Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 54 - Introducing a new guy to MSTing through the miracles of Evangelion SI. Rapture. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Evangelion: The Good life is copyright someone who didn't even put their own name on it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Dan and Tsuneo enter, talking] Dan: All in all, I think it went pretty well. Tsuneo: No it didn't. We all ran around like idiots. We got covered in mud and stood in cow pats. It rained and we got soaked through. And I'm covered in bruises from those damned paintballs. Dan: But you did have fun, right? Tsuneo: Personally, I think it was one of the most downright humliating and pointless experiences in my whole life. [Rebecca enters] Rebecca: Well, I'd say I have to agree with you. Dan: Aw come on! It was a great team-building excercise. Rebecca: It would be if you'd made some changes. One, hold it in Survival Shot, not some damp bit of post-apocalyptic Welsh countryside. Two, ensure that everyone actaully wants to go. Three, assign teams on some basis of volunteerring to work toghether, not random choice. Four, don't *ever* assign Karen as a team leader. Tsuneo: That was a particularily ininspired choice of yours. Rebecca: Were you drunk at the time? Dan: Oh come on! It's not like you guys can't take any blame for what went wrong. Rebecca: Oh that's rich coming from the guy who claimed that every hit he took was a flesh wound. Dan: Hey, t least I wasn't hiding behind a rock, getting drunk and shooting at anyone who came by. Tsuneo: Yeah. I think about half of Red Team's casualties were from you. Rebecca: Oh ha ha. At least I wasn't deliberately shooting at members of my own team, like a certain person who isn't a million miles from me. Tsuneo: And at least I didn't push my own leader into the mud and put her in a half Boston Crab. Dan: Well, from behind covered in that much muck Karen looked just like Janice. Rebecca: But they were both on your team. Tsuneo: And I wasn't behind all the friendly fire cases on Blue team. Natasha shot herself to get out of the game. Dan: Well... um... At least I didn't carry on a running argument with Rick about a shoulder hit. Rebecca: He claimed he wasn't dead! And I said he was. It's just like that Brawn thing... Dan: Speaking of which, where has he got to? Rebecca: He was right behind me a minute ago. Tsuneo: Great. He's done a runner. Dan: Oh joy. Replacement time. They're allways borderline psychos. [The door crashes open. A tall man with a commando-wannabe haircut wearing a dark blue flightsuit crashes in through the door and pulls out a gun. He looks around the apartment with his gun out.] Rebecca: Er... hello? Man: Shh... They're out there. With their pigtail fetishes and all. Dan: Who the hell are you? Tsuneo: I'd say a borderline psycho. Rebecca: In other words, our guest star for the day. Voice: Er... hello. Rebecca: Morning Uatu. Voice: ... Man: Aaak! It's one of them! Voice: Would you mind introducing yourself? Man: Er... okay. [He stands and puts away his gun] My callsign is Tango Charlie. I'm a mercenary hopper pilot and former arms dealer of the borderline psychotic type. Got shot down a few years and they say I got brain damage from it and....wait a second...This isn't the planet wubble! Dan: You could get a job as a ship comander in Macross Chronicles that way. Tango: Oh, and I've got a mission in life. My job is to eliminate all Auska lovers in the universe. And to have the voice actors of Asuka and Naga fight to the death for my amusement. Rebecca: Is that as in "Auska Fans" or "SIs who love Auska"? Tango: Both. Voice: Umm... OK. Well, today I've got- All except Tango: AN Evangelion Self Insertion. Tango: Urge to kill... rising... Voice: ... Dan: Let's get this over with. [They sit down. Dan and Tango facing the TV, Rebecca and Tsuneo on the other couch. Dan and Tsuneo are the closest on the conrers.] Dan: OK, here are the rules. Riff the fic mercilessly. When the fics over you blow up the TV. [The TV switches on] > NEW COMER > CHAPTER 1 > All the Eva pilots are now 16 and living life as usual. Dan: Define "usual." > Still fighting the angels which seem to be getting harder and harder. All: Aack! Delta Invasion flashbacks! Tsuneo: Of course, there's little things like Kaworu, Third Impact, Rei's horrible secret, Asuka's descent into madness and everything else important to the EVA storyline that happened when they were still 14 but anyway... Tango: 20 bucks says this guy hasn't seen anything after episode 20. > Shinji and Asuka have come tothe fact that the weird relationship they have > is great. Rebecca: What, so Shinji's come to enjoy "Hi Asuka, how are you, BLAM?" > The fighting just seems to make them better friends. Dan: Say Rebecca, does this make us better friends now? Rebecca: Step a little closer to this shotgun and I'll answer that for you. Dan: Um... No thanks. > Rei has lightened up a bit Tsuneo: Now she has facial expressions. > and is no longer a robotlike girl. (like Key.) Dan: Well, she's certainly found enough drooling fans... Tango: Is it just me or does her skirt get higher every episode? dan: It ain't just you. > Misato and Kaji's relationship has gotten quiet close Rebecca: So, Misato's into necrophilia now? > and they seem to be doing great. All: IT IS DELTA INVASION! > It was a bright Saturday and Shinji, Asuka, Rei, and Misato spend their > day doing sync tests. Dan: So what's this current fixation in sync tests? Rebecca: More like Ritsuko's fixation with tight rubber. Tsuneo: Wait a moment! Why's Misato doing a sync test? > "They seem to be doing good, I'm surprised especially > with all the fighting Iwould think they be stressed." Ritsiko says. Dan: Twisted clone of Ritsuko. Rebecca: Or, as would be more normal for EVA pilots, completely out of their minds. Tsuneo: Like Asuka, then? Rebecca: Um... > "Not my pilots!" Misato responds. Dan: [Misato] My pilots are the best! BLEAH! > "Um, Misato are we done yet?" Shinji asks. Tango: [Shinji] Me and Tom are going out to kick it on the West Siii-eeda. > "Yea, u guys can get dressed now." Rebecca: [Ritsuko] Uh, changed! I meant changed! Tango: Ritsuko's fetishes are getting out of control. > "Ok" > "So, Shinji, why are you in a hurry?" Asuka asks. Tsuneo: To get away from you? Sounds good to me. > "Uh, no reason. I just wanna go home." > "Hmmm, sure." Asuka is suspicious, she looks at Rei. Dan: [Rei] What? Am I bugging you? > "Hey wonder girl? Where you off too?" Rebecca: [Rei] Sorry, you're not cleared for that information. > "Huh, oh, no where special." Rebecca: What's the rush? They should stay there. Everyone knows that the Entry Plugs are used after hours ifyaknowadimean... Tango: Nothing at all special about Rei's apartment except the daily fan service. Dan: So? What's wrong with that? > Rei and Shinji have been spending a lot of time together lately, wonder > what going on? Rebecca: Figure it, Asuka. > Asuka thinks to herself. Someone: And goes into a coma from the stress. Tango [Mechwarrior voice level]: Heat levels: critical. Shutting Down. > Elsewhere on the base > "Commander, the new pilot is here!" [Loud warning sirens blare throughout the apartment. Everyone clutches their ears.] Tango: What the hell is that? Dan: WHAT? Tango : I SAID, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Dan: YOU THINK THE WORLD IS FLAT? Tango: NO, I SAID WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Dan: YOU JUST RAN OVER MY CAT? Rebecca: Hold on... [Rebecca draws her pistol and fires at the roof. The sirens stop immediately.] Rebecca: Sorry. That's the new self-insertion alarm I had the voice fit in. I think it needs a bit of tuning. > "Good, send him here first, I want to talk to him." Gendou, has his hand > across his face. Tango: Partial eva super facevault TM? Brace yourself for an SI... Dan: At least the damn thing works. > "Yes sir!" > "Pilot 5!" Isamu Mitsuragi gets up from the bench outside the office and > looks into the office. Tsuneo: Actually, he's pilot 6 by now, but never mind. Tango: Pilot 6 #1032 I'd reckon it is by now > Well here it goes. He thinks to himself. Rebecca: Just remeber to smile, act polite and don't ask too many questions. Dan: And don't ask what EVAs are. Never ask what EVAs are. > "Commander Ikari! Isamu Mitsuragi, Eva pilot 5 reporting for duty!" > "Sit!" Tango: Stay! Fetch! Good boy! > "Thank you sir." "Now listen, you'll be assigned to Commander Misato > Katsuragi. Tsuneo: That's Major Katsuragi. Commander is a naval rank. Tango: Then I reckon Issei should be appointed Rear-Admiral. > She's in charge of all the pilots. Your sync test will be done and > then we'll see what you can do. Dan: [Isamu] I can cook omlettes one-handed. Rebecca: [Isamu] I can program in Basic. Tsuneo: [Isamu] I know all the rules to 42-man Ukranian Squamish. Tango: [Isamu] I can sit through an entire episode of Delta Invasion without imploding. (That's impossible! ^_^) > Dismissed!" > "Um, yes sir." Isamu gets up and walks out. "Well, that was weird. He's not > very friendly." Tango: EVIL! EVIL I TELL'S YA'! > "Are you the new kid?" Misato sees Isamu and greets him. Tsuneo: No, he's just a random sixteen year-old twerp that they let wander through sensitive areas. > "Hi, I'm Isamu…" Dan: [Isamu] Isamu Alva Bloody Dyson. Rebecca: Carefull. We don't want a crossover in here. > "Mitsuragi I know. Dan: Ah, Hwang's much better. Tsuneo: Except in England and Australia where he's Isamu Arthur. > Hi, I'm Commander Katsuragi." Tango: So now she outranks Fuyutski? Maybe he finally got a real job... > "Hi, well didn't know I would have such a pretty commander. Must be my > lucky day." (smooth talker ain't he?) Rebecca: [Maya] Aura of Smooth Detected! Tsuneo: [Fuyutski] My god, it's back... > "Haha, sorry kid you're a little too young, but that was sweet." Tango: Since when has age deterred Misato? > "Thanks I try." Misato thinks that this kid is pretty cute Tango: Like a lapdog > and nothing at all like Shinji. Rebecca: Isamu is twice the woman Shinji is. > "Anyways, you'll be introduced to the other pilots soon. They just finished > their sync tests." Dan: Oh, that'll be good. [Misato] Hey there, meet Isamu. Tsuneo: [Shinji] So you're our new self-insertion character? Okay, I'll just walk off-set and never be seen again. Don't forget to choose from our fine selection of female pliots, though. Oh yeah, we've still got Angels but I'm sure they'll be no problem to you. > "Oh, when's mine." Rebecca: [Isamu] I wanna sync test and I want it now! > "You'll do yours later, there's plenty of time." Tango: They tend do them right before an Angel is scheduled to attack. > Misato walks Isamu towards the locker rooms to meet with the other pilots. Dan: And to give us the fan service for this episode! > Shinji, Asuka, and Rei are standing outside the locker rooms Tsuneo: Clubs in hand, waiting for the next sucker to walk by. Rebecca: [Rei] Yeah, we're bad-asses, man. > getting ready to go home. Until they hear the voice of Misato. > "Hey guys! Wait up!" Tango: It's Misato and an uberkid! RUN!!!! > "Hey Misato, what?" Asuka asks. Dan: [Shinji] You haven't got another horrible skin disease again, have you? Tsuneo: [Misato] Well, close. > "I would like you all to meet someone. Rebecca: [Misato] He's 1,000 times smarter than Shinji and has a big sword, a big gun and a big... Problem. > The new Eva pilot, Dan: But whatever you do, don't tell her she's uncute. > Isamu Mitsuragi." > "NEW PILOT!?" All the pilots asked. [They all groan.] Tsuneo: [Shinji] Well, I've got nothing else to do around here. I think I'll go and water the melons. Rebecca: [Asuka] Should I save time and just take my clothes off straight away? > "Yup, that's right. Sorry I couldn't tell you guys, Dan: [Misato] The voices in my head told me not to. > but it was top secret, you understand." Tango: If Tom Dyron was here he could have hacked into Nerv and found out weeks ago. > "MISATO!" All the pilots, were stunned. Tsuneo: Well not surprisngly, given they'd been hit with a rogue comma. > "Uh, Hi." Isamu stood there and looked at all the pilots surprised. Rebecca: Oh, *real* smooth. > "So good to meet you all." Isamu stuck out his hand, hoping for a handshake. > He got one from Asuka. Tango: She then ripped his hand off it's hinge and beat Isamu to death with it. The end. Dan: You're getting the hang of this Asuka thing. > "Hi, newbie! Just want you to know, I'm the top pilot around here!" Asuka's > cockiness amused Isamu, and he laughed. Tsuneo: [Isamu] This one amuses me. She will be saved until last. Rebecca: [Asuka] WHAT? You dare laugh at the great Asuka's piloting ability? WA-TAK! > "Yes, ma'am! Ms. Langley!" > "Huh, how'd you know my name?" Tango: How could he not? She is Asuka Langley Sohryuu, future queen of the universe. Dan: [Shudders] That was too scary. > "You guys are known around the world. Rebecca: [Isamu] And even in Iowa. > Shinji Ikari, and Rei Ayanami isn't it?" > The other two pilots nodded Dan: -Off. > in response. > "Welcome to the team." Rebecca [Shinji]: Don't worry if it's a little rough at first. Soon you'll get the hang of it and in no time you'll have your own personal set of neurosies. > Shinji stuck out his hand for a shake. Tsuneo: Let's not go there. Rebecca: Ah, nuts. > "Thank you." > "Ok, well now that the introductions are over, let's start testin you Isamu!" > They headed into the testing room and saw the new Eva. Tsuneo: And why didn't they notice it before? > A green colored one and Isamu had a green and black suit Rebecca: Whoa! Scarey... Tsuneo: What's up? Rebecca: DJ wore a green plugsuit too. > to match his Eva. Dan: The pink floral frock did contrast it a bit though. > "Ok, Isamu, now this first part is a little tricky, whatever you do , don't > hold your breath." Tango: But he did and died of asphixiation. The End. > "Oh, I got it, that liquid stuff right?" Rebecca: Wrong! Shinji really does want you to die. > "Yea, how did you know?" Tango: Tom hacked Nerv and gave him the info. > "They trained me already on this stuff." Rebeca: Toilet trained in LCL? Icky. > The pod was filled and Isamu breathed deep. > "All systems go!" Misato commanded. > "All systems are working properly." Tango: [Ritsuko] Eva will go beserk in approximately 10..9..8.. > "OK Isamu let's see what you got!" Dan [Isamu]: Sure thing! Ziippp! Rebecca [Misato]: Not like that! And put your pants back on! > "Right!" > Isamu got shot up into the practice ground. His training as a young kid > proved out well. Tsuneo: He trained in EVAs when he was a kid? Dan: Oh yeah. This guy's been piloting since before he could crawl. > He dodged the shots of fire, and aimed perfectly for the targets. > "Wow! He's really good." Shinji watched from the base. Dan: But he's not as good as Tom Dyron. Cause Tom Dyron kicks ass. > "Oh shut up, his not that good!" Asuka has a little bit of jealousy in her > voice. Tsuneo: A little? > Rei watched the pilot quietly, Dan: Gee, that's *original.* > she found his fighting skill to be great. She was impressed. Rebecca: That does it. The world is officially over. > "Great job Isamu! Keep it up!" Misato shouted with encouragement. Then > something went wrong. Rebecca: Isamu couldn't "keep it up" any more. > "Commander, there's something wrong! The controls of the Eva are > shutting down, Tango: [Mechwarrior voice over] Shutdown sequence initiated... > it's going out of control!" Dan: [Misato] Oh, they do that. you get used to it after a while. > "What! What's wrong with it! What's happening with the pilot!" Tsuneo: [Misato] Why aren't I using question marks? > "Nothing right now, but we have to get him out of here!" Rebecca: Well if he's in here with you, that would explain what's happening with the EVA... > "Right, Isamu! Eject your pod!" > "What's going on?" Isamu knew something was wrong, Dan: Brilliant deduction there. > his Eva had stopped > moving and the connection between him and the Eva had broken off. Rebecca: And right in the middle of a big download, too. Don't you hate it when that happens? > "What's happening Misato?" Shinji asked. > "The Eva's going wild! Tsuneo: [Misato] You of all people should know that by now. Dan: [Shinji] My EVA's way nicer than that anyway. > We have to get Isamu out of there!" > "Oh my god!" Rei was shocked. Tango: Rei shows emotion, Hell freezes, and I start taking pot shots at flying pigs...mmm pikachu [Drools] Dan: There's good eating in one of them. > It reminded her of how her Eva would got out of control. Tsuneo: Does that mean *when* it got out of control or that it occaisionally goes nuts or... Oh, forget it. > "Well, what are you waiting for! Get him out of there!" Asuka shouted. Tango: He might scratch the paint job on her EVA. > "We're trying!" Misato was in a panic. Dan: The fic's trying. Be more specific. > "Ok, it's not ejecting." > "Crap! Try the manual." Tango: Congratulation on your purchase of Eva Unit 5. Please take the time to fill out your product registration card to be in the draw to win free eva merchandise... > Isamu pulled the handle, and it worked. Tsuneo: You'd hope so. I mean, that's what it's there for. Dan: That's nice for the handle, but what about the ejection? > The pod ejected and popped out. Just then the Eva started to move. Rebecca: Do not speak to driver while EVA is in motion. > "What the hell! OH, crap!" Tsuneo: And who's talking here? > The Eva started moving and trashing the > building around the practice area, Dan: Now I know why it's painted green. It also has a certain rubbery texture. > it was going crazy. > Isamu held on to one of the shoulder blades for dear life. Tango: Except the pod had shot out more than 2 kilmoteres and the shoulder blade brutally crushed him. The end. > "God, damnit!" His hands slipped and Isamu started sliding down the > Eva. "Ahhhhhh!" Rebecca: [Misato] Nice knowing you! Have we got any more spares? Dan: You'd better pray there's a hack wrestler at the bottom. Tango: How 'bout the "Revolting Blob?" > "ISAMU!" Misato saw him fall. "Oh my god! Get the search team out there > now, Tsuneo: Um... Out there? With that thing? > and shut down that Eva!" > After the Eva destroyed most of the practice town, they were finally able > to shut it down. Tango: They then realised that all they need have done is eject the power cord but anyway... > Isamu, was no where in sight. All: Yay! > "Damnit, first day on the job, and I killed him." Misato started to cry, Rebecca: [Misato] Oh well, so much for that. Who wants ice cream? > but she didn't know why. > She didn't even know the guy for that long. Tango: Alcohol in excessive quantities tends to make people cry over nothing, and this is nothing! Dan: Not that excessive quantities of alchohol is that rare for Misato... > "Commander! We found him!" Tsuneo: Although now we need a spatula. Tango: oohoo! Pancakes and ice cream. > "What!" > Shinji and the others were already out the door. They too felt sad Tango: That once again the SI triumphed over all odds. Rebecca: They're not the only ones. > for the thought of his lost. Tango: Cause? > Isamu was lying on a gurney and being taken away. He was badly injured, > being trampled by the Eva All: SQUISH! > and it's damage done. > "Isamu? Can you hear me? Is he alive!" Dan: Okay Misato, when was the last time you saw someone who was still alive with their lungs sticking out like that? > "Uhhh, I'm alive Misa-uhh." Isamu was put in the ambulance and it drove away. > Isamu's Dream > What happened to me? Oh yeah, I think I'm dead. Tango: We should be so lucky. Tsuneo: You *think* you're dead? Here's a hint, count your limbs. > "No you're not! Don't be silly." Tango: He can't help it, he's a crappy fanfic author. > "What who's that?" Rebecca: If it's Q, I'm leaving. > "It's me! Your sis!" > "Sakura! Dan: No, try again. > What?" > "That's me, so how ya been?" Tsuneo: Flat, mainly. > "What's going on?" Dan: Please tell us. We have no idea. Tsuneo: A crappy fanfic. > "Oh, you're temporally in heaven, Tango: But a petition has been formed to kick you out for making others endure your horrid fanfiction... > but you'll be going back soon, Rebecca: Insufficient postage. > it's not your time yet, too bad." Tango: For once I agree... > "Huh? I'm still confused." Dan: He's not the only one. > "You know it's one of those you can go or you can stay things?" All: Stay! PLEASE!!! > "What?" Rebecca: I don't understand. Tsuneo: Where's the tea? > "Oh, geez man, it's not that difficult. You're in heaven now, Rebecca: And there's a kid with green hair, wings and distressingly tight shorts... > and you can stay here and finish off your life, Tango: Now that's an oxymoron and a half! > or you can go back." All: Stay! > "Ohhh, you mean I can stay here with you? And mom and dad?" Rebecca: And Tom's Uncle? And Jeff? > "Yea, if it was my decision, I'd make you stay. I miss you, ya know?" Dan: [Isamu] Still, I'd be dead and all... > "Yea me too. Look at you, you've grown. Your 12 now right?" Tango: AH!!! IT'S A HELLSTORM/DELTA CROSSOVER!!! > "Uh huh! Ok, there's no time! You gotta go now!" > "What already? Can't I stay a while?" Tango: [Sakura] No! Get out! > "Nope, sorry, I'll see you in your dreams." > "Yea, guess so. Bye!" > "Bye Isamu!" Tsuneo: [Sakura] Drop by any time! > "Isamu, Isamu, ISAMU! You okay?" > "Uhhhh…wha…what happened? Misato?" > "No, it's Asuka! Tango: The one and only great and wonderful Auska! Rebecca [Auska]: What? You dare confuse the great Auska with that over-the- hill hag? WA-TAK! > Geez, thanks for recognizing!" > "What? Uhhh." Isamu tried to sit up, and it hurt quiet a bit. > "You okay? You should be lying down, you idiot!" Asuka had concern in > her voice. Dan: [Asuka] We've got some bad news for you. We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds left to live. > "I'm okay, what are you doing here?" Isamu was curious, of all the people > to come visit him, Asuka? Tango: Asuka then whipped out a scalpel of light TM and sliced his head off and he died messily in a puddle of his own gore. The end. > "Oh, well, guess a fellow pilot can't come visit?" Asuka wondered herself > why she came to visit him. Tsuneo: Damned Aura of Smooth is kicking in already! > "Yea, sorry. I should be thanking you. So..thanks a lot." Tango: Yeah thanks heaps. No really. I mean it. > "Well…you're welcome." > They stood in silence for a while, All: NXE FLASHBACK! > until they heard a knock at the door. > "Come in." Isamu said. > "Hey there! Mister, you gave me quite a scare there." Misato smiled at > Isamu. Rebecca: [Misato] You can imagine my disapointment when they told me you'd survived. > It was one of her sweetest smiles she could pull off. Tango: Does this mean Isamu is gonna score with Misato AND Asuka? Dan: Eew, scary thought. > "Heh, sorry about that." > "Forget it, how have you been doing?" Tsuneo: [Isamu] What, since I woke up? > "I've been better." > "Good to hear. Rebecca: [Isamu] Ah? Misato? This shark seems to be eating my intestines! Dan: [Misato, drunk] That'sh great kid... Do I know you? > Hey Asuka, how long have you been here for?" Tsuneo: [Asuka] Just long enough to draw the pentagram, light the candles and prepare the sacrificial dagger... Wanna join me? It's fun! Dan: Damn, that's dark. Rebecca: And strangely right for Asuka, too. > "Oh, I just got here, right before Isamu woke up." She was afraid to > admit that she was there for longer than that. Tango: Well spot who this kid gets off over... Dan: At least it ain't Rei again. > "Hi." Shinji and Rei were at the door. Rebecca: It's a regular party in here. Dan: Is it me, or did the room just get colder. > "Yea! More visitors." Isamu was glad for the company. Tango: [Shinji] That's great kid, where's my 200 bucks? > "Are you okay?" Rei asked. > "I'm doing good." Tango: This kid's vocabulary is really, really, really, really... Really... Good... > The rest of the day was spent with conversations with each other, getting > to know each other better. Dan: [Isamu] So you're name's Rei, huh? Rebecca: [Rei] Yes. Dan: [Isamu] Do ya like it here?? Rebecca: [Rei] No. Dan: [Isamu] Seen any good movies lately? Rebecca: [Rei] No. Tango: Thrilling. > All the pilots found Isamu to be Tsuneo: Quite tasty. > funny, smart and very nice. All: Of course. Rebecca: Wouldn't it be nice to meet an EVA SI once in a while who's shy, retiring and socially inept? Tsuneo: You are joking, of course. > He talked a lot more than the other pilots Dan: Well, that's not hard in two cases. > and got most of the conversations going. > "Ok Isamu, it's official, Rebecca: [Misato] We hate your guts. > your going to live with me." Misato announced to > Isamu as he packed up to leave the hospital. Tsuneo: Meanwhile, back in sitcom land... Dan: Wait a sec, he got trod on by an EVA and they're releasing him in the same day? > "Cool. Can't wait to move in, but are you sure it's ok?" Tango: It's fine, we are shortning the pool to 200 metres long and converting the banquet hall into your bedroom. > "Of course, I already have 2 kids, Dan: And a penguin! > why not another, Tsuneo: Because you dfon't have any room? > at least your fun to talk to, oh haha, don't tell the others I said that." > "Haha, don't worry I won't." Tango: Yeah. Ha. Dan: Is he ever gonna stop being rude abou the other pilots? > Isamu moved into Misato's apartment and slept in the living room, > since his room wasn't ready yet. Tango: Pen Pen kept attacking the construction workers. > "Hope you're comfortable here." > "Don't worry, I'm good, Misato." Rebecca: Now why does that line sound so wrong? > "Great, I gotta work late today. Dan: [Misato] Kaji and I are attending an important meeting. Rebecca: [Misato] The melons need watering. > So, Shinji and Asuka should be home soon from school, Tsuneo: But weren't they just here? > and about school, you'll be starting on Monday so get ready." Dan: To have boring Second Impact lectures drilled into your skull. > "Yes, ma'am!" Isamu saluted. > "Haha, I'll see you later." Misato was out the door. > At the school > "You going home yet Asuka?" Hikari asked. Rebecca: [Asuka] Well, it is midnight... > "Yea, I'm getting tired. It's already 8:45. Better get home. Hey Shinji, > let's go!" Tango: Who the hell is at school at 8:45? In japan the day finishes at...like... 4, even with clubs and stuff. > "Huh, alright, hold a sec!" Tango: Shinji... And Hikari... And Asuka... Staying back late.... Together.... NOT GOOD! > "So Asuka, here you're getting a new roommate?" Dan: [Nelson] Ha, ha! > "Huh, oh yeah, Isamu. He's suppose to be moving in today. I forgot." Rebecca: [Asuka] He isn't *me* so he isn't *important.* > "So, you've met him, isn't he the new pilot?" Tsuneo: No, he's just any old stranger Misato's invited to live with them. Of course he's the new pilot! > "Yeah, how'd you know?" > "Kensuke told me? Well, what's he like?" Dan: Annoying. Rebecca: Flat. > "What do you mean?" > "You know, what's his personality like?" Dan: [Asuka] I didn't know he had one! > "Oh, well, he's nice, and funny. He like the opposite of Shinji!" > The two girls started laughing. Tango: Thing is they're laughing AT the fic, not with it. > "Is he cute?" > What kind of question is that? Asuka thought. > "Well, now that I think about it, he's actually pretty good looking, > compared to all the other guys." Asuka couldn't believe she said that. Tango: To cover her tracks she killed off the entire Japanese populace, including Isamu. The End. > Asuka and Shinji got home and were tired. > (yawn) "Boy I'm tired." Shinji said sleepily. Tsuneo: [Shinji] The average school day really wears me out! > "Yeah, me too." They walked into the dark living room Dan: Light switch is on your left. > and Asuka tripped over something or someone. > "Ouch!" Isamu awoke sitting up. > "OWWW! What the hell!" Asuka landed on her ass and sat there rubbing her head. Tango: While the author stroked his head... > "You okay?" Isamu asked. > "Uh, I think so…oh you're here!" Tango: If this was the real Asuka then Isamu would be decapitated by now. > "Yes I am." Isamu got up and lent a hand to Asuka for help getting > up. Tango: Asuka then ripped off Isamu's offending arm and threw it out the window. Dan: Don't you think you're getting a bit carried away? Tango & Dan: Nah! > "Thanks. Sorry I didn't see you." Rebecca: [Asuka] I mean, what were doing lying in the middle of the living room, for crying out loud! > "It's okay really. So you guys are home." > "Yeah." Shinji responded. Tango: As people tend to do each day. Tsuneo: Such *fascinating* and *intense* dialogue. > "You finally moved in?" > "Uh huh. Misato said that she was working late." Rebecca: Eh, eh, know what I mean, know what I mean, say no more, nudge, nudge! > "Ok, she works late a lot, you get used to it." Asuka said. Tango: Working late with Kaji and a 24 pack of Yebisu... Dan: [Isamu] I wish she'd "work late" with me. > They all talked a while then went to sleep. > Late at Night > Asuka stepped out for some water and heard Isamu talking in his sleep. > "Nooo! Sakura!" Isamu sat up, sweat on his for head, breathing a little hard. Tsuneo: As *absolutely* *everyone* does when they have a nightmare. > "Isamu? Are you okay?" Asuka crouched down next to Isamu. Tango: Stuck her arm down his throat and ripped his liver out for distracting her world domination plans. The End. > "Oh, Asuka, I'm fine. Just had a…bad dream." > "What happened?" Asuka was worried. Tango: Asuka worried...? That's like... That's like... Hell, I don't know what that's like! > "Oh, it was just a bad past memory." Dan: Well if it's a *memory,* then it's gotta be from the past! Duh! Tango: I'm already having bad memories of this fic. > "Yeah..I know how that feels, believe me." Asuka had a quick flash > of her childhood. Tsuneo: And dropped screaming to the ground, clutching her head in pain and agony. > "Guess we both have screwed up past." Isamu smiled at Asuka. > "Yeah, haha." Asuka felt comfortable with Isamu. Tango: So you feel comfortable knowing your as much of a whack job as the other person? Tsuneo: Works for me. > They started talking a little about Asuka's past. Dan: Uh, nooo... Rebecca: [Asuka] My dad died and my mum tried to kill me then hung herself. So how screwed up are you? > "And what about you?" > "Me?" > "Yeah, who's Sakura? I heard you scream her name. Old, girlfriend?" Tango: By the time Isamu was eight he had already been with 69 girlfriends and was having an affair with Issei on the side. > "Oh no, Sakura was my little sister. She died along with my parents." Tango: Why can't Isamu die too? > Isamu lowered his head, he loved his sister a lot and always missed her > whenever he started talking about her. Tsuneo: So he gets all emotional about his family but Asuka doesn't? I think this is about the second worst characterisation of Asuka I've ever sen. After Hellstorm 2, of course. Tango: Don't forget Fate of the Children... > "I'm sorry didn't mean to bring up that subject." Asuka put her hand on his > shoulder. Tango: Flipped him onto his back and proceeded to tear out his larynx. The end. Dan: I see she's doing her famous EVA-01 impression. Rebecca: Yummy! Tsuneo: Urk... > "It's ok, I've learned to move on and try to remember them when we were > all happy." Dan: [Isamu] Funnily enough > "Guess I should head off to bed now." Asuka got up. > "I'm tired too.(yawns) night Asuka." Asuka smiled, it felt good to actually > talk to someone. It helped her relax more. > "Night." Asuka walked off towards her room. > Isamu watched her walk, (that's a pretty nice walk) Rebecca: [Asuka] Pervert! WHAP! Tango: Asuka then turned his little major into 8 little privates with a hunting knife. The End. > he thought. He shook his mind for thinking like that and went to sleep. > THE END Tango: Thank you. > .for now Tango: Aww... > More to come! Dan: Whether you like it or not. > Asuka and Isamu? What will happen to them? Tango: [Tour guide] And as you can see out to the left we are descending into lime territory and in about 2 chapters we will be in bustling lemon county! > Where is this Isamu character going to fit in? Tango: I can fit him in my industrial blender! Dan: About six feet down. Rebecca: Between Asuka's thighs at this rate. > Find out more about Rei, Shinji, Asuka, Misato and new Isamu in the next > chapter. And if you thought it sucked, Tango: That would be everyone then > then don't read anymore! =). Tsuneo: We wouldn't if we had the choice. Tango: [pulls out laser-gun and lets loose a 10 second blast into the set which explodes in an orgy of violence and destruction. Then throws charred remains out of the window] Tango: Do you do this all the time? Dan: Oh yeah. That one was mild. Rebecca: Mild? More like a joke. Voice: Care to elaborate? Dan: Well, I thought it was basically pointless. Yeah, here's the new kid, watch Asuka fawn over him, he says stupid things and gets stepped on. Big deal. Nothing really happened there. Tsuneo: The writing was fairly loose. There were a few spelling mistakes here and there, but they weren't too bad. There was an almost total lack of description, even when Isamu was introduced so we have know idea what he looks like. Rebecca: This is real "Been there, seen that" turf. Save for one moment of abject stupidity - He was stepped on by an EVA and out of hospital the same day - it was pretty much a non-event as far as EVAfics go. Quite mild, really. Tango: It was horrible. Hideous. I was having every flashabck under the sun thought possible and then some. I feel like banging my head against a bulkhead so I don't have to live with the misery for the rest of my life. I'm gonna find the author and...hey look! that dog has a puffy tail! Here puff! Here puff! Dan: Why do we have to get all this trash? Tsuneo: Lucky, I guess. Tango: You know... I really need to blow something up. Dan: Have a drink. It'll make you feel much better. Tango: Okay, I'll have a drink *then* blow something up. Rebecca: Hey, it works for me. [They all file out] [The screen goes blank] Dan: I like this guy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) an Tim (asumax@ihug.com) Tango is copyright 1997-1999 "TS" Eliot (Twin Cannon) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Isamu was lying on a gurney and being taken away. He was badly injured, > being trampled by the Eva and it's damage done.