***Elmer Studios and PTB Productions, brings to you...*** Neon Exodus Evangelion: The Gathering Storm "Alone in the Dark" MSTed by Timothy McLees (compiler, co-editor), Alicia Ashby (co-editor), Max Fauth and Alex Fauth Tim's Notes: The Gathering Storm continues to, umm, gather. This here's my first post-Kansas MSTing. Enjoy. NOTICE: Those who happen to be watching the Bubblegum Crisis 2040 series, the opening is kinda spoiler-ish about the later bits of the series. You may want to skip right into the Amazing Eyrien Action. Excelcior! Alex's Notes: I didn't get to the end of BGC2040. I don't htink I missed a thing. But in the meantime, we have Jon Ellis! Not only is he mighty, but he's special too! Yay go Jon! You are the friend of all children! No Wonder Dogs were harmed in the making of this MSTing. Max's Notes: Don't get too excited about Jon, he's just filling in for an absent spot. You know, whatshisname. The real hero of the show. Meanwhile, we're left to wonder why Angels are appearing out of order, and just what DJ's got against Kaji anyway. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The flamboyant red-haired sorcerer Gouka Aurobindo Leigh paces about the spacious apartment of the Elmer Studios gang, an increasingly flustered scowl crossing his face. Seated at the couch, the displaced elven traveller Sandara tried to comfort his ravings. "...that *still* doesn't explain why Linna and Nene did the Jogress Shinka with their armor and turned into bloody *dolphins!*" "Well," Sandara pondered, "Granted, I'm not nearly as familiar with technology as Rebecca and Tsuneo, but I'm pretty sure it was symbolic of the bond between man and machine. The fiery mage countered with a coy smirk. "Really? Dolphins are often used in homoerotic imagrey, ya know." "...That would explain why they ended up naked on the beach." Sandara continued mulling Gouka's comments over as the two regular occupants of the apartment, Rebecca Bartley and Tsuneo Tateo, returned. "How's everyone doing?" Rebecca asked. "Oh, just debating the End of Bubblegum episode we all saw the other night." Gouka remarked. "Snausages!" Tsuneo cheerfully added. "What's wrong with Tsuneo?" Sandra asked. The cybernetic woman ushered Tsuneo to the nearby EZ-Boy chair. "He's still recovering, kinda spaced when Priss achieved Instrumentality. Admiteddly, he lasted longer than Dan..." "Binkle squirmy blit blat blat!" "Don't you mind?" Gouka asked. "Actually, he's kinda like a relief Tango like this" Rebecca replied. "Tango?" Sandara asked, nervously. "I've got a lovely new vest!" "I see." The nearby TV blared to life as a generic rock theme cued to life. The announcers and rockers sounded from the speakers. "You're watching... Neon Exodus Evangelion! Here on..." "E-B-N!" "Great, a new eyecatch..." Gouka grumbled. "Still, it would be a change of pace from *professional* cheese." The flame haired mage casually flopped onto one edge of the sofa. "Sounds good... but shouldn't we do something about Tsuneo?" Sandara worried, settling onto the couch at the opposite end of Gouka. "Hold on." Rebecca grabbed one of the pillows and chucked it over. Tsuneo flinched and shook his head about. "Gyah... what happened? Priss turned into EVA-01 and back again and-- and great, now this is on..." "You're welcome!" Rebecca snickered back as she settled for taking the floor for tonight's episode, passing on sharing the sofa with the smarmy wizard... > /* Genesis "Land of Confusion" _Invisible Touch_ */ > > EYRIE PRODUCTIONS, UNLIMITED > presents GOUKA: A Screen Gems Production! > NEON EXODUS EVANGELION > > EXODUS 1:7 - ALONE IN THE DARK TSUNEO: New from Nintendo. REBECCA: Maybe Joanna Dark is DJ's mum after all? TSUNEO: No thanks, I'd like to keep thinking good things about that game. > Inspired by NEON GENESIS EVANGELION created by Hideaki Anno, Gainax, > et al. > TSUNEO: "Inspired by" in that they both have giant sentient robots. SANDARA: And the penguins, can't forget the real star of the show. > Most characters created by Hideaki Anno and Yoshiyuki Sadamoto GOUKA: Other characters come fresh from your grocer's freezer. REBECCA: Yeah, fresh describes DJ best... fresh with everything. > except > DJ Croft created by Benjamin D. Hutchins > Jon Ellison created by Larry Mann > and > Lara Croft created by Toby Gard REBECCA: Keep your breasts sharp and hexagonal with Toby Guard! > Additional material and inspiration cadged from TOMB RAIDER by Core > Design, Ltd., X-COM: UFO DEFENSE and sequels from MPS Labs (whoever > owns them nowadays), THE X-FILES created by Chris Carter, and > 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY by Arthur C. Clarke TSUNEO: And whatever other way kewl stuff Ben saw at the latest anime con. > Written by Benjamin D. Hutchins and Larry Mann REBECCA: They let Larry co-write this because he contributed some handy plot devices to Undocumented Features. > Aided and abetted by the Eyrie Productions, Unlimited crew > and special-guest-for-life Phil Moyer GOUKA: In the HONEYMOONERS! > > (c) 1997 Eyrie Productions, Unlimited TSUNEO: Discard unused portion of fic. Five Cent Deposit in South Australia. GST included. Some Assembly Required. > On one of the levels of Central Dogma below the main >operations level and infirmary floor, there was a large gymnasium, >primarily for the use of the security officers and the like. SANDARA: They had a lot of money to blow on Olympic crap for the 2012 Worchester Games REBECCA: And little Dickhead dolls. > It >contained an obstacle course of walls, rope climbs, pit jumps, step >barriers, narrow tunnels REBECCA: Snake pits, rotating knives, swinging axes... >and the like which had to be climbed over, >under, through and around, usually on a timer. TSUNEO: Okay, what is this, and why are we looking at it? > There were also all >the usual accoutrements one would expect to find in a school gym - REBECCA: Psychotic P.E Teachers, brain-dead jocks, broken or deflated equipment and smelly socks! >a >basketball court, floor markings for running laps, rings, bars, etc. - >and an adjacent weight-training room. REBECCA: Complete with peep holes to the girl's locker room. TSUNEO: And Kensuke over in one corner being flicked with wet towels. REBECCA: Say, there's the one advantage of the move to Worchester. No Kensuke. TSUNEO: I miss him. > On this particular morning, the gym was empty, save for two >observers on a balcony above the floor and one young boy. SANDARA: Tim Drake? > DJ Croft, >in boots, shorts, tank top, sweatband and leather driving gloves, >stood at the beginning of the obstacle course, taking >a couple of deep breaths, stretching, and otherwise preparing himself. >Above on the balcony, his mother Lara and Misato Katsuragi watched >(unknown to DJ, who thought he was alone). GOUKA: So... they like to watch? TSUNEO: Thrill as DJ does calestetics! REBECCA: [Misato] So how long have you looked like Angelina Jolie? > DJ was still fairly small for his age, but, as sparsely >dressed as he now was, GOUKA: Hopefully not as sparsely as Captain Thrust. > anyone could see that he was strong - his >slender body packed with wiry, hard muscles, not bulky but lithe, kept >strong by agility training and light weight work (which he'd just >finished as part of his obstacle-course warmup). In another life, he >would have made a fine dancer or professional gymnast, or perhaps a >flyweight boxer; REBECCA: Or even a spot-blowing Cruiserweight. >as it was, though he had the skills of a gymnast, >what he tended to use them for was something else again. TSUNEO: Instead he was a first-class fry cook at Hardee's > His muscles feeling loose and warm, DJ proceeded into the >course with an easy lope, not looking to break any speed records, >though he could muster a fairly impressive speed in a short, flat-out >sprint. SANDARA: (annoyed) Will this be on the test? TSUNEO: Just to begin yet another chapter by extolling DJ's many virtues. > He ran up the first ramp this way, and, without hesitation, >launched himself off the end, across a ten-foot-deep padded pit, REBECCA: Not realising that someone had lengthened it to *twelve* feet that morning. >at >the other side of which was another ramp. Arching his back, he threw >his feet forward, landing with ease on the opposite platform and then >loping down the ramp. GOUKA: Perhaps he's training for the American Gladiators. > The next jump was longer; for it, DJ had to reach out and >catch the edge of the opposite platform with his fingers, then pull >himself up and continue. SANDARA: ...his audition for Nickelodeon's Guts, maybe? > The other side of the platform was a very >steep ramp; rather than try to control his run down it, DJ set his >feet and slid down, tumbling off the end in a tidy forward roll and >coming up running. REBECCA: OYASHI! TSUNEO: (sighs) No, it's just a coy nod to the source material. Remember Lara's old training room? GOUKA: At least he's not wearing a sleek black get-up. TSUNEO (Shudders): Thanks for that. > He ran to the barrier wall, jumped up, caught the >top, and pulled himself over, dropping lightly down the other side >(but not before looking down reflexively to make sure the floor on the >other side was the same height, a lesson he'd learned rather painfully >in a Transbelvian castle). SANDARA: From the vaguely eastern European land of Transbelvia! GOUKA: "This fic steals men's souls!" > Next was a ten-foot tube tunnel; it had >been designed to be a tight fit for a full-grown trooper in armor with >a field kit and weapon, so DJ scrambled through easily, REBECCA: The German Shepard at the other end was a nice variation, however. TSUNEO: Inspector Rex would *so* make this fic. >then climbed >the rope on the other side without using his legs. SANDARA: And after searching the vat of Gak, he'll find a flag and win *this* exciting prize! > This put him on a narrow catwalk, lacking handrails, high >above the gymnasium floor. Since this was a training facility, the >yawning chasm was filled with soft plastic balls rather than, say, >stone spikes and pit vipers; REBECCA: Or the generic video game Bottemless Void (tm) TSUNEO: This perilous drop was engineered for your safety. > nevertheless, DJ thought of it as the >latter as he made his rapid way across. It kept his edge sharper to >assume he was in mortal peril. GOUKA: Stay together, cheeks! Erk!... > The catwalk ended a good ten feet before another down-hanging >rope; DJ walked to the end of the catwalk, stopped, then jumped back a >few feet and got a running start, TSUNEO: I wonder what the blooper tapes for this scene were like. REBECCA: Flatbag. TSUNEO: Ouch (Winces) >leaping out into space, his hands searching for and finding the rope. > With a grunt of effort, he seized the rope and arrested his >flight; it was attached at the floor, and so wobbled with a standing >wave but didn't swing. DJ climbed down a few feet, until it was safe, >then kicked off and landed "safely" on the platform a couple of feet >away. The ball pit continued for another twenty-five feet, GOUKA: What, it's not over yet? TSUNEO: Nah, he's still got a few more olympic records to out-do. GOUKA: (sobs) It's the sync test again... >traversed >by a series of small pedestals at the height of the platform he was >currently on, but only large enough for one of his feet. REBECCA: Has he found his zone yet? TSUNEO: It's in his other shorts. > Backing up, he sized up the gaps, counted mentally, and then >began, leaping from one to the next with long, powerful strides, >skidding to a stop on the far platform just shy of going right off the >edge. SANDARA: Noonin! REBECCA: (blows rapidly) Darn, didn't work. > Now DJ found himself confronted with a stepped wall - massive >foam steps with four-foot treads and six-foot risers, four of them. TSUNEO: That's nice. What are we looking at here? >He made short work of this, and caught his breath at the top before >sizing up the final obstacle. REBECCA: Marlon Brando in a dress. TSUNEO: GYAH! SANDARA: Isn't Marlon Brando one of your spells, Gouka? GOUKA: (irked) ...that's *Dill Brando*... > It was a nasty one. The back side of the stepped wall was a >slide, too steep to climb down; it ended twenty-four feet below at a >sheer drop into another ball pit. The pit extended for twenty feet to >the blank, padded floor-to-ceiling expanse of the far wall; there was >a rope loosely anchored at the bottom of the slide. GOUKA: This is the most kick ass Chuck E. Cheese ball gym I've ever seen. > On the far wall >was a narrow ledge, perhaps six or eight inches and only two feet >wide; it formed the bottom sill of a doorway in that wall. GOUKA: An impossing object indeed... how the hell does this make him a better EVA pilot!? SANDARA: (to Rebecca) Almost feel sorry for him. GOUKA: (sobs into Sandara's lap) THREE BLOODY PAGES.... SANDARA: ... REBECCA: Yeah, Almost. TSUNEO: (Deadpan) I can't stand this intense action. The fic ain't bad either. > Miss the >rope, and DJ would go catapulting into the pit. All: [Chanting] PIT! PIT! PIT! >Get the rope but be >off-center and he'd crash into the wall on one side or the other of >the door, then fall into the pit. Too fast, and he'd hit the top of >the doorway, and fall into the pit. TSUNEO: Either way, bad for Zathras. > Without hesitation, DJ hopped off the top and slid. His left >hand flashed out and caught the rope, plucking it free of its >restraint, and he swung out over the pit. He'd judged it right - he >was heading straight for the doorway - but damn it he -was- going too >fast. REBECCA: And makes a Looney Tunes style indention in the wall. Oh the comedy! > Only one thing to do; he swung his feet up and let go early, >trusting his momentum to carry him sidelong through the doorway, TSUNEO: And - what do you know- he fell into the pit anyway. >and >skidded into the padded stop room on his side, crashing feet-first >into the far wall like a baseball player sliding into home. > Safe. SANDARA: Unfortunatly, the readers *aren't*... > He got to his feet and dusted himself off, then headed back >into the gym. TSUNEO: Remember, if you can't work out once a year, you don't deserve a hot date. We'll be right back. > Half an hour of work with the heavy bag and speed bag, >and then he could pronounce the day's workout complete, have a shower >and go in search of food. REBECCA: And the migratory Croft goes in search of its next meal. GOUKA: (looks up) Is it done? SANDARA: (sheepishly) Yes, Gouka, he's finally done. You can get your head out of my lap now... GOUKA: But it's comfy! (grudgingly sits back up) > "He's very conscientious," Misato remarked to Lara as they >watched him leave. "A lot of boys in his position would have let >their training slide a little, without you around to make them work at >it, but I haven't had to even ask him about it. He started coming >here the second day he was here." > Lara nodded. TSUNEO: I'm only here to remind you that I'm being paid more than the rest of you. REBECCA: And her breasts cost more than the set. GOUKA: My, was that jealousy I detect? REBECCA: No, I prefer being able to keep my balance, thank you. > "I never had to bother him about it either," she >said. "When he was a baby I'd put him in the gym at home REBECCA: And he could bench-press fifty pounds before he could walk. >so that if >he cried or needed anything while I was working out, I'd know. SANDARA: He was also entranced by those bloody Teletubbies. > Not >long after he got walking sorted, he started trying to match me, so >Mildram and I put together a smaller version of my workout setup for >him to use, and kept it updated as he grew. He's always kept fit. TSUNEO: Damn, he was uber even as a baby. REBECCA: Proto-DJ was a Rowdyruff Boy, then? > "Coming with me on my explorations was his idea, not mine. At >first I wouldn't allow it - but when he was eight I left him at home >while I checked out a Babylonian temple find a friend of mine dropped >me a line on, TSUNEO: Aya Brea. > and the little blighter got away from Mildram and -beat- >me there." She chuckled indulgently at the memory. GOUKA: Fortunately, I needed an underling to test for traps. TSUNEO: Is it too much to ask how an eight year old got to Mexico on his own? > "So like it or >not, I had myself a partner. It was either that or compete with him, >and I'm not sure who'd be on top." REBECCA: I could make a dirty riff, but I just don't care right now. TSUNEO: Just to remind you that constantly departing on death-defying escapades makes Lara an ideal mother. > Misato laughed. "I know what you mean," she agreed. "He does >have a way of taking charge of situations, doesn't he? GOUKA: ...Hello, story? The Angels, EVAs, angsty mental pilots? SANDARA: (shakes head) It's just not Eyrie without the Long-Ass Segue (tm). >If you watch >us at home, it's pretty obvious who really rules the roost... and yet, >he usually does respect my rules. GOUKA: It's not like it's *my* apartment or anything. REBECCA: If he's so empowered, why doesn't he get his own place? TSUNEO: What, and pay for it? > He's got a definite problem with >authority, though." ALL: Really? > "That's hereditary, I'm afraid," Lara replied, her grin >showing that she wasn't at all sorry. "As imperious as your Dr. Ikari >and his lovely assistant tend to be, I don't doubt he goes out of his >way to make things difficult for them." GOUKA: Did I mention how empowered and assertive DJ is? > Misato chuckled. "You have -no- idea." Frowning >thoughtfully, she added, "By the way, why'd you hit Ritsuko?" > Lara shrugged and replied casually, "She was bothering me." > Misato rolled her eyes. "You're DJ's mother, all right." REBECCA: Just in case you'd missed the last million chapters. TSUNEO: Fortunately, Lara doesn't have a character to be out of. > "He's hit her?" Lara asked, eyes narrowing. > "Oh, no, no, nothing like that. DJ's never shown any violence >to -anyone- here. It's just that Ritsuko tends to annoy him, too." REBECCA: I guess the anal pr- TSUNEO: No. REBECCA: Please? TSUNEO: No! GOUKA: Please? >She smiled. "Generally, he deals with it by either ignoring or >confusing her." > Looking relieved, Lara replied, "Ah, good. -That's- the way I >taught him." TSUNEO: You taught him to be a pretentious and annoying pest? REBECCA: A vital part of every boy's education. >She cocked her head, looking inquisitive, and then said, >"If I didn't know better, Captain Katsuragi, I'd say you care for the >boy rather more than your compatriots here." SANDARA: Well, I am one of Ben's favories, Honorary Wedge Rat 1st Class, ya know! REBECCA: Oh, I wish Vaughn was here right now. He could ignore this fic out of existance. > Misato reddened slightly. "Well... Ritsuko does have a >certain way of viewing him as more of an asset than a person, and >Dr. Ikari, well, he treats -everybody- that way." GOUKA: What do you expect? I'm EVIL! *EVIL!* > "And you don't." > "I did, at first," Misato admitted. "That lasted until the >first dinner we had together. SANDARA: Those were the *best* Spagettios I've ever had. > He's -way- too much his own person for >me to stay detached after that. We're... well, we're a lot alike." TSUNEO: Could have fooled me. REBECCA: Well, isn't it obvous how much the uberkid spawn of a video game bimbo and an FBI spook is like a thirty-something manic depressive drunkard? TSUNEO: No it's not. REBECCA: You're right. Let's move on. > "Mm." Lara nodded, thought about it for a moment, then said, >"He must like you, too, or he'd refuse to live with you." GOUKA: I'm guessing Ms. Croft is being paid by the word at this rate. > Misato hesitated, unwilling to breach such a potentially >sensitive subject, but then decided there was nothing for it and asked >bluntly, "Will you take him away? Ritsuko and Professor Ikari's >high-handed attitude aside, we really do need his help." SANDARA: Can we keep him? Please? We'll feed and bathe him every night! TSUNEO: How kind. After pages of the Virtue of DJ we return to the plot. > "I don't know," Lara admitted. "I came in here determined to >do just that, but... well... " She smiled. "I'll leave it up to him. >It's his life, and anyway, if he wants to stay here, it'd be a losing >proposition for me to try and make him leave. DJ doesn't do anything >he doesn't want to do." REBECCA: Like eat brocoli. TSUNEO: Hmm... You get the feeling Lara doesn't want him either? REBECCA: Personally, I prefer the company of centuries-dead zombies. GOUKA: Oh, you mean Fuyutski? > At the visible relief on Misato's face, Lara's smile became a >grin. > "He does have a way of stealing away your heart, doesn't he? [They all shake their heads in unison] >I >never planned to have children, you know. Once, before he was born, I >considered giving him up... but that lasted until the first time I saw >him." TSUNEO: Proto-DJ was a camera hog back then too, huh? > "What about his father?" Misato wondered, then looked >embarrassed as she realized how personal a question it was. SANDARA: He skipped to Tijuana with that Scully hussie. > But Lara only shrugged wistfully and replied, "He died before >anyone knew I was pregnant." REBECCA: I blame Cancer Man. TSUNEO: Well, it was that or appear in the latest season. > "I'm sorry," Misato replied, realizing from DJ's age what must >have, in all likelihood, claimed his father's life. >It had been a hard time for Misato, too. GOUKA: Sorry, story, I fail to see Misato and Bonnie Largetorso here as kindred spirits. REBECCA: They're both impossibly proportioned. > "So am I," Lara replied, then paused before continuing, "But >that was in another country... " > Misato did not recognize the reference, REBECCA: Nor did the audience. > but that didn't bother >Lara much. She would have missed it too, had her father not insisted >on a classical education for his daughter. > Thinking sober thoughts, the two women left the gym. TSUNEO: "Is This Love?" > Showered, scrubbed, SANDARA: ...And ready for market! > and dressed in a fresh pair of shorts and >a black t-shirt with a large white '5' screened on the front, DJ ran a >comb over his damp hair, slipped his feet into his Tevas and headed >down to the Wedge to see if the new morale measures he'd spoken to >Maya about before leaving on the previous day's aquatic rendezvous >were in place yet. REBECCA: Karaoke survived the Second Impact? TSUNEO: That, cockroaches and Dick Clark. > They weren't, but Rei was there, reading "Snow Crash" with >such rapt attention that DJ decided not to greet her as he sat down >opposite her in the Wedge bench. GOUKA: Gweepings! SANDARA: You know what they say about hard vacuums? GOUKA: What? SANDARA: They suck. REBECCA: ...You two are starting to scare me. > After a moment, she looked up, scarlet eyes fixing on DJ, and >smiled just a tiny bit. REBECCA: Ritilin's kicked in, I see. TSUNEO: ...Hi, do I know you? > "DJ," she said. > "Hullo, Rei," said DJ, stretching out on the Wedge bench, head >toward the windows of the conference room adjacent (often nicknamed, >thanks to its floor level being three steps down from the Wedge's, the >Lower Wedge), GOUKA: Thanks, *again*, for the self-referencial aside, Ben. REBECCA: Oh why not have all of Undocumented Bloody Features run in on this. Heck, throw in Hopelessly Lost, .45 Caliber Angel and Warrior's Legacy too. Please! We want Eyrie in-references rammed down our throats! TSUNEO: On the other hand, we'd have Fury the Wonder Dog. And he rocks. REBECCA: Indeed. > feet toward the Central Dogma concourse entrance. >"How's things?" > "Fine," said Rei. "Jon and I met your mother yesterday." > "Oh yes? What'd you think?" TSUNEO : How does she stay upright? > "She seems very concerned." Rei hesitated, then asked >tentatively, "Will she take you away?" REBECCA: Ha ha, ho ho, hee hee. > "Not if I don't want to go," DJ replied evasively. > "Do you?" asked Rei. > DJ looked into her questioning eyes and shrugged. > "I don't know yet," he said. GOUKA: I'm waiting for the draft pick to pilot Neo-America's Gundam. > Rei nodded, understanding his dilemma, and returned to her >reading as DJ returned to his thinking. SANDARA: She sighed breathlessly in Touga's supporting embrace as he... > Jon Ellison, meanwhile, was on his way from the commissary to >the Wedge himself; he'd checked out the menu, found nothing even >remotely appetizing, REBECCA: DAKA's been transplanted to a NERV division too. TSUNEO: Their stew is a delicious snack *and* it repairs armor plates. > and so intended to find DJ and see if he was >planning on going out for lunch. REBECCA: Meanwhile, back on Jon's Modern Life... > He was met by someone he didn't recognize, a pretty girl about >his age with auburn hair, blue eyes and a trim figure, dressed in a >yellow summer dress and, at the moment, absorbed in (and confused by) >a Central Dogma map. SANDARA: There has to be an Old Navy in here *somewhere!* > "Hey, you," she said, waving Jon over. "Which way to the... " >She squinted at the paper. "... 'Wedge'? That can't be right." REBECCA: I guess Asuka knows UF too. > "It's right," Jon said. "Just follow me, I'm heading that >way. I'm sorry, I don't think I know you." GOUKA: I'm just a canon character, yourself? > "Asuka Soryu-Langley," she replied, not looking up from her >perusal of the map. "I'm the Second Child; I'm here to give the >program some much-needed respectability." SANDARA: I'm 100% studly! REBECCA: Bad memories! Bad memories! > "... Oh," said Jon, nonplussed. After a few seconds of >silence, it became obvious to him that she wasn't going to bother >asking him who he was, so he volunteered it: "Uh, I'm Jon >Ellison... the Fourth Child." TSUNEO: You may recognize me as the Fourth Child from other quality Evangelion fics like... REBECCA : And I'm special. > "No kidding?" Jon nodded. "I've reviewed your battle tapes," >Asuka went on. "You should really find another line of work before >you get hurt." REBECCA: ...ouch. GOUKA: In character, but ouch nonetheless. > Jon did not reply. Oh, joy, he thought, I get to be this >one's marksman? Wonderful. TSUNEO: Perhaps I should save trouble and rip my *own* arms off. > (Ikari's duty rosters still had him >listed as point to Rei's mark, but he knew of SHODAN's analysis of the >situation and, frankly, agreed with it. He figured it was only a >matter of time before circumstances proved SHODAN right, though given >Ikari's stubbornness he wasn't particularly looking forward to the >occasion.) SANDARA: SHODAN is perfect in every way. You will bow. REBECCA: Who's better, SHODAN or Fury the Wonder Dog? SANDARA: Uh.... > "I'm looking forward to meeting the First Child, her combat >record notwithstanding," Asuka commented as she followed Jon down the >corridor. "You three can't have survived this long on your own if >you're -all- stumblebums." TSUNEO: They probably have since they're obviously *there* > "What gives you the impression DJ's a stumblebum?" asked Jon >coolly. "He has an excellent combat record. And I understand he >handled himself quite well in the incident at sea." GOUKA: Didn't toss his cookies once. > "He got lucky," Asuka said hotly. "His attitude is terrible. >Besides," she added airily, "he gets wounded a lot. He's not going to >last long if he doesn't start being careful. Even now he's not at >full strength - how'd he manage to hurt his -hands-, of all things?" REBECCA: George Foreman Grill. Sad really... > "You've reviewed the reports on the confrontation with the >Fifth Angel?" asked Jon. At Asuka's nod, he went on, "DJ rescued Rei >Ayanami from her EVA before Unit 00's overheated armor could heat the >LCL in her entry plug to dangerous temperatures." TSUNEO (Reading): Boil the Rei for five minutes... > "So? That's not hard with the sliding canopy hatch." > "EVA-00 is the prototype," Jon said. "Its entry plug doesn't >have a sliding canopy hatch. DJ had to open the bolt-dogged side >hatch by hand. He suffered second-degree burns... and saved Rei's >life." Jon hardened his face and tone as he added, "So don't tell me >you have a problem with his attitude." > For once in her life, Asuka Langley had nothing to say. [The group blinks quietly] REBECCA: Did Asuka just get smacked down... TSUNEO: ...By *Jon*? GOUKA: Or maybe he just grew a facimile of a spine. > "Can I ask you something?" Lara inquired as she and Misato >sipped tea in the commissary. > "Sure," Misato replied. SANDARA: You ever get that not-so-fresh feeling? > "Why did you take DJ's guardianship? I understand it was >originally planned that he'd live alone." > Misato considered her answer, then decided to reply honestly. TSUNEO: Splunge. >"I'm not sure," she replied. TSUNEO: I'm *not* being indecisive, by the way. REBECCA: Did you say splunge? > "I guess... I just couldn't imagine >someone as dynamic as DJ being alone all the time. I... " She >stumbled over the next few words, but Lara grinned and let her know by >doing so that she needn't worry about them anyway. GOUKA: He slipped you the blue pills, didn't he? > "I see," said Lara with a smile. "Seems I was right >then... my boy's caught himself another heart." > Misato blushed. "I don't want you to think that our >relationship is... you know... untoward." REBECCA: A little advice, Misato, go out and date more. GOUKA: Preferably someone five to ten years closer to the age of consent. > "Odd," Lara commented, "you strike me as the type that doesn't >care much what other people think. Not unlike myself, come to that." TSUNEO: This is starting to become an Taster's Choice coffee ad. REBECCA: *Starting* to? > "It's not what you think of me that's important," Misato >replied, "it's just that I don't want you to think DJ has >behaved... improperly." SANDARA: He gets so hyper after he has his ice cream, you know. > Lara threw back her head and laughed. "If he didn't behave >improperly he wouldn't be my DJ," she replied mirthfully. GOUKA: (announcer, whimsical) That's our Child! We'll be right back... REBECCA: It's quickly becoming "DJ in the Middle". > "But I >appreciate your trying to put my mind at rest, anyway." Her smile >turned a little more serious as Lara continued, SANDARA: Drew Carry was hysterical last night, wasn't he? > "You know, I promised >myself once, long ago, that I would never leave DJ anyplace where he >wasn't loved. That's going to be a major factor in my decision, >whether to ask him to leave this place with me when I go." REBECCA: That and the quality of your swimming pool. TSUNEO: You'll notice there's no "P" in our "ool"... > Put at ease though she was by Lara's attitude, Misato still >refrained from answering that obvious question, for fear that her >answer would be misinterpreted. > > Back in the Wedge, a shadow fell over Rei's book. GOUKA: Miss Ayanami? I wish to ask you a question... > Silently >she shifted to the right a little, bringing the book back into the >light. The shadow moved again, once more darkening the book. Rei's >eyes swiveled in the direction of the shadow. REBECCA: Huh. Boom shadow. > "Hi!" said the redheaded girl who was casting it. "I'm Asuka >Soryu-Langley." GOUKA: And you're not. > Rei looked perplexed, then replied quietly, "How nice for >you." Then she moved out of Asuka's shadow again and resumed reading. SANDARA: Zing... REBECCA: Score one for the Ice Queen. TSUNEO: Odd nickname there, Rebecca. REBECCA: She's got the bedroom to match it, though. > Asuka looked momentarily perplexed, then annoyed, and moved to >once more darken the book and cause Rei to look up at her. > "I'm the Second Child," she persisted, "and the designated >pilot of Evangelion Unit 02." GOUKA: I have the highest Kobayashi-Maru rating here, you know! > Rei nodded, moved yet again, and went back to reading. TSUNEO: Asuka's geting royally whipped here. Anyone would think that Ben didn't like her too? > Incensed by this absolute lack of appreciation, Asuka snatched >away the book and cried, "What the hell's the matter with you? Don't >you have any courtesy at all?" SANDARA: *Someone* is not administering *guest service*... > Without a word, her face almost devoid of expression, Rei >stood up, slapped Asuka hard across the face, then took her book from >the stunned girl's hand, found her place, sat down, and continued >reading. REBECCA: Wa-tak. TSUNEO: Lo, none shall seperate Rei Ayanami from her Harry Potter novel. > Asuka's face turned slowly crimson, all of it matching the >slap mark, and, quivering with rage, she drew a hand back to >counterattack; but before she could strike Rei (who was completely >ignoring her), GOUKA: --The writer had a heart attack, and then died. TSUNEO: AKK! (teeters over) > DJ darted forward and caught her wrist in a startlingly >strong grip, hurting her enough to jolt her out of her anger and into >a state of clear surprise. She blinked at him, startled, as, with the >fiercest expression she'd yet seen on him, he growled a single word: SANDARA: Mint! > "-Don't-." GOUKA: ...swim right after eating? TSUNEO: ...talk to strangers? [He gets back into his seat] REBECCA: ...send explosives through the mail? > Behind DJ, Jon's eyes flashed a similar silent message as he >unconsciously placed an almost proprietary hand on Rei's shoulder. TSUNEO: My binky. Don't touch. > "-Ever,-" DJ continued, then released Asuka's wrist and backed >off a step. > "So that's the way it is, huh?" asked Asuka, bringing her left >hand up to rub her bruised wrist. > "That's the way it is," DJ and Jon replied in flat stereo. SANDARA: Man, I can smell the tension in the air. REBECCA: Na, that's just the Atlantic. TSUNEO: Well, we've gone from "Double Dare", to "Malcolm in the Middle" to "Dawson's Creek" during this story. > Asuka glared at them for a moment, then looked back at Rei, >who sat, still reading, unconcerned and, in fact, apparently unaware >of this byplay. GOUKA: Hmm... not in this scene... Can't see me... > "Look, I'm sorry I grabbed your book," she grudgingly >admitted. "It was rude." > Rei glanced up, then went back to reading. > "You're a strange one. Why won't you be my friend?" REBECCA: Gee, with a complement like that, sure! SANDARA: Thanks, I think... > Asuka >said in a way that made Rei want to do otherwise. REBECCA: Did I call that? TSUNEO: ...Ben's being coy again. > "If I'm ordered to, I will," Rei answered, and returned once >more to her reading, leaving Asuka again annoyed. TSUNEO: Once again, Rei gets all the best lines. > "Hmph," Asuka remarked, turning away and walking across the >Wedge. "Frigid little bitch," she murmured to herself, loud enough >that DJ heard; he flushed and took a half-step, but Jon's hand on his >forearm restrained him. GOUKA: Don't, honey. > "She doesn't know that this is Rei's way," said Jon softly. >"She's taking it personally. She'll come to understand." > DJ sighed, seeming to deflate slightly as the tension drained >out of him. > "I suppose," he said, plopping back down on the bench. REBECCA: Plop. SANDARA: That would explain the "deflating slightly with drained tension" then. GOUKA: I don't know you people. > "I >-hope-," he added. Then he brightened and said, "Any word on our >morale gear, Jon?" > "Tomorrow, according to Maya." > "Excellent. I must remember to give her a big wet kiss of >thanks." TSUNEO: That's a sign of *gratitude?* > "You're sure that'd be rewarding -her-?" ALL: ... SANDARA: Do we need to stick around here? I can still meet Mohan at work if I take off. > "Why's everything have to be about -her-?" replied DJ with a >grin. > Ever so slightly, Rei rolled her eyes. REBECCA: So many idiots... > That afternoon, after an uneventful day of harmonics testing >and boring dissertations on the importance of the project, TSUNEO: Blah blah blah humanity's only chance for survival... >DJ returned >to the apartment on Lee Street he'd started thinking of as home, >plopped his backpack down in the corner of his room, and sprawled out >on his bed, hands behind his head, contemplating the ceiling. TSUNEO: Say, that water stain looks like a ducky. > "Good afternoon, DJ," said Hal pleasantly. "How was your >day?" > "Oh, same old, same old," DJ replied. Then, perking up, he >sat up and said, "Hey, any results on that database search I set you >on?" GOUKA: I found the Dirty Pair pics as you requested, young DJ. > "I've completed a search of all the NERV databanks to which I >could gain access," Hal replied. "The information you requested was >not available in any of them." REBECCA: (gasps) An Uber-Child's boffo computer skillz has been thwarted! TSUNEO: "I am full of shame. -_-" > "Not available??" DJ replied. "You mean to tell me Rei >Ayanami's birthday isn't on file in -any- of NERV's networked >systems?" SANDARA: ...he's got a super computer that can hack into NERV and he uses it to find *Rei's birthday* GOUKA: www.nerv.com, for the latest and coolest Child info! REBECCA: Guys, he's starting to remind me of those guys who go through the college phone book and runs through the girls' names in search of a date. TSUNEO: For shame! Tom would have used his MAD SKILLZ and gotten that info long ago! > "Not even SHODAN has Rei's birth date on file," Hal replied. >"She informed me so herself." > "Doesn't have it on file or won't give it to you." TSUNEO : She's playing hard to get with me. > "SHODAN informed me that such information is a matter of >public record - she provided me with yours, Asuka Soryu-Langley's, >Ritsuko Akagi's, Misato Katsuragi's, Maya Ibuki's, John Trussell's, >Otto Keller's and Gendou Ikari's. GOUKA: Just in case you want to get Gendo a little something special. > I asked in order to test just such >a hypothesis," Hal explained. "H.A.L. computers are incapable of >falsehood. SHODAN does not have Rei's birthdate on file; nor does she >have Jon Ellison's." REBECCA: Plot points? You're soaking in them. > "That's pretty weird," DJ replied, not bothering to voice his >doubt about SHODAN's veracity. It would only provoke a rather lofty >and tiresome speech from Hal about how no H.A.L. computer had ever >perpetrated a falsehood or made a lookup error. SANDARA: I'm sure SHODAN's a busy AI, but she said she'd call me! > "I can conduct an expanded search on other computer systems, >but I don't think there's much chance of success," Hal continued. "I >have already checked with the United States Social Security >Administration and the Department of the Interior. As far as their >public datasystems are concerned, Rei Ayanami does not exist." SANDARA: Ah, can you feel it? The plot's moving! TSUNEO: In circles, but it's moving. GOUKA: Well, on the bright side, we know where the story will be *eventually* > "Definitely weird. Keep on it. Hack restricted systems if >you have to, but only if the risk of disclosure or damage is minimal. >All right?" REBECCA: Well that's no fun. GOUKA: Yes... *YES* I will learn Rei's birthday and plan the most kickin' pizza party ever! TSUNEO: Damn straight! [They all glare at him] TSUNEO: ...sorry. > "Very well, DJ," Hal replied mildly, entirely unperturbed that >he'd just been asked to violate the law. "I will inform you of any >results. Is there anything else?" TSUNEO: Some random worms you want me to plant, Mr Croft. REBECCA: Nah, just get creative in there. > "Mm... no. Oh, yes, there is one other thing. I've been >informed today that Asuka Soryu-Langley will be coming to live here >with us. I assume you've already read her personnel file?" > "I have." SANDARA: She's a Sagitarus, darling, it's not gonna work. > "Good. Add her to the access database at access level three. >Oh... and don't talk to her unless she talks to you first, for a >bit... I want to see how long it takes her to realize what the sensor >heads are." > "That's cruel, DJ." > "I know. Do it anyway, please?" > "Very well." GOUKA: Powering up the Death Ray, Lord Croft. > "Right. What does the old recipe randomizer give us for >dinner tonight?" > "Szechuan-style wok-fried beef and vegetables, with a side >helping of vegetables and -not- beef for Rei." TSUNEO: Hal's a highly intellegent AI *and* a Deal-a-Meal. > "Right. I'd better toddle off to the kitchen, then... be a >dear and pop the recipe up on the kitchen monitor?" > "Already done, DJ." > "I couldn't live without you, Hal." REBECCA: Does HAL help DJ use the restroom, too? TSUNEO: *That's* an image I didn't need. > DJ laid out helpings of the evening's steaming, savory dinner >before everyone gathered at the table, GOUKA: He was waging a hard fought battle against Iron Chef Cajun! > giving extra flourishes to the >unveiling of his special vegetarian version for Rei, then distributed >appropriate beverages and took his own seat, chuckling with >anticipation as he cracked open the evening's first Guinness and >prepared his chopsticks for action. REBECCA: DJ's enjoying his work *way* too much, guys. TSUNEO: He's roughly as impish as Jamal White right now. > "Hey!" Asuka burst out, distracted from her confused >contemplation of the plate of food DJ had put on the floor by the type >of beverage he had. "You're drinking -beer-!" GOUKA: And it's not *freshness dated!* > DJ blinked. "So I am," he replied, and went on about his >business. > "Are you going to let him drink that?" Asuka demanded of >Misato. REBECCA: Ooh! I'm *tellin'!* > Misato shrugged, taking a drink of her own Guinness. "Are you >going to try to stop him?" she replied. > "What about you?" Asuka demanded, turning to Lara. "You're >his mother." SANDARA: Asuka's making a poyant statement on today's parenting. TSUNEO: Or she's just being a whiny priss. > "So I am," Lara replied in an uncanny imitation of her son. > "You're letting him drink?" > "He's a big boy," Lara said, popping open her own beer. GOUKA: She outta know! REBECCA: ...I am so not going there. > "That's disgusting," Asuka declared, pouring herself a glass >of milk. > "Judge not," said DJ, "lest ye be judged yourself." > "I'm beginning to see where you got your bad habits, Fifth >Child," said Asuka. "You obviously weren't raised right." TSUNEO: Man, everybody here's crazy except me. > Misato glanced sharply up, expecting to see Asuka on the >receiving end of the same sort of flash of temper that Ritsuko had >reported receiving from Lara; but Lara simply shrugged mildly and >said, "I did the best I could with what I had. REBECCA: A hyperactive ball of sugar-buzz? >Your parents obviously >didn't do so well in the 'manners' department themselves." > Asuka colored, but fell mercifully silent. SANDARA: Yes, dear readers, she's being repremended for still being in-flavor. REBECCA: Go on Asuka! WA-TAK her! Have a psychotic episode! Do something! > The rest of dinner was uneventful, until just toward the end, >when the second refrigerator opened and Pen-Pen emerged to consume his >evening meal. GOUKA: 'Ello folks! Pen-Pen here, finishing off the comedy relief quota for the show. > Asuka froze, eyes wide with a combination of >mystification and faint fear, as the bird ignored her completely, >wolfed down his food, and returned nonchalantly to the refrigerator. REBECCA: Ya enjoying "Alone in the Dark" so far? What do you make of Asuka so far? Well, back to the story, folks. Thank you and good night! > "Wah... wah... " Asuka tried to say. > "Problem?" asked DJ calmly. > "There's a penguin in the refrigerator," Asuka said, meeting >his amused gaze with a look of blank confusion. TSUNEO: Yes... but the ice is slippery. > "Yes, I know," said DJ. > "Why does he go in there?" > "Why do you go in there?" replied DJ. > "To get a glass of milk - but that's not why he goes in >there." GOUKA: Bet Pen-Pen has a swinging pad in there: stereo, DVD, shag carpeting-- whole nine yards. > "Of course not!" said DJ scornfully. "Penguins are birds, >they can't drink cow's milk. -Think- before you ask these questions, >Asuka! Twenty points higher than me, thinks a penguin will drink >milk?" Shaking his head sadly, DJ went off to get ready for a bath, >and it wasn't until he was safely in his bedroom that Asuka realized >she'd been had. > "CROFT!!" SANDARA: Okay... did wackyness just insue? TSUNEO: For Ben, apparently. > Jon and Rei went back to Apartment 3-F after DJ emerged, >endured a withering glare from Asuka as she brushed past him to her >own room, and said goodnight to his mother. Having taken her leave of >DJ, Lara went next door as well, where Jon and Rei were putting her up >in their spare room (Misato and DJ's having been taken over by Asuka). TSUNEO: We've taken two Mary Sues, a trio of anime characters, and a famous video game femme and packed them into an apartment complex. The last one remaining gets a million dollars! >Jon was first in the bath there, so Lara sat in the living room for a >while in fairly companionable silence with Rei, both of them reading. REBECCA: Gods, I wish I could get the cel art for this scene. > At length, Rei put down her book and said softly, "Dr. Croft?" > "Please," said Lara, "call me Lara." > "Lara," said Rei shyly, then paused before pressing on: "Will >you take DJ away?" SANDARA: We've been feeding and grooming him regularly. Can we keep him? > "Everyone seems to be interested in my answer to that >question," Lara observed wryly. "I'll tell you what I told Misato: I >can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. If he wants to go, >I'll take him back to England with me; if not, I won't make a fuss >about it." TSUNEO: Dang... has Lara Croft been secretly replaced by a random suburban mom? > Rei's relief was not as transparent as Misato's, but Lara >caught it anyway, and smiled. "I've seen enough evidence that this >place, however strange and dangerous it is, meets my requirements," >she added. > "Pardon?" asked Rei, looking quizzical. GOUKA: I don't get it. > "Never mind," Lara replied, waving away the question. "It's >nothing... a private joke. Let's just say I'm glad he has friends >here." > Rei nodded. "He's a good pilot," she said. > "And a good friend?" asked Lara, her smile inquisitive. REBECCA: Winkwink-nudgenudge? TSUNEO: Friends don't let friends drink and redecorate. > Rei's cheeks got slightly pink as she replied softly, >"... Yes." Then she looked mildly startled as she realized that she >hadn't said it alone; turning, she saw Jon, a towel snugged around his >waist, finishing a nod. REBECCA: ... SANDARA: (blinks, and blushes slightly) Oh my... GOUKA: ...I'm officially declaring this the best fic *ever*. > He'd apparently heard their last exchange. > Lara's smile was gentle as she said, "Good. DJ likes to >pretend he can get by on his own sometimes, but... well, nobody can >live without friends." > Jon exchanged a glance with Rei, then nodded again. "Yes." TSUNEO: Wow, you can feel the fire between those two. > NEXT MORNING, 10:30 REBECCA: SOMETHING HAPPENED. SANDARA: THE PLOT BEGAN TO MOVE. > CONTROL ROOM, CENTRAL DOGMA > > The plug-out focus test on EVA-00's neurosystem wasn't going >well, and the staff in the control room was already starting to tire >of their workday after only an hour and a half of the job. TSUNEO: Typical Monday... > Ritsuko Akagi studied the data being displayed on the master >screen and frowned. "0.08? We can do better than that." GOUKA: For we have *spirit*, yes we do... > "It is within the safety margin," SHODAN noted, "but only by a >margin of 0.01." > "What do you think we should do?" asked Maya. REBECCA: Make out? > Ritsuko considered for a moment, then sighed. "Abort the >test, clear all circuits. We'll do it again." > Maya sighed and started flicking switches. It was apparently >bent on being that kind of morning. SANDARA: Grueling Switch Flicking Action. TSUNEO: Maya's temping at Spacely's Sprockets was starting to pay off. > Thirteen levels up, Misato Katsuragi was fast reaching the >same conclusion. Her entire day, as far as she was concerned, had >been ruined at 9:15, with the news that Ryoji Kaji had been reassigned >to Worcester-3 and would not be returning to Germany, Japan, or the >pit of Hell that spawned him. GOUKA: His time share in Stygian was up anyway. > And now, just as she was entering the elevator to head down to >the control room, she heard his voice at the end of the corridor, >calling, "Hold the elevator, please!" TSUNEO: Cue the kooky romantic tension, guys. > Eyes narrowing, Misato thumbed the >< button hard and >repeatedly, praying to the great god Otis that he wouldn't make it. SANDARA: Otis, God of Elevator Functions! REBECCA: So why does the console have IRC smileys on it? > Just as the doors slid shut, he reached the elevator, and, >sticking the clipboard he was holding into the gap, he tripped the >safety mechanism and made the doors reopen. SANDARA: And Lo, Kaji parted the... GOUKA: Adjust the tie, look up and... SMARM! > "Phew!" he said, putting on his charmingest smile. "I almost >didn't - " > He was cut off as a small blur not immediately recognizable as >DJ Croft sprinted around the corner and crashed into him, knocking his >papers flying in a great conical spurt down the cross-corridor. GOUKA: Impulse, no! > "Oof! Sorry, Kaji, didn't see you there!" DJ cried >breathlessly, ducking into the elevator and surreptitiously banging >the >< button. "Awfully sorry, I'll buy you a car or something, well, >no time to hang about chatting, you'd best be picking up those >papers!" SANDARA: Ho ho! It's so impish! > The doors closed and they were away, safe, sound, and without >Ryoji Kaji. REBECCA: ...and DJ just *literally* shoved Kaji out of his main scene. TSUNEO: Shoot me now. > "You little shit!" Misato declared, [They all applaud] >trying (and failing) to >keep her face severe. Then she relaxed and let the grin she really >wanted to wear break through, and added, chortling and ruffling his >hair, "That was terrific." SANDARA: You assaulted a fellow employee out of petty indignation! Way to go! > "Was it? Thanks," DJ replied with a modest smile. "I had to >come up with it on the spur of the moment, and I figured shooting him >was probably socially inappropriate." > Misato considered for a moment, and then said, "Yeah, I >suppose so." GOUKA: And blood stains are *so* hard to get out. TSUNEO: I'm ODing on mischief here. > "So... you, uh, come to this elevator often?" > She chuckled. "All the time. Going my way?" > "If you're heading for the control room, I am," DJ replied. >"I have some extremely critical Ritsuko-and-Maya-watching to do." REBECCA [DJ]: Ugh, hot two-girl action. > "You're incorrigible." > "I'm fourteen." > "Same thing." REBECCA: Ho ho, enough of this comedic banter! TSUNEO: Meanwhile, Kaji's chilling in his trailer ordering from Domino's > Since Dr. Ikari had stuck to his guns about the rotation >planning, Jon and Rei, as Evangelion Combat Team No. 1, were off-duty. >Being of similarly unextravagant tastes when it came to personal >entertainment, both were at home engaged in quiet pursuits. SANDARA: So, was it good for you? > Rei was >sitting on the couch reading Philip K. Dick's "We Can Build You", TSUNEO: The irony is killing me here. >while Jon sat at the kitchen table playing chess with Hal via the >remote terminal installed there. GOUKA: What does the horsey do again? TSUNEO: No, you do *not* get to collect $200 now. > The sliding door the building superintendent had grudgingly >allowed to be built (with a little persuasion from NERV's authority) >between apartments 3-D and 3-F opened without preamble, and Asuka >Soryu-Langley entered. ALL: Norm! (canned audience cheers) > Neither Jon nor Rei acknowledged her presence, REBECCA [Asuka]: Bow before the divine made flesh, worthless dogs! Bow! TSUNEO: You're way too good at that. >something she had not yet accustomed herself to; she stood in the >doorway at odds with her expectations for a moment, then slid the door >shut a little more pointedly than was strictly necessary. This caused >Rei to look up, nod slightly, and return to her reading, while Jon, in >the kitchen and engrossed in planning his next move, did not hear at >all. REBECCA: I shall use my mighty Masticore! > "Queen takes pawn," said Jon. > "Bishop takes Knight's pawn," replied Hal after a momentary >pause. SANDARA: You suck on toast. > "Well, this is an exciting spot," Asuka grumped, plopping down >on the couch at the opposite end from Rei. TSUNEO: Oh great, now he's got Asuka plopping too. >"What do you guys do for fun around here?" REBECCA: Oh, strip Pictonary. You? > "We're having fun," Rei replied, not looking up from her book. > "Oh, how silly of me," Asuka replied, rolling her eyes. "I >should have spotted that immediately." > "Rook to King One," said Jon. > "I'm sorry, Jon," said Hal. TSUNEO: I'm afraid I can't allow that, Jon... > "I think you missed it. Queen to >Bishop Six; Bisop takes Queen; Knight takes Bishop; Checkmate in >three." GOUKA: Who's your daddy? > Jon frowned at the screen, then said, "Mm... you're right. I >resign." > "Thank you for a most enjoyable game," said Hal pleasantly. >"Would you like to play again?" > "Not now, thank you, Hal." TSUNEO: Would you like to inadvertantly activate nuclear missles instead? > "You just lost to a computer?" Asuka remarked. > "Yes," Jon replied. > "Way to go, Kasparov." By invoking the name of the >pre-Second-Impact grandmaster who had demonstrated such terrible >sportsmanship after his epic loss to the original HAL 9000 in 1998, >Asuka launched a tactical nuclear strike on Jon's chess-playing ego. REBECCA: Unleash the Fist of Death, Jon. > He failed to ruffle, saying only, "If you would care to play >against me sometime, I'd be interested in seeing how good you are." > "Chess?" Asuka replied, scowling. "Most boring game in the >world. No -thank- you." TSUNEO: I beg to differ. Cricket's even more boring. It's so slow, it's got meal breaks. > "Um... was there something you needed?" asked Jon. SANDARA: Just chewing some scenery, sweet cheeks. > "Or are you just looking for people to annoy?" Rei added >softly from behind her book. > "Well, I can see -this- was a wasted trip," Asuka grumbled. >"I was just looking for something interesting to do, but I can see >that this is definitely not the place to come for -that-." REBECCA: I'm getting my agent! > "OK, Ritsuko," Maya reported. "We're ready to try again." > "Do it," Ritsuko replied. GOUKA: Put your feet up on the mantlepiece, then-- TSUNEO: *No*. Just... no. > Maya pressed the test-initiate >control, and she began intently watching the readings and wishing >Truss didn't have the afternoon off. > As they crept toward the break-even point, the consoles went >dark. TSUNEO: This is for clogging the server with Counterstrike, you gweeps! > As, for that matter, did the room, and the test chamber with >the EVA in it, and everything else in sight. For a couple of >vertiginous seconds the control room was plunged into absolute pitch >darkness, before the reddish-amber, battery-powered emergency lights >kicked in and filled the chamber with a bloody gloom. GOUKA: And we have title! ALL: (overall applause) SANDARA: Yes! Two-thirds into the episode and we now have the plot! > One and a half levels shy of the control room level, the >elevator abruptly, shudderingly stopped, and the lights went out, >eliciting a cry of consternation from both Misato and DJ - Misato >because the unexpected stop startled her, DJ because his lurking >nyctophobia spurted to the surface of his mind for a moment before the >knowledge that he was not alone in the small room could push it back >down. SANDARA: And... breathe! GOUKA: ...that was a *huge* sentence. REBECCA: Seen it, taped it... > DJ Croft knew few fears, but a cave-in in an abandoned Inca >gold mine several years before, which had cut him off from light, air >and the reassuring human contact of his mother for several hours, had >left him uncontrollably afraid of being alone in small, dark places. TSUNEO: Ah, backstory and a kink in Sir Croft's shining armor, thanks! REBECCA: He needed another 10 points of Disadvantages. > He resisted an urge to cling close to Misato; it would be >difficult and embarrassing to explain, however pleasant and reassuring >it might be. Instead he swung his pack down off his back and fished >around in it for a battery torch, GOUKA: Oh, it's the magical mystical *battery torch*! > but before he could find one, the >emergency lights came on, bathing the room in a red glow which was >very like that of his darkroom's safety lamp back home. This made him >feel more at ease, and he willed the tension out of his shoulders and >neck. > "What the hell?" Misato wondered. REBECCA: There's a great disturbance in the Force... > "Blackout?" DJ inquired. > "Impossible!" > "Yet it seems to be happening." > "But what could cause the power to go out in a place like >this?" > "Ritsuko probably did something wrong during the EVA-00 test." TSUNEO: ...and DJ would reach this conclusion *how?* REBECCA: When in doubt, blame the characters he doesn't like. > In the control room, all eyes were on Ritsuko. > "It... it wasn't me," she protested. ALL: Wah, wah wahhhhh... GOUKA: KOMEDY! > Rei Ayanami looked up as her reading lamp flickered once, then >died completely. Cocking her head inquisitively, REBECCA: She has all the emotional range of Al Gore on queludes. TSUNEO: Druuuug Humor... > she turned the >switch a couple of times; then, from the kitchen, Jon reported, "It's >not the lamp, the power's off." > "Local grid failure?" Asuka wondered. "Americans can't build >anything right." SANDARA: (Cheesy French accent) Steupid Americans, with your power grids and your *books*... > "I'm afraid it goes a bit further than that," Hal reported >calmly. "I've lost all contact with NERV Headquarters." > "Hal? You're still operational?" asked Jon. From Asuka's >perspective in the living room, she couldn't see the wall-mounted >console unit he was talking to; it looked to her as if he was >conversing with the oven. REBECCA: The appliances don't talk to *me.* Could it be... ring around the collar? > "I have six hours of internal battery backup power, assuming >judicious usage of power-intensive resources such as crystal-memory >search and graphic rendering. I will need to switch to standby mode >soon, to prevent data loss in the event that I completely lose power." > "Oh. What do you mean, you've lost contact with HQ?" > "I maintain a connection with the NERV Headquarters network at >all times. TSUNEO: Well that's very convien... WHAT!? > That link failed at the same time as my external power >feed. This should not be the case; the power grid and telecom network >are two separate services. However, I am unable to contact SHODAN or >any of the Magi. The network links are functional, but the machines >are not responding." GOUKA: Maybe the Elizas don't like you, Hal? REBECCA: "HAL, the Loneliest AI"... > "None of them? That's impossible!" Jon protested. "Dr. Akagi >never allows more than one of the Magi to be taken down at a time for >maintenance, and SHODAN has run continuously since Headquarters was >built." TSUNEO: The server status report *explodes* across the screen! > "Nevertheless, none of them are responding, and my diagnostics >indicate that this is not the fault of the link hardware. I am also >unable to raise DJ or Misato's HALcomm units, which indicates that the >signal relay network is down." > "Something must be wrong," said Rei. > "Guess we'd better check it out," Jon agreed. > "Right!" Asuka said, standing up and grinning fiercely. SANDARA: Stand by... for ACTION! > "But >before we go out into a crisis situation, our group needs a leader - >and naturally, that'll be me. Any objections?" ALL: YES! > Jon opened his mouth to say something, but Asuka cut him off: >"Can it, Ellison." > Disgruntled but silent, Jon closed his mouth and looked at >Rei. The message exchanged between them was clear (if completely >missed by Asuka): It isn't worth the trouble of objecting. SANDARA and GOUKA: Yes, Mein Feheur-chan. > The three EVA pilots left the apartment in varying states of >emotion. Asuka was excited and pleased to have her first opportunity >to demonstrate that the Children could get along just fine in an >emergency without their dipsomaniac den mother or Croft the Mighty >Adventurer; REBECCA: Come along so we can all be killed! > Jon was apprehensive and wished that there was some way of >gently curbing Asuka's enthusiasm; and Rei felt merely a faint >annoyance and an overlay of concern, a hope that everyone underground >was all right. > Deep down, all of them shared a quiet dread, a feeling that an >inevitable worsening of the situation was hanging over them. TSUNEO: That? That's just the script. > "What's happening?" Gendou Ikari asked as he entered the >control room. GOUKA: Number One, report! > "Unknown, sir," Ritsuko replied. "As near as we can tell, >what's happening is... impossible." > "Explain." REBECCA: Some dink spilled Mountain Dew all over everything. TSUNEO: I'd blame this all on Aoba and Hyuuga's Counterstrike marathons, but they're not in this fic. > "Worcester-3 was designed to be entirely self-sufficient if >need be," said Maya. "It's theoretically impossible for the primary, >secondary, -and- tertiary power systems all to fail at the same time." > "In other words, this was a deliberate action by someone," >Ikari said, his tone betraying no emotion. ALL: DUN DUN DUNNN! > "They must have tripped the breakers," Maya observed, "though >how anyone unauthorized could get access to the power-system >switchroom I don't know." TSUNEO: Well, maybe it was Colonel Mustard with a wrench, guys? SANDARA: Good a theory as any... > "Studying this place, judging our strengths and weaknesses?" >Ritsuko wondered. "Or some kind of elaborate, stupid prank? I knew >it was a bad idea to build this place under a tech-school town." REBECCA: HA! More self-referential humor! GOUKA: We shall deal with the Wedge Rats *soon*, Honeybuns. > "OK, first crisis," Asuka observed as she, Jon and Rei made >their way down Gold Star Boulevard. "It's two and a half miles to >Central Dogma via the S490. That will take us around half an hour - >much too long. We need a faster method of transportation. So get >your passcards ready - we're going to commandeer the next car that >comes along!" TSUNEO: Brilliant! SANDARA: Unless, of course, there aren't any... > Five minutes later, there had been no cars. SANDARA: ...called it. > "Hmph! Where the hell is everybody?" Asuka wondered. "Don't >they know there's a crisis situation happening here?!" > "Yes," Jon pointed out calmly. "That's why they're not here - >they're staying home like the alert instructions tell them to." TSUNEO: Jon's got ya there, Miss Thang. > "What a negative attitude you have," Asuka said scornfully. >"Someone will be along." > As they walked past Harr Dodge, Jon decided enough was enough; >he picked up a large rock and heaved it through the glass door to the >deserted dealership's showroom, ALL: (recoiling back) WUH! > then, as Asuka squawked indignantly, >stepped calmly inside and selected a set of keys from the pegboard in >the manager's office. REBECCA: Ye gods... GOUKA: Jon... JON JUST DID SOMETHING! > "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Asuka demanded as >Jon, ignoring her, unlocked the Avenger whose keys he'd selected. > "Finding a faster method of transportation," he said calmly. >"Get in." TSUNEO: Jon Ellison *is*... Gone In 60 Seconds! > Asuka sighed, then said, "Fine. You drive - consider it your >punishment for acting without my permission." > Jon rolled his eyes, sharing a glance with Rei: > SANDARA: ...Did they just gain telepathy there? GOUKA: Part of the Pure Fated Love, I'm guessing. Kinda like Scott and Jean Summers. REBECCA: Jon is a Summers? That explains *everything*. > John Trussell was hanging around the Jim Dandy laundromat next >door to Boomers Pizza, TSUNEO: Soaking up the *delightful* local culture of a New England suburb! REBECCA: Boomers Pizza, the latest GENOM subsiduary. > waiting for his clothes to dry, when the power >went out. He reacted with a speed and decisiveness which might have >startled anyone who knew him: instantly he removed his >still-slightly-damp clothes from the dryer, stuffed them into his >laundry bag, and darted into the street, fumbling for his keys. REBECCA: John Trussel, international man of mystery and slightly damp laundry. >He >knew full well how impossible it was for the power to go out in >Worcester without somebody turning it off, and that NERV would >certainly have been informed of any plans. That it was happening >anyway was a sure sign that something worse was afoot. TSUNEO: Could it be that the plot has *finally* arrived? > And there it was, too, crawling over Airport Hill with a >spindly decisiveness that stopped just short of being utterly >terrifying: a gigantic, black, spider-like thing with four very tall >legs and a round pod-like body slung low at their crux. GOUKA: The monstrous Kumo was rampaging on the coast of Rokugan, and only Ryosei and the vigilant Fox Clan could stop it! > Misato was >right, Truss reflected as he started his car; they were getting >weirder-looking every time. TSUNEO: Could be worse, though. Could be those annoying Invadors... > The power failure kept Asuka, Rei and Jon from gaining access >to HQ through any of the usual methods; though they had easily reached >the Geo-Front by crashing their commandeered ride through the wood >barricades blocking the S490, REBECCA: Action Jon Ellison! With rock throwing action! TSUNEO: Spine sold seperately. > the passcard readers in the Central >Dogma garage weren't working and the elevators were powerless. They >wandered the garage for a little while, finally coming across one of >the maintenance hatchway doors, the sort which slid, but had a crank >behind an access panel off to one side in case of just such an event. > "Ah good, a manual door," Asuka smiled. "OK, Ellison: make >yourself useful!" SANDARA: See, cause manually opening doors in a man's job and... > Jon silently shelved the remark which wanted to emerge, TSUNEO: ...Once again, the fic does it for us! REBECCA: Hey voice, can we change the channel now? VOICE: No. REBECCA: Awwwww... >and focused instead on turning the crank. TSUNEO: Jon Ellis is... ACTION CHAPLAIN! HE-MAN OF THE CLOTH! > It was a wearisome business, the gears being reluctant to move REBECCA: That's what the "Random Shutdown" flaw does for you [They all glare at her] What? I'm allowed to be obscure if I like! >and the door taking its own sweet >time to actually do anything, but he finally got the thing open. > The three children descended into the dark. GOUKA: Quad-damage enhanced rocket launchers poised and ready... > "Maintenance and Repair reporting no luck getting any of the >power supplies on line," Maya reported. "They have no idea what the >hell's going on." REBECCA: I am just *so* upset right now! > "Damn it all," Ritsuko murmured. "Where the hell is Misato?" > "Last time anybody saw her, she was getting on an elevator on >Level G-13. That wasn't too long before the power went off; she's >probably stuck in the elevator." > "Damn! With the power off we can't even launch the EVAs on >their own batteries; they're stuck in the cages and there's no way to >get the entry plugs into them." SANDARA: Well, there's only one theory left... WE'RE GONNA DIE! > "Have the M&R work crews report to the EVA cage," REBECCA: ...Why do I suddenly get this horrible image of David Arquette in red spandex? TSUNEO: M&R at the cage, not R&B. REBECCA: That's much better. >Ikari said. >"We'll open the doors and seat the plugs manually. Where are the >pilots?" > "Unknown," Maya reported. TSUNEO: Sleeping it off again, eh? > "DJ was getting on the elevator >with Misato, so wherever she is, they're probably together. The >others were all off-duty. Presumably they've noticed that something's >going on by now, but getting here's going to be tough for them." > Ikari considered this gravely for a moment, then said, >"They'll be here. Rei won't let us down. TSUNEO: Well, not if she's in character... >Get the crews to the cage; >I'm going down to supervise the operations." > "Yes, sir." > DJ and Misato had been sitting side by side in silence against >the back wall of the elevator for several minutes before DJ spoke: > "Hey Misato?" > "Yeah?" GOUKA: I feel like I should be making a profound revelation here. Can ya help me out? > "Where'd they dig up that Ryoji guy, anyway?" > "I wish I knew, so I could send him back," Misato said >ruefully. "The guy gives me the blues just looking at him." > "Hm," said DJ. He rummaged in his pack, taking out a small >silver rectangle, which revealed itself momentarily to be a harmonica. REBECCA: ...and he has this with him *why*. > He blew a couple of experimental puffs, orienting himself to >the instrument again, and then began to blow a fairly standard >blues-rock line. SANDARA: Yes, use up your limited supply of air to show your Mad Bluegrass Skillz. > After a few bars, he paused and sang a line in a >comically gravelly impression of a bluesman voice, then blew a few >bars, then sang another line. Misato was at first perplexed, then >pleased, by the music, and sat back to take it in. TSUNEO: Heh heh... I think he just snapped... > It was a pretty standard blues tune, based on the basic >pattern laid down by old-time bluesmen like John Lee Hooker, but it >was obvious DJ was making the lyrics up off the top of his head - SANDARA: ~~I went to the store... and I bought some bread!... And a half quart of milk!~~ REBECCA: OK, so he has Mad Bluesman Skillz. Care to add anything else to DJ's repotoire? Kickboxing, maybe? GOUKA: Maybe he's been taking skill building instructions from Red Mage. > it >was a lament by an unnamed man who loved an unnamed woman, only to >have her stolen away by Ryoji Kaji. The lamentor then went on to >delineate exactly what he thought of Kaji, in detail. TSUNEO: Don't hesitate to ram your opinions down our throats again, Ben. > "You really shouldn't talk about people like that... " Misato >murmured during the middle harmonica solo, trying not to laugh. SANDARA: No, please. Cut it out. Stop slamming the guy I intrinsicly despise passionately. Don't. > "What will he do, sue me for definition of character?" asked >DJ, missing only a few beats in the bridge before going back to his >bluesman voice. GOUKA: Crap, they're bantering again... > The ending of the song detailed how Kaji did the lady >wrong and abandoned her, leaving her distrustful of men and more >unattainable than ever before, and lamented the injustice of a world >in which men like Kaji roamed free to ruin the chances of everyone >else. REBECCA: DJ Croft, the musical voice of a generation, ladies and gents. > The way DJ exaggerated the last few lines of the rap and drew >out the traditional "wa-waaaaaah" put Misato over the edge, and as he >noodled about with the ending, changed keys a few times, and then >wrapped it up just as her giggles subsided. REBECCA: Now try some BB King! GOUKA: Give me a moment to pull the guitar out of my bum, love... > Coming down from her fit of laughter, Misato succumbed to her >desire to scruffle his hair, pulling him closer by her side, putting >an arm over his shoulders and leaning her head against his. SANDARA: Awww, Eyrie WAFF. Gets ya right here. REBECCA: That's just last night's pizza. > "You're a good kid," she said with a smile. > "I try," he replied, stretching out against the wall and doing >what can only be described as "basking". GOUKA: Yup, even on the brink of asphyxiation I'm charming. > Meanwhile, in the maintenance tunnels... TSUNEO: 'Scuse me, we're trying to film a Ninja Turtles movie here, could you *move* please? > Asuka studied the fork in the passageway for a moment. "I >think we should go right." > "To the left, in my opinion," Rei replied. > "Hey, who's the leader here anyway?!" Asuka growled, then >leveled her gaze at Jon. "What's -your- opinion, Ellison?" she asked >pointedly. Jon looked back at her for a moment, then glanced at Rei, >and Asuka knew right then she wasn't going to get a favorable answer. >"Never mind!!" she snapped. "To the right!" > Jon glanced at Rei, who rolled her eyes. REBECCA: Too many idiots. TSUNEO: Rei Ayanami and Ruri Hoshino, seperated at birth? > Truss noted with some surprise that the barricades into the >S490 freeway were already broken when he got to them, but didn't have >much time to dwell on it as he sped into the Geo-Front with all the >speed he could wring out of his battered Ford. TSUNEO: Looks like a CLULESS fixer-upper. GOUKA: Indeed, but do we really *need* a space travel capable, laser armed Ford Tempo? REBECCA: Does anyone? > Whoever did that was >almost certain to get lost in the labyrinth if they were unauthorized >anyway - and maybe even if they were authorized, what with the >computerized direction-giving terminals being offline. SANDARA: Why, they should have friendly and elderly NERV guest assistants to greet visitors and guide the way! > "I think we went the wrong way," Jon remarked quietly, trying >to keep the 'I told you so' edge out of his voice. "This passage is >leading upward." > "Shh," Asuka said. "Don't distract me." REBECCA: I'm using my Girl Scout tracking skills. The Gap has to be here somewhere. > Jon pantomimed strangling her, which elicited the tiniest of >snickers from Rei. Asuka, not looking back, mistook it for a cough. SANDARA: Be nice to the mortals, Jon-sama. > They trudged for quite a while in silence, Rei not caring to >say anything and Jon not quite daring as he became more and more >convinced that they were going the wrong way. TSUNEO: Nobody appreciates me... REBECCA: Jon, you've spent the last five episodes being DJ's doormat. Of course they're going to ignore you. > Presently, up ahead, they spotted a faint light. On closer >examination it proved to be a doorway. "There, now what did I tell >you?" Asuka said, looking quite pleased with herself. "Follow me!" GOUKA: On to our deaths, come on everyone! >Rei and Jon followed, but at a few meters' distance. Presently they >arrived at the door, and Asuka flipped the emergency release switch >and kicked it open. > They were rewarded with a nice view of the surface again. REBECCA: Ohh... shitski. > Followed in the next instant by a thundering crash as one of >the Angel's spindly black legs slammed down into the street only a few >feet away. GOUKA: It's the neferious Dr Loveless! SANDARA: We better call in Jim West and Artimeus Gordan right away! > Asuka was thrown off balance by the impact and landed >squarely on her rear. TSUNEO: Graceful. REBECCA: Stick it in your ear. >The leg arced back up into the air and out of >sight, and a moment later the Angel's body swept into sight a little >farther away down the road. Asuka instinctively backpedaled as the >thing seemed to glare at her out of the numerous eyes along its >surface, scrambled to her feet and slammed the door shut again. GOUKA: Hey, toots? You haven't seen a Bert I Gordon around here have ya-- hey! Get back here! > Heaving a sigh of relief, she found herself confronted by the >even gazes of Rei and Jon. For a moment embarassment threatened to >color her face, but she fought it down. SANDARA and GOUKA: Told ya so. > "*AHEM* We visually verified that there *is* an Angel!" she >declared. "Now we have to do something about it! Let's go!" REBECCA: Nice save. TSUNEO: For some reason, Asuka's coming off as being even more inept than she was in the original epsiode... > As she marched off, Rei and Jon followed, exchanging yet >another private, knowing glance. GOUKA: Are the Albino Twins the Greek chorus back there? > At length, as the Children tramped through what began to feel >like an endless maze of corridors and passages, Asuka grew bored with >the silence and decided to start what, on her planet, apparently >passed for a conversation. > "The two of you," Asuka said with a snide air. "You're the >favorites, aren't you?" REBECCA: That's just a dirty rumor, I'll have you know! > Rei did not reply; confused, Jon said only, "What?" > "It's obvious you're Ikari's favorite. He doesn't like >Croft's attitude any more than I do." > "DJ is very dynamic," Rei observed quietly. TSUNEO: That's one word for it. > "It unbalances >the linear-minded. Makes them hostile." > Asuka nodded, glad that Rei agreed with her, and wondered why >Jon was coughing so violently. REBECCA: Poor Jon; his one chance to shine and he has to put up with little Miss Hyperbole here. > "Are you all right, Ellison?" she asked. "It's not -that- >dusty in here." She frowned and added crossly, "You'd better not give >me whatever you're coming down with." GOUKA: Actually, I hear bubonic plague's curable nowadays. > "I don't think you have to worry," Rei said, which seemed to >send Jon on another coughing jag. Asuka was so annoyed at the >possibility of catching some kind of cold or flu that she completely >forgot the fact that they hadn't answered her original question. > Before long, they came to a wrecked door. REBECCA: AHHH! DOOR! TSUNEO: Thanks for the scene change, Ben. > "Looks like this passageway is totally blocked," Jon observed, >taking in the wreckage of the door. GOUKA: The Children have entered a LARP all the sudden. SANDARA: So where's the Tremere Prince of Worchester? > "It can't be helped," Rei replied, pointing to a nearby >corridor feature. "We'll have to force open the grate and move >through the air duct." That having been decided, she and Jon both set >about searching through the debris for a suitable implement. REBECCA: Hot Rummaging Action. > Asuka, long past trying to argue with either of them, just >watched in silence as they worked. she >thought. always right there next to her...> Jon came up with a piece of metal >bar, once part of the door mechanism, a couple of feet long that >looked like it would make a decent prybar. GOUKA: Crowbar, in a cameo appearance! REBECCA: Leave Devon Storm out of this. > Moments later, Rei discovered its mate on the other >side of the door, and the two took up positions on either side of the >grate. Almost as one, they wedged their ends of the bars under the >sides, and, without speaking or counting, heaved against them - once, >twice, again, until, with a sharp SPANG of parting bolts, the grate >popped free and crashed to the floor. ALL: SPANG! [Tsuneo snickers] > <.....why do they all have to be so weird?> Asuka thought. TSUNEO: Weird is a realive term here. > With a final heave from the work crew and a solid -clunk-, >EVA-03's entry plug dropped into position. > "Units 00, 02 and 03 are ready," one of the workers reported. > "Excellent," Ritsuko nodded. GOUKA: The keg has arrived. > "Standby to cut the hydraulic >lines on the lock bolts." > "Er, we still don't have any pilots, though." REBECCA: A minor detail. > "Don't worry, I'm sure they'll be--" > At that point, interestingly enough, a nearby ventilation >grate gave way and Asuka toppled out with a shriek, landing in a heap >on the floor. TSUNEO: Plot Convienience Theater Presents! > Jon tumbled out right after her, narrowly avoiding >landing right on top of her, and then Rei jumped down, landing neatly >on her feet. SANDARA: Hikebba. > "--here any minute," Ritsuko finished, with a slight grin. > "How are the EVAs?" Jon asked as he stood up and brushed >himself off. TSUNEO: EVA-01 is having an identity crisis, but apart from that they're fine. > "They're ready for you," Ritsuko replied. > "How will we launch without the power, though?" Jon wondered. REBECCA: Well, we got this big rubber band... > "The same way we prepped the EVAs: by hand. We've fitted all >the EVAs with emergency batteries." Indeed, all three units sported >large battery cells on their shoulders. "You'll each have three >additional minutes of power." TSUNEO: We had to jump start them using Truss' Ford Tempo, but they should work fine. > "Right, let's get moving. The Angel's right on top of us by >now." > By now, Asuka had completely forgotten to assert her >"leadership". SANDARA: Back in line with the rest of the canon characters, Asuka. REBECCA: [blinks] ...Jon's taking control. > "Cut the lock bolts," Ikari ordered. Using fire axes, the >workers severed the hydraulic lines, sending fluid cascading in all >directions. As the pressure dropped, the lock bolts slowly retracted >away from the EVAs. "Good, now move the binders manually." GOUKA: Bring the turbines to speed! > As the >crew quickly scrambled clear, the three EVAs extended their arms and >pushed the heavy machinery aside. > "We're all yours, Dr. Akagi," Jon said. REBECCA: But it's not Friday night... oh. > "Good," Ritsuko nodded. "Move out." > "God, I look so uncool!" Asuka lamented as the three EVAs >crawled through a corridor, 02 in the lead, followed by 00, with 03 >bringing up the rear. "What a rotten way to make my combat debut." TSUNEO: People in Hell want ice water, kid. GOUKA: Well we can get you dramatic theme music and pyrotechnics next time, Little Miss Cool. > "It can't be helped," Jon answered through the comm channel. >"Combat is rarely under ideal circumstances." > "Oh hush," she grumped. "Just don't do anything to disturb >me, either of you!" SANDARA: She's disturbed enough. > "Oh, believe me, I won't," Jon replied with faint annoyance. >Rei said nothing. They reached the end of the passageway, and Asuka >vented her own irritation on the door which blocked their path, >kicking it several times until it gave way. REBECCA: Stoopid doors! Hate em! > It opened into a vertical >shaft which, according to the information they did have, would take >them straight up to the Angel, directly underneath it in fact. >Bracing legs and arms against the walls, they began climbing up. TSUNEO: Didn't I see this in Die Hard? REBECCA: Or Die Harder? GOUKA: Or Just Die Already? > With the power to the air conditioners and circulators cut >off, the complex had been getting progressively warmer and more humid. >In most of the open areas this was hardly noticeable - a kelvin or two >higher, a percentage point more humid, as the output of the relatively >small number of people diffused over a relatively large volume. SANDARA: Gee, Mr Science, what'll we learn today? GOUKA: Well, Timmy, we're going to see how heat is propotional to fan service. > In the stopped elevator, though, it was getting decidedly >stuffy. DJ had dealt with this by the simple expedient of removing >his shirt and stuffing it into his backpack, then sprawling on the >tiled floor and letting the material leech excess heat away from him. SANDARA: ...And yet more service service service. TSUNEO: Sandara, it's *DJ Croft* SANDARA: Well... >Misato, perhaps more mindful than usual of proprieties thanks to the >nearby presence of DJ's mother, REBECCA: Lara makes her feel inadequate. TSUNEO: Lara Croft makes Naga the White Serpent look inadequate. GOUKA: Ah, mom... (sighs happily) TSUNEO: Careful, you're wandering into DJ county. > did not feel she had that option; >instead she sat huddled in the corner, still wearing her jacket (since >she could feel that her shirt was by now plastered quite revealingly >to her body with sweat). That shirt was now no further help at all, >and perspiration ran annoyingly down the hollow of her back. REBECCA: This has actually been a pretty service heavy episode. > "You know," DJ observed, noting her overdressedness, "you >could take off your jacket." > "Probably not a good idea, under the circumstances," she >replied. TSUNEO: You're stuck in a lift with a horny fouteen year old. They don't get too much worse. > "Your shirt's wet, eh? Y'know," he said with a grin, "it >wouldn't be the first time my poor innocent eyes have been subjected >to that kind of thing. Mum and I have swum more than a few >out-of-the-way waterways in our travels." ALL: ... TSUNEO: I call foul! GOUKA: No, no more about DJ's "pure and forbidden" love, Ben. > Misato considered this for a moment. "I suppose you're >right," she conceded. As she removed the jacket, she felt >paradoxically nervous and awkward - as if she were not much more than >DJ's age again, disrobing for the eyes or hands of a date. SANDARA: ...She just disrobed at DJ's command. GOUKA: Whoa, dumber than advertised. > This is >ridiculous, Misato, she chided herself, finishing the removal with >quick, almost angry motions. > "Tch," said DJ, taking in the sights below. "That shirt's not >doing you any good at all. You might as well off with that, too, >unless you're shy." REBECCA: Oh, boo! TSUNEO: And he's more of a gentleman than Kaji *how* again? > Misato hesitated, feeling that same awkward nervousness flood >over her again, and cursed, wondering at its source. Damn >Kaji... after all he'd done to destroy their relationship, did the >sight of him -still- have the power to affect her this way? REBECCA: Kaji's got mojo? >Or... > Or was it DJ himself? GOUKA: Or maybe Ben likes to watch? SANDARA: This is starting to get wrong... > "I'll keep my hands to myself, promise," said DJ, his grin >never flagging. > "What about your eyes?" Misato asked. > "Oh, come now," he replied with a wink. "I've got to have >-some- fun in my life." REBECCA: Rip his nads off, Misato. Rip 'em off and feed them to him. TSUNEO [DJ]: This will keep me happy on those cold winter nights. [Blinks] Oh gods. I cannot belive I just said that! GOUKA: (smirking) Oh, just give in to your inner hentai. [Tsuneo baps him with a cushion] > She considered it for a moment, then decided, well, what the >hell? It's not as if he's going to get too far even if he -does- try >something... right? TSUNEO: What's not to fear from James Bond Jr. there? GOUKA: Never mention that show again. > Not giving herself any more time to think it over, she reached >down, tugged the tails of the t-shirt out of her shorts, and pulled >the sodden shirt off over her head, dropping it on top of her jacket. >Then, clad only in shorts, shoes and bra, she met DJ's gaze, curious >to see his reaction. > It was an interesting one. REBECCA: Right out of a Tex Avery cartoon. > He looked her over openly, clearly >appreciative of her beauty and this opportunity to see it more >plainly, but yet there was nothing of that animal gleam in his eyes >that she hated to see in the eyes of men - the gleam that always crept >into Kaji's eyes when he looked at her and kept his eyes from fully >succeeding in their quest to melt her resistance. SANDARA: But he's *still* leering... > What was in DJ's >eyes was no less sexual, but it lacked that sinister gleam - it was >frank, unconcealed admiration, and it had... > ... it had respect. GOUKA: Ah, see, it's leering, but it's dignified and respectful leering! TSUNEO: By sheer virtue that it's DJ doing it. > That's what was missing from Kaji's look, >from the looks of strangers. Respect and kindness and friendship... REBECCA: And a king size serving of WAFF. With a cherry on top. > Misato shook her head, trying to clear it of the entirely >improper imagery that had chosen this line of thought to follow into >her mind. Don't be crazy, she admonished herself... REBECCA: Stick with guys old enough to vote, Misato. TSUNEO: Thanks for that mental image, fic. I need to go wash. > It was only then that she realized what else she had bared to >DJ, and, gasping, she moved her hand to cover it, much too late. > "It's all right," he said softly. "I'm not exactly fresh from >the shrink wrap m'self, you know. SANDARA: You're not a fresh *anything*. > As an old friend of Mum's likes to >say, it's not the years that get you, it's the mileage. Looks like >that one hurt like a right bastard when you got it - I don't blame you >for not wanting to talk about it, but please, don't feel you have to >hide it from me." GOUKA: Navel rings are all the rage nowadays. REBECCA: Actually, Ben's gone and shuffled a lot of plot elements together, it appears. TSUNEO: Evangelion Mad Libs. > She looked a question mark at him, her hand slowly dropping >back to her side. > "It's part of you, after all," said DJ with a shrug, "and to >me, that makes it beautiful." REBECCA: That's touching. I may weep openly. [Pause] Anyone got any beer? > Misato smiled, meeting his eyes again and not caring that he >could see the tears in her own, and prayed that the day's end wouldn't >see him leaving her life forever. TSUNEO: Is This Love? GOUKA: Gods, I hope not. > Rei noticed it first, as orange droplets of something began >falling past her field of vision. SANDARA: Huh, yummy orangade. > One hit the shoulder of her EVA, >and was followed by a burning sensation; she glanced up to see the >pauldron starting to melt. "Incoming!" she said quickly. > "Taking evasive," Jon echoed instantly, already sliding back >down the shaft toward the corridor. TSUNEO: Roger, Red Leader! REBECCA: Moo, Red Leader! > "Huh? What are you--WAAUGH!!" Asuka started to snap, then >shrieked as a stream of acid plowed into EVA-02, which promptly lost >its grip on the walls and fell, smashing into 00, which in turn plowed >into 03 and sent all three tumbling back down the shaft. Thinking >quickly, Jon shoved EVA-03's hands and feet against the walls hard, >sending up showers of sparks for a few seconds before bringing the >three of them to a stop. REBECCA: (awed) ...Jon saved the group! TSUNEO: You seem suprised. REBECCA: (enthusiastically) HE'S DOING STUFF! > Emergency batteries, jarred loose by the >impacts, fell further down the shaft, along with their autorifles. >They spared no time to consider this problem: EVA-00 shoved 02 back >into the corridor and leaped in after, with 03 close behind, narrowly >avoiding a massive deluge of acid from above. GOUKA: Matareal's love is like... Hot Lava! > "The target's trying to invade HQ directly using a strong >solvent," Rei observed from the relative safety of the corridor. >Presently the acid flow subsided, as if the Angel were waiting for >them to make a move. > "I have an idea," Jon said, peeking around the corner. TSUNEO : I have a cunning plan, milord. >"We >need a three-element formation. Someone has to run a recovery >operation, get down to the bottom of the shaft and retrieve one of the >autorifles. Up here, Point will block the Angel's attack long enough >for Recovery to get a rifle to Mark; then Mark will terminate the >Angel. Any objections?" REBECCA : Can you go over that again, starting from the "three- element" bit? > "None," said Asuka, trying to rally her flagging 'authority'. >"Ayanami, you're Point; Ellison, take Recovery." > "Asuka," Jon said evenly, "We don't have time for posturing. >Your EVA is damaged; your visual sensors and targeting system may be >unreliable. I'm supposed to be marksman anyway, and you're supposed >to be point. You can either -be- Point, or take Recovery. Decide." REBECCA: (in awe) ...Jon is mighty, bow before him. SANDARA: You feeling okay there? > Faced with such a bald-faced, even-tempered refusal of her >ersatz authority, Asuka waffled for a moment; TSUNEO: Mmm... waffles. [GOUKA whistles whimisically] REBECCA: You okay? TSUNEO: Trying not to think too hard about it. >then her resistance >crumbled as the truth of Jon's statement cut through her anger. > "Fine," she replied, trying not to sound as grudging as she >felt. "I'll take Point; my unit's still got -one- side with undamaged >armor, but the damage to the front may slow me down. Ayanami, you're >Recovery." > "Roger," Rei replied quietly. > In less time than it took to describe it, the plan was in >action, then over. GOUKA: Thank goodness. TSUNEO: What, you didn't want another ten detailed pages of-- [Gouka's raised hand flares with flames] TSUNEO: --I guess not. > Asuka, without any further complaint, used the >back of her EVA to block another attack while Jon swung his unit, >shoulders and feet braced, into position; then Rei tossed up a rifle, >Jon caught it and swung it to bear, Asuka dropped out of the way and >Jon unloaded the rifle into the Angel's exposed underside. REBECCA: Oh, *thanks* for the bullets. I *really* needed those... >Thankfully, this one didn't explode; it merely sagged on its legs, >toppling into the shaft and making the EVAs scramble to avoid being >carried to the bottom and crushed by it. > "Target neutralized," Jon reported, a smile spreading across >his face. Finally, a combat had gone well for him. GOUKA: Rock. REBECCA: ...I wanna be like Jon when I grow up. He's special. SANDARA: He is the greatest Eva avatar ever. TSUNEO: Yes, but is he better than "Cats"? > "Damn it!" DJ cursed, teetering precariously on Misato's >shoulders as he tried to get the elevator car's ceiling hatch open. >"The bloody handle's jammed, and my hands are still too tender to >force it. Give me something to pad my hand with, will you?" TSUNEO: You know, it would be really awkward if the power suddenly started up right now. REBECCA: It sure would. What the hell are we doing again? > The nearest thing to hand, given that Misato couldn't go very >far without having to put him down, was her shirt, which she'd hung >over the open emergency-phone door to dry a bit; taking it, she handed >it up. DJ folded it over a couple of times and wrapped it round his >palm, then set to the lever again, grunting and cursing. GOUKA: And weren't they too hot to move a few minutes ago? REBECCA: And why didn't they think of this before the air began to go? TSUNEO: Oh, DJ did. His plan was to get her to disrobe, then escape. > "No use," he observed finally. "This's just a waste of time, >the bloody thing is jammed fast and I can't shift it. We'll have to -" REBECCA: Shag like rabbits? > Just what they would have to do, Misato would never know, for >just then the power came back on, the lights blazed on, and the >elevator jerked into motion. ALL: D'OH! GOUKA: (kooky) That'll happen! > This caused an inevitable chain of >events: TSUNEO: First, the Earth cooled. > - DJ, who had been looking right up at the ceiling, flinched >away from the bright light; REBECCA: ...and was blinded for life. TSUNEO: Then, the dinosaurs came. > - Misato's already unstable balance was disrupted further by >his and the elevator car's sudden motion; and TSUNEO: ...they got too fat, died, and turned into oil. > - They crashed to the elevator floor in a bruised and painful >tangle. SANDARA: In the obligitory embarassing tangle of limbs. TSUNEO: ...and then the Arabs sold said oil and bought fancy Mercedes-Benzes. > Moments later, the doors slid open on the Control Room level. >DJ, face-down on the floor, groaned painfully and lifted his head to >see a trio of shocked faces looking down at him: Ritsuko Akagi, Maya >Ibuki, and his mother. REBECCA: So anyway, I was telling Joanna-- oh my *God*... > "Hullo, all!" he said cheerfully. "Care to join us? The lift >floor is lovely this time of year." GOUKA: Even in pure forbidden WAFF I'm charming. REBECCA: DJ, shut up. > Misato sat up, shook her head, and focused on their observers, >then realized she was sitting on the floor of the elevator with DJ >sprawled face-down in her lap REBECCA [DJ]: This is nice. >and her shirt clutched in his hand with >his mother looking on, and flushed a brilliant shade of crimson all >the way to the cleft of her collarbone. > Ritsuko still stared, not knowing how to interpret what she >was seeing, SANDARA: Giving "extra credit assignments" again, Mrs. Robinson? > as Lara and Maya both realized what had happened and >simultaneously dissolved into gales of laughter, stumbling in tandem >back to the far wall, putting their backs to it, and sliding >helplessly down as their legs gave way. REBECCA My son's fratranizing with a woman my age, and its funny! > Unaware of this excitement, Jon Ellison pulled on his sweater, >ran a brush over his hair, and then left the changing room for the >Wedge. Rei was there, and amazingly, she wasn't reading a book. TSUNEO: OH MY GOD! GOUKA: What unholy plot twist is this? > The >new 'morale measures' DJ had requested some time ago had come in while >Jon wasn't paying attention, and Rei was trying one of them out. REBECCA: Rei was earning quite the payoff at the blackjack table. > Jon surveyed the Lower Wedge, which was really a conference >room behind the Wedge proper. Unlike the "Upper" Wedge, the Lower >Wedge was rectangular, not wedge-shaped, and did not have fixed >booths. REBECCA: I think I saw all this in Undocumented Features. >Instead, it was an open room about thirty feet by twenty, and >had a conference table and a few smaller tables with chairs. SANDARA: It had six orcs in the middle guarding a treasure chest for some unexplained reason. > It was >called the Lower Wedge because its floor level was four stairs lower >than that of the Upper Wedge. TSUNEO: That's what "Lower" would imply, I imagine. > The wall dividing it from the Wedge was >retractable, save for the segment in the middle which formed the two >main Upper Wedge bench booths (there were windows here providing a >view between the two rooms), and unless there was a special conference >or something similar in the Lower Wedge, the walls were rarely closed. REBECCA: I feel like I'm right there. GOUKA: Impressed? REBECCA: Not really. > To install the 'morale measures', the Services staff had >removed the conference table and a couple of the smaller tables plus >their accompanying chairs, reshuffled the rest of the room's >furniture, and converted most of the room into a small video arcade. SANDARA: Would this be more Mad Interior Design Skillz in action? >Ranked along the righthand wall were eight seats, each on a motion >control gimbal and fitted out with steering wheels and shift levers. >At either end of this arrangement were pairs of similar stations that >had faux motorcycle shells instead of driving seats. The whole thing >was apparently one massive linkable game; not being a video game maven >himself, Jon didn't know what it was called, and was too far away to >identify it. GOUKA: Gee, let's bask in Ben's attraction to video arcades for the remainder of the episode, shall we? > There were also other, smaller games at hand; in the corner >was a standard upright cabinet, playing an eyecatch for some 3D >fighting game, TSUNEO: Huh, Warrior's Legacy, big suprise. REBECCA: Can you play as Fury? TSUNEO: What is it with you and that dog anyway? REBECCA: I've been doing research. Fury the Uberhound is, apparently, the most popular Eyrie character ever. TSUNEO: I'll bite. Who's number two? REBECCA: An inanimate wooden board. > and next to it along the back wall was a two-seat >machine for what looked to be a mecha combat simulator. There were >some conventional games, too - a pool table sat in the far left >corner, away from the wall for easy walkaround play, and next to it >was an air hockey table. > The centerpiece of the whole affair, though, was fittingly in >the center of the room, and for a moment Jon had thought, upon first >glimpsing it, that it was some kind of briefing tool, not a game. REBECCA: Or maybe a washing machine, or a real fancy toaster. > It was a silvery-white, low disc, two feet high and about five >feet across at the base. TSUNEO: Any second now, a minature Gort is going to come out of the side. >Two seats were attached to the front, slung >low and angled up a little bit so that the players sitting in them >would not obscure a standing person's view of the playing field. That >playing field was not a screen, but a freestanding hologram, projected >out of a holoprojector built into the depression in the center of the >disc. Across the sides of the disc was printed the game's name: > > TEMPEST 5000 GOUKA: Correction, delving into Ben's arcade game fetish *and* his odd fascination with the Atari Jaguar. > Rei was sitting in the left-hand seat. Her left hand >controlled a small metal dial, similar to the sort you still >occasionally saw on high-end analog stereo equipment for the volume >control, and the fingertips of her right were splayed over three large >buttons. REBECCA: Rei Ayanami *is* the Last Starfighter. > Above her, the holo-image showed, against a swirling >starfield backdrop, a strange tube-like construct with numerous flat >faces, like a strange irregular prism section with the ends removed. >From the far end, various and sundry objects - red bow-tie like >things, balls of pulsating multicolored lightning, and things stranger >than that - appeared in the distance and began coming up the lanes >formed by the facets of the tube. SANDARA: What's the point of allusion if you have to explain *in detail* and *in the body of the text* what you're eluding to? REBECCA: (Glances to Sandara, then to Gouka) Creepy. GOUKA: That's an impressive soap box, milady. SANDARA: Thank you. > At the near end, a yellow claw-looking construct, a lane wide, >its arms pointing down the tube, slid around the lip of the tube at >the command of the dial under Rei's left hand, raining red death down >onto the ascending enemies as her index finger held down its assigned >button. There were four more of those claws ranked in the upper left >corner of the holofield - Jon knew enough about arcade games to know >that they must represent extra 'lives'. TSUNEO: Almost as thrilling as jobbing to an Akuma player. REBECCA: This is not gripping. I am in a state of total un-gripped-ness. > Presently, as Jon watched, the action got more intense, but as >Rei blasted enemies, some of them would not fully distintegrate, and >as she intercepted their wreckage before it could fly out of the tube, >the yellow claw she played got more and stranger abilities. REBECCA: Rei's been downloading all the latest cheat codes. > It could >jump 'up' off the edge of the tube; its weapon became more powerful >and faster-firing; shortly it acquired a little sidekick (to the >accompaniment of a pixel-shattering banner, "A.I. DROID!" - each >power-up spawned a short-lived banner identifying it when grabbed) >which floated above the tube and helped it fight. GOUKA: Shiryu Reppa. > The action became more intense, but Rei seemed quite capable >of handling it, and Jon wondered where and when she'd played before. >Shortly, the enemies ceased coming, and as Rei destroyed the last one, >her claw began flying down the tube, the 'camera perspective' keeping >up so that the tube passed by out of view and the claw flew through >open space. TSUNEO: Atari Jaguar, the system so dense, it survived the Second Impact. REBECCA: Oh, so you'd know about it then? TSUNEO: Er, no. REBECCA: Well, you *do* own a Saturn... TSUNEO: (Defensivley) I never did! > Then a wormhole opened up before it and, trailing blue >radiance, the claw dove into it; it sealed behind the claw with a >flash and a booming roll of thunder, and then, accompanied by another >disintegrating banner message, a voice not unlike that of SHODAN >announced, REBECCA : I'm the god! I'm the god! > "SuperZapper recharge." GOUKA: Test your might... > The pattern of the starfield's movement changed; another >playfield appeared. This one was shaped differently - it was not a >tube but an open construct, rather resembling, to Jon's mind, a piece >of paper folded to resemble a long-division sign when viewed edge-on. SANDARA: (dazed) Shiny... pretty... REBECCA: (nudges Sandara) Yo, snap out of it! [SANDARA shakes her head about] >With that same blue-trailing warp effect, the yellow claw popped out >of a wormhole and settled onto the edge of the playfield as enemies >began creeping up the other end. TSUNEO: Sweet Atari Jaguar action! > Entranced, Jon watched the pyrotechnic action through three >more increasingly hectic levels, until finally the enemy overwhelmed >Rei and destroyed all her claws. Twirling the dial, she entered 'REI' >in lieu of initials. > She got up from the seat and turned to go; noticing Jon, she >smiled ever so slightly. REBECCA: I am *so* baked... > "It's fun," she said. "You should try it." > "Does it have a two-player mode?" Jon asked. "You can show me >how to play." > "OK," Rei replied, resuming the left-hand seat. As Jon sat >down, the game's eyecatches cycled to the score list, and Jon noticed >that Rei's last game had been the number-8 high score. > "Number 8? Not bad," said Jon. GOUKA: But who's Number 1? SANDARA: That would be telling. > Rei shrugged. "Considering I've never played before, I >suppose," she said. > Jon gaped for a second, but decided not to comment; it was >obvious that she didn't know enough about the subject to realize how >unusual it was for a beginner to score so well. TSUNEO: I am *so* dead... > After two hours, flushed and exhilarated with the feeling of >having made it a fair way along the learning curve of the game, REBECCA: Among other things. SANDARA: Two hours... damn, Jon really is tha mack. > Jon >left the Lower Wedge to get a drink. He'd never thought of video >games, especially of the 'shooter' variety, as anything other than >largely pointless reflex testers - and certainly there was a large >element of that to T5K, but there was also more to it than that. GOUKA: There was the thrill of pantsing one's opponent using *only* corner traps and unblockable combos. >Especially in cooperative play with Rei - he could feel their natural >synchrony ebb and flow as they played. It was an experience he would >probably not be able to describe to another person if asked, but he >was already coming to treasure it. ALL: Albino Twin Powers... ACTIVATE! > As he headed for the vending machines in the corner of the >Lower Wedge, he noticed Asuka, sitting as far away as a person could >sit and still be in the Wedge. When she saw Jon she got up and made >to leave entirely. TSUNEO: Ah, Lower Wedge is the official Epiloge Resolution Place. REBECCA: Sulk sulk sulk... > "Hey, Asuka," he called to her. She turned, fixing him with a >scowl, and he went on, hoping to mollify her, "If it's any >consolation, I had to get bailed out on my first mission too." Though >for rather different reasons, he didn't add. REBECCA: Jon, you are such a dead man. TSUNEO: (Dark) He was never seen again. > Asuka said nothing, merely stomped out of the Wedge and began >making plans to avenge her hurt pride. GOUKA: D'oh! Stupid stupid... > Jon sighed. As he got his soda, DJ came up, hands in pockets, >and asked, "What's with Langley? She just stomped out of here like >she just found out her magic mirror doesn't think she's the fairest of >them all any more." SANDARA: See, I'm making allusion at Asuka's expense, I'm an actor, I can do this. > Jon sighed again, more ruefully this time. "She's had a bad >day. In the Angel encounter she had the kind of bad luck that marked >my first couple of attempts." > DJ shrugged. "Well, it's like my Mum always says... shit >happens." REBECCA: Thought Forrest Gump came up with that. > "Asuka doesn't seem to think it should happen to her." > "Poor dear," said DJ sardonically. "C'mon, let's go break in >the rest of those lovely games. I notice you and Rei have already >given the T5K machine a good thrashing." TSUNEO: Sorry, the blasted thing kept eating my quarters. > "It's an excellent game," Jon admitted. > "Wait 'til it hits general release next month," DJ said with a >grin as they headed back toward the Lower Wedge together. "It'll blow >the doors off every other shooter on the market now." GOUKA: Even Counterstrike 2: Compensationary Sniper Rifles > "It hasn't been released yet?" Jon inquired. > "Nope," DJ replied. "We've got the first non-test-article >production machine, Number 005." TSUNEO: Test Unit Mambo, then. (SANDARA baps TSUNEO with a nearby pillow) > "How did you manage -that-?" > DJ made a dismissive gesture. "Mum knows the bloke who >programmed it. Bloody genius, he is - we should invite him out >sometime and show him we're putting his baby to good use." REBECCA: Ahh, see it's funny! 'Cause his mum's a video game character and... and... SANDARA: It's not really at all funny, is it. GOUKA: Someone out there thinks it is. > Two hours later, DJ and Rei sat on the wall at Bancroft Tower, >the Corley pinging quietly in the background, and watched the >buildings of Worcester rise from the ground and begin twinkling in the >gathering twilight. REBECCA: INTENSE WORCHESTER DESCRIPTION ACTION! > "Ah," said DJ, smiling. "The lights of the city... " TSUNEO: The City, *my* The City! ALL: SPOON! > "Mankind fears the darkness," Rei observed, "and scrapes it >away with fire to survive." TSUNEO [Blinks]: We have quote of the episode, and still in context too! > DJ's smile faded, and he nodded soberly, realizing from his >perspective as an accomplished, albeit amateur, historian, that she >was right. Man counted fire as his greatest discovery not because it >gave him advanced metallurgy, better tools, weapons, >infrastructure... but because it enabled him to keep the demons of the >dark away. GOUKA: Now we've reached the deep, philosophical part of the episode. TSUNEO: Eva Fic Requirement, actually. REBECCA: Even in DELTA Invasion? TSUNEO: In a "smoking and thowing things" kind of away, yes. > "I have to go back to England for a while," DJ said after >digesting her statement for a moment. > Rei glanced at him, a trace of worry in her eyes. "Will you >come back?" > "As soon as I can. GOUKA: There could be a sequel. > I found out this afternoon my >grandfather's made another custody attempt... Mum's flying back as we >speak to take care of the preliminaries. I have to go to the hearing, >but as it's not for nine days I'll have time to take a liner over. I >think this time I'll try to demonstrate my self-sufficiency and try >for minor emancipation rather than putting Mum through the old >custody-fight-with-Sir-Henshingly ordeal again... what with NERV and >all, I stand a good chance of winning it." > "What if you don't?" REBECCA: It'll be a really short series then. > "I'll come back anyway," said DJ with a grin. "They haven't >built the manor house that can hold DJ Croft." > Rei smiled, then surprised him by reaching over, squeezing his >hand, and quickly releasing it. > "Good," she said softly. "We need you here." > "-I- need me here, too," DJ replied quietly. He didn't >elaborate, and Rei didn't ask. GOUKA: ...and cue the eyecatch! > /* The Mavericks "Blue Moon" _Apollo 13_ */ > >NEXT EPISODE: > > NERV has a unique opportunity. REBECCA: Two words, dude: Time Share. > DJ takes an unexpected journey. > Asuka learns a science lesson the hard way. SANDARA: I'm going to teach poodles how to fly! > Rei keeps her own counsel. > And Jon shows a little more of what he's made of. SANDARA: He showed off quite a bit today already. GOUKA: Service, service, service! > In seven days: > > NEON EXODUS EVANGELION 1:8 > JOURNEY TOWARD THE CENTER OF THE EARTH > COMING 8/27/97 > > "I'm a natural-born unfastener and that zip calls to me." ALL: ... REBECCA: I'm *so* not going there. TSUNEO: Too easy. The closing credits roll and the quartet get up to stretch. "Admitedly, gang, this was a relatively painless episode." Sandara shrugged. "What!?" Tsuneo protested. "Well, *relatively* painless." "And we witnessed the birth of the new Evangelion fic icon, Jon!" Rebecca enthused. "You're saying that because you got to see him in a towel, Rebecca." Gouka snickered. "Then we agree." Gouka grumbled and rolled his eyes at Rebecca before the doorbell interrupted his ire. "Well, wonder who this could be..." The red haired mage openned the door... and a billowing grey mist flowed through the opened crack! Gouka and Sandara were the first to react, summoning their mystical staffs in response to the dark cloud. Tsuneo and Rebecca just stood in silence as the mist reformed into the form of a tall old man, tattoos decorated along his chalk white skin. Rebecca relaxed. "Check it out! It's the guy from the ending credits of BGC 2040." "I did wonder what that was." Tsuneo commented. "Bogmips wimple." "Are you *insane*, woman?!" Gouka protested. "This... being's radiating with necromantic energy!" "Has some killer tattoos thought." Tsuneo pondered. "Better to channel his *black magicks* through." Sandara snarled in melodramatically heroic flare, brandishing her oak staff. "Actually... you're all correct." The pale wizard finally intervened in a harsh whisper. "I am a master of the black arts... but when your latest job consists of taking the fall for *Quantam and Woody*... you take jobs however you can." "Okay..." Gouka relaxed his fighting posture slightly, "Why exactly are you here?" The necromancer casually paced around tha appartment, leaving caderous wisps of energy in his wake. "Well, I've been making rounds to inform people that while *yes* I am a villianous force of magic, and *yes* I did have a minor role I am in no way responisble for the harm done from this... Japanese cartoon." "Well, that's good to hear... I think." Sandara agreed warily. "Evil mages doing public service annoncements?" Rebecca asked herself, shaking her head. "This place is getting more nuts every day." "Yes, well..." "Actually, there's something bothering me." Rebecca said, glaring at the mage. "Could you please explain the end of that show to us?" THe mage sighed, and reluctantly replied. "Would you mind if I came in? It could take me a while" "So... while you're here." Tsuneo finally asked. "Feel like like relaxing for a while? Beer? Some cards?" "Why, I'd be *delighted*" The dark mage beamed. "I've actually got a black Magic the Gathering deck that's absolutely... wicked." The stand-off diffused, Tsuneo retreated to his room to fetch Dan's cards, while Rebecca left to the kitchenette, leaving a pair of very confused magic users to process what just happened... "One thing I am curious about though." Rebecca inquired from within the icebox. "And what's that, dear?" The necromancer replied. "How do you explain Jim Shooter's New Universe?" "...oh yes, that..." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Contact the riffers! Tim McLees: silvertooth@i-plus.net Alicia Ashby: lynxara@bad-candy.com Max and Alex Fauth: rickr@ihug.com.au > "Hi!" said the redheaded girl who was casting it. "I'm Asuka >Soryu-Langley." > Rei looked perplexed, then replied quietly, "How nice for >you." Then she moved out of Asuka's shadow again and resumed reading.