Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 48 - Part three of Delta Invasion. No it doesn't get any better. Sorry. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Evangelion II Delta is copyright someone who didn't even put their own name on it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Tsuneo and Rebecca enter, talking] Tsuneo: When you consider it, there are actually quite a few similarities. Rebecca: How so? Tsuneo: Well, think about it. They're both lame, stupid and generally ineffective. Rebecca: No arguments on the first two, but I've got to disagree with the last one. Tsuneo: Okay, so they occasionally do some damage, but the result is the same anyway. [Rick and Dan enter] Dan: Hiya guys. Rebecca: Oh, hi. Rick: What's up? Tsuneo: Oh, we were just arguing a very important philosophical issue. Rick: What's that? Rebecca: Who would win: Hellstorm's Demons or Delta Invasion's Invadors? Dan: Um... Tough one. Rebecca: We've seen that the Invadors can occasionally get the better of an EVA in a fight. They sometimes do some degree of damage to an EVA, but then get beaten up by the EVA. Or, to be more precise, Tom's amazing unit 03 with it's Prog Grenades. Tsuneo: I'll agree with that, but the Demons actually posses generally better capabilities. I mean, look at Gapos, made of fire and all. He was only killed by a ridiculously convenient EVA-sized fire hose. Tom wouldn't stand a chance. Dan: Tom would've probably blasted him into the ocean or something. Tsuneo: True. Rick: Actually, Tsuneo's got a point about the Demon's capabilities. I mean, the demons were all intelligent... Er, to a point that is, but the Invadors seem to have an animal level of intelligence. If that even. Dan: Yeah, but do they need more? It's not like the Demons think or anything. Tsuneo: He's got a point. You see- Rick: Well you've got to admit the Demons have more style. I mean, they geat to declare their name and laugh maniacally before dying in a puddle of their own gore. All the Invadors ge tis a dumb and irrelevant description. Rebecca: That's one for the- Dan: Yeah, but the Demons rarely even get a description. For all we know, they could all be big bugs or look like Issei's mum. Tsuneo: Let's not go- Rick: Anything would be better than what the Invadors look like. I mean, brown, four legs, lizard head and shark's teeth? Pathetic. Dan: Yeah, but some of them kick butt! Rick: The Invadors are lame! Dan: The demons are worse! Rebecca: [To Tsuneo] Do you get the feeling we've been shut out of this one? Tsuneo: [To Rebecca] I say we leave them at it. Voice: Hello everyone. Rebecca: Greetings head. Voice: And hello to you too, Rebecca. Ready for work? Rick: Is this a multiple choice question? Tsuneo: What is it? Voice: It's the third chapter of our most recent series - Delta Invasion. Dan: Ah nuts. And I was having a good day. [They sit - Rebecca and Rick facing the TV, Tsuneo and Dan on the sideways couch. Rick and Tsuneo are closest on the corner.] [The TV switches on] > Genesis 0:16 : Only Time Will Tell/The Future Is Not Written > October 11th, 2017 Rick: Do you know where your children are? > Misato's apartment. Rebecca: Hell on Earth. > 10:00 A.M. Dan: Sunny on the coast with a chance of rain in the late afternoon. > Misato woke up, dressed Dan: Damn. > up quickly and went out without waking up anyone. > Another rendez-vous with Kaji. Tsuneo: Doesn't she ever *work* or anything like that? > About thirty minutes later, Tom woke up, he was always the first to wake up. Rick: Just as long as Shinji and Rei are dead. > He put on some clothes Rebecca: Thank you. > and yelled : > "WAKE UP DAMNIT!!!" > But no one actualy moved. Tsuneo: I think rigor mortis has finally set in. Rebecca: [Rei] If we don't move, maybe he'll go away. > Then, Tom got a good idea. Dan: There's a first. Rick: [Tom] We'll call it the Edsel! > He put on Dragons of > Doom as loud as his stereo could. But they still didn't wake up. Tsuneo: Although the deaf neighbour complained about the noise. Rick: This is what you get for buying a stereo at K-Mart. It probably sounds like it's in a tin letterbox at the bottom of a lake, too. > "O.K. > Dat's it!!!" Tom took out his guitar and starts playing as loud as he could. Dan: That'll wake anyone up. Rebecca: Then Dave Lister called up to complain about the noise. > Asuka and Rei woke up right away. Tsuneo: [Rei] Uh, green-haired kid in tight shorts! What a nightmare. > "Hi Tom, you woke us up!" said Asuka. Rick: [Asuka] I wanted to sleep in, you twerp! You dare interrupt the great Asuka's sleep? WA-TAK! > "Damnit, finaly, but Shinji's still sleeping, All: How? > and I tried every noise, Dan: That's a very interesting guitar you've got there. Rick: It was probably made by Bloody Stupid Johnson. > so I'm going with Plan B!" > "And what is Plan B?" asked Rei. Tsuneo: Let Shinji sleep? He's the only one who does any housework, after all. > "You'll see!" Rebecca: So you're going to hit him with an N2 mine? Rick: Say, if you let off an N2 mine in Misato's apartment, would anyone notice? Dan: Not Misato. Rick: The fleas might complain, though. > Tom got right next to Shinji Rebecca: And unzipped his fly... Rick: [Tom] Sleep this off! > and said : > "Let's get ready to rumble!!!!!" > Tom ran and legdropped Shinji on the back. Rebecca: [Announcer] Tonight on pay per view! Tom "The Man" Dyron vs. Shinji "The Doormat" Ikari! > "ARGH!!!!!!!!" yelled Shinji, Tsuneo: Our thoughts exactly. > "DAMNIT THAT HURTS!!!!" > "Finaly, I woke you up!" said Tom. > "Asshole!" said Shinji. Rick: I like him. > The four children walked down to the kitchen Tsuneo: What, so Misato's got a split-level apartment now? Dan: Nah, the foundations have just started to settle. Rick: [Tom] The hell? Hey, was this step here last night? Rebecca: Maybe they're all just still drunk. > and ate breakfast. As usual, Tom cooked and read the newspaper. Rick: [Tom] Hey, Rei! How do you like your newspaper? Fried or boiled? Tsuneo: [Rei] I haven't the heart to tell him. Dan: [Asuka] Tom you idiot, you're meant to read the newspaper! *Then* cook it! > About an hour later, the phone rang. Rei went to get it. > "Hello?" Rick: Hi there, I'm looking for a guy called Mike. Last name: Rotch. Tsuneo: [Rei] Tom, it's for you. > "Hello, it's Ritsuko, we need you at the HQ right now!" Rebecca: [Ritsuko] And have you seen Misato anywhere? She's got a job to do. Dan: [Rei] She and Kaji said they were going to "water the melons." Tsuneo: ... > "O.K. I'll call the others." Rick: Uh, Rei? They're all there with you. > "Thank you Rei, bye." > "Bye." Dan: [Rei] Bitch. Rick: [Ritsuko] Kiss-up. Tsuneo: ... > Rei hang up. Rebecca: Isn't that what Asuka's mother did? Dan: I think he meant "hung up." Rebecca: You ruin all my fun. > "Who was it, Rei?" asked Tom. Dan: [Rei] No-one important. > "It was Ritsuko, she needs us right now at the Nerv HQ, so let's go!" Rick: [Asuka] If it's another goddamned sync test, I quit! > They got out of the apartment, hopped on their motorcycles and drove to > the Nerv HQ. Tsuneo: *The* Nerv HQ? How many of them are there? > They got in and met Misato and Kaji in the elevator. Rebecca: Rapidly adjusting their clothes. > "Hi Misato, hi Kaji!" said Shinji. > "How are you guys doing?" asked Kaji. > "We're just fine!" said Tom, "I never met you Kaji!" as Tom showed Kaji his > hand. Dan: Yes, it's a hand! Rebecca: Careful with that, Kaji. You don't want to know where it's been. > Kaji shook it and said "Nice to meet you. You must be Tom, the amazing 6th > children!" Tsuneo: [Tom] Yeah, that's right. Just stroke my ego some more, I don't mind. Dan: Actually he needs Kaji to *carry* his ego. > "I'm flattered!" responded Tom. Rick: [Kaji] Great. Where's my money? > "Well, that's our floor!" said Misato. > "Ours too..." said Asuka. Dan: Gee, what were the chances? Rebecca: Amazing. Misato's actually at work in this fic. Tsuneo: Yeah, but not in the command room, or anything stupid like that. > They all got out and went to see Ritsuko. > "Hi Ritsuko" said Misato. Dan: [Ritsuko] Hi everybody! All: Hi, Dr. Nick! > "Hey all of you, you know why I needed you here?" Rick: [Tom] Umm... Is this a multiple choice question? Dan: Odds are the answer involves a sync test. > "No..." answered all of them. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Don't all of you sound so thrilled. > "Well, first of all, Adam was destroyed by Commander Ikari because it was > considered too dangerous, but we need the children to go and destroy Lilith > now! I asked you early because five AT Fields were detected, so you have 20 > mintutes to destroy Lilith, but in order to destroy it, we need to bring the > sniper rifle down there, 5 minutes, power it up(we have the permission of > the government to use the electricity of Tokyo-3), 10 minutes, get you kids > ready and bring 1 Eva(Tom's), 2 minutes. Those AT Fields detected are Invadors, > and they are going to hit different places. One is going to hit the Nerv HQ, > well the ground over the Nerv HQ, two are going to hit the east of Tokyo-3, one > is going to hit downtown and the last one is hitting the mountains. They will > hit all in the same time, in exactly 35 minutes. Tom will take the two at the > east, Shinji the 1 hitting the Nerv ground, Asuka the 1 downtown and Rei the 1 > in the mountains! Got it?" Rick: [Tom] Could you repeat everything after "First of all"? Tsuneo: So why the hell didn't you call them in earlier so you can destroy Lillith and have plenty of time to spare before the Invadors arrive? Dan: And why do they need the sniper rifle to destroy Lillith? Ain't the Lance already down there? Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Oh yeah. Why didn't I think of that? > "Hai!" > The Nerv employees took the Sniper Rifle and started taking it down. Dan: They called it names and stole its lunch. > The pilots > got ready. 5 minutes later, the Sniper Rifle is at Terminal Dogma, 10 minutes > later, Rick: Dinner's ready! And it's the Times' Sunday supplement! > it's powered up by Tokyo-3's electricity. Eva 03 was brought down > there. > "Tom, load the rifle, we have 3 minutes left!" > Tom loaded the rifle, All: Action! > aimed and was ready to shoot. > "WAIT!! Take out the Longinus Spear or the shot will be stopped!" Rick: Oh, now you think of that. Brilliant work Ritsuko. What do they pay you for, anyway? Rebecca: Maya was probably busy playing Pong on the Magi again. > "O.K., I'm gonna hurry!" > Tom rushed to Lilith and took the spear which was brought back to the earth in > a very special way. Since they couldn't carry it, nuclear weapons were shot at > it and made it drop in the direction of earth. Dan: That makes sense... I think. Tsuneo: No way. They explicitly mentioned that there was no way to bring it back to Earth. Even if they did drop it like that, there's no telling where it'll hit. > It fortunately hit a deserted area in Asia and made a twenty miles large crater. All: How convenient. > It then was brought back with a huge ship. Rick: The S.S Minnow. > Tom brought it back where he was. 30 seconds left. He aimed > again and was ready to shoot. > > "On my signal!!! 3, 2, 1, Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Fooled you! Didn't say "Simon says!" > SHOOT!!!!" > Tom shot Lilith with all the power of the rifle. Dan: You missed, ya dolt. > As the shot impacted > right on Lilith's chest, her whole chest and stomach blew up. Rebecca: Oh look, you can see what she had for dinner. Rick: The sports pages. > Tom saw > Lilith's red core where a human heart usualy lies. Tom reloaded as > quickly as he could and shot right at the core. The red orb blew up as > the monster's head fell in the LCL below. But the room started to crumble. Dan: Any reason? Rebecca: They hired SPECTRE to build it. The instant the villain dies, the whole place blows up. > "TOM, GET OUT, IT'S GONNA FALL DOWN!!!!" > "O.K.!!" > Tom started running as fast as he could with the Lance of Longinus in hand Rick: [Tom] With this, I can be even more all-powerful! > and got out of the room right before it all fell down and Lilith with it. Tsuneo: Well there goes the foundations of Nerv HQ. The entire base collapsed into the ground, killing everyone inside. The end. Rebecca: Of course, you left the rifle down there... Bit of a bummer, that. > "Children, get ready, Eva launch in 5 minutes!" Dan: Why not launch them earlier, during all that crap with the sniper rifle. > "Hai!" > The Children got in their entry plugs. 5 minutes later, Evas are all > launched. > "Rei, Nerv is gonna give you a boost that will throw you 5 miles away from > the mountains in 5 seconds, O.K.?" Tsuneo: The hell? They're going to fling her out of the ground at Mach 5? > "Hai!" Rick: [Rei] I hope you've got a *very* good plan for the landing. Dan: [Ritsuko] Details, details. Fire! > "City Underground!" > And all the buildings went underground Rebecca: And formed a successful resistance movement. > as all the Evas went in position. 2 > minutes before impact. As previewed, Impact made 2 minutes later. Rebecca: In English, maybe? Dan: [Author] I told you the same thing twice. > Rei got ready for the Invador taking out her progressive lance. The monster > she had to face got up and looked like a huge gray giant with no eyes, no mouth, > no face! Rick: It's the police identikit's nightmare. > Rei raised an AT Field and attacked it with her Lance but it bounced > off. Rei started punching it with everything she had but every hit seemed to > bounce off... Rebecca: That's no Invador, that's Goldberg. Tsuneo: Hmm. Let's think. You've got the Lance of Longinius free now. Why not use that? Dan: Tom won't give it back. He said he found it, and he's gonna keep it. > "Rei, I think this one has an armor of stone, my best advice would be blow it > up!!" said Misato. Dan: Duh. > "O.K." Rei tried to reach for her Rick: -Lawyer. Tsuneo: [Rei] I'm getting out of this crappy fanfic one way or another. > progressive grenade but the started throwing huge rocks Rebecca: My, what a sophisticated attack plan. That'll really work. > at Rei and pierced the AT Field using his. Rei got hit by 3 > rocks, lost balance and fell down. Rebecca: Well there you go. Obviously they were progressive rocks. Rick: Nah, Larry DiTillo was writing this one. > Her Eva broke through the stone of > the mountain and fell off. Rick: See? Tsuneo: Through the stone? She fell *through* the mountain? Dan: When Nerv tears up the scenery, they sure don't mess about. > Rei saved herself grabbing the mountain. Tsuneo: So she stopped herself from grabbing the mountain? It doesn't make any sense! > Unit 00 started climbing back up the mountain and was behind the Invador. > She took out her progressive grenade and walked slowly behind the monster. Dan: [Elmer Fudd] Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting Invadors. Heheheh. Tsuneo: Of course, how a 65 meter tall robot can be quite is anyone's guess. Rebecca: She's standing on tippy-toes. > She put the grenade right on the giant's neck and ran back. Rick: [Rei] Tag! You're it! Dan: This guy's really perceptive, ain't he? > The explosion > was so powerful that all everything that was under the giant started to > fall off. All: Huh? Dan: It doesn't make any sense! Tsuneo: So - and let me get this right - all of everything underneath the Invador fell off it? Rick: Um, something like that. Tsuneo: Shoot me now. Get it over with. > The Invador was dead but Rei wasn't out of danger. She started > running as fast as she could. But the explosion was makin everything break. > Rei jumped out of the mountain and escaped a tragical end. Rebecca: No, she's still in this fic. Rick: Are you kidding? she and Unit 00 would probably just get retconned back to health. > Asuka was downtown Dan: And he was shopping! Rick: Don't joke about that. I just got my credit card bill. Dan: Engagement sucks, huh? > but got the bad luck to be right under the Invador. Tsuneo: And she didn't see it coming? Dan: [Misato] Should we tell her where she's standing? Rick: [Ritsuko] And spoil the surprise? Nah. > The monster impacted right on Asuka knocking her down. All: TOGG! Rick: All the way from the top rope! > The creature had brown fur and purple eyes. Rebecca: It really can't coordinate well. > It was on four legs and had a huge muscular body. > It was 3 fingered like all other Invadors and had the face of a horned > wolf. It started pounding Asuka's Eva with its powerful fists, Tsuneo: Even though it's four-legged. > but Asuka returned the situation Dan: -Without rewinding it and got fined two bucks. > turning the monster over Rebecca: And cooking until golden brown. Rick: Then she served it with a side-order of newspaper. > and started pounding it. Dan: [Steve Austin] Don't take this ass-whupping personally, son. > But the Invador bit her neck hard and made Asuka let go. Asuka jumped back Tsuneo: And struck her Karate pose! Hiya! [They all pelt him with cushions.] > and so did her enemy. She took out her progressive knife. The huge monster > jumped on Asuka but she pierced the creature's eye with the knife. The beast > jumped back screaming. It got on 2 feet, ran to Asuka, and kicked her in the > stomach. Rick: Setting her up for the Stunner! Dan: I thought we agreed to lay off the Steve Austin riffs. > Asuka raised an AT Field and pushed the monster down using her AT. Tsuneo: I'm convinced that the author doesn't know how they work. Dan: [Asuka] Oh, that? Just a little trick Lisa taught me. > She threw her progressive knife at the monster's chest and hit. She jumped > on it and pressed on the knife. She took it out and started stabbing the > monster. The Invador was dead. All: [Weakly] Hooray. Rick: Only two more ultra-lame fight scenes to go. > Shinji was right over the Nerv HQ and looked up. Dan: [Shinji] Pretty clouds. > He saw the Invador falling Dan: [Shiji] That one looks like a falling Invador. No, wait a second... Rebecca: That's no Invador, it's Boris Yeltsin. > down right for him and caught it while it was falling towards the ground. Tsuneo: Nice save there. > Shinji was holding looked like a lizard with spikes all over its body and > Shinji's Eva's hands were pierced by the spikes. Rick: That was smart. > Shinji threw it on the floor Tsuneo: Floor? Don't you mean street? Rebecca: Actually, no. They're fighting indoors. Tsuneo: Huh? > right away feeling the horrible pain in his hands. The beast started > running and jumped on Unit 01's chest piercing it. Shinji fell down in pain. Rick: [Shinji] I bent my Wookie. > His chest was hurting like hell. The monster jumped again but was stopped > by the AT Field Shinji just raised. Dan: He raised it from a puppy. > Shinji took out his progressive ax and jumped on the monster ax's blade down. Dan: So the monster had an axe too? > The monster dodged the weapon and > jumped back on Shinji using its own AT Field to pierce Shinji's. The beast > made it but it's stomach was pierced by Shinji's progressive knife and got > thrown on the ground. Rebecca: That's the biggest haggis I've ever seen. Tsuneo: So its stomach was thrown on the ground? Or was it the knife? I'm confused. Rick: That's right, it's the literary equivalent of Fist of the North Star '93. > The beast started running away from Shinji who > followed it. Suddenly, Eva 01 lost track of it. Dan: Lost track of it? How can you lose a friggin' sixty meter tall monster? Rick: Shinji was looking the other way when it hid under the couch. > Suddenly, something clawed Shinji in the back, Rebecca: Gee, I wonder what that could be? > the Invador had jumped from a tree Tsuneo: A tree? Have they moved the fight to the Californian Redwood forests or something? > to get Shinji. Eva > 01 put his hands back to reach the beast and threw it in front of Unit 01. > Shinji grabbed the beast by the throat Rebecca: Chokeslam! > and twisted its neck to win the battle. > Tom was on at the east side of town and got between the 2 monsters. Dan: Whoah, bad move. Never, *ever* walk into a domestic situation. > He raised an AT Field right away. Tsuneo: Well duh. Rick: No-one else in this fic thinks of that. Rebecca: That's because they're not Tom. Tom's a genius, you know. He discovered the theory of relativity and taught Da Vinci how to paint. > He looked around and suddenly, two meteorites > hit the right and left of Tom making two craters. Rick: These guys should get a new entrance. This one's getting *really* old. Dan: I thought he was already between them. > The first creature had a > blue body of a human with the head of a rhinoceros with one horn on the > forehead, one on top of the head and one behind it. Dan: So... It had a horn on the back of it's neck? Tsuneo: Amazing, the writing's managed to get worse. > The 2nd beast was a giant yellow snake with four legs. Rick: Then it wasn't much of a snake, was it? > Tom was taken on both sides. Rebecca: Yeah, you said that. > The 1st > rushed on Tom and used its AT Field to pierce Tom's but failed and got > pushed down. Tsuneo: So how come whenever they try that on any of the other EVAs it works, but not on EVA-03? Rebecca: Don't you remember? Tom's EVA is infinitely superior to all the other EVAs too. Tsuneo: Yeah, I was trying to forget that. > The snake jumped and tried to bite Tom but got grabbed just > under the head. Tom started putting pressure on the neck. Rick: So everyone else has trouble with even odds, but Tom's at 2-to-1 and doing fine? Dan: Well, that's because these two Invadors are really lame. Rick: So what else is new? > Suddenly, the 1st > beast spit out a huge ball of acid at Asuka who was coming to help Tom. The > acid hit Asuka's face who fell to the ground hurting like hell. Tsuneo: That's what you get for trying to steal Tom's limelight. > Suddenly, Tom passed from a 200% synchro to a 325% and Rebecca: Started clearing house like only a face can. > grabbed the snake by the head > and by the tail. Tom pressed so hard that the snake's whole body blew up in > 4 pieces. Rick: One on the head, one on the tail, four pieces... Nope. It don't work. > The Eva 03 ran to the monster that hit Asuka and tackled it. He > pierced through the AT Field like butter and started pounding the monster's > chest. Dan: So Tom, care to bring any more wrestling moves into EVA fights? Rebecca: I'm just waiting for him to put an Invador in a Stone Cold Stunner. Then the world would be perfect. > Tom punched for about 1 minute and pierced through the monster's chest. Tsuneo: What, and it was just lying there? > "How the hell did Tom come from a 200% to 325%?" asked Misato. Rick: GST was added. > "He got so pissed off, his anger made his synchro go up because of the will > to kill!" explained Ritsuko. > "Oh my god!!!" Rick: [Ritsuko] Of course, due to previous experience, we already knew that. Dan: [Misato] Oh yeah. > Tom took the monster's heart out of its chest Rick: Oh, look! It's the EVA version of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. > and put it between his hands. > The Eva 03 started pressing on it and blew up the monster's heart. Rebecca: Say Tom, do you want to be any more senselessly violent? > "That bastard got it!!!" yelled Tom. > Unit 03 rushed to Asuka. He took out Asuka's entry plug and put it on the > floor. Tsuneo: What, one little acid booger to her EVA's face and it's history? They've survived much worse things. *Especially* Unit 02. Dan: How'd he get it out of Unit 02? With a giant can opener? > He ejected his entry plug and got out of it. He rushed to Asuka's > entry plug and broke through. Inside, he saw an unconscious Asuka. Rebecca: The best sort. > He picked her up and got her out of the entry plug. Dan: Remember, this is the Asuka who kept going without her EVA's arms. > "Help!! We have a wounded here!!!" yelled Tom. Tsuneo: Wounded nothing. Just a little feedback. Rebecca: [Asuka] It's just a scratch. A flesh wound! Tsuneo: Don't go there. Rick: [Tom] Shut up, Asuka! You're critically wounded 'cause I said so! > A few minutes later, the Nerv came to pick up the Eva pilots and came back > to the HQ. They put Asuka to the Nerv Hospital right away. Tom waited in > front of Asuka's room. Shinji came a little later. Rebecca: I really don't want to know what Shinji's been up to, do I? > "Whoa, Tom, you went psycho after Asuka got hit!" said Shinji. Tsuneo: Shinji hasn't seen that sort of madness outside a post office since... Well, since he last did it. > "You damn right I did!"answered Tom, "I couldn't stand it, he hit someone > that wasn't in the battle! Dan: Yes she was. she was coming to help you! Rick: [Tom] Hah! I fight all my fights one-on-one just to prove how cool I am. > Especialy a girl, I couldn't stand it I tell you!" Rebecca: Tom Dyron, the last great bastion of male chauvinism. Present company excepted, of course. Rick & Dan: ... > "Yeah, you're right, well see ya soon!" said Shinji as he walked away to > see Rei. Dan: He was after some intelligent conversation. > Tom knew that what he had said was a lie, Rick: He didn't care about any of them. Remember his motto: don't trust anyone. > he knew he went psycho because Rick: He hadn't done it so far and it was in his contract. Tsuneo: Otherwise Shinji would get some perfectly deserved attention. Dan: We should just make him a sign saying "I'm still the hero of this crummy show." > he loves Asuka. Rick: Eew. Rebecca: I think Tom's taken too many hits to the head. > Soon, Misato walked near Tom and said : Dan: [Misato] Hey, what do I actually do around here anyway? Rick: [Tom] You provide us with living space and services. > "You really care about her, don't you?" > "Like you said when we met at the Nerv HQ the first time, Rebecca: [Misato] Move your hands, you little pervert! WHACK! > I always say what I think, and yeah, I really do care about Asuka." > "Looks like we got a new love here, don't we?" teased Misato. Dan: Has anyone asked Asuka about this? Rick: Nah, she'd still be pining after Kaji. Rebecca: Actually now that he's alive I'm surprised he can keep Asuka off him for five seconds. Tsuneo: Yes, but that takes her attention away from Tom so it's been ignored. > "You could put it like dat..." said Tom. Rick: "Like dat?" Tom's Irish now? > "I really like your honesty, Tom!" finished Misato as she walked away. > "Wait, Misato!!" yelled Tom. > "What?" asked Misato. Dan: [Misato] Go away kid, you bother me. Tsuneo: [Tom] You haven't licked my boots yet today. > "Is she gonna be okay?" Rebecca: Let's see... She's suffered a minor feedback shock that's she's been through about a million times by now. No, she's gonna die. Rick: Well, it depends on weather you mean okay, or okay for Asuka. > "Yeah, she is, don't worry." > Once Misato was gone, Tom walked in Asuka's hospital room, took a chair > and sat down right next to her. Tsuneo: Oh, gods! All of NXE's intense bedside action is coming back to me! Rebecca: Make it stop! I've been good! Dan: You? Good? Rebecca: Well comparatively. > He looked at her deeply hoping she was > O.K. Asuka opened her eyes and looked at Tom. Tsuneo: [Asuka] I hate this place. Rebecca: [Asuka] Oh. It's you. I think I'll have a relapse now. > "Where... Where am I?" Asuka asked. Tsuneo: Stuck in a crappy fanfic. Rick: Hell. Trust us on this one. > "You are in the Nerv Hospital." answered Tom. > "What happened?" > "An Invador spit acid at your Eva's face and you fell in a short coma, > you were unconscious for a day... Dan: That was a very quick day. Rebecca: that was a very quick coma. > It could have been worse if we hadn't saved you." Tsuneo: Saved her? Saved her? Like hell, Tom! You're just making this up to make yourself look better. > "Who saved me?" Rick: International Rescue! > "You want the truth or the one that will make you happy?" Rebecca: What is this, a Royal Commission? Dan: [Tom] I have no memory of those events. > "The truth..." Rick: [Tom] It was the cigarette smoking man! > "I saved you..." > "What would have been the happy save?" Dan: Gaspode the Wonder Dog? > "If Shinji had saved you..." > "If you say so..." Dan: How in hell would that make her happy? The last thing she'd want is to be saved by Shinji. Again. > "Well, I'm gonna leave you some rest, Tsuneo: [Tom] Make sure you return it when you're done. > see ya as soon as you get better." > said Tom as he turned back. > "Wait..." > "Yes?" Rebecca: [Asuka] Piss off. > "Thank you, Tom." > "You're welcome." finished Tom as he got out of the room. Dan: [Cheesy voice] Have a nice day! > Two days later, Asuka gets out of the hospital and comes back to Misato's > apartment. Tsuneo: When did Asuka become such a total wimp? Rick: You know, I'd rather have the badass Asuka that blows away demons and shags Rei on the side than this little screaming wuss. Rebecca: Yes, that' right. We prefer one of Issei Mataloun's characterisations. Sad, isn't it? > Misato's apartment that same day, 10:30 P.M. Rick: Or nearest offer. > Asuka came back from the hospital Dan: As you mentioned earlier. Rebecca: See what happens when you use public transport? > and is 100% O.K. Misato is out with Kaji as usual Tsuneo: Misato, just move in with him already. It's not like they'll miss you or anything. Dan: Since Kaji's popped up, wouldn't an awful lot of people be out to kill him? Rebecca: He got a special pardon for being dead. > and Tom made the dinner. All: Of course. > The four Children sit down at the > table as Tom brings the food. Tom sat down the last. Dan: [Shinji] Dammit Tom, do you think you could get our dinner a little earlier? Rick: [Tom] What, and cut in on my special time set aside for adoring my magnificence? Never! Rebecca: [Tom] And could you serve me some of the financial pages? > "Listen, I've done a lot of thinking Rebecca: You can almost hear the gears grinding. > and I think we should all have a very honest talk for dinner." explained Tom. Dan: [Asuka] Really? I'd prefer food myself. > "What do you mean by a honest talk?" asked Asuka. Tsuneo: Well, it's when you talk and you're honest. > "I mean that we all live together and that if any of us has feelings for > someone else here should spit it out, get my meaning?" > "Yeah, that's clear!" said Shinji. Tsuneo: Say, I just figured something. You notice how Shiji actually gets to do a fair deal in this fic? Rick: Yeah. He beats up Invadors, he gets a line every now and then and he's well on the way to snogging Rei. Rebecca: It's certainly better than what he usually gets. I mean, in Hellstorm he just hung off Issei and vanished in the fights. And in Fate, his only contribution was to get clobbered at the start of each fight. Tsuneo: Exactly. And you know why? Because Tom needs a lackey. Dan: Yeah. Actually, all Shinji seems to do here is agree with him. Rebecca: When you put it like that, I've gotta wonder if he gets a worse wrap here. > "So, since I brought up that idea, I'm gonna start." > "Okay, if you wanna..." said Asuka. > "I...okay, let's make this quick..." Rebecca: [Asuka] Okay. BANG! That was quick. So who wants desert? > "Asuka... I love you..." Tom said having problems breathing. Dan: Because Asuka was suddenly choking him. > "You... You... You love me?" asked Asuka. > "Yeah, I love you..." Tom repeated. "Your turn Rei." > "O.K." Rei put her head down. "I'm really not good at this." She took a deep > breath and said clearly "I love you, Shinji..." Tsuneo: I don't know weather to cheer or cry. It's both in character and out of character at the same time. > Shinji almost spit what he was eating. Rick: And got comics all over the table. > "You love me? Well, that's... cool 'cause... I love you too Rei!" Shinji > admitted. Tsuneo: Now *that's* out of character. Dan: It's not like he's got the backbone to agree or anything. > "Well, we got ourselves a couple!" Tom said. "Asuka, your turn!" > "Well, okay, I love you Tom..." admitted Asuka. Rebecca: [Asuka] Just to get this trite scene over and done with. > "Oh my god, this went better than expected, we have two couples now!!!" Rick: What, the great Tom didn't think Asuka would adore him? Dan: No, he's just trying to be humble. Rick: Smug git. > Asuka and Tom suddenly got up and Asuka went in Tom's arms as he gave her a > long passionated kiss. [They all make disgusting slurping noises.] Dan: He's giving her the Super-Duper-Low-Calorie-Dude-In-Black-Nameless- Monkey-Boy-Self-Insertion-Totally-Gnarly-Give-You-Coldsores-You-Wouldn't- Believe-Lip-Sucker-French-Kiss. Rick: Yeah, it's about that evil by now. > Shinji got up, gave his hand to Rei, Tsuneo: [Rei] Eew... > got her up, Rebecca: Isn't that what Rei should be doing to Shinji by now? > and kissed her. But suddenly, Tom heard the noise of something breaking. Rick: Tsuneo's sanity? Tsuneo: I'll tell you when. > "Silence you all, I heard something..." said Tom. > The 6th children slowly walked to the door. He heard the lock break and > he hid next to the door right away. He heard familiar voices. Four people > suddenly busted in. Rick: In grey jumpsuits with unlicensed particle accelerators on their backs. Dan: The Pack was mad as hell, and they weren't gonna take it any more. > Those were the four that had attacked Tom in the beginning of the year. Rebecca: They sure took their time before getting revenge. Rick: They couldn't find the street address. > Tom jumped kicked one of them in the back of the neck knocking him out. Tsuneo: Hang on, this is in the little entrance hallway, right? Rick: Yup. Tsuneo: So where's he getting to room to jump-kick someone with four thugs crowded around him? Rick: Misato probably had it expanded when she put that new room in. > "What da?" said another one of them as Tom punched him in the face and > knocked his head against the wall. > "You little asshole!" yelled the leader of the group. Dan: Well you got that right. > Tom elbowed one of the two left and knocked him out hitting the guy's face > on his knee. Tom took the leader's right arm and twisted it, he then > threw him out knocking his head against the hall's wall. Rebecca: I believe I said something about faces clearing house. Rick: Which makes you wonder why Tom's doing it. > Tom then threw out the three of them Rick: What about the last one? Rebecca: Rei and Asuka had finished off the newspaper and were still rather peckish. > and put a note on the leader's right arm saying : Dan: Insufficient postage, return to sender. Rick: Two milk, one cream. > "The next time you guys try, I kill every single one of ya!" > "Who were those guys, Tom?" asked Shinji impressed by Tom's fighting skills. Dan: [Tom] Jehovah's witnesses! They're getting pushier each year. > "The Quick Take Out Serive!" Tom answered as they all laughed. Rebecca: [Shinji, strained] Do it or he'll kill us all! > "Well, we better get some sleep, I'm tired as HELL." Tom said. > "Good idea!" responded Asuka. > And they all went to bed. Tsuneo: Yeah, that's smart. [Tom] I've humiliated a gang whose out for my blood and dumped them outside my door with a broken lock, so we're all going to sleep without reporting it or anything. > "Tom... do you think we'll be able to detsroy all the Invadors?" asked Asuka. Rick: Of course they will! How can they fail with the incredible Tom Dyron on their side? Dan: You okay there? Rick: Sorry, he's just *really* getting to me. Rebecca: I feel sorry for you Rick. You didn't have DJ to prep you for this. > "Only time will tell..." answered Tom. Before going to bed, Tom kissed Asuka > passionately. In his corner, Shinji Dan: Was digging an escape tunnel. Rick: [Shinji] I've gotta run away, I've gotta run away... Tsuneo: ... > was kissing Rei. Then, they all went to sleep. All: SNOOZE! > When Tom woke up the next day, Rick: He was naked and bound to a keep left sign outside town. Dan: And Misato was driving nearby. > Asuka had her head on his chest and her > right arm around him. Tom ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her > forehead. Asuka woke up. Rebecca: [Asuka] Ooh... I had this horrible nightmare... Damn, it was real. > "Hey Romeo." Asuka said. Tsuneo: Does that mean he's going to kill himself? > "Hey babe!" responded Tom as he kissed her softly on the lips. The 6th > children looked at his right and saw Rei on a sleeping Shinji. Rick: On a bed of classifieds with some mayo. Dan: Just to drive that one into the ground some more. > Tom then yelled : > "Hey, the shy lovers, wake up!!!!" > Shinji and Rei woke up suddenly. Rebecca: [Tom] If I can't sleep, no-one can! > "Sir yes sir, private Ikari reporting, sir!" yelled Shinji. Dan: One man is behind enemy lines, and they must go through the avatar forces to rescue him. Coming this summer: Saving Private Ikari. > Tom, Asuka and Rei laughed. [They all laugh weakly.] > "Yeah, and your general says get your sleepy ass down here Tsuneo: The apartment's sloping even more now. Rick: No wonder Misato barely sets foot in it anymore. > and eat breakfast before I whoop your ass and order you to drop Rebecca: [Shinji] What, here? In front of the girls? > and gimme 20!!!!" answered Tom. Asuka, Rei and Shinji fell over laughing. Tsuneo: I don't get it. Rick: Observational humour. > They got down to the kitchen and Tom fixed something quick to eat. Rick: And it was freshly printed, too. Tsuneo: Okay, enough with the newspaper already. > When the four Children were done, they sat on the couch and watched the WWF. Rick: So, what's on RAW? > Two hours later, Nerv HQ > Misato and Ritsuko are sitting in front of a computer. Rebecca: On their millionth or so Quake deathmatch. > "There's something missing in Tom's file, about his father..." said Ritsuko. Rick: The FBI destroyed all his personal records and labelled it as an "X-File." Rebecca & Tsuneo: ... > "What do you think it is?" asked Misato. Dan: An orange whirly thing in space! > "I have a feeling I knew Tom's father..." > "You sure?" Rebecca: [Ritsuko] I probably slept with him. > "Almost..." > About an hour later... Rick: Misato was going to sleep. > "I think I found something." Finaly said Ritsuko. > "What is it?" Tsuneo: [Ritsuko] They keep turning pages. It's so fascinating. > "Here, read this :" > Misato read the file : > Name : Dan Dyron [They all glare at Dan.] Dan: What? What? Rick: Maybe that's his great secret. Dan: It ain't! Rebecca: Father of Tom Dyron. Tsuneo: Nothing to be proud of. Dan: Look, that is not my brat. > Job : Lead scientist and Eva-03 test pilot at Nerv. > Date of birth : 06/29/1972 Died : 11/07/2013 shot two times in the chest. Tsuneo: Umm... No siree. Firstly, Ritsuko was Nerv's chief scientist, secondly if he was a Nerv scientist then Ritsuko would most certainly know him and finally, how could he test pilot EVA-03 since it wasn't even constructed until after Sachiel appeared and wasn't completed until episode 17, whereas he died two years before the show began? > "So Tom's father worked for the Nerv?"Misato asked. > "I knew it! I remember now! He came to replace my mother after she killed > herself, he became main programmer and scientist. Rick: [Ritsuko] And all this time, I thought I did that. How stupid of me. Dan: [Misato] Wow. You're more screwed up than I thought. Rebecca: So, being Nerv's chief scientist, does that mean he slept with Gendo? Tsuneo: [Hits Rebecca with a cushion] Don't go there. > He put the last tests on the Evas 00 and 01. [They all cough loudly, making noises like "Bull****"] > But before he went back to the US, Dan: He was the terror of the Japanese wrestling circuit. > he found out the true > intentions of the Seele, he was a great hacker, now you understand Tom's > talent with computers, and Dan hacked through the Seele's files and found > out what they wanted, Rebecca: To unleash the marketing power of the Evangelion. Rick: Wow, he's almost as godly as his brat. > they wanted to control the 3rd Impact and rule the planet, Tsuneo: Not to burst your bubble, but there wouldn't be much left to rule. > he came back to the U.S.A. to warn the government. Rick: Uh, Dan? Dan: Yeah? Rick: Not you. A little detail about that government of yours... Rebecca: Seele. We own your ass. > He also tested > the Eva-03 just when it was finished to be built, in 2013. Tsuneo: See my earlier rant. > The Seele paid > a few hitmen to get rid of him and kill every witness. They killed Tom's dad, > his friends and almost got Tom." Dan: So that would be that "Jeff" guy Tom was on about. Rebecca: There's the plot, folks. Rick: And Tom's still alive all these years later? What kind of a lame-assed omnipotent conspiracy is this anyhow? > "Tom's story is sadder than I thought." > "Yeah, I know..." [They all crack up laughing.] > "Damn, poor kid, and what about his mom?" > "Read this..." > Misato starts reading the new file : > Name : Audrey Dyron Job : none > Date of Birth : 10/08/1974 Died : 07/04/2006 in the Big One Rick: The Big Green Thing. > "Oh my god... he told us about his life since he came to Japan, but he didn't > tell us about his mom..." Dan: He's probably embarrassed of her. She's probably from Iowa or something. Rebecca: [Tom] Oh, mum? She wasn't a world-champion anything. How lame. > "Wait, his older brother Joe died in the Big One too, that kid has no family, > his dad's brother got shot along with the father. Tom doesn't know what having > a family's like." Ritsuko said. Tsuneo: Um, Ritsuko? His dad stuffed it when he was thirteen. I think he can remember back then. Dan: [Misato] So what, his family's dysfunctional and his parents are dead. Join the club. > "Damn, and he finds a way to be honest all the time and to keep his head up, > I dont know how..." Tsuneo: [Misato] I mean, I do it, but that's beside the point. Rick: One word: medication. Rebecca: He's an omnipotent uberkid. Why should he give a rat's ass about his family? > "INVADOR ALERT INVADOR ALERT INVADOR ALERT!!!!" Dan: Not again! Twice in one chapter? > "Damnit, another one of those..." > "Correction, another 3 of those!" corrected Ritsuko. > "I'm calling the children." Rick: [Misato] On second thought, we'll just leave them alone and all get massacred. > Misato pick up the phone. Rebecca: [Misato] Alright, I'm getting the phone already. Don't be so pushy! > "Hello?" > "Asuka? Tsuneo: No, guess again. > You guys hurry up! 3 Invadors have been detected, you better > hurry, you guys have...(Misato looks at Ritsuko's sign) Dan: EVA 3:16? > you have 20 minutes > to get here, they're gonna hit the sea, you all are going swimming!" > "O.K. We're coming very soon Rick: One of the great standbys of the comic industry. > (Asuka in a distant voice)You guys, get ready, > we gotta be at Nerv HQ in 20 minutes!! Rebecca: Thanks for that. > (Asuka back on the phone)Message given, we're comin'! Dan: [Asuka] Better lay out some food. I'm hungry! > "Good, see ya at the Nerv." > "Bye!" > Misato hang up. > 15 minutes later. Shinji, Asuka, Rei and Tom get in the room. > "Hey Children, here's the thing, 1 of them is hitting the sea, Tom's gonna > get it, Rick: Say, what sort of lure do you need to catch an Invador anyway? > Shinji, Asuka and Rei, you take care of the 2 others." explained Misato. Rebecca: [Asuka] I thought they were all coming down in the sea? Dan: [Ritsuko] Ssh! Ritsuko has spoken! > "Hai!" > "CITY UNERGROUND CITY UNDERGROUND!!!" Tsuneo: Fooled you! Didn't say "Simon says." > The Children put on their entry plug , All: Huh? Rick: So they're wearing their entry plugs? Dan: From the looks of things... Yeah. Tsuneo: His grasp of English is fading fast. > Rei and Shinji and Tom and Asuka shared a last kiss. Rebecca: All at once? I knew Tom and Shinji were buddies, but this is ridiculous. > Tom's Eva was tranfered in a plane with Tom inside. Tsuneo: Does that mean that Tom's in the plane with the EVA, or that Tom's in the EVA in the plane? Details, please. > Rei, Shinji and Asuka were ready at the Impact point. Rick: Right by the huge bullseye and the sign saying "Down here." > Impact made in the sea. Rebecca: Meanwhile, back at the finals of the Olympic high dive. > The > plane with Tom inside got over the Invador's location. Eva dropped. 5:00 of > power left. Tsuneo: I thought his EVA had an S2 organ? Rick: Don't you remember? For some unknown reason, it only kicks in at a 300% or more ration. Tsuneo: Which Tom has already surpassed. Rick: Natch. Tsuneo: Not to mention that when Shinji fought Kaoru, EVA-01 was on unlimited power so I don't see why EVA-03 would be any different. > Eva 03 started swimming and found the Invador. This time, it had > the face of a shark(but it's green), Rebecca: And it's beginning to smell. > the body of a snake and a spiked tail. Dan: Some fins would be nice. Rick: [Invador] Help! I can't swim! > It was about 2 times bigger than Tom's Eva. Tsuneo: Is that bigger in length or width? this is an *important* detail. Rebecca: Oh yeah? You should've seen the one that got away. > Tom suddenly swam over the Invador, Tsuneo: should I point out the small problem he's gonna have with swimming, considering the EVA's apparent density and buoyancy? > took out his progressive lance and dove down lance's blade down. > Tom hit the Invador right on the back. The Invador suddenly swam up and > jumped to get out of the water. Tom lost balance and fell in the water. Rebecca: Guess who just read "Moby Dick." > The monster swam after Unit 03 and bites his right leg off. Rick: [Tom] I've seen worse. Dan: You liar! I've taken your leg off. > Tom suddenly > felt a terrible pain but continued swimming. He swam up the back, took > his lance and put it in the Invador's mouth. Tsuneo: Yummy! > The creature bit the Lance and got his mouth pierced. Rebecca: Guess who just watched "Return of the Jedi." > Tom made the Invador open its mouth in pain, > took a grenade and threw it inside. Dan: [Pip] Lunchy-munchies? Hmm? > 1:45 seconds left. The monster's insides exploded, but it was still alive, Rick: How? Dan: [Invador] Internal organs? Who needs 'em? > the monster jumped to eat Tom's > Eva, but Eva 03 took out its progressive knife, swam over the Invador's > face Tsuneo: Even though it had just swam up to him. > and stabbed it between both eyes killing the beast. Tom swam up > making a sign to the plane to pick him up. Eva 03 picked up Rick Come on, pick up... I know you're there... Dammit, an answering machine! > at 0:15 seconds left of power. Rebecca: Yay. Another thoroughly pointless fight scene. > During this time, in Tokyo-3, Impact made by 2 specimens. Impacts made > around the Evas. 1st creature found. > "What da hell? The other creature disappeared!" Misato yelled. Dan: Just look for the impact crater. It can't be *that* hard! Rebecca: It's a sixty meter tall critter! You don't just lose those! > "No more AT detected, no more anything! It's gone!" Ritsuko said, "Damnit!" Rick: I reckon it knew it had a life expectancy of about five minutes and just gave up anyway. > The creature had the body of a human, except that his top was much more > bigger and muscular, his face looked like a flat frog's face with glowing > yellow eyes. Dan: Hey, it's Michigan J. Jayrock! Rebecca: Where's a Dragon Slave when you need one? Tsuneo: Don't say that. You know it'll happen anyway. > The arms of the creature were long and all its fingers, 3 on > each hand, had huge nails. Tsuneo: Right, we've had a dumb description so it can die now. > The creature jumped on Rei nails first but was > stopped by her AT Field. The 3 Evas got no trouble getting rid of that one > as they pounded it until Shinji stabbed it in the heart and finished it off. Dan: Wow! That was... Rick: Pointless, we know. Tsuneo: Looks like his amazing scene cuts have finally made it to the fights. > The Evas were put back at Nerv HQ, the Children got out and met Tom there. > "I watched the whole battle..." Tom said, "and I figured something out..." Rebecca: [Tom] Two plus two is four. > "What?" asked Ritsuko, Misato and the 3 Children. Tsuneo: [Misato] Show us more of your amazingness, Tom! Rick: [Rei] I'd lick your boots, but they've got Asuka's spit on them. Yuck! > "There really was a second creature, Dan: Or it could just be an illusion to fool you. Rebecca: Or Aoba just spilt a Pibb on his console again. > and I would bet it was carrying > others with it, probably like a queen. The other one was a suicide, and > used its AT to cover the other one's, then he attacked you guys to make a > diversion." Dan: [Shinji] Admit it, you're just making this all up, aren't you? Rick: [Tom] Crap, you guessed. > "I think Tom has a point..." said Ritsuko, Tsuneo: [Ritsuko] I'm the genius scientist and battle analyst here, but it takes a sixteen year-old brat to figure it out. > "We analysed every Invador's > trajectory, and they all came from the same place, Rick: They come from Des Moines. Someone had to. Rebecca: And if anyone recognises that quote, please tell us. > we're trying to detect it, we'll have the results in a few months..." Rebecca: If they've established it's from the same place, then they should already know where it is. > That evening, everyone was back at Misato's. The four Children and Misato > herself. Rick: Didn't he just say that? Tsuneo: He probably meant to clarify that it didn't include Ritsuko. Dan: Thank you for the small mercies. > They all went to sleep early that day because of the tough day. > Before going to bed, Tom kissed Asuka passionately before going to sleep. Rick: He said that twice as well! > Asuka put her hand over Tom's body and Tsuneo: Around his neck. > put her head on his chest to go to sleep. Rebecca: The fact that she was muttering Rei's name was rather off-putting, however. > Tom looked at his right and saw that Rei was doing the same thing on > Shinji. The 3rd Children took a look at his left and saw Tom looking at him, Dan: [Tom] Hey, bro. Rick: [Shinji] Back at ya. > they both looked at their girls, then smiled. After that, they both slept > along with Asuka and Rei. > End of Genesis 0:16 [Tsuneo stands and walks up to the TV. He pauses in front of the TV, one hand on the hilt of his sword and the other holding his scabbard. He then slashes outwards with his sword at the TV with blinding speed, before returning it to his scabbard with equal swiftness. After a few seconds, the top half of the TV set slides off and crashes to he floor.] Voice: Well, that's the end of our Delta Invasion pilot program. I guess it's time for reviews! Rick: Pilot program? Voice: I was going to show you only three episodes to start with. Rick: Help me. Voice: So, about those reviews. Rebecca: Well. What can I say? It's hard deciding what EVA fic the characters are more OOC in. This one is one of the best though. Shinji's a badass while Rei's acting like Asuka. This is a bad thing, as Asuka's been reduced to a stroppy smiling moron who does whatever the guys say. And as much as I loathe Asuka, I still wouldn't wish that on anybody. Ritsuko seems to be completely useless, and only good for reinforcing whatever Tom says and giving them sync tests. And as for Misato... She seems to have lost what little brains and self-determination that she has. Rick: And then there's Tom Dyron. He's, well, the man. He can do anything. Really. He's a the guitarist in a band. He's the best EVA pilot that is, that was and that there ever will be. He's omnipotent. He's the world's best hacker. He's a kickboxing champion. He's a master chef. What other credentials he has I don't even want to think about. He is probably the most annoyingly smug and all-knowing SI that I have ever met. And he's not even from the future. Tsuneo: Okay, starting with the fact that episodes 25, 26 and the movies all seem to have vanished into a blue funk, I'd have to say that this guy knows absolutely nothing about EVA. Given how many ret-cons there are, my guess is that the author somehow missed out on the last six or so episodes and has just heard vaguely of what happens. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if he's never even seen EVA period. Dan: Well... For me, it was just stupid. I mean really, really stupid. The writing was terrible, the scene cuts were ridiculous, the fights ranged from terrible to stupid to just plain goofy and everyone's acting like a twit. To top it all off, Tom acts like a perpetual buffoon. You know, waking everyone up and such. It was just so dumb. Voice: Yeowch. Do you think you could be any meaner? Tsuneo: Only with considerable effort. Rebecca: Next week, could you give us something nice Voice? Dan: Hopefully something less painful. Voice: Oh, don't worry. I've got a rather familiar series lined up for you. Tsuneo: Thanks... I think. Rick: Come on, let's go. I want to find an Invador to kick. [They all file out. The screen goes blank.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > As usual, Tom cooked and read the newspaper. >