Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Me again! And now for a slightly different subject: A comic adaptation of an existing Robotech work, in this case the elusive Robotech movie. Not that you'd know anything about the movie after reading this. "Robotech The Movie" is copyright Academy Comics Robotech is copyright Revell/Harmony Gold ------------------------------------------------------------------------ In the not to distant future, 2135 AD. The nasty Louisa Chang Was hatching an evil scheme. She targeted a girl named Sandra, The Earth President who ran the place. She had a roll for her to fill, So she bopped her on the head and shot her into space! [Louisa singing now] I'll send her crappy comics, The worst that I can find, [La La La] I'll force her to watch them all, And she'll go out of their minds! [La la la] [Original singers] Now keep in mind she can't control when the comic begins or ends. So she'll have to sit and riff them all, with the help of her redneck friends. RUINS ROLL CALL! Sandra! (The Pres!) Matt! (Don't mind me!) Sean! (I'm the best!) Kara! (I'm the cute one!) If you're wondering how they eat and breath, And other science facts. Repeat to yourself "It's just a MSTing" "I really should relax!" For Mystery Ruins Theatre 3000! The Satellite of Rednecks... Sandra and Matt sat at the small coffee table they had set up in the control room. Matt had reached the conclusions that if they were going to have to spend their time waiting in mortal fear of the next post from the Mads, they might as well be comfortable. At the present, he was sitting down to one of his favorite books, a rather dog-eared copy of Bill Bryson's "The Lost Continent". "Hmmmm..." Sandra hmmmed from behind her copy of the complete works of Shakespeare. "What's up?" Matt asked as a loud crashing noise was heard in the background. "I was just thinking about the whole situation we're in." She replied. Another lound crash went by. "Oh really?" Matt replied. "Yeah." She answered. "It's occurred to me that we're doing quite well, all things considered" "Such as?" Matt asked as a basketball flew past them. "Well, there's the loneliness of there being just the four of us" She replied. "And the lack of communication with the outside world. And then there's the fact that we're marooned up here with no way down." She paused. "And not to mention the constant barrage of comics the Mads send to us" "Your point being?" Matt asked in reply. "I got it!" Kara shouted as she ran past wearing a Zorro mask and carrying a hockey stick. "Well, all things considered, we're doing quite well." She answered. "You'd think we'd be cracking up by now" "It's mine!" Sean shouted as he bounced past on a Pogo stick. Like Kara, he was also wearing a mask, but he was also carrying a flag with him. "You're right there" Matt answered. "It's quite remarkable that we've lasted this long" A light on the console flashed on and off, accompanied by a buzzing sound. Sandra walked over to it. "What is it?" Matt asked. "Not sure..." She replied. "It's an incoming transmission, but not from the Mads" "Could it be EarthGov?" Matt asked. "Maybe they've found us" "I don't know." She replied. Better get the other two in here." "Right" Matt walked off in the general direction that Sean and Kara had been heading. A few minutes later, he returned, the other two in tow. "And just when I was winning" Kara muttered as she removed her mask. "Ahh... I was only down Q to twelve" Sean replied. "I'll get you yet" "So what have we got?" Matt asked. Sandra held up a print-out. "It appears to be a Fanmail... from L-Chan on Aftermath" She replied. "Really?" Sean asked. "What'd they say?" "Let's see..." Sandra said. > I must say, I was pleased that someone decided to riff "Aftermath." I was > especially happy that my favorite MSTing team had taken it on. It's truly > awe-inspiring what tripe people can get away with actually publishing. I had > to wonder if Bruce had ever actually seen Robotech. "I'll say no." Matt commented. "I want to know what he was smoking," Sean added. "And where I can get some." > It's funny you should peg those magical girls as Avatars. A few years back, > I read an interview in some anime magazine with Bruce about Aftermath. When > asked why he had made Lancer such a pretty boy, he replied "Oh, you mean > faggy. Well, I'm kind of faggy myself..." > I'll bet you really wanted to hear about that. "We didn't" They all replied in unison. "Although it explains a lot" Kara added. The "Mad's light" started flashing, ending all hopes of rational conversation. "Could someone get that? Dr. Evil and Mini-Me are calling us" Sandra asked as she leaned back on her chair. "Si senior presidente" Kara replied as she walked over and pressed the button. "Gee... what's with her?" Sean asked. The others shrugged. Any further musings on the concept were interrupted by the screen activating, revealing the dark, Deus Ex Machine filled interior of Montauk 13. Louisa loomed in the foreground, wearing a black T-Shirt with "Master" written on it. Carla stood next to her in a similar shirt with "Slave" on the front. "Good morning, worms" Louisa began. "Good morning Louisa" they all droned in reply. "Good morning, Kara-Chan!" Carla added, only to be beaned on the head by Louisa. "Ooooowwww! What was that for?" Louisa chose to ignore her. "And how are you today, peons?" Ready for another round of fun and games from your old pals in Robotech comicdom? "No" they all droned. "Well, tough. I'm running a world domination agenda here, and I'm not going to let you simpletons get in my way" Louisa snorted. "But before that, I'd like to see what you've got for today's invention exchange" "Coming right up!" Sean announced, as Matt wheeled in a trolley with several highly-detailed action figures on it. "Now everyone knows about McFairlaine toys. Sure the look great with incredible amounts of detail, but they can't pose or anything. All they do is stand around. Well we came up with a line of figures that take advantage of the basic immobility of the figure to give the best portrayal of the character." "Like look at this" Kara started, as she picked up a figure. "The Total Package, Lex Luger. And with the same degree of mobility and flexibility as the real thing" "With twice the charisma" Sandra added, cynically. "He's the first in our range of WCW Inaction figures." Kara continued. "We've also got Tank Abbot, Sid Vicous, Die Wall-" "Heil Boredom!" Sandra added. "And, of course, Hulk Hogan" Kara managed to finish. "All with the mobility, flexibility and talent of the real thing" "But then we thought, why limit it to just Wrestlers?" Matt continued. "We've also got our famous actors set." He held up several more figures. "Arnold Shwartzenegger, Christopher Lambert, Clint Eastwood, Dolph Lundgren, Jean-Claude Van Damn... All with all the talent of the real thing" "The best is yet to come" Sandra added. "We're working on our politicians series as well. so far we've got Al Gore, Bob Dole and Kim Beazley" "How utterly useless" Louisa replied. "Why can't you ever think of something more useful for world domination?" "I'm in the job, so I don't think about it" Sandra replied. "Anyway, our invention is, as usual, much more useful" Louisa replied. "We have invented the mind control T-shirt" "Didn't Mambo invent that in the 1980s?" Sandra replied, dryly. "Shut up" Louisa replied. "Now where was I?" "The mind-control shirt" Carla replied. "And a declaration of your undying love" "Thanks" Louisa replied, and calmly bopped Carla on the head. "Anyway, these shirts allow one person to control another's mind." "This should be good" Matt replied. "You'd be amazed what one can do with this thing" Louisa replied. "The system is simple. One person wears the control shirt" "Here modeled by the lovely Louisa in our ever-popular 'master' shirt" Carla cheerfully stated. "And the disturbingly chirpy Carla is wearing the 'slave' shirt for the purposes of the demonstration" Louisa added. "So... What do they do?" Sean asked. "It's simple." Louisa replied. "Once the shirt is activated, the wearer of the 'slave' shirt is under the complete control of the wearer of the 'master' shirt" "And how could you tell if the shirt was active?" Sandra asked, cynicism creeping into her voice. "It's simple. The 'slave' becomes a mindless drone, completely docile and servantile with little outwards signs of intelligence or self-determination" The four of them looked at Carla. She waved back. "So how can you tell if it's working on your test subject?" Matt asked. "Ummm..." Louisa replied. "Tell you what..." Carla chirped up. "We could swap and you be my slave. I'd like that veeeeeery much, Louisa-sama" Louisa bapped her again. "Anyway, enough of that" Louisa interjected. "Today I've got a special treat for you" She grinned maliciously. "Has anyone here ever seen 'Robotech: The Movie?'" Sean, Kara and Matt shook their heads. Sandra raised her hand. "Well, I've dug up a comic adaptation of said movie" Louisa grinned some more. "Now as we all know, comic adaptations of the a movie are usually a bit lousy. But this one goes beyond that... By the time it's over, you'll probably know less about thew movie than you did to start with!" "I like this one!" Carla added. "It's really cool" "CABAAL?" Louisa asked. "Yerph?" Came a rather muffled reply. Louisa turned to Carla and gave her an evil glare. "You haven't been feeding him custard pudding again, have you?" "No!" Carla replied, trying to act innocent. "Hmph" She sighed. "CABAAL, initiate the comic-book upling" "Fiphtem commected" CABAAL replied. "Ftanding by" "Right..." Louisa tried to regain their composure. "Push the button, Carla" "Pushing the button!" Carla replied as she pushed the button. Lights and sirens went off throughout the SoR. "We've got comic-book sign!" Sandra shouted as the four of them ran for the theatre. [Door 5 - It's one of the doors from the Death Star. It whooshes up and you proceed.] [Door 4 - It's a revolving door. You go around several times then proceed.] [Door 3 - It's a double wooden door with wrought-iron edging set in stonework. It creaks open and you proceed] [Door 2 - It's a rolling garage door. You force it open and proceed] [Door 1 - It's a vault door. You swing it open and proceed] [Sandra walks in and sits down on the far left. Sean sits next to her, and Kara next to him. Matt sits down on the right] > [Robotech Masters Motherships above Earth] Sandra: Face it, yer screwed already. Matt: And it's only the first page. > Voice: Earth defences have yet to register our emergence from Hyperspace. Sean: I guess those budget cutbacks are beginning to hurt after all. > What is your command, my lord? Kara: Get me a cup of coffee. I could kill for one right now. > Voice: Fool! Is your brain so small that you have forgotten our mission > already? > Voice: No my lord. We've come... Kara: To find new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. And to blow them up. > Voice... TO DESTROY THE EARTH! Sean: All right! No need to shout. > Story: Benny R. Powell > Pencils: Chi > Inks: Chi (Pages 1-4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 12, 15, 25,27-30, 32) Rich Perotta Sandra: There's nothing like a rich Perotta to get you started in the morning. > (Pages 10, 16-24, 26, 31) Chip Wallace (Pages 5, 8, 13, 14) > Ink Assists: Jerry Bacchia Matt: I prefer a cup of Bacchia myself. > Based on a story by: Carl Macek Sandra: Given how Between them Big West, Harmony Gold and Cannon films screwed up Carl's plans for Robotech: The Movie, I'm going to be interested to see how this turns out. > [Robotech Masters on control platform] Kara: Hey... Cool table you guys got there. Very psychedelic. Sean [Master]: What've you got? Matt [Master]: Four aces. Sean [Master]: Damn. > Master 1: Simpleton. That is our final goal. Sean: So what are they going to do first? Kara: Hover over major cities, blow up historic landmarks... That kind of stuff. > First we must retrieve the mother computer. Sandra: The Protoculture Matrix itself might also help. > Zor's computer itself has become little more than scrap metal. Matt: Amazing. The most powerful computer in the universe, and it's obsolete by the time you get it out of the box. > However, its databanks seem to have been kept intact. Matt: Good thing they backed that thing up. Sandra: Yeah, but do you know how many 3 1/2 inch disks it's using? > Within it lies the memory > matrix - the greatest storehouse of knowledge in the universe. Kara: You cannot be told what the Matrix is. Sean: Any reason? Kara: It's to crappy for words. > Master 2: The Zentraedi who were dispatched before us pursued the direct approach. Matt: Roit. Give us the computer or the planet gets it. > It is what they were bred for and they paid for their folly dearly. Sandra: I seem to recall that the Masters were the ones who bread and trained the Zentraedi. So the failure of the Zentraedi is really the Master's fault. > We however are > of a much higher stock and that will not happen again. > Master 3: This time, we will utilize a more subtle tactic. Matt: They're going to buy a controlling share in it through third parties. > This time... we will triumph. > [Scientists] Kara: Eww.. It looks like a trio of Leonardo DiCaprios. Sandra: In the original animation, one of them was female. Kara: Wow. It *is* a trio of Leonardo DiCaprios. > Scientist: Wha? > [Robotech Master] > Master: They won't suspect a thing until it is too late... Matt: Great explanation of your plan there for your confused minions. Sandra: At least this writer can use periods properly. > Release the Bioroids! Kara: Release the dogs! > [Bioroid head close-up] Sean: Hi! My name is Bob, and I'll be your invader for the day. > [City] > Earth Defense Base, Northern Province, Far East Sector Matt: Looks like Monument city to me. Sandra: That's because it is. It was "Played" by Stock footage of Monument in the movie. > [Control room] Kara: Hey, look! They've got the machine that goes ping. Sean: Two of those guys down the front are actually playing Unreal Tournament on duty. > Tech: Sir! I've lost contact with defense base seventeen! Sandra: Someone forgot to pay the phone bill, I guess. > Officer: Looks like someone is jamming all of the scanners. Sean [Dark Helmet]: Raspberry. > Quickly! Initiate a full alert! Sean: Close all the shops in the mall! Cancel the three-ring circus! Kara: We need Megazord Power now! > [City with fighters overhead, Hovertanks, missiles and guns in foreground and > Bioroids in distance] Matt: They're filling the air like... Big blue robots on hovercraft. > Voice: Full alert. All units to battle stations. Repeat - all units to battle > stations! This is not a drill! Repeat - this is not a drill! Kara: This is a power saw. That is a drill. > Hovertank: Here they come! > Soldier: They're passing right over our position! Fire! Matt: You know, long-range missiles do actually work beyond visual range. > [Hovertank pilot - Tod] All: Hi Tod! Matt: He looks kind of like Sean Phillips to me. Sandra: Probably because it's stock of him. > Voice: Holy sh... Those buzzards are getting right through the bombardment! Kara [Voice]: Curse these visually spectacular yet psychedelically inaccurate anime-style missiles! > Looks like they need us, Tod! Saddle up! Matt: If he's in his Hovertank, isn't he already saddled up? Sandra: They need to move this at more than three panels a page. > Tod: Yes sir, Colonel Andrews. We're gonna bake these turkeys in the sky. Sean: Actually, Turkeys don't fly. It's a kind of silly metaphor. > [Dogfight between fighters and Bioroids with city in background] Sean: Hey, is that a Budweiser that guy's launching? Sandra: I would like to point out that no Bioroids were harmed in the making of this comic book. Matt: Wow. That has got to be some of the worst art I've seen of Southern Cross Mecha outside of Fred Perry's works. > [Colonel BD Andrews] Matt: Say, any reason why a Colonel is only wearing NCO-style armour? Sandra: In this part of the movie, he was "played" by stock footage of Angelo Dante. > BD: That's a negative Tod. We've just received word they've broke through > to street level. Kara: They're heading to the touchdown line! The crowd goes wild! > Guardian one to Guardians. Proceed to street level Matt: Wouldn't Hovertanks be down on street level anyway? > and engage the enemy in battloid mode. > [Hovertank in battloid mode] Matt: Well that was quick. > A short while later... Sandra: Wow. That was a truly epic retelling of the battle. > BD: Tod! We just lost Nick. Sean: He asked for his Release. > That leaves just you and me alive in our squadron. Matt [BD]: I told them we needed something other than Redshirt ensigns in this squad. > We've been cut off from the main company. Kara [BD]: I knew we should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque. > Disengage and pull back immediately. All [British]: Run away! Run away! > [Hovertank firing at Bioroids] Matt: Hey, not bad. He bagged two in one shot. Sandra: Yup. His gun's loaded with deadly Hollywood logic. > Tod: Pull back? But sir, I think we can hold them here! Kara [Tod]: We're grossly outnumbered and outgunned, and they can just fly past us anyway... > [BD] > BD: That's a negative, Tod. We don't know what their game is. Sean [Deep]: I am the Game-uh! And I will stand in this very ring-uh! And talk about nothing-uh! For twenty minutes-uh! > But > they've been taking prisoners right and left across the whole quadrant! Kara: Gotta catch 'em all! [Sandra whacks her] Sorry. Sandra: Remember, no-one is to mention the fluffy yellow menace in here, lest it give the mads ideas. > [Hovertank being punched by a Bioroid] Sean: Wow. That Bioroid must have the Fist of Death. > SFX: WHAM All: WA-TAK! > BD: I'm not going to let them get their hands on any more of my- Sean: Lucky Charms? > [Bioroid and Hovercraft on screen] > Tactical analysis: Working... Kara: Loading, please wait. > Targeting systems locked > Tod: Andrews! Andrews... Oh god. > [Andrews in Bioroid hand] Sean: This is what happens when Airline deregulation gets out of hand. > Tod: They've got Colonel Andrews! Matt: And he was the last one left in the store too! > [City] > One week later... Sandra: Huh? We just skipped a couple of scenes that were kind of vital to the plot and all.. > Central Province, Far East Sector Sean: Um... Why does the Tokyo of 2027 look just like the Tokyo of 1986? Matt: The Retro look is really in this year. > [Andrews behind podium] Matt [BD]: I am not a crook. Sandra: Any reason why he has the symbol of the CDFC behind him? He's an ATAC soldier, after all... > BD: I am colonel BD Andrews speaking for the supreme military command > of the United Earth Government. The time had come to refute a preposterous > rumor that is spreading throughout the population. Sean: [BD]: There is no shortage. We have plenty of Darth Mauls *and* Blue Furbies. There is no need for alarm. > Recent military > maneuvers in the Northern Province have been misinterpreted by some > irresponsible people as evidence that we have been attacked or invaded > by an enemy power. Sandra: I belive him. Matt: You do? Sandra: Oh yeah. Reducing that city to rubble was all a part of the excercise. > [Girl watching BD on TV] Kara: So, what's on Nitro? Sean: Not much, actually. > BD: If you hear these rumors, ignore them. We have not been invaded. > Nor are we at war. Sandra: Well I don't know about you, but I'm convinced. Matt [BD]: Move along, people, there's nothing to see here. Go back to your simple little lives and forget... forget... Sean: Oh, sure. And I bet all those troops that were killed were only sent to another dimension. > [Girl - Stacy - looking worried] > Stacy: Oh Kelly... I wonder if Papa knows anything about this. Matt: I wonder if Papa knows where your question mark got to? > [Kelly and Stacy in room with film equipment] Kara: Hey look... It's behind the scenes at Blair Witch Project II. Sean: Can't be. This is to professional looking. > BD [V/O]: There have been no hostilities of any kind. Sean [BD]: I did not inhale. I did not have sex with that woman. > These maneuvers... > Stacy: I mean, what if there has been an invasion? Kara [Kelly, monotone]: There has been no invasion. We have not all been replaced with pod people. Now come here and let me eat your brains. > Kelly: You think he'd tell you? Come on, Stacy. He's minister for science. Sean: Like the minister of science would be told anything. That's got to be about the lowest ministerial job you can get. Matt: What about the Minister of Administrative Services? Sean: Except for that. > He's not about to spill the beans. Specially if they're hiding something. > Ya know? Sandra: It must be... A conspiracy! All: Dah-dah-dum! > It's probably just another one of those Atomic accidents or > something like that. Matt: Well, I feel really reassured. > [Garage with sign saying Pop's Garage] Matt: Meanwhile, back at Generic Locale... > [Man - Mark - in room, watching TV] Kara [Mark]: There's never anything good on any more. > SFX: -Ring-Ring- Kara [Mark]: Hang on. there's a Sound Effect on the phone. > BD [V/O]: ...are common practice in military circles. Sean [BD]: Why, when I was in the academy, I though nothing about having a vacuum cleaner applied to my private parts. > There is absolutely no cause for alarm. Matt [BD]: Really. No, seriously. > Mark: I don't know what's worse, listening to a lousy military cover-up > or Pop being too cheap to buy a decent vid-phone. Kara: Well, no-ones forcing you to watch the TV, you know. You could be out in the sunshine doing something healthy. > [Mark on phone] > Mark: Pop's Garage... You slice em, we dice em. Matt: ...that didn't come out right. > Tod [Voice]: Mark? Sean [Mark]: Just a minute... I'll check. [Pause] Yep. It's me. > Mark: Tod? Is that you? Sandra [Tod]: No. It's a frost-free fridge. > You're supposed to be on maneuvers aren't you? Sean [Tod]: The budget was cut back again so we all got to go home early. > Tod [Voice]: I need your help Mark. Kara [Tod]: I'm by the waterfront in a slinky red number and high heels. Matt: Some things you just don't want explained. > [Mark] > Mark: You in some kind of trouble? Kara: It's this little matter of a mystery suitcase, two hitmen, the boss's wife and a dead nigger. Matt: Careful. You'll get us thrown off the air for that. > Tod: They may be tapping the phone. Sandra: Tap phone for two additional colourless mana. > Meet me at the old hang-out. Matt [Mark]: But isn't the treehouse a little small now? > Mark: Sure Tod, but - Sean [Mark]: What *is* the old hang-out?! > SFX: -CLICK- > Mark: What in the- > [Car park with man in foreground. Mark enters on a bike.] Matt: They hang out in a car park? They must lead very exciting lives. Sandra: Hey look... It's a MiM. Sean: MiM? Sandra: Man in Monochrome. > [Mark on bike in car park] Kara: Meanwhile, in the finals of the Olympic Hide and Seek... > Mark: Tod? Hey. Come on! Where are you? Matt [Tod]: I'm behind the car. Sean [Mark]: Well that narrows it down. > [Tod in shadows, Mark in foreground] Sean: James Bond, Austin Powers... Tod... No, it just doesn't work. > Tod: I'm right here. > [Mark and Tod] > Mark: Hey buddy, why all the intrigue? Matt: He's seeing a Headhunter, and doesn't want his boss to know. Kara: He's afraid that his wife won't understand. > Tod: I hope you weren't spotted. Sean: With the heavy inking, that wouldn't be too hard. > Mark: Come off it... What's going... Sandra: Very little, actually. > Oh man! Nice bike! Sean [Tod]: You like it? They were having a sale on early Sonada models, and I couldn't pass it up. > What is it? Sandra: It's an orange whirly thing in space. Matt: Well, if you'd put it in the panel, we'd know. > [MODAT 5 in cycle mode] Kara: Can I have a bike like that? Matt: No. Kara: I've been good. Matt: No! Kara: Awww... > Tod [V/O]: That is the MODAT-5. It's a mobile database terminal. Kara: Why would you make a mobile terminal anyway? Sandra: So you can sneak out of the office and still abuse the company's network. > Mark [V/O]: Tod, you're telling me that thing is a computer? Sean: Yeah... It needs all that grunt just to run Windows 2025. > Tod [V/O]: Just a small part of a super computer. Matt: Yes, but can you use it for multiplay deathmatches. > It's a military prototype. > A top secret weapon that Andrews has been developing. > It's the only weapon I've got against supreme command. Matt: Yes, but how many cup holders does it have? > [MODAT controls] Kara: Insert two 25 cent coins... the hell? > Mark [V/O]: Are you nuts? Supreme command? Sean [Tod]: Yeah, that's what I said. You deaf or something? > [Tod] > Tod: That's right Mark. Kara: You get a cookie! > You've seen the broadcasts... Col. Andrews is lying! Matt [BD]: Read my lips... no new taxes. Sandra: I bet he secretly favors the GST as well. > He's saying that what happened was just a routine. Just military maneuvers. > [Tod] Sean: Hey... lookit the way his hair is standing up. Kara: And the winner of the 2027 Vegita impersonation contest goes to... > Tod: But I was there. I lost all of my squad... Matt: They wanted their release. > Including Andrews, Sandra: And Rhodes, and Dizzy, and Ensign Throwaway... > who miraculously showed up a couple of days later without a scratch. Kara: Not even a trendy and photogenic scar? > Since his > return he's quarantined the whole quadrant to keep us from talking. > But I was able to escape with the MODAT. > [Mark and MODAT] > Mark: You can bet they're gonna be after this bike. > [Men in suits with guns] Matt: Enter the MiMs! Kara: Where'd they come from? Sandra: They learnt to lurk around corners from Lennier. > Man: Party's over boys. Hand over the bike... Sean [Man]: Everbody moves, and nobody gets hurt... I mean, Nobody moves and everybody gets hurt... No, that's not it. > [Mark and Tod] > Tod: Mark, take the MODAT and find Eve... All: Run away! Run away! > [Mark on Modat with men firing guns] > SFX: PING PING PING PING PING Sean: Pretty lousy aim these guys have. Matt: They graduated from Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy. > Man: Stop that kid! Kara [Mark]: I'm not a kid! I'm just small for my age. > [Control tower with fighters launching] Sandra: Huh? What gives? We've just skipped about five minutes of vital plot and character development! > Veritech staging base, Far East Sector > Voice: "Strike force one we have final clearance for attack on alien > fleet. Phantom wing, commence launch sequence" Matt: Shouldn't you tell them to initiate launch sequence *before* they take off? Sandra: Damn this three panel to a page action. Sean: Say, what's with the inverted commas anyway? > Pilot: Roger control. Strike force launched. Matt: Stand by to feed the cat. Sandra: Fire Mrs. Nesbitt! > Proceeding on tangent 1-9er > mark 7. Parabolic projection of estimated time of renzdevous with cruiser > fleet in 11 seconds. Kara: If it's late, do they get three dollars off? > [Master's Mothership through fighter HUD] All: AAAGK! Sandra: Don't you hate it when an eight kilometer long ship sneaks up on you like that? Sean: Er... guys? I think you're flying a little too close. > Pilot: The alien flagship is coming into range. Sean: You'd hope so... Matt: I seem to recall saying something about beyond visual range missiles... > Accelerating to attack speed! On my mark... Sean: Wait for it... Wait for it... > [Control stick] > Pilot: Fire! > [Missiles hitting Mothership's sheilds] Kara: Well that worked. > Pilot [V/O]: Control, this is Phantom one. They're throwing up some kind > of defelctor screen. Matt: I bet you anything that they're also rotating the frequencies of the main deflector array. > Our missiles were completely deflected. Vectoring for a second volley. > [Mothership with exploding fighters around it] Sean: Off hand, I'd say our boys aren't doing so well... > Pilot [V/O]: Control, this is Phantom One. Matt [Pilot]: I appear to be very badly drawn. Please advise. > The enemy seems to be opening up on us with some kind of disrupter fire... Sandra: Disruptors? Do they shop at the same place as the Romulan Empire or something? > Sir we... Oh sh... > Crackle < > Pilot [V/O]: Control, this is Red wing. Sandra: Red *shirt* wing? > Last member of Red wing surviving. Sandra: Must be. > Please advice... AAAAARGH! Kara: No, you've got to say it a little higher. Sean: Waaaaaagh! Kara: Much better! > Pilot [V/O]: Control, we've lost Phantom one. Matt [Pilot]: We looked everywhere. > This is Phantom two taking the le.. > Crackle < going >crackle < hit! Matt: Well that worked. Anyone else want a try? [They all shake their heads] > Pilot [V/O]: Blue wing taking heavy casualties... Please advise... pull up... > pull up!!! > [Emerson and Aide] > Aide: Sir, we're showing no known effect on the alien's deflector shields. > All units are reporting heavy casualties... Matt: They're dropping like extras in a Shwartzenegger film. > [Emerson] > Emerson: Sound the retreat Captain... While there's still someone left to hear > it! Sean: Well that worked. > [Van] Kara: Van? Where? Sean: That's *a* van, not Lord Van. Kara [Disappointed]: Awww... > BD [V/O]: Yes, Andrews speaking. Matt: [BD] No ma'am, I am *not* Cutts the butcher. > [Andrews in van on phone] Sandra: Odd, that's a GMP crest behind him. So now he's a member of the ATAC, CDFC *and* GMP all at once. Matt: Either that or he changes jobs real fast. > Voice: Good news, sir. Kara [Voice]: They're having a sale on that bread you like. > The security council has been convened to discus your proposal. Sean [BD]: We make a show about... Nothing. > They'll have to listen to you now, sir. The strike force > was a complete disaster, as you predicted it would be. Matt: When last seen, it had bombed past "Last Action Hero". Sandra: Well, it was a pretty crappy RPG supplement. Sean: And if anyone gets that, please tell us. > Andrews: Thank you, Lukas. Kara [BD]: You will be allowed to live. Sean [Lukas]: Oh thank you sir! > Tell me, the enemy fleet. Is it...? Kara: Edible? > [Masters and scientist] Kara: Hey look, it's 3-Count. > Master 1: We remain completely undamaged by the Earthlings' attack. Sean [Master]: I'm invincible! Matt [British]: You're a looney! > Master 2: I see no point in retaliating. > Scientist: My lord, if we do not attack will not the humans suspect...? > [Master with diagram of skull and brain] Sandra: There goes that footage from "Outsiders" on what, it's fourth outing? > Master: Silence! The simulagent is the key to our success. > [Master's fleet above Earth] Sandra: Those have got to be the worst drawn Motherships I've ever seen. > Master [V/O]: Soon Zor's matrix will be ours. Sean [Unicron]: It is the one thing... *The only thing* that can stand in my way! Kara: Wrong matrix, twit. > Once that has been accomplished, > there will be more that enough time to demonstrate our superiority. Matt [Scottish]: I love blowing things up! Sean: Not to make you seem like a, as you pit it, blundering idiot... Although I belive the term you're looking for is *blithering* idiot, but we *are* that superior. > [UEG council] Kara: Wow. The combined cholesterol in this room must be amazing. > Supreme Command Security Council Headquarters > Moran: Col. Andrews proposes that the supreme command go on-line with the EVE > super-computer Sean: They're going to use EVE on-Line? Matt: Yeah. Time/Warner are already looking at buying it. > and use it to develop and coordinate our defensive strategy. Sandra: Failing that, they could play pong on it. > He further suggests that he himself be placed in charge of the computer. Matt: BD Andrews, evil SysOp. > [Moran] Sandra: Here's an utterly useless fact for you. Moran's name was never used in the series, and the novels were the first place to use them. In the novels, he and several other members of the Southern Cross command staff had the same names as they did in SDC Southern Cross, and without being names in the series. Sean: Thank you, Sandra. We already know how omnipotent you are. Sandra: I've got a reputation to maintain. Kara: Wow. Not even Tsuneo can ramble that much. Matt: Er... Watch that fourth wall there. > Moran: He is, after all, the only officer of command rank with knowledge > of the EVE Matt: The only other guys who know much about it are a few spotty nerds. Sean: Could you imagine the helpdesk for that thing? > and a brilliant soldier as well... Kara: Not to mention young, single, good-looking and quite dashing. Sean: He's writing his own evaluation, I see. > Opinions, general? > [Leonard] Matt [Leonard]: Well, I say we blow it up. It might be an alien or a Commie Mutant Traitor or something. > Leonard: I find the proposal brilliant, excellency. It's high time that > we put that computer through its paces for something more than pacification > of the masses. Matt: Pacification of the masses? Sean: They spend all their time trying to download porn leaving them with nothing else to do. > [Moran] > Moran: I'm in agreement with the general. Sandra: Guess who contributed to his "retirement" fund. > But maybe we should hear from the rest of the council. Commander Emerson? > [Emerson] > Emerson: Sir, may I remind you. The EVE is a product of alien technology... Matt: Oh, so its a Mac. > It's practically a complete mystery to us. Sean: They've found the *on* switch, and that's about it. Matt: See? I told you it was a Mac. > With all due respect, to trust > it with our defense... with the lives of our soldiers... is madness. Sandra: It's not like Leonard cares much for his soldiers anyway... > [Leonard and Emerson arguing] Matt: Rowdy Rolf Emerson versus King Kong Leonard, only on Pay-Per-View > Leonard: Are you saying that we are incapable of maintaining control over > the operation? All: Yes! Sean: Figure it out, Leonard. > Emerson: Quite frankly I have my doubts, sir. You weren't there when we > sent our forces against that fleet. Kara: Say, why wasn't Leonard overseeing that operation? Matt: He was at lunch. Kara: ...That could take a while. > We're lucky enough that we had the few > survivors as it was. We can't afford any weakness at all at this point. > Leonard: Commander, I believe that Professor Embry's people can keep any > glitches out of the system. Sean: If they can prevent Blue Screen Of Doom, I'm happy. Kara: EVE has encountered a Grievous Error. Your system will now explode. Have a nice day. > Emerson: I suspect that professor Embry is not going to be exactly eager > to hand over the EVE. Sandra: It's his shiny thing. Matt: He's been leaching off the budget for years. > Leonard: It's a military emergency! I'm sure the minister of computer > science, at least, has some idea of his responsibilities! Matt: You'd be surprised how few ministers do know anything about their portfolios. Sandra: And the negotiations went on into the night. > [Emerson, Leonard and Moran] Sean: Is it just me, or do Leonard and Emerson there look like schoolboys who have just been caught out by the headmaster? > Moran: Enough gentlemen! Let's not degenerate into name calling. Sean [Emerson]: Fatty. Kara [Leonard]: Poo-poo head. > Inform Andrews that he is in command of the computer complex as of this > moment. Sandra: But it's probably something like two in the morning over there! Matt: So much for hearing from the rest of the council. Sean: They're just extras hired to fill seats in this one scene. > [Soldiers and Embry in front of computer core] Sean: Great view in here. Sandra: On a clear disk, you can see forever. > Embry: But supreme command doesn't even know the first thing about the > computer! Matt: They can't even find that "on" switch. Sean: So none of them have the "Computer Operation" skill? > Good lord, my men have been studying its memory base for years > and we've barely scratched the surface of it's capabilities! Sandra: They ran Falcon 4 with everything turned all the way up and it didn't even flinch. Matt: That is powerful. > BD: There's no more time for simply studying the EVE, professor Embry. > Supreme command believe its high time it was put to use Matt: So using it for "pacifying the masses" doesn't count as using it? > and they've charged me with supervising the proceedings. > [BD with soldier] > BD: As of this moment I am assuming command of the EVE. Captain, will you > please escort professor Embry off the base? Matt: And make sure he clears out his desk too. > Solder: It'll be my pleasure. > [Embry getting into car] Sandra: That's a company car, Embry. You'll have to hand it over as well. > Embry: The EVE was never meant to be used for military purposes. Kara: Given that you know almost nothing about it, how do you know that it *wasn't* designee for military purposes? > Honestly, the arrogance of supreme command is beyond belief! Matt: Anyone would think they were Authour Avatars. Sandra: Or Bruce Lewis characters. > Good luck, colonel.. You're going to need it! > [BD and Lukas] Sandra: Hey look, it's BD Andrews and TV's Lukas. > BD: Lucas, I want everyone on Embry's staff immediately removed from their > position and replaced with one of my own personnel. Sean [BD]: I'm going to stand here and give some arbitrary orders. You, press that button and run off to the left of screen. You over there, say "Soda Water Rhubarb" to him and walk over there. Do that nine times. You, wander around carrying something heavy. > Lukas: Yes, sir. We'll begin immediately. Matt [Lukas]: Familiarizing yourself with your EVE computer, page one. "Congratulations on salvaging an EVE computer..." > But you heard him, colonel. > This machine's never been used by the military before. Sandra: Well, technically it has, seeing as how the military runs the UEG... > Where do we even begin? > BD: I know precisely where. Sean: A direct webcam linkup to the women's showers in the GMP academy? Kara: You would. [She hits him] > [Close up on BD] > [Technicians in computer room] Matt: That's one mighty big workstation they've got there. > Tech 1: Can you believe this? Sean [Tech 1]: It says here that Soylent Green is made of people. As if! > They've got us transmitting the whole EVE > database to a dead satellite. I guess this is what you call busy work. Matt: Actually, I think it's the Dilbert Principle at work. Sandra: Check your boss. If he's a short, round, sadistic dog with glasses, you're in trouble. > Tech 2: Routine maintenance check my foot. They're likely testing loyalty > to the new chief. > [Technicians] > Tech 1: Probably. There's gotta be trillions upon trillions of terabytes > of data stored in this matrix. Matt: Wow. That's... lots. Sandra: Along with no less than five Primes. And Op occasionally visits too. Matt: Wrong matrix. > We could be stuck in this ice box for two > or three days transmitting all of this stuff. Kara: That's one hell of a fast modem you've got there. Sean: Wouldn't it be a killer if they got a crap connection though? > Tech 2: Well at least my fingers will stay warm. I just hate to think what > would happen if this transmission was intercepted. All: Forshadowing! > [Masters with image of dead satellite in background] Sandra: The artist managed to completely mis-draw their command platform. Well done. > Master: And so... it begins. Kara: Special guest appearance by Ambassador Kosh. > [Kelly with Camera] > Kelly: Wow! Becky, you were right. The bike is the greatest! > [Van in city with MODAT following] Matt: Hmm... Signs saying "Mega Zone" and a big 23. Subtle references there. Sandra: They're clear of traffic in central Tokyo. As if. > Kelly: Hey you two, let's have a shot of you on the freeway! Don't just > sit there... Show me what that mean machine can do! > [Mark and Becky on MODAT] Matt [Mark]: My other bike is a Motorslave. Sean: Not to sound like a pest, but who's the girl with him? Sandra: Mark's girlfriend. She was introduced in a scene we skipped. > Kelly [V/O]: What are you waiting for? Let 'er rip! > Mark: I bet she'd be happier if it could drive by itself! Sean: Press the mysterious button labeled "Cruise control" and tell us. > Now I know > why you guys cast me in your movie. You didn't want your boyfriend, > Becky, you wanted his new bike. Sandra: Face it, the bike's got more on-screen talent. > Becky: Well... I've gotta confess. You were the only fella we knew with > a motorcycle. Kara [Mark]: So sleeping with the director didn't help at all? > Mark: So my acting ability didn't count, huh? > Becky: That came into it... A little. Kara [Becky]: OK... It didn't. In fact, it counted against you. > [Mark and Becky on MODAT] > Becky: C'mon Mark, be a sport! Kara [Kelly]: Tell me or I'll rip yer arm off! > Mark: I can't believe I let you people talk me into this! This bike > doesn't even belong to me! Sean [Mark]: I'm still paying the damn thing off. > Becky: You're behaving like you stole it! > Mark: I didn't... Matt [Mark]: I just borrowed it. Really. > But to some people that might not matter very much. > Becky: Mark? What people? Sandra: It wouldn't be the guys in the cheap suits in the black car that are following you, would it? > Mark: Forget it. > [Becky] Sean: Winner of the 2027 Minmei lookalike contest. > Becky: Mark, if you're in some kind of trouble you'd tell me, wouldn't > you? Wouldn't you? Matt: I guess it depends on what kind of trouble... > [Mark and Becky in a plaza with Kelly operating a camera and Stacy holding > a light] Sean: Meanwhile, back on the set of "Chubby Rain"... > Mark: I'm sorry, my darling, but I've been called to the front, and I must > go. We haven't much time. > Becky: No, you're wrong, my love... We have a lifetime... [They all mime throwing up] Matt: Wow. That dialogue was so hammy. Sandra: You didn't hear the delivery in the movie... > Kelly: Cut! > [Kelly and Stacy] > Kelly: No! Not Eve again! That ditzy pop star just spoiled my take! Kara: Goddam pop stars! Can't stand them! Matt: You and half the Australian public. > [Eve in uniform on screen] Sean: Why can't our army have a cute uniform like that. Kara: You wish! [Hits him] Sandra: Naaah... Post-apocalyptic fascist military dictatorships don't do "cute". "Severe" yes. "Dark" yes. But not "cute". > Eve [Singing]: Call on me... Just call on me... > [Becky and Mark] > Becky: Oh Kelly. You're just jealous. I think EVE's great. I hope to be > half as good as her some day. You don't become the number one celebrity > in the world by being bad! Sandra: That's open to debate. Just ask Shwartzenegger or the Spice Girls. Matt: Spice Who? Sandra: Some things are best left unexplained. > She's the hottest thing since Minmei. Matt: I thought that was Janice Em. Sandra: Same diff. > Mark: Of course! Eve! That's who Tod wanted me to contact. Kara: How long did that take you, wonder boy? > [Mark on MODAT speeding through crowd] Matt: One guy with a "Mega Zone" T-shirt... > Mark: I can't believe I was so dense! All: We can. > Of course he meant Eve.. The Eve! Sean: EVA-01? > She's been at the height of popularity since her television show went > on the air a decade ago. Kara: Of course, they keep shuffling its timeslot, messing with the formula, adding new characters... that kind of stuff. > [Mark with speed lines] > Mark: All I have to do is sneak in and get a meeting with her and this > bike. Sean: So he wants to meet her and the bike? I thought he already knew the bike quite well. Sandra: I think that didn't come out quite right. > We'll be able to expose all the government's lies. Kara [Mark]: It's a conspiracy, I tells ya! A conspiracy! > They'll have to come out with the truth. Matt: Up next on Springer: My Best Friend's Boss is an Alien Clone and I Stole His Bike! > I just hope Tod's OK. I hated leaving him there like that. Kara: He could be dead... Or sent to another dimension, even. > But... What else was I supposed to do? I'm no hero. Sandra: Huh? Where'd the Eve chat show got to? Did we just miss another vital scene there? Matt: Seems that way... > [TV Station] Sandra: And now we've skipped the battle with the Harguns! We're dropping scenes like crazy. Sean: You sure this is a two-part adaptation? There's not gonna be much left for the Second issue. Matt: Maybe it'll do an "Aftermath 13" and end after only twelve or so pages and charge for another twenty of bumf. > [Mark in hall wearing janitor's cap] Sean: Nice disguise there. > Man: I'm just glad that the government didn't shut us down without Embry > in charge... > [Mark peering around door] Sean [Mark]: All righty! Womens' dressing rooms, here I come! > [Mark in room full of computers, with Eve on a large monitor] Sandra: And now, for anyone who hasn't figured out the link between EVE and Eve yet... Matt: Well given all the missing scenes, it is a bit hard. Sean: Darn it. She looked cute. > Eve [Singing]: Saved by science... Science rescued me... > [Technicians] > Tech: Aaargh! Someone fix that glitch! Matt: They're sending out a Service Disk some day now. Sandra: Poor guys are still only running EVE v1.0 > Ever since Andrews took over... The system's been taxed to the max. Sean: Well what do you expect? All his men are using it to download porn or play deathmatches. > How are we meant to keep the populace > placated if we can't keep the illusion of EVE going? Kara: Claim she's suffering from work-related stress and taking a holiday. Then throw the show into an infinite loop of re-runs. Sean: Hang on... Am I to assume that EVE, the world's most popular singer/TV star never does public concerts, public appearances, have live guests on her show or get publicly drunk? Sandra: It does sound a little silly, doesn't it? > [Mark] > Mark: Eve's... a computer? Matt: Not just a computer but *the* computer. Sandra: The Computer is your friend. The Computer wants you to be Happy. When you are Happy, The Computer is Happy. When you are unHappy, The Computer is unHappy. Be Happy. > [Mark leaving studio] > Mark: The government has some nerve! Treating us like babies with a > fake super-star. What do they think? That nobody will ever find out? Kara: Well, if she's been on the air for a decade with no problems, I guess they're not too worried about it. Sean: Pretty amazingly poor security for the big secret though... Any old idiot kid can walk in there and blow the whole thing open. > [Mark getting on MODAT] Matt: Saddle up boys... We's got Injun trouble. > Mark: I'm sick and tired of this whole thing. All: Us too. > My only lead turns out to be a video game. Sean: Poor guy thought Lara Croft was real... > First chance I get, I'm dumping this bike off a bridge Sandra: About the only place you'd fins a parking spot in Tokyo for it anyway. > and forgetting I ever... > [MODAT screen with EVE logo] Kara: Welcome to Macintosh. > Eve [V/O]: EVE system uplink established. Kara [Eve]: Establishing battlefield control, stand by. Sean: That's EVA, not EVE. Kara: Sorry. > Verbal response required for voice-print identification. > [Mark] > Mark: Not you again! Listen lady, thing, whatever you are... I'm sick and > tired of Sean: -This semi-charmed kind of life. > Eve [V/O]: Voice print confirmed. Matt: Wow. Frank Welker could get anywhere with this machine. > [Eve on MODAT screen] > Eve: Mark Landry, listen to me, please. We haven't much time. Sean: The audience is rapidly dropping off. > You are operating the only MODAT that remains free. Matt: This is the last free, wild Modat. Raised in the wild, it is the only one not in captivity. > All of my other terminals have been impounded by the military. Matt: Or the LAPD. Sean: Same thing, really. > You are the Earth's last hope. Sandra [Eve]: Help Me Obi-Wan Landry, you're my only hope. > [Mark] > Mark: But... Wait did you say your terminals? What the heck are you? Sandra: The last layer of defensive programming before Bahamut's core. Matt: Really? Sandra: No. Actually, there's a complex back-story, but it takes too long to explain. > [SDF-1 in ship mode in space] All: DYRL SDF-1! Kara: You know, we should make a drinking game out of this. Each DYRL mecha design or ship design or whatever is probably only worth a sip. > Eve [V/O]: I am known as the EVE computer by your Earth government. > It signifies "Enhanced Video Emulation". But there are others who call > me by a very different name. Sean: CABAAL. Kara: Vector Sigma. Matt: HAL. Kara: Hex. Sandra: Sharon Apple? > [Zendtraedi mecha] Sean: When did those guys get here? Matt: I think it's a flashback. Kara: Is that Khorah over there? > Eve [V/O]: Decades ago, Sandra: Um... Fifteen years... > others were sent to retrieve me. They failed. Sean: Well that worked. > [Close-up on Mark's face] > Eve [V/O]: And now their masters have come for me, Mark. From far away > they have come... Matt: Wyoming? Sandra: Nothing's *that* far away. > [Veritechs fighting Battle pods] > Eve [V/O]: Once again, you Earth has been invaded by a ruthless and > powerful enemy. Sean: Time Warner/AoL! > Tod Harris was a part of the force sent to oppose the initial invasion. Kara: See what happens when you don't assign enough blockers? Sandra: Since when have you played Tragic: The Blathering? Kara: I found a whole pile of old cards lying around. > [SDF-1 and Zentraedi ships in space] > Eve [V/O]: Unlike last time, there is a conspiracy to conceal the > invasion by supreme command. Sandra: Actually, the RDF command tried to conceal the Zentraedi invasion as well. Matt: They must have felt mighty stupid when four million-odd ships showed up. Sandra: They did. Briefly. > Tod discovered this and knew that the Earth's > forces themselves may have been infiltrated. Matt: Including the Arch-Traitor, the Vice-President, betrayer of the free world and instigator of the New Order. Sandra: I'll pay anyone who gets that one... > [Close-up of Mark's eye] Matt: Not that close! > Eve [V/O]: Even now parts of my memory are being sent via satellite to the > alien fleet. Kara: They started with the 640K base RAM and worked their way up from there. > Only the MODATs have a chance against this technology. Sean: Having MAD HAKOR SKILLZ would also help... > And you are Earth's only chance for survival. All: We're doomed. > [Mark] > Mark: Terrific. Look, Eve, this is all very interesting but how do I fit > into the picture? Sandra: Judging by the art so far, very badly. > I'm no hero. You've got the wrong guy. Kara: Wow. That statement practically screams "heroic destiny". > [Eve] > Eve: You've become quite an expert at maneuvering the MODAT, Matt: Since when? Sandra: Scenes we skipped. He flukes his way through a fight with a pair of baddies. > and we can put the experience to good use. Sean [Eve]: We have a job opening for a kitchen hand with experience in trashing baddies, riding bikes and being a lout. You sound like just the man. > I've programmed it to guide you to me. Kara: Unfortunately, its taking the straight line route and doesn't consider such things as buildings, roads, hills, walls... > There you can hopefully put an end to the data transfer Sandra: Try pulling the phone cord. That always works. > and > from there we can show the supreme command themselves know the > existence of the MODAT. Matt: So let me get this straight... Supreme Command developed the MODAT... Tod was going to use it against Supreme Command... But they don't know of it's existence? AAARGH! > [BD & Lukas in van] All: Road Trip! > BD: Excellent. The activation of the MODAT's terminal was the perfect > homing beacon. > [Mark on MODAT on highway] Sean: Go Speed Racer! > BD [V/O]: It was child's play to triangulate his coordinates from there. > Now... we have him. > [Hargun battloid emerges from van] Matt: Er, is this your missing Hargun fight scene? Sandra: Yeah... Of course, what it's doing here is beyond me. > BD: Initiate capture sequence... now! Sean: Gotta catch them all. [Sandra hits him] Sorry. > Mark: Hey buddy, get off my... Kara: Don't you hate it when there's a guy on the road behind you who's being a real pain, and when you finally decide to do something about it he turns out to be driving a giant robot? Sean: I must say that it's never happened to me. > [Becky, Kelly and Stacy in park with Hargun in the background] > Stacy: Becky! Kelly! Look up on the overpass! Sean: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? > Isn't that Mark?!?! Kara: No! It's Supermark! > Becky: Oh my goodness! Mark's in trouble! Sandra: Hang on... this wasn't in the film! Matt: So they're removing stuff and adding other stuff. Sandra: Something like that. > [Kelly with camera] > Kelly: And I'm getting the footage of a lifetime! Sandra: Just so long as you're not providing the Camera for Damien Day, you're fine. Sean: Of course, how much you're going to see what's happening on the overpass when you're below it is another matter. > [Net gun firing] > SFX: FWOOSH! Matt: Recent studies have found that "Plong" works better. > [Mark in net] > Mark: Eve! Get me out of this thing! Sandra: I think you've got to learn to stop relying on the computer to do everything and start doing it yourself, young man. > [Hargun reeling in net] Matt [Hargun]: Hoo boy... I got me a big 'un! > Mark: Eve! Do something! Kara [Eve]: I'm running Defrag now, if it will help. > [Eve] > Eve: Engaging automatic transformation. > [MODAT in battloid mode being grabbed by Hargun] Sean: Watch it with the hands mate, or else you'll have a lawsuit coming at you! > SFX: SCHRIIIP > Mark: Whoa momma! > [Hargun explodes sending the MODAT off the overpass] Matt: Any reason it just out and exploded like that? Sean: I think it was the Nissan Pathfinder model Hargun. Sandra: Actually, there was a reason, but it doesn't work in this three panels -a-page action. > SFX: KABO-OM > Mark: Somebody get me off this thiiiiiing! Matt: Mark Landry is George Jetson! > [Kelly and Stacy, scared] Kara: Anyone would think they'd never seen their friend get attacked by giant robots, his bike turn into a giant robot and then get thrown off an overpass before. > [MODAT lands in park] All: Oooh... Ahhh... [They all hold up cards reading 8.1, 8.3, 9.1 and 7.8] > SFX: THUD Sean: Graceful. > [MODAT Transforming, Kelly, Becky and Stacy in background] > Eve [V/O]: Returning MODAT to normal mode. Matt: Windows is re-starting. Sandra: Nothing normal about that. > Becky: Mark!!! Mark that was you! Sandra: No! It was a guy who looks just like Mark, acts just like mark, wears the same clothes as Mark and has an identical bike to Mark's, but it isn't Mark. Who else do you think it would be? Matt: Jonny Winters? Sandra: Obscure. > What's going on? Kara: A very bad comic adaptation of a movie, apparently. > Mark: Huh? Wha? Becky! Get out of here, all of you. Just get as far > away as possible! Sean [British]: Run away! Run away! > [MODAT drives out of park] Matt: "Garland for sale"... These guys are true masters of the subtle references. > Becky: Mark! Come back! What's going on??? Kara: Well, when he was a kid, aliens abducted his kid sister... > [BD on overpass looking down] Matt [BD]: Well that went as well as can be expected. > Becky: Mark! > [EVE Computer center] > Mark: So, this is where you live huh? Kara [Eve]: This is just my winter home. > Pretty impressive for a holographic pop star. Sean: Yeah, but the views are pretty damned lousy. > Eve: This underground complex was used only for scientific research until > supreme command took over. Kara: So what's with all the ruined buildings? Matt: Why not? isn't a mad scientist allow to blow a city up every now and then in the name of science? > It is salvaged from the remains of an alien > battle fortress the Earth once used. Sandra [Eve]: You know... SDF-1, first contact with aliens, bought us Robotechnology, Zentraedi came to get it back... Sean [Mark]: Oh! *That* Battlefortress! > That all changed when supreme command took over and Andrews was put in charge. Matt: Now he's letting the younger talent go and pushing over the hill wrecks. > Mark: Andrews huh? Sounds familiar. Sean: Could it be that he's the guy who was on TV just this morning saying that absolutely nothing happened? Matt [Mark]: No... I don't remember him at all! > Say, where are we going anyways? Kara [Mark]: And are we there yet? > Eve: We are going to the computer core through an abandoned entryway. > There is little chance we will be discovered by going this route. All: How convineeeeeent. > Engaging automatic transformation. > [MODAT in Battloid mode in targeting sight] Matt: So much for there being little chance of discovery. > Mark: I doubt I'll ever get used to this. > Voice: Sir we show an intruder heading through the entryway. Sean [Voice]: Target is fat, has a beard, wearing red, carrying a big sack... Should I waste him? > [BD] > BD: I see him Major Lukas and I'll deal with him personally. Sandra: Famous last words. Matt: Twenty says he'll capture Mark, explain all his plans to him then leave him alone and unguarded in a lame deathtrap. > [MODAT flying up shaft] Sandra: We just skipped another fight scene... I have a feeling this scene skipping is becoming a habit. > Mark: Up up and away! Sean: To infinity... And beyond! > Eve: We don't have time for playing Mark. Kara [Mark]: Awwww... But mum! > You'll find the computer core at the end of this chute. Matt: The laundry chute? Who would put the computer there. Sean: Alien technology. Go fig. > You'll have to make an entryway yourself. > Mark: That's ok. I'm always good at... > [MODAT bursts through floor] All: Da-dah! > Mark: ...Making an entrance! > [Mark] > Mark: Uh... Eve. Tell me I'm seeing things. Sean: No you're not. There really is an army of pink elephants flying through your cockpit. > I thought you said we were the only MODAT? Matt: Um... He's already seen the Hargun. Why has he mistaken it for a MODAT? > [Hargun with lightsaber and shield] Sandra: Um... This is the second fight between him and BD. Kara: Could they have skipped some scenes? Sandra: Yeah... about a third of the movie. > BD: Not that it matters Mark but this but this is a Hargon... Matt: Hargon? Sandra: Hargon, Hargun, Hurgun, Hargand, Hogrun... Close enough. > the > predecessor to the MODAT series. Later doesn't actually mean that it's better. Sandra: Um, The MODAT is better than the Hargun. > We actually scaled the MODAT down from this. In other words, Sean [BD]: I'm using the older model and I'm proud of it! > prepare to meet your death! Kara: Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected! > [BD swipes at MODAT with sword] Sandra: Um.. the Hargun's only about ten centimeters or so taller than the MODAT. They've drawn it huge here. Kara: It's Darth BD! Cool! > SFX: SVOOM Kara: Explode at 11 O'Clock sharp! > BD: You've led us on a merry chase thus far... I'm almost sad that > it has to end. Sandra: You know Clone BD, you're enjoying this waaaaay too much. > Mark: Unh! Sean: How articulate of him. > [MODAT fires gun] Kara: Guns? You think I'm meaning puppy? Carla [V/O]: Mmm... Puppies! [Thwack] Owwwww! > SFX: BAM Sean: Bam Bigelow. > Mark: It's far from over, Bozo. Sandra: Wow. He must be really stinging from that "Bozo" remark. > [Hargun] > BD: The name is Andrews, BD Andrews. Matt [BD]: Agent 0023, license to do bad stuff. > And it's over Mark... Sean: But this is only the first issue. Sandra: I'm getting really worried about what will be in part two. > Much like your friend Tod, you're just too stupid to admit it... > [Hargun slices off MODAT arm] Kara: You bastard, try this melon! Sean: I knew I should have never held that all-night Hong Kong moive marathon. > SFX: SCHRUNCH! Kara [BD]: There, I've taken your arm off. Sean [Mark]: 'tis but a scratch. A flesh wound! > BD: Let's face it. You're dead! Kara: You're stain! > [MODAT crashes to the floor] > SFX: CRASH! > [Mark, bleeding] Kara: Wow... He's going to have a trendy scar. Sean: Trendy scar? Kara: Yeah... Like Harlock or Squall. > Mark: You... You killed Tod?!? Sean [BD]: No, I just- All: Sent him to another dimension! Louisa [V/O]: That does it. No more DBZ for you guys. > Why you murdering bast... > [BD] > BD: Now let's not resort to name-calling. Sean: Obviously, he's letting "Bozo" slip. > I'm in such a forgiving mood that I'll even grant you a quick death. Kara: You won't die in one piece! > [Kelly in apartment] Matt: Meanwhile, back at the ranch... > BD [V/O]: The same quick death I've granted to your little friend with > the camera. Sean: Lisa Vanette? Matt: Peter Parker? Kara: April O'Neil? Sandra: Gerry the Cameraman? > [Silhouetted man with gun behind Kelly] > BD [V/O]: Come now... you didn't think I'd actually allow footage of the > MODAT's existence, did you? Not when I'm this close to success. > [Gun fires] Sandra: Huh? She isn't killed until after this scene... this heavily re-written scene... oh dear. > [Hargun kicks MODAT in the head] All: Boot to the head! > BD: Now say goodnight. All: Goodnight! > Mark: Yeaaaarghhhh! > [MODAT falling down shaft] Sandra: Whoa! This is right at the end of the film! We've skipped something like twenty minute's worth of film here! BD's coup, the battle between the Southern Cross and the Master's fleet, Mark "rescuing" Becky, the romantic tension, The power play between BD and Embry... This is nuts! Matt: I'm really getting worried about the second issue... > [MODAT falling down shaft] Sean: Say, how long does it take him just to reach the bottom? Kara: Probably just another panel or so. > [Mark unconscious] > To be concluded! Sandra: Which should only take six or so pages at the rate they're going... [They get up and leave] [Door 1 - It's a vault door. It swings shut as you leave] [Door 2 - It's a rolling garage door. You wrestle it shut and proceed] [Door 3 - It's a double wooden door with wrought-iron edging set in stonework. It creaks shut and you proceed] [Door 4 - It's a revolving door. You go around several times then proceed.] [Door 5 - It's one of the doors from the Death Star. It whooshes down and nearly takes your feet off as you proceed.]