Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing 95! Teaming up with the ladies of Kazei Five to present - wait for this - a Silent Mobius/X-Files/Evangelion crossover. Thought you'd seen it all, huh? Neon Mobius Files is copyright Joyce K. Wakabayashi. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Silent Mobius is copyright Kia Asimiya. X-Files is copyright the Fox Network/Chris Carter. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A cardboard box sits by the bench, with a tattered plastic Christmas tree lying on the ground next to it.] [Tsuneo and Noriko are sitting on the forwards-facing couch] Noriko: Well I'm still pretty new to the Evangelion characters, so I just wanted to see if I've gotten them right. Tsuneo: Go for it. Noriko: Let's see... Shinji is cowering and spinless while Rei is a complete cypher, correct? Tsuneo: Um... Only very basically. Noriko: Hm... It's a bit hard to get to know them so quickly. Tsuneo: One thing that works for me is associating them with people you know. Noriko: Oh? Like say... How Misato is like Ling Ling but without the dress sense? Tsuneo: I guess. Noriko: Hmm... Actually, this seems pretty easy. Tsuneo: Okay then, how about Kaji? Noriko: Let's see... Sophisticated, handsome, a bit rough... Basically who Dan wishes he was. Tsuneo: Well then, Ritsuko. Noriko: Intelligent, superior, distant... Rebecca without the gun fetish? Tsuneo: Okay... Gendo? Noriko: [Quietly] My dad. Tsuneo: Fuyutski? Noriko: Any teacher, anywhere. Tsuneo: The bridge crew? Noriko: Do they matter? Tsuneo: Good point. That only leaves Asuka, really. Noriko: Asuka... She's vain, arrogant, self-important, pushy and bossy? Tsuneo: Pretty much. Noriko: In other words, just like- [Shion enters] Shion: Oh my, what are the little ones up to in here? Tsuneo: Yeah, pretty much. [Rebecca enters] Rebecca: Hey there... Hang on, what are you guys doing here? Noriko: Magic Voice quit the MSTing business, so we thought we were out of a job for a while. Rebecca: Lucky you. Shion: Unfortunately, he handed over our contracts to your Voice, so we've got to serve them out working with you people. Rebecca: Great. Just when I thought my life was getting better... Voice: Actually, I'm rather fond of the idea myself. Rebecca: Oh hey there, Mr. Bulb. Tsuneo: Actually, he could be a giant bug light for all we know. Voice: I didn't catch that, so I'm going to ignore that. Noriko: You're right. He does have an Australian accent. Voice: ... Shion: Am I ever wrong? Noriko: I'll pretend you didn't say that. Voice: If we're quite finished mucking around? Rebecca: You know us. We never finish. Tsuneo: Anything to hold off the pain. Shion: So what *is* it that we've been called in for anyway? Voice: As I was going to say before Rebecca interrupted me... Rebecca: Do you mind? I wasn't finished interrupting you. Tsuneo: Hoo boy. Noriko: Do you always treat your voice with this much respect? Tsuneo: Actually, today we're being extra nice to him. Voice: As I was saying- Shion: I'd leave, but I have a 15 point reputation to maintain. Rebecca: And the door's locked. But then you could just blow it up. Noriko: There is that. Rebecca: In fact, Tsuneo, she once blew up the entire apartment just to kill the TV. Tsuneo: I'm impressed. Voice: Fine than. Here's the fic, and I'm not going to say what it is. [Rebecca and Shion sit on the other couch. Rebecca and Tsuneo are closest on the corners] > From: "Joyce K Wakabayashi" > Subject: [Eva/Xover][FanFic] The Neon Mobius files Rebecca: Oh great, that damned hedgehog. Noriko: [Whacks Rebecca with a cushion] Wrong Mobius! > [ ] will hold english translations of Japanese phrases for better reading. Shion: Why they're there in the first place is anyone's guess. Tsuneo: So he can amaze us with his knowledge of fanboy Japanese. > This is a follow-up I had in my disk that is kind of a sequel to the x-files > cross over. Rebecca: Which none of us got to see, fortunately. > This is a cross over of Neon genesis, X-files & Silent Mobius Rebecca: Aack! Neon Exodus Flashback! Noriko: Do you think he could have dreamed up a more unworkable crossover? Tsuneo: Only with considerable effort. > (Well, also Mobius Klein, which is like a prologue to silent mobius). i > write stories in part to show that there is only one archetypal story. Rebecca: [Author] Now I'm just bullshitting. Hope you don't mind. > Well, enjoy. Shion: No chance. > The Neon Mobius Files Tsuneo: Hmm... I see the hasn't handed out any copyright notices to Edios or Microprose yet. I suppose that's a good sign. > "Why are we going to Japan again?" Asuka says, Tsuneo: [Asuka] And are we there yet? > glaring at the window at the soft, fluffy clouds roll by. Rebecca: [Asuka] There's one that looks like an M-60. > The flight overnight had been less than > satisfactory. How could anybody sleep in these chairs? she thought. Her > eyes felt dry and the food had been nasty. Rebecca: It's gotta be Asuka, because she's complaining. > She looked at Shinji who seemed > unaffected. Baka-Shinji, nothing bothers him. Noriko: Sure, he has the occasional psychotic episode but nothing actually bothers him. > "I've hear rumors of something strange happening in Neo-Tokyo," > Shinji says, flipping through his case folder. Noriko: Something about this guy called Tetsuo. Shion: When isn't something strange happening in *any* Neo-Tokyo? > "What happened to the first Tokyo?" Tsuneo: It flooded during Second Impact. Noriko: No, it was Godzilla. Rebecca: There was a cookoff between Akane, C-Ko and Ryoko. Shion: The official story is that it was a nuclear bomb, but we all know it was Akira. > "Something strange happened around July 1999. Rebecca: High above Macross island in the South Pacific. Shion: The Ohio victory reunion. That's about as strange as they come. > A good part of the city was destroyed. Rebecca: Only a good part? I guess the bad part of town got of lightly. > The official explanation was a terrorist attack with nerve > gas that caused massive hysteria and hallucinations. Tsuneo: Funnily enough, that's what they said in "Life, the Universe and Everything" about the Vogons. > The rumor is that it > wasn't a terrorist attack, but an invasion from a parallel dimension. Shion: [Shinji] Stuff the facts, they're never right. Rebecca: There was something about a guy with pointy ears and a goatee. > Despite all efforts by the government and various shadow entities to hide > what really happened, Shion: [Shinji] It's a conspiracy, I tells ya, a conspiracy! > there are some pictures of the monsters that attacked > Tokyo." Shinji shows a picture of various monsters. Noriko: You can see the wire! And there's a zipper on the front! Tsuneo: You'd know, right? Noriko: I see scarier things before breakfast. > He closes the file > folder. "Neo-Tokyo managed to spring back to life and it's bigger than > ever. Rebecca: Large as life and twice as ugly. > However, there are still parts of the city that are still off-limits > and the acid rain is even worse than Washington, DC." > "What a crappy city, mooo." Asuka says. Shion: Moo? I always knew she was a cow. > "Not only that, all the seasons disappeared in that area." Tsuneo: That's right, no salt, no cinnamon, no nutmeg, nothing. > "Really?" Asuka raised her left eyebrow in disbelief. Rebecca: [Asuka] Do you smell what the second child is cooking? > "Yeah. It rains all the time, doesn't matter if it's spring or summer, > fall or winter. Everything's mixed up." Noriko: That's rich coming from him. > "Well, what kind of case is it?" Shion: A black leather one, about so big. > "I'm trying to find about Project Gaia Tsuneo: Oh, that bodes. > or G kei-kaku as it's also called. Rebecca: Gekigenger? > As you and I both speak Japanese, Rebecca: I'd bloody well hope so. > I thought it'd be worth a shot. > There's been rumors of other dimensional beings. Perhaps it's all connected > with Evangelion or Angels." Noriko: I would love to see how you're meant to connect EVAs, Angels and Lucifer Folk. Shion: And Thane's probably got something to do with this too. > "Baka-Shinji, you could've sprung for first-class, my legs are almost > dead." Tsuneo: So he's talking about serious - well, to him - conspiracies and she's complaining about the seating? Shion: That's nothing. You should hear Marta when we're travelling. Rebecca: Bad? Shion: [Marta] Are we there yet? I want an ice cream! I want a lolly! I need to go! Are we there yet? Tsuneo: You must be glad she's grown up. Shion: Grown up? That was last week. > "Asuka, do you want to pay for the difference between the prices of > coach and first-class?" Noriko: Why? Just add it to your expenses and the taxpayers will cover it. > Asuka crosses her arms and growses. Tsuneo: Growses? Rebecca: She's selectively feeding on leaves higher up in the tree? Tsuneo: She's growing plants in her jacket? Shion: She hunts game birds in her spare time? Noriko: She grows miniature trees? > "Then be quiet." All: Never! > "Is anybody there going to meet us at the airport?" > "Yes, Rally Cheyenne. Noriko: Poor Rally, reduced to a valet. > She has some information about that project and > she'd like to know about what I know. Shion: I.e.: Nothing. > I've got a black and white photo of her." Tsuneo: Black and white? This is the freaking twenty-first century! Noriko: It was taken with a conspiracy camera. Rebecca: Conspiracy camera? Noriko: It's a camera specially designed to produce grainy, blurry black- and-white photos that can make a pair of saucepan lids look like a UFO. > He takes a long wistful look at the photo of a handsome woman. Noriko: Handsome isn't quite the word. Shion: I'm better. > "Kireii, nah." Tsuneo: Not where she can hear you, kid. > (Kireii means beautiful) > "What!" shrieks Asuka. Rebecca [Asuka]: You dare gape at that woman before the Great Asuka? WA-TAK! > Looking at all these other women, chikusho. Shion: [Perks up] Him? Where? > (bastard/literally beast) > They land at Narita airport. Rebecca: The only cab available is an aged Nissan Cedric driven by a maniac who thinks he's Aerton Senna. > A young woman is waiting for them. She > was dressed in an expensive business suit, a bit severe for a woman who > appeared to be in her mid-20s; Shion: That's rich coming from a pair of schoolkids. > but she was statuesque Rebecca: Meaning she was made of marble and had a pigeon sitting on her head. > with a stern expression. > She had an intelligent beauty with piercing blue eyes and a way > of carrying herself that let everyone know that she was in charge. Rebecca: That and the armed squad following her. > She also > had long blue hair and two long earrings. She was definitely not a typical > Japanese woman. Shion: Why? In anime, blue eyes *and* hair are perfectly normal for Japanese women. Rebecca: In anime anything is a normal hair or eye colour. > "Hello, my name is Rally Cheyenne," she says in flawless English. > "I'm Ikari Shinji and this is Sohryu Asuka Langley." She has blue hair > just like my sister Rei, Tsuneo: Excuse me while I puke. Noriko: This is going to go down hard. > but her eyes aren't red. Tsuneo: And thank you for the small things. > Strange, very strange, he thought. Could she be involved with Seele or Nerv? Shion: Or she could just be a normal person. They do exist, you know. > "Yoroshiku." Asuka says perfunctorily. Noriko: You won't be in a minute. > (Yoroshiku means Glad to meet you) > Rally said, "I hear that you are interested in what happened to Tokyo > in 1999." Rebecca: [Rally] Absolutely nothing happened. Thank you. Go away. > "We should probably go to your office to talk things over. How did you > learn English?" Shinji asks. Tsuneo: Um, school maybe? > The stern visage softened slightly. "My mother liked to take me and my > sister all over the world. Shion: [Rally] And leave us in many strange airports. > She herself was fluent in many languages. > However, I've always considered Tokyo to be my home. I was born here. > There's something about this city that makes it special. Noriko: It's got something to do with the number of times it's demolished. Rebecca: Does Jon Barren live here or something? > You probably wouldn't understand." > "My parents used to live near here for a while. I moved away when I > was little." Shinji said. "Is the traffic just as bad?" Noriko: This is Tokyo. There is no traffic, just free-range parking. > "Even worse. But we'll be going in my police car." Rally looks at > Asuka without saying anything. Rebecca: [Asuka] But I just met you! > "Is there something in my hair?" Asuka says, Tsuneo: If it's the syncro headpieces, I'm leaving. > brushing through her hair with her hand. Shion: These introductions are so long that you'd think this was a Ratliff story. > "No, my sister has the exact same hair color. It just reminds me of > her, that's all." Rally says. Noriko: [Rally] And for that, you'll have to die. > They got into her car and it lifted off. Rebecca: Good acceleration. > "When did you decide to become a cop?" Shinji said. Tsuneo: Don't answer that, you'll give away half the series. Noriko: I can't honestly imagine Rally being anything else. > "In a sense I've always wanted to be a cop. Rebecca: She wanted to be like her hero, WPC Polly Page. > I've always wanted to put > my talents to good use protecting people. I decided it was my fate. Isn't > that why you wanted to become an FBI agent?" Rebecca: [Shinji] Actually, I joined for the donuts and the babes. > "I basically am looking for the truth." Shion: What that's got to do with the FBI is beyond me. Tsuneo: That clinches it, Shinji here is nothing more than Fox Mulder with a facelift. Rebecca: I suppose he'll be boffing Lara Croft next. > "How about you, Asuka?" Rally says. > "I'm an FBI agent because it's what I'm good at. It beats being a cop, > any old time." Rebecca: Um, Asuka? Next to you. > "Asuka!" Shinji blushes, absolutely mortified. > Rally, however, seem unruffled. "Well, the police over here are very > different from the police in America. Noriko: No donut fixation, for starters. > The police over here are armed with mobile police suits with major fire power. Shion: [Rally] Whereas for some reason, American cops only get Nerf guns. Rebecca: ADP versus Silent Mobius mobile police. Who gets chewed up more? Noriko: The ADP. The mobile police at least can manage to kill Entities from time to time. > It's a little like having an army police the streets. Tsuneo: Except they're not coloured green. > I plan to command my own bunsho. I'm already head of a squad." > "Is crime that bad?" Asuka says, looking uneasy. Rebecca: [Rally] Godzilla would be an improvement. > "Things in general are bad and are bound to get worse." > "What does your sister do?" Shinji said. Noriko: Never, *ever* ask what her sister does. > Shinji could see Rally tense at that question, then Rally relaxed. > "She's fallen with a really bad crowd. Noriko: That's putting it mildly. > I'm doing all I can to get her out. > It's not something I like to talk about much." Tsuneo: [Rally] Even though I just told a pair of total strangers about it... Whoops. > "Gomen." Noriko: I think it's a bit late for that. > (gomen means sorry) > "It's not like you'd know. Anyway, what is it that you want to know." Tsuneo: [Shinji] Where does Soylent Green come from? > There's a bit of a buzzy ring. "Excuse me, "she said. She took her > cellular phone from her jacket and put it to her ear. Noriko: Warning. Fanfic is moving in real time. Be prepared for boredom. > "Hello, it's me, Rally. Oh, Mana, hisashiburi neh. Tsuneo: Not that you're seeing them... > (long time no see) You're back from visiting Genvara. Noriko: Ahem... "boffing" is the more correct term I do beleive. > You can tell me more about it later. I'm with some > people right now. Shion: I suppose you can call them that. > Well, anyway, say hello to Nana for me. No, I can't > imagine her in a police uniform, either. Shion: [Rally] Yes, I am just repeating everything you say. No, there is no point to this. Yes, we should be getting on with the fic. > Bye." She clicks off. "As you were saying?" Rebecca: Oh, nothing really. Noriko: I'm waiting for this fic to start, myself. Shion: And if it was by Thane, it would be over by now. > "What is Project Gaia?" Tsuneo: That's what we've been waiting two pages to find out. > "I've been wondering where you got your information." Rebecca: With their level of competence? The back of a cereal box. > "I have my sources." Shinji said. Kensuke and Kaji, Shion: The Lame Gunmen. > were great at hacking into computers. . Rebecca: Were? Did Kaji get himself killed again? Tsuneo: Don't worry about it. He'll be Retconned back to health in no time. > "I've heard a bit about you two." > "Like what?" says Asuka. Noriko: Each of you is a psychiatrist's dream. > "That you've been checking to see if aliens or angels have been > visiting this planet." Tsuneo: Let's see... Is half the world's population still here? Just checking. > Asuka crossed her arms. "Well, actually it's baka-Shinji who believes > in all that sort of stuff." Noriko: [Asuka] Invaded by Angels? What a stupid concept. > Shinji was furious at being called baka-Shinji right in front of Rally. Tsuneo: Embarrassed would be more like it. Rebecca: You watch, he's about to start apologising. > Most of his friends and co-workers understood, Rebecca: Especially Kaoru. > but this was too much. "Asuka, yamete kudasai. Noriko: You watch, she never will. > (please stop) . . ." And she never calls anyone > else stupid like she never says, baka-Toji or baka-Misato. Shion: No matter how much they deserve it. > "Hai, hai." Asuka said, "Tell us all about Project Gaia." Tsuneo: At last. Noriko: Listen very carefully, for this is the plot. > Rally continued, "Project Gaia was an experiment that failed. Shion: It was our last, best hope for peace. > My mother was part of the magic guild, one of the many groups involved. Rebecca: Along with the Freemasons and the NRA and the KKK and the Gay and Lesbian Alliance and the Screen Writers Guild... Tsuneo: Magic guild? I think she just confessed to everything Shinji's been after. > They > were trying to use a cyclotron to find a new energy source for this world. > Instead it caused the destruction of most of Tokyo. Rebecca: We're sorry, our bad. > It was an experiment that should never have been done." Shion: The creed of mad scientists everywhere. > "Could you tell us anything more about this project?" Noriko: [Rally] No. Why should I? > "Well, most of the information was destroyed in the accident. Shion: An awfull lot else blew up, but that's not important right now. > What > remains is buried along with the cyclotron. It's been sealed up so nobody > can re-start the cyclotron. Tsuneo: They could build another one. Noriko: Shush. > Even the location has been kept secret. Rebecca: They hid it in Misato's apartment. No-one will ever see it again. > However, I was in Tokyo when the accident happened." > "According to my sources, it blew up a hole in the time-space > continuum." says Shinji. Tsuneo: [Asuka] A what? Rebecca: [Shinji] A magic door. Tsuneo: [Asuka] Why didn't you say so? > "Actually, it wasn't the cause of the hole." Shion: It was Vegita "sending someone to another dimension". > "But there was a hole." > "Yes." Rebecca: It's an orange whirly thing in space. Noriko: So we've established that there's a hole. I suppose the means we've achieved *something.* > "Have you heard of an international group called Seele?" Noriko: [Rally] What have they got to do with it? Shion: [Shinji] They've got everything to do with it! This is my conspiracy theory, I say they're involved. Tsuneo: Now's he's dragging in Seele? *Perfect.* Rebecca: You watch. Everything's going to be Yui Ikari's fault. > Rally seemed genuinely puzzled. "Can't say that I have." Rebecca: She hasn't even heard of the Thrashing Gonberts. > "There must be some technicians from that time, who know about the > project." Shion: [Rally] Sorry, I retired the last one this morning. Whoops, what a giveaway. > "There were a great many people associated with that project. However, > a lot of them died. Noriko: [Rally] Something to do with the big explosion. Rebecca: [Rally] Some of them moved to Des Moines which is pretty much the same thing. > The survivors have scattered all over the place. Now > it's your turn to tell me what you know." Tsuneo: [Shinji] Nothing, actually. We just wanted to hear your bit. > "This information was heavily buried and in code. Rebecca: Wow, it's COBOL. I learnt about it in ancient history. > However, what we > could make out was the names of several people involved in the project, most > of them members of the magic guild. Avalanche Rebecca: What, it's crossing over into FF7 now? Tsuneo: Then it's easy. It's all Hojo's fault. > Wong, Gigelf Liquer from > Paris, Lufa Cheyenne; I assume she's your mother. Noriko: Oh, just rub it in a little more. Shion: This kid's got all the sensitivity of a sledgehammer. Rebecca: Mention Yui's involvement. That ought to shut him up. > I got some partial names like Brighton & Flex, Tsuneo: Sounds like a sports equipment company. > but I can't get a fix on them. Could you tell me > their whereabouts." Shinji said. Shion: [Rally] Let's see... Dead, dead, dead and, what do you know, dead. > Rally looked sad. "Gigelf Liquer is dead. He's survived by his wife > and daughter. However, his wife wasn't part of the project, but quit being > a TV personality to be his wife. Avalanche has gone back to Hong Kong. As > for my mother, I've already tried to talk to her about what happened that > year, but she won't tell me. That was the year that time ended. As for > Flex, he was simply Gigelf's asst. and if you know anything about magicians, > assistants don't know very much. I don't know where Brighton is. Maybe he > went back to New York. The Maverick family is from the US from southern > California, Los Angeles area. I still have some limited contact with them." Shion: [Rally] So how many more leads do you want me to kill off for you? > "There's also been some rumors of heightened activitity in this city, > heightened paranormal activity." Noriko: No shit, Sherlock. Tsuneo: [Rally] Not so much that you'd notice, no. > "It's a big city." Shion: There are a million stories in this city. Most of them aren't this boring, fortunately. > They then landed on top of the 00 bunsho. "This is my station." Noriko: [Rally] I raised it from a puppy. All: Aww... > Rally said. "I've gotten a couple of rooms set up inside. Tsuneo: [Rally] We're double-booked with an anime convention, so things are going to be rather tight. > I hope they're to your liking. Rebecca: [Rally] The "leather and chains" suite for her and you get the padded walls. > I assume you want to recover from jet lag first." Shion: [Shinji] No, personally I love walking around half-dead. I do all my best thinking that way. > Shinji and Asuka went to their separate rooms. Noriko: And thank you for the small things. > Shinji was about to put > to unpack his shoulder bag and listen to his tape player Rebecca: Track 25, I assume. > when there's a knock on his door. "Who is it?" Shion: Would you believe Room Service? Noriko: Since when has this place been a hotel, anyway? > Asuka walked in looking a little disgruntled. "Well, aren't you going > to join me for dinner?" Rebecca: [Shinji] Is it going to be arsenic again? > "I was just about to unpack, but that can wait." > He went to her room next door and sat down to a dinner that had been > prepared for them beforehand. It was a big platter of sushi and two covered > bowls of soup that was clear not brown like miso. Tsuneo: That's because... Wait for this... It's not miso soup! > Asuka sighed, "Sushi's not my favorite. > I'd rather have pizza, but I heard Tokyo pizza is mazuii. Noriko: You're not missing much. > (yucky)" Rebecca: Does he have to keep on doing that? Shion: Only until we bow down before his superiority. [Yawns] > "Are you kidding, Asuka? When sushi's fresh, the fish has a certain > sweet flavor." Noriko: It tastes like... Fish! > He drank from the bowl with both his hands. "Oh, this is > made from really good fish stock. Tsuneo: It couldn't be something like "this is good soup" or "the soup's quite nice," could it now? > Later, I'll take you out to really a good > ramen place I've heard about. I know you like that." Rebecca: [Asuka] Ramen AGAIN? Why is it always ramen with you? > "This'll be fine." Asuka starts to eat quietly. After eating a few > pieces, she says, "Do you think Rally is prettier than me?" > "What?" > "Do you think Rally is prettier than me?" Tsuneo: There is no correct way to answer that question. Shion: I, on the other hand, am far more attractive than either of them. > "Well. . . I. . . uh, it's not like that. why?" Shion: In other words, yes. > "Why? You keep staring at her like your eyes are going to bug out." > "No, it's just. . ." > "Man, can't you just finish a sentence without trailing off." Noriko: Maybe if you didn't interrupt him. > It would help if you didn't slap me and interrupt, thought Shinji. Noriko: There you go. > "She has blue hair just like Rei and her mother was involved with Project > Gaia. I keep wondering if there's a connection between Project Gaia and > Project Eva," he said. Tsuneo: The possibility that they're completely unrelated doesn't seem to have occurred to him. > "Is that it?" > "Well, she is pretty." Shion: ... In a very roundabout way. > "Hmph. Baka-Shinji has a hentai thing for blue hair, neh?" Rebecca: And baka-author has a thing for mangling English, neh? > After all, > red hair is sooo much prettier, she thought. Baka-Shinji has no taste. Shion: Hmmph. White hair is far more attractive. Rebecca: I think black hair's better, myself. Shion: But it's so... Common. Rebecca: ... > "Stop bothering me. I'm only going to talk to her about business. > After all, you're not the only beautiful woman on this planet." Shion: You *never* say that to someone. > Then Shinji > stopped abruptly. Oh, my God, how is she going to take it? Rebecca: We are gathered today to mourn the passing from this world of Shinji Ikari. Shinji was a little no-life doormat of a guy who let everyone walk all over him. He made a fatal mistake by expressing an opinion. > Asuka gasped and was about to raise her hand when she processed exactly > what he said to her. She put both her hands on the table and leaned towards > him with an expression of complete surprise. "What did you say?" Rebecca: [Shinji] Just lean forward a little bit more and I'll tell you. > "Ah, nothing." Shinji got up and bolted from the room. Noriko: Brilliant recovery. > Once safely in his room, he thought, God, what a coward I am. Shion: Yes, but you're a *live* coward. That's an important distinction, trust me. > I'll have to face her in the > morning. Well, she'll go into denial and I can blame it on jet lag. Tsuneo: The tactics of modern relationships. > Meanwhile, Rally sat at her desk, working overtime again doing > paperwork. Noriko: Well this brings back memories. > While she did have the rank of captain, she spent a lot of time > doing paperwork and dealing with city officials. She also managed to meet > with Parliament members and certain business men, especially the ones who > privately operated the city's police to talk about the upcoming threat. Rebecca: It had arrived today and had red hair. > Still, she felt as if she wasn't doing anything useful. They should be > actively recruiting for a specialized squad, not just expecting the mobile > police to handle everything. Tsuneo: Mobile police? Rebecca: That's before the coffee and donuts set in. Then they're the Immobile Police. > If I was head of , say, an Attacked > Mystification Police department; maybe I could come out from behind this > mountain of paper and actually do something, she thought. Noriko: [Bored] The irony is not escaping anyone. > She looked out at the city with its perpetual grey sky of pollution. Rebecca: Los Angeles? > Acid rain began falling. Ame, mata ka, she thought. Noriko: Wash your mouth out. > Tokyo, this city, is > still beautiful, soiled as it is. No matter how many times you're razed; [They all snigger.] > you'll come back to life just like the people who build you. Rebecca: Um, people don't come back to life. Sorry. Tsuneo: Except in comic books. > Maybe that's > why I turned down the chance to walk into the darkness of Nemesis. Rebecca: With the big red dragon guy and his buddies. > Nemesis has nothing Rebecca: Except lots of Amaglamous Energy capsules. Tsuneo: Let's see if anyone gets that. > as alive and amazing as this city and the spiritual power that > protects it. Why can't Rosa see the same things that I see? Shion: Maybe she needs glasses. > She finally put down her pen. "If I don't stop, I'll die of karoshi," Tsuneo: I seriously doubt that. > she said to herself, mockingly, referring to the Japanese phenomenon of > dying of overwork. She got up and walked out of her office. > Rally drove home. She waited at the apartment she and Rosa shared. Noriko: No. Just... No. Rebecca: So let me get this straight. Rally shares a flat with her sister who has allied herself with demonic forces and sworn to kill her? Shion: As long as she gets the rent in on time, it's fine. Tsuneo: Just hope she doesn't bring guests home. Noriko: I'd just like to point out that by the time Rally reached this age, Rosa had already left for Nemesis. > She slept, but awoke when she heard Rosa walked into the apartment. "Where > have you been?" Rosa was dressed in a slinky red dress with matching > high-heeled boots. Tsuneo: Actually, we don't want to know. Rebecca: Anna Williams in a cameo role. > Rally pressed her lips together very tightly. Probably > out carousing at a Shinjuku bar with some low-lifes. Noriko: Well, I've heard Entities, Demons, Lucifer Folk and Lucifer Hawks but that's a new name for them. > "It's none of your business. Stop acting so much like mom." > "I promised mom that you wouldn't get into trouble." Rebecca: [Motherly] Have you been hanging around that lord of darkness again? Tsuneo: [Rosa] No, mum. Rebecca: [Motherly] Have you been invoking devil spirits again? Tsuneo: [Rosa] *No,* mum. > "You're just worried I'll get you in trouble with your police friends." > The same old arguments done over and over, thought Rally. Shion: Some sitcoms get tired very quickly. > But how can we get away from them. "Rosa, you're my sister." > "Yeah, your little sister." > "I didn't say that." > "Yeah, but I can hear it. I hate this place. I work as an office > lady, for Christ's sake. Noriko: ...I'm having a hard time deciding what's the worst part of this fic. > God, I can't stand it. That boss leering at me. > Just one spell and I could shove him out the window. Kersplat!" Rebecca: Out the front of the building is what looks like an executive who has just been blasted with a fireball and fallen fourty stories to his death. There's nothing else it could look like. > Rosa > giggles at the thought of the sight of the man after hitting the ground from > 20 stories up while Rally frowns. Shion: Such maturity. > "I'm so much smarter and talented than everyone else. Rebecca: And all the men at the office know that. > Why can't everyone see it? As for you. . ." > "What about me?" Rally said. Noriko [Rally]: What about me? What about Rally? What about Rally?! > Maybe you'd get ahead if you weren't so damn. . . she thought. > "I can't believe you're satisfied being some pencil-pusher at a police > station. Rebecca: [Rally] I'm up for promotion. If it goes through, I'll get to push pens. > With both our talents together, we could change things. Shion: [Rosa] The wallpaper for starters. this place looks terrible. > I know you hate having to deal with all those stupid men in Parliament. Tsuneo: There's just no avoiding politicians. > You could > be Prime Minister of Japan at the very least. You wouldn't have to put up > with the crap not when you're so much better than them. You keep > complaining what a bunch of dummies they are." Noriko: [Rally] Yes, but they're *our* dummies. > "Rosa, I've said this before. Power such as ours. . ." Tsuneo: Remember: With great power comes great responsibility. Rebecca: You can almost hear the snores up the back. > "Is barren and should not be used frivolously. Yes, yes, I've heard it > all before. Shion [Rosa]: But just one little fireball? Noriko [Rally]: No. Shion [Rosa]: Please? I've been good. Noriko [Rally]: No. Shion [Rosa]: It'll only do a moderate wound. Noriko [Rally]: No! Rebecca: And you didn't think we could ever weasel in a Shadowrun joke... > Hate this world." Rosa sits on top of the kitchen counter and > bangs the heel of her high heeled boot against the cabinets below it. > The rhythmic banging sounds starts to really steam Rally. Noriko: Oh, just turn her arm into a pretzel again. > "Rosa, you're scratching the surface." Shion: [Rally] Gee, if only I had the telekinetic ability to explode your head. > "Rally-nesan, (nesan means older sister) " she said. "You know an > interesting man came up to me today." Rebecca: [Rosa] For some reason, he offered me money. > She jumps off the counter, knowing > she's pushing her sister a bit too hard. She opens a bottle of wine and > pours herself a glass. She takes a few sips. > "What did he want? Rebecca: [Rosa] Well, he was black with lots of tatoos and had a bright orange shirt saying "Pimpin' ain't easy." > He didn't want you to work at a massage parlor, did he?" Shion: [Rosa] How'd you guess? > This was said as a joke, but it had a half-serious side. Rosa had > gotten heavily involved in the past with some guys that were only a step > away from being yakuza. Tsuneo: Ugh. Wannabes. A few fingers should teach them. Shion: Either that or a John Woo gunfight. > Rosa snorts in derision. "Rally, give me some credit. All: No! > He just said > that he knew about my talents and that there's a place where I could use > them and get all the things I deserve. Rebecca: Yeah, he was a pimp on a recruitment drive alright. > He had long hair like Genvara, but not tied back." > "What was his name?" Rebecca: My god, it's Lynn Kyle! Where's he been? > "Mmmm. I believe it was Ganosa." > Rally frowned and the air around her seemed charged with electricity. > Her hair seemed to rise slightly. Tsuneo: That's bad, isn't it? > "Was his last name Maximillian?" > "Yes, yes indeed. Do you know him?" > "I've seen him once and mom knew about him. What did he say to you?" > "Said there was a whole other world for me. A world called Nemesis." Rebecca: And there's a big purple robot dragon with huge thighs running it. > The glass in Rosa's grasp shatters. She drops the rest of the glass on > the floor. "Now who's using her powers frivolously?" she said. Tsuneo: Not the person who's randomly changing tense, obviously. > "Ganosa is a man who sold his soul to the devil. Don't go anywhere > near him!" Shion: He's bad, even. > The crest was apparent on her forehead, the crest that glowed > whenever Rally was about to use all her powers. All: Ooooooooooohhhhhhh! > "Don't tell me what to do. I'm not a child any more." But Rosa lowered > her voice, knowing that an angry Rally was a scary Rally. Noriko [Rosa]: Help, help mummy, she's scaring me! > Rally smoothed out her forehead. Rebecca: So, uh, where'd those bumps come from? > "Rosa, he sold out the entire world > out for eternal life and ultimate power. Shion: Sounds like a good deal. > You can't trust him. You know > what happened to Tokyo that day. Thousands of people dead, what he wants > will cost millions of lives perhaps billions of lives. Rebecca: So he's a Drazi general? > You want to be partially responsible for that outcome? Noriko: Is this a trick question? > You want to live among a world of monsters?" Rebecca: [Mr. Morden] What do you want? > "Well, that's what everybody says I am, isn't it? I feel like I'm > already living in a world of monsters." Shion: [Rosa] Like your two guests. > For a second, Rosa was quiet. "You > don't understand how I feel. All you do is hide behind that huge mountain > of paper." With that, Rosa ran to her room and slammed the door. Rebecca: How mature. > She heard Rosa throw stuff around and punch the walls in absolute > frustration, screaming that she hated everything and everyone in the world; Shion: She doesn't get hugged enough. Noriko: I'm not touching that one. > that nobody gave a damn. Rally sighed, "You think I don't understand, but i > do. Rosa. I really do. I care, why isn't that enough? Why don't you > believe me? Rebecca: [Rosa] You missed my last three birthdays? > I'm in the same situation as you." Tears began falling down her > face. I must be tired, she thought. She wiped them away and took a shower > before nodding off in her own room. When she woke up, Rosa had already left > the apartment. Tsuneo: So we get a description of switching on a mobile phone, but a whole night passes in two lines? Pacing, please. > The next day, Rally invited Shinji and Asuka into her office. They > stared at the foot tall pile of paper in her in-box. "What information do > you have?" Shion: [Rally] Just give me a minute to find it. Rebecca: [Asuka] So much for today. > Shinji said, "According to the information I received, many of the same > scientists who worked for Project Gaia, were also part of that expedition > that was lost in the Antarctic. Noriko: They got to be killed off in two different places at the same time. > Others began working for Project Eva. One > of them was Dr. Naoko Akagi; they say that her daughter Ritsuko also works > for Project Eva. Tsuneo: [Rally] Not that it's got anything to do with this; I just thought I'd mention more EVA characters. Rebecca: They also worked with Dr. Mobius and Dr. Chan. Shion: Obscure. > The senior of the two had briefly worked with Maverick. Rebecca: That was after Goose died, right? > Dr. Katsuragi, Dr. Gendo Ikari and Dr. Yui Ikari were working on a project > involving S-2 principles that would've meant unlimited energy; rumors were > that somehow these two projects are somehow intertwined." Noriko: Well, given that they had the same goal... > "I've heard of Dr. Maverick and some of those names seem familiar. Shion: [Shinji] Wasn't one of them my dad? > There's much more behind this than I thought. Every question we ask brings > up even more questions." Noriko: Which will taper off into even more boring episodes in which nothing is revealed. Rebecca: Hey Shinji, is this an appropriate time for a flashback? I can almost hear the rail crossing sign. > Asuka said, "What use is this information if we can't use it?" Shion: None. Duh. > "Because maybe it'll lead to information we can use. Something > terrible is going to happen. . ." Shinji said. Tsuneo: [Shinji] I'm going to become more and more like Fox Mulder. Noriko: That is terrible. > "The fate of the world hangs in the balance." says Rally. Tsuneo: Hang on... They list off names, make some comments about how useless this info is, and then decide that the world's doomed? Where'd that come from? Shion: Because this fic has to have at least *some* significance. > Hmph, thought Asuka as she watched Rally and Shinji talk, if the world > depends on baka-Shinji to save it, the world is doomed. Rebecca: Better than relying on you. At least Shin-boy didn't end up lying in a bathtub talking to himself. > Shinji pulled out a picture from his jacket and showed it to Rally. Rebecca: [Shinji] You like him? He's my pet dog, Squiffy. > "This is a long shot, but I wonder if you've seen this girl before." Shion: [Shinji] She probably doesn't have anything to do with this, but I just thought I'd waste more of your time. > Rally looked at the picture, frowning. "I've seen that girl on the > subway. I noticed her because she was the only other person with blue hair > like mine. Shion: I seem to recall saying something about anime hair? Tsuneo: So why does he obsess over Rei's blue hair, but not say Misato's purple? Noriko: Or Kiddy's green. > Why?" > "She's my sister. My father took her away from me when I was young. I > managed to get this photo from . . . a friend. Rebecca: [Shinji] He smokes a lot and likes to lurk in car parks. You heard of him? > I've been looking for her all these years. Noriko: That clinches it. This Shinji is nothing more than a renamed Fox Mulder. > Her name is Rei. She may be using the family name of Ayanami." Tsuneo: Any particular reason? [Pause] Thought not. > "I've been keeping tabs on her. Her name is Rei Ayanami. She hasn't > done anything, but there's always strange activity around where she is. > Very strange activity." Rebecca: [Rally] All these god-like kids keep popping up. > Rally, Shinji and Asuka were walking towards the apartment complex Tsuneo: How'd they get here so quickly? > when they see something in the nearby alley. A monster with multiple legs Rebecca: Multiple legs? Tsuneo: Well, it would be silly if it only had one. > and sharp claws jumped towards them. Shion: [Shinji] Rough neighborhood. Noriko: [Rally] It happens. > Rally frowned and her forehead had a > glowing red crest on it. A shield sheltered them and the beast was blown to > thousands of icky pieces. Tsuneo: Just like that? Tom Dyron had better fight scenes. Shion: That's probably all the action in this fic. Treasure it. Rebecca: [Sam the Dog] A seven foot specter of evil appeared in front of the car, so I ran over it. Sounded like a bag of laundry going under. Hope I didn't hurt the tires. Want a Fig Newton? > A shield, Shinji thought, an AT field? What the. . . > Rally smoothed her forehead Rebecca: Her Metalunan heritage kept acting up. > and had no visible change in her > expression. She wasn't even sweating. > "What the heck did you just do?" shrieked Asuka. > "Oh, what the hell was that?" Shinji yelled. Noriko: [Rally] That? Oh, nothing. > "What the hell indeed." said Rally. "It was a Lucifer Hawk." Noriko: Or Entity, or Lucifer Folk or... Shion: We get the picture. > "Lu. . . What are they?" Tsuneo: Big ugly and multi-segmented. > "That hole that you were talking about. It wasn't just a hole. It was > a door, a forbidden door that never should've been opened. It was always > open just a crack, but the cyclotron and Ganosa Maximillian blew it open. Shion: [Shinji] That's nice. Who's he? Noriko: I suppose Ganosa would be the equivalent of Cancer Man here. > My mother and her friends tried to shut it, but Ganosa and his minions > prevented that. That is one of the interdimensional creatures that you > wanted information on. The guns that you use would be worthless against it. Rebecca: [Shinji] These things never work. > You would need a graviton gun to kill one of these things unless you knew > magic, which I happen to know." Noriko: *Ahem* Just *happen* to know. Rebecca: Can I have a Graviton? I've been good. Noriko: No. Rebecca: Awww... Noriko: Besides, in the original timeline, they hadn't been invented yet. > "Was it sent to attack us?" Shinji said. > "No, I think it was sent to attack someone or something else and sensed > our presence." Shion: Or it was just waiting to mug someone. > "Shit." says Asuka. "What was with that field?" > "I'm a practioner of magic," Rally said. Tsuneo: [Rally] Didn't I just say that? > "What was going on in Project > Gaia was that it was trying to merge magic and science to create something > totally new. Rebecca: Pity it had to be purple and lime green. > In that sense, it has some parallels with Project Eva. Noriko: Which we *still* don't know anything about. > My mother was part of the magicians guild. Tsuneo: [Rally] I told you that yesterday, but never mind. > She was one of the few women > involved. I acquired her talents," Rally said while thinking, while I > inherited even more from my father. Rebecca: At least you didn't get his looks. Noriko [Rally]: What I really wanted was his big comfy chair. > "That's right," said Shinji, remembering his data. "I've never seen > magic done by a human before." Shion: Who has he seen it done by then? Rebecca: A generic Ork Shaman, perhaps? > "If I had magic," said Asuka. "I'd use it more often." Tsuneo: Asuka armed with magic... There's our horrfying thought for the day. > "You would, huh?" Rally said, pursing her lips tightly. She's so like > my sister. Shion: [Rally] The way she wants to destroy all human beings is so adorable. > "Of course. Hmph. Talent never goes to the one who deserves it." > "You'd probably blast half of Washington, DC with it." says Shinji. Rebecca: Please. > "Urusai." says Asuka. Noriko: You first. > (Urusai means shut up.) > They walk to Rei's door and knock. There is no reply, but the door was > open. They walk in. The room is spare with only a bed, a dresser, and a > stove. A pile of used bandages are on the floor. Tsuneo: I have a horrible feeling of foreboding. > A blue-haired girl in a > blue school uniform is standing near the window with bandages wrapped around > her head. Tsuneo: No? Thank you. Rebecca: Didn't they say the room was empty? Shion: Rei counts as furniture. > "Rei!" he shouts. Rebecca: No, Ruri. But thanks for playing anyway. > She turns and stares at him, blankly. "Yes, can I help you?" Shion: Rei Ayanami. The friendly face of customer service. > "Rei, don't you remember me?" > "I can't say that I do." Tsuneo [Shinji]: You know, fell over on top of you, keeps exposing himself to strangers... > "It's Shinji, Ikari Shinji. I'm your twin brother." Noriko [Shinji]: You know. the one you never had. > "Really?" The look on her face remained blank. > The glad look on Shinji's face starts to fade. "You don't remember > me?" Shion [Shinji]: I was the weak and effeminate one, remember? Tsuneo: Maybe this is Rei III. > "It's probably because I'm not the original." > "What does that mean?" Noriko: She's a cheap Taiwnese knock-off Rei. Shion: Oh, does that mean that she's from Brain Powered? Tsuneo: I thought we weren't going to mention that. > Asuka stares at her, then says, "Do you know who Gendo Ikari is?" Tsuneo: You know, guy with the beard, does the thing with his glasses, created you in a lab... that guy? Rebecca: Maybe the term "Old hag" will bring back memories. > Rei said nothing, but her face brightened Rebecca [Rei]: I just remembered this funny bit from Dilbert. > a little as if the person means something to her. Shion: [Rei] He was my last victim. I enjoyed the way he screamed. > Rally pulls Shinji back. "Look at her, Shinji. She's too young to be > your sister. She's a high school student. She might be a clone." Tsuneo: Oh, ha ha. I suppose that's meant to be funny. Now I really feel like hurting someone. Rebecca [Singing]: I think I'm a clone now... > "A clone?" says Shinji. Rebecca: [Rally] That's what I said. Are you deaf or something? > "Yes." Rally turns to the girl. "Do you happen to know where either > Gendo Ikari or the original version of you is?" > "I can't really say." Noriko: Funnily enough, I didn't expect her to say anything else. > "You don't know or you won't say?" > "I can't really say." > "Do you know anything about Eva or Angels?" says Shinji. > "I can't really say." Shion [Rally]: Can you say anything besides that? Noriko [Rei]: I can't really say. > "What the hell are you, a doll?" says Asuka. Shion: [Rei] I can't really say. Tsuneo: Okay, okay, we get the picture. > The first flash of spirit flashes across Rei's face. "I'm not a doll." Tsuneo: I really, *really* want to kill someone. Shion: At least she didn't say "I can't really say." Tsuneo: ... > Rally pulls Asuka and Shinji out of the apartment. "There's no use > asking her about what's going on. She won't or can't tell." Rebecca: [Shinji] Won't or can't? Noriko: [Rally] I can't really say. > Shinji sits down on the steps of the outer stairway of the apartment > building. "I really thought she was Rei, my Rei. Rebecca: Oh come on, this is an X-Files rip-off. Nothing's that easy. > She looks so much like her. I thought I wouldn't have to search anymore. Noriko: [Shinji] I thought this crappy fanfic would go somewhere. So much for that. > But that girl in that room; she's just a stranger who looks like her." > Asuka stands for a minute, looking uncomfortable, but then sits next to > him and hands him some tissue. Rebecca [Shinji]: A used tissue. Thanks. Shion: It's because she cares. Tsuneo: Ewww. > She puts her hand on his shoulder and says, > "Shinji." Ugh, she thought, I hate it when he's like this. Shion: And he's like this all the time. > I don't like to see that yatsu cry. > Rally also sits down and says, Rebecca: Boy it's tight on these stairs. > "Shinji, sometimes even sisters are strangers to the ones who love them. Shion [Darkly]: Don't any of you say a thing. [They all look away innocently.] > It's something I know. The sweet girl > who called me ne-san without sarcasm when I was eight turned into a > headstrong, angry woman who hates me." Rebecca: [Rally] And occasionally tries to destroy all of humanity but I forgive her for that. > Shinji looks up, startled by her statement. "She can't hate you?" Noriko: Yes she can. > Rally shrugged. "She's angry at me and resents me; that's pretty close > to hate." Shion: There's a world of difference. > "Ikari-kun." Tsuneo: Any reason why only Rei and Asuka use honorific suffixes in this fic? > They turn around to see Rei standing outside her apartment. "Yes, > Rei." says Shinji. > "There are others of me. Rebecca: A whole tankfull. Noriko: Ritsuko may have something to say about that. > Perhaps one of them is the sister you are > looking for. If I happen to meet her, I'll tell her that you're looking for > her and I'll ask her to contact you through Rally Cheyenne at 00 bunsho. > That's all I can do." Noriko: [Rei] I have no idea who Rally is or where she works, but I'll do it anyway. > She was about to go back inside when Shinji said, "Rei." > "What?" Shion: Nothing. He just likes saying "Rei". > "Arigatogozaimasu.(Thank you ever so much)" He stood up and bowed in a > most exaggerated fashion, but not in a mocking way. Shion: *Real* smooth. > She smiled as if she was touched, then turned to Rally, "We are alike." > "No," Rally said, "but we have similar problems." Noriko: I would love to know how she figures that. Rebecca: So Rei's got an evil sister who wants to destroy... Hang on. > "So," Rei said. "Sayonara." Then she turned and shut the door. Rebecca: [Rei] Good riddance. > Rally drives a dejected Shinji and a frustrated Asuka through Tokyo. > "It's strange, LH and Angels. Avalanche Wong had been studying some of the > ancient texts. It may be that they're two faces of the same thing." Shion: Two very ugly faces. > "You think so." Noriko: Actually, now I think the author's really reaching. > "I'm not sure. It's just a guess based on very limited data. Another > possibility is that they're in direct competition with each other. Perhaps > there hasn't been much activity is because these two forces have been duking > it out between themselves before reaching out to take us. Tsuneo: My money's on the angels. > If that's the > case, then I hope that they destroy each other; but the best I dare hope for > is that one is destroyed and the other damaged enough so we have a fighting > chance. But I know that LH would never join forces with anyone; they're not > the sharing type; so I doubt we'd have to worry about them ganging up on > us." Tsuneo: That's very nice, but who's saying all this? > "If only we knew what they wanted," said Shinji. Tsuneo: To re-unite with Adam and cause third impact. Shion: That's too simple. Rebecca: And everyone knew what Kaoru wanted... > "We know what they want. They want to kill us all." said Asuka. Rebecca: [Shinji] Well, if you put it like that... > "That girl named Rei seemed to react to you. Shion: [Asuka] And not with the usual hatred and loathing either. > I think you were familiar > to her somehow or perhaps she understood that you cared." said Rally. > "Perhaps. But she seemed to also. . . " They hear a ring and Shinji > picks up his cell phone. Shion: [Shinji] Yep. Yep. Unhuh. Yep. Yeah. No. Nup. Unhuh. Unhuh. Yep. No. Noriko: What are you doing? Shion: I'm doing an imitation of the thrilling dialogue from this fic. > Shinji listens, then covers up the mouthpiece. > "It's Skinner, he wants us to come back to the States. He says it's an > emergency." Tsuneo: They're in danger of discovering something and making this fic relevant. > "That's too much of a coincidence." says Asuka. Noriko: That's a bit too quick as well. > "So neh," says Shinji. > "Well, say no." Asuka says. > "I'll tell him we can't come back yet." Shinji said. "Skinner, we > can't come back yet. Tsuneo: So how come his name hasn't been changed? Rebecca: Who could it be changed to? Tsuneo: Keel Lorenz? Rebecca: Nah. He's probably behind all this. Tsuneo: Fuytuski? Rebecca: That'd mean that he actually does something. > How big is this development? You can't tell me over the phone. Rebecca: Convenient, that. > Skinner. . ." > He turns the phone off. "Well," says Asuka. Shion: [Asuka] Do you think he could have been any more obvious? > "He says if we don't come back, we'll have to turn in our badges. > We'll have to take a plane back by the end of the week." > "This time, get 1st class," grumbles Asuka. Rebecca: [Shinji] Yes, dear. > Rally nearly smiles. Shion: [Rally] Isn't it cute when they strangle each other like that? > While Asuka and Shinji crawled through Tokyo using robo-cabs following > leads for the next few days, Rally was catching up on paperwork. Tsuneo: Does this version of Rally ever do anything else? Noriko: I seem to recall something about pacing in this story. > One night, Rally was working on her own project at her desk. I'll have > to work my connections with the LDP if I'm to get AMP developed. Perhaps I > could get the backing of some of the larger corporations, she thought. Rebecca: For what must be the hundredth time. Noriko: I thought Rally *was* a corporation. > There was a knock on the door. > "Come in." > Shinji came in with two bento boxes with rice, tsukemono, fruit & some > fish. "Gohan desuyo. Tsuneo: I *never* would have guessed. > (dinner time)" > "What?" All: He said it's dinner time! > "Well, Asuka went club-hopping by herself, and I hate eating alone. Tsuneo: Given how much she hates Japan, I can't really see Asuka doing that. > I don't mean anything by it except everyday I've been here, you've been > working late. Rebecca: [Shinji] I'm not making a move! No, really! > I guessed you'd still be here." > "That was very thoughtful of you. How much do I owe you?" > "Kore wa tada. Tsuneo: That'll be twenty *yens.* > (It's free) I mean I didn't have any omiyage Noriko: So much for being thoughtful. > (gifts), so this is the least I can do." Rebecca: [Strained] This is *really* getting to me. > She and Shinji started to eat quietly. She at her desk. He ate > sitting on a chair facing her. Shion: It would be rather odd if it was the other way around. > "Shinji-kun?" > "Yes." he says. > "Why is Asuka your partner?" Noriko: To create unnecessary sexual tension. > "Why do you ask that?" > "She always calls you baka-Shinji and never has a pleasant word to say > to you." Tsuneo: [Shinji] You get used to it. > "Because I feel compassion for her." > "Compassion?" Rebecca: That's it, he's mad. Shion: That and she'll beat his head in if he refuses. > Shinji puts down his hashi and looks sad. "Don't tell Asuka I told you > this." > "I promise." After all, I have many secrets that I keep and will keep > forever, she thought. Tsuneo: [Rally] Or until the lame movie. > "She was actually one of my childhood playmates, tokuno mukashi da ta Noriko: In a galaxy far far away. Tsuneo: Well there goes all of EVA out the window. > a long time ago). She was actually quite nice, really. I used to call her > Saru Noriko: And you're still alive? > (Monkey) because she had a monkey doll. Rebecca: Yeah, that's a really good reason. > She got mad, of course. She's always called me baka when I made fun of her." > "But something happened." Shion: She moved to Germany? > "Yes, when we were both 15. Tsuneo: Something to do with big robots, I'd guess. Noriko: Aren't they meant to be 14 anyway? And if he'd made them older, why not tell the audience? > Asuka was crying because her parents were divorcing. Shion: They were fighting over who doesn't have to keep her. > Her father had moved out of the house and was living with the > woman he'd been sleeping with, Rebecca: A purple-haired drunkard? Shion: An "adventurer" with a fake chest? Noriko: Actually, it was probably Ling Ling. Shion: Don't let Marta hear you say that. > a co-worker at the hospital he worked at. > What nobody knew was that Asuka's mother had been taking pills to control > her mood swings and hallucinations; Noriko: [Shinji] I've got no idea where they came from, though. > she'd been self-medicating with some > very scary combinations. She'd also been working on the Eva Project, being > treated with LCL, a drug with psychotropic and hallucinogenic properties. Tsuneo: I would *love* to know what LCL is meant to be in this fic. > I have a case file about those incidents. It looks like she was trying to > contact an EVA. Tsuneo: Ah... Huh? Noriko: I thought... Wait a sec. If they're not making EVAs, then what the hell is this "Project EVA?" Tsuneo: I want to kill someone. Noriko: Tell me about it. > The data on this is not very clear. The results, however, were clear. Rebecca: One plus one *is* two! > She had become extremely mentally unstable, had been for years." Shion: [Shinji] Something to do with her kid, we think. > "For days, Asuka didn't show up at school. In my family, nobody ever > really tells each other anything. Tsuneo: Well given mum's kind of dead and dad's... Well, he's... Noriko: Just Gendo? Tsuneo: Yeah, that kind of makes it hard. > I had to get my information from being invisible and listening. Rebecca: [Shinji] I'm good at that. They can go days without noticing me. Noriko: [Rally] Huh? Did someone say something? > It was only later that I heard her mother had > hanged herself and they had to take Asuka to the hospital to pump all those > toxic chemicals out of her stomach. Shion: Someone's been going to McDonalds again. > Her mother had tried to poison her with > an overdose of her medication, then strangle her while unconscious. The > only reason Asuka was alive was because her father had shown up early to see > Asuka. Her mother had wanted to have him find both of them just dead. Tsuneo: So in other words, it's a mangled version of Asuka's backstory, right? Noriko: Except it's been moved forwards quite a bit, so it'd have a different effect on her. Rebecca: How so? Noriko: Well, she'd be more mature... Forget I said that. > They said that she had had a seizure and went into a coma for more than a > month. When she woke up, the first thing she did was scream, Rebecca: She was having a terrible nightmare about a guy called Tom. > then throw the hospital bed across the room. All: ASUKA SMASH! > She began screaming that she hated everything and everyone." Tsuneo: No change there. Noriko: She could get big in the music industry with that attitude. > Rally closed her eyes. "They were thinking that she might > suffer permanent brain damage. It took her several months to recover. I > wasn't allowed to see her during that time. Her father and her step mother > took her and moved away. Shion: They went to Des Moines and were never heard from again. > I lost track of her for a long time until I heard > she'd been also in the FBI, working on breaking up domal & LCL drug rings." Noriko: That is a scary combination. > "I tried contacting her, but she didn't want to talk to me. Shion: The story of his life. > I think I > reminded her of what had happened and that she was angry with me for not > visiting. I think she really wanted to forget. But, I didn't want to lose > her like I've lost everyone else. Tsuneo: Have you tried behind the couch? If you lose something, it's almost always there. > I couldn't stand it. She had worked temporarily with Kaji Ryouji, Shion: Not that they got much work done. > but Misato pulled some strings and got him to work for her. Shion: More like work under her. Tsuneo: Hey Rebecca? You're letting them get away. Rebecca: [Snores loudly] Noriko: I agree. > As she didn't have a partner, Tsuneo: She couldn't go to the high school prom. > I asked that she be assigned to my project." Tsuneo: He can rearrange the FBI's staff just because he wants to. > "Asuka, once she heard of my research and its connections with what > happened to her and her mother, Shion: [Shinji] She laughed like a maniac and told me how stupid I was. > stayed because she wanted revenge against > the people responsible for her mother's death. Noriko: She was looking for a six-fingered man. > But at the same time, she doesn't want to acknowledge what had happened to her. Shion: Asuka go fruitloop. > That's why she makes fun of my cases sometimes Tsuneo: No Shinji, that's because it's all a load of rubbish. > even though she works hard on finding out what's > going on. She doesn't believe in the same things I believe; Noriko: Shinji, give it up. The Easter Bunny is not real. > she only > believes that their experiments caused her mother to kill herself and try to > kill her. She thinks that I'm just focusing on the trivial, the strange > when it comes to aliens, Shion: With their big foreheads and Intersitors and all. > Angels and the supernatural, but I tell her that > it's not trivial to me if it get us closer to what we need. Noriko: [Rally] And has it? Tsuneo: [Shinji] Well... No. > I remember that you said that your sister had gotten in with a bad crowd." > "Yes," Rally said, Noriko: Desperate to break up the prose and earn her pay. > thinking Oh, if you knew what kind of crowd. Shion: [Bored] The irony is killing me. Rebecca: [Drowsy] Hey. Did I miss something? Shion: No. > "You must argue a bit because you're a cop and your sister is liable to > get into trouble." > "You could say that." Rally says. Wow, understatement of the year, > she thought. Noriko: Yeah, ha ha. It wasn't funny the last three or so times. > "But you still love her. You want to protect her from everything that > could possibly happen and you feel guilty if something does happen. Well, > that's how I feel about Asuka." Shinji then hangs his head down. "Even if > she doesn't return those feelings." Rebecca: Oh, come on. She pummels you senseless with love and affection. > "You're a good guy, Shinji-kun. Here's something that I've learned. Rebecca: Oh, hell. I'm going back to sleep again. Tsuneo: [Rally] Two plus two *is* four. Shion: [Rally] Nice guys finish last. > You can love someone all you want, Shion: [Rally] But for some reason they'll take out a restraining order. > but they're so involved with their own pain Tsuneo: That we get another diatribe like this. > that they'll hate you for not giving them more. Rebecca: Some people are so picky. > Or they'll mistake > your love for a sort of condenscending pity because they hate themselves so > much that Rebecca: They consider going on Springer. > it warps their perception. Sometimes, someone is so unhappy that Tsuneo: They even do the bonus prize round on Takeshi's Castle. Rebecca: Nice and obscure, wonder boy. > they want someone to blame; Rebecca: I blame the Big Aztec Guy, personally. > someone they can hold responsible. Noriko: So they beat up on Shinji. Makes sense. > The person > they blame may be having the same problem, may have nothing to do with the > reason they are unhappy; Shion: Or may just be a psychiatrist who's set to make a fortune out of them. Your choice. > but it has nothing to do with logic. Rebecca: Logic's way overrated anyway. > They'll turn > away from people who understand them and accept other things as substitutes > like power and fear. Sometimes all you can do is Rebecca: Hit the other guy with a chair. Tsuneo: Sell the story to the press and do the talk show circuit. Noriko: Shift the blame. Shion: Kill someone. > be true to yourself and > wait for the other person to realize that nobody else will love them as you > do." > "I might end up waiting forever." Rebecca: And by then something might happen in the fic. Shion: I'm still waiting for the introduction to end. > "That could be the case with me as well," she said. "Well, we're both > being gloomy. Tsuneo: [Rally] With a chance of showers. Tomorrow will be pretty much the same with sunny patches expected by Friday. > Fu, fu. Rebecca: So she's got a pet poodle? > Thank you for the dinner. Noriko: [Rally] It was one of the nicest pieces of toxic waste I've ever consumed. > It's nice to talk to someone about something other than business. Shion: Oh, *yes.* A depressing discussion of everyone's personal problems is just the right thing to go with dinner. > You have a plane to catch tomorrow, don't you?" Tsuneo: [Rally] This is a subtle hint. > "Hai." > "You probably better start packing." > "Hai." Rebecca: [Rally] You wouldn't fancy a shag instead? > Shinji put his empty box into the bag and was about to leave when Rally > said, > "Shinji." > "What?" Noriko: [Rally] Your fly's undone. > "Ganbatte neh. Tsuneo: You'll be trying forever. > (Keep trying)" > Shinji smiles. "Hai. Good night." > "Good night." > Shinji has just stepped out of Rally's room when he sees Asuka standing > in the hall way just outside her door staring at him. "Hi, Asuka." > "What were you doing in Rally's office?" Rebecca: Figure it out, Asuka. Shion: Never mind that, what was she doing waiting out there? > "Just having dinner and talking. It was just two bento boxes." > "Did you have dinner with her because she reminds you of Rei?" Noriko: Face it, Asuka. You're obsessed with Rei. > "I hate eating alone and since you decided to go out by yourself, I > thought I'd keep someone company. It was nice." Rebecca: That's got to be one of the worst things he could have said. > "You're not going to stay in Tokyo, are you?" she said, trying to look > indifferent by turning her head towards her door. "You're not going to stay > and try looking for Rei, are you?" Tsuneo: Shinji Ikari in Saving Private Ayanami. > "No." What was she going on about? Noriko: The so-called plot. > he thought, then he smelled a small > whiff of alcohol. She's been drinking. She was wavering ever so slightly > on her legs. Rebecca: And the Naga costume she was wearing was a dead giveaway. > "Rally didn't invite you to join AMP, did she? Noriko: Well, he almost meets the main qualification. Shion: Being female? Noriko: Yep. > I could see that you were having fun talking to her about all those bakemono." > Is she jealous? Shion: Maybe she's the one with the blue hair fetish after all. > "No, she didn't." > "Well, of course, she could see that you're devoted to your job in > Washington. . ." The scorn was creeping back into her voice. > "Did you prefer that I stay here?" he said. Tsuneo: Take a hint. > "Do you want to go back to > Washington without me?" Does she hate me, still? Rebecca: What do *you* think? > Or am I imagining it? Shion: Am I paranoid or am I just stoned? > "What?" > Shinji wavered slightly on whether to say what he wanted to say what he > felt. Rebecca: I think she's noticed what he's *feeling* by now. > Then he said, "You've never forgiven me, have you?" Noriko: Of course she has. All the blows to the head have been out of kindness. > Asuka looked dumbstruck, then her face had that sad vulnerability that > it rarely had. Shion: Usually just before she hurt someone. > "What do you mean?" > "You hate me, don't you?" Rebecca: Yes! He finally figured it out! > "What are you saying?" Her wavering had stopped. > "That time when when you were in the hospital." Rebecca: Oh boy. Here we go again. > "I don't want to remember." > "I tried to visit you but the doctors turned me away. Noriko: Is he just going to repeat everything he told Rally? Rebecca: [Snores loudly] > I called your house, but your parents told me that Shion: [Shinji] They were moving to Brazil and not leaving a forwarding address. > you were still sick and that I would > upset you. I couldn't just drive over when your father had moved the entire > family all the way to Germany. Shion: Wow, they *really* didn't like him. > But I didn't forget you. Noriko: [Shinji] No matter how hard I tried. > I didn't try to ignore you. Tsuneo: That would be impossible. > There were days I just wanted to hear your voice say, 'Baka-Shinji' Shion: Is Shinji into self-abuse or something? Rebecca: No, Shinji's into self-satifaction. [Tsuneo whacks her with a cushion] Oh come on! We all saw him in End of Evangelion. > because that would've meant you were OK. I know how baka that sounds. Noriko: No comment. > When I heard you were working for the FBI and I asked for you to > join me; I knew you were angry. But I didn't want to send you away because > I didn't want to think I'd run away again. But now. . ." Rebecca: [Asuka] How dare you attempt to psycho-analyse the great Asuka! WA-TAK! > "Now. . ." > "We've been working two years now. Tsuneo: [Shinji] And I still haven't had my paid vacation. > I've saved your life and you've saved mine. Shion: Can't figure why, though... > I still have the feeling that you have never forgiven me. I > can't go on like this. If you can't find it in yourself to forgive me, then > there's nothing in Washington for me. Noriko: There's nothing in Washington for anyone besides the Smithsonian, cigars and a good par five. > I know that I am no Kajii Ryouji. Shion: You certainly haven't got what he does. Rebecca: Yeah, he's got a thrustmaster and all Shinji's got is a toothpick. > If you want to find someone who doesn't bother you like I do, that's OK with > me. This is all I have to say." Rebecca: And he'll promptly keep talking for another two pages. > "Shinji-kun." Her face was still, but her eyes were shaking ever so > slightly Tsuneo: Voice, can you adjust the vertical hold? Voice: Not my fault. > and they were glistening as if she was trying to keep from crying. > "What?" > "You're so stupid!" Asuka says before going into her room. > Shinji is left standing outside. Tsuneo: That worked. Shion: [Shinji] That's the nicest thing she's ever said to me. > I've messed things up, he thought. > I'll call my uncle and see if he has a spare room I can stay for a while. Rebecca: No! Not Shinji's sight unseen generic uncle! Tsuneo: Give it a rest. Rebecca: There's one thing that has allways bothered me. Which side of the family is he from? Tsuneo: ... > The next morning he was in bed still when he heard a ferocious banging Rebecca: Coming from the room next to him. > on his door like something inhuman was trying to come in. The door opened > and he saw a really angry Asuka standing in the doorway. [They all break out laughing] Noriko: I thought that was our job? > He said, "Asuka, what are you doing here?" Tsuneo: [Shinji] And why have you got a cleaver? > "Baka-Shinji, you have a plane to catch to Washington. You're not > going to sleep your way out of a job. Okinasai yo (Wake up)!" She pulls > the covers and screams at what she finds. Shinji went to sleep without a > stitch on. Shion: [Giggles] Toothpicks. > He hastily puts a pillow over himself. "What's going on?" > "Do you think I'm going to face the wrath of Skinhead all by myself? > You must be crazy, mooo. Shion: There goes that cow thing again. > You think I'm going to leave you here in Tokyo in > the hands of that crazy blue-haired woman; Tsuneo: Sylia Stingray? Rebecca: Which one? Tsuneo: Either one will do. > she'll frown and blow you to pieces for Christ's sake. Noriko: Asuka? Some people have self-control. > You need me to protect you from yourself." > The wrath of Skinhead, Shinji thought. It sounds a lot like one of > those ancient Star Trek movies. Rebecca: The Wrath Of Skinhead? Noriko: Starring William Shatner in the title role. > He briefly imagined the Enterprise being > invaded by Neo-nazis before clothes began to rain on top of him. Rebecca: I feel insulted, but I can't figure how. Shion: Shinji's having one of those weird dreams again. Tsuneo: Next thing you know, everyone starts congratulating him, then he wakes up in Misato's apartment and thanks god everything's back to *normal.* > "Hurry up and get changed or we'll miss the plane home." > "Well, if you don't want to scream, Shion: Or break up laughing. > you better get out of the room so I > can change!" Then he stopped and remembered what he had said last night. > "Oh, wait, do you remember last night?" Rebecca: Whoah, Shinji! Do tell! > "Of course, I'm not crazy like you are. Noriko: [Asuka] I'm a completely different type of crazy. > I was mad for a while, but I > was mad at everyone for a while. But that was a long time ago, everything > else you've been thinking has all been in your head. Tsuneo: It's pretty crowded in there. > I'm leaving the room and don't come out until you're decent! Moooo." All: Moo? > Rally gave them a lift to the Narita airport, then lands near the > entrance. Tsuneo: Then she randomly switched tense a few more times. > She watched their squabbling with some amusement. Noriko: [Rally] It's funny how they dismember each other. > If they were > to only truly talk with each other, so many of their problems could be > resolved, she thought. Shion: Fat chance of that. > Well, I'm one to talk. > A small dark voice in her head said, Tsuneo: At last, it's over. Shion: Over? Did it ever begin? > Humans, this is what they are, how sad. Noriko: Let's be fair, you're not looking at the two best specimens. > Asuka hops out. Shinji turns to Rally and says, "Rally, I'm sure > everything'll eventually turn out OK." Rebecca: It never does, but it's nice to delude yourself. > "I hope you get your sister back. Sayonara." > "That sounds too final for me. How about simply 'Until next time.'" Rebecca: 'Till all are one? BLAM! > Rally says. "Ok. Until next time." Noriko: [Rally] May it never happen. > Asuka fumes, then takes his arm and drags him out of the car and off to > the awaiting gate. Tsuneo: Don't worry, the gate's not going anywhere. > "Hurry up or we'll be late." Aoi kami na onna, minna dai kirai, she thought. Rebecca: Thanks for the translation notes there. And no, I don't want to know. > "Asuka,enough." But Asuka held on to his arm all the way into the > airport, which he would've enjoyed if her grip wasn't so intense. Tsuneo: [Shinji] Asuka, you're cutting off the circulation in my arm. Shion: [Asuka, sweetly] I know that. > Rally sighs. Things were going to be hard, very hard from now on. > Another battle will be coming soon. Noriko: Does this mean we get a sequel? Please no. We've been good. > I may end up seeing you sooner than > expected. A few wet drops began falling on her windshield. Rain again, > when will it stop? she thought. > THE END [The TV switches off] Shion: Is it over? I was waiting for it to start. Voice: Yes, it's over. Noriko: Thankfully. Rebecca: I suppose you want our reviews now? Voice: at least what passes for them. Tsuneo: [To Noriko] Don't worry, you can say just about anything and he'll believe you. Noriko: I've got it covered. Tsuneo: It was a long, rambling mess. There were some incredibly shoddy connections between Silent Mobius and the X-Files, but EVA basically didn't get into it except for dropping a few names. Especially with Shinji, who's little more than Fox Mulder with a new name. Noriko: I was really annoyed by the hideous understatement in that fanfic. Such things as "Rosa's in with a bad crowd," and the like. It wasn't funny at first, and it sure wasn't funny the next five or so times. It's as if the authour had just looked up "irony" in the dictionary and decided to try it out. Rebecca: It was long, drawn-out, overblown and repetitive. It took an awful long time to get nowhere and do nothing. I know that we get fics that are over before they really begin, but those are usually stupidly short ones. This one, on the other hand, was incredibly long. As far as I could tell, the entire fic was a set-up for a situation that never happened. Shion: I'm still waiting for the introduction to end. Simply put, it was that dull. Voice: Care to ad anything else? Shion: No. Voice: Fine then. Rebecca: Aw, what's he gonna do, cry about it? [To Shion] I like working with you. Shion: Naturally. Rebecca: You give the voice even less respect than I do. Noriko: You give him some at all? Tsuneo: Usually when he's waving a self-insertion over our head, we have to. Shion: Well I'm leaving. even if I have to destroy this place to get out. [The door swings open] Shion: Thank you. [They all leave. The screen goes blank.] Voice: This may have been a mistake. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Tsuneo is copyright 1995-2000 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-2000 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Shion Nys is copyright 1997-2000 Michael Surbrook Noriko Kobayashi created by Jeff Mueller (c) 1997, used with permission. Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, the Sattelite of Rednecks and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. Surbrook's Stuff http://superagents.net/surbrook/index.html Tons of Hero System material, including worldbooks, character adaptations, soucre material and original artwork. Plus Kazei Five, an official Hero Games product! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > She smiled as if she was touched, then turned to Rally, "We are alike." > "No," Rally said, "but we have similar problems."