right! Hot babes in scanty spandex!
Tsuneo: ...
Rebecca: Come on. Let's get this over with. I know that it's gonna hurt.

[They sit - Rick and Tsuneo on the forwards facing couch, Rebecca and
Dan on the other one. Rebecca and Rick are the closest on the corners.]

Dan: Now here's what we do, Rick. We read the fic and-
Rick: All right, I get the picture.

[The TV switches on]

> Note: This story takes place soon after the DV8 Vs Black Ops mini-series, and 
> two days after the events in DV8 #7.

Dan: Which issue was that?
Rick: That was the one in which Ivana screwed them over to further her own aims.
Dan: Wow. That *really* narrows it down.

> The Doomed Generation
 
> "Did other generations ever laugh so hard, drink and dance so hard, or just do 
> crazier things just for the hell of it?" Malcolm Cowley 1898-1989
 
> "We are a crooked and perverse generation..." Josiah Bartlett 1729-1795
 
> Prologue
> The golden rays of the sun bore down on the

Dan: ...Slumbering form of Tom Dyron.
Tsuneo: No!

> sweet, sun-kissed state of Florida. 

Rick: Florida! Home of insects, retirees and Disney World! What is there not to
like? What is there to like?

> On its idyllic beaches and in its beautiful cities people worked, played, 
> laughed, and feel in love.

Tsuneo: And were mugged, bitten by malaria-carrying mosquitoes and fought over
Cuban Refugees
Dan: Heh. "Feel in love". I need more of that.

> In this jewel in America's crown most of the people were happy.

Rebecca: Is this a fanfic or a tourist brochure?

> Most of the people.

Tsuneo: Note the disclaimer.
 
> Orlando, Florida 
> Golden Coral Hotel 
> Room 847

Rebecca: Just a little to the left.

> "Aaaaaaaggghhh!!! Frostbite, I'm telling you, this SUCKS! You want to know how 
> much this sucks?" growled an animalistic voice.

Rick: Oh come on, the Fanfic's only just started.

> Frostbite was stretched out on a couch, exercising his thumbs on a Gameboy.

Dan: He's playing Pokemon? The hell?
Rick [Frostbite]: It's... um... Little Gemma's. Yeah. Really.

> He did not even look up as he said, "Not really, Evo."

Tsuneo: [Frostbite] But you're going to tell me anyway.

> Evo continued as he paced the room. "It sucks worse than Kenny G! Than Yanni!"

Rebecca: Wow. That is bad.

> From his position channel surfing on the bed, Powerhaus interjected, "Than Kenny 
> G and Yanni doing a duet?"

Rebecca: And that's too horrifying to contemplate.
Rick: At least the authour's not trying to stuff his musical tastes down our throats.

> "Stuff it, you greaser," muttered Evo.
> "So it sucks. What's you point, dog?" asked Frostbite.

Dan: [Evo] I'm not a dog. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for my walkies.

> "My point is that we'd all have been better off if we'd gone to Las Vegas like I 
> wanted," grumbled Evo.

Rick: So you can all stagger home, penniless, shirtless and hung over?
Dan: Mmmmm... Bliss shirtless...

> "Come on, man," said Powerhaus. "You know that Copycat won the contest fair and 
> square."

Tsuneo: She entered once for each personality. Isn't that cheating?
Rebecca: She's not a person. She's a whole sitcom set-up.

> Chapter 1
> New York City
> DV8's penthouse headquarters

Rick: This is what Friends will be like after the Armageddon.

> The day before
 
> "Caption American wins!"

Tsuneo: Caption American?
Dan: Caption American! The hero of subtitlers everywhere.

> the computer cheerfully announced.

Rebecca: On the other hand if this is a console game it could be a pretty accurate
rendition of the system voice.

> A voice with a 
> distinct Latino accent responded to the information with a quick stream of 
> Spanish curses.

Rick [Bad Mexican]: You son of a motherless goat!

> "Ha! You lose again, Powerhaus! Nobody beats me when I'm playing as Cap," 
> gloated Evo.
> "Blow it out your ass, dog-boy!

Dan: [Evo] I'm not a dog! Pass me another shmacko.

> I bet I can take you as Iron Man!" retorted his opponent.

Rick: This is quite hard to believe.
Dan: What, that Wildstorm characters would be playing a video game featuring Marvel
characters?
Rick: No, that anyone can win using Captain America.

> "Really? You're on!"
> "Damn," muttered Frostbite who had been lifting weights a few feet away. "Don't 
> the two of you ever shut up?

Tsuneo [Frostbite]: If you two don't shut up, I'm turning this penthouse around and
going back home!
Dan & Rick: Yes, mum.

> You've been playin' that stupid game for over an hour."

Rick: [Powerhaus] Can you think of anything better to do?
Dan: [Frostbite] Switch it off and watch a blank screen?

> "Why don't you shut up? You been bugging on us since we started," said Powerhaus 
> as he fired Iron Man's proton cannon.

Rick: I could never win at that game. I can't do quarter-circles or remember the moves.
Rebecca: So how come you win at so many other fighting games?
Rick: Simple. I mash the buttons repeatedly.
Rebecca: Figures.

> Evo raised Captain America's shield and growled, "Yeah, why don't you yell at 
> Copycat for a while?"

Tsuneo: You don't so much yell at her as you have an in depth discussion group.

> Copycat sat cross-legged in front of the room's large picture windows, looking 
> out at the view of a rain-soaked Manhattan. She was also bopping her head from 
> side to side in time with the music emanating from her Diskman headphones.
> "Because she's being quite," asserted Frostbite.

Rebecca: Quite what? Quite annoying? Quite inconsistently drawn?

> As if on cue, Copycat suddenly sang out, "Shiny, happy, people holding hands!" 
> and was silent again.

Rebecca: Well.
Rick: Indeed.

> "Well, quite for the most part," he amended.

Tsuneo: I think it's "quite strange."
All: Aaah.

> "Why the hell don't all of you just shut up?!" snarled Sublime as she looked up 
> from the magazine she had been reading. 

Rick [Reading magazine cover]: Better Homes and Gardens? The hell?
Dan: You can never pick 'em.

> The room was silent for a moment as the Deviants, except Copycat, exchanged 
> hostile glances. It had been raining heavily in the Big Apple for five days 
> straight. Cabin Fever had set in on day one and was now at a low-boil. The kids, 
> decked out in T-shirts and sweats, had been fighting a losing battle to keep 
> what passed for their sanity.

Dan: Don't fight it, accept it!
Tsuneo: Wars have started this way.

> "Lick my sack, Sublime!" Evo barked as he returned to his game. "This sucks!" he 
> continued. "I am so bore-" 
> "Stupido!" interrupted Powerhaus. "If Sideways Bob hears you say that word he'll 
> make us listen to more stories about his glory days at I/O!"

Dan: Or, for a more enjoyable time, you could have a colonic irrigation.
Tsuneo: Thanks for that, Dan.

> "Anything is better than this!" complained Evo as he paused the game. 

Rebecca: Do what we do for a living and say that again.
Rick: Quiet. You'll give people ideas.

> "That so?" challenged Frostbite. "Guess he's never told you the one about the 
> ice cream scoop and the vial of Anthrax." 

Tsuneo: I don't think I want to know.

> "Or the one about the belt-sander and the whooping crane," commented Sublime.

Tsuneo: I really don't think I want to know.

> "Anthrax? A whooping crane?" gurgled Powerhaus, holding his hands to his 
> stomach.

Tsuneo: Strange part is, this is all believable.

> "Suddenly, I don't feel so good."

Dan: Better not mention the frost-free fridge.
Rebecca: That sounds like something Tango would do.

> "Put it in your heart, were tomorrow shines!" sang Copycat. 

Rebecca: Can I have what she's on?

> "Children, your attention please," said a voice like honey mixed with battery 
> acid.

Dan: Tasty.

> It was the kids' boss, Ivana Baiul. With her were Threshold, the team's 
> field leader and Ivana's boy-toy, Bliss, Threshold's voluptuous, but bratty, 
> younger sister,

Rebecca: And every inadequate comic book fanboy's wet dream.
Tsuneo: I don't think "bratty's" the right word.

> and Sideways Bob, resident security expert and all-around 
> psycho.

Rick: Everyone should have a Sideways Bob.
Rebecca: You don't think that Bob and Tango are related, do you?
Tsuneo: Don't even go there.

> "I've come to the conclusion that lately we have all been under a great deal of 
> ...stress." Ivana continued.

Dan: What gave you that idea?
Tsuneo: The way they're trying to tear each other's throats out.
Dan: Oh.

> The kids were paying rapt attention but said nothing. 

Rick: Just smile and nod, guys.

> "What I propose to help us all unwind is a vacation."

All: Road trip! Road trip! Start out hating each other and then a special
bond forms! Road trip!
Tsuneo: I thought taking DV8 on a holiday was the last thing you'd want to do.

> "A vacation?!" spouted Evo. "You mean like when you let us travel by ourselves 
> awhile back?"
> "Copycat! Are you paying attention?" barked Threshold.

Rebecca [Copycat]: Yes, yes, yes and f**k you, sir!

> Copycat, who had turned 
> from the window when Ivana entered, was sitting on the floor still wearing her 
> headphones. In response, she shot up perfectly straight, her headphones 
> clattering to the floor. "Sir! Yes Sir!" replied the Soldier.

Rebecca: [Ivana] I hate it when she does that.

> "Very good," grunted Threshold. He then nodded at Ivana.
> "As I was saying, a vacation. Together. Like a family."
> "Together? A family? US?!" gaped Sublime.

Tsuneo: A dysfunctional family, but a family yes.
Dan: Man, they'd make my family look normal by comparison.
Tsuneo: Dan, no-one is like your family.

> "She means it. Together. Us. Like a family," said Bliss, her voice dripping with 
> disgust.

Rebecca: Albiet a family from the Deep South. You know, the type where siblings
marry.
Tsuneo: Don't go there.
Rebecca: Why not? She did.

> "Ahem!" coughed Ivana. "Yes, we are all going together. I think we could all use 
> a chance to relax."

Tsuneo: That's nice, but how do you think the poor people at wherever it is that you
end up going will feel about it?
Rick: They'll adjust. Eventually.

> "So where we going?" asked Powerhaus as he stared nervously at Sideways Bob.
> "Oh, you're gonna like this, slick," said Bob. Powerhaus shuddered. "You little 
> monkey-spanks get to pick were you go."

Dan: You sure that's a good idea?
Tsuneo: Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen?
Rebecca: They get Powerhaus' pick and spend a weekend in Alabama watching monster
trucks.

> With that, Bob began to move around the 
> room handing a piece of paper and a pen to everyone. He then produced a large 
> green bowl from under his coat

Dan: [Threshold] Where do you keep that huge, suspicious green bowl, Sideways Bob?
Rick: [Bob] That's none of your damn business!

> and placed it on a nearby coffee table. 
> Evo prowled over to the table and sniffed the bowl. "Gggggaaaakkk!!!!" he 
> choked. "God, what was in there, Bob!? Smells like drain cleaner and Gummi 
> Bears!" 

Rick: Well, it was either roadkill or a McDonald's Happy Meal. Either way, I don't
want to know.
Tsuneo: Aren't they the same thing, really?

> "Quite, Evo," commanded Ivana. "What Bob said was correct. I want each of you to 
> write down any place in the world you would like to go.

Rebecca: Hawaii!
Rick: France!
Dan: Japan!
Tsuneo: Anywhere but here.

> Next, fold the paper up and place it in the bowl.

Dan: Then Bob eats them.
Tsuneo: So how do they choose?
Rebecca: Dan, your life depends on not answering that one.

> Then, one vote will be drawn and that will be our destination.

Rick: Of course, there'll be accusations of vote-rigging. Then there'll be rioting
on the streets and people trying to storm the parliament, followed by UN mediation.

> Make your choices wisely, children." 

Tsuneo: Well that excludes Powerhaus and Evo.
Dan: How many votes is Copycat entitled to?

> The kids again exchanged glances. After a few moments Sublime shrugged, paused 
> for a few seconds to consider, and then began writing.

Rebecca [Reading]: Latvaria? The hell?

> The others soon followed suit.
> "Hey, Bob. Why aren't you writing?" asked Frostbite as he folded his vote.
> "Because, heatsucker, Ivana's leaving me behind to look after this place."
> "Oh," was all Frostbite could manage.

Rick: Think about it. If you were going on holiday would *you* want Bob along?

> When all the votes were in Ivana picked up the bowl and gave it a few good 
> shakes. She then turned to Threshold. "Matthew, you may do the honors."
> He then reached into the bowl and pulled out a piece of paper. Upon opening it a 
> grimace appeared on Threshold's face.

Tsuneo [Threshold]: Seirra Leione? Who put this one in here?
Rebecca: [Threshold, vaguely Spanish] And the winner is... not Beijing.

> In a dead, monotone voice he said, "We're going to Disney World."

Rebecca: ...That is just too sick for words.

> Chapter 2
> "Yeeeaaah!!!" cheered Little Gemma. "Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy!"
> "Goofy is right," hissed Evo.

All: We agree.
Dan: So let me get this straight. The entire plot of this fic so far is "DV8 goes
to Disney Land?"
Rick: What did they do to deserve it? Actually, don't answer that.

> "Children, no complaining," scolded Ivana. "You all had an equal chance at 
> winning. Now return to your suites and pack. I shall make all the arrangements. 

Rebecca: Right now, a hitman could be of some use.
Dan: Where's Arthrax when you need him? Or Dirge, for that matter. Or Jeff Garyn.

> We should be able to leave for Orlando tomorrow." 
> Little Gemma bounced back to her suite singing a tune from The Little Mermaid. 
> Everyone, except Threshold, followed, grumbling all the way. 

Rick [Threshold]: Let me explode her head.
Rebecca [Ivana]: No.
Rick [Threshold]: Not even just a little bit? Please?
Rebecca [Ivana]: No!

> "Was there something you wanted, Matthew?"

Dan: His release?

> "Yes, Ivana. I thought that letting those little freaks off Cabillito Island was 
> bad enough. But to let them run wild in so public a place as Disney World?! We'd 
> attract less attention setting fire to the White House lawn!"

Dan [Evo]: Hey! There's an idea! I got the matches!

> "First of all, Matthew, the children will not run wild. I am counting on you to 
> see to that."

Tsuneo: Matthew Threshold Callahan. World's most powerful psychokinetic and child-
minder.

> Threshold reached deep inside himself and felt the vast psionic energy that lay 
> there. Yes, the little maggots WILL behave themselves!

Rick [Threshold]: And once they are under my control, I'll have no more need of you.
And then... I shall rule the world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Um... Did I just say all of
that out loud?

[Everyone else nods]

> he thought, "Secondly, one of the reasons we left the island was

Rebecca: To get away from Gilligan and The Skipper. You would too.

> so that I could study how 
> the Deviants behave around regular humans," Ivana continued.

Dan: [Ivana] Seen any?
Tsuneo: Ivana Baiul; evil overlord, ruthless manipulator, power hungry madwoman
and anthropologist.

> "It is quite a 
> stroke of luck that Copycat won. Putting DV8 in such a annoyingly wholesome 
> environment as Disney World should be most intriguing."

Rebecca: I like her. She sounds like one of us.

> "But--" started Threshold.
> "If you want to continue this, let us do it back in my chambers, Matthew," said 
> Ivana as she started back to her suite. 

Dan: Why's he being such a sulk anyway?
Rick: His parents never took him to Disney World when he was a kid.
Dan: That's cause his father spent most of his time with his pants around his
ankles.

> "Whatever you say, Ivana," responded Threshold, a lustful grin spreading across 
> his face.

Dan [Threshold]: All righty. It's time for the ol' psychokinetic jackhammer of
love, baby!

> "It is time for your booster shot, anyway."
> Threshold's grin disappeared.

Tsuneo [Threshold]: Ohhh... poopie.

> Chapter 3
> Queens, New York 
> JFK International Airport
> The next day

Rick: The Day After?
Rebecca: With DV8 going to Disneyland? Quite possibly.

> "American Pride, Flight 138, New York to Orlando, will depart from Gate 17 in 
> ten minutes," blared the PA system.

Dan: So that's what the voice does on his days off.

> The Deviants were hanging around Gate 17 dressed in shorts and T-shirts. Ivana 
> and Threshold wore expensive Polo outfits, while Bliss sported a crop top and a 
> mini-skirt

Rick: Can anyone stand the intensity of the descriptions of everyone's clothes?

> that was just a few inches short of an indecency charge.

Tsuneo: Hey voice, the fic's making fun of itself. Can we go?
Voice: No.

> "All right, children, gather round for you final briefing," said Ivana. 
> "Remember, we are flying on a public plane because we want to appear as normal 
> humans.

Rebecca [Ivana]: So no disembowelment, no exploding heads, no phasing through the
floor and no mind control.
Dan: Buuuut muuuuum...

> That is why we are not taking my private jet. So, it goes without saying 
> that during this trip none of you are to use your powers except under the direst 
> of circumstance.

Rick: Does skipping the queues for rides count?
Dan: Only if they're backed up into the swamp.
Rick: That's a yes.

> Doing so otherwise would surly bring I/O, StormWatch, or 
> someone just as bad down on our heads. 

Dan: The CIA?
Rebecca: The IRS?
Tsuneo: The ASPCA?
Rick: A disgruntled postal employee?

> "Lastly, from this point on you will refrain from using your codenames. You will 
> use each other's real names whenever we are in public. If you do not you could 
> attract attention." 

Rebecca: Oh, great. You're asking a team that includes a guy with grey fur and
pointed ears to keep a low profile?
Tsuneo: I guess it depends on who's drawing this issue.
Dan: Evo's fine unless he sees a postman.

> "Using our real names in public, Ivana? Isn't that risky?" asked Threshold.

Rebecca: [Ivana] Depends on how many of our codenames you want shouted over
the PA system.

> "The risk is negligible, Matthew. Our identities are not unknown in the 
> intelligence community."

Dan: Not to mention it sounds kinda stupid booking in as Powerhaus.

> "Got that right!" barked Powerhaus. "The CIA knew my real name and all about us 
> when they tried to off me a few weeks back!" 

Rick: That's right, just yell out to everyone around.

> "Calm down, Hector!" snapped Ivana. "I have taken precautions to preserve our 
> safety while we are on this trip.

Dan: That's why we're leaving Evo at home.
Tsuneo [Makes dog whimpering noises]

> Now everyone grab your bags and let us board."
> ~*~*~*~*~*~
> American Pride Flight 138
> New York City to Orlando 

Rick: [Game show announcer] We've locked eight homicidal maniacs on a cross-
country flight with no salted peanuts. Let's see what happens.

> First Class Section
> "Don't you think those little toads will be...uncomfortable in coach, Ivana?" 
> asked Threshold.

Dan: Of course they will! It wouldn't be coach if they were comfortable.
Rick: It's the second lowest class you can get.
Tsuneo: The lowest?
Rick: Carry on luggage and pets.
Rebecca: So that's what they did with Evo.

> "I am sure they will survive," she responded.

Rebecca: The rest of the passengers are on their own.

> "Now, Matthew, while we are on 
> this trip I want you to make an effort to enjoy yourself.

Rick: Threshold enjoying himself at Disneyland? That should be good.
Dan [Threshold]: Today Cinderella's Castle, tomorrow the world!

> That would greatly 
> help you to recover from than nasty Techtromis affair." Threshold simply 
> muttered something in response. 

Tsuneo: Rassa frassing won't let me explode just one head rassa frassing...

> "Yes, well, now that that has been settled, we should begin enjoying ourselves. 
> I think I will start by ordering us some Champagne," said Ivana.

Tsuneo: Who's not drawing attention to themselves?
 
> Chapter 4
> Citta Del Vaticano, Vatican City

Dan: The really, really big room.
 
> "Volare is waiting to see you, Cardinal Rosetti." informed the technician.
> The Cardinal stood upon a raised viewing deck that allowed one an excellent view 
> of the control center of The Hand of God.

Rick: The Hand of Nod?
Rebecca: Manos.

> The Hand was the Operations division 
> of The Order of the Cross. The Order being a secret society first formed on the 
> day the Savior died for mankind's sins. Its goal was to protect the Catholic 
> Church's interests from those who might seek to destroy them. 

Dan: So are these guys a real part of the Wildstorm universe?
Rick: Yep.
Dan: So why are we getting introduced to them?
Rick: Because if you're lucky, you've never heard of them.

> The Hand of God's specialty was protecting Rome from terrorists, other 
> intelligence agencies, and SPB's, or Super-Powered Beings. Ironically, the 
> Hand's most powerful weapons, the Centurions, were Italian SPB's who were loyal 
> to the church. Volare was their leader. 

Rick: The Man from P.O.P.E, no less.
Rebecca: Quick, Cardinal, to the Popecave!

> "Send him in," said the Cardinal. 
> Within seconds, Paulo Livoratie -Volare- stood before him.

Dan: Gah! Don't do that!

> "You asked to see me Cardinal Rosetti?" he asked.
> "Yes, Paulo," answered the Cardinal. "Do you remember the American SPB 
> terrorists the Centurions captured a few months ago?" 

Rick: It was the Legion of Doom. They got so tied of Grodd's slurping,
Cheetah's voice and Solomon Grundy's inability to use pronouns they let them
go.

> "Of course, Cardinal," answered Volare, his curiosity aroused.
> "Do you also remember how they escaped from our custody?" 

Rick: Who'd have thought that they'd have an albatross, a 16 ton weight, a pencil
sharpener and a relief map of Tibet on them.
Tsuneo: Rick, that sounds like something Tango would actually do.
Rick: I'm glad I don't know him.

> "Yes, Cardinal. Another group of terrorists broke into our headquarters to try 
> to rescue their comrades. Our security forces managed to trap all of them in one 
> of our interrogation rooms. The Centurions and I broke in only to discover the 
> terrorists had somehow accessed our computer system.

Rick: Well, if your staff didn't keep their passwords on post-it notes attached to
the screens, it wouldn't happen.

> They threatened to release 
> sensitive information on something called Operation: Lazarus to the world unless 
> we set them free. Which you ordered us to do."

Dan: [Cardinal] Yes, and thank you for filling in the readers on those issues
they all missed.

> The Cardinal nodded. "Very good, Volare. Those terrorists humiliated us and 
> jeopardized Operation: Lazarus. A project to could alter the fate of all 
> humanity!

Rick: The Human Instrumentality Project?

> But at last we will have a chance for vengeance!" 

Dan [Volare]: Would this be an appropriate juncture for some diabolical laughter,
sir?

> The Cardinal's outburst and revelation about the mysterious Operation: Lazarus 
> genuinely stunned Volare. "Have we located the terrorists, Cardinal?"

Tsuneo: [Cardinal] Yes, we believe they're somewhere in America.
Rick: [Volare] Well that helps.

> "Not exactly," growled Rosetti. "However, we believe we have identified the 
> person behind them." He then walked over to a nearby computer consul and pressed 
> a few keys.

Dan: [Volare] Sir, why is she naked?
Rick: [Cardinal] D'oh! Wrong files!

> Immediately the screen displayed a picture of an attractive woman in 
> her mid-thirties with dark hair and a cold expression. 

Rebecca: Misato Katsuragi, when sober.

> "Ivana Baiul, former head of International Operation's Sci/Tech division. She 
> went rouge after a fiasco with something called Project: Genesis."

Rick: Now I'm getting an image of her and Gendo hanging around in the mad science
lab.
Rebecca: They'd get along *very* well.

[Tsuneo reaches under the couch and pulls out a crumpled up bit of paper. He opens
it up into a sign reading "Don't go there"]

> Rosetti 
> tapped a few more keys. The screen filled with the image of a beautiful teenage 
> girl with purple-dyed hair. "Do you recognize this girl?"

Rick: Depends on who's drawing this issue.

> "Yes," confirmed Volare. "She is one of those who helped the terrorists escape."
> Rosetti hit a few more keys. On the screen appeared not only the purple-haired 
> girl, but six other teens wearing strange costumes.

Tsuneo: It's the latest pre-fabricated, talent-free teen singing sensation!

> The image showed the group 
> standing over the bodies of several men dressed in black suits.

Dan: I guess they don't think much of Wil Smith either.

> "This was taken by a surveillance camera at a CIA safehouse in upstate New York. 

Dan: This guy leaves for the Chinese Embassy with a suitcase full of documents
and returns with a suitcase full of cash. The CIA are yet to figure it out.

> As you can see, it is the same girl. We believe it is she who breached our 
> system. Unfortunately, we have been unable to identify her companions. They are 
> not the terrorists who escaped from us. However, they all appear to be SPBs. We 
> believe they all work for Baiul," said the Cardinal.

Dan: [Volare] And how did you discover this sir?
Rick: [Cardinal] Actually, I'm just making it all up.

> "What did they want at the safehouse?" ventured Volare. 

Rebecca: It had free beer and cable. What more could they want?

> "Unknown. Our agents within the bureau say everything on these children is being 
> swept under the rug.

Dan: They should clean under there more often. It's beginning to smell.

> Apparently as the result of some failed attempt at comeback.
> "But, they did tell us that Baiul is believed to be operating somewhere on 
> America's East Coast.

Tsuneo: Well that really narrows it down, doesn't it?

> Our people in the U.S. Senate Intelligence Oversight 
> Committee confirm this suspicion."

Rebecca: That means they're in Alaska.

> "What are you saying, Cardinal? That you are sending the Centurions to the 
> United States? That would be a gross violation of America's sovereignty!" gasped 
> Volare.

Rick: [Cardinal] Don't worry, the CIA won't notice it, the Pentagon will notice it
but will lose the records, the FBI will spend eighteen months investigating and
then arrest Mr. Ed the talking horse, and the Los Angeles County Sherrif's
Department will let him go.

> The Cardinal said nothing. Instead, he again pressed some keys on the computer. 

Rebecca: CTRL-ALT-DEL springs to mind right about now.

> A picture from what looked like a security camera appeared.

Dan: Hey look... You can actually see the driver turn and shoot JFK.

> It showed Baiul, the 
> girl, and the teens from the attack on the CIA. 

Tsuneo: That wasn't an attack, it was a Policing Action.

> "This was taken at Orlando International Airport in Florida just hours ago. That 
> is were you and the Centurions will be going," he informed the Centurion.

Tsuneo: [Cardinal] By some ingenious stroke of luck and contrivance, we just
happened to have connections with that very airport who were looking in exactly
that direction at exactly the right time!

> "But, Cardinal, the violation of American sovereignty..." pleaded Volare.
> "Is of little importance, Paulo!" bellowed Rosetti. "You and the Centurions will 
> go to Florida! You will find these people! You will see that they are 
> terminated!" 

Dan: Kill them until they die of it!
Rick: And while you're there, get me something to drink. I'm parched.

> None in the control room spoke for a long time. Eventually, Volare found the 
> courage to speak. "Cardinal, you want us to kill these people?

Rebecca: No, I want you to give them dental check ups. What do you think?

> The Centurions are not a death squad! We were meant to-" 

Dan: Win self-determination for the south Moldovian people!

> "You were meant to follow orders! Do you think these people saints, Volare?! 
> They murdered over a dozen CIA agents! They killed nine security guards during a 
> attack on a StormWatch facility in Japan! Baiul is one of the most ruthless 
> agents I/O ever produced!

Rick: Yeah, well, everyone makes mistakes, you know.

> If any on this planet are deserving of holy judgment, is these people!"

Dan: Lesson number one: anyone who talks about "holy judgement" or "divine
retribution" is up to no good.

> The Cardinal took a few deep breaths and seemed to calm down.

Tsuneo: Just keep thinking "Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean." You got that?

> "Volare, return to 
> the Centurions and brief them. You leave for America in two hours."

Rick: Only two hours to get to the airport through Rome's traffic? That is
optimistic.

> "Yes, Cardinal," said Volare.
> As he turned to leave, he again heard Rosetti's voice. 

Dan [Rosetti]: Are you wearing clean underwear?
Rick [Volare]: Yes, mum.

> "Paulo?" 
> Volare froze. 
> "Do not fail," warned Rosetti.
> "Yes, Cardinal," he said not even looking back as he left the room.
 
> Chapter 5
> Elevator en route to the 35th floor 
> Golden Coral Hotel Orlando, Florida
> "What do you mean we have to share rooms?!" howled Sublime in a horrified voice.

Tsuneo: It means that several of you will have to stay in the one room. What do you
think it means?
Rick: For the smart one of the group, she's awfully dense.

> "Exactly what I said, Rachel," responded Ivana, coolly. 

Rebecca [Ivana]: You deaf or something?

> "I hate agree with Ms. Educated Girl but why should we share rooms?" growled 
> Evo. "With all your bucks you could rent out a whole floor."

Dan: Oh sure, let's see you do that with only two day's notice.

> "I thought I made this clear, Michael. We are not to do anything to attract 
> attention while we are on this trip.

Tsuneo: You're walking around with Bliss, Evo and Frostbite and you don't want
to attract attention?
Rick: What's Threshold doing, hiding his face under a paper bag?
Tsuneo: Knowing him, probably.

> Such as renting out entire hotel floors," 
> Ivana continued. "Now, this is how it will work. Nicole, Gem, and Rachel will 
> share a room. As will Hector, Leon, and Michael.

Tsuneo: Oh-oh. I sense goofiness ahead.
Rebecca: I sense blood loss.

> Matthew and I will be together."
> "Here that Mike? We're going to be roomies," teased Powerhaus.
> "Yeah, yeah, Hector. We're going to be The Real Frickin' World: Orlando," 
> muttered Evo.
> The elevator's "Ping!" announced the group's arrival on the 38th floor. 

Rick: I thought they were en-route to the 35th floor.
Dan: Little Gemma got bored and pushed all the buttons at once.

> "Finally," sighed Ivana as she and DV8 stepped off the elevator. "I want all of 
> you to get settled in and get some rest. We will be getting a early start 
> tomorrow."
> "You mean we don't get to check out the nightlife in this burg?" yelled Bliss.

Dan: It's Florida. The hot nightlife consists of bingo clubs.

> "Not tonight, Nicole," said Ivana. "There will time for that later.

Rebecca: ...that sounds dirty, actually.
Tsuneo: It's Bliss. Everything sounds dirty coming from her.

> "Besides, the last time you went clubbing we ended up having to dispose of a 
> body.

Rebecca [Bliss]: That's right, blame me for everything that happens.

> I do not want a repeat performance. Understand?"

Rick: Any reason?
Dan: The hotel might bill them for getting blood out of the carpet.

> Bliss just muttered under 
> her breath. "Good. Play nice together, children,"

Rebecca [Bliss]: Well, I would, but you locked all the guys in the other room.

> Ivana said unlocking the door to Threshold and hers room.

Dan: Threshold's Luv Shaq.

> "I expect all of you to be alive and in one piece come morning."

Tsuneo: I think you're asking just a bit too much of them.
 
> Chapter 6
> Private jet en route from Rome to Orlando

Dan: Keanu Reeves in My Own Private Jet.

> Volare stepped out of the plane's cockpit, his mind turning over the orders 
> Cardinal Rosetti had just radioed him.

Rebecca: So he wants a supreme pizza with extra anchovies, a Hawaiian, a vegetarian
and garlic bread. Everyone got that?

> He sighed. There were some days when 
> Paolo Livoroti wished his life was simpler.

Dan [Volare]: I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to be a member of the
Pope's elite special forces squad. I wanted to be... A lumberjack!

> Where the only thing he would have 
> to worry about was his job as a theology professor at one of Rome's most 
> prestigious universities.

Rick: Mild mannered Theology Professor by day, Paolo Livoroti is, in fact...
POPEMAN!

> But he was Volare, leader of the Centurions. Paolo 
> looked thoughtfully at his teammates.
> There was Velena, Sara Sereni. Sara had been a promising ballet dancer when her 
> power, the ability to transform her body into

Rick: -A giant aardvark. It's a less useful power than you'd think.

> a state were her touch became 
> poisonous, had manifested. She had quickly agreed to us her gift to defend the 
> church.
> Next Volare's eyes traveled to Carmine Amoroso- Armato- a farm boy with 
> exceptional strength.

Tsuneo: He's huge.
Dan: Could make rounding up the livestock easy.
Rick [Hick]: I said "Bring me the cow", not "throw it at me!"

> The Order had given Carmine a suit of armor equipped with 
> enough weaponry to destroy a small army. 

Dan: Any particular small army?
Rick: Probably Andorra's. He could level all six of them at once.
Dan: Six what? Divisions?
Rick: Men.

> Volare then looked at Vonia Catona- Domina- who at first glance, appeared to be 
> an up-and-coming young businesswoman. However, when she put on her Domina 
> costume Vonia changed. She became highly aggressive and sexually suggestive. 

Rebecca: Another fine graduate of the "spandex anal floss" school of costume design.
Tsuneo: Bitter?
Rebecca: Until I see a male superhero or supervillain dressed like that, yes.

> Volare suspected she had suffered some sort of trauma as a child. Domina was a 
> skilled fighter and possessed the ability to fire energy bursts.

Dan: So... She's a flying Energy Projector?
Rebecca: Flying energy projecting mutants with force fields! The officially endorsed
superhero type of the New Millenium!
Rick: So why are the odds that you'll roll-up a Brick from the Kraan race?
Rebecca: Because the people at Fuzion labs are idiots.

> Finally there was Luca Loletti- Surge- A bright young college student whose 
> superspeed was accented by special armor he wore.

Tsuneo: So you've got yourself and four agents of dubious or unexceptional power
to go up against seven super-humans and a combat cyborg?
Rebecca: [Volare] That does it. No more rental supervillains.
Dan: Together they are: The Mighty Morphing Papal Rangers!

> At present everyone was trying 
> to relax and prepare for the mission ahead.

Rick: Sit back, read the financial pages and listen to any right-wing talkback
radio host. That always gets me in the mood to kill.

> None, except Domina, was happy with their orders to kill Baiul and her agents.

Rebecca: Guess who Bliss Pantsed last time they met.
Dan: I'd like to see that.

> "Centurions, we have been radioed new information by Cardinal Rosetti," informed 
> their leader.

Tsuneo: He says they're not to return without getting him a souvineer.

> "He says that Order operatives have converged on Orlando. They are 
> scouring the city with devices designed to detect Gen-Active energy signatures. 

Dan: Hey! They've got scouters. Cool!

> We should have our quarries location pinpointed by early tomorrow afternoon. 
> When that happens we will close in and...carry out our orders." 
> "Good," said Domina. "We have not seen any real action since those terrorists 
> invaded our base. I have been dying for a chance to cut loose ever since!"
> "Why do you enjoy violence so much, Vonia?!" asked Velena.

Tsuneo: She gets too much sugar.

> "This girl just wants to have fun, Sara," chuckled Domina.
> "I don't like this!" spouted Armato. " Killing these people is wrong!"

Dan: Talk to them for five minutes and say that again.

> "You are right, Carmine," said Surge. "But we have our orders."
> "I do not like this mission either," admitted Volare. "However, we are bound by 
> our oath to protect the church. Therefor, by declaration of The Order of the 
> Cross, Ivana Baiul and her team must die!"

Tsuneo: That's right, because killing a team with one member connected to an
incident at your base is the best way to defend yourselves.
Rick: Oh I get it, these guys are here on the orders of the Powers That Be at
Wildstorm and DC.

> Chapter 7
> EPCOT Center 
> DisneyWorld 

Dan: DV8 in Disneyworld. Welcome to the end of the world.
Rebecca: Where else could you have more fun in the Wildstorm universe?
Tsuneo: The Callahan family reunion?

> The next day
> By some miracle the Deviants managed to share rooms for a night without 
> bloodshed.

Rebecca: Merely heavy bruising and a light concussion.
Rick: Wait till Frostbite finds out that Evo used his toothbrush...

> They were currently gathered in front of a fountain near the gates of 
> EPCOT Center.

Dan: This is what the future will look like if it was desiged by Dr Seuss.

> "Wheee! This is going to be fun!" squealed Little Gemma.
> "God, I really hate it when she's like this," complained Evo. 
> "If you think Gem is bad now you should have seen her last night. She went on 
> about The Lion King for two hours!" sighed Bliss. 

Rick: Its at about this point that you realize that the only way to get any sleep
is to stick you head through the wall.
Rebecca: I presume you mean by going intangible first.
Rick: No, just sticking your head through the wall would be fine.

> "Nicole, are you saying she has been in her Little Gemma persona for almost 
> twelve hours straight?" queried Ivana.
> "Not straight. She slept for a few hours."

Rick: A few?
Rebecca: Just a few. She went crazy in the desert bar last night.
Dan: A sharing a room with a hyperactive little Gemma. That would be like
reading Bubblegum Shift with Tango in attendance.
Tsuneo: Don't go there.

> "Fascinating. I will have to run some tests on her at a later time.

Tsuneo: You know, the usual. Brain scan, blood sample, sticking pins into her.
That kind of stuff.

> Still, if she is like this than one of you will have to watch her.

Rebecca [Ivana]: One of you. Any of you.
Rick [Makes cricket chirping sound]
Rebecca [Ivana]: Anyone?

> Hector, I want you to do that."
> "Me?!" blustered Powerhaus. "Why should I? I didn't do anything!"

Dan: Apart from being Powerhaus, you mean.

> "You will do it because I told you to, Hector!" glared Ivana. "Besides, you have 
> shown that you can us your Gen-Factor to locate Gem when she is under stress. 
> That would be useful should you become separated." 
> "Come on, you big poop. I wanna see Cinderella's castle!" cheered Little Gemma 
> as she grabbed Powerhaus's hand and began to lead him away. 

Rick: [Powerhaus] Help me.
Tsuneo [Dark]: He was never seen again.

> "Remember, if there is trouble we are all to meet at this fountain!" called 
> Ivana. She turned to the remaining Deviants. " I want all of you to stay in 
> groups of two as well."
> "Why?" asked Sublime warily.

Dan: Because that will invite more Zany Comedy Hijinks.

> "It is called The Buddy System, Rachel. Now, why don't you go with Nicole?"

Rebecca: Because they want to tear each other limb from limb?

> The two young women stared at each other icily for a moment. "Fine," sighed 
> Bliss. "Where do you want to go first?"
> Sublime hesitated. "I was looking at the brochure for this place last night. The 
> Horizons ride looks fun. Let's try that."
> "Whatever" muttered Bliss as the girls took off.
> "That leaves me with Ivana and the two of you together. Will that be a problem?" 
> growled Threshold.

Rick & Dan: No! No! Absolutely fine! Not a problem at all! No sir!

> "Naw, man." assured Frostbite. "Come on, Rover.

Dan: [Evo] I am not a dog! [Scratches behind ear] Hey, my flea collar needs changing.

> If we hurry we can catch the next Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular show."
> "Kick ass!" exclaimed Evo as they left.
> "That just leaves us, Ivana," smiled Threshold.
> "It certainly does, Matthew," she cooed. "Let us be off."

Dan [Threshold]: Alright! Just me, Ivana... And three bajillion tourists. Damn.
Rebecca [Ivana]: Are you coming?
Dan [Threshold]: Just a second. I need a new paper bag.

> Chapter 8
> Orlando International Airport, earlier
> The Centurion's plane had barely touched down on the runway when they received 
> the news.

Tsuneo: Their luggage had ended up in Yugorovia.
Dan: Now there's a nice twist on a stock gag.

> The good news was that DV8 had been located. The bad news was they 
> were in the most public place in all of Florida.

Dan: Miami beach?
Rebecca: The Gonzales family house?
Rick: You're really shooting for the off-colour ones today, aren't you?
Rebecca: It's DV8. There's nothing but off-colour.

> Volare left the plane's cockpit 
> and looked solemnly at his teammates. "I have again spoken with Cardinal 
> Rosetti. He says to go ahead with our orders."
> "But our operatives say they are in the middle of Disney World! There is no way 
> to keep our attack secret!" blurted Surge.

Rick: It's simple. You dress as the Disney MiBs and no one will notice.
Dan: Disney MiBs?
Rick: Oh, sure. They cart you off if you're wearing a Bugs Bunny shirt or don't
buy the bare minimum of souvenirs and turn you into an animatronic doll.

> "You worry to much, Luca. In America SPBs battle each other in the streets 
> daily.

Rebecca: Only in New York.

> None will pay this incident any special attention," teased Domina.
> "What about the tourists?" asked Velena.

Tsuneo: Imagine the lawsuits if tourists got attacked by a Papal Hit Squad at Disney
World. They'd never hear the end of it.

> Domina giggled. "I guess they will just have to get out of the way."
> "Enough!" growled Volare. "Though I disagree with them, we will obey Rosetti's 
> orders. Now, does everyone have their flash-suits?" The Centurions all nodded. 

Dan [Volare]: Tourist maps? Discount vouchers? Sunblock? Mosquito repellant?

> "Good. Now let us do this sordid deed and may God have mercy on our souls."

Rick: He's really broken up about killing them.
Rebecca: It's not the killing that's got him. It's the admission charges.

> Chapter 9
> Disney World

> Hector Morales was in hell. Not that he had not always expected to end up there 
> one day. He just did not plan on it until after he died. But there he was, with 
> Copycat, traveling in a little boat though the It's A Small World ride.

Rebecca: That's about as close to hell as one could get.
Rick: That would suck.
Dan: What? Going through the Small World ride sober with Little Gemma?
Rick: No, being Powerhaus.

> "God, Gem. I swear these things are looking at us. Just waiting for a chance to 
> jump up and kill us. Like that doll in those Childsplay movies." 

Dan: I guess he knows how Rick Steiner feels...

> "He, he. Hector is a big silly. This is fun!" giggled Little Gemma. 

Dan: [Powerhaus] Take me now.

> "If I were you, boy, I would worry less about the dolls more about us!" cried a 
> female voice.
> "Huh? Who?" spurted Powerhaus.
> "Enemy troop movement detected!" blared the Soldier.

Rick: They're coming out of the walls! They're coming out of the goddamned walls!

> Only feet away Domina and Armato stood behind a row of dolls dressed like Dutch 
> children.

Rick: Aha! No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Dan [Powerhaus]: But you're Itallian!
Rick: Curses! Foiled again!

> Domina quickly fired a plasma-burst that caught Copycat in the chest 
> knocking her unconscious.

Rebecca: ...the story of her life, really. She spends half the comic's run
unconscious.

> The tourists on the ride began to scream and run.

Tsuneo [British]: Run away! Run away!

> Powerhaus felt little emotion coming from the man, but the woman radiated a 
> strong sense of perverse joy.

Rebecca: You're torching Disney World. How couldn't you enjoy it?

> He quickly linked that feeling to his Gen-factor 
> and was almost instantly transformed into a human titian. 

Dan [Powerhaus]: I'm huge!
Rebecca: Please tell me he's wearing is costume under his tourist clothes.
Otherwise it's not going to be pretty.
Rick: Pink, with little blue bears.
Rebecca: Arg.

> Powerhaus then scooped up Copycat and jumped out of the boat. Next, he grabbed 
> the boat and hurled it at Armato. The Italian tried to block it but failed. 

Tsuneo: It's bigger than one hex, making it an area of effect attack, so you can't
block it.
Dan [Armato]: Yes, I'll block the boat with my puny little arms!

> "Ugh!" he grunted as he fell to the ground. 

Rebecca: Well he really contributed to this fight.

> "Armato!" shrieked Domina as she jumped toward her teammate. A quick glance told 
> her he was only stunned.

Rick: The Papal Hitman stuns easily. Beautiful plumage, though.
Dan [John Cleese]: It's not stunned, it's bleeding demised.

> "Bastard!" she cried as she whirled around and shot an 
> energy-burst at Powerhaus's head. The Deviant dodged the blast with two inches 
> to spare.

Tsuneo: Could you take care of his Huge Scarey Hair while you're there?

> Damn, he thought. Copycat is down, the psycho-bitch is pissed, and the armored 
> guy is going to come to in a minute. I better get back to the fountain. If 
> someone is after us they're probably hitting the others to. With that, Powerhaus 
> bounded off, Copycat slung over his shoulder. 

Rick [Singing]: Brave sir Hector ran away... He bravely bravely ran away... When
danger reared its ugly head he bravely turned his tail and fled...
Dan [Powerhaus]: I didn't!

> "Come back and fight, little man!" challenged Domina. She briefly considered 
> giving chase but decide she must rouse Armato first.

Rebecca: [Domina] Cursed stupid co-workers, always have to look out for them...

> She again turned her attention to her fellow Centurion.
> "Oooohhhh!" he groaned. "What hit me?"
> "A little boat.

Dan: What do you think?
Rebecca: A Colombian submarine that had just fallen off the side of a mountain?
Dan: That would have been my second guess.

> Come, lets us find our friends. Hopefully they have had better luck."
> The Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular was in full swing. A group of stuntmen were 
> reenacting the famous marketplace battle scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark. 

Rick: I don't remember that.
Rebecca: That's the bit where Indy just shoots the big guy with the sword.
Rick: They must be playing it up for the crowd then.

> "Hey, this is pretty cool," commented Evo. "Not quite Vegas, though."
> "If I didn't know better, dog, I'd say you were enjoyin' yourself," replied 
> Frostbite.

Dan [Evo]: I'm not a dog! Can we play fetch the stick instead?

> "You don't know jack. What I meant was-Hey, who the hell is that?!"

Rick: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's... Popeman!

> Frostbite turned his attention from Evo and back to the performance. Someone 
> wearing highly aerodynamic armor had sped onto the stage, startling the actors 
> and audience alike. 
> "Got me, man. Maybe he's promotin' some new sci-fi flick."

Tsuneo: You'd think with all they've been through they'd be used to this sort
of thing happening by now rather than just passing it off.

> Surge scanned the crowed searching for his targets. He quickly looked at the 
> device attached to his left wrist.

Rebecca: A wristwatch?
Rick: Gad, what will they think of next?

> The Gen-Factor detector instantly homed in on 
> two young men in the fifth row. Surge recognized them as two of Baiul's agents. 

Tsuneo [Surge]: I could be mistaken, but the young man with the grey skin and
pointed ears could be one of them.

> Rosetti's orders be damned! he thought. I will not endanger a crowd of innocent 
> people.

Dan: It's the sensitive, caring, new-age member of the Pope's Secret Deathsquad.

> "I don't think this guy is part of the show," concluded Evo. 

Tsuneo: Hooray! Give the man a dog biscuit!

> "Nothin' gets by you, fleabag. I think Ivana would call this a 'dire 
> circumstance'

Rick: According to this, the list of 'dire circumstances' include attacks by
other SPBs, crossovers with comics from other companies (DC included), another
seemingly random change in artists drawing the book or being accosted by any
Disney employees in over-sized character costumes.

> With that, Frostbite shot a freeze-blast at the Centurion. Surge dodged, barely, 
> but the ground beneath him turned to ice.

Tsuneo: Well, so much for that. For the Pope's special forces, these guys are
remarkably ineffective.
Dan: Obviously they don't get too many supervillains in Vatican City.
Rebecca: Only the Masked Lutherian.

> Evo morphed into his bat form and 
> snarled. "Come on, lets rip this guy a new anal-pore!"

Tsuneo: Has he ever considred writing for South Park with a wit like that?
Rick: South what?

> as he cried took to the air.
> Surge was desperately trying to regain his footing on the slippery ice.

Dan: Look, Surge, mate, we're just totally in awe of the awesome skills of you
and your team. I can't begin to say how amazing you guys are.

> He 
> quickly looked for his targets. The one who had fired at him was charging down 
> the stairs towards him. The other had changed into some sort of bat-man and was 
> now swooping down towards him. 

Rick: No, he's a Man-Bat! Phew, allmost had a copyright problem there and...
Wait! No! Ack! Not Man-Bat either! Um... Bat-Thing? No! Bat-Thing's an amalgam
character! Aaaaaaargh!

> "Trick or Treat! Smell my feet!" chanted Evo

Rebecca: Thanks for that, Evo...

> as he brutally kicked the Italian in the head sending him flying.

All: BOOT TO THE HEAD!

> "Everyone, get you asses out of here, right the hell now!" ordered Frostbite as 
> he jumped the rail and landed on the stage. The tourists did not need to be told 
> twice.

Rick: Atomic monsters attack Disneyland! Tourists flee in badly-dubbed terror!

> Surge shook his head as he staggered to his feet. A quick glance told him that 
> his adversaries were closing in. I must find the others. That will give me a 
> chance to recover, he thought.

Rebecca: So in other words... Run away?
Dan: [Surge] No, it's a tactical withdrawl.

> The Centurion then tore off as fast as he could, 
> just missing another freeze-blast. 

Tsuneo: The current score: DV8, two; the Centurions, one.

> Evo glided to a landing beside Frostbite. "What the hell was that about?" he 
> asked.

Rebecca: An agent of P.O.P.E. picked a fight with you and you humiliatingly
thrashed him in nothing flat. Then he ran away. Any questions?
Dan [Evo]: This wouldn't have happened if we'd gone to Vegas.

> "Wish I knew, mutt."

Dan [Evo]: I'm not a dog. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find a tree.

> Frostbite admitted. "Still, we better get back to the 
> fountain like Ivana said. The tourists and actors my have run off but you can 
> bet park security is on the way. We'd better haul." 

Rebecca: They've faced down other SPBs across the word. They've been betrayed and
left to die. They've hung out with Sideways Bob. But they don't dare f**k with
Disney Security.

> "When I get my claws on that guy I'm gonna eat his brain," growled Evo as they 
> departed.

Rick: Yummy.

> "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually enjoying myself. That ride 
> was pretty fun," admitted Sublime as she and Bliss exited the Horizons ride. 
> Bliss merely muttered in response. 

Rebecca [Bliss]: Mutter grumble who's stupid idea was this anyway?

> "Look, Nicole, I don't like being stuck with you anymore than you like being 
> stuck with me. But the least we can do is try to have some fun."
> "Don't speak to me," hissed Bliss.

Rick: Hey! It's Bliss' Evil Voice (TM).
Tsuneo: Wow. Now there was a well-remembered subplot.

> "Fine, be that way. I plan on trying to have fun. Let's do the Universe of 
> Energy ride next. I hear they have robot dinosaurs."

Tsuneo: Actually, it's a bunch of guys in Toho-surplus costumes.
Rebecca [Bliss, deadpan]: Oh wow. I'm just jumping up and down with excitement.

> "Extinction is something you and the dinosaurs will soon have in common!" yelled 
> a voice from behind the female Gen-Actvies.

Tsuneo: There's a weighty and improbable threat for you.

> The girls whipped around in time to see Velena complete her transformation. 

Dan: To Pretty Soldier Sailor Velena, Champion of love, Justice and Heavy Latin
Chants.
Tsuneo: Watch it, you're bound to give someone ideas.
Dan: Urk. A DV8/Sailor Moon crossover. That's too painful to think about.
Rick: And don't forget the universal rule of Sailor Moon crossovers; a female
character from the crossover property will end up in a sailor scout costume.
Rebecca: Bliss already has one. You don't want to know what she uses it for.

> "Uh, this is your area of expertise, blondie," stammered Bliss. "You take care 
> of Lady Terminator here and I'll...go buy us some crappy, overpriced, souvenirs." 

Rick: She's gotten into the true spirit of Disneyland!

> Then Bliss took off for shelter.
> "Not so brave without you terrorist friends are you?" mocked Velena at the 
> purple-haired girl.

Tsuneo: She's not cowering! She's merely seeking covering terrain.

> She then turned her attention to Sublime. "Let us see what 
> you have to offer, pretty Amazon."

Dan: Pretty Amazon Sailor Subl-
Rebecca, Rick & Tsuneo: No!

> With that, the Centurion leap toward her 
> target. Velena was most shocked when she passed though her opponent as if she 
> was a ghost.

Rebecca [Velena]: Well that was entirely unexpected.
Dan: Hey, if Sublime's in casual clothes and not her suit, does that mean she's
just lost them all? [Rebecca baps him with a cushion] Well I think it's a valid
question.
Rick: Well, she could be wearing her suit under her clothes for emergencies.
Or for dirty reasons.

> "I got more than you could ever handle, bitch!" declared Sublime as she nailed 
> the Italian with a kidney punch.
> Velena whirled around and raked her hand at the other girls' eyes.

Dan: Cat fight! Cat fight!
Rick: Yeah, that's really going to work against someone who's intangible.

> Sublime 
> backed up and prepared to launch a roundhouse kick at the Centurion's head. 

Rebecca: Twenty Klatoos on the blonde one.

> Suddenly, Velena leapt high into the air and came to a landing some fifteen feet 
> away. "You are very skilled, pretty Amazon," she complemented.

Dan [Badly dubbed]: You kung fu [pause] Is good!

> "You might have 
> actually beaten me . That is something that cannot be allowed." 

Rick: One loss, and Vince Russo fires her. Or at least that's the story.
Tsuneo: What really can't be allowed is any of this team having a shred of
credibility.

> The Centurion then turned to Bliss.

Rebecca [Bliss]: Pay no attention to me! I'm just a rubbish bin... just a harmless
piece of furniture. No one here but us pigeons.

> "Do not think you have escaped judgment, 
> sow. We will make you will pay for your sins," Velena promised. She then took 
> off quick as a rabbit. 

Rick: That's it? She gets hit once and then runs away? You know, for the Vatican's
Finest, these guys are total wusses.

> Sublime strolled over to the bench Bliss had been hiding behind. "You can come 
> out now.

Rebecca: The big bad nasty Centurion's all gone now.

> The chance to show some guts is way over," she teased.
> "You know my powers aren't worth much in a fight!" flared Bliss.
> "So you say. What did you do to piss off some Italian, anyway?"

Dan: Don't ask. But the pictures are all over the internet.

> "Italian?"

Rick: You know... comes from Italy?

> "I noticed the accent. Now tell me what's going on." Bliss remained silent.
> "Okay, don't talk," said Sublime.

Rebecca: A lot of their conversations must be like that. [Sublime] Hi there,
how's things? [Pause] Okay, where have you been of late? [Pause] And why are
there hordes of Nazi Stormtroopers chasing after you? [Pause] Yeah, well the
same to you too!

> "Come on, it's just a short jog to the rendezvous point.

Rick: Notice how everyone's going to this one place. Is this significant?
Tsuneo: I guess it means that DV8 and the Centurions can all fight in the one
spot. [Pause] And the Centurions can be humiliatingly thrashed as a team.

> Something tells me all hell is about to break loose."

Dan: You reckon?
Tsuneo: And here was me thinking that being attacked by Team Pope was just a part
of the service.

> The World Showcase area of Disney World is divided into several sections. Each 
> section represents a different country.

Rebecca: Do they have an Equatorial Guinea section? I'd be very disappointed
if they didn't.

> Ivana and Threshold were currently 
> dining at a café in the French section.
> "For a two-bit tourist trap the food here is fairly good," remarked Threshold.
> "The food is passable, Matthew.

Rick: Here's a hint. When your roll bounces, it's not a good one.

> Still, nothing is better than a real French café 
> and a real cappuccino," sighed Ivana.

Rebecca [Ivana]: Pretentious? Moi?

> "I sense someone is about to attack us."

Dan [Threshold as Darth Vader]: I sense a presence. One that I have not felt
since...

> "What?!" gasped Ivana. It was then that she heard something like a missile 
> coming toward them.

Tsuneo: Incoming!

> She looked to the air and saw a human-sized object rocketing 
> toward her head.

Rick: It's the Human Bullet!
Dan: Fire me, boy!

> Threshold hit Volare with a violent telekinetic blast that sent the Centurion 
> flying.

[They all applaud politely]

Dan: Awesome entrance there by Volare. Awesome.
Rebecca: Flatbag?
Rick: Total Dog's Breakfast.

> Some 200 feet above the ground Volare managed to stop himself.

Tsuneo: I think we have a new record for the fastest squishing of a centurion yet.
Rebecca: The bad part is how they just go back to their coffees like nothing
happened.
Dan: It didn't.

> I am a grand fool! he thought.

Tsuneo: If you're looking for an argument, forget it. So far you guys have
excelled at getting flattened.

> It was then that he saw that Threshold was soaring up 
> toward him It was a mistake to attack these people individually. We must 
> regroup. His head still spinning, the Centurion flew away.

Dan: Hey Volare? Count yourself lucky that your head's still there.
Rebecca: Maybe you guys should stick to people you can beat, like Ensign Throwaway
and Johnny Expendable.
Rick: Johnny Expendable?
Rebecca: He pilots a Leo.
Rick: Oh.

> "Sheep," spat Ivana as she watched the tourists panic and run as Threshold 
> returned to the ground.

Dan: Don't blame them. They're zero level nobodies with but one hitpoint each.
You'd run away too.

> "He got away," the young Gen-Active solemnly reported.
> "If we have been attacked odds are so have the rest the Deviants.

Rick: Aren't we jumping to conclusions here? He could have just been attacking
you because he didn't like Threshold's face.
Tsuneo: Maybe it was because Ivana hasn't bought enough souvenirs yet.

> Hopefully they all will have the sense to return to the fountain.

Tsuneo: Who are you talking about here?
Rick: Nothing this interesting happened when I went to Disney World as a kid.
Dan: My parents never took me to Disney World.
Rebecca: Dan, that's because where you come from it's not only in ruins but
underwater as well.
Dan: Well, yeah.

> Assuming they are still alive," assessed Ivana.
> "Then we best be going," said Threshold. With that, he scooped up her and took 
> to the sky.

Rebecca [Ivana]: Home, Matthew. Good boy.
 
> Chapter 10
> Powerhaus' s lungs were burning as he charged up to the fountain, Copycat still 
> in his arms. The others were already there. 

Dan: Took your sweet time.

> "Nice of you to join us," sneered Threshold.
> "Sorry," Powerhaus gasped. "I lost my bulk and had to carry Copycat here all the 
> way from the Magic Kingdom." 

Rebecca: So Powerhaus couldn't keep it up, huh?
Dan [Powerhaus]: I was swimming! There was shrinkage!

> "Enough!" Ivana barked. "Hector, what happened to Gem?" 
> "Some Italian dominatrix blasted her. She's out cold but not hurt." 

Rebecca [Copycat]: Wake me in fourteen issues.

> "Damn!" cursed Ivana. "From what all of you say our attackers are Italian. Most 
> likely members of The Order of the Cross." She then turned to Bliss. "Nicole, 
> what the hell did you get into while you were cavorting with Lynch's bunch in 
> Rome?!"

Rebecca: She got stuck in traffic, bought tacky souvenirs, saw the sights and
picked a fight with the Pope's death squad. Nothing out of the ordinary.

> "Nothing!" whined Bliss. "Why is everyone trying to blame all this on me?!"

Tsuneo: Why not?

> "Shut up, Nicole!" hissed Threshold.

Rebecca [Bliss]: Gee, what are you going to do? Explode my head?
Dan [Threshold]: Yes!
Rebecca [Bliss]: Um... okay then.

> "We had best leave soon. Our adversaries are most likely regrouping," said Ivana 
> "I can sense that the police have arrived with my power," informed Threshold. 
> "They are evacuating the tourists and closing off the area. They are also trying 
> to contact StormWatch."

Rick: It's a government agency, so don't expect a speedy response.
Tsuneo: Geez, Threshold, feel the need to prove how powerful you are any more?
Dan [Threshold]: I also sense that it is raining in Chad and that an old man
in Kyrgistan has fallen down a well. And now for the stock market report...

> "All the more reason to leave," mused Ivana.
> "You are not going anywhere!" cried an authoritative voice. DV8 turned to find 
> themselves confronted with the Centurions.

Rick: I'm so scared.
Dan: It's like the Legion of Doom or the Natural Born Thrillers all deciding to
beat up on you at once.

> Ivana dashed over to Powerhaus and tore Copycat from his arms. "Bliss, help me 
> get her to safety. The rest of you, attack!" she ordered. 

Rebecca: We're preserving the command element... by running and hiding.

> "Fools!" declared Threshold as he took flight . "You signed your death warrants 
> by challenging us!"
> Volare soared to meet him "You children may have defeated us individually, but 
> we will be victorious as a team!" he proclaimed.

Tsuneo: Except this time you're even more outnumbered, some of your men are injured,
they're all in one place and they've got Threshold with them.
 
> "Brave words. Let's see how brave you are after I spread you brain all over this 
> park!" DV8's field leader then reached out for Volare's mind with his powers.

Dan: Gimme!

> "AAAGGGGHHH!!!" screamed the Italian.

Rick: I guess the place is finally getting to him too.

> Threshold tried to make Volare's head 
> explode but something was preventing him from succeeding. Quickly the strain 
> became too much and he was forced to let go. 

Tsuneo [Threshold]: OK, let's try that again...

> Volare released the breath he had not even realized he had been holding. He then 
> looked at Threshold. "A good attempt. Unfortunately for you, my mask is equipped 
> with psi-scramblers," he mocked. 

Dan: That's right, stop in the middle of a fight and tell him how your powers work.
Rick: Why not? The X-Men do it all the time.

> "Very well. I will try something else." The Gen-Active then shot out an 
> energy-blast Volare easily avoided. The game of cat and mouse had begun.

Rebecca: Oooh, can we have a cross-country, destroy-the-scenery rampage?
Tsuneo: In Disneyworld?
Rebecca: It'd make a nice break from the norm.

> Meanwhile, the battle began below. All the emotion in the air made it easy for 
> Powerhaus to bulk up.

Dan [Powerhaus]: Did I mention that I'm huge? I'm huge!
Rick: Good thing Powerhaus invested in a pair of stretch-pants.

> "Come out of that tin suit and fight like a man!" he 
> challenged as he swung at Armato.
> "I will fight you as a man when you are a man!" retorted the armored Centurion.

Rebecca: Ouch. Score one to Armato.

> "Come to daddy, baby!" cooed Evo as he slashed at Velena's throat.
> "Try that again, mongrel, and I will have you neutered." she promised.

[Dan, Tsuneo and Rick cross their legs]
Rebecca: I like her.

> "If I had my three-piece staff with me you'd be on the ground leaking body 
> fluids by now!" complained Sublime as she blocked her opponents punches.

Rick: So why not just go insubstantial and use the Fist of Death (TM) on her?

> "Keep telling yourself that, pretty one," teased Domina.
> "Damn you, stand still!" cried Frostbite as he again tried to freeze Surge.
> "Not going to happen, demon!" laughed the speedster as he again circled his 
> opponent.

Dan: What exactly is this achieving?
Tsuneo: He's hoping that Powerhaus will get dizzy and fall over.

> The conflict raged on for several minutes with neither side gaining the 
> upperhand.

Tsuneo: Now there's a surprise. So far it's been one-sided squishes in DV8's
favour.

> Suddenly, Velena faked left and Evo fell for it. The Centurion with 
> the poison touch then grabbed his wrist. "Time to put this dog to sleep!" she 
> said

Dan [Evo]: I'm not a dog! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go chase my tail.

> as she began to pump the Deviant's system with deadly toxins.
> "Ooooooohhhhhh....I don't fe.....feel so good," stammered Evo as he collapsed.

Rick [Evo, stoned]: Whoah, man... Lookit all the pretty colours...
Dan: Anyone remember what it was that he ordered?

> Sublime saw this and ran from her fight with Domina. "Oh no you don't! If anyone 
> gets to kill Evo its going to be me!"

Dan: [Evo] I like you too.

> she declared as she delivered a flying 
> kick to Velena's head. The Italian fell to the ground and did not move.

Tsuneo: And if she was at diamond-density, that'd really hurt.
Rick: Can you have the Foot of Death too?

> "Sublime's got the right idea!

Rick: What, boot them in the head?

> Everyone, switch opponents!" Frostbite ordered. 

Dan: Swing to the left, swing to the right, spin your parner around...

> He then delivered a freeze-blast to Armato, stopping the Centurion cold.

Dan [Frostbite]: Hey, chill out, man.
Rick: Dan, that was terrible.

> Next, he ran over to Sublime who was kneeling over Evo's prone form.
> "He gonna to be okay?" Frostbite asked.

Tsuneo: It's DV8. No one's okay.

> "Yeah," diagnosed Sublime. "But he wouldn't have made it without his healing 
> factor."

Rick: Damn it, everyone's got a Mutant Healing Factor these days.
Dan: And he didn't even have Dark Beast rip his head open to get it.
Rick: No one's gonna get that, you know.

> Powerhaus had taken the opportunity Frostbite had given him to close in on 
> Domina. The Italian fired several plasma-bursts at him but they failed to slow 
> him down.

Tsuneo: Powerhaus is a no-seller, I guess.
Rick: Spear, Jackhammer, splat.

> When he was close enough Powerhaus delivered a crushing blow to Domina 
> that sent her flying.

Rick: WA-TAK!
Rebecca: Hey look, it's the first Papal Assassin on the moon!

> "That was for Copycat!" the Deviant informed.

Dan [Powerhaus]: And this is for "Slipstream!" And this is for "Fire from Heaven!"
And this is for the unflattering cameos in "Grunge: The Movie!" And this is for
all the changes in artist!
Tsuneo: Um... I think they're dead now.

> Surge had stopped for a moment to study the turn in the battle's tide. Things go 
> badly, he thought. The girls are down and Armato is frozen. Volare and I are the 
> only ones left.

Rick [Surge]: Boy, I could really go for a hot dog about now. And I wonder how
much a pair of those plastic mouse ears go for?

> It was then that Surge heard a sickening Thud! behind him. He turned to see 
> Volare lying crumpled on the ground, his right leg twisted at a bizarre angle. 

Rick: Thirty-seven degrees, twelve minutes, fifty-one seconds.
Dan: All right, who did that? [Silence] Right. Until one of you owns up, the whole
team will dig the vegetable patch this afternoon.

> "God help me! I am alone!" he prayed. 

Dan: Pray for Divine... Oh wait, he is. My bad.

> "Enjoy oblivion, meat!"

Rick: Well, given that he's now "Perfect" Shawn Stasiak, midcard jobber, I'd say
that Meat isn't enjoying oblivion.
Dan: How is that oblivion?
Rick: He's in the WCW.
Dan: Point.

> boomed a voice from behind the Italian. The young man 
> did not even turn in time to see Threshold blast him. Surge was hurled though 
> the air and into a wall.

All: Flatbag.

> He then fell to the ground and did not move.
> "All right! Who's da man, huh!? Who's da man!?" jeered Powerhaus. 

Tsuneo: Threshold.
Dan: Crash Holly.
Rick: My Aunt Edna.
Rebecca: Anyone but you.

> "Shut up, Hector!" barked Ivana as she and Bliss pulled Copycat from their 
> hiding place. The DV8 members who were conscious gathered around their boss.

Rebecca [Ivana]: Hudddle time! This is what we're going to do. Frostbite goes
deep while Evo fakes a pass and throws it to Powerhaus.

> "We win. Big yeah," said Sublime sarcastically.

Rebecca [Sublime]: It's not like we took on anyone tough like Puma Man,
Aquaman or The Mechanic.

> "By the way, Ivana, what happened to those 'precautions' you to took to protect us?" 
> "I am many things, Rachel. Infallible is not one of them." 

Rick: I think she deserves a bit of a break. I mean, who was to guess that
the Pope's Finest would show up at Disney World with scouters and orders to
kill?

> "Really?" responded Sublime arrogantly. "So, now what do we do with these 
> geeks?"

Rebecca: Is that a banjo I hear?
Tsuneo: Don't even think of going there.
Rebecca: Well they *are* Deviants...

> "What we do, Sublime, is turn them into bloody stains," informed Powerhaus as he 
> cracked his knuckles in anticipation.

Dan: Crick crick knucles.

> "I never thought I would agree with Morales, but these bastards are past tense!" 
> proclaimed Threshold.
> "No!" commanded Ivana. "Under no circumstances are these people to be killed!"
> For a moment the Deviants were to stunned to speak. Quickly, Frostbite found his 
> voice. "Look, I ain't dying to kill anyone, but I gotta ask. Why not?"

Rick: In case of the unlikely event that Wildstorm ever uses them again.

> "Because, they are members of The Order of the Cross. A worldwide organization 
> of religious zealots," informed Ivana. "If we were to kill their operatives the 
> Order would track us to the ends of the earth.

Rick: On the upside, you could hang out with Ator and Dong.
Rebecca: Thong.

> We already have many people hunting us.

Rick: They all maxed out in that Disadvantage category.
Tsuneo: Probably true, actually.

> We certainly do not need more. If we leave them there should be no 
> problem.

Rick: Not even a fine for littering?

> The Order's leaders are very proud. All unsuccessful missions are swept 
> under the rug and forgotten."

Rebecca: So why wasn't the little mess with Bliss forgotten in the first place?
That's what started this whole thing off.

> "So, we're just going to leave them?" asked Bliss.
> "Yes, Nicole, we are. Hector, Leon, gather up Evo and Copycat.

Dan [Frostbite]: Dammit Ivana, I'm a Deviant, not a forklift!

> Then all of you 
> head for the parking lot. The police will think we are just more tourists 
> escaping from the SPB fight.

Tsuneo: Aren't they going to notice anything odd like, say, the fact that one of
the people you're carrying has short grey fur?
Dan: Trust me. The average police officer isn't going to be looking at Evo. At
least not with Bliss and Sublime walking around.

> When we get back to the hotel I will call Bob and have him sent my jet.

Dan: Careful how you word that. Bob might decide to mail it to you.
Rick: What'd be worse? The postage of the fact that it takes two weeks to
get there?
Rebecca: How about how many pieces he has to break it into.
Tsuneo: Could be worse. He could try flying it there.

> Consider this vacation officially over, Deviants," said 

Tsuneo: It's over? When did it actually begin?
Rebecca: On the upside, you won't have to put up with Little Gemma complaining
to go on a few more rides.

> Ivana. She then turned and headed for the exit 
> "Well, this trip was a total wash," complained Sublime. 
> "Come on, girl. You know what they say about how any vacation you can walk away 
> from is a good one," said Frostbite as he scooped up Copycat. 
> "That's not how that saying goes."

Rick: I'd beg to differ. After some of the trips I've been on, it's pretty true.

> "Whatever."

Rebecca [Ivana]: Everyone get their souvenir?
Tsuneo [Frostbite]: I got ticket stubs.
Dan [Powerhaus]: I got bird poop on my head.
Rick [Evo]: I got Walt's frozen body.

> Epilogue
 
> Private jet en route from Orlando to Rome, several hours later
> The Centurions plane was a flying hospital staffed with doctors sent by the 
> Order.

Rick: They had one ready for them? Wow. These guys must get beat up a lot.

> Armato walked over to the bed Surge lay in. "How are you feeling, Luca?" he 
> asked.

Dan [Surge]: I feel like I've just been blasted through a wall. You?
Tsuneo [Armato]: You get used to it.

> "Better, Carmine. How are the others?"
> "Sara is sleeping off a nasty concussion. The boss was lucky. Only a broken leg. 
> As for me, just a bad case of freezer-burn," Carmine joked.

Rebecca: Wow. You went to Disneyland and all you got was a case of freezer-burn.
Rick: Oh come on. How many people can claim that?

> He then became 
> serious. "Vonia got the worst of it. Three broken ribs and some fractures. She 
> will be in the hospital for awhile." 
> "It is because of you that we are here being treated and not in some cell on 
> Skywatch. I thank you," smiled Luca.

Rick: Just wait a few years and you could have hung around with Evo.
Rebecca: For some reason the term "screwing the pooch" comes to mind. [Tsuneo
hits her with a cushion]
Tsuneo: That's just sick.

> "Don't thank me. Thank the thermals in my armor.

Dan: Who'd have thought that bringing thermal underwear on a trip to Florida would
have been such a good idea?

> Without them I would never have defrosted in time to bring you back around." 
> "Yes, we almost didn't have time to grab our teammates and escape before 
> StormWatch arrived." Luca then had a grim look spread across his face.

Tsuneo: Thanks for filling us in there, Mr Exposition. It probably wouldn't have
killed the authour to write this out.

> "Still, the worst is yet to come.

Rick: Wait till you get bought out by DC.

> I dread Cardinal Rosetti's wrath upon our return."

Rebecca: It's not the "Wrath of God" but it's the next closest thing.

> "Actually, the Cardinal as problems of his own," informed Carmine. "It seems his 
> superiors are very displeased with how this mission was handled. They have 
> ordered a investigation."

Rick: Time to call out the Spanish Inquisition!
Tsuneo: They're Itallian.
Rick: Oh yeah.

> "What does that mean for us?"
> "For the Centurions, very little.

Dan: Nothing interesting ever happens to you guys.

> We were outnumbered and had no idea of how 
> powerful our opponents really were. Besides, we were only following Rosetti's 
> orders.

Rebecca [Sarcastic]: Well gee, who's thought of using that defense. I've got to
write that one down.

> As for the Cardinal, well, he is a shrewd man. He will not give up his 
> position easily."

Rick: What's the bets that he's wound up in Spain suffering form a "mystery
ailment" that means he can't be moved?

> "Some things never change," observed Luca.

Tsuneo: Dan's socks, for starters.
Dan: Hey! They're not smelly! They just have character.

> "True, my friend," said Carmine. "Perhaps this will help cheer you up," He then 
> produced two glasses and a bottle of wine from behind his back. Then he poured 
> the wine and handed a glass to his comrade.
> "What shall we drink to?"

Rebecca: To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, most of our problems; the
mental restraints that it loosens; and the peaceful unaccountable oblivion
that follows.

> "To the thing that matters most to all people. The future!" 
> "To the future then!" toasted Luca. The friends than clinked glasses and drank.

Tsuneo: You know, I could use some of that about now.

> THE END
> Notes: I took a lot of liberties with the Centurions. All that stuff about their 
> lives and them having flash-suits was made up.

Rick: They don't have lives of their own to live, huh?

> However, everything I did do was based on what we saw in Gen13 #6-7.
>   I know Bliss showed other powers in the Gen13 mini-series and issues #6-7. 
>   But she didn't us them in the regular DV8 series so she doesn't us them here. 

Tsuneo: Say, where did those powers go?
Rebecca: They vanished in a puff of Marvel Logic.
Tsuneo: And that is?
Rebecca: The same logic that says that metal wings moult and turn into feathered
ones.

>   Evo and Powerhaus were playing the Marvel Superheroes video game. 

Tsuneo: It was actually a good game. Except that Captain America sucked.
Rebecca: Well what do you expect out of the symbol of American Patriotism in
a Capcom game?

>   Copycat was listening to the song "Shiny, Happy, People" by R.E.M. 
>   When Evo mentioned the kids traveling alone he was referring to events in DV8 
>   1/2. 

Dan: All of a sudden I'm left with an image of a red-haired female Threshold being
chased around by Sublime, Ivana, Copycat and Bliss.
Rick: And a perpetually lost Evo turning into a dog when you dump cold water on him.

>   The title of this story is a play on the cult film The Doom Generation. If you 
>   liked Kids, Natural Born Killers, or stuff by Quentin Tarantino you'd like 
>   TDG. 

Tsuneo: John Woo's better.
Rebecca: No arguments there.

>   All characters in this story are copyright their respective owners and were 
>   used without their permission. But sue me, I have no money.

[The TV switches off]

Rick: Well he's right. That was something completely different.
Dan: How so? It was the usual inanity we get wrapped in a new package.
Rebecca: Yes, but it had no Evangelions, Angels, Invadors or Boomers.
Tsuneo: And that in itself is a good enough change for me.
Voice: So, now that it's over, what did you all think of our attempt at
diversification?
Rebecca: I was really, really impressed by the fight scenes in this fic. Basically,
they went along the line of "Centurion shows up, Centurion makes a declaration,
Centurion gets his arse handed to him". All the fights went like this; there was
no suspense to them. They were also ludicrously quick, somewhat akin to a Goldberg
match, but in text format And then the big fight at the end was a joke. DV8 all get
one attack each and thoroughly boof the Centurions. Big whoop.
Rick: It seems like the fic couldn't decide if it was serious or not. The
characterization of DV8 at the start seemed more like a satire of their
personalities than an attempt at a serious portrayal. But then you get the men
from P.O.P.E. and it suddenly becomes serious. Or rather, it would be serious if
the fights weren't so psychedelic. But the thing that makes it seem the most
like satire is the whole idea of it; DV8 goes to Disneyland.
Tsuneo: Actually, for me it was the characterizations all round. They were pretty
much bland and one-dimensional, dedicated to making sure the reader knew who this
character was, how his powers worked and absolutely nothing else. Even Copycat,
who would be the hardest of them all to write that way managed to only have two
of her personalities show through in the fic.
Dan: I dunno, maybe it's just me, but the whole thing seemed really, really
stupid. I mean, like there wasn't a single good thought in this entire fic. Ivana
sends a bunch of wanted criminals and fugitives to Disneyland, the second most
public place in the country. The Cardinal decides that the church can be best
protected by sending its best agents away to fight foes of unknown power and
superior numbers. Ivana then goes and pairs up people who can't stand each other.
Y'see? No brains at all.
Voice: Well thank you for that.
Rebecca: Don't tell me. You'll never try that again, right?
Voice: Actually, no. I think it was a very interesting experience.
Dan: Great. I guess we can expect "The Authority goes ot Five Flags" sometime
soon.
Tsuneo: Don't go there.

[They all stand]

Rick: Hey Tsuneo, once you've returned all my DV8s, do you want to borrow a
few issues of "Huge breasted women in g-strings, Guest starring Lara Croft"?
Tsuneo: You know, it's really good to have you back, Rick. Really.
Rick: Gee, thanks. I'll know not to show up next time.
Dan: And leave us with Tango again?
Rebecca: Hey! Tango's cool.
Rick: This guy just keeps getting better.
Tsuneo: Whatever. I'm getting out of here before the Voice tries to force-feed
us another attempt at "doing something different".

[They leave. The screen goes blank]

Voice: Well that worked.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com) & Jinas (jinas@elmerstudios.com)

Dan and Tsuneo Tateo are copyright 1999-2000 Max Fauth (Jinas)
Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1999-2000 Alex Fauth (Rick R.
Mortis).

Elmer Studios!:
	http://www.elmerstudios.com
	All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, and
	the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot.

Rick's Mecha Madness Page:
	http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm
	Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova
	Satori shrine, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp, all in one big steaming
	pile.
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> In a dead, monotone voice he said, "We're going to Disney World."