Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Episode 115 continues to bring us the "alternate" theme, this time with an Incredible Hulk/Powerpuff Girls crossover. Yes, you read the right. The Powerpuff Girls are copyright Time Warner/Cartoon Network. The Incredible hulk is copyright Marvel Comics. The Hulk meets the Powerpuff Girls is copyright someone who didn't put their name on it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Rebecca is sitting on the couch, reading a copy of GUN! magazine. Dan enters] Dan: Hey there. Rebecca: Oh, hi. Dan: Say, ah, what are you doing here so early? Rebecca: Oh, I'm here early to see if I can catch Rick before he gets away. Dan: Sounds like a plan. [He sits down next to her] You know, I was thinking about something. Rebecca: There's a change. [Goes back to reading her magazine] Dan: You know, we've been doing this for over 100 fics now, and I think that we've both been here for most of them. Rebecca: Uh-huh [Continues to read magazine] Dan: And even then, we knew each other for a while before we got this job. [Rebecca continues to read her magazine] Rebecca: Uh huh. Dan: And I was thinking that maybe we should get to know each other a bit better. Rebecca [Turns page]: Uh huh. Dan: I mean, you know, we spend all our time bickering, but yet we barely know each other. Rebecca: Uh huh. Dan: So I was thinking that maybe we could, you know, go out to dinner or something? Rebecca: Oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something? [The window smashes in as Tango swings in on a vine. He leaps off and does a spectacular backflip, landing on the floor in a crouch, a ridiculously oversized gun in each hand. After peering around for a second, he holsters the guns and stands up] Tango: Good. I finally got away from those evil Chocobos. Rebecca: Oh, hey there Tango. Dan: Um, where did that vine come from? Rebecca: Good morning, Tango. How's things? Tango: Great! I just discovered that army boots taste good with chicken and spray-on cheese in a can! Dan: ... Rebecca: Good to see you're still your normal self. Tango: Bibble. [Tsuneo enters] Tsuneo: Hi there- [Sees Tango] I'm off. [Turns around, but the door is already locked] Damn. Rebecca: You're not getting out of it that easily. Tsuneo: Although I notice we're still missing Rick. Rebecca: No luck so far. Tsuneo: Damn. I was hoping we could catch him out. Tango: Why not lie in ambush with a thirty-two ton weight? Rebecca: We want him captured, not flat. Tango: You can have both! Voice: Good morning, all. Rebecca: Good morning, Kefka. Dan: Heh. I like that one. Tango: Oh, so the voice is actually a cylindrical cross-dressing gay midget with neat midi laughter? Rebecca: That would explain a lot. Tsuneo: No it wouldn't. Rebecca: You're right. But it's still a cool mental image. Voice: ... Dan: You got him again. Rebecca: It's a living. Voice: Right. Dan: So you got the dose of hurt for us? Voice: Yes, I do. As per your requests, it's a change form the normal fare. Tango: What? No giant flying space opera singers? No funky octopi? Voice: ...probably not. [They sit. Dan and Rebecca on the forwards-facing couch, Tsuneo and Tango on the other one. Dan and Tango are closest on the corners] Tango: Ultros! Ultros! Ultros! Tsuneo: I should have never gotten him onto that game. [The TV switches on] > "The Hulk meets the Powerpuff Girls" [Tango giggles with glee] Rebecca: Voice, you're mad. You know that? You're completely mad. Tsuneo: Sorry, I'm lost already. > The Incredible Hulk, Bruce Banner are property of Marvel Comics, inc. Dan: Couldn't this be the She-Hulk instead? Please? Rebecca: Dan, she's green! Dan: So? She's still got a killer body. > The Powerpuff girls and Fuzzy Lumpkins are the property of Cartoon Network. Tango: Remember, Time Warner ownzed j00, biaznitch. Rebecca: Fuzzy Lumpkins, Hacksaw Jim Duggan - seperated at birth? > Narrator: The city of townsville! What a beautiful day! Dan: We're just waiting for something to explode. > But what is this mysterious stranger doing sitting in Townsville Square? Rebecca: Off-hand, I'd day he was sitting. Tsuneo: I think we have a crossover. > Bruce Banner: Banner's log, date: Wednesday, September 17. Tango: We have discovered a new planet inhabited entirely by women dressed in only scanty fragments of clothing. Naturally I will have to beam down and investigate personally. > It's been several days since my last transformation into the Hulk. Tsuneo: [Bruce] Although I occasionally feel a bit green, and have an uncontrollable urge to rip up a fire-hydrant. > The US Army hasn't revealed itself right now. Tango: They're hiding around a corner. Dan: What, the entire US Army? Tango: Yep. Dan: And the marines? Tango: Quite possibly. > Bruce Banner, adorned in blue jeans and beige jacket white T-shirt, Rebecca: And looking strangely square and pastel-coloured. Tsuneo: Does this mean we're going to get a lime green Incredible Hulk? > sits at a bench in Townsville Square eating a ham and cheese sandwich, Dan: Pay attention folks, this will all be in the test at the end. > enjoying a cool autumn breeze. Rebecca: This sounds like a fight scene about to happen. Dan: Is that a six hundred foot tall radioactive mutant lizard over there? Tango: In Townsville? It always is. > He pulls out letter written by a Prof. Utonium. Tsuneo: And we have crossover. Thank you. > Bruce (reading the note): Dear Dr. Banner, Dan: Your cousin is hot. Rebecca: DAN! > I have been informed of your precarious situation. Rebecca: So he figured out something the entire US Army hasn't been able to? Tango: So what else is new? > I believe I can help you with your condition. Dan: He can cure gamma radiation mutation? Tango: Sure, just use Chemical X. Dan: So what else is it good for? Tango: To clean out those stubborn driveway oil stains, to add a little bit of flavour to your stew or to unblock those really troublesome drains, use Chemical X! It's more effective than strand-by-strand replacement. > Come and meet me in Townsville Square at 4:00 p.m. Tsuneo: 4 PM on any particular day, or just 4 PM in general? Tango: 4 PM in the year 962. Rebecca: Is that AD or BC? > (looking around) So, where is he? > A squared away tall young man dressed in a long white suit and tie approaches Dan: Does he wear that lab coat everywhere he goes? Tsuneo: Only because it's a parody. Or the animation is incredibly cheap. > Bruce and extends his hand. Dan: Go go Banner arm! > Professor: Dr. Banner, I presume? Rebecca: [Bruce] Half the time. > Bruce: Professor Utonium, I presume? Tsuneo: [Utonium] Let me check... > Professor: That's right. I am Professor Utonium. How do you like our fair > Townsville? Dan: [Bruce] It's kinda flat. Tsuneo: [Utonium] Don't worry, it'll be fine by the next episode. > Bruce: It's all right. Good food, Dan: What, a ham & cheese roll? Tango: Yes, but it's a really good ham & cheese roll. > good people. Ideal place for any other man. > Professor (nervously): Trust me, it has its ups and downs... Rebecca: [Utonium] Buildings go up, debris comes down. > Bruce: So what do you think you can do to help me? Tsuneo: [Utonium] Chemical X! Chemical X! Tango: You're getting the hang of this Powerpuff thing. > Professor: There's plenty of time for that later at my lab. I wanted to know > more about the Hulk. Dan: He's big, he's green and he smashes things. Is there anything else to know? Tango: He also has this thing for Hostess Fruit Pies (TM). > Bruce: He the worst nightmare or anything that stands in its path. Tsuneo: Er Bruce, could you run that by us in English? Rebecca: I think the hulk is trying to run the conversation. Tango: [Hulk] Hulk smash Utonium! Ooh, Hulk say multi-sylaballic word. > That's all you need to know. Dan: [Utonium] Gee thanks, I'm only trying to help you out here. > Professor: Fair enough. Let's head to my home and to my lab. Tango: [Utonium] You wanna go home and play with my science stuff? > As they begin to walk away, A loud roar is heard in the distance. Tsuneo: [Bruce] Not me. > Afterwards the building in front of the two men explodes. Rebecca: Well there was a spontaneous and unexpected turn of events. Heck, no it wasn't. > Professor Utonium and Bruce get separated in the debris. Dan: Always remember to separate your mad scientists before putting them in the wash. > Several pieces of debris slam against Bruce knocking > him down hard. Bruce felt more debris collide on top of him and bury him. He > struggles to get free but only frustrates himself further. Dan: [Bruce] Being crushed under rubble really annoys me. > Bruce grunted and > writhed as he opened his eyes, revealing them to be a thick green. Rebecca: Uh, Bruce? You really ought to see someone about those. Tango [Hulk]: HULK NEED EYEDROPS! HULK CAN'T FIND CONTACT LENS! > Bruce's grunts become low growls as his skin color changes from white, to green. Dan: And then to grey. Then back to green. Then to a greenish-grey. Then Back to green again. Then- Tsuneo: And then to orange in the versus series. > Professor: Dr. Banner! Dr. Banner, where are you? > A massive 60 ft. gorilla like monster appears in front of Professor Utonium. Tsuneo: Whoah! Where'd that come from? Tango: It's Townsville! There's always a giant monster wandering around. > The monster was as huge as a skyscraper Rebecca: A 60 foot tall skyscraper? > and it reached down for the professor, when all of a sudden. Tsuneo: The paragraph ended. > Powerpuff girls: We're coming, Professor! > The Powerpuff girls, Dan: Roxy, Serena and Yurika. > Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup, Rebecca: I never would have guessed. > streak through the air and > collide simultaneously into the monster's massive chest, knocking the wind out > of it. Tango: Let's see, we've got a gigantic monster, a fast-paced fight and lots of property destruction. Now all we need is and insane, mal-formed genius, and it's a normal episode. > The monster then throws his open palm down, slamming the girls into the > pavement. Dan: Well that's not too bad for an expendable giant monster of the day. > In a triumphant roar, the gorilla monster slams its foot hard on top > of the Powerpuff Girls. > Professor: Girls! No! Tango: Oh, they're fine. > Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup are unconscious as the monster lifts its foot. > Professor Utonium run toward the girls and tends to them. Tsuneo: Um, professor? Above you... > The monster then drops > his fist like a hammer toward the professor and the girls when the fist stops > almost in midair. Tsuneo: [Utonium] My whole life flashed before my eyes. It was really boring. > Professor: What the? > Professor Utonium looked up and saw the large, green mountain of muscle known as > the Incredible Hulk, Dan: Does that count as the insane, mal-formed genius for the episode? Tango: He fits in perfectly. > holding the fist with one hand and little effort. > Professor: What the heck is that!? Rebecca: I thought he said he knew about the Hulk. Dan: He wasn't expecting him to be orange. > Hulk growled loudly and shrugs the monster's fist off. He then leaps into the > air and punches the creature powerfully in the chest. It is knocked off its feet > and crashes into a building. Tango: Destroying the entire town that just happened to be neatly arranged in a straight line. > Hulk lands on the ground and leaps forward, > crashing his fist into the monster's jaw, knocking it unconscious. Tsuneo: It's a giant radioactive monster with a glass jaw. Who'd have guessed? > Hulk then > buries his hands underneath the monster and lifts it high over its head. He > leaps off the ground and with all his strength, throws the monster high and far > away. Dan: do we get to know where it comes down? > Meanwhile, the professor checked on the Powerpuff Girls. Dan: Didn't think so. > Professor: Girls, do you feel all right. Rebecca: [Buttercup] A bit flat, but otherwise fine. Tango: Ah, this happens all the time. > Blossom: Yeah, Professor. What happened? > Buttercup: Yeah, where is he? I'll pulverize him! > Professor: That won't be necessary, Buttercup. Another monster took care of it. > It was supremely strong. > Hulk slowly walks around and suddenly collapses on the ground, cracking the > pavement. Within minutes, Dan: Better hurry things up. Each episode's meant to be only ten minutes. > Hulk begins shrinking and transforming into Bruce Banner. > Professor: Dr. Banner? So that was the Hulk. > At Professor Utonium's lab, Bruce is lying down shackled on an examination > table, weary and confused. Dan: [Bruce] Do you do this to all your guests? Tango: I think professor Utonium's just getting a little bit desperate for company. > Professor: Is there anything you can recall before now? > Bruce: The last thing I remember is all that debris burying me alive. Next thing > I know I am here. I am guessing you met the Hulk. Tango: [Utonium] Yeah, but he didn't sign my T-shirt. > Professor: Yes. You were right about him being a nightmare. He made short work > of that monster. Dan: Of course he did. The episode's scheduled to finish in two minutes. > Bruce: There isn't much that can stand up to him. Tsuneo: Is there actually going to be anything in this fic apart from putting over the Hulk? > Professor: You've been this way for years, right; changing from You to the Hulk, > back to you again? Rebecca: And occasionally changing colour. > Bruce: Basically. I have tried both scientific to unscientific methods Tango: You take a scorpion, grind it into a thin paste, mix with water and boil it into a thick sludge. then hold your breath and drink the lot. Tsuneo: And that cures the Hulk? Tango: No, but it's a great way to relax. > and none > seem to have worked. Whenever my adrenaline starts to flow, whether angry or > excited, I become the Hulk. Dan: [Bruce] Let me tell you, it gets embarrassing at the superbowl. > Professor: Well, I need to see the transformation myself to know what to do for > you. Rebecca: [Utonium] So if you wouldn't mind turning green and caving my head in... > Bruce: What? That's ludicrous! He'll rip this place apart!!! > Professor: I am not worried about that. I never introduced you to my girls, did > I? > Bruce: You're a father? > Professor: More like their creator. Tango: [Bruce] Oh, so you're the creator? You left this evil robot floating around in sector Y. Dan: [Bruce] So you're a mad scientist too? > Girls! Come down and meet Dr. Banner. > Blossom flies in with a red streak following her, she waves her hand in > greeting. > Blossom: I'm Blossom, how are you? > Bubbles flies in with a blue streak following her, she curtesies. > Bubbles: Hello. I'm Bubbles. > Buttercup flies in with a green streak following her, she nods her head. > Buttercup: Hey, Doc! I'm Buttercup. Rebecca: Now that the introductions are over, back to the so-called story. > Bruce: Hello girls. Uh...Professor, how are these girls supposed to help? Dan: So isn't he in the least bit worried that they're hovering in mid-air? > Professor: Simple, once the Hulk starts to get rowdy, the Powerpuff Girls will > beat the ever loving tar out of him! Rebecca: Except that they won't be able to stop him. Dan: What makes you say that? Rebecca: We wouldn't have a plot if they could. > Bruce: Okay, if you say so. > Professor Utonium fires a powerful laser blast at Bruce, Tango: Ricocheting off his forehead onto a shield. The shield reflects the laser once again into a green balloon which releases a large volume of Tang (TM) into a barrel full of purified water. The Tang (TM) Mix is then force fed to Bruce, its foul taste and obnoxious chemical mix creating anough pain and anger to provoke him in to transforming into... THE HULK!!! How delightfully insidious. [They all stare at Tango in shock] Tango: What? > causing him grunt in pain. Rebecca: [Utonium] I'm going to start by frying your nads. Tell me when it hurts. > The laser continues to hurt Bruce, forcing him to transform. Dan: Why risk hurting him? Just insult his taste in lab coats. > Professor > Utonium's His eyes become thick green as his skin. Bruce's body grows > drastically as Hulk immerges. Tsuneo: You know what must be the worst thing about becoming the Hulk? Dan: No, what? Tsuneo: Your underwear doesn't grow with you. [Pause] Dan: No wonder the Hulk's pissed off. > Hulk easily rips the shackles and growls at the sight of the girls. Dan: HULK SMASH PUNY CROSSOVER! > Blossom: Be careful girls, he's dangerous. Rebecca: No, really? > Buttercup: Careful nothing! This scumbag's mine! Tsuneo: She's got the paperwork to prove it too. > Buttercup rushes toward Hulk, winding up her fist and punches Hulk in the jaw, > stunning him. Buttercup drives rapid but powerful punches into Hulk's stomach, > Hulk still seems stunned by the attack. He then is knocked back a step when > Buttercup flying uppercuts him in his jaw. Buttercup loops around and streaks > towards Hulk at breakneck speed. Tsuneo: Thankfully she was going so fast that time accelerated and we were able to bypass this whole ludicrous fight scene. > Hulk simply holds out his hand. Buttercup's > head collides with Hulk's hand. Dan: Ouch. That'd hurt. > Hulk then clutches Buttercup's head and spikes > her into the floor like a football, making a huge crater. Bubbles and Blossom > fly speedily toward Hulk. He swings the back of his left hand, swatting them > both away. Buttercup rises from the crater in the floor and kicks Hulk in the > face. But Hulk, annoyed, throws an extremely powerful right punch into > Buttercup's face, sending her through the wall, all the way to the outside and > into the horizon, yelling obscenities as she goes. Tango: You know, this is kind of like hulk Hogan. You know, he stands there and does nothing while his opponents supply all the offence. Then they have to job to him. Rebecca: Well, remember that Marvel does hold the copyright on that name... > Professor: Boy, do I feel stupid. Tsuneo: Well you agreed to this fic. > Hulk backswings his arm against the front wall, making a huge hole in which he > easily escapes, leaping away toward the city. Rebecca: And they just fixed it from the last atomic monster. > Professor Utonium rushes into the > room and sees Bubble stuck to the wall. Dan: That's interesting taste in wall paper you've got there, Doc. Rebecca: Hey, when did Edwina Monsoon's assistant get here? > He pulls her out of the wall, only to > find Blossom was behind her the whole time. Professor Utonium revived them > quickly. Tsuneo: ...well that was easy. Tango: He used the infinite Heal Potionz hack. > Blossom (wearily): Uh...Did we get him? > Professor: Uh, no, Blossom, you didn't. He is now heading toward the city. We've > got to stop him. Tsuneo: Um, remind me, who's idea was it to make him transform into the Hulk anyway? Tango: Ted Turner's? > Bubbles: But how, Professor? Rebecca: Well, you could kill him off and have him appear in Heroes Reborn... > Professor: Well, I'm thinking...nothing comes to mind right now, Dan: Answer unclear. Ask later. Tango: You have to talk to the crazy old man in the north of the town and then come back before he'll say anything. > but there's something else we have to wonder. > Blossom: What's that? Rebecca: If Gamera fought Godzilla, who'd win? > Professor: Where the heck is Buttercup? > Buttercup is seen, still reeling from the Hulk's punch, flying like a high speed > jet over China, yelling out loud. > Buttercup: > WhythatnogoodlousyKonsarnedit!Callafragit!Palmerated!BlastedCotton-Pickin' > Sassafrasin'!@#$%#$@@#$$$@#$%#^&**((&*(%^$#$%%^$&^*^(*(*&()&^^%*%#$@!$@%#^$&*&( > )*%^&$%^#%@#$@$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dan: You watch your mouth! Rebecca: How do you pronounce that anyway? > Professor: She got hit pretty hard... > Buttercup crashes through the roof of the lab and lands in the crater her body > already made in the floor, making it deeper. Tango: Hey Professor, you know that basement you always wanted... Tsuneo: This story is one big hole. > Bubbles and Blossom helps her up, wobbly and weary. > Buttercup (delirious and punch drunk): If all the raindrops were lemon drops and > gum drops, oh, what a rain that would be!!! (collapses) > Bubbles: I think the Hulk broke her. Tsuneo: Fortunately, she's still under warranty. > Blossom: She'll come around. But until she does, we're in no condition to stop > the Hulk. Rebecca: That's because only Kevin Nash can beat Hulk. And vice-versa, of course. [Dan pokes Tango in the chest, who lies down o n the floor. Dan pins him. He, Rebecca and Tango group hug, while the nWo theme plays in the background.] Tsuneo: Weirdos. [The music stops and they resume their seats] > Professor: That means, Townsville's in some pretty deep crud. Dan: Until next episode, when it's all strangely back to normal. > Narrator: I'll say! (Scene opens at Fuzzy Lumpkin's forest residence) But what's > this? That's Fuzzy Lumpkin's home! Where does he fits into all of this?! Tsuneo: He doesn't. Fuzzy lumpkins is just an innocent bystander in all of this. Dan: This must be an extended length episode. > Fuzzy sits outside on the porch, twanging his banjo. > Fuzzy: Ahh. This is the life...nothing but peace and quiet. Most importantly > ain't nobody touching my property! > A high pitched sound comes from the sky, Fuzzy looks up puzzled. Rebecca: Well what do you know, it's a Powerpuff Girls/Armageddon crossover. Tango: With all the bad acting to boot. > Fuzzy: What the heck is that? Dan: Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a plot device! > Suddenly, Hulk crashes, feet first into Fuzzy's house, causing it to completely > fall apart. Tango: Hulk Smash Puny House! Rebecca: Urban renewal made easy with the Incredible Hulk. > Hulk then leaps away, not thinking twice. Fuzzy slowly and > menacingly rose from the debris, visibly upset from what transpired. > Fuzzy (turning red and muscular): My...My...MY PROPERTY!!!!!! HE TOUCHED MY > PROPERTY!!!! Rebecca: ...I'm not going to think about the connotations of that one. Tsuneo [Turns green]: You are sick! Sick! Rebecca: Thanks. It takes practice. > HE WRECKED MY PROPERTY!!!!! I'M GONNA GIT HIM!!!!!!!! Dan: Fuzzy Lumpkins versus the incredible Hulk. Well, this is going to be a real clash of the intellectual Titans. > Fuzzy, blinded by rage, rushes toward town, following Hulk. As Hulk stops in the > middle of Townsville Square, people begin to flee in panic. Dan: I'd have thought that they'd be used to it by now. > Hulk looks around > and growls at the fleeing people. Police cars barricade the area and fire their > guns at him. Hulk slams his fist on the ground, causing a massive shockwave to > knock the police cars and policemen away. Rebecca: Your Tax Dollars at work. Tsuneo: Who'd want to be a policeman in Townsville? All that'd happen is that you'd get obliterated by passing monsters all the time. Tango: Oooh! Me! Pick me! > A helicopter flies high above and > fires a missle at Hulk, only have Hulk caught and redirected away where it > explodes. Hulk leaped in the air and drives his left fist into the cockpit, > smashing it completely. Hulk lands on the pavement feet first and looks around, > seeing no one able to stand against him. Tsuneo: See Hulk. See Hulk smash. Smash, Hulk, smash. > Little did Hulk notice Fuzzy Lumpkins, > still livid, rushing toward him. Rebecca: American flag in one hand, foam rubber 4x2 in the other. > Fuzzy: YOU TOUCHED MY PROPERTY!!!! YOU TOUCHED MY PROPERTY!!!! YOU TOUCHED MY > PROPERTY!!!! Dan: I think Fuzzy's record's stuck. Tsuneo: On the other hand, his land value probably went up. > As Hulk turns towards Fuzzy Lumpkins, he is caught with a hard punch in the jaw, > staggering him. Fuzzy grabs Hulk by his neck and throws him through a building. Tsuneo: Hang on... Fuzzy's able to pound the Hulk? But the Powerpuff girls are stronger, faster and more capable then him and they got smashed senseless. What gives? Rebecca: Law of crossover fight scenes, Tsuneo. One side always dominates over the other until the intervention of a handy dues ex machina to break it up. And How do you know so much about this show anyway? Tsuneo: I, er... Dan told me all about it! Dan: Liar. Tango: Keep it down! I'm trying to watch. > Fuzzy leaps, following him into the building. Hulk connects with a punch to > Fuzzy's face, sending him flying back out into the street. Hulk leaps onto Fuzzy > Lumpkin's stomach, pinning his arms down by the wrists. He then headbutts > Fuzzy's head into the pavement. Tango: There was a hollow, ringing noise... > Fuzzy Lumpkins extends his legs, Dan: Go Go Fuzzy Lumpkins! > sending Hulk > into the same building, causing it to collapse ontop of Hulk. Tsuneo: Say, how come in spite of the whole city getting trashed, no one ever gets hurt? Rebecca: It's a kid's show, remember? Tsuneo: Silly me. > Fuzzy rushes over > to the rubble, searching for Hulk. > Fuzzy (yelling): YOU TOUCHED MY PROPERTY!!!!! YOU TOUCHED MY PROPERTY!!!!!! YOU > TOUCHED MY PROPERTY!!!!!!! Dan: And he walked on the grass, too. > Fuzzy keeps throwing back debris until Hulk emerges behind him and wallops Fuzzy > in the back of the head, sending him streaking through the sky into a nearby > lake. Dan: Look! Up in the sky! Is it a cow chip? Is it Itchy the Wookie? No, it's Fuzzy Lumpkins! > Hulk leaps into the lake and looks around for Fuzzy. Fuzzy swims toward > Hulk like a torpedo and punches him in the cheek. Hulk retaliated with a > powerful right cross to his face. Rebecca: Flooring fuzzy in the first round, resulting in a lot of very angry Pay-Per- View buyers. > On the surface, the impact of the blows, > though slowed down by the water, still made the earth tremble. Tsuneo: The earth shakes, the skies burn, fire and brimstone rains from the sky and the fanfic keeps going. The end times are certainly here. > Fuzzy, losing > air, grabs Hulk around the waist and leaps out of the water. Tango: He does a backflip through the hoop, balances a ball on his nose and gets a yummy fish as a reward. > In midair, Hulk > joins his hands and axe smashes Fuzzy in the back, forcing him to let go. Hulk > and Fuzzy Lumpkins stand off in front of Townsville city hall. Dan: Wow... a real Mexican stand-off, except without the guns. Or the Mexicans. > Inside, the Mayor is playing solitare, and losing. Tsuneo: How can you loose to yourself? Rebecca: this is the mayor we're talking about. > Mayor: Oh darn! I can never figure out how to find that joker. Dan: At least he's got the mayor's characterisation down. > Ms. Bellum: Because you took the Joker's out of the deck, Mayor. Remember? > Mayor: Oh yeah! I did, didn't I? You got any fives? > Ms. Bellum sighs, giving up the argument. Rebecca: Hey, how do you keep her face out of shot in text? Tsuneo: Minimalist description helps. > A minute later they hear the Hulk and > Fuzzy Lumpkins connecting with brutal punches. Tango: Then Fuzzy bites the Hulk's ear off! Yummy! > The sounds of the impacts cause > the ground to quake, and the windows to shatter. > Ms. Bellum: We've got to call the girls! > Mayor: What? It's not poker night yet! > Ms. Bellum: No, you idiot, the Powerpuff girls!!! > Mayor: Oh!!! Them!!! Why? Tsuneo: Atomic monsters rampaging the city? Could that be it. Dan: Naw, they can look after themselves. In the meantime, he can't open the pickle jar. > Meanwhile, Blossom and Bubbles tends to Buttercup back at the Professor's house. > The hotline then rings loudly. Blossom picks it up quickly. > Blossom: Hello? Yes Mayor...We'll be right on it. > Blossom hangs up and looks to Bubbles. > Bubbles: Is it about the Hulk? Dan: Actually, it's this big purple guy who wants to eat the Planet. The Hulk's long gone. Rebecca: Yeah, Galactus would job to the Powerpuff Girls. It's not like he has any shame left. > Blossom: Not just that, Hulk and Fuzzy Lumpkins are in a slugfest that's tearing > up Townsville. Tsuneo: Just when you thought your day couldn't get any worse... Tango: How about we throw in the Leader, Mojo Jojo and the Black Manta to boot! > Bubbles: But we can't go out there without Buttercup! Tsuneo: Why not? Rebecca: Well, if there's only two of them, they can't use the normal flying animation and might need to draw some new cells. > Blossom: I know, Bubbles. I wish we could. > Professor Utonium rushes into the room, holding a vial with a neon green liquid > in his hands. Dan: Professor, you're a bit late. The market's flooded with sports drinks. Tango: Yeah, but this one has Extra deuterium in it! > He opens Buttercups mouth and pours the liquid in. Tsuneo: None of our products are tested on animals. We use only Mexican House Boys. > Blossom and Bubbles stand by in shock. > Blossom: Professor! What are you doing?! > Professor: Trust me, Blossom, I know what I am doing. Tsuneo: Now there's some famous last words. > Buttercup opened her eyes and leaps onto her feet. > Buttercup: YES! YES! YES! I feel like I could take on thousands of Hulks! Rebecca: I get it, he dosed her up on Red Cordial. > Blossom: How? Tsuneo: Here comes the explanation. This should be good. > Professor: The laser I used on Dr. Banner took cell samples of his gamma > radiated physiology. The cells appear to have recooperative powers as well as > super strength. I mixed the samples with Chemical X and formed this serum. It > should help heal wounds and increase your strength a little bit as well. Rebecca: So... he just mixed Chemical X and Gamma mutated cells? That's real mad science in action! Dan: But what if she ends up like the She Hulk? Tango: The Powerpuff Girls with the ability to manipulate the fourth wall... Now there's a scary thought. Tsuneo [Turns to camera]: Everyone got that? [Camera shakes up and down] Good! > My only suggestion is that when you take it, end the fight quickly. Dan: Better hurry, the episode must be almost over by now. Tsuneo: Quick! hurry up what passes for the plot! > Blossom: Okay, Professor. > He gives Blossom and Bubbles their portions of the serum. They gulp it down and > then streak off toward the city. Tango: Or, as the Flying Rabbi would say: "Up, up and Oy Vey!" Rebecca: You're weird. Tango: I try. > Professor (sighing to himself): I hope they finish the fight quickly. If not, > then Hulk and Fuzzy Lumpkins are going to be the least of our worries. > Narrator: Uh-Oh! I don't like the sound of that! All: FORESHADOWING! > Meanwhile back at city hall... Tsuneo: Meanwhile, in another part of the fic. Rebecca: For the last five minutes, the Hulk and Fuzzy have been taking a break and discussing the political situation in Indonesia. > Hulk and Fuzzy Lumpkins engage in a test of strength, with the Hulk getting a > distinct advantage. Dan: He made the bell ring and won the fuzzy teddy bear. > Fuzzy continues yelling at Hulk. > Fuzzy: YOU TOUCHED MY PROPERTY!!!! YOU TOUCHED MY PROPERTY!!!! YOU TOUCHED MY > PROPERTY!!! YOU TOUCHED MY PROPERTY!!! YO--- Tsuneo: Maybe he just has that on a looped tape. > Hulk (yelling): > SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tango: Bloody Peasant! Dan: Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I'm being repressed! > Hulk lands a devastating right fist into Fuzzy Lumpkins face, knocking him out, > along with some of his teeth. Rebecca: Would it make any difference? Tango: Well, he's only got about three of them. > Hulk raises his hands in triumph and then takes a > deep breath. Tsuneo: ...and rest. > However, as he turns around, the Powerpuff Girls ram at > unbelieveable speed into Hulk's stomach. Tango: Well, I was hoping that something spontaneous and yet not entirely unexpected like this would happen. > The impact sends Hulk into a building > and crashing the other side. Rebecca: In the proud tradition of destroying the city in order to save it... > Hulk's body made a long trail as it hit the street. > He gets to his feet in time to feel Blossom's flying kick colliding against the > side of his cheek. Bubbles flies like a missle into Hulk's stomach, Dan: Later, the Iraqis claimed that it was a Baby Milk Factory. > knocking the > wind out of him. Buttercup sent her feet crashing onto his head, knocking him > down. As Hulk shakes his head trying to come to his senses, Rebecca: Relatively speaking, of course. > he sees the Powerpuff Girls coming towards him. Tsuneo: I don't know why, but I just don't think that he's scared yet. Tango: I'd be. > Hulk claps his hands in one hard loud clap, > causing a loud shockwave to disrupt the girls' flying. He then swatted them all > away like flies. Blossom growls low and menacingly, her body suddenly becoming a > little larger. Rebecca [Blossom]: Blossom Smash Puny Hulk! Dan [Hulk]: Oh, camel poo. > Bubbles becomes angry as well, her body growing larger slightly. Tsuneo: Hey look, it's the Chinese female swimming team. > Buttercup, also agitated, becomes larger as well. Dan: Buttercup, time to knock off the cheese cake. Tango: I'm huge! > Blossom: GRRRRR, GET HIM!!!! Tango [Hulk]: I am so screwed. > Hulk rips a telephone poll out of the ground and swings it like a bat, hitting > Bubbles out of sight. Dan: Hey look, it's the first munchkin on the moon. > He gets stunned by a right cross by Buttercup. Rebecca [Buttercup]: What? You dare smack around the great Buttercup? WA-TAK! Tango: She WA-TAKs people? Rebecca: In a cute, nice way, of course. > Hulk brings > his fist down like a hammer, pounding Buttercup into the street and into the > sewer below. Dan: Hey, what do you know. They're filming a new Ninja Turtles movie down there. > Blossom whirled around Hulk like a super powered mesquito, only to > have Hulk meet her face with one of his gamma powered punches. As Blossom > collided with a far away billboard, Buttercup reached from underneath and pulled > Hulk down underground. Buttercup and Hulk start trading punches. Buttercup > connects with a right cross to Hulk's face. Hulk connects with a hard left jab > and a right backhand swing to Buttercup's jaw. Buttercup throws a left cross, > ducked by Hulk, who delivers a hard right hook. Buttercup connects with a hard > right hook to Hulk's stomach. Hulk delivers a slamming right cross to > Buttercup's chin. Rebecca: This isn't working. Tango: Just give him a hostess Fruit Pie. Those allways calm him down. > Buttercup: You're pretty good, for a caveman. > Hulk: You're good, for a Cupie doll. Dan [Hulk]: Oooh! Hulk use contractions! Hulk use polysiliballic word! Rebecca: Well done, you've got the Hulk OO minimalist C. > Buttercup: What? > With that small distraction, Hulk delivers a hard left cross, sending Buttercup > through the street above and into the air. Rebecca [Buttercup]: Well that worked. > Hulk climbs out of the hole. Tsuneo: Unfortunately, the story doesn't. > He looks > around the sky and finds Bubbles slam her fists into Hulk's face, Tsuneo: "Finds Bubbles slam her fists into Hulk's face?" The hell? Dan: Just smile and nod, Wonder boy. > knocking him back into a parked car. Tango: Maybe these guys could go into urban renewal. Rebecca: Ah, who cares. It was only a Lada anyway. > Bubbles then streaks toward Hulk again. This time Hulk > catches Bubbles in his massive hands and throws her like a fastball into a > school bus, folding it in half and forcing it to skid down the block. Dan: At this point, I'm convinced that they're just breaking things for the simple heck of it. > Blossom > flips through the air and rams into the Hulk's chest like a cannonball. Hulk > slams into the side of a building, knocking it off its foundation. Dan: See? Tango: I wonder what land prices are like in Townsville these days? > Buttercup, > Bubbles and Blossom float over Hulk and their bodies become larger again, Tsuneo: Ah, that's just the animators messing up again. Rebecca: Is that Brawn over there? > their voices growling low and monsterously. Dan: So they sound like... evil chipmunks? Rebecca: Joanne Launer in a special guest voice. > Hulk stands up and then grabs a building > and, using his immense strength, lifts it over his head and bats the girls away. Rebecca: Now here's a fun fact for you. The Hulk has no upper limit to his strength; the madder he gets, the stronger he gets. He can keep this up all day. Tsuneo: That's what I was afraid of. Tango: Well, we've probably only got a few seconds of episode time left. > The girls crash into an apartment living room. A family gathered in the corner > in fear. Dan: In Townsville? They'd probably be sitting on the couch, watching the TV as the girls sail through. > Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup then began to grow even larger than > before, mutating twice their normal size, Dan: Two feet tall. > and muscular, like Hulk. Tango: It is the Chinese women's swimming team! > They grabbed their heads and grunted severely in pain. Rebecca: Bad... fanfic... killing brain cells... Tango: Must not... forget to... put... cat out... > Blossom: Can't...take...the pain...too much...rage... > Buttercup: What's....happening....to me...? > Bubbles: My whole...body...feels like....it's...on fire... > The Powerpuff Girls growl and then begin glowing a bright green [They all put on sunglasses] Dan: On the upside, they'll never need a torch again. > as they grow even bigger, shredding their clothes. Rebecca: Except for a few tastefully placed rags. > They charge at the Hulk, enraged and > incensed. Hulk delivers a knockout punch at Blossom, knocking her straight > through a building and into the other side of town. Rebecca: You know, somewhere there is a construction company that those girls have made very, very happy. > Buttercup uppercut Hulk in > the jaw, sending him off his feet and into an abandoned building, which > collapses ontop of him. Tsuneo: These fight scenes are very Deltaesque. Rebecca: I expect Tom to do a top-rope spinning splash onto an Invador any second now. > Bubbles and Buttercup streak toward the Hulk, only to > both get caught with a right cross, delivered by Hulk with all his strength. Rebecca: The Hulk's right cross of doom! Rated up there with The Thing's Sunday Punch for cheesiness. Tango: He's just using the Aim-Bot and wall-hack cheat. > Bubbles and Buttercup quickly disappear into the horizon. Tsuneo: These fight scenes are quite repetitive. > Hulk leaps over to the unconscious Blossom and looks at her. Dan [Hulk]: Hulk see London, Hulk see France, Hulk see- Rebecca: That's enough out of you. > Within minutes, Buttercup and Bubbles > crash land next to Blossom, unconscious as well. Hulk gathered them up in his > hands and he leaps away. Tango: This is airline deregulation at its worst. > Narrator: What happened to the girls? Back at Professor Utonium's house... Dan: Meanwhile, back at the ranch... > Professor Utonium looks out the window, seeing the Hulk approaching, stands back > and watches the Hulk crash through the wall. Tsuneo: Can't you use the door? I put it there for a reason, you know. Dan [Hulk]: Hulk sorry. [Pause] CRASH! Hulk use door now. Tsuneo: Never mind. > Professor Utonium scrambled backward to the far corner. Rebecca: Pretend to be furniture. That always fools him. Tango: If that doesn't work, throw him a Hostess Twinkie Cake and make a run for it. > Professor: What have you done with the girls? Dan: Smacked them through half ot Townsville. > Hulk lays down the gamma mutated Powerpuff Girls on the ground. Hulk then begins > to transform back into Bruce Banner. Rebecca: Notice how the waistline on his shorts shrink with him. This is important. > Bruce looks to the professor. > Bruce: What did you do to them? > Professor: I tried to give them an edge to beat the Hulk. Now all I've done is > put my girls in danger. Tsuneo: What you did was dangerous, irresponsible and reckless. Which is why we want to give you the Mad Scientist of the Year award. Dan [Utonium]: This is the happiest day of my life. > Help me get them to the lab. > Bruce and Professor Utonium take the girls to the lab and keep them sedated and > calm while shackled to the examining tables. > Bruce (giving Professor Utonium a vial): Give them this. It is an antidote. It > won't work on me, but it will cleanse their system of the gamma cells. Rebecca: Of course, you've spent years trying to find a solution... and you can't even undo the She-Hulk's transformation... but never mind. > Professor: I am sorry I couldn't help you, Bruce. Dan [Utonium]: Oh, and here's the bill for all the stuff you wrecked. Tango [Bruce]: Ooo er, I feel another rampage coming on. Dan [Utonium]: Never mind. Rebecca: This is why the Hulk never pays any bills. > Bruce: I am used to disappointment. It's okay. Dan [Bruce]: I'll just be off... I've got a few more crappy crossovers and a Heroes Reborn special to appear in... I wonder if they need any more guys for Big Town... > A day passes and Bruce is getting ready to leave, bags packed and everything. > Buttercup, Blossom and Bubbles line up by the front door. Rebecca: Are they back to normal? This is important. Tango: They're still glowing green, but they're okay otherwise. > Professor Utonium walks Bruce to the door. Tsuneo: Yes, Bruce, the *door* this time. > Professor: Well, I hope you enjoyed your short stay here. Rebecca: Oh yeah, there's nothing more enjoyable than a cross-country rampage while fighting three super-powered dinks and a redneck sasquatch. Tango: Say, where did Fuzzy Lumpkins get to anyway? > Girls, say goodbye to Dr. Banner. > Blossom (kissing Bruce on the cheek): Goodbye, Dr. Banner. Thanks. > Bubbles (hugging Bruce): Goodbye, hope to see you again soon. > Buttercup (shaking hands with Bruce): See ya round. Rebecca: You come back to this city, you are soooo dead. > Bruce: Bye girls. Take care of yourselves. Dan [Bruce]: Don't talk to any strange Radioactive Monsters. > Same goes for you, Professor Utonium. > Professor: You take care too, Dr. Banner. Tsuneo: And keep away from Capcom Versus games. > As the Powerpuff Girls wave goodbye, Dr. Bruce Banner walks towards the > Townsville city limits. Tango: Unfortunately, he was crushed by hte Giant Monster of the day before he could make it. Oh well. > Narrator: That Dr. Banner, what a guy! And so, once again, THE DAY IS SAVED!!!!! > Thanks to the Powerpuff Girls, but also thanks to The Incredible Hulk!!!! Tsuneo: Of course, if Utonium hadn't zapped the Hulk, there wouldn't have been a rampage and the day wouldn't have had to be saved and... Rebecca: Tsuneo, you're thinking about the fic again. Tsuneo: Sorry. > The end. [The TV switches off] Rebecca: Well. Dan: The Powerpuff Girls. Tsuneo: Meet the Hulk. Tango: Indeed. Rebecca: Good thing Rick's not here. He'd have lifted it for a twelve-issue story arc. Voice: So if I could have your reviews? Tsuneo: This is one of those very special fics where you really have to ask why it was written in the first place. There is absolutely no purpose to it, except for a stupidly long and unbalanced fight scene. If any of you guys can think of another reason, please tell me. Rebecca: The fic was, well, incredibly basic. There was no substance to it beyond the fight scenes and a very weak premise. The dialogue was minimal, the descriptive text almost non-existent and the story was just a way to set up a fight. The resolution was way to abrupt and seemed somewhat forced to boot. All in all, a pretty minimalist fic. Dan: It amazes me that the Hulk managed to be out of character. I mean, the frigging Hulk! I mean, all he's got to do is say "Hulk smash X," but nooo, here he's taunting, distracting, and, at the vital conclusion, acting like a big Bruce Banner. Why? Because it was convenient to the so-called story. Tango: This fix su}{0red. If you are going to do a fic, it should feature Mayor. Mayor is my hero, and when I grow up I want to be like him. Now where are my Potatoes? Dan: Potatoes? Tango: I just think that they're really neat. Dan: I seeeeeeeeeee. Tango: Well, I must fly. I have to save the world before tea! Tally ho, pip pip and all that! [He jumps up, charges towards the window he came in through, and hurls himslef out of it] [Pause] Tsuneo: Shouldn't we check on him? Rebecca: Shouldn't we hear a thud? Dan: He's Tango. I'm sure he'll be fine. Tsuneo: Well, I'm out of here. [He gets up] See you two next experiment. Voice: They're called reviews. Tsuneo: Voice, after today's fic, I dare you to look me in the eye and say that again. [He leaves] Dan: So, ah, Rebecca, do you remember what we were talking about earlier? Rebecca: No. Dan: Darn it. Rebecca: Look, Dan, whatever you had in mind, I'm sure you can do it by yourself. [She gets up] I'm off. [She leaves] Dan: Damn. [The screen goes blank] Voice: You've still got me. Dan: Shut up, Voice. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Riffed by: Jinas (jinas@elmerstudios.com), Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com) and Twin Cannon(ausmax@ihug.com.au) Tango is copyright 1997-2001 "TS" Eliot (Twin Cannon) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-2001 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-2001 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova Satori shrine, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp, all in one big steaming pile. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > WhythatnogoodlousyKonsarnedit!Callafragit!Palmerated!BlastedCotton-Pickin' > Sassafrasin'!@#$%#$@@#$$$@#$%#^&**((&*(%^$#$%%^$&^*^(*(*&()&^^%*%#$@!$@%#^$&*&( > )*%^&$%^#%@#$@$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!