Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It's episode 86, and after a seven-episode break, it's back to good ol' DELTA Invasion. Whoopeee. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Evangelion II Delta Invasion is copyright Tom Dyron (Gee. Who'd have guessed?) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A cardboard box sits by the bench, with a tattered plastic Christmas tree lying on the ground next to it.] [Dan and Tsuneo enter] Dan: So after all that time to download, was it actually any good? Tsuneo: Well... Yes and no. While the tracks themselves were nice, they were all too much the same. And there seemed to be very little correlation between the track and what it was meant to represent. Dan: So are you going to hang on to it, or what? Tsuneo: Dunno, really. I suppose so, until something better comes along. [Rick and Rebecca enter] Rebecca: Hi there. Dan: Oh, hi. What's up? Rebecca: Nothing much. What are you two on about? Dan: Oh, wonder boy just spent a zillion hours downloading that "Evangelion Fanfic Soundtrack." Rick: Yeah, I've heard of that. Didn't DJ get his own theme? Rebecca: What, ode to me? Tsuneo: Yeah he did, but it just... Well, wasn't him. Dan: On account of not being 60's easy listening. Tsuneo: Precisely. Rebecca: So what would you make DJ's theme? Dan: Ernest Miller's "I'm the Greatest" entrance music? Rebecca: It is kind of chitzy enough. Dan: What about Weird Al's "Waffle King?" After that amazing waffle sketch from 1.4, I mean. Tsuneo: Too specific to one scene. Besides, he needs something grander. Rick: How about the 1812 overture? It makes almost as much noise as he does. Rebecca: [DJ] Yeah, listen to my cannons, baby! Dan: I'll pass on that. Rick: So what about some of the other avatars? Does Tom just admit he's a total rip-off and go around playing "Hell Frozen Over?" Rebecca: I was thinking of NiN's "Closer," myself. Dan: Yeah, well his whole existence is flawed. Rick: Or how about that alternate Steve Austin track, "Oh Hell Yeah?" Dan: Nah, Matt Blake deserves that more. Tsuneo: I thought he'd be loaded down with a generic Rammstein track and be done with it. Dan: Well they're not all violent nut-cases, you know. Rebecca: They're not? Dan: Yeah! How about Isamu? Tsuneo: How about an exceptionally chitzy Spice Girls track? Rick: Spice who? Tsuneo: You know, pre-fab girl group? Rick: Can't say I recall that, partner. Rebecca: Well, certainly something equally as hollow and chitzy by some equally hollow and chitzy group. Rick: Oh! I've got another one! Anthony Draven, you know, from "The Saga Continues! Dan: Do tell. Rick: "Tubthumping!" Rebecca: How... Very appropriate. Rick: You like it? Rebecca: No, but that makes it perfect. Tsuneo: well this argument has become totally pointless already. Rick: That was quick. Tsuneo: I'll see if our fans have got anything better to say. [Tsuneo goes over to the computer and fiddles with the mouse for a second] Tsuneo: And they do! [They cluster around the computer] Tsuneo: Our first one's from Oniko Hakubi on Delta 10. > Between the 35mm handguns, the unbelievably goofy-looking Invadors, the > spelling of "Invadors" itself, the massive acts of OOC-ness, Tommy Boy's > pathetic rip-off of Steve Austin's schtick, and about three dozen other > SNAFUs, I have come to the conclusion that Tom Dyron is a complete and utter > idiot. (Big suprise there, right?) Let's pray this kid doesn't see End > of Evangelion. Dan: We may be too late already. > >> On Rei's side... > >> Eva-00 had the shotgun in hand > >Dan: I didn't know they made an EVA shotgun. > >Rick: Well they do now. > >Rebecca: They figured after a few million games of Doom, why ever the hell not? > (Ash/Rei) You see this? This... is my BOOM stick!! > >> The action was put > >> on screen as they saw SEELE soldiers putting grenades everywhere and detonating > >> them. > >Rebecca: Oh. Wow. They're destroying Nerv with grenades. Ooh, scary. > You think someone should tell them that you need a Demoman to blow the grate? > (500 obscure reference points to whomever gets that.) Rick: Sorry, even I don't get that one. > >> Tom led the group as they walked down the hall and found out the 5th level of > >> defense had been pierced. The 6th Children climbed down the ladder to the 5th > >> level and shot the first SEELE soldier he saw in the back of the head. > >Dan: [Deep] Head shot. > I hate that... when you finally manage to pick up the shield belt and the > damage amplifier and a Keg O' Health, and you grab the Pulse Gun, and just > as you're about to open fire, some NEWBIE with the sniper rifle > pulls off a one-in-a-million shot that BLOWS YOUR %^$@#^ING HEAD OFF!!! > DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!! *cough* ...erm, sorry... Rebecca: See, wonder boy? Stop it. Tsuneo: This coming from miss crotch-shot herself? > >> "Well, Shinji and Tom made an agreement thinking that working as a pair works > >> better than working alone and they adapt their minds to each other. It makes > >> their sync ratio exactly between the percentage of both their sync ratios, >> higher than the lowest synchronization of both, lower than the higher > >> synchronization of both Children, but it stabilizes them!" explained Ritsuko. > >Dan: Um... > >Rick: Uh... > >Rebecca: Huh? > >Tsuneo: My brain hurts. > (Tom) Hey, I know! If I put down a bunch of scientific crap, then people will be > too confused by it to realize that the concept is complete nonsense! I'm brilliant! Rick: Works for Voyager. > ---Oniko Hakubi > "You are HUGE! That means you have huge guts! RIP AND TEAR!!" Dan: I see. Tsuneo: Well thanks for writing in! Our next mail's from Douglass Weeks. > I just wanted to write and say that your Mstings have been the most > consistantly gut-busting that I've read. Rebecca: I hope that's a good thing. > I only wish that I had known > about them before I read DELTA Invasion and Hellstorm Evangelion (1&2) > in their oringinal forms. Dan: We feel your pain. > The only negative thing I have to say about your MSTings is that you > can be real vicous sometimes. I loved the orignal Crul Lina's Thesis, > espcially the line about Ninji Hut. I admit that by the last installment > some of the jokes were kinda old, but the sheer absurdity of it was what > I found so gut busting. I was also rather fond of the "Magical Fairy > Princess Trilogy" I know that they were silly, but absurd humor almost > never fails to get a laugh out of me. > Anyway, keep up the good work, and I'm really looking forward to the > next part of DELTA Invasion (I ended up in a flame war with dyron a > while back; if you didn't agree with everything he said you were the > Enemy; there is nothing that you can do to him that I won't endorse; > bitter? maybe?) Rebecca: We do draw the line at disembowelment. It's better that they don't suffer. > Thank you for your time, > -Douglass Weeks > P.S: I'm doing an Evangelion MST, and wanted permission to use your "You > dare --- the great Asuka? WA-TAK!" It's one of my favorite Eva Mst > lines. You will of course reviece proper accredition in the end notes, > but I wanted to check before hand. Rick: Go ahead! I don't mind in the slightest. Just so long as I receive due credit. Dan: Rick, you have created a monster. Rick: Thank you! Tsuneo: And thank you Douglass! Oh, and don't worry about crediting the line. He doesn't deserve it anyway. Rick: Hey! [He hits Tsuneo with a cushion] Voice: Looks like I'm here right on time. Rebecca: Why look, it's Megatron's disembodied spark. Rick: Don't push your luck, Rebecca. He might force us to watch some of that. Voice: Actually, no. In response to fan demand, I'm bringing you the next chapter of Delta Invasion. Rick: I would have preferred Beast Machines. Dan: Don't worry fans, we still love you. [They sit - Dan and Rick on the forwards couch, Rebecca and Tsuneo on the sideways one.] Rick: Hey Tsuneo, if you die during this, can I have your sword? Tsuneo: Ask me again if it happens. [The TV switches on] > Genesis 0:24 : Revelations/And The Truth Comes Up! > April 5th, 2018... > Misato's apartment... All: [Singing] Put your little hand in mine... > Misato was staying up late sitting at her desk. She was reading the Dead Sea > Scrolls she had taken from SEELE HQ. Tsuneo: Oh yeah, Gendo lets just anyone wander off with those. > As she read, she got more and more surprised. Rick: [Misato] Wow! Not only is this an accurate prophecy of events to come in the last days of mankind, but it's also got an amazing recipe for peanut brittle! > The next day, Misato rushed in the Children's room. > "Wake up!!!" yelled Katsuragi as they all stood up. > "What's the matter? Is the house on fire?" asked Tom. > "No, it's not that, Dan: [Tom] Damn! I could have swore I set it alight last night. > come with me, I got something to show you all!" > "O.K. leave us 10 minutes." Tom said. > "O.K.!" answered Misato as the Children got dressed Rebecca: Tom? That's Rei's underwear you're putting on. > and walked up to Misato's desk. Dan: Misato has a desk? Rick: It's somewhere in there, under all the beer cans, chip packets, chocolate wrappers and such junk. Tsuneo: Hey Rick, it looks just like your studio. Only cleaner. > "At SEELE HQ, I stole the Dead Sea Scrolls written in 1050 A.D., but now, read > them, it's very special..." Tsuneo: [Shinji] Ah, Misato? We can't all read ancient Hebrew. Rebecca: [Misato] Oh, yeah. come to think of it, neither can I. > As they all read, they were amazed. First of all, was the list of all angels : > 1/ Lilith > 2/ Adam Tsuneo: BZZZT! Wrong! Go back! Rick: Actually, Lilith and Adam like to swap around just to annoy people. > 3/ Sachiel > 4/ Shamsel > 5/ Ramiel Rebecca: The killer eight-sided dice of doom. > 6/ Gagiel Rick: White whale! I see a white whale! > 7/ Israfel > 8/ Sandalfon Dan: Asuka's one-and-only individual kill. > 9/ Matariel > 10/ Sahaquiel > 11/ Iruel > 12/ Leliel > 13/ Bardiel > 14/ Zeruel Rebecca: [Michael Buffer] And his opponent, from the first heaven, he is the right hand of God, he is strength and power personified... > 15/ Arael > 16/ Armisael > 17/ Tabris > 18/ Lilin > 19/ Justice Tsuneo: Hmm... I'm noticing an odd one out here. > Shinji looked in amazement and said : Rebecca: [Shinji] Wow! What an amazing plot device this thing is! > "Wasn't the 17th angel's name Kaoru?" > "His human name was Kaoru, his angel name was Tabris." answered Misato. Dan: Yeah yeah, everyone knows that. Even me. > "Oh... and who are the Lilin and Justice?" asked Tom. > "Lilin is mankind, Rick: Dude Love AND Cactus Jack. > but I don't know about Justice..." answered Misato. Tsuneo: It's a really dumb, made-up name. Dan: It's a blindfolded woman with a set of scales. > "Could Justice be the Invadors???" asked Asuka. > "Probably..." said Rei. Rebecca: Boy, Justice has a serious split personality problem. > They kept on reading and found something even more interresting, the Genesis of > Creation. Dan: In the beginning, there was Gainax. And Gainax created Bounce. And it was Good. > "First, there was nothingness, emptiness... Rick: Adelaide? > then, from the center of this huge emptiness called Universe, a light appeared, Tsuneo: Someone found the switch. > this light was red and had a spherical form. Rebecca: And tasted vaguely of cheese. > This light was the being called God. Dan: Got that, kids? The universe first, then the almighty. > And as his first born, God > created Lilith from pure energy of light, she was the source of all life and 1st > Angel. Tsuneo: No, that was Adam. Sorry, better luck next time. Rebecca: Doesn't he have to make the Earth first? Rick: This project was run by a committee. > God gave her the power of creation and destruction. Dan: So he made her the executive producer? > Where this took place is called Alpha, the place of creation, Rick: What, the back seat of a Camaro? > located in the middle of the Universe, a > place of pure light. As time went on, Lilith used her powers to create a being. > She called the being Rick: Lorien. > Adam, the 2nd Angel, a giant of pure light and power. Dan: I'm huge! Tsuneo: This is your creation myth on drugs. > Lilith then created all other angels, Sachiel, the Angel of water, Rebecca: And pointless fanfic appearances. > Shamsel, Ramiel, Gaghiel, the angel of monsters, Rick: So whenever your GM throws a bunch of wandering kobolds at you, it's his fault. > Israfuel, the angel of music, Dan: Aah, I knew there was something unholy about disco. > Sandalfon, > Matariël, the angel of rain, Sahaquiel, the lion of god, Iruel, the angel of > terror, Tsuneo: He has mad hacker skillz. > Leliel, the angel of night, Bardiel, the angel of lightning, Zeruel, the > angel of strenght, Rebecca: I'm buff, I'm the stuff... > Araël, Armisaël and Tabris, the ultimate Angel or Angel of > God(God meaning Lilith in that case), [Tsuneo starts sniggering] Rebecca: Yeah, yeah wonder boy, we all know that Tabris is the angel of free will. Rick: He then created the Shadows, the Vorlons, the Zog and all the other first ones. > the Angel that had an AT Field, the light > of one's soul, more powerful than Lilith's or Adam's. Tabris was more powerful > than the first being itself. Just like Adam, his true form was a huge giant of > light bigger than Lilith herself, Dan: You know, that would have been hell to fit into that school uniform. [Tsuneo starts laughing out loud] > with the same seven eyes as her, and the twelve wings of power. Rebecca: And the secret decoder ring. > God had created Lilith but was losing power as Lilith was growing stronger. Dan: Any reason? Tsuneo: Just because. > God soon lost all of his powers and his soul became one with all angels. Rebecca: You know, that sounds kind of dirty. > This destroyed the place called Alpha, this destruction was called > Omega or 1st destruction. Tsuneo: Is this relevant to anything? Rick: No, but we're going to mention it anyway. > It made a huge explosion caused by Lilith by spreading > her Absolute Terror Field Dan: So was the huge explosion caused by Alpha or by Lilith? Rebecca: Yes. Next question. > which expended itself in the nothingness called > Universe and solidified itself becoming materials. Rick: It also became that mysterious fuzzy stuff you find at the back of your fridge. > Then, Lilith unified her > powers with the 1st Angel to create the earth based on a pure sphere of AT Field > and the new material in the universe caused by Alpha's destruction, Tsuneo: It's called rock. > then Lilith solified it with her powers and called that material earth. Rick: Or "Bob" to its friends. Dan: That's nice. How about a sun? > This creation was called Beta, or the 2nd creation. Lilith, the mother of life, Rebecca: And second cousin, twice removed of nausea. > created the 18th angel, Lilin, to walk the earth. Rick: She also created Trilobites, Dinosaurs and Ric Flair. [Tsuneo starts laughing even harder] > Lilin was the first being with the form of what > are now called humans. Lilin was a giant too, Rick: He's huge. > but separated himself into two beings, a male and a female. Dan: Lilin has problems. Tsuneo: Should I bother asking why? Rebecca: Reason? Must there always be a reason? > The male was called Adam in honor of the 2nd Angel, > and the female being was called Eve. Rebecca: For no reason. Rick: Actually, it's the Angel word for "not tonight dear, I have a headache." [Rebecca hits him with a cushion] > Lilith then created all life in the universe, plants, animals, Dan: Unusual vaporous entities and the kind of nigh-omnipotent beings that are a dime a dozen in Star Trek. > and all other planets with the materials of the earth > and the ones spread in the universe. Rick: Obviously, this is in the days before union labour. Tsuneo: In short, we've taken God out of the picture and attributed creation to a footnote in Christian apocrypha. Rebecca: Something to that effect. > The Lilin grew bigger and bigger, Dan: Someone needs to knock off the fatty foods. > and as it grew, tried to figure out the secrets of life. Rebecca: And thus created this. Sad, huh? > Lilin soon called themselves humans and found a God in man. Tsuneo: It was at the bottom of the packet. > Lilith, disapointed in her creation, created a > new species to walk on a planet parallel to the earth Rebecca: What? No floods? No pillars of fire? no turning people to pillars of salt? Compared to the Old Testament God, this Lilith's a real wuss! > called Delta, or 2nd destruction. Rick: Even though Delta means change. Dan: What would Anno say if he was here? Tsuneo: He'd probably say "help, help, I'm caught in a crappy fanfic." > Her new creature, the 19th Angel, was called Justice, Dan: That's right, it was named in a language that wasn't invented yet. Rick: Say, where were all the other Angels during this time? Rebecca: They were all off at Israfel's Bar Mitzvah. > a beast with > blood of reptiles and no emotions with the the structure of an Angel. Rick: It had the head of a walrus, the body of a killer whale, the arms of Scott Steiner, the legs of a giraffe and refreshing minty flavour. > It was to be the absolute opposite of Lilin. Dan: With only half the calories. > Lilith hated the fact that the humans were getting too close to the truth Tsuneo: If this is any indication, there's nothing to fear. > and went to earth hitting the continent called Atlantis. Rick: Oh right, just throw in some other random mythological elements while we're at it. Rebecca: Somewhere around here we should insert the monkey king and the dreamtime. > The impact hit the Atlantis so hard that Lilith cut through blowing > the Atlantis away in outter space. The legendary continent formed itself into a > sphere and this is what we call the moon. Rebecca: So the moon used to be a continent on Earth? Given the relative size and mass, that must have been one bloody big continent. Tsuneo: The surviving Atlanteans traveled beyond the moon to the planet of Gaea, but that's really not important to the story. > This happened in 4700 B.C. Rick: On a Tuesday to be precise. Tsuneo: It's a genuine myth-mash! [He bursts out laughing] Rebecca: Watch it, wonder boy, or it's a boot to the head for you. > Lilith > brought with her the sacred weapon, the Lance of Longinus or Spear of Destiny. Rick: You know, looking at that lance, mister Longinius himself must have been one seriously big Roman. Dan: Hah! Decline this! POKE! > That was the 1st Impact which killed about seven millions of people, Rebecca: It also killed off the dinosaurs, the trilobites, cartoon cavemen and quality programming. Rick: Ric Flair was unharmed. > leaving a few thousands to live. Dan: Do you reckon this is meant to be our Biblical flood myth, a myth common to many ancient civilizations across the world? Rick: No, I think it's just the authour being stupid. Tsuneo: Humanity, you truly are the cockroach of the universe. > The civilizations that we know now, like the Egyptians, > Greeks etc... are civilizations that were born after this impact. Dan: What, from only a few thousand people? Rick: Believe it. The mighty Athenain senate consisted of two people. > But she > continued advancing deciding to annihilate each Lilin that walked on the face of > the planet called Earth. Rebecca: [Lilith] Hah! take that, you primitive screwheads! BLAM! BLAM! Tsuneo: So why'd you make them in the first place? > When Lilith arrived to a small island on the coast of Asia(now known as Japan), Rick: So Japan's only a small island? Tsuneo: Boy, that's going to give the people of Taiwan an inferiority complex. > she was stopped by the sacred Warriors of Arcane Dan: The Zen Warriors from the Mystic Mountain! > who had gotten the ability to generate the Angel's energy, Rebecca: Funnily enough, they discovered it by rubbing hamsters together. > the so called Absolute Terror Field. She fought them Rick: Only on pay-per-view! > and used her own Field and made a huge crater > which threw pieces of rock in the universe called meteorites and meteors now. Dan: Uh... Rick: Um... Rebecca: Er... Tsuneo: Huh? > This crater was in the south of Japan that we called the Black Moon. This crater > was called the Black Moon because it has been proven that it has almost the same > size of the moon Rebecca: No, the moon is 3,476 kilometers in diameter. That's a quarter of the earth's diameter. You'd kind of notice it! > and it is like the moon's reflection in some way. It is also > the place where the Lilin was given birth. Since it's where mankind started, it > is where it has to be ended. Rebecca: No, mankind ends in Las Vegas. But close enough. > But the Warriors of Arcane won the battle and > pierced Lilith's side with the Lance of Longinus. Dan: Those warrior dudes must have been pretty big as well. > Lilith's paralysed body was > brought down in the Black Moon and she was crucified. The Spear of Destiny > stayed there as the place was called Terminal Dogma or Heaven's Gate. Tsuneo: That's right, the geofront is just like the moon because it's thirteen kilometers across and hollow! [Tsuneo falls off the couch, rolling around on the floor in fits of hysterical laughter.] Rick: Er... what he said. > The Warriors died guarding the Black Moon Dan: And I bet you Tom's descended from all of them. > as Lilith waited for one of her Angels to > free her and end the Lilin in the place it was created. Rebecca: Notice how the Angels took some 6,700 years to do this. Rick: Somehow I get the feeling they couldn't be bothered. > On the year 0, the human Dan: Brian of Nazareth. > Jesus Christ, so-called son of God arrived, Rebecca: Actually, it was sometime between 12 BC and 6 AD. But close enough. > angrying the Angels even more for having messed with the sacred order. Rick: Okay, so if there's no more God, where did he come from? Rebecca: Des Moines. Someone had to. > At the last year of the 1st millenium, > Adam came and threatened the Lilin with the exact words "You have ashamed the > sacred order, if you pursue your mistakes, you will be punished at the dawn of > the 2nd Millenium." Dan: And why precisely isn't this recorded anywhere else? Rick: This record was scribed by a mushroom-farming monk. Can't you tell? > On the year 2000, humans will be punished for their crimes, Rebecca: You are very bad people! Bad! > and if the Angels fail, they will come back 15 years later, so are the > prophecies of the Dead Sea Scrolls..." Dan: Did we mention that God's a woman, Jesus was black and there were thirteen apostles? Rebecca: I thought we agreed never to mention the works of Kevin Smith in this place again. Rick: But you must admit, Dogma is almost credible next to this heap. Rebecca: You can get up now, wonder boy. [She boots Tsuneo hard] Tsuneo: OW! [He climbs back onto the couch] Sorry. I just lost it there. Dan: So did Tom. > "So the Geofront is in fact the Black Moon, the place where the 1st human was > born and the place Lilith was defeated..." said Misato. Dan: Just to reiterate what was just said. > "Oh my god, so SEELE knew all that..." said Tom, Tsuneo: Fat lot of good it did them. > "When I think that I insulted God!" Rebecca: Tom, you're a very, very stupid man. > "We all did, but now, we really know!" said Misato. Dan: [Shinji] And what do we know? Rick: [Misato] Stuff. Dan: [Shinji] Oh. > "And we were right about Justice." Rebecca: Were they? I can't remember. > "And all scientists were right, Tsuneo: Smoking *is* bad for you! > the universe was created by a huge explosion! Rick: I believe the first word heard anywhere was "oops." > When Alpha exploded, it created the universe The theory of the Big Bang is > fuckin' true!!" said Tom vey surprised. Dan: And here was Tom thinking he was the only big bang around here. > Everyone gave him a look meaning "It's no time to joke, Dyron." Rebecca: Why not? Tsuneo: Because. > "So the Invadors are the 19th Angel, incredible!!! All those monsters were > Angels!" Dan: [Shinji] And the Invadors are all an Angel! And that Angel is the Invadors! > said Shinji as the phone rang. Asuka ran to get it. Dan & Rick: I got it! It's mine! I got it! > "Hey Asuka, it's Ritsuko, an Invador has been located, come, all of you!" Rebecca: And she hasn't even picked it up yet. Tsuneo: Well enough of stupid revelations, it's time for a goofy and overblown fight scene. > "Hai!" said Asuka as she hang up. Dan: [Tom] Who was that? Rebecca: [Asuka] It was someone claiming to be Ritsuko who sounded just like Ritsuko and might in fact have actually been Ritsuko. > They all rushed to the Nerv HQ All: To the Batcave! > where Misato explained all about the Dead Sea Scrolls. Dan: Do we have time for all this again? > Tom was sent against the Invador as he got in position. Tsuneo: Silly me for thinking that they'd learn from their mistakes. Of course they're not going to take advantage of their numerical superiority. > He grabbed a rifle and waited for the Invador to come. > Suddenly, a black being impacted right next to Tom and stood up. Rick: Uh, no, just a little to your left. > It was the copy > of a human with no apparent face besides eyes and it was all black. Rebecca: That sounds racist to me. > Tom shot the monster who ducked as a building was shot down. Dan: Brilliant work. Rick: [Tom] Sorry, sorry everyone. Only meant to blow up that one thing, sorry. > Tom tried to punch it right in the face Dan: Or lack thereof. Rebecca: Hang on, first he tries to shoot it, but it hides behind a building; now it's right out in front of him within walloping distance? I'd say it doesn't make sense, but that's pretty much taken for granted these days. > but the monster openened his mouth that couldn't be seen and spit out > some black liquid. Rick: Jeez, how long does it take to throw one lousy punch? > Tom dodged left and knocked the monster down. Dan: With the killer right hook of doom! > Tom started pounding the beast right on its face a couple of times. Rebecca: But was called off by the Referee. Tsuneo: If it doesn't have a face, how can he pound it? > The monster got up and kicked Unit-03 back. Rick: So does this thing have any actual weapons, or it it just meant to brawl ineffectually? > The Eva got back on offense and took out its progressive knife. Tsuneo: Okay Invador, beat that. > Tom jumped on the Invador and stabbed it in the stomach as he put a lot > of pressure on the wound. Dan: From hell's heart I stab at thee! Stab, stab! > The 6th Children lifted the knife, ready the fatal > blow. He was now ready to swing down. Rebecca: So why doesn't he? Tsuneo: He can't remember what comes next. > Suddenly, a huge blue beam pierced through Unit-03's back then chest three times. Rick: And you know that's just gotta hurt! > Tom yelled as loud as he could as he > understood that the monster's spit had become the copy of the first being. Dan: And absolutely no-one in the command center spotted this or warned him? Rebecca: That's one mean loogie. > The two Invadors started pounding Eva-03. Rick: [Invador] Alright! This is for Gladys! and this is for Aunt Meg! Ands this is for cousin Bob! > Tom tried to get up but was knocked back > to the ground. The Invadors started sending devastating energy on Tom's Eva. The > pilot was now unconscious as the nerve connections were cut off. Tsuneo: Of course, none of this would have happened if Tom had cover... You know, from the other EVAs... > "Send Shinji and John on a rescue mission!!!" yelled Misato, "John, you grab > Unit-03 while Shinji distracts them, O.K.??" Dan: [John] Does that mean I get to do something? Rick: [Misato] Rei and Asuka, you two sit down here and waste space. Tsuneo: Of course, you could send up all *four* of them and open up on the *two* Invadors... > "Hai!" > When Shinji and John were sent out, Eva-03's arms were off Rick: Is this a scene from Ninja Scroll? That's all I can remember form that film, breasts and someone's arms being ripped off. Rebecca: That's all there was to that film. > and its chest armor plate was gone. Dan: Is it wrong to cheer for the Invadors at this point? > Shinji jumped on one of the beings and stabbed it in the chest. Rebecca: [Shinji] Take that you nasty person, you! > During that moment, John grabbed Eva-03 and dragged it down back to Nerv HQ as > Shinji stepped back shooting both beings. As he walked on the downward catapult, Rick: Okay, so they've made the rescue and Tom and John are safe... So why's Shinji retreating? Tsuneo: Because he's outnumbered. Rick: Oh. > both Invadors shot at Unit-01. As Eva-01 was going down the catapult, the blast > went faster as it blew off Eva-01's head. Dan: That's going to leave a mark. Rebecca: [Waspinator] This sort of thing always happen to Waspinator. > Shinji barely had the time to scream as his Eva was brought down. All: Aie. Rebecca: [Shinji] I didn't want to do this! I never wanted to be an EVA pilot! I just wanted to be a cook! > "Pilots' lives comfirmed. Bring them to the hospital now!!!" screamed Shigeru. Tsuneo: Gasp! Not just did Aoba get a line, he was referred to as Shigeru! Amazing! What'll happen next? Plot? Consistency? > In the hospital two hours later... > Tom and Shinji woke up Rick [Shinji] & Dan [Tom]: I hate this place. > and stood up right away. Tom saw that he had been wounded > on the chest and that a small scar had been left. Shinji had now a small scar on > the forehead. Dan: Can someone explain how those got there? Rebecca: [Shinji] Hey, I don't mind. I've got a trendy scar! I can really pull the chicks now! > They both walked down to the computer room. Rick: Where Hyuga and Aoba were using the Magi to play Unreal Tournament. It's not like they do anything for the fic. > "When you two got injured, we launched an NN bomb on each Invador, Rebecca: Wow... How much of Tokyo-3 does that leave standing? Tsuneo: None, given that it was blow up way back in episode 23. Rick: Don't worry about it. It'll all be Retconned back into existence soon. > which makes their next attack in about an hour, Rick: Wow.... Either those guys were out for ages, or the Invadors are a lot tougher than they used to be. > we will send Asuka, Rei and John there." said Misato. Dan: Hooray! Some common sense after all! Tsuneo: No, that would be sending them *before* the Invadors can recuperate. > "No way!!!" yelled Shinji and Tom, "We're taking them on, we want revenge!!!" Rebecca: Never mind. Silly me for thinking that Jon or the helpless females would do anything. In the end, it all comes down to Tom and the Authour's Pet. > "But you two are..." said Misato when Tom stopped her. > "No buts, we're gonna kick their little sorry asses!!!!" yelled the 6th Children Dan: That's why Shinji's so butt-kicking in this fic; he's been promoted to a sixth child like Tom. > as Tom and Shinji got in their plug suits. Rick: And of course, Tom's word is law around here. Tsuneo: Okay, so why not send up ALL the EVAs this time? Rick: Um... Are they going to use someone else's EVAs or something? I mean Unit 03 and 01 are kinda wrecked and all. > They got sent thirty minutes before the attack. As soon as the two Invadors > came, Rebecca: Hang on... wouldn't the two Invadors be still regenerating from the N2 attack? So why didn't they just attack them while they were immobile and destroy them easily? Tsuneo [Tom]: Consistency and sense be damned! I want an action scene! > Tom and Shinji rushed taking a > progressive ax(Shinji) and a progressive sword(Tom). Rebecca: Oh look, Tom's got a penile augmentation sword. > The 1st Invador looked up and saw Tom slice its arm with the sword. Dan: [Invador] Whoah, I didn't see that one coming! > The 2nd one saw Shinji plunge his ax's blade in its chest. Rick: So they saw it happen, but they didn't feel it? Rebecca: [Invador] An axe to the chest. How nice. > Tom then empaled the monster's stomach and punched it right > in the face but it got back on offense and kicked Tom down. Dan: You might want to do something about the, you know, sword? Sticking out of your stomach and all? > Shinji kicked the monster down and kicked it in the face. Rebecca: Shinji's stomping a mudhole in him! > As Tom was going back to get the > monster, the Invador threw a blue beam from its right hand sending Tom away and > jumped on Unit-03 starting melting its chest armor. Tom screamed as he grabbed > it by the throat and chokeslammed it. Tsuneo: Hang on... Tom is on the ground with the Invador on his chest, then suddenly they're standing and Tom's throwing him around? > Shinji got kicked away and the monster spit a green blast at Unit-01's leg. Rick: Now that's really off! > It was acid that was starting to melt Shinji's leg. > "Amputate the leg! Now!!" screamed Misato as it was done as ordered. Dan: Hey, it's still usable, you know! No point to... Oh, forget it. > Shinji yelled in pain as the monster jumped on him. Shinji threw a grenade at > the monster's face and watched the beast fall down screaming in pain from the > explosion. Tsuneo: So the grenade went off at point-blank range and Shinji's fine? Rebecca: That's about the scope of it. > Tom ripped off the chest skin of the monster and saw a core. > "Your ass is mine!!!" yelled Tom Rebecca: I didn't know that Tom was into xenophillia. > as he grabbed the Core. Tom pulled as hard as > he could and finaly pulled the red orb out. Rick: Hey, I saw this scene in Indiana Jones. > He suddenly crushed it as the > monster took out his last scream before dying. Shinji grabbed the ax tighter and > swang for the monster's neck. Rebecca: I didn't even know he was allowed to swang in public. > The Invador jumped up but the ax went through its > waist cutting it in two parts. Dan: [Invador] Well I said I wanted to lose some weight, but this is ridiculous. > He then took the progressive knife and swang for the monster's chest. Rebecca: I think it's kind of dead by now. > The beast was hit and started screaming. Rebecca: Okay, so maybe it isn't. But it's got to be at least mortally wounded. > Blood started dripping down as Shinji pushed the knife deeper in. Rick: [Shinji] Die damn you, die! Tsuneo: Hey, it's the good old psychotic berserker Shinji. > The Invador spit a blast > from its mouth and hit Shinji's shoulder making a part of it melt. Dan: [Shinji] Like I care! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! > The 3rd > Children yelled in pain but continued pushing it in as he heard the sound of the > Core cracking. He had won. Rebecca: Er, Shinji? you can stop now. It's dead already. > Back at Nerv HQ... > "So those monsters have a core..." Ritsuko said, Tsuneo: [Ritsuko] Why didn't I spot it before? Dan: Blame it all on your assistant. That always works. > "It's probably because they are > getting closer to the first Invador who is straight from Lilith." Ritsuko > explained her theory that was soon approved Rick: But didn't that thing split up like Lilin? Dan: Shush. > as Tom said something : Rebecca: [Tom] Something! > "Can I use MAGI for something?" > "Sure, Tom, as long as you don't mess it up!" said Ritsuko. Tsuneo: Er, Tom? The Magi's more than just a PC for you to much around with. It's kind of busy, running the whole base and all. > "Trust me!" said Tom as he went at Maya's seat. All: We don't. > He started going online and then entered an address. Dan: Tom's the only guy who would bring up hardcore porn on the main screen. > On the main screen was written : "SEELE TOP SECRET SITE... Dan: So if it's secret, why do they have a site? Rick: Somehow "www.seele.gov" isn't that secret. > ENTER USER NAME AND PASSWORD." Rebecca: [Tom] Dammit, black flagged by routine security measures. > Tom hacked on the site and found Chairmen Keele's ID and went through. Dan: Say, is this site operated out of the Seele base you guys demolished? Tsuneo: Wouldn't you know it, but it's run off a simplenet account. > "Damn he's good!" said Ritsuko watching Tom going through computerized defense > so easily. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] He's making me all hot and bothered just watching! Oh wait, that's you Maya. [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion] > Tom then arrived at the point he wanted, Dan: The women's shower room live webcam. > the angel section... He hacked through and read : Tsuneo: Take cover, here we go again, guys! > "The 2nd Angel, Adam, caused the 2nd Impact liberating his AT while he turned > back to an embryo form when he used up all his AT killing half the population. Rebecca: Actually he just bludgeoned all of them to death with a run-on sentence. > Adam had a sword with him, the "Blade of Souls" Rick: Hey, Cervantes wants that back! > that got carried away by the AT > Field. The sword is now guarded by two Justice natives in a southern cave from > Tokyo-3. Rebecca: Oh yeah, I remember that! Tsuneo: Say, what ever came of that pointless little escapade? Rebecca: Gendo's using it to open his mail. > The 1st Angel, Lilith, awaits at Terminal Dogma, waiting for one of her > kind to free her and start the 3rd Impact, the end of the world and every being > created by Lilith, which means the end of the universe. Dan: Doesn't the end of the universe include the end of the world? > The 17th Angel, was > given a more powerful power of destruction than Lilith, Rick: Kaoru got the quad damage. > possessing the most > powerful A.T. Field. He is the most powerful of all Angels." Rebecca: Even if he looks like a little weiner. > "Hold it!" said Tom, "if he is the most powerful Angel, how come Shinji needed > less synchronization than he did against the 14th Angel to beat him?" Tsuneo: Could it be because Kaoru let himself be destroyed? > "That's true, why?" asked Shinji. Dan: You tell us, you were there! > "Well, I kept something from you all, Shinji did a 403% of synchro against > Zeruël Tsuneo: Actually, it was over five hundred percent. Rick: Yeah, but that was before tax. Rebecca: It's not enough that he's rewritten the backstory, now he's going to rewrite the show itself. > and was absorbed by Unit-01, but against Kaoru, an unexplained problem > happened, Shinji hit a 417% synchronization but didn't get absorbed, that I > didn't understand... Dan: Maybe your equipment was broken. > There's also something else that was really impressive... When > we detected the Kaoru's big AT expension, a phenomenon happened... We saw another > Giant of Light!" Tsuneo: Rubbish! You're just making it all up! Rick: Maybe it could have something to do with the mushroom soup the cafeteria was serving for lunch that day. > explained Ritsuko as everyone talked about it in amazement not > really understanding. Rebecca: They're not the only ones! > "But on that Giant of Light, there wasn't the four wings > like at the 2nd Impact, we saw the 12 wings and the seven eyes of God(Lilith). Rick: And the hand of fate! > It blew up most of all our fallen defense layers, and it appeared out in > Tokyo-3. Dan: So any reason why you didn't tell anyone about this? Or why it didn't appear in the actual episode or subsequent episodes of Delta? Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Um... It's all Misato's fault! > We understood that if Kaoru had expended the AT to kill people, mankind > would have been wiped out. But he didn't do it because Eva-01 was kind of > blocking him... Tsuneo: That and he didn't want to! > Shinji defeated him piercing through his AT with his own becoming > the equal of Tabris with his Eva, and then de destroyed him. Rebecca: Okay, this is officially totally effed up right here. > When Evangelion Unit 01 became Tabris's equal, Dan: Pilot notwithstanding, obviously. > Nerv's and SEELE's ultimate goal was in one way achieved. Rick: They had made a diet cola with no yukky aftertaste. > We had finaly completed Eva-01 making it like a God itself, the equal > of the ultimate form of life. Rick: So why's it still hanging around here? Dan: It's still a battery operated God. Rebecca: Does that make Shinji and Edible Messiah? Tsuneo: Thinking about all this, any agnostics at NERV would feel pretty stupid by now. > We understood that when Shinji was fighting Eva-02 > controlled by Kaoru, it was like fighting the Angel himself! Tsuneo: Well, since kaoru was *controlling* it... > Shinji can remember > that Eva-02 and Eva-01 confronted both their ATs and pierced each other's field > stabbing each other with their progressive knives but Shinji finaly won. Dan: Yes, all very true. So why's it here? > He had > reached for the forehead while Eva-02 was reaching the core and was starting to > break it and almost made it just before the 3rd Children won. That was the time > Eva-01 was hurt the most taking an internal damage etc... Rick: And so on, and so on, and so on. Tsuneo: Actually, it wasn't. Rebecca: Shush! You're interrupting the narration. Which in itself is good enough reason to go ahead... > The body of Kaoru was actualy the core of Tabris. Dan: And vice versa. Rick: Except where prohibited by law. > The huge form of AT Field that we detected created > by Nagisa was in fact Tabris's true form like the Dead Sea Scrolls say!" > Tom kept on reading. Dan: But wasn't Ritsuko the one telling them all this? Rebecca: She took a break half way through. The narration's been on autopilot since. > "The so-called Invadors by the Nerv are the 19th Angel, Rick: Who wrote this report, Yoda? > but the 1st one of them, > the real Justice might bring fatal destruction to humanity. Dan: And the curse of fatal death. Rebecca: Nah, it's a destruction we can all live through. > His goal being to destroy the Evangelion Project. Rebecca: If it prevents fics like this, let him. Dan: Even though it was apparently created well before the EVA project. Go fig. > Justice is the only so-called Invador having the strenght of an Angel. Tsuneo: Yes, but which angel? It's kind of important. > Chairmen Keele" > "I found all I needed I guess, this is great!!" said Tom. "Thanks for letting me > use MAGI!" Dan: [Ritsuko] Yeah, but remember I charge by the hour or portion thereof. > Shinji, Asuka, Rei and Tom went back at the apartment while Misato stayed at the > HQ working with Kaji and Ritsuko. Dan: That's their excuse and they're sticking to it. Rebecca: Tonight, Kaji's Thrustmaster is amongst with Misato's melons and playing with the pullring. [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion] What? > When they got there, the phone rang. Tom went to answer it. > "Hello?" answered Tom. > "Yo, Tom, it's Mikey!" answered his best friend Mike in english. Tsuneo: [Mike] I'm a completely pointless extra character who hasn't been introduced before and will never even be mentioned again! Isn't it cool? Dan: [Tom] Hey Misato, it's a collect call from America. I've already accepted it. > "Yo, Mike, wussup?" Rick: The sky. Next? > "Notta, I got sumpin' to tell ya though..." Tsuneo: [Mike] I flunked English. > "Wut?" > "Don't kill me, k?" > "K." Rebecca: Is this on the phone, or by IRC? Dan: Nah, the typing's too good for IRC. Rick: The atrocious typing is to represent that they're speaking English instead of Japanese. Tsuneo: So what about the usual atrocious typing? > "When, Jeynna dumped you, she dumped you for me..." > "Yeah, so?" > "That's all you gotta say?" Dan: So what, you called Japan at three in the morning your time just to say that? > "Yeah, 'cause I got a much finer and nicer chick that really loves me!" Rebecca: [Kurt Angle] *And,* he hitched up with Asuka before his old girlfriend even dumped him. It's true, it's true. Rick: [Asuka] What? You dare compare the Great Asuka to your worthless ex- girlfriend? WA-TAK! Tsuneo: [Mike] Say, was that the fine and nice chick that really loves you? Dan: [Tom] Shut up. > "And Jeynna dumped me, she's really a whore!" > "Yo damn right!" Rebecca: Sounds like an intelligent and sensible person, if you ask me. Rick: I'm willing to bet that this Jennya is a real girl who hates Tom. > And they went on talking. Dan: [Mike] So how about them Dodgers? Rick: [Tom] They're kind of aquatic by now. > When Tom hang up, the phone rang again five minutes later. Rebecca: It's like a telephone exchange in here. Tsuneo: I'm sure glad that Ritsuko didn't need to warn you about more Invadors while you were having that oh-so-long conversation. > Tom answered and it was talking in english. Rick: Oh great, now DJ's crank calling them. Rebecca: [DJ] Hello, mister Dyron? I'm just calling to let you know how laughably inferior you are to my glorious self. Goodbye! > "Hello, is this Tom Dyron?" Dan: [Tom] Let me check. [Pause] No, my name's "Veronica's Secret." Rebecca: Er, Tom? You're wearing Asuka's underwear again. > "Yeah, it is." > "This is the Nothing Records, Rick: The only people who'd want to know him. Rebecca: Wow, that must be such a popular brand. Tsuneo: Yeah, they've also got Mima Rin under contract. Dan: Might as well have called them "Fill in Later Enterprises." > we want you to make a new CD with the songs you gave at your concert!" > "What tha fuck are you talking about?" Rebecca: Well, they want to make a CD of you. I don't know why myself, but it's a pretty easy concept to grasp. > "Well, we saw the new DOD at the concert, and we're really interrested!" Dan: Except for that big, ugly Smerican guy. Can we loose him? Tsuneo: We're thinking of promoting that brown-haired, flat chested guitarist of yours to lead singer. We expect she's got a real vocal career in front of her. > "Really??? Whoa... this is... GREAT!!!!!" > "Downtown Tokyo-3, we knew you lived there so we built a studio, Rebecca: Whoah, whoah, whoah, hold on. They jsut out and built a studio in downtown Tokyo-3 *just* to record for Tom and his idiot buddies? Tsuneo: Of course. Tom realised there wasn't enough him worship in this chapter yet. > you'll see it, it has a flashing Nothing Records written on it!" Dan: And crowds of people gathered to laugh at us. Tsuneo: Not to mention a funny looking guy with a screwdriver. > "O.K., thanks!!" answered Tom as he hang up and explained Shinji. Rebecca: I think only a psychiatrist could explain Shinji. > He then called up John, Kensuke and Toji. Dan: Hey look, it's the extras. > They all met there the next day. Tom and Shinji brought Rei and Asuka. Rick: Why? Rebecca: Oh, they need someone to do their cheerleading, look good on the front of the CD and whittle favours out of the execs. Tsuneo: Rei and Asuka are the vital sex appeal for the band. It wouldn't sell any other way. > When they got there, Tom asked Toji. Rebecca: You free tonight? > "Dude, you got your right arm and leg taken off after you piloted Eva-03, how > did you get 'em back? They ain't fake 'cause you wouldn't play that well!" [Everyone abruptly falls off the couch] Tsuneo: And after only three years, finally someone asks! Dan: [Toji] These? a funny red talking echidna gave them to me while I was visiting. [They wearily climb back onto the couch] > "Well, they took some of my DNA and used the same technology of cloning to clone > my arm and leg back, Rick: It may come as a surprise, but generally you do use cloning technology to clone things. Isn't science amazing? Rebecca: Science gave us a mouse that glows in the dark and a locust that watches Star Wars. What more could we want? Tsuneo: Of course, if he's got new limbs that are just as good as the old ones, it beggars the question of why they didn't make him a pilot again. Dan: I wonder how long it's going to be before someone asks Kaji. > they work just as well as my other ones and there's only a > little scar left!" answered Toji. Dan: If they're new, where'd the scar come from? > "Cool!" said Tom Rebecca: [Tom] I've got to get me some of that cloning. Dan: [Tom] Hmmm... Multiple Asukas... > as they walked in the room where they were told to work in. > They worked for a week twelve hours a day. Tsuneo: Twelve hours a day? Rebecca: Well, they are musicians. Accounting for coffee breaks, drug breaks, sex breaks, legal arguments, artistic arguments, pondering the meaning of the word artisitic, temper tantrums, bitch fights, finding Kensuke dead in his hotel room, visits backstage by groupies and other such distractions, I figure they do maybe fifteen minutes of work. Between them. Per week. > They finaly were done making their > new CD, "A World Ending" featuring "Apocalypse". The CD was out three days later Dan: Whoah, whoah, whoah! There is no way in hell that all the post-production, editing, cover design, case manufacturing, unit manufacturing, distribution, marketing and legal bunfights could have happened in three days, especially including a weekend! > and sold about a million copies the first day. Rick: Actually, all of them were bought in Pen-Pen's name. > It had 26 songs, Tsuneo: Okay... A standard CD has a storage capacity of about 75 minutes. For 26 tracks, assuming there are no hidden tracks, multimedia components or other such surprises, that means each track is coming out at an average of two minutes, fifty-six seconds, including intro, lead-in and lead-out. That's just a trifle short. Dan: Actually, it consists of twenty-six remixes of "Harvey the Wonder Hamster." > and on the > cover, you could see the world totaly destroyed with the members of DOD in the > space background. Dan: Looks like Tom's last party really got out of hand. > Tom's in the middle and he holds a remote where "Apocalypse" is written on. Rick: Whaddya know, this thing's got a doomsday button. Dan: Actually, my stereo has an apocalypse setting for the volume. Rick: Have you ever used it? Dan: Yeah, but the deaf old lady down the road complained. > "That CD kicks ass, it's gonna sell some!!" said Tom. Rebecca: Free copies, given away as promotional items do not count towards sales figures. > "You're right Tom, this CD is the bomb!" said John. Tsuneo: It's a bomb, certainly. > "We can be well damn proud!" added Kensuke. > "Hell yeah!" said Toji. Rick: Someone kill him, please. > "We did a hell of a job!" responded Shinji. > "Congratulations!!!" said Rei and Asuka. Dan: [Asuka] We're not doing anything else, so we might as well get a line in edgeways. Rebecca: They'll have their revenge. They're going to form a prefab girl group and sell squillions. > When they got back at the apartment, Tom and Shinji fell on their beds and fell > asleep, they were incredibly tired from the creation of the new CD and went to > sleep. Tsuneo: They were tired? They're just the guitarists. How do you think John, Kensuke and Toji feel? Rebecca: John's not tired. He's special. Rick: Ladies and gentlemen, the toad elevating moment! > They got back at Misato's apartment while Misato was working late again with > Kaji and Dr. Akagi. Dan: [Misato] Ah... whoops! Sorry kids, you weren't meant to see that! Rebecca: Boy, Kaji's really getting lucky this chapter. > Tom went on the computer late and went on the Nerv HQ site. Tsuneo: I thought he fell straight asleep. Rick: He's sleep-hacking. > He went on Ikari Gendo's file and started thinking about codes he could be > using. Dan: Why doesn't he just hack it like he always does? > First one he thought of was Rei. Then he tried Ayanami and then Ritsuko. > Suddenly a name snapped in his brain, Gendo's wife, Yui. Tom typed it and got > inside the file. Rebecca: What I want to know is why Gendo used something obvious that anyone could guess? Why not something like Pk7QrX3? Rick: How about FBz-99G? Tsuneo: What about GP-02a? Dan: Oh yeah? How about Fred? > He looked at all the files there was. Rebecca: Ho boy, I didn't know Ritsuko was into *that!* Dan: Any reason why he's doing this now? > First, he saw Shinji's, then Asuka's, then John's Rick: You'd know John's file. It's special. > and he saw Rei's. He tried to get to Rei's but there > was a password. Tom tried everything but failed. He decided to hack through and > made it. Tsuneo: So why didn't you just do that in the first place? > As he looked at the file, he got surprised as hell. Rebecca: I didn't know Yui was into *that* either! > He printed out the file, Rick: And promptly used it as a coffee mat, in the grand tradition of important documentation everywhere. > then he checked out John's. He printed it out too finding it every > interresting. Dan: Say, weren't Misato, Ritsuko and Kaji meant to be here? Rebecca: they're not going to be doing anything for a long time to come. > The next day, Tom prepared breakfast. Misato still wasn't home so > Tom decided to make his move. Rebecca: [Tom] Shinji, will you marry me? > "Guys, I got something to show you all, I found them on Ikari Gendo's personal > file." said Tom. Rick: I dread to think what's in Gendo's file itself. > "What is it, Tom?" asked Asuka. > "Well, first, let's start with John's file." said Tom as he read the file out > loud. Dan: Don't you think you should ask before blabbing their life stories to everyone? Tsuneo: Does this mean we're finally going to establish a coherent background for John? > "Real Name : John Kirao Born : 7/4/2001 > Mother : Tamara Kirao Father : Unknown" Rick: That's what Gendo said to the court and he's sticking to it. > Everybody stared at the profile for a long time. Dan: I could be mistaken, but this looks like a profile. Rebecca: Gendo's no idiot. It's scribed in Esperanto using Wingdings. > "Wait, the rest explains!" said Tom as he continued reading the file. Tsuneo: Well that would be an interesting development. > "When John's mother, Tamara, worked at SEELE in 2000, she was pregnant with > John. Chairman Keele, who learned about her pregnancy, Dan: Tried to settle out of court. > thought about a plan to get back at Nerv for taking Eva-01. Tsuneo: There was no EVA-01 in 2000. Or NERV, for that matter. > Keele brought the woman to a science lab. Rick: [Singing] So they bashed her on the head and they shot him into space! > as SEELE scientists did experiments on her. Rebecca: So they showed her crappy fanfics as well? Voice: This isn't an experiment. It's a review. Dan: Sure thing, voice. whatever you say. > LCL was injected in the woman's womb, and so was some of Adam's DNA. Tsuneo: So how does all this get back at NERV? Dan: It doesn't, but it's a great way to relax. Rebecca: This reads like some lame superhero origin story. Rick: [Writing] Angel DNA and LCL... > Before Keele could turn Tamara's baby into an Angel/Human, Tsuneo: Is that anything like the cyclone project children? > the woman escaped to Nerv. The baby was born there and was called John. Tsuneo: Because his mother was Japanese, working and living in Japan amongst Japanese people. Of course. > Since his birth, we knew that the boy wasn't normal. All: He's special. > He was 25% Angel. Rick: And 25% off, but only this weekend! > SEELE was still after Tamara so she escaped and Nerv let her escape to > England. Dan: So England's a safer place to hide than NERV? > But SEELE still found her and Tamara gave the baby to a man before > jumping off a cliff... Rebecca: [Tamara] I regret nothing... > John's synchronization ratio can be explained by the Angel > blood flowing in his veins. And his ability not to freak out in the entry plug > is due to the LCL inside his veins..." finished Tom. Rick: See? I told you he was special. > "Now, that's a tragic story John has..." said Rei. Dan: Cry me a river. Rebecca: Like you care, Rei. > "I feel bad about everything we said about him!" said Asuka. Rick: [Asuka] No I don't! Who cares if John's special? Rebecca: Well, we- Rick: [Asuka] It doesn't matter if he's special! > "Damn, John is special like we said!!!" added Shinji. Tsuneo: As if the point wasn't reiterated enough yet. > "That's not all, I also have Rei's file!" said Tom. "Rei, do you have any > memories of your past?" Dan: [Rei] Well, I remember a big room, and an old hag, and being short of breath... > "I can only remember it from when I was 9..." admitted Rei. Tsuneo: Even though she can only remember from after Rei II's death. > "O.K. so let me read it, everyone!!" said Tom as he read it out loud. Rick: [Rei] Do I get a choice in this? Rebecca: [Rei] You read that file and i might have to hurt you. > "Name : Ayanami Rei Born : 2/14/2001" > "Now, we know your birthdate, Rei, you are 17, just like me!!!" said Tom as he > kept on reading : Dan: well she wouldn't be an EVA pilot otherwise. > "Mother : Rebecca: Yui ikari. > Ayanami Akemi Father : Rebecca: A test tube. > Ayanami Kuragari" > "Now, we even know that you had real parents and that you are a real human, > Rei!" said Tom. Dan: [Tom] Relatively speaking, of course. Rebecca: [Rei] I always wanted to be a real girl. > "Rei never got the chance to know her father because he died during the 2nd > Impact at the North Pole, Tsuneo: Not only has he completely re-written the entirety of the Evangelion mythos, he's relocated Second Impact too! > he worked with the Katsuragi expedition. Her mother > carried the baby, she worked with the Gehirn for a while. Tsuneo: Not content with "the Nerv" or "the Seele," he's got to have "the Gehern" as well! Next week, "the the Marduk Institute!" > Nobody remembers her now, she had the same position as Maya does now. Dan: Guaranteeing her three fan shrines and a drooling following. Rebecca: Oh, so she worked under Ritsuko then? Tsuneo: You realise that would be Mrs. Akagi instead? Rick: There's a mental image I could have done without. > She died in a car crash when Rei was three. Dan: How... Bland. > Ayanami Rei survived the car crash and I took her as an adoptive > child but she kept the name Ayanami. Yui knew about it but we never told Shinji. Rebecca: Any reason? Rick: Yui had a lot of things that she never told Shinji. Rei was on the pile just above world domination agenda. > When Ikari Yui, my wife, died, Rebecca: That's a polite way of saying it. > I erased Rei's past memory and injected Yui's DNA in her. Dan: For absolutely no reason. Rick: Hey, when you're an evil overlord, you get to do these things. > She was a new being, she had changed a little Rebecca: I'm going to assume that's the skin and eye colour talking. Tsuneo: None of this explains the uncanny similarity to Yui. > but had no more past > memory. I showed her for the first time at Nerv in 2010. Rick: Wasn't she a lot younger than that? > Dr. Akagi Ritsuko strangled her to death but commited suicide right after. Tsuneo: Ritsuko? I can't believe he made that mistake! Dan: So Gendo keeps clones of Ritsuko as well? Rebecca: Yeah, they wear out so quickly. [Pause] I can't believe I just said that. > I then created clones > of Rei based on her DNA because I had found a young Yui in her and couldn't let > her go. Dan: Awww, Gendo's just a big softie. Rick: Yup, Gendo's the most hardened, heartless, cruel, ruthless and manipulative sensitive new age guy around. Rebecca: The world needs more Gendos. > I feel bad having destroyed her past memory and not having let her live > the life of a normal child. Dan: Rubbish! Rick: [Gendo] But then I say the words "human instrumentality project" and I feel better with myself. > Every time, I erased the memory of her death, but > she soon found out about her clones. Tsuneo: She doesn't even remember about her own death, so there's no need to erase it. > Two years later, Shinji was going to find > out about Ayanami and I couldn't let it. Dan: [Gendo] So I killed him too. In retrospect, I may have overreacted. > I abandonned my only son, how can he ever forgive me? Rick: Maybe if you gave him a puppy to make up. Dan: [Gendo] Do you like it? I cloned it myself. Rebecca: [Shinji] I'd prefer something without the evil red eyes, dad. > What a sick being I am. I watched on Rei like on my own daughter. Tsuneo: Is that why she lives in that run-down dump of an apartment? Rick: [Gendo] Okay, so I'm an irresponsible parent. Bite me. > If Shinji ever finds out, I wonder how his hatred for me is going to > grow. Kaoru was the same as Rei... a real teenager whose body had been possessed > by someone else..." Tsuneo: Bollocks again, fic. > "Rei, you have a sad history too!" said Asuka. Dan: This is very sad. > "And I never knew about it..." said Rei. Rick: Being dead does that to people. > "But why did Ritsuko tell me that Rei was born in a room near Terminal Dogma?" > asked Shinji. Rebecca: Because that's consistent with her real origin story? > "Because that's where she was given the DNA she has now. That's where the Rei we > know now was born."explained Tom. Dan: So what she told you was true. From a certain point of view. > "Oh, I understand now!" said Shinji. Tsuneo: You do? Rick: [Shinji] Er... No, actually I don't. > "So I guess everything's cleared up, now!" Rei Tom. Tsuneo: "Rei Tom?" Rebecca: I think about half a sentence vanished there. > "Yeah, you're right!" said Asuka. > "All Children have something in common..." said Rei. Dan: Marketability? Rick: Dire need of help? Rebecca: Tendency to expose large amounts of flesh? > "What?" > "They all have no mothers..." answered Rei. Tsuneo: That too. > "She's got a point!" said Tom. > "I saw it on a file talking about Children picking. Dan: [Rei] I have absolutely no idea how I got access to this file, but there you go. Rick: Don't you know? Rei has mad hacker skillz too. > They are chosen not only > because they have no mothers, but because they are the most qualified to be able > to concentrate, let's say synchronize with an Eva." said Rei. Tsuneo: That and you're all born within nine months of second impact. > "It isn't all cleared up yet, I have other neat info you guys might wanna see, > it is very cool, I found it on the Eva creation file, and the truth about the > 2nd Impact!" said Tom. Tsuneo: Oh God. As if you hadn't screwed up enough yet. Rebecca: Everyone on the planet turned on their hairdryers at once. > "We wanna see!!!" said Asuka as Tom read out loud. Rick: [Asuka] Give it to me Tom, or I'll rip you a new one! Dan: [Tom] Yes ma'am. > "Creation of the Evas... Rebecca: Bandai wanted soem giant robots to market. We improved. > We tried to copy the Adam, Tsuneo: Oh, it's *the* Adam is it now? > the 2nd Angel(I just learned that he was indeed the 2nd one, not the 1st) Rick: [Gendo] I was hit over the head with a retcon and re-educated. I'm sorry. > that had killed so many lives. We took his cells, and we > tried to reclone it. Tsuneo: *Re*-clone? Dan: Guys, you'll need more than just a photocopier. > But we couldn't make it work. This was in 2001. We tried > ten models until we found out we needed human lives to use them. Rebecca: [Gendo] On the other hand, we had managed to justify the funding increases. > Creation of Evangelion-00 : > Date of creation : 2002 Test pilot : Ayanami Rei > Soul used inside Eva : Professor Akagi Tsuneo: Ok, now he's screwed up the EVAs as well. > Pilot : Ayanami Rei > It is a pure copy of Adam in shape. Rick: Only without the wings, not luminous and with only one eye. But close enough. > Dr. Akagi's husband(who was a scientist as > well) accepted to sacrifice himself to experiment the Eva-00. Tsuneo: Any reason why he decided to inject this little but of stupidity? Rebecca: Because. > We had to fuse his > body with the Eva, not with a synchronization test, a pure fusion. Dan: So how did that work? Rick: They... Fused them. Dan: How did they do that? Rick: By fusing them. Dan: Huh? Rick: Actually, they just whacked them both with a sledgehammer. > The first test started in 2014, for this Eva was a failure for a long time. > Creation of Evangelion-01 > Date of creation : 2003 Test pilot : Ikari Yui > Soul used inside Eva : Lilith Dan: Come on, even I know how blatantly wrong that is! So does Rick! Rick: Do I? Oh yeah, I do. > Pilot : Ikari Shinji > Evangelion Unit 01 is the most special of all Evas. Rebecca: Shouldn't it be John's EVA, then? > We used Lilith's and Adam's cells to create it. Dan: And just a hint of pepper. > It is the God that we created. We captured Lilith's soul and > put it inside that Eva. Tsuneo: How do you plan on doing that? Rick: They used a witch doctor, a lot of coaxial cable, a magic circle and a really fast modem. > Only the most qualified person in the world can use it. Dan: [Gendo] So we gave it to an untrained, uninitiated pilot. Go fig. > Shinji, my son, was the best at the tests, and was designed as pilot. Rebecca: Wow, they custom-made Shinji as well? Tsuneo: I think that's a typo. At least I hope it is. > But before > that, another soul was captured in by Lilith, my wife, Ikari Yui when she > reached 400% synchronyzation. Rick: [Gendo] Why I didn't note that above is anyone's guess. Dan: Gendo likes to keep people in suspense. > The fact that Lilith's soul is inside doesn't give > it more power, it makes it harder to pilot. Rebecca: So why'd you do it? Rick: 'Cause. Tsuneo: So basically EVA-01 is a raging schizophrenic maniac in this version. > Evangelion-01 is the strongest of > all Evas though. But even though Lilith's soul was captured, she still lived > somehow until Unit-03 destroyed her. Rebecca: Notice how he doesn't even attempt an explanation. > Creation of Eva-02 : > Date of creation : 2005 Test pilot : 2nd Children's mother Tsuneo: I love how he's decided to make up names for Rei's "parents," but can't be bothered looking up Asuka's mother. > Soul used inside Eva : 2nd Children's mother Tsuneo: So was that before or after she committed suicide? Dan: Yes. > Pilot : Soryu Asuka Langley > Eva-02 is a pure copy of Eva-00, nothing else to say about it... Rick: Except that it's got a completely different head, is much more stable and less powerful. > Creation of Eva-03 : > Date of creation : 2005 Test pilot : Dan Dyron > Soul used inside Eva : Adam Pilot : Tom Dyron Dan: Oh right, so Toji's been completely removed from history now, has he? Rick: Well, you know what it's like when you're retconning. Sometimes things completely vanish. Rebecca: I take it you speak from experience, Rick? Rick: Shut up. > Eva-03 was a copy of Eva-01. But it was kind of different in the way that the > 2nd Angel's soul was held inside, making it act different in its ways to fight. Dan: Um... yeah. What he said. What did he say? Tsuneo: basically that EVA-03 is the same as EVA-01, except it's different, and that it does the fighting, not Tom. Rick: Well that explains a lot. > Eva-00 and 02 are easier to synchronize with. They can be as powerful, but the > pilots of Eva-01 and 03 have a talent to be in an Eva making them more powerful. > Eva-01 still stands in 1st place. Rebecca: Shouldn't there be a note about the thirteenth angel and how it was destroyed and rebuilt? > Creation of Eva-04 : > Date of creation : 2008 Test pilot : Dummy plug > Soul used inside Eva : S2 organ Pilot : John Baren > Eva-04 has the same shape as the 1st Eva-03, but has only Adam cells inside. It > has nothing very special, it is equal to Eva-00 and 02. Dan: So what, John's special but he gets a normal EVA? Tsuneo: No-one cares about John, so I won't think up anything ridiculously stupid or contrived for his EVA. > Creation of Eva 05-13 > Date of creation : 2015 Test pilot : Dummy plug > Soul used inside Eva : S2 organ Pilot : Dummy plug > Those Evas were made out of Angels left overs, nothing more, nothing to say > about them. Rick: I did wonder what they did with Ramiel's carcass. Dan: Well know you know. Tsuneo: Guys, he's making it up. Rick: So what did they do with Ramiel's carcass then? Rebecca: It ended up in the hands of a really cheap Chinese takeaway. > Creation of Eva-14 Rick: Oh, this should be good. > Date of creation : 2017 Test pilot : Yazama Matt > Soul used inside Eva : S2 organ Pilot : Yazama Matt Tsuneo: [Matt] I'm so cool, I'm my own test pilot! Rebecca: Matt's also his own best friend. > Eva-14 was pretty much a mix of Eva-05-13 and Eva-02. The special thing about it > is that it was made only made out of Lilith cells as well, meaning its plan was > created a long time ago!" Dan: Um... Did anyone catch any of that? Rebecca: Not a word buddy, not a word. > "Damn, now we know what we pilot!!" said Shinji. They continued talking about > their Evas very surprised. Rick: [Shinji] I didn't know our EVAs were made entirely out of custard pudding and Fig Newtons. I was very surprised. Dan: [Tom] My EVA's got the soul of Cobra Commander. Wanna swap? > "Now, the truth about the 2nd Impact!" said Tom as he read out loud again : Tsuneo: Well what do you know, it was a meteor after all. > "2nd Impact : September 13th, 2000 at 9:37 P.M. exactly... Dan: Rikishi did a butt drop on Viscera. Rebecca: Well whaddya know, it was a Wednesday after all. > On September 12th, I had been in Antartica for five days already with the > Katsuragi expedition. Tsuneo: Remind me, whose journal is this? Dan: Its Gendo's journal. Tsuneo: But Gendo wasn't even there at the time. > We had detected a very strong force coming towards Antartica, Rick: [Gendo] It later turned out ot be just an old sock. > so the same day, a ship was brought here carrying the Lance of > Longinus with a few tanks and others to be able to carry it. Rebecca: Remind me, where did they get that from? Rick: Don't you remember, they got it from the really big Roman guy. Tsuneo: Might I remind you that they hadn't discovered the geofront at this point. > The technology of > piercing an AT Field was found so we could lift the Lance. Dan: Wow, people were really advanced in 1999. They knew how lift heavy objects. > I left with the same ship back to Japan and made it there before the next day. Tsuneo: That isn one seriously fast ship. > But then, I was in radio contact with Dr. Katsuragi. Rick: Well what do you know, Dr. Katsuragi had his own talkback show. > That day, the 2nd Angel, Adam crashed in Antartica Rebecca: How about that, the only tree on the continent and he just happened to land on it. > and I heard him say clearly : Rick: [Adam] Whoops, I'm kinda lost. Sorry about this. > "Lilin, repent for the Judgement Day has arrived!" Dan: I suppose this would be a good day for going out of business sales. Rebecca: And remember kids, trying to create Armageddon in your own back yard is bad. > That day, Adam was supposed to wipe out a little of the human species > to warn us not to pursue our sins, or else they would come back fifteen years > later. Rebecca: Come on, it's only a small bit of genocide. Tsuneo: Should I mention about now that they found him in the Antarctic? Rebecca: You could, but no-one would listen to you. > He would have found his dear Lilith and finaly free her. But we failed in > listening to Adam and tried to pierce Adam's powerful AT Field with the Lance > trying to revert it to an embryonic form. Dan: Of course, we knew it was going to do that. > The Dr. Katsuragi Rick: The one and only! > knew it was madness > and rushed to save his daughter as he was injured by one of Adam's power blasts. Tsuneo: That's right, the only footage of Dr. Katsuragi, and it just got retconned. Misato must feel wonderful by now. Rebecca: Considering how much she's working late with Ritsuko and Kaji, yes. > But when the tanks lifted the Lance high enough to pierce the AT, Adam knew he > was in danger and let go of the energy of the AT Field blowing up the South > Pole, half of the world's population and all people on the expedition except > Katsuragi Misato. Tsuneo: Not to mention shifting the Earth's orbit and effectively eliminating seasons. Rick: On the other hand, property values in Nevada went up. > But Adam had wasted so much energy that he couldn't stay in > full power so he turned back to an embryo form which was kept up floating in the > air by its AT Field waiting for enough energy to wake up. But SEELE came back to > the North Pole the same year and Dan: Found it empty. Then they went to the south pole. > picked up the embryo and imprisonned it. They > didn't pick up the Lance because at that time they didn't know of its > importance. Rebecca: So the same organisation that was using it the year before handily discarded it? Rick: Blame it on interdepartmental communications. I always do. > In 2015, we came back to the South Pole to bring back the Lance to > its rightful place. The Lance had sinked under the ocean, Tsuneo: Had sinked? His command of English is impressing me even less by the second. > but we took it back... > Looking back at old datas, experiences etc... Adam's AT Field was more powerful > than Lilith's, but never as good as Kaoru's. This is the truth about the 2nd > Impact!" Dan: And he read it on the internet, so you know it's got to be true. > Tom was done reading as the Children remained silent about the real facts... Rebecca: [Rei] You expect us to buy that? Rick: Hey, does anyone want to tell John about his own tragic past? Dan: Will he get a choice this time? > Same time at Nerv HQ... Dan: Meanwhile, in another part of the fic. > Misato and Ritsuko are talking... > "After all that happened, I think we can be proud of what we did..." said Misato. Rebecca [Ritsuko]: But next time, you can wear the sailor senshi costume and I can remove it with my teeth. Rick [Kaji]: Hey... it's fine with me ladies. Just so long as I get to watch. > "You could say that, but I have things to tell you, Misato!" said Ritsuko Rebecca: [Ritsuko] I'm pregnant. Rick: [Misato] Don't look at me! Can't be me! > as she > started explaining about each Children as Misato gave a disgusted look at John's > and Rei's story. Dan: [Ritsuko] I feel like telling everyone my dark secrets today. Don't know why, though. > "Oh my god..." said Misato. > "I know, all Children have horrible stories..." said Ritsuko. Tsuneo: Tom's story is the worst. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] It's not like the rest of us got off scott free. > Later that night, on the cliff... All: Jump! Jump! Jump! > Tom was sitting next to his motorcycle as he heard a motor noise. It was Shinji > that had found him again. Rick: [Shinji] Tag! You're it! > "Looks like you found me again, Shinji!" said Tom in surprise. All: We noticed. > "Yeah, I know. This is the place you always go to." Tsuneo: Always being once. Dan: [Shinji] well if you're going to try hiding, you could at least do it where I can convincingly say I couldn't find you. > "I went here to think about all we learned those last days, Rebecca: Not much, actually. > we really learned a hella lot, man!!" Rick: Typing not included. > "After I heard Rei's story, I even feel closer to her. Rebecca: [Shinji] Even though I now know she's partly my mother. It's kinda icky, actually. > But I feel so bad about my father, I really don't know what to do abou it!!!" Rebecca: Go on Springer and tell the whole world. Tsuneo: No thanks. There are more than enough "Eva on Springer" fics out there already. > "I personaly think you two should have a talk, father to son, Dan: Oh great, a deep and meaningful between Shinji and Gendo. Rebecca: [Shinji] You know, you're very mean. Rick: [Gendo] Am I? Rebecca: [Shinji] Yes, you are. Rick: [Gendo] Am I? Rebecca: [Shinji] Yes, you are. Rick: [Gendo] Am I? Rebecca: [Shinji] Yes, you are. Rick: [Gendo] Well, I am what I am. > and explain yourselves. Dan: [Gendo] I did it all in the interests of saving the world. And that's what I'm telling the judge. > Maybe it will end up being hatred being both forever, Tsuneo: Can you run that past us again, I think I caught one word. Maybe. > but maybe you will reach an understanding, you have to try it." > "I think you're right Tom, but it's going to be really hard!" Rick: [Shinji] Gee, my life becomes infinitely better each day I listen to Tom's guidance. > "I know, but it's the way it's gotta be!" explained Tom. Rebecca: Any reason? Dan: Just 'cause. > "Damn, our lives are so different from other kids' lives!" Rebecca: You noticed? Tsuneo: Yeah Tom, not everyone can be an incredibly amazing fighter pilot, hacker, kickboxer, champion wrestler, rock star and EVA pilot. > "Yeah, but it's the way it is. And damn, you impress me Shinji. Rick: [Shinji] Thanks, I've been working out. > You went two times over 400% synchronization, dude, you da man!" Dan: [Tom] Next to myself, of course. > "Thanks." > The conversation went on and on. Rick: And on. Tsuneo: And on. Rebecca: And on. Dan: And on. > The revelations they learned had given them > very precious information but had changed their lives again. Tsuneo: My life will never be the same again. > End of Genesis 0:24 [The TV switches off] [They all stare blankly at the TV] Voice: Come on, it wasn't that bad. [Dead silence] Come on, guys? [Dead silence] Okay, maybe it was. [They all slowly nod] Tsuneo: Okay, not only was this far and away the worst chapter of Delta Invasion ever, it was completely insulting to the original series to boot! Firstly he decides to make up all kinds of rubbish about the origin of life, the universe and everything; then he goes and completely re-writes the history of the EVAs themselves; and if that wasn't enough, he just casually decides to re-make Rei from the ground up! She is not a normal girl! Rebecca: Yeah, she's special. Tsuneo: Er... Yeah. Dan: What really got me is how, in the middle of all this supposedly serious, but actually quite goofy stuff, Tom decides to have another toad elevating moment; ie: he makes a new record. Not only are the time and such figures in its production completely ridiculous, as well as the fact that it sold, what, a million on the first day, but it's also completely unnecessary. All it does is say "Hey, Tom Dyron's wonderful in case we hadn't mentioned it yet." Rebecca: Basically, what Tommy Boy did was take a good sized serving of Judeo-Christian Mythology and blend it in with Evangelion. He then spiced it liberally with any old crap he could find lying around, such as Atlantis, the Zen Warriors from the Mystic Mountain, and say, a few episodes of Brain Powered. The end result is a steaming heap of offal that makes no sense whatsoever, but yet manages to annoy as many people as possible while doing such. Rick: I survived Delta theology and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Tsuneo: I thought we agreed never to mention Brain Powered again. Rebecca: Admit it, you wasted money on that dog too. Tsuneo: Never! Rick: What I want to know is if mankind just popped up on the earth, where did the Trilobites come from? Dan: Don't you know? They were an experiment in creating the 38th angel, Bob. Rebecca: So where do Blowntoallhel, Ahwhathehel and Marcel fit into it? Tsuneo: Ahh... Rick: They were the three holy messengers sent to Lemuria to pick up the pizza! Tsuneo: And if the moon was Atlantis, where'd the cities go? Dan: To Gaea, on the other side of the moon. Tsuneo: That's not funny, Dan. Rebecca: Except for the cockroaches and rats. They stayed on the moon and grew to incredible size. Rick: Yeah. Now the rats are human-sized and of comparable intellect. And the roaches are 50 feet tall and live on the dark side. Voice: Now you're just being silly. Rebecca: However, when Blowntoallhel returned from Lemuria, he picked a fight with the Synkyn. Dan: And Marcel got lost in a mall on Mu. Rick: Which caused the Australian Democrats. [The screen goes blank] Rebecca: I forgot, was that before or after Torgo burned down Sodom and Gomorrah? Dan: After. Definitely after. Tsuneo What I want to know is... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-2000 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley & Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-2000 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > "Now, we even know that you had real parents and that you are a real human, > Rei!" said Tom.