Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing No. 26! A truly incoherent piece of nonsense that makes you wish for a nice, easy Koopa fic. I would credit the authour, but he never listed his name or e-mail adress. Macross is TM 1982-1998 by Bandai, Big West, Studio Nue and a whole lotta other people Robotech is copyright 1985-1998 Harmony Gold ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Rebecca and Tsuneo enter] Rebecca: See, just like I told you. Tsuneo: Wow. There's no sign that we did our demolition job. Rebecca: Everything's back *exactly* as it was. Spooky, eh? Tsuneo: Weird. [Dan and Rick enter] Rick: So what'd you get up to while we were outta here? Rebecca: An FF7 fic. Dan: Bad? Rebecca: Let's see... Cloud blubbers, Sephiroth has been reduced to a moron who does good things if you ask him nicely, Vincent talks like he escaped from some dumb action movie and as for the Shinra bunch... It wasn't pretty. Rick: Ouch. Tsuneo: Hurt and pain. Dan: I'm glad I wasn't there. Rebecca: I don't know... you may have liked it, Dan. Dan: Why? Rebecca: Celena was there. Dan: Mmmmmmm... Rebecca: As bitchy as usual. Dan: Ah. Rebecca: And she was feeling very psychotic afterwards. Dan: Ooh. Rick: Am I missing something here? Who is she? Tsineo: She did that Street Fighter Fic with us. She's... how do I put this delicately... She's a very *big* girl, if you know what I mean. Rick: That's as in "Looks great in a tight singlet" big? Tsuneo: Got it in one. Dan: She also makes Rebecca here look like a Girl Scout. Rick: Ah. Voice: Hi there. Rebecca: Hey there head. Tsuneo: So what's for today? Rebecca: Please no S.S.W.W.M.H's. Dan: Eh? Rebecca: Short Skirted Wand-Wielding Magical Heroines. I may barf. Voice: Don't worry. Today we have a Macross fic. Rick: Eh? Which Macross? Voice: Umm... I'm not sure. I think Macross II. Dan: All right! Rick: Bleagh! Dan: Oh, screw you, hippy. Rick: Go stuff it. [Rick and Dan continue arguing] Tsuneo: What's with them? Rebecca: Rick likes Macross Plus, and Dan likes Macross II. Although I think I know why, in his case. Tsuneo: Becasue it doesn't lead to Mylene Genius? Rebecca: Because of all the huge-breasted emulators in scanty outfits. Tsuneo: Rather than Sharon Apple showing off her bare chest to an audience? Rebecca: Good point. Tsuneo: So which one do you prefer? Rebecca: Hard to say. Plus was current events to me. Tsuneo: Really? Rebecca: Yup. I was at the thirtieth aniversary concert. Tsuneo: Whoah. Was it like the movie or the OVA version? Rebecca: I can't remember. I was there. Tsuneo: Ah. Dan: Two! Rick: Plus! Dan: Two! Rick: Plus! Dan: Two! Rick: Plus! Dan: Two! Rick: Plus! Rebecca: Right... [She and Tsuneo whack Rick and Dan with cushions] Voice: If you're all quite finished? [They take their seats - Rick and Rebecca facing the TV, Tsuneo and Dan on the other couch. Rick and Dan sit furthest from each other.] Tsuneo: And I'll have no more holy wars in this apartment! [The TV switches on] > Macross Chronicles: Volume 1 Number 1 Rick: Collect the whole set! > Aragon I Tsuneo: That means a lot. Really. Rick: Maybe it's a chapter header? Or... the authour's name? > After the first Robotech War All: Eh? Dan: I thought you said this was a Macross II fic? Voice: Just keep reading. Rebecca: Although I wouldn't be surprised if he can't tell the difference between Plus, II, 7, Robotech, Orguss... > life on earth was in an uproar. Tsuneo: Something to do with being pummeled from space. > With most of the land destroyred and the rest overpopulated. Dan: Sounds just like LA. > Humans and Zentradi struggled to life in peace. Tsuneo: Umm... nup. "To life in peace..." You lost me. > Peace however > was an unusual concept for the Zentradi to comprehend. There > lack of comprehension lead to riots,scrimished Tsuneo: Wha? Rick: Maybe it's like 43 man Squamish. Rebecca: Wow. Mega-obscure. If anyone gets that, I'll be amazed. > and almost all out total war. To combat the Zentradi Rick: That spelling *would* indicate Macross. Tsuneo: Or a lousy speller. At this rate, it could be both. > and to act as a police > force the R.D.F.(Robotech Defense Force)was converted into > the R.E.F.(Robotech Enterdiction Force). Rick: Ah... It was 'Expeditionary,' not 'Enterdiction.' Others: Fanboy! > Along with a new > mission new equipment was created in the form of the Macross > Cannon and the Escort Carriers. All: Eh? Voice: I told you. Rick: Great. We've probably got one of those chumps who bought the Macross II RPG book and thought "Cool! Latest Robotech RPG sourcebook!" Rebecca: He probably believes in nose lasers too. > The Macross Cannons were in > essence giant reflex cannons that orbit Earth. Tsuneo: This is for the new police force, I might add. Dan: [Cop] Don't move, or the city gets it! Rick: It certainly would cut down on speeding. > Assisting the > Cannons were the Escort Carriers which held fighter support. > The day that the newest Carrier was crissened Tsuneo: Er... er... er... My brain hurts. Rick: That may be mutual. > foreveer All: For a veer! > changed the lives of three young soilders. Dan: Because they were in it when it blew up on the launch pad. The end! Rebecca: Wow. You're dark today. > "Slow down!, are you trying to get us killed?" Rick: Yes! Rebecca: You too, huh? > Kimlai screamed above the loud hum of the motorcycle. Dan: Motorcycles don't hum. They roar. > "Do you want to be late for Rick: -Your own funeral? Rebecca: Wow. Real dark. > your first commision." Tsuneo: Or an apointment with a question mark? > "No." > "Then shutup and hold on!" Rebecca: Not there! > The motor whined Tsuneo: [Whiny] Stop! I wanna get off! > as Sanzi throttled it Rebecca: Geez, you're a charmer, aren't you? > up. Gaining speed the > couple flew down the road heading toward the Aragon. Rick: So it was the ship's name. Thank you! > "How much farther?" Kimlai asked eagerly Dan: [Whiny] Are we there yet? Rebecca: No. > "Just over this crest." Dan: Over the hill and round the bend. > As the motorcycle crested the hill the ship came into focus. > Not as huge as one of the Cannons, but still easily a half a > mile long, Dan: Should I just point out that the Macross Cannons are less than five hundred meters long? Rick: Shut up, fanboy! > the ship was swarming with Tsuneo: Pissed off army ants. Rebecca: You had to build it on their nest, didn't you? Rick: [Starts fiddling with Inferno toy.] > activity. > "Is that it?" Tsuneo: No, it's a chicken. Dan: Is that all? I was hoping for something bigger. Rebecca: Strangely enough, that was just what she said after one of their dates. > "That my friend is the most advanced of all the carriers in > the Fleet." Rick: It's the USS Stargazer! Run away! Dan: If this turns into a Marissa fic, I'm leaving. > Kimlai should know, she had spent the last five years of her > life training for this commission. Rebecca: She flunked fourth grade and had to be held back. > She was part of a new > training program that created a team of bridge crew instead > of the usual patch work crews that had been used since ships > had sailed the seas. Tsuneo: Thereby making them hideously infelxible and incapable of working with anyone else or on any other ship. Rebecca: And it took five years. Tsuneo: I'm awed. > This ship would be run by a crew specialy designed for it. Rebecca: Ah, the miracles of genetic engineering. Rick: If they've all got purple skin and no hair, I'm outta here. Rebecca: Nice and obscure. > "Where do we board?" Dan: Try the door. > Sanzi being a Veritech Pilot had > never entered a ship from the ground. Rick: He always used the window. > "See that big red carpet?" Tsuneo: The one leading to the garbage compacter? > "Yea I see it." Dan: Good, you don't need glasses. > "Thats Where the captain is waiting the check us in. Rick: You'll have to call someone to take your bags, though. > Didn't you know that?" > "Ok, stop patronizing me. It is getting real old real quick" Tsuneo: Just like the fic. > "Hee,Hee" [All stare blankly at the screen] Tsuneo: So is this a Hong Kong subtitling job? Dan: Ha! I laugh at your puny attempt to harm me! Tsueno: [Whacks Dan with a cushion] Don't remind me! > "Stop laughing" Rebecca: Who's laughing? Rick: Who's talking? Tsuneo: Who are these people? Dan: When's lunch? > "Ok,Ok. Hey when do you plain on stopping?" Tsuneo: Is Dr. Thinker writing this or something? Rick: Nah. He's just editing. > "What?" Rebecca: Our thoughts exactly. > "Look out." Kimlai screamed Tsuneo: Without an exclamation mark, I note. Rick: She has a wonderfull deadpan delivery. > as there motorcycle careaned into Tsuneo: An english lesson, hopefully. > the boarding ramp spewing them to the ground. Rebecca: Bleagh! Dan: Marvellous entrance. > "Private are you sure you can pilot a veritech. Rick: [Sanzi] No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it. Rebecca: Which is another thing his girlfriend said to him. > Looks like you have directional problems. Tsuneo: This fic has directional problems. > "Hey I can fly rings arou-, Greetings captain Private > Sanzi Takami reporting for duty." Dan: A rather advanced case of foot in mouth disease there. > "At ease. Why don't you help Kimlai up." Rick: I think she can stand onn her own. Actually, I *hope* she can stand on her own. Tsuneo: Never mind they were just in a motorbike accident and could be seriously injured. > "Yes Ma'm." > "And hurry up, Kimlai needs to be on the bridge for lift off" Dan: She's flying the ship? We're doomed! > "Are you ok?" Tsuneo: No, you're here. > "Yes I am fine, but if you ever-" > "WHANK...WHANK...WHANK" Rebecca: Wow. I know the army's tough on privacy, but to have an alarm for it? Rick: Bad girl! [Clobbers her with a cushion] Rebeccas: Ah, come on. It was so beautifully marked. > "Thats the stand clear signal, Rebecca: They found Perkins and confiscated all his playboys. Dan: Oh, for crying out loud! [Throws a cushion at her] > we had better get inside. Rebecca: Which Perkins will never do! [They all pelt her with cushions] Alright, I'll stop! > "Bridge Tech Kimlai Zuka reporting for duty Ma'm" Dan: Good. Go away. > "Hello Kimlai, take your post at the helm." Rick: [Kimlai] Where do you want me to take it? > "Yes captain." Tsuneo: Wasn't she just down at the entrance? Dan: She used the transporter. > The bridge was layed out in order of inportance helm and fire > control in the forward view bubble with radar and > comunications to either side. Tsuneo: The pet store was to the right. Dan: Officer's club at the back. Rick: And the bathroom's at the other end of the ship, so no "emergency pit stops." Rebecca: Especially for Perkins. Rick: [Waves robot form Inferno at Rebecca] BURN! > Sitting in the middle of things > was the captain in this case Sally Jamison the only veteran on > the ship. Tsuneo: Just like every other Macross ship. [Dan and Rick throw cushions at him] Well, it's true! > She had flown in the First Robotech War till she was > shot down. She suffered brain damage that crippled her ability > to fly a veritech fighter. Rick: So... you're letting somone with brain damage command the ship? Makes perfect sense. Dan: Why don't you let Stevie Wonder be the cheif navigator while you're at it? > "Start pre-flight checklist." > "Roger, Pre-flight checklist,Give me a Go No Go,Engine Room" Tsuneo: No can do captain! We've got commas all over the place! > "Go" > "Communications" Rick: I sense a definite lack of communication in this fic. > "Go" > "Naviation" > "Go" Dan [Captain]: That's good. How's Navigation doing? > "Sensors" > "Go" > "Fire Control" > "Go,Main Gun locked for Launch,Munitions Stores Full" > "Laucnh Bay" Rebecca: Whatever one of those is. > "Go" All: INTENSE CHECK LIST ACTION! > "Ground Control" > "Go, You have Permission for Reflex Furnance Start" Rebecca [Captain]: Right! Man the boilers! > "Roger,Ground Control Thanks for the send off, Rick: I'm sure the huge "PISS OFF" sign was appreciated. > Aragon out. Captain pre-flight and Engine Start complete. Tsuneo: Pre-flight complete? Pre-flight what? Barn dance? > Request permission to take us up." Dan: I thought we were doing that! > The captain sitting speechless at the efficency that here > bridge crew had completed the pre-flight check sat astonished. Tsuneo: I see that the Department of Redundancy Department has done its work. > "Captain, are you ok" Kimlai asked looking conserdly at the > captain." startled the captain stumbled, Tsuneo: CRASH! [Captain] Whups. > "Permission Granted, For lift off" Dan [Captain]: Captain... Kirk... on... the... bridge. > "Roger, Captain. Engine room Full power to the anti-gravity > engines" Rick: Hamster moving at full speed! Tsuneo: Boiler pressure rising! > the intercom lit up Rebecca: Get an extinguisher for that thing! > "Helm sorry, but we just can't put full power into those > engines they haven't been had the bugs shaken out of them > yet. Dan: Huh? They haven't tested the engines or checked them or anything like that? Are these people stupid? > You could kill us all." Rick: Please? > "Thank you for the consern, Tsuneo [Captain]: Allthough I'd appreciate some concern. > but trust me they engines will hold." Dan: But what about your engines? > "Ok you will have full power..... Dan [Drill Seargent]: Wait for it! Wait for it! > now" > Kimlai looked back at the Captain, "Permission to take her > up manually." Rick: [Kimlai] For absolutely no good reason. > "Sure Helmnsman Zuka, Rick [Zuka]: I don't like that term! I prefer Helmsperson myself! > Permission granted, Just don't hit anything." Rick: I don't think even she's got the talent for that! Rebecca: Of course, they would have cleared the airspace around the ship's expected flightpath... Does this guy know nothing? > "Yes ma'm," Kimlai hit the intercom button "Attention ground > control release moorings" > "Ground control to Aragon, We show that your navigation > computer is off-line Rick: Must've bought it from Red Dwarf... > is there a problem?" Dan: You'd expect so. > "No problem, just going to take her up on manual" > "Thats a roge, Rick: No, it's a problem with the navicomp, but nevermind. Tsuneo: What is a 'roge' anyway? Dan: Isn't she a member of the X-Men? Rebecca: No, I think it's a kind of Irish stew. > moorings released." > With a loud bang the constructions that were holding the > ship to the ground Tsuneo: Uhhh... They're more sort of supporting it and holding it off the ground... Rick: What? Do they lose ships in high winds or something? > released and the ship slowly began to > gain altitude. The huge ship lumbered into the air with > striking grace, Rebecca [Bored]: You watch. Something's bound to happen. > until the anti-gravity units began to fail. Rebecca: Told you. Tsuneo: This is amazing. Not a shred of originality. Or writing talent. Or anything. > "WHANK...WHANK...WHANK" Rebecca [Captain]: PERKINS! Cut that out! Dan: [Throws a cushion at her] You cut that out! > The bridge was in total chaos due to the severe tilt that > the anti-grav units had put it into. People and papers were > strews Rick: Isn't that a type of small rodent? Dan: Naaah. It's a kind of German stew. > about and consoles were shorting out left and right. Rebecca: Navicomp from Red Dwarf, consoles from Star Trek. Rick: I keep expecting one of them to fall in the other direction to the ship's tilt. > "Kimlai, what is happening?" the captain screamed over the > tremendous noise filling the bridge. Rick: [Kimlai] We're stuck in a hideous rip-off of Countdown. > climbing form here position on the floor,"Looks like we lost > A-G 5, 6 and 7 on the left side. The pressure form the A-G's > on the right is turning us over." Dan: Of course, this wouldn't have happened if you'd *tested* and *checked* them first! > "What can we do." Tsuneo: Try getting a question mark for starters. > "I am working on it," Rick: Who's speaking here? Rebecca: Do we really care? Rick: Good point. > slamming the intercom button down, > "Engineering cut power to twenty-five percent" > "What good will that do, it will just cause us to roll slower" > screamed the engineer agitatedly. Dan: Or, alternately, it could cancel your lift and leave you to plummet to earth in a blazing ball of wreckage. > "Shut the hell up you moron, I wasn't finished. When the power > is down to twenty five percent crank up the maneuvering > thrusters on the left side wich will level us out." Rebecca: Of course, you could just try cutting the remaining A-Gs slowly and easing the ship back down. Is this woman stupid? Dan: Well, the captain did suffer brain damage... Rebecca: I'm beginning to think that the whole crew did. > "Cutting power now....engaging thrusters" > As the engines fired the ship began to correct it self, rolling > back level, while continuing to climb. All: Boo! Dan: Crash and burn, you know you want to! > "Captain, we ae flying level again. A-G units at twenty-five > percent. Maneuvering thrusters at max power." > "How long can those thrusters handle that power," The > captain asked cautiously. Tsuneo: Don't tell me they haven't tested those either. > "No need we are at atmospheric interface Rick: Now that was quick. > we will be in space > in 5...4...3 ...2...1. Permission to go for orbit." Tsuneo: [Captain] No, we'll just hang here for a few hours. > "Granted" > As the ship left the atmosphere and the artificial gravity > was turned on it began to orbit the earth perpairing for its > final burn to head towards the mars training. Rick: Training what? Ground? Hamsters? > "Captain orbit achieved, Mars burn in twenty four hours, > shall I put the crew on rest for at least 12 hours." Tsuneo: One, that should be a question, and two, don't you have a roster organised for that? > "Good, Good get the crew relaxed for the burn for mars." Rick: So... the whole crew's going to rest... leaving the ship unmanned? Help? > The > captain looked obviously rattled from the expierence with the > A-G units. Rebecca: Where are they getting this crew from? > "Wait send the engineering crews out to see what happened > with the A-G units." Rick: [Captain] And to get me a donut. I'm starving! > "Roger Captian," turning on the intercom."Now hear this > Engineering Crews report for damage assesment, Tsuneo: We want to see how damaged the engineering crews are. > Veritech Pilots report to Hanager Bays for inspection." Rebecca: Yup, they're veritech pilots! > "I can't believe this crap, Rick: Me neither. > First she tries to destroy the ship Tsuneo: And who can blame her? > and then she maks us do all this work." Tsuneo: Diddums. That's what happens when you're in the army. > A severly angered Veritech blasted into the Hanager Bay Dan: [Veritech] Man, I'm pissed! > "Who do you think you are talking about punk?" Sanzi rifled as > he walked toward the pilot. Tsuneo: So... he's digging throuhg stuff? He's got a gun? Help? > "I am talking about that wrech on the Bridge doling out orders." > "That so called wrech is my girl you stupid ass." Rebecca: [Bored] The dialogue here astounds me. > without warning the Pilot threw a punch at Sanzi's head All: [Cheer] > "What the hell are you doing" Dan: Hitting you! What does it look like? Rebecca: We all know Sanzi's gonna win. Rick: How? Rebecca: The other guy doesn't have a name. > ducking a nother Tsuneo: What's a 'nother?' > punch from the pilot. > "Quit talking and fight" Dan: Noodles? Try my fist! > after finishing those words the his mouth was filled by a fist All: WA-TAK! > from Sanzi, followed by another to > the stomach and a kick to the head. All: BOOT TO THE HEAD! > "Are you done yet" Sanzi asked panting. Tsuneo: You're petulant, but not concentrated enough. > "I am going to kick your ass" Rebecca: Despite all apearances. Rick: So that's who he is! It's private Cartman! > the pilot yelled as he charged toward Sanzi. Tsuneo: Explode at 11 o'clock sharp! > With one quick move Sanzi kicked the legs out from under the > brut Rick: Destroying a rather expensive aftershave stand. > leaving him sprawled out on the floor. Rebecca: You always use violence. I should have ordered glutinous rice chicken. > "Hey your going to the brig," > "Both of you," > "Ok, lets go, and don't forget this guy" [Long pause] Rick: Um, who's talking here? Tsuneo: What do they think they're saying? > The MP's carried off both Sanzi and the other Pilot to the brig > to cool off. the nest twelve hours went by with out accident. Dan: So everyone spent twelve hours sitting on a nest? > The engineers found that the Anti-Gravity units had been > sabotaged while they were on the ground, leaving the ground > crew under suspesion. Rebecca: Stupid question, but couldn't it have been someone on the ship? Rick: Nah. Tsuneo: 'Suspesion?' What the hell does that mean? > When Kimlai got word of the fight Dan: It took her twelve hours to get the news? This girl redefines clueless. Rebecca: No, it's just that she and Perkins had been rather- [Everyone throws cushions at her] Alright, alright! Sorry! I'm sure that Perkins is the master of his own domain. Dan: One more... I swear... > she was > furious, she refused the go to the brig and talk to Sanzi. > Instead she retired to the bridge to prepair for the burn. Rick: [Waves Inferno at screen] BURN! > "Hello Kimlai", the bridge crew chearfully greated her Rebecca: Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she'd forgotten to put her clothes back on. Dan: That does it! [Dan leaps at Rebecca who rolls out of his way, sending Dan hurtling over the back of the couch.] Rebecca: Amateur. > as she walked through the hatch. Tsuneo: BANG! [Kimlai] Whoops! Should've opened it first. > "Hello girls, Rebecca: [Kimlai] It's fun time! [Dan jumps her from behind, but Rebecca ducks. Dan goes flying into the coffee table.] Rick: Give it up. > The captain has given me permission to burn the > Main Engines early." Kimlia sighed. > "Why, we still have another two hours," one of the bridge crew > asked form her station All: Eh? Tsuneo: So, they're making their burn for Mars two hours *early*? Obviously someone here doesn't have a clue about orbital mechanics, departure windows or anything like that. Burning two hours early could leave you flinged out to the depths of the unkown or getting a planet in the face! It's stupid! Rebecca: Well done! Nice rant. Rick: Not to mention that the twelve hours have already passed. > "The captain wants to keep this first trip short," Tsuneo: While still risking being hurled intot he unknown. Or hitting a planet. Rick: Although in the latter case it would be rather short. > as Kimlai > walked to helm control the bridge crew could see that she was > troubled by something. Dan: [Gets up] The fact that the captain is so incompetent and clueless, the ship is hideously poorly designed, no-one has a clue what they're doing and her boyfriend got thrown into the brig by a disembodied voice for defending himself! Rick: That was very nice, Dan. Now sit down. Dan: Yes, sir. [He sits] > pressing the intercom button,"Captain > ready to start count down to burn" Tsuneo: Say, why isn't the captain here? Rebecca: Any minute now, that alarm will be going off again. Dan: Grr... > "Ok Kimlai you have the bridge" the captains voice crackled > through the intercom. Rick: You know, with all the money they spent on the ship, you'd think they could at least afford a decent intercom > "Roger, countdown comencing, T minus two minutes and counting" > "Engine room full power to the main engines" Tsuneo: But you've still got two minutes to go. > the intercom crackled,"Roger full power in one minute" Rick: I guess it's time to throw that well-planned course out the window. Again. Dan: Is it just me, or is engineering more incompetent than the bridge crew? Rebecca: Is it possible? > "Navigation lay in course for mars orbit" Tsuneo: Shouldn't you have done that before that? > "Roger course set, estimated time of arrival in mars orbit > fourteen day sixteen hours." rattled the navigation officer. Dan: [Navigation officer] I need more coffee! > "Sensors how does our path look?" Rick: It's black. What do you expect? > "Clear, except for light comercial traffic around mars" a > voice to Kimlai left spoke. Rebecca: That'sa really usefull, considering that anyone could cross it in fourteen days. > The intercom crackled to life,"Engine room here, Main Engine > powered for burn fire on your command." Tsuneo: Wow. That managed to make less sense than anything else in this fic. > "Roger Engine Room ten seconds to firing 9...8...7...6...5... > 4...3, start main engines 1. Fire" Rick: You missed two. Dan: Isn't the idea to start the main engines at the *end* of the countdown? > With the push of a button Kimlai sent a tremendous amount of > thrust form the main engines. Dan: Don't say it. Just, don't say it. Rebecca: Ah, damn! > The ship began to shake as it was being pulled by the earth. > "Engine Room where are getting a tremendous shaking up here > on the bridge" Rebecca: [Kimlai] And I'm quite enjoying it. Dan: Must... control... fist of death... > a voice from the intercom spoke, "Thats normal the engines > haven't been broken in yet, the hull is not use to these > stress." All: Uh? Rebecca: So... the hull isn't stressed for *normal* operations? Rick: Makes perfect sense. Along with everything else in this fic. > The engines burned for only a short time Tsuneo: And then exploded, killing everyone on board. > but in that short > time the ship had been sped up to a speed unimanigable to > scientists when space travel was first tryed. Rick: The speed of lint! > Still, nothing > could compair with the speed of a fold system. See a fold > system doesn't travle through space it bends space making > one point in one place the same point in an other allowing > faster than light travel. The only ships that could handle > the stresses of a fold operation were the SDF series and the > giant Zentradi ships. Dan: Thank you so much for that. > "Ok everyone off the bridge. Tsuneo: [Kimlai] We've finished another five-miniute shift. Good work, everyone. > The second crew is going to > have the first watch. Kimlai spoke with an air of depression Rick: Even though you're already on duty on the bridge. It makes no sense, really. > "What are we suppose to do for the next twelve hours" one of > the crew man asked. Rick: Sleep, perhaps? Rebecca: I know what Perkins will be doing! Dan: Stop that! [Throws a cushion at her] > "I don't know, Now dismissed and I don't want to see you for > twelve hours". Dan: I can understand that sentiment. > "Gee whats her problem?" the navigation officer asked under > her breath. Tsuneo: She's caught in a crappy fanfic. Wasn't it obvious? Rebecca: I should hit you for that. But I won't. Tsuneo: Why? I've been good. > Back [The TV switches off] Tsuneo: Well, that... was. Dan: I don't know what to say. Rick: It's like that Xena one. Totally mindless. Rebecca: I'm awed. Seriously. Voice: So... Rick: Um... it was... it... it was probably the most incoherent piece of clueless rubbish I've ever seen. I mean, it just made no sense at all. If someone could please tell me what happened in that, I'd be very thankfull. Dan: I can't believe that authour thought he knew what he was doing. He managed to get every single detail of spaceflight wrong. I mean, if a ship really was operated like that, it would be a write-off. Not to mention the fact that no-one seems to know what they're doing, and Kimlai gets away with murder by making it up as she goes along. I'll bet she isn't even that cute. Tsuneo: I needed that. Really. What got to me was the characters. Or, rather, the lack thereof. They're all authour-created, so you'd expect at least a minimal description. So what do we have? Kimlai and Sanzi are going out, and the captain's brain damaged. That's it. We don't even know the genders of the rest of the flight crew. You'd think it would be a bit difficult to miss something like that, but the authour managed to completely avoid such issues by having the characters interact on the barest of levels. Rebecca: Finally, there's setting. First, he refers to the first *Robotech* war. Not Space War One. Then he mentions both the RDF and REF- albiet misnamed in one case. But then we've got Macross Cannons and Escort Carriers. Both Macross II ships. But there are *Veritech* pilots. Not Variable Fighter or Valkire, but Veritech, the Robotech term. And even though he used the macross spelling of Zentradi, that could just be a typo. There were enough of them in the fic. Rick: Sounds about right. Voice: Well... thanks. I think. Rebecca: Whatever. Can we go now? Voice: Yes, you can go. [They get up] Dan: I could flatten that wimp Sanzi any day. [They file out] [The screen goes blank] Voice: Well... that... was. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "WHANK...WHANK...WHANK"