Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 64 and it's back to the DELTA Invasion universe, Invadors and all! Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Evangelion II Delta is copyright Tom Dyron (Gee. Who'd have guessed?) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Dan, Rebecca & Tsuneo are sitting on the couches impatiently. Rick suddenly bursts in, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt, board shorts and sunnies.] Rick: Hey guys! Miss me? Dan: No. Rick: Okay, I'll go then. [Rick turns and tries the door, only to find it locked.] Rick: Damn. Tsuneo: So where have you been? Rick: Oh, I just took a little holiday. Saw the sights, got a tan, that kind of stuff. Rebecca: While we were busy grueling over bad fanfics? Rick: Yup. Others: ... Rick: So what's happening? Tsuneo: Oh, we were just waiting for you. We've got some fanmail to go over. [They all cluster around the computer.] Tsuneo: The first one's from Keith Palmer on Good Liff & Altered Future. Rebecca: You mean Good Life. Tsuneo: Whatever. > I just read through the third part of your MSTing of "Evangelion: The Good > Life." I've decided that a few comments are in order. When I first > started reading this MSTing, my thought was that the fanfic was merely > mediocre. Now, as the level of incoherence increases (just *what* did that > new Angel look like?), Rebecca: Probably all we got to see was a blip on the monitor. Dan: Kinda reminds you of the last few episodes of EVA, doesn't it? > it's definitely becoming more entertaining. I'll > also say that Tango is improving with practice. His riffs are sometimes > still a little obvious, but they're getting better. (The "silly break" was > particularly good.) And then there's the little matter of Isamu dying at > the end of the story... Voice: Now factor in that at last count there were three more chapters. Tsuneo: Three?! > Since I'm writing, I think I'll also comment on "BGC 2040: Altered Future." > I haven't seen any of the new TV series (except for its opening), so the > whole matter of the new character designs and slightly different universe > doesn't really affect me. Rick: Famous last words. > I therefore viewed the fanfic as a more > classical BGC self-insertion story. As you said, Kelly's almost fallible > for a self- insertion. Dan: For a Self-Insertion. > I was reminded, though, of a comment I made about > "BGC: Time and Time Again," where I said that I was interested to see the > new character was female, but not in a "Fate of the Children" kind of way. [Rebecca smirks] > This time around... maybe it's just a matter of all the innuendo in the > riffs themselves, but I can definitely see that connection. Rebecca: It's BGC 2040. It wouldn't be right if she *wasn't* under suspicion. Tsuneo: That's what you get for basing a fanfic off anything directed by Hayashi. Dan: Well thanks, Keith. Tsuneo: Next one's from J. Chance on "Tifa's Birthday" > My god. Why does FF7 get all the lame parodyfics? Most things get one or > two, but you've MSTed at least two, Newaz has done three, there are some > others riffed on SVAM...they just don't stop. Anyway, on to specific lines. > >>But whenever he gained enough courage to confront, > >Tsuneo: Not to actually confront anything, just to randomly confront. > Maybe he's playing Tonga? (sorry, obscure DS9 ref.) Rick: You got us. > >>No she is to shy to do that. > >All: Huh? > >Rebecca: Sorry, I refuse to believe that anyone with implants like > >that who gets around in a tank top and a miniskirt would be shy. > To quote a line from a crap movie, she's just drawn that way. > >>Unknown to them a new enemy was gaining strength and power. > >Dan: The Sith? > >>This new enemy had powers that even rivaled that of the Great Sephiroth > >Rebecca: Ah, that would be Darth Cait. > Great line. Darth Cait, lord of the Sith...[falls out of chair laughing] Tsuneo: This is our fan base, ladies and gentlemen. > >Dan: Any reason you didn't like Aeris? > >Rebecca: She was a screaming little wuss and wasted too much valuable disk > >space on unnecessary romantic tension. > All I can say is, she obviously hasn't played Xenogears. Elehayym van > Houten is a screaming little wuss with the bad taste to survive the whole > game. Not only that, she is supposedly a career military officer, but can > only fight willingly or well when on drugs. She also sleeps with the hero > apparently five minutes after their first kiss...and they wake up together > in SD form. Not something I wanted to see. Rebecca: Xenogears was never released in Australia. And I am thankful for that at least twice daily. > >>Me:Fine *Yuffie appears back* > Rebecca: Unfortunately, she respawned right in another player's sights. > That's gonna hurt. > She _would_ play first-person shooters...heh. Rebecca: And there's something wrong with this? Dan: She's the best of all of us on them. It's scary. > >>Red XIII (runs in):Bare Naked Ladies!! Where! > >Dan: I should be so lucky. > >Rick: Red, you have problems. > AACK! Bad flashback to PJ's "Serach for Aeris!" All: Aack! > >>Tifa:What is with banner here....... > I see Thinker did editing here. > >Rick: I bet he's just waiting for the onrush of FF8 fics. > I know I am. For one thing, my resident pervert Yarunseto is clamouring for > a Quistis-Selphie lemon... Tsuneo: Urk... Selphie... lemon... Dan: Cool. Rick: Why? A Rinola-Quistis lemon would be way cooler. Rebecca: Men are pigs. Tsuneo: Well, um, thanks for that. Voice: Morning all. Rebecca: Morning. Tsuneo: Cut the crap. What do you have for us today? Voice: By popular demand - not yours, of course - I have the sixth part of Delta Invasion. Tsuneo: Aarg. Dan: I thought you'd be more upset about that. Tsuneo: I wasted all my "aarg" for Delta long ago. Rick: Part six? Did I miss something? Rebecca: Yeah. We did parts four and five with Samantha while you were in hiding. Rick: Damn. I wanted to meet her. [Dan shakes his head vigerously] So did I miss anything in the fic? Tsuneo: I'd say not much, but we'd better fill him in. Rick: That good, huh? Dan: You might want to take notes. Tsuneo: Let's see... Tom fell thirty feet out of a plane onto Mel Gibson, then He chokeslammed Mr. T and brutally murdered Paul White in self defense for Attacking him three years ago with a silencer. Rick: [Scribbling on paper] Paul Wight... Gotcha. Dan: He became the worlds best fighter by defeating an endless stream of jobbers... Rick: [Scribbling on paper] Smiley... Yeah. Rebecca: Then Shinji had sex with both Rei and Asuka in the one night after Tom Beat up Ray Mysterio Jr. Rick: [Scribbling on paper] Horny bastard... Uh-huh. Dan: A lot of invadors showed up and died in puddles of their own gore. Rick: [Scribbling on paper] Copyright infringement... Yup. Rebecca: Tom hacked into Nerv's files, found out that they'd found EVA-04 under A rock in New Mexico somewhere, then told Misato this and nothing happened. Rick: [Scribbling on paper] Middle of nowhere... Keep going. Tsuneo: He then found out they were sending the seventh children and decided to Form a new band in response. Rick: [Scribbling on paper] New band... Thanks. Anything else? Dan: Not really. That help? Rick: No, but I've got the next three issues planned out. Rebecca: It's that good, huh? Rick: Better. Voice: If you're all finished? [They sit - Rick and Dan on the forwards facing couch, Tsuneo and Rebecca on the other one. Dan and Tsuneo are the closest on the corners.] > Genesis 0:19 : The Great Arrival/7th To Be Chosen Rebecca: I thought they'd chosen the 7th Children already. Tsuneo: They're having problems making up their minds about it. > December 14th, 2017 > Nerv HQ... > "Sir, the Eva 04 is going to arrive tomorrow by noon." Rick: And here was me thinking it was coming by plane. Tsuneo: Why is it always "the Eva something" in this fic? We know there's only one of each already. > said Professor Fuyutski. > "Good, was the 7th Children found?" Commander Ikari remembered. Tsuneo: Well you'd think so, given that EVA-04 is en-route. Rebecca: NERV has it on file that the 7th kid's been found. I wonder why Gendo of all people doesn't know? > "Yes, and he is going to arrive tomorrow too. We asked Tom to welcome him as the > new student." Dan: Well that's a great way to make a good impression on him... > "Good, but from what I know about Tom, Rick [Gendo]: He acts like Steve Austin and can't spell. > he probably already knows about the Eva 04 and the 7th Children, Rick: He probably even knows about Gendo's preferred underwear. Rebecca: Pink with little blue bears. Tsuneo: ... Dan: He should get a job with Gendo's MiBs. > he is as good of a hacker as his dad, he probably > looked in every single Nerv file..." Tsuneo [Gendo]: So let's execute him for being a security risk. Dan: Nah, that makes sense. > "You may be right, but if he knows, his friends probably know too!" Rick: [Gendo] Well someone could've told me! > "You're right, let Tom welcome him." > "Yes sir!" > Same day at school... > "Hey, Tom, heard of a new student coming to school?" asked Shinji. Rick: [Tom] Yeah, I did it, twit. > "Yeah, I'm the one that's gonna have to welcome him to school tomorrow..." > answered Tom. Tsuneo: Just so I know, is this entire chapter going to be composed of the repetition of a few basic facts? Rebecca: More than likely. > "Oh, cool." > "And I have a feeling he's the 7th Children. Dan: It's not like you get any other new students around here, apart from EVA kids. > It just seems a little weird that > it was talking about finding the 7th Children on the Nerv files and soon after a > new student comes..." Tsuneo: Coincidence? I think not. > "Yeah, you're probably right, but who cares?" > "Yeah, who cares?" Rebecca: Not us. Rick: It's only a major development in your lives and futures as EVA pilots, so who cares? Just as long as Misato's got some spare room, no-one gives two pieces of monkey crap. > "I wonder what the Eva 04 looks like..." > "It's the same as the Eva 03 Model 1 in white." > "How do you know?" > "I saw pictures of it, Dan: [Tom] And I got that rip-off model. > plus it's a production model just like the first Eva 03." Rick: Actually, it's just the EVA-03 model in new colours. Tsuneo: And it's silver, not white. > "Oh, O.K." > "Can't wait to see whether it's a guy or a chick!" > "You asshole, you have Asuka!" Rick [Tom]: Big deal. One's not enough for me! Rebecca: Tom would like it if it was a guy or a girl. > "Dude, it's just a question a guy like me always asks himself. Rebecca: Ie, is it worth getting a grope or not? > Don't pay attention to it dude, you're a little hyper, ain't ya?" Dan: Who's talking by the way? I've forgotten. Rick: Well, I can't imagine Shinji being a little hyper. Rebecca: Yeah, but this is bad-ass Shinji, remember? Tsuneo: How could I forget? > "With this kind of business..." > "Oh, I see! You know, Rei is hella hot too. Even though Asuka's my girl, I think > Rei is just as hot, Dan: [Shinji] Get lost, she's mine! Rebecca: [Tom] Swap you for a night? > but my personality matches Asuka's better, know what I mean?" Rick: Oh, so you're an immature, psychotic, self-obsessed and destructive brat? Hey, he's right. > "Yeah, you know, I was attracted to Asuka a long time Tsuneo: Oh, was that from the meeting when she put him down, got him to wear one of his spare plugsuits and clouted him repeatedly? Just checking. Rebecca: Shinji's into that kind of stuff. > and still am but I loved Rei since the beginning." Rick: Wow, he knows she's his mum and he's still boffing her. He should go on Springer. > "I see. Anyway, we're lucky, we got the two hottest chicks in the school dude, > even though we're two ugly asses!" Dan: [Tom] That is, you're ugly. I'm magnificent. > "You got that right dude!" > A little farther in the school... Rick: In the heart of darkest Africa... > "Rei, you heard about the new student?" asked Asuka. > "Yeah, Tom is going to welcome him..." > "Yeah, Tom thinks he's the 7th Children." Tsuneo: Just so I know, is this entire chapter going to be composed of the repetition of a few basic facts? Rebecca: Almost definitely. > "I think Tom's right on that one." > "Probably, anyway, I wonder if it's gonna be a guy or a girl Tsuneo: Oh, forget it! Dan: Or both? > if it's the 7th > Children. Whatever it is, it's not gonna be able to find a mate in the > Children." Rick: Unless you're into sharing. Rebecca: According to some fics, Asuka is. Dan: Do teenagers really talk like this? Tsuneo: These aren't normal teenagers. > "You're right." > The next day... > A normal sized boy with blond hair with a crew cut Tsuneo: So his hair has a crew cut? > and dark green eyes with a normal school uniform Tsuneo: And his eyes are in uniform? > walks out of the train station. He's carrying a luggage Rick: Aah! The psychotic travel accessory from hell! > and walks to a black car and gets in. > "You must be John Rebecca: Ellis? What's he doing here? Dan: Well he is a new EVA kid. > Baren." said the driver. > "Yes I am." answered the kid. Rick: So can't you call him John now? > "We're going to take you to school where another Children will be waiting for > you to welcome you. Tsuneo: So he's waiting for John to welcome himself? Uh... Rick: And shouldn't they take him to the geofront first? > Supposedly, he doesn't know that you are an Eva pilot, but > the commander said that kid doesn't fall for anything and might have seen your > name on Nerv files. Dan: Or he could have just read the cluebook. Rebecca: [MiB] In other words, he *does* know you're an EVA pilot. > If he finds out you are a Children, Rick: Shouldn't be hard, since he's a kid. > don't hide since he is one too, understood?" Tsuneo: Uh... Not at all. Dan: Tom was never a child. > "Yes sir." > The car soon arrived at Central High and John got out of the car. In front of > the school waited Tom. Rebecca: Baseball bat in hand. > John walked up to him. > "Are you the new student?" asked Tom. Tsuneo: No, he's just any old kid wearing a school uniform who gets driven here in an enigmatic car. Use your brain cells. > "Yes, I am." answered John. > "What's your name? I'm Tom Dyron, call me Tom." > "My name is John Baren, you can call me Rebecca: Snugglebunny. Dan: Murder bait. Rick: Hey you. Tsuneo: Laguna. Yeah, I have that dream too. > John." > "Well John, where do you come from?" Dan: Your demented imagination. > "I came from England." Rebecca & Tsuneo: Aack! > "But you weren't born there, you have an american accent." > "Well, I do because I spent most my life in America, Rick: [Tom] So you're really from America, aren't you? Dan: [John] Yes, sir. > but you're American, right?" Tsuneo: Let's see, he's six three with Caucasian skin and talks like Steve Austin. What do you think? > "Yup, I'm american, you guessed it boy! I'm here to welcome you to school Rebecca: [John] That was the entrance exam? > and mainly show you all the stuff you need to know." Rick: [Tom] The cute red-head and the albino are off-limits. Try Hikari over there. Toji seems to have vanished anyway. Rebecca: [Tom] Oh yeah, and you don't have to pay attention in class, because all the teacher ever talks about is Second Impact. > "O.K." > "But before you say anything, Tsuneo: Maybe if you gave him a chance *to* say something. > don't hide that you're the 7th Children..." Rick: Tom would look gloriously stupid if he was wrong right about now. Not that he ever would be. > "How... How do you know?" Dan: [Tom] I wrote the story, duh. > "I didn't know your name or your face, but seing the Nerv files, I found out > that the Eva 04 and the 7th Children were coming, Rick: They'll be in the stores by Christmas. > and, of course, a new student comes to school a few days later. A coincidence? Rebecca: They happen, you know. > I don't think so." > "You're pretty good at this." Rebecca: [Tom] So I've been told, eh, eh, say no more, say no more, eh? > "We're not going to hide it, and first thing, you're gonna meet the other > Children, k?" Rick: Que? > "O.K." Dan: [John] Do I get to do anything on my own? > Tom led John to the Children and told them who he was. Tsuneo: Aren't they in class or something? Rebecca: Ah, who cares about education? > A few minutes later, Tom > made the tour of the school with John Dan: [John] Who are all those people hanging around the pool? Rick: [Tom] Oh, they're the Gainax photographers. Don't worry about them unless you happen to look good in a string bikini. Dan: [John] Now that you mention it... > and then, took him to class with him. Rebecca: [Tom] He followed me home, can I keep him? > "Students, today we have a new student!" said the teacher, "please welcome John > Baren!" > John walked in and said "Hello, my name is John, I came all the way from France Dan: Didn't he just say he was from England? Tsuneo: Guess the authour's not too good at Geography either. Rick: Don't you know? France is a suburb of England. Rebecca: It's just one of them European places anyway. Who cares? > but I am originaly American." Tsuneo: Hang on, he said he was born in England and grew up in America! Rebecca: He's retconned himself within the same scene. That's gotta be a record. > "John, you may sit down behind Rei." > John sat down and class went by. At lunch, Tom came up to John and asked : Rebecca: [Tom] Will you marry me? > "Can you play the keyboard or piano, whatever, same thing?" Tsuneo: [John] You don't know what you're talking about, do you? Dan: [Tom] No, I don't. > "Why are you asking?" > "I am the lead singer and guitarist of the Dragons of Doom, but we broke up and > I'm making them again in Japan!" Rick: Watch this. Um... John is a big fan of DoD, has all their CDs, and can play the keyboard perfectly. > "You're the singer of the DOD, damn what a surprise! Can you sign this for me > first?" John handed a picture of the old DOD. Rick: See? > Tom signed it and said "I'm also > the champion of the "No Holds Barred Championship"!!!" Dan: [Tom] I'm also the three times world karate champion, 14 times WCW heavyweight champion, world formula one champion, nominated "Best Actor" three years running and I look simply ravishing in a pink tutu. > "You're the Dragon? Tsuneo: Wouldn't you recognize him then? > Damn, well, whatever. Yes, I do play the piano and the keyboard." Rick: See? > "Yes, well, John, welcome as the newest member of DOD!!!" Rick: I hate it when I'm right. > "Thank you Tom, thank you!" Dan: [John] I can't tell you how much pleasure it gives me to kiss up to you! Tsuneo: It's sickening when an authour creates new characters just to stroke his avatar's ego. > Tom turned around and told himself "way better than expected dude!!!". When > school ended, all the Children including John went to the Nerv HQ. When they got > there, Misato said : > "Tom, get in your plug suit, an Invador has been detected Rebecca: Now isn't that nice, it waited until school was over and they'd all gotten to Nerv HQ. > and you're going to fry his ass! Rick: Misato's using her usual level of tactical thinking. > You, John, go in the room to your right, Dr. Akagi Ritsuko Tsuneo: Who insists on having her name said in the Japanese manner for no adequately explored reason. > will meet you there and ask you a few questions, O.K.?" Dan: [John] Sorry, I was with you up until "Tom." > "O.K." answered John while Tom got in his entry plug and ran to his Eva. [They all burst out laughing] Rick: [Laughing] So he ran there in his plug? Oh, gawd... > The Eva was launched. > In the other room... > "John, before we start this, Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Are you feeling comfortable? Is there anything I can get you? > I'd like you to watch the fight between the Invador > and Eva 03, Tom's Eva. Tsuneo: So you want him to watch the fight before it starts? > I'd like you to see what Tom can do. Dan: Bow chika wow wow chika. > He's the 2nd best pilot ever, Rebecca: See? DJ *is* better. > Shinji is the best, but Tom has a different style, the one Misato > called the "Me See Me Kill" style." Rick: Ah, he studied with Priss. > "Hai." > John watched as Tom ran to the Invador that had just entered the city. Dan: Body part roll call! Rebecca: I call multiple legs. Rick: I call at least one part from an arachnid. Tsuneo: I'm beyond caring. > It looked like a green scorpion with a longer tail Rick: I win! > and it was standing on two feet. Its two arms had 3 long fingers. Tsuneo: So it doesn't look much like a scorpion then, does it? Dan: Hey, it's the classic bad Spiderman villain. > Tom raised his AT Field, but the Invador pierced > with its tail and almost hit the chest but Tom grabbed it and picked it up by > its tail and started swinging it over his head and let go of it. Tsuneo: And all in one breath, too. Dan: Is it just me, or are AT fields butt-useless in this fic? > The monster > went flying and bit the dust. But suddenly, the creature lifted its tail and > threw an electric shot from it. Rick: So be it, Jedi. > Unit 03 got electrified and hit the floor. The Invador jumped on Tom Rebecca: Getting fresh, aren't we? > and tried to hit him with its long fingers but Tom plunged > his progressive knife in the monster's chest, Dan: There he goes again, trying to hog the largest portion. > punched the beast away and jumped > on its tail. Tom was now at 289% synchronization. Tsuneo: To insert a random number at a random point in a random fight. > He used the knife to chop off > the monster's tail and used it to pierce through the Invador's carapace and > pierced its heart. The beast started screaming and moved its arms, but suddenly, > the pressure became so strong, the monster's head fell down and it died in a low > noise. Rick: So... And let me get this right... He stabbed it in the chest, so it squirmed a lot and its head fell off? Rebecca: They just don't make invadors like they used to. > "See John, Tom is the only Eva pilot who took out two of these in the same time > once. Rebecca: In a triple threat match, nonetheless. > But Shinji got rid of the most dangerous threat, the angels." Dan: Actually, Shinji didn't get rid of all of them. Rick: [Asuka] Hello? Hello, what about me? > "It was pretty impressive!" > "You were chosen because you were the most qualified for the job. Tsuneo: You mean like all the other high-level candidates they've got in that class anyway? > Now, do you know which Eva you are going to be using?" > "No..." Rick: [John] How many do you keep spare? > "You are going to pilot the Eva 04, by the way, I am Dr. Akagi Ritsuko, but you > can call me Ritsuko." Tsuneo: Does *everyone* have to introduce themselves like this? It's so annoying! > "O.K. Ritsuko." > "You're going to have a test today to see your ability to pilot the Eva. Rick: I was wondering how long it would be before Ritsuko's obsession with sync tests came up again. > You have an apartment in the building where I live, is that O.K. with you?" > "Sure Ritsuko." Dan: [John] What's this got to do with the test? Tsuneo: [Ritsuko] Oh, nothing. I'm just throwing random sentences together, you see. Rick: Hang on, so he doesn't have a home or anything yet? Was he hauling his luggage all around school, or what? > "O.K. Now here's what you'll need to pilot the Eva!" > Ritsuko handed John a mallet [They all break up laughing.] Rick: The mallet is back! All hail the mallet! > which contained his plug suit, watch and his entry > card. She explained him everything Tsuneo: [Ritsuko] Well, first there was Adam... Then second impact... Angels... Germany... Dragon Slave... Gehern... Got it? > as he entered his entry plug to start the test. > Twenty minutes later. Dan: [John] Can we start now? > "He's doing pretty good, but it's nothing compare to Tom's first performance." > noticed Misato. Rebecca: Of course. No-one's as good as the great Tom Dyron. > "Don't dream Misato, no one will have the same first performance as Tom. Rick: Remember? Tom's Amazing. Tom kicks ass! All hail Tom Dyron! Tsuneo: And you didn't even read chapter four. > Still, he has a 58%!" > "Very good for a first try, Shinji was impresive on his first try, but it wasn't > his most amazing performance, Dan: Yes, that's what we call "improving." Rebecca: Everyone in this fic's been hit with the stupid stick. > what was amazing is how fast his synchronization > became better! Tom was impressive on first try and is going very fast. Rick: Hey, with the way his sync ratio keeps climbing, how long do you reckon it'll be before he turns into LCL? > He is not like Shinji, Rebecca: I'd be worried if anyone was like Shinji. > but Tom is amazing too!" Tsuneo: Did I mention Tom's good? He's good. > A few hours later, when the Children were gone and John taken to Ritsuko's > apartment. Rick: And, and, um... I can't make any sense out of that. > "Ritsuko, you seem worried about John, I wonder why..." said Misato. Tsuneo: [Ritsuko] He's not pandering to the avatar enough. I have a horrible feeling he'll be written out soon. > "You really wanna know?" asked Ritsuko. Dan: Think about this carefully Misato. > "Well, for once, don't hide me something!" Dan: [Ritsuko] Since when have I hidden anything from you? Rick: [Misato] Well, there was my comic collection in college... Dan: [Ritsuko] True. Rick: [Misato] And you hid my AD&D books... Dan: [Ritsuko] Okay, point. Rick: [Misato] And then there was Lillith... Dan: [Ritsuko] Oh... Besides that! > "It's a long story, Misato, I'm going to try to explain." > Ritsuko had a flashback as she explained. Rick: [Ritsuko] Way back when I was just a little bitty girl, living in a box under the stairs in the basement of the house half a block down the street from Jerry's bait shop... you know the place. > It was after the second impact. Tsuneo: *The* second impact. Take notes, folks, it was *the* second impact. Rebecca: Accept no imitations. Rick: You know what? Second impact was actually caused when Viscera belly- flopped Paul Wight at the south pole, during an out-of-control hardcore match. Tsuneo: [Sarcastic] So what was the being of light then, braniac? Rick: Gas. Tsuneo: ... > After > Nerv had taken Eva-01, the "God" that SEELE and Nerv had created, SEELE wanted > to create another kind of God, Rick: A strawberry flavoured one. > but that one would be a human. So Chairmen Keele > knew that one of his employees was pregnant. Rebecca: Oh, the rat! Dan: I sense paternity suit. > He took the advantage Rebecca: Fifteen love. > and took her for some experiments. Tsuneo: Never on the first date. > That's what the woman explained to me. I don't know what > Keele did to John when he was in his mother's womb, but he was born as a normal > baby. But what happened, is that in the year 2001, Rick: An enormous object was found in the orbit of Jupiter. > the woman, Tamara Kirao, Tsuneo: Which doesn't explain why John isn't in the least bit Japanese. > escaped to Nerv. The baby was born there. Dan: It's first words were "I hate this place." > But SEELE kept looking for her, so one > day, she escaped with the baby to England, hoping Keele wouldn't find her there... > She was wrong. Tamara gave the baby to a man before she jumped off a cliff in > front of Chairmen Keele... All: Um... Er... Ah... Tsuneo: So... Dan: Um... England's safer than Nerv? > "That's a sad story Ritsuko..." Rick: You don't know the half of it, Misato. Dan: [Misato] Huh? Sorry, I was asleep. > "You could say that." Rick: "That." > "Well, better get back home, I have four Children to feed!" Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Boy, you and Kaji sure have been busy. > "Feed them... I hope you don't cook for them!" > "Shut up!!!" > "Who cooks?" > "O.K. It's Tom! Happy?" Rick: World championship kickboxer, destroyer of many jobbers, conquerer of the Invadors, number one boffer of Auska- Rebecca: [Asuka] WA-TAK! Rick: -Basketball champion, world-renown musician, all time greatest EVA pilot and now a cook! Is there anything he can't do? Tsuneo: Spell. > "More or less..." said Ritsuko as Misato left. Dan: I'll settle for less. > At Misato's apartmnt : > "Well guys, I gotta go, I have a date with Kaji, see ya guys tomorrow!" > "Damn, Misato, this is fuckin' serious with Kaji, ain't it?" asked Tom. Rebecca: Actually, no. She's seriously f- Tsuneo: Thank you! > "You bet, we might get married!" said Misato as she left. > "It's that serious?" said Tom surprised. "Those two are gonna get married? > Another mistake two people make!!!" > Everyone laughed. Dan: I thought they were the only people there. > The next day at Nerv HQ... Rick: Well that was another pointless scene. > "John," Ritsuko said, "We're going to test your basic weapon and movement > skills, ready?" > "Ready." John said as he went in the entry plug. Rebecca: Naughty boy! Go before you get in! > Ritsuko explained John how to pilot an Eva, where the weapons were and what he > was supposed to do. John started going step by step, and when he walked, he fell > down. Dan: Genius. Tsuneo: I've said it before and I'll say it again, what the hell happened to training? > It took him a little time, but he got back up. He started walking again > and made it this time. He tried to train his running and tripped again. Rick: This guy is awesome. > After a few tries, Dan: He tied his shoelaces. > he finaly made it running with a 65% synchronization. He took out the > progressive knife and trained swinging it. He then started using the machine > guns and trained shooting targets. He was doing good. Tsuneo: He did vague and undescribed things. Rick: But he did them good. > When he got out of the test, Ritsuko congratulated him. > Two hours later... > "INVADORS DETECTED INVADORS DETECTED" Rick: Again? Rebecca: It's a standard feature to have at least two Invador attacks per chapter. Rick: Man, they must be hip-deep in them by now. > "O.K. I got to call the Children." > About thirty minutes later, Misato and the Children were there. > "Tom, Shinji and John, the three of you are going out to get them , Tsuneo: Can I point out how incredibly stupid this plan is? Firstly, they're not using all their EVAs, stupid. Secondly, they're sending out the inexperienced pilot John instead of Rei and Asuka who have loads of experience, stupid. Thirdly, John's barely trained and has trouble walking his Eva, stupid. > there are > two of them. Tom, you go with John and help him during the fights giving him > tips. Rebecca: Since when was John a waiter? Dan: [Tom] Tip one: You're not as good as me. Tip 2: You'll never be as good as me. > You, Shinji, you take care of the other one. I put Tom with John because > he has the most kills over Invadors. Rick: It also means that we don't have to spend any time on you, Shinji. Dan: He's also an irresponsible murdering troublemaker, but who cares about details like that? > Let's go!" > "Hai!" > Shinji, Tom and John got ready and entered their entry plugs. The Evas 01, 03 > and 04 are launched. Tsuneo: Mutter, mutter, the Evas, mutter... > The two Invadors both looked like man without a mouth and nose. Rebecca: Well I hope they're wearing underwear. > One of them was dark red and the other one was dark blue, almost purple. > "I hope the Eva 04 works!" said Misato. Tsuneo: Didn't they test it before sending it to you? Haven't you run him through activation tests in it? Does all of this mean nothing? Why is everyone in this fic rock stupid? > John and Tom decided to take on the dark red and Shinji was taking on the dark > blue one. John made his first steps. Dan: Will he, won't he, will he, won't he? > He continued advancing and made it. > "Come on, John, let's run to get that asshole!!" said Tom. > "I'm gonna try!" > Tom started running towards the Invador and tackled it. Rick: Whatever happened to guns? > John ran to the Invador > without falling and started pounding it. The Invador got up quick as lighting Tsuneo: I thought Tom had tackled it... Or they were both on top of it, or... Never mind. > and spread itself covering John's Eva's front. Rebecca: It's the amazing gooey Invador! They'll be cleaning it up for weeks! > "John, take out your progressive knife!" yelled Tom. Dan: How about you do something instead? You know, help the rookie like you were told to? > John took out the knife and and pierced through the Invador. Rick: When body piercing goes too far. > The beast screamed and jumped back but hit Tom's Eva. Dan: [Invador] Whoops. My bad. > Unit 03 punched it in the face and knocked it down. Tsuneo: That's one mean right hook you've got there. > He put his right foot on the creature's stomach and said : Rebecca: [Tom] Count! > "John, finish it off!!!" > John jumped blade first on the Invador's chest who yelled his last scream as he > passed away. Tsuneo: [Invador] How can you use my intestines as a gift? > In the same time, Shinji grabbed the automatic submachine gun Rick: I thought a submachinegun was automatic by definition. Rebecca: Don't tell him that. > and started firing as he ran towards the beast but it raised an AT Field. Dan: There's a first, an Invador used an AT field! Rebecca: Next thing you know, they'll start thinking. > Shinji stopped and took out his progressive knife, Tsuneo: [Bad Australian accent] That's not a knife. > and took a side step. He ran back > towards the monster, but he jumped back and spread his arm and hit Shinji in the > chest, Rick: So Shinji just clotheslined himself? > he then grabbed Shinji and pulled himself on Eva 01. He charged his body > with elecricity and Shinji's Eva started shaking. Rebecca: It's the latest dance sensation! > Shinji yelled in pain, raised an AT Field and blew the beast away, Rick: I don't remember AT fields working like that. Tsuneo: Get used to it. > jumped on it and pierced its defense using > his AT. He took out his progressive ax from his back Rick: [Shinji] I have a medium-sized fire ae imbedded in my spine. That sort of thing can really put a crimp on your day. > and cut the beast in half. > The Invador fell on the ground dead. Rick: You'd think so. Dan: Wouldn't it be funny if it then reformed into two separate entities like Israfel? Tsuneo: Not really, no. > The Evas were brought back to the Nerv, and > Shinji, Tom and John got out of their entry plugs. Rebecca: No, they were going to sit there all day. > "Congratulations for your first mission, John!" said Misato. > "Yeah, nice job, John!" added Ritsuko. Rick: Not that you did anything that Tom couldn't have done on his own. > "Thanks!" said John trying not to blush. > "Man, that was a nice fight, and you got your first Invador kill, John!!" noted > Tom. > "Damn, this asshole fried my ass!" yelled Shinji. Rebecca: And now it's being written by Billy Gunn. > "Hehehehehe!" laughed Tom. Dan: [Tom] I'm laughing because Shinji got fried and I got off scot free. > "Whatever, we are beating those Invadors one by one!" said Asuka in victory. Rebecca: [Asuka] It's not like I've contributed much to the defeat of the Invadors, but what the hell. > "Yeah, but they barely showed anything yet, I bet!" said Tom. Tsuneo: This after he's killed how many? > "He's probably right..." added Shinji. Rick: Don't you know? He's always right. > The Children got back home. At Misato's apartment... Dan: Chaos, confusion and feathers reigned. Rebecca: Say, where *is* Pen-Pen? > "Well, John is doing good for a beginner, Tsuneo: No he's not, he did sweet **** all. > but something hit me that I couldn't figure out. Rick: [Tom] It was a fish. I'm trying to figure out why. > When he was hit by the Invador, his synchronization didn't go down, > it stayed the same! Rebecca: How do you know this? Dan: [Tom] Would you believe I hacked into the Magi and read the combat reports? [Rebecca shakes her head] Would you believe I asked Ritsuko especially after the mission? [Rebecca shakes her head] Would you believe I'm making it all up? Rebecca: Definitely. > Us, every time we get hit, our synchro goes down at least 10 full points, Tsuneo: Prompting panic selling. > there is something special about that kid I can't understand..." said Tom. Rick: It could be the way he's so calm. It could be the way he adapts so well to being a pilot. It could be the way he hovers almost a foot off the ground. > "I know, John seems a little special!" responded Shinji. Dan: That's what his psychiatrist says as well. > "You guys are right, be he is a good Eva pilot!" said Asuka. Tsuneo: Compared to who? Dan: Um... Toji? Rebecca: [Asuka] I, of course, am far better than that lowly mortal. > "I agree." added Rei. Rick: [Rei] Am I contributing anything here? Just wondering. > A few hours later, Tom and Asuka went on the boarder of the cliff to talk. Rebecca: At least, that's what Asuka claimed when she came back without him. > When Tom got up there, he lighted a cigarette. > "I only smoke one in stressful moments. I am stressed out right now because > there are some things that I've given a lot of thought that I can't figure out." Rick [Tom]: What is two plus two? And how do they get the Caramilk into the Caramilk bar? > "It's alright Tom." said Asuka as she kissed Tom passionately. Dan [Tom, muttered]: Dam braferfs are ftuck again. > "John is a special guy, he is not like the others..." > "What do you mean?" > "There's something in his eyes, in the way he acts, and the way he pilots the > Eva. He is not an amazing pilot, but he doesn't make a mistake. Tsuneo: Just so I know, is this entire chapter going to be composed of the repetition of a few basic facts? Rebecca: Definitely. > Me, I'm a better > pilot than he is, but it happens that I make a mistake of judgement..." Rebecca: You're boffing Asuka. What worse mistake is there? > "But he's only fought one Invador!" Rick: So? They all thought Tom was the greatest thing alive when he'd only fought one invador. Dan: Yeah, but that's because Tom *is* the greatest thing alive. Rick: Oh yeah. > "Yes, but when the Invador attacked him, he didn't get scared, nothing, he kept > his synchro and hit right in the good place. Tsuneo: You mean like Shinji the first time he was in control? > And he made a perfect hit to kill it, Rick: Natural twenty! > but he doesn't have a great synchronization, Dan: I thought 65% first time was better than anyone else. Tsuneo: It is. > I'm sure there's something about him." Rebecca: There's something about John, coming this summer. > "It's true, John is a little special, Dan: [Tom] Oh, didn't I say he's special? > but it doesn't look as much as you think, Tsuneo: No red eyes, pale skin or odd hair, you mean? > Tom. But maybe you're right." > "When I spent time with him the first day, there was something about him. Rick: Yeah, he was bored. Tsuneo: Funny then that he didn't mention it earlier in the fic. > He > didn't talk much, but he always kept calm, he had a perfect self control and > didn't show much emotions and that I can't explain!" Rebecca: Dammit, it *is* Jon Ellis! Rick: Well, anyone has self-control next to Jon. > "I think you're makin' too much of a deal out of this." Dan: Tom gets excited so easily. > "You know, you might be right, but I need to know more about John, Tsuneo: So why don't you just hack into his damn file like you do to everyone else? Dan: [Tom] Duhh... Dunno. > but you know, theres only one thing that matters to me anymore, Dan: [Tom] Puppies. Rick: [Tom] Melons. > only one thing I live for now, Rick: [Al Snow] What does everybody want? > nothing else has importance for me besides that." > "What is it?" Dan: [Tom] My guitar. Rebecca: [Tom] My right hand. > "I live for you Asuka. My love for you has no limit. You're all I care about, > all I need to stay alive..." Rick: [Tom] Uh, Asuka? Are you listening to me? Rebecca: [Asuka] Oh, sorry, there was this great show on TV. Did you say something? > "Tom, you wouldn't believe it, but you're the sweetest person I know." Dan: You're right, we wouldn't believe it. > "Me? Sweet? Whoa, a girl actualy told me I was sweet, I can't believe it. You > are really the only girl that ever acted so nice to me!" said Tom as he kissed > Asuka. Rick: Of course, since he was kissing Asuka when he said it, ti came out as "mbmlmlmblmblmblmbmrrph." > "You know, I didn't believe it when I saw Shinji and Rei admit their feelings > for each other, Tsuneo: Funnily enough, you're not the only one. > they're both really shy, Dan: And the *real* Shinji would've just had a nosebleed and passed out. > it was hard to believe, but now they > make such a great couple, it hurts me that I acted the way I did to Shinji > before..." Rick: Who's talking? Who's talking? > "Yeah, I know what you mean. Shinji had feelings for Rei since the beginning. He > had feelings for you too, he admitted, but he loved Rei the most. Just like I > had feelings for Rei, but nothing compare to my love for you..." Dan: I *hope* that's Tom. > "Me and Shinji did share feelings, Rebecca: Blind hatred for starters. > but now that I met you, it all changed. Rebecca: [Asuka] I have something to focus my rage upon. Tsuneo: [Asuka] My life has been wonderful since I fell for you and got a lobotomy, Tom. > The way you act, Dan: I never realised she was such a huge Steve Austin fan. I could be onto something here. > everything about you, you complete me." > "I feel the same way about you..." > After a passionated kiss, Rick: Breathing might be a good idea about now. > Tom and Asuka headed back home. When they arrived, > they went to bed. Shinji and Rei were up, sitting on the couch. Tsuneo: Rei was spending hours on the phone with her good friend, Lain. > "You know, Rei, Tom is right, there is something special about John." Dan: [Tom] I did mention he was special, didn't I? > "I think Tom is right, it's the way he acts, and pilots the Eva. He is flawless > in the Eva even though his synchronization isn't that great..." Tsuneo: We said this. We went over all this. > "You know, Rei, the hardest thing I ever done Rick: wuz dat ENgludge langish tezD > was admit I loved you that night Tom wanted to make that honesty talk." Dan: Anything to shut him up. > "I know what you mean, we're both very silent usualy and have problems showing > our feelings. Rebecca: Coming from Rei, that's the understatement of the millenium. > And me, I'm really bad at showing my emotions, because of my > nature if you know what I mean..." Tsuneo: So let me get this right. We just saw an identical conversation between two completely different couples at the same time? I've heard of padding, but this is ridiculous. > "Yeah, I do." > Shinji and Rei fell asleep on each other on the couch. Dan: That's gotta be uncomfortable. Rick: Not to mention embarrassing in the morning. > Inside the room... > "Tom?" > "Yes, Asuka?" > "I know it's not really a good question but, Rebecca: [Asuka] How long have you had this bed-wetting problem of yours? > do you ever wanna get married?" Dan: [Tom] Sure thing, Cindy. Er... Oops. > "I don't know if I wanna get married, but if I do, Rick: [Tom] I want favorable treatment on the divorce papers. > I will marry you." > "That's all I wanted to hear." finished Asuka as she kissed Tom softly on the > lips. Rebecca: The next morning, she was rummaging through the phone book for Lisa'a number. > The next day at school... > John was sitting in his corner silent. He didn't seem to want to talk to anyone. Rick: [John] Don't mind me, I'll just stare off into space all day. Tsuneo: [Rei] That's my Schtick. > Tom came next to him during break. Rebecca: [Shaking head] Tom just can't control himself. > "John, what's wrong?" > "Nothing..." said John head down. > "Are you sure?" > "No, I feel homesick, I miss France, and the United States..." Rick [John]: And England. And America. Rebecca: And the Alcatraz Island X-COM base. > "I know what you mean, sometimes I miss the US, Dan: [Tom] I end up in Canada instead. > but you'll get used to it, Japan is really cool, you know!" Tsuneo: [Tom] Except that 600 "Yens" won't buy you anything. > "And piloting the Eva feels very weird, it's just different from anything I have > ever done before..." Rebecca: Okay, name me three things that might be like piloting an EVA. > "It's true, it's something else, Tsuneo: Everything's something else. Be more specific. > but you'll get used to it too, besides you are a good pilot! Dan: [Tom] Okay, so you're worse than the rest of us, but never mind. > You seem very confident in it." Rick: For what it's worth. > "I am not very confident in the Eva, I just try to calm down telling myself this > huge machine protects me!" Rebecca: Boy does he have a lot to learn. > The bell rang and they were back in class. Today in gym class, the teacher asked: Rick [Teacher]: Does any one here remember Second Impact? I remember Second Impact well... > "Students, today, we are running! Dan: I guess they had the Mexican special for lunch again. > 100 meters, 200 meters, 400 meters and 1000 meters, get ready!" Tsuneo: That wasn't a question! > As usual, Tom was the best, All: Of course. > but something freaked him out. Rick: [Tom] They're dogs! And they're playing poker! > John, running as fast > as he could and getting 3rd place on 200 meters and 1000 meters never got tired. Tsuneo: It's called being fit. Try it some time. > Tom was sure there was something about John. Dan: [Tom] He's special! I tell you, he's special! > Now nothing could make him change his mind, Tsuneo: Not even solid evidence to the contrary. > John wasn't a normal kid, Rebecca: Isn't that one of the prerequisites for being an Eva pilot? Rick: No, that's the willingness to bow down before the unquestionable might of Tom Dyron. Rebecca: Of course, silly me. > it wasn't a feeling anymore! Dan: I sense a great disturbance in the Force. > Shinji looked > in Tom's eyes and understood, him too knew that John was more than he looked > like. Rick: More... much more than meets the eye. > The same day after school... > Shinji and Tom sat down on the padio of the apartment. Dan: [Shinji] Just one hard shove... Rebecca: [Tom] You know, at first I thought I liked Asuka, but now I realise how much I really like you. > Tom lighted a smoke. Rick: Do you think he could miss a single bad habit? > "Shinji, you know as much as I do that John isn't normal!" Dan: [Tom] Did we mention he's special? He is, you know. > "You're right, I've never seen someone run like that and not be tired." Rick: He hasn't watched that many sporting events, has he? > "Me, I won but I was tired as HELL when the races were over." Dan: Just to restate the restatement... > The next day at the Nerv for a synchro test... Rick: Ah, Ritsuko's rubber fetish is out of control again. > "That's the 5th test John has and every time he gets better by 7.6%, exactly > 7.6% every time, there's something about John that I can't figure out, he > started out at 58%, he now is at 86.4%." Tsuneo: Actually, that's 7.1% each time, you twit. > Ritsuko and Misato looked at John and couldn't seem to get an answer. Dan: Tried asking him? Rick: I thought Ritsuko knew his entire sordid history. Rebecca: Yeah, but she forgot overnight. > Shinji and Tom were on the same point as the others. John remained a total mystery. > At John's apartment... > "Goddamn, I have to install so much stuff in here!!" Dan: Wonderful, now *he's* talking like Tom too. Tsuneo: He's only unpacking now? what's he been doing for the last few days, hauling around his luggage some more? > said John as he started > unpacking all his stuff. He took out the pictures of his family, and then > starred at the one of his brother, Sean. Rick: [John] Nah, rather not. > He then looked at the picture of a > middle aged woman. John took a deep breath and told himself : Dan: [John] Did I mention that I'm special? > "Well, now, I have to live in Japan..." Rick: Land of the rising sun and the rubber monster. Rebecca: Damn, those films must drive Ritsuko crazy. > The same day at night... All: ... > "Asuka, I am really worried about John now!" said Tom. > "So am I now, you were right all along, John is a very special guy!" All: Did we mention he's special? > The day ended on this last sentence, and on the thought of who John really was. Rebecca: Simple, John is Jon. > End of Genesis 0:19 [The TV switches off] Dan: What, that's it? Rick: [Asuka] What about me? What do I get to do? You dare to leave the great Asuka out of your fanfic? WA-TAK! Tsuneo: Adorable. Voice: So what did you think, guys? Rebecca: Basically, John's what I call a type two EVA Self-Insertion. Type one is the "uberkid" who is incredibly good at everything, such as DJ or Tom. Type two is the type with strange powers and abilities, from Jon's strange rapport with Rei and ability to sense angels to the outrageousness of Issei and Lisa. At least he's not a type three. Rick: Which is? Rebecca: Jim Beckett. Tsuneo: The fic was bad. And it was bad. It kept repeating things. And it was bad. And the fight was lame. And it was repetitive. And the fight was bad. So was the fic. The fic was bad. And repetitive. And it repeated itself. Dan: John sucks. Really, seriously, he sucks. The guy can't pilot an Eva, can't win a race and thinks Tom's neat, but they think there's something special about him. Okay, so he doesn't get scared, but so what? I never get scared, and people don't spend three weeks telling each other how special I am. Rebecca: Actually, they do. Rick: Well... um. I see that while I missed two chapters, I didn't really miss that much. It's pretty much the same as normal for Delta. Tom talks like Austin and beats a few people up. Then he fights an invador. Then, he comes home and does the horizontal mamba with Asuka. Big deal. Dan: Pretty much. Hey maybe you should catch up on those two chapters some day. Rick: I'll pass. In fact, it was hardly worth coming back for this one. Rebecca: So what have we learned from Delta Invasion? Dan: John is special. Tsuneo: This guy can't write. Rick: Ritsuko has a worrying fixation with rubber outfits. Rebecca: I think it's safe to say we've learned nothing from Delta Invasion. Dan: Hey, thinking about that... Rick,. do you know anywhere I can get a tight rubber outfit? [They all stare at Dan. The screen goes blank] Rick: I'll pretend you didn't say that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1999 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1999 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > John is a very special guy!"