Elmer studios and Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings present... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Big 10!- Part 3 of the dreaded Heart's Battleground. It just keeps on getting worse! (blurb) Heart's Battleground is copyright Adrian Wong (7ahw@qlink.queensu.ca), if he's brave enough to make a claim on it. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Ranma 1/2 is copyright Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan, Inc. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Rebecca, Sandara, Dan and Mohan enter the apartment] Sandara: So let me get this straight. When someone's asking for a tip, they mean money, right. Rebecca: Right. Dan: And never, ever, ever tell a cabbie to "Get a better job" Mohan: Well, it seemed appropriate. Rebecca: Although I did like what you said to that waiter... Sandara: He deserved it! I haven't heard such a feminine voice since the last royal poetry contest. He had a very nice voice for poetry. I don't know what he got so upset about. Dan: Which reminds me Rebecca, how exactly did you pay for such an expensive lunch? Rebecca: I put it on the Voice's credit card. Mohan: Good plan. Voice: Hey! Sandara: Hi there Mr Disembodied Voice. Voice: I hope you didn't order anything too expensive. Mohan: Well... they had a very extensive wine list. Voice: [Groan] I'm going to get slugged at the end of the month... Sandara: At least you can be happy knowing that your employees have excellent taste in food. Voice [Sarcastic]: I'm thrilled. Rebecca: And I thought that lobster was quite nice too. Voice [Stunned]: Lobster... Dan: So I suppose it's back to Heart's Battleground, right? Voice: Right. [They all groan and take their places. Dan and Mohan facing the TV and Rebecca and Sandara on the other couch. The TV switches on.] > ######################################################################## > T h e H e a r t ' s B a t t l e g r o u n d > A Ranma 1/2 and Neon Genesis Evangelion crossover by Adrian Wong Sandara: This whole fic is so Wong. Mohan: Bad girl. > Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi while Evangelion belongs to Gainax > Productions. > "Heat of the Night" and "Candyman" are both by Aqua. All: AAAARRRRRGGG! Sandara: By royal degree, this is now a no techno-crap zone! > " " Japanese dialogue > < > thoughts Dan [Bluebottle]: Thinks > [ ] Chinese dialogue > / / Illusory sounds, memories > ***Kevin "Lord Talon" Wible*** and ***Andrew Huang*** are the honorable > pre-readers for this fic! Sandara: And were paid not to say what they thought of it. > ######################################################################## Rebecca: Aw, jeez... (leans down and thumps the TV) Mohan: We need a new antenna. > Part 3 > > Every year, Tokyo-3 high would have a Share-Life day Sandara: Ah, this is a few hundred gold in tax well spent... > in which > chosen students from each class will use their talents to help bring in > money Rebecca: Well, I can see how Shampoo would use her talents to raise money. Dan: Rebecca! That was disgusting! Even for you! > (from their fellow students) to fund the school. This year, it > was no exception. > > In the auditorium, a mini concert was being held by a famous > transfer student of Tokyo-3 High. Standing on a dramatically lit stage, > the exotic looking Chinese girl began singing Mohan: Shampoo Singing? This should be a riot! > a 90's classic Dan: So, judging from the opening credits... Aqua is a 90's _classic_?! Sandara: This is a Fanfic authour's tastes we're talking about here. Mohan: Anyone care to try their luck with the window? > in a voice > that was surprisingly professional as the crowd cheered. > "I've been waiting for summertime to come > welcome beaches, lying in the sun > music playing, people everywhere > no need to worry, the tequila is here." Mohan: No, it should go something like... Rebecca [Singing]: "Shampoo wait for summer come" Dan [Singing]: "Welcome beach lie in sun" Sandara [Singing]: "Music play people everywhere" Mohan [Singing]: "No worry here tequilla" > "Yeah! Go, Shampoo, go!" Kurumi Rebecca: Now there's a sentence just _asking_ for it! Mohan (singing): Here she comes, her comes Shampoo! She's a demon on wheels... > cheered from her seat, as did > Akane and many of the other boys and girls of the class. Mousse was > staring at the singing girl as if intrigued, > while the glances of the other boys were much more intense. > > One boy, however didn't look particularly amused. In fact, he > was frowning. > It isn't like she is breaking any > school rules! Actually . . . her skirt for the concert seemed to be > . . . more airy than what's being permitted . . .> Mohan: Dan, you're dribbling on the carpet again. Rebecca: Funny, I thought it would be Akane who would notice... and like it! > Shampoo meanwhile, was gesturing to the crowd to join in as she > sang on: > > "And when the sun goes down we are having fun, > coz there will be a party going on . . ." Rebecca [Singing]: Sun go down we having fun Sandara [singing]: Party is going on > {Everybody joined in} > "In the heat of the night, > we are having a fiesta, > we dance until siesta, > when the sun comes alive. > In the heat of the night, > we are having a fiesta, > let's dance until siesta, > when the sun comes alive." > {Shampoo alone:} > "ooh ooh oh oooh . . ." Mohan (deep, goofy): Come on Barbie,let's go party Sandara (ultra-sweet): AH AH AH AH! (Dan collapses to the floor) Rebecca: Guys, I think your making the flesh peel off Dan's skull. Sandara: Kewl! Mohan: I think we better stop, dear... [Dan climbs groggily back onto the couch] > As she began dancing closer to the crowd, the crowd began > cheering louder. The boy jumped as he realized that was because they > could see under her fluttering skirt. Dan: WOO-HOO! [Gets hailed with cushions] Mohan: How long did that take him? > "HOlD! STOP EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!" Sandara (gruff, British): No! There shall be no singing here! It's just too silly... > > Everything in the auditorium stopped as all eyes turned to him. > Running up to the stage, he scolded Shampoo. > > "Shampoo! Your behavior just now was inexcusable!" > > Shampoo blinked at him. "What Class Pres. talk about?" > > Herb glared at her with a red face. "You just . . . I mean > . . . FLAUNT your panties to the entire school!! You truly are a > disgrace to us Chinese students!" Rebecca (Herb): What with your legs and breasts and all! It's an embarrasment! > The students snickered and whispered among themselves as Kurumi > rolled over on her seat laughing. Akane fought to control her smile as > Mousse simply stared at the scene on the stage with much interest. Sandara: Maybe he is human after all. Although I am worried about Akane's smile... Dan: Alright, enough already. > Shampoo scratched her chin and rowed her large, beautiful eyes. > > "Shampoo's panties . . . you see them under THIS?" Rebecca (Little girl): I can lift my dress up *this* high! Tee-Hee Dan: Naughty! > > With that, she lifted up her skirt as Herb instinctively turned > his face away. Risking a peek, he gritted his teeth. > > "You . . . you shameless > . . . WHAT?" > Herb's eyes widened as he saw a pair of regular girl's > gym-shorts underneath the airy skirt. Mohan: How does she do that anyway? [Dan's eyes glaze over and he falls off the couch with a stupid grin on his face.] Rebecca: Useless. > The girl smirked with half-lidded eyes. > > "Shampoo no know Herb had X-ray eyes to see through gym shorts. > Better be careful around Herb from now on." Mohan: You know, I can't help but wonder _why_ she wore those under her skirt anyway. Sandara: [Sweetly] Now now, dear. And why are you taking such an interest, anyway? Mohan: Aha... nothing. [Dan climbs back onto the couch] > Caught in this incredibly embarrassing situation, Herb > stammered. > > "So . . . Sorry, my mistake." Dan: I am filled with shame -_- Rebecca: How'd you do *that*? Dan: The magic of text files. > Before he could escape, however, Shampoo caught him by the > wrist. He sweated at the sight of Shampoo smiling at him like a feline > at its prey. Sandara: Well, she _is_ a cat. > "Herb insult Shampoo's honor and think can get away with just > one sorry? Shampoo no think so." Herb sweated nervously at hearing > that. Mohan [Grimlock]: Me Smash Silly Herb! > "Umm . . . how, how do you want me to make it up to you?" > > Leaning over, Shampoo gave the poor boy a sultry smile. Dan: [Herb] Here? Now? Rebecca: [Stares at Dan briefly] Good boy! > "Well . . . Herb can start by singing next song . . ." Mohan: [Kirk] Oh, please, God, no. > The crowd cheered as Herb jumped. > "What?! No way! I can't sing-" Sandara: It might not be too bad. Herb might know what's "goin' down" and know how to get "jiggy"... [The rest turn to Sandara] Dan: You have no idea what you just said, do you. Sandara (shrugs): I overheard some odd songs on the radio. > "Or would Herb rather show underwear to whole class as apology?" Rebecca: You know, I'm beginning to think she's got something else on her mind. Mohan (pretentiously): Please, they're *artists* > Shampoo asked innocently as Herb blanched and the whole school roared > with laugher. Sandara: Of course, the gap between 'art' and 'getting naked on stage' is pretty thin... > "Oh, all right! I'll sing!" > > "That good boy." Dan: [Shampoo] Good boy. Here bisciut. Mohan: ARF! (yips happily) > Shampoo turned to the student in charge of the > karaoke machine. "Now, mind put in that classic by . . . what that > weird name singer you told Shampoo?" > > "It's Right Said Fred, Shamp-chan." > > "AIYA! That the one Shampoo talking about: 'I'm too SEXY!'" Dan: Yeah... Rebecca: Grrr... [Whacks him with a cushion] Now stop that! Sandara: [To Mohan] Honey, the kids are fighting again. > Herb's blood froze at hearing that as the students began > laughing and giving him catcalls. > "Yes, China boy! DO IT!!!" Rebecca: [Herb] What, here? In front of everyone? Dan: Done that one. > "Show us what you've got, Class Pres.!!" Sandara: So they _do_ want to see his underwear! Mohan: [Mumbling] Certainly better than singing. > Herb pleaded with Shampoo. "No, please! Not this one!" Dan (Herb): Do you have any Hanson? Mohan (singing): M-Bop--Hey, my voice is changing! Sandara (singing): M-Bop--I'll be washed up by the time I'm 14! > Shampoo sighed. "Ah, it's alright! Shampoo in good mood today, > so will go easy on Herb." With that, she picked up another CD, and > thrust it in front of Herb. "There, how about this one? Shampoo even > sing together with Herb to guide Herb through." Mohan: Maybe a meteor will strike and save us the agony. Dan: Who wants to call the North Caves? Rebecca: Lame FF7 joke number 1. > Herb stared at the title. It certainly looked more innocent > than the last one. > "I'll take this one." > Shampoo called out to the crowd. "AIYA! Everybody, Herb had > picked CANDYMAN by AQUA!" [Sandara & Mohan make gagging noises] Rebecca [Shatner mode]: Must...control...Fist of Death.... > Herb immediately realized that he was tricked as the crowd began > to cheer. Dan: Now wasn't that hard. > * * * * * > After the mini-concert, Shampoo joined Kurumi and the two Eva > pilots as they left the School together. Shampoo was still idly singing > as Kurumi couldn't help but giggle. > " Oh my love - I know you're my Candyman > And all my love - your word is my command > Oh my love - I know you're my Candyman > and all my love - let us fly to Bountyland~" Sandara [Singing]: "Me love know you candyman" Rebecca: [Singing]: "And me love you word is command" Dan [Singing]: "Me love know you candyman" Mohan [Singing]: "And me love us fly to bountlyland" Sandara: Where is Bountyland anyway? Rebecca: Hopefully very, very far away. > "Shampoo," Akane looked concerned, "are you sure that you're not > going too far in humiliating him like this? Dan: Ah, who cares. He's not an imported character, so he's not worth worrying about. > I mean, as a Class > President, Herb still have a stiff, formal image to protect . . ." > "So? Shampoo got image to protect too! What baka Dan: GGYYAARRGGHH!! [He clutches his head, screaming, and collapses to the floor.] Mohan: What's his problem. Dan: Shampoo... spoke Japanese... in an english fic... Sandara: He's a might touchy about that, isn't he? Rebecca: [Prods Dan with her foot] Get up, you wimp. [He climbs back onto the couch.] > Herb think he > do, saying Shampoo show everyone panties?! Shampoo say Herb got off > easy!" > "You enjoyed singing with him, didn't you?" Mousse asked out of > the blue in that calm voice of his, as all eyes looked at Shampoo in a > new light. Dan: The new light is a pale blue...[Sandara glares at him] OK, that was lame. > Shampoo, however, simply snorted. "Ice-boy wrong: Shampoo no > like tyrannical dragon boy, not if hell froze over!" > Kurumi looked doubtful. "I don't know . . . Herb IS awfully > cute, much cuter than those common boys that you . . . err . . . > socialize with so often." > "But he stiff, Mohan (Herb, smooth): Now, the people are probably wondering what I think of the wonder drug Viagra. Since I have no need for the suppliment, I can't really comment. Rebecca (grins): Ah, you're learning! [Sandara slouches, growling] > like little old man!" Dan: A _particular_ little old man? Sandara: Please don't go there. Soun doesn't have an assistant yet. > Shampoo exclaimed in a > pouting voice. "Besides, he ALWAYS against Shampoo." Rebecca [Shampoo]: In bed, in back of car, up back of movie theatre, in... Mohan: We get the picture. > Akane looked thoughtful: "Well, he is taking that 'perfect image > of a Chinese Student' thing a little too seriously . . . maybe he is > being influence by his family to think this way?" > Shampoo's expression softened a bit. Sandara: [Announcer] Yes, that's right, use new expression softener! Brings out the nicest nices! > "Maybe he had been subjected to some kind of racial prejudice > before." Mousse added. Dan: [Bored] Maybe he's just had his head slammed against too many walls. > "Well," Kurumi spoke up as she searched her memory. "Herb had > transferred to Tokyo-3 High around a couple of months ago, sometime > before Shampoo got here. He was a hit with the girls, who all doted > over him and voted him as the Class President. However, they soon > stopped fawning over him after realizing that he isn't particularly > interested in any of them, Rebecca: And when they found out that he sends love letters to Mousse.. Sandra: Don't go there! > thus began alienating him. The boys, none of > them having any similarity with him, Rebecca: And thank God for that. > did likewise. While nobody > actually did haze him, they did make him feel left out most of the > time." Mohan: Is she reading off something? > Shampoo looked thoughtful Rebecca: Maybe she's a better actor than we thought. Mohan: I thought I could smell burning rubber. Sandara: Heard it. Rebecca: Taped it. Dan: Hated it. All except Mohan: NEXT! Mohan: Well, it's a fresh joke where I come from. Dan: You _are_ primitive. [Sandara glares at him, then kicks his shin.] > at hearing that. Kurumi stared at her for a while, then spoke up again. > "Shampoo, as a bystander, Sandara: [Kurumi] I really shouldn't be butting in, so I'll shut up. Rebecca: Is she wearing a red shirt or something? > I dare say that Herb really isn't > trying to be mean to you: he's just trying desperately to do what he > thinks will be for the good of the class, to prove that even if he is a > loner here, he isn't completely worthless. Besides . . ." Kurumi's face > suddenly turned playfully annoying, "his jealousy frequently gets in his > way." Dan: Jealousy? Rebecca: Of Akane. Sandara: Don't go there, Rebecca... > "WHAT?!" Rebecca: [Slowly] You see, he's jealous of Akane for being so close to Mousse... Sandara: [Whacking her repeatedly with a cushion] I said don't go there! Rebecca: I'm sorry, it was so tempting. > "You mean you really don't know? Mohan (Kurumi): Well, then, your ass better call someone. Dan (glancing at Mohan): Now where the heck did *that* come from?! Herb was ALWAYS trying to find > a way to stop you from flirting with the other boys. Now why would he > do that if he doesn't at least feel attracted to you at all?" Sandara: This one's out of the blue, but maybe because he _is_ actually concerned for the Chinese image? All: Naw. > "Maybe he is shy." Akane said. Rebecca: Maybe he's... ah, it's not worth it. Dan: This is below even you. Rebecca: Yeah... hey! > "It's not easy for humans to open up to one another." Mousse added. Rebecca (pretentious): Or you're *so* enlightened... > "Hmmm . . ." Shampoo frowned, then abruptly jumped. "AIYA! Rebecca: Auntie Em! Dan: Not in the face! Not in the face! Mohan: Spoon! Sandara: Eat dirt, crossover character! > Shampoo almost forgot about bringing health restoring soup to Hiba-chan! > Later!" Mohan: Still more subtle plot exposition I see. > With that, she leapt over a two-story building and disappeared. All: WHAT?!? Dan: Super Fujisawa...JUMP! Mohan: Super-Shampoo! Rebecca: Faster than a speeding spamfic! Sandara: More powerful than a self-insertion! Mohan: Able to leap tall crossovers in a single bound! Dan: You know, these two shows are so thinly meshed, I feel the world's about to unravel around me. Rebecca: You mean it hasn't already? > "Well, she surely know how to make an escape." Rebecca: Nope, otherwise she wouldn't be in this crappy fanfic. [Dan looks at her worriedly] > Kurumi muttered. > "Oh well, my home is down the other way. Talk to you guys later! Oh, > and remember to remind Ninomiya-san to do that test for me!" Dan: Pregnancy test? Is she going to have lots of little Godzillas? > With that, she sprinted down the street and disappeared as well. Sandara: So, we've got Super Shampoo and the Amazing Invisible Kurumi. Rebecca: Watch out for their forthcoming crossover where they fight the Amazing Rando! > Mousse turned to Akane, and said. "I'll walk you home." > Akane groaned inwardly at the fact that Mousse wasn't allowed to > move to Hinako's house due to the strict order of the almighty Mohan: Megami-Sama? Dan: We wish. > Commander > Soun. Her father had made up some cheesy excuse about how the first > child was unique in some way or another, and must had a private living > space to himself or else his synchro rate would have been affected. Sandara: Meaning that there's no worries about Akane's living style affecting _her_ sync ratio? Rebecca: Just don't think about it. > However, Akane was able to pressure him into moving Mousse to a more > presentable apartment that is incidentally closer to Hinako's place than > the last one. Well, at least that was a start. > "Sure, Mousse." Akane said. "By the way, how do you like the > new apartment that Commander Tendo assigned you?" > "I didn't know why he made that arrangement, but . . ." Mousse > smiled faintly, "it is closer to your place." > Akane blushed. Mohan: This is almost as touching as a closing sunset with Ranma and Akane... (grumbles) Who am I kidding! No it's not! Sandara (placing a hand on Mohan's shoulder): It's OK... * * * * * Dan: I didn't think you could see them in the Geofront. > At the Tokyo-3 hospital, Herb was walking shakily down the > corridor as his face still burned with embarrassment. Mohan: Quick! Grab a fire extinguisher > From that day on, > no doubt the nickname "Candyman" would stick with him for a long, long > time. Sandara: A terrible fate. > [Rebecca opens her mouth] Sandara: Don't go there. > "Hey, Herb!" > Startled, Herb stopped dwelling on unhappy thoughts and came > face to face with his aunt, Doctor Melon. Mohan: Doctor Melon? Rebecca: Melon melon melon. Sandara: Out of cheese error. Redo from start. > She looked at him with a light frown on her face. > "What's the matter with you today? You seemed awfully spaced > out." Dan: Fanfic's got you too, huh? > "It's nothing, auntie." Herb said as he turned his face away > from his aunt's questioning gaze. > "Well, anyway, I have to work late tonight, and won't be able to > come back till past 3 in the morning. For tonight's dinner, I think > stir-fry would be great for the kids. Here, this is the grocery list > that I had worked out. Take this money and get to the supermarket > before it closes tonight, please? Oh, and no matter what Mint-chan Rebecca: Not her! Anything but her! I've been good! I haven't been bothering any Invids! Dan: Ah, refreshing minty fresh death... > said, DO NOT let him have anymore chocolate. Also . . . oh yeah, get a > new sandbag for Lime? He had just broke his last one." Mohan: Whoah, here. Hang on. [The fanfic pauses] Am I meant to believe that this family consists of Herb, Dr. Melon, Mint and Lime? Rebecca: You didn't complain about Shampoo or Mousse. Mohan: Yeah, but they're established Ranma characters. Here the authour's actually _chosen_ those names. [All pause for thought, then shudder in terror. The fanfic restarts.] Sandara: [Herb] What is this, a family reunion or a grocery list? > "Hai, Auntie." Herb obediently took the shopping list as he > made his way through the corridor to do errands for his aunt Melon. She > had helped in getting him immigrated to Japan when that monstrous plague > that had hit China after the second impact took over Tsing Hai province. > It had caused various tribes in the area to be forcibly evacuated from > their homeland, never able to return. The fact that he now had to act > as a servant to her here in Japan is nothing when compared to being left > without any money or relatives in China. Besides, she did ease his > transition into a Japanese schoolboy by teaching him Japanese in the > past, way back when he was still the "Prince" of the Musk tribe. > Shampoo, on the other hand, obviously hadn't start learning the language > till she got to Japan. A frown formed on his brow again. Sandara: And there you have it: Herb's character in one huge- Rebecca: -Dull. Sandara: -Paragraph. Mohan: [Cartman] Boring. > humph! As if! She's nothing but an immature, bratty, bimboish little-> Rebecca: Spot on. Give that man a cigar. > [Here, take it slow.] > Herb instinctively ducked behind a pillar in the corridor as he > saw Shampoo some distance in front of him, Sandara: A good reason to hide. Dan (Herb): You cannot see me! I am a coat rack! > together with a tiny old > woman on a wheelchair. He peeked at them from behind the pillar, and > blinked as he saw the girl patiently spoon feeding some soap Mohan: Mmmm...new Zest flavor... Rebecca: Does she hate her or something? Sandara: Maybe it would have been a good idea to teach her to _read_ first. > to the old > woman, whose arms were both in casts. She looked at the younger girl > with a slightly guilty expression. > [Shampoo, you need not bring food to me every night. I'm very > well taken of in here.] Sandara (elderly): We get healthy servings of Ivory Coast and V-8 three times a day. > [Not as good as I'd like to see.] Shampoo replied in a pouting > voice. [Why, those people keep on feeding Hiba-chan chemicals Rebecca: So what pray tell are you accomplishing by shovelling soap down her throat? Mohan: Let it die. > without giving you anything nutritious to eat. Dan: Who wants to tell her that the IV drip is all about nutrition and nourishment? Rebecca: Shush, boy. > No wonder you are healing so slowly!] Rebecca: The soap isn't helping, though. Mohan: I thought I said... Rebecca: Yeah, alright already. > [Sigh . . . you're worrying yourself over nothing, Shampoo. The > medications that the doctors gave me had done their trick, and I'll be > able to take off my casts and move my arms again sometime next week.] > [Really?] Shampoo's face lit up. [Well, when will Hiba-chan be > able to walk again though?] > [It will be soon, Shampoo, I'm sure of it. So stop wasting your > time coming over here night after night. It will affect your studies.] > [Don't worry, Hiba-chan! Kurumi had been helping on various > subjects, as well as Akane-] > The old woman looked pleasantly surprised. [Akane? You've make > another friend at school?] > [Uh! She's the one who had piloted the insane Eva that had made > a rampage through the city. I tried beating her up at first-] > [Shampoo!] > [Oh, let me finish, Hiba-chan! Later, I found out that she was > forced into the position [Rebecca noisily clears her throat] Dan: Good girl. > then without being given any training, and > apologized to her. She accepted! Since then, she had became a really > close friend of mine and Kurumi's.] Sandara: *Really* close friends.... Mohan (sighs): Not you, too! (Sandara high-fives Rebecca) > [Thank goodness . . . another enemy is something that you can't > afford, especially now that our tribe is scattered and gone . . .arrg > . . .] The old woman winced as her left leg suffered a clamp. Dan: [Hideous chinese accent] I give glandmother Hiba the clamps! Rebecca: [Brit accent] Clamps? Oh, you mean the cramps! Dan: [Hideous chinese accent] That's what I said, the clamps. You deaf or something? Mohan: I'm going to give five hundred points to anyone who gets that! > [Hiba-chan!] Shampoo immediately kneeled down and rolled up the > ancient woman's pant leg and applied Dan: Um... should we be seeing this? Sandara: Rolling up the ancient pants...oh the *woman's* ancient. Gomen. > a few tension-relieving pressure points strikes to the lower leg. Dan: Oh, thank god. Mohan (hi-pitched): YAAA-TATATATA! Rebecca: Ummm...no. > She then began massaging the withered stick Sandara: Fine, but what about her leg? > that most would hesitate in touching. [Here, is this better?] Mohan: No, we can still see it. Ugh! > Turning away, and walking down the opposite way of the corridor, > Herb had a look of wonder on his face when he compared the dutiful > great-granddaughter that he just saw to the flirty delinquent girl that > he was so used to see. > [Maybe, just maybe, there is more to her than I thought . . .] Dan: Yeah, a _lot_ more! Rebecca: Naughty boy! > * * * * * > The next day in the schoolyard, Herb was again surround by kids > teasing him about his performance last night. Herb rubbed at his > temples Rebecca: Temple of Nod. Sandara: Temple of Doom. Mohan: Lame-ola cola. > as he desperately fought the urge to unleash his years of > martial arts training upon this lot: that would have messed up his > perfect student record. Sandara: Yeah, tell it to someone who cares. > "Yo, Candyman!" > > "Ya my lollipop~~" > > "Can we fly to Bountyland together, Candy-chan?" > > "Only place you fly to is earth's orbit if you keep act like > jerk!" Dan: No fair! Only Akane punts people into orbit! > The offending students all stopped and turned to a very annoyed > looking Shampoo in surprise. > > "Shampoo?" Rebecca: No, Sludge. But close. > "Hey. What's the deal here? You're the one who started this > all!" > > Shampoo simply smiled smugly. "Shampoo have change of mind. Sandara: What, did you take it back to the store and get a new one? Rebecca: Not much of a refund though. Mohan: Dunno. It's barely used, after all. Dan: ... > Now, whoever held song against Herb held song against Shampoo . . . and > you three know what Shampoo mean, no?" All: No. > The boys blanched. They could still remember that time when a > particularly rowdy boy who joked about the Chinese girl being a "good > ride" due to her impressive figure, and what happened to him afterwards. Rebecca: Say, Dan, care to mention to Shampoo just _how_ much you like her? Dan: Err... I'll pass. > It took him an entire month to be able to walk again. Hastily, they > retreated. Herb stared at Shampoo with disbelief in his eyes. > > "Shamp . . . Shampoo . . ." > > "Shampoo no owe Herb: now we even." > > "I . . . it" Herb struggled to get this words out as Shampoo > leaned closer towards him. > > "Yes?" > > " . . .it is against the school regulations to physically > threaten other classmates. Please don't do it again." Rebecca: Zing. Sandara: So how come Akane's still in the school? Dan: She doesn't bother with the threatening stage. Sandara: Ouch. > Herb hastily walked away as Shampoo face-faulted. > Herb asked himself as he > fled. Dan: Abject terror? > Composing herself Sandara: Mozart's Fifth Shampoo? > again, Shampoo began to look peeved. > he isn't interested > in me at all! That idiot Kurumi must be reading too much of those > damned shoujo mangas of hers!> > * * * * * > In the cafeteria of Tokyo-3 High, a high-pitched squealing could > be heard. > "WAH! IS THAT TRUE?!" Sandara: [Falsetto] We're _still_ caught in a crappy fanfic? Dan: [Shakes] Scarey. > "Yes, Hinako had asked me to tell you to come to the NERV centre > after school today." Akane sighed. "And yes, I STILL feel that you are > insane for wanting this." All: INSANE!!! > "What going on?" Shampoo who was walking up to her friends, > asked. Kurumi was literally glowing with excitement. > > "I'm taking the Eva test this afternoon, isn't it cool?!" > > Shampoo simply shook her head with a bored look. Dan: [Colonel Fredericks] It's obvious I'm dealing with a moron. > "Whatever." > Akane noticed this, and asked. "What's the matter?" > "Nothing." > Oblivious to all that was around her, Rebecca: [Nova Satori] So, what else is new? Dan: Can we make it three for a GMP hat-trick? > Kurumi began to dream of > herself as an Eva pilot battling against angels, being invincible and > heroic and proud . . . Sandara (singing): I wonder what it's like to be a superhero! I wonder what they'd think if I could fly around downtown... > RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rebecca: Wakeup call. Back to reality. > **ANGEL ATTACK!! Mohan: Oh, thank god. Maybe it'll destroy the fic. Dan: Since that's Ramiel, this is gonna be fun! Rebecca: Fry them, you big ugly hunka Angel! [A low cheer comes from behind the couch, but no-one notices.] > ANGEL ATTACK!! RETREAT TO SHELTER NOW!!** The > automatic recording was activated as Herb came running towards them. > > "Everybody from class F1, gather here now! Everybody from class > F1, gather here now!" > > Herb caught sight of Shampoo. For a moment, neither of them > knew what to do. Rebecca: Oh, come on, Herb, figure it out! > Pulling himself together, Sandara: Clang! [Herb] Whoops! Dropped it. > Herb called out to her. > > "C'mon!" > > Shampoo immediately went over to his corner and joined her > classmates as Mousse ran through the crowd and joined Akane. Kurumi > followed them, but was immediately stopped by Akane. > > "Kurumi, you go to the shelter with Herb and the others!" > > "But I'm supposed to be testing as a Eva pilot, and now is as > good a time as any other!" Sandara: In the middle of a crisis situation with the only two EVAs they have deployed. Right. Can't argue with that kind of logic! > Remembering how her father had forced her into an Eva without > prior experience, Akane was determined NOT to take the chance of having > Kurumi suffer the same fate. > > "After today. Kurumi-chan . . . trust me on this one: you DO > NOT want to battle in one of those things without training!" > > "But-" > > Akane barked in annoyance. Moha: Woof, woof! Dan: I thought she was meant to be a cat. Sandara: [Bill Murray] Okay, she's a dog. > "Remember what happened to Shampoo's great-grandmother?!" Dan: Yeah, she turned into a prune. Be more specific. > Kurumi quiet down, and reluctantly joined the rest of her > classmates to the shelter. Nodding at Mousse, the two of them raced off > to the NERV headquarters to face their upcoming challenge. Sandara: Of course, we're not glorifiying fighting here. Dan: By having them run eagerly into battle. Sandara: Of course not. > * * * * * > > At the command centre, Soun was staring at the two teenagers in > their respective plug suits Rebecca: For crying out loud, she's your daughter! Dan: That was sick even for you. > with stoic calm as the two looked vaguely uncomfortable. > > "The original plan for this counter-angel operation is for one > Eva to go battle the angel alone at a time, just to save energy and > avoid the unnecessary risk of having more than one Eva unit suffer > damage per fight." Sandara: Never mind the fact that they only need to stuff up _once,_ and we're all toast. Rebecca: Like it matters. They always trash them anyway. > Mousse tensed up involuntarily as Soun stared sternly at him. > The Commander continued. > > "However, the angels are apparently getting stronger and > stronger each time, thus it appears that a team effort would be > required. Now go get into your plug suits, Sandara: I thought they were already... in... their... Mohan: Whoah, calm down, dear. You'll burn up. Dan: Time hiccup, I suppose. > according to the blue patterns that we are receiving, Dan: And looking out the window. Rebecca: [Dumb voice] Shucks, George, I did not think of that. > the angel will arrive within minutes." > > "Hai!" Mousse and Akane replied in union. > > * * * * * > > In the underground shelter beneath Tokyo-3 high, everybody were Sandara: Catching up on their English lessons, hopefully. > nervously staring at the TV as the reporter from another part of Japan > board-cast Mohan: He's throwing a board? > the news regarding the angel. > > **Five minutes ago, the new angel had just appeared at the > pacific shoreline of Japan. Judging from its speed, it will reach the > geofront city, Tokyo-3, in less than a minute. Already, the UN armed > forces are trying to destroy the target before it can reach the major > cities. Unfortunately, none of them can penetrate the angel's > defense. . .** > > Sitting in a corner with her eyes closed, Shampoo was whispering > in a foreign language that most of her classmates failed to understand. Sandara: The one she usually speaks. > After she was finished, Kurumi approached her and asked. > > "What are you doing?" Rebecca: [French taunter] Mind your own business, you sons of a silly person! > "Praying." Shampoo replied. "Catholic missionary touched > Chinese Amazon Village years ago before the Second Impact, thus tell our > people story of creator of all. Some in village believed in story . . . > including Shampoo's mother. Even after she gone, Shampoo still remember > words. If Shampoo done it first time, maybe . . . maybe Hiba-chan no be > in hospital." Rebecca: [Wierd Al] Chinese Catholic Amazons kidnapped by Aliens and forced into weight-loss programs, after this! Sandara: [Yawns] Wake me when it's over. Dan: I'm gonna puke. > "Catholics . . ." one of the girls spoke up with a dull look on > her face, "before these angel attacks, people still hung to the belief > that God is just and merciful. Afterwards, they all realized that He is > just as cruel and blind in its destructiveness as nature itself is." All: [Make snoring noises] > "No." Herb, who had been listening to the exchange, spoke up. > "Bad things happen to us not necessarily as punishments. Rather, they > are here to test us, to help train us to be something better than we > were before. Without these disasters, people's potential to protect and > care for others won't have a chance to shine through." Voice: [Yawns] Rebecca: [Kid] Are we there yet? > The girl was silent as she thought this over in her head. > Shampoo turned to look at Herb in a new light as the latter blushed. > "I've spoken my piece." Dan: [Pained] So... glad. Mohan: Is this _stricltly_ neccessary? Sandara: Zubzubzubzubzub... > Kurumi couldn't help but add in her own opinion on this. "The > Class Pres. is right. Without the angels attacking us, how do we get > selfless Eva pilots willing to risk their own lives in defending us? > How do we get to have heroic characters like that, huh?" Mohan: 'Cause the crappy authour writes them like that, okay? [They all sit bolt upright and look around the room. The angels peek up from behind the couch and look around in amazement as well, then duck back behind it again.] Dan: Freaky. Rebecca: It's like he's here with us. > Just then the broadcaster on TV announced: Mohan: Fanfic's over! No, false alarm. > **The angel had reached Tokyo-3: it is now up to the Eva-units > to counter it! Oh, a special emergency report stated that all of Japan > is about to suffer a blackout, and-** Dan (Announcer): See? I told ya! > Abruptly, the TV screen went dead Mohan: [John Cleese] The computer had a heart attack, and then died! All: AKKK! (Fall over limp, and then get back up) Rebecca (sighs) : That one doesn't get old... > as most of the lights in the > shelter dimmed up as the students gasped. Only the few lights empowered > by the backup battery were still functional, providing the underground > space with its dim, eerie glow. Rebecca: Just a thought, but wouldn't it be nice if they'd just put Hiba on life support? Dan: [Shivers] Waaay to dark. Rebecca: I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. > Kurumi find herself holding her palms together. > All: Better yet... Don't! > * * * * * > Inside Eva-01, Akane was sweating into the LCL as she stared at > the new angel heading towards the NERV centre from the distance. > "That tetrahedral-thingy is a living being?" Dan: Tht's right. Eight sided dice are EVIL. Mohan: I'd bet you that that d8 rolls some really *big* numbers... (Rebecca and Sandara pelt him with cushions): Bad Mohan! > Nodoka's voice answered her from the com. link: Sandara: Ah, hell, done enough of those. > "Whatever it is, > it is giving off a blue pattern. It might be an angel residing within a > spacecraft, or the actual body of the angel itself." > > Hinako voice Dan: Odd middle name... > soon joined Nodoka's: "Akane-chan! The rifle that > you are now carrying is powered by all the electricity over all of > Japan. Sandara: So they just keep this kind of thing handy, huh? Never know when you might need it. Rebecca: Like when the NERV bugetary commitee's meeting. Mohan: Or when Hinako decides to finally clean up her flat. Dan: Too small. Sandara: Or when you finally catch sight of the author. > Hopefully, it can kill the angel in one shot. However, before > that happen, you need someone to distract the angel from you. Reports > from the UN troops said that the angel would attack anything within > three miles of it that it views as a potential threat. Mohan: Stupid quesion, but then why not attack it from _beyond_ three miles? And please tell me it's not beyond it's range, because we know it can reach orbit. [Silence] Mohan: I know, I know, stupid question. > Mousse, you go > distract the angel while Akane-chan waits for an opening. Be careful!" Mohan (Mousse): Right! Off to my death I go! Rebecca: Mousse, kiss your ass goodbye. Sandara: This, I suppose, is one of Hinako's great plans? Dan: Does anyone here remember the fact the Ramiel is a near-perfect weapons platform? [All raise their hands.] Dan: Cool. Anyone here think Hinako's plan sucks? [All raise their hands again.] Rebecca: Cool. Fry 'em! > "Hai!" > With that Mousse darted towards the angel and began shooting > giant throwing daggers at it from Eva-00's own unconventional rifle. Dan: Aaahhh... Right. Rebecca: So what's wrong with bullets? Sandara: And shouldn't he be fried by now? Mohan: Assault Ramiel with sharp, pointy sticks! > However, unlike its chains, these daggers were not generating their own > AT Fields, thus are useless in harming the angel. However, it did > succeeded in triggering the angel's self-defense action and immediately, > Eva-00 found itself dodging power-beams like mad. Sandara: And we return to the alternite EVA attack plan: Running like hell. Mohan: Damn good tumbling roll there... > Akane, who was still > some distance behind, frowned as she looked for an opening: there wasn't > one yet. > * * * * * > > Inside the shelter, the darkness and the silence seemed to be > joining forces, making everyone in it uncertain and depressed at the > same time. Finally, one of the boys spoke up: > > "It's just that . . . with all these angel attacks, all these > people around us getting killed, getting hurt . . . makes one feel that > the end is near." > > "It's almost like the foreshadowing of an inevitable > apocalypse," another girl added. Mohan: Have we suddenly wandered into one of those depressive Swedish films? Sandara: Be on the lookout for a tall guy with a scythe and a chessboard. > "What's the point of all this struggling anyway, if the end of > the world truly is coming?" Dan: About now one of them's gonna start playing a harmonica. > "Resistance is futile-" Mohan [Borg]: You will be assimilated. > "STOP IT!" Kurumi shouted. "Akane and Mousse will defeat that > so called angel and we will be saved!" > > "What if we can't? What if the next angel killed them both? > Those monsters are each stronger than the one before it!" > > "Then . . . then . . ." Kumuri didn't know what to say. > > "Then we all try best to have more happy times while we can, and > more importantly, to help ones we love till that time come." Rebecca: My god, that was almost English. > Shampoo said solemnly. "That only way we no waste life." Rebecca: Check that. > Just then, a distant explosion was heard, accompanied by a > hoarse, inhuman cry that sent most of the girl Sandara: What about the rest of her? > and some of the boys > blanching. Shampoo had a far-away look on her face as she spoke up > again. Mohan (Shampoo, hushed): I never knew fear until I saw...the Son of Storms... > "No be afraid. Try be there for people we care for . . . that > all that mattered." > > A hand was put onto her shoulder. Sandara: [Shampoo] Ack! Take bloody dismembered thing off Shampoo's shoulder! > Shampoo looked up, and saw > Herb staring at her with a complex but definitely supportive look. > Shampoo gave him a little smile, and said nothing more. Only Kurumi > noticed the scene, as the other students were too preoccupied with the > fact that the fighting was apparently moving closer than what's safe to > Tokyo-3 high. Rebecca: Please let it. > * * * * * > > Akane Tendo's heart froze. > > It front of it Eva 00 was shot in the chest by the light beam > from the angel. Sandara: No doubt only leaving behind a pair of smoking boots. Rebecca: [Bored] Yay. > "Now, Akane! DO IT!" Mousse shouted Rebecca: [Akane] What? Here? I'll have to take my plugsuit off first. > through the searing pain invading his body as Eva00 collapsed backwards. > > But Akane couldn't do it. All she could do was to stare dumbly > at the horrid sight in front of her. > > Just then, Hinako's shout could be heard coming from the > com.link: > > "Use the rifle, Akane!" Mohan: Use the Force, Luke! > Akane still couldn't move, but the next sentence changed that. > > "Akane, don't waste Mousse's sacrifice!" Sandara [Kyle]: Oh my god! They killed Mousse! Mohan [Stan]: You bastards! [Sachiel reaches up and whacks him. They all look around, but he's gone before they see him.] Mohan: What the... > That sentence had cut through Akane's shock. With an unearthly > aura flaring around it, Eva 01 howled like a beast Rebecca: Meow. > as it aimed the super > rifle that was the embodiment of the motor generated power of all of > Japan at the angel and shoot. > > BOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dan: --SHAKALAKA!!!!!! Sandara: For "Heart's Batllebround"'s sound effects, Dr Thinker is brought in. > Back at the NERV command centre. Kasumi exclaimed excitedly. > "The blue pattern is gone . . . the fifth angel is destroyed!" Dan: What? Just like that? Dodge and fire? That's it?? Mohan: Help, he's going! Dan: No way! That angel's destruction was the culmination of a long and drawn-out- Sandara: And dull- Dan: plan, perfect in all details! To have them just jump up and kill it... [Rebecca bolts for the kitchen, then comes back carrying a large bucket of water. She upends it over Dan and steam rises off him.] Dan: Thanks... I needed that... Mohan: [Dripping wet] Watch it next time, okay? > Hinako gave a sigh of relief as Nodoka nodded with a pleased > expression. Sandara: Which of course completely changed when they realised that its body had to crash somewhere. [Mohan whistles, like a toon falling from a cliff] > "Good. Tell the technical team to collect the carcass of the > 5th angel. To the medical team: go rescue the first child." Rebecca: Time to haul out the spatula again. > * * * * * > Inside the NERV hospital room, All: [Shinji] I hate this place. > Akane was sitting beside the bed of a bandaged Mousse, Sandara: [Announcer] Yes, Barbie's new friend, Bandaged Mousse. [They all stare at her] Sorry. > who was staring back at her calmly. > "The beam missed the entry plug: my condition is not fatal." Sandara: Try harder next time. > "Mousse . . ." Akane couldn't help but sob, "how long does this > have to go on? Dan: Twenty-six episodes and two movies. NEXT! > Must you end up in here every time after a fight for my sake? > You can't go on taking hits for my sake. Sooner or later, you'll > . . ." Rebecca: Yes?.... > Tears dripped down Akane's cheeks as she sobbed even harder. > Mousse stared at the trailing tears, then raised his uninjured > hand to brush it away. > ". . . it is of humanity's best interest that we work as a team. > This way, at least we have a chance to succeed in defeating the > angels . . ." > "Next time, I'll be the one taking the hit. I won't let you do > it anymore, not if Daddy commands it himself!" > Mousse shook his head, wincing slightly with the strain on his > injured neck. > "You can't. You're too important." > "And you aren't?!" > Closing his red eyes, Mousse turned his face way. "Even if I > die, there will be replacements . . ." Sandara: Oooh... cryptic comment wasted in the hands of clunky writing. Dan: So _that's_ how Kenny does it! [They all hail him with cushions] > Before Akane could question him on what that meant, Hinako > walked into the room. > "I'm sorry about what had happened to Mousse," she said. Akane > turned her face away as she roughly wiped off the rest of her tears. > After a moment of silence, Hinako continued: "If it would make you feel > any better, Unit 02, along with the second child, All: [Scream in terror]. Sandara: The- Mohan: Second- Rebecca: Child!?! Dan: I forsee hurt and pain. > would be shipped in > from Germany some time soon to ad the two of you in future battles after > this one. Dan: You know, I just had a thought. Rebecca: Shocking. Dan: Ha-ha. Who's going to play the role of Ken Shabby? [Lengthy silence.] > Then of course, if your friend can pass the test-" Sandara: Yum, yum! More EVA food! > "I don't want her to pass." Akane said flatly. "She doesn't > even know what she is getting herself into." Sandara: Yes she does; an EVA! Thank you and good night! Mohan: [Whacks her with a cushion] Stop being silly! > Hinako stared at her sadly. Dan: Yeah, she is pretty sad. > "You have every right to be angry, Akane-chan. But remember > this: somebody have to do the job of defending the earth against the > angels. Rebecca: [Hinako] And I'm so glad it's you rather than me! Dan: Hey... Hinako in a plugsuit... Rebecca: Oh, gods... > The ends don't always justify the means, but it is either > forcing a couple of teenagers to become martyrs or to let the entire > human race be destroyed. Which option would you choose, Akane-chan?" Mohan: Toughie. Call me back later. Sandara: If these are your samples of the human race, let's go for number two. > With that question hanging in the air, Sandara: In just the same way that bricks don't. Rebecca: CRASH! [Hinako] Whoops! Shouldn't have left it hanging there. > Hinako left Akane alone > with Mousse to reason this out in her own mind. Akane turned to Mousse, > but found that he was already sleeping due to the medications. Mohan: Or the fanfic. Dan: I'd need medication after this fanfic. > Sighing > lightly, she leaned against Mousse's bed, and allow herself to fell Sandara: I could point the grammer error out, but why? > asleep from exhaustion. > * * * * * > A couple of days later, Akane and a dejected looking Kurumi were > walking down the streets on their way home. After sighing for the Nth > time that day, Kurumi finally said that same phase once more. Rebecca: [Kurumi] And the scientist was so cute, too... > "I can't believe that I failed." Dan: Diddums. Sandara: We can. Rebecca: I suppose that does confirm Shampoo as the fourth child in a blatantly obvious plot setup. Dan: And we'll get to see... [His eyes go starry] Shampoo in a plugsuit! Rebecca: Hey, Sandara, how do you do that furry thing anyway? > "That's extremely lucky of you if you happen to be sane." Akane > replied. Dan: [Waspinator] Not whacko, Wonko the Sane! [All buzz around the room making Waspinator noises] Voice: STOP THAT! Rebecca: Aw, you're no fun anymore. Voice: Now get back to the fic. Dan: [Inferno] Yes, my queen! Voice: I can't win. [They all sit.] > "Oh, C'mon! The world NEEDS Eva pilots!" Dan: Like I need a hole in the head. Rebecca: Let me fit you up. > "Yes, and those that are not needed didn't need to face the > hardships of being forced against the most sickeningly frightful enemies > that mankind had ever known to exist." Dan: Team Foxfire! Sandara: Oscar! Rebecca: Tuxedo Chris! Mohan: Dark Sonic! > She turned to Kurumi with a > serious expression on her face. "This isn't a video game, Kurumi, > people get hurt out there. Sandara: And you can never insert another coin to continue. Dan: [Hudson] That's it man! Game over, man, game over! > There is no reason for you to wish that upon yourself." Sandara: Except for the fact that you're playing Kensuke Aida. > Kurumi sighed yet again, and said nothing more. > > Just then, she caught sight of a pair of teenagers, each with > multiple bags of groceries in their hands, as they shared the two > earphones of the same Walkman that the girl had in her pocket. > > [That song is good! Play it again!] The boy said in Chinese. Mohan: One can assume then that they're not listening to that Aqua tape. > [That's the fifth time you've heard that song already! C'mon, > I'll show you an even better one.] Sandara: Like anything. > The girl said as she pressed a button > on her Walkman. [By the way, do you always shop here for your aunt? It > isn't exactly common for a boy to shop for food and household products, > especially in this sexist country . . .] Rebecca: And Shampoo is form _which_ country, and of _which_ religion? Dan: Please don't go there. > [Well, it isn't like a busy woman like her can afford the time > to shop for her kids. So naturally, I became the logical choice to > carry out the task.] Dan: No, Hikari is, already! Mohan: Cool it, pal. > [Hmm . . . oh well, it is the 10's after all, no matter what > country we're in. Well, since you're stuck with shopping, I guess I > should tell you that the supermarket down the next street have the same > vegetables for much better prices. I found that out when I went to buy > some ingredients for the Amazonian fast healing soup that Hiba-chan > needed-] Sandara: Is that the one with the soap flakes in it? Mohan: [Groans] I can't win. > "Hey Shampoo, Class President!" > The two instinctively put a lot more space between themselves as > they turned to greet their classmates. Dan: [Herb] Oi! Ack! Found out! > "Oh, uh, Kurumi, Akane. What you do here? Kurumi pass Eva > pilot test?" Shampoo asked, trying to distract the girls. It didn't > work. > > "Nah, didn't meet the synchro-requirement. Now back to you, > since WHEN did the two of you get to be so cozy together?" Rebecca: [Shampoo] Since last night in Herb's Auntie's car! > The nosy girl asked with an oily expression. Sandara: Some Noxema could clean that up, you know... > > "Um . . . it not what Kurumi think!" > > "We're just, uh, shopping at the same supermarket!" Rebecca: [Shampoo] And sleeping with same girl! Mohan: You do that too well. > "And listening to that same Walkman together?" > > The couple blushed as they realized that their ears were still > linked together by the earphone wires. > > "Shampoo," Akane smiled for possibly the first time since > Mousse's injury. "I'm happy for you." > > Shampoo blushed at hearing that. Kurumi saw this and mock > whispered to Herb. "Whoa, Class Pres., you REALLY should feel > privileged having someone as uninhibited as Shampoo blushing over you." Dan: Startling. I don't know if this is more OOC for Kurumi or Kensuke! > "AHHHH!!!" Shampoo stooped on her feet as Herb turned > alarmingly red. "Whatever! Think what you like! Shampoo no care!" Dan: Don't, Rebecca. You've had enough fun for one day. > "Hmmm," Kurumi picked the earphone from Shampoo's ear and put > it to her own. Smiling mischievously she gave it over to Akane as Herb > turned even redder than before. Putting it on, Akane couldn't help but > chuckle as she heard the following song: > > ** > > Oh, oh, oh Dan [Singing]: Here comes the fic! > I am the Candyman- > Oh, oh, oh, Mohan [Singing]: I'm going to throw up. > Coming from Bountyland > Oh, oh, oh Sandara [Singing]: I got crossover. > I am the Candyman- > Oh, oh, oh Rebecca [Singing]: Here we go again. > Coming from Bountyland > I wish that you were my Lollipop - Dan: Rebecca, don't. > Sweet things, I will never get enough > If you show me to the sugar free - > will you give me a sodapop for free > > Come with me Honey - > I'm your sweet sugar Candyman > Run like the wind - fly with me to Bountyland > Bite me I'm yours - if you're hungry please understand > This is the end - of the sweet sugar Candyman > > Oh my love - I know you're my Candyman > And all my love - your word is my command > Oh my love - I know you're my Candyman > And all my love - let us fly to Bountyland > > You are my Lollipop - sugar sugar top > You are my Lollipop - sugar sugar top > > I wish that I were a bubble gum - Mohan: That is a seriously disturbing thing to say. > chewing on me baby all day long Sandara: It's bubblegum that gets chewed on, but never mind. > I will be begging for sweet delight - > until you say I'm yours tonight > > Come with me Honey - I'm your sweet sugar Candyman > Run like the wind - fly with me to Bountyland > Bite me I'm yours - if you're hungry please understand > This is the end - of the sweet sugar Candyman Sandara: And the end of the fic! All: Yay! > ** > End Part 3 > Feb 23, 1998. Dan: Thank god! We won't survive another! > I'm not subbed to the list, please email C&C to <7ahw@qlink.queensu.ca>. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Voice: Well, we're about half way through. What did y'all think of it so far? Rebecca: Well, I'm concerned about the authors choice of the fusion method of crossover for this series. Evangelion is a very tight and complex story world, and you really can't thrown in ki blasts and gender bending into the mix. Mohan: Or EVA-sized dimensional mallets. Sandara: My biggest problem was it's derivitive nature. Quite simply, if you've seen the early EVA episodes, there just isn't much here for you. The obigitory slapstic and 'Akane attempting to cook' scene, but nothing actually new. Dan: The character work really got me. Not only were the matches poorly chosen, but they weren't even acting terribly in character for _either_ show. I mean Akane as Shinji? How ridiculous. They're complete opposites. And Hinako... Rebecca: Yeah, we get the picture. Calm down, already. Dan: Sorry 'bout that. At least we didn't have to see Asuka's replacement. Voice: Well, actually... All (coldly): What? Voice: I was saving this nugget of joy for later... Sandara: Oh *good* one, Dan! [The tape fast-forwards and the TV suddenly kicks back on again...] > The boy looked down upon them. Shifting his weight, he bounced >off the tower, did a couple of flips in mid-air, and landed right in >front of the girls in a fluid motion, surprising them all with the >exceptional performance. > > Staring at Shampoo, he smirked rather cockily as he brazenly >gestured at his rather well-defined chest. "Heh, can't take your eyes >off THIS, can ya?" > > Akane and Kurumi were taken both stunned by the arrogance that >the boy had over his own body. After all, in Japan, boys were seldom >OPENLY conceited about their physical assets. Shampoo, however, has >seen WAY too many of his kind back at her village, where most men had to >win women's favor with their good looks. Smiling with half-lidded eyes, >she replied casually: > > "You quite good looking, cutie boy. Good face, well-defined >shoulders and chest, narrow waist, muscled thighs . . ." > > Akane and Kurumi stared at her incredulously as she went on >without even blushing: > > ". . . long legs. All in all, Shampoo rate you 80% on stud >level." > > The boy looked like he had been slapped. "80%?! Hey! I'm 100% >studly!" > > "Nope, according Amazon rating, hot shot attitude takes away >15%, while lack of height takes way another 5%. In short, little boy, >be more HUMBLE if want impress girls." Shampoo said coyly as Akane and >Kurumi laughed. The boy looked peeved as he retorted. > > "Humph! What would three immature little brats know about how a >REAL stud is like?" > > This time, it was Akane who was ticked off. "What did you call >us, you-" > > "Ranma-kun!" > > The teenagers turned to see Hinako coming towards them with a >smile directed towards the boy. The boy, Ranma, smiled back as he >pushed past the girls to greet Hinako. > > "Hinako-san, long time no see!" > > Hinako chuckled as she hugged the boy to her. "Oh, my little >boy has grown up to be such a man. The four years had certainly made >you quite a specimen. Why, you're almost as tall as me now, and I'm >wearing high heels!" > > Ranma smirked playfully. "Heh! That's not the only way that >I've grown . . ." > > "Hinako, you KNOW this jer . . . guy?!" Akane asked. > > Hinako seemed to notice her for the first time. "Oh, girls, >sorry for getting carried away. Allow me to introduce you to the second >child- Ranma Saotome!" [Sandara and Rebecca gape at the TV, dumbstuck. Dan, on the other hand is twitching with a sad grin] Dan (weakly): Heh...It's Ranma...(collapses) Rebecca: And he's got Asuka's ultra superior "all that" attitude. Sandara: Oh dear [She turns to Mohan, whose eyes are now gleaming white with psionic energy. He concentrates and, bellowing in rage, unleashes a brutal telekenetic blast, reducing the TV to powder. Rebecca jumps back to the couch.] Rebecca (gaping at Mohan): Uuhhh....impressive. Sandara (gleefully): Your powers! They're back! Mohan: Apparently so. This story, it just...Gods! Voice: What about the TV, what about the rest of the story!?! It's gone. Sandara: Oh, no prob. (Begins fishing through a pouch and produces a few small gems) Let's see, and emerald, an opal, an an amethyst. The last ones a hair flawed, but it should do. Rebecca (gaping at the precious gems): Heh...we'll manage. Mohan (shimmering enregy surrounds him and Sandara): Well, it's been interesting to say the least. Perhaps we can do this again... Sandara: Much, *much* later, I hope. Rebecca: I guess, sure! Stop by anytime! [Sandara and Mohan vanish in a flash, Dan is begining to recover.] Dan (groggy): They're gone... was it a dream? Rebecca: No, we really did sit through a contrived EVA/Ranma fusion. Dan: I was afraid of that. I need something to wash this out of my system Rebecca (as they leave): I've heard the bartender at Club Anipike makes some great drinks. I have a feeling you'd like her... [After they leave, the Angels leap out from behind the couch. Zeruel places clears off the remains of the big-screen and places a small TV/VCR on the stand. Sachiel jumps on the other couch and puts its feet up on the coffe table. Israphel splits into Otsu and Kou who run off to the kitchen, grab drinks & popcorn, and plant themselves on the couches. Zeruel, extending his arms, shoves a tape labelled "Surreptitious Encounters" in the machine.] [The screen goes black] Angels: Kill the bunny! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Shinji (shinji_70@hotmail.com), Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@ one.net.au) Sandara and Mohan are copyright 1998 Tim McLees (Shinji) Dan is copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/MSTings.html The greatest ever vault of anime MSTings, including the Hall of Gonterman, Shrine to Oscar and Temple of Marissa Picard. Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "I've been waiting for summertime to come > welcome beaches, lying in the sun > music playing, people everywhere > no need to worry, the tequila is here." Mohan: No, it should go something like... Rebecca [Singing]: "Shampoo wait for summer come" Dan [Singing]: "Welcome beach lie in sun" Sandara [Singing]: "Music play people everywhere" Mohan [Singing]: "No worry here tequilla"