Elmer Studios and SVAM Presents.... Neon Exodus Evangelion 1:2 MSTed by Tim McLees, Jamie Jeans, Max Fauth and Alex Fauth NXE is copyright Benjamin D Hucthins Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Shinji's Notes: NXE continues, No one shall be seated for the dreaded BATH SCENE! I've heard some interesting tidbits about this series. We really *do* need to go the distance with this one! Jinas' Notes: Aaagh... It almost got me. This time, the author takes the focus away from DJ, so we can get to see how bad the other characters were treated. At least Pen-Pen seems fine... I think. Rick's Notes: I must not run away... I must not run away... ! Jamie's Notes: Never worry, never fear! Jolt is here! Actually I am scared. But I will be brave! I faced Kagato's Revenge and two parts of A-ko: The College Years! I can survive this! [breaks down and cries, beating the floor] DAMN YOU DJ!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! ******************************************************************** [The club Anipike. Mohan and Tsuneo are having a heated discussion at the bar about something. Rebecca is at a table talking with Nova Satori and Marie Crystal. All three of them are drinking heavily.] Rebecca: So, what are you doing to stay in pay nowadays? Marie: You know? I don't get into that many fics. Maybe the odd mention, but.. Nova: You're the lucky one. I get written in a lot for "future history". It's amazing how often I turn up as Facist Dictator of the Month, liberally quoting Hitler, Stalin, Thatcher, etc. I mean, there's one where I'm running the whole planet. Guess what? All of my army wear black uniforms and "Mein Kamph" is compulsory reading. [Chugs from her cup]. And I'm matched up against a Self Insertion. [Takes another huge swig] Do you think I LIKE being this mean and grouchy all the time? I only take these parts because my show's been gone since '86! Marie: Anyway, at the moment, the whole Southern Cross cast is in one of those "alternate universe" stories. The Author's written in a few characters-thankfully no Self-insertions. It's pretty good actually. Rebecca: So, where's Dana at? I thought she'd be here getting plastered. Nova: Ya... she's meant to be arranging that match with Jeanne. [Collapses face-down on the table]. Can't rely on her for anything... Marie: If you'd bothered to stay sober or get out of bed before 10, you'd have known that she's at a filming session for a side story to the series we're currently in. Nova: [Pops head up] Oh yeah. [Collapses again]. Marie: She's been like this since "Aftermath".... [They all roll their eyes] [Tsuneo and Mohan walk over, still arguing, and sit] Rebecca: What is it that's getting you two so worked up? [Tsuneo tries to say something, but is cut off by Mohan] Mohan: Look! You were there with me for 'Heart's Battleground'. Rebecca: Yeah, so? Mohan: So, could Akane in her Banana-Yellow Mallet-Equipped Unit 01 beat DJ Croft in his Unit 01? Rebecca: Uhhhh..... [The door to the club swings open. A furious-looking Dana Sterling stomps in, sits down at Rebecca's table, steals Nova's drink and takes a huge swig from it] Nova: Hey! Givvat back! Dana: Why that......! When I get my hands on the little..... Ooooh! I'll wring his scrawny neck and then boot him back to Kansas. And then I'll drive over there and jump up and- Mohan: Whoa! Cool it! Marie: Yeah, what's biting you all of a sudden? Trouble with the filming? Dana: Trouble? TROUBLE??? It's this damned author! He keeps on trying to set me up with one of his characters. Tsuneo: Really, who is he? Dana: *She* is the daughter of one of his characters from an earlier fic! Rebecca: Ah. Well.... Marie: You know what? I'm glad I don't get into that many fics. Rebecca: I'm glad my fic has stalled. [Takes a sip] [Samantha walks over to the table] Samantha: Hello guys! Washu's got the next episode of Neon Exodus Evangelion all ready to go. Mohan: Joy and rapture. Samantha: Don't worry, everyone. I came prepared this time. Tsuneo: If you say so. ***** [Mohan, Tsuneo, and Rebecca walk into the theater and take their seats. A few minutes later, Samantha walks in with two cases of beer, one under each arm, and places them under her seat] Mohan: What's that for? Samantha: Just a little tip I picked up while on the SON. Riffing a bad fanfic is done better when you're drunk. Rebecca: From last week's promo, we might need it! Samantha: Here... [hands everyone a beer] Tsuneo: Beer... Ah, well, better than nothing. Mohan: Well, we're good to go. Hit the TV! Samantha: Actually, it's a theater screen... never mind. > /* Genesis "Land of Confusion" _Invisible Touch_ */ Mohan: Must...resist...the funk! Samantha : That song's getting really old *really* fast! > EYRIE PRODUCTIONS, UNLIMITED > presents > Rebecca: Absolutely nothing! Sorry for the inconvenience, folks! > NEON EXODUS EVANGELION Tsuneo: Another fine Anime series twisted for the sole purpose of stroking an author's ego. [pause] Amongst other things. Rebecca: Good boy! > EXODUS 1:2 - ACCLIMATIONS Samantha: Acclamations... [pulls out a dictionary from Hammerspace] Rebecca: How did you do that? Samantha: You pick up some things hanging around the Ranma gang... [looks up word] Ah! It basically means conform or adapt. [places Dictionary back in Hammerspace] > Inspired by NEON GENESIS EVANGELION created by Hideaki Anno, Gainax, > et al. > > Most characters designed by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto > (except DJ, who looks like a young David Duchovny) Rebecca: At least he could have the decency to look like the Simpsons version. > Additional material and inspiration cadged from TOMB RAIDER by Core > Design, Ltd., X-COM: UFO DEFENSE and sequels from MPS Labs (whoever > owns them nowadays), and THE X-FILES created by Chris Carter > > Written by Benjamin D. Hutchins and Larry Mann Mohan: To be like... the Larry-Man. Tsueno: That was kinda dumb, Mo. Mohan : I thought it sounded good. > > Aided and abetted Samantha: That's two accounts now. >by the Eyrie Productions, Unlimited crew Tsuneo: Where do they get all those losers from? > and special-guest-for-life Phil Moyer Rebecca : Really, Phil, I'm surprised at you! Mohan : I needed the money! > (c) 1997 Eyrie Productions, Unlimited Samantha: Well, it had to happen. Someone copyrighted bull... Voice of Washu: Stop right there! Samantha: You're no fun! Tsuneo: She kind of reminds me of the voice back at the apartment. > "Commander Ayliffe?" > > The base commander looked up from the assortment of maps and >charts displayed on the command center's monitors and Rebecca : And now the forecast for the greater Worcester area... Tsuneo: I see he's planning his escape route. >turned to face >his lieutenant, Michael Steffler, who had just entered the room >through the sliding double doors. "Situation?" Samantha : We're stuck in a crappy fanfic with the most perfect uber-kid this side of Marissa. Tsueno: At least DJ never solved a civil war by holding a group of diplomats captive... Mohan: While Marissa never declared herself the smartest, cutest teenaged girl in Starfleet. [Mohan receives stern looks from his companions] Well, not in those *exact* words, at least. > "Word just came back from our contacts in Worcester-3," >Steffler replied. "The Third Angel was neutralized by the Fifth >Child last night." Samantha: 'Neutralized' doesn't quite say it. Tsuneo: Could you have chosen a less appropriate term? > "Fifth?" Ayliffe arched an eyebrow. "What about the Third?" Rebecca : I believe that he's hanging out for a contract that doesn't involve sucking up to DJ. Tsuneo: That could take a while... > "The Third is either unable or unwilling to participate in the >project, more likely unwilling. Rebecca: He is either unwilling to, unable to, incapable of, restricted from, or just plain can't. >Fortunately the Fifth was at hand, Samantha: You make it sound like a good thing... Rebecca: At least we can all agree on something. >but it's unclear whether he will remain involved, and we have reports >that he was injured and Unit 01 damaged in the combat, so either way >they'll be out of action for a while." Mohan: And there was much rejoicing! All: Huzzah! > "And the other Children?" the commander asked, fairly sure of >where this was leading. > "The First is still incapacitated, expected to be out of >service for at least three more weeks; Samantha: Nice to know how kind and caring they are, what with talking about Rei like they would talk about a wrecked sports car. Rebecca: Well, we'll need to order a new fender and vacuum the inside.... Tsueno [glaring at Rebecca]: Oh, puke! >reports indicate she suffered >further injuries during the fighting. Samantha: How could she? She wasn't even fighting the Third Angel! Rebecca: You don't remember when the girders came falling down on him? Tsuneo: Not that any of them hurt her. Samantha: No. [takes another swig of beer] I guess the alcohol is finally kicking in. *BURP* Mohan: "Drink once each time a S-I character upstages the established characters, and as often as possible during a Sasami lemon..." Tsuneo [pales]: A Sasami... Samantha: You don't *even* want to know. >The Second is still in final training in Germany. Rebecca: Where she can stay, thank you very much! >And again, the Fifth can't be considered reliable yet. >NERV has requested the transfer of the Fourth Child to >direct NERV authority immediately, if not sooner." Tsuneo: I could say that's impossible, or I could get pissed drunk enough not to care. [He takes a BIG swig from his can] Samantha: I thought you hated beer. Tsuneo: Better the devil you know than Neon Exodus sober. Samantha: Dang tootin'! [Takes a swig from her can] >He paused. "At the moment we're receiving negative commentary Tsuneo: Now who would say phrases like *that*? Mohan: Hello? 'Complaints,' maybe? Rebecca: Oh, man, now the characters are talking like the fic's written. >for not handing him over when first requested." Tsuneo: Who 'are' these people? Why do they have Toji? Why is NERV asking them about sending the Fourth Child over? Mohan : These questions asked, and a few answered, in this week's installment of NXE... > "And I suppose they want the work on Unit 03 expedited as >well?" the commander sighed. Samantha: Oh yeah... there it goes! [looks slowly from left to right] Tsuneo: I see it too! Mohan: See what? Rebecca: Yeah, come on, tell us! Samantha: The plot line. > "They're requesting transfer of the EVA as soon as it's passed >preliminary testing; final synchronization tests will be conducted >on-site." > >Steffler shrugged. "They're a little annoyed with us, I'm >afraid. Tsueno: We left pizza stains all over the corporate car's interior. Samantha: *BURP* Well ya should be afraid! Piss off NERV and an Eva could step on ya! [tosses empty beer can away and takes out another one] Mohan: Miss Jones, are you feeling OK? Samantha: Just fiiine... >We could have done the transfer when they originally asked, >and then all this might have been avoided." Tsuneo : No one listens to me... > "I know, I know." Straightening up, Ayliffe turned to one of >the officers manning the communications system. "Colburn, tell >Engineering to expedite the prelim tests Samantha: Verb. To speed up progress, help along, and assist. Mohan: The thesaurus: Not just for Jim "Warrior" Hellwig anymore! Roget is a proud sponsor of... Tsueno: Knock it off, silly! Rebecca: Isn't it wonderful to know the author can show of through other methods than just the S-I? Others: No. >on EVA-03 and get it ready >for transfer to Worcester-3 ASAP." > "Yes sir!" Colburn replied. > "And the Fourth?" Rebecca: Plead the fifth! >Steffler asked expectantly. > "We'll deal with that now," Ayliffe replied. Tsuneo: Hopefully with a gun with DJ's name on it... Mohan: He said Fourth, not fifth. Samantha : Damn... [finishes off beer and takes out another one] > "Problem, Dr. Spiner?" Samantha : Well, I keep having these dreams where I'm an android on a space ship... > David Spiner looked up from a hushed discussion with his >fellow scientists. Rebecca : Ummm, I just, ummm... blew something up. Tsueno : Oh man, we're gonna be in big trouble if he... Oh hi! How are you? No, nothing wrong at all. >He and Ayliffe had known each other for a long >time, long enough that each could read the mood of the other with only >a glance. Ayliffe could tell Spiner was bothered about something. Mohan : Urmm...mmm, geez! I'm chaffing like a bear here! > "Not sure exactly, Commander," Spiner replied. "We were >conducting the synchronization exercise as planned, when the Fourth >started complaining of body-wide pain. Rebecca: 'Please excuse Toji from class today. He has explosive diarrhea...' [Tsuneo *BRAINS* Rebecca with a cushion] Tsuneo: That was just sick! Rebecca: And I *loved* it! Samantha: You go girl! [Rebecca and Samantha give each other a high-five.] >We aborted the test and we've >been going over the data but so far there's nothing to indicate what >might have caused the problem." Mohan: Someone put itching powder in the LCL! Samantha: Those wacky freshman pranks! Ha Ha! > "Is he all right?" Steffler asked. > "He's awake, if that's what you mean, Lieutenant," the >scientist answered. "The pain decreased but didn't go away after we >cut the power; he says it's been slowly dropping off since then and >should be gone soon." Tsuneo: Foreshadowing! Don't you just love it? Don't you just miss it? > "Can we talk to him?" Ayliffe inquired. Mohan: I don't know, can you? > Spiner gestured toward the holding tank at the end of the >testing chamber, indicating an affirmative. Rebecca [shrugs]: I suppose 'nodded' would be too wordy. >The two soldiers crossed >the room and stood before the large cylindrical tank, Mohan [reading]: J-E-N-O-V-A... ummm, wait a second. >regarding its >occupant, the Fourth Child, through a large viewport. He was a tall, >thin boy, with shoulder-length black hair. Rebecca : We've secretly replaced Toji with a Hanson brother. Let's see if the audience notices the difference. Samantha: Huh? Is the alcohol screwing up my eyes, cause I sure as hell don't remember Toji having shoulder length black hair... Tsuneo: Great, yet another new Child! Rebecca: Take a look up the top. "Written by Benjamin D. Hutchins *and* Larry Mann. So, if DJ is Ben then.... [They all groan in pain] Rebecca: ...I'm having another drink [Opens another beer] >His actual age was >fourteen, but he looked older, closer to eighteen. Tsuneo: AAACCCKKK!!! [He collapses off his seat] My 'Surreptitious Encounters' flashbacks are all coming at once! Samantha: [Helps him up] What are you on about. Tsuneo: Well, it was an EVA/Tenchi crossover lemon- Mohan: Urk! [He turns an interesting shade of green] Tsuneo: Where one of the major plot points was that Misato couldn't tell the difference between Shinji and Tenchi. [They all pause and look at the screen.] All: AARRGGHH!! Samantha: That felt good. >At the moment his >eyes were closed and he floated in the LCL breathing and antishock >medium, >seemingly asleep. > Ayliffe activated an intercom on the tank's side, picking up a >hand microphone. "Jon." Mohan : Marsha? Samantha: ARGH!!! [throws beer can at screen] Not another damn Author Avatar! Sweet Jesus! They're spreading faster then wild fire! Rebecca [holding Samantha back]: Sheesh girl! Get a grip! Tsuneo: At least *wait* until he displays god-like powers... This being EVA, it ain't gonna take long. *HIC* [Rebecca and Samantha sit back down.] > The boy slowly opened his eyes, revealing them to be a deep >emerald color, and his head turned toward the source of the sound >waves, regarding the soldiers with an expressionless, almost blank, >gaze. Samantha: Bad feeling... really bad feeling... > "Are you all right?" > "I am improving," Jon answered neutrally. Samantha: Oh no... I think we've finally stumbled across the male Rei Ayanami... [pulls out another can of beer, and downs it in one shot] Wish I had brought more. This is gonna hurt. Tsuneo [shrugs]: Eh. It could have been worse. Much worse, actually. Mohan: At least there will be *two* likable characters. >If he was still in >any pain, he did not show it at all. "My ratio is up 15 points from >last test." Rebecca : Soon, I'll be the fry cook I've always wanted to be! > "That's good, Jon," the commander replied, then paused to >organize his thoughts. >Jon merely looked at him, still expressionless. "I have new orders for you." Rebecca : You are to die horribly screaming with sharp things in your head. Mohan : You are to go to Worcester-3 and kill DJ Croft. Tsuneo: Getting dark enough yet? Mohan: We haven't even started. > "I'm ready to receive orders," Jon answered flatly, still >without trace of emotion. Samantha: Yup... male Rei Ayanami... The only thing that could possibly make this worse would be if this was Moosse. Mohan: Judging from his description, he pretty much *is* Moosse. Rebecca: Whoah... bad memories. > The commander paused again, regarding the boy thoughtfully for >another moment. Rebecca : How did he fit into those *smashing* tights? Tsuneo: Hey, someone *else* that saw Hook! Neat. >Then: "Jonathan Ellison, effective immediately you >are being placed under the direct authority of NERV. You will be >transferred to Worcester-3, and will be answerable only to NERV >central command, as Fourth Child and pilot of EVA-03." > "Yes sir." Mohan: Bye Toji. Nice knowing ya. Tsuneo: And yet *another* established character has been written out for convenience sake. Now who's gonna beat up DJ? Rebecca & Samantha: Oh! ME! Me-me-me-me.... > "Your transport to Worcester-3 will depart at 0800 hours >tomorrow. Have your personal effects packed and ready by that time. >Unit-03 will be transported to Worcester-3 once preliminary testing >has been completed. Rebecca: Yeah, those scientists keep on getting the most powerful Magi and use it to play Pong. >Per NERV's orders, final testing will take place >in Worcester-3." > "Yes sir," Jon repeated. "I will be ready for transport at >0800 tomorrow." Mohan : I will see it again and again. It is better than 'Cats' > "Good," Ayliffe nodded. "Good luck, and be careful." Tsuneo : Not like anything'll go wrong, mind ya! Just that the Eva will go berserk and DJ will have to kill it and find out that you're his long lost best friend. Not like that'll affect him in anyway, mind you... because he's DJ Croft! [growing frantic] Nothing can affect him! HE'S GOD IN THAT LITTLE WORLD HE'S MADE!!! HE'LL PROBABLY FIND SOME WAY TO SAVE YOU AND DRIVE THE ANGEL OUT OF THE EVA WHICH SHINJI COULDN'T!!! ARGH!!! [throws beer can at screen] I'm fine... Rebecca: Nice rant, there. Tsuneo: Thank you. Samantha: I oughta introduce you to Bret some day. > "Thank you sir," Jon answered, and his eyes closed again. > Ayliffe watched the boy quietly for a few moments longer >before replacing the microphone on its hook. "Dave," Mohan: : Yes, Hal? >he said at last, >turning to Dr. Spiner, who had been standing nearby. Samantha : I wa' a plug suit like 'is... [reaches for another can of beer] >"I need >everything locked down and ready to go ASAP." > "No problem, sir," Spiner answered. "Though I want to go on >record as being uncomfortable Rebecca : It's this seat... >about sending the Fourth into the field at this time." > "Your concerns are noted," Ayliffe nodded. "Unfortunately it >can't be helped; NERV's authority overrides all other orders." > "Then he'll be as ready as he can be, sir," the scientist >replied. > "Good. Get to it." > Although both Ayliffe and Spiner had no way of knowing, Tsuneo: Because they're not superpowerful god-boys. [Receives a stern look from Mohan] but I'll stop there. >they >were both thinking the same thought as they went to attend to their >respective tasks: Rebecca & Samantha : Cute ass. Mohan : Oy, vey... > Dear God, what have we become? Tsueno: Extras in a crappy fanfic. Get used to it. > Miles away, the Fifth Child, DJ Croft, returned to >consciousness slowly, Rebecca : "'Good Morning, Good Morning' the little birds say..." Mohan : GET THE HELL OUT OF BED! >reluctantly, and with a measure of difficulty. >When he peeled his eyelids (which felt as if some considerate soul had >come along and glued sand to the insides) away from his eyes (which >felt as if some other considerate soul had poured salt in them), [Tsuneo and Rebecca look about innocently.] Samantha: Guys? Tsuneo & Rebecca: What? Samantha: Nice job. >the first thing he saw was an intolerably bright blur. Tsuneo : I hate this place. >He flinched. This >caused his brain, which had apparently shrunk to the size of a walnut, Rebecca: Which is probably the same size as his... Voice of Washu: STOP! Rebecca: Ummm... nose. Man, she is *so* not fun! >to carom wildly off the inside of his skull, through which someone had >apparently pounded several dozen framing nails. Tsueno: The newest teen fad: brain piercing! Mohan: It's *EXTREME!* Samantha: Makes me want to drink Surge and snowboard just thinking about it. > By squinting to the point where he was peering out at the >world through a crosshatch of eyelashes, DJ reduced the intolerable >brightness to a mere agonizing glare, and managed to identify its >source as a rectangular ceiling fixture holding three fluorescent >tubes. Mohan: So, it was bright then? Rebecca: Pretty much. Samantha: No one will be seated during the intense 'eye opening' scene! [downs her can of beer and tosses it away] *BURP* Tsuneo: Are you okay? Samantha: I'm fiiiine... [leans forward to grab another can of beer and fall face flat on the floor] Tsueno: Ouch. >Then a merciful shadow blocked the light as an indeterminate >shape leaned over him. Mohan : Ah! Hello, Mister Death! > "DJ? Can you hear me?" came a deafening voice that was >probably Misato's. "How do you feel?" Samantha : I'm just fine... [looks at Tsuneo] You look kinda hot, handsome... give me a kiss... Rebecca: She must be pissed drunk to think you're good looking, Tsuneo. Tsuneo [blushes a bright red]: Rebecca! Er, I'm fine, Sam. > "Like the ancient Aztecs have been using my head for a >football," Mohan: That's a pleasing thought, isn't it? Rebecca: Why couldn't he be in another popular South American ball game, where the balls are whacked against the wall with a stout wooden block until the prisoner confesses. [Tsuneo and Mohan cross their legs uncomfortably] >DJ replied, surprised that his voice came out in something >other than a feeble croak. All: Ribit! Samantha: [finally crawls back into her seat] >He sat up, gingerly, trying not to rattle >his brain about too much in his nail-filled skull. Mohan: Oh, that explains it: He's the Hellraiser. Tsuneo: Puzzle boxes are hard to open for a *reason!* > "Drink this," came another voice, this one Ritsuko's, Tsuneo: What's she doing here? Rebecca: Getting her appearance fee. >and >someone pressed an item his brain took a moment to identify as a >drinking glass into his hand. >"It'll restore your electrolyte >balance. You've been unconscious for almost twenty hours." Mohan : Oh, man, I missed the Sein Off! Rebecca: Coming soon: The End of Seinfeld. > And so he did, tossing the foul-tasting beverage down in >several great tidal gulps; after a few moments of perilous nausea, he >was startled to realize that, just like that, he did feel quite a lot >better. Samantha: Mmmm, warm Tang. Rebecca : Oh, dear. That wasn't juice... Mohan: Tsuneo : Ugh...that is *so* revolting, Rebecca. Rebecca: Yeah, I know. >He rubbed at his eyes, blinked, and discovered Samantha: Dat his eyelids had come off in his hand... [opens up another can and starts drinking] >himself able to focus on things again, then turned to Ritsuko. Rebecca : I had the strangest dream. You were there, and you, and you... > "Wha'happen?" Tsuneo: You inserted yourself as a uber-kid into a loopy re-write of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Samantha: For which you shall be beaten repeatedly... with any luck. > "An unexpected feedback error. We didn't expect you to be so >deeply synchronized with EVA-01 that it would set up a neural feedback >loop if you went to an external camera position, but it did. Tsuneo : Especially since the external cameras don't exist. Mohan: That explains the problem, then. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] I didn't think of that? God, I'm useless. >We've >run a full set of scans, though, and there's no permanent harm. >The >shock knocked you out before your neural pathways could be permanently >affected." > "How reassuring," DJ said dryly. "That's why I feel like >somebody's unscrewed my head and taken out my brain?" Rebecca: What, you can tell? Mohan: Alright, I think we should lay off DJ for a while, guys. Samantha: Ya' no fun. > "More or less." > "Right. Memo to myself: don't use the external cameras." Rebecca : I could have been mentally harmed, but I can still pull off the smug comments. >He >plopped back down on the bed, looked painlessly up at the light >fixture, and decided he was feeling fine. Rebecca : I'm fine, thank you Susan. Mohan : Plop. Tsuneo [Glances at Mohan]: Will you knock that off! >Well, hungry, but otherwise fine. Samantha: [looks at Mohan, massively slurred] Hey Mohan... ya look kinda cute too... come give me a kiss... [leans over Rebecca to get at Mohan] Mohan : Samantha, please! I'm married, you know! Rebecca: Not that it's ever stopped you. Mohan:... Samantha: [Giggles and leans back in her own seat] >His hands didn't hurt any more; looking at them, he saw that >the palms and some of the fingers were lightly bandaged. > > "How the hell'd I do that?" he wondered. Tsuneo: Opening the hatch on Rei's... never mind. > "We're... not sure," Ritsuko replied, looking briefly away. Rebecca : Brilliant save there, Ritsuko... Tsuneo: I bet *no-one* even saw you do it... >DJ didn't buy that, but he let it slide. > "Can I get up now?" he asked. Samantha: NO! You gonna stay dere like da idiot youse is... > "Sure... as I said, your tests showed no problems. EVA-01 >will be in repairs for a few days, so you'll have some time off to >rest up. Misato will take care of your living arrangements. I >believe you were having the things you wanted shipped, weren't you?" Mohan : Do you have fruit to declare? Rebecca: : Only Kaoru. Tsuneo: Will you stop that! > "That was when I thought I'd be at summer-camp-for-bookworms >for two months. How long do you intend to keep me here?" Samantha: After your school work... Mohan: And your homework... Tsuneo: And after you've stopped being such a smarmy brat. > "You're free to leave at any time," said Ritsuko, her gaze >level. "We won't keep you here against your will." Mohan : Pay no attention to the heavily armed guards at the door... > DJ sat up again, looked to the side, spotted his clothes >folded neatly in the chair next to the bed. With a bit of surprise, >he noticed that his Springfield Armory V10 pistol was there, too, >still hanging in its shoulder harness and offset by a pair of spare >magazines. Rebecca [reading]: 'Penthouse', 'Playmate of the Year', figures.... >Given the fuss Ritsuko had put up over it when he'd been >fitted with the plug suit, he'd expected to have to go through all >kinds of hassle to get it back. Samantha : And he should have since a fourteen year old shouldn't have a gun! Rebecca : My dad let me have a gun when I was fourteen. Tsuneo: Case proven. > He got up and started dressing, unconcerned that he was not >alone; you got over that kind of hang-up pretty quickly in the field. Tsuneo : Uh-heh...that's OK we don't need to see this. Can't we just fast-forward. Mohan: It's a broadcast, we can't! Samantha: Sweet Jesus! DJ's naked! Good night! [passes out and slumps onto the floor] Rebecca: Well, that took long enough, well over 20 minutes... [grins coyly at Mohan] [Mohan grumbles and hands over a small pouch of silver pieces.] Voice of Washu: Oh no! I knew I shouldn't have let her bring all that beer in with her. Hey Alex! Come in and get your sister! [A young man enters the theater, dressed in a black bodysuit similar to Samantha's, and has Silver hair and eyes.] Alex: Does that mean that I take over for her? [Bends down and picks Samantha up] Voice of Washu: Yes. Alex: Okay. Be back in a moment. [leaves and comes back, taking Samantha's spot] Rebecca: That would be Alex then... Mohan: Her... brother? This should prove interesting. Two Avatars for the price of one. Alex : I HEARD THAT! Tsueno : Nice preservation of the fourth wall there, Mohan. >"I need some time to think," he observed as he belted on his jeans and >shrugged into a slightly oversized oxford shirt. Mohan: Does he normally get such a kick out of dressing in front of strange women? >"Time and space. Tsuneo: Both of which you've warped. Thank you and goodnight. >And my backpack, so I can have something to read." Alex [arrives]: Who's that? Tsuneo : DJ Croft. Rebecca: Hey, kiddo. Welcome to the party. Alex: Oh... Oh I'm sorry! I forgot to introduce myself! I'm Alexander Misamoto, Samantha Jones's younger brother! Rebecca: Rebecca Bartley. The potty-mouthed one. Mohan: Mohan. [Extends his hand] I'm a psionicist, but don't let that bother you. Tsuneo: Tsuneo. Busy exploding due to self-insertion. Alex: Hi. > "Something to read?" > "I think better when I'm reading." Alex: Uh... did I miss something... Mohan: Luckily, yes. > Rei Ayanami, contrary to what anyone might have expected had >they looked into her private infirmary room, was not bored. Alex [blushes]: Oh no... we're not going into 'that' kind of scene, are we? Rebecca : Oh, is there something wrong? Alex : You're not like Marta, are you? Tsueno >She would >have been, had she known of the concept; but since she had never known >the simple pleasures All: AHHH!!! Mohan: Ohhh...not from what I've read! Rebecca: Really, what *have* you read, hmmm? Mohan [blushes]: Well...stuff. Tsueno: I had hopes for you, Mohan. >of a hobby, All: Oh. Alex: Whew! Had me worried there. >she had nothing to miss. And since >missing that simple pleasure is what boredom is all about, she was not >bored. Mohan: So, in other words, Rei wasn't bored. Tsuneo: Well, there goes Rei's character. > She lay in her infirmary bed, swathed in bandages, an IV in >her arm, Rebecca : Mmmm, jello... > and thought about the events of the previous day. Who was >the blue-eyed stranger who had helped her? Alex: Why, Shinji, of course! Tsuneo: Wait for it, kid... >She had seen something in >his eyes she could not identify when he knelt beside her, Mohan : Are those contacts? >held her >head and shoulders off the cold, hard floor, and wiped the sweat from >her forehead. Rebecca : Wow, my hero. > It wasn't unusual for Rei to see an emotion in someone >else's eyes that she could not identify, but it was unusual for the >phenomenon to matter to her; unusual enough that she was now pondering >it, turning those few seconds of contact over in her mind, wondering >at their significance. Alex: Rei is feeling emotions already? Did we just jump a few episodes? Tsuneo: Didn't they brief you or anything? Alex: No, I just came on in after dumping big sister on the nearest table. Misato : And thanks a bunch for that, too. > The door slid open, interrupting her thoughts; she looked to >her left and saw the stranger entering the room, dressed in the same >faded jeans, age-grey Dr. J's Tsuneo : You can want me now. >and blue-striped oxford shirt with the >top two buttons missing he'd been wearing the day before, with a >battered leather backpack slung by one strap over his left shoulder. >With the battered brown jacket Mohan: What's this thing he has for battered clothing, anyway? Tsuneo: Probably thinks it looks cool. >he'd been wearing the day before slung >over the backpack, Rei could see a shoulder-holster harness like the >one Colonel Keller wore, which struck her as odd for someone so >young. Alex: Who is Keller? Misato's replacement? Rebecca: No, she's still around... sort of. Keller replaced someone else one of the Bridge Boys of NERV, I think. Tsuneo: No, I think he replaced Fuyutski, when he finally got a proper job. Mohan : I have a Ph D., you know. > The stranger smiled, a quiet smile that lit up his eyes, Mohan : Helloooo, Rei... Tsuneo [nudging Mohan]: Psst, you're channeling again! Mohan : Sorry. >walked silently to the end of the bed, and tilted the hanging >clipboard there toward his eyes. Tsuneo: 'He looked at the clipboard.' Next! > "Rei Ayanami," he observed, his English accent putting an >interesting slant on her last name. The smile again. "DJ Croft. I'm >Number Five." Alex: Weird, I thought Number 5 was a funky, naive robot with a laser cannon, hmm... > Rei nodded. One mystery explained, anyway. "Hello," she said >softly. Tsuneo: Yup, he got Rei completely wrong, with just one word. Mohan and Rebecca: Shut up, Tsuneo. > DJ went to the chair in the corner and plopped into it, [Tsuneo shoots a glare at Mohan, then...] Rebecca: Man! Go to the restroom to do that! [Mohan high-fives Rebecca while Tsuneo fumes] Alex: Eww! That was gross! >pulling the small stepstool over to use as an ottoman, Alex : My goodness! This is the most comfortable chair I've ever been in! >and produced a >tatty paperback from the backpack. This behavior struck Rei as odd - >people who did not know her well, which was more or less everybody, Tsuneo: What about Gendo Ikari? Mohan: [Looking about the scene...] >tended to feel an irritating need to make conversation, as if silence >were a bane to be thrust back at any cost. >DJ, however, didn't seem to mind her silence at all; Mohan: Because he's about as boring as she is. [Tsuneo whacks him with a cushion] Rebecca: Oh, I'm sorry, are we slagging off your girlfriend? [Tsuneo fumes] Alex: That's an interesting shade of purple he's turning. >he merely read his book. Even so, Rei >didn't feel as though he was ignoring her. It was very odd... but not >unpleasant. Rebecca : I'm not in this scene, you can't see me. Hmm-hmmm... Tsuneo: So he's reading a book to think and doing so in Rei's room, even though she is seriously injured... anyone spot the inherent wrongness in this? [They all raise their hands] Mohan: > After almost an hour of silence, Mohan: DO SOMETHING! Gods... Alex: Is this guy the life of the party, or what? >Rei's curiosity defeated her >reticence, and she said, very tentatively, "Why are you here?" Alex: Uh, why didn't the author just use 'coolness' instead of 'reticence' there? All these fancy words will just confuse the reader. Mohan: Is it an assumption that the reader will have a thesaurus at hand while reading this? > DJ looked over the top of the book. "Sorry, am I bothering >you?" > Rei shook her head. > > "I wanted somewhere quiet to have a think, but I didn't want >to be alone," DJ explained. Rebecca : Thanks... I think... Mohan: In other words, you're too screwed up to know what you really want. Alex: I wonder what Mihoshi would make of him? Tsuneo: Hmmm... well, if you fold him like this, he makes an interesting noise. > "I hope you don't think it's an >imposition, but I thought perhaps you could use a bit of quiet company >yourself. It must get lonely here." Alex: You'd figure, what with all the Angels attacking and trying to get into NERV headquarters, that no one would have the time to get lonely. > Rei shrugged. She had never considered that possibility. >After all, she had been alone all her life. Tsuneo: Never mind this nice Mr. Gendo Ikari guy. Mohan: And all the pre-NERV staff. Wasn't Rei I such a demonic little munchkin? >Like boredom, she >couldn't feel loneliness; she had no frame of reference, no way of >knowing what was missing from her life. Mohan: That is so deep. Rebecca: Really? Mohan [shrugs]: Not really, no. > But if this was what company was like... Rebecca : I'd prefer loneliness! > DJ returned to reading his book. He didn't mean it as a snub >and she didn't take it as such. Already, they had that much of an >understanding. Rebecca : This is beautiful. I may weep openly. > Rei Ayanami's pale, drawn face wore the slightest hint of a >smile as she settled back against her pillow and went to sleep. Alex: This is not Rei! Too much emotion! Didn't the author even see Neon Genesis Evangellion? Tsuneo: Actually he did, but it seems like Ben thought she needed more of a personality, so what the hell. > Misato Katsuragi sat in her office, glaring sourly at the >information on her terminal screen; Mohan : 'Oops, sorry! We cannot find this Geocities address...' > then, with an exasperated sigh, >she scooped up her desk phone and called Ritsuko. > "Akagi," came the reply. Rebecca : I'm actually getting two scenes in this episode. > "Ritsuko, why does your department have DJ living alone in C >Block?" Alex: Okay, so DJ has replaced Shinji, right? Mohan: Right. Alex: Then that means that DJ will be the one living with Misato... [Silence, and then...] Tsuneo: I'm detecting pain in the future. Great pain. > "He doesn't have family in the area - chances are, he doesn't >have family at all any more. Haven't you read his file? His father >was killed in the aftermath of Second Impact and his mother's been >missing for months; Tsuneo: Yet another Ratliffian plot device: Both parents of the uber-kid conveniently knocked off or disposed. Rebecca: Think back to the fight with Sachiel. I've got a pretty good idea as to where Lara Croft is at the moment.... [They all pause] Mohan: I thought Unit 01's chest looked bigger.... Alex: I guess I did miss a lot. >his only living relatives are a paternal >grandmother who doesn't know he exists and a maternal grandfather who >disowned his mother years before he was born. Rebecca: Wouldn't you? Mohan: I said, lay off it. >What were we supposed to do with him?" Alex: You were giving him his own place. That certainly sounded like a good idea. > Misato hadn't consciously planned on saying anything remotely >like what she was about to say, but before she realized that, it was >out: "I'll take care of him." Rebecca: dun-dun-*DUNNNN!* Mohan: Wasn't Misato originally keen on keeping Shinji at her place? > "Uh, what?" Ritsuko replied. > In for a penny, Katsuragi, said Misato to herself. "I said >I'll take care of him. My apartment is huge, much bigger than I need, >I've got two empty bedrooms I'll never fill with stuff of my own. Tsuneo: Plenty of room for his ego then... Mohan: He's actually been bearable this episode. Rebecca: Don't get our hopes up, Mohan. >He >can live with me. C'mon, Ritsuko, it's not like I'm gonna put the >moves on him or anything." Alex : GYAH!!! If DJ is the Author Avatar, then that just might happen! Rebecca: Naw, going on his previous form, he's liable to start sweet-talking her, and she'll just end up fawning all over him for no apparent reason. [Throws can away]. Anyone for another beer? > "Of course not!" Dr. Akagi bellowed. "How could you even joke >about such a thing? That's just like you, Misato!" Alex: So Misato puts the moves on young men all the time? [gets a hopeful look on his face] Rebecca [casually thwaps Alex with a cushion]: Down boy! Alex: Ouch! > Misato held the phone at arm's length and glared at it. >Ritsuko never -could- take a joke. > > After an almost-exactly-two-hour nap, Rei Ayanami awoke to >silence, save for the quiet whir of the room's air conditioning vent >and the soft sound of a page turning every now and then. Tsuneo: And the occasional Angel stomping by to wipe out humanity. >The room had been darkened by some nurse or another, Alex: That would be one *big* nurse! > but DJ had somehow managed to >remain, Mohan : Go Away! I've only a milkin' cow, and sh' ONLY EATS CARROTS! Rebecca: Where'd you get *that* line!? Tsueno: And how'd you pull off that accent? > his chair sitting now in a small, warm, yellowish pool of Rebecca: First he *plops* in the chair, then- [A bolt of energy shoots down from the ceiling and zaps Rebecca, leaving her looking a bit stunned and fried.] Voice of Washu: I hope we've all learned our lesson. >light cast by a small reading lamp affixed to the wall with a magnet. >He had a different book now; too far for Rei to read the titles, but >the cover was a different color. The last had been blackish-blue; >this one was white. Alex: And how is this contributing to the plotline? I know that NGE has allot of little things that are important to the plotline, like that walkman that Shinji always listens to, but the color of the books? Tsuneo: Well, despite the new uber-kid, it's still EVA, so you never know. > "What are you reading?" she asked. Rebecca [reading]: Horton Hears a Who... > He lowered the book a little and looked over the spine at her >again. "It's called 'The Ghost from the Grand Banks'," he replied. >"By a chap name of Arthur C. Clarke - absolute bloody genius, greatest >writer of the twentieth century." Mohan : Fantastic, absolutely fantastic. > In what any familiar observer would have counted as an almost >unprecedented spurt of volubility, Tsuneo: Noun. A fluent flow of words in speaking. Alex: This educational tidbit is brought to you by Elmer Studios and SVAM. Now, back to the show... > Rei asked a second question: >"What's it about?" > "Businessmen trying to raise the wreck of the Titanic." > And a third: "What's that?" Mohan : It's a book. I thought we'd established that. Tsuneo: Rei *is* a well-educated person. You would think that she'd have heard of the Titanic. > DJ reached into his pack, retrieved the last book he'd been >reading and tossed it onto the bed. Rebecca: *THUMP* Ahhh!!! My arm!!! Tsuneo: Good aim there, Tex. >Rei picked it up and looked at the cover. Alex : Yup, it's a book cover. Tsuneo: I suppose he's gonna tell us the color now. > A NIGHT TO REMEMBER, it said, BY WALTER LORD. The cover was a >reproduction of an oil painting, depicting an old-fashioned >ocean-going ship at night. Mohan: You know, despite this long tedious fan-fic series, my heart will go on... Rebecca [smirks]: My. How touching. I may throw up. >All wasn't well with it, though; Tsueno : Oh, of course not... Alex: How *very* observant! >it wasn't >sitting evenly in the water, and there were small boats with oars >visible in the picture as well. Alex: All from the master of understatement. It's doing this little thing called 'sinking.' Mohan: You know. Like the pits of our stomachs. >Rei found this imagery quite >confusing, but concluded that it would be explained within; so she >turned to the first page and began reading. Tsuneo: *yawn* Is this a fanfic or a book report? I can't remember. > In a way, this decision was to have unfortunate consequences >for Rei. Having now experienced a leisure-time activity, she would >soon acquire the ability to be bored. Alex: In other words, she'll become more human. And this is bad because... Tsuneo: Consider who she has to thank for it. Never mind that she could be bored and lonely before. Rebecca: How do you figure that? Tsuneo: She goes to high school. Mohan: Cute. > There came a knock at the door, and then it opened a bit and >Misato peeped around. Rebecca : Peep peep peep... Mohan: Peeps are quite yummy! Colored marshmallow things shaped like baby chicks [The others give Mohan some odd looks] But I digress... >"Hello?" she said quietly. "Oh, hi. I don't want to disturb you, Rebecca: Don't worry, they're disturbed enough already. >but it's time for DJ to go." Mohan : Thankyou-Thankyou-Thankyou... > DJ tucked his book into his pack, shut off the light, pulled >it off the wall, folded it into a small oblong package, and slipped it >into the pack as well. Tsuneo: 'DJ put away the lamp.' Next! >As he passed the bed, Rei tried to hand him >back "A Night to Remember", but he smiled and pushed it back at her. Mohan : *CRUNCH* Akkk! My spleen! > "Keep it," he said. "I'll take it back when you're finished >reading it. If you want, I'll pop by tomorrow for a bit... I won't >have much else to do 'til they finish putting my EVA back together." Alex : His Eva? *His* Eva? How can that be? It was designed and built by NERV, not DJ! Rebecca: They did, but it works perfectly well for D.J. for *some odd reason* Mohan: You know... I wonder if it's significant that the only other pilot to call it 'their' EVA was Asuka. Rebecca: [Hopeful] Does that mean he's gonna have a nervous breakdown? Tsuneo: And what ever happened to high school, anyway? Mohan: Well, it's an opportunity for character depth, relationships to develop and new characters to be introduced. So it got snipped, naturally. > Taken aback by both the offer and her reaction to it, Rei >nodded. Tsuneo: Rei... was... taken... aback... I'm calling no way. A couple *hours* with DJ and she's shown more emotion than in... *THUNK!!!* [Rebecca nails him with a cushion] Thank you. Rebecca: Anytime. >DJ smiled, nodded in return, and followed Misato out. > In a way, this decision was also to have unfortunate >consequences for Rei. Having now experienced a bit of companionship, >she would soon acquire the ability to be lonely, as well. Mohan : If I only had a heart... Alex: Loneliness sucks... I miss Debbie... Tsuneo: But Deb Lawson's... [grins slightly] nevermind. > "What were you and Rei talking about?" Misato wondered as she >and DJ navigated the corridors of NERV Headquarters. Rebecca : The bull market, Spice Girls, last night's RAW. Ya know, stuff. Alex: I'm beginning to acquire a hatred for this guy... is that normal? Usually, I'm a pretty nice guy. Tsuneo: Trust me, kid. It's natural. Mohan: It's strange. I've only read one and a half chapters, yet I feel like I've known DJ for years. > "We weren't," DJ replied. "We were reading." > "Reading?" > "Reading." Mohan : Yeah, you know, what you do with a book. Rebecca: Remember who she's talking to. I bet he has a *lot* more uses for a book. Tsuneo: You're disgusting. Alex: You're as bad as Samantha! Rebecca : Oh... I try. > Misato decided she didn't really want to know. They walked in >silence for some time, until finally, her curiosity got the better of >her, and she asked, > "So?" > "So what?" DJ replied. Alex : Just... "So?" > "So did you... decide?" Alex: Is Joe Eszterhas writing the script for this scene? > DJ realized as she asked that he hadn't bothered to consider >it. After his not-really-a-conversation with Rei Ayanami, there >wasn't really a need. > He nodded. "I'll stay... for now." Tsuneo: He makes it sound like he's got a choice. Remember how Shinji was chained to stay the EVA pilot because of his conscience? Alex: He doesn't seemed to be worried by a sense of duty at all. I mean, its just the fate of the entire human race. > Misato grinned. "That's great. We really do need you." > "Uh-huh," DJ replied, unimpressed. Rebecca: You've just been complimented by a beautiful woman! Don't act like that, you idiot!!! > "So... are you hungry?" > "I could eat," Mohan: Yes, most people can! >said DJ. "All I've had since the flight out >was a hot dog in the commissary after waking up." Rebecca: A guru walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything." [They all stare at her in stunned silence.] Mohan: What the hell was that? Rebecca: Sorry. I just needed to break it up a little. > "Well, then, let's get something. We have to have a party!" > "What for?" > "To welcome home my new roommate, of course!" > "Your new roommate," said DJ skeptically, wondering why he was >being involved in this matter at all. > > "Didn't anyone tell you?" Alex: : You're due for your appointment in the electric chair at 2:00. [pause] Sorry. DJ's getting to me. Tsuneo: [Hands him a beer can] Welcome to the club, boy, welcome to the club. Alex: Err... I don't drink. Tsuneo: Fine. [Takes back the can and starts guzzling it.] You sure about that? Alex: Positive. > "Tell me what? I've been in Rei's room all afternoon. >Nobody's told me anything. It's been very restful." Mohan: For you, maybe. > "Oh, well, Ritsuko was going to stick you all alone in base >housing, waaaay off in the boonies where there's still some living >space, but I said, 'No way, Ritsuko, that's no way to treat the hero >of the day,' Tsuneo: I don't think you'd want to know how *I'd* treat the hero of the day. >so instead, you'll be living with me." > DJ smiled. "Will I." > "Your stuff's probably already been delivered. Isn't that >great?" > DJ wasn't sure if it was great or not, actually, but who was >he to blow against the wind? Mohan: You get to move in with a lovely lady. Most teenage boys would rank this as a *good* thing. Rebecca: Remember who his mom is. This is a downgrade. Alex: How is it a downgrade? Tsuneo: We'll tell you later... > "Got any Indian restaurants in this town?" he asked. "I could >murder a good curry." > "I know a pretty good place," Misato replied. "But we have to >make a stop first." > "Where?" > "Someplace really cool." Tsuneo : Somewhere where they won't find your body for weeks. Mohan: That was rather cold. DJ's on... moderately good behavior this episode. Tsuneo: Yeah. He's concentrating all his vileness on the other characters. > > DJ stood looking up at the craggy stone edifice before him, >reflecting that it looked like a small version of the kind of place he >and his mother might explore, Alex: Who *is* his mother, anyhow? [Rebecca whispers into Alex's ear] WHAT!?! Tsuneo: Check this out... EXAMINE PLAQUE. >then turned his attention to the plaque >on the ground in front of him. Rebecca : Let's see... Waldenbooks is on the second floor, and Planet Pinball is on the opposite wing... > "Bancroft Tower," he read. "This tower was built in 1900 to >honor the memory of George Bancroft, 1800-1891. Born at the foot of >this hill he rose to the posts of Secretary of the Navy, Founder of >the U.S. Naval Academy, Annapolis Maryland, U.S. Minister to Great >Britain and Germany. This memorial was built by his friend and >admirer Stephen Salisbury III." Alex: Why would they place something like that in Tokyo-3? Mohan [hands over some papers]: Here's the FAQ, catch up as we go along. Tsuneo: LOOK UP. [Rebecca gives a puzzled look to Tsuneo.] > He looked back up at the tower again, then around at the >rolling grass and craggy old trees of the wooded clearing in which it >stood. To his back was a small parkway where Misato's car was >currently parked; flanking the walkway that led to the tower itself >were two stubby stone turrets. Alex: This is getting boring. Can we change the channel? Tsuneo: WALK SOUTH. Rebecca: Will you knock it off! > DJ turned around and walked back to the parkway, where Misato >was standing next to the small retaining wall that prevented people >from accidentally driving straight off the top of Bancroft Hill at >night. Alex: Is something going to happen soon? Like Shinji showing up? Or Toji appearing to kick his butt? Mohan: Afraid not, they suffered ravaging effects from a P.C. Field Alex: Nani? Mohan: Plot Contrivance Field. Tsuneo: TALK MISATO... [nervously glances to an irritated Rebecca] OK! I'll stop! > "You're right," he told her, "this is pretty cool. I hate to >tear us away... but I'm bloody starving, you know." Alex: Oh, everything is all about you DJ. You might want to have some consideration for other people and not be so rude you know. > "Won't be long now," said Misato, hopping up onto the wall and >turning to face away from the tower, her legs hanging over. Tsuneo: Hang on! I recognize this now! This happened on a road side rest stop outside of Tokyo-3, not just outside Misato's apartment! Mohan: An *original* scene, it's not that big a request... >She >patted a spot on the wall next to her. "C'mon up and watch with me." Rebecca : Oh okay... wow, nice vie... AAAHHHH!!! > "Watch what?" Tsuneo: Your pitiful demise... [They all stare at him] Sorry. I'm sorry. >wondered DJ as he climbed up next to her. The >top of Bancroft Hill gave a panoramic view of the city of Worcester, >surface component of Geo-Front Worcester-3; Alex : Worcester-3? What the... I mean... how could... but isn't it... [Frantically studies the NXE FAQ] Tsuneo: I still wanna know what happened to Worcester-2. Mohan: Wait a sec! Worcester's in *Maine*! It should all be underwater from the Second Impact! Rebecca: Probably regenerated itself the same way the Floating Island of Mobius did. Tsuneo: I bet this guy doesn't even have a clue why the geofront's in Japan anyway. Rebecca: Eh? Tsuneo: 'And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden in the east; and there he put the man whom he had formed.' If you're going to ignore the biblical significance in NGE, you might as well not bother watching it. Mohan: That's one of the more important and irritating parts of that series. >it sprawled in all its >sleepy glory in the valley below, flanked by hills and bathed in the >golden gleam of the last few minutes of afternoon sunlight. Mohan : In the big country, dreams stay with you... >DJ could >still see the marks of his battle with the Third Angel the previous >evening, but for the most part, the city looked as peaceful and dull >as it had looked the previous afternoon about this time, when DJ had >arrived in it. Tsuneo: So many run-on sentences, so little time. Rebecca: Compound complex, actually, but still a hair confusing. > "It's almost time," Misato said with a smile. DJ glanced at >her, but she was watching the cityscape with rapt attention, so he >turned back to it. > Just then, his ears caught the faint sound of warning klaxons >drifting up from the city, and with much rumbling and clacking and >other mechanical sounds, the sleepy low-elevation city began to sprout >skyscrapers. Mohan: A few years ago, stretching fields of wild grass. Kinda sad, actually. > As he watched the buildings grow, DJ realized that what >he had taken for a hanging city on the ceiling of the Geo-Front cavern >was really the larger of Worcester's buildings, retracted below ground >level for safety's sake. > "Very spiff," murmured DJ. Alex: Spiff? *Spiff?!?!* One of the greatest engineering accomplishments in all mankind and all he can say is Spiff?!?! Tsuneo: Ya know, DJ, if you pick a catch phrase and *stay* with it, it'll catch on much faster. > Misato put her hand on his shoulder. Tsuneo : One day, my student, this will all be yours... Mohan : What? This wall? Tsuneo : No, stupid. >"This place is a >fortress, designed to protect its inhabitants against the Angels," she >told him with a serious smile. "This is our city. And - it's the >city you saved last night." Tsuneo: Which the citizens will ultimately loathe and despise you for. > DJ looked at her face, then at the gleaming golden spires of >Worcester, now locked at their full extension and reaching proudly >toward the sky, Rebecca [eyes widen]: Great mother of Freud... >and decided coming here hadn't been such a waste after all. Alex [gritting his teeth]: This guy's humility is beginning to get to me. Tsuneo: All the humility of Austin St John, here... Rebecca : Not that you watch the show, right? [Tsueno fumes] > Half an hour later, Rebecca : In stately Wayne Manor... > still hungry but with the smell of chicken >Vindaloo heavy in his nostrils and promising him a change in that >condition very shortly, Mohan [frowns]: No, it's meanwhile in the same scene. >DJ reflected that he was having a better day than the previous one. Tsuneo: That's not too hard, all things considered. Alex: Don't tell me... he went through the whole car pick-up, and the catwalk scene with Gendo and Rei? Rebecca: Yup. Mohan: Fortunately the lack of originality is pushed far down my hate list. >Had he possessed a clean shirt, it would have >been nearly perfect - the dried blood on the corner of the right >sleeve had stiffened and scratched his arm irritatingly every time he >moved his hand. Alex: This is following the show, right? Tsuneo: More-or-less, yeah. Alex: So that's Rei's blood on his shirt? And he's more concerned about that then her condition? What a jerk! >He followed Misato to a fourth-floor apartment in a >biggish apartment complex, new enough that the elevator still smelled >of carpet glue, Rebecca: I'm curious of the cost of apartments located in Giant Monster Targets like Tokyo, *pardon* me, Worchester-3. >and stood waiting for Misato to get the door open. He >was humming a song she didn't recognize (which was probably fortunate, >since it was an old rock song entitled "Take Me Home Tonight"). Mohan : Generic... 80's... ROCK MUSIC! Tsuneo: It's starting to annoy. Alex: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK? Rebecca: Eh. Give me a few minutes. > "I just moved in here a bit ago myself," she explained, >indicating the as-yet-unremoved pile of empty boxes alongside the >door with one hand as she worked the locks and opened the door with >the other. > "Here we are!" Misato declared cheerfully, Rebecca: And no matter where you go, there you are. Alex: That was deep. >leading the way through a small foyer, where they removed their shoes, Tsuneo: Ah- Rebecca: No. Tsuneo: But they're- Rebecca: No. Tsuneo: Please? Alex: What's with those two? Mohan: They've worked together too long. >and into an efficient little kitchen. > Or at least it would have been efficient, had every available >horizontal surface except the table in the middle not been covered >with stacks of empty black cans. Mohan: Oh, Misato lives in a campus resident hall, of course. Tsuneo: Are you kidding? They're *clean* by comparison. Rebecca: And I suppose your place is the model of cleanliness? Tsuneo: I can find the front door, yes. >DJ's already-decent opinion of >Misato hitched up a couple of notches at the sight of these; any woman >with enough sense to drink Guinness couldn't be too bad. Tsuneo [Pulls out his vibrosword]: Pocket knife... >The housekeeping wasn't even all that alarming to him; Mohan: DJ's sure revealing an *interesting* side of himself. >sure, it was a bit >of a clutter, but there wasn't a heap of filth-encrusted dishes in the >sink or anything. > > Misato continued on through the room and down the hall, DJ >guessed to her room; he busied himself laying out the food on the >table and hunting up some utensils in the drawers (an easy enough >task, since none of them held anything except for the one with the >flatware in it). Tsueno: We wanted to know that. Really. >While he was snooping, he had a look in the fridge; Mohan : There's something weird in the fridge today. I don't know what it is... Tsueno: No kidding, it's the penguin. Alex: Say, Pen-Pen *is* around here somewhere, isn't he? >save for ice, some random junk food, and approximately a freighterload >of canned Guinness pub draught, there was nothing in it. > Cold beer wasn't DJ's favorite thing in the world, >but you take what you can find in an uncertain world, Rebecca : Oh, *so* sorry to inconvenience you. > so he took one out, >popped it, let the charge of nitrogen bubble up through the beer and >aerate it, and slurped the foam off the top, Tsuneo: 'He opened it and took a sip.' Next! >grimacing a little at the sharpness of the cold brew. Alex: Cold beer is just fine! Rebecca: Have you ever drank beer? Alex: No, but I find I have to disagree with DJ about everything or else I might find myself agreeing with him on something. [pause] Hey! He didn't ask Misato if he could have one! Mohan: But... he's fourteen years old. >Turning and leaning his back against the >fridge, he surveyed the small kitchen, making mental plans to clean it >up and put it into service (as the piles of nuke-food and take-out >containers in and near the trash can indicated it wasn't, really, at >this time). Hmm, that's odd... Tsuneo: He's gone a whole 20 minutes without making a smug remark? > "What's with this other icebox?" Alex: Um, if he comes from England, then he'd call it a fridge. Rebecca: Get real. He's got a fake accent and some pretensions; other than that, he's as American as my M-16. Mohan: I worry about you, Rebecca. I really do. Tsuneo: Really? I've given up. >he called to Misato. > "Oh, don't worry about that," Misato called back as she >hung up her dress and slipped gratefully into a pair of cutoffs that >had reached that magical age where the denim was still strong, but >softer than a car-wash chamois. Alex: What is with all the description? Just tell the story already!!! [pause] Uh... wait, I take that back. Mohan [shrugs]: Not a bad analogy, actually. Rebecca : You're not at all well, Mohan! Mohan: On a technical level, this story's good so far. Kinda like watching Evangelion with a kid in a very large hat directly in front of you. Tsuneo: I *guess* that makes sense... >"He's probably still sleeping." > "Sleeping?" wondered DJ, then shrugged and took another slug >of his pilfered beer. Rebecca: Misato then arrested him for drinking while underage and tossed him into jail. >So, she had something in the second fridge that >slept. Everything else about this city was that weird, why not? Alex : And why the heck is he acting so damn casual about everything?!?! I would be kinda worried if my new roommate had a second fridge THAT HAD SOMETHING LIVING IN IT!!! [pants] Tsuneo [slight smile]: Hell, I could rant, but why? Rebecca: Hey, I've known plenty of fridges with things living in them. Usually in the veggie crisper... > Misato emerged from the hallway, transformed by a pair of >cutoff jeans, a tank top, and a ponytail elastic Mohan: [sees Misato] Gah... [blushes] Rebecca: Shame on you, Mohan! What would your lifemate say? Tsuneo: Probably something along the lines of "Argh, I can't stand this fanfic!" Mohan: It's actually a shame she's not here. You might like her. >from a cool and >competent military officer to a cheerful, casual woman, perhaps a >little too old to be college-age. "So, ready to dig into the - " Tsuneo : Ground. We've got a fresh grave to dig! >She >stopped short, regarding DJ with an odd expression. > "What?" he replied, returning her stare blankly. > "What were you planning to do with that?" she demanded, >pointing accusingly at the beer. Mohan : Water the plants. What do *you* think I'm going to do with it? > DJ glanced down at the can, then returned his eyes to Misato, >the confusion in them unabated. "I was planning to drink it," he >replied slowly. "Man's not allowed to a beer in his own home after a >hard day's work?" Alex: Man? I don't mean to sound egotistical, but *I'm* more of a man then he is! Rebecca [drapes an arm on Alex's shoulder]: I'll take your word for it, sugar... [Alex's face glows bright red and starts babbling] Tsuneo: You're embarrassing me, Rebecca. Mohan: That was evil. Rebecca: [Grins] > "Not when that man is seven years from the legal drinking >age!" All: Mohan: Lay down the law, madam! > DJ looked infinitely confused for a moment; then the clouds >cleared and he slapped his forehead with the heel of his free hand. >"Bugger all! I knew there was a reason I didn't want to come to the >States. Misato, keep in mind I'm from England, eh? Rebecca: Whoop-de-shit. He still can't drink beer there. >I've been drinking best bitter at the local for years now." Mohan: WHOA!!! BITTER BEER FACE! Alex: I'm damn bitter, already. > Misato wavered. "But... I'm supposed to be your guardian," >she replied. "It's illegal." Tsuneo: Oh no... please don't tell me that she is wavering on this... he ain't in England anymore so he *has* to conform to US laws, not the other way around. > "I'm not supposed to have a gun either, but you let me keep >mine," DJ pointed out. Alex : He has a gun? Rebecca: The friggin' kid's a pint-sized James Bond! > "That's different," Misato replied. "You're a NERV operative >now, that makes you a kind of military personnel. We can make >exceptions to the weapons laws." > "What about the vehicle laws?" > "What about them?" > "Back home I had a motorcycle." Tsuneo [stands up]: THIS AIN'T ENGLAND YOU POMPOUS LITTLE ARROGANT SON OF A... [stops and grinds his teeth together] I won't go that far... [sits back down] Mohan: Tsuneo, you know a while back when I said DJ was on good behavior? Forget it. Rebecca: Who wants to point out that a Fourteen-year-old in England cannot own a gun, drink beer or ride a motorcycle? Why couldn't he been caught by June or Pol or Deb by now and locked up and had the key thrown away.... [Takes a very big swig at her beer] > "The -driving- age in England isn't discretionary!" Misato >protested, as if indignant that he was changing the rules of the >argument. Tsuneo: Well she should be. > "I come from an unusual profession," Mohan: And it's a criminal one too, if I'm not much mistaken. Rebecca: Sorry, uh, what was *your* job, again? Mohan: Hey! I'm an *adventurer*. Tsueno (smiling): Ah-huh. >DJ replied with a shrug. >"Sometimes we make our own rules. Anyway, I want to get another one >to get around with here - there are no bloody trains in this city and >it's way too far to work to walk." Rebecca: You aren't getting any motorcycle, you little punk. Alex : I'll hold my breath until I turn blue! > Misato considered. "We might be able to swing that," she said >after a moment, "but you're changing the subject." > "C'mon," replied DJ scornfully, taking another drink. "I can >pilot a 300-foot robot against the Forces of Evil, but I can't have a >beer? Tsuneo: EXACTLY!!! Mohan: What, guys, I think this is the lesson of the episode. >This -not- an incentive against me just pissing off back to Old >Blighty. Alex: Say... ever get the feeling she wants him to go? [They all snicker] >I've a much bigger house back there, y'know, Tsueno: Yeah, and your other car's a Jaguar! Yadda-yadda... >a manservant I'm quite fond of, Rebecca: I'll bet you are! >proper warm beer, Rebecca: 'Proper' and 'Warm Beer' just don't go together. Mohan : I drank an entire six-pack without checking the freshness dating! All: EVIL!!! >and no job that involves... what did dear Ritsuko-of-the-Ripcord Tsuneo [Leaps up from the couch]: Grraaa... [settles down] Forget it. His respect for authority figures is absolutely *amazing*. >call it, neural feedback." Mohan: Of course, it did involve alligators, bears, wolves, the living dead, T-Rexes, getting shot at... Hey! >He gave an >exaggerated shiver. "What a bloody awful thought that is." > "You're threatening to leave the project and go back to >England if I won't let you drink -beer-?" > > "No," replied DJ, "I'll drink it anyway, but if you won't >accept that, things'll get awfully tense." Alex [eyes are blazing red]: ARGH!!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!! > Privately, Misato was impressed. Tsuneo: I'm disgusted and that's hardly private!!! >DJ was calm, centered, >self-assured, all things Dr. Ikari's son Shinji had singularly failed >to show during the brief time (perhaps an hour) he'd been in >Worcester-3. Mohan: Wait a sec. I believe this is the author's premise for bringing in DJ Croft: Shinji was a weenie. Rebecca: Well, he *is*... Alex: But you can't just write out the central figure of a series on a lark to show off new characters! Tsuneo: It's Self-Insertion. He can and he did. >He had a few conditions he wanted to live his life by; >fine, Misato could relate to that, she demanded a few indulgences from >life herself, Mohan: None breaking the law, mind you. Rebecca: You sure Kaji's legal? Mohan: Point. Tsuneo: Ooh, Rebecca... so, how long have you been seeing him? Rebecca: GAH! [Brains Tsuneo with a cushion] Alex : Huh? When did we get these? >and, like DJ, she felt she earned them. Tsuneo: No he hasn't! > She had to remind herself that this was no run-of-the-mill >14-year-old, yanked out of an idyllic summer between eighth and ninth >grade, with a sheltered conception of how the world worked. This was >a seasoned traveler and explorer, raised alone by a woman Misato had >long admired for her legendary toughness and self-sufficiency, Rebecca: Funny, I thought Lara Croft was admired for her two biggest assets. >with very definite ideas of how he thought things should be. Tsueno : Yeah, he's just so much better than Shinji, so of course he should be the prime EVA pilot! >The only >reason he hadn't gone with his mother on her last fateful expedition >was because he was bedridden at their country estate in England, >recovering from a tropical fever contracted on the expedition before >that. Alex: Ah, so DJ *does* feel pain... good... [cracks knuckles] Mohan: Down boy! >Without his mother present to drive him, he'd worked his way >back to health and whipped himself back into shape. Mohan : Getting strong now, gonna fly now... Alex : Punching meat now, drinking eggs now... >She wondered why >he hadn't gone to the Yucatan in search of his mother himself. He >certainly seemed to have both the wherewithal and the chutzpah for it. Rebecca: Could you say that again? In English maybe? Tsuneo: Read: He was dumb enough to. > Smiling, she nodded. "OK, fine. But only here, and not when >you're on call." Tsuneo: And she caved in. Now *I* feel like getting plastered... Alex: Don't forget, that by conditions of NERV, he's *always* on call! Rebecca: The future's looking brighter already. > DJ grinned. "Glad we got that worked out before the curry got >cold... shall we?" > > "Sure. Can you get me a beer while the subject's on your >mind?" > "Your wish, my lady," he replied, retrieving and popping >another, then handing it over before seating himself at the table. > Plopping down in the opposite chair, Rebecca: As fun as "plopping" is, why not "sinking" or "flumphing" into the chair? Mohan: Or just sitting. >she leaned back and >poured the contents of the can straight down. DJ watched, fascinated, >as the muscles in her throat worked. His mother did that same thing, >and the resemblance echoed powerfully in his mind Alex: But Misato doesn't have as big as... uh... [blushes] Could you handle this one, Ma'am? Rebecca: Tomb Raider: Voted "Best Use Of Silicon" in a computer game. >(though frankly, in >both women's cases, he thought it was really a frightful waste of the >beer, since there wasn't much chance to savor it, and he had no idea >how Misato could bear to do it with a -cold- liquid). Mohan: Some people just like cold beer, DJ. Just *humor* us, 'kay? > Then she slammed the empty can down on the table and let out a >contented howl. "WAAAAAAAAAA! YYYYYEAAAHHH! Life doesn't get any >better than this." Rebecca : Whether you're an agent of a top secret organization... Mohan : Or an ego-centric uber-kid... Rebecca and Mohan: Nothing beats a good Miller Lite. Alex: Shameless Product Plug # 1. > Shrugging acquiescence, DJ chopsticked up a chunk of the >curried chicken, then murmured his approval. "Not bad. Not >Mildram's, mind, but acceptable." Tsueno: Shut up, DJ. Just shut up. > "I'm so glad you approve," replied Misato sardonically. >"Who's Mildram?" Alex: Oh, just some formerly nameless peon. Mohan : Yes? Okay... > "Our manservant. I should phone him tomorrow when it's a >reasonable hour back home... he's probably worried sick." Rebecca: Or celebrating like there's no tomorrow. > "Will he want to come here, do you think?" > "Oh, I should think not. He's about 2000 years old, been with >the family since the Conquest. Alex: Oh, so DJ has a Highlander as his butler... how many more of these little surprises of his are we gonna have to sit through? >I understand going with Mum when >Gran-dad disowned her was the only time in human memory he's done >anything flash. No, he'll stay at home and keep Crofthenge from >falling down while we're away, like he always does." Mohan: So he's got a job like Atlas then? Alex: Greek mythology riff #1. Good shot! > "'Crofthenge'?" Misato asked with amusement, forking up some >of the curry herself. Mohan: Obviously as baffled as us. Tsuneo: *Crofthenge*!?! > "Don't blame me, I wasn't born when Mum named the place," >said DJ. > > Misato grinned. "Well, this is your home now," she said. "So >relax and feel free to take advantage of everything here - except me!" >she added with a cautionary finger. Alex [clutches head]: ACK!!! Frightening mental picture... [collapses to floor] get out... get out... Tsuneo: No, it is *not* going there! > DJ made a great show of looking around the room, then asked, >"What else is there?" All: Rebecca: Chauvinist little, grrr... > This earned him a poke in the shoulder with a fork and an >exasperated, "Now you're just being mean." Mohan: C'mon, spork him to death! Go for it! > "Sorry," he replied. "You realize when you say something like >that, it's just an invitation for trouble... " Tsuneo: Of course, no-one says to take it, do they, you smarmy little... > "Get me another beer." > "Ma'am." Alex [climbs back into seat]: Well at least he ain't making a fuss over getting her a beer. > They finished the meal, tossed the debris in the trash, >and >then Misato suggested they work out a way to divide up the household >chores. > "I know," she said. "We'll play paper-stone-scissors and >whoever loses will have to do the chores for the day. We can mark up >the calendar a month in advance that way." Tsuneo: Seen it, taped it. It was better the first time. NEXT! > DJ snorted. "Paper-stone-scissors? Please. I'll wrestle you >for it," he added with a raised eyebrow. > "Not tonight," Misato replied with a grin. Rebecca : Little... pig! Alex: Ack! Mental... picture... persisting... > He snapped his fingers. "Darn. I guess we'll just have to go >even-odd, then. Mohan : Darn. I guess I'll just have to make another smarmy comment, then. > You're the odd one, so you can do the chores on odd >days, and I'll take the even days 'cause I'm so even-tempered." Tsuneo : That is about the most damning line he's said to date. I want to kill him. And if Misato doesn't, then she's more out of character than... than... Rebecca: Soun Tendo acting like Gendo Ikari? Tsuneo: GYAH! [He falls out of his seat] Mohan: At last, you shut him up. Alex: I... I... Rebecca & Mohan: You don't want to know. > Misato didn't know whether to glare at him or laugh, so she >tried to do both, which failed spectacularly. That, she thought, was >worth another beer. > "Isn't this nice?" she asked. "Two for dinner instead of >eating all alone." > DJ nodded. "I haven't done this since... " Alex: Dramatic pause. >He trailed off >and did not go on, but for just a moment, he looked immeasurably sad. Rebecca: And there you see the characterization for this episode. Tsuneo: [Climbing back into his seat] And how cliched! One glum look, then back to being a jerk. >The day would soon come when he would have to admit to himself that >Lara Croft would not be coming back from the Yucatan this time. Alex: I guess she finally fell for that rolling-boulder-spike-on- slope-with-closing-walls trap. Mohan: Oh, that one's easy! > "Well!" Misato said, forcing cheer back into her voice. "Why >don't you have a bath and wash all those bad thoughts away?" With an >admonishing finger raised, she went on instructively, "Bathing >cleanses both body and soul." Rebecca : And that stink! Peeyou! When was the last time you had a bath, DJ? > "Right," DJ replied, yawning. "I'm too tired to bother >unpacking my things tonight... d'you have an extra towel I can use?" > "Sure, they're in the cabinet under the sink in the bathroom." > "Thanks." DJ stood and shuffled into the bathroom, closing >the sliding door behind him. Tsuneo: I remember this scene, too! This is where Shinji is scared out of the bathroom while he's... oh no... this is bad... very bad... Mohan: I'm *praying* for an original scene now! > The bathroom was actually two rooms; the one directly off the >kitchen had the sink, toilet, and mirror, and a door on the far wall >led to the actual bath. Yawning again, DJ took off his shoulder >holster and hung it on a towel hook, then stripped naked. All: AHH!!! Alex: What did I do to deserve this?!?! Rebecca : I must not be afraid, fear is the mindkiller, fear is the small death that brings total oblivion... >Leaning >against the sink, he contemplated his face in the mirror. Tsuneo : Man, I've got a *huge* zit on the side my nose, ewww... > He looked like his father; his mother had told him so a >thousand thousand times, and he had a picture of the man which >confirmed it. He had the same strong jaw and sensitive eyes, the same >thick black hair that was straight and well-behaved except for the >little shock at the front left corner that would never do anything but >look windblown. Rebecca: The same X scar in-between his eyes... Mohan: Ten points to whoever gets that! >Looking down at himself, he saw a boy still fairly >short and fairly thin, but wiry and tough, well-conditioned from a >life of adventure. Alex [shielding eyes]: I don't want to look at his body... please, just get the scene over with! Tsuneo: Is there any reason whatsoever why he's describing himself to us again? Mohan: EGO! It's everywhere! Get used to it! > "You are one good-lookin' man," he muttered to his reflection, Alex: Kid! The term is kid! Rebecca: [Clears throat noisily] Alex: What? Mohan : Heh! Damn, I'm smooth! >grinned the grin that his mother said was heartbreaking (probably >because it was his father's too - DJ had another photo, a snapshot >rather than a portrait, that showed him with the same grin), and then >went and shoved open the sliding door to the bath proper. Tsuneo: Cue the comedy relief. > And almost ran smack into a large black-and-white bird with a >metal collar on, who appeared to be carrying a towel. > "WAUGH!" said DJ. > "WAUGH!" said the bird, which DJ now realized was a biggish >member of the penguin family, Tsuneo : Do ya mind? I'm *in here!* Rebecca: If it looks like a penguin, it *is* a penguin! Mohan: Have you seen this chicken? >maybe two feet tall, with bristly, >bright-red eyebrow-like bits over bright green eyes that looked >unnervingly intelligent for those of a bird. > > Regaining his composure, Mohan: I love this. He is calm in the face of EVAs, angels, mad scientists, Gendo and Misato's driving, yet he gets freaked by a penguin! Rebecca [Grins]: Maybe it's got to do with the height of its beak. Tsuneo: WAUGH! [The men all grimace and cross their legs.] >DJ regarded the bird, who had also >recovered his calm, for a moment, then decided this was worth >reporting and returned to the kitchen door. All : YAAHHH! Tsuneo: *Please* say he put on a towel... [glances up] Oy vey! Mohan: Thank the Silver One for those cans. Alex: [nearly in tears] > "Say, Misato," he said as he pushed open the door. "Did you >know there's a penguin in your bath?" Alex: Coolly regarded, while Shinji simply freaked. Mohan: Details, details... > As he said this, the penguin in question waddled past him into >the kitchen and made his way to the other refrigerator. Tsuneo : Get me some tuna-fish, some hoagie buns, and some diced pickles. Man I'm starving! Yo-de-doo... > "Oh, he's one of those new hot-springs penguins," said Misato >cheerily, as if that explained what the bird was doing in her bath. >"His name is Pen-Pen. He's your other roommate." Mohan: Speaking of roommates... What's this thing he has for exposing himself in front of beautiful women? Is anyone else here worried? Rebecca: I should be. But I don't care anymore. Alex: I'm sickened... > The bird pushed a control on the front of the spare fridge >with a claw; a sliding panel opened, releasing some cool steam, and, >with a sideways hello-like glance at DJ, Pen-Pen sauntered into his >cool room for the night. Alex : Thank you! I'm the comedy relief for the episode. Good night, everyone. > "Isn't science wonderful," said DJ, who had not known there >were genetic engineers spending their time doing things as apparently >random as hot-springs penguins. Mohan : Hey! He's dissing Pen-Pen now! All: Booo! Tsuneo: Actually, Pen-Pen's... Rebecca [Clobbers him with a cushion]: We don't want to know, already! Mohan [Whacks him with a cushion]: Just leave it out for once. Alex: Yeah! [Whacks him with a cushion] This is *fun!* > "Mm," replied Misato, taking another drink of beer. Gesturing >significantly, she said offhandedly, "Shouldn't you cover that up?" Rebecca : Good heavens! Hee, hee... It's so tiny... > DJ glanced in the direction of her gesture, then back up to >her eyes, and shrugged, grinning his father's grin. "Sorry, are you >having trouble controlling yourself?" he inquired. All: <*LOUD* groans of disgust!> Rebecca : That... smug little... Alex: GAH!!! I feel sick! And dirty... and sick... and dirty... > He slammed the sliding door shut just barely in time to >deflect the hurtling jar of toothpicks which would otherwise have >struck his forehead, Rebecca: Aim lower. Tsuneo : Do you mind? Alex: Actually, I'm in full agreement. >and, chuckling, went to have a bath. Mohan : On behalf of all males, Misato, I apologize for DJ's rude remarks. Tsuneo: DJ no hentai... > Misato, cheeks aflame, glared at the bathroom door for a >moment; then her anger sputtered and died, and she chuckled, tossing >back another drink. Alex: A good drink is exactly what's needed after seeing DJ naked. > I suppose I'm not being as nice as I ought to, she said to >herself. On the other hand, he's probably made up his mind about me >already. Tsuneo: But he just implied that you... JEEZ! Rebecca: He's an adorable little misogynist, isn't he? Bleah! > > "Not a bad sort of woman," DJ observed to himself as he soaked >in the tub. "And what looks! Kind of woman who'd make a bishop kick >a hole in a stained-glass window." Mohan: Hey! Misato is a perfectly fine lady! [Tsuneo and Rebecca look at Mohan with concern] What? Tsueno: It's a figure of speech, as in "She's hot." Mohan: Oh, well that enough was obvious. Rebecca : Tsk, Tsk, Mohan... > He was too tired to engage in any lengthy, meaningful >reflection on the day's events; instead, he allowed his mind to drift, >entertaining himself with thoughts of all the nice-looking women he'd >met in the thirty-odd hours he'd been with this NERV outfit. Rebecca: Hoisting the main mast! Mohan: Readying the cannons! Tsuneo: You two are sick... Mohan [smirks at Rebecca]: I learn from the best. Alex: Am I glad I'm not like them! Rebecca: Of course you're not, sugar. [Alex blushes furiously] >Misato; >the blonde scientist, Ritsuko Akagi; that one console operator, what >was her name, Maya, who he suspected had understood his muttered >historical reference just before EVA-01's launch; Rei Ayanami. Alex: I'm guessing he'll charm or score with most of these women before this season is over... > Yes, indeed. Rei Ayanami. > Red eyes, blue hair, and no wasted words. > He looked forward to having another lack of conversation with >her tomorrow. Rebecca: I could almost laugh at that. > He was too tired to consider unpacking any of his things or >setting up his computer, so as much as he burned to update his >journal, it would have to wait until the following day. He took only >the time to root through his duffel for his favorite blanket Mohan: He's taking his binky and giving himself a time-out. Tsuneo : Good. Rebecca: Ah, look, the little wuss still needs a security blanket. >and set up his lucky crystal skull on the desk in his new bedroom; Alex: SHOW ME THE POWER!!! Rebecca: Now that's pretty obscure. >then >crawled into bed and plummeted immediately into a deep and satisfying >sleep studded with mildly erotic dreams of Misato, Ritsuko, Maya, Rei, >and, of course, the most beautiful woman he'd ever known, Lara Croft. Tsuneo: Umm, Ben, I'd safely say this ranks under the file "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Mohan : "Of course"? Rebecca: So he dreams of Lara Croft like a healthy video game fan-boy. What a surprise. Alex: BUT THAT'S HIS MOM!!! ARGH!!! Tsuneo: That is *sick*! Rebecca: You think that's disgusting, you see what his sheets- Voice of Washu: Stop that! > Misato, taking her turn in the tub after DJ, Tsuneo: Thank god for the little things. >was on the phone. > "I don't know, Ritsuko, I'm just a little scared. I'm way out >of my depth, I don't know anything about kids." Tsueno : Or god-like fanboys... > "You took this as part of your responsibilities to NERV," >Ritsuko replied, tapping on her desktop with a pen. Misato was always >undertaking projects she had no clue how to accomplish and then >calling Ritsuko in a panic; it would have infuriated Ritsuko had >Misato not tended to make rousing successes of these jobs anyway, >after a few calming words from her old college roommate. Mohan: Hello? Uh... hello? Mr magic author? I know I wanted original stuff, but I take it back now. > "I know, I just... " Misato slumped her shoulders. "I was >thinking of him as an asset I wanted to keep a closer eye on. Rebecca: No, he's something else starting with 'ass.' Mohan: Lay off, he's gone to sleep and the chapter's nearly over. >After >tonight I don't think I'll ever be able to look at him that way again, [All snicker] >and I feel guilty about having done it." Alex: Oh, we all look at DJ as a practice dummy. It's a perfectly normal reaction. > "After tonight? What happened?" asked Ritsuko, a trifle of an >edge in her voice. > If Misato had been able to throw something at Ritsuko, she >would have. "Nothing like what you're thinking, Dr. Judgmental," she >snapped. "But he's so... he's so -alive-. Tsuneo: And he was doing *what* with Rei today? >And sharp. I don't know >if I've got the mind to keep up with him, he's so sharp." Mohan: To reiterate the point once more: He's sharp! Tsuneo: He's about as sharp as a bowling ball! > "He likes you, that much is obvious," Mohan : Sickeningly such. >Ritsuko told her old >roommate. "I don't think he'll give you any trouble. If he does, >well, throw him out." > > "Thanks, you're a big help," Misato growled, slamming down the >phone. Mohan : Bitch! Rebecca : Thank you... > She sighed and slumped back in the tub, slouching down so that >her knees came up out of the water and prickled with the sudden >coolness of the air. She's still thinking of him as a tool, Alex: Ahh... [Rebecca raises a brow at Alex] Nevermind. Mohan: Oooohhh... He's a tool alright! Rebecca: Admit it. You like it when Sandara's not around. >said >Misato to herself. Ah, well. She'll learn her lesson soon enough. Tsuneo: So he acts like a smug, self-centered git to her, and she thinks she's in the wrong? Can anyone else spot the inherent wrongness in this? >I get the distinct feeling Derek J. Croft is nobody's tool... Rebecca: [Opens mouth] Voice of Washu: Enough with the tool jokes already! Rebecca: [Shuts mouth] >and nobody's fool, either. > > On her way to bed, she wanted to tell DJ she was proud of the >job he had done protecting the city the day before, but he was already >sound asleep, so she let him keep at it. Mohan: Even being so quiet and harmless, he still manages to disturb me in being unaffected. > She would be slightly troubled the next day to remember that >she had dreamed of the boy. Tsuneo : I'm going to be sick... Rebecca: Ewww. Alex : Well, there's *one*... > In the Central Dogma infirmary, Rei Ayanami was having a last >visitor of the evening herself. She looked up from her book as >Dr. Ikari entered. > "Good evening, Rei. How are you?" Rebecca: I've only died once to date, so fine. > "Much improved, Professor," Tsuneo: Commander. She calls him... ah, never mind. Alex: Is he always this bad? Rebecca: It depends on the fic. Sometimes he's worse. >replied Rei with something approaching cheerfulness. Alex: This is the only good thing about this fanfic thus far: Rei being nice and cheerful. She seems much more human... Tsuneo : Yes, and she owes it *all* to DJ. >"I should be able to return to work ahead >of schedule at this rate." > "Excellent." Ikari pushed his glasses up, then noticed the >book and cocked his head inquisitively. "Rei," he asked, "where did >you get that?" Alex: The library. Duh. > Rei looked down at the book, which lay closed in her lap with >a finger holding her place. "DJ lent it to me." > "He was here?" > Rei nodded. "For most of the afternoon." > "What was he doing?" > "Reading." > "Reading?" Rebecca: No, I think we covered this before. Alex: So, she was reading, then? Tsuneo: Apparently so. > "Yes." Mohan : Are you here, Rei? Rebecca : Yes, are you here, too? Tsuneo: The Resident Evil skit, ladies and gentlemen... > "Odd." Ikari scratched his bearded chin. "Did he speak to >you?" > "Only to introduce himself." > "Hrmph." Ikari was sure he didn't like the idea of the Croft >boy's attitude influencing Rei. The project had to have at least >-one- stable EVA pilot, after all. Alex: Hmmm... gotta agree with him there. Rebecca: And that's meant to be death-wish Rei, right? > "Is something wrong?" asked Rei. > "No, nothing to worry about," he replied. "What is your >opinion of him?" Rebecca : I really can't say, not on national TV, that is. > Rei looked confused. "Should I have one?" > "Everyone has opinions." > "Well, I... " Rei stopped and searched her thoughts, trying >to find a name to put on what she felt if she considered it. "I guess >I like him," she finally said. Alex [rolls eyes]: There's *two*... >Ikari frowned thoughtfully. >If Croft were allowed to erode >Rei's detachment, she might lose her efficiency, something he hated >the mere thought of. On the other hand, if he told her to stay away >from him, although she would obey, if she had started developing some >attachment to him, it might damage her efficiency to separate them. Alex: Well, only one thing to do. Kill him! >Damn the boy! Mohan:Yeah! Interacting with others is just plain *wrong!* Tsuneo: You've got to remember Rei's position in NERV, she *has* to be detached. >Rei's morale had never been an issue Gendou Ikari had >to consider before. Perhaps it hadn't been worth the effort and >expense of getting him here after all... but no, Rei could not have >defeated the Third Angel in her condition, Ikari knew that. > "Is... is that wrong?" asked Rei tentatively. > "Hm? Oh, no, I'm sorry, Rei. I was thinking of something >else. No, I don't mind if you like Croft. Maybe... maybe you need a >friend your own age." Alex: Uh... this is supposed to be Gendo Ikari? The subtle, evil, manipulator? Rebecca : I'm not plotting to destroy DJ. Nope. Not at all. > She looked faintly relieved, and nodded. "If you say so." > "Just don't let him influence your efficiency." > Was that a trace of reproach in her eye as she said, "I would >never do that," or just Ikari's imagination? There was certainly >nothing of it in her voice. > "It's time for you to sleep," he said. All: SLEEP! >"You need to rest if you're to recover." > Obediently, Rei marked her place and put the book on her >nightstand. Tsuneo: Well at least Rei has some of her original character left. > "Good night, Rei." > "Good night, Dr. Ikari." > Ikari switched off the light on his way out, but Rei remained >awake for several minutes, contemplating the dark quietude of the room >and wondering about the undercurrent in the conversation with Ikari >she was certain she'd missed. > When she slept, it was her first night's sleep in the >infirmary without dreams of the accident that had put her there. Rebecca: At least *she* didn't dream about DJ. Tsuneo: She *doesn't* dream. Established fact. Rebecca, Alex, and Mohan: Shut up. > Three thousand miles away, on his last night at X-COM >Alcatraz, Jonathan Ellison dreamed of nothing at all. Mohan: And one last computer game reference to leave you with, folks! Rebecca: Stupid question time folks: Given that Second Impact melted Antarctica, and we saw that Tokyo was gone waaay under the waves, wouldn't Alcatraz be gone too? Tsuneo: You're right. Rebecca: I am? Tsuneo: It *was* a stupid question. Mohan: [Snickers] >/* The Marcels "Blue Moon" _Billboard Top Rock 'n Roll Hits: 1961_ */ Tsuneo: This really isn't EVA-like mood music at all. >NEXT EPISODE: > > - Meet DJ's computer! Alex : Hi! How's it going! > - Meet Ritsuko's computer! Tsuneo : Back off kid, this is *my* department! > - The Fourth Child and his EVA arrive in Worcester-3! > - Attack of the Giant Squid Thing! Rebecca: Oh, he means the... [Quickly muffled by Mohan] Mohan: Just don't. >All this, plus DJ sweet-talking Maya, in the next stunningly exciting >episode of Neon Exodus Evangelion, Alex: And that's soon to be *three*. I feel extremely sick... who wants to form a lynching party to get DJ to alleviate the nausea? >coming to http://www.eyrie.net/ on >7/16/97 (and your local news server some indeterminate-but-hopefully-short >time after that)! Be here for "Catch of the Day"! Rebecca: If DJ's the catch of the day, they they're gonna have to toss it away since he's so scrawny and small. [They all get up and leave the theater.] ***** Mohan: Well that was spooky. Rebecca : DJ Croft in the buff... Alex: I can see why big sister snapped over that kid. [glances at Samantha still passed out on table] Tsuneo: The six pack of brew didn't help much either. [Tsuneo notes someone at the bar, irritating Misato as he ordered his drink. His face contorted as he recognized the *very* familiar child.] Tsuneo : Croft. [Sure enough DJ Croft turns to greet Tsuneo and the others with a confident grin.] DJ: Ah, you're familiar with my work. I must say that my series is becoming the talk of town. But tonight, me and my...associates, have great reason to be pleased. Alex : What's that? Mohan: "associates"... [With dramatic flair, DJ proudly displays a document with a silver foil seal. Alex takes it and looks very frightened...] DJ : Yes, I have become the newest combatant in the Author Avatar Association. A few details need to be wrapped up with the Powers and my associates, but the deal is all but sealed. Rebecca [grins slyly]: *Really?* It's a tough place, kid, but I'm sure you can handle it. DJ: Well, I am the most handsome and smartest teenaged boy, and the best marksman in the league. [From across the bar, a shot rings out, ripping the contract from DJ's hand and shattering a couple glasses behind him. All eyes follow the trail to a corner booth, where a rougher looking youth, a bit older than DJ, with a blonde goatee and wearing military fatigues sits. Nav slowly sits up and slinks toward the bar with a smoking pistol.] Nav: 'Scuse me kid, I didn't quite hear ya. Did you say, 'Best marksman in the AAA'? I just want to make sure. DJ: My, this sounds like a challenge... Nav: Actually, Pip, my challenge to you is to get a decent haircut. [DJ looks perturbed at Nav's remarks] I'm just saying that *no one* is a better crackshot than me. Rebecca: Oh boys, I think we can solve this. Survival Shot is a few blocks down. Care to join me? DJ/Nav: Sure! [DJ and Nav stomp outside, glaring at one another. Rebecca follows behind with a knowing grin.] Tsuneo : And remember that Survival Shot doesn't use *real* ammo this time! Rebecca: Oh, you're no fun! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Mohan is copyright 1998 Tim McLees (Shinji) Tsuneo is copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Samantha Jones and Alex Misamoto are copyright 1997-98 Jamie Jeans Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/MSTings.html The greatest ever vault of anime MSTings, including the Hall of Gonterman, Shrine to Oscar and Temple of Marissa Picard. Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. Jolt's Page! http://users.uniserve.com/~xwing/ Jamie Jeans's collected MSTings and his "Revenge" series. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Yes, indeed. Rei Ayanami. > Red eyes, blue hair, and no wasted words. > He looked forward to having another lack of conversation with >her tomorrow.