Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 65 - More of Evangelion: The Good Life. Let's see if Isamu can go a single chapter without getting horribly maimed. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Evangelion: The Good life is copyright someone who didn't even put their own name on it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Rebecca and Dan enter] Dan: So I'm thinking, it's a different role for him. And then I realise what was the last thing I saw with demons in it. Rebecca: Hellstorm Evangelion. Dan: Right. And I began to wonder "What's the actual difference". [Tsuneo enters] Tsuneo: So, what this comes down to is: What would happen if Hellstorm was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie? Rebecca: What I see happening is a demon pops up in front of Arnie and says- Tsuneo: You mean "sayed." Rebecca: Whatever. Anyway, he says "Ha ha ha, I am Exlax, I will be your executioner," whereupon Arnie snaps off a supposedly witty one-liner- Tsuneo: Something like "Go to hell." Rebecca: Yeah, and then his stunt double blows it away. Dan: Nah, Arnie wouldn't make Hellstorm. It's not his style. Tsuneo: Are you kidding? All he's got to do is blow up special effects rather than people. Simple. Dan: Fine. Who else? Rebecca: Howabout Quentin Tarantino's Hellstorm Evangelion? Samuel L. Jackson quotes the bible then blows away a demon for no good reason. Dan: You know, now I've got an image of Quentin Tarantino yelling "Do you see a sign out the front saying 'dead demon repository?'" at Samuel L. Jackson. [Pause] Rebecca: Scary. Tsuneo: Nah, he'd just wait for John Woo to make it first then rip it off. Dan: So how would John Woo make it? Tsuneo: Easy. Chow Yun Fat or blows away huge amounts of demons with a gun in each hand and bullet casings bouncing everywhere. Dan: Why did I even bother asking? Rebecca: I've got it! Jackie Chan's Hellstorm Evangelion. Tsuneo: Oh? Rebecca: Jackie fights demons who then beat him up and kidnap his girlfriend. Jackie then goes and beats them up some more. Somewhere along the line there's a plot, but who cares? Dan: I'm beginning to regret bringing this up. Tsuneo: We're not done yet! What about Shoji Kawamori? Dan: You've got to be joking. Tsuneo: No, seriously. The EVAs get eighty percent of the airtime, but apart from that it's just the same. Rebecca: Unless Hakahiro Mikimoto's working with him, in which case Issei sings at the Demons. *Then* they die in puddles of their own gore. Dan: Who's next? Tsuneo: What about Sci-fi writers? Dan: Okay then, J. Michael Strazynski? Rebecca: Well... The demons don't laugh, they just say cryptic things that aren't explained until three seasons later. So how about Rick Berman then? Tsuneo: The fic just repeats itself Ad Infinitum. Dan: And characters from more popular EVA fics are brought in half way through its run. Rebecca: And Shinji is replaced by a girl with big tits in a tight silver plugsuit. Tsuneo: That should about cover it. Dan: Then what about Matt Stone and Trey Parker? Tsuneo: So how do they make Hellstorm? Rebecca: Oh, a bunch of potty-mouthed kids go to hell and meet the gay devil, and the world is saved by yelling a lot. But that's what happened in Hellstorm anyway. [Pause] Rebecca: This leads me to the worrying conclusion that Issei is Matt or Trey. Or both. Tsuneo: You're right, you know. [Tango enters] Tango: Hi guys! How's things going? Tsuneo: Er... fine. [Whispered] Isn't he usually delusional by now? Rebecca [Whispered] Let me see. [Normal] So... Tango. Heard we're going to be working on some Auska Lemons soon? [Tango starts running around the room yelling and screaming] Dan: You're evil. Rebecca: I just had to check to see if it was really him. Tsuneo: Fine. Can we do something about him? Rebecca: Oh, allright. [She picks up a cushion and hits Tango with it] Tango: Thanks, Mr Teapot. Voice: Er... morning, guys. Rebecca: Good Morning, Lord Straxus. Voice: I just can't get any respect. Tango: Aaak! It's them again! Tsuneo: It's just the voice. Tango: It is? Oh. [Pause] Aaack! It's him again! Voice: ... Tsuneo: OK Voice, that's the hurt for the day? Voice: Since I know you've all been enjoying it so much, I thought you all might like the third riveting chapter of "Evangelion: The Good Life". Tango: Help me. I want my mummy. Tsuneo: Thrilling. [They sit down - Dan and Tango on the forwards facing couch, Rebecca and Tsuneo on the other one. Dan and Tsuneo are closest on the corners] Rebecca: To summarise the last chapter: Nothing. [The TV Switches on] > Well, it was a long and hard Rebecca: Getting started on the lemony stuff early, huh? > journey to finally write another story, > but...I finally did! Woohoo! Hope ya like it! Dan: Trust me, it won't be worth it. > Eva :) Tsuneo: EVAs and smiley faces don't really fit together. That pretty much sums up the whole fic, actually. > POISON All [Singing]: It's poison... running through my veins... > It had been two weeks now since Isamu's little incident. Rebecca: Bad Isamu! Bad, bad Isamu! > He had recovered fully Tango: Relatively speaking. > and was ready for battle again, or was he? Dan: You tell us, you're the author. Rebecca: here we go with our silly set-up of the day. > "Ok, Isamu now breathe in...and out, good." Tsuneo: He needs to be reminded of everything. Tango: He's a C-grade wrestler. > Isamu sat on the bed while the doctor examined him. Rebecca: Something else sat up in bed. > "Well, hmmm, give me a minute." "What? What's wrong doc?" Tango: You're suffering from a very bad case of self-insertion. > "Um, nothing, I just need to get these things figured out. Tsuneo: Then you don't know it's nothing, do you? > You can go home now, I'll call you if anything comes up." Dan: In this fic? No chance. > "Uh, okay, you sure?" "Yes, of course. Rebecca: Great, already we've got no idea who's speaking. > You're fine; Tango: He likes Asuka! He can't be fine! > you've recovered fast. I'm impressed, just take better > care of yourself from now on." Rebecca: Try not to get run over by any EVAs. > Isamu laughed. "I wish I could, but thanks Doctor Fukamachi." Tango: Hey, that was the main character in Guyver. What, is he using cameos now? > Isamu walked out of the hospital and headed for the mall to meet Asuka, > Shinji and Rei. Dan: Hey, look. It's the 2015 remake of "Mallrats." Tsuneo: What Rei's doing there is another matter. Dan: She's Silent Bob. Tsuneo: ... > Hospital Tango: Weren't we just there? Rebecca: Yes, in fact we just cut to the same scene. > "Hello?" "Hello, Ritsuko? Is that you?" Tango: What are you doing on a 1-900 number? > "Yes, who is this?" Tsuneo: That's what we'd like to know. > "It's me Fukamachi." Tango: [Fukamachi] You know, the guy who tiurns into a monster with arm blades? > "Oh, Hi, haven't heard from you in a long time." Dan: [Ritsuko] Maimed anyone lately? > "Yea, I've been busy, Dan: [Ritsuko] So was it anyone I knew? > but anyway, I have some news about one of the pilots." Rebecca: [Fukamachi] He's male. We weren't sure for a while... > "The pilots? You should talk to Commander Katsuragi about this." Tango: Why? It's not like she knows anything. > "I will but > I have to tell you first." "Okay, what seems to be the problem?" Tsuneo: [Fukamachi] We're stuck in a crappy fanfic, and I'm a character from The Guyver. [Normal] Well that's got to count agaisnt him. > "Well, it's concerning, Pilot 5, Isamu Mitsuragi." Rebecca: Sorry, but why is he the 5th child? Shouldn't that be Big Gay Kaoru? > "Yes?" "Well, I'm afraid he might have some problems within in his body." Tango: He's pregnant? > "What do you mean?" "I can't tell you over the phone. Dan: [Ritsuko] That good, huh? > Can you please come to the hospital?" > "Yes, I'll be there right away." Ritsuko hangs up the phone and rushes > out of her office. Tango: [Maya] Ritsuko, you'll need your pants first! > The Mall Dan: Of doom! > "So, what did the doctor say?" Asuka asked Isamu. Tsuneo: [Fukamachi] I've got to maim someone and feel bad about it in half an hour. > "He said he was impressed with my amazing recovery." Rebecca: He wasn't the only one. > He smiled at Asuka. "Well, that's good news." Asuka smiled back. Tango: [Asuka] Damn, he's gonna live. > "You can't always trust what doctors tell > you, they always hold things back." Shinji says. Tsuneo: And we just hit a random tense change, folks. Rebecca: At least we know who's speaking. Tango: At least he didn't "sayed" it. > Isamu looks at him. > "Boy, you really are the positive thinker in the group aren't you Shinji?" [They all clear their throats loudly.] > Shinji frowns. "Oops, I didn't mean it to sound bad, Dan: [Shinji] Oh, wait, that came out all wrong. > I was just cracking > a joke at the doctors, really I...." Isamu laughs and slaps Shinji on the > back. Tsuneo: [Shinji] Damn, now he's turning into Tom Dyron. > "Haha, I know I know, I was just kidding." Shinji laughs nervously. Tango: Quick, someone change the topic! > "So, who's hungry?" Rei asks, changing the subject. Rebecca: [Rei] Let's get some ribs. Oh, damn! > "I am!" Asuka shouts. > "Then let's go get something to eat." Tsuneo: If they get a hamburger, I'm going to kill someone. > Rei says and her and Asuka walk off > towards the food court. The boys stand there for awhile just looking at > them Dan: [Isamu] Nice ass. > walk away and finally notice that they're supposed to follow. Tango: Come on, figure it out here! > Home > At night-12:33a.m. Rebecca: Ding! 12:34. Tango: Let's see... What would Isamu be doing by now? Rebecca: The one-handed shuffle. > You see Isamu typing on his new lap top computer. He seems to be typing > some type of story. (Hint, hint) Tsuneo: I don't believe it, he's writing the fic! > Isamu coughs. Dan: Thrilling. > He feels dizzy all of a sudden and stops typing. Dan: And then his head starts swelling. Tango: You are already dead. > "*Cough* what's wrong with me?" Rebecca: Do you want the short list? > Isamu coughs again, harder this time and his chest seems to hurt. Dan: He shouldn't have eaten all those bean burritos. Tsuneo: It's a chest burtser! > He puts his hand > to his mouth trying to muffle the sound, but as he pulls his hand away > from his mouth he sees the red stain that was also on his lips. Rebecca: Isamu wears lipstick? Tango: Nah, he's been at the spice again. > "Blood! What the?" Dan: Yes, it goes through your veins. Figure it. > Isamu gets up and rushes to the bathroom. Tsuneo: We don't need these details. Rebecca: Oh great, and Shinji's not here to puppy-walk him. > He washes his hands > and rinses out his mouth. He breathes slowly and tries to figure out what > just happened. Tango: You coughed up blood. It's not that hard to figure, surely. > (That was blood. How can I be coughing up blood? Tango: Internal bleeding, the writer's best friend? Tsuneo: You had your steak a bit too rare? > Maybe Shinji was right, maybe Doctors don't tell you everything.) Dan: Then what's the point of seeing them? Rebecca: Why didn't anyone tell Isamu he's got gevious internal injuries? Tango: Hasn't anyone here heard of an X-ray or an ultrasound? > Isamu > coughed his way to bed and fell asleep right away. He'd made an > appointment with himself to go see the doctor tomorrow. Rebecca: Yeah, but what about making an appointment with the doctor? Tsuneo: Amazing, he's going into hospital, and he hasn't even stepped into his EVA yet. > School > "Alright class, settle down, everyone take your seats while I take > attendance." Dan: [Teacher] Isamu Mitsurugi? Tango: [Makes lots of disgusting hacking and choking noises] Present. > Asuka, and Shinji had gotten up early to go to school, but > they were worried since Isamu was already gone. Tango: Thankfull would be more like it. > They asked Misato but she didn't say anything. Rebecca: Asking Misato *anything* in the moring is pretty pointless. Dan: [Asuka] Hey Misato, can I borrow the car? Tsuneo: [Misato, sleepy] Yeah, sure, whatever. > Asuka was worried. "Mitsuragi, Isamu? Hmm, he's not > here today? His first absence, oh well." Tsuneo: [Teacher] Maybe if I tried Isamu *Mitsurugi.* > "Asuka, where's Isamu?" Tango: [Asuka] No your honour, I've never seen him before in my life! Rebecca: Nice try, Asuka. > "I > don't know." "You don't know? How can you not know, he lives with you." Dan: [Asuka] Maybe I don't *want* to know him! > "He left without telling anyone, okay?" "Okay, sorry." Rebecca: Even the Teacher fears Asuka. > Hikari turned to > face the front of the class. "Uh, sorry Hikari, I'm just worried about > Isamu, that's all." "Oh, I understand, it's alright Asuka." (Where could > he be?) Asuka thought. Tango: He's lurking in the next scene change. > Hospital Tango: Well there ya go. > "Doctor! I wanna know what's wrong with me!" Tsuneo: [Fukamachi] You're a self-insertion character and you need to ask? > Isamu had spent an hour at > the hospital already but he couldn't get any answers. Dan: Well maybe if you stopped asking the vending machine. Rebecca: Are you kidding? He'd still be in the waiting room. > "Isamu, calm down. > I'm sure it was nothing." "Nothing? I spit up blood! That's not nothing!" Tsuneo: [Fukamachi] Okay, so maybe it's not nothing, okay? > "*sighs* Alright, I guess you would find out sooner or later." Rebecca: Geez, are all of Nerv's doctors this caring? > "Find out what doc? What's wrong with me?" Tango: [Isamu] I'll take massive internal injuries for 500, thanks. > "You'd better sit down for this." Isamu > took a seat and prepared for the worst. Tsuneo: Neon Exodus? > NERV Tango: The room formerly known as the Really Big Room. > "WHAT! You can't be serious?!" "Misato, calm down, and I am serious." > "But, but, this can't be happening. Ritsuko! How can this happen?" "We > haven't found that out yet." Dan: I dunno, what's happening? > Misato sat down on her chair rubbing her head. Tsuneo: Regretting that beer breakfast yet? > Ritsuko had told her the whole story about Isamu. Tango: What, all two paragraphs? Tsuneo: Does this include a description? Pleas etell me he's got a description. > "I can't believe > this. Have you told him yet?" "No." "Don't you think he should know?" > "Yes, but, we can't tell him yet." "Why, not, this is about him you > know?" "I know Misato, and I know how you feel, but we just can't tell > him yet." Rebecca: So in summary... Noithing really. > (Phone rings) "Hello? Commander Katsuragi speaking. Rebecca: [Misato] I'm wearing slinky black lace underwear and I'm just dying to meet you. > Uh huh, > ok, alright, I got it, thanks for calling." (Hangs up phone) "He knows." Tsuneo: Fine, what about us? > "What? How?" Tango: I don't understand. Where's the tea? > "He went to the hospital himself, and found out." "Oh no." Rebecca: [Ritsuko] We'll have to reveal something this chapter. > "I'm gonna go down there and see how he is. Make sure no one else finds > out about this." Misato grabbed her jacket and rushed out of her office. > Hospital Dan: Congratulations, that was the most pointless scene yet. > Isamu sat there on the chair looking at the ground. Dan: [Isamu] I hate this place. Tsuneo: [Isamu] An unfamiliar... Carpet? > He couldn't believe > it. When he heard the news, he didn't even know how to react. He just sat > there, staring at the doctor. He wasn't sure whether to be angry or sad. Tango: No, no, false alarm. We're not going to tell anyone what's happening after all. > He hated both emotions. Rebecca: Isamu the sociopath. > Misato knocked on the door and came in. "Isamu? You here." Tsuneo: [Isamu] No, it's someone else. > She saw him, > siting in the chair slumped over looking at the ground. "I guess you > heard too." Dan: [Raises hand] We haven't. > Isamu looked up at Misato and gave her a small smile. Rebecca: [Misato] For me? You shouldn't have. > She > smiled back and then frowned remembering why she was here. "Yea, I'm > sorry." "You shouldn't be, it's not your fault." "I know but...." Tango: Well it's gotta be someone's fault. > Misato put her hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?" Tsuneo: He's suffering from grevious unspecified internal injnuries which no-one's bothering to treat. Of course he isn't. Dan: That's it, silly break! > "I'm okay." Tango: [Isamu] Tio go fishing dad, really! > "Isamu, it's not like you to act Dan: [Misato] In a convincing manner. > so quiet like this. Rebecca: [Misato] So make some noise! > You need to talk about Tsuneo: [Misato] Your penis. > this." "I know it's not Misato. Dan: [Isamu] So who are you anyway? > I just... Tango: [Singing badly] Called, to say, I love you! > I don't know. I don't know Rebecca: [Isamu] I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! > what to do. It just came out of the blue, Dan: [Isamu] And shat on me. > and I wasn't even ready for Tsuneo: [Isamu] This kind of commitment. > it. I can't believe Rebecca: [Isamu] It's not butter. > I didn't know about Tango: [Isamu] Second Impact, even after listening to that teacher! > it for so long, how could I Dan: [Isamu] Play the cello? > not?" Misato pulled up Rebecca: To the kerb. > a chair next to Isamu. "Nobody ever knows about Tsuneo: [Misato] What EVAs are. > it. This isn't even something Dan: It's everything and nothing, even. > they knew could exist." "So, Tango: [Isamu] Why are we here? > the doctor says, Rebecca: Take two asprin and call me in the morning! > I guess I'm special then, huh?" Tango: We knew that for ages. Dan: End silly break. > "You are, Isamu, Dan: Well, we'd think so. > to be able to live this long with it." Tango: He's an avatar! He's immortal! > Isamu looked back down towards the ground Dan [Isamu]: The ants look like ants from up here. > and Misato continued to sit there next to him. Rebecca [Misato]: Can I have that money you owe me? > Next Day > NERV Tango: Not be be confused with NARF. > "Your report Commander." Misato stood in the middle of Commander > Ikari's office. Dan: [Misato] All F's again. > "Sir, Pilot 5 is required to have a leave of absence to conduct some > test on him." Tsuneo: So he's going to conduct tests on himself? > "Yes, and can you explain what the test are for?" Rebecca: Yeah. Why does he have to have an anal probe? > "Sir..." > "Tell me the story Commander, all of it." Tango: A long tome ago in a galaxy far, far away. > "Sir, a poison has been detected inside of Pilots 5 body. Dan: And he's sprouting green crystals all over his face... > It seems that it has been there for a while, his whole life actually. Rebecca: So he was born poisoned? You suck. > But, it never seemed to affect him, until now." Tsuneo: Because the immortal union of Authour Avatars booted him out. Dan: Why? Tsuneo: They just didn't like him. > Misato pulled out a folder and handed it to him. "This is > the doctors report on it. Dan: It's rather slim. Tango: The doctor doesn't care either. > They don't know what it is, but they do know > that's it's killing him." "So, this poison, is like a cancer type." Tango: Cancer is not a poison. Tsuneo: So just say he's got cancer. > "Sort of sir, but it's like there is a poison inside his blood that's > killing him slowly and they can't find a cure." Rebecca: Didn't they just say that? > "How could they? They don't even know what it is. Dan: They've known he's got this for yonks so haven't they even tried to cure him? Tango: It's Isamu. Why would they bother? > The leave of absence is approved." Rebecca: Well, it won't be an issue in a few days when he keels over. > "Thank > you sir." Misato turned to leave his office. "Commander, when were > you expecting to tell the other pilots." Tango: Never! And don't tell them what the EVAs are, either. > "Today sir." "Well, don't." Tango: This is Evangelion. They can suffer. > "But sir..." "Commander, if the other pilots found out about this then > they wouldn't be able to function right. Dan: Relatively speaking, of course. Rebecca: Well, I'm plugging pilot 1 into EVA 00 and switching it on, but it still doesn't work. > I suggest we keep this a secret for now." Tsuneo: So what are you meant to say when Isamu suddenly carks it? Tango: "Sucker?" > "Yes, sir." Misato walked out of the office. "Humph! > How am I suppose keep something like this a secret?" Rebecca: By having the MiBs following her everywhere. Dan: Try staying sober. > School > You see Isamu staring out the window in the classroom. (Similar to > what Rei does.) Tsuneo: Hang on, when did the directions start? I thought this was a lame attempt at prose, not a lame attempt at a script. Rebecca: [Rei] Butt out, Isamu. That's my schtick. > "Hey you!" Asuka sat on top of the desk. Dan: Kinky. Rebecca: Asuka Langley Soryu, queen of all she surveys. > Where have you been lately?" Tango: [Isamu] Dying. Damn, that came out all wrong! > "Asuka! Hey, sorry. I just had to take care of some stuff." Dan: [Isamu] I, Isamu Mitsurugi, of questionable mind and body... > "Well, no matter, I'm glad you're here now." Asuka smiled. Rebecca: Not so much a smile as an evil smirk. Tsuneo: Any particular reason? Tango: [Asuka] I forgot my lunch, give me yours. Now! > Isamu smiled back but he felt like he was lying to Asuka, by just > smiling. (I have to tell her, but I can't.) Dan: How do you tell Asuka she's got a huge hole in her panties? > "Say, some of us are going > to the new Noodle House opening up today, what do ya say we go?" "Sure, > why not. I'm feeling like some noodles today." Tango: Yeah, he's all squirmy and sloppy and really thin. Rebecca: Funnily enough, Asuka once described him as being like a noodle. > "Great!" Asuka jumped of the desk Tsuneo: Extreme sports for wimps. > and sat in her own desk Dan: What, she lifted the lid and climbed in? > in front of Isamu. Isamu frowned. (I hate not being able to tell you Asuka.) Dan: What, do you honestly think she'd care? > NERV > "Hey there beautiful." Rebecca: [Gendo] Why Fuyutski, I didn't know you cared. > Kaji gave Misato a kiss on the cheek and sat > down next to her. "Kaji! What are you doing here?" Tango: [Kaji] I work here! > "I came to see you of course." Misato stared at Kaji. Tsuneo: Kaji, you are a bad liar. > "Ok, ok, I came here to check up on some of the weapons." Rebecca: [Kaji] Wanna check up on my weapon? > Misato smiled. "You seem awfully quiet today. What's wrong?" Dan: Oh, the Authour Avatar's dying of a fatal plot contrivance. > "Oh, nothing." "Misato..." "*sighs* it's the whole Isamu > situation." "Oh, how is the kid?" Tango: He's an inept useless egotist, but what else is new? > "He's holding up good actually. I'm > surprised. Heh, if it were Shinji... Rebecca: [Misato] I'd have a psychotic episode and apologise. [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion] > never mind." "Haha, I know what your saying. All: We don't. > So, what's wrong anyways?" Tsuneo: We're stuck in the middle of a drawn-out, boring and incoherent crappy fanfic. > "I can't tell the other pilots." "Why > not? I think they should know." "I know, but Commander Ikari says it > will affect the other pilot's performances." "Oh, well, he does have a > point there." Dan: Don't you know? Gendo's always right! > "Kaji! You suppose to be on my side here!" Rebecca: Yeah, but who signs his paycheck? > "Sorry babe, but he's right. How do you think Asuka's gonna react? Tango: She'll go ballistic, scream a lot, throw something and hide in her room. [Pause] Then she'll trash the Tokai district in her EVA. > You know she's > sensitive to these kinda things." Dan: That's gotta be an understatement. Rebecca: Actually, Misato's trying to phrase it in a way that won't result in an outburst of maniacal, gloating laughter. > "I know she is. But..." "But, you want > them to know because he's their friend. Tsuneo: Sorry, I don't recall that coming up. > I know how you feel, but you > gotta keep quiet for now." "I hate this. I won't be able to look at > them in the eyes without blurting something out." "Haha, this is a > secret you have to keep." Tango: Along with the millions of others, you mean. > "I know, Kaji, I know." Kaji put his hand > on Misato's and kissed her forehead. "I think this job stresses you > out too much." "It does." > New Noodle House Tsuneo: Is that the best name they could come up with? Do they actually have a sign out the front saying "New Noodle House?" That must *really* pull in the customers. > "Ok, everyone drinks on me!" A student shouts and the response he gets > are a bunch of hoorays. Dan: Famous last words. > "What are you getting?" Shinji asked Rei. "Um, I dunno. What are you > getting?" " I dunno either." Tsuneo: ...Strangely apt. > "Well, I know what I'm getting!" Touji slams down the menu on the table. Rebecca: [Hikari] No chance, bozo. > "A number 21!" Tango: Okay, but how about eating food? > "Sit down!" Hikari > slaps Touji on the back and Touji falls down hard on the ground. Tango: She's got a *mean* right hook. > "Owwww!" The students laugh. "Hey, shut up!" Touji gets up while > rubbing his back. Dan: [Toji] Shut up or I'll deck every one of youse! > "Why'd you do that for?" "Even in a restaurant you > have to act immature." Tsuneo: At least it means he's in character, and for that we should be thankful. > Touji just glares at her. Tango: Face it Toji, no-one likes you. > The two turn from > each other crossing their arms and sticking their noses in the air. Dan: Damn, this has turned into Cruel Lina's Thesis. > "Haha." Shinji laughs at the two. "You know guys are like a married > couple." Rebecca: Ouch. > "WHAT!" Both of them shout and glare at Shinji. "Uh, > nothing." Shinji slouches in his seat. "Haha." Rei laughs at Shinji. Tango: How low can you go. > "Hey everyone we're here!" Tango: Hi everybody! Others: Hi, Dr. Nick! > Asuka and Isamu are seen at the door and Asuka is waving to everyone. Rebecca: [Asuka] Peasants, get used to it. > "Asuka, over here!" Hikari waves. They > walk over to where everyone else is sitting at. Tsuneo: It's called a table. > "Hey guys." Isamu says. "Hey." Everyone responds. Asuka and Isamu take > a seat and open the menus. "Let see... what to order. What are you > ordering, hon?" Asuka asks. "Hmm, I don't know. I think number 21." > "Number 21 is the best!" Dan: Do they have anything *but* number 21? Rebecca: Well, you can have the entree sized number 21, or maybe a number 21 for desert. Dan: Sorry I asked. Tango: Number 21's off. Dan: ... > Touji shouts and again is slapped by Hikari. All: Whoo! > "Be Quiet!" Rebecca: [Hikari] Bloody peasants! Tango: Hikari's starting to sound like Asuka. > "Haha, ok, I'll get that one then." Isamu puts down his menu. "I'll > get the same." Asuka says. Tsuneo: *Everyone's* having number 21! > Isamu laughed, ate and talked, Tango: And died. What a way to ruin your evening. Dan: We're still waiting for that bit. > and seemed happy on the outside. But > deep inside he felt uncomfortable Rebecca: And kind of squishy. > being there. He couldn't stop > worrying and wondering. He needed more answers about this disease of > his. (Guess I'm gonna have to leave school again.) Rebecca: Look on the up side- Tsuneo: Say anything about Second Impact and I hit you. Rebecca: Actually, I was going to mention the canteen food. > He looked at > Asuka laughing and smiling. He smiled at her. He didn't want to hurt > Asuka but telling her would and he hated that fact. Tsuneo: For about the eigth time this fic. > Hospital Dan: Oh for crying, who let Isamu near his EVA again? > "Isamu, we've got the results of the test." Rebecca: You're pregnant. > "And..." "It's strange, different. What's inside of you is a poison. Tsuneo: Yes, we've been through this. Dan: Ain't it amazing? It takes ages before they tell us what it is, then they tell us it a thousand times. > I'm surprised you're not > dead, I mean you should have died at birth." "That's real assuring > doc." Rebecca: [Doctor] Put it this way: you'll cark it before you sue for malpractice. > "I'm sorry, I meant that you've fought this poison for 16 years Tango: Sounds like Hogan and Piper. > and your still fighting it." "But, why did it all of a sudden take > affect now." Dan: Something to do with yo-yoing in and out of hospital probably. > "It seems that over the years the poison has gotten > stronger and stronger. Tango: Okay, how's it getting stronger? It's impossible. I mean, it's possible for a cancer, but not poison. Tsuneo: Don't you remember? They said it was a "cancer type poison." Tango: But that's totally impossible. Tsuneo: I know. > Isamu...the poison is killing you slowly." "The only way to die..." Dan: What, in long, drawn-out, agonising pain? > "Isamu, now, we're still examining it. We > could find a cure. I mean, it is a poison, all poisons have a cure." Rebecca: Since when? > "But what if it's too late?" "We'll work hard Isamu." Tsuneo: We'll cure your corpse. > "I know you will. I just hope my body works hard." Rebecca: Asuka said something like that too. > "Now, Isamu, you've been approved the leave of absence of piloting, Dan: I really can't see Gendo giving you the day of for dying. Tsuneo: Would anyone notice if he stopped piloting anyway? > I suggest you take school off too. Rebecca: Sorry, he needs to give 6 to 8 weeks notice to take time off. Tango: He probably needs to give 6 to 8 weeks notice to die. > This poison could strike at any time and you will > start to get weaker." Dan: How would you tell? > The doctor stared at Isamu. "Isamu?" "I got > it. No school, no piloting. Rebecca: What? You think Gendo's gonna et you off pilot duty just because you're dying. Tango: If he's dying Gendo will just use him as a decoy. Dan: No more wine, women or song for him. Which shouldn't affect him much. > You know doc, this really sucks." Dan: Tell us about it. > "I > know it does. But you can't give up." "Don't worry I won't, that's > the last thing I'm doing." Rebecca: No, the last thing you'll probably do is cough your guts up. Tango: And die in a puddle of your own gore. > Apartment Dan: Joes apartment? > "I'm home!" Misato shouted. Dan: And Misato slides home! I'ts the bottom of the ninth and EVA is leading by two. > "Anybody else home?" Rebecca: Just us cockroaches. Tsuneo: And Jin. And Tom. And Issei. And Akane. And DJ.... > "YEAH!" Misato > walked into the living room to see Shinji, Rei, Asuka and Isamu > sitting on the couch watching t.v. Dan: Hey look! RAW is on! Rebecca [Rei]: Go Kane. Tsuneo: That's not funny! > "I'm sorry am I interrupting a double date?" Rebecca: Yeah... Shinji's with Isamu and Rei's with Auska. Tango: That's not funny! > Misato snickered. Dan: She then Marsed. > "Ha ha, very funny Misato but no, we're just hanging out." Rebecca [Laughing out loud]: Toothpicks! [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion] > Asuka responded. "Oh, ok. My mistake, > I'll be in my room doing some paper work Tango: Who's speaking here? > so don't bother me unless it's important!" All: Yeah, right. > Misato shouted while closing the door to her room. > "She works too hard." All: Yeah, right. > Shinji says. "Yup." Rei added. "Well, I'm > tired, I think I'm gonna head home." Rei stood up. Dan: For some people, life is exciting enough. > "I'll drive you > home." "You sure, you can borrow Misato's car?" Tsuneo: What? Who's talking? Who's old enough to drive? Tango: Urk... Auska behind the wheel! Rebecca [Auska]: Out of my way, peasants! > "Um, no, but I'm > sure she won't mind." "Haha, your gonna get busted Shinji." Asuka > says. "Not, if I get back fast enough. Tsuneo: Did this just turn into Delta invasion? It's I swear that's Bad Ass Shinji. Rebecca: Damn straight. Tsuneo: Don't do that. > Let's go Rei." Shinji > grabbed his jacket and Rei's and headed out the door. > "He's gonna get busted." Asuka and Isamu both say. "So, what now?" Rebecca: Careful Isamu. You're likely to end up in hospital again. Tango: Let's not go there. > Isamu yawns and stretches. Asuka gets up and stretches and then > walks out onto the balcony. Dan: This is *so* intense. Tango [Asuka]: Hey Isamu! Climb up onto the ledge. I wanna show you something! > Isamu follows her. "Isamu?" "Y..e..s?" Rebecca: yEs mAsTeR? Tsuneo: Never, ever do that. > "Can I ask you something?" Tango [Asuka]: What's 136 times 84? Dan [Asuka]: Have you considred trimming your nose hair? > "Of course." "Why did you take a leave of absence from piloting?" Rebecca: Hospital expenses were piling up. Tango: It's halfway through the series! They need to give me a new Zord. > Isamu was stunned by that question. Tango: He winds so easily. Tsuneo: Takes 1.5 times STUN from question attacks. > He didn't think anyone knew yet. Tsuneo: Can you blame them? No-one knows what's going on in this fic! Tango: Asuka's been taking hacking lessons from Tom. > "Oh, well." > "Is it because of what happened last time?" Rebecca: And the time before that. And probably the next time... > Asuka turned to look at Isamu. "Asuka..." (Tell her!) All: No! Let her suffer! > (But you can't, she'll be devastated) All: Huh? Tango: Great. Now he's having conversations with himself. > "Yea." (I'm sorry Asuka) Tsuneo: Just damn well tell her that rather than thinking it! > "I > guess I just need some time to get myself together again." Tango: Why bother? Next time you get in your EVA... Pop. > "But, there hasn't been an angel attack for a while now. Rebecca: Not that it's ever stopped them before... > Hasn't there > been enough time?" Asuka looked worriedly at Isamu. Tango: I would too. > She wanted a true answer and Isamu just couldn't give it to her. Tsuneo: Hey, it's turned into a Senate hearing. > "Asuka, don't worry. All: Be happy! Tango: Then commit suicide like the song's writer did... > I'll be back by your side fighting in no time. Dan: And that's meant to reassure us? > NERV just thinks I need more time." Rebecca: Give him another thirty minutes and stir. > "You sure? There's nothing else wrong. If your lying to me I'm gonna..." Rebecca [Auska]: What!? You dare lie to the great Auska?! WA-TAK! > "Haha." Isamu grabbed Asuka's hand. Tsuneo: Ewww... Dismebered hands. > "Don't worry." He kissed her forehead. Asuka turned around > to look at the stars. Tango: Hey! There's Uranus! Rebecca: And over there we can see the constellation boredom. > She took Isamu's arms and wrapped them around Rebecca: The post and jumped on them! And the ref's distracted too! > her waist. Tsuneo: He could wrap his hand around her waist. > "The view here is great too isn't it?" Dan: Yeah... Miles of decaying vacant industrial estate just sets the peice. > "Yea, almost as good as the one on the bridge." Rebecca: You can see Gamera on the rampage from there. > Isamu smelled Asuka's hair. Tango: Let's not go there. > It smelled wonderful Dan: Mmmm... Salami. Wait a minute... > and Isamu was sad at the fact that he > could lose the one person who he cared about the most. Rebecca: I just can't tell him. > He didn't want Asuka to notice so he slapped Dan: You bastard! Get her all lovey-dovey then hit her around! > a smile on his face and held Asuka while looking at the stars. Tsuneo: Hey look... It's the Sattelite of Love. > Next Day Rebecca: The morning after the night before. > (Phone Rings) Dan [Misato]: Who is it? Rebecca: I'm looking for a man named Mike. Last name Rotch. Anyone seen him? Dan [Misato]: Just a second. Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Anyone seen Mike Rotch lately? > A groggy Misato picks up the phone. Tsuneo: It's 11 am. Too early for her. > "H.hello? Uh huh, she is > speaking. Uh huh... WHAT!" Misato jumps out of bed wide-awake. Dan: All right! Fan service! > "SHINJI, ISAMU, ASUKA! WAKE UP! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!" Tango: By a killer attack of capitilisation! > "WHAT!" All > the pilots run out of their rooms with their uniforms in their > arms. Tsuneo: So they keep their plugsuits in their cupboars at home now? Rebecca: At least they don't keep them in mallets. Tsuneo: Don't remind me. > "QUICKLY EVERYONE IN THE CAR!" Dan: Damn... this is getting more and more like CLT. > The four of them dash out of > the apartment and head for Misato's car. Tango: To the Batmobile! > "Hey I don't remember parking my car there. Dan: It's the opposite of Kar Key gnomes. Rather than moving your keys, they move your car. Tango: Misato should get Sam and Max's car. The Retractible howitzers really would help her life. > Never mind! Everyone in!" Rebecca: It's the "how many clowns can you fit into a car" routine. > Misato turns on the engine and steps on the gas. > NERV Rebecca: The Really Big Room. > "All right everyone get dressed! Tango: What, here? In front of Gendo? > Wait, Isamu, you stay here. Rebecca: Stay! Sit... sit! Good boy! Tango: And stay out of the toxic play-doh. > Ok, what's the status." Tsuneo: You're stuck in a crappy fanfic. > "There's an angel approximately 50 feet away." Tsuneo: What? That'd put it within the Really Big Room! Rebecca: Angels in radar may appear closer than they actually are. > "That's pretty close." Dan: It's within spitting distance. > "Yea, and it's getting closer. Rebecca: Twelve feet, ten feet, nine feet... Damn, that's close. > By the way nice pjs Misato." Dan: Trust Ritsuko to notice. Rebecca: Funny, I thought Maya would notice that. > "Shut up Ritsuko! Dan: Yeah. Just cause she sleeps in black rubber wear.... > You expect me to be ready for work at 5:30 in the morning? Rebecca: Well everyone else can get dressed and get to NERV, I don't see why she can't. > Geez, I need some coffee. Tango: Caffine! Must have caffine! > Can someone get me a cup of coffee!" Dan: Misato's version of life-support. > "Here ya go." "Kaji! What > are you doing here...oh wait, I remember now." Dan: He works here. > "Yeah, so how's it going." Rebecca: Oh you know, Angel attack, extistential angst, questions on the nature of man's relationship with god... same old same old. > "Not, well dear, we seem to be under attack." Tsuneo: Seem to be? There's an angel 50 feet away and you can't tell if you're under atack? > "Oh, > that's right, I should leave you alone then." Tango: It's not like she does anything around here anyway. > Misato sips her coffee while looking at the screen. Tango: Must... have... caffine.... Tsuneo: There's an angel in the same room, but there's no need to panic. > "Angel is 25 feet away." Tango: They're coming out of the walls! They're coming out of the god damn walls! Rebecca: If this turns out to be a beachball crawling through the vents, I will be most annoyed. Tsuneo: Maybe it'll be Orangel. > "Are the pilots ready?" Tango: Isamu has fallen to the ground coughing up blood. That's good enough. > "Yes ma'am." "Then send them out!" > The Evas are shot out and given their weapons. Rebecca: A giant fire-hose? The hell? > "Ok, Unit 0 take position D, Unit 1 is in A and Unit 2 is C." Tsuneo: Who's on first, What's on second. > "Right!" The pilots take their positions. Rebecca: Assume the position [Tsuneo whacks her with a cushion] Tsuneo: When will you stop using that one? Rebecca: When the fics stop making it easy for me. > "Misato." Tango: Damn. I thought I'd finally figured out who was speaking. > "What?" Misato sees Isamu in his uniform. Tango: The kid must be suicidal or something. > "Isamu, you know your not going in." Rebecca: He doesn't have valid ID. > "I know, but just in case they need help I'm ready." Tsuneo: Of course they will. No-one can beat an angel in a fic except the Uber-Kid. Rebecca: Invadors and Demons are another matter. > Misato > smiles at Isamu. "Okay, but I'm sure we're not gonna need > you." Tsuneo: Famous last words. Dan: You watch. They will. Tango: So Isamu can swoop down and save the day by getting horribly maimed! > "Just in case." Isamu says. "The angel is only 5 feet > away. Tango: What? It's gotta be breathing over her shoulder by now! Rebecca [Ritsuko]: Maya? Get your hand off my butt. Dan [Maya]: But I'm over here, doctor. Tsuneo: ... > It's it clear sight and range of attack." Tsuneo: It's in the same damn room as you! Rebecca: Maybe the authour just can't get his measurements right. > "What do we do Misato?" Dan: The Waltz! > Shinji asks. "Shinji move in close enough to attack. Rebecca: Isn't five feet away close enough? > Rei you cover him and Asuka you're right > behind him if he gets stuck." Rebecca [Auska]: What? You dare relegate the great Auska to back up for that scrawny little waste of flesh? WA-TAK! Tango: Auska has issues. > "Right!" > The Evas take their positions and prepare to fight. The > angel then launches it's attack. Rebecca: The Death-Ray Zorcher! > "It's shooting missiles, Tsuneo: Missiles? These are organic creatures we're talking about here. > watch out!" Asuka shouts. All: Incoming! > The Evas jump out of the way just in time. Tango: Prety butt-useless missiles then. Rebecca: Oh come on. They have to arm themselves, lock on and manouvre to hit the target in the space of only five feet. Dan: Hehe. He probably just fragged himself. > "Shinji attack." Rei says. Tango: Since when has she given the orders. Dan: Don't you know? Rei is god. Rebecca: Not quite, but close enough. Tsuneo: ... > "Gotcha." Shinji picks of the rifle Tsuneo: He picks up the rifle? He picks off the rifle? Help? > and rushes towards the angel firing. Tango: Plan 1 - Run screaming at the target. > Asuka follows him and Rei fires from behind. Dan: I thought Auska was the cover and Rei was back-up. Rebecca: No plan survives contact with the enemy. Or your own troops. > The angel then releases some type of fog. Tango: Ewww! No more beans for you! Dan: Someone please open a window! > "What the?" Eva 1 stops. Dan: Windows has detected a grevious error in EVA01.EXE. Your system will now self -destruct. > "I can't see anything." Shinji > reports. Tango: Try opening your eyes. Rebecca: Or the external cameras. Tsuneo: ... Dan: We're getting to him. > "Neither can I." Asuka says. Eva 1 and 2 stand there > scanning the area for the angel. Tango: IT'S FIVE FEET AWAY! How hard can it be? Dan: Actually, they would've been running *away* from it. > "I got no readings." Dan: Try switching it on. > It goes quiet. Tango: Too quiet. > "Shinji behind you!" Asuka shouts. Rebecca [Auska]: Ha! I cannot belive you fell for that! > Eva 1 is hit with a missile and sent flying towards the ground. All: TOGG! Dan: That's nice. Can we please have a discription of this damn angel? > "Ahhhhh!" Asuka > fires towards where the missile was shot from but doesn't seem > to be hitting anything. Tsuneo: I'm firing, don't move! > "Rei, I need back up!" Dan [Shinji]: My computer just crashed and I need those files now! > Eva 0 rushes towards Eva 2. Rebecca: What? They're just leaving Shinji there? > "Asuka, what's happening." "Shinji was hit." Tango: Can't you tell from the way EVA-01 is lying on the ground? > "Shinji!" "I'm okay." Dan [Shinji]: Don't mind me. I'll just lie here in considerable pain while you go off and stop the angel. I'll be fine. > Eva 1 gets up. Tango: It's alive! It's alive! [Laughs manically] Rebecca: Thank you, Mr Jinnai. [Whacks him with a cushion] Tango: Thanks. I needed that. > "The Eva has been damaged. > I don't if I'm okay to keep fighting." Dan: It's simple. Unless your guts are spread across the landscape, Gendo says you're fine to fight. > "Just stay low Shinji." Tango: How are you meant to do that in an EVA anyway? > Rei says. Then another missile comes out Rebecca: Great. Now this fic is straying into Issei territory > and hits Rei sending her flying to the floor. Dan: The floor? So they're fighting indoors? Rebecca: Well it was well inside the Really Big Room. > "Ahhhhh!" Rebecca [Rei, monotone]: Ow. I am in considerable pain. Ow. > "Rei!" Shinji shouts. "Uh, I'm okay." Dan: Relatively speaking. > "Come out and fight like a man you bastard!" Asuka shouts Dan: Asuka's twice the man that angel is. And cuter. > firing shots into no where. Rebecca: I'll shoot aimlessly if you don't come out! > "What's going on?" Misato shouts. Tango: They're tearing up the city, that's what. Tsuneo: You tell us. > "We can't see them! > Commander! Some type of fog just appeared." "What!?" Dan: He said that a frog had just hidden the Angel! Are you deaf or something? > "The angel, it seems to be using good tactics." Tango: He's deathmatched on this level before. > "Damn! Try to figure out how to be able to track down the angel." Dan: Try switching a light on. That might help. > "Yes, ma'am!" > "Misato, I'm going in!" "Isamu no! You know you can't!" Tango: And here comes Isamu to save the day by getting himself horribly maimed! > "But, they need my help Misato." Dan [Isamu]: I can draw its fire away from the others! I can pathetically grovel at it's feet! > Misato didn't know what to do. Rebecca: I fail to see how sending Isamu out there is going to help the situation other than giving the Angel a new target. > They did need his help, Tango: When you need Isamu's help, you're screwed. > but it was going to jeopardize his health. > "Commander! Let him go." Ikari stood watching them. "But, > Commander..." Dan [Gendo]: Do you think I really give a crap about his health? Tsuneo: That sounds strangely right, actually. > "Let him go, they need his help." Dan: No, Isamu's the one that needs help. > "Thank you sir." Rebecca [Gendo]: I'll be calling in some "favours" for this, Misato. > "Go Isamu, but be careful please." "Don't I always > Misato?" Tsuneo: Well, apart from the time that your EVA trod on you, and the time you got electrified... which means never, really. > Isamu turned and ran to get his Eva ready. All: Run, Isamu, run! > "Deploy the Eva when it's ready." (Good luck Isamu) Tango: Wanna bet on if he can come back in one peice? Dan: Not much point if we all agree he won't. > Evas 0, 1, and 2 took cover with the buildings. Rebecca: So the buildings are taking cover too? > "What are we gonna do?" Dan: Sit here and watch god boy save the day. What else? > Asuka breathed heavily. Rebecca: Auska's really into those prank calls. > "I don't know. This > angel is a lot harder than the other ones. Tsuneo: Like Ramiel? Or Israfel? Or Zeruel? Or Armisael? Or Asrael? Or Kaoru? Or Bardiel? Dan [Shinji]: Well, besides them. > It's smarter somehow." Rebecca: It's still a lousy shot. > Shinji said. They then heard a gun getting fired. > "C'mon angel, come out come out where ever you are!" Dan: Well, I see that sending Isamu out really helped... > Isamu turned on the info red scanner and saw the angel. Rebecca: So, um, why did no one else think of this before? > It was right > in front of him crouched, and getting ready to attack. Rebecca: So if it was right in front of them why didn't the millions of shots they fired at it hit? > "Gotcha!" Eva 5 shot his rifle and hit the angel directly in > the head. Tsuneo: The bullets inside me are so hot, why do I feel so damn cold? > The angel shrieked and then was visible to the other pilots. Tango: That's nice. What does it damn well look like?! > "There it is! Open fire!" Asuka shouted. The angel > dodged the shots and disappeared into the fog again. Dan: You can't see me, I'm obfuscating! > "Isamu? What are you doing here?" Shinji asked. Tango [Isamu]: Saving your bony butts while getting myself killed. > "I'm here to help you." Tsuneo: I'm from the govornment and I'm here to help. > "But I thought..." "Don't ask stupid just be thankful > he came." Asuka said. "How can you see the angel Isamu?" Dan: He uses his sensors! [They all gasp] > Rei > asked. "My scanner is more advanced than yours so I can see > the angel." Rebecca: Of course his EVA's better. It's got a Sensitive Scanner, Prog Grenades, internal weapons bays, holsters, an S2 engine, bat wings, a teleporter, remote control *and* cup holders! > "Ok, enough talking you guys, let's kill that angel!" Tsuneo: Let's not and say we did. > Misato yelled. "Yes ma'am" > The pilots moved into positions. Dan: Auska got a management position, Shinji became the head of marketing, Rei was moved up to customer service and Isamu was prmoted to cleaner. > "Tell us where he is Isamu." > Shinji said. "Right." > "In front of us. Fire!" The pilots opened fire. Tango: Damn. Did everyone in this fic go to Imperial Stormtrooper marksmanship academy? > "I'm going in. > Cover me." Isamu pulled out his laser sword Rebecca: Light come forth! > and rushed forward. He leaped and swung but the angel ducked. Rebecca: Gaurry, he isn't. For starters, Gaurry's smarter. > The angel then attacked by kicking the Eva down hard. Dan: Big boot! > "Ah! Not again." Tango: Looks like Isamu's going to job again. > The > other Evas started to fire again and hit the angel. Tango: Shouldn't you let Isamu get out of the... never mind. > It shrieked and jumped out of the way. Tsuneo: Naturally. No-one can hit the angel except Isamu. > "Thanks." "Would you be more careful." Asuka said. "Sorry bout that." Rebecca: Try hitting next time. Tsuneo: Who? Isamu or the angel? Rebecca: Both. > The angel again appeared and launched missiles towards the Evas. Rebecca: Don't you hate level bosses with lame pre-programmed attack routines? > The Evas dodged the missiles and again opened fired. Tsuneo: "Opened fired?" The hell? > The Evas are running out of time Commander. Dan: I seem to recall them having power cords, but never mind. Rebecca: And doesn't EVA-01 have an S2 engine, or am I just imaginining it? > "Damn! Bring them back in to charge up again, quickly! Tsuneo: Of course, you could just direct them towards a building with a spare cord... > Isamu can you handle it a couple of minutes by yourself?" Dan: Of course not! It's Isamu! > "Uh, sure I think so." > "Good! Eva 0, 1 and 2 get in quick!" The Evas went to recharge Dan: And stayed for dinner. > while Isamu stayed out to fight. "Ok..." Isamu dodged the incoming > missile and fired his gun. Rebecca: Dodge, shoot, dodge, shoot... isn't there anything else to this fight? > The angel was hit and it fell to the floor. Tsuneo: I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. > "Yes!" Eva 5 pulled out its sword to finish off the angel. Dan: Damn. Those finishing move combos are so hard to do. > It ran over to the angel and then stopped when Isamu began to feel > dizzy. Tango: His medication is kicking in. > "Oh, no, not now." Rebecca: Remember,these things only happen when dramatically appropriate. > Isamu closed his eyes, and took in a deep breath. Tango [Shouting]: Calm blue ocean! Calm blue ocean! > "I can do this." Eva 5 leaped forward and swung at > the angel cutting it in half. The Eva knelt down on one knee. Dan: Isamu posed up a storm while grainy footage of an explosion played in the background. > Isamu took in another deep breath. He began to cough and covered > his mouth with his hand. Isamu takes his hand away from his mouth > and takes the handles to move the Eva, Tsuneo: Um... the EVA isn't operated by handles... > but he begins to cough again. As he takes his hand up to cover his mouth again > you see the blood stain that's on the handle. Tsuneo: Huh? It just switched to first person! Dan: Wouldn't you see it floating in the LCL first? > "Isamu are you okay?" Rebecca: Um, can't they get a readout of the pilot's lifesigns in the control room? Tango: It's only standard procedure. > "Fine Misato, Dan [Isamu]: I'm just coughing up blood again. Rebecca: Nothing to worry about then. > the angels dead." "We know. You'd better clear the area." Tango: Before it begins to stink up the place. > "Right." Isamu still sits there too tired to move. > From the dead angels body you see gas coming out. Rebecca: This angel's really into the smoke, isn't it? > "Isamu? You okay?" Tsuneo: His EVA isn't moving at all. Work it out for yourself. > Asuka asks. "Isamu? You there?" Dan [Isamu]: I'm sorry, but Isamu isn't in at the moment. If you'd like to leave a message after the tone, he'll be right back. Tango: How much does a reverse-charge call from Hell cost? > Asuka is worried. "I'm here." Tango: Think about it. Where else would he be? > "Isamu you gotta get out of there!" Asuka shouts. "What?" Rebecca [Auska]: I said, you've got really bad hair! > Isamu sees the gas from the angel and reaches for the handles > trying to move the Eva Tsuneo: Mutter grumble thought controlled mutter synch ratio mutter grumble. > but he's just too tired and he starts to > cough again. "I gotta do this." Tango [Isamu]: I must not run away... > He takes in a breath and reaches > for the handles. Too late. The gas is seeping in to the Eva Tsuneo: Except that EVAs are completely environmentally sealed. In fact, the safest place to be is inside your EVA. > and spreading everywhere. "What the hell is that? Tango: It's Tiberium gas! The bastard! Rebecca: So Isamu's gonna turn into a Visceroid? Cool. > Clear the area, get Pilot 5 outta there!" Tsuneo: I thought he was the 6th child. Dan: Continuity's way overrated. > Misato screams. > Isamu coughs as the gas fills the Eva; Rebecca: Maybe Isamu should cut down on the beans. > (this isn't good.) All: No! > He coughs some more and then passes out. Tsuneo: And without a witty remark, too. > "Isamu!" Asuka runs towards > his Eva. "Asuka no!" Rei grabs her Eva; Dan: Irrisistable force meets immovable object. > "the gas is dangerous." Tango: And the 1999 award for statement of the blantantly obvious goes too Rei! > "Isamu!" Asuka shouts. All: Adrian! > "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Tango: The plot to arrive? > GET PEOPLE OUT THERE; WE GOTTA CLEAN UP THIS MESS! Dan: You're three chapters too late for that. > OUR NUMBER ONE CONCERN IS THE PILOT!" Tsuneo [Gendo]: Who's number one concern? Rebecca [Misato]: Like I said, our number one concern is the EVA! > Misato shouts. > "Damnit!" She hits her fist against the computer. Rebecca: There's no need to get that angry just because you lost at Minesweeper. > "It's not your fault." Dan: Actually, you're the one who let him go out there, so maybe it is. > "Kaji, I let him go. I knew something like this could > happen and I let him go." Misato couldn't hold back the tears. > Kaji hugged her. "It's ok, Misato, he'll be ok." (I hope) Dan: Fat chance. > DREAM Tsauneo: Not again! > "Isamu, oh Isamu. Wake up." "What? Not again." "Hey there big > bro!" "Sakura, no, I'm not..." > "That's right! Surprise, you're dead!" All: Hooray! > to be continued... Tango: That could be kinda hard, given that he's dead and all... > So what cha think? Rebecca: Wait a minute for our reveiw and we'll tell you. > Please send any comments or suggestions to > smart_chick00@Yahoo.com. I'll be happy to take them. Hope you > like this one, and there's more to come. Tango: I still want to know how... > So, stay tuned! Eva :) [Tsuneo leaps up from the couch, grabs the coffee table and smashes it into the TV Screen] Dan: Geez. What's up with you? Tsuneo: Evangelion and smiley faces do *not* go together! Voice: That's.... nice. So, what did you think of the fic? Rebecca: This fic has now crossed the boundries from hard to read to downright stupid. You can't tell who's talking most of the time, the fight scenes are getting more minimal by the second and any hint of description has long since vanished. I mean, we didn't even get a description of the damn angel! Dan: Where'd the fic go? It was starting just a second ago. Tsuneo: Isamu's dying and can't tell Asuka. That's it, really. So we get all this drivel to reiterate those two basic points. Tango: Last chapter there was actually some plot developement, you know other than just Isamu saunters up and gets squished by his EVA, but there was an actual effort there. But now, there's just nothing but drivel. Besides Isamu dying, that is. Any coherency it might have had has also been lost. Voice: Well, thanks guys. Tango: Wait a second! [Gets up] This isn't the planet Wubble! And you're not the grand high Poobah Zork the Third! I've been tricked! They're trying to take over my mind! [He gets up and starts running around the apartment] Rebecca: Here we go again! [She hits him with a cushion] Tango: Thanks. Dan: Come on. Let's all get wasted so we can forget this nightmare. I'll buy you guys all a beer. Tsuneo: But I don't like beer. Dan: Oh? Then I'll have yours. [They all file out] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) and Twin Cannon (ausmax@ihug.com.au) Tango is copyright 1997-1999 "TS" Eliot (Twin Cannon) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1999 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-1999 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > (Phone rings) "Hello? Commander Katsuragi speaking. Uh huh, > ok, alright, I got it, thanks for calling." (Hangs up phone)