Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Number 78 brings us back to Slapnuts County for yet another Evangelion/ Slayers crossover. And who'd know them better than the other member of the CLT team? Eva is Copyright Gainax. Slayers is Copyright (I'll fill this bit in later) Neon Slayers Evangelion is copyright Ammadeau ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A cardboard box sits by the bench, with the tattered remains of a plastic Christmas tree and pieces of tinsel sticking out.] [Rick and Dan are focusing intently on a video fighting game. Tsuneo looks disgusted with them.] Tsuneo: I don't believe you actually found that. Rick: It's a great game, and a refreshing change from the regular kind. Dan: And besides, you can find anything on the net if you look hard enough. Tsuneo: Don't say that like it's a good thing. And I mean seriously, "right" and "left"? What kind of game is that? [Rebecca walks in from the kitchenette, dusting off her hands.] Rebecca: I just finished clearing out that biohazard you call a refrigerator. The only thing left after I removed everything that was about to get the right to vote was a bottle of mustard. You'd think this was a bachelor apartment. Rick: It is. Mostly. Rebecca: [Glares at Rick] Anyway, with no food worth eating in the place, I guess we'll have to order in again. Suggestions? Dan: Pizza is always good. Tsuneo: Do you remember what happened the LAST time we ordered pizza? Dan: That was a fluke! Tsuneo: [dangerously] Dan... Dan: Okay okay. How about Chinese? [The others quickly agree, an the order is phoned in. Some time passes, with the four chatting about recent episodes. Then there is a noise at the door.] Dan: Ah, the food is here. Rebecca: Since when do delivery boys *scratch* at the door? We DO have a doorbell. Rick: Or he could kick the door, or knock with his head. Dan: So long as he doesn't drop any of it, I don't care how he announces himself. [Opens door] Hi, thanks. How much do we... why aren't you carrying any food? [Standing in the door is a shortish, brown haired young man. He appears nervous, and keeps trying to look past Dan.] Nemian: I'm sorry? Dan: You're not the chinese food guy, are you? Nemian: No, I'm not. Actually, I work for a pizza company you recently patronized. Rick: [sotto voce] How would we tell? We're always patronizing. Nemian: One of our employees, a guy named Yuki, delivered a pizza to this address. He hasn't been back to the shop since then. Now, I realize it's unusual for a supervisor to go looking for missing employees personally, but we're a bit unusual as a company. [Nemian fidgets] So we look out for each other. Did Yuki actually deliver the pizza here? Dan: [Opens the door wider] Sure he did. See? We still haven't thrown out the box. Nemian: I see. I don't suppose I can have a look around? Dan: I guess so. [Nemian enters and looks around a bit. Every time he walks near Rebecca there is a beeping noise. Rebecca watches him suspiciously.] Tsuneo: What are you looking for? Nemian: Yuki. Or, failing that, something that might tell me why he's disappeared. Letters of resignation, winning lottery stubs, pictures of vegas showgirls, bloody body parts. Y'know. Stuff. [Rebecca glares at Nemian some more, and growls. Nemian notices, and nervously combs his hair and straightens his clothes.] Rebecca: What are you hiding, pizza-man? Nemian: Hiding? Why should I be hiding something? Rebecca: You said your pizza company employs 'unusual' people, only you look completely normal. [Dangerously] Excessively normal. Rick: Shh! Don't jinx it! Nemian: Me? I'm as normal as Norman Rockwell and mom's apple pie! Rebecca: Liar! [Rebecca throws the computer chair at Nemian. It passes through his 'body' which ripples and disappears. Standing in the spot where the 'pizza man' stood is an unremarkable grey-brown housecat wearing a green vest.] Nemian [Cat]: Damn. Hi, I'm Nemian. Let me explain. Rebecca: [Bloodthirsty] Moon Cat! DIE! Nemian: Or not. Aaaaaaahhh! [Rebecca and Nemian chase all over the apartment, knocking over lamps and furniture, crashing into the others as they dash by. Eventually, Nemian retreats under the couch and Rick, Dan and Tsuneo manage to dog-pile Rebecca so only one of her hands can reach futilely towards the cat's refuge.] Rebecca: [Struggling] Must... kill... Moon... Cat... Nemian: [Alarmed] I don't even know any blondes, I swear! Let me explain! Rebeaca: Kill! Tsuneo: Let the guy say his peace! Rebecca: [Reluctant] Grrr.... Nemian: Okay, I *am* a magic, talking cat... Rebecca: Grrrr! Nemian: And I *USED* to be in the Magic Girl business... Rebecca: Kill! Nemian: USED TO! USED TO! I resigned years ago. I couldn't take it anymore. Rebecca: Kill? Nemian: I could no longer stand the idea of drafting Doe-eyed debutantes to fight and probably die against unspeakable evil. The whole institution is sick, SICK. So now I'm in the pizza business. Rick: So, let me get this straight, you're a conscientious objector in the eternal war between good and evil? Nemian: No, I just think they shouldn't get their soldiers from the Boy-Band fan set. [Rebecca blinks, confused] Dan: Is that possible? Nemian: Who knows? The only reason I was given as justification was "tradition". That is, by the way, the same reason they selected ME as the Draft and Drill sergeant. Dan: So do you have magic powers? Nemian: I faked being human to get in here, didn't I? Rebecca: [Incredulous] You're telling me a magic, talking, magical-girl Mentor cat hates the idea of magical girls? Nemian: With a passion! [Tsuneo starts feeling the ground with his hand] Rick: What are you doing, Tsuneo? Tsuneo: Checking to see if hell's frozen over yet. Rebecca: [Relaxes a bit] Okay, hairball, I'll buy your story for now. But the INSTANT you do something moonie... Nemian: Hey, if I start acting moonie, I'd WELCOME someone beating some sense into me. Voice: Now that that's all settled... Nemian: WHAT WAS THAT? Rick: Um, I think you're about to find out what happened to Yuki. Dan: You couldn't wait for him to leave, could you? Voice: All is fate. Nemian: The first person to say the words "chosen one" gets bitten. What's going on? Rick: Believe it or not, it's our job to review bad fanfiction provided by the Voice. Dan: Sort of like Siskel and Ebert, only much more sarcastic. Nemian: You're pulling my tail. All: Nope. Nemian: Wow. I didn't think I'd ever find a profession as loathsome as mine. I'm impressed. Voice: If you're done gawking? Dan: So what, like not asking could stop you telling, are we up for today? Voice: Well, you remember "Cruel Lina's Thesis"? [Tsuneo begins to sweat. Nemian looks around innocently and washes his paws.] Dan: [Hesitantly] Um, yeaaaah... Voice: And you remember "Evangelion/Slayers"? Rebecca: I do NOT like where this is going. Rick: You're not saying... they'd never... Voice: A third Eva/Slayers crossover, that's right. Tsuneo: There are times that I think Mankind does not deserve to live, and I'm not talking wrestling. [They sit - Rebecca and Dan facing the TV, Rick and Tsuneo on the sideways couch. Nemian climbs up onto the back of the TV-facing couch, and settles in.] >Neon Slayers Evangelion Nemian: Well that'd look neat glowing over Las Vegas. Tsuneo: No, Dammit! I won't sit through another one of these things! I refuse! >(A EVA / Slayers Crossover) Dan: Why can't they do something original? Like a BrainPowered/Lost Universe crossover? Rebecca: Or Dual/Bastard!? Rick: Don't encourage them. >By Ammadeau >Roy.Fokker@UNSpacy.org >http://members.tripod.com/~Ammadeau/fanfiction.htm > Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. I'm >just having a little fun with them. Rebecca: Oh, so this is a self-insertion Lemon, too? Dan: That's taking it a bit too literally. Rick: And don't tempt the voice. > A moment ago, Lina and Gourry had found a mysterious >idol, Nemian: I could never figure out Minmei, either. Rick: Maybe it's Creamy Mami? Dan: Maybe Key finally made it. Tsuneo: Don't make me hurt you. > but now they stood in the middle of what had to be the >strangest city they had ever seen. Nemian: Stranger than Seiruun, the amazing city-as-magic-circle? Dan: Stranger than Siraag, with its massive holy tree? Tsuneo: [Gaurry] Not here again. > The buildings were huge! And >they were all made of glass and metal. This place made Atlas City >look like a hovel. > They didn't get much time to look around when they saw >what had to be a monster. Nemian: Had to be? Some of the angels look like expressionist art. Dan: So? So do a lot of Slayers monsters. Rick: It's big, it's airborne, and it's incomprehensible. What else could it be? Nemian: An air-shipment of Windows 2000 source code? > It was larger than the buildings and >looked like Shabradingo's ugly cousin. Rick: Oh, Bubba-Bob Dingo? Nemian: Umm, many of the worst, most powerful Demons she's encountered have been human sized and pretty good looking. Rebecca: [Lina] Sure Gaav is evil and wants me dead, but his Manly Chest is so yummy! Tsuneo: If you start nitpicking now, fuzzy, you'll burn out before we're halfway done. Besides, it's just an excuse for not describing the angel. > A blast from the creature >incinerated a building right near where they stood. Nemian: [Chihuahua] Yo Quiero Alka-Seltzer. Dan: You speak Chihuahua? Nemian: I speak talking pet. It's universal, like Esperanto. > "Do something Lina! It's going to kill us!" Gourry >demanded as he cowered in fear behind her, peeking at the creature >from around her shoulder. Dan: [Lina] My hero. >'That was the strange thing about Gourry,' thought Lina, Rebecca: [Lina] I've never seen another human being operate without a brain. >'he could be brave as a lion one minute and >cowardly as a chicken the next.' Dan: Isn't this the same Gourry who is inevitably the first to take a stand against odds he KNOWS he can't overcome? Rick: Naah, this is the whiney, useless Gourry who shows up in fanfics so the author avatars can show him up. Dan: Right, forgot. > A monster this big, Lina thought, isn't going to taken out by >just a fireball. Tsuneo: Since when did her fireballs ever do anything apart from fry random bandits? >"Darkness beyond twilight," she began chanting as >the monster proceeded to wreck the city for no obvious reason (but >then it's a monster so what to you expect?), Rebecca: I expect you to shut up and get on with the story. Rick: Such as it is. Nemian: If this is the Slayers Next season, I'd expect it to try and draft Lina. Dan: Or get into her pants. Rick: Let's not even count Xellos, please? > "crimson beyond blood >that flows, buried in the flow of time. In the name of darkness, I >pledge myself to thee. Let the fools who stand before us be >destroyed. Dragon Slave!!!" Dan: TOGG! Nemian: Hey Ammadaeu, pick one translation of the incantation and stick with it. > Misato was just about to order Shinji and Asuka out in their >EVAs when a massive energy blast stuck the angel. "What the hell >was that?" she demanded. Rick: It was a massive energy blast striking an angel. Pay attention. Nemian: Of course, nobody ever keeps the Tactical Commander informed. Tsuneo: [Misato] Was that Lina showing up and randomly lipping off spells again? > "An incredibly powerful energy beam of some sort," Maya >stated the obvious while Nemian: Ammadaeu stated the obvious. Rebecca: That was a cheap shot. Nemian: I take what I can get, sugar. Rebecca: "Sugar?" Nemian: Oops... > checking the instruments, "It's actually >broken through the angel's AT field!" Tsuneo: [Misato] But did it hurt it? Dan: [Maya] Well, no... > "Amazing!" Ritsuko added as she checked the readings >herself, "Its like no other energy form I've seen before. What could >possibly generate so much power?" Rick: Taking into account the Positron Rifle incident: All of Japan, an N2 Mine, the Sun... Nemian: The Silver Imperium Crystal, the Philosopher's Stone... Tsuneo: A-HEM? Nemian: I'm a magic, talking cat. I have to go with what I know. Rebecca: NOW who's encouraging them? > "I want the blast traced to its source," Misato demanded. >"Launch Units 01 and 02 to take care of that angel." Rick: [Misato] Rei has detention, sorry. Nemian: [Lina] Don't worry, I got it. Dan: [Egyptian] You don't understand, he's immortal! Nemian: [Lina] No, YOU don't understand. I GOT it. > Lina couldn't believe that there was anythilg left of the >monster, but not only was it whole, it was starting to get up and it >seemed to be looking in their direction. Nemian: Seems like most of the Mazoku in "Next" to me, really. Dan: Except they wouldn't be knocked over. Rebecca: [Angel] Third most powerful spell in all black magic? Pish, tosh! Rick: Besides, if it didn't get up, it'd be a lot harder for the author to drag this out over four pages. >She couldn't read any expression on its 'face', Tsuneo: This is one of the ones with a face, huh? Rick: Which angel does that make it? Tsuneo: Disposabel. >but had a feeling that it was pissed off. Tsuneo: I know I am. Rebecca: Oh shut up. > "Wow Lina, you hit that thing with the Dragon Slave and >it's still coming!" Rebecca: [Lina] I noticed that, Gaurry! Care to point out anything more blatantly obvious? Dan: [Gaurry] Okay, how about you've got ridiculously small- [Rebecca hits him with a cushion] Rick: In conclusion, it's either a really powerful monster or Goldberg. > She nodded. "I think that I wounded it pretty badly though. Rick: Don't ask us. No-one's told us anything. >Well, looks like its all up you now Gourry," Lina said, giving the >blonde swordsman a smile and a pat on the back. Rebecca: "BlondE" swordsman? So now Gourry is a hermaphrodite? Nemian: [Lina] Go forth and die! > "Up to me?" he asked, scratching his head in confusion. > "Use the Sword of Light you dolt!" Dan: That? Since when has that pigsticker done anything useful? > "Oh," Gourry replied and drew out his hilt, "Light come >forth!" > "You're not going to believe this," Aoba said. Rebecca: [Aoba] I'm getting lines! Isn't it cool? Next time, I might actually come into the studio. Rick: Probably not, no. That won't stop you though, will it? Tsuneo: Not believe it? After all we've seen? I'll believe it, I just won't like it. Nemian: Does it get that bad? Rebecca: Should we tell him about Oscar? Dan: No, I don't think so. > It was an >odd statement for one who regularly helped battle giant angels >from destroying mankind, Nemian: But not odd at all in a fanfic. Rick: You catch on fast. Nemian: It's my business. Evil people usually follow patterns in their cruelty. > but in this case it was true. > "What is it now?" Misato asked, rubbing her head to keep >the headache from coming. Nemian: Not a word, Dan. Not a word. Dan: What? What did I do? Rick: No magic for Misato. [Rebecca clobbers him] Nemian: Aren't you glad I stopped you, Dan? > She had felt it since they traced the >blast back to a red-haired eirl Tsuneo: Okay, who taught Asuka how to do a Kamehameha? >and a blond man, both wearing strange clothes. Rebecca: Oh good, Gourry's a proper man again. Rick: And Misato wants to know if he's available. > No way they could be the source of the blast. The >cannon that fired it had to be enormous. Nemian: Actually, that statement is in defiance of the Anime Law of Inverse Destructive Potential. Tsuneo: Oh please. Dan: The what? Nemian: The smaller a weapon, the more destructive it is. Bare hands are the most destructive thing in the Universe. Rick: Brownnoser. Nemian: [hisses] > Was the UN trying out >some new weapon and didn't bother to tell her? Not for the first >time, she cursed the fact that NERV didn't let her drink on duty. Tsuneo: Of course we all know that Misato is a complete lush and totally unprofessional at all times. Dan: The UN was secretly testing out a new weapon... so they could get the USA to pay its back dues. >Dammit, coffee just didn't cut it at a time like this! Rebecca: Unless it's Dan's coffee, in which case you could use it to cut metal. Dan: Fine! I won't make us drinks next time. Rick: Thank you. > Aoba punched Nemian: Hyuuga for no reason at all. > up a zoom on the angel, Nemian: Oh. Rats. Tsuneo: You're a very bitter person. Nemian: I have a rough job. Tsuneo: This is no bowl of cherries for us, either. >only to see the blonde man jumping at it tm attack. Rebecca: Ah! Quit changing genders! > 'Is this guy crazy?' Misato thought, 'and how did he jump so >high?' Everyone in the room was shocked when the swordsman's >weapon cut through the angel Tsuneo: Sorry, fic. Next to your undescribed angel, the Sword of Light would be tiny. It's a scratch, at best. >like a glowing hot knife through >some butter that had been in the fridge way too long. Rick: No, when you leave butter in the fridge too long, it turns rock-hard. Dan: You could throw it at someone. It'd hurt a lot like that. Rebecca: Now you're rambling. Dan: So's the fic. Nemian: Oh come on. Even medium-power Mazoku can catch that blade in their hands. >The angel exploded in a flash of light. Rebecca: What, no gore? Is this an Eva fic or a Sailor Moon spin off? Dan: Depends on if you're talking Anime or Manga Sailor Moon. Lots of gore in the comic. Rick: Really? Nemian: The man speaks truth. Rebecca: If you people keep talking Moon Crap, somebody gets a broken arm. Dan & Nemian: We'll be good! > "What's going on in there?" Asuka demanded of the >control room after hearing the explosion. Tsuneo: So at what point did the EVAs fail to deploy? Rebecca: [Misato] Er, whoops. Just left you there. Sorry, guys. >No one even acknowledged her, Rick: [Asuka] What? You dare to ignore the great Asuka? WA-TAK! Dan: Can't go ONE EVA fic without doing that, can you? >they were still staring at the screen in shock. Dan: Been there. Rebecca: Seen that. Rick: Hated it. Tsuneo: NEXT! > 'Geez that was some blast,' Lina thought as she pulled >Gourry's head out of a building. Dan: It's only his head, he's fine. >The explosion had thrown the >swordsman pretty far, but thankfully only his head had been hurt >so no real damage had been sustained. Dan: What? Am I really that predictable? Rick: No, but the fic is. > "What was that thing?" Zelgadiss asked as he walked out >of a cloud of smoke. Dan: [Zelgadis] Dude, this is some good weed. I keep seeing giant monsters and the buildings are growing like 'shrooms, man. Rick: Zelgadis? Where was he during all the excitement? Rebecca: Oh, EVA/Slayers crossovers are new to him. He hasn't been in one before. He's smarter than that. > "Where were you Zel?" Lina demanded, Rick: [Zelgadis] Sorry I'm late, traffic was terrible. Rebecca: [Lina] But the traffic is usually fine this time of day. Rick: [Zelgadis] Well, yes, but would you believe there was a pile-up? Rebecca: [Lina] No. Rick: [Zelgadis] Would you believe I ran out of gas? Rebecca: [Lina] No. Rick: [Zelgadis] Would you believe I forgot my trousers? Rebecca: [Lina] That's something I would believe. >"We could have used your help a moment ago, you know." Nemian: To do what? Cast Astral Vine on the Sword of Light to make the Angel blow up MORE spectacularly? Rebecca: Stand around waving a "rah-rah, Slayers rule" banner? Rick: Hold the snacks? > "Forgive me, but I just arrived. When you and Gourry >disappeared, the idol flew into my hands. Dan: [Zelgadis] So naturally I had to take her on a date. Rebecca: Where is he putting those hands? Rick: Zelgadis apologizing? Who's next on: "How out of character can I get?" > It must have brought us >here, wherever here is." He looked arould. He had traveled the >world looking for a cure for his cursed body, All: We know that. >yet had never seen a city as strange as this. Nemian: People, yes. Cities are pretty standard, though. > "Well, to answer your earlier question, I don't know. Dan: I thought you said it had to be a monster? > But >anything that could take my dragon slave and still come at you is >trouble. Dan: Or at least it will be, for the next ten to fifteen minutes of footage. >Luckily, Gourry's sword was able to finish it off because >there's no way I could cast another Dragon Slave right now. Rebecca: What? We've seen her cast three or more at once. Rick: Just let it go. Nemian: [Geordi LaForge] Sorry Captain, I have to re-calibrate the plot device. >I sure hope that there aren't any more of those things around." Dan: Well, they do have an appearance rating of very rare, but if the DM's got a sadistic enough wandering monster table... > Suddenly, a woman's voice sounded throughout the city >block, saying, "You three, the redhead girl and the two guys, Tsuneo: Hasn't she noticed anything about Zelgadis yet? Rebecca: [Misato] Yeah, where did he get that snappy outfit? >stay where you are and someone will come to get you." Nemian: Does that sound like a threat to anyone else? Dan: Cue the MIBs. Rebecca: [Misato] Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? Freeze infidels! You have entered my domain! Surrender your beer or it'll go bad for you! > The three were a little stunned to be picked up in a >horseless carriage that had obviously seen better days. Tsuneo: So they're in the middle of a massive city of glass and steel, traffic lights, signs and all, having just blown up a sixty meter tall angel and they find a car surprising? Rebecca: It's the little things that get you. > Misato had >decided to go and get them herself. It was her duty as operations >director. Rick: NERV, of course, not eten having red-shirt security. Nemian: Or youma. Amounts to the same thing, really. > Besides, she was the only one with a car. Tsuneo: Suuure she was. Rebecca: All the cars we saw parked or driving by in wide shots were unowned. Rick: Don't you know? Ritsuko rides a tricycle to work. And Gendo hang-glides. > The three breathed a collective sigh, though not one of >relief, when they saw a familiar short, dark-haired girl standing in >the middle of the street. Dan: Akane Tendo? Nemian: Mizuno Ami? Tsuneo: Lain? Rick: Aurora Sterling? > "I guess we should stop and take her with us," Lina said as >if it was the last thing in the world that she wanted to do. Dan: No, let's run her down! Nemian: The ACTUAL last thing, of course, would be to take Naga instead. > "Are you sure Lina?" Gourry asked, "Couldn't we just >pretend that we didn't see her?" Nemian: A little callous for Gourry, I think. Tsuneo: They're all out of character, I think we established that. Rick: Yeah, I thought that would be Zel's line. >Zel nodded in agreement with the blonde swordsman. Rebecca: [Jumps up and starts waving a "Save our Beefcake" banner] Gourry is a man, dammit! Man man man man MAN! Nemian: She's not taking it well. Rick: We all have our sore spots. > "Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how much >trouble little miss justice could cause if we let her go around here >unsupervised?" Rick: Heck yeah, she might demonstrate that it's possible to have a happy childhood. Unthinkable! Tsuneo: Amelia is not a happy child. Rick: Compared to the Eva empire of dysfunctionality? Tsuneo: Point taken. > Zel and Gourry shuddered from the mental images this >conjured up. Rick: [Zel] Do you realize what'll happen when she discovers ice cream and red cordial? > "She a friend of yours?" Misato asked the group. Rick: Friend in the loosest sense of the word. Rebecca: [Lina] Gah! Where the heck did you come from?? Dan: Hello, abrupt scene change. Nemian: They should warn us when they do that. I nearly fell off the couch. > "Sort of," Lina answered for everyone. "Her name's >Amelia, stanch defender of justice and all around pain in the butt." Dan: And she's a magical drama queen to boot. Rick: Quick! Stanch the bleeding! Tsuneo: This fic has already flatlined > Amelia watched the strange contraption slow to a halt >before her. Tsuneo: Then blew it up, just to be sure. >Before she could decide if this thing was somehow unjust and evil, Nemian: I thought "unjust" was the default setting on all her perceptions? Rebecca: True, but it would take her a week to perceive her hair was on fire. > she saw a familiar face inside. > "Miss Lina!" Amlia squealed, "I'm so happy to see you!" Nemian: Ow! My ears! Rick: [Lina] Ghack... fine... just let go... > "That's it!" Lina shouted. "We're not going to answer >anymore questions until you feed us!" They had been barraged >with questions since they had gotten there, only half of which Lina >had even understood. Nemian: [Falls off couch] Rick: How did we get here? Would it kill him to segue between scenes even once? Nemian: [Mutters darkly and climbs back up to the back of the couch] Tsuneo: Where is "here" precisely? A bit of description wouldn't hurt. > Just uhere the heck were they anyway? Dan: Actually, this is taking place in the same scene. Rick: Gendo's holding the interrogation in Misato's car for security reasons. Rebecca: It's a pretty tight fit with him, Misato, the four subjects and a half-dozen MiBs. > "I thilk you better do as she says," Gourry stage-whispered >to Commander Ikari, who was feeling a little uncomfortable Tsuneo: Gendo uncomfortable? Never! >with a >girl who could nearly destroy an Angel by herself getting algry at >him. Tsuneo: Why? You were the one who actually DID destroy it. Dan: And why is Gendo hanging around with mere mortals? > "When she gets cranky like this, you never know what she'll >do." > "Cranky am I?" Lina turned on Gourry and belted him right >in the stomach, hapd enough to knock the breath out of him. > "See what I mean?" Gourry said before groaning and >falling on the floor. Rick: [Gendo] How does their species survive? > Asuka didn't know who this strange girl was, but she liked >her style. Dan: Who invited Asuka to the interrogation anyway? The kids would be the last ones to know about it. >I wonder if she can teach me how to throw a punch like >that? Or blow up an Angel without an EVA. Nemian: This from Asuka the very best at everything? Rebecca: Can you imagine that? Asuka armed with a Dragon Slave? Rick: [Asuka] What? You dare not to bow in the Great Asuka's presence? DRAGON SLAVE! Tsuneo: Don't tempt anyone. > Commander Ikari wisely decided to hold the rest of the >interrogation in the cafeteria. Rebecca: Much more secure than say, prison cells and interrogation rooms. Dan: [Slowly] No, you bring the food into the interrogation. Rick: Isn't that nice? He's doing the catering. > Nerv personnel stood around wide eyed Dan: Even Gendo? >as the Slayers gang >put away food faster that should have been humanly possible. The >only one eating normally was Zel, who looked apologetic for his >companions' lack of manners. Nemian: No one will be seated during the gripping "gluttony scene"! >Future Scenes: Rick: There had better not be. Voice: I'm not saying anything. Rick: Bastard. > "I don't think I'll be able to help fight these Angels for the >next couple of days," Lina told Misato softly, not really wanting to >talk about it before so many people. Dan: Time for her paid vacation, huh? > "Oh," Gourry said, overhearing, "Guess it's that time of the >month again." > As a result, Gourry wasn't able to help fight the Angels for >the next few days either, since he was in the hospital. > "Jeez, you shouldn't have been that hard on him," Lina told >the other women as she looked down on the heavily bruised >swordsman. > Misato, Ritsuko, and Maya all looked embarrassed. Tsuneo: Misato might pound Gourry for that, yes. Ritsuko would be amused and Maya would be embarrassed. > "Since Amelia is fourteen and our tests prove that she can >synchronize with an EVA, Rick: Now let's just chuck the Eva canon out the window... Dan: It's a rare event when a Slayers character doesn't become an EVA pilot. Tsuneo: Oh, don't worry. I'm sure they're working on it. > Commander Ikari has made her the >Forth Child." Misato told Lina. Nemian: [Lina] Go forth and die! > "You mean you made her one of the pilots of those giant >robots?" Lina asked with growing horror. Dan: Overshadowed only by our own. > Misato nodded, wondering about the strange reaction. She >was even more surprised when Lina grabbed her by the shirt and >nearly shouted, "Are you insane? Rebecca: This is EVA. Of course she is. >Do you have any idea of the >sheer scale of the damage she could do in one of those things? Its >worse that teachilg her the Dragon Slave!" Rebecca: Actually, she's more likely to blow herself up with a Dragon Slave, so Lina might be right. Dan: That might have a bit more impact if Misato knew what a Dragon Slave is. > "Evil angel who tries to posseq my vehicle of justice, feel >the taste of my vengeance. Megano Flare!" Amelia shouted. Rebecca: Grrrrr.... Nemian: *Choke**Gasp* Dan: Rebecca! That's not a moon cat, it's NOT a moon cat! Rebecca: What? Oops, sorry. Nemian: [Deep breath] A woman after my own heart. > "Angel who attacks this city without warning, the wrath of >heaven is upon you! Know that I, the Black Thunder of Tokyo-3, >will destroy you!" All: [Jaws drop to the floor] Tsuneo: Look at that. A stupid and pointless Ranma 1/2 reference in an EVA/Slayers fic. Who would've thought it? Nemian: What? >Amilia shouted from inside her entry plug, >broadcaqting her speech all over Toyko-3 and waving around her >progressive knife in a threatening manner. "Strike! Strike! Strike!" Rebecca: Um, Amelia? The other way. > Back in the control room, sweatdrops hug from everyone's >head. "Did her speech even make sense?" one of the bridgecrew >asked. Rick: [Aoba] Damn! I had a name earlier on. > "She's been watching a lot of anime recently," Lina >explained, "She's really gotten into this character Kuno from the >show Ranma 1/2. Wants to follow in his footsteps or something." Dan: Apart from the fact he's nothing like Amelia's ideal... > The bridge crew looked horrified. All: But not nearly as horrified as us. > "Are you sure it was wise to put that girl in an EVA?" >Fuski asked commandep Ikari for the third time that day. Nemian: Fuski. The dog the Japanese use to pull sleds. Rebecca: Poor Fuyutski's finally been pensioned off and replaced uith a sled dog. > Ikari only smiled slightly and did that thing with his glasses Dan: What thing with the glasses? Rick: You know! *That* thing. Dan: Oh! *That* thing. >to catch the lieht (he spent hours in front of a mirror learning how >to do this), it was all going according to the new plan. Rick: [Gendo] Oh, to heck with the millennia-old prophecy. I have a new plan. Tsuneo: Hell, he put Amelia in an Eva, he can't be following the script. [The TV switches off] Rebecca: And that's it? Dan: Did it even start? Rick: Did I miss anything? Nemian: I'd be lying if I said yes. Tsuneo: Rick, you could sleep through the end of the world. Rick: I did. Remember that time when we went over to your place and watched "End of Evangelion?" Tsuneo: Oh yeah. You did to. Voice: Can I have your reviews, please? Rick: Why? Voice: Just do it. Nemian: Jarring is how I'd describe it. Between the sudden, unannounced scene changes; the wholly unexplained and contrived crossover gimmick; the tacked-on future episode teasers and Gourry's inexplicable gender changes, I could hardly keep track of what was going on. Tsuneo: Stupid says it best. It's clear that absolutely no thought went into this fic. The authour can't think up a new angel, has no idea how the characters would react to, say, being right in the middle of a modern metropolis and seems to only have the most basic idea about the EVA characters anyway. Dan: I was actually waiting for something original to happen. I mean, we've already seen everything in that fic before. The Slayers gang blow up an angel - done! A Slayers character becomes an EVA pilot - done! Pointless moments of incredible gluttony - done! Heck, their mischaracterisation of Misato was almost identical to the one in Evangelion/Slayers. Rebecca: Hmm... Was there any real point to this fic? It seemed to be little more than an introduction, and a pretty minimal one at that. The cast went through the actions of setting up the situation, but there was no real development beyond that point. And the previews promised nothing out of the ordinary inanities we've seen so far in EVA/Slayers crossovers. Rick: Sales are down. I think I'll include more panty shots. Voice: Well, that's it for the day. Rebecca: Say, furball? Nemian: Yes? Rebecca: What was that beeping noise we heard earlier? Nemian: I don't think you want to know that. Dan: I think I can guess. Rebecca: Oh? Nemian: No! Wait! Ixnay! Rick: I think I'll be going now. Tsuneo: I'm with you. [Rick and Tsuneo quickly leave. Nemian begins sneaking stealthily towards the door.] Dan: Well, he's got to detect magical girls, right? so he's got to have a magical girl radar or something like that, right? So I reckon that beeping noise was... Rebecca: ME? [There is a long moment of silence, interrupted only by a loud "gulp" from Nemian. Rebecca suddenly explodes into action, leaping across the room and trying to throttle Nemian.] Rebecca: DIE! Nemian: AACK! It doesn't mean anything! I don't control these things! It's not my FAAAAUUULLLT!!!! Dan: I'll leave you to it. [Dan scurries out of the room as Rebecca chases Nemian around. The screen goes blank.] Voice: Help me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ No magical critters were harmed in the making of this MSTing. Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) and J T Evans Nemian is copyright 2000 J T Evans Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-2000 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-2000 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "Angel who attacks this city without warning, the wrath of >heaven is upon you! Know that I, the Black Thunder of Tokyo-3, >will destroy you!"