Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Number 43. The continuation of "Cruel Lina's Thesis." Featuring th3e dreaded Dinner Scene! And a guest appearance by Keanu Reeves! Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Slayers is copyright (fill this bit in) "Cruel Lina's Thesis" is copyright 2 hacks who've written bad fanfics over the web. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Rick and Tsuneo enter, arguing.] Tsuneo: Look, they're just incompatible. There's no way it would work, okay? Rick: [Sighs] Let's run through this again, okay? Tsuneo: Alright. Rick: The Dragon Slave is a norking big blast of energy, right? Tsuneo: Check. Rcik: They've penetrated an AT field with a norking big gun, right? Tsuneo: Check. Rick: So what's the problem? [Tsuneo falls over and writhes on the floor. Rebecca enters and steps over his twitching carcass.] Rebecca: What's with wonder boy? Rick: He's just a sore loser. [Tsuneo leaps to his feet.] Tsuneo: It's not that! Rick refuses to see logic. Rebecca: I can see the problem. What were you two on about? Tsuneo: An important metaphysical discussion. Rick: We want to know is a Dragon Slave can gloop an angel or not. [Tsuneo falls over and writhes on the floor.] Rebecca: Really worthwhile. What brought this on? Rick: We were just chatting about that "Cruel Lina's Thesis" thing- Rebecca: You know you're not meant to mention that fic around Tsuneo. It gives him fatal brain haemorrhaging. [Tsuneo leaps to his feet.] Tsuneo: Gee, thanks. The big point is how compatible the metaphysics of Slayers and EVA are. Rebecca: Good one. I'd say not at all, but never mind. Tsuneo: Well that's precisely my point. From what I've gathered, black magic in Slayers comes from monster lords who don't even have a presence in EVA. It shouldn't work at all. Rick: Yeah, but their domain is over fear, hate and all that stuff. You know, the dark side of the Force? And you've got to admit, there's plenty of that going around in EVA. Tsuneo: Well, I'd certainly have to agree with you there. But that doesn't mean that Lina can tap it. Rebecca: But assuming she can? Tsuneo: Oh, *assuming* she can still cast magic, we've then got to worry about the AT field. Simply put, they could only punch through Ramiel's AT field with all the power in Japan. I mean, Ramiel's was a particularly strong AT field - Rick: And a jobber angel like Ahuatdahell certainly would have a weaker one. Tsuneo: Precisely, but it's the only measure we've got. I mean, a Dragon Slave can demolish a whole town, but things in Slayers have survived that kind of punishment. Rick: Yeah, but only the super monsters. You know, Shabranigdo and whatsitsface, the dragon thing. Rebecca: So how do they stack up next to angels? Tsuneo: There's the big theological brainbuster. Rick: OK, we all know that the AT field is the "wall of the soul" or some rubbish like that. And it can only be dispelled by another AT field. Now remembering here that the Dragon Slave's power is pumped directly from ol' Shabbydingo himself, who is a major supernatural demonic entity or something to that effect. In fact, he's more like a dark gawd than anything else. And this is the power that comes from human emotions magnified by his, um.... you know, wassanameness. So, from what I gather, it's the sort of stuff that AT fields are made of and thus demolished by. Rebecca: "Wassanameness"? Rick: You know, thingy. Rebecca: Oh. That makes perfect sense. [Dan enters.] Dan: Hey guys, what's up. Rebecca: Oh, Rick and Tsuneo are busy strangling each other to see if a Dragon Slave can kill an Angel or not. Dan: Sure it can. [Dead silence.] Tsuneo & Rick: Why? Dan: Because the authors say so. Rebecca: Makes sense. For once, I agree with him. Rick: The world is coming to an end. Tsuneo: I need cheering up. hold on, guys. [Tsuneo wanders over to the computer and fiddles with it for a second.] Rick: Any fanmail? Tsuneo: Loads! [They all cluster around the computer.] Tsuneo: Here's one from "The Eternal" on Delta Invasion and Hellstorm. Rick: Ah, a fellow sufferer. > Yo! Rick: Yo! Dan: Yo-yo! > Usually I don't write to MSTing authors, even those I like (probably 'cause > I'm sooo lazy) but I just HAD to congratulate you on a job well done with > "The Delta Invasion" and "Hellstorm Evangelion"...when an MSTing makes me > laugh out loud, I KNOW it's good. Then again, I've been a fan ever since you > did that God-awful "The Heart's Battleground" and now that I've actually > SEEN NGE the riffs are even funnier!! Dan: That was ages ago. > Hmm, looking back over "Hellstorm Evangelion" I have to wonder if Issei > isn't Oscar's evil twin, or Oscar himself/herself (despite the fact that > even Oscar's spelling wasn't THAT bad, and Issei's not a hermaphrodite...) Rebecca: Freaky. There are some similarities, come to think of it. > And before I forget...while I really like Dan, Rebecca, and Rick, I honestly > have to say that Tsuneo is my favorite!! Dan, Rick & Rebecca: Huh? > Probably 'cause I have a soft spot > for perpetually grumpy people. (^_^) Anyway, rock on, Tsuneo! Your > two-girl fanclub (Su-chan likes you too ^_^) will always be here cheering > you on!! Tsuneo: Woo-hoo! I've got fans! Yes! Yes! Thank you! Thank you so much! Rick: Uh, Tsuneo? Did you actually read what they said about you? Rebecca: Just let him be. It's a novelty for him. Rick: Oh. Tsuneo: Ahem. Anyway, our next is from Keith Palmer on Delta Invasion. > After reading the third part of your pilot program of "Evangelion II: Delta > Invasion", Rick: [Keith] My head exploded, and I died in a puddle of my own gore. > I felt compelled to make some comments. Oddly, and perhaps > frighteningly, I've begun to think that this fanfic is a hybrid of NXE and > Hellstorm Evangelion. Tom Dyron has enough overdone talents to make DJ > Croft jealous, and the fight scenes have a bizarre air to them (although, > as you said at the start of the third part, they're not quite the same as > in Hellstorm Evangelion). Then there's the dialogue, which is ridiculous > enough on its own. Dan: No kidding. This is scary. > The riffing was quite good in the third part. You got about as much > distance out of the cooked newspaper idea as anyone would be able to, in my > opinion. Tsuneo: I personally think we overdid it. Rick: So do I. It fell about when I pulled it out of the pot. Tsuneo: ... > At the same time, I can see how you'd want to move on to > something different. I haven't had the courage to seek out the EVA bot > fodder archive that Chuck Williamson mentioned to read the last ten parts > of Delta Invasion unriffed, but I think I get the general idea (although > Tom's friend hasn't shown up yet). Rebecca: And we dread the day when he does. > I don't know if you'd be able to keep > your sanity after working through another ten parts of Delta Invasion. Dan: Oh, it's simple. We'll just break it up by doing something easy like the complete works of Kefka. Dan: Thanks again, Keith. We feel your pain. Tsuneo: Another one on Delta Invasion. This time from Mike Surbrook. > Tell me, was that *SUPPOSED* to make *ANY* sense? All: No. Tsuneo: And finally from Trevor Laughlin on Delta Invasion. > Oooooh! Delta Invasion3. Gee thanks.. I think... Rick: Why does that name sound familiar? Tsuneo: Thanks again to everyone for writing in. Voice: Morning all. Rebecca: Morning, Mordock. Voice: Everyone fine? Good to see you. Rick: Uh-oh. He's being cheery. The apocalypse is near. Voice: Nonsense, Rick. I got one of your favourites. Rick: Favourites? Uh... Whoops. [They all glare at him.] Rick: when I said "I liked it," I meant, you know, it wasn't that bad comparatively speaking. I didn't mean "please ram another half dozen chapters down our throats. Tsuneo: Great going, Rick. Dan: Gee, thanks. [They sit - Dan & Tsuneo facing the TV, Rick and Rebecca on the sideways couch. Tsuneo and Rebecca are closest on the corner.] [The screen lights up.] > Well, this is part 3 in the can. Tsuneo: It belongs in the can. > As promised, now that the summer is here, Rick: Beach movie time! Pass the Scooby Snacks! > work is progressing on a more regular basis. Dan: And this is a good thing because? > This chapter begins > a couple of story threads we think you'll enjoy. The innuendo gets a bit > thick here, but we're staying well on the safe side of lemon. Really. Rebecca: Thank you. I don't think anyone could survive a Slayers/EVA crossover lemon with this level of humour. Dan: Ooh! Me! > * A Neon Genesis Evangelion/Slayers Crossover * > * * > * Cruel Lina's Thesis * > * * > * Part 3: Eat, Drink and Be Merry, for tomorrow... * Tsuneo: We read crappy fanfiction. > (Insert legal "please do not sue us" stuff here) Dan: No! Do it yerself! > Any actual commentary with thought can be sent to : > laughlin@accessv.com > Or > evansjt@interlog.com Rick: Oh, that's who it - Wait a sec, they sent us fanmail? Voice: It's a weird world out there. > ------------------- > the evening of > ------------------- Rick: As concise and accurate as ever, I see. Rebecca: These guys could write Animorphs tech specs. > It is sunset of the day of the 31st angel attack. Misato and Kozo > Fuyutsuki are seated in Gendo's office, Dan: With that guilty look you get before going to see the principal. > (The one with the huge Kabbalist tree of life on the ceiling). Tsuneo: Nah, the one with the plastic potplants. > "...then cleaned up Aoba's Mr. Pibb from the console and as far as > we can tell Commander, that is the entirety of the events regarding this > battle.", reported Cpt. Katsuragi. Rick: Their attributed professionalism amazes me. > "And what about the strange energy pattern that we witnessed during > the battle? Rebecca: Oh, it was just your standard Star Trek interference. > The one that knocked down the sensors?" enquired Cmndr. Fuyutsuki. Dan: No, the one that redecorated the office and transmuted his coffee machine into a rabbit. Rick: [Misato] That? That was just one of WARenfeld's quantum surges. > "Well," Misato commented casually, "you seem to know more about it > than we do. Rebecca: [Misato] In fact, I don't know why I'm even bothering telling you this. > We certainly can't trust any of the readings we've taken. All > that Pibb frazelled up more things than we'd care to remember. Dan: Or explain to the accounting department. > Ristuko is still trying to debug Balthazar... Tsuneo: It's sulking because Ritsuko hasn't given it a Mothers' Day card in years. Rick: Nah, it just wants its FTB. Dan: FTB? Rick: Fluffy Teddy Bear. Rebecca: Nice and obscure there. > that small amount of Pibb put it into sugar shock." > "I have every confidence in Dr. Akagi to solve the problem at hand. Rick: [Fuyutski] Hang on, what was that explosion? Dan: [Misato] Dr. Akagi solving the problem at hand. > Er,... what 'exactly' was Balthazar's problem due to the shock." Rebecca: It's insisting that it's a moose that will gore everyone to death with its big gnashy antlers. > "Um,.... Mine Sweeper sir." > "Mine Sweeper?" > "Yes.... It seems to be locked in a sequence where it's repeatedly > playing games of Mine Sweeper that it can never win." Rebecca: What's so special about that? No-one can win minesweeper. > "I see. We'll Cmndr. Ikari will be glad for the thoroughness of > your report. Rick: Actually, he'll probably be glad for the lack thereof. > Will that be all Ms. Katsuragi?" Tsuneo: [Misato] While we're here, can I have a raise? Dan: [Misato] Yeah, there's this kid hanging around my apartment who thinks he's Steve Austin. Can you do something about it? > "Actually there is one more thing Commander Fuyutsuki. The pilots > have requested a get-together for themselves and some of their schoolmates. > You know, a 'team-building experience'? Tsuneo: They're going to go and play paintball? That's what we did for our "team-building experience." Rebecca: Asuka playing paintball. Now there's a scary thought. Rick: [Asuka] You dare splatter paint on the great Asuka's hair? ACKACKACKACKACK! > Well I was wondering, since we don't really -pay- them anything, Tsuneo: It's never mentioned in the show, but it's generally *assumed* that they get payed something. > that we could send them out to a restaurant or something?" Dan: [Misato] Please? We don't have a plot for this chapter otherwise. > "Hrm,... Well we have had a pointless fight scene and a rather > disappointing shower scene in the last chapter. Rick: Hey, the authors have been listening to us! Dan: Cool. [Pause] Stop writing! > I think some time off and some character development would be in order. Tsuneo: Let's see how the authors can muck that up. > I'm sure I can authorize Gainax to grant the funds Dan: So they can write it off on their expenses. > and get Gendo to agree." Rick: I think a figure-four leg lock would do the trick nicely. > "Agree to what Fuyutsuki?" The door to the office opens, casting a > beams of light from the hallway onto the couple talking. Dan: [Fuyutski] Ah crap, it's the boss. > A silhouette > vaguely recognizable as that of Gendo Ikari stands at the entrance. There's > something .... different... about him. Rebecca: [Misato] Are you using a new aftershave, sir? > Something.... wrong. Tsuneo: Probably the Teletubby costume he was wearing. > Gendo pranced up to his desk like a proud show pony. Misato and > Fuyutsuki could only stare in horror. Rick: For it wasn't Gendo, it was Juhgy who laughed maniacally and spontaneously died in a puddle of his own gore. Rebecca: No, it was Soun Tendo. > It was Gendo Ikari, but his hair was > not its usual hodgepodge of pokers. His hair was styled like Little > Richard. This... was not right. Tsuneo: [Queasy] You're telling us? > Misato quickly sought escape, Rick: Try the window. > "Oh,... ah,... Commander Fuyutsuki can brief you on all the details sir. Dan: [Fuyutski] Gee, thanks. Just drop me in it, why don't you. > I'm,... I just have to go and.... do... > something... elsewhere.... Yes, elsewhere. Bye." She fled the scene through > the open office door. Rick: Brilliant excuse there, Misato. Up there with "The check is in the mail." > Commander Ikari sighed, "And she didn't even mention my new perm.... > I'll have to have words with Renaldo about this..." > Fuyutsuki could only gape at the sight. Tsuneo: And the point of this is? > -------------------------------------------- > Experiments in human interaction > -------------------------------------------- Rebecca: Number one: stick four people in a room and force them to watch bad fanfiction. > Asuka sighed, figuring that she'd probably have to explain this at > least one more time; Dan: [Asuka] The rabbit comes out of the hole, goes around the tree... > however, liking it was not mandatory. Tsuneo: Just like this fic. > "So,...." Shinji tentatively began Rick: Shinji, whatever Asuka's got planned, it won't be good for you. Rebecca: [Shinji] But whipped cream brings me out in a rash! > "Listen. We're going to be taking the new kids out for dinner. > Okay?!" Tsuneo: Welcome to hell. Dan: Are you kidding? He's with Naga all night long. Rebecca: Case proven. > "Then why am I here.", Hikari enquired. Rick: 42. No, that doesn't work. > Having gone home and changed > her clothes after the angel attack, she was the only one there who was > neither in school uniform nor completely privy to Asuka's master plan. Rebecca: [Asuka] I have a cunning plan! > *Sigh* "Because you're the class president and only the class > president has the authority to pull off a stunt like this." Tsuneo: Why? Dan: Maybe only the class president can forge the teacher's signature. > "Ok. That's her. What about me?" asked Toji Tsuneo: Because this is a *team* building exercise and he's a *pilot.* Rebecca: Nah, Hikari would just rip his remaining limbs off. Dan: Say, how did he get them back in Delta Invasion anyway? Or here for that matter? Rick: Floating island. > Hikari fielded that response, "You're here because you're my > boyfriend!" She smiled playfully, clutching his arm, Rick: In a rear wristlock. Rebecca: [Toji] Alright, I'm coming with you! Rope! Rope! > all past grievances forgotten. Dan: I see Hikari's medication has finally kicked in. > Kensuke mumbled to himself (barely loud enough for Hikari to hear), > "I though he said he was here to see that White Serpent chick again?..." Rebecca: That and Hikari threatened to dismember him. Again. > Hikari, scowling, tightened her grip on Toji's arm, all past > grievances recalled. "Asuka, tell me why 'he' (nodding to Kensuke) is > here again?" Tsuneo: To re-use the some sketch from part 2. > "Because Misato wouldn't agree to let us go unless it was 'a team > building experience'", she replied mournfully. Dan: Which doesn't explain why they're inviting the Slayers cast along. Rebecca: This is Asuka's plan. Ask her! > "So,... I'm coming because...." Shinji tentatively began, again. Rick: [Asuka] Oh, I just need someone to push around and make me look great. Tsuneo: Hello! We've already done this bit! > "It's a team building event, and God help us, you're part of the > team. Besides that, IF YOU DON'T I'LL KILL YOU!!!" Dan: That seems fair. > "Heh, heh.... Ok." That was explanation enough for Shinji. Rick: [Shinji] No spellcasting for Asuka tonight. [Rebecca brains him with a cushion.] > Consistency was the hallmark of his relationship with Asuka; most of the > time. Tsuneo: Well... That *is* consistency. > He turned to Rei to look for sympathy. > Ayanami's only response was to look at him, shrug her shoulders > and reply, "What?" Dan: [Rei] There, I've said something. Can I go now? > ------------------------- > The stage of mages > ------------------------- Rick: Or is that the mage of stages? I can't remember. Rebecca: So there's a Tragic: The Blathering tournament going on? > It was a pleasant 2 story, semi-detached Dan: Cardboard box. > flat: fully furnished, a living/dining room, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen Rick: An indoor swimming pool and fully-equipped gymnasium. Rebecca: Driver's side airbags and satellite positioning system. Dan: High-grade avionics and 0/0 ejection seat. Tsuneo: And folds away for easy storage. How much would you pay? > and 4 small cubbyholes which were what passed for bedrooms in Japan. Tsuneo: Uh, guys? Those are the broom closets. > The landlord had been more than > happy to accept 3 bars of gold as a deposit and a couple of month's rent. Rick: And promptly booked a plane to Brazil. > The jeweller they had spoken to after the angel had been destroyed had > provided them with what they considered a generous amount of yen (generous, > considering that Lina et al had 5 more satchels of it lying around). Dan: Doesn't anyone check for ID? Rebecca: When they're hauling around that much money, do you ask? Tsuneo: Yes. > After a brief jaunt to one of the nearby malls which had survived the > assault of the latest angel, Dan: With most modern malls, how would you tell the difference? Tsuneo: It would be more navigable. > they had acquired a fair supply of > provisions: 'modern' clothing, simple spell components (salt & chalk; eye > of newt is kind of rare in Tokyo-3 Rick: Except in some of the cheaper Chinese restaurants. > and apothecaries don't just pop out > of the ground here...exactly), and a large supply of food (which would last > an Ethiopian family till the next millennium, but wouldn't survive the > night between Gaurry and Lina). Tsuneo: Ah yes, Slayers. Where the jokes are almost as overused as they are here. [Rick and Rebecca hit him with cushions] > "Oi! Lina. What do you think?" Gaurry came out of his room wearing > a plain white T shirt, denim jeans and carrying a red jacket over his shoulder. > The Sword of Light hung at his side. Rebecca: Not bad, not bad. > "Not bad Gaurry, not bad at all. You look like a regular guy for a > change." Said Lina, who was sporting a black Metallica T-shirt Rick: Well, it wouldn't be an EVA fic if the author didn't shove their musical tastes down our throats. > and a pair of khaki's Rebecca: Somehow I just can't imagine that. > "Why don't you just pick up the rest of the food and put it > in the big, humming box with the freeze spell on it." > "Sure thing." Gaurry turned away from Lina and bent over to pick up > the remaining four bags (and taking a case of Mr. Pibb in hand). The jeans > became very tight, focusing Lina's attention briefly. Dan: Rebecca, stop staring. Rebecca [Staring at the TV]: Am not. > For that fleeting > moment, Lina indulged in a daydream; but only momentarily. Musing she > thought, "Over here, he's just a regular guy and I'm a just a regular girl. Rick: I think Ahuatdahell would argue that point with you. > But I'm not a regular girl. And he's..." Rick: Got the IQ of a stunned mullet. > "OW! BAKA!", yelled Naga as Gaurry crashed into her by the doorway to > the kitchen. Tsuneo: Amazing. Despite the fact that they are from a completely different planet and can somehow perfectly speak and understand Japanese, Naga still slips into fanboy speech. > Continuing her musing, "He... is a moron. He wouldn't know if a girl > was coming on to him even if they bit him in his very,... very tight butt." Dan: Rebecca! Rebecca: What? What? Dan: You're drooling. Rebecca: Am not. > A sly grin crept across her face fading to a sad frown, "*bah* Who am I > kidding. He's no prince and I'm no princess." Clenching her hands and with > stars in her eyes she declares, Rebecca: [Lina] I'm beginning to act like Amelia! > "And I WILL marry into a rich family > with a handsome prince where I will be kept in the style that I am accustomed > to." Rick: Or rather would like to become accustomed to. > No one knew where Amelia had acquired the Sailor Moon T-shirt from, > but it seemed appropriate. [They all nod their heads in agreement.] Rick: Figures that Sailor Moon would appeal to Amelia. She's got the right IQ for it. Dan: Hey! I'm a Sailor Moon fan! Tsuneo: Case proven. [Dan clobbers him and Rick with cushions. He then pauses and throws one at Rebecca for good measure.] > "Lina," she added enthusiastically, " you could > marry my DAD, Prince Phillionel! Rebecca: Or for a more pleasant time, you could roll around naked on broken glass before diving into a vat of vinegar. > Then you could be my stepmother Dan: Now there's an unpleasant mental image. > and we could fight justice together as a family! Wouldn't that be great?!", All: No. > shattering Lina's daydream with the potential of a nightmare. > Not wanting to hurt the feelings of the young 'champion of justice in > training', Rebecca: Since when has that stopped her? > Lina replied (with much more tact than she is used to), "Ah,... > your dad is a bit old for me Amelia." Tsuneo: You'd be a year younger than your stepmother. Go fig. Rick: First one to make a Woody Allen joke dies. > Deciding to put her own 2 yen's worth into the discussion, Naga > interjected, Tsuneo: That's about all Naga could contribute. > "Oh, I don't know Lina. At your age I'd think your options > were limited. Dan: Why's she making a joke about Lina's age? She's *older!* > You should take what you can get." Despite being garbed in a > sweatshirt and pink spandex pants, which made her almost look homely, Tsuneo: Only if you don't know what that word means. Rick: You know, they've been wandering this world for a while now, so you think they'd be able to tell what *regular* people wear and correct Naga's *obvious* mistake. Dan: I don't mind. > Naga > still had an unquenchable thirst for insulting the red-headed sorceress > that would not be sated. Dan: Which would have nothing to do with her clothing. Thank you. > "Now what's that supposed to mean Naga? You're older than I am.", Lina > retorted. Dan: Well... My point. > "True, but look at how men flock to me." Rick: Especially when stockings are involved. Rebecca: Shush, Rick. You're giving the voice ideas. Tsuneo: Stockings? Rick: A self-insertion Slayers lemon involving a guy with a stocking fetish. [Tsuneo pauses for a second, then scrunches up his face as if in pain.] Tsuneo: Ouch. > she smirked, "Whereas you... > wellllll..... you know how it is. BWHo-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho----ACK! Ack-ack-ack" > Typically a comment like that would have elicited at least a Dil Brand, Rick: Or even a dil pickle. Dan: Hit her with a Dilbert. That could be fatal. > but they'd just got the house and were still making payments Tsuneo: [Total deadpan] You don't make payments on a rented flat. > so Lina opted > for the good ol fashioned hands on technique of choking the living snot out > of the Great White Serpent. [They all cheer wildly.] > Amelia tried to get Lina off Naga but stopped as the doorbell rang. Rebecca: Their timing is, as always, immaculate. > Ignoring the squabbling sorceresses, she ran to the door and answered it. > "Hi hi!" she said, opening the door to whoever lay beyond. Dan; That's not Amelia, that's Jamie! Tsuneo: Watch it Dan, or else he'll write a sequel. > Unsurprisingly, those beyond the threshold were Rick: The four horsemen of the apocalypse? > Asuka, Toji, Kensuke, Hikari, Rick: Close enough. > Shinji, and Rei. Dan: The death of the party. > Hikari puts on a brave face Rebecca: Half blue and wearing a fright wig. > and speaks, "Hello again, Amelia isn't it?" Tsuneo: As if you could forget. > "Yup Hikari-San. What can I do for you?" > "Well, I was wondering *heh-heh*...", Rebecca: Whoa! I never knew Hikari felt that way. > she stutters nervously as she > is prodded from behind by a very stern Asuka to continue on, Rick: Carrying a taser, no doubt. > "... Actually, > this would be easier if we could tell everyone at once. Where are your > friends?" Dan: Think about this one. Do you really want to know? > "Well that's Naga and Lina on the floor behind me..." Dan & Rick: Ooh... > The collective unit of the Evangelion cast leaned to the right and > gaze beyond the threshold. Naga has managed to overpower the younger sorceress > and sat astride her, leaning forward and pinning her hands to the ground. > "Haha! Once again I have proven to be the more powerful of the two. Now > you shall taste the punishment of the Whiiiiitee..... Oh, hello there.", Dan: No, please, continue with that punishment bit, don't mind us. > she says as she notices the group of students observing the two of them on > the floor in a very compromising position. Rebecca: That would be an understatement. > Toji grinned, "All right, we're not even half way through the 3rd > chapter and we already have some hot girl-on-girl action." Tsuneo: That's called "giving the audience what they want." [He glares at Rick and Dan.] Rick: What? What? > Kensuke shouted gleefully, "I KNEW missing Star Trek tonight would be > worth it. Rick: Why am I not suprised that Kensuke is a Star Trek fan? In fact, I bet he's the only person in the world who watches Voyager. Dan: I watch Voyager. Rebecca: Admit it. You only started watching it after they introduced Borg 36 of D. Dan: So? The show got interesting then. > I wish I had my vid-cam." Dan: Me too. [Rebecca brains him with a cushion.] > "Something tells me Mr. Suzahara is NOT going to be getting a good > night kiss tonight.", murmured Hikari. Rick: Something tells me Mr. Suzahara will be lucky to escape tonight with all his body parts. Tsuneo: You're being excessively cruel to Toji, aren't you? Rick: So what else is new? > "Something tells me Mr. Suzahara IS going to be getting a good night > knee-to-the-groin.", thought Asuka. Rebecca: Only from you. > Shinji, hoping to escape the situation, interjected, "I think we should > leave these people alone, don't you?". Dan: No! I'm enjoying this. For a change. [Rebecca hits Dan with a cushion so hard that the cushion explodes.] Dan: [Dazed] And a Guiness for the penguin if you would be so kind. [He falls off the couch.] > No such luck. > Gaurry stepped over the two prone women, Rick: Man, he doesn't know what he's missing. [Rebecca hits Rick with a cushion so hard that the cushion explodes.] Rick: [Dazed] Two pints of eels if you please, Mr. Flowerpot. [He falls off the couch.] Tsuneo: Nice going. > while marching to the door. "Hey hey. Rebecca: It's Fat Albert! Run! > How's it going fellow students." > "Gaurry!", squealed two of the adolescent high-schoolers in joy. Rebecca: Toji and Kensuke. Tsuneo: No, this new EVA pilot named Ms. Bartley. Rebecca: Bite me, wonder boy. I've seen the way you react whenever Rei gets naked in these fics. Tsuneo: Not my fault. > Mind > you, the joy came from two completely separate sources. Hikari, after seeing > the flagrant infatuation that Toji displays was now en route to making him > jealous Tsuneo: Assuming for some reason that he'd prefer herself over Naga. Rebecca: What, so she's chasing after Naga too? Tsuneo: Well, she didn't think Naga was available until five seconds ago. > whereas Asuka just wanted possession of Gaurry's weapon. Rebecca: IfyouknowwhatImean. Tsuneo: Any particular reason why Asuka hasn't reported him or his weapon to Nerv command? Rebecca: Asuka wants Gaurry's weapon all to herself. Tsuneo: I oughta hurt you. Besides, her EVA would have recorded the whole thing. Rebecca: Common sense is way overrated, especially in this fic. > Asuka's eyebrow twitched in anticipation as she thought, "That's the > sword that he was carrying this afternoon. It was really powerful. Tsuneo: It was the Sword of Power! [Long pause.] Uh, Rebecca? Would you? Rebecca: Oh alright. TM. Tsuneo: Thanks. > It held > off the combined might of my progressive knife and the strength of my Eva > in single combat. Just THINK how powerful I'LL be when I wield it. I'll be > unstoppable. Angels will fall before my every blow. Rebecca: [Asuka] Then I shall rule the world! Bwahahaha yes! I'm a naughty girl! Naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty... Ahem. > That'll show Shinnnnnnnji and Ms. Teacher's pet (Rei) Rebecca: How'd she pronounce those brackets? Tsuneo: She didn't, she's thinking it. She's not Amelia, you know. Rebecca: But I can see her ranting that out loud... Just like Martina. Tsuneo: Scary thing is, so can I. > who's the best pilot. This plan of mine to get > them drunk is the perfect way to steal the sword from him; assuming everyone > sticks with the 'class tradition' story." Tsuneo: How's the EVA going to hold it properly? Rebecca: Details, details. Why should the great Asuka worry about such technical matters? > Asuka had only briefed everyone on > a need-to-know basis, and, since she was the only person who knew what was > going on, she was the only one who needed-to-know everything. Tsuneo: That makes no sense whatsoever. > For everyone > else, this was a 'let's indulge Asuka before she throws another fit' thing. Rebecca: Hey, don't assume everyone there is as spineless as Shinji. Tsuneo: I love the pointless exaggeration of the characters the most, don't you? Rebecca: Really? I hadn't noticed. Tsuneo: You wouldn't. > "So what's all this about then?" Gaurry asked as Lina and Naga stood > up, dusted themselves off, and looked anywhere but at each other. Rebecca: [Naga] Same time tomorrow? > Hikari explained as the remainder of the Slayers cast Tsuneo: Xellos, Martina, Sylphiel, Zelgadis, Prince Phil... You know, all of them. > gathered around > the door to hear. "Well, you see, it's um,... tradition among our class that > when new students come around we generally try to make them feel welcome by > taking them out for dinner and drinks." Tsuneo: [Shinji] Since when was it a tradition? Rebecca: [Asuka] Shut up Shinji before I have to break your spine in three places. > "Dinner?!" spoke Gaurry and Lina, in mutual happiness. Tsuneo: Time for the "Lina and Gaurry pig out" sketch. > "Booze?!" grinned Naga. Rebecca: And the "Naga gets uproariously drunk" sketch. > The profusion of smiles caused an unsettling feeling of fear and a > collective flinch from the Eva cast, Tsuneo: [Shinji] Come on... Let's slowly back away, don't make any sudden moves... > even Rei (but she hid it well, so no one noticed). Rebecca: [Rei] If I stand here and don't do anything, maybe they'll all go away. > Amelia, always all smiles, bowed and replied, "Why thank you very much. > You are quite are quite a kind and justice filled society Tsuneo: Just ask OJ Simpson. > to make strangers especially in light of our recently pillaging of your b-OWIE!" Tsuneo: Um... Did we just slip into fansubbing? > "Bento.", supplied Lina after firmly pinching Amelia's Rebecca: Backside. > arm. "After we > ate all the delicious food in your bento. It must have taken an awful long > time to make food that good. Rebecca: [Lina] You got any more? > Right Gaurry?" > After taking a second to clue in, Gaurry added, Tsuneo: [Gaurry] I'm improving. It usually takes me half the day. > "What? Oh yeah,... > right. It was great stuff. Well, at least the stuff that I got to try anyways > with Lina hogging the box and all." Rebecca: There goes the damage deposit. > (Lina scowl's) "But yeah, those sausage octopi Rebecca: Sausage Octopus? Dan: Wasn't he in Metal Gear Solid? > were cool. You're a real good cook Hikari." > "You... You really think so?" replied Hikari, glowing under the praise > and getting just that little bit closer to Gaurry; a fact which did not > escape the attention of Toji, or Lina for that matter. Dan: [Hikari] Mine. Rick: [Lina] Mine. > "They say the way to > a man's heart is through his stomach.", Rebecca: No, it's through the rib cage. Rick: Well, if you cook him a big, greasy breakfast with bacon, sausages... > reaching out a tentative hand to > touch said area behind the fabric of Gaurry's shirt. Tsuneo: Gaurry gets unlucky. > Taking her hand in his, he laid it against his chest. "Well then," he > added in an oddly suave voice, "that must mean I'm in love." Rebecca: Sorry, I thought this was Gaurry; the guy who doesn't know a fiancee from a pickle and wouldn't know love if it bit him. Dan: Disappointed? Rebecca: A bit. > Hikari burst into a fit of bashful giggles. Dan: She's having another episode! > Toji fumed and stalked forward. Tsuneo: Toji, he's a hunk who appreciates her cooking. You've lost her. > "Ok. Break it up Romeo. Who do you think you are? Rick: Leonardo DiCapitato, obviously. > James Dean?" > "James? Dean?" Gaurry had his typical confused look on his face. Rebecca: How's this different from normal? Tsuneo: He's being confused in character. > "Lina?" > "Don't expect any sympathy from me. Rick: [Lina] You wouldn't get it anyway. > You're on your own." she replied > with disdain. "By the way, how did you find out where we were? Tsuneo: Through the miracles of plot contrivances. Dan: They asked DJ. Rick: Oh, so how'd he know? Dan: What, are you saying he *wouldn't* obsessively follow Naga everywhere she goes? Rebecca: Besides which, DJ knows everything. He's even heard of the Thrashing Gonberts. Tsuneo: I thought we agreed never to mention that again. > We haven't registered this address with the school yet." > Asuka looked up into the sky. Rick: [Asuka] Methinks it is a weasel. > The scene becomes fuzzy, as if we were looking into a flashback. Rebecca: [Announcer] He was born during the tumultuous period of the rule of the Spider Kingdom. Dan: It was the summer of love, and everyone did lots of drugs. > Asuka confronted 2 MIB's Tsuneo: These guys are in *every* EVA fic nowadays. > who are walking down the hallways of NERV HQ > at a steady pace. She, of course, has no authority over them other than > that of a juvenile, homicidal red-head. Rick: That's plenty. > However, in her own mind, the > entire planet is expected to bow to the might of Ms. Langely Sorryu. Dan: Is it just me, or does that sound just like one of our lines? > "Hey! You two. Get over here. I want you to do something for me. Tsuneo: [Asuka] His name is Tom. I want it to look like an accident. > I need you to track down a couple of new students." Dan: [Asuka] The uncute girl with the sledgehammer and the albino with thick glasses and white robes. > Without breaking stride one of the pair answered, Rick: [MiB] Sorry mam, you're not cleared for that. Rebecca: [MiB] Please look at the light. > "They're living at 221 Nobiyuki Lane." Rick: Along with Darrien, ACL, Thane, Veggie- Tsuneo: Ahem! Rick: Sorry, Vegeta. > "Na... Nani?! How did you know what I was going to say?" > "That's what We're paid to do ma'am." Dan: We did this skit last chapter. Rebecca: They're just reinforcing the point. > Still trying maintain her composure under the blanket of her own self > confidence, she challenged them, "Well if you're so good then you know what > I'm..." > "Pink," the other MIB interrupted, "with little blue bears." Dan: Did that. Rick: Yeah, we know. Dan: Sad, huh? > Asuka stopped dead in her tracks, Rebecca: [Asuka] An angel. > turned around and Rick: Keeled over. > peered at the change room. Dan: No! Bad Asuka! bad girl! > Staring at it in astonishment she muttered quietly to herself, "Geez. > You just never can tell can you..." Rick: So Shinji, are there things you're not telling us? > Asuka blinked, returning to reality. Rebecca: Or at least what passes for reality to Asuka. > "Um, uh, you can thank the modern marvel of computers, Rebecca & Tsuneo: SHO'DAN! > and the Microsquish network (TM)! All: TM. Rick: Microsquish (TM) is a TM (TM) of Microsquish (TM). We own your ass. > Who do you want to own today?" Tsuneo: Hey! That's my line! They stole my riff! Rick: TM. > Rei frowned. They never let her mention the ad herself. Dan: If I were her, I wouldn't let them. > "Well ok. Whatever. So," Gaurry rubbed his hands together in expectation, > "when do we go to eat?" Rebecca: At least Gaurry's got his priorities right. > "We came here right after the attack was over, Rick: [Asuka] Which explains why we're dripping yellow stuff all over your carpet. > so we'll just have to > stop off at our apartment to change before we go." said Asuka, indicating > Shinji and herself. > "So you two live together?" enquired Naga. Rebecca: [Asuka] Not like that! > "With our guardian, yeah." she replied glum. Rick: If you could call Misato that. Dan: Maybe she meant Pen-Pen. > "Ooooh, I see. I bet things would be really interesting if you didn't > have a guardian there eh Sorryu?" Tsuneo: Actually, quite the opposite. > "Wu-wu-WHAT! Me, and Shinji? Shinji!? The human doormat?!" Rebecca: Hey! That one's mine! Rick: This is scary. They're ripping off our riffs. > Shinji muttered to himself, "Yup, that's me. Shinji Ikari, footstool > to the insane. Guardian of Justice. Protector of Tokyo-3. The infamous > 'Third Child'. Textbook fruitcake for psychiatrists everywhere. Good ol' > Shin-boy." [Stunned silence.] Rick: They... I think that's every single thing we've ever said about Shinji in one go! > Amelia managed to catch the important part of that, Dan: The "fruitcake" bit. > whispering in quiet awe to herself, "You're a guardian of justice too?". Rick: Well, if you define what they generally do to Tokyo-3 as a justice... > Her eyes now looked upon him with a modest reverence. Rebecca: Oh my god, Shinji has a fan! Tsuneo: [Dark mutterings.] > "Get serious! I have a real boyfriend Naga. Dan: When did this happen? Rick: I think the great Asuka has suffered one too many blunt hits to the head. > He has brown hair and the most beautiful eyes.", Rebecca: Sounds like something you'd say about a dog. > Asuka retorted, as her own eyes began to glaze > over with memories of Kaji. Tsuneo: [Asuka] Pity he's dead and all. > "Oh, the one with the glasses?" Naga pointed to Kensuke. Tsuneo: Ah... She said something about beautiful eyes, Naga. > "Oh Asuka!", Kensuke cried as he fell to his knees and the high > pressure tear ducts in his eyes engaged. Dan: Some comic conventions really don't work in text. > "If I had only know of your searing desire for me sooner; Rebecca: Wasn't being destroyed on a routine basis enough to clue you in? Rick: actually, I think that's the cause of this sudden outburst. > how much you have longed for the passionate embrace of Aida Kensuke!" Rick: And Asuka suddenly learnt how to do the Explosion Array. Rebecca: Actually, I think she's dead on the floor by now. Tsuneo: Or rather, you hope she is. > Sliding over behind Kensuke, Dan: Asuka made it home! The EVA kids win the match and the crowd goes wild! Tsuneo: [Rei] Yay. > Asuka clocked him over the head with her fist, knocking him to the ground. [They all cheer.] > "Doorknob. I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about...." Rebecca: [Asuka] This biker called Priss. [Dan hits her with a cushion.] Rick: There you go. I bet you thought we couldn't manage a "Priss is a lesbian" joke in an EVA fic. [Dan hits him with a cushion.] > Kaji walked up to the group and interrupted Asuka just before she > could finish that sentence, "Hi everybody!" All: Hi Dr Nick! Tsuneo: Of course, never mind that Kaji's dead or anything like that. Continuity's unimportant. Rick: Maybe he got retconned back to life like he did in Delta Invasion. Dan: Yeah, I've noticed quite a bit of Floating Island in this room. Rebecca: [Rei] Who, me? I'm not here. > "Kaji!", she completed as she sprang at him encircling his waist in > her arms, thoroughly hugging him. Rick: [Kaji, gasping] Uh... Asuka... I can't breathe... Tsuneo: So much for this resurrection. > "Well hello there Asuka." Dan: [Val Venis] Helllo, ladies! > Turning to the rest of the group and > nodding and dispensing hellos. Rebecca: With the aid of Red Cross hello aid. > Still, he took a special moment for the Third Child. Rebecca: Take that how you will. [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion.] Rick: [Val Venis] Helllo, Shinji! [Tsuneo hits him with a cushion.] > A simple "Hello Shinji.", Tsuneo: Aack! > and the laying of a comforting hand on > his shoulder was the greeting offered. "I know the most of these faces, > but you seemed to have acquired a few new friends. Rebecca: Why do I have a sudden urge to make a breast joke? Rick: [Kaji] Maybe you could introduce me to those two. > So tell me, who are they?" Rick: A demented psychotic redhead, a musclebound moron, a mindless bimbo with nothing better to do than show off her cleavage and someone with a very questionable connection to reality. Rebecca: [Kaji] Yes, but I already know Asuka, Toji, Misato and Shinji. Tsuneo: ... Dan: [Shinji] And that blur still accelerating away from this fic is Zelgadis. He's the smart one. > Shinji introduced the transfer students, wisely leaving out any > references to albino lizards. Dan: As you would. > Kaji then introduced himself as one of their chaperones for the > evening. > "So, when is Commander Katsuragi due to arrive?" Rick: [Shinji] Ten minutes ago. You know what she's like. Tsuneo: [Shinji] When you hear the tortured sounds of twisted metal outside, that's her. > Kaji enquired. At mention of Misato, Asuka broke Rebecca: His neck. > her embrace with him, sulking. > Shinji answered, "Well Misato said she'd be here at 6 o'clock." > Checking the time on his wrist watch, "It's 6 now, so she should be here Dan: [Shinji] In a couple of hours or so. > any second I guess." > As if summoned by dark eldritch forces, Rick: Well, you're in the right apartment. > the Tactical Commander in question Tsuneo: Like what other tactical commander would it be? > careened around the corner in a minibus plastered with NERV logos. Tsuneo: The minibus probably wasn't the only thing that was plastered. > With a squeal of tires, the vehicle came to a perfect two-point stop, Dan: Her driving's improved. Rick: Well, they were another car and a load-bearing wall, but never mind. > and then settled onto all four wheels. Rebecca: And, because it was made by Ford, promptly burst into flames. > "Hurry up! We have reservations for 7:00, Tsuneo: Which means you shouldn't expect a seat before eight. > and I've still got to go by my apartment for some stuff." Dan: That bodes. > "Oh good." Asuka climbed into the shotgun seat. Rebecca: Why does "Asuka" and "shotgun" sound so worrying? > "I want to change out of my school uniform." Dan: Can I watch when you do that? > "That's a good idea, Asuka." Amelia grabbed an opportunity when it > presented itself. "We should also stop by Rei's place so she can change > too." , Rick: Why bother? Everyone knows that all she's got is her uniforms and a swimming costume. Dan: Hey, can she change into one of those outfits she wears in the Gainax promo pictures? > while thinking to herself, "Aha! The first strike of my battle to > free poor Ayanami-San from the cruel bindings of monotony and melancholy. > No one can have fun in such stodgy uniforms! Dan: I beg to differ. Rebecca: Just read any Frost novel for proof. > Such villainous vestments > must be riven from our evening of joy and happiness!" All: Riven? > "Riven?" Rei fixed Amelia with a curious glance. Then she shrugged. > "It doesn't matter. All I have to wear are my uniforms, anyway." Rick: See? > "Hey, I'VE got a great idea!" Misato smiled. > Everyone who knew Misato twitched. Misato's 'Great Ideas' were > infamous; one that involved Rick: A tube of superglue, a dozen lawnmowers and the San Fransisco Giants. Rebecca: Ok, Rick. We all know that you're the King of Obscure. > the space shuttle, a positron rifle and all > the electrical power in Japan came to mind. Tsuneo: Never mind that it saved all of humanity or anything, just as long as we can pick at her. > "You can borrow some of Asuka's things." Misato smiled, sure she had > made the evening perfect. Tsuneo: Never mind that their measurements are completely different. Rebecca: You'd know, wouldn't you? Tsuneo: ... Rick: I'd say she's made Asuka's evening about perfect by now. > Asuka stared at Misato, speechless. Rick: We should frame this moment. > But not for very long. > "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT??!!" > ------------------------------------------ > Somewhere where everybody knows your name. > ------------------------------------------ Tsuneo: These scene changes are getting dumber by the second. > "WERE ALL GOING TO DIIIIEEEE!" Asuka's knuckles were white as she > clutched the armrests of her seat with every ounce of her strength. The > minibus, in a feat of remarkable agility, nimbly jumped the median in the > highway in order to get to the plaza on the other side. Dodging oncoming > traffic like orange pylons on a test track, Misato yanked the wheel hard to > the left, overbalancing the careening machine and throwing it into a roll. [They all stare boggle-eyed at the screen.] Rick: Oh man... This description's making me carsick. Rebecca: This is the kind of stupidity I try in Need For Speed, but I try it in a Diablo. Dan: Reminds me of the stop-off I made in Megatokyo. > Three flips, an Immelmann, Rebecca: An Immelman? In a car? > and a 360 degree turn later, the van > slammed perfectly into the last parking spot in the lot, Tsuneo: Approaching from the other side of the wall, I might add. > between a Cadillac and a Gremlin. The Gremlin exploded. [They all hold up signs reading 10.0] > As the smoke cleared, the passengers attempted to unweld their fingers > from the seats. Dan: Guys, the car's stopped moving. It's safe. Tsuneo: If they had any imagination, they'd be kissing the ground by now. > Amelia's eyes shone. "AGAIN!" Rick: You know, that sounds strangely right. > Lina and Naga's eyes were closed. Naga was babbling incoherently. Rebecca: Amazing. she's saying something in this fic that isn't a breast joke. > Lina was merely groaning. "Oh Xellos will be SO disappointed that he missed > that." Dan: What, experiencing it or watching it? Rebecca: Definitely watching. > Gaurry was uncharacteristically cool about the entire event. Rick: [Gaurry] Are we there yet? > "Now I know why she asked us all if we had to go before we left.", Toji > mumbled. Tsuneo: I hope this has taught you all a valuable lesson. Dan: Yeah. If this becomes Hellstorm, I'm leaving. > "Uh, Asuka, could you please not hold onto the armrest so firmly", Kaji > asked in a strained voice. > "Why?" > "Because it's not the armrest." > "Oh." Rebecca: [Asuka] I wondered why it was bleeding. > Asuka quickly let go, and busied herself with removing her seat belt. > The extended cast piled out of the NERV-mobile, and looked up at > the facade in front of them. > "Planet Hollywood-2?" Lina asked. "What happened to Planet > Hollywood-1?" Rick: Nothing nice, I hope. > Misato shrugged. "After the Second Impact, the head office and all > the franchises sunk into the sea. Tsuneo: Not if it was in San Fransico. Rick: Hey, what about inland franchises? Dan: Someone was probably kind enough to throw those into the sea for them. > Sadly, enough washed-up actors survived to resurrect it." Rick: Damn. Damn, damn, damn. > As they walked in, they were surrounded by the bric-a-brac, paraphernalia > and cast-offs of films and actors often thought to have hastened the end of > the world: William Shatner's hairpiece, Dan: First appearing in "The Trouble With Tribbles." > Adam Sandler's backpack from 'The Waterboy', Steven Segal's ponytail, Rebecca: Thankfully without Segal attached. > Carrot Top's trunk, Yahoo Serious's hair and guitar from 'Young Einstein', Tsuneo: I thought they wanted to celebrate Hollywood? > a life-size mock up of 'Mini-me' > (the clone of Dr. Evil from 'The Spy who Shagged Me'), Rick: That proves it. This is a bastion of evil and bad taste. > Paul Hogan's hat, Tsuneo: Mercifully removed of contents. > and a complete collection of Pamela Anderson's Bikini tops chronologically > cataloguing the transition from before to after and back to before. Dan: I know this fic couldn't last without a breast joke. > The group sat down at the large table reserved for them. Rei noticed > that there was a poster of Keanu Reeves beside her, with a push button > marked, 'Press for dialogue'. She pressed it. It went, *Whoa!*. She > pressed it again, it went, *Whoa!*, in a slightly different tone. > Shinji looked at Rei while she repeatedly pressed the button. "Why > don't you stop pressing that?" > Rei frowned. "I'm waiting for it to say something other than...", > she pressed the button again, Keanu faithfully went, *Whoa!*. Rebecca: It's the entirety of his dialogue from The Matrix. Tsuneo: And he's twice as lifelike, too. > Shinji gave this up as a lost cause, Dan: What, the poster or Rei? Tsuneo: Yes. Rick: You know, this must be quite exciting for Rei. Rebecca: Hey, remember this is Rei III. She's probably evil again. > and turned to the menu. Tsuneo: And promptly gave that up as a lost cause as well. > The table was a long rectangle in one corner of the restaurant. Shinji > was at the foot of the table, tucked into the corner. Rick: [Shinji] That's right, pay no attention to me. > Rei was at his left, > then came Lina, Toji, Hikari and Naga. To Naga's right sat Misato Dan: And believe me, whoever's opposite them is going to have a fun night. > at the > head of the table, with Kaji beside her to her left. Asuka was at the > side of the table, pinned between Kaji Rebecca: [Kaji] Don't leave me with the Germans! > and the red-jacketed Gaurry. Rick: Right next to the red-shirted Ensign Throwaway. > Then Kensuke and Amelia. Dan: And next to them, representatives of the Troacs, Bres and Snobnians. [Tsuneo stares blankly at him.] Rebecca: And they didn't invite Ritsuko because nobody likes her. > This arrangement strategically ensured that everyone got what they > wanted. Tsuneo: And they'll probably all get what they deserve. > Misato was beside Kaji and able to keep an eye on everything. Rebecca: Especially everything directly to her right. Rick: Well, so much for any sense of responsibility in this situation. > Asuka was free to flirt with Kaji while simultaneously trying to get > Gaurry drunk and steal the Sword of Light. Dan: This is what we call a lost cause. Tsuneo: I foresee a sequence of events that includes violence. > Hikari was in good position to flirt with both Gaurry and Toji. Tsuneo: Because, as was clearly and plainly stated in the series, she will happily fool around with any good-looking guy. > Naga was free to insult whomever she pleased (Lina). Dan: So what's so good about that? > Kensuke was right in the thick of it. Rebecca: Thick is the word. > Amelia was almost > directly across from Rei and therefore free to continue in her campaign > of justice to bring happiness into Rei's life. Dan: Anyone apart from Amelia would have figured it out by now. > And good old Shinji, in the back corner, had settled down for what > he hoped would be a peaceful evening. Rick: Shinji's connection with reality is fading fast. > He was far from the action at the > head of the table, safely out of Asuka's immediate grasp (or at least in > a position which afforded him a good head start) and had the 'buffer zone' > of the enigmatic Rei and the hypermatic Amelia Rebecca: Hypermatic? Did they just make up that word? Rick: I don't know, but it sounds right anyway. > in front of him. At the moment, life was good. Tsuneo: That's right, the entirety of the fic so far has been one long set- up for this scene. Sad, huh? > "Hiya everyone.", hailed the buxom, blonde valley-girl waiter. Rick: So this is what Mihoshi does between fanfics. Tsuneo: No, that's Tenchi in Tokyo. > A mumbled chorus of greetings answered. > "You, like, all care to start off with drinks or, like, have you > already decided on what ya want?" Dan: I see the service has improved. > Misato spoke up, "We'll need a couple more minutes to decide for the > food, but in the mean time, I'd like you to give Kaji a blowjob and I'll > have an orgasm. Well heck, since Gainax is picking up the tab tonight, > let's give all the boys blowjobs and all the girls can have orgasms!" Rick: Yeah, ha ha. It wasn't funny in Cocktail and it isn't funny here. Rebecca: Notice how we've replaced Misato with Marta. > *Whoa!* Tsuneo: That about sums it up. Rebecca: Rei, leave it alone. > The entire group of 'students' were stunned into an eerie silence, > save Rei, who was always like that anyways. Dan: Whoa! > Kaji smiled, "How generous of you Misato. Rebecca: [Kaji] I didn't know you cared. > A good round of drinks > for a toast is the perfect way to start off an evening." > "Like, whatever," added Valley girl, "but I'm gonna have to like, card > one of you or some junk like that to make sure, k? Like, you at the end of > the table", pointing at Shinji. "Let's see some ID." Dan: This should be a laugh. > Shinji carefully pulled out his gun,... Tsuneo: Aaak! Rebecca: NXE Flashback! Rick: We've crossed over into Hellstorm now! > er, the fake ID that Misato had > made for him. (Phew, almost pulled a DJ Croft there). Tsuneo: Aaak! NXE flashback AGAIN! > Reading off the licence, the waitress repeated, "Sanjay Ikmantoruman? Rick: Is that a badly spelt Issei Mataloun? Tsuneo: Badly spelt as compared to what? Rick: Good point. > Age... 41?" Dan: Given the lighting in Planet Hollywood, how could she even make that out? > Some members of the cast had a strange vision of Shinji, in a turban > atop an white elephant, Tsuneo: I may never sleep again. > but quickly dismissed that figuring that they'd > save their imaginations for later. Shinji could only smile nervously. > Misato grimaced at the inspirational stroke that had brought about that > idea. > "Like, whatever!" replied the waitress. Dan: That's unusually thourough for Planet Hollywood. > She then walked away with the > order (and a discretely placed 500 Yen note from Kaji) Rebecca: I see Kaji's getting "special" treatment tonight. Tsuneo: Figures she'd only be worth 500 Yen. > while Misato tried > to start a group conversation, "So, Naga. You look old enough. Tell me, > have you ever had an orgasm before?" Dan: [Bad Keanu Reeves voice] Whoa! Rebecca: Misato, I don't think she's interested in you. Rick: Did the IQ in this room just drop sharply or something? Tsuneo: Not to mention Misato *supposedly* thinks they're all school kids. > If Naga were a bit more humble, she might have blushed,... but this is > Naga we're talking about. After a derisive snicker that threatened to turn > into one of her hideous laughs, Dan: Please not in a crowded room. > she responded, "I, Naga, the Great White..." Rick: Whale. > Lina, "...Hype..." > "...Serpent,... have seen more orgasms than even a lady of your > significant age." Rick: Note the emphasis on "significant." Rebecca: Let's face it, she can't open her mouth in this fic without slagging someone off. Tsuneo: Not much change there. > The challenge in her voice was obvious. > *Whoa!* Dan: Once again, Keanu said it best. > Misato's eyebrows were twitching erratically, "Significant..." *twitch* > *twitch* "...age..." *twitch* *twitch*. Tsuneo: Better have someone look at that. > "Let's face it Katsuragi,", muttered Kaji with laid-back finesse, > "We're over the hill. The world belongs to the young." Rick: And Kaji promptly dies in a puddle of his own gore. > "Oh no Kaji, you're not that old.", pleaded Asuka. Rebecca: You're over twenty-five. In Anime, that's ancient. [Dan slumps off the couch in a depressed heap.] Tsuneo [Sniggers, pointing at Dan] Twenty-eight. Rick: There there, Dan. Matlock's on soon. [Dan clambers back onto the couch.] > "Actually, he's right.", responded Gaurry suavely. He stopped leaning > on his chair and pulled a toothpick out of his mouth. Rebecca: Uh, Gaurry? They're not for eating. Rick: [Gaurry] They're not? Tsuneo: Maybe Gaurry ordered the 500 Yen special. > The red jacket he > accentuated his youthful physique very well. "We're I come from someone > his age would've already settled down and had a family by now. Unless he > was a really good fighter, he'd probably be dead or retiring." Dan: Or both. > "Oh really Mr. Gabriev. And what makes you think that I'm not that > good a fighter?" Kaji replied casually resting his chin in his hand. Gaurry > was the young buck, Kaji, the old stallion. The former had stamina, the > latter, experience. Dan: One had a Hackmaster +12, the other had an IQ larger than his shoe size. Rick: One had Misato hanging off his arm, the other worked with Amelia. > Asuka's head was zipping left and right like she > was watching a tennis match on fast forward. Rebecca: Or a spastic pinball on speed. Tsuneo: Payback. > The tension of contention between the various members of the group > was coming to a head rapidly, someone had to diffuse the situation quickly. > That person was NOT Kensuke, Rick: Captain tact & delicacy he ain't. > but he tried anyways, by inviting the quietest > member of the group into the conversation. Tsuneo: I wish him luck. > "So Rei, Asuka's dress looks > really good on you. How do like it?" Dan: [*Really* bad Keanu Reeves voice] Whoa! Rebecca: Well done, Kensuke. I think you've just started a holy war. > Rei looked down at her frock, a deep blue version of the yellow one > which Asuka was wearing tonight. Tsuneo: And it cheats at chess, too. > She never really considered anything in > terms of beauty or elegance, Rick: She could write Hollywood movies that way. > just in terms practicality and sometimes comfort. Rick: but she definitely doesn't work for Sate Rail. > Her response was intended to convey that, but interpretation > is a subjective experience. "It's fits me... I guess. The top is a bit > tight and the waist is baggy." Rebecca: I'd be scared if anyone had a narrower waist than Rei. I really would. Tsuneo: Actually, it should be loose everywhere. > (Points that Shinji had noticed and had > tried not to observe overtly). Rick: Although the nosebleed was a dead giveaway. > The tension rose, mathematically, but decreased on the whole. You see, > tension is created by 'tense ions' which are quantifiable particles > released by the person experiencing the emotion at the moment. Dan: Well there ya go. Who says fanfics don't teach you anything? Tsuneo: Me. > While, for > the remainder of the group, the count dropped (relieved by a good laugh) > Asuka's personal count skyrocketed, easily outstripping their pervious > combined total and threatening to set off the fire extinguishers. Rebecca: Uh-oh, take cover. > Kaji, knowing Asuka's temperament, Rick: Promptly fled the room. Tsuneo: Look on the bright side. If Asuka explodes, she'll improve the decor. > turned to her, "There there dear, > it was all in good fun." This diffused the situation somewhat. > "But Kaaaaaaaajiiiiiiiii...", she whined. Dan: That's a very good impersonation of her American voice actress in text. > Quickly man, feed her ego! "They're just jealous dear." That should > keep her quiet for a while, Kaji thought. Rick: Man, this fic disses Asuka almost as much as we do. Rebecca: Are you kidding? Next chapter, I half expect her to say "You dare yada yada yada the great Asuka, WA-TAK!" Voice: Don't tempt fate. > "Of what?", enquired Naga. Tsuneo: Naga's jealous of her friendly demeanour and good personality. Rick: No arguments there. > Once again, due to subjective interpretation, Asuka got pissed. Rebecca: And the drinks hadn't even arrived yet. > Kaji moved for the save, "What, you don't know? Rick & Dan: Your ass better caaalll somebody! Tsuneo: I don't know these people. > You're in the presence of Rebecca: Death with pigtails. > the infamous,... er,... famous Second Child." Dan: Ye gods, Kaji's doing it for us. > "So, what. She has a older brother or sister, big deal." Tsuneo: That would have to go down in history as about the worst possible thing to say at that point. > "Ah. No. Where did you say you were from again?" Kaji asked. Rebecca: Toji's most perverted and private fantasies. Rick: Or Dan's. [Dan hits him with a cushion.] > Lina, looking up from the menu supplied the answer, "We're from out of > town. Dan: [Lina] I'm not an alien! > Foreign exchange students. I thought Hikari explained that?" > Hikari was shyly looking off to the side, giggling, "Um, I had other > things on my mind at the time." Rebecca: [Hikari] Sausage. Aack! What a giveaway. > In a quick flashback we see Hikari talking to the two MIBS, Tsuneo: [Hikari] Her name's Lisa and it's got to look like an accident. > she finishing a sentence, "...if you know everything then > I have a question Dan: How do they get the Caramilk into the Caramilk bar? Rick: RIRFIB? [Rick and Rebecca both crack up laughing.] Tsuneo: Help me. > about my boyfr...". Cutting her off, they answered, "Pink, > with little blue bears." Rebecca: You can never tell with some people. > Returning to reality, Dan: Do we have to? > Hikari is snickering louder. > "Hey. What's so funny?" inquires Toji. Tsuneo: Absolutely nothing. > Patting his hand politely, she smiled and responded, "It's nothing dear." > "I just don't get women." Rebecca: Shouldn't that be Kensuke's line? > "I just don't get women either.", echoed Kensuke. Rick: Uh, Kensuke? You're missing the point here. Tsuneo: They did it again. > Asuka took that statement the wrong way Dan: You're meant to dissolve it in water, but instead she swallowed it whole. > and almost snapped off a snide > remark at Mr. Wanker-mecha-newest-member-of-the-team-fanboy, but was > interrupted from doing so by Lina, who beat her to the punch. "I'm not > surprised.", said with all the audacity and airs of superiority she could > muster. Rick: Uh-oh, Lina's using her superior voice. Something's about to explode. Rebecca: Of course, you've got to worry about how much superiority she could muster with her ADV voice actress. Rick: That's what causes the explosions. Dan: This MSTing is brought to you by the Lisa Oritz fanclub. Please send help. > Laughter ensued. (Humour prosecuted, a running gag cross-examined and > we'll let the audience be the judge). All: Guilty as hell! > Lina continued, "It should be clear to all that Tsuneo: This ain't funny. Rebecca: FIRRIB. [Rick and Rebecca both crack up laughing.] Dan: I don't get it either. > women are the preeminent of the two sexes.", Rick: When did Lina pick up this new-found attitude of hers? Rebecca: About two drinks ago. > Lina looked over at > Naga and added under her breath, "...present company excluded of course." > "You know, you remind me of someone. Dan: Female Ranma. Rick: Mink. Tsuneo: Nice shot. > I'm not sure who. Aaaaasuka?" > Misato queried with a bit of a leer added for good measure. Rebecca: I think Kaji'll get jealous, Misato. > Turning, Misato found the crimson Eva pilot Tsuneo: Crimson now describing her cheeks. > trying to lift the Sword of Light off Gaurry. Dan: Say, why does everyone just let him wander the streets with that thing, anyway? Rick: Oh sure. You try taking it off him. > Sadly, with her attempt foiled and with all eyes on her, > her hands slipped and instead of acquiring the sword, Tsuneo: They acquired Netscape instead. > they ended up landing > in Mr. Gabriev's lap. At this turn of events, Gaurry did not react shyly. > In fact, Rebecca: He probably didn't even notice. > he had quite a bemused look about him; not at all an uninviting one, either. > In a quick burst of recovery, she blushed, "Yes? Oh. What? Lina? > Looks like someone we know?" She looked pensive for a moment, then cheerfully > replied, "Nope, can't think of anyone!" Dan: A young Samantha Jones? > A good majority of the table facefaulted, save Amelia, (who's been > chatting with Rei about a really neat new vision she's received from a large > wooden box with a crystal screen concerning 5 young female warriors on a > quest for justice) Rick: Why doesn't it surprise me that Amelia's a Sailor Moon fan? Tsuneo: And why's it on TV almost twenty years after it finished? Rebecca: The miracles of re-runs. > and, of course, Rei. Dan: Careful there, Rei. You almost had a facial expression. Tsuneo: [Rei] I don't know these people. > Amelia replied, "You know Ms. Asuka. You do look a lot like Miss Lina. > *Gasp* You two could be sisters!" Rick: In bad lighting. If you'd suffered a head injury. Maybe. > "NO WAY!", exclaimed Lina, standing and slamming her hands on the table. > "Impossible", scoffed Asuka, turning on Misato. Rick: [Asuka] I, the great Asuka, am much more attractive than that short, flat- chested, uncute- Dan: [Lina] Dill Brand! Rick: [Asuka] AAAIIIEEE! Ow... > "What kind of a pea brained idea is that?", Lina directed to Amelia. Rebecca: I think you just answered your own question. > To Misato from Asuka, "How did THAT notion ever enter your mind?" Dan: [Misato] Two Guinesses and a margerita. > "We're absolutely nothing alike!" they said in unison, staring at each > other and pointing with the sincere conviction of crazed fanatics, thoroughly > convinced of correctness their positions.... Tsuneo: Ha. Ha. > *Whoa!* > Embarrassed, Lina and Asuka dropped back into their chairs and studied > the tablecloth pattern very closely. Rick: [Lina] Plaid? What were they thinking? Dan: Is that a floral pattern or last week's sauce stain? > They were silent amid the roar of laughter > from the occupants of the table (even Rei managed to crack a grin). Dan: [Not even trying a Keanu Reeves voice] Whoa! > A momentary dialogue, communicated solely with glares, passed between > Naga and Lina. It said that if Naga makes even one comment about Lina's own > breasts not being up to the size of a 16 year old (heck, we've had 31 angels, > at least 2 years must have passed) Rick: It *is* Delta Invasion! Tsuneo: Now all we need is Tom and our lives are perfect. > , then Ms. Inverse will ensure that all > the alcohol that the Great White Serpent receives this evening turns to water. > Under the threat of sobriety, Naga backed down. Rebecca: Anyone would. > -------------------------- > Elsewhere in the Restaurant > -------------------------- Rick: Echowarrior was about to exterminate one of the waiters over a disagreement on the order. > Maya Ibuki was having a lousy day, Rebecca: What with being hassled by DJ and everything. > and she needed a drink. Rick: A dozen or so might do the trick. Dan: Join the club. > Of course, > Hyuuga and Aoba often joked that they'd much prefer Maya with several drinks in > her, Dan: Join the club. [Rebecca hits him with a cushion.] > but that was beside the point. Days when Angels attacked were more or > less by definition bad, but today was particularly miserable. Rick: It was her birthday and all she'd gotten was socks, underwear and Retrax. Rebecca: Of course, you should have seen the underwear she got from Ritsuko. Tsuneo: Don't go there. Rebecca: Why not? The fic's about to. > Miserable enough that Maya had been in the bar for over an hour already, Rick: And was still waiting for service. > and she'd had a drink in her hands for most of that time. Tsuneo: Although sometimes it was on her head. Dan: Stop moping, just go out and hit someone. That's what I always do. > The bar wasn't very busy. The closest patron was a man with permed > mousey-brown hair and glasses. Rebecca: With yellow skin and only three fingers and a thumb. > He seemed to be moping into his drink. The > bartender produced another Margarita promptly and proceeded to wipe the same > glass repeatedly in a very professional bartender manner, Rick: By spitting in it. > available as a sounding board if anyone wished to talk. Tsuneo: [Maya] Well... I keep winding up in all these crappy fanfics... Dan: The fate of popular characters everywhere. > Maya played with a small collection of tiny umbrellas, Rebecca: It's a scale model of Melbourne in summer. > and finally the > combination of frustration and alcoholic lubrication got her mouth working. > "'Snot fair, y'know? Here I am, Univershty grajuat, top o' my clash, ann I don' > get no reshpect." Rick: Oh yeah? Look at Fuyutski. He used to have a proper job. > Maya took another drink of Margarita, and wagged a finger at > the bartender. Dan: Oh, really Maya! This is a family show! > "Itsh not like I'm ungrateful, don' go thinkin' that. 'Sa great > job, an my bosh is gorg-great! Rebecca: Nearly, nearly. > Thing ish, she jush treatsh me like an ashishtant. Tsuneo: Well, you *are* an assistant. > Well, I am an ashishtant, okay, but I can' help thinging we'd be a > great couple-team! Rebecca: Whoops, almost. > Y'know? I'm a good ashishtant, loyal an stuff. Dan: She comes when you call her, and even plays fetch. > An a friend, too. I jush wish she'd see me as sumpthin more." Dan: Do you remember when Maya was just the cute, anonymous, black-haired bridge bunny? I miss those days. > The mousey man on the nearby stool seemed to be half-listening, as he > bobbed his head up and down Rick: And up and down and off. > and mumbled somthing like: "Burns is d'sameway. Jusht Good Job Well Done. Rebecca: [Smithers] Now dispose of the bodies. > Even when I work like a dog. Lapdog." > Maya nodded loosely and smacked a fist into the table. Rick: What'd it ever do to you? > "'Sright. Like today f'rinstance. Angel attacks, everythin goes spla. Dan: "Spla?" Isn't that a kind of Centauri dish? Tsuneo: I think her dialogue's gone "spla." > WonderMaya Rick: TM. Rebecca: Faster than a speeding EVA lift! More powerful than a positron cannon! Able to leap tall Magi in a single bound! > saves the city inna face o' all opposishan, Rebecca: Yes, wheather it's the Sinister Six, the Invisible Empire or the invading hordes of the Skrull, WonderMaya will save the day! > an' I don' even get a friendly shoulder squeeze > o' thanks. Not even a lousy smile!" Dan: Sorry, Ritsuko's smiles are booked out for the next year or so. Rebecca: Yeah, by Misato. > "Mmm. Hava cigar m'boy. Bracing Gentlemanly handshake my ass." Rick: Uh, Smithers? You could've worded that a bit better. > "Ya." Maya was now waving her drink around for emphasis. Dan: Maya, everyone in the room's staring at you. > "Even whenya tryta do em' Rebecca: Maya, have you ever considered that Ritsuko might not want you to "do" her? > Do em' favours. Y'know she's puttin in an all-nighter? Rebecca: What Stamina. Gendo will be most impressed. Tsuneo: I oughta hit you for that. > Gotta > figure out tha weird readings. But itsh, 'Oh don't worry Maya. you go home'n > resht. Ya earned it'. Hunh. Don' wanna resht, wanna help tha Doc work all > night inna confined, secluded lab. Rick: Maya, you're slipping badly. > Hunh. Bet Hyuuga an Aoba could stay if they wanned." Rebecca: IfyaknowwhatImean. Tsuneo: That's quite enough out of you, young lady. > The mousey man nodded again. "An yer always there for 'em. An ya help 'em > whenner sick. An ya gettem food'n stuff. Dan: Did anyone understand what Smithers just said? Tsuneo: I think he's talking in Isseiese or something. > 'Slike yer married; but does he notice? Rebecca: That's just like being married! > Ha! Anyer just doin it for their own good, right?" > "You tellem!" Maya toasted the mousey man, spilling part of her drink. > "She'd work herself ta death without me, I tell ya. She'd be so much better off > an' happier with me by her side fer always an' always." Rick: Yes but I think Gendo would feel a little crowded. > Maya sighed, and slumped in her stool. Dan: And was promptly carted off for saying too much in one episode. > Dejected, her gaze wandered, and she noticed the rest of the cast at their > table across the restaurant. Rebecca: And how could she not notice Naga? Tsuneo: Bad. [He casually whacks Rebecca with a cushion.] > Yet, her train of thought rambled on. "I jusht > whish there was a way ta get HER ta see that." Tsuneo: Spot the subplot for the next few chapters, folks. > ----------------- > Back at the Table > ----------------- Rick: Put on your armour, people. > "K. Like, Drinks are on!" Dan: especially if you wave them around like Maya does. > announced the valley-waitress gaily. Tsuneo: Given the last scene, that was a bad choice of words. > She > dispensed small yellow shooters to everyone. The only difference between each > drink was that the ones given to the guys had whipped cream on top whereas those > given to the girls did not. Dan: And there's the point of that whole dumb drink naming sketch. Yay. > When she stood behind Asuka, between Gaurry and > Kaji, she seemed to fall into an almost trance like state of euphoria. Rick: I guess Gaurry forgot his deodorant. Dan: It's Martina on her day off. > She > passed each of the men their drinks with coasters. On both coasters was written, Dan: Your fly is undone. > "Kiss kiss. I'm Buffi. 555-5555, call me. I think you're hot." She had dotted > her I's with little hearts; it was freaky. Rebecca: No kidding. > Walking behind Misato, the waitress seemed to recover and pulled out her > notepad. "K? So, what can I getcha?" Tsuneo: A shotgun might be nice. > Orders for food were placed. Several notepads were used up between Gaurry's > and Lina's order (which was essentially doubles of everything for both of them, Rebecca: They've never met Planet Hollywood before. They'll be sorry. > and a Mr. Pibb for Gaurry). Buffi wasn't phased in the least by that,... Tsuneo: She and Gaurry would get along perfectly. Rick: Nah, Gaurry's a bit too intellectual. > except for the Pibb, that is. "And for drinks with your food?", she asked. > "I'll handle this.", Misato pronounced. "I have a knack for knowing exactly > what type of alcoholic beverage would suit a person." Tsuneo: So why does it brush over the food order, yet the drinks deserve individual attention? Dan: Because it's hard to make dirty jokes about meals not involving sausages. Rick: And do you really want to sit through Gaurry and Lina's order? Tsuneo: It'd be better than the rest of this fic. > Thought Shinji, "So THAT's the requirement for being a tactical commander > in NERV." Rick: [Shinji] It's not like she does much else. > "For Asuka and Lina,", began Misato, "...flaming Sambucas. Kaji... a grin > and tonic as usual?" > "Of course dear." he replied. > "For... Amelia, isn't it? Give Amelia Sex on the Beach. Rebecca: [Buffi] What, like, me? I don't even like her. > It's fruity and bubbly Dan: Does she mean the drink or Amelia? Rick: She means the waitress. > and bright red; you'll like it." > "Oooh!", Hikari piped up, "I'd like Sex on the Beach too!" Dan: Wouldn't we all. > Toji inquired discretely, "I though you wanted in front of a fireplace > near Lake Tah-ARGHH!!! Rick: Is that Egyptian? > Don't pinch so hard!" Rebecca: Toji just doesn't quite get it, does he? > "Ok, so those two will be having sex on the beach." Misato indicated > Hikari and Amelia. Tsuneo: I see these guys went to the Bret Handy school of making it easy for us. > "Rei hrm,... I've got it. Get her an Electric Martini. You'll like it Rei, it's > just like you: Dan: Ice cold, bland and tasteless yet inexplicably popular. Tsuneo: Die, infidel! [Tsuneo hits Dan hard with a cushion. Dan returns the blow, and they start whacking each other repeatedly.] Rick: I'm so glad I'm not an EVA fan. Rebecca: Those two are so immature. [They eventually wind down.] Dan: [Muttered] Fanboy. Tsuneo; [Muttered] Moonie. > shaken, put not stirred and blue with a big, bright cherry." > "Do I have a cherry Captain?", Rei asked. Rebecca: Not if there are any SIs around. > *Grrrrr* "No Rei, your eyes. The cherry matches you eyes. Kids are so > literal nowadays", Rick: As this fic's writers prove. Dan: Come on, Rick, I'm sure they're both over the age of twelve. Well, possibly. Maybe. > complained Captain Katsuragi. "For Aida and Suzahara..." > "Beer!", they sounded in unison, "And Ikari get's one too!" Tsuneo: It's about now that you've got to wonder about who authorised a bunch of kids to go out and get pissed. > "Well, the boys have spoken. Actually,", Misato said to the waitress, > "...bring a beer for every guy at the table." > "Um Misato,... I don't drink.", Shinji commented. Rick: [Shinji] You're mistaking me for DJ again. Rebecca: [Misato] Shut up. If I say you're having a beer, you're having a beer! Rick: [Shinji] Yes mam! > "Oh come ON Shinji, lighten up.", barked Asuka, Dan: Face it Asuka, it's a lost cause. > "This is a team-building > experience'! You can't remain sober while all you friends get plastered. > That's hardly very team-like. Rebecca: First time she's cared. > Geez, lighten up! At least drop the doom and gloom act for one night." Rick: that is gonna be very hard. > "Yes Asuka. Dan: [Shinji] Don't rip my head off. I'll be good. > I'm s..." > "And DO NOT start apologizing! Tsuneo: [Asuka] I mean, I was complaining to you about your behaviour, but it's not like I'm making a point or anything. [Normal] Of course she wants a bloody apology. > We did that in chapter one and we don't need another one of those. Tsuneo: [Asuka] Of course, just about all our other jokes this chapter are re- used, but never mind. Oh, and we've already done that "we did so-and-so in X chapter" twice, but never mind. > Remember, we're here to have fun. On a night like this, you can do no wrong." Rick: [Shinji] Except to you. > "Except to you." [Rick looks around, slightly nervous.] Rick: [Somewhat shaky, Asuka] Exactly. > "Exactly!" Rick: Freaky. > Shinji sighed, "Consistency." > "Perfect.", thought Asuka. "I get to pick on Shinji while he's drunk > while I'm sober (due to my naturally superior German tolerance for alcohol) Rick: Is it just me, or is she talking like we riff her? Rebecca: Scary, huh? > and I get to flirt with Kaji and get a magic sword. Life is good." > "Now, as for YOU Missy.", Misato continued while turning to Naga. > "I'm gonna pay YOU back for that age crack you made earlier. One bottle of > vodka for the two of us,", Rebecca: [Misato] We'll be sharing more than that before the night is over. Rick: [Naga] Explosion Array! > she ordered the waitress, "...and keep the beer > chasers coming. I'm going to drink you under the table Great White Serpent.", Rebecca: It's what she'll do once she's under the table that you have to worry about. > Misato declared in challenge. > "But before we put you two under the table, I think we should Dan: Get Kensuke's camera! > start of > the evening with a toast. But what should we toast to?", questioned Kaji. Tsuneo: A quick end to the chapter? > Suggestions trickled in. Rebecca: And were promptly ignored. > Misato's, "To NERV... nah.", Rebecca: To all those SIs, may they suffer long, painful and agonising deaths. > Toji's, "To Gainax (for picking up the tab)... nah." Rick: To the fourth wall, it's been nice knowing you. > Rei's, "To the health of Commander Ikari (may he suffer a massive > coronary)... nah." Tsuneo: To being out-of-character, and all the fics that would be nothing without it. > "To justice!.... nah.", from Amelia, who else? Dan: To fan service, may we have more of it! > "To teamwork and friendship?... nah.", offered Shinji. [They all break out laughing.] > "To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, most of our problems; the > mental restraints that it loosens; and the peaceful unaccountable oblivion > that follows.", stated Kaji. Rick: I like that one. > "To ALCOHOL!", they all intoned and downed their drinks. Dan: I'll drink to that. > "Um, Gaurry? You have whip cream on your lip." Misato mentioned. > "I'll take care of that.", Asuka replied in a near-sultry way. Taking > her index finger, she dragged it across the top of Gaurry's lip, [They all make high-pitched screeching noises.] > wiping off > the cream. She then sucked the sweet white substance off her finger. This > particular action was -very- out of character for Asuka Tsuneo: Yeah, we noticed that. Rick: Is it just me, or are they revealing in mucking up the characters? > and attracted a > couple of stares from that end of the table. After a moment or two, she seemed > to snap out of her entranced state, finger still in her mouth, wondering, > "What was I thinking!". Dan: [Given up] Whoa! > The gazes directed at her also seemed to ask the > same question. Any answer that would have been supplied by Asuka however, > is abruptly cut off as a large glass containing a flaming liquid is placed in > front of her. Rebecca: Oh look, its the Ohio river. > The other drinks were here. This was going to be a long night. > ------------------ > My Melancholy Maya > ------------------ Tsuneo: Where good taste goes out the window. Further. > "What the heck?" All: You tell us! > Maya had, for lack of a better way to occupy her time after the mousey > man had passed out, been watching the festivities at the pilot's table. Rick: If they get any livelier, she'd have an Austin T-shirt and a sign by now. > The way the waitress had fawned over Kaji and that other guy was nauseating. Tsuneo: Don't remind me. > You'd never catch Maya mooning over some stupid man like that. Rebecca: *Ahem* Croft *Ahem* Dan: That wasn't Maya, that was her twisted clone. > However, Asuka's blatant seduction attempt had startled Maya almost sober. Dan: It had pretty much the opposite effect on us. > It was nothing like the childish flirting that Asuka always directed at > Kaji, Rebecca: Or the childish knees to the groin she always directed at Toji. > and even less like the uncomfortable, confused stumbling that happened > around Shinji when Asuka thought no-one was looking. Rick: Maya knows all, Maya sees all. Tsuneo: Maya makes it up as she goes along. > It was... almost... Rebecca: [Ominous] Out. Of. Character. > predatory. Dan: Asuka *is* the Predator. Rick: So she nukes herself if she loses? Yeah, makes sense. > It was certainly completely unlike any Asuka Maya had come to know. Tsuneo: You mean it's not like the one who snarls ferociously and attempts to castrate people? > It was completely unlike any Asuka ASUKA knew, Dan: [Cartman] She's a very disturbed little girl. Rebecca: How many of her are in there anyway? > if the red-haired pilot's sudden backing off was any indication. > What could possibly have changed Asuka so strongly, if even for a little > while? Tsuneo: Bad characterisation. Rebecca: A blow to the head. Dan: Booze! > She couldn't be that drunk yet, Rick: Wanna bet? > or she wouldn't have backpedalled so > fast. Maya stared at Asuka who sat abashed between Gaurry and Kaji. Dan: Rebecca's idea of paradise. Rebecca: Nah. Replace Kaji with Sephiroth and it'd be right. > Gaurry > had casually slung his red jacket over the back of his chair, and was > exchanging lively, manly banter All: [Singing] We're men, manly men! Men in tights! > with the older man. > What indeed? Rick: [The Rock] And who gives two pieces of monkey crap? > Maya, resolved to unravel this mystery, Dan: Maybe when your head's cleared. > threw some bills on the bar Rebecca: Not realising that they were all hundreds and she'd just bankrupted herself. Oh, the humanity! > and > stood, intending to walk over to the table and ask questions until she got > answers. Tsuneo: She'll be there for ages. Rick: Or ask answers until she got questions. Your choice. > Sadly, she was more drunk than she thought. Dan: And the pink elephants were living proof. > Booze-trumped resolve aided by vertigo, Dan: And an assist by Nausea. > ended Maya's evening out in a warm, fuzzy black. All: TIMBER! > ------------------------------ > Shouldn't this table be round? > ------------------------------ Tsuneo: Although they may think it is by now. > 7:30pm passed on to 8 o'clock and then onto 9. Rick: It then skipped ten all together and went straight to Eleven. > The food arrived after about 45 minutes. Rebecca: Wow. The staff are super-fast tonight. > Alcohol flowed like the Danube Dan: And twice as silty! Rick: And it's full of barges too. > around the table Rebecca: Yes, but wouldn't they be better off drinking it? > and through the veins of it's occupants. By the time it was 10:30pm, Dan: Voyager was on! > everyone at the > table was suffering some level of inebriation ranging from semi-conscious to > outright tanked. Dan: Or, in other words, a normal morning for Misato. > Even Rei. Rebecca: That's bad. Tsuneo: [Mutters darkly] > It was soon apparent to everyone that Dan: Two plus two is four! Tsuneo: They were stuck in a crappy fanfic. Rick: RIRFIB. [Rick and Rebecca both crack up laughing.] Tsuneo: There is something I am seriously missing here. And I'm not sure if it's a bad thing. > Amelia though conscious at the moment would soon not be so. Tsuneo: And this is a bad thing because? > As her B.A.C. rose, her conversation with Rei > became more and more angst filled. Rick: Angst? Amelia? The Prozac Poster Child? > Who would've thought that she would be a depressed drunk? Tsuneo: The authours. > "Y'know. I never really wanted to become a champ'yun f-justice. Dan: Rubbish! Her first words were probably a corny speech, just before she blew up her babysitter. > Wusall my dad's idea. Whatta jurk. I mean really, Goodwill-towards-all-mankind > -kick'... What kinna attack is that fer a pacifisht? Rebecca: A rather funny one. Rick: I think she missed the point there. Tsuneo: I think the authors missed the plot. > Eh? Y'know what I wanted to be? Y'know what I wanted to be? Rebecca: [Amelia] A firetruck! [They all stare at Rebecca.] Dan: Whoa! > I wanted to be a pony when I grew up. A big cute pony. Rick: That's... Nice, Amelia. > With pink hair and a little star on my butt. Dan: Thank you for that mental image. > *Thunk* " and that ended Amelia's half of the conversation. [They all stand and applaud.] > Lina was happy that Amelia was happy. Well, she was happy that Amelia > was drunk and unconscious; Rebecca: Who wouldn't be? > being drunk and unconscious assumed happiness. Dan: That's my philosophy! > Not that the other member of the conversation, Rei, had even been listening. > martini's combined with the monotonous droning of Dan: K. D. Lang? Rebecca: Celine Dion? Rick: Natalie Imbruglia? Tsuneo: Brittany Spears? > Amelia had helped Rei re- > achieve the Zen-like state she'd experienced sometime in a soliloquy past episode > 6. Tsuneo: Episode 14. And there were perfectly good reasons for that which had nothing to do with alcohol. > It was almost exactly the same, except for 2 things: Rick: For starters, she was drunk. Tsuneo: Secondly, she was being badly written. > now, she was in a bar, > and now, she seem to understand what she was talking about Rebecca: She's the only one! Tsuneo: Philistine. > (at least to herself > anyways). "The sky, the incandescent hum of the lamp light, Commander Ikari, > the Spice Girls, Rick: [Rei] All things bad taste. > Evangelion, cherry blossoms, that funky smell from my > neighbour's apartment, Dan: [Rei] Those really thin cigarettes he smokes. > the artist formerly known as Prince... Rick: [Rei] Goldust. Dan: [Rei] The inexplicable popularity of Nutella. Tsuneo: [Rei] VCR instruction manuals. Rebecca: [Rei] Tripredacus' transformation. > yes, it all makes sense now." Dan: Great. Care to explain it to someone? Tsuneo: [Rei] Yes. I'm in a crappy crossover. > *Whoa!* Rebecca: My thoughts exactly, Keanu. > Naga and Misato were still hard at it, Dan: Whoa! Rick: Ugh! Hot two-girl action! > Naga seemingly faring the better of the two, though not by much. Dan: For still having some of what passed for her clothes on! Woo-hoo! Rebecca: Say, how are you meant to tell when Naga's drunk? > Kensuke and Toji were involved in their own drinking contest. Tsuneo: This should be fun. Ready, set, fall over. > Toji > had temporarily called a time-out when he had tried to crush a beer can > against his head, failing to realize that it was both full and closed. Dan: I feel for you, Toji. > That was ok though because it drew Hikari's attention away from the > muscle bound swordsman and forced her to fuss over his wound. Dan: Yeah, it worked for me too! Rebecca: Of course, you planned it like that. Dan: Er... Of course! > Unsurprisingly, Lina and Gaurry were wolfing down their food, and > the vast quantities of said substance was moderating the effects of their > inebriation. Rick: Actually, in Planet Hollywood there's very little that passes for food. Not that I think these two would care. > Kaji, of course, was calm and collected as always, making > conversation here and there. Dan: [Kaji] So Lina, where are you guys from? Rick: [Disgusting eating noises] Dan: [Kaji] Amelia, was it? Enjoying Tokyo-3? Rick: [Loud snoring noises] Dan: [Kaji] What about you, Naga? Rick: [Disgusting drinking noises] Dan: [Kaji] And you, BB. Having fun? Rick: [BB] Roger. Rebecca: And yet another one for the transfans out there. > Asuka continually tried to lift the sword off > Gaurry. Yet, every time she tried, an arm or elbow would get in the way and > make her look like she was pawing at him rather than trying to steal > something from him. Tsuneo: Because we're too lazy to describe specific events. > And what of our great hero, Shinji Ikari? Tsuneo: It's an EVA fic, so he doesn't get a look in. > He was happily placed at the > foot of the table, safe and sound, nursing several beers, at least 3 of which > were currently running through his system. Dan: My god! Shinji's having a good time. > He simply sat back and mused about > his situation at the moment. "I should be thinking about how bad I feel. I > should be apologizing. I should be thinking about how much my father hates > me. I should be retreating into my own world of self-pity and denial. Tsuneo: Only if the authors somehow missed half the series. > I should be having nightmares about how everyone's going to abandon me and how > Rei will turn into this huge white being that will kill everyone and destroy > the Earth in an attempt to re-unify mankind into the collective unconscious > postulated by Jung. All: Huh? Dan: Where'd that one come from? Rebecca: I don't know about a collective unconscious, but I know he writes neat fanfics. Rick: Shameless transfan plug. > But all I can think about is how cute she looks in that > short blue dress and how much cuter she'd look if that neckline was 3 inches > lower. Dan: Damn straight. The kid's finally got his priorities right. > Y'know,... this beer stuff ain't half bad." Rick: Wait until tomorrow morning. > Despite being in touch with the existential forces of the universe, Rei > in her drunken state, had still noticed Shinji's poorly concealed glances at > her. Rebecca: The way Shinji's going, a blind man would spot them. > She had been alone for most of her existence, never really knowing > anyone else (such is the nature of being human). Dan: Well, there's this guy called Gendo but no-one cares about him. > "Well,", she contemplated, > "he's always been nice to me. Gentle. Kind. And he's a lot better looking > than his dad. Rebecca: [Rei] And he doesn't have a beard. Bonus marks there. > Cute, in a vulnerable, spineless sort-of way. But how to I > get a boy's attention?" Dan: Take off your dress. Always works. > Looking to Hikari and Asuka (and Misato too), who were engaged with > boys of their own age, it apparently involved a lot of touching. Ok. She > could do touch. Rick: She can do slap, I don't know about much else. > "Shinji?", Rei inquired. > "Yah, Rei?", he replied. Tsuneo: [Rei] Why are there three of you? > "Why don't you move over here so we can talk; in private. You know, > and not wake up Amelia." Dan: Sounds like a noble cause to me. > "Um,...", Shinji hesitated. Rei never initiated conversations, and > given his current ruminations, he had a right to be nervous. Rick: Something to do with the cleaver she was holding, and the way she kept calling Shinji her "pretty." > New territory. > Not fully in control of faculties. Run. Hide. Retreat into self. Tsuneo: Be in character. Rebecca: Wet your pants. > "You really don't have room on your side of the table there Rei." > Well, if Sanjay Ikmantoruman Dan: I'm surprised she can even think that while drunk. > won't come to the mountain... The > mountain got up and sashayed over to Sanjay Ikmantoruman; Rick: That sounds like something dirty in Pakistani. > sitting on the > corner of the table. Arranging her skirt and giving him an excellent view of > her legs, Dan & Rick: Ooh... Rebecca: Why does Rei have to loose her clothes in just about every scene she's involved in? > she continued. "Oh, it's nothing like that Shinji. > I just wanted some feedback." Dan: Whoa! Rick: Shinji gets lucky. This is a first. Rebecca: Don't get your hopes up, Rei. Remember that "toothpicks" bit? [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion.] > Talking did seem to be involved at this stage of the game. Dan: Keeling over unconscious is more like it. > But Rei's only source of information about matters of intimacy and > bonding were limited to school textbooks Rebecca: Can you imagine sex education in that class? Rick: [Teacher] Now class, today we will talk about sex. I remember Second Impact so well... Rebecca: So does Fox Mulder. > and working on mental bonds with the > Evangelions. Oh well, go with what you know. Dan: Get him to put on some glasses first. > "F-feedback.", Shinji stuttered. > "Mhmmm. About work." Rebecca: [Rei] You know, tight rubber outfits and all. Tsuneo: ... > "Oh! Work! *Phew* Oh, ok. For a moment there I though you were..." Tsuneo: Out of character? Exactly. > "I was what?", she asked, leaning forward, sinking her neckline an > additional inch. Rick: [Shinji] Nnnevermind. > "I-I-I thought you were... never mind." Rick: Ah... Damn! They did it again! > She was enjoying his dilettante squirming. "You see, I was wondering > about our sync ratios with the Eva's. You know, they say that our ratios > improve if we don't wear our plug suits,... Tsuneo: Which was the whole point of the test in episode 13, but never mind. > you know, leaving nothing between > us and our Eva's." At this, one of the straps of Rei's borrowed dress seemed > to slide off of her shoulder of its own accord. Dan [To Rick] I like this fic. [Rick nods vigorously.] Rebecca & Tsuneo: ... Rick: For some reason, a lot of Gainax promo posters spring to mind. > Shinji's eyes were growing wider by the minute. Rebecca: And for Shinji, that's hard. > His throat was getting dry as well. Rick: Quick, Shinji! Think railway carriage! Think railway carriage! Just concentrate on the level crossing sign! Tsuneo: ... > Absently he reached over and polished off half a beer in one > swig. "Naked... Yeah... Work better naked." Dan: Kid, just nod and agree with everything. It's the safest thing to do. > "That's exactly what I was thinking. I mean, if I was your Eva", Tsuneo: [Shinji] That's not funny, Rei! > Rei smiled knowingly, "I'd want to be as close to you as possible." Rebecca: And Shinji would probably want you as far away as possible, but that's another matter. > She pushed > Shinji's dessert plate off to one side and sat directly in front of him, > uncrossing her legs. Dan: Me see London, me see France! Me see... Oohh... > "Close. Very close." Shinji stammered. > "Because if I were Evangelion-01 Rebecca: You probably would have torn someone's head off by now. > and I had you inserted into me, I'd want no barriers." Dan: Whoa! Rick: [Austin Powers] Yeah, baby! > That said, she gently flopped down All: Plop! > into Shinji's lap, > straddling him with her legs and encircling his neck in her arms. > Shinji's hands shot out Rick: [Kid voice] Use robot punch! > in alarm. > *Whoa!* Dan: Shinji gets lucky! Tsuneo: [Muttered] I' going to explode soon. Rebecca: What, are you jealous? Tsuneo: Nope, just psychotic. > Keanu's sentiments were echoed by those witnessing the situation from > further up the table. "Rei," asked Misato politely (if not slightly slurred > and amused), "whatr'ya doing over there with Shinji?" Rebecca: Oh really, Misato, I thought you'd know by now. Tsuneo: [Rei] Committing great atrocities against my original character and Evangelion fans everywhere. Why do you ask? > "We're discussing work commander. Rick: What, can't you tell? > Sync ratios.", Rei said with a dead-even smile on her face. Dan: [Misato] Oh, that makes perfect... Huh? > "Oh. Ok Rei. Carry on. Tsuneo: Please don't on our account. Rebecca: I think Shinji would disagree with you about now. Tsuneo: Only because Misato mistook him for DJ when ordering drinks. > But you can only talk about ratios if it's happy talk. Is it happy talk Rei?" > "One moment Commander, I'll find out. Rebecca: Rei, just look down. > Shinji?", she wiggled in a bit > more on his lap and brought her face closer to his, "Is this happy?" Dan: I am Larry. I am happy. > The younger Ikari looked at Rei. He saw sincerity in her eyes; bleary > sincerity, but sincerity nonetheless. Rick: That's the booze talking too. > "Yes Rei." he replied with all the frankness he could muster, "This is happy." Rebecca: About now's when Rei should fall asleep. That would make his night perfect. > "Ok! Carry on then." Misato drunkenly declared. Rebecca: [Misato] But don't make too much noise! We won;t be able to hear ourselves - Ah, that is... > "You can't do that Misato! It's disgusting how they're carrying on!", > objected Asuka with a little too much fervour. Rick: You're one to talk. Dan: [Asuka] And I'm not getting any! > "And what about you? You're not any better with your hand in Gaurry's lap > all the time!", complained Lina, also, with a little too much fervour. "And > why are you blushing?!" Rebecca: She's always this red before she kills someone. Rick: [Asuka] What are you implying about the great Asuka, infidel? PACK! > "I'm not blushing. I'm flushed. It's the Sambuca. Why do YOU care?" > "I don't.", Lina replied with a hint of shyness. > "Then why are you blushing, hrm?" > "...not blushing.... flushed... Sambuca.", Rick: [Lina] Just radiant light from the charging Dragon Slave. > even Lina didn't buy that. > Fortunately for both girls, Gaurry was finishing off the last of Lina's Milli- > Vanilla ice cream Rick: In actual fact, it was someone faking for the ice-cream. > and didn't hear a word of their conversation. > "And on that cheery note I think we should call it a night." All: Thank you. > Despite some > heavy drinking, Kaji had found enough sense to remain moderately sober. Rick: So Kaji's the designated driver? Dan: Better than the alternatives. > Between him and the rest of the party that weren't asleep, they managed to drag > the remainder of the cast off to Misato's apartment wherein they all promptly > fell unconscious. Rebecca: The end. > ------------------------------- Tsuneo: Well that was a waste of bandwidth. > ------------------------------- > Well, that brings us, and you, to the end of another chapter. No applause > please, just throw Dan: Bricks. > money. If you wish to contact us regarding this chapter Rick: Seek help. > or the previous one (or those not yet written (oooh, scary)), please send to: > laughlin@accessv.com > or > evansjt@interlog.com. > We've only had one response to our name-that-angel contest. Tsuneo: Can't imagine why. Rebecca: Okay, which one of you two twits was it? Dan & Rick: [Pointing at each other] Him! > It was an okay idea, but it wouldn't help us take the story where we want it. Tsuneo: That scares me. > This is > your chance to be immortalized in prose! Well, not exactly, but we'll mention > you in the footer. ;) Rick: Thrilling. Dan; Or if you're lucky, we won't! > Part 4 has been scripted, and writing will begin soon. In this part, you > can look forward to such spectacular sights as: Tsuneo: Me bashing my head in. > -author avatar insertions (not us ;) ) Dan: Oh no... > -the quest for the 'aura of smooth' Rick: Dan needs one bad. > -more of Cthulu and the angel naming committee > -yet another angel attack Dan: Whoa! > -and finally, Palladium IN JOKES! Rebecca: I feel insulted already. [The TV switches off.] Tsuneo: It's your fault, Rick. Rick: I said I was sorry. Dan: Well... Rebecca: It's not Delta Invasion and I'm happy for that. Voice: Care to be any more vague? Rebecca: Sure thing. Voice: No, seriously. Tsuneo: Well, what can you say? It's more of Cruel Lina's Thesis. The jokes aren't funny and are now stale from over use and the characters are getting more OOC by the second. That's it, really. Dan: Um... I think they really got carried away with the innuendo. And that whole "Maya fawning over Ritsuko" bit was just plain tacky. Rick: Well, firstly I'll apologise for the umpteenth time for having this rigid grill mess bare down on our unprotected TV set. Rebecca: Get on with it. Rick: Okay. Simply put, it's not bad and it's not good. The jokes are weak and the situation rather tired, hackneyed, been there, seen that before. On the other hand, it's not the level of gross wrongness we see in most other EVA fics these days. You know, no corny Invadors leaping around the landscape, Shinji ain't wetting his pants and there's no self-righteous uberkids. Well, not yet at least. Rebecca: It's still not Delta Invasion and I'm still happy. Now can we go, before I get unhappy? Voice: Sure thing. Dan: I need some of that wonderful alcohol. Rick: Mr too. [They get up and leave. The screen goes dark.] Dan: Whoa! [There is the sound of something heavy breaking, followed by a yelp of pain.] Rebecca: I've been waiting all fic to do that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Editor's notes: It's competition time! Yaaaayyyyy! What we want you to do is write in and tell us who your favourite Elmer Studios character is - Rick, Rebecca, Dan or (yeah, right) Tsuneo. Just send an e-ail to uss with the subject something obvious like "Elmer Studios Poll: Vote for X". (Remember, we are Australians. We need these things made obvious.) Ant votes for Natasha, Celena, Maya, Janice or Elana will be discarded. Any votes for Karen will result in a visit to the psych ward. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAVM conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Rei noticed > that there was a poster of Keanu Reeves beside her, with a push button > marked, 'Press for dialogue'. She pressed it. It went, *Whoa!*. She > pressed it again, it went, *Whoa!*, in a slightly different tone.