Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Our 72nd MSTing, and something slightly different. Delta Invasion. What's so different? This time, there's a short attached. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Final Fantasy VIII is copyright Squaresoft Evangelion II Delta is copyright Tom Dyron (Gee. Who'd have guessed?) Balamb Garden Java House is copyright Aeris3232 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A small, crumpled, plastic Christmas tree lies forlornly on its side, whereas tattered bits of tinsel and Christmas banners hang dejectedly from the roof.] [Rebecca and Rick enter, talking] Rick: You tell me what it was like. I missed most of it. Rebecca: Well, you weren't missing much. All I can say is that it wasn't anywhere near as good as "Sleeping in Light", while having the same level of sentimentality. Rick: That much? Rebecca: More. Rick: And no redeeming features? Rebecca: Nup. Rick: Wow. That would suck. Rebecca: It seemed almost like something WAFFy that the Voice would send us, like EVA the Good Life. Rick: Which I missed. Rebecca: Lucky bastard. [Tsuneo and Dan enter] Tsuneo: I do think you're being unfair. Dan: What? Saying that "What you sleep through" was WAFFy? Tsuneo: It's "What you leave behind", thank you very much. Dan: Whatever. Rick: Oh, and what did you think of it? Tsuneo: I thought it was very good for a DS9 episode. The storyline was coherent, the action well-paced, sure it was gushing over with sentimentality, but you need that for a final episode. The endings for each character were well thought out, and the best part was that they avoided the temptation for all- round happy endings. Not everyone can win, you know. So I liked it. But it wasn't as good as Sleeping in Light. Rick: So it wasn't that good. Tsuneo: I didn't say that. What did you think of it? Rick: Actually, I missed a lot of it. I went out to get a beer, and when I came back nothing had happened. But What I saw wasn't as good as Sleeping in Light. Tsuneo: I get the feeling that I'm seeing a trend forming in these reviews. Rebecca: You could be. What did you think of it, Dan? Tsuneo: This should be a laugh. Dan: I loved the first half - the space battles and the ground action were nicely interspersed. It generated a good feeling of urgency for both thew fleet and the Cardassian rebels. But the end to the invasion of Cardassia was too quick and cheesy. After that, it got rather boring. Sure, it resolved everything, but what good is that in a show you honestly don't care about? Tsuneo: I figured as much. Dan: At least I didn't compare it to- Tsuneo: We get the picture. Rick: And you, Rebecca? Rebecca: For an epic finale, it was pretty damned cheap. All the space battles were made up of stock taken from other episodes. And then there's the fierce fighting on Cardassia which we never see any of. And then, it's over and we get forty five minutes of sentimental tosh mixed in with the rather lame Pa-Wrath sub-plot that, frankly, I'd forgotten about. It was that good. And to cap it all off, the ending with Sisko "dying" was pretty damn lame and seemed to be little more than a poor attempt to emulate Sheridan's "death" at the end of Sleeping with Light. Tsuneo: Which it was nowhere near as good as, right? Rebecca: Bingo. Tsuneo: I give up. [He goes over to the computer and clicks on some clicky things.] Rebecca: Any fanmail? Tsuneo: Some. "Fate of the Children: The Special Edition" seems to have been about as popular as the original. Rick: Let's see. Tsuneo: This one's from Nate on FotC:SE > >> Jo suddenly started firing off blasts at Lisa who had to frantically dodge > >> them. > >[They all wave signs reading "Go Jo!"] > A real American hero! ..oh, wait. Never mind. Now I know why I should have > stayed in bed this morning. Ugh. (And knowing is half the battle.) > -Nate, who wonders just why G.I. Joe isn't even shown on Cartoon > Network..err..I'll go away now. Dan: Okay. Tsuneo: Well thank you, Nate... I think. The next one's from Keith Palmer. Rick: What a surprise. Tsuneo: This one's about The Special edition and Delta Invasion part 7. > It's been a while since I was able to send you fanmail. I'll try to make > up for it with comments on your two latest MSTings. > The Delta Invasion Christmas special, hmm? I must admit it didn't seem > very seasonal. On the other hand, as I hope to say in a MSTing of my > own--it's not just bad writing, it's a searing indictment of our consumer > society! Rebecca: I personally think it's because the authour can't remember what's so special about December 25. > In other developments, the motives of the Invadors are > revealed... and they just keep getting dumber, even as they gain the > ability to speak. I'm not sure why I was so interested in seeing John > introduced. I suppose it was to see what he would add to the story... and > it looks like he doesn't add anything. Tsuneo: It's amazing. I think John was only introduced to fill time. > When I read Delta Invasion 7, I was slightly curious as to what had > happened to the Christmas decorations. They showed up in your next MSTing, > which I was slightly intrigued by. Rick: Dan waited until the very last minute to put them up, as always. > After reading the revised version of > Fate of the Children, though, I was tempted to attempt to twist its meaning > around a little and claim that it's a commentary on how MSTings should not > be viewed as serious C&C. Practically everything that you commented on in > the original was changed (right down to correcting the misspelling of > "catwalk" but leaving the errors around it unchanged), Rebecca: That one got me. > and the story lost > something, some measure of excess, without gaining anything in return. I > was occasionally interested in seeing how you riffed the unchanged > passages; in some ways, it's the ultimate Mach 2 MSTing. However, it threw > me off at one point. I was nodding at the four-pack of "You always use > violence" riffs, having completely missed that Lisa was killed this time, > and not Jo! Dan: Our re-use of those riffs was actually a sarcastic commentary on the authour's blatant re-use of old text. > (Of course, the return of Jo added one note of constancy to the story.) Rick: An unwanted note, but a note nonetheless. Rebecca: Thanks again, Keith. Tsuneo: This next one's from DaddyTengu on Fate and Evangelion/Slayers. > What can I say about the second coming of Lisa Foster? Only that, at least as > MST material, this one was worse than the original. You had to laugh at the sheer > outrageous _badness_ of the original version...this one was just a rather dull SI, > with a bunch of typing errors. The riffs made up for that, though. At least the > new ones. Tsuneo: We tried our best to use entirely new riffs. I think we got away with, what, 95%? > The only thing I want to know is...what's your problem with Kensuke > anyway? Oh, and I loved the comics parody in the beginning. > As for Evangelion/Slayers...yawn. Not the riffing, that was good, except for the > missing punctuation. Rick: Each Elmer Studios MSTing contains 387 spelling and/or grammar errors. We dare you to spot the lot. > But the fic...I mean, where's the point? Once again, loved > the host segment. Especially Dan's gift from his sister. > One more thing. Please bring back Maya. Tsuneo: Maya only appears when she wants to. Rick: I don't mind if she appears. I can take some time off... Rebecca: NO! > --DadyTengu Tsuneo: Thanks for that. Voice: Morning all. Rebecca: Morning Monzo. Voice: I won't ask. Rick: He's cheery. That means hurt. Dan: Oooh boy. Voice: Why are you guys always so negative? Tsuneo: Why are the fics always so bad? Voice: ... Rick: You won that one. Voice: Anyway, I've got a double billing for you. Today's fic is your favorite, Delta Invasion, part eight. All: Groan. Voice: And I'm serving it with a short, called "Balamb Garden Java House". Rick: This should hurt. [They sit - Rebecca and Tsuneo on the forwards facing couch, Dan and Rick on the other one. Dan and Tsuneo are closest on the corners] Tsuneo: Couldn't I just slit my wrists instead? Voice: No. [The TV switches on] > Balamb Garden Java House Rick: I can see Zell being their best customer. > By Aeris3232 Rebecca: And remember, this Aeris is number 3232 in a limited edition of four thousand. > Squall: *Sitting down reading a paper* God this sucks Tsuneo: Give me a reason to argue. Rick: Come on, the fic hasn't even started yet. Tsuneo: But you just know it's going to be like all the inane FF7 fics we've suffered through. Rebecca: Probably. > first Seifer steals my girl Rebecca: [Squall] And he even took the puncture repair kit. > then I get teamed up with the Man-Chicken Dan: Man-chicken? Who's that? > and Wonder-Bimbo Dan: Oh, Zell and Selphie. > Quistis: *walks in* ......... Tsuneo: [Quistis] Well, I'm done for the day. *Walks out.* Rick: Aww, we want more Quistis! > *sighs* everyday its Bitch, bitch, Bitch with that Squall Rebecca: This is what you get for hanging around an introverted depressive. Deal. > I dont know why I decided to open up this shop with him Rebecca: Why would you open up a coffee shop with Squall? Dan: Why would Quistis suddenly up and open a coffee shop? Rick: Maybe she just got sick of saving the world. > Zell: *riding on his t-board* 2 reason's why Tsuneo: [Zell] One, my grammar is terrible; two, this is a stupid fanfic. > 1) They kicked your sorry @$$ out of being a teacher > 2) You sucked major @$$ Rick: [Zell] Three, I have an obsession with the word "ass." Dan: Zell, you're such a friendly and caring guy. > Quistis: Shut up Chicken man! Rebecca: [Quistis] Or else it's the death-ray eyes. Dan: [Zell] I'll be good. > Zell: *takes a cup of mocoa to his quaters and mumbles to himself* Rick: [Zell] Well, I have no further part to play in this, I think I'll go organise my stamp collection. > *Migar Zolom pops in* All: Huh? Dan: They need some better bouncers for this place. Tsuneo: Especially considering there's no such thing as a Midgar Zolom in FF8. Rick: Maybe it's on holiday. > MZ: GRRRRR!!!!!! > Selphie: Like shut up Dan: [Midgar Zolom] Like, make me! GRRR! > MZ: GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tsuneo: He gets all the best lines. > Selphie: Damnit! *kills Zolom* Rick: That was quick. Dan: That's gonna leave one hell of a mess on the carpet. > Squall: Hey! Take that s**t outside! > Selphie: ......*mutters* fartknocker................. Rebecca: Hey! You didn't say "like." Get your valley-girl grammar right! > Squall: Die! > Selphie: Like Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > *Squall kills Selphie with one hit* > Selphie: Like...................... poopy *dies* Tsuneo: ... Rick: Don't you love authors who clearly point out which characters they hate? > *Rinoa walks in* Dan: Hey Tsuneo, it's your girlfriend. Tsuneo: Shut up! Dan: Oh yeah? What's with all the posters? Tsuneo: ... > Rinoa: Hey Squall you still dreaming about me? Rick: Along with the millions... [pause] And millions of sad videogame fanboys out there. Tsuneo: ... > Squall: What the hell!?! Why would I want to dream about a Seifer lover! > Seifer: *walks in as cool as he is* Rebecca: [Seifer] Hello, ladies. > There are many reasons why. Dan: [Seifer] One, I'm buff. Two, I'm cool. Three, I'm old enough to drive. Four, I don't hang around Zell and Selphie. Rick: Yeah, but look at his posse. Dan: [Seifer] You had to bring that one up, didn't you? > For one when I got that slash over my forehead I didnt get knocked the f**ck > out........ Rick: You should be thanking him. Girls go crazy over a trendy scar. Dan: Really? Rebecca: Sure thing. Dan, let me demonstrate. Dan: Er, no thanks. > Squall: Get out! > Seifer: Now Squall you wouldnt treat customers this way now would you? Dan: [Squall] I usually do. Rebecca: [Quistis] That would explain our lack of sales. Tsuneo: That and the Midgar Zolom stinking up the place. > Squall: Well hurry up and buy! > Seifer: Now Rinoa darling what would you like? > Rinoa: Hmmmmm......... I'll have a Lockhart with a twist Tsuneo: Fun-nee. > Squall: And you! > Seifer: I'll have 1 Freak-Out, 2 Coffee's , 1 Cocoa with lots of whip > cream, Rick [Seifer]: One Mocha-mocha-frappachino, one Yuffie with extra shmaltz and a pot of Earl Grey. > *goes on ordering for the next 15 minutes* and a Dry martini shaken not > stirred Dan: someone here drinks way to much coffee. Besides Zell. > Squall: *in the zone* Rick: [Squall] Get outa my way! > Damnit are you done!!!!!!??????!!!!!! Tsuneo: No, but the punctuation is. > Seifer: You know what I take that back ill just have a small water > Squall: Argh!! Dan: Go on. Kill him. You know you want to. Rebecca: He can't, it isn't the end of the disk. > *Squall runs out* All: Wuss! Tsuneo: Five minutes later, he came back with Eden in tow. Rick: [Seifer] Whoops. > Rinoa: Why did you have to do that? > Seifer: Dunno but it was funny > Zell: *walks in* Where is Squall? Rebecca: Moping in his room, what did you expect? Dan: Have you tried the carpark? I hear the carpark's good this time of year. > Seifer: Dunno man chicken but you better have our order ready in 5 minutes or > ill kick your ass Tsuneo: And he'll use all that spare punctuation he's been saving up. > Zell: Die you dumbass!!! *attacks Seifer* > Seifer: Bring it on Chicken Man! *attacks Zell* > Zell: YA HA! > Seifer: YO HO! Dan: Action! > *both crash into each other* Rick: And bounce off with a hollow ringing noise. > Seifer: Ouch my head! *passes out* > Zell: OOOOOOWWWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEE I need some Ice Tsuneo: Diamond dust! Rick: [Zell] Er... That's getting a bit carried away. > Rinoa: Oh Zell your so handsome and brave and that tatoo kicks @$$ Dan: Chakotay, eat your heart out. > Zell: Huh? > Rinoa: Will you go out with me? Rebecca: [Rinoa] You'll have to save me from certain death every five minutes. [Tsuneo whacks her with a cushion] Dan: Bitter? Rebecca: Very. > Zell: AAAHHHH!!!!! *runs out* Dan: Why run? > *Rinoa chases Zell* > Quitsis: *walks in and pouts* HMPH! Men! Rick: Think of it this way, Quistis: There's always Irvine. Rebecca: [Quistis] Eew. He's more effeminate than I am. Voice: And now for your main feature. Tsuneo: I never thought I'd be so glad to see Delta Invasion. > gen21Genesis 0:21 : The Truth Is Not Always The Best Story/Truth May Hurt Dan: The truth is out there! Tsuneo: It sure as hell ain't in here. > January 2nd, 2018 Rick: The morning after the morning after the night before. > Tom woke up in the middle of the night. Tsuneo: Realised he was in the middle of a crappy fanfic and went back... Er, wait a sec... Dan: Did Asuka punt him out of the bed again? Rebecca: [Asuka] and don't come back without a Mocha-mocha-frappachino! > Sweat was rolling down his face as he > stood up. He walked to the window and looked at the stars. Rick: For some reason, they were avoiding him. Dan: [Tom] Hey look Asuka, there's Uranus. Rebecca: WA-TAK! > He had another nightmare. Tsuneo: Another? When has he had nightmares before? > Looking at the stars, he found the words : > "Light in the darkness, the devil's in hell and all is well..." Tsuneo: Just to totally mangle a classical quotation while trying to be meaningful. > Tom went on the computer and hacked through the Nerv files again. Rick: He's looking for the live cam to the women's shower room. Rebecca: Either that, or Gendo's office. > He suddenly found something that flashed to him. Tsuneo: So he wasn't actually looking for anything? Dan: Nah, this is just his hobby. > After the file on the Spear of Longinus, he > saw a file about another weapon called the "Blade of Souls". Rick: The Soul Edge? Dan: Yeah, and it belongs to this big, armoured knight. > This file had been > kept from every person in the Nerv, even Command Ikari himself. Tsuneo: So, and I know this is a stupid question, what's it doing in the Nerv database? Rebecca: They hid it where no-one would dare look: Ritsuko's Jpeg gallery. > He read that > first that the Spear of Longinus was the weapon that Lilith brought with her > when she came to earth(date and where are unknown). [Tsuneo breaks up laughing] Rick: So where did they get Lillith from, anyway? Tsuneo: Don't ask. Rick: You don't know, do you? Tsuneo: Of course I do. Rick: Just admit there's a hole in your encyclopedic knowledge of EVA. Tsuneo: Never! > But the "Blade of Souls" is > the weapon that Adam brought with him that was blown away by the impact of > Adam's AT Field during the Second Impact. Dan: And was taken by a young German knight. Tsuneo: So where's this mystical plot device been in the story so far? Rick: Shush. Tsuneo: No seriously. Rick: It just wasn't. Tsuneo: He made it up right there, didn't he? Rick: Yup. > It has been found in a cave near > Nagasaki. The weapon is said to pierce any AT Field like the Longinus Spear, Dan: Speaking of which, how come they've never used it? Rick: Tom's afraid that someone will have a bigger weapon than him. Rebecca: Shinji's got a bigger "weapon" than him. Dan: So why not let Tom use it? Rick: would you let Tom near something that powerful? Dan: Good point. > it is said to be less powerful, about 1.5 times shorter but a lot quicker. Tsuneo: That's right, there's super-powered, mystic weapons just lying around all over the place. > The next day at Nerv HQ... > Tom showed Ritsuko, Misato, the Children and Professor Fuyutsuki and Commander > Ikari the file about the weapon. Dan: [Gendo] So how come none of us have ever seen this file before? > "We're going to send an expedition there to see if that file tells the truth, > and the statistics of this cave!" Tsuneo: "Statistics of the cave?" Rick: Okay, how big it is. Happy? > said Commander Ikari. An expedition was sent > the same day. "How is the space craft building going?" asked Ikari. > "It will be done in about two weeks to one month. The trip will last over three > weeks to get there, and another three weeks to come back. Rebecca: Let's see, given that it's on the other side of the sun, it would have to be in Earth's orbit to have remained undetected for so long, adding a bit extra to go *around* the sun, rather than through it... We're looking at approximately six hundred thousand kilometers per hour. That is downright ridiculous, even if there's been massive advancements in spacecraft and propulsion technology in the past 18 years. Even so, the acceleration to get them up to that speed would turn them all into chunky salsa long before they reach it. Dan: In other words... it's completely ridiculous, right? Rebecca: *Yes.* > All the Eva pilots will be taken with the Evas. Tsuneo: [Ritsuko] Earth will be left completely defenseless when more Invadors attack. We're all screwed. > A special cannon charged with nuclear energy plus the internal power of the Evas Rick: Oh, you mean those completely useless S2 engines? > will be used to load it, there will be one shot > allowed that should be powerful enough to pierce through the planet and hit its > center blowing it up!" Rebecca: [Ritsuko] It'll be lovely. I've always wanted to blow up a planet, but you've never let me. > explained Ritsuko. Dan: [Gendo] You're making this all up, aren't you? Rick: [Ritsuko] You caught me sir. In fact, we're going to shoot the pilots all into space, whereupon the ship will collapse into a mess of contradictions and improbabilities. > "Project approved..." said Commander Ikari, Rick: You mean, you waited until it was this close to completion to actually get approval? Rebecca: [Gendo] What can I say, I'm evil. > "If everything goes well, we'll send the Evas to that cave near Nagasaki tomorrow." Rick: Why wait until tomorrow? > "Yes sir!" > The same night, at Ritsuko's apartment, John had a flashback during his sleep... Tsuneo: It's called a dream. > He saw himself when he was six, in a house near New York. Rick: Do you mean a submerged house, or what? Tsuneo: Oh, so he's back to being raised in America, is he? > He was sitting at a > table when a thirty, thirty-five year old woman Dan: Make up your mind. > walked in the room bringing a plate of hamburgers. Rebecca: Now I'm having Fate of the Children flashbacks. > "How are you doing, John?" asked the woman. > "I'm doing fine, mother." answered John. Rick: I don't believe it, we've wandered into a fifties sitcom. > Then, a tall man walked in the room. He was wearing a brown suit, black tie and > it looked like he had just come back from work. Dan: That's because, wait for this, he had. > "Hi dear." said the woman > "Hi Dana, hi John, how are you doing?" asked the man. > "I'm fine, father." answered John. Rebecca: This scene is so inane. > John's life was like that Dan: What, full of hamburgers? > until James, his father, Dana's husband, Tsuneo: It's a fairly safe assumption. Rebecca: There were some things Dana never told him or her husband. > died in a car crash. Dan: Insert generic hideous accident here. Rick: Cry me a river. > Dana married another man named Henry Dazan, an American man that made > John and his aunt move to the U.S.A. Tsuneo: Isn't New York a part of the USA? Rick: Don't you know, it was seized by Canada. Dan: Is that before or after it was sunk in Second Impact? Rebecca: So let me get his right... He was born in England, a suburb of New York where he moved to France, which is just outside the city and lived in Chicago, England. Then he moved back to the US from the US with some American guy and an as yet unseen aunt. This has something to do with him being taken to England as a baby before it was safer to fall off a cliff than be protected by Nerv. Rick: Is this before or after Keel Lorenz got him pregnant? Rebecca: I can't remember. > when John turned nine. When John was 12, he > went on a trip through Europe for one year. Dan: by now the geography of Delta Invasion was so screwed up, that he found himself in Capetown, Iowa. > When he came back, he learned that his aunt had died Tsuneo: And this is relevant because? Rick: Maybe John's aunt is related to Tom's uncle. > a month after he left. When he looked at Henry, his stepfather, he said : > "What happened to mother??" Tsuneo: Nothing. It was your aunt who died, stupid. > "She died in a carcrash just like your father..." answered Henry Dazan. Dan: Only several years later. Rick: [Henry] And it was a total coincidence that it happened just like your father while you weren't here. Really. Ignore the smoking pistol, please. > "How?? Why does it have to happen to both my parents??" Dan: It's EVA. You have to be screwed up. > "I don't know, maybe it was a conspiracy!" Rick: [Mulder] It's a conspiracy, Scully. I tell you. Rebecca: Don't go there. Rick: [Mulder] I mean, how do her breasts stay up like that? I tell you, it's a conspiracy. > "You probably did it!!!!!!" All: Nah! Dan: This kid's almost as suspicious as we are. Rick: He's as sharp as a bowling ball. > Henry slapped him hard and said : > "How dare you say that!!!!!! I don't know how you can say that, Tsuneo: He moved his mouth and passed air through his vocal chords. > but you disgust me!" > "I... am sorry..." > "Anyways, I don't want to raise you without Dana, you are going to move to > Japan, in Kyoto, in an adoptive family and you can't argue!!!!!!!!" Rick: Parenting, folks. Dan: This is not a conspiracy to put you entirely under NERV's control. Not in the slightest. > John suddenly woke up. He looked around saying "The past can't be changed, Rick: Not unless you write for Marvel. > I > shouldn't think about it!!" He went back to sleep. The next day, when he woke > up, Ritsuko figured out something was wrong. Tsuneo: No actual reason, she just felt it. > "John, what's wrong?" > "N... Nothing." Rebecca: [Ritsuko] But there's a stain on your sheets... Dan: [John] It's nothing! Really! > "John, I'm going to tell you something that might make you tell me, you felt > like you knew me, because I have met you before..." Tsuneo: Then why didn't she tell him? Dan: She forgot. > "You? You are?" Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Doctor Ritsuko Akagi, stupid. You do live with me, you know. > "Yes, your mother, Tamara Kirao, worked for Nerv a long time ago... When she died > commiting suicide, Rick: [Ritsuko] I took care of you, along with your foster brother, Shane Pardue. Dan: [John] Oh yeah, the chicken guy. > you were sent in an adoptive family in England..." Rick: New York. Dan: France. Rebecca: Chicago. > "O.K. what's wrong is that I miss home, my brother and my family..." > "Your sisters?" Dan: [John] No, my brother. I just said that! Rick: Admit it, you two aren't listening to a word each other says. > "My mother's son, Rebecca: Yes, that usually is your brother. Dan: Is it just me, or is everyone more rock-stupid here than in the rest of Delta Invasion? > Charles..." > "Your mother.. Your adoptive mother..." Dan: [Ritsuko] I just like saying the word "mother." > "Yes, I called her mother." > "I got the name from my mother's husband, the one I called father who died in a > car crash. My brother went to work in computer engineering." Tsuneo: Hang on, is that Ritsuko or John talking? I hope it's John... > "I understand, well, I have to go to work, and you have a synchronization test, > so let's go!" Dan: Admit it, Ritsuko, you don't care. > "O.K." > They went at the Nerv and John had another synchronization test. Rebecca: Amazing. John's getting to say an awful lot. Not that he'll actually do anything. > "It's impossible, this is his 3rd test since he scored 86.4%, and every time, he > goes 7.6% higher, just like last time, I don't understand why, he is at 109.2% > now. Tsuneo: Wow, it actually ads up, this time. > There's something about him that I definitly don't know..." Tsuneo: Don't you know? All: He's special! > Suddenly... > "INVADOR APPROACHING INVADOR APPROACHING" Tsuneo: Goofy alert! Goofy alert! All common sense is to be taken to the shelters! > "Damnit, it is coming from outter space this time! Rick: Horrid green things from outer space! Citizens flee in badly dubbed terror! > They are five. Coming in twenty five minutes!" Dan: That old Invador detector is really erratic. > Ritsuko called the other Children, who arrived as usual fifteen minutes later. > "Children, get ready, all of you are going out!" said Ritsuko, "Damn, why isn't > Misato here! Dan: Ask Kaji. Rick: So where's Kaji? Dan: That's the point. > City underground right away!" > The buildings went underground as ordered. Rick: [Ritsuko] Got you! didn't say "Simon Says." > The Children got in the plug suit Dan: What, all in the one suit? Kinky. > as quickly as they could and jumped in their > entry plugs. Evas launched. Misato arrived in a hurry. Rebecca: Rapidly adjusting her clothes. > "Sorry for being late!" she said. > "No excuses! Five of them are going to impact!" responded Ritsuko. > "From outter space? Dan: Actually, they're from Iowa. They only work in outer space. > This isn't good at all!" Tsuneo: Why? They'll just get killed in ridiculously goofy ways again. > The Invadors impacted about two minutes late. Rick: This is what happens when you use public transport, folks. > They were spread all around the city. Rebecca: Eww... Tsuneo: Something to let them decelerate would have been nice. > "O.K." said Misato, "You each take one!" > "Hai!" > For the first time, all the Invadors looked the same. Rick: Meaning the authour has run out of stupid appearances for them. Rebecca: He ran out in chapter three. > A scary face Dan: [Mr. Potato Head] That does it! Prepare to meet Mr. angry eyes! > with totaly > black eyes, a mouth with sharp teeth, a muscular body and a long spiky tail. The > only difference was their color. Rebecca: And one of them was wearing Groucho Marx gag glasses. > One was red, one was green, one blue, a white > and a black. Tom took on the black, Shinji on the green, Asuka on the red, Rei > on the blue and John took on the white. Rick: Oh look, the Invadors are colour-coordinated with their EVAs. > Tom took out a grenade and threw it at the Invador while running at it. Eva 03 > jumped from where it was Dan: Yes, but what about the grenade? > feet first and hit the monster. Tom bounced off the AT > Field, just like the grenade. Tsuneo: Which took out another city block. Rick: Well that worked. Tsuneo: Ever wonder why they didn't use high explosive weapons in the middle of Tokyo 3? > The monster remained untouched, as he hit Unit 03 with the spikes on its tail. Dan: Hey look, it's the ubiquitous WCW foreign tail. > Unit 03's stomach was hit as Tom raised his AT > Field full blast and overcame the ennemy with it. Tsuneo: Then it wouldn't be hit, would it? Rick: I can't keep track of these intense fight scenes. > Tom hit the creature right in > the mouth and kicked it in the stomach. He took out his progressive knife and > tried to stab the Invador in the heart, but the monster took a side step and got > the blade in its left shoulder. Rebecca: [Invador] Right after I parry your knife with my shoulder, I'll block your kick with my face. > The monster's eyes started glowing blue as a blast came out from them. Dan: It's random Invador attack time! > Tom jumped to the side and dodged the blast that made > a huge cut on the ground. Tom jumped back on the Invador that had the blade > still stuck in its shoulder. Rick: [Tom] Hey, I need that thing back, you know. > The monster grabbed the knife and took it out of > its shoulder and threw it at Tom who got it in the right leg. Rick: [Tom] That's not what I meant. Tsuneo: You know what happens when you try to throw a knife that's not balanced for throwing? Dan: It gets stuck in a skyscraper? Tsuneo: How did you guess. > He fell down holding the wounded leg. Tom grabbed a progressive ax Tsuneo: Um, they do deploy EVAs with weapons, you know. > and put his onbilical wire > back home and came back at full power. The 5:00 counter came back at 5:00. Tsuneo: Hang on, am I to believe that they *always* deploy *without* the umbilical cords? That's stupid beyond description! > The > monster ran toward Tom and jumped on him. But Tom jumped back and cut the > monster's tail with the ax. He then kicked the beast in the stomach pushing it > back. Tom detached his onbilical wire All: WHY? > and ran to the Invador, grabbed it by the > top of the head, and started punching it in the stomach. The monster's eyes > started glowing again and the blast he shot chopped off one of Tom's legs who > fell down. Rick: Yes, an amputated leg usually does fall over of its own accord. > The Invador screamed in victory, but Tom took the ax in his right > hand and plunged one of the weapon's blades in the creature's abdomen. Dan: Oh, that was stupid. Rick: [Invador] This is *so* embarrassing. > Tom > pressed as hard as he could on it as the monster's blood was drippng down. The > Invador put his head down as his heart stopped beating. Tom stayed there as his > counter went to 0. Rebecca: So what, all that screwing around took five minutes? > On Shinji's side... > The monster rushed to Shinji mouth first and jumped. The Invador's mouth was > going for the Eva's chest but Shinji put his progressive knife in defense as it > pierced the creature's jaw. Rick: When body piercing goes bad. Tsuneo: So much for all that "they're getting smarter" rubbish from the last chapter. > The monster yelled in pain and bit the knife off > Shinji's hand and one of Unit 01's fingers with it. Dan: Is this guy related to Mike Tyson? > The monster tried to hit > Shinji's head with its tail but eva 01 grabbed it between the spikes and threw > the monster away. But the creature landed on its feet. It jumped back on Shinji > and hit him in the face with its long nailed fingers. Rebecca: Bitch-slapped by an Invador. How embarrassing. > Eva 01 raised an AT Field > and grabbed the Invador by the throat, and slammed it on the floor. Dan: Shinji's been attending Tom's pro wrestling school, I see. > Shinji started crushing it with his foot. Rick: I'm crushing your head! Crush, crush! > The Invador shot a blast with its eyes and > pierced Eva 01's chest. Shinji screamed, grabbed a grenade and threw it at the > monster's face. Tsuneo: It's right under your foot. That might not be such a good idea. > The Invador jumped back but its abdomen was hit by the grenade. > The monster's insides could be seen now, Dan: Say, it's got a purple knobbly bit. Rebecca: It's the visible Invador. > but it rushed back on attack and tried > to claw Shinji with its tail but Shinji dodged, grabbed a lance and threw it at > the monster's face between the eyes piercing its brain. Tsuneo: So why didn't he get that thing earlier? Rick: He had to wait until it was dramatically appropriate. > Eva 01's counter went to 0:00 as the Invador died. Rick: See? Tsuneo: Nerv has turned stupid since Tom showed up. > On Rei's side... > The Invador started shooting blasts all over Rei who started dodging most of > them. She put on her AT Field and deflected one back to the monster's whose > right hand got ripped off. Dan: Neat new trick, Rei! Rebecca: [Rei] Did I do that? > The creature rushed to Rei and pierced the AT Field > using its own and bit the Eva's stomach. Rebecca: [Rei] Fresh! > Rei bit her lip trying not to yell and > grabbed her progressive knife. She stabbed the monster two times on the right of > the chest but missed the heart. Tsuneo: Not that she could have possibly done any serious damage without a direct hit. > The monster jumped back as Rei attached back her onbilical wire Dan: Say what is an "onbilical wire" anyway? Tsuneo: It's like an umbilical cord, except it falls out at the first opportunity. > and grabbed the machine gun and started shooting at the monster Rebecca: [Rei] I knew all those late-night Quake sessions would pay off. > who got hit in the right leg as the blood dripped down fast. The Invador jumped > on Rei and hit her with its hand from the chest to the stomach making a huge > scratch on the Eva's armor. Rei punched the monster in the face Rick: I bet he wished he had a Moriarty nose protector about now. Dan: Very obscure. > and threw the > progressive knife at its abdomen and hit. The Invador screamed as he shot a huge > shot at Rei ripping a part of her right shoulder off. This time Rei couldn't > retain the scream. Rebecca: [Rei, deadpan] Aie. Ouch. Owie. > The Invador used its tail to break the machine gun that Rei was holding Dan: Is he any relation to the Sphinx? Rebecca: Nah, he isn't mysterious enough. > and jumped on her opening its mouth filled with huge sharp teeth. > She grabbed the other machine gun that was on her left Rebecca: [Rei] Fooled you! > and shot all the bullets > out of the gun on the monster's face as its head got blown off. Rick: That was easy. Dan: [Rei] Man, I am so good. And they are so stupid. Tsuneo: So after jumping around all that time, it just stood there and let her shoot it. > Rei's Eva fell to its knees and dropped its weapon. Dan: What, she's out of power too? > On Asuka's side... > Asuka rushed to the monster hands back and punched it in the face with all that > she had, Rick: Huh? Could someone explain that one to me? > but the monster's AT Field stopped the attack and the monster used it > to knock down Asuka and jumped on her. Dan: [Asuka] Okay, next time raise AT field first, then do goofy attack. > The Invador bit Asuka's neck. Rebecca: It's giving her a hickey. Rick: [Asuka] What? You dare to nibble on the great Asuka's EVA? WA-TAK! > She pushed > it back and raised her AT Field. She took out her progressive handgun [They all break out laughing] Rick: We have reached a new level of goofy, folks. > and > started shooting at the monster and hit its chest. The beast ran toward Asuka Rebecca: Notice that no matter how many times they get hurt, they're perfectly fine until the goofy finale? Kinda like AD&D. > and blasted through the left part of her chest. Unit 02 fell on the floor and > the creature rushed on the vulnerable Eva. It started pounding it in the face > and scratched it all over. Dan: It's performing the Manos sacrificial ritual. This could take a while. > Asuka kicked the Invador away Rick: With a... All: Boot to the head! > and took out her > progressive knife. The monster used its tail to put the knife out of her hand > and clawed her in the right leg with its spikes. Asuka walked back and tried to > rest a little. Dan: [Asuka] I'm taking a recovery action. Rick: Fine. Did I mention the Invador's still right in front of you? > The raging beast rushed back to Asuka and jumped claws first. Dan: I thought Tom was out of power? > Asuka grabbed the monster's hands and used all her strenght to put it on its > knees and she kicked it as many times as she could in the chest, she let go, put > her handgun on the monster's forehead and shot its brain out with ten bullets. Rebecca: John Woo, eat your heart out. > Asuka fell unconscious inside her entry plug because of the pain. Dan: Why is it that Asuka always seems to do the worst in this fic? Rick: So she's rendered helpless and dependant on Tom to save her. > On John's side... Rebecca: John did something! > John waited for the enemy to come to him and took out a progressive grenade. The > Invador rushed as John threw the grenade in front of it and made it jump back. Rick: Not to mention tearing up a large section of street, a few small buildings, some lamp posts, fire hydrants, a few cars... > Eva 04 rushed to the creature as it went back and gave it an uppercut from the > stomach to the chin. Dan: [John] Now let me show you one of my Gai killer moves! GAI SUPER UPPER! Tsuneo: I never should have let you guys watch that. > He kicked the monster where the light doesn't shine and > found out that those monsters had their genitals in the same place as humans! Tsuneo: That's a tiny bit of information that I really didn't need to know. Rebecca: Not to mention just plain too goofy for words. > The monster used its tail to pierce Unit 04's ribs with its spikes. Dan: Obviously, it doesn't have the same effect on Invadors. > John grabbed the monster's tail, and used another grenade to blow it off. Rebecca: Using high explosive weapons at point blank range is not as good an idea as you may think. > He raised his AT > Field and rushed to the monster. He jumped on it, knocked it down and started > pounding its face. Dan: Silly question, but don't you have any weapons? Rick: [John] I know they were around here somewhere. > The monster kicked Unit 04 in the chest and used a blast to > chop its left arm off. Rei who was done with her Invador, and was at full power > because of the onbilical wire went to help John. Tsuneo: Rei's smart. She keeps hers plugged in. Dan: Obviously, despite being special, John's still butt-useless and has to be saved by Rei. Rick: [John] I have sunk about as low as I can go. > She started shooting the beast > and hit it in the chest. The monster now faced and Rei and ran for her. > But as the monster rushed for Rei, John turned it around and punched it hard in > the face, then, Rick: Gave it a wedgie. > he took out his progressive knife and pierced the Invador's > throat. Blood was falling everywhere as the monster took his last breath and > died. Dan: Obviously, this is Quentin Tarantino's Delta Invasion. > The Evas were taken back to base and all needed repairs. Asuka didn't get any > injuries and was O.K. now. Rick: Once again, the fight accomplishes zip. > "Those were hella tough!!" said Tom, "Now, that was a challenge!" Dan: No it wasn't! No more than any other stupid Invador you've fought. > "I agree, that was really hard!" said Shinji. > "Yes, but it was painful..." responded Asuka. [Rebecca starts sniggering] > "This mission was very dangerous, we could have died in it." added Rei. Tsuneo: You could die every time you fight Invadors. Rebecca: [Rei] Not that it affects me. > A few hours later, Commander Ikari came and made a report. > "We found the cave Tom talked about Rick: So he hasn't actually seen the file itself, has he? Dan: Seems that way. Rebecca: In other words, he sent out an expedition on the basis of an unconfirmed report by one of the pilots committing an illegal act. Tsuneo: That kinda puts it in perspective. > and the weapon was found. Two Evas will have room to enter, Rick: That's one mighty big cave. > Unit 01 and 03 will be sent. Our spy reported that it was guarded > by two Invadors, the "Blade of Souls" is a little smaller than the Longinus > Spear. Rick: And it's got this big eye on the side. Tsuneo: Hang on, I thought it was a third shorter, not just a little bit. Rebecca: That was 1.5 times shorter, you know. Tsuneo: Huh? Rebecca: 1.5 times shorter. That's what it said. Tsuneo: That's not possible, is it? Rebecca: Don't think about it. The universe may implode. > The cave is in the mountains and has been guarded by those Invadors > probably since 2000 and weren't detected because they probably never had the > need to use an AT Field. Tsuneo: Not that it matters when it comes to detecting such things. Rick: Of course, you'd think someone would notice this massive cave with sixty meter tall monsters standing outside. > I suppose the Blade was brought there by Invadors. > Anyway, Shinji and Tom will be sent there tomorrow." Tsuneo: Any reason why you're sending the pilot with a few less years of experience along? Rebecca: He's the god boy. You can't go anywhere without him. Tsuneo: And what about the fact his EVA's missing a leg? Rebecca: Are you kidding? That was whole paragraphs ago. The authour's probably forgotten it by now. > "Hai!" > That night, at Ritsuko's apartment... Rick: Bow chika wow wow chika wow. > The phone rang, and John went to get it. Rebecca: He was the only one handy. Ritsuko had gone back to the Geofront to do some "late work." > "Hello?" > "Hello John, this is Charles" Dan: [Charles] Am I in the current version of your origin story? Just checking. > "Charles?? Hey bro!" Tsuneo: [John] How'd you know where to call me? Dan: [Charles] Unh... Rebecca: He looked up "special" in the phone book. Rick: [Charles] By the way, this call is reverse charges. Hope your roommate doesn't mind. > "Hey John, how's it going?" Rebecca: [John] I barely appear at all, and I'm living with an oversexed mad scientist with a rubber fetish. Oh yeah, and I'm special. Rick: [Charles] Hot damn! You get all the luck. Tsuneo: I just love the way you accurately represent the original characters, Rebecca. Rebecca: The fic started it. > "Fine, you?" Dan: [Charles] Retconned. I have a horrible feeling I'm meant to be your uncle. > "O.K. I guess, well, I called you to say that Rick: [Charles] You're special. No-one's said it this chapter, so I just had to pop in and mention it. > I'm taking the plane tomorrow to visit you!" > "You are? Great! Where are you gonna live?" Rick: [Charles] I'm gonna crash with you. Hope that oversexed babe of yours doesn't mind. Dan: [John] Depends on how much rubber you've got. Tsuneo: Just to prove my point. > "No worries, I have a hotel room checked in!" > "Great, I'm gonna tell Ritsuko, the woman I'm staying with!" Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Oh, just "staying with," is it now? Pig! > "O.K." > John put the phone down and asked. > "Ritsuko?" > "Yes John?" Dan: [John] Where do babies come from? Rebecca: [Ritsuko] well, when a mummy test tube and a daddy test tube love each other very much... > "My brother is taking the plane tomorrow, I'm so happy!!!" Tsuneo: Yes, but where's he taking it to? > "Good for you, John, it's great!" Dan: [John] You're not listening to a word I say, are you? Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Uh-huh, that's nice. Sure thing. > "I know!" > John took back the phone and said : > "O.K. See you soon!" > "Great, see you in two days when I arrive." > "O.K. Bye!" > "Bye!" Rick: [Charles] I'm hanging up now! Dan: [John] Good! Rick: [Charles] Okay. Dan: [John] Okay! Rick: [Charles] Bye! Dan: [John] Bye. > John hang up the phone happy. Rebecca: John, you have a very special family. > Same time at Misato's apartment... Dan: Same bat-time, same bat-channel! > "Damn, those guys scared the shit outta me!" yelled Tom. Rick: Okay, no need to tell the whole universe. > "Yeah, those ones were really tough, they almost got our numbers!" said Shinji. Tsuneo: What, you've all gotten home and you're still repeating the same things to each other? Dan: Cut out the repitition, and you'd have no dialogue in Delta Invasion. > "Damn right!" responded Tom. > "They started out easy, and now, they are close from killing us!!" said Asuka. Tsuneo: Fine, fine, *don't* listen to me. See if I care. > "We are dealing with tough monsters now..." said Rei. Rebecca: Upwards of twelve hit dice each. Dan: On the other hand, they have lots of treasure and are worth plenty of XPs. > They all went to sleep... Tsuneo: Another marvelous Delta scene change. > The next day... > "Sir, we sent researches all over the world to see if any other Invadors have > built camp or left, well the only two are in the cave Shinji and Tom are going > in." said Mr. Fuyutsuki. Tsuneo: [Fuyutski] That's professor, thank you. Actually, I suppose I should feel good that I'm actually getting a line. Dan: So what, after an extensive search of the whole world in a whole eight hours, you've completely failed to find the same Invadors that you've failed to find up until now? Rick: Something like that. Tsuneo: This is the stupidest chapter of Delta so far. Rebecca: That's quite an accomplishment. > "Very well, so the Evas can go in space to destroy D.E.L.T.A. Good!" > "Order Tom and Shinji here, Rick: So they're gonning to get Tom and Shinji home delivered? > they are going to be sent there soon." Dan: And where is "there" precisely? Do they mean the planet Delta? Rick: You know... it's just "there." > "Yes, sir!" Tsuneo [Fuyutski]: I've had my line for the chapter. I'm going home. > About twenty minutes later, Shinji and Tom got at the Nerv HQ. Rebecca: That sounds dirty, but I can't figure how. > They got in their > plug suit, then entry plugs. Their Evas were brought in the plane. Dan: Leaving the entry plugs lying around at Nerv, I see. Rick: Whoops! I knew we forgot something. > "You know, Tom, we always get this kind of dirty job!" said Shinji. > "Yeah, you're right, but it's 'cause we're de bomb with Evas, dat's all!" > "If you say so..." Dan: [Shinji] Okay, whatever floats your boat, big guy. > The plane arrived over Nagasaki about thirty minutes later, the Evas were > dropped right in front of the cave. Tom and Shinji walked in. It wasn't really > dark because of the torches around them. Dan: What torches? Rick: Just torches. You know, they've got torches in there. Did I forget to mention that? Rebecca: Why not just have generic luminescent moss, like in every single generic AD&D dungeon? > The cave was very simple, on straight > road when suddenly, they saw the two Invadors in front of them. Dan: What, did they just appear? Rick: Something to that effect. Rebecca: Damn, this reminds me of the stupid "Eye of the Beholder" series. Rick: Fire a Cone of Cold! > They were > holding golden lances like they were designed to guard the lance as a sacred > object to their culture. Tsuneo: That's like, but what about the sword? Rick: Oh, they just let any old immortal Spanish pirate wander around with that thing. > They both were wearing an armor on their top. Dan: So they've both got only one set of armour between them? Boy they're cheap! Rick: [Invador] Hey, it's my turn with the armour this week. > They were > both green but had a different face. The 1st one had the face of an iguana Rick: Okay, that does it. This whole chapter is a bad Soul Calibur riff. > and the 2nd one had the face of a spider. Rebecca: The eternal embarrassment of morning face. > "Shinji, let's not even try to go silently, let's just rush and destroy, O.K.?" > "That works, let's go." > "I get the spider piece of shit!" Rick: [Tom] The three on the left are mine! Dan: [Shinji] Since when? > Tom rushed first and jumped on the one with the spider face. He started pounding > its face. Tsuneo: Weapons? Weapons? Hello? > The other Invador tried to help the other one but Shinji knocked him > down. Tom took out his progressive knife and plunged it through the monster's > armor and reached the guts. Rick: [Invador] How can you use my intestines as a gift? > The creature spit out a web and blinded Tom. It > jumped on Unit 03 and tried to pierce its chest but got stopped by the AT Field. Dan: [Invador] Huh? Oh yeah. Forgot about that thing. Whoops. > Tom grabbed the weapon and broke it in two. Tsuneo: What weapon was that then? Rick: Just... you know, a weapon. It's not like it was going to use it or anything. > Eva 03 grabbed the Invador, and > threw it head first on the side of the cave. Tom started pushing the monster's > head in the rocks about ten times making its blood drip all over the place. Tsuneo: Okay, this chapter officially has an obsession with blood. Rebecca: This is probably the second most senselessly violent chapter of Delta so far. Rick: What was the most? Rebecca: Chapter four, with the amazing jobber demolition. Rick: Oh yeah. I missed that one. Others: ... > Tom used his AT Field to break the Invador's armor in pieces. He then pierced the > monster's heart with his fist. Rick: Tom has the fist of death! > The creature fell on the ground dead. Tsuneo: It died until it was dead. > During that > time, Shinji was fighting the other Invador. The monster spit acid at Shinji but > it got deflected back by his AT Field. The acid got right on the monster's face > who started screaming. Rick: Oh, that really worked. > Shinji punched it on the forehead and started pounding on > the armor with all he had. The armor broke after one minute of pounding. Dan: What, it just sat there all this time? > Unit 03 > grabbed the monster by the face and pressed as hard as he could crushing the > whole face and killing it. Dan: [Shinji] Hey Tom, you stole my kill! Rick: [Tom] Two words, Shin-boy. Dan: [Shinji] Yeah yeah, I know. > "We got them, but let's hurry up taking the weapon, we got 2:00 left of power!" > yelled Tom. Tsuneo: Batteries? Power packs? Remember them? > The two Evas rushed forward in the cave and found the weapon about fifteen > seconds later. Rick: That was hard. Rebecca: [Tom] Whaddya know, it was right there in front of us. > It had a long blade made out of the best crafted metal. Its base > was made out of blackrock with diamonds. Tsuneo: Riiight. So this bizarre and alien weapon just happens to perfectly resemble a conventional sword and have a diamond-encrusted hilt. Suuure. > Tom and Shinji tried to grab it but > were stopped by a powerful AT Field. Eva 01 and 03 decided to combine AT Fields > and tried to grab the weapon. They put everything they got in it, and as they > grabbed the weapon, Rick: That was hard. > the whole cave crumbled Dan: Oops. Rebecca: You've got to watch out for those "last laugh" traps. > and Tom ended with the blade in his > right hand. Their counters turned to 0 as the plane took them back in. Dan: The question is then *how* could it load them up? Rebecca: Oh, there was a huge runway on hand for it to land on. > An hour later, at Nerv HQ... > "This blade is incredibly nice, Rick: [Ritsuko] It's way past cool! > and it seems very powerful." said Ritsuko. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] What a long, straight shaft... Dan: [Gendo] I'm jealous. > "It is, Shinji and I had to combine AT Fields to get it!" said Tom. Tsuneo: Of course, you would have covered this in the debriefing... Never mind. Rebecca: What would Ritsuko care for that? She had a shiny thing to see to. > "It must have been a very powerful AT then, I heard the whole cave crumbled when > you got the weapon!" said Ritsuko. > "That was because of the combined AT's power!" said Shinji. > "That's what I think too..." said Ritsuko. > The next day, January 6th, 2018 at Ritsuko's apartment... Tsuneo: Two days had vanished somewhere, but we're not sure where. > The doorbell rings. Ritsuko comes to get it. When she opens it, she sees a > pretty tall man with jeans and a T-shirt holding a suit case Rick: How tall is he? Would you say he's six footed? Rebecca: No-one's six footed. Dan: And he isn't allowed to be taller than Tom either. > "Are you Dr. Akagi Ritsuko?" asked the man. > "Yes, why?" Dan: [Charles] So you're the one John described as an oversexed mad scientist with a rubber fetish? Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Yes, why? > "We are John's bro, Tsuneo: We? Rick: [Charles] Yeah. actually, we're the amalgamation of several versions of John's siblings from different origin stories. > can I come in?" asked the man again. Tsuneo: Even though he hasn't asked it before. > "Sure, come in!" said Ritsuko. > "Thanks." > He got in as John rushed to hug his brother. Rick: [Max the bunny] This is touching, Sam. I may weep openly. > "I am so happy to see you!" said John almost in tears. > "Happy to see ya too, bro!" answered Charles. > "Ritsuko, this is Charles!" said John pointing. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] So that's the incredibly rude young man's name. I had a hard time distinguishing him from Tom. > "Nice to meet you!" said Ritsuko, "Suit yourself while I go make some coffee." Rick: I guess Chuck and Ritsuko haven't hit it off right. > "Thanks." answered Charles. > The three of them went to sit down. > "So, bro, how's it hangin' those last days?" asked Charles. Dan: [John] Oh, great. I get to pilot a rampaging engine of destruction, destroy goofy monsters and play second fiddle to an uberkid. And I'm special. > "Fine, thanks." answered John. > "So, how is it to be an Eva pilot?" asked Charles. Rebecca: You get to suffer from your own exclusive set of mental disorders. > "Well, it's good, but it can be painful. Shinji and Tom, two other pilots, are > amazingly good compare to me." Dan: [John] Well, Tom is. Shinji doesn't exist next to Tom. > "So, who is Ritsuko?" asked Charles. > "The woman who takes care of me!" Dan: [John] Eh, eh, know what I mean, know what I mean, say no more, nudge, nudge. > "Cool!" asked Charles. > "Well, you know I'm not your real brother, right?" > "Yeah, I know." answered Charles. Rick: Haven't you guys sorted this out yet? Dan: And if not, are you sure this is the time? > "Well, my real mother use to work with Ritsuko before, and when my mother died. > Then, I was sent to my adoptive family, with Dana, your real mother and my > adoptive mom. Those were great years, you know!" Rebecca: [John] We lived a sitcom life and ate hamburgers. How cool is that? > The two of them continued talking and Charles left to go to the hotel. Three > days later, at Misato's apartment, January 9th, 2018. Tom came back last from > school All: GASP! Dan: He went to school! > and as soon as he walked in : Rick: The mobsters lurking in wait opened up. > "Happy birthday Tom!!!" yelled Misato, Shinji, Rei and Asuka. > "How did you guys know?" asked Tom. Dan: [Shinji]: It's not like you were subtle about it or anything... > "Well, one time when you were hacking on the computer, we saw you looking at > your file and saw your date of birth, but first open your presents." explained > Asuka. Tsuneo: Oh, wonderful. It's another Tom ego bloating moment. > "Presents? Didn't have one since I was 12..." said Tom. > Misato handed her present. Tom found the game "Ultima Collection 2". Rebecca: With new special edition bugs added! Origin is so cool that way. > "Kick ass, I always wanted that game but never found it or had enough money to > buy it! Dan: I thought he had buckets of cash. Tsuneo: You want the great Tom Dyron to spend his money on things the underlings can buy for him? Shame on you. > Thanks Misato!" > Rei gave her present. Tom opened it and saw about five new skating shirts. > "Thanks Rei! I didn't know what to wear at school anymore! Rick: How about the school uniform? Dan: [Tom] That's for losers! Rick: [Shinji] But I wear the school uniform. Dan: [Tom] Ah, well Shinji, that's because... Heck, you are a loser! So who's next to make me feel good? > Thank you so much!" > Shinji handed his and Tom got a new stereo. > "Damn, Shinji, thanks. My stereo was old as dat dumb ass god, thank you!" > Asuka finaly handed hers, Rick: [Asuka] So Tom, what did you want for your birthday? Dan: [Tom] Well, I- Rick: [Asuka] It doesn't matter what you want! > and Tom found a gold medallion with his name written > on it. Inside was a picture of Asuka saying "Love forever." Rebecca: How despicably twee. I think I may barf. Tsuneo: Nothing states your love better than generic sentimental jewelry. > Tom put Asuka in his arms and kissed her passionately and said : > "Thank you, Asuka, it's wonderful! Now, let's party!" Dan: [Tom] Enough of you, I wanna do what *I* want! Rebecca: [Tom] Hold on, that is more of you! > They partied all night, got drunk, and fell in bed at 2:00 A.M. Rick: Formation drunken collapsing: The new Olympic sport. > and slept right away. > End of Genesis 0:21 [The TV switches off] Rick: I could go for some Balamb Garden coffee about now. How about you guys? Tsuneo: Shut up. [He hits Rick with a cushion] Voice: SO what did you think, guys? Tsuneo: I was trying to get a grip on the so-called plot of the episode. On one hand, you've got the Blade of Souls, of which there's been no mention, no lead up, no nothing - Tom just finds it's file lying around where Gendo should already know about it. Then you've got the introduction of a new character, Charles, who I can't see contributing anything to the story. Basically, as far as I can tell, this whole episode was just a filler. He's probably going for thirteen chapters, just to match the original EVA. Dan: What got me was just how stupid everyone seemed. They needed to repeat the most basic facts, they did stupid things... You get the picture. I mean, I know Delta Invasion is pretty poorly written and stupid in itself, but this one seemed, you know. Extra stupid. Rebecca: Well, John finally got some lines, but I can't say that they were worth anything. John's stuff seemed to be more filler than anything else. Added to this is his constantly changing origin story which has become something of a joke to me. I just can't wait to see how it changes next. And I'm willing to bet that the "Blade of Souls" never [Jericho] ever [normal] contributes anything significant to the story. Just like the Lance of Longinus, really. Rick: It can't be a bet if we all agree. I'm busy trying to figure out what was the most "filler" part of this chapter; John's mutating origin, Charles' visit or getting the sword. So I decided that the whole story was filler and that I'd leave it at that. It's kind of like you're coming up to the big 50th issue spectacular and the plot's all in place by issue #47. What are you meant to do? Dan: What you've been doing for the last thirteen issues? Rick: Shut up, boy. Rebecca: Well, I think we're all in agreement that Delta 8 sucked even more than "What you leave behind" and the short was unspeakable. Dan: No arguments there. Rick: Works for me. Tsuneo: I still maintain that it was a good episode, but I'll agree that Delta 8 was pretty damned bad. Rick: Say, anyone want to come back to my place? I've still got "Sleeping in light" on tape. Rebecca: Sure. Beats this any time. Dan: Better than DS9 or Delta. Tsuneo: I give up. [They file out] [The screen goes blank] Voice: Well *I* liked it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1999 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1999 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > *Migar Zolom pops in* > MZ: GRRRRR!!!!!! > Selphie: Like shut up