Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 66, time for a little piece of Macross fluff that got caught in the hard disk. Macross is copyright Bandai/Big West. Macross FX is copyright Sean O'Mara, megaweapon and all. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Rick and Dan enter] Rick: And that's how it ended. Dan: Weird. Rick: So what do you make of it? Dan: Very little, actually. Rick: Damn. Dan: I dunno. Maybe the Wonder Twins can make something of it. [Tsuneo and Rebecca enter] Dan: Speaking of which... Rebecca: Very funny. Tsuneo: What's up with you guys? Rick: I had the weirdest dream last night, and I can't make any sense of it. Tsuneo: Care to explain it? Dreams can have some degree of meaning. Rebecca: Hoo boy. Here we go. Rick: Ok.. It starts out that I'm living in an underground city in a post- apocalyptic fascist military state which is run by an all-knowing, all- powerful, seemingly god-like president. Rebecca: That's a pretty stock setting. Nothing to worry about there. Rick: I wasn't finished. All of a sudden, Gaurry and Lina pop out of nowhere. Lina wanders off and is never seen again. I think she found an all you can eat buffet. Dan: Yeah, I can see that. Lina vs the buffet. "Mam, do you mind? It's been three weeks now". Rebecca [Lina]: Do you mind?! It says all you can eat and I haven't finished eating! Rick: I wasn't finished yet. Anyway, Gaurry joins me for one of the army's expeditions to the overland. Oh, did I tell you about the tribes that inhabit the overland? Rebecca: No, and I get a feeling that I'll regret this. Dan: It's good. Rick: Ok... There's a tribe of extremely photogenic native Americans with pop-up books. And there's a tribe who are descended from the cast of "Dlibert" who try to build complex machines out of sticks and mud and worship Bob Herzog. Tsuneo: Bob Herzog. Dan: It makes sense. Rick: I wasn't finished yet. Anyway, we're joined on the expedition by the President. No, I don't know why. Anyway, we go to a cave that was inhabited by one of the Native American tribes. And then the president finds a pop-up book and reads it. But, much to our surprise, he breaks down into a blubbering mess. Rebecca: This isn't making a shred of sense. Tsuneo: What's with the pop-up book anyway? Dan: And what was it about? Rick: I didn't get to see it. And I wasn't finished yet. Gaurry and I go back to the city for help by riding in a shopping trolley. We open the huge doors to the city by pressing the door bell, only to be stopped by a pair of guards. We tell them about the president, but they don't believe us because he's infallible. But then they see him filling up a car with Pizzas, and believe us. Rebecca: Where'd the car come from? Tsuneo: Where'd the pizzas come from? Rick: I wasn't finished yet. Anyway, the president decides that it would be good for everyone if we trashed a department store's furniture department. So we did. Except then we were joined by Spider-Man, an Adam Warren version of Lara Croft- Rebecca: Rick, that tells us more about you than we needed to know. Dan: Damn, that must have taken a lot of ink. Rick: I wasn't finished yet. Spidey, Lara and Kane. So then we all wreck the furniture department and watch the TV. Rebecca: And that's it? Rick: That's it. Tsuneo: I think I'll go and check the fanmail now. Dan: Good plan. Rebecca: I'm with that. Rick: Hey! [Tsuneo sits down at the computer] Tsuneo: There's one from Keith Palmer on Delta Invasion pt 6. He says: > I was pleased to see Delta Invasion 6 show up, and the story's goofiness > level is definitely picking up. John's repetitive introduction (which was > something I had been waiting for since reading the character profiles) Dan: We'd forgotten all about them, actually. > might not have had the sheer ridiculousness of Tom fighting pro wrestlers > in Delta Invasion 4, but there was enough strange stuff (such as Tom and > Shinji comparing Asuka and Rei and John's constantly changing background) > that I started laughing out loud. I don't think Delta Invasion did that > for me before. It was too bad that Rebecca couldn't work with you, but > Rick didn't seem to have been affected by his vacation. Rebecca: Hey? I was there! Rick: It was a nice vacation, actually. Tsuneo: Thanks Keith. Voice: Morning, guys. Rebecca: Hiya, Head. Voice: I'll ignore that and send you the fic instead. Tsuneo: And what is it this week? Voice: I've got a Macross fanfic called "Macross FX" for you. Rebecca: Great, cheesy singers with no talent. Dan: What makes you say that? Rick: Five in six chance. Tsuneo: Too true. Voice: When you're ready... [They sit - Rebecca and Tsuneo on the forwards facing couch, Rick and Dan on the other one. Rick and Rebecca are closest on the corners] > Macross FX > Episode 1 Rick: Audience nil. > "Encounter" > ---------------------- > Camera fades in to the Mizukah orbiting a small blue-green planet. Dan: Just a small, blue-green planetoid, huh? Rick: All these blue-green planetoids look alike. Blue, green and planetoidy. > Charlie{vo}: Captain, Sillicid Squadron reports Tsuneo: [Charlie] That we're under attack by Mutons. Rebecca: Obscure X-Com reference number 1. > that they are ready for launch. > Camera zooms into ship. Rick: CRASH! Not that close, you twit! > Captain Dyson{vo}: Rebecca: Is that as in Isamu Dyson? Who made him a captain? > Excellant, Dan: Is this captain Dyson, or Monty Burns? > have them take off immediately, and remind them > that this is only a scouting mission! Tsuneo: So odds are they'll encounter an enigmatic alien race with advanced technology. Always happens on a scouting mission. > No flyboy antics, and if they encounter > any hostile forces, do not fire, retreat. Tsuneo: Even if they're getting blown up? Rebecca: *Especially* if they're getting blown up. > Camera zooms into bridge. The Capatain is sitting in his command chair while > technicians work around him. Tsuneo: Okay, what does this bridge look like? Who is this captain? Is it a man or a woman? Who's Charlie anyway? Details, story. Rick: The rest of the bridge crew will be made up entirely of underage women. > Charlie: Janaki, Dan: [Charlie] You have a stupid name. Rebecca: I wonder if this has got anything to do with Kimlai or Sanzi? > all's clear you are cleared for takeoff, oh yeah and the > Captain says "no flyboy antics", understood? Rick: Come on, this is the Macross universe. You'll stop the plot that way. > Janaki{vo}: Roger that Bridge, Sillicid Squadron taking off. Tsuneo: [Janaki] Hang on... Will someone please move that Avenger out of the hangar bay? Rebecca: Obscure X-Com reference number two. > Out of the main viewscreen of the bridge you can see Rick: An awful lot of people who aren't described. > the Squadron head towards the planet. Dan: The shopping must be good there. Rebecca: Yeah, they're having a big sale on enigmatic alien ruins. > Camera fades to Intro. > Intro begins with a retelling of the Macross universe up to 2069. Rebecca: That's nice, but what's happened between 2047 and 2069 anyway? Rick: Probably just a lot of crappy Playstation games. > It then tells of the Mizukah's Dan: Gesundheit. > mission to explore the outter galaxy Rick: It's five year mission: To find new plots, to seek out new mecha and new alien babes, to boldly go where every Macross show has gone before. > and return to Earth in 100 years. Rebecca: When the crew's all dead. Sounds good to me. Tsuneo: Hey, we hardly know these guys. Rick: Somehow I get the feeling we wouldn't want to. > Intro music begins, Rebecca: If anyone knows what that is, do tell is. > as dark blue VF-24's Tsuneo: Dan, what's a VF-24? Dan: Um... It's more than two VF-11s! Tsuneo: Figures. > fly across the > screen in fighter mode. Camera turns towards a battle between Valkyries and > enemy spacecraft. Dan: That's wonderfully specific. Are we talking Zentradi here? Varuta? Marduk? Bioroids even? > Sound bites like Tsuneo: Get me out of this crappy fanfic. > "I'm hit, I'm hit!" and Rick: I did not inhale. > "Dammit, one's on my > tail!" are heard with the music. After a few more seconds of fighting the > Valkyries retreat Rebecca: I should point out here that the term is "variable fighter," and the Valkyrie name only refers to the VF-1. > as the Mizukah begins firing huge blasts at the enemy spacecraft Tsuneo: Yes, but do they look like fish or not? It's important. > as they retreat. Next, pictures flash of the main characters Rick: Whoever they are. Rebecca: Oh, it's probably Charlie, Janaki, captain Dyson and all those other people we just didn't meet. > along with scenes from the first few episodes. Dan: Aah, a generic stock footage opening. Gotta love it. Rick: Who could forget the touching "Torgo" scene from episode three? > Finally the camera turns towards deep space Tsuneo: Space... It's big. > as the title of Macross FX fades in. The title of the episode fades in > below it with the title being read. Rick: Yeah. whatever you say. Rebecca: Why FX? What does FX mean? Tsuneo: About as much as Plus, I'd say. > Fade into docking bay. Working on their Valkyries Rebecca: [Muttered] Variable fighters. > are the men and women of Blue Squadron. Rick: Ooh! Genders! Dan: You know, I feel sorry for squads named after colours. Eventually someone's gonna get stuck with Turquoise or Puce squadron. > Raj: Hey, commander! Why didn't we get the scouting job? Rick: Because you're idiots. Dan: Because you're not rostered on for duty? Rebecca: Because one of you is over twenty and thus too old for combat duty in the Macross Universe. Tsuneo: Because the captain doesn't like you. > I mean, we ARE the better squadron and all. Rick: Yeah, we're way better than Paisley squad. Dan: Do you really *want* a scout mission? > Mika: Shutup Raj, Rick: Shut up, Raj. Dan: Yeah, shut up you stupid extra. Rebecca: Quit padding your part, Raj. > the Captain ordered us on standby, Tsuneo: [Mika] With a side order of Caesar's Salad. > besides, maybe if we get > lucky we'll have a Zentraedi cruiser de-fold off our starboard, Dan: That's lucky? > you'd like that right? Dan: Oh, so that's a good thing? > Faye: Nahh, Raj wouldn't want Zentraedi, he'd want some new alien race, Tsuneo: Which wouldn't be described anyway. > so that his girlfriend, Lan, could sing to them and {pretends to faint} Rebecca: You know, idol singers make me feel that way too. > make them fall in love with culture! Hah-ha! Rebecca: Hey, it's worked in every Macross show so far. Rick: Can we say "setup" here folks? > Raj: Shutup! {throws dirty rag at Faye} She is NOT my girlfriend! We're just > friends. All: Suuurrre. Rebecca: Tell her that and see how well you do. > Faye: I don't know Raj, you looked pretty attracted to her last night at the > concert! Dan: That wasn't a concert, that was the ship's annual silly name contest. Rick: And besides, that was only because she was flashing her panties. > Raj: You jealous Faye? > Raj and Faye then begin to start throwing various items at each other. Tsuneo: Ladies and gentlemen, professionalism. Dan: Hey, there goes Head! > Camera fades. Rick: We need to fix this TV. > Fade into six dark blue Valkyries Rebecca: *Ahem!* Dan: Okay, give it a rest. Tsuneo: And what doe these "Valkyries" look like, anyway? Rick: Worse thing is, there'll probably be some bad RPG stats for them somewhere. > flying low over the landscape of the planet. Rick: You know, just "the" planet. > Fagil{vo}: Squad Leader this is Sillicid 2 do you copy? Dan: I also paste. > Janaki{vo}: Roger that Fagil, what's up? Rick: [Fagil] I've got a terrorship incoming! Tsuneo: [Fagil] I have a name, but no gender, appearance or personality. What do you think's up? > Camera zooms into Fagil's cockpit and his sensors. > Fagil: I got some large blips on my screen, stationary. Dan: [Fagil] Wait, no, false alarm. Those are my boogers. > Unless they're some damn big rocks, Rebecca: Hey, could it be the floating island? Rick: Wait a few minutes and it will be again. > I don't have a clue to what they are. Tsuneo: Ships? > Camera turns to Janaki's cockpit. Dan: Hey, I thought we were in Janaki's cockpit. Rebecca: No, we were in Fagil's cockpit. Dan: How can you tell the difference? Rebecca: Uh... > Janaki: Okay, we'll take a detour and check it out. Sillicid Squadron change > course 5 degrees to the West. All: [Singing] Go west! Life is peaceful there... > "Roger"'s come from the various Squadron members. Rick: Hey, there's BB. > Fade out. Tsuneo: That accomplished a lot. > Fade into a small concert hall. Lan and Jessica are on stage. Dan: [Lan] Let's see, that's one friend, 29,999 to go. > Jessica: Awe, c'mon Laney, you're show last night was great! Everyone loved it! > Lan{stands up}: I guess... I just wasn't into it... And I don't think the > audiance was enthralled by it. Rebecca: I dunno, they way some of them were throwing up might have been the clincher. > I mean, singing on a battle ship isn't exactly the > best place to start a career, Tsuneo: Especially since it's on a hundred year mission. Rick: [Lan] It is? My agent told me it was a three month tour! Tsuneo: I see. > and seeing as how the mission of the ship lasts one > hundred years, I won't get another place to sing. Dan: So it's the start and end of your career, isn't it? Rebecca: That was pretty stupid. > Jessica: Your pretty damn humble, I mean, everyone likes it Tsuneo: It's amazing how much you can boost your appeal by flashing your panties these days. > and, the ship's mission is also to colonize planets, Rebecca: Which doesn't have much to do with the subject matter, but never mind. > so maybe you'll be the idol of some new colony. Rick: Of course, you'll still be stuck out in the middle of nowhere... > Lan: With people from the ship. Dan: There are people on this ship? Rick: And here along I thought they were all just random names. Rebecca: Well they *are,* but never mind. > Besides... all I ever do is sing sing sing... I'd > just like to be able to have a month off from it all. Dan: Psst, that's Minmei's script from the original show. Rick: [Lan] Huh? Whoops. > Jessica: And then what would all the inhabitants of the Mizukah do for fun? Dan: [Beavis] Heh. Heheh. Heh. Rick: [Butthead] Huh. Unhuh. Huh huh. > Lan: I don't know, I just want to get away from it all. Tsuneo: Hey, relax. Lay back. Play Phantoma. Rebecca: You're evil. > How about it Jessica? Rebecca: [Jessica] What? Here? Now? > Coudl I have couple of weeks off, I jsut want to be able to walk around the city, > without having the news following me around. Rebecca: They're really hard up for stories, aren't they? Dan: So why would they stop hounding you if you're having time off? Rick: Um... Because she's stopped flashing her panties? Dan: Are you kidding? That's why they'd *keep* hounding her. > Jessica: Okay, I'll see what I can do. > Lan{runs over to Jessica and hugs her}: Rebecca: Guess I was right after all. > Thank you soo much! Dan: [Jessica] You do realise you'll pay in blood for this. > Fade out. > Fade into Bridge of Mizukah. All of the bridge techs seem to be hovering around a > view screen, Tsuneo: What's so interesting anyway? > while the Captain looks out the main window. Rick: [Captain] Don't take your eyes off the monitor. > Tech 1: Sit, I've confirmed it, Dan: [Captain] We're lost, aren't we? Rebecca: [Technician] Sorry. > is a large unidentified ship on the other side of > the planet. It appears to be approaching at a fast rate. Tsuneo: I thought it was stationary? Rick: Well, it's stationary while approaching rapidly. > Captain: Hmm... {gets up} Have Blue Squadron suit up, ready all Valkyries for > combat. Shipwide yellow alert. Rick: [Captain] Put the kettle on. Dan: [Captain] Feed the cat. Rebecca: [Captain] Cancel the milk. Tsuneo: [Captain] And call my lawyer. > As soon as the ship comes around into view I want to see it. Dan: Well... You will, because it's in view! > Tech 1: Yessir! > Tech 2: Blue Squadron reports ready for combat sir. Red, Gold and Penticle Sqaudrons > are also ready. Reserve Squadrons, Green, Black and Fist are on call. Tsuneo: Nice and consistent squadron naming system you got there. Rick: Turquioise, Buff and Colon squadrons are sulking until they get better names. > Captain: Charlie, inform Sillicid Squadron to return immediatly. Tsuneo: They're getting their butts whipped by Floaters. Floaters, for crying out loud. Rick: Okay, we've had enough of the X-Com references. > Charlie: Yessir. > Left fade out. > Right fade into Rick: That would be wipe out and in, not "left fade out." > Janaki's cockpit. Dan: Herman's head. > Janaki: Sillicid Squadron, we've just been ordered to Tsuneo: [Janaki] Stop making X-Com references, for some reason. Rebecca: [Janaki] From here on in, we're to be known as Tennis Ball Squadron. > pull back to the Mizukah, an > unidentified ship is on the other side of the -- Rick: Road? So why did the unidentified alien spacecraft cross the road? Rebecca: To get to the other Side. > Before Janaki can finish energy bolts streak through the sky. All of the Valkyries do > barrel rolls and dodge. Tsuneo: Wow, synchronised dodging. > Jankai: Sillicid Squadron, break formation, transform into Gerwalk, Battroid if > neccessary. Fire at will. Dan: What about the captain's orders not to fire? Rebecca: I guess it's flyboy antics time then. > A battle ensues as the one of the Valkyires is shot down. Rick: Alas, poor Ensign Throwaway. I knew him well. > Fagil{vo}: Janaki! This ain't good! > Janaki{vo}: What is it? Tsuneo: We'd like to know too. Rebecca: It's a badly written dogfight, but that's not important right now. > Janaki's VF stops and transforms to Battroid as it destroys two enemy fighters. Rick: And he did that just by transforming. He is good. > Fagil{vo}: The readings show that these are Zentraedi female Power Suits. Dan: The readings? Can't you see them? Rebecca: I worry about their radar equipment if they were within gun combat range but didn't know where their opponents were. > Fagils VF smashes into one of the Power Suits, Rick: Wonderful piloting there. > feet first, crushing the pilot inside. Dan: You know, you could've just shot it instead. > Janaki{vo}: Sillicid Leader, to Mizukah Bridge, do you read me. Over. Tsuneo: [Janaki] And where have all my question marks gone? > Camera change to Bridge. Janaki's face is on the main viewer. [They all shield their eyes] All: Eew! Rick: Gross, I can see right up his nose! > Behind his face a battle can be seen. Rebecca: What, the dogfight's going on in his back seat? > Captain: What's going on down there!?! Dan: [Janaki] There appears to be a small war going on in my back seat. Sorry for the mess, sir. > Janaki: A battle sir, female Zentraedi Power Suits. > Captain: WHAT?? Rebecca: He said they're fighting female power armours! Are you deaf or something? Rick: Time for another "Macross Chronicles" ref? Rebecca: Can't be bothered. > Tech 1: Sir! The unidentified ship is withen view range! > Janaki: Sir, orders? > Captain: Janaki, pull out of there, now! Get the ship on the view screen now, Tsuneo: Didn't you tell them to do that anyway? Rick: [Captain] Unh... > initiate a ship-wide yellow alert. Tsuneo: Pardon me, but wasn't the ship already *on* yellow alert? Dan: The captain's colour blind. Rick: At this rate, he's probably also brain damaged. > Charlie, launch Blue Squadron, have them set up a > defensive formation around the ship. Rebecca: Just one squad to cover the whole ship? Tsuneo: Everyone else has the day off. Rick: Except for pink squad, who are afraid that if they show up, everyone will laugh at them. > Charlie: Yessir! > Camera shift to Janaki's cockpit. Dan: Is that war still going on behind him? > Kanaki: Sillicid Squadron, return to the Mizukah. > "Roger" echoes from the remaining squad members. > Camera fade to a fast food restaurant. Tsuneo: Hello? Isn't there an action sequence going on outside? Rick: Nah, it's just the dogfight's moved indoors. > Jessica walks in, camera follows her through the restaurant as she walks over to Lan. Rebecca: [Jessica] Damn cameraman's stalking me again. > Jessica: Lan, sorry about coming down on you so hard... Rebecca: [Jessica] But I thought you liked it rough. Tsuneo: When did this happen? > Lan{looks up}: Yeah, it's okay, I'm fine. Rick: [Lan] The doctors say I may regain the use of my legs some day. > Jessica: I guess you didn't realize the ship was in yellow alert... Dan: What does that have to do with their argument? Tsuneo: They had an argument? > Lan{takes a bite out of a hamburger}: Yeah, I noticed. Tsuneo: They're being awfully casual about this. > Jessica: Can I sit down? > Lan: Sure. Rick: Riveting. > Jessica: I heard from a pilot that the reason we're on yellow alert is because of an > unknown ship approaching us. Dan: Hey, why was the pilot chatting with her? Rebecca: Maybe he was off-duty. Dan: Then how would he know? Rebecca: Because. > Lan: Really? Wow... Rick: [Lan, Bored] I am so thrilled. > Their conversation continues as the camera zooms out. Then fades. Tsuneo: What did we accomplish in this scene? We established that the ship is on yellow alert, although we saw the order get handed down twice before. Dan: On the other hand, we got to eat yummy hamburgers. > Fade into Sillicid Squadron landing in a landing bay inside the Mizukah. Janaki and > the rest of the pilots jump out and walk over to a computer console. Dan: You can't all deathmatch from the one terminal! > An image of Charlie appears on the screen. Rebecca: I hate this show. Let's see what's on the other channel. > Janaki: Charlie, whatsup with that ship? Rick [Charlie]: Its coming towards us. I wish I could tell you more, but the fic's not talking. > And why were we pulled out from scouting? Tsuneo: That might have something to do with the fact that there's an enemy ship coming right at the Mizukah. > Charlie: Listen, it'll take a while to explain, Rick: Just admit that you don't know. Rebecca [Charlie]: Crap. Ya got me. > just be ready for take off, understand? > Janaki: Yeah. > Fade out. > Fade into Mika's cockpit. Rick: It's awfully cramped in here. Dan: I don't mind. Rebecca: You wouldn't! [She hits Dan with a cushion] > Mika: Alright, listen up Squad, we are to fly forward defense of the Mizukah, in case > that ship attacks us with any mecha. I want all fighters dispersed in a Alpha-9 Rick: Long lost cousin of Alpha-5. > Formation. > Camera zooms out of Mika's cockpit to see the fighters break up Rick: Damn. They really need to check those things more often. > and take positions surrounding the Mizukah. Rebecca: Blue two is on first. Blue three is on second. Blue four is on third. And Blue one is pitching. > Zoom into Juliane's cockpit. Dan: Juliane? Who's Juliane? Rick: Oh, just another random character we weren't introduced to. > Juliane: Blue two to Blue Leader. > Mika{vo}: This is Blue Leader. {Mika's face appears on Juliane's cockpit display} > Juliane: Excuse me sir, but wouldn't it be better if we had the squadron focused in the > front of the ship, in the direction of the unknown ship? Rebecca: Isn't that what flying "forward defense" would indicate? Protecting the front of the ship? Or does Alpha 9 formation mean you all run and hide? Rick: Hey, it's better than the Alpha 5 formation. Tsuneo: And let's not go any further with that one. > Mika{vo}: Listen Juliane, those were my orders, so I expect you to follow them, > understood? > Juliane: It's just that-- > Mika{vo}: Those were my orders Juliane! Do you want me to report you for inubardination? Dan: [Juliane] Depends, what's inubardination? Rick: Damn, now we've got a dyslexic commander. > Juliane: No sir, it's just that... > Mika{vo}: Good, Blue Leader over and out. {Mika's face disapeers off the screen} Rebecca: [Juliane] Bitch. Tsuneo: [Mika] Cow. > Fade to black. Rick: Was a really neat game. > Fade into the Mizukah's bridge. Dan: They do a lot of fading in this. Can't they just cut somewhere? > Captain: Any responce from the ship yet? > Tech #1: No sir. Tsuneo: Well, if you'd tried hailing them... Rick: [Worf] They are honourless dogs, captain. Let's blow them up! > Tech #3: Sir! The ship has released fighters! Dan: And they're just floating in space. Now if it had launched them... > Captain: Do not have our VF's fire unless fired upon! Rick: I dunno, I reckon launching fighters at you is pretty hostile already. > Charlie, launch Sillicid Squadron. Initiate Red Alert! Tsuneo: What happened to all those other squadrons? It seems like there's just Blue and Sillicid squadrons. > Tech #2: Sir! They're firing! > Image freeze, the caption "To be continued..." appears on the bottom of the screen. Dan: I'm sure I can't wait. > Macross FX Dan: Dangit. Rebecca: I wonder if it involves ferrets. > Episode 2 Rick: Electric boogaloo! > "Two Ships of Same" Dan: Yes, well. You know Macross FX. Rick: "Two ships of same" really. > ---------------------- > Camera fades into a small blue planet. Tsuneo: Yes, but is it the same one from last chapter? > Zooms down towards the surface of the planet, > eventually reaching a building made of stone, All [Singing]: Flintstones, meet the Flintstones... > surrounding it are five Zentraedi female > battle armors. Two women come out of the building, camera zooms towards them. Rick: Zooming in a bit to close on their chests. Dan: I don't mind. > Jasaku: Rick: Gesundheit. > I am quite sure, the proof is here, Dan: [Jasaku] See the stains on the dress? > {hands Zashin a handful of papers} they are > from the same planet as the ship that crashed here 28 periods ago. Rick: Say, what is a period anyway? Rebecca: Funnily enough, one period is exactly one earth year. Tsuneo: So what was a human ship doing in uncharted space 28 years ago? Dan: The magical mystery tour? I dunno, ask Megaroad 13. > Zashin: Tsuneo: Hey Rebecca, are Zentradi names really this odd? Rebecca: Not really, no. Except for fanfics, where they all have names that should belong to Klingons. > And what of the Dark Ones' ship? Is it still orbiting the fifth moon? Dan: Five moons? God, the tides on this planet must be killers. Rick: They're holding in pattern, waiting for landing clearance. > Jasaku: Negative, it has set an interception course for the other ship. Rebecca: They're dead. No-one can mess with the hero's ship and live. > Zashin: Hmm... I doubt they will survive, the Dark Ones destroyed the other ship quickly. Tsuneo: [Zashin] Not that we should care. > Jasaku{looking at the female power armors}: Perhaps... we could help them? > Zashin{smiles}: Negative Jasaku. A few measly power armors will do nothing against them. Rick: We could scuff the hell out of their paint job, though. > Jasaku: How about a communication? We could warn them... make them, make them retreat? Tsuneo: Why do they even care? It's not like the fate of an unspecified number of humans on an undescribed ship in orbit over a vaguely described planet would matter to an unspecified number of Zentradi who are stuck on aforesaid planet for no adequately explored reason. > Zashin{shakes head}: Negative on that as well, the Dark Ones could trace our location, Rebecca: [Zashin] And besides, *someone* forgot to pay the phone bill, and we've been cut off. > a drop ship full of mecha would be on us in mere momments. Dan: I'm guessing these Dark Ones are hostile then. Rick: Ya reckon? Dan: Well they are called "Dark Ones." Rick: Ah yes, the generic ambiguous villains. > Daiyu{running up}: Zashin! I have an idea! Tsuneo: [Daiyu] We make a show about nothing. > Jasaku and Zashin both look at the male. Rebecca: Say, what is a male Zentradi doing among a bunch of females anyway? Dan: Being really, really, seriously lucky. > Daiyu: What if a lone person flies up to the ship, and warns them. Rick: Say, why would they listen to a single Zentradi *male* in a *female* power armour telling them to run away? > During the battle one > of us could sneak through the Dark Ones' lines, and warn them before any serious damage is > done. Rebecca: There's an awful number of "if's" in this plan. > Zashin and Jasaku both laugh. Rick: Observational humour. > Jasaku: And who would be that be? You? Dan: [Jasaku] I don't see anyone else, it's gotta be you. > {laughs} No one else is stupid enough to volunteer. > Daiyu{looking at Zashin}: Yes Lord! I would do it! For Zentraedi glory! Rebecca: Something about stupid enough? Rick: Who is this geek anyway? > Zashin: Hmm... you are stupid, yet brave. Tsuneo: A very dangerous combination. > We cannot risk one of our better armors, you'll have to take the damaged one. Rick: See what happens when you park your power armour in LA for five minutes? > Daiyu: You mean the one without any weapons? What happens if... If... Rebecca: If you get destroyed? No loss. > Jasaku: You are not so sure of yourself now, are you male? {laughs} Rebecca: [Jasaku] Puny worthless male! Bow before me! BOW! Dan: Jasaku has issues. > Daiyu{stutterring}: Zashin... I... I... I BELIEVE I CAN DO IT!! Tsuneo: Hey watch it. You came perilously close to making a Space Jam reference there. Rick: I think I may heave. > Jasaku looks shocked while Zashin smirks. > Zashin: Well then Daiyu, inform the mechanics to prepare the 3rd battle armor for you, Dan: This'll be a problem since the Zentradi don't have any mechanics, but never mind. > leave as soon as possible. Rick: They just can't wait to get rid of this guy, can they? Rebecca: Can you blame them, they've finally got a good excuse. Dan: [Zashin] Do you think I should've mentioned the faulty reactor to him? > Daiyu runs off. Rick: [Daiyu] Potty emergency! > Jasaku: Zashin, are you sure that was a prudent choice? He has little flying experiance. > Zashin: Come now Jasaku, you were once like that, Rebecca: No, each Zentradi is programmed with a full range of flying skills during cloning. > he has great determination. I believe he can accomplish the objective. Dan: [Zashin] And besides, it'll be pretty when he blows up. Tsuneo: I seem to recall saying something about a Space Jam reference. > Jasaku: I hope you are right... > Camera fades to a dark room. Tsuneo: Well that's really descriptive. Rebecca: Why can't we ever have bad guys with well-lit ships? > In the center, sitting in a large throne the viewer can barely make out a figure. Tsuneo: Care to be any more vague? > Bridge Officer{vo}: Commandant, we have launched the attack on the ship. They have > deployed their fighters. > Light fades into the room. Dan: Hang on... I found the light switch. > In the chair sits Commandant Legraine. He is holding a goblet full of reddish liquid. Rick: It's the Brood! Dan: No, no, it's captain Harlock. Rebecca: You're both wrong. It's the Gamellon empire, and there's leader Desslock being hideously camp. > Commandant: Excellant, deploy all remaining forces. Prepare to fire all missile > batteries, I will be on the bridge as soon as possible. Tsuneo: He's running the battle from his bathroom? What kind of lame-assed commander is he? > Bridge Officer{vo}: Yes Commandant. Rebecca: Yes, of high and mighty toilet hog. > Cuts to bridge. The Commandant is just entering the bridge, all of the bridge officers > salute him, and then return to their posts. > Commandant{walks over to the Bridge Officer}: Anything new? Dan: ... Rick: [Commander] Well? Anything to report? Dan: ... Rick: [Commander] Ensign Edge, report! Dan: ... Rick: [Commander] Oh, forget it. > Bridge Officer: Negative sure... well, there is one thing. > Commandant: What is it? Dan: Ratings have dropped fifty percent in the past five minutes. I think the audience is going to sleep. > Bridge Officer: Well, you see sir. Their warriors are fighting much better than the > previous ones, Rick: They've got more experience points. > our troops are being slaughtered. Dan: When Austin cleans house, he really cleans house. > They fight with much greater > determination, I advise to move into the proper alignment with the star, Rebecca: And other hippy new-age bullshit. > that way we could use our... our... > Commandant: Our crystal weapon? Tsuneo: Say, what is a crystal weapon? Rick: It's the most powerful Feng Shui crystal in the world. > Bridge Officer{looks worried}: ... Yes sir... Tsuneo: So why is he so worried about mentioning the weapon he recommend they use? Dan: [Commander] Are you dissing the megaweapon? Rick: I'm not dissing the megaweapon, it's just... You know, the megaweapon. Dan: [Commander] Don't diss the megaweapon! > Commandant: Do you believe that it is neccesary? > Bridge Officer: Yes, they are quite good at combat. Rebecca: They've been trained! [They all gasp] > Commandant: Very well then, move us into position, and redraw all of our forces Rick: But sir, do you know how long it took to paint those cells? Dan: [Commander] I don't care, redraw them! > when in firing position. Tsuneo: Firing position? They've got to move their ship to use the megaweapon? Dan: [Commander] You're dissing the megaweapon! Tsuneo: I'm not dissing the megaweapon! > Bridge Officer: Yes sir! Rick: Yes, my queen! Dan: [Commander] I told you not to call me that! > Camera pans out of the bridge through space and through the combat area, past the > fighting and into the bridge of the of the Mizukah. Tsuneo: That took a while. > Captain Dyson: Charlie, give a me readout of the casualties. Rick: [Charlie] I think at least one member of the audience has expired, sir. Rebecca: Say, is there anyone on this bridge apart from Charlie and the captain? > Charlie: 23 deaths, and 9 heavy damages on our side. The enemy has... over 58 deaths! > Sir, were slaughtering them!! Dan: Pretty lame-assed villains, huh? Tsuneo: Now if we knew anything about the quality of troops on either side, that might mean something. Rebecca: And if there's fifty of you and five hundred of them... > Captain Dyson: Control yourself, Rick: If you can't control yourself, ask to go. > the tide could turn at any time. > Bridge Officer 2: Sir! the enemy ship is pulling back. > Captain Dyson: Ahh, we've scared them off, Dan: [Charlie] There's no possibility it's some kind of plan, is there sir? Rick: [Captain] Heck, no! > what about their fighters? > Bridge Officer 1: They haven't moved sir. Rebecca: They're just sitting there and getting shot. > Captain Dyson: Hmm... What are they up to? Rick: You don't think they could be preparing the megaweapon, do you? Tsuneo: What kind of lame megaweapon needs them to retreat to use it? Dan: [Charlie] Sir, there's an incoming message from the enemy ship. It reads: "Quit dissing the megaweapon!" > Camera fade to outer space, a lone Zentraedi armor is exiting the small planet's > atmosphere. Tsuneo: Since when does the female power armour have transatmospheric capability? Rebecca: Since never. > Fade to planets surface, Zashin and Jasaku are watching the battle in space. Rick: Only on pay-per-view! > Jasaku: Do you think they will believe him? They fired upon us before, why won't they do > it again? > Zashin: Remember it was us who fired on them first... Tsuneo: That is what we call extenuating circumstances. > Besides, if they are anything like the previous ship, they will greet us with open arms. Rebecca: [Zashin] The fools. > Jasaku: Perhaps... I hope well for the small male. > Fade to Mizukah bridge. > Bridge Officer 3: Sir! We're getting an incoming message, it's from an unidentified > object! > Captain Dyson: Patch it through! > Voice over of Daiyu talking in Zentraedi. > Captain Dyson: That's... That's... Zentraedi?? All: Naw! > Bridge Officer 2: Yes sir, initiating translator now. Rebecca: [Clears throat] We am thy freighter Bong Bongo. We is condemning fruits, supplies and things to planet Metal Looney. Tsuneo: They need to get that thing fixed. > Daiyu{vo}: This is Daiyu, of the 423rd Zentraedi fleet. We were stranded here on this > planet. The Dark One's are preparing a devastating weapon, retreat to the other side > of the planet immediately, if they channel the energy of this system's star, they will > surely destroy you! Tsuneo: So... Let em get this straight. Their megaweapon is solar powered, and they need to line themselves up between the target and a nearby star to use it? That is so lame! And yes, I *am* dissing the megaweapon! Dan: [Commander] What have I told you about dissing the megaweapon? Rick: You want to know what you do with that megaweapon? You take that sucker, you shine it up real nice, then you turn it sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass! > Charlie: Dark Ones? Does he mean the attackers? Tsuneo: No, he means some other heretofore unknown enigmatic evil race who are hanging back to prepare their megaweapon! Who do you think he means? > Captain Dyson: Retrieve that Zentradi now, bring him into Hangar 6. Order all forces to > retreat, All: Run away! Run away! Rick: Hey, doesn't their ship have a megaweapon? Rebecca: Well, it is pretty typical for the Macross universe, and it's not solar powered. > and pull back to the other side of the planet. > Bridge Offcer 1: But sir! It could be a trap. Rick: [Captain] Oh, would you rather stay here and face the megaweapon? Your choice. > Captain Dyson: Are there any other ships in this system? > Bridge Officer 2: Scanning... No sir. Dan: Wouldn't they have done that when they entered the system? Rebecca: Shush. > Captain Dyson: Pull back, NOW! Rebecca: It's about then the planet's Reagan SDS system kicks in. Rick: A very obscure Battletech reference. I like. > Fade to bridge of the enemy's ship. Dan: [Commander] Alright, who switched off the lights again? > Commandant: Are we in position? > Bridge Offcer: Yes sir, Rebecca: Took your sweet time. > all forces are pulling back. > Commandant: Good, is the ship still in range? Rebecca: It'd be a bummer if it wasn't. Rick: Uh, sir? It's moved. Dan: [Commander] D'oh! Reposition us again! > Bridge Officer: Yes sir. > Commandant: Prepare countdown for crystal weapon! > Image freeze, the caption "To be continued..." appears on the bottom of the screen. Rick: We can only hope not. [The TV switches off] Dan: What, that's it? I wanted to see the megaweapon! Tsuneo: Come on, Dan. You know it would just be "they fire the megaweapon." Dan: Makes sense. Voice: Reviews anyone? Tsuneo: I will review in the fanfic's own style by being purposely vague and simply saying it was. Rebecca: This fanfic's just reheated thawed frozen leftover fried Macross mush. Everything in it was borrowed from one Macross show or another. Enigmatic aliens - the Varuta or Marduk. Cheesy singer - Minmei. Cheesy singer hounded by the press - That's the plot of an ep of Macross 7. There was nothing truly original in that fic. And if there was, the authour handled it so badly that we didn't notice. Rick: It was.... pointless, I guess. Not much really happened. A few people say things to each other, then they launch fighters. Cut to some intense hamburger action, and then we're back to another vague dogfight. The Aliens pop up and ready the megaweapon and then it ends. Where's the point? Dan: Who were these people? What was their ship? What are their variable fighters like? What do the aliens look like? What kind of weapon have they got? What are their mecha like? Does anyone care? I don't. Rebecca: I don't think any of us are going to mention how astoundingly bad the megaweapon was on its own. Dan: [Commander] There you go, you're dissing the megaweapon again! Rebecca: Dan, shut up. Dan: [Commander] Not until you stop dissing the megaweapon. Rebecca: But it's lame! How can you stick up for it? Dan: [Commander] 'Cause it's our megaweapon! You've got to respect the megaweapon. Rebecca: Whatever. Dan: [Commander] Come on, give the megaweapon some respect. [They file out, arguing] Voice: I need a megaweapon. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1999 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1999 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > I advise to move into the proper alignment with the star, > that way we could use our... our... > Commandant: Our crystal weapon? > Bridge Officer{looks worried}: ... Yes sir...