Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 29. Allready. Doesn't time fly when you're in considerable pain? Hellstorm Evangelion is copyright Issei Mataloun, who needs serious help. Realy. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Rebecca and Rick enter, chatting.] Rick: And a thirteen point disadvantage for being *totally* incomprehensible. Rebecca: That would be about right. Rick: But the Nightman enemy wasn't worth much, because he clearly can't beat up Lord Thinker. Rebecca: The avatar's almost as much a loser as the man himself. Now if only we could drag Jupiter Knight into it... Rick: HORTENSE! Heh, that feels good. You gonna do him? Rebecca: Eventually. Rick: But anyway, I would like to see Lord Thinker beat up Jupiter Knight. Rebecca: By the way, where do you find the time between MSTings and your comics work for this kinda thing? Rick: I just invent more shipping delays. Rebecca: [Sarcastic] The great mysteries of the comics industry explained. Rick: Hey, it worked for Marvel. [Dan and Tsuneo enter.] Dan: Hey-ho. Rick: Hey there. Tsuneo: What's up, guys? Rebecca: Rick and me were just talking about converting Avatars to roleplaying stats, then bashing their heads together. Dan: Neat! So, what, you're making a game out of it? Rick: If I find the time [Grins] Dan: Cool! So who's been dibsed? Rebecca: I've dibsed- Others: Nav. Rebecca: Ah, poopie. Tsuneo: You're so predictable. Rebecca: Hey, I can blow up moonies and claim it's in character. Dan: Rebecca, you'd do that if you were playing Tuxedo Chris. Rebecca: Yeah, but this way I get experience points for it. Rick: I'll be GMing, so for the most part they're free. Dan: Hmm... hard choice. Tsuneo: Yeah, there's so many out there. Rebecca: Anyone choosing ACL gets clobbered. Dan: No idea. It would be fun though. Tsuneo: Actually, I wouldn't mind playing Lord Thinker, if only for the joke value. Rick: Good on you! Voice: Good morning. Rebecca: Hello, disembodies MP just back from Macross chronicles. Voice: Oh, ha ha. Tsuneo: I was saying something about predictable? [Rebecca blows a raspberry at Tsuneo, who ignores her.] Rick: Okay, so what's in store for us today? Voice: I've found you another EVA fic- All: [Groans] Rick: I only sat through one of those and I hated it! Tsuneo: Lucky you. How is it that the best shows attract the worst writers? Dan: Yeah, like all the crap authours trying to do Sailor Moon fanfics? Rebecca: [Stifles a laugh] Rick: Because the best shows get popular and attract any onld idiot. Voice: If you don't mind... [They sit - Rebecca and Tsuneo on the forwards-facing couch, Rick and Dan on the other one. Rebecca is closest to Dan on the corners.] Voice: This one's entitled "Hellstorm Evangelion," by a twelve year old boy named Issei Mataloun. Rick: What's a twelve year old doing writing internet fanfiction? Tsuneo: Never mind that, what's he doing watching EVA. Dan: Oh come on. At least it can't be that bad. [They all stare at him] Forget it. [The TV screen lights up] > Hellstorm evangelion > by - Iseei Mataloun, the 6th Child Tsuneo: Oh gods. That's a set-up I did not want to hear. > EVAkid6@hotmail.com > Note: this happens after episode 17 when shinji killed Kaoru. Tsuneo: Um, not to nitpick, but that's episode 22. Rick: So what's 17? Tsuneo: The one where Toji becomes the fourth child. Dan: How did he mix them up? > since I diodn't understand them, Rick: And we don't understand you. > we'll pretend the 25-26 episodes did not happen Rebecca: Something I think Bandai and Gainax would agree with. Dan: So we're going to ignore the last 26 episodes? Tsuneo: Seems more than likely. > and say that the story goes on right here. Hope you enjouy my first > fanfic!!! Rebecca: Multiple exclamation marks on the introduction. We're in the Thinker zone. > Shinji was laying on his bed crying. Dan: Nothing unusual about that. > it hadd been 7-8 hour since > he killed Kaoru and he was really sad. Tsuneo: You would be after killing your best friend. Rebecca: His *special* friend. Tsuneo: [Punches Rebecca] Don't touch that. > misato has been cold about Kauru's Rick: Twisted clone of Kaoru. > death and didn't even have nice words to say to Shinji. Dan: Mostly because she didn't know this Kar- Kau- Karu- Ah, whoever. > Asuka and Rei didn't even talk to Shinji anymore. Tsuneo: Maybe because one of them's mad and burbles incoherently to herself and the other one's dead. Rick: Rei Ayanami. Long lost twin sister of Kenny McCormack. > so no one would help him through it. he was alone. Rebecca: [Jeffery Sinclair] All alone in the night. > Then in his room he heard a wisper. Dan: It was the introduction to the latest PMasters fanfic. > he looked over to the door and Rick: Nothing happened. Rebecca: Sorry! Sorry, folks. Fanfic's been canceled. All: Hooray! Voice: No such luck. All: Aw... > a light was gleaming underneath the door. All: [Hum "Close Encounters" theme] > The voice sayed Rick: [Voice] Could you help me out with my grammar and spelling? Rebecca: It *is* Dr. Thinker. > "you did good Shinji. Dan: [Godfather] You've done well, my son. > you killed God's best fighters." Rick: [Voice] In a brand new, crappy 3D fighting game. Rebecca: Coming soon from Crapcom. > he voice Tsuneo: So it's a male voice? Rebecca: Well, is this one of your relatives, friend? Voice: Ha, ha. > was really quiet and scary sounding. All: [Make Darth Vader noises] > Shinji almost wet himself when he heared it! Rick: That's a detail we probably didn't need to know. > "Who's there?!?" Dan: The Magic Voice! Rebecca: The Great Big Head in the Sky? > shinji sayed in a scared voice. Tsuneo: Whatever a "sayed" is. > no answer came. Rick: -The stern reply. > Finally the door opened and a red man came in. Dan: [Cartman] Red Megaman! I got the Red Megaman! Rick: I's the man in the red shirt! He's about to die! Tsuneo: No! It's the Spanish Inquisition! Rebecca: Worse still! It's the Great Red Serpent, and he's got a cucumber! All: AARGH! > he had a pitch fork and red skin and a crooked beard. Dan: Gee, I wonder who that could be. Rick: Torgo returns! > he smiled evily at Shinji. When Shinji looked > at him he wet his pants. Tsuneo: GAH! Rick: Oh, gods, if he was gonna pee his pants, he would have done it by now. Dan: Like when he faced of with Zeruel. Tsuneo: Or when Sachiel grabbed Unit 01's head. Rebecca: Or when he first met Asuka. Tsuneo: Yeah, that scared me. > The yellow pee went all over his blankets. Dan: That is something we very much don't need. Tsuneo: [Shinji] Hey, Misato! You're washing today! > "Hi Shinji I'm the devil nice to meet you." Rick: [Devil] I'll be your host for this evening. > Shinji waved at the scary man Dan: Oh, for crying out loud. > and sayed "hi All: Hi? > how do you know my name????" Rick: He's watched all the tapes. Tsuneo: Or looked on the door of his room. Rebecca: [Devil] Actually, I was after this guy called DJ. You haven't seen him, have you? > "You really popular in hell, kid. Dan: Or at least he's going to be soon. > You killed 17 of God's angels and we all like you." Tsuneo: I think someone's taking the biblical references in EVA a bit too literally. Rick: Never midn that Shinji only started on the third angel. Dan: And Unit 01's got more kills than him. > "Really? Thank you." Shinji sayed his face happy. Rebecca: What's he taking? Dan: And where can I get some? Tsuneo: [Shinji] Oh yeah, did I mention I'm really torn up about killing my friend? > "Yeah kid want to work for me and hell?" Rick: [Devil] I'll make you an offer you can't refuse. Rebecca: In this fic, it's an offer you can't understand. > "Um...no I better not." Tsuneo: [Shinji] I've gotta go to school tomorrow. > "Why not kid? Dan: [Shinji] Becasue the parking's murder and I don't get sick leave. > what do you have here?" Rick: A bed? Rebecca: A very *wet* bed, but a bed nonetheless. > the devil sayed with a weird look on his face. Rebecca: [Devil, lisping] Ooh, hello Shinji. Dan: That is too sick, even for you. > "Well...um....I have to stay here. Rick: [Shinji] I get travel sick. > I have a lot of peole here I care about." Tsuneo: Or at least he used to, before they all died on him. > Shinni Tsuneo: Whoever he is. Dan: Ritsuko's cloning experiments contiue! > sayed he was getting ever scareder now. Tsuneo: Is that a word? Rick: Yeah, this typing's making me even scareder. > "Oh well I tryed." Rebecca: No, you're just a try-hard. Dan: Yeah, he's very trying. > the devil sayed that and he was walking away back to the door. Tsuneo: I think we just had about three tense changes in one sentence. Rick: That's gotta be some kinda SVAM record. > "Wait!!!! Shinji sayed. Tsuneo: Without close quotation marks. Rebecca: Pick pick pick pick pick! Rick: How does he pronounce those things anyway? > "What are you going to do?" > "I going to destroy the world." Dan: Oh, how passe. How unoriginal. [They all look up] Rick: Nah. > the devil sayed as he stroked his bushy beard. Dan: [Raymond Burr] Yes, I see. > "WHAT?!? WHY????" Rick: WHEN? Tsuneo: WHO? Rebecca: WHERE? Dan: HOW? > "I don't like humans." Dan: I thought that went without saying. Rick: [Devil] Except with a nice red wine sauce. > the devil sayed. "Since God couldn't kill you off, Tsuneo: See my earlier point about biblical references. > me and my demons will. You and the rest of mankind is deadmeat > kid." Rebecca: Just like the English language. Dan: What is this, the devil or a mobster? Rick: [Devil] Youse guys haven't got a chance, kiddo. > Shinji stood up from his bed and looked hero like. Rebecca: Which is going to be rather hard with that big yellow stain on your shorts. > He was scared but he wouldn't let the devil see it. Rick: I think he's noticed. > "I won't let you. Dan: [Cartman] I kick you squaw in the nuts! > I'll kick your ass if you try somethong like that." Dan: Ah, close enough. Tsuneo: Yeah, that's really in character. Rebecca: Probably the closest we're gonna get. > "Suit yourself kid" sayed the devil as he vanished. Rick: Muttering something about calling his agent as he left. > ************* Dan: That's about the best spelling in this fic to date. Rick: No, no, he put in an extra star. > When shinji woke up the next day Tsuneo: Wondering where his capitals went. > he went to Misato and told her what happened rto him. Rebecca: [Misato] Okay, Shinji, that's very nice. Now let's go visit Asuka. > when he was done, Misato had a worried look on her face. Dan: [Misato] This kid's scaring me. > "OH NO!! We have to tell Gendo!!!!!!" Rick: This kid really likes his exclamation marks. Rebecca: I tell you, it's Dr. Thinker. > Shinji moened. Tsuneo: How do you do that anyway? Dan: I think it's a new dance like the Shmeerschkehoeven. > He didn't like his dad at all. He was such a mean guy. Rick: [TV voice] Gendo Ikari was a very, very naughty man. > But if Misato though that was for the best then it would be smart to > do it. Rebecca: You're taking Misato's suggestions on a crazed kid's rantings? > Misato grabed the celluar fone. Rick: Although she really wanted a phone, but that's a different story. > She dialed gendo's number and when > she told him what happened, gendo laughed. Dan: Well, you would too. Tsuneo: If not for the fic that it's in. Dan: True. > Misato asked "What's so funny sir???" Rebecca: Lady, figure it. > "That so funny!!!! Rick: I'd laugh if I wasn't in so much pain. > Maybe the idea of finishing off the angels has > made you a little batty, but you think the devil's going to try to kill > us??? hahahahahaha!!!" All: [Badly dubbed] Ha. Ha ha. You sure are. Nuts. Ha. > Right after he sayed that an explosion was hearded over the fone. Dan: Nice timing. Tsuneo: [Gendo] Ah... forget I said that. My bad. > Followed by gendo's heavy breathing. Rebecca: [Misato] I hate it when he does this. Dan: So they finally released Ritsuko? Tsuneo: Say, where is she, anyway? Rick: She was last seen vanishing into the depths of Central Dogma with a lime green lab coat, laughing maniacally as she went. > A lot of loud buzzes were heared over the fone Rick: [Gendo] Oh, great. Waspinator's on the line here. Dan: [Waspinator] Hello? Nerv? Wazzzpinator here. > and Misto Dan: So now it's crossing over into Pokemon? > looks scared. Finally Gendo came back on the fone and > sayed "We need the Third Child NOW!!! there's something attacking > Tokyo 3!!!" Tsuneo: [Shinji] Told you! Bleagh! > "we're on our way" sayed Misato. She grabed Shinji and pulled him > out of the appartment and into her car. Rick: [Shinji] Ah! Help, help! Put me down! Rebecca: [Shinji] Anything but the car! > They drove really fast toward Nerv and saw something werird. Tsuneo: I just saw something *very* wierd. > All of the people and cars that were usually in the street were gone. Dan: Uh... is this the streets of the city that got totalled when Unit 00 went up? Tsuneo: I... think so. > gendo must have called a curfew already. Rick: Worse. He called for a cook-off between Akane, C-ko and Misato. Dan: Aah! We're all doomed. Rebecca: No, it was probably an evacuation. > Nowing that she went even faster. Rick: You know, Misato would make a great demolition derby driver. Dan: You mean she isn't already? > When they were almost there, they saw the monster. Rebecca: And Misato leafed through all her AD&D manuals to find it. Rick: [Misato] '96 update... no, '97 update... Creatures of the realms... God damn, can't TSR organise *anything?* Dan: Of course not. They're run by WoTC! Tsuneo: Slagged off enough companies yet? [Pause] Rick, Dan & Rebeca: Nah. > It was 2000 ft. tall Rick: And really blue! Dan: [Tom Servo] I'm huge! > and was really fat and ugly. Dan: Help! It's Fat Albert! Rick: [Fat Albert] Hey, hey, hey! I'm gonna squish all of you! > it had horns, red skin, and really REALLY sharp fangs. Rebecca: [Tim the enchanter] With nasty big pointy teeth! > Shinji wet his pants again. Rick: Misato's driving does that to people. > Misatto Tsuneo: How many people are in this car anyway? > said Tsuneo: And she didn't "sayed!" All: [Cheer wildly] > "Wow look that thing! Rick: [Shinji] I kinda noticed. > IT'S HUGE! AND UGLY! Tsuneo: And written by Brett Handy! Rebecca & Dan: AARGH! > I wonder... hey, Shinji you wet youself! Dan: Took your time to notice. > You nasty boy! you better clean that up NOW!!" Rick: [Shinji] While we're still moving? Rebecca: Face it, kid. Your chances would be better on foot. > ************* Dan: Someone had better adjust the reception. > When Shinji and Misato got to nerv Tsuneo: He's getting good at missing those capitals. > Gendo was nowhere to be found. > When they looked really hard they saw him at his desk looking angry. Rebecca: Why not look there first? It's where he always is. Rick: Heck, he's practically glued to it. Dan: That could make his affair with Ritsuko very interesting. > Shinji > didn't look at nhis dad....he HATED his dad! He didn'y want to look at > him so he didn't. Rick: Nope... I don't get it at all. Tsuneo: Wow. The department of redundancy department has gone into overtime on this one so they went into overtime on it. > "We need Shinji to beat this thing up for us. Dan: Talk about your statements of the blatantly obvious. > It's really strong and we don't have any pilots. Tsuneo: Hello! Right in front of you! > asuka's in a comma, Rebecca: My god! She's stuck in Bubblegum Shift! > Toji left, Dan: Rei right, Shinji center field. Hut! > Shinji killed Kaoru Rick: Well, he was an angel and all. > and Rei... well I won't SAY where Rei is!!!!!" gendo smiled as he > said that. Rebecca: You were saying something about in character earlier? Tsuneo: Forget it. > You bastard Shinji thought. Dan: So that's where Brett Handy got his commas from. > I didn't WANT TO KILL KAORU!!!! Rebecca: Hurt him a lot, yes. Kill him, no. > Shinii almost cryed when he thunk Tsuneo: Uh... he, uh... fell over? Rick: Went to the Sheep Sheep school of sound effects? > that but he didn't cause it would be embarassing. Tsuneo: So how much self-esteem does Shinji have left anyway? Rebecca: Considering the state of his shorts? None. > Then Hyuga came in. He smiled and winked at Misato and sayed "Hi > cute-stuff guess what?" Dan: And there goes Hyuga out the window. > Mistao looked at her boyfiend Rick: And I thought he was such a nice guy. Tsuneo: And there's another one... > and sayed "What????" Dan: Our thoughts exactly. > Hyuuga sayed "This bugger ain't no angel. Rebecca: I dunno, Kaoru was a bugger and an angel... Tsuneo: One more, I swear... > It something we never seen before... Rick: [Deep] It's like nothing we've ever seen before. > something stronger. Dan: We have the technology... We can rebuild him. Stronger... Faster.... > I don't know if we can beat it up with EVA." Tsuneo: "Beat up?" How about "defeat?" These are professionals here. > "It's a demon from hell" Rebecca: You reckon? Dan: Gee, was it the pitchfork or the goat legs that gave it away? Rick: Nah, just the "I'm a demon from hell" t-shirt. > sayed Shinji. "this is what the devil > told me about he sayed he was going to kill mankind with demons. Tsuneo: Thank you for that, Mr. Exposition. > So I'm > going to beat him with Eva cuz I told the devil that I wouild beat him." Dan: Well, that makes as much sense as anything else around here. > "ok Shinji" Misato sayed. "Go into the dressing room and get into > your plug suit." Rick: Yeah, why are they in here chatting when he should be out there in his EVA? > ************* Rebecca: We asked Inferno what he thought of our latest fic, "Hellstorm Evangelion." And he said: [Inferno] BURN! > Shinji came out of the dressing room wearing his plug suit. Tsuneo: Stare in awe at Shinji's manly physique! Rebecca: Wow. Jon's better. Dan: Carefull, Sephiroth might get jealous. > He looked ready for action with a big smile on his face. Rick: [Shinji, stoned] I'm on happy pills. Want some? > Misato gave him a big hug and Shinji walked into the entry plug. Dan: [Shinji] OW! Who left that lying around? > the little hole where he sat filled up with icky LCL Tsuneo: Icky? Rebecca: The maturity of the authour amazes me. > and his lungs was filled with the stuff. Rick: [Shinji] Aack! Help! I'm drowning! > it still tasted nasty but Shinji had to live with it! Tsuneo: Wow. He even puts exclamation marks in his descriptive passages. > Misato yelled "EVA 1!!!!!! LAUNCH!!!!!" Dan: TOING! Rick: Cue the stock footage. > The eva launched and Shinji was outside. Dan: They really need to secure that entry plug better. > It was a warm day in Tokyo 3........but then he saw the demon! Rebecca: And it suddenly got colder. > It was alot taller than the Eva Tsuneo: Try... ten times. > and it was snarling. Rebecca: Ah, Unit 01 does it better anyway. > "I'LL GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tsuneo: [Shinji] And your little exclamation marks too! > Shinji screamed as he took out the Eva's knife Rebecca: The X-ACTO knife of doom! Tsuneo: I still don't get it. > and ran toward the demon. The demon laughed. Rick: Wow. That's more out of that demon than out of most angels. > Shinji tryed to > stab the demon but the demon grabed the knife by the blade and broke it in > two. Dan: [Jedite] Hah! I laugh at your puny effort to harm me! [Gets pelted with cushions] Okay okay! Sorry, already. > After that he laughed some more and flung its blood on the Eva. Tsuneo: Not that it's cut or anything. Rebecca: Details, details! Rick: It just have a hell of a nosebleed! > "This planet is OURS!!!!!!" shouted the demon. Dan: Cue stock villain dialogue... > "I don't THINK so!!!" screamed Shinji. He then punched the demon > in the face and the demon flew ten ft. away. Dan: Wow. And to think of the way angels go flying when he hits them... > But when the demon hit the ground, Rebecca: [Blows rasberry] Rick: NERV deployed the world's biggest whoopee cushion. > some beams came out of its eyes and hit the Eva. The beams melted > the Eva;s chest and it gave Shinji heart burn. Dan: Eating too much again? > He WOULDN'T let this demon beat him up! Rebecca: This reminds me of "Too Hot to Handle," and it was shit too. > "My name is Ramama Dan: I'm not gonna touch that one. Rick: Ah, the miracles of Scrabble. > and I will be the one to kill you!!!!" shouted the demon. Tsuneo: They all say that before they get whacked. > Ramama growled and jumped on top of the Eva. All: TOGG! > he began punching it really hard. Dan: That's gonna leqave a mark! Rick: [Announcer] And Ramama's all over Unit 01! Where's the ref? > Shinji screamed as the demon hurt him. Tsuneo: Ah, you big wuss. Take it like a... Rebecca: Fourteen-year old wimp? Tsuneo: Something like that. > Ramama shot some more rays of light All: ZOG! > at Shinji and it hurt even more. Dan: Wow. I haven't seen fight scenes this good since "More Than Meets the Eye." > Finally Shinji sayed "I've have enough of this!!!" Rick: You're not the only one. Tsuneo: Can't we change channel or something? Voice: No. > and punched Ramama in the jaw. All: WA-TAK! > He was so mad that it made Shinji 1000000000 times stronger Tsuneo: Limit break! > and the punch broke Ramama's jaw. Dan: [Ramama] Hey, thanks kid, fixed my toothache. [Pause] Ow! > Shinji then took out the EVA's gun Tsuneo: Presumably from nowhere. Rebecca: No, out of those hip holsters. Tsuneo: Aack! > and pointed it at the demon and shot him six times. Dan: [Bored] This is so John Woo. Not. > The demon screamed > as he died and his blood shot out everywhere. Rick: [Scottish] And the blood goes spurting out, pssshhht, in slow motion. > Finally, the demon felled Tsuneo: So it cut down a big tree? > on the one of the buildings and broke it. Rebecca: Ah, yes. NERV. Who believe in destroying the city to save it. > Shinji felt proud. Dan: And that's a fight? It was approaching Koopa. > He had kicked this demon's ass and now he could > go home in time to watch Ruroni Kenshin. All: Ah... Rick: I suppose we should be amiused, or impressed, or soemthing. Tsuneo: I'm just stunned. What the hell is this kid thinking of? > ************* Dan: The potholes on these roads are terrible. > Shinji was in front of the TV watching Sagara and Himura beat the > crap out of each other Rebecca: Four maniacs sat in front of the TV and watched some kid beat the crap out of NGE. > when something happened. Dan: He changed the channel and watched soemthing else. Rick: Please? Voice: No. > Himura went to the front of thew TV and looked at directly at Shinji. Dan: [Himura] Does it bother you when I do this? > Himura's face then changed into the devil's and smiled evily. Rick: Well, it's kinda what he does. > Misato, who was watching because that of cute guy Himura, Rebecca: You know that's such a loser thing to do that it's gotta be right for Misato. Tsuneo: Or any of her clones. > spit out her beer and almost choked. > The devil looked at both of them and sayed Rebecca: [Devil] At last I have control of your TV set. Rick: [Devil] We'll be back right after these mesages. Dan: [Devil] Do not adjust your set, this is entirely our falut. > "You may have beat Ramama, Tsuneo: heck, saying his name was hard enough. > but he was a wuss compard to my other demons. WE WILL TRUMPH!" Rebecca: If he starts singing "We Will Overcome," I'm outta here. > Shinji stood up and sayed "Oh Yeah?!? All: Yeah! Rick: What you gonna do about it, punk? > Well, we''ll just see about that!" And kicked the telebision Dan: Is that the new 3D TV I've been hearing about? > screen and broke it. > Misato went SD Tsuneo: All right, this is officially ****ed up right here. Dan: Where does she think she is, Rayearth? Rebecca: That place could use a couple of angels rampaging through it now and then. > then grabed Shinji and screamed "WHAT DID YOU DO > THAT FOR SHINJI????? Rick: [Shinji] Uh... to cash in on the insurance? Dan: [Shinji] I dunno... just a spur of the moment thing. > YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT COST??????" Tsuneo: That's no doubt our comic relief for the chapter. > ************* Rick: The amount of drive-by fanfic shootings increases every year. > To be cont. All: [Groan] > I hope you like my first fanfic!!! All: NO! > Sorry, but I'm a crappy typer Tsuneo: Yeah, we kinda noticed, kid. > and my brother wont help me out!!! Rebecca: He is a true humanitarian. > I'll have the rest of these parts up soon...... Rick: [Issei] And that's a threat. > I just need to type them! In the next part I'll show you the sixth child > (Issei) Tsuneo: That's it! We officially have self-insertion! All: AARGH! Dan: This is gonna hurt like hell. > and he and Shinji will team up to beat up an even harder demon! Rick: That's not difficult. > Stay tuneD!!! > - Issei Mataloun Rebecca: I must apologise to Dr. Thinker for my earlier comparison. Doc, you have nothing on this kid. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Part 1 Stinger! > Shinji > didn't look at nhis dad....he HATED his dad! He didn'y want to look at > him so he didn't. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Hellstorm Evangelion Rick: Classified by the UN as "cruel and unusual punishment." > Part 2: The new Kid Rebecca: Joining the queue behind DJ, Jon, Akane, Shampoo, Mousse, Tenchi, Sasami, Marissa... > by - Issei malatoun Dan: Issei Whataloon's more like it. > EVAkid6@hotmail.com Rick: If that's not a statement against free E-Mail services, I don't know what is. > NOTE - All right! Tsuneo: All wrong! > Here's the second part of this awesome series! Rebecca: What planet are you living on, kid? > You ready for some KICK ASS action?? Dan: If he declares "Super Action," I'm outta here. > This part will be even more exciitng than the last........... Rebecca: Well, that's not terribly hard... Tsuneo: Whatever "exciitng" is. > It even have FAN SERVICE!!! Dan: All right1 At least there's something worthwhile in this pile of trash. > I hope you really like it!!!! Rick: Kid, don't get your hopes up. > ***************** Dan: It's snowing again. > Shinji was having the dream again. Rebecca: Is that the one where he's absent from NERV and there's this uberkid in his place? Dan: No, it's the one with Misato, Asuka, Rei, Maya, Ritsuko... Tsuneo: Don't forget Lara Croft. Dan: Yeah, and Lara Croft. > it had been ten nights since he kiucked Ramamama's Tsuneo: [Laughing] Its name's gotten longer! > ass and the dream kept on coming. All: [Singing] Stuck in a closet with Vanna White... > All that it was was > the devil laughing at him and a fire burning EVA 1 and Shinji was inside! Rick: Do you want your Shinji lightly grilled or well done? > Shinji alwauys woke up from dreams like this with sweat all ofver his body > and wet underwer. Rebecca: Man, Shinji's shorts are turning into a unique wetlands ecosystem. > He cryed sometimes. Dan: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. > So when Shinji got up to fix hiself some barekfast, Tsuneo: Ah... ah... you lost me. > he notised that Mistao was nowhere to be seen! Rebecca: She'd checked her contract and was outta there! > All that was left was Penen, Tsuneo: Twisted clone of Pen Pen. Dan: This apartment's really filling up. > the pengin who who was also looking for food. Rick: Ain't gonna find any in this flat. > Shinji went into Mistaio's bedroom and found a note. it said Shinji, Rebecca: [Misato] I'm leaving, and I'm taking the kids with me. Dan: [Misato] But you can keep the penguin. > I went to Hyuuga's house for the night. Rick: Woo-hoo! Go Weenieman! > Please feed penpen in the morning. > Shinji moened. He couldn't feed this greedy Pengiin. Tsuneo: Feeding the penguin, of course, was another matter. > He had more things to worry about, like the devil;'s army of demons. Dan: And his maths homework. Rebecca: And his laundry. > Just then the fone rang and shinji picked it up. Rick: Any bets on who it's gonna be? Others: The devil. Rick: We can't have a bet if we all agree. > "Hello?????" he Sayed. > "Hi Shinji this is the devil again!!!!" Tsuneo [Shinji]: Sorry. Wrong number. > "What do you want, you jackass???" Dan: [Devil] A super supreme and two loaves of garlic bread. > "Just wanta let you know that the nexdt attack will be to day. > have a nice day." and then he hung up. Dan: I knew it. Checkout operators are evil. > "Shit!!!!!!!!!!" Rick: That kid really has to knock off those exclamation marks. They're becoming an endagered species. > shinji yelled as he ran into his room and put on asome clothes. Rebecca: And thank god for the small things. > He then grabedx his headphones and put on some Woo Tang > and ran out like a flash!!! Rick: So he was in a silly red costume? Rebecca: Naw. He was wearing a trenchcoat and nothing else. > ***************** Tsuneo: Space: The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Crapfic. > It took Shinji ten ours to make it to Nerv Rick: Ladies and gentlemen, the miracles of public transport. > since he to run since he didn;'t have a car. Dan: Well, there's the bus and trains and stuff. > When he got there, Misato and Hyuga were talking to a > pale little kid Rebecca: I have a disturbing premonition. > wearing a black Rage Aganst the Machineshirt. Tsuneo: What's a "Machineshirt?" Rick: And what's he got against it, anyway? > he had bleu > eyes and green hair. Shinji couldn't hear what they were satying. Tsuneo: And even if he could, he couldn't understand a word of it. > Misato say Shinji and sayed Rebecca: Come back, Dr. Thinker. All is forgiven. Rick: Say, what do you think would happen if you fed this fic to the Babelfish translator? Dan: The world would probably explode. > "Hi Shinji!!!!! Come here and meet your new patrner!!" Rick: [Misato] He'll be workign with you in the finals of the ballroom dance championships. > Shinji sayed "PARTNER?!?!?!?!?!?!?! This little KID??!??????" Rebecca: Our thoughts exactly. Dan: *Shinji's* calling someone a little kid? > Whenever he sayed that, the little kid giot a HUGE HAMMER and > smashed Shinji over the head. Rick: I'm laughing. Really. Rebecca: I suppose that confirms it, now. Tsuneo: Um, the dimensional hammer is usually reserved for girls. Rebecca: Uck. > Shinji went to the floor Rebecca: [Misato] What, here? Naughty boy! > and began shaking. Tsuneo: I'm gonna follow suit soon. > The little boy laughed and sayed "My name is Issei Malatioun, the > 6th child. Dan: And there you have it, folks. Self-insertion. > I may be only 12 Tsuneo: Kid, no offence, but you're a bit young for the job. > but I'm 1000 times smarter than you, bro!!!!" Dan: My god! It's General Patterson! Rick: Can't be. He was better written than this. > Shinji got up and yelled "I can't work with this guy!!!!" Rick: I don't think anyone could. > Shinji knew that it shoudl have been KAORU who was his partner, Rebecca: They made a lovely couple... > not this little bastard!!! Tsuneo: My god! It's a kid Dark Schnieder! > Mistao Dan: Have we had that one yet? Yeah, we have. My bad. > shaked her head and sayed "Tough titty Shinji you can't > CHOOSE your partner we do. Tsuneo: The maturity level in this room is amazing. Dan: What? Tsuneo: [Sighs] Forget it. > And with all of the other kids either dead or..." Rebecca: Doing the talk show circuit. > She stopped cuz the alarm was going off. Rick: She shouldn't have left it out of the fridge. > A voice from the speaker sayed "SECOND DEMON COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dan: And it's a big'un. > "Shit!!! That's what I came to wanr tyou guys about!! All: Uh? Rebecca: I don't even understand the words. > The devil sent the 2nd demon today! Tsuneo: Fortunately, since he sent it by the mail it won't be here for a month. > he told me when he called!!" > Misato sayed "WHAT?!? the devil called OUR HOUSE?!?!?!?!?!?!?" Dan: Yeah, and he reversed the charges too! Rebecca: Well, he *is* evil. > Issei sayed "This looks bad doesnt it? Well we'd better be off > Shinji. We got some Demon ass to kick!!!!!!" Rick: Is this a self-insertion or Mr. T? Dan: [Mr. T] Foo! You better get out there an' whup some demon ass! > Shinji sayed "Hell no! I'm not working with a little brat like > you!!!!!" All: Hooray! Rebecca: The original characters are finally rebelling against the avatars. > Issei yelled "Quit arguing you little prick!!! Rebecca: [Deadpan] Toothpicks. > We got work to do!!!" Rick: [Shinji] I'm on strike! EVA pilots demand less avatars! > Misato sayed "Listen to issei! He's making more sense than you!!!" Tsuneo: Actually, looking at the spelling, yes he is. > Shinji shook his head and sayed "Nononononono!!!!" Dan: The quality of this dialogue is astounding. > That made Misato desperate! Rebecca: [Misato] Who is this brat who's replaced Shinji, anyway? > She opened up her jacket and thre > it to the ground! Then she unbuttoned her shirt and let Shinji look at > her HUGE tits. [Dan and Rick sit there, drooling] Rebecca: Boys. I mean, Dan, I understand. But you Rick? You're engaged! Rick: I'm a comic book artist. I've got to have my perversions. > Shinji stared at them and had a noseblleed then past out. Dan: Yeah, that really worked. > "Drag him to the entry plug Issei................" Tsuneo: Sign on dotted line... > she sayed as she put her shirt back on. Rick: Pardon me for saying this, but shouldn't she have been wearing a bra? Dan: Maybe she's been replaced with Mai Shiranui. Not that I'm complaining. > Issei picked him up and wiped the blood off his face Rebecca: When Shinji has a nosebleed, he *really* bleeds. > and sayed "Sure gorgeous!!!" Tsuneo: My god, all my NXE flashbacks are coming at once. > ***************** Rick: That's probably the best dialogue we've had all fic. > Issei got into EVA 2 Tsuneo: Poor Unit 02. It really gets the bad end of everything. > and Shinji got into EVA 1. Shinji was so pissed! Dan: He'd been raiding Misato's stash again. > he got so excitid about seeing Misato's thingies that he was drug > into the EVA. Tsuneo: Ah... okay, whatever. > He would have to fight with that little brat. Rebecca: I see nothing wrong with that. Dan: No arguments here. > Issei sayed ofer the intercom "Hey Shinji hope you're ready for > the fight!!!" Rick: Where did Issei take dialogue lessons from? Shampoo? > Shinji didn't say anything back. He was too pissed. Rick & Dan: [Singing] Show me the way to go home... > "EVA'S UNIT ONE AND TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LAUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rick: Shooting through a barricade of exclamation marks. > The 2 Eva's were now on Tokyo 3 and there was the demon. Tsueno: Appearing suddenly and without warning - or even an establishing shot... All: It's the opressive forces of hell, or whatever, posing up a storm! > he was totally blank and was made of nothing but FIRE! Dan: So they've got Soul Edge in for the job? Rebecca: If he's carrying an uberspatula, I'm leaving. > He was so bright that both kids almost went blind from looking at it! Rick: Then Unit 01 put on her sunnies and was fine. [They all stare at him] Well it's about goofy enough for this story. > "My name is Gapos!!!!" Dan: Remember, the Scrabble set is your friend. > it sayed in a scary voice. Rebecca: [Erik the Viking] Ooh, scary, scary. Don't we look mean? > Eva 2 stood still but Shinji was so pissed that he didn't pay > atentioon. Tsuneo: Ah... I don't think anyone could. Rick: Hmmm... I wonder when was the last time I trimmed my toenails. > "DIE!!!!!!!" he yelled and he ran to it and tryed to grab it. Dan: Well that was really smart, wasn't it? > But since ity was made of fire, it burned the hands ofEva 1 and Shinji > yelled and ran away. Tsuneo: Damn, I'll burn you into BBQ chicken! > "Think before you act stupid!!!" Rebecca: It doesn't require much thought to act stupid. Dan: You should know. > Issei shouted and grabed his > knife. he set the cordinates to -10000 degress Rick: Co-ordinates to minus 10,000 degrees? What the hell is he on about? Dan: Beats me. Tsuneo: Anyone want to point out the value of absolute zero to this kid? Rebecca: No. Tsuneo: Fine. > on the knife and threw it to the demon. It went into the demons stomach Rick: Insofar as something made of fire can be defined as having such. > and Gapos yelled. > "You damn kid!!!!!!" It yelled "I'll tear you apart!!!!!!" Tsuneo: You damned intellectual, kneel down! Rebecca: You won't die in one piece! > he > then sent some flames at the two evas and it burned both boys. They both > cryed and yelled! All: Ow! Hot! Hot! > Issei shouted to Shinji "Shinji................ Tsuneo: Are his dotted lines getting longer or somthing? > we need something that kills fire!!!!!" Rick: No shit, Sherlock. > After that Shinji knew what to do he jumped away from the fire and > went behind a bilding and grabed a GIANT fire hose. Dan: Which they just happened to have handy and connected. Rebecca: It was probably in the building labelled "hamdingers." > The demon went to > Shinji and threw all of its fire at him but Shinji threw tjhe hose over to > Issei befroe he did. Rick: So... the demon threw fire at Shinji but Shinji threw the hose to Issei... Yeah. Whatever. Tsuneo: What, are you asking for reason? Sense? > Issei turned on the hose and pointed it at Gapos! Dan: Wow. He must be terrified. > It made the Demon turn into smoke as it screamed in pane Tsuneo: Gapos just happened to fall backwards through a pane of glass being carried by two spare EVAs. > and agony. "I'll..... > get..........you......!!!!!" Gapos said as it died. Dan: [Gapos] I'll get you when I come back to life! > The boys shouted "EXCELLENT!" All: CRAP! > at the same time. the seocnd demon was DEAD! Dan: We kinda noticed. > ***************** Rick: [Roger Rabbit] Look... stars! Ready when you are, Raoul. > As Shinji went into his house he went straight into his room. Dan: [Shinji] I'm going to have a sulk now. > He jumped on his bed but when he did someone said "ouch!!!" Tsuneo: DJ Croft? Dan: Akane Tendo? Rebecca: Shleppel the bogeyman? > Shinji got up and saw that Issei was lying on the bed! Rick: How'd he get there first? Tsuneo: He's an avatar. He can do what he likes. > "ISSEI!! WHAT are you doing in my bed?!?!" Dan: [Issei] Sleeping. What does it look like. Rebecca: Adding to Shinji's stain collection. > "Lying down!" Isei sayed. Tsuneo: He can't even get his own name right? Rick: Great, now they cloned wonder boy. > "I KNOW THAT! But your in MY bed!!!!" Dan: Quick, Shinji, burn it now! > Misato came in and sayed "Issei will be living with us from now > on! Deal with it!!" Rebecca: [Shinji] But can't he have his own bed? Rick: Geez, with that level of care and compassion, she could get a job on a helpdesk. > "But I don't WANT to live with a creep like him!" Dan: I don't think anyone would. > Issei sayed "I dont either but life's tough. Tsuneo: So why the hell did they move him in? Rebecca: Because. Rick: It was probably another one of Misato's bright ideas. > Now quit worrying about thjis shit and start worrying about the demons!!!" Rebecca: I think the stains in Shinji's bed show that he is worrying about them. Rick: Poor Issei doesn't know what he's lying in. > Misato sayed "Be nice to Isei wile hes here. All: Why? Dan: [Misato] And give me back my kitchen knife. > Who knows you two may become lovers!!" All: GAH! Rebecca: Oh, yuck. That is too sick even for me. > Shinji sayed "WHAT?!? But I'm not gay!!" Tsuneo: Damn straight. > he sayed even tho he > knew that was a lie! he only loved kaoru though so he wasn't going to fall > in love with Issei either!!! All: GAH! Tsuneo: Now this is totally ****ed up beyond all redemption! > Issei sayed "But I am. All: GAH! Rebecca: Good grief! Pale skin, EVA pilot, gay... It's another angel! Rick: Kill him! Kill him! > Why do you think I didn't have a nosebleed whe Misato showed me her tits?!?" Dan: Because you're the sort of dirty kid who keeps a stash of Playboys? > Misato then gave Issei a noogie All: [Cheer] Rick: [Announcer] Misato's got him in a headlock, and she's going for the noogie! > and sayed "Hey you!!!" Dan: [Mr. T] What you lookin' at, foo? Rebecca: You guys just haven't been the same since you found that "Mr. T in anime" page, have you? Rick: [Mr. T] What yo' jibba jabba about? Tsuneo: [Groans] > The two > laughed while Shinji watched them until he syarted laughing too. All: Ha. Hahaha. Ha. > Maybe life with Issei wouldn't be THAT bad!!! Rebecca: Watch Shinji set a record for the character most warped by an avatar *ever.* > ***************** Rebecca: My thoughts exactly. > To be cont. > That's it! Rick: I'm outta here! > Now I'm not going to make the love between Issei and Shinji > TOO mushy... All: GAH! Rebecca: I don't believe it... I'm actually beginning to miss DJ Croft. > there will still be LOADS of fights between Eva's and Demons. > Watch out for the next part.................... Tsuneo: We can't see it for all the dots and exclamation marks. > someone important is going to DIE!! All: Issei! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Part 2 Stinger! > "Just wanta let you know that the nexdt attack will be to day. > have a nice day." and then he hung up. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > hellstorm Evangelion All: [Singing] Everything you know is wrong... > Part Two: When soemone dies Tsuneo: Um, wasn't it Part 2 last part? Rick: Maybe he flunked maths and English. > by - Issei Mataloun, the 6th chlid > EVAkid6@hotmail.com > NOTE: Heres part two of hellstorm evengelion!!! Dan: [Issei] Wheather you like it or not! Tsuneo: And it still should be part three. Rebecca: Why are you getting so worked up about it? Tsuneo: Do you want to go through the last part again? Rebecca: Natch. > This part will be sadder than their other two so you may cry!! Rebecca: I'm already weeping for the English language. Tsuneo: I'm already crying for EVA. > Its okay some of my friends did when they reid it! Rebecca: Why? All that's gonna happen is that Shinji will pee his pants, a demon will show up and go [Demon voice] "Hahaha, I am Torgo the mighty! You cannot beat me! Arrg" [Normal voice] and Issei will be annoying. > ************ > Shinji was laying in the abth tub Tsuneo: Ah... Ah... It's got something to do with entry plug testing? > and he was thinking about what had happened the passed days. Rebecca: Let's see: A whole bunch of stupid monsters showed up, everyone was out of character and a god-boy self-insertion showed up and made a pain of himself. Tsuneo: Oh yeah, and the spelling was terrible and everyone's been cloned. > When he thunk thoughts like that it made Rick: -His head hurt. > him ready for battle and he just wanted to kick the devils but so bad! Dan: Because we all know how violent and antisocial Shinji is. > But insted he just rolled arounmd in the beth tub. Tsuneo: I thought it was an abth tub. > Then when shinji thot Rebecca: And our new word for today is "thot!" > he was alone someone opened the door. Dan: Room service! > Shinji got existed Rick: So... Now Shinji's a French philosopher? > cuz he thoght it was the devil so he got out of the tub All: Ack! Tsuneo: I'm praying for that jar of toothpicks. > and > punched the guy in the face but when he got up he saw that he hasd hit > Issue Tsuneo: Is that another twisted Issei clone? Rebecca: Issei really does have issues. > in the face! All: Hooray! Dan: Hit him again, you know you wanna! > Shini sayed "ISSEI!! What are you doing peeping on me like > that!?!?!?!?" Tsuneo: While we're on it, hasn't Shinji ever heard of locking the door? Rick: Hasn't Issei ever heard of knocking? > Issei got up and got his huge hammer and hit Shinji on the head! Rebecca: By the way, Tsuneo: You were right about that hammer note. Tsuneo: I wish I wasn't. > "Mistao Tsuneo: Her again? Seems like we've totally replaced Misato. > just got a call from you dady he sayed another demon is coming!!!" Dan: I wonder what the dead sea scrolls say about all this. Rick: Probably something along the lines of "lo, and there shall come a crappy fanfic." Rebecca: Or "ha ha ha, you're on your own now." > "A DEMON?!? I better get dressed!! Dan: Please. > Wait for me Issei!" > "Ok by the way nice butt!!" All: Ack! Rick: I did *not*need that! > Shinji blueshed and screamed "GET OUT!!" then he got dressed. Tsuneo: And thank god for that. > ************ Rick: And over here, you can see the constellation boredom. > They all whent to Nerv in Misato's car. All: Road trip! Road trip! Dan: Issei probably whined to see every distraction along the way. > When they got there gendo was at his desk look mean. Rebecca: I think that's taken for granted. > Futski Tsuneo: I'm not even going to speculate on what that says. Rick: Maybe it's just another twisted clone. > was beside him and was rubbing Gendo's > shoulders. Gendo huffed and pufed as he did it. > "Shinji,Issei we got a problem!" Dan: How long did that take you? > "What is it?!?" Issei sayed. Rick: Well, it's got green hair, pale skin and is wearing a Rage Aganst the Machineshirt. Whatever one of those is. > "Our comp the Magi found the 3rd demon today but we don't know > where it is!! Tsuneo: Doesn't the magi have to detect something, then confirm what it is? Rick: Or maybe it's just having one of its turns. > All we know isd that its somewhere on Tokio 3." Dan: [Shinji] That's nice. Where's Tokio 3? > "So what are we going to do about the missing demon?!?!?!?!?" Rebecca: Hope it stays that way. > Shinij yelled. > "I don't know sayed Gendo Tsuneo: [Gendo] And I want my quotation marks back! > Just then a sound was herd somewhere. Rick: Wow. Now that's really helpfull. > everyone looked for wherew > it came from and they saw Asuka wearing the hospitle robe Rebecca: Is that anything like a machineshirt? > and with messed > up hair. she had dark eyes and a weird look on her face. Dan: Spot the demon, folks. > "Asuke! " Tsuneo: [Asuka] No, Asuka! Get it right, stupid! > Shinji sayed "Your better?!?!?!" Rebecca: [Asuka] Yeah, but your spelling is another matter. > Asuka growled and sayed "I am not asuka! I the the great demon > lord Jizujo. Rick: Sorry, mate, not even the Scrabble set can help you there. > I will KILL all of you! hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!" Rebecca: Yup, it's a demon all right. > When she saued that Gendo got a gun and pointed it at her. but > Asuka let her hand out and a tenticle shot out Rick: With long green tentcles that sting! > and hit his hand and Gendo drooped the gun! Tsuneo: Drooped the gun? How do you do that? > She then strangled him with it. Then some more tentlices > came out of her hand and strangled everyone else! Dan: Horray! They're all gonna die and end the fic! Rebecca: Naah. They've got an Avatar on their side. > "Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! I got everyone now Rick [Jizujo]: And your little dog too! > I will kill all of you!!!! Huh??? Whata minet!! Tsuneo: Or even a minute! > Where's that little one with the green hair?!?!?!?!" Dan: Who? Quess? Tsuneo: Slay? Rick: Musica? Rebecca: Miranda Pettite? > sayed Jizuho. Dan: My god! Even the Demons have twisted clones! How many of them are there in Auska's head right now? > he looked around for issei but didnt find him! Where was he?!?!? Dan [Announcer]: Where's Issei? Can you find the sixth child? Rebecca: He's off in a corner doing the one-hand shuffle. > Then Issei got under the table Rick: I don't want to know what he's doing under there though. > and got the gun Gendo dropped and > pointed it at Asuka. He sayed "let my freinds go or I'll shoot you!!!" Tsuneo: That's really gonna work. Rebecca: Normally, I'd be encouraging him to shoot, but it means Issei lives. > The demon sayed "YOu won't shoot me cuz this is asuka's body and > if you do shoot me she will die!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!" Rick: So why not use a tentacle to knock the gun out of Issei's hand? > Tghen a little voice from Asuka sayed Tsuneo [Auska]: Help! Help! I'm stuck in a crappy fanfic! > "Shoot me!!!! It's the only way to kill > this demon! Do it or he'll kill EVEWRYONE!!!" Dan: Like Auska gives a shit. I think she'd rather have everone dead and herself alive than the other way around. > "I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" sayed Issei Rebecca: Like hell you are, kid. > as he shot her in the > head. Her head exploded and blood went EVERYWHERE. Rick [Stan]: Oh my god! They killed Auska! Dan [Kyle]: You bastards! > her body shook as she died and then finally she was dead. Tsuneo: "She died and then finally she was dead". Gee. I wonder if she's allright? > The tenticles then dispeared. Rebecca [Misato]: Oh poopie. I wanted one of those. > Shinji ran over to the body and sayed "OH GOD!!! Shes > dead!!!!!!!!!" He started cryi ngand whining. Rick: Has he done anything else in this fic? > Issei started crying to. Dan: You wouldn't if you'd known her. > Gendo just looked at it and smiled. Tsuneo [Gendo]: I am so glad I lost another one of my valuable pilots. > Issei hugged Shinji and sayed "let go home!" So they went back to > Misato and went home! Rebecca: Oh well. Auska is dead and all. Let's all have ice cream! > ************ > Issei and Shinji layed on his bed and were crying. Rick: Well Issei's adapting well to the series. > Asuka was now dead dead dead dead!!!!! Dan: Dead even! > and there was nothing he could do about it other than cry! Rick: So why's Issei crying? He never even met Asuka. > Then the devil came into the room and did a weird dance. Shinji > and isei Tsuneo: And I have *absolutely* no idea who that is. > looked at him and screamed "WE'll get you bastard!!!!!!!" and > jumped at him. Rebecca: The next olympic event, synchonised mugging. > but when they did that they just went through him cuz he was transpert. Tsuneo: Transperant? Transported? Train spotting? > "haha I killed one of your friends!!!! Rick: Cue even more stock villain dialogue. > She's dead and you can't do > ANYTHING about it!! Hahahahaha!!!" sayed the devil. > "Issei sayed we;'ll get you devil! We'll bet your ass!!!!!" Dan: So... They bet his ass that they'll kill him? > "As if!!!!" sayed the devil and laughed and vanished. > Shinji cryed some more and Issei kised him. Rebecca: Uck. I may hurl. > He sayed "don't cry Shinji it makes me so sad to see you sad." Tsuneo: Then you'd better get used to it. > So Shinji stoped crying the both of them went to sleep together. All: GAH! Rebecca: That's about the fastest moving avatar I've ever seen. I mean, Shinji's gone from hating him to sharing a bed with him in only two minimalist chapters. > ************ > Yeah, I know there was no evas in this one but I still think it s cool!!! Rick: Well, you're the only one. > My friend sayed this series kicked ass Dan: The he probably has more problemns than Issei! > until I made this part then it was sad!!! Rebecca: The whole fic is sad. Be more specific. > Don't worry the next part wont be this sad!! it'll have a lot of > action! Yeah baby!!!!!!! Dan: [Austin Powers] Yeah, baby, yeah! > - Issei Mataloun ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Part 3 Stinger! > her body shook as she died and then finally she was dead. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Tsuneo stands from the couch, growling. He begins to glow red, then draws his sword and runs at the TV. He attacks the TV set incredibly fast, slashing, stabbing and slicing it, finishing by leaping into the air and cleaving it in half. The glow fades and he stands in fron tof the wreckage, panting.] Dan: Whoah, man. Tsuneo: Sorry, I've been keeping that in all fic. Rebecca: An Omnislash. I'm impressed. Voice: Um... So what did you think? Rebecca: Well, I thought it was the most incoherent, poorly writen, poorly concived, poorly thought out, grossly OOC peice of self-insertion crap that I have ever been forced to sit through. Rick: A hand-to-hand stunning attack for the mallet, and mind control to represent his "reality warping" powers. Tsuneo: I doubt I can add much to Rebecca's concise summary, except to say that his english skills are almost as bad as his creative ones. Dan: I'll pass. It was like all of the worst fics we've seen rolled into one. Where'd you find this one? Voice: I won't say, mostly to protect my source. Rebecca: [Standing] Right... Rick: Uh-huh. Nameless sources. I understand. [He stands up] Voice: Hey, I did not right it myself. Dan: Yeah, we believe you. Tsuneo: Really. Rebecca: Let's get out of here. My brain's going to corrode if I stay here too much longer. Dan: Coming from the person who was going to play Nav? Rebecca: Shut up, moonie. Dan: Nav fan! Rebecca: Fanboy freak! Dan: Anti-moonie! Rick: Come on, people. Tsuneo: [Shakes head] don't bother. [They file out, arguing as they go.] [The screen goes black] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------