Elmer Studios presents... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Episode 133 brings a double serving of monkey-boy inspired stupidity. It's so good, even dead villains can't stay away. THnaks to Jamie Jeans for sending us "Matt Enters". He got it off a guy who's name he forgot. Final Fantasy 8 is copyright Squaresoft. The Guyver is copyright ??. Matt Enters is copyright a guy who didn't put his name on the fic but is probably called Matt anyway. A New Guyver is copyright Lord Mitchell. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. There is a small, battered artificial Christmas tree next to the computer, looking for all the world like it has been trodden on. Ragged tinsel and streamers adorn the wall.] [Tsuneo and Rebecca enter, talking] Tsuneo: So despite the fight scene at the end, it really wasn't worth it. Rebecca: And the science behind it was such garbage too. Tsuneo: Oh, don't get started on that again. [Dan enters] Dan: Hi guys. What's going on? Tsuneo: In a fit of silliness, we just saw 'The One.' Dan: Yeah, I saw it too. It rocked. Rebecca: Tell me you're kidding. Dan: No, serious. Well, it didn't have quite enough fights in it, but who cares? Rebecca: Come on Dan, even you couldn't have swallowed that plot. Dan: Why not? Rebecca: Well, it's the whole "The One" theory. Dan: What, that Billy Gunn is a good wrestler. Tsuneo: Here we go again. Rebecca: No! The whole principle behind the film! Dan: Um... What was that again? I kinda slept through the talking. Tsuneo: Well that explains a lot. Rebecca: It's the bit that says when one of you dies, all the others become more powerful. Dan: Gotcha. So? Rebecca: So? So there wasn't any conditions on it. It applies to everyone. Dan: I don't follow you. Tsuneo: What she means is that it wasn't specific to Jet Li. It's when everyone dies. Dan: Gotcha. Rebecca: So I started thinking about the implications, which just made the film seem even sillier. Dan: How so? Rebecca: Okay, let's take Abraham Lincoln for example. John Wilkes Booth kills a trillion Abes which means that somewhere out there is one MegaAbe with the power of a trillion Abes. Dan: So what, he can do anything? Rebecca: As far as that film implied, yeah. Dan: Dude... That gas station attendant must have been really powerful! [Karen McMillan, a mater and a half of pudgy fury in a police uniform, enters] Karen: Oh wow, this place again. It looks [She looks around] like a bomb hit it. Rebecca: Which is kind of normal. Welcome back, Karen. Dan: Ah, I was hoping for someone curvy. [He shields his face] Karen: What? What?! Tsuneo: Um, excuse me, but... who is this? Rebecca: This? This is Karen McMillan, our B-Team tryout for today's experiment. Karen: Yep. I'm a cop, so no funny business, monkey-boy. Tsuneo: Monkey boy? Dan [Still cringing]: Don't push your luck, Tsuneo. She's dangerous. Tsuneo: No offence, but I have a hard time believing that. Karen: What? Come on! I just look dangerous! Tsuneo: Uh, sure. Whatever you say. Dan: YOu are so asking for it, man. [He ducks behind Rebecca. She hits him] Rebecca: Like I said, Karen's our tryout for the day. She's done three prior episodes, two of which were Bubblegum Shift. Dan: With the extra "F". Rebecca: That one never gets tired. Tsuneo [Aside]: We're really scraping the bottom of the B-Team barrel, aren't we? Rebecca [Aside]: Got that right. Tsuneo [Aside]: So why'd you pick her? Rebecca [Aside]: Dan fears her, and that's good enough for me. Karen: Hey there, Dan. What are you doing hiding behind the couch anyway? Dan: Um, checking for boxes of Hamdingers. I might need one about now. Voice: Good morning everyone. I trust- What's she doing here? Rebecca: Oh, her? She's just filling in for Rick today, Sauron. Voice: I've been meaning to ask, where has Rick gotten to? Dan [From behind couch]: Don't tell him anything. Voice: Right. Tsuneo: You got me. I think he's slacking off. Rebecca: Big surprise. Karen: Gee, Dan. You look like something's about to explode. Dan: I can't imagine what. Rebecca: So, Voice, what's the pain for the day? Voice: Today's *review*- Rebecca: Experiment. Karen: I agree. Dan: Can we please just get it over with? Voice: Is a Guyver fic- Tsuneo: Anime, comic or live-action? Voice: -Served up with a short. Tsuneo: Hello? Voice? Rebecca: You ain't getting any more out of him. Tsuneo: Figures. [They sit, Rebecca and Tsuneo on the forwards facing couch, Karen on the other one. Dan hides behind it] Karen: You can come up here. I don't bite. Dan: It's not biting I'm afraid of. [He sits on the couch next to her] Tsuneo: Can we just start the fic? [The TV switches on] > Introduction > This story begins where Final Fantasy Eight ended. What if > Sorcerress Ultimecia didn't die? Tsuneo: At least it isn't Sephiroth back from the dead. > What if she was to weak, so she just sent them back to > their time? Dan: And the big-ass explosion? Rebecca: Oh, who cares about the big-arse explosion. > What if a new guy stepped in, and helped them all in their time > of need? All: Hello. > This, my friends, is that story. Dan: So sit right back and I'll tell you a tale, a tale of a fateful trip. > Scene One > Matt Enters > Matt, a tall, dark haired, blue eyed, broad shouldered guy with a > bad attitude steps into Quistis Trepe's old classroom. Rebecca: Why, look. It's the man. Tsuneo: He was also carrying a huge sign that said 'Self-Insertion.' Dan: Is he old enough to drive yet? Just wondering. Karen: I doubt he's old enough to shave. > Quistis had just recently > gotten her job as an instructor back after her important role in the > recent Sorcceress war. Matt couldn't wait to study about that. Dan: [Matt] I'd be happy to study under Quistis. > Matt is the kind of person who wants to be a somebody or do > something that people will remember. Rebecca: He could run naked across a cricket pitch. > He has already aced his tests given by several > different instuctors, including Quistis. Tsuneo: They kept passing him off to each other. Karen: Unfortunately, he failed lunch. > He was particulary excited because he had heard a rumor that > Galbadian Soldiers had infiltrated Balamb, and SeeD canidates would > be sent to Balamb for their SeeD feild exam. Dan: That's a school secret, so of course everyone knows. > He couldn't wait to take his broad sword and start > liberating. He felt like a Galbadian politician. Dan: What, fat and bald? Tsuneo: I think he's talking about ravaging the countryside and oppressing the masses. Karen: Those are his favourite hobbies. > He stepped into the classroom and noticed that Siefer Almasy, a > teenager who had been on Matt's butt ever since he got here, had taken > his assigned spot. Rebecca: He was writing 'I will not destroy the fabric of space and time' on the blackboard. > He walked up to Seifer. > "Excuse me," Matt said, "but your in my seat. Please get up and move > to your assighned seat." > "Why don't you make me?" Seifer replied. He got up and put a hand on > his gunblade. Tsuneo: Now let's see, by the last battle, Seifer's brimming over with power. As an examination-level student, Matt here is a disposable. Let's see what happens. > "Maybe I will!" Matt said, swinging at Seifers face. He caught him in > the jaw only to be pushed back towards the wall where three "Trepies" were > talking. Tsuneo: [Trepie] Did you know Instructor Trepe was knocked out five times? Dan: [Trepie] And she killed 186 monsters! Rebecca: [Trepie] I've heard she's taken to selling personal effects on e-bay for stupidly high amounts. > They wuickly scattered. Once on the wall, Seifer put his gunblade to > Matt's throat. Then, quickly, Seifer fell to the side, landing on his > butt. Matt looked and saw Zell Dincht standing infront of him, poised for a > fight. Karen: Zell Dincht is Ken Clean-Air Systems! > "Why don't you go pick on your mom?" Zell said. Dan: [Zell] Hang on, I think I'm mixing my taunts here. > "Also, I believe weapons are prohibited within classrooms." Tsuneo: So were was he hiding his gunblade? Karen: Goodnight everybody! > Seifer got up and pulled his gunblade up, ready to slash at Zell. > But suddenly, there was a loud CRACK! in the room as Seifer dropped his > gunblade. Matt looked around the room, only to see Quistis Trepe holding > her whip, [Dan pants like a dog and barks] Rebecca: And a wooden chair in the other hand. [She casually bats him] > ready for another CRACK! towards Seifer. > "Seifer," Quistis said, "as Zell said, weapons are prohibited within > classrooms. Go wait in the Disciplanary Room until the SeeD exam starts." Dan: He's got his own corner there. Tsuneo: So what was Zell doing hanging around the classroom anyway? Karen: He was writing 'I must not summon in class' on the board. > As Seifer left, everyone gasped, except for a few SeeDs. They just > smirked. Some cracked their knuckles. Dan: Seifer's really fallen hard. Tsuneo: [Seifer] But I cut Odin in half! Honest! > "So the rumors are true?" Matt asked, as he started walking towards > his seat. > "Yes," Quistis said. "Balamb has been invaded by Galbadian Soldiers. Karen: They've taken over the gift store and cut off our supply of shotgun ammo. > They > want to get revenge for defeating there leader, and they are holding > us responsible for President Delings death." Dan: They also want to get all their cards back off Squall. > "But didn't Sorcceress Edea-slash-Ultimecia kill him?" Karen: That's an interesting name. Rebecca: It's Belgian. > a SeeD named > Selphie Tilmit asked Quistis. Matt had a crush on her ever since he had > come to Balamb Garden. Rebecca: Wow. That's really aiming low. Dan: Wait a sec, you're in Quistis' class and you're drooling over Selphie? Karen: Selphie doesn't make you write 'I must not slobber in class' on the board. > "Yes, but they say that she was a spy sent by Balamb," Quistis said. > "I have the list for SeeD exam particapants right here. If you complain, > five points are deducted from your score. Dan: [Matt] That's unfair. Rebecca: [Quistis] Five points off. Dan: [Matt] D'oh! > One SeeD will be in each of the nine > groups. Here are the listing, squad leader in first of the line of names." > Matt listened carefully, but couldn't keep his eyes off Selphie. He > was hoping and praying to be on her squad. Suddenly, he heard his named > called from Quistis. > "... and finaly, in squad "I", Matt Sent, Irvine Kinneas, and Seifer > Almasy," Quistis had said. Karen: Wackiness promptly ensues. > "All SeeD canidates meet by the emergency escape door in an hour. Karen: [Quistis] We'll be practicing combat drops. > We will be landing in an hour and thirty minutes. I suggest > you all either train, or review for the exam. Dismissed." Dan: [Matt] How do you study for explosions anyway? > Everyone left. Matt stayed at my desk and studied. After half an hour > of studying, he stood up to see Irvine Kinnease walking up to him. He had > his gun to his side, so he figured he knew what he was going to ask him. Rebecca: But Matt already had a date on Friday. > "Hey, I heard I was in the same squad as you," Irvine said. "Want to > head down to the training center with me and Zell? Dan: [Irvine] We're gonna level up and be chased by velociraptors. > We figured you could joing our little "Siefer Haters" club." He chuckled. Rebecca: What, the whole school? Karen: Except Selphie. She's still on prozac. > "Yea, sure," Matt said. "I don't need to, though. Tsuneo: [Matt] That's because I'm amazingly wonderful. Dan: [Irvine] Is that why you got wuss-slapped by Seifer? Tsuneo: [Matt] Meet you in the training area. > I have aced all of my other test, how could it be any different?" > "How can it be any different?" He echoed. "This test depends on attack, > skill, strength, and decisions. Rebecca: And how the player sets up your GF. Karen: Oh, you've been assigned GF Frogger. Hard cheese. > You can even die during this test. Listen, > just come with us and train. Don't forget to junction your GF on the > way." Dan: [Matt] Let's see, if I junction my GF to my right foot and... Wait, how does this work again? > "Yea, Yea." Matt said. He junctioned the GF Brothers to hiself and > followed Irvine to the training center. Rebecca: [Quistis] And just where do you think you're going? Dan: [Irvine] We're just off to feed the new kid to the T-Rexaur. Tsuneo: [Zell] It's a hazing thing. Rebecca: [Quistis] Carry on. Karen: Now that she's a sensible adult, Quistis knows better than this. Rebecca: What, at eighteen? She's ready for retirement. > Scene Two > Training Center Mayhem > When Matt, Zell, and Irvine arrive in the trainging center, > everything was as usual. Quiet. All: Too quiet. > The kind of quiet that would make weak children have a > heart attack. But it wasn't quiet for long. Dan: [Zell] This is boring. Tsuneo: [Irvine] Shut up. Dan: [Zell] I want to hit something. Tsuneo: [Irvine] We're meant to be stalking monsters. Dan: [Zell] But it's just so dull! Tsuneo: [Irvine] Hey, monsters? Over here! > After ten minutes of walking around, Zell began to tire. There > had been no monsters whatsoever sighted. Not even a Grat! Rebecca: Sorry guys, the wandering monster table keeps coming up blank. > "Where are those dumb monsters at?!" Zell screamed. Karen: Avoiding you. > "I'd rather be off fighting Ultemicia again!" > "Watch what you wish for," Matt said. "It just may come true." > "Plus, don't you remember what Ultimecia was like?" Irvine said. > "I never want to see her ugly face ever again." Rebecca: [Irvine] Or hear her voice. Karen: [Ultimecia] Vat are you doink? I vill krush you seely Seeds. Krush, Krush! > "What was she like, Irvine?" Matt asked. "Some huge, sixty foot beast > with talons that are five feet long?" Dan: [Zell] Well do you mean the babe with the open front, the big lion thing that's Squall's fault, the freaky two-headed beasty or the big tower of strangeness? Tsuneo: [Matt] Forget I asked. > "No," Zell said. "She was at least twenty feet tall with talons five > feet long." Rebecca: Well that's fair then. > Suddenly, they heard a crash in the distance, then a scream. Then the > scream was suddenly, terribly, torn off. Karen: It's the new breakaway scream. Tsuneo: It's Mizuki! She's been kidnapped and menaced by Zoanoids! > Matt looked at Irvine. Then at Zell. Dan: [Zell] Pardon. > "Well?" Irvine asked Matt. "Lets boogey!" Tsuneo: Boogey? *Boogey?* > They ran toward where the scream came from. Dan: No Matt, the *other* way. Karen: They found a bunch of Nod soldiers being menaced by a triceratops. > They saw only a young SeeD cadet named Stephany, lying on the ground. Dan: [Matt] Say, prime opportunity here! [He immediately cringes away from Karen] Karen: What? What? Dan: No hammer? Karen: Oh please, dimensional sledgehammers are so done. > Matt knelt beside her and felt her > pulse. "She's alive," he said. "Something knocked her out." Tsuneo: The script? > "Or someone," Irvine said. "Zell, go check around the area. You have > your GF equiped, right?" > "Ifrit's ready and rearing to kick some a-," Zell said. > "Just go, Zell," Irvine interrupted. Dan: [Zell] Nobody likes me. > "Dear Irvine," Stephany said. But her eyes were closed and she > wasn't moving her mouth! Tsuneo: So she's a ventriloquist? > "Taking charge like you've always wanted to. To be like Squall." Rebecca: [Stephany] Only geekier. Dan: [Irvine] Yeah, he gets the best babes. > "That voice..." Irvine said. Then he began to tremble. "Y-you-your..." > "Ultemicia?" Stephany said. "Your quite right, Irvine." Dan: [Irvine] That's a relief. For a minute, I thought you were going to say you were Tiffany Grant. Tsuneo: We should be shocked, but it was in the cliff notes at the start. > "B-but we k-killed you..." Irvine stutered. Rebecca: [Ultimecia] I got better. > "No... you didn't kill me," Ultemicia/Stephany said. "You had had > just made me weak, so I had to send you back to your own time.to survive. > And now, I have come for revenge!" Tsuneo: Don't you have better things to do? You know, destroy the fabric of space and time and all that? Rebecca: Or explaining why Adel's a man. Karen: [Ultimecia] I vant to suck your blood! > Suddenly, Irvine was lifted up twenty feet into the air and thrown out > of the training center. Karen: Those are some harsh bouncers they've got. > Then Zell was picked up and thrown out. Matt was stunned. > Ultemicia/Stephany stared at him. Matt thought right through him. > "You will join there quest. It is vital that you do. If you don't," > she said, "You, your family, and everyone else you care about, will > die. Well, they'll die anyways." Dan: [Matt] So there's no point in doing it, right? Tsuneo: Any reason why she's telling them this in advance? Rebecca: The authour can't think of a feasible reason for Matt to join the main cast. > She cackled most evily and dissapeared in a shimmer of light. Karen: Ninja! Vanish! > Matt ran > out to Zell and Irvine. Selphie was there. Appearently she was walking > by when they were thrown out. All: How conveeenient. > "What happened?!" Selphie asked everyone. She helped Irvine up. > "Ultemicia," Matt said. "She's alive and she wants me to join you > all to kill her. > "She wants us to kill her?" Zell asked no one in particular. > "There's sorcceress for you," Irvine said calmly. Dan: [Irvine] Bunch of freaks. > "C'mon, we have to go tell Squall. I think he's on the bridge." Rebecca: What's he doing there? Karen: Moping. > They all walked towards the elevator, hands on their weapons, ready > for anything. Karen: Then all of a sudden, a giant pink Chocobo ran past. Dan: Well, almost anything. Rebecca: That was brief. Voice: And now for our feature presentation. Tsuneo: Let's not and say we did. > This takes place just after Volume Six of the Anime. Yes, there are > some minor plot holes, but I haven't seen the series in a while. Tsuneo: Shouldn't you do research before you write a fic? Rebecca: Has that ever stopped anyone? > A New Guyver > by Lord Mitchell Dan: Isn't he the kook that wrote that GI Joe fic? Rebecca: Yes. Dan: Aargh. Tsuneo: And here's me without a spare box of hamdingers. > Barcus sighed. He could not destroy the Guyver. Not only that, but > Murakami was the Beastmaser, Karen: With his tiger and his eagle and his ferrets and everything! > and destroyed all three of the best Enzyme 2s in the area. Karen: New Bio-Zest with active Enzyme II! Dan: What are you on about? Karen: Sorry, but this show always makes me think of laundry detergents. > To add insult to injury, but Sho had defeated Aptom. But was Aptom dead? > His arm had turned to dust, but.. Dan: One would think that's pretty final. Tsuneo: I guess that means he should be coming back any minute now. > He said to himself, "I should bring in my secret weapon. But should > I bring him. Dan: But he just said he should. Karen: So should he? Dan: He said he should. Karen: But he asked should he. Dan: He should. Karen: Should he? Dan: Yes. Karen: And the person who he will be bringing in will be: Mojo Jojo. > He is so annoying. But I have no choice." Tsuneo: So are you or aren't you? > Somewhere in America, a teenage boy named Mitchell was playing Final > Fantasy IX. He had almost defeated Kuja, when. Tsuneo: The sentence ended! > The phone rang. He walked over, then answered it. Rebecca: Such thrilling developments! Will he make a sandwich, or get take-away? > "Hello. Uncle Barcus? What're you calling about? You don't mean > him! You can't beat him! I thought you could beat anyone. He's back! > I thought he was destroyed! Yes, I know I'm an ultra-genius. You grew > me in a test tube for that. Why didn't you make me a zoanoid? Oh, a > teenage zoanoid would be dangerous. Especially with free will. Dan: [Mitchell] Yes, I am just repeating everything you say. > Okay, I'll be right over." Rebecca: [Mitchell] I will avenge you father! Just as soon as I play with this kitten. And this arcade game. And have a beer. Tsuneo: Ladies and gentlemen, the Shenmue sketch. > Barcus hung up the phone. Soon his ultimate creation would be here. Karen: And then he'd invite Striker over, and they'd all have some toast. Rebecca: Obscure! > A teenage clone, designed to be the ultimate genius AND warrior. Tsuneo: I thought a teenage clone would be too dangerous. [Long pause] Karen: So how about them Cubs? > He had actually been created years ago, but had been slow-grown. Dan: And allowed to crisp in the oven. > Fast-grown clones are quite unstable. Rebecca: And leave messes on the carpet. > So he sent him to America to be raised. Dan: Any reason? Tsuneo: So he could grow up in a land of drive-by shootings and 24 hour takeaways. By the time he reaches eighteen, he should be ready for anything. > He wondered when he would get.. > "I'M HOME!!!!!!!!" Rebecca: That was quick. > Barcus turned around. Standing there was a 5'6" teenage boy, with > brown hair and blue eyes. The boy was wearing a Chronos T-shirt, Dan: Chronos Corporation. All your base are belong to us. [Rebecca hits him with a cushion] > and blue jeans. He also > had a backpack over one shoulder. The only thing interesting about him > was Tsuneo: Certainly not his story. Karen: The fact that he had a family of live badgers living in his trousers and his nose was on fire. Rebecca: The black leather facemask and the mambo shirt. Dan: He had been written out four seasons ago. > the jewel he wore around his neck. It was a Zoalord crystal. Karen: And that's what the guy who sold it to him said, and why wouldn't he trust anyone operating out of a bus shelter? > Barcus said, "You wear the crystal around your neck?" Tsuneo: So a teenage Zoanoid is too dangerous, but a teenage Zoalord is fine and dandy? Rebecca: It's standard villain procedure. Supreme power should only be give to those least effective at wielding it. > Mitchell explained, "When I'm 18 it's gonna be on my forehead, so I > might as well get used to having it nearby. > Barcus nodded. "Well, why don't you go to your room?" Dan: [Balkus] Bad Zoalord! Look what you did to the carpet! Now go upstairs to your room, and no toast for you. > Mitchell shook his head. "Nah. I want to get to work. Karen: I'll need a dozen meters of flexible tubing, a pocket calculator, a non-dairy creamer and a frog. Tsuneo: And what are you going to do with that? Karen: I don't know, but it'll be a laugh finding out. > Do you have the control module to Guyver 2?" Tsuneo: [Balkus] You mean the one that was obliterated in the second episode? Dan: [Mitchell] Scratch that idea. You got a giant talking snake? Tsuneo: [Balkus] Here ya go! Rebecca: [Hissing] Onssse... Wasss a man! Dan: Nah, you're just not as good as Rick is at that. > Barcus asked, "Why do you want that?" > Mitchell explained, "I've got an evil plan." Karen: [Singing] In the not too distant future, next Sunday A.D, the evil Dr. Balkus was hatching an evil scheme. > Barcus smiled. "You are definitely a good clone." Rebecca: Who's a good clone then? Who's a good widdle cloney-kins? > As Mitchell went off to the lab, Barcus asked, "How did you get here > so fast?" Karen [Mitchell]: I took a fast train. Dan [Balkus]: From America? Karen [Mitchell]: Well, it was a bit damp in the carriage. > Mitchell explained, "Oh, I just used a teleporter." > As Mitchell left, Barcas thought to himself, I forgot we had those. Tsuneo: Some omnipotent badass you turned out to be. Have some toast. > Meanwhile, in a forest base, Sho has returned, with Mizuki unconscious > in is arms. Agito asks, "Sho, where have you been?" Dan [Sho]: Taking a leak! Can't a guy get any privacy? Tsuneo [Agito]: Not while we have that mind link. Dan [Sho]: I feel so embarrassed. > Sho explained, "I fought Aipom." > Agito asked, "How.you can't transform can you?" Rebecca: Well he couldn't before, but then First Aid gave him Trypticon's cog, so now he can. > Sho shook his head. "I can. I remember what happened. The day my father > died. The tragedy of Enzyme II. I killed him. I killed my father." > Agito's shook his head. "Your father died the day they transformed him > into a zoaniod. It's Chronos who is to blame. Karen: Oh sure, just blame the evil megacorp run by a council of mutant alien freaks for everything, why don't you? > They are the ones who turned your father into Enzyme II." > Sho said, "He's not really my father. Dan [Darth Vader]: Sho Fukamachi, I AM YOUR FATHER! Tsuneo [Sho]: Nooooo! It's not true! Dan [Darth Vader]: You're right. I was just kidding you. Tsuneo [Sho]: Well that's okay then. Let's go get some toast. > Sho Fukamachi was killed by the first Enzyme. I'm just a clone of > him." Dan: [Agito] But you're everything that makes you a unique individual, except for your bones, skin and organs, of course. > Tetsuro poked his head out of the trailer, and then closed the door. > He muttered to himself, "Not again." > Agito said, "You have the same personality, the same looks, the same > memories, and probably the same soul." Tsuneo: [Sho] What's this 'probably' bit? > Sho sighed. "You're right. I just got a bit depressed for a bit. We > need to stop Chronos. Then, maybe, all our questions will be answered, > and the victims of Chronos can rest in peace." Karen: Or you can just sue them for damages. > Mizuki, who was still unconscious in Sho's arms, muttered something > unintelligible. Tsuneo: [Mizuki] Guyver famous on Amy. > Sho gently put her down on the ground, lying against a tree. > Sho reverted to human form, and said, "Mizuki, are you alright?" Karen: [Mizuki] I had this awful dream. And you were there, and you, and you... > Mizuki woke up, and said, "I don't feel very good. Last thing I > remember was seeing that Aptom guy, and you morphing into Guyver I, > then what happened?" Karen: Well then Mark Hamil turned into a giant cockroach. > Sho said, "You fainted. I then beat him. I guess he is gone for good." Rebecca: You know, if this was Koopa, that would be the actual fight scene. Dan: Heck, it would be the whole fic. > Agito said, "Let's go inside and talk. Masaki is still unconscious. And > both him and Mizuki need new clothes." Mizuki blushed. > Meanwhile, in the forest. Dan: Weren't we just in the forest? Rebecca: Well... It's elsewhere in the forest, I guess. > In a peaceful spot in the forest, there was a small bit of dust. From > under this dust came a bunch of liquid goo. Dan: T-1000 is beaten but not destroyed. Tsuneo: That dark eco gets everywhere. > This liquid goo slowly changed its form, > into a man. Aptom laughed. He said, "I am Aptom the invincible. You > cannot destroy me." Dan: But they just did. Rebecca: [Aptom] I am Aptom the invincible! You know what I mean! Karen: That's nice, who are you talking too? > A few hours later, back at Chronos. Dan: Meanwhile, back at the ranch. > Mitchell was in a sealed off lab, Karen: It was sealed in concrete. > working dilegintly on the broken control > module that once belonged to Guyver 2. He had been working for a while, > and had finally isolated what he needed. Rebecca: Duct tape. Lots of duct tape. > Mitchell walked up to the module, holding a small electric wire. He > touched the module with it, and sparks flew everywhere. Dan: And if you poke here, its leg twitches. > When the sparks cleared, the > module was in perfect condition, without a cut on it. But there was still > no unit. Karen: That's because it blew up. Tsuneo: Shouldn't it be regrowing? Karen: Yeah, but the batteries are dead. > Mitchell explained to his viewers, Tsuneo: And the fic's readers. > Commander Guyot and Barcus, Rebecca: [Mitchell] Now here's one I prepared earlier. > "The > electrical spark was designed to reactivate the bioelectrical signature > in the control module. Tsuneo: He's just making this up as he goes along. > Once reactivated, the control module would then regenertate it's damage." Karen: [Mitchell] Well, that's the theory. For some reason, it giving me a general protection fault. > Suddenly, large wormlike things shot out of the control module. Dan: [Mitchell] Don't worry, this was all a part of the plan. > The worms > formed a circle, which was then encased in metal. Mitchell walked > towards it, and said, "A inactive Guyver Unit, as I expected. When > Sho sliced it out, it was a clean removal. Dan: There was nothing clean about that mess. > No DNA was left on the control module, unlike when it was ripped out. Karen: Eeew! He got DNA all over it! > If there was any, it would have decayed to uselessness by now." Rebecca: Think about it. Do you really *want* more inept one-episode flunkies around? Tsuneo: It'd improve the conversation. Rebecca: Right now, Balkus' toaster could improve the conversation. > Guyot was looking at the window of the law, with its special speakers. Tsuneo: What's so special about them? Dan: Wait till he cranks them up and plugs in his stereo. > Anyone > in the lab could only hear what was going on outside if someone picked > up the microphone, which was off. Karen: Besides, they only used it for late-night Karaoke parties. > But anyone outside could hear what was going on > inside. He turned to Barcus, and asked, "Why didn't you use him from > the start?" Dan [Balkus]: Because I forgot we had him on the payroll. Tsuneo [Guyot]: You idiot. Didn't you check the "god-boy" department? Dan [Balkus]: I meant to, but I got distracted. > Barcus explained, "Mitchell is only a child. He is only fifteen. Not only > that, but he tends to do very stupid things." > Guyot asked, "What kind off stupid things?" Tsuneo: Hew writes fanfics. > Mitchell picked up the Guyver Unit, and began shining it. He looked > directly into the control module. As he stared, the wormlike things > began to move. > As Mitchell merged with the unit, Barcus said, "Those kind of stupid > things." Dan: On the upside, you now have a Zoalord Guyver on your payroll. The downside is that he still has to get through puberty. Tsuneo [Ruri]: This man's an idiot. Karen: You're good at that. Tsuneo: I get lots of practice. > Back at the forest headquarters of the Good Guys, Agito and Sho suddenly > froze. They both said, "A new Guyver?" Rebecca: Actually, it's just some drip called Sean hanging around in LA. > They turned to each other, "Did you feel that. Yes. It can't be. No it > is. Karen: WILL YOUR MAKE UP YOUR DAMNED MINDS! > Yes, a Guyver. Number 2. He's back." They said each of these things at > the same time. Dan: You're freaking me out here. > Mazaki Murakami, who was now conscious, said, "Will you two stop that? > What's going on?" Tsuneo: The plot? Rebecca: No chance of that. > Sho said, "Sorry, I'll explain. Both Agito and I felt a strange presence. Dan: [Sho] I feel a disturbance in the force, one I have not felt since... > We think it's Guyver II, the Guyver I destroyed." > Agito said, "Sho's right. The telepathic connection Guyvers feel between > each other clued us in, but I know one thing. That was not Oswald Risker. Rebecca: Why not? Everyone else around here's come back from the dead. Dan: [Sho] No, the mental impression I get is of some idiotic American. No wait, that is Lisker. > I heard his mind, and it was the mind of a boy. Karen: Eew, boy thoughts! > We need to find him, and figure out whose side he is on." Tsuneo: Can't you just contact him telepathically? Rebecca: Yeah, but he reverses the charges. > Mizuki asked, "Mr. Murakami? What exactly did you turn into a while > back?" Karen: A frost-free fridge! [A little bell dings] Karen: What was that? Rebecca: That? That was just the frost-free fridge bell. [The bell dings] Karen: Why do you have one of those? Dan: Why not? > Mazaki sighed, "I'll start at the beginning. Tsuneo: There was a really big explosion. Space and time began to exist. Dan: Nope, too far. > The corparation of Chronos is led by 12 powerful zoanoids, called > Zoalords. Rebecca: All of who live in the Bahamas for tax reasons. > These Zoalords have the power > to control Zoanoids, and can also possibly defeat a Guyver in battle. I > was kidnapped, and used to test a new type of Zoalord. The test was > successful, and they turned Commander Guyot into a Zoalord." Dan: And they just let you go free? Tsuneo: Well, first they tagged and collared him, and every few months a bunch of researchers turns up to see how he's going. > Tetsuro summarized, "So, you're a prototype of Commander Guyot's Zoalord form?" > Mazaki nodded. "I just hope he isn't the new Guyver. Dan: Didn't they say the new Guyver was a kid? Karen: Guyot's a very immature Zoalord. > A Zoalord Guyver would be bad. His power would be immense. Karen: He'd be more than huge, he'd be *large.* > Nothing could stop him. A zoanoid Guyver wouldn't be that bad. Tsuneo: I don't know, it made for a bad movie. > It would be freed of Chronos' control, but it would still gain incredible > power." Karen: It would have the power of OOOOHHHH!!!! > Sho slammed his hands down on the table. "We have to find that new Guyver." Dan: So everyone, think of the last place that you saw it. Karen: You watch, it'll be under the couch. > Later, at Chronos > Mitchell was watching a test tube, in which a small orb was growing. Rebecca: So he's invented the light bulb? > He said, "Well, this is Guyver 4. This one should work." Tsuneo: [Mitchell] And not explode like the last one. > Guyot ordered, "It better. Or you will learn the exact meaning of the > word pain." > Mitchell taunted, "Pain.something that hurts. A lot." Tsuneo: ... Dan: Nice comeback. > Barcas snickered slightly. Guyot asked, "Has he always been like this?" > Barcas explained, "Well, he has always been hyperactive. Rebecca: He was raised on a diet of JOLT! > He hasn't been this > sarcastic though. I think that sending him to America might have been > a bad idea. But." Karen: Well that's what happens when you use second-class mail. > Mitchell said, "Can I interrupt, and explain the current plan again. It > makes me feel better." Tsuneo: [Mitchell] No wait, I need to have someone in an elaborate yet easily escapable deathtrap watched by a single inept guard first. > Guyot and Barcas both nodded. Dan: [Balkus] After a while, you give up arguing. > Mitchell explained, "After I merged with Guyver 2, Karen: [Mitchell] It said it never wanted to see me again. I feel so rejected. > I decided to try using the reading I got from that > Guyver Unit to create a new Guyver Unit, Guvyer 4. Tsuneo: Unfortunately it then vanished into a Daroc sea, taking most of Nevada with it. Karen: Twenty says it'll turn up under a rock in Canada. [The bell dings] Karen: Do I even want to know? > This Guyver Unit should be a perfectly created Guyver unit." Tusneo: [Mitchell] Everybody got that? [They all nod] Good! > Guyot threatened, "If it isn't, you will learn a new meaning of the > word pain. Mitchell's existence." > Mitchell gulped. "That's a good threat." > That night, at the forest base. Tsuneo: Base? It's a log cabin. Dan: It's a log cabin with delusions or grandeur. > Agito had a blackboard, and revealed his plan. Dan: [Agito] We construct a giant wooden horse... Tsuneo: [Agito] We construct a giant heat beam or "laser" on the moon. Rebecca: [Agito] We use three miles of shoelaces and a helicopter to abduct the Transamerica pyramid. Karen: [Agito] We kidnap a whole bunch of white-haired, lab-coat wearing scientists and imprison them in a cobra themed temple in South America. > "Sho and I will attack from > the air, while bringing in Mazaki and Mizuki. Mizuki will crawl through > the air vents, and attempt to locate the central lab, which is where I > believe Guyver 2 is located. Tsuneo: [Agito] She'll then be kidnapped, and we'll have to drop everything and rescue her while facing Zoanoids more powerful than anything we've faced before. > Sho, Mazaki, and I will all smash through the area, > also attempting to find the central lab. Dan: So if you're doing that, why do you need her to crawl through the vents? Karen: Because he bought her as a 14- DNPC. > Tesuro and Shizu will guard the camp, > which they will move to a new location. Rebecca: [Agito] Now I realise that some of you may be hurt or even killed, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make. > And before anyone asks, I DO have > some hidden agendas in this, but I'm not telling. Tsuneo: [Agito] If I did, they wouldn't be hidden. Duh. > Ready?" Dan: They're pretty trusting of this guy. Rebecca: He may be a shifty bastard, but he's got nice hair and impeccable manners, and that has to count for something. > Everyone reported, "Ready." > The arrival at the base was perfect. There were no guards located on > the roof. Dan: There was a three hour window in the guard routines for donuts and grape soda. > Agito and Sho landed, and Agito let go of Mazaki. Sho let go of Mizuki, > if a little bit slower. Agito telepathed, Tsuneo: [Sho] After all I've been through for her, obviously. Dan: [Agito] I'm just beginning to wonder why you bother. > Sho telepathed back, But she still likes you.> Dan: [Agito] Hey, I'm buff and rich. Who can blame her? > A mysterious voice telepathed, relations, Karen: [Mitchell] The plot's dying here! Tsuneo: There's a plot? Dan: I'm beginning to wonder. > hurry up and find me.> Dan: [Agito] Get up here and find us, you lazy bum. > Agito smashed through the ground, and hopped down. Karen: You know Balkus just had that thing redone. He's going to be so upset. > Sho hopped after him. Mazaki and Mizuki followed, Mizuki with her eyes > closed. Tsuneo: Ladies and gentlemen, our forward scout. Rebecca: I suppose she could act as a sort of miner's canary. > They had landed in the main lab, with a neon sign pointing the way to the > central lab. All: ... Dan: Well that was tough. > Agito said, "Well, don't that just beat all. What do you think, Mazaki?" > Mazaki was gone. Dan: [Sho] I've got a bad feeling about this. > Before anyone could ask about Mazaki, a voice said, "If > you're looking for Guyver II, I'm in Lab 8." Rebecca: So where's lab 8? Karen: [Mitchell] Hold on, I need to change the sign. > In Lab 8, Mitchell was holding a microphone. He enjoyed this. If he > destroyed the Guyvers, he would probably get a promotion. Tsuneo: Then they might even pay him. > Before he could > get any farther in his thoughts, Agito and Sho entered. They said, "Where > is Guyver II?" Dan: [Mitchell] Baking to a golden brown. > Mitchell was about to say something, but they heard a ping. Karen: I got it, it's in the frost-free fridge. [The bell dings] > Everyone > looked in the direction of it. A Guyver Unit popped out of a capsule. Rebecca: Dinner's ready! > Mitchell said, "It's ready. Now to give it to Guyot." > Sho said, "You can't give it to Guyot." Dan: Why not? Rebecca: Because it's not his birthday yet. > Mitchell grabbed it, and tried to rush out the second exit. "Try and > stop me. Aghh!" Dan: Whaddya know, they stopped him. > Sho retracted his vibration blades, and removed the Guyver unit from > Mitchell's disimbodied arm. Dan: [Mitchell] OW! Do you have any idea how much that stings? > He reported, "I got the Guyver." Tsuneo: Which means your team scores 150 points. > Mitchell's eyes were practically glowing red with rage and pain. Karen: Here, I've got some drops for that. > He was understandably angry, and yelled, "GUYVER!!!!!!!!" > Sho was blasted back by the force of the plasma explosion. The > inactive Guyver Unit flew behind Agito, who did not notice. When the > smoke cleared, Guyver 2 was standing there. He was still yellow, but > with less upper body muscle, and a symmetrical face. Rebecca: Hey, he's got Leonardo DiCaprio's physique. Dan: What about his arm? Did he get his arm back? > Mitchell yelled, "THAT HURT! THAT HURT A LOT! I'm going to defeat you, > then gain respect from the Council." Tsuneo: Except you're outnumbered, missing an arm and are facing vastly more experienced opponents. > They heard a voice say, "What's this?" > Everyone turned around. Mizuki was standing there, looking at the > Guyver Unit. Karen: I smell a set-up! > All three guyvers yelled, "DON'T LOOK AT THE CENTER!" Dan: And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! > Mizuki asked, "What eye?" She looked directly at the center, and the > wormlike things shot out of the control module. She screamed. Dan: Oh look, something horrid's happening to Mizuki again. Tsuneo: Why do they keep dragging her into the middle of everything? Karen: Well it's a laugh, isn't it? > Sho yelled, "Mizuki!" > The wormlike things slowly disappeared, revealing what was underneath. Dan: Does it tear her clothes off first? [Karen pulls out an umbrella and fires a ball of flame from it at Dan. He sits there, singed, blinking in surprise] Rebecca: What's that? Karen: My flamethrower umbrella. Turner D. Century was having a disposal sale. > It was a female Guyver. It was colored pink, and was designed in the > same fashion as Sho's, except it had breasts. Dan: So it looked kind of butch except with bumps? Rebecca: How butch can it be if it's pink? Karen: Hey, it's the new Wonderbra Guyver. > It telepathed, symbiosis complete. Activating mental host integration. Enemy detection. > Other Guyver Units. Identify yourselves> Dan: [Sho] I'm larry, he's Moe and that's Curly. Tsuneo: [Mitchell] Nyuk nyuk. > Sho telepathed, Rebecca: [Guyver 4] Sorry, she's not in. Can I take a message? > The Guyver that was Mizuki telepathed, Guyver Unit. I am Guyver 4, Sho. Who is Guyver 2?> Karen: He's just some dork. Dan: [Agito] Hey, what about me? You know, the rich, buff Guyver? > Mitchell telepathed, and you best come with me.> Rebecca: [Guyver 4] Don't try it buster, or I'll slap you with a restraining order so fast it'll make your head spin. > Guyver 4 telepathed, confirms that Chronos apparently turns innocent civilians into > monsters, and then forces them to attack Guyvers. The innocent civilians > are promptly killed. Dan: That's some pretty good scanners. > This makes my host angry, and therefore I will not ally > with enemies of my host.> > Mitchell gasped, "Barcas processed civilians!" Rebecca: He doesn't like the term 'processed.' He prefers the term 'upskilled.' > Sho said, "Yes. They even forced me to fight my father." > Mitchell turned to Sho, "I'll help you. I'll take you to Barcas. I need > to..resign. Karen: Ooh yeah, they'll be really hurt by that. > And cause as much damage as possible. I don't believe he would > destroy innocent people." Dan: You're working for an evil megacorp and you didn't guess these things? Did you think they made Zoanoids for fun or something? > Guyver 4 telepathed, control.> Guyver 4 slumped to the ground. Tsuneo: Don't on our account. You're more interesting to talk to than Mizuki is. > Mizuki got up, and said, "What happened? My voice?" She looked at her > hands. "I'm.a Guyver." Rebecca: It could be worse. Tubby could have gotten it instead. Dan: [Tetsuro] I'm... a porky Guyver. > Sho said, "Yes, you are Guyver 4." Dan: [Mitchell] I am number two. You are number four. Karen: [Mizuki] I'm not a number! I'm a cute girl! > Mizuki asked, "Does this mean I have to fight?" Karen: [Mizuki] But I don't wanna be splattered in gore! > Agito said, "Guyvers are made for fighting. If you are a Guyver, you > do need to fight." > Mizuki said, "But I don't want to fight." Rebecca: Is she really like this? Dan: Well, yes actually. > Mitchell interrupted, "We can argue about whether or not Mizuki has to > fight AFTER we escape the lab. Let's go." Tsuneo: And if you run into anyone on the way out? Rebecca: Then the issue will probably resolve itself. > Meanwhile, Masaki was looking for Commander Guyot. Dan: He hadn't been able to find one in any of the stores. > He was going to destroy him, and save everyone. Dan: [Masaki] Must. Stop Guyot! Must. Save world! Must. Stop. Speaking haltingly! > In the hallways, three men wandered around. They were GRE210, GRE211, > and RAM212. Karen: Don't get too attached to these guys. They'll be dead before you know it. > 210 joked, "How many Guyvers does it take to change a lightbulb?" > 211 asked, "I dunno, how many Guvyers DOES it take to change a lightbulb." > 210 finished, "I don't know either, they keep blowing them up." All: ... Dan: Was there a joke that we missed? > 212 sighed. "Don't joke about the Guyvers. You might bump into one > anywhere. Karen: [212] I mean, you could just be going down to the store and BANG, there's one in the queue in front of you, holding up everyone by writing a cheque. > They turned a corner, and bumped right into Mizuki, in her Guyver form. > 212 taunted, "Told you so." Dan: [212] We are so dead. > Mizuki took a step back. She had foolishly gotten ahead of Sho. She > would have to fight these guys alone. Tsuneo: What were you saying about the issue resolving itself? Rebecca: Oh, something about the predictability of this fic. > She thought, Well, at least they haven't > morphed. 210 and 211 both morphed into Gregoles. Karen: Nice call. > Shit! > Mizuki assumed a battle stance. She was about to attack, when she > froze up. These were people she was fighting. Karen: Okay, so they're really ugly, but they're still people. > She might even have to kill them. She > couldn't do that. 210, surprised at Mizuki's inactivity, sent her > flying with a punch. Karen: TOGG! > Mizuki suddenly heard a voice say, fighting.> Rebecca: She hasn't even gotten a chance to examine the owner's manual yet. > > Karen: [Mizuki] Do I get a choice in this? Rebecca: [Guyver 4] You could lie there and get beat up. > > your vibration blades, lasers, and such.> Dan: Say, how does she use her chest cannon? Rebecca: [Blows a kiss] Goodnight everybody! > Mizuki assumed a fighting stance again. 210 laughed. He taunted, > "What's the little girly Guyver going to do? You Guyvers aren't so > tough." Dan: [210] Huh? You gonna cry? You want to cry? Huh? Is the little girly gonna cry? > Mizuki didn't respond verbally. Instead, she unsheathed her vibration > blades, and zoomed towards 210. Before he could react, Mizuki had > decapitated him. Dan: [210] I am damned unsatisfied to be killed in this way. > 211 towards her, and she fired a head beam at him, > slaying him instantly. Dan: So much for not killing anyone. > 212 was slowly backing away. Mizuki turned to him. "Are you going to > attack me?" > 212 shook his head. "No way, I'm not strong enough. I'm only a > Ramoth. " > "Very well, I will spare you. I don't really want to hurt people, > but." Rebecca: So what did you do to those two? Karen: [Mizuki] I gave them a stern warning. Tsuneo: Dialogue ripped from Zone of the Enders. > 212 looked at the Guyver for a moment, and could almost see the > little girl inside it. He said, "Okay. I'm 212. Karen: [Mizuki] What a beautiful name. > Goodbye." He ran away towards > the lab, slightly shaken by the humanity of his enemy. Rebecca: And the dampness of his pants. > Sho ran up next to Mizuki, followed by Agito and Mitchell. He asked, > "What happened." Karen: [Mizuki] One minute he was just standing here, then his head came off. Really! > Mizuki said, "I just killed two zoanoids. I.killed someone." She > broke down and began crying on Sho's shoulder. Even wearing the > Guyver armor, Sho's shocked expression was evident. Tsuneo: How does a pair of vents look shocked anyway? > Everything was silent for a couple of seconds. Karen: Then Mitchell farted. > Then they heard the sounds of battle from the roof. Rebecca: Actually, it sounded suspiciously like a tree falling over. Tsuneo: Well that was obscure. > Mitchell turned to Agito, and nodded. They both > flew up, breaking through the ceiling. Dan: Can't you guys use the same hole you came in through? > Sho, seeing this, turned to Mizuki. > He telepathed, He flew up, and > Mizuki, after a moment's contemplation, followed. Karen: Or alternatively, you can stay down here with all the nasty, snaggletoothed monsters. > On the rooftop, Mitchell and Agito saw two monsters fighting. One was > recognizable as Masaki, but the other one was completely new. Dan: It even had that new car smell. > It looked somewhat like Masaki, only more bestial, more monsterous. Karen: More huge. > Mitchell, > clenching his newly regenerated fist, said, "Commander Guyot's battle > form." Tsuneo: So are we talking the Guyver comic's 'horned humanoid' Zoalord or Mutronics 'four legged poorly animated yet downright hilarious beastie' Zoalord? Rebecca: Never, ever mention Mutronics again. > The force of the battle was gigantic. Their battling strengths were > greater even than the Guyvers. Dan: Now I get it. This is the point where all the other characters stand by and watch Goku fight the villain of the day. > Masaki, however, was losing. He could barely > keep up with the sheer bestial strength of Commander Guyot. Karen: [Guyot] It's just working out and eating right. Honest! > Just as Sho > arrived, Guyot smashed his fist straight through Masaki's heart. Guyot > screamed, "Die, Masaki Murakami." Guyot then threw Masaki straight at > Sho. Dan: Now that's kinda cruel. > Sho caught Masaki, and said, "What happened?" Rebecca: He got his chest punched in. Didn't you notice? > Masaki explained, "I tried to fight him, but he's just too strong. Dan: We guessed that. Tsuneo: So he has a huge hole through his chest and he's still talking? Rebecca: Delayed shock. > I > couldn't stop him. I'm sorry. I guess there is nothing that can stop. > the Zoalords." With those words, Masaki Murakami died. Karen: Alas poor expendable extra. I knew him, kinda. > Guyot laughed, "Nothing can stop me. Especially once I get the new > Guyver. With its power, I will be unstoppable." Karen: But you just said nothing can stop you already. So you don't need them to be unstoppable, do you? Dan: [Guyot] Well... With them, I will be MORE unstoppable! So there. Tsuneo: This man's an idiot. > He noticed how many Guyvers were > in the roof. "Mitchell, why are there FOUR Guyvers?" Rebecca: [Mitchell] Oh, that one? It's just an extra hired for this scene. Dan: [Sho] Story of my life. > Mitchell explained, "I betrayed you, duh." Karen: For a huge, *unstoppable* bad guy, you're pretty daft. > Guyot said, "Then I guess I'll just kill you, and Agito. Dan: The other two can go. > All who disobey Chronos will die!!!" > A voice said, "I guess you should die then." Rebecca: Will our mystery guest sign in please. > Guyot turned around. Standing on the roof was a man. He looked normal, Tsuneo: Well thank you for that detailed description. > except for the fact that his pupils were mere slits, like a cat's > pupils.Guyot gasped, "Archenfel! How did you get here?" Dan: [Archenfel] I took the stairs. > Archenfel explained, "I took a plane to the airport, and then drove > a car. My helicopter is in the shop." Karen: It's really hard to make a dramatic entrance that way. > Mitchell snickered. "It's not funny. > A good bad guy has to have a helicopter. Anyway, Guyot, you are > fired." Archenfel morphed into a Zoalord, and attacked Guyot. Tsuneo: Shouldn't he at least introduce this guy first? Rebecca: Who cares, it's a handy plot device. > The force of their blast knocked the four Guyvers off the roof. Dan: [Agito] Are we actually doing anything here? > They > landed in the middle of the H.Q., and saw a familiar figure standing > there, surrounded by a storm of dust. Dan: It's the sorceress Ultimecia! Rebecca: [Ultimecia] Kould you help me, I'm lookink for the short. > Sho gasped, "Aipom. I thought I killed you!" Karen: [Aptom] Hahaha! I am Aptom the invincible! I am invincible! I just said that, didn't I? Rebecca: This would be surprising if we hadn't seen him come back to life earlier in the fic. > Aipom laughed. "I am the ultimate zoaniod! I cannot die. Not only > that, but I can absorb the powers of zoanoids I destroy! I am > invincible." Dan: [Aptom] I am Aptom the invincible! I laugh a lot, and explain everything to my enemies, letting them get away before... Hey, come back here! > Mitchell said, "I thought you were reported dead. You were completely > destroyed." Rebecca: [Aptom] I am Aptom the invincible! I got better! > Aipom shook his head. "I had a single arm left. From this, I managed to > regenerate. I am the Cell of zoanoids." > Mizuki said, startled, "You watch DragonBallZ!" Dan: This is a completely pointless aside. Tsuneo: [Aptom] I am Aptom the invincible! I am amused by master Roshi's zany comedic antics! > Aipom nodded. "I especially like the episode where Cell kicks Gohan's > butt." Karen: Yeah, yeah, that was the time that Triangle Man hit Particle man. Then they had a fight, and Triangle won. > Sho assumed a fighting stance. "Well, Gohan killed Cell. And I will kill > you!" > Sho lunged at Aipom. Aipom simply disappeared. Aipom's voice taunted, > "I can also turn into liquid, and disappear. Karen: [Aptom] I am Aptom the invincible! That would have had more effect if I had told you about it before I did it! Rebecca: I'll get a sponge. > We will meet again, Sho Fukamachi." Tsuneo: Well that was pointless. > A voice said, "Is he gone?" A scientist stepped from the shadows. Rebecca: God dammit! Will all you random characters just go away! > Mizuki exclaimed, "212!" > 212 said, "Thank you. You saved my life once more. I thank you." Dan: How did you save his life? Karen: He was about to choke on Aptom's dialogue. > Agito yelled, "Don't trust him! He's a Chronos scientist, and a Zoanoid!" Dan: And he's funny looking. Tsuneo: The role of 212 will be played by Steve Buscemi. Thank you. > 212 nodded. "I'm a Ramoth. I was created as a foot soldier for the > upcoming war. But I was too weak, and the Council stuck me in science. Rebecca: [212] Even though I don't really know anything about science. Still, the lab coat's neat. > I don't mind. I'm not that much of a fighter." > Sho asked, "If you are a Zoanoid, then why don't you attack us?" > 212 explained, "I am in science. Rebecca: That's his excuse for everything. > If you trust me, I'll show you the way out." Dan: [Mitchell] That's okay, I rigged up a giant neon sign pointing to the exit already. > Agito shook his head. He said, "First, we should try to attack Archenfel > and Guyot. They are vulnerable when fighting. Dan: Wouldn't that be when they're at their most dangerous? > If we can get them both." > Sho nodded. They both jetted up to the roof. Mizuki jetted after them. > Mitchell turned to 212, and nodded. They ran off towards the exit. Karen: Hooray! Mitchell does something smart at last! > Guyot sent his fist flying into Archenfel's face. Archenfel went > flying off the roof. Tsuneo: Well that was a speedy resolution. > Guyot laughed, "He isn't so tough." > A voice said, "Neither are you." Dan: Will someone please introduce themselves before interrupting everybody? Tsuneo: Like Aptom did? Karen: I could really use some of Aptom's dialogue right now. He explains everything. > Guyot dodged a pressure cannon blast from Agito. Guyot taunted, "You > missed! Now no one can beat me." Rebecca: Wait, just because he missed once, it means no-one can beat you? Dan: He's unstoppable, remember? Karen: He's also Aptom's dialogue coach. > Archenfel floated behind him. "I can fly, dumbass." Archenfel then > grabbed Guyot's head, ripped out the control medal, Tsuneo: You mean the one that Guyvers have. Dan: Yes. Tsuneo: As in, not Zoalords? Dan: Yes. > and threw the body > off the roof. He then shot a fireball Agito. Agito dodged. > Agito turned to Sho and Mizuki, "Um. My hidden plan kinda was that > we get here BEFORE the fight finshes." Tsuneo: What, so you relied on this Zoalord turning up out of nowhere? Dan: [Agito] Well... Yeah. > Mitzuki groaned, "Don't tell me this is bad." > Agito summarized, "We're screwed. This guy is more powerful than Goku." Karen: But is he more powerful than Mr. T? > Suddenly, a helicopter flew up. Mitchell, in human form, stuck his > head out. He yelled, "Hop in. This is our ride." > Agito, Sho, and Mizuki shrugged, then hopped in. They flew away. The > helicopter dodged Archenfel's fireballs, and managed to escape unharmed. Tsuneo: Well that was really convenient. Dan: So he can beat up an unstoppable Zoalord, but he can't hit a fleeing helicopter? Rebecca: Oh sure, he's an omnipotent badass, but he's got lousy aim. > At the camp, Shizu and Tetsure were talking. Tetsuro asked, "Do you > think that Agito really has everyone's best interests in mind?" Dan: Of course he does, even if he does keep using and betraying them. > Shizu nodded. "Of course he is. Right, Grandfather?" > Yohei turned around. He said, "I think Agito probably has a lot of > hidden agendas. But, I'm sure he would never harm one of us." Karen: Famous last words. > A Chronos helicopter landed next to them. Dan: [Tetsuro] In retrospect, I should have seen it coming. > Out stepped Agito, Sho, > Mizuki, and Mitchell. Agito said, "Well, that trip went exactly > according to plan." Rebecca: Except for everything that went wrong. > Mitchell laughed. "Plan! You actually planned for Mizuki to get > possessed by a Guyver, Guyot to get killed, Archenfel to appear, > and me to come in?" Tsuneo: And Masaki died in your arms. Karen: Oh yeah, but no-one cares about him. > Agito shook his head. "My plan DID include Guyot's death, but I will > confess that all of this simply fits into a bunch of backup plans. > I actually wanted to kill Mizuki, but." > Shizu turned to Agito. She asked, "Why would you want to kill Mizuki?" Dan: [Agito] She's getting on my nerves! Rebecca: On the upside, it would resolve a lot of the romantic tension in this series. Tsuneo: There is none. Rebecca: Good point. > Agito explained, "She did not fit into many of my plans. She is weak, > puny, useless, and her crush on me was annoying. Karen: She's really only useful as monster bait. > I much prefer you, Shizu." > Shizu blushed, and they noticed that Mizuki was glowing with rage. > She pulled a mallet out of nowhere, and smashed Agito with it. Karen: See? Completely passe. > She > yelled, "YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME! I think I'll just stay with Sho!" > Sho nodded. He and Mizuki walked off to talk about stuff. Dan: Y'know, stuff. > Mitchell > explained, "I kinda gave her the Dimensional Mallet. Sorry." Agito > immediately began choking Mitchell. [They all cheer wildly] > Later. Rebecca: Meanwhile, back at the ranch. > Sho and Mizuki were sitting together, Agito and Shizu were sitting > together, and Mitchell and Tetsuro sat alone. Karen: [Mitchell] See all these happy couples together? Dan: [Tetsuro] Weirdo. > Agito said, "All right, here's my new plan. We all go to Japan, Dan: [Tetsuro] We're there already! Karen: [Agito] Shut up, fatty, you're just an extra. > and wait for Chronos to do something there, then stop them." Rebecca: Well that's a really masterful plan. How long did that take you? > Mitchell nodded. "Japan is integral to their plans. Any attack > would begin with Japan. Sho will stay with Mizuki, and I will > stay with Agito. Shizu will stay here." > Mizuki asked, "Wouldn't that make us targets?" Dan: I think that was the idea. > Mitchell shook his head. "The Council will probably reorganize. > Guyot was just killed. That would certainly stall their plans." Tsuneo: Or Archenfel could just terrorise them into following his orders. Your choice. Karen: Of course it'll stall their plans. He was the guy who had their pizza order. > Sho said, "Okay. But I still think it's not that great of an idea. Tsuneo: Let's see. You're in sight of their base of operations. They are in chaos at the loss of their leader, and have a badass busy tearing things up inside. You know their goals and plans, and have four extremely powerful fighters on your side. Dan: Yup, pack up and go home sounds good to me. > But it would be nice to get back to relative normalacy." Rebecca: Relative is the operable term here. Karen: [Mizuki] We'd go back to school, but it got trashed. > Mitchell shook his head. "Things will never be normal again. But at > least we can pretend." Dan: Nothing's normal with you, Mitchell. > Agito nodded. "Then it's settled. We're heading home." Karen: And so am I! [She pulls out her umbrella and fires a fireball at the TV. It explodes into flames] Rebecca: Sparkly. Tsuneo: That's just wrong. Voice: Well, uh, thanks for that, Karen. Karen: No problem! Voice: Can I get your review before anything else explodes? Karen: Sure thing! Well, I was kinda impressed by the characterisation in the main fic. That is to say, there was none. Apart from Aptom, the characters showed absolutely no depth of personality whatsoever, being little more than cardboard cut out replicas of themselves. Aptom made for a refreshing break with his stupidly over the top taunting. He was grossly OOC, but he was also entertainingly such. Tsuneo: These fics were a true vacuum of intelligence. In the short a whole lot of things happen for absolutely no reason; Ultimecia returning and telling Matt to join the main cast are the two most obvious ones. The main fic couldn't decide if it wanted to be a re-write of the latter comic issues of the Guyver, or an entirely new story, so it blended the two very badly. In the end, all they amount to is 'I want this cool character of mine to hang around with the good guys.' Pointless. Dan: I gotta say that in both fic, we really could've done with better introductions to the characters. I mean, Archenfel, who's pretty much the omnipotent badass of the Guyver world shows up, and we're all meant to know who he is. And in the first short, I guess we're meant to feel sorry for Stephany getting possessed, but we don't know her at all. And the two SIs get a few lines about them, but nothing distinctive. Rebecca: "The New Guyver" was essentially "Mitchell the GI Joe" with the word "GI Joe" crossed out and "Guyver" written over it in crayon. My review for MtGIJ stands. Voice: Well thanks for that, guys. Karen: No problemo. Next time I want some serious hurt and pain in a text file, I'll come over here. Tsuneo: That's the spirit. Karen: So do I get the job? Rebecca: Well, we have to review your performance, evaluate it against other applicants, hold a few tryouts and drink lots of beer first. Karen: I like that last bit. Dan: Say, here's one. Using that movie's logic, If you went around killing duplicates of me, would that mean I'd get more powerful? Tsuneo: I suppose if one of your duplicates was hit by a truck, you'd get more powerful. Karen: Or squashed by a falling piano. Rebecca: Or blown up by your sister because you forgot her birthday. Tsuneo: Or cleft in half. Rebecca: With a chainsaw. Karen: And fed to a woodchipper. Dan: Okay, just wondering. Karen: Or torched with a flame-throwing umbrella. Tsuneo: Or gored by a rhinoceros. Rebecca: Or squashed by a sixteen ton weight. Dan: Enough already! Rebecca: No, I think we need to test this theory out. Dan: No you don't! Rebecca: Oh, please. Tsuneo: All right, let's just go before the voice gets more ideas. Karen: Me first with the booze! [She leaps out the door] Rebecca: She's fast for such a short, fat person. Tsuneo: And keen too. That's a bad sign. Dan: She's a maniac. [Tsuneo and Rebecca get up] Rebecca: So should we keep her? Tsuneo: Sounds like an idea to me. [They leave] Dan: Hey! Don't I get a say in this? [He leaps up.] Wait for me, guys! [He leaves. The screen goes blank] Voice: I really want to know what they're up to. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com) & Zogster (jinas@elmerstudios.com) Dan and Tsuneo Tateo are copyright 1995-2002 Max Fauth (Zogster) Rebecca Bartley and Karen McMillain are copyright 1995-2002 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, random DELTA Invasion Episode Generator and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. Rick's Cruel Mockery of HTML: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova Satori shrine, Osama Bin Laden's Camel, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp, all in one big steaming pile. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Mitchell said, "Can I interrupt, and explain the current plan again. It makes > me feel better."