Elmer studios and Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings present... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 9 - Part 2 of the dreaded Heart's Battleground. Sorry for the huge delay - It's THAT bad! Ah, the Ranma/Eva fusion continues! Aside from Jinas & Rick's delays, my schedule at Toys R Us has been loopy as of late. I've also just finished work on the first AAA storyline with Lynxara! Enough self-promotion, though enjoy the MSTing!--Tim McLees Heart's Battleground is copyright Adrian Wong (7ahw@qlink.queensu.ca), if he's brave enough to make a claim on it. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Ranma 1/2 is copyright Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan, Inc. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Sandara is in the kitchenette, quizzically examining the appliances. Mohan is leaning over the forward-facing couch, searching behind it.] Sandara: What the hell are you doing there anyway? Mohan: I swear I saw something behind the couch. Sandara: Give it a rest. I need a hand here. [Mohan gives up and walks over tot he Kitchenette. Zeruel pops up from behind the couch and blows a rasberry at his back, then quickly vanishes again.] Mohan: So what's the trouble? Sandara: Well, it's this 'toaster' thing. There's a dial, a lever and two slots, and that's about as far as I've gotten. [Dan and Rebecca enter the flat.] Rebecca: Hey guys. How's it going? Sandara: Er, fine. What's a toaster, anyway? [Dan collapses to the floor, wailing and pounding the ground in agony. They all stare at him worriedly.] Mohan: What's with him? Rebecca: Oh, he's just a big baby. He had a traumatic experience with an interdimensional toaster once. Sandara: Ummm...yeah. Voice: Good to see you all. Rebecca: Still no sign of Captain Ego and Wonderboy? Sandara: [Nudges Dan with foot] Funny, I thought captain ego was here. Rebecca: Wrong one. Dan: [Stands up] That's not fair! Sandara: [Grins] He _is_ fun. Mohan: Excuse me? Sandara: Oops. Voice: Today we're doing more of Heart's Battleground- All: [Groan] Sandara: Can't we do something more entertaining, like jump off a cliff? Rebecca: I've been good! I haven't tried to kill anyone for [pause for thought] weeks! Voice: Guys, if you don't mind... Mohan: Fine. But I'm not sitting on that couch [points to the one the Angels are hiding behind]. [They file over to the couches. Mohan sits closest to the TV, and Sandara takes up position next to him, looking at him worriedly. Dan sits closest to her on the other couch and puts his arm up to rub her shoulder. Rebecca sighs and sits next to him.] Sandara: Move it or lose it. Dan: Geez. [Removes hand] You can't blame a guy for trying. San: [Begins to "go furry"] Why not? Voice: Now just hold it there, will you? [She reverses the change, and they all turn towards the TV.] [The TV Screen lights up] > Part 2 Mohan: The Wrath of Kahn. > Walking to her new school alone, just as she had for everyday in > her old one, Akane couldn't help but took the opportunity to let out a > sigh. Sandara: Quick! There it goes! Don't let it escape! > While it wasn't like she was exactly hated there, she was too > different from the other meek, fragile, "kawaii" Sandara:Oh, I get it. He's demonstrating his vast foreign culture knowledge by using common words like "kawaii" and "baka". Rebecca: English fanfic, American audience, yet he writes in Japanese. [Sigh] Dan: [Muttering] Ah, shaddup ya big nazi. > girls of her age to > become close friends with any of them. As for the tougher of them, they > all wanted to challenge her as the "leader" of a scattered gang of > delinquent girls, Mohan (gruff voice): A rag-tag bunch of misfits! > thus never did took the time to consider her as a > potential friend. Rebecca: I take it then that the authour never went to a co-ed school. > Then again, she always was too thin-skinned when it comes to > facing an insult . . . Dan: And half of Nerima's got the bruises to prove it. > She thought back to the past week, and sighed again. Sandara: You're going to run out of those if you're not careful. Rebecca: [Akane] Hinako in the shower... [Contented sigh] Mohan: [Stares at her] Naughty girl! Dan: Mmm.... [Contented sigh] > It had been . . . very eventful to say the least. Rebecca: I'll say! Dan: Dang, she beat me to it. Mohan: [Akane] Well, let's see, I got abducted by a wacko drunk in a car, forced to confront my supposedly evil father- Sandara: Who should have broken into tears at the drop of a hat- Mohan: Forced to pilot a big, banana-yellow monstrosity against a giant alien invader- Sandara: In a hideous rip-off of an existing episode- Mohan: Met a guy who I am inexplicably attracted to- Rebecca: And had sex many times with aforesaid wacko. [Dan clobbers her with a cushion.] Mohan: Just a normal week, really. > First, she was suddenly > dragged off from her home to see the one man that she didn't want to > see. As if that wasn't bad enough, she was then forced into becoming a > Eva-pilot. And now, she finds herself being the housemate of one VERY > sloppy woman. Dan: What they said. Sandara:The prose isn't "telegraphed", but rather it's being sent Pony Express... > ######################################################################## Rebecca: And who says that no two snowflakes are alike? > Akane looked on at the scene in front of her in awe. Mohan:Now that's a way to open a chapter! Dan: [Akane] My god! It's full of stars! > "This . . . this is . . ." All: A CRAPPY FANFIC!!! Rebecca: I miss him so much. > "Why, it's my apartment, Akane-chan." Hinako replied cheerfully. > "Nice place, eh?" Dan: Now's the true test. The real Hinako would have it neat and organised to a fault. If it's all messy and sloppy, then it's just Misato with a name change. > In front of them was a dumping ground for beer-cans and potato > chip sacks. There were Pepsi stains all over the carpet and the sofas, > and to top it all off, there were at least thirty dirty dishes piling up > on the side of the dinning table. Akane could almost feel the fleas > crawling up her legs as she stared at the remarkable display of > untidiness in front of her. Dan: It's Misato all right. Sandara: And on a good day, to. Rebecca: So I suppose she's probably got that scar also, right? Dan & Mohan: I'll check! [They both get whacked with cushions.] > "Now, since we are to be housemates . . ." Hinako said with a > slightly evil smirk on her face, Rebecca: No. That's just too easy. Dan: [Hinako] -I might as well show you my bedroom! Rebecca: Stop stealing my lines! Dan: Well you didn't want it. Rebecca: That's not the point! Mohan: Hey you guys, get a room, why don't you? [They both instantly shut up.] > "why don't we divide up the chores with a game of Jaken?" Sandara: [Hinako] -Or maybe Janken? > Akane somehow managed to lose so badly that she ended up having > to do everything. Dan: Even... the cooking? Sandara: At least the fanfic's going to be short, then. Mohan: Judging from this apartment, she could probably survive it. Dan (as the fleas, singing):Welcome to Hinako's Apartment! > * * * * * > "Err . . . so this is dinner?" Dan: [Lister] No, it's a chicken. Sandara: [Sweetly] Chicken for dinner, maybe? Dan: [Mutters incoherently] Mohan: With Akane cooking, I'm surprised you can tell. > Akane asked, staring at the cup of instant noodle in front of her. Rebecca: No, it's instant noodles, so it doesn't even count as food. Dan: Let's see her wreck that! Mohan: [Deadpan] Misato did. Dan: [Mutters incoherently] > "Yep!" Hinako replied as she happy sipped some down from her own > cup. "How was it? I boiled the water myself!" Sandara: And I'm sure you're proud. Rebecca: Even Dan can manage that much. Dan: Yeah! Uh... > "Um . . . why don't I cook up something else to add to our > meal?" Sandara: (Akane): C'Mon! Soup is *good* food! Mohan: Actually, soup is what's left in the sink after a good meal. > Akane asked comprehensively. "Instant Noodles tend to leave you > with empty stomachs at night." Dan: At least it's still a stomach. Rebecca: This is too easy. > "Oh, Akane-chan, you can COOK too?! YAH!!!!!" San: There's a new definition of "cooking" I wasn't aware of, apparently. Mohan: Alright, enough on her cooking already. > Hinako squealed > happily. "Bless the almighty one who sent here! No more instant > noodles for me!" Dan:Thank you, Great Mother of Toku! Rebecca: You'll be sorry... > Akane shook her head and sighed as she headed for the kitchen. > An hour later, sometime after the meal . . . Sandara: In the county hospital. Mohan: Oy vey! > Standing outside of the bathroom, Akane looked inside Rebecca: [Akane] She's having a shower again! Cool! Dan: Naughty girl! > worriedly > at the sight of Hinako puking her guts out over the toilet. Dan: Told you. Sandara: You know, it might be a better sight if she lifted the lid first. Rebecca: Eeew! I did _not_ need that! > "I'm so sorry! I really didn't mean to mistake that bottle of > gasoline as the cooking wine! Honest!" [Stunned silence] Mohan: No, if you made that mistake, she wouldn't still be there to puke. Sandara:And why would you keep gas in a *bottle* anyway? > "Urk . . . on second thought . . .aRGG . . . instant noodles > ain't so bad after all . . .URRRRGGGGGKKKK" Rebecca: Yes, they are. > * * * * * > "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Sandara: It's Mothra! > Still barely recovering from Akane's cooking, Hinako staggered > into the bathroom. "What . . . what's the matter this time, > Akane-chan?" > "There is a DUCK in the bathtub!" Dan: You know, this is where the authour's attempts to make the Ranma characters conform to the EVA characters becomes truly sad. Sandara: At least we know where Mousse lives. Mohan: I wonder if LCL counts as hot or cold water? > "Oh-OOFF!" Pressing down tightly on her stomach to prevent it > from exploding with Akane's food, Hinako struggled to reply. All: Must... Resist... Bad... Cooking... Gag... > "Please > don't . . aRGG. . . mind it. That's just Mu-Mu Chan, a type of new, > genetically engineered, hot-spring duck with extra-hi intelligence. Sandara (Hinako): They make duct tape from these new silver ducks... Rebecca: Manufacturers search for them in the oceans with *big* harpoon guns, and-- Dan:Thanks, that's *plenty*, ladies. > Mu-Mu chan, say 'Hi' to your new roomate." > The duck raised a wing at her as if waving, and Akane > hesistantly waved Back as sweat poured down her temples. Rebecca: And this scene was neccessary, because? > ######################################################################## > The situation was funny, Sandara: -in EVA. But here it's just sad. > but it surely wasn't fun. It was > amazing that such a woman could have the military instincts to take on > her high post as the chief NERV tactician. Rebecca: Nup, can't be Misato after all. She has the tactical capability of a stunned brick. > At least her personality > seemed pleasant enough to actually make living in that hellhole > tolerable. Dan: Or it would be if she stopped droning on about delinquents all the time. Mohan:The talking fleas were a pain, as well. Rebecca (flea): Way to go, Misato! > And now, Akane had to transfer to Tokyo-3 high and start over as > a new student. While the martial-arts training that she got from the > kempo class had paid off, Mohan: And the authour's assuming that changing schools automatically leads to a fight. Uh-huh. Sandara (student): Let's welcome the newcomer by throttling her! Dan:Well this is the Ranmaverse, after all...sort of... > the idea of moving to a new environment still > stirred up bad memories that she had before she was combat capable. > right?> Rebecca: Can anyone here say: setup? Sandara: [Bullwinkle] Hey, Mohan, watch me pull another Ranma character out of my hat! Mohan: [Rocky]: Again?... > Of course not, and those who did had all gained themselves much > worse than a black-eye and a sprained ankle. Dan: [Ralf] I bent my wookie. > Just then, she noticed somebody walking beside her, and saw that > it was the tall, handsome albino, now clad in a boy's uniform. Rebecca: A small mercy, I suppose. > "Hi, Mousse." Akane said with a shy smile. Mousse nodded. > Akane blinked as she saw that Mousse's arm is no longer in a cast, and > that only his eye is bandaged now. > "You . . . you've healed, a lot." > "I did." All: [Tom Servo] Acting! > Trying to at least keep a conversation going, Akane spoke up > again. Sandara:Up, up, up, up, up! Mohan (laughing lightly): Cut it out, dear. > "We're taking the same route to school, what a coincidence! You > live around here too?" Dan: [Mousse] Yup, in your bathtub. Remember the duck? > "I followed you." Mousse replied. Mohan: Okay, who wants to do a lame stalker gag? [Dead silence] > A little bit take back, Akane stammered. "Wh . . .what?" All: He said he followed you! Rebecca: Why are the half the characters deaf in these fics? > As if alarmed by her uneasiness, Mousse asked with a hint of > worry. San: Shock! Emotion from a Rei clone! > "Is my presence making you uncomfortable?" All: Yes. Dan (Mousse): Am I...bothering you? I'm not touching you. > "No . . . no, not at all!" > A relieved smile blossomed faintly on his face as Akane blushed. > "I . . . I actually prefer having somebody to walk to school > with." Akane said, smiling back. "I usually have to walk to school > alone . . ." Rebecca: Ever wonder why? > " . . . me too." > The conversation died out as two teenagers continued to walk to > school in silence. > * * * * * Mohan: That's the lamest join-the-dots I've ever seen. > Akane sat in her assigned desk at the school, looking at her > computer screen and trying to ignore the whispers around her. Every so > often, she stared wistfully at Mousse, who was staring out the window. > > Rebecca: [Bored] The romantic tension here is riveting. > "Did you hear the rumor about the new girl?" Rebecca: What, she's sleeping with her crazed drunkard flatmate? Sandara: Yup. Dan: Eighteen times. Mohan: Nineteen. > "Yeah, I heard she's the new Eva pilot, the third child or > something like that." Sandara: So much for NERV security. > "Like Ayanami?" Dan: Thank god Tsuneo's not here. Rebecca: Or Rick. We'd be in the middle of another holy war by now. Mohan: Dumb question, but do I actually want to know these people? Dan & Rebecca: No. Sandara: You're right, it was a dumb question. > "Brrr! That albino freak scares the **&^ outta me!" Dan: You're not the only one. Rebecca: Cid's sure been busy. > "I think he is handsome . . ." > "You chicks have weird taste." > > "The new girl is actually kinda cute, though nothing as gorgeous > as Shampoo . . ." Dan: Shampoo... [His eyes glaze over, and he gets a silly smile on his face.] Rebecca: I suppose I'd better call a cleaner to get the dribble out of the carpet. Mohan: And playing the part of schoolgirl Hikari will be... > "Talking about Shampoo, Sandara: What kind of a twit calls their daughter that? Mohan: The ones that know _Mousses'_ parents? Sandara: [Grumbles] Rebecca: Better than being named after undergarments, I suppose. > has she found out yet? She's gonna-" All: She's gonna blow! > Suddenly, the door to the classroom burst open, showing a short, > but still leggy Chinese girl with a rich flow of violet locks and an > hour-glass figure that showed through the school uniform. With her > large, heavily lashed eyes flashing fire, she stormed up towards the > alarmed Akane. Dan: Aaaghh..... [Starts drooling] Rebecca: Cut it out, fanboy! [Whacks him with a cushion] Sandara: Yeah! [Whacks him with a cushion] Mohan: Wake up! [Throws a cushion at him] Hey, that was fun! > She was followed by a frail looking girl, who was > wearing a repeatedly braided ribbon on her spiky, medium length hair. > The second girl was trying to calm the first down. Dan: Eh? Who's that? > "Shampoo, cool down, it wasn't her fault! It's a war out > there!" She put her hand on Shampoo's shoulder to restrain the furious > girl, and her hand was thrown off. Sandara: Across the room, out the window and onto the playground, where it got trampled by the football team. Rebecca:Nothing but Net! Mohan: Eeewww! Disgusting! > "Useless idiot pilot crushed building and put great-grandmother > in hospital! Rebecca: My god! It's Dr. Thinker in drag! [All scream and shield their faces] Voice: Oh, cut that out. [They return to normal] Dan: Cologne's in hospital? Leave her there. > Shampoo trash!" Sandara: You sure are. Mohan: [Hulk] Hulk smash! > Shampoo saw Akane, who was already > standing up. "You!" She stormed over to her desk. "You nearly killed > Hiba-chan!" Sandara (bored): Golly, I was wrong, Shampoo's playing Toji instead! That's a *much* better role. > Akane, who DIDN'T want to pilot a Eva in the first place, All: [Bored] We know that. Dan: And only an amazing series of disasters will convince her to repeatedly step into it and save the day despite it frequently going berserk. Rebecca: Where'd you get that from? Dan: EVA synopsis. Wake me when we get to an original scene. > didn't > back down from Shampoo's anger. Instead, she shot her an angry look All: BANG! Rebecca: Shilp-shlop. Mohan: That _is_ obscure. > of > her own as she used the Chinese girl as an outlet for her own > frustration. "You THINK I WANT to pilot that thing?! I was forced into > the position, Sandara (bored): Assume the postion... Rebecca: [Shakes head] Too easy. > you know!" > "Irresponisible pilot take beating!" Dan: Oddest senshi attack I've ever seen... Sandara: [Shampoo] Stupid chinese girl take English lesson! > Shampoo growled, and aimed > a punch at Akane's stomach with amazing speed. Akane managed to block > it, Dan: Not hard considering she didn't actually punch, just aimed. > but was still pushed backwards and fell on her back as she tripped > on a chair. > > Rebecca: no, she's just got a _lot_ of weight behind those forward swings. Mohan: How does she stand up anyway? > Just when Shampoo was trying to stamp on Akane, her leg was > kicked down. > "Don't." Mousse said flatly as he stared coldly at Shampoo with > his red eye. Shampoo was about to hit the albino with her fist, > but it was stopped by another hand. > "Class president Herb!" Shampoo hissed. [Stunned silence] Dan: Is this... An original character? Sandara: Nah. Probably just an obscure Ranma character. > Glaring at her, the long-haired (much longer than Mousse's), > exotic looking (and extraordinarily handsome) teenage boy glared at her. Rebecca: Glaring at her he glared at her, huh? Now I wonder what he's doing... > "I've allowed you to flirt with all those boys in class despite the > regulations, All: Herb's got a crush on Shampoo! > but I won't let you start a fight in here." In a much lower > voice, he hissed. [You're bringing a bad name to us Chinese transfer > students!] Rebecca: This is going to give me one hell of a headache. Dan: Give Chinese a bad name? Yes. Give the class a bad name? Yes. But isn't 'give us Chinese transfer students a bad name' pushing this honour thing a tiny bit too far? Sandara:Not to nit-pick, but when did "Herb" become a common Chinese name? Rebecca: About the same time as people started naming their kids "Shampoo." > Shampoo glared at him defiantly for a while, then yanked her > hand away from the boy's fist. She gave a dark look to the angry Akane, Rebecca: [Cheerful cashier] Here you go, that's a dollar ninety-five. Please drive through. Mohan: Dark looks have gotten so expensive since I was a kid. > then sulkily went back to her seat. Just then the teacher came in and > the lecturing began. Sandara: [Teacher] Firstly, never insert yourself into an anime fanfic. Secondly... Rebecca: [Shakes head] If only more people had taken this class. > Akane soothed her anger and looked at her laptop computer. > There, she discovered a message waiting for her: > **Sorry about Shampoo. She's worried about her > great-grandmother. I'm sure she will cool off and apologize soon. It's > war, after all, and these things happen. Rebecca: [Manning] In war things happen. Mohan: [Stares] Even _I_ didn't get that one! > -Kurumi (over your left shoulder)** All: Who? > Akane looked over her shoulder and saw the girl who was trying > to calm Shampoo behind her. She smiled at Akane, Dan: Do you think he could have managed to dredge up a _more_ obscure Ranma character? > and Akane allowed her anger to drain away Rebecca: *FLUSH* Ahhh... Mohan: Oh, yuck! > and smile back and typed a reply. San: [Akane] Say, why do they let second-rate characters like you in here anyway? > ***It's alright. I guess I should be sorry about her > great-grandma, Dan: Not if you knew her! > but the NERV people just shoved me in that thing without > any training!*** > > Kurumi squealed with delight as the rumors that went around the > school were finally confirmed by her message. Mohan: So her outburst in front of the class didn't confirm it? How dense is she? > "YES! You really ARE a > pilot!" she yelled, "I've FINALLY gotten an answer from a Eva Pilot!". > Immediately, Akane found herself surrounded by the other students. Sandara: Well, so much for being discreet. Dan:Seen it, taped it, it was better the first time around... > > "What's it like?" > > "How were you selected?" > > "How did they train you?" > > "Were you scared?" > > "How come they use teenagers like us?" > > "Is the pay good?" Rebecca: [Student] How do you get your hair to do that? Mohan: [Ditto] Wouldn't quadraped forms be more efficient? Dan: [Ditto] If an EVA fought Gigantor, who'd win? Sandara: [Ditto] Which one turns into the giant turtle? Mohan: [Ditto] Wouldn't treads be better than legs? > The class president, Herb, stood up as well and began yelling at > the crowd. "Sit down, you delinquents! Mohan (Herb):You will bow down before me! Sandara: Now he's turning into Hinako. Dan: I'd say that's difficult, but this _is_ Ranma after all. > Class is still in session!" > > "Shut up, China Boy, this is important!" > > "Stop being so bossy!" Rebecca: This must be the "communitive classroom" atmospheres I've heard *so* much about... > > The teacher looked on with a mixture of amusement and dismay, > and almost visibly relaxed when the bell for the end of class rang. > Herb stood up and made the standard 'Rise! Bow!' commands, but > everyone ignored him to keep on grilling Akane for some juicy > top-military secrets. Sandara: [Student] Where do the pilots sit? Rebecca: [Ditto] Are there any bathrooms at NERV HQ? Dan: [Ditto] What kind of heat sinks do they use? Mohan: [Ditto] Can they combine into a big Evazord? (All pause immediately, and shudder) Rebecca: I don't even want to think of *that* kind of crossover! > Mousse appeared to be staring at his book, but every few moments > his eyes would flicker over to the crowd around Akane. A soft frown > developed Sandara: Yes, it seems that your frown is developing very well. > between his brows. Mohan: [Muttering] I still think treads are the way to go. > * * * * * Sandara: Care to wish on a star? All: GET ME OUTTA HERE! > Meanwhile, Hinako and Nodoka are both having [Dan clamps his hand over Rebecca's mouth] > coffee at the NERV cafeteria. Rebecca: [Struggles free] What was that for? Dan: Because I know you too well. Rebecca: [Whacks him with a cushion] Then how come you didn't see that coming? Mohan: Cool it, will you? > Hinako stared at Nodoka for a moment, and said. "Your hair > roots are darkening." > Nodoka sipped her coffee. "Are they? Guess I'll just have to > have another dye-job again tonight." Mohan: Tragic. Shampoo's hair is natural, but Nodoka's dye is fading. Dan:Well, purple *is* a natural hair color in these parts (gets thwapped with a pillow) Rebecca:Don't even go there! > Hinako sighed. "Seriously, I think you should just make it > black again. Red just isn't the color for oriental women." > > "I hate the way I look with black-hair." Sandara: I hate the way you look with that hyphen, but never mind. Rebecca: I hate the way this looks. Period. Mohan: RIVETING HAIR DISCUSSION ACTION! > "Just as you hate the way you look in a kimono?" Hinako raised > an eyebrow. > > "Just as I hate the way Mother look in a kimono." Nodoka replied > evenly as she sipped on her coffee. Dan (Hinako): *Great!* back to this again... Mohan (Nodoka):WHAT ABOUT NODOKA? WHAT ABOUT *ME*!?! (Everyone else looks at the ranting Mohan, who coughs in embarrasment) Pardon me. > "You really despise her, don't you?" Hinako asked. "You'd > rather make yourself up to look like some weird cross between a gaijin > and a Chinese just to look different from her. But why? Auntie Naoko [All except Rebecca collapse to the floor in pain] Rebecca: I don't get it. > always seems so nice towards you . . ." Mohan: [Groaning] Apart from portraying you as an honor-obsessed psycho. Rebecca: I still don't get it. [They all climb back onto the couches. Zeruel extends an arm over the back of the couch to help Dan up, but he doesn't notice. Mohan stares at Dan for a few seconds, then turns back to the TV.] > Nodoka smiled disdainfully. "She seemed nice because she NEVER > takes the responsibility to criticize me for my misbehaviors. She > wouldn't care less if I got dean's honor or simply flunked out of > school. That irresponsible woman isn't fit to be my mother." Rebecca: Doesn't anyone get along with their parents here? Dan: It's EVA. Answer it yourself. Mohan: Personally, I wish more of them had taken Asuka's option. Sandara: That was really dark. > The two old friends became silent for a while. Then Hinako > sighed. > > "You know, about Akane . . ." > "What about her?" Rebecca: [Hinako] She's so cute! Can I keep her? > "She's a nice enough girl, and we do get along, but I've got a > feeling that she isn't exactly satisfied with my. . . err . . . my > casual living habits." > > "Of course she isn't. Which living being other than yourself > and Mu-Mu Chan is?" All: Misato Katsuragi. Sandara: Your template and brain donor. > "Hey!" Hinako protested. Sandara: [Hinako] I'll have you know the fleas love it! Dan and Mohan (as fleas): Yahoo! You're the best, Hinako! Rebecca: Guys, we've pretty much beat the "Joe's Apartment" refs into the pavement. > Taking a delicate sip of coffee, Nodoka continued. "Anyway, > taking care of a teenager is all about taking up responsibilities. > It'll probably be a good lesson to someone as irresponsible as you. > Why, it might even force you into a situation where you have to lead a > more . . . orderly life style. If nothing else, it should give you a > motivation to clean the place up regularly to keep it sanitary." Mohan: Of course, there's always the possibility that it'll cause her place to collapse into a black hole of mess and bad hygene. Dan: She is a teenager, remember? > "Nah, she fell for that Jaken trick of my, Sandara: Dang. I don't know wheather to riff another stolen idea, or the sudden lapse of spelling in that line. Rebecca: You mean Misato's Janken trick? Mohan: Of my what? And what's a Jaken? Sandara: Thanks guys. > and is now doing it > all." Hinako smirked as Nodoka sweated. Hinako's smile dimmed again as > she continued to whine. "But still, easy for you to say: you don't have > to look out for none other than yourself." Hinako mutters and drowned > her coffee. Sandara (Hinako, demented): Ahhh, caffine! Mohan: How precisely do you do "drown" your coffee? Dan: [Small voice] Help, help! I can't swim! > "Still, I feel so incompetent! Rebecca: Mainly because... All: YOU ARE! > Oh, Nodoka, what should I do?!" Mohan: Jumping off a cliff's a fave. > Just then, a tired looking Soun Tendo walked passed the > cafeteria entrance, and Nodoka sighed. "How should I know? I feel > pretty much the same way most of the time." Rebecca: Oh, yeah, that relationship's really being subtly portrayed. Sandara:All the subtle foreshadowing of a sledgehammer. > * * * * * > > Akane sighed as she ate alone under a tree in the schoolyard. > After satisfying their initial curiosity, they seem to want little to do > with her. Dan: Who didn't? The schoolkids? Sandara: NERV? Rebecca: Her psycho flatmate? Mohan: The men with the white coat? Sandara: No, they'd be VERY interested in her! > She tried looking around for Mousse, but couldn't find him anywhere. Rebecca: I suppose we should be thankful at least for the small mercies. > Unknown to her Shampoo Dan: She's got a Shampoo? Mummy, I want one! > was couching on top of a tree, Sandara: Question: How does one 'couch,' anyway? Rebecca (devious):I will have my revenge, and then C-Ko *will* be mine! Oh-hohoho! Mohan: Rebecca, you do that *way* to well! > studying > her intensely as sweat poured down her temples. Kurumi, who was > couching by her side, Dan: How stupid- I mean, can't they see the 'No Couching' signs? Others: Lame. Dan: Sorry. > looked bored. > > "Well, are you going to do it or not?" > > "Be quiet, Shampoo need concentrate." > > "Look, I heard you made a vow to do it . . ." > > "Shampoo know, Shampoo know! After all, she still have > honor . . ." Mohan: Me Grimlock! > > "Then what are you waiting for? Just go APOLOGIZE!" > > Shampoo immediately clamped Kurumi's mouth shut. "Stupid girl! > No so loud! You not know how embarrassing this for Shampoo, Sandara: [Shampoo] Appearing in crappy fanfic. > especially after she made big scene?!" > > Kurumi pried the hand off her mouth. Rebecca: [Kurumi] Tasty! > "What's the big deal? > Just tell her that you didn't realize that she hadn't had any training, > and that you're sorry for not hearing her side of the story first. You > know how much I want to be a Eva pilot myself. Dan: Kensuke? Kurumi? No way. This is the worst match-up since... Sandara: Mousse as Rei? Mohan: Akane as Shinji? Rebecca: Hinako as Misato? Sandara: Soun as Gendo? Mohan: Nodoka as Ritsuko? Dan: Oh, forget it! Sandara: Come to think of it, Shampoo as Toji has topped all of those, so far. > I WANT to make friends > with her, okay? Please do NOT screw this up for me." > "Alright, alright! Shampoo do as say!" Leaping down from the > tree, Shampoo put on her cutest smiling face. Dan: Aah... [His eyes glaze over] Rebecca: [Disgusted] Pathetic. > "Hiya, Akane! Nice nice see you here . . ." Rebecca: Uurgh... [Clutches head] > She stops as she realized that Akane had finished her lunch, and > was walking away toward the school building at the opposite direction. Mohan: [Worm] Stupid. > "Wait, Akane-" Shampoo was abruptly cut off as somebody used the > back of her head as a spring board, driving her face-first into the > ground. Dan: Ouch. Others: Yay! > "Akane Tendo!" Mousse called out as he somesaulted in mid-air > and landed right in front of the startled girl. San: Gee, I wonder if he's a martial artist? > "Angel attack, come with me at once!" > > With that, the two ran away in the distance as Kurumi helped > Shampoo to get up. > [#^$^$%^$^$^+*!!!!!] Shampoo swore in Chinese. Rebecca: That's some of the most intelligent dialogue we've had so far. > Just then, Herb ran up to them. "The place is about to be > evacuated! Come with me to the shelters now!" Mohan:Good call from the Chinese exchange student *Herb*. Hmph! > "Oh, can't do, class pres., we have to use the ladies' room. > Te-he!" San: Yeah, now that's a really convincing excuse. > Kurumi batted her lashes comically at Herb. Rebecca: Urk! Cuteness attack! > Before the > confused boy could protest, she dragged Shampoo off to another direction > entirely. Mohan: [Kurumi] We're going to Disneyland! Rebecca: It seems that Kurumi thinks the same about Shampoo that Dan does. Sandara: [Throws a cushion at her] You're horrible. > "Hey! That not even school building! What Kurumi doing?!" > Shampoo asked. [Everyone glares at Rebecca.] > "Please, just before I die . . . I . . ." Rebecca: [Kurumi] I want to have- Dan: That's it! [Dan leaps on her and tackles her to the ground, pulling out a roll of duct tape. There is a brief fight that ends with Dan trussed up and gagged with the tape.] Sandara: Much better. > Shampoo looked bored. "Then what Kurumi take Shampoo for?! Rebecca: Wouldn't YOU love to know? Dan: Mrrmmrmm... > Kurumi should take Herb!" Sandara (Kurumi): Here?! In front of everyone!? Dan: MMPHR! Mohan: Time out, okay? > Kurumi looked disgusted. "NO! I want to see the battle between > the Eva and the angel!" Shampoo gasped. All except Dan: Ah, that's it... [Dan unties himself and pulls the tape of his mouth with a loud scream.] > "You insane! We get killed!" Mohan: With any luck. [Sandara gives him a worried look.] > "We're not much safer at the shelter anyway, Dan: [Slowly] Yes you are, that's _why_ it's there. > C'mon! We owe it to her to see her fight." All: Why? Dan: I mean, when Toji beat the crap out of Shinji- Rebecca: And justifiably so. Dan: You can understand that, but why here? Sandara: Because the authour says so. Next! > The Chinese girl groaned. "Shampoo have very bad feeling about > this . . ." All: Naw, you don't say. > * * * * * Mohan: Boy, someone needs to switch to anti-dandruff shampoo. Sandara (Shampoo):Aiya! > At the NERV control booth, Hinako looked nervous as Nodoka went > over the set up procedures with Akane over the communication link. > Finally, she couldn't help but ask the question. Rebecca: [Hinako] Marry me! [They all clobber her with cushions] I just love the attention. > "Should we REALLY allow Akane to take on this angel alone? > I mean, she still lacks actual experience in combat, Dan: Er... apart from the fact she totalled Sachiel, you mean? > and she hadn't been > able to do the mallet trick with Eva 01 since the last time." Mohan: So, and this is a dumb question, but how many times since then has she piloted unit 01? > "According to my experimenting on this phenomenon, the mallet > trick seemed to be a side effect of the berserker mode of Eva 01." Dan: Berserker mode? You make it sound like it was planned. Rebecca: That's not funny and you know it. > Nodoka replied as she shut down the communication link for a moment. > "If Eva 01 allows itself to be provoked enough and yet avoid being > destroyed, it still have a fair chance of defeating the enemy." Mohan: So the plan is to piss unit 01 off? Yeah, brilliant idea. > "According to the probability data, Eva 01 still has a high > chance of defeating our enemy on its own . . ." Sandara: This is a joke. No way can they predict the angel's capabilities. > Kasumi supplied timidly. Ignoring her, Hinako continued. > > "But this can't be healthy for Akane in the long run. Rebecca: And you know what? That wins my statement of the blatantly obvious award. Sandara: Tell someone who cares. > She still hasn't fully recovered from the last time she went berserk! Sandara: [Nodoka] Strange, she seems fine to me. Dan: Maybe it's the lifestyle... > Why can't we have Mousse help her out with Eva 00?!" Mohan: [Nodoka] 'Cause we're still scraping him off the wall with a spatula, that's why. Dan: Speaking of which, where's Ukyo? I thought she'd be much better for Shampoo's cronie. > "Commander Soun had strictly forbidden the first child to pilot > until he has fully recovered." Nodoka replied flatly. "He said that we > can't afford to lose the pilot with the highest synchro-rate so far." Dan: Is that counting or not the 93% Akane managed in her last fight? Rebecca: Don't worry, they probably use army statistics. > "Damn! What a monster, putting his own daughter through such a > hard battle alone . . ." > "In case you have forgotten, he's doing this for the good of the > entire human race!" San: AND his paycheck! > Nodoka snapped. > Before Hinako could retort, she > turned the communication link back on and ordered. "Launch unit 01!" All: Thunderbirds are go! [They start humming the Thunderbirds theme.] > Hinako gritted her teeth as she saw Eva 01 being launched out > again. All she could do now was to do her job as the tactican to help > Akane through this. > > "Okay, Akane-chan, listen to me. You still remember the > training session regarding how to use the rifle, don't you?" Mohan: I sense hurt and pain. Dan: [Shinji] Put the circle over the target and pull the trigger... > * * * * * Mohan: Yo, pizza dude, can I have one lame star gag to go? > Eva 01 was having a VERY tough time with the new angel. > > It was barely humanoid, looking like some jellyfish with laser > whips as its tentacles. Rebecca: [Director] With long green tentacles that sting! [They all stare at her.] Okay, no-one's gonna get that one, I know. Sandara (looking at the "jellyfish" Angel, aghast): HEY! It look's like a-- Dan (covering Sandara's eyes):Don't look Sandara! Sandara (shoves Dan off):Knock it off! Mohan (rubbing his temples): Holy Mother of Freud... > Even though it only had two, it was still very > effective in forcing Eva 01 to keep on dodging. Mohan: Dumb question, but isn't the rifle there so she doesn't _need_ to get that close? Sandara: You're right. Mohan: I am? Sandara: It was a dumb question. > "I know how to use the damned thing, okay?!" Akane shouted to > the com link, "but how am I supposed to aim when I can't even stay still > for more than two seconds at a time? This is useless, Rebecca: She thinks the same of this fic as we do! > I need to get closer to it and take it out Sandara: To dinner! Dan: Good tactic. Show it the bill and give it a heart attack. [Sachiel reaches up and whacks him on the head, then vanishes before anyone can react.] > hand to hand-" > "Don't even THINK about it!" Hinako shouted. "The angel's laser > whips will cut you to pieces before you can even go that near! Dan: Rebecca, wipe that evil smirk off your face. Rebecca: [Through clenched teeth] I'm trying... > Besides, > even if you can get close enough, it will most certainly cut off your > power cord. Sandara (coughs out the word...):Foreshadowing. > Try to get further away from it this time then aim again!" Rebecca: Geez, what an original plan! > "Alright, I'll-WHAT THE?!?!?!" Tsuneo: [Over speakers] It's a Ranma/EVA crossover! Run for your lives! Voice: Hey! Rebecca: Whoo-hoo! Wonder boy strikes again! Dan: How'd he do that? > Akane's eyes widened as she saw Kurumi and Shampoo running > towards them on the streets. Sandara (Shampoo):Hey, the emergency ordinances didn't say anything about doing really *dumb* things! Mohan: Head immediately *toward* the source of danger. > Kurumi looked excited while Shampoo had > the good sense to look uneasy. The angel tried to whip at Eva 01 again, > and Akane's heart skipped a beat as she saw that the girls were going to > be in the path of the laser whip. Rebecca: And is there anything wrong with this? > "No!!" Immediately Akane darted forward to save her classmates. > "Akane! What are you doing?!" Sandara: Geez, you know, for a tactical officer, her grasp of the situation is _amazing._ Rebecca: Are you _sure_ that's not Misato? > Hinako shouted in horror as she saw Eva-01 fly Rebecca: Look! Up in the sky! Dan: Is it the Goodyear blimp? Mohan: Is it Gonterman's ego? Sandara: Is it the audience's breakfast? Rebecca: No, it's Super-EVA! > straight into the path of the incoming laser whip. In a > rapid motion, the Eva grabbed the stunned girls in its fist Rebecca: She didn't open the hand first? Squish. Mohan: Messy. Sandara: They'll be picking sailor suit out of that thing for days. > and tried to > leap away. However, before it's right leg could leave the path, the > laser whip cut through it like butter. Akane screamed in pain. > "Cut off the nerve links to the right lower leg at once!" Mohan: Activate the machine that goes ping! > Nodoka barked to Kasumi, who immediately obliged. Rebecca: [Kasumi] Anything for you, honeybuns! Dan: Amazing. She still manages it in the middle of a combat scene. > Akane's pain lessened, Sandara: [Nene] I'm okay. Owie owie owie. > but > she couldn't balance herself enough to stand back up again. Holding the > girls, she quickly rolled to one side to avoid being cut in half by the > angel. Her power cord, however, was cut. All: Told you. > "WAAAAAIDON'TFEELSOGOODDDDDD!!!!!!" Dan: And now, because you were naughty, we present Screaming With Kurumi. Rebecca: I think no-one'll get that one. > Kurumi screamed as her world spun around in a tornado. Sandara: Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Mohan: Special guest appearance by C-ko. > "THISALLBAKAGIRL'SFAULTTTTT!!!!!!" Shampoo snapped Dan: Snap! Twang! Ouch! > angrily as she felt very much the same way. > > "Power cord severed! Eva switched to internal battery with only > . . . Oh my, 4 minutes and 35 seconds left!" Kasumi reported. > > "Akane! Retreat!" Hinako shouted. Sandara: [Singing] The brave Sir Robin ran away. He bravely ran away, away. Rebecca (Akane): No!...I did not!... Just shut up! > "I . . . I'm not fast enough without my leg . . . YAHH!!!!" Eva > 01 kept on rolling and scrambling on the ground to avoid the laser > whips. Rebecca: What is this, the bondage Angel? Mohan: That was in _extremely_ poor taste. > "Look for an opening, Akane! Look for-" Rebecca: [Straining] I... will... be... strong... > "OH MY!!" Kasumi yelled, cutting Hinako off. "Eva 00 had been > activated!" Sandara: My god! An original plot developement! [All gasp in horror] > "What?!" Immediately, Nodoka opened up the communication link > to Eva 00. "Mousse Ayanami! Rebecca: Sounds like something out of Amalgam. Mohan (shudders):Liefeld takes over Marvel Comics... > What do you think you're doing?!" > > "To defeat the angel All: Duh! > . . . what else is there for a Eva pilot?" > Mousse's calm, but strangely determined voice flowed out of the > com.link, Mohan: Com.link, for all your... Others: Done it. Mohan:I am *so* out of the loop. > as Eva 00 flew towards the gates to the surface level where > Eva 01 was dodging the angel's attacks. > > Nodoka looked furious. "Kasumi! Cut off power supply-" > > "Hold!" Hinako cut her off. "Kasumi! Open the gates for unit 00 > to ascend to ground level and aid unit 01!" > > Seeing Eva 00 about to crush the gates, Kasumi hastily opened > it, then turn sheepishly to Nodoka. "Sorry . . ." > > Nodoka sighed, then spoke to the com. link. "Fine! Mousse, go > ahead. Just do your best not to get killed out there!" Sandara: Marvellous inspirational speech, don't you think? > With that, Eva 00 shot out from the opening of on the ground > level and joined in the battle. > * * * * * Dan: [Roger Rabbit] Look, stars! Ready when you are! > Inside an unlit room, Soun Tendo was seeing all this through > various motor screems. Tapping his bandaged fingers on the table, he > spoke to the empty room. Rebecca: Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, you know. Dan: Writing a fanfic is the second. > "So . . . the puppet had its own will after all, Mohan: Don't use the past tense. Sandara: Yet. > but it doesn't > matter. Kimiko, through him or the others, you will be freed all the > same, and we can be together again." Sandara: Amazing. Plot subtelty of Unit 01's mallet! > * * * * * Dan: Let's see... Al Pacino, Sean Connery... > Akane was frantic as Eva 01 rolled and scrambled on the ground > with one arm and one foot (she was holding Shampoo and Kurumi with the > other) Rebecca (Akane): New plan of attack: Run like hell! > while narrowly avoiding the laser whips. There was only 3 > minutes and 5 seconds left, and still, the whipping angel won't allow > for an opening for her to escape. Unlike the last time, however, she > was scared instead of angry, thus, she couldn't activate her mallet to > retaliate. Sandara: And all of a sudden she knows how to do it, right? Mohan: Leave off, you'll give yourself a headache thinking about it. > "The Eva can't escape efficiently `cause it's holding us!" > Kurumi said, and earned a whack on her head from Shampoo. > > "This no will happen if you no want see battle! Now we drag > Akane down!" Rebecca: Two at once? Boy, Shampoo, you _are_ hot today! [Dan clobbers her with a cushion.] I'm sorry. That line was just asking for it. > Just then, a whirl of gigantic chains suddenly wrapped > themselves around around the startled angel, stunning it. Eva 01 > immediately took the distraction to scramble away to a save distance. Dan: I'm the fabled Save Point! Mohan: No-one will get that one. > Through its eyes, it saw a white coloured Eva restraining the angel with > chains coming out from its palms. Sandara (smacks herself in the head): Oh brother... Dan: [Wide-eyed] Ah hahah hah. [He collapses to the ground] Rebecca: So now both the EVA _and_ the angel are into bondage. Riiight. Mohan: I suppose it could be worse. At least it's not hot pink or anything. Dan: [Groaning] Don't tempt them. > Suddenly, a new voice entered the com.link: Rebecca: User Mousse has entered the chat room. Dan: [Climbs back onto the couch] I feel ill. > "Unit 01, retreat back to the underground now!" All: WHAT? Sandara: Heart's Battleground 2: The Fansubbers Strike Back! Mohan: Maybe this authour thinks he's Dr. Thinker. Rebecca: Ahh... Unit 01's going to take a London subway train? > "Mousse!" > > "Unit 01, retreat!" Mousse shouted as he tightened the chains > around the angel. The angel tried to sever the chains, but failed as > the laser passed through it with little effect. Sandara:I don't know. If the tendrils could pass *through* the chains, it would be quite effective, but oh well... > "Oh, my! The angel's laser has no effect on Unit 00's > self-created weapons!" Kasumi reported. Dan: Oh of course! Rebecca: This would be worse if the pilots knew how to throw ki blasts. Mohan: Don't tempt the will of Malahelicon, Rebecca. > "The spontaneously appearing chains are apparently made of the > same sub-physical substance that Unit 01's mallet is made of. They are > generating a special protection field that can counter an angel's > attack!" Nodoka exclaimed. Sandara: And she's got a bachelor's degree in Technobabble to prove it! > Hinako's eyes widened Dan: [Hinako] Huh? Come again? > as she saw the angel stopped struggling in > the chains, as realization came into her mind. Rebecca: [Hinako] I'd look great as a blonde! > "Mousse, jump aside!" Sandara: [Singing] It's just a jump to the left. All: [Singing] And then a step to the right! Dan (grooving in his seat): Now get jiggy with it! (THWAP!) Rebecca:Knock it off, silly! > Mousse did as was told, and not a moment too soon, as the > enraged angel darted towards Eva 00 and whipped at it with its laser. Mohan (Mousse):*Dodging*. I never would have thought of that, thanks... > A > large gash was formed on Eva 00's chest as Mousse hissed in pain. > Falling on its back, Mousse watched with curious detachment as the laser > whip came straight for its neck . . . > . . . and died out before it made contact, as Eva 01 had somehow > leapt over and crushed the angel's core with a gigantic mallet. Rebecca: Squish! Dan: Splat! Mohan: Pow! Sandara: Togg! > "The blue pattern is gone . . . the fourth angel has died!" Rebecca: Nah... We've already done enough Kenny gags. San: [McCoy] He's dead, Jim. Rebecca: [Groans] Mohan: I do believe this is the first time an Angel has ever been "ka-bonged" to death. > Kasumi reported excitedly. Hinako and Nodoka both let out a sigh of > relief. The latter gave out another order through the com.link: Dan: Incoming chat request. > "Go collect the carcass of the 4th angel and bring it to the > research lab. It is of great value to us." Mohan: No shit sherlock! Rebecca: You'll need one hell of a spatula for it. Sandara: Try Spatula City. Dan: Or maybe Ukyo works in Nerv technical. > "Hai!" > Hinako turned to Nodoka with a victorious grin on her face. > "Ha! See?! I TOLD you that we should have let Mousse help in the > battle today!" Sandara: [Hinako] Score one to me! BLEAGH! Dan: Now she shows her true maturity. [San grabs him by his jacket.] I meant Hinako! [She lets go and growls at him.] > Nodoka looked mildly peeved. "Why don't you say this to the > COMMANDER himself, CAPTAIN Ninomiya-SAMA?" > Hinako deflated immediately at the mention of the stern and > scary commander. Mohan: [Erik the Viking] Ooh, scary scary, don't we look mean. > * * * * * Rebecca: [Dazed] Pretty stars, pretty, pretty stars... > Inside the NERV hospital room, Akane was standing beside Mousse, > who was lying down on his hospital bed with his open eye staring up the > ceiling. Dan: [Shinji] I hate this place. Others: We all do. > "Oh, Mousse," Rebecca: Oh, John! Dan: Oh, not again. Sandara: [Bored] Oh, shut up. > Akane spoke up in a soft, sad voice, "Why did you > have to disobey your orders for me? [Pause. Then...] Dan: I really, really miss him. San: [Mousse] 'Cause the authour says so. Dan: Thanks. > Now who knows what Daddy might do to punish you?" Rebecca: I don't even want to think about that one! > "I'll be alright." Mousse said. "Commander Tendo sees me as > being important. He will forgive me." > > "How . . . how . . ." Akane took a deep breath and continued, > "how do you feel about me?" > > "I feel . . .that I owe it to you to keep you from pain. It's > . . . it's a . . . peculiar feeling." Mousse said with a lost look on > his pale, flawless face. Sandara: Anyone want to interrupt this tender and charming scene? Rebecca: As soon as I'm finished with my barf bag, certainly. > Akane tentatively reached out a hand, and put it over Mousse's > larger, paler one. > > "Where do you live?" San: [Blackadder] A small village on Mars, right outside the capital city Wooble. > Mousse muttered an address, it was not too far, yet not too > close to Hinako's apartment. Mohan: So that's a sort of average distance isn't it? Thank you and goodnight. > Akane spoke up again. Rebecca (Akane): up,up,up,up,up! > "Mousse . . ." > "Umm?" > "Starting from tomorrow, and every morning afterwards, I would > like to be there at your doorstep to walk to school with you. Would > . . ." Akane struggled to get the words out, " . . .would you like > that?" > Mousse turns his head to look at her with his uncovered red, > tender eye as his face glowed with a complete, happy smile. All: Aww... Rebecca: [Max the rabbit] That's touching. I may weep openly. Mohan: [James Earl Jones] I'm going to be sick Dan: And he's supposed to be acting as Rei? > "I'd like that a lot." > > The two of them just stared at each other like that for a long > time, neither knowing what else to say, yet neither of them cared. Sandara: A clear sign of Lazy Writer Syndrome. > "Oh, isn't this cute?" Rebecca: Nauseatingly such. > "Aiya! Akane defrost albino ice-boy!" Sandara: I'll just run that through the Thinker-O-Matic, and come out with an actual sentence. > "Two Eva pilots in love, how romantic!" > > Akane instinctively shot away from Mousse as the latter sat up > to look blankly at the intruders. Dan: Yup, that's Rei. Mohan: Dumb question, but shouldn't NERV be busy wringing their necks for today's little stunt? Sandara: Darling... Mohan: I know, it was a stupid question, wasn't it? > "What the HELL are you people doing here?!" Sandara: We're caught in a crappy fanfic! [Rebecca and Dan look at her worriedly] > She snapped, then > gave Shampoo such an intense glare that the Chinese girl gulped and > backed away. "And you! Wasn't it enough that you tried to hit me in > class? You almost got me killed back there!" Rebecca: Try harder next time! Mohan: Yeah, that was a tough one. > "Sham . . . Shampoo very sorry," she said in a wavering voice, > "She not know how Akane just being forced into job, and took out own > pain on Akane. . . Shampoo no will do nasty thing again, Shampoo > promise! Will . . . will Akane forgive Shampoo?" San: [Akane] Yes, but not your dialogue director. > Taken back by Shampoo's apology, as well as her sudden change in > attitude, Akane's anger deflated as she sighed. "Nah, cut it out! It's > alright, I might do the same thing if I were you." Dan: No, she'd just blow her top and punt her into orbit. And wouldn't bother apologising. > Shampoo asked hopefully. "No hard feelings?" San: My god! A complete sentence! > Akane couldn't help but smile. "No hard feelings." > > "Wah! Shampoo so happy! Now she have one more friend in > Japan!" The Chinese girl gave Akane a hug so strong that it was > testament to the Japanese girl's years of training to remain in one > piece. Dan: [To Rebecca] Don't. You. Dare. > "You know," Akane said as she pried Shampoo's hands off her. > "You were a pretty good fighter. I have been studying self-defense > kempo for years, and your punch still rocked me backwards!" > > "Shampoo came from martial arts oriented village in China. > Hiba-chan village elder and strongest fighter, taught Shampoo neat > kung-fu!" Shampoo saddened for a while. "Apparently, kung-fu not good > enough in face of entire building collapsing on top of her." Mohan: How long did that one take you? Sandara: This is Shampoo we're talking about here. > "I'm sorry -" > > "No, it okay. It no one's fault. Like Kurumi say, these things > happen." > > The frail but cute looking girl took this opportunity to cut > into the conversation. "Oh, Akane, I didn't know what we would have > become if it wasn't for you saving us today. Rebecca: And the answer is: Flat. > Thank you!" Sandara: And good night! > At this point, Hinako walked in. Dan: This hospital room's getting really crowded. Mohan: And here I thought it was only two visitors at a time. Sandara: Love that NERV security... > She looked disapprovingly at > the girl, and said: "What you two did today was really stupid and > dangerous. Rebecca: Hooray! At last, someone with common sense! Sandara: And that person is... Rebecca: I take it back. > It was truly a testament to our Eva pilot's abilities that > it didn't result in a tragedy." Kurumi lowered her eyes. Rebecca: Keep trying; you'll get it right eventually. Dan: You know, anyone would think she didn't like Ranma. > "Oh, it's my fault, I am just so OBSESSED with the idea of Evas, > and I dragged Shampoo along to see this fight . . . sorry about that. > Hey, Miss Ninomiya, you are a high ranking tactician in NERV, aren't > you?"Kurumi asked. > > Hinako looked pleased. "Well . . ." > > "Then, can you recommend me to pilot a Eva?!" Kurumi looked up > at her with starry eyes. Rebecca: Ugh! Must... resist... cuteness... attack... Mohan: [Homer] Urge to kill... rising. > Hinako was startled as Akane looked incredulous. > > "Kurumi! You don't know what you're asking! I would give > ANYTHING just to be a normal girl without having to pilot that thing!" > Akane said. > > "Oh, you would? Hear that, Miss Ninomiya? Can I replace her?!" Dan: No, but Shampoo will be chosen for the next pilot and Akane will critically injure her when her EVA goes berserk. If this story gets any more predictable, I'm outta here. > Hinako scratched her chin. "Well, I'll talk to Nodoka do > conduct a synchronization test for you . . . wait, are your parents keen > with this idea though?" > > "Oh, I'm an orphan! I live with my uncle and when I asked him, > he tells me to go right ahead and give it a try!" Mohan: Is he trying to get rid of you or something? Sandara: I'm truly impressed by his sense of responsibility. Dan: This fanfic displays a wonderfull side of legal gaurdians, doesn't it? > "The synchonization test could be dangerous." Mousse said in his > usual calm, emotionless voice. > > "I'll risk it if it means fulfilling my dream!" Kurumi > proclaimed dramatically. Sandara: I suppose now she's standing on a hill with stars in the background and someone clinging onto her leg. Mohan (Kurumi): Let's Hang Ten for Justice! > "Simple-minded Japanese ditz." Rebecca: Which one? > Shampoo muttered in a bored tone, > but the girl was too caught up in her excitement to hear her. > * * * * * > San: Heart's Battleground 3: Return of the fansubbers. > Walking through a dim, ill-illuminated corridor, she shuddered. > Damn her father! How could he place Mousse in such a run-down, almost > seedy looking place? As NERV's Chief Commander, his cheapness was truly > unbecoming. Rebecca: And you live with, who? > It was then that the sound of the heavy machinery rocked the > place, as the construction workers began their work. Making herself > look as cheerful Rebecca: And nauseatingly cute. > as possible, she knocked on the door. > "Mousse, I'm here!" > The door opened, revealing a completely healed, now even more > handsome, albino boy. His eye-patch was gone, allowing both of his > dramatic red eyes to shine against his pale face. He was already in his > uniform and carrying a school bag. > > "Good morning." He said with a faint smile. > > "Shall we go?" > > "Uh." Sandara: [Akane] I see your dialogue's improved dramatically. > As the two of them walked out of the building and away from the > noise, Akane felt infinitely better. No wonder Mousse is so quiet and > vacant all the time, considering he had to survive in that awful, noisy > slump of a home. Rebecca: And you live, where? > Idly, she planned to ask Hinako to allow for another house guest. Rebecca: I mean with Mousse acting like Rei, it would be just like... Sandara: [Bored] Weekend at Bernie's? Mohan: No, they'd need Nakago carrying Soi around, then... > "Hey, Akane!" > "Nihao!" Mohan: Gesundheit! > Kurumi and Shampoo ran up to them. > > "We thought you might want some company walking to school . . . > hmm, guess that you got some already." Kurumi finished slyly as Shampoo > elbowed Akane lightly by her side. Dan: [Eric Idle] Know what I mean, know what I mean, say no more, nudge, nudge. > "Hey! It's not like that!" Akane protested. > "Like what?" Mousse asked, obviously confused. > "Umm... eh... oh hell! Mousse, just ignore them!" Sandara: He's doing that well. > "Akane nailed the ice boy, Akane nailed the ice boy," > "I have stitches on me but I'm not nailed by anything." All: [Bored] Fun-nee. > "Ice-boy naive, Akane better teach him birds and bees soon." > > "ARGGG!!!!!" > > "I got A+ in biology last year." Mohan: [Yakko] Goodnight everybody! > "BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Dan: [Announcer] The return of Heidegger and Scarlet. San: So suddenly this has crossed over with El Hazard? > And so, Akane and Mousse joined the two girls on their way to > school, all the while playfully bickering with each other. > > Almost like a pair of normal teenagers. Rebecca: [Angry] There's nothing normal here! > End part 2 > Feb 20, 1997. [The TV switches off] Rebecca:Well. Sandara:Indeed. Dan:This is nowhere near over, is it? Voice:Afraid not, there's still three more parts to go. (General grumbling, then Mohan interrupts) Mohan:I just realized something. About two EVA episodes are being covered in each of these parts, right? Dan: Yeah, that means...erkk! Sandara:Yup, "Asuka" will be appearing soon. Rebecca (sarcastically):Wonderful...any wagers on who she'll be? Dan:Perhaps Nabiki, she's got the smugness; or maybe Ukyo. Mohan (pondering Ukyo in a plugsuit, suddenly regains his senses: Well... actually, since the "Rei" of this story is male, Asuka might be portrayed by a male character as well... Sandara:Ryogo, or perhaps-- All:Tatesawi Kuno? Rebecca (to Mohan): Your "Blue Thunder of Tokyo-3" riff might not be far off. Dan:This whole fusion concept is making my brain hurt! I'm gonna grab something to eat. Anyone else coming? Sandara & Rebecca: Why not. (The ladies and Dan scramble out) Dan (outside): Hey, where are my car keys. (Israfel chucks a set of keys at Mohan and he reflexively catches them. He just gapes at the couch as it vanishes behind) Dan (returning to the room): Oh, you found them. Thanks, Mohan. Mohan (quickly leaving the apartment):Sandara! [The screen goes black] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Shinji (shinji_70@hotmail.com), Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@ one.net.au) Sandara and Mohan are copyright 1998 Tim McLees (Shinji) Dan is copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/MSTings.html The greatest ever vault of anime MSTings, including the Hall of Gonterman, Shrine to Oscar and Temple of Marissa Picard. Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "Unit 01, retreat back to the underground now!" All: WHAT? Sandy: Heart's Battleground 2: The Fansubbers Strike Back! Mohan: Maybe this authour thinks he's Dr. Thinker. Rebecca: Ahh... Unit 01's going to take a London subway train?