------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing number 55. Yet more Delta Invasion. And if you're not down with that... hell, I can't blame you. Jamie Jeans: Same here... this guy Tom is rapidly making me wish to hurt him... and yet, I know I can never hurt him in the manner that he has hurt me. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Evangelion II Delta is copyright someone who didn't even put their own name on it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Tsuneo and Samantha enter, talking] Tsuneo: Okay... the case for Tom. Basically, he's more perfect than DJ. DJ admits a failing or two, he's short and his prog knife score is *only* average, but Tom can do *everything* perfectly. Samantha: Yeah, but everything about Tom's abilities is so blatant! It's just mashed right into your face, not like DJ's. Tsuneo: Personally I think that makes him worse. Samantha: Oh? Why is that? Tsuneo: Tom completely saturates his fic. In Neon Exodus, other characters get scenes alone albeit rarely. But in Delta Invasion, Tom is *everywhere.* Take chapter four: There was only *one* scene without his ugly mug, and that was a *very* short one between Rei and Shinji. And so much of the time, it's *just* him and no other regular characters. Samantha: You got a point there... but take DJ for example, in that other characters are shown, it's like he's trying to assume an air of modesty while subtly working his Aura of Smooth. Tsuneo: Plus the other characters are so grossly OOC from day one. At least with DJ and Rei, it seems to be happening slowly. Samantha: But the slowness part is something you can't see right away, With Tom, you can. Which makes him about as annoying an SI as Tuxedo Chris or General Petterson or Issei. Tsuneo: Actually you could see it from the start with DJ. He's pretty obvious, just slow. Samantha: And that's where he's worst then Tom, his slowness. It's like he's saying that by slowly going at it, he'll be more accepted then someone who just thrusts his AOS right in your face. Tsuneo: I disagree. Tom hits you from the start and doesn't let up. Samantha: But not letting up, that's bad too. Tsuneo: I'd like to know how either of them would think people would accept them, though. Samantha: I honestly don't think they care. After all, this is done for THEIR enjoyment, not ours. Tsuneo: Some people forget the whole point of fanfiction. Samantha: Some, but not all. Tsuneo: But these people do. But that's getting away from the point. Samantha: Of course... but my main point is this: DJ Croft is the worst of the two because of his subtlety and how well written his fanfics are. Tsuneo: Actually, that makes him milder to me. You can actually respect him , a bit, for the quality of writing. Samantha: Pheh... it's merely makeup to cover that he's an egotistic bastard. Tsuneo: I know. Disgusting, innit? Samantha: Damn rights... [Dan enters the apartment] Dan: Hey Sam. Samantha: [rubs her chin] Hi Dan. How you doing? Dan: Oh, cool. What you two on about? Tsuneo: We're trying to decide who's the worse EVA SI. Samantha: I say DJ and Tsuneo says Tom. [pause] Although, thinking back on it, I think we've got a tie. Dan: Well, you're both wrong. It's Issei hands down. Samantha: Issei? What did he do that out does DJ and Tom? Dan: Um... he's a superpowered angel who rampantly killed off the main characters and had sex with Shinji. Oh yeah, and he's got God as a supporting character. Tsuneo: He's right, you know. Samantha: Huh... good point, Dan. Although... [smirks] Dan: Huh? What? Samantha: It's actually nice to see something other then the guy nailing the girl or two lesbians going at it. In fact, yaoi is a nice change of pace from the other crap out there. Dan: [Goes green] I'm gonna be sick. Samantha: What? Dan: Shinji... And a twelve year old... it's all coming back... ugh... [Runs off.] Samantha: Uh... I didn't mean to... I just meant that it's tiring to see crazed lesbos is all... [sighs] [Rebecca enters] Rebecca: Well I, for one, agree with you on that point, Sam. I'm not saying that Issei is any better for it. In fact, I think that makes him just as bad. Samantha: True enough. But seeing crazed lesbians gets really tiring really quick. Voice: Good morning. Rebecca: Morning, Lord Zarak. Voice: ... Dan: Good shot. Samantha: Feeling better, Dan? Tsuneo: So we're back to Delta Invasion? Rebecca: Let's not. Samantha: I second that. Voice: Well, we are anyway. Tsuneo: I hate it when I'm right. I'm only right about the worst things. [They sit - Samantha and Tsuneo on the forwards-facing couch, Rebecca and Dan on the other couch. Samantha and Dan are closest on the corners] Rebecca: More Tom Dyron. I'm so excited I could just kill myself. Samantha: Oh, don't do that! You'll miss out on the greatness that is Tom Dyron! [pause] Uh... forget I said that. [The TV switches on] >Genesis 0:18 : The Creator's Destruction/Is God Against Us? Dan: Does he even care? Samantha: Considering the sheer crap of this fanfic, that's a legitimate question. >November 21st, 2017 Rebecca: All of a sudden... nothing happened. >Tom was still at the hospital after the shot he took in the stomach because >of Jeff. Samantha: [blinks] Huh? What? When did he get shot? Dan: Somewhere in that... Well, I guess you could call it a fight at the end of part 4. >But he was soon to come out. Samantha: What with that cute kid named Issei helping him and all... >This day, Shinji, Rei, Asuka and Misato were visiting him, and Tom was >watching TV. On the news Channel : Rebecca: The Australian Republic debate. >"Today, Novenber 21st, 2017, Dan: A bit past tea-time. >we found the body of Jeff Garyn in a river on >the boarder of Tokyo-3. He was stabbed once in the hand and once in the chest >with a fatal blow that killed him. Rebecca: Fatal blows usually do kill people. Samantha: Bet yah Tom gets off the hook because the police end up ruling it as a suicide. >It isn't that much of a loss because we found out that Mr. Garyn was a >murderer of 57 people, pro hitman, Samantha: *sigh* I miss Bret... Dan: Some hitman. He couldn't have made it 58, could he? Rebecca: [Newsreader] Molester of goats, eater of babies, loving father of two and devoted husband. >whoever killed that man should be thanked!" said the news woman. >"Well, I should be thanked then!!!" said Tom. Tsuneo: Actually it's just a cunning police ploy. They plan to arrest whoever takes the credit. Samantha: Okay. *BANG* There... you're thanked. >"Yeah, I'm a witness, Tom killed Jeff!" said Shinji, Dan: Whatever. Tell it to the judge. Tsuneo: This is wrong on so many levels. >"and it was self-defense, this shot in the stomach is the proof!" Samantha: No, dammit! It was the one armed man! >"That's the second time that guy shot me, he missed to kill me both >times!!" Dan: I know we said it a lot last time, but I've got to say it again. As a hitman, Jeff sucked. > added Tom, "I should be going outta here tomorrow!" Rebecca: So he got shot in the stomach at point-blank range and he's going to be out of the hospital in a day? Dan: Guess who's got a mutant healing factor? Tsuneo: Hey, even a 45 milimeter silencer can't hurt that much. >"Yeah, well, we're gonna let you rest for tomorrow, see ya Tom." Asuka >said as she kissed Tom. Dan: And spent the rest of the day going through gallons of Listerine. >They left and Tom lied Samantha: He is prone to do that. After all, he *is* an SI. >in his hospital bed with a smile on his face Rebecca: And his right hand below the sheets. >for having avenged his father. Tsuneo: Yes, I'm sure his dad is proud that Tom murdered a defeated man then threw his corpse off a cliff. >The same day, Asuka, Shinji and Rei went at school. Dan: I hope they used the washrooms. >The students came to them and said : Tsuneo: We want our *yens* back! >"Why hasn't Tom come to school those last days?" Dan: [Student] We haven't gotten to stroke his ego in ages. Samantha: [Teacher] Where's Tom? I haven't seen him since the Second impact... I remember the second impact well... Tsuneo: Wouldn't they have asked this earlier? Rebecca: It's not like Tom ever bothers going to school anyway. >"After the tournament, he was shot in the stomach by his final opponent…" Dan: Some people are real sore losers. >said Asuka. >"When is he coming back?" asked Kensuke. Samantha: Oh, I don't think Tom is coming back anytime soon. Asuka made sure of that. >"Tomorrow…" answered Rei. Rebecca: [Rei] You can tell how thrilled that makes me. >"Did you guys hear? Dan: [Road Dogg] Oh, you didn't know? [Samantha hits him with a cushion] Samantha: No! Bad Dan! >The one that shot Tom is dead!" added Touji. Samantha: No he's not, he's getting better! Rebecca: Of course if this was Marvel, it would just slow him down for a few issues. >Shinji gave Touji and Kensuke a sign to come closer and whispered in their >ears : Samantha: [Shinji, whispering] Rei sleeps in the buff... Dan: [Shinji, whispering] Behind the washrooms at midnight. >"Don't tell anyone, but Tom killed the guy after he shot him in the >stomach, I saw it with my own eyes. The killer, Jeff, attacked Tom first, >shot him, but Tom was able to give him a final blow." Rebecca: I never knew that Tom felt that way about Jeff. >Kensuke and Touji starred at Shinji a long time and took a few steps back. Samantha: [Kensuke] Oh gods... if he finds us, we're so dead... >The next day, Tom came back to school. Tsuneo: Now there's a rarity. >As soon as he walked in, about >fourty students rushed on him asking for autographs. Samantha: Wait a second... those aren't students. They're loan sharks that followed him over from America! Dan: They want to talk to him about the bill for getting a silencer surgically removed. >"Tom, how does it feel to win the greatest fighting championship?" asked >the students. Rebecca: Say, are these students or reporters? >"It hurts a lot!" answered Tom. Dan: [Student] What's it like to have sex with Asuka? Rebecca: [Tom] It hurts a lot! >"Was that guy hard at the end?" asked another student. Samantha: [Tom] Oh yes... he was so *big* and *hard*... took me hours to *beat* him down! >"Hard enough to break your neck in one punch." answered Tom as he walked >to Touji and Kensuke. Dan: [Tom] But not mine, because I'm better than you! >"You guys know, don't ya?" asked Tom. >"Yeah, you had to…" said Kensuke. Samantha: [Blinks] Uhh... but how did he... [Shakes her head] I guess we should add telepathy to Tom's lists of powers. Tsuneo: He probably hacked into Kensuke's head and found out. >"Damn, that guy was so strong!" said Tom, Samantha: All right, I'll bite. How strong was he? Dan: Well, you know Paul Wight? Samantha: Yeah. Dan: You know The Incredible Hulk? Samantha: Yeah. Dan: You know the smell of cheap disinfectant? Samantha: Um... Yes. Dan: Stronger. Samantha: Ohhh... >then he yelled "Students, Rebecca: [Tom] This is a message for the millions [pause] And millions of Tom's fans! >I just came back from the hospital, the next >time you all come in one big group trying to get an autograph, I knock out >every single one of ya!" >"Damn straight, Tom!" said Shinji. Samantha: And that's the bottom line! Cause Stone Cold Shinji Ikari said so! >The next day, the Children had to go to the Nerv HQ. Tsuneo: At last, the plot has arrived. >Another Invador was coming. Samantha: ACK! Bad image... REALLY bad image there! Tsuneo: Uh... forget I said that, it's just another dumb fight. >"We're gonna send Eva 00 and Eva 03 there, we need Shinji and Asuka in >back up." explained Misato. Dan: What for? Rebecca: In case another Invador arrives. Dan: So why not send them all out? Rebecca: Because it's another great Katsuragi plan. >"Got it!" said the Children. >The Invador didn't impact that time, Tsuneo: Instead, it did a triple sommersault and landed gracefully on its feet. >he walked in the city, which proved Tom's point, Samantha: Oh, you mean the one on top of his head? >the Invador that was detected that they never found probably carried >others. Dan: It's got cooties! EEW! >The Evas 00 and 03 were launched right away. But as soon as the >Eva 03 came out… Rebecca: EVA-01 hit it with a sexual harassment suit. >"MALFUNCTION MALFUNCTION MALFUNCTION!!!" Samantha: Tokyo-3, we have a problem. >"What da hell? My Eva ain't working!!" yelled Tom. Samantha: Wiggle the plug! Call technical assistance. Dan: Fat lot of good that'll do. [Receptionist] EVA technical service. How can I help you? Tsuneo: [Tom, frantic] My EVA's gone berserk and it's tearing up the whole city! Dan: [Receptionist] Please hold. >"A connection fucked up, we need to take back the Eva 03!!!" yelled >Misato. Samantha: You *did* keep the receipt for it, didn't yah? >"Too late!" said Tom as the Invador jumped on the Eva All: TOGG! >and started >pounding. That Invador looked like a huge green bee, with a long tail and >dark purple eyes. Rebecca: And no, you don't want to know what it was pounding with. >Tom ejected his entry plug, and opened it while it was >in the air, Tsuneo: And the dumb move of the year award goes to: Tom Dyron! >he put his head out of the door Dan: And let the wind blow through his hair. >and saw the Invador fighting Rei and his Eva with a hole in the chest. Samantha: Don't you just hate it when you park your EVA and you come back to it to find a giant hole in it's chest? Really ruins your day. >"You're gonna pay for that you motherfuckin' Invador!!!" but the Entry >Plug was gonna hit the top of a building. Tsuneo: Never mind the parachute. Samantha: At least now you know what Asuka was doing in the Eva bays with that wrench the other night. >Tom jumped out of his entry plug as it hit the building. Samantha: Wow... look at how well and far out he spread over the ground. Kinda looks like a mosaic... >The 6th Children grabbed the edge of the top of the building. Dan: And it grinned. Rebecca: Damn. And here I thought he was Darwin award material. >On Rei's side. >"Rei, run to Tom and put him in the entry plug, first, knock down that >Invador if you can!" said Ritsuko. Samantha: Brilliant strategy, ain't it? She should give Misato lessons. Tsuneo: Say, why isn't Misato giving the orders here? Samantha: Maybe she's on her coffee break. >"Hai!" answered Rei. >Rei powered up her AT Field and used it to throw the Invador away Dan: Hey, those things can be recycled! >who hit a building and destroyed half of it. Rebecca: Ah, Godzilla would've totalled it. Samantha: Cheap, crappy destruction. In my day, they built those things to last! >Rei ran towards the building where Tom was, but the Invador spread its >wings and flew over Rei and charged making her Eva fall. During that time, >Tom pulled himself up on top of the building. Dan: [Tom] Look at the view. You can see the cubs losing from here. >Rei took out her progressive knife Tsuneo: Why is it that only Tom's EVA carries around a gun? Rebecca: Shinji doesn't feel the need to compensate. >and pierced one of the Invador's eyes. Samantha: I hope you enjoy your victory with one friggin' eye! >The creature fell in pain. Rei got near the building. Tsuneo: Everything happened. In sentance fragments. >Tom jumped on the Eva's head and got inside the entry plug. Samantha: Stupid thought time... shouldn't the entry plug have opened up before he tried getting into it? Tsuneo: Never mind that the plug's not even in the head... >"Hey Rei!" said Tom. Dan: [Tom] Honey, I'm home! >"Hi…" Samantha: Don't you just love the passion she acts with? [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion] Hey! >"Combined synchronization, this asshole's gonna get it for what he did to >my Eva!" Rebecca: [Rei] Do you mind, this is my time in the spotlight. Samantha: Tom's not allowed to pilot unit 00 until he does several bikini shots for Gainax. >"The combined synchro of Tom and Rei went up to 355%!!!" yelled Misato in >surprise. Samantha: Both Rei and Tom turned into LCL and merged with the EVA, but enough about common sense... Dan: Sam, if he bothered with that, we would have lost the entire cast in chapter one. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, though... >The Eva 00 ran towards the Invador and started pounding its abdomen. It >grabbed it by the throat, and threw it on the floor. Samantha: [Jim Ross] Chokeslam! Chokeslam! >Unit 00 put its right foot on the Invador's chest, Dan: [Paul Wight] Count it! Rebecca: But did he drop a car on it first? >not letting it move. Rei and Tom took out the new automatic submachine gun, Tsuneo: I thought being automatic was the whole point of a submachine gun... >pointed it at the Invador's face, and started shooting. Samantha: Todays special guest director: John Woo. Dan: No, then it would've been twin 9mms shot from different angles. >The Invador's whole face was blown up All: OOOOOOOOOHHH!!! >and Rei and Tom had won. The Eva 03 was taken back to be repared. Tsuneo: No, they just left it there. Of course they took it back! Dan: And all of Tokyo-3's tow truck operators were fighting over the job. >When Tom and Rei came back to the HQ, Tom asked : Samantha: [Tom] Where do babies come from? >"How come my Eva fucked up?" Rebecca: It keeps on asking for this guy called Jon. >"Well…" Ritsuko said, "A cable going to the LCL conduct broke and the >contact between the Eva and you was unexistant, so Unit 03 didn't move. Samantha: So a single cable is what connects the pilot to the Eva? [She turns to Tsuneo] Tsuneo? Tsuneo: No way. Those things work. Dan: This EVA brought to you by the US Department of Defence! >You're lukcy you had time to get out of your Eva quick." >"DAMNIT!!!" said Tom. Tsuneo: Not that this little escapade has anything to do with the story or advancing the plot or anything. >Later that night, Tom went through Nerv files on his computer and found >Asuka's. Samantha: [Tom, reading] Hmmm... birth date, bra size, favorite colour... Rebecca: Oh look, she likes strawberry milkshakes. >He found out that her birthday was December 4th, Tsuneo: Why not just ask her? >and thought of a present to buy. Rebecca: [Tom] I'll get her some of that really racy black lace lingerie that I wear... er, saw. >Tom told Shinji, Misato and Rei about December 4th. 11 days later, Samantha: Uh... no Invadors or nothing? Hello? Dan: Nosirree. It's another one of his amazing scene cuts. >December 4th, Asuka was kept outside by Tom so that Shinji, Rei and Misato >could get ready inside the apartment. Samantha: [chuckles] Gonna need a small army for that. >At 5:00 P.M., Tom let Asuka inside. >As soon as she walked in, lights and music came up, with a huge cake Tom >had made on the table : Samantha: Awww... that's... almost kind of sweet of Tom to do that... Tsuneo: What, you want to remind her of her family? Samantha: Then again... >"Happy birthday Asuka!!!" yelled Shinji, Rei, Misato and Tom. >"How the hell did you guys find out it was my birthday?" asked Asuka >almost in tears of joy. Tsuneo: Given the way her face is turning red, maybe not. >"Well, Asuka, I was hacking through the Nerv files, Dan: [Tom] You know, just one of my hobbies, I do it every day. Oh yeah, sorry about your mum and all. Have some cake. Rebecca: You might not want to say that in front of Misato. >and I found yours, and I saw date of birth." explained Tom. Rebecca: [Tom] And I saw everything else. You never told me you used to be a man! >Asuka kissed Tom passionately. Samantha: [Asuka] You hacked through sensitive personal files for me! How sweet! [glomps Tsuneo] Uhhh... damn... sorry, don't know what came over me. Dan: ... >"Whoa, cool!" said Tom, "Well, time for the presents!" >"Even presents?" Asuka asked surprised. Samantha: Well, presents for himself, that is. >Shinji gave his present. Asuka opened it. It was about 4 dresses. Samantha: ... and a funeral? Rebecca: Of course, you've got to wonder why they were all Tom's size. Dan: Say, where'd he get all that money? And where's Pen-Pen? >"Shinji, I love them, thanks!!" Asuka said. >Rei gave hers. Asuka found 3 CDs of NIN and the last CD of Dragons of >Doom. Dan: Yeah, I can *really* see her being into that kinda music. Samantha: [Rei, monotone] I hope you enjoy them. They have brought me hours of enjoyment. Rebecca: [Rei, monotone] Did I mention I also enjoy the Thrashing Gonberts? Tsuneo: ... >"Thank you Rei, I love Nine Inch Nails and DOD!!!" >Misato gave hers. Samantha: Five cases of beer. [pause] Right on! I love it! >5 tickets to the next concert of Nine Inch Nails. Rebecca: Do you think we're asking for too much for all the members of the band to be alive *and* for them to have not split up by now? Tsuneo: Maybe it's a reunion tour. Dan: Maybe they're touring with the Rolling Stones. Rebecca: They'll probably get it off with the daughters of all the groupies they got it off with in the 90s. >"Yes, I'm gonna see Nine Inch Nails live, with all of you!!" >And Tom finaly gave his, Samantha: A five by five inch framed picture of himself... how appropriate. >it was in a little leather black box. Asuka opened it and found a diamond >and ruby gold necklace. [They all hum the Titanic theme] >"Tom, I love it, but, how did you find the money?" Dan: [Tom] Oh, here and there, lying in the gutters. >"No Holds Barred Championship plus Free Style Fighting Challenge…" Rebecca: He got it with all the *Yens* he won off them. >Asuka put it on and kissed Tom. >"It's beautiful… thank you all!" Asuka was in tears. Samantha: Aww... this is almost kinda sweet... *sniff* Dammit, the emotional scenes always get to me. Dan: [Leans towards Smantha] Yeah, I think they're wonderful too. Samantha: [Coldly] Don't push it. >As time passed, Dan: Stuff happened but no-one cared. >Shinji, Rei, Asuka and Misato found out that Tom's >birthday was January 9th, they saw it when he was on the computer looking >at what they put on his file. Dan: Anchovies! Tsuneo: Why not just ask him? >But it was in a month so they had time to think about it. Samantha: The moment's passed... now we're back to worshipping Tommy boy. >Later that same day at the Nerv HQ… Samantha: Holy Second Impact, Gendo! >"The Evas 05-13 are almost completed…" Rebecca: Weren't they almost complete two years ago? Tsuneo: They used union labour. Dan: Naw, the project was being run by the US Department of Defence. >said Professor Fuyutski. Samantha: Whoa! Where did *he* come from? Dan: Don't you know? He's always just there... just hanging around. >"And they're in the hands of the Seele, they'll have to be destroyed!" >Commander Ikari responded. Dan: [Fuyutski] Sir, they sort of outnumber us two to one. Samantha: [Gendo] Yes, but we have the amazing power of Tom Dyron on our side! Dan: [Fuyutski] We're doomed. >"Our best spy has informed us of the construction of the Eva 14 in the >Seele itself…" Samantha: It's right next to the SVAM, strangely enough. >"The Eva 14… probably the upgrade of the Evas 05-13. Samantha: It's probably got air conditioning, the fiends! Rebecca: I betcha it still looks like Mr. Socko. >It'll have to be detsroyed too, once we find the Seele's headquarters." Dan: [Fuyutski] Is that the headquarters you routinely visit, sir? Samantha: [Gendo] Shut up Fuyutski, before I have to hurt you. >In the laboratory… Samantha: Dr. Ritsuko and TV's Maya were about to send DJ, Issei, Lisa and Jon yet another bad fanfic. >Ritsuko, after analysing the last Invadors, talked to herself : Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Boy, Misato is hot. >"Definitely, those creatures were created by Lilith, Samantha: Although how an underaged, under developed, succubus could create giant monsters is beyond me. Rebecca: The Angel, Sam, not the Crapcom Character. Of course, given that they destroyed Lillith back in chapter three, it'd be a bit hard for it to be behind the Invadors. Dan: Ah, they're all probably just a bunch of Kenny Blackwell's avatars anyway. >some of their tissues are too similar to human's. Tsauneo; Is that more or less than 99.89% identical? Just wondering. >Could it be that god is >afraid of humanity and is trying to get rid of us before we get too >dangerous? Is god against us?" Samantha: No, I don't think so. Tsuneo: Oh? Why's that? Samantha: Because I don't think God could think of a much worse punishment then reading this fanfic. Dan: Actually, it would mean he gives a damn. >Ritsuko was trying to figure out how the almighty god(if there was one) >could fear his own creation. Tsuneo: Read Hellstorm and ask me that again. >During the night, 2:00 A.M., Misato's apartment… Samantha: [Sigh] Rei and Shinji were going at it like bunnies again. >Tom was browsing on his computer, and, after thirty minutes of research, >he found something interresting. Dan: Some freelance "modelling" Misato had done before joining Nerv. >Tom started to read : >"Yesterday, our spy who's name remains unrevealed has given us 100% sure >information that the Eva 04 has been found(the pictures he gave us prove >it) and that it would be restored to the Nerv in a week or so. The >research for thr 7th Children has started. Five people are left for the >position of pilot for Unit 04. The pilot should come to Tokyo-3 in the >same time as the Eva 04." Samantha: And he justs finds this while surfing the web?! That's it... NERV security is officially screwed up. Tsuneo: May I? Samantha: Be my guest. Tsuneo: Here goes. One, why would the spy's name be left blank in a document containing such vital information? Heck, why would they even say "his name is unrevealed" rather than just calling him "our spy?" Secondly, why the hell do they need a seventh child if Toji's magically got all his limbs back? Thirdly, if he could find this little tidbit, then why couldn't he find something usefull like a list of the candidates? And last but not least, if NERV and SEELE are apparently hostile, why have SEELE left NERV alone so long? Samantha: [claps] Nice rant, Tsuneo. >After that, he went to bed and layed down next to Asuka and put his arm >around her. Rebecca: [Asuka] Move it or lose it, creep. >The next morning, Tom hesitated on telling his friends about >the Eva 04 and the 7th Children but decided not to. Samantha: After all, he had to intercept the possible SI before he or she has the chance to steal the spotlight AND Asuka away from him. >Tom started wondering if anyone in the class could be the 7th. The only >one that would have a chance would be Aida Kensuke, Rebecca: I hope not. That would be too f*cked up for words. Tsuneo: Great. First, Cruel Lina's Thesis turns into Delta Invasion. Then, Delta Invasion turns into CLT. >but he didn't want to >talk about it or think about it, but he couldn't help it, this thing was >on his mind. But that day, Tom had an idea. Samantha: Oh come on, Tom! You can think of something better then asking everyone in the class if they're the seventh child or not! Rebecca: You mean Seventh Children, Sam. Samantha: Whatever... >He wanted to make a new Dragons of Doom, because DOD had broken up over >five months ago. Tsuneo: Yes, but what's this got to do with the seventh *children?* Samantha: You're thinking about the fanfic. Shh... naughty. >So, he took an afternoon on a Saturday to see if anyone >could play. Rebecca: Hey, he's trying to reform a ninties band. It'd be more important to find out who can't play. >First player taken was Kensuke who could play the drums as >well as the old player of DOD. Samantha: Yeah, Kensuke has a LOT of expierence banging sticks. >The 2nd one taken was Touji who could play the bass. Tsuneo: Yeah, he's pretty good for a guy with *one* arm and *one* leg. Rebecca: It makes you wonder why NERV haven't gotten him back as a pilot if he's got all his limbs... >Tom put a guitar in Shinji's hands and found out he could play very well. Samantha: I'm sensing a definite pattern here. Dan: There's a *big* difference between a cello and a... oh, forget it. >The band was formed, two guitars, one bass and one drums, it was almost >perfect except that they didn't have a piano. Rebecca: Fatal mistake. Never go anywhere without your piano! >But Tom said that they didn't really need one. Rebecca [Tom]: I have spoken! My Rigid Grill Structure! >About five days later, the school made a dance >party, and the new DOD played there. Samantha: Can someone *please* tell me how Tom's dealing with the coming out of the seventh child? Please? >At the party, 9:00 P.M. Dan: The Puma Sisters came on and started taking off their clothes! Woo-hoo! [Rebecca and Samantha whack him repeatedly with cushions] >Tom walked up on stage and said : Samantha: [Goldberg] I'm baaaaaaccck!!! >"Today, students, I gathered a new band. Tsuneo: His merry men. >I'm sorry to tell you that the >old Dragons of Doom broke up over 5 months ago, Dan: Now tell somone who cares. Rebecca: You'd think that somone would have noticed. Tsuneo: Hey, didn't they put out a new CD only a month or so ago? >but, we have a new DOD, >let me introduce the new players!!! Aida Kensuke will play the drums!" [Samantha chuckles.] >Kensuke walked up. "Suzuhara Touji will play the bass!!" Rebecca: This is just too f*cked up for words. >Touji walked up. "And Shinji will play the 2nd guitar!!" Dan: Shinji Ikari, heavy metal rock legend. >Shinji walked up. "So let's get ready to ROCK!!!!" Tsuneo: Yeah, Shinji's such a total badass. >The band started on "Closer" of Nine Inch Nails to warm up the students. Dan: That one should be Tom's AAA entrance theme. Samantha: [smacks Dan with a pillow] Quiet, you'll give someone ideas. >They ended the concert with a slow dance of NIN called "Hurt." Samantha: Strange. I thought the concert ended when the riot to end the bad music broke out. >The concert part of the party lasted two hours, but then, a DJ came in Samantha: Oh gods! Now DJ Croft comes in six packs! Rebecca: Maybe DJ could put Tom in his place. >and played some music for the rest of the party. Suddenly, Samantha: Lightning struck, a woman screamed, and a pirate ship appeared on the horizon!!! Rebecca: Nothing happened. But it happened suddenly. >somebody in the party took one of the student and put a knife on her >throat and yelled Dan: Avon Lady! >"PEOPLE, GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY OR I KILL HER!!!!" The >aggressor had a mask on, Samantha: Rey Mysterio Jr, no! Dan: If Konnan is here too, I'm leaving. >and started collecting all the wallets in the room, Dan: Whatever happened to security at these venues? Rebecca: Security provided by Ensign Throwaway. >until it came to Tom. Samantha: But I thought that Tom was the "it" in this story. >"Put the money in the bag asshole!!" ordered the guy looking at Tom. >"Why would I listen to you?" asked Tom. Rebecca: Tom, he's got a knife against her throat. You don't need to ask that. Dan: Tom's grasp of the blatantly obvious is questionable. >"'Cause I could kill her with dat knife, you son of a bitch!" >"I bet ya can't even use dat thing!" said Tom Samantha: Ironically enough, Asuka said the same thing about him just last night. >as he kicked the knife out of the guy's hand. Tom grabbed the knife while >it was in the air and pointed it at the guy's face. Dan: [Australian] That's not a knife. >"See, man, I won the "No Holds Barred Championship", and I could kill you >in just a snap!" Rebecca: [The Cat] I am the three times world Karate champion! >said Tom as he put the mask off the guy's face and found out it was Samantha: Oh gods! It's the teacher! He finally snapped from mumbling about the Second Impact all the time! Rebecca [Nash]: Eww! Put it back on! >the leader of the group that wanted to beat him. Tsuneo: Not him again. Dan: In case you'd forgotten how lame everyone else in Tokyo-3 was, here's a reminder. >"Oh, didn't I tell you that the next time I'd kill you?" asked Tom. The >guy almost pissed in his pants Rebecca: Let's not go Hellstorm again, okay? >and said "Yes, you did…" Samantha: Huh? You mean there was another twerp that failed to kill him? Geez! How incompetent *are* the murderers in this story? Dan: Tom's still alive. Figure it. >"Well, I'm giving you 10 seconds to let go of her, let go of the bag, and >run away as fast as possible!!!" Rebecca: [The Cat] Otherwise, I will not be held responsible for the consequences of my actions! >The guy did everything Tom said and ran away. Tom started handing the >wallets back one by one. Dan: Strangely enough, they were all empty. >When a slow dance came, Tom and Shinji Samantha: If those two do their impression of dirty dancing, I am leaving. >put Asuka and Rei in their arms and started dancing. The next day, they >were called at the Nerv because Tsuneo: Someone had let the deadly scene changes loose again. Samantha: Ritsuko wanted to show Tom the intense page flipping scene from NXE. >Invadors had been detected. Rebecca: [Robot from Lost In Space] Warning! Warning! Danger! Wackiness approaching! >When they arrived, Misato told them : Samantha: [Misato] Bugger off! I already drank all the beer! >"This time, Shinji and Asuka are gonna go at it! Samantha: But what's Rei and Tom gonna say about that? Tsuneo: And why not deploy all the EVAs like they usually do? >Two of them have been detected, hurry up!" >All the Children got in their plug suits in case of emergency. Rebecca: Damn Ritsuko and her rubber fetish. Tsuneo: Say... Do you realise we haven't had a sync test for a whole two chapters? Dan: Amazing. >Asuka and >Shinji got in their entry plugs and the Evas were launched. The Invadors >arrived inside the city. Samantha: Via Greyhound. >They both looked like huge brown crabs Rebecca: It's Rampage! Woo-hoo! >with a long tail and the eyes of a >human. The 1st one jumped on Asuka, and the 2nd one on Shinji. Samantha: Whoa! Getting a bit fresh with the mechas there, aren't they? >As the Evas were fighting, some liquid dripped down from the roof Dan: Someone had better get that air conditioner fixed. >of the room Ritsuko, Misato, Rei and Tom were in. Tsuneo: Why aren't those two, say... IN THEIR EVAS READY FOR EMERGENCY LAUNCH? THAT'S WHY YOU HAD THEM AS FREAKING BACKUPS! Samantha: Whoa! Calm down, Tsuneo! Just imagine Tom being flatten by Eva-01... >Suddenly, a creature the size >of a wolf with the color of dirt landed near Tom. Samantha: Pat Buchanan, no! >"Holy shit, what da hell is dat?" Dan: It's Kefkain and he's out for blood! >yelled Tom as the creature jumped on him >and tried to bite his neck. Tom pushed it away, and jumped to his bag. He >took out his switch blade from it. Samantha: Say, what the heck are Ritsuko and Misato doing during all this? Taking bets on who wins? Rebecca: Making out like there's no tomorrow. >"You wanna play that game you stupid piece of shit? Come get sum!" said >Tom Samantha: Duke Nukem suddenly runs onto the scene and kicks the crap out of Tom for stealing his schtick. Tsuneo: Duke Nukem nothing. That's Issei's dialogue. >showing the beast to come near him. Dan: [Tom] Come here boy! Good boy! Go for the throat, boy. >The monster jumped on Tom but he plunged his blade into its abdomen. Samantha: Oh geez, he wasn't trying to attack you! He was trying to get that bug off of your shoulder, Tom. >In the same time, Samantha: Elliot Ness and his men were speeding towards Capone's hideout! >Asuka and Shinji were fighting the two Invadors. Samantha: Tag team action brought home to you THROUGH PAY PER VIEW!!! >Shinji got rid of one putting a grenade inside its carapace. Asuka shuved >her progressive knife down the other's throat and destroyed it. Rebecca: That was lame even by the low standards of Delta Invasion. >Inside, Tom was having problems with the creature, ALL: YAY! >probably an Invador. Dan: Well let's see. What else could it be? Samantha: Amazing line of deduction coming from the author there. >Tom punched it in the face and knocked it down, he then jumped on it and >stabbed it on the forehead. The creature screamed and fell on the floor >bleeding and stopped breathing. Samantha: You can just see Rei in the corner going: [Monotone] Go, Tom. Go Tom. Go, Tom. >But the beast was starting to grow and breathe again. Dan: So why not just hack it to bits while it's still on the gorund? >Tom yelled : >"Push it near my Eva, I'm taking it outta here! Hurry up!" Samantha: [Misato] Don't worry! I got my gun! *BANG* *BANG* Tsuneo: [Tom] AHHH!!! *THUD* Rebecca: [Rei, monotone] It appears you have missed, Major. Samantha: [Misato] Ooops... >Tom ran to his entry plug and jumped in. Tsuneo: This is degenerating into Issei's level of directing. >He waited for people to bring him the reviving beast. Dan: [Tom] Come on, I haven't got all day! >Misato and Ritsuko dragged it down there. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Hey, we've got other people to do that kind of thing. Samantha: Ohhh... and here Ritsuko wanted it for study. >Tom grabbed it with the right hand of his Eva and got launched. Samantha: [Ritsuko] You *did* remember to open the bay doors, right? Rebecca: [Misato] Oops... [They all make sounds of a horrible crash.] >He landed in the city and threw the beast on the ground. Shinji and Asuka >had no more power. Dan: Any particular reason this time? Or did they just yank the power cords because they felt like it? Samantha: [Asuka] You just HAD to watch the PPV again, didn't you?! Tsuneo: [Shinji] I'm sorry. >The beast grew until it was the size of Tom's Eva. ALL: [Tom] Oh poopie... >"Holy hell!! This thing became huge!!" yelled Tom Samantha: No, no, no... Tom Servo is huge, that thing is just really big. >as the beast jumped and bit Eva 03's neck. Dan: See? It *is* Kefkain! >Tom grabbed it by the neck and >threw it on the floor. He then kicked it in the chest and shot it with the >new Eva Handgun. Samantha: Hitting it while it's down... Dan: Best time. Samantha: The Empress will NOT be pleased that you're stealing her tactics, Tom. Tsuneo: I'm going to assume that this *new* EVA handgun is nothing like the handguns the EVAs have been using since episode 3. >The creature yelled but jumped back and bit Tom's arm. The 6th Children >screamed. Samantha: All six of them! HAH! *rimshot* >He grabbed his progressive lance and plunged it in the creature's back. Rebecca: Shishkebab! >Tom pressed harder on it and finaly, the monster died. Samantha: Then, Invador explode. >A few minutes later, the Evas and Children were put back inside the Nerv >HQ. >"How the hell did this thing get in here?" asked Tom. Dan: It abused its press priveliges. >"It probably found a conduct through here just like Shinji, Rei and Asuka >did a few years ago to get in here in an angel attack…" Samantha: I guess the Invadors have been watching Neon Genesis Evangellion like the rest of us. Tsuneo: [Ritsuko] Of course, this time we have power for the security sytems and cameras and stuff like that... >"Damnit!!!" yelled Tom, "This god damn thing was tough as hell!" Samantha: Yeah right... that invador was a real wuss compared to the third angel. >A few hours later, the Children came back home with Misato. Then Tom >decided to talk to the others about the 7th Children. Tsuneo: Oh, just *decided.* So he just *decides* what the others are allowed to know, huh? Even DJ wasn't this arrogant. Dan: You'd think that Gendo would've mentioned this by now. Samantha: [Tom] There's seven of them and more they're arrogant then *I* am! >"Guys…" Tom said, "I got something to tell ya!" Samantha: [Tom] I'm pregnent. >Misato and the 3 other Children rushed there and said "What?" Dan: 'Cause when Tom Dyron talks, the world listens. >"Well, a while ago, I went through the Nerv files and found out that the >Eva 04 had been found. Samantha: What do yah know... it was under the couch all along. >But that's nothing yet, they're bringing it back to the Nerv and they're >finding the 7th Children right now!" explained Tom. Samantha: They'll probably go to HappyTemps. >"Damn! And they're trying to hide it?" asked Asuka. >"I don't know, anyways, we'll find out who the hell the 7th Children is >sooner or later!" Rebecca: So there wasn't much point in mentioning it, was there? >And they remained silent on that one. The next day at school… Samantha: [Teacher] I remember second impact well.. it was blah blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah... blah blah blah... >All students came around the Children at lunch and started saying : >"We're sick and tired of having Tokyo-3 attacked almost every day! Dan: [Student] Goddamn rubber reptiles! Tsuneo: Never mind that it was eleven days since the last attack. >First the angels, now those new horrible monsters!!" Tsuneo: You kinda had a two year break, but never mind. Samantha: Get Tom! It's all his fault! >"First, their names are Invadores, Tsuneo: I'm stunned. Really. He misspelt the misspelling. >second of all, what does that have to do with us?" asked Tom. Rebecca: You work for Nerv, you figure it out. >"You're the Eva pilots damnit, Dan: [Dr. McCoy] Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pilot. >we'd like to know what the hell is going on?" >"How the hell are we supposed to know?" asked Tom, "We ain't geniuses!!!" Samantha: [chuckles] Tom especially. >"Why are they attacking Tokyo-3 only?" Rebecca: Because it tastes nice. Tsuneo: Say... Without Adam or Lillith anymore, why are they even bothering to attack? Dan: Shush. >"We can't tell you…" said Rei. Samantha: [Xellos] I would tell you but that... is a secret. >"So there is really something with this city, right?" Rebecca: It's standing in front fo you. >"You could put it like that…" responded Shinji. Samantha: Bad move, Shinji. Rule number one of dealing with a potential riot: Do NOT get the rioters something to riot over. >"What are those things anyways?" Dan: The product of a very sick little mind. >"Well, basicly, they have the blood of reptiles, tissues of humans and all >have something different, that's what they are!" said Tom. Tsuneo: Oh yeah, that really helps. >"And where do they come from?" Samantha: Never Never land? >"As far as we know, outter space. But lately we guessed that they may have >some kind of base on earth!" said Asuka, Dan: Jeez! You're *really* doing well at calming them down. >"Do you have any ideas of how many of them there are?" Samantha: [Crowd] Have you, or will you ever sleep with any other SI besides Tom? Dan: [Crowd] Are you or have you ever been a member of the communist party? Rebecca: [Crowd] Is it really as small as Asuka says it is? Tsuneo: [Crowd] How do I get out of this crappy fanfic? >"No idea, it could be a twenty, a few hundreds, maybe millions, Dan: [Tom] Maybe three and a half. >we have no >idea, all we know is that they come from far in outter space!" explained >Tom. >"Damn, is that supposed to make us feel better?" Samantha: No, castrating Tom in the middle of the city is supposed to make you feel better. [Tsuneo and Dan cross their legs] >"Well, did we ever say this was supposed to make you feel better? Think a >second please, we never said the situation was we are safe, don't >worry!!" yelled Tom, Tsuneo: Hang on... He tells them that they aren't safe then tells them not to worry? Reagan he ain't. Samantha: [Tom] While you pitiful peons are burning and dying in your homes, I'll be safe in my nicely armored Eva. >"Now, if you guys could stop asking those questions and let us do our job >the way it should be done, it would be better!" Samantha: Now just HOW are they gonna interfere in your job, Tommy boy? Spray paint "YOU SUCK!" on the leg of your Eva? >And on those words, they all left. Rebecca: They were sick of him. >That night, Tom took his motorcycle and went alone on the boarder of the cliff. Samantha: *KABOOM* [Misato] Looks like those times explosives did their job, Asuka. Great work. >"Damn, god, if you exist, why are you doin' this to us? It ain't our fault >we're like this! You created us! I have nothing left in life except Asuka, Rebecca [Asuka]: What? You dare catogrise the great Auska as a "thing?" WA-TAK! >and you're trying to kill us. Samantha: [God] Go to hell, son, I'm busy trying to keep this Issei guy from taking over. >Or maybe you're a selfish old bastard dat's always been immortal that is >scared that his creation could overcome him. Dan: [Tom] Or maybe I'm just making this all up. Rebecca: Has he been hitting the marajuana gin again? >This would be the most >selfish thing someone could do. People believe in you like a good god, but >if you exist, I think you're as evil as good! Samantha: And if god could actually understand what you said, he might have been insulted. >You might be laughin' right now telling yourself Tsuneo: Aah, dem goofy Invadors. >"That kid is right, but >what can he do?", but I truly think you're pathetic!!!!" Samantha: Oh? And just who, exactly, is the one screaming vainly into the night? >Later that night, Shinji came to the cliff and said : Samantha: [Shinji] My love! I have come for you! *glomp* Dan: Please don't remind us, Sam. >"I knew I'd find you here, what are you doing?" Dan: [Tom] Screaming obscenities off into space. Wanna join me? >"Thinking about what the hell god wants from us…" Rebecca: This never would have happened if you'd put something in the collection plate. >"Yeah, first the angels, now the Invadors, you're right. But why did you >come here? Tsuneo: He was after the scenic view of Jeff's rotting carcass. >I mean, wouldn't it be better at home to talk with the others?" Samantha: Yeah, if you expose your feelings and show you're a real human being, you might actually become more likeable. >"I wanted to be alone for a while and think alone, but now that you're >here, it really makes me think!" Rebecca: [Tom] Would anyone miss him if I pegged him off? >"And the 7th Children, Tsuneo: All of them. >I don't think he's in the school… It's probably another stranger. Rebecca: Hmmph. Why does everyone assume it's going to be a guy? Samantha: I swear, if it's Tom's evil twin, then I'm leaving. >I used to kinda hate my dad, but now I figure out he's not really the one >I hate. I think it's all god's fault now!" Samantha: If this guy dosen't work out his problems, he's gonna climb a tower and start picking off people from afar. >"You know, sometimes I think we're kinda lucky to have girls like Asuka >and Rei. Dan: [Tom] I mean they're not, but we are. Samantha: You mean the real IC characters or those lame OOC rip offs? >They could have some great boyfriend that has never sinned in his life, >but they took us. A little hood rat like me!" Tsuneo: That's only because you contrived them to like you! Samantha: You also forgot egotistical, rude, snobby, ignorant, a real show off, and a twit. >"And a shy little dumb ass Dan: Hey, it's the new age EVA kids. Hood Rat Tom Dyron and Dumb Ass Shinji Ikari. >that can barely show his feelings like me… Tsuneo: Except that he doesn't act a thing like that anymore... I miss the old Shinji. >but at least, we are saving the world…" Samantha: And in the end, at least they have each other. That kind of thing really touches yah here [taps her chest] don't it? Rebecca: [Max the bunny] I may weep openly. >"You're right, sometimes I wonder why I pilot the Eva, I risk my life, Tsuneo: Oh, something about saving the world. Dan: Pay's good and the chicks are hot. >and those things keep on coming!" Samantha: Eww... some days it just don't pay to have your mind in the gutter. >"Me, I thought I had found the answer, Rebecca: 42! >but I went all the way back to the >beginning, I think I pilot the Eva to find personal satisfaction being >good at something." Samantha: ACK! Henry J Cobb suddenly took over the writing! I can't figure out who's saying what! >"Me, I'm sure. I do it to do something that matters! That's why I pilot >those god damn "machines"! I think god created us to have something to >destroy some day, know what I mean?" Tsuneo: I don't think anyone knows what he means. Samantha: Uh, no... and if you want to get philosophical with me, I'll punch your freaking lights out. >"Yeah, I do…" >"Dude, let's go back home!" Samantha: Suddenly, it's Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures. >"Yeah, you're right, let's go!" Dan: Nah, let's stay out here and freeze to death. Rebecca: [Shinji] let's take turns at pegging each other off the cliff. I'll go first. >And Shinji and Tom went back to the apartment, as they walked in the room, >they girls were Samantha: Buck naked and enjoying an orgy with Maya, Misato, and Ritsuko. Dan: What, does that stuff interest you then, Sam? Samantha: [blushes lightly] No... Marta's being a bad influence on me. >wide awake and asked : >"Where the hell were you guys?" >"On the cliff thinking about how much life sucks!" answered Tom. Rebecca: [Asuka] Why not do it here where I can tell you how much your life sucks. >"Yeah right!" said Asuka. Samantha: [Asuka] You guys were doing it behind our backs, weren't yah!? >"Well, basicly, that's what we were doing!" answered Shinji. Samantha: See? He even admited to it. >"Well, actualy, I came there to jump off and force the Nerv to clean up >after me, but I told myself Dan: [Tom] Why would they even bother? >not to when I figure out the Nerv would probably not notice!" said Tom. Rebecca: Actually, they'd be partying. >Everyone started laughing. Samantha: Talking about commiting suicide is fun! Whhee! >"I hope we get rid of those mothafuckin' creatures one day, 'cause they're >starting to get on my nerves!!" yelled Tom. Samantha: For whenever Tom Dyron becomes enraged, he undergoes a startling metamorphisis... >"Same for all of us, Tom…" said Rei Rebecca: [Rei, monotone] I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it any more. >as they all went to bed on a last kiss >for the couples. Before closing his eyes, Tom looked at the stars and told >himself Samantha: [singing] When you wish upon a star, makes no diffierence who you are! >"Or is god just not watching us anymore?" Dan: Face it, he don't care. >When they woke up, Misato had already left home to Tsuneo: Run off and join the circus. Rebecca: Never mind, she's already had her token scene. >go at the Nerv while >the Children were thinking if the menace of the Invadors would ever stop… Tsuneo: Depends. How many more chapters of this drivel are there? >Tom cooked breakfast as usual and drank a beer. Samantha: Jesus.. you would think he's trying to best DJ or something. Tsuneo: Actually, yeah. That's what the whole first chapter was dedicated to, anyway. Samantha: Oi vey... >He looked at the newspaper and saw nothing new. Rebecca: Cubs lost again. >He asked himself the >question every single human asked before, "What's the meaning of life?" Samantha: Beer! And lots of it! >Same time at Nerv… Dan: Meanwhile, back at the ranch. >"Here we go, we detected where those beasts came from!!!" Rebecca: West LA! >yelled Ritsuko in joy. "The planet that was called D.E.L.T.A. Samantha: [monotone] Thus the reason for this being called Delta Invasion... yay... Tsuneo: So the planet's name is an acronym? >on the other side of the sun… Dan: Meanwhile, back in cheesy sixties sci-fi land. >we'll have to prepare an expedition to go there and destroy the planet!!" Rebecca: Where's Unicron when you need him? Samantha: Using what? A giant rubber band slung up between two mountains? >She took the phone and called Misato on her cellular phone. Rebecca: [Misato] I'm sorry, I'm not here at the moment. In fact, I'm hardly in this fic so there's no point leaving me a message. Tsuneo: Wouldn't it be smarter to tell Gendo first? And where'd this new planet come from, anyway? >"Hello?" >"Misato, it's me, we have located the planet where the Invadors come from, >its the planet D.E.L.T.A.!" Samantha: Just in case all of you missed that the first time around. Rebecca [Misato]: That's, er... nice Ritsuko. [Aside] Call the looney bin. Ritsuko's gone again. >"So, what are we gonna do about it?" Samantha: Blowing it up sounds like an idea. >"I'm going to call the government to prepare an expedition to go destroy >the planet." >"How are we gonna do that?" >"We're going to take the sniper rifle, charge it with nuclear energy and >the striking power of the Evas to make a powerful enough shot to pierce >the planet deeply enough to hit its center and make it explode, Samantha: [blinks] Okay... Tsuneo... calm down... don't think about it... ranting will only gain you gray hairs and an early death by stress... Tsuneo: [Frighteningly calm] It doesn't stress me. Oh, nosiree. >the planet D.E.L.T.A. is about 10 times smaller thant the earth, so it >should be possible!!" Samantha: With the amount of bullshit in this fanfic, *anything* is possible. Tsuneo: Not to mention absolutely ridiculous. >"That's brilliant, Rebecca: [Misato] Ritsuko, you're scaring me. >we're gonna get them!!!" Dan: Of course, how you're going to get there is another matter. >"The Commander doesn't know yet, but he's going to know soon!" >"I'm gonna call the Children!" Tsuneo: Because, as we all know, Misato and the kids are more important than Gendo or any three world leaders you care to name. Samantha: Be sure to use 10 10 321 to save... >"Yeah, do that! I have to warn everyone, bye!" >"Bye!" >Ritsuko hang up. Dan: I thought that's what Asuka's mum did. Samantha: Then, Ritsuko explode. >Misato's car. She called the Children. Samantha: Is it just me, or did the quality of the fanfic suddenly drop a few levels? >"Hello?" >"Hello Asuka, good news!" Rebecca [Auska]: You finally managed to get Maya to stop pestering you? >"What? You won the lottery?" >"Nope, better!" Samantha: [Asuka] You found a way to kill off Tom without arousing suspicion? >"You have more money than Bill Gates?" >"Almost as good, Dan: [Asuka] You found out how to make a diet cola without a yukky aftertaste? Rebecca: [Misato] Not yet. >we found the planet where the Invadors come from!" >"That's it?" >"You're not happy?" Samantha: [Asuka] Well, the great Asuka *was* expecting more, but considering the peon to whom I speak, that is a bit of a stretch. >"Just jokin' around, that's great. What planet is that?" Tsuneo: At this rate, planet Wooble. Rebecca: What's the bets that the surface of planet Delta will look like an abandoned Welsh quarry? >"The planet D.E.L.T.A. I think it's on the other side of the sun, Dan: You think? What, don't you trust Ritsuko now? Rebecca: Would you? >we're >gonna send an expedition there as soon as we can and blow up the whole >thing!" Samantha: I thought they were just gonna shoot the damn thing. >"That's great, I'm gonna warn the others!!" >"Bye!" >"Bye!" Samantha: BYE! [stands up] Voice: You're not done yet. Samantha: Damn. [sits down] >Asuka hang up and ran to the others. >"Guys, I have great news!!!" Dan: [Asuka] The fic's been cancelled and we can all go home! >Asuka said with a happy look on her face. >That day, Ritsuko called the government and got an expedition that is >going to be ready in about three months from now. Rebecca: Of course, what would be really usefull would be calling a government that actually has a space program. >The future of humanity relies on this expedition! Samantha: Lets hope it fails miserably. Rebecca: Humanity? You suck. >End of Genesis 0:18 [The TV switches off.] Rebecca: That sucked. Dan: Tell me about it. Delta doesn't get any better, does it? Voice: So can I have your opinions now? Tsuneo: Well... Dammit, it was just rubbish. I mean, that chapter was just a loose collection of stupid scenes with no relation to each other. Half of it was pointless fights and the rest was pointless chatting. And then there was planet Delta... [Shudders] Dan: Um... Yeah. You know, it was just dumb. The writing was worse than before, and we don't even know who's talking half the time. It bugs me that everyone seems to have just settled in to letting Tom push 'em around. Samantha: Hmmm... well... it sucked... it really sucked... I mean, even the lame atempt at philosophy sucked. The whole thing just sucked! Oh sure, blow up a freaking planet with the sniper rifle when it's on the other side of the sun! Brilliant idea! Create a band out of students who probably have no idea how to use the instruments! Ingenius! Tell the whole school to screw off when they're not too far away from rioting... god damned brilliant! And of course, we can't forget Henry J Cobb's guest appearence as writer in this... Dan: Bitter? Samantha: Oh, just a tad... Rebecca: I'm amazed at how Tom's warping the other characters around him. All of a sudden, Shinji's a badass, Auska's a happy little bimbo, Rei's a rock fan who is aprently horny as all hell, everyone has undiscovered musical talents and even rioters do what Tom tells them to do. It's amazing. Dan: It's just amazing. How can anything be this bad? Samantha: I've seen worse. Rebecca: Really? Samantha: Well... Marginally. Tsuneo: I feel hideous. Samantha: Oh, I've got something that'll cheer you up. [Samantha pulls a gold credit card out of nowhere.] Voice: Gah... That's my gold card! Rebecca: Neat. Voice: Give that back Dan: When we're done, you may not want it back. Voice: ... Samantha: Come on guys, let's go shopping! [They get up. The screen goes blank.] Samantha: Hey, Tsuneo? I'll get you what you've always wanted. Voice: Help. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1999 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-1999 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Samantha Jones is copyright 1997-99 Jamie Jeans Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAVM conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. Jolt's Page! http://users.uniserve.com/~xwing/ Jamie Jeans's collected MSTings and his "Revenge" series. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ >He was stabbed once in the hand and once in the chest >with a fatal blow that killed him.