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Episode 202 – The Rebuild of Delta, part 2 (Electric Boogaloo)

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It was a nice apartment, well-lit, spacious and well furnished. A pair of nice, plush leather couches set the
scene, arranged in a neat L-shape, with a small coffee table between them. What dominated the room,
however, was the massive flat-screen against one wall, so big as to loom over all else around it. By
comparison, the broad windows with views out over a strangely futuristic metropolis and the other
doorways leading away to gods alone knew where seemed like afterthoughts.

“So then I said…” Rick began as he entered the apartment, gesticulating wildly as he did. “’He’s wearing
a dress’ to the invasion fleet commander’s face.”

“That’s a good way to undercut his authority.” Rebecca replied as she followed, nodding as she spoke. “I
can’t imagine that went down well.”

“Rick and one of the other members of the squad ended up having a raging debate about it.” Tsuneo
explained. “He claimed it was a robe, something that said invasion commander was adamant on sticking
up for.”

“What with him being fat and bald and all.” Rick noted. “I mean, bowling ball bald.”

“Maybe he wore a wig with it.” Dan added, stepping in with a brown paper bag clinking with assorted
liquor bottles. “Sort of a Dame Edna thing.”

“Well that’s what I said.” Rick nodded as he dumped his satchel on the table, picking out a sketchbook
from it. “But Rory – that’s the other guy – suggested that it was a robe.” He nodded towards Tsuneo. “He
was rather quiet on the whole affair.”

“I didn’t think it was fair imposing our cultural values on an alien society.” Tsuneo commented. “That and I
really didn’t want to think about it.”

“I dunno. I think that incredibly obvious cross-dressers are the funniest ones.” Rebecca shrugged.

“Exactly!” Rick raised a pencil. “So anyway, he died in the end. Turned out he was wearing women’s
underwear all along.”

“My point still stands.” Tsuneo countered. “Alien society. A man wearing a pink lacy bra and briefs may be
perfectly normal to them.”

Dan whistled. “Classy, guys.”

“I must admit, this does beggar a fascinating question.” Rebecca spoke up. “How did you two meet? No
offence, but you don’t strike me as the most likely duo. I mean, Tsuneo’s all serious, stern, well-educated
and the like while Rick… isn’t.” She shrugged. “No offence.”

“None taken.” Rick commented. “Though it is a funny story.”

“One that I’d be interested to hear.” The Voice interjected, causing the four of them to jump a little.

“That’s gonna take some getting used to.” Dan muttered.

“You watch, we’ll be openly mocking him and calling him silly names before we know it, just like any other boss.” Rebecca countered.

“Well, that aside, I was hoping that you could tell us a little more about yourselves.” The Voice continued,
nonplussed. “Your background, how you met each other and so on.”

“Fair enough. First issue exposition and all.” Rick nodded. “Mind if I go first?”

“Go for it.” Dan offered.

“So anyway, me and Tsuneo are from the same world.” He began, his tone casual. “It’s a nice enough
place; maybe the sky’s a little more orange then some would like, but the scenery’s okay once you get
used to it. Reasonable place to live too, not bad at all.”

“Actually it’s above the norm on most socio-technological development indicators, though strangely
lacking in spaceflight technology and development.” Rebecca piped up, the others turning to look at her.
“Just saying.”

“Aaaanyway, after scraping through high school and barely passing university on an art degree, I was low
on options, so I joined the army.” He continued.

“It was an extended period of peace brought about by an effective and stable unified world government.”
Tsuneo explained.

“Definitely a ‘what could possibly go wrong’ moment.” Rick added.

“So that means it went completely tits-up.” Rebecca nodded.

“Right!” Rick almost cheerfully agreed. “So I got through training, was assigned to the Giant Robot
division, got a nice posting and wound up in the same squad as Tsuneo.”

“And that’s the point that our world was invaded.” Tsuneo added.

“Nice timing.” Rebecca gave a cheerful thumbs-up.

“So yeah. We were in a squad full of plucky rookies thrown into battle against soldier warlords from deep
space.” Rick continued.

“Wait, you fought actual real aliens?” Dan’s tone was a mixture of curiosity and incredulity.

“No such thing.” Rebecca dismissively countered.

“Yeah. We thought they were aliens, but it turns out that they were just regular guys with a bit of cultural
wonk.” Rick explained. “Anyways, our squad ended up in the thick of it, fighting a rather effective giant
robot guerilla war for a while that did a great job of slowing down and eventually turning back the
invasion.”

“Rick ended up being the top-scoring ace of the war.” Tsuneo added.

“Ah, he’s too modest.” Rick countered. “Tsuneo was what, number two? And besides, he had skill, talent
and ability. I just had dumb luck and a lot of ‘spray and pray.’” He gave another dismissive shrug. “On the
other hand, we both wound up with totally hot babes, so it wasn’t all war is hell.”

Tsuneo visibly winced. Dan, on the other hand, seemed fascinated. “Rrrrrealy?”

Rick nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yeah. I met this girl who was another member of our squad and a bikini
model to boot. We’re engaged at the moment and all. Tsuneo on the other hand met this totally smoking
fighter ace.”
Tsuneo continued to wince. “That’s more or less it.” He muttered.

“And since then? How’s the life of the war hero and bikini model-dater?” Rebecca quipped.

“I’m back in the comic book racket, which was what I was doing before the war.” Rick explained. “I have
this awesome idea, but it’s kinda stuck in development hell.” He glanced around. “Between you and me, I
don’t think the editors understand my artistic vision.” Behind him, Tsuneo was vigorously shaking his
head.

“So how about you, Tsuneo?” Rebecca hastily cut Rick off before he could bury himself some more. “I’m
assuming that there’s more to your life as well.”

“Well yes.” Tsuneo spoke up. “I… did better in school then Rick, and went to university on… a wide
variety of subjects.”

“Meaning he was a full time student with no idea where he was going,” Rick explained.

Tsuneo sighed. “Pretty much. In the end I joined the military for the same reason I fluffed around so much
at university. I just wanted to do something before I wound up in my family’s business.”

“And by that, we mean ‘massive tech firm’, not some mum-and-dad outfit, just so you know.” Rick added.

“Aaanyway, I wound up in the same squad as Rick, defended my planet, became a war hero-“

“-met a hot babe-“

“-met a... hot babe.” Tsuneo continued. “And in all that I figured I kind of liked it. Fighting for my planet
gave me a purpose I’d been lacking.”

“He grew up a whole lot,” Rick added.

“Whereas Rick just seemed to get more immature,” Tsuneo replied. Rick nodded his agreement.
“Anyway, when my term of service was up I chose to re-enlist and stay on, getting promoted and the like.
It’s… been good I must admit. Definitely better then getting promoted to middle management because my
father’s the boss.”

“So you two went your separate ways, but you still seem pretty tight,” Dan remarked.

Rick and Tsuneo glanced at each other and nodded their agreement. “It’s kinda… One day he’s hauling a
pile of rubble off of me, then next I’m dragging him out of the path of a linear cannon. You never forget the
guys who do stuff like that for you.”

“Thanks dude,” Tsuneo replied.

“Hey, at least you come from a nice planet.” Dan added. “Mine had an apocalyptic thing happen to it a
few centuries back. We’ve been pulling ourselves out of the mud for a few generations now, but its very
patchwork and mish-mash and things are all over the place.” His voice was becoming more enthused as
he spoke. “So it’s sort of a frontiersman thing, like cowboys and giant robots.”

“That sounds awesome.” Rick nodded. “Like, it’d be a really great setting for a comic, or maybe a tabletop
RPG, or possibly even an eighties anime.”

“It’s over-rated.” Rebeccca added, only to get elbowed by Tsuneo. “What?”

“Anyways, I’m sort of an all-purpose adventurer and frontiersman and giant robot cowboy – that is, I’m a
cowboy in a giant robot, not a giant robot who’s a cowboy.”

“Way to stump the pacing.” Rebecca muttered, followed by a second elbow. “Ow”

“So I go out and do stuff in my giant robot, like fight random bandits and save beloved peasant villages
and look for relics and lost technology and ancient treasure and the like. It’s pretty damned awesome, if I
do say so myself.”

“I’ll say.” Rick nodded enthusiastically. “I mean, I could ste – er – use this all for a comic setting.” He
began. “Yeah, I can see it now, a trio of wandering desert loonies who go around having adventures in
their giant robots in some bizarre desert wasteland-“

“Later.” Tsuneo added. “You’re drowning him.”

“Naw, it’s cool.” Dan shook his head. “See, thing is, I’m totally awesome at what I do. I’m the best damn
giant robot cowboy you ever seen. There ain’t a treasure I can’t find, a giant robot I can’t beat or an
enigmatic ruin I can’t unearth or a machine gun-toting Raccoon I can’t outfight.”

“And he’s so modest too.” Rebecca added.

“Did I mention that my planet has a really great enigmatic ruin?” Dan continued. “Oh wait, it had one,
because somebody went and blew it up.”

“Still harping on about that?” Rebecca shook her head.

“Hey! I was in there at the time!”

“And you got out fine!” Rebecca replied with mock sincerity. “So why are you complaining?”

“It was a good enigmatic ruin!”

“It was going to blow up anyway.”

“I gathered you two knew each other already.” Tsuneo stepped in to break up the seemingly inevitable
fight. “Are you from the same world?”

“Oh hells no.” Rebecca shook her head. “I’m from… well, a prosperous, high-tech world that’s at the
centre of a not insubstantial interstellar nation.” There was more than a little pride in her voice as she
spoke. “I went to university and graduated with honours with degrees in cultural studies, Xenohistory and
dead computer languages.”

“That’s an… interesting skill set.” Tsuneo commented.

“You’d be amazed how useful it is.” Rebecca continued. “I landed a prestigious job as a professional
explorer. I go around to planets and gently poke their culture and societies to measure their steps of
development and the like, as well as how ready they are for interstellar contact or if they represent a
threat and such. It’s quite fun, actually, very challenging to. Go new places, meet new people-“

“-try to blow them up-“ Dan added.

“-on occasion, yes.” She agreed. “I wound up on Dan’s world on assignment, and I have to say that
outside of the lack of sanitary facilities, it was actually a quite interesting experience. I met some 
interesting people – oh, and Dan too – found some interesting stuff, went on a few adventures and such
like. Probably the best assignment I’ve ever been on, actually.”

“So you’re some sort of adventurer archeologist spy?” Rick asked, furiously taking notes.

“Oh, not a spy.” She shook her head. “See, if I was, I’d be carefully looking for buzzwords or phrases that 
only make sense in limited contexts like ‘First Words’ or ‘Silent Castle’ or ‘Dominion’ or the like. That and 
I’d be going around looking for horrible lost technologies or things that man was not meant to know and 
making sure that they stayed buried, or making sure that people didn’t rediscover lost civilizations that 
would be better off staying lost.” Rebecca smiled. “But no, I don’t do anything like that.”

“That’s an awfully specific denial.” Tsuneo noted.

“So, uh, what’s with the arm?” Rick spoke up, causing Tsuneo to jump a little.

“Oh that?” She looked at the metal limb with surprising indifference. “Would you believe that I had a car
accident the day after graduation?”

“Probably not.” Dan muttered.

“Fair enough.”

“Anyway, thanks for all that.” The voice spoke up. “Certainly very interesting and I’m glad you all got to
know each other a little better.”

“Like you can believe a word she says.” Dan muttered.

“Anyway, shall we get things started?”

“Do we have to?” Tsuneo spoke up.

“Hey, good show there.” Rebecca nodded.

“Well, given that it’s what you’re being paid for, it’d be useful.”

“Can’t argue with that, as much as I’d like to.” Tsuneo finished as the four of them took their places on the
couch. The screen came on, switching over to script format straight away.”

> Genesis 0:15 : Invasion/They Want Us Dead

Rick: And who can blame them?

> September 22nd, 2017 

Dan: The future is not user friendly.

> It's 9:00 A.M. The sun shines well up in the sky

Tsuneo: As you'd hope.
Rebecca: And you could barely notice the Angel on the rampage.

> and its rays open the black as night eyes of Tom Dyron. The night was rough

Rebecca: His right hand would never be the same again.
Dan: I'd hit you, but this *is* Tom.

> but Tom finds the strenght to get up.

Rebecca: So, about that right hand…

> He slowly puts on a pair of large Old Navys
> and a T-shirt saying "Nine Inch Nails : The Perfect Drug".

Rick: I hear that Ministry paid Tom to wear that shirt.

> He puts on his shoes Emericas
> and ties his hair in a pony tail.

Rebecca: With a “Fashion Fabulous” brand elastic; $5.95 per packet at leading supermarkets and
pharmacies.

> He slowly walks to the kitchen and takes out eggs, bacon and
> ingredients to make pancakes. He starts cooking scrambled eggs and the bacon.
> He makes enough for four persons, since Misato is still out with Kaji.

Tsuneo: What about Hyuga? Kaji's been gone for a year and a half. Whatever happened between those
two?
Rick: You beginning to think that the author wasn’t paying attention to anything that happened in the last
eight or so episodes?

> He then starts making the pancakes.

Dan: I'm hungry. Hey Tom, save some for me!

> During that time, Asuka woke up and is still in her pajamas.

Rick: Pink, with little blue bears

> She walks down to the kitchen and sits down. 
> "Hey Tom." 
> "Hey Asuka,

Rick [Ralph the wolf]: Mornin' Sam.
Dan [Sam the sheepdog]: Mornin' Ralph.

> slept well?" 
> "Yeah, you could say that,

Rebecca [Asuka]: “That”

> what you makin'?" 

Rick [Tom]: I’m not sure. I think it’s crème Brule

> "American breakfast, you know, pancakes, eggs and bacon." 

Dan: Hmm, mmm! You can almost hear your arteries hardening already.

> "I love this kind of breakfast. That's cool." 
> "I hope everyone is that way too." 

Tsuneo: They will. Because Tom said so.

> About five minutes later, Rei walked in the kitchen followed by Shinji. 
> "Hi Tom, hi Asuka." said Rei and Shinji. 
> "Hey, I hope you guys like scrambled eggs, bacon and pancakes!" 
> "Don't worry, we do." answered Shinji.

Tsuneo: Heaven forbid anyone disagrees with him.
Rebecca: I seem to recall something about Rei not eating meat… though at this point, it’s really a
minor quibble.
Rick: “At this point”? This is the start of the second chapter… of thirteen.
Rebecca: See?
 
> They all sat down and started eating breakfast.
> Tom took the newspaper and started reading. 

Rebecca: “Dewey Defeats Truman”? The hell?

> "Oh my god, they're still talking about the monster that came a week ago that I
> blew up..." 

Rick: I don't see why. It's Tokyo-3! That thing happens on a daily basis.
Dan: Say, what did they do with the EVAs in the past year and a half?
Rebecca: They used them as stand-ins for Godzilla movies.

> "Whoa!" 
> Tom kept reading and drank a beer.

Rick: You'd think a sixteen year old putting them away before breakfast would
have a lower sync ratio than the others instead of a higher one.
Dan: Hey, maybe beer's the secret.
Rick: It makes about as much sense as anything else.

> Shinji had an eye on Rei without being
> noticed,

[Dan points at his own eyes, then at the screen]

Dan: I’m watching you, kid

> while Asuka was looking at Tom. Soon, he figured out that Asuka was
> looking at him and looked deeply into her eyes.

Rick [Tom]: My god. It’s full of… actually, I have no idea what.

> He couldn't figure out what she was thinking though.

Rick [Asuka]: Should I tell him that his fly's undone?
Rebecca [Asuka]: I wonder how much the hitman will cost?
Tsuneo [Asuka]: Why in blazes did I agree to do this crappy fanfic?
Dan [Asuka]: Hmm... Rei looks hot this morning. Maybe I should lounge over her in a provocative way.

[Tsuneo hits Dan with a cushon]

Dan: Aw come on! Look at all that Evangelion PR art! It’s like soft porn anyway.
Rebecca: He has a point.
Tsuneo: True. Doesn’t mean I can’t hit him though.
Rebecca: Also true!

> Then, the phone rang. Shinji ran to get it. 
> "Hello?" 

Dan [Rough]: Enemy is another Big

> "Hello, could I speak to Tom please?" 
> "Sure, wait a second." Shinji looked at Tom and said "Tom, it's for you." 

Tsuneo [Shinji]: I have no idea who it is or what it’s about since they made no effort to identify
themselves, but I’m sure this won’t be a problem.

> "O.K. thanks." 
> Tom ran to the phone and picked it up. 
> "Hello?" 
> "Hey Tom, it's Mike!" 
> "Mike, kick ass, wussup?" 

Rick [Mike Nelson]: Well, I was just about to start the second chapter of Delta Invasion, so I was
wondering if you could join me in the studio.
Dan [Kevin Murphy]: Well, gee Mike, I’d love to but I have to go reupholster the cat
Rick [Mike Nelson]: Oh, I… I thought you did that last week.
Dan [Kevin Murphy]: Different cat, Mike.
Rick [Mike Nelson]: Such a shame, because I guess I’ll just have to eat all this bacon myself.
Dan [Kevin Murphy]: And I’ll do that just as soon as we’re through with Delta. So where’s the bacon,
Mike?

> They talked a long time,
> but when Tom hang up the phone, his eyes looked terribly sad. 

Rebecca: Are we talking “Sad Panda” sad or “adorable orphan” sad?

> "Tom, what happened?" Asuka asked. 
> "My girlfriend, Jeynna, she dumped me." 
> "Why?" 

Tsuneo: I’d hazard a guess that your relocating across the ocean on short notice for what could be the
rest of your life might be a part of it.

> "She found another guy,
> if I ever see him, I'll whoop his ass so bad
> even his mom won't be able to recognize him!" 

Rick [Deep throaty voice]: Evening, Neddie.
Dan: Evening, mother.

> "Nice..." responded Asuka.

Rick [Asuka]: Of course, I'm all in favour of senseless violence towards innocent people.
Rebecca: She is [nods]
Rick: Oh yeah.
 
> Suddenly, the phone rang again. Tom ran to pick it up. 
> "Hello?" 
> "Hey Tom, it's Misato." 
> "Oh, hi Misato." 

Dan [Tommy Wiesau]: Oh hi-

[The others glare at him and shake their heads]

Dan: No more ‘The Room’?

[They all nod]

Dan: I’ll be good.

> "I'm calling you guys 'cause we found two specimens
> with AT Fields coming towards Kyoto,

Tsuneo: They took a budget flight in, rather than going to the Tokyo-3 terminal. It may seem like you’re
saving money, but it’ll sting you with taxi fares.
Rick: Besides, can you imagine trying to fit a giant monster into a budget economy class? Not only is
there no legroom, but they’ll have some Kaiju kicking their seat back.

> we're gonna fly two Evas there, you and Shinji, the other Evas will stay
> in Tokyo-3 in case of emergency.

Dan: In case of emergency, launch EVA.

> You have to be at the Nerv in an hour." 

Rick: The Nerv; accept no substitutes.
Tsuneo: How about TERRA?
Dan: Or the Gowa Foundation?
Rebecca: Or Tatsumiyajima Island?

> "O.K. I'll tell the others." 
> "Thanks, see ya." 
> "Bye." 
> Tom hang up the phone and went back to the table. 
> "Guys..."

Rebecca: Ha. Totally forgot what he was going to say. Probably wasn’t important though.

> he said in a deep voice, "they found two other specimens, two of them are
> gonna hit Kyoto, the impact might be bad, Shinji and I are gonna be sent there,
> while you girls are gonna stay here to guard Tokyo-3." 

Rebecca: I find the pacing of this fic to be odd. One moment it skips scenes or compresses them, the
next we have almost word for word reiteration of what was said just before.
Tsuneo: Interesting. Your thoughts?
Rebecca: A part of me suggests that it may be some desire to emulate the pacing of the later episodes,
maybe as a dramatic device. The other part suggests that it’s written by an illiterate spastic rhesus
monkey.

> "O.K. Got it." said Asuka. 
> "Oh, I forgot,

Rick: There was something about enigmatic alien beings, ending the world, complex metaphor for man’s
relationship with god… stuff.

> we gotta be at the Nerv in an hour, so we better hurry." 
> "O.K., let's run!!!" 

Tsuneo: Okay, this may sound stupid but... why are they *running* to NERV? Shouldn’t NERV have sent
a car or at the very least sprung for taxi fare? It’s a huge organization, a massive secret conspiracy which
has virtually unlimited resources!
Rick: They blew the budget on sync tests.

> The children ran to the Nerv right away and got there 45 minutes later,

Dan: Unacceptable!
Rick: They need better motivation.
Tsuneo: Like what? What’s a better motivation then stopping the end of the world?
Dan: Free booze and cake.
Rick: Being chased by a bear.
Dan: Being chased by a bear, but you get free booze and cake at the end.
Rick: I could handle that.

> they put their cards in and got inside.

Rebecca: Shoving a library card into an ID reader won’t work.
Tsuneo: One of them held up a book with their photo on the dust jacket. Nobody was buying it though.

> They ran to Ritsuko right on time. 

[They all make wheezing and gasping noises]

> "Hello Children." said Ritsuko. 
> "Hey Ritsuko." answered Tom. 

Dan: Now?
Rebecca: I suppose.
Dan: …you’re just gonna hit me if I do
Rebecca: Maybe [smirks]

> "Shinji and Tom, hurry and get your asses in the plane,
> you girls stay here and take a synchronization test." 

Rick: Sync tests! Sync tests! What's this thing with Sync tests anyway?
Dan: I think it's a fetish of Ritsuko's. You know, young girls in tight rubber- [Tsuneo hits him with a
cushion.]

> "Hai!" 
> Shinji and Tom ran in the plane and took seats

Dan: The little crooks.
Rick: Tom's got a thriving racket in those things.

> while the girls took a synchro test. 

Rebecca: Three times a day, before meals.
Tsuneo: Seems that way.

> Inside the plane... 

> "Damn dude!" said Tom, "Those bastards want a piece of us,

Tsuneo: I don’t think anyone wants a piece of you.

> they're gonna get it man!" 
> "Damn right!" responded Shinji. 

Tsuneo: …who are you and what have you done with Shinji Ikari?
Rebecca: What, upset that he’s grown a spine and seems to be enjoying himself?
Tsuneo: Frankly, yes.

> "Children, get in your plug suits." said the pilot. 

Rick: This is ground control to Major Tom, put your plug suit on…

> "Right!" said Shinji and Tom. 
> They put on their plug suits and got ready. 

Rebecca: I get it. This fic is being written as a transcript of an old Infocom text game.
Rick [mimes typing]: Get in Evangelion.

> The plane landed and the children got in their Evas.

Rick: Ooh, you’re right.

> The Evas were launched and got prepared for the aliens.
> About twenty minutes later

Rebecca: The script arrived.

> two huge fireballs looking like the 1st specimen hit Kyoto
> destroying a building. 

Dan: Aaaah! My hydrogen tank was in there!

> "Let's get em'!" yelled Tom. 
> The 1st alien was brown, walking on 4 legs, all 3 fingered, and its face looked
> like the one of a lizard except
> its teeth were sharper than a shark's.

Rick: Bullete!

> The second one was a red giant

Dan: Three million years form Earth-
Rick: That’s Red *Dwarf*
Dan: So it’s not going to wobble like a bowl full of jelly?
Rick: That’s a jolly red *Elf*.
Dan: And it doesn’t live on top of a mountain and eat princesses?
Rick: That’s a D&D Red *Dragon*
Dan: And it wasn’t once married to Bruce Willis?

[Ding!]

Rick: …I have no idea where you’re going with that
Dan: Me either.

> with the body and face of a human except for the horns
> on the shoulders and on the middle of the chest.

Tsuneo: So… not like a human at all, really.

> The 1st one jumped on unit 03
> and pushed it against a building literaly destroying it.

Rick: Misuse of literally.
Dan: Really?
Rick: Literally, misuse of it.

> Unit 01 grabbed the alien and threw it away
> while the 2nd creature had a glowing light in its mouth.

Rebecca: Uncle Fester!

> Unit 01 and 03 raised an AT Field.

[Tsuneo raises his hand]

Rebecca: Which they should have done on contact anyway?

[Tsuneo lowers his hand, nodding]

> The 2nd creature threw fire from its mouth at
> Unit 01 but the AT deflected it at the 1st monster burning its back.

Tsuneo: I really don't think he knows how an AT field works.
Rick: So it’s not like a Dragonball ki blast?
Tsuneo [angry]: No.
Rick [Writes on a notebook]: Not… a power level.

> Unit 03 got
> back up and jumped on the 1st creature and kicked it in the stomach making it
> fall.

Rick: Boot to the head!

> Shinji took out a machine gun from the plane
> and started shooting the 2nd
> creature which started running dodging the bullets.

Dan: John Woo this ain't.
Rebecca: Hollywood John Woo or Hong Kong John Woo? Big difference.
Dan: Either.
Rebecca: Harsh.

> Finaly, Shinji hit it on the forehead and made it fall bleeding.

Rick: A shot to the face. How nice.

> Tom grabbed the 1st alien,
> took out his progressive knife

Dan: Say hello to my little friend

> and tried to hit it but the creature was too fast and started
> running but was stopped by the Eva 01.

Dan: Nice intercept there by EVA-01, heading off an alien monster touchdown!

> The 4 legged creature jumped on Eva 01, pierced its
> AT Field and bit the left arm

Dan: Om nom nom Eva Sandvitch!
Rick: In the Russian dub, that alien monster is a bizarre genius. [Nods sagely]

> as hard as possible almost breaking it. It started biting the chest
> but Shinji used his AT Field to throw the beast
> away.

Rick: Powerthirst! It’s like AT Field in a Can!

> Shinji was in a bad pain, feeling like his arm was falling off.

Rick: Rei knows just what that’s like.

> Tom grabbed the 1st monster from behind
> and didn't let it move. 

Rebecca: Ritsuko should tape this and put it on the web. Bound to be someone’s kink.

> "Shinji, come here and kill it, I can't move in this position,

Rebecca: Did Tom forget the safeword?

> but neither can it, hurry up!" 

Rick: Mash “Z” to escape
Dan: I knew I should have taken hold resistance.
Rick: Keep mashing!

> Shinji ran to Tom, took out his progressive knife and planted it in the
> monster's head
> then went down to the stomach almost cuttin the beast in 2.

Dan: And then the blood goes pssssht in slow motion!

> The creature fell to the ground dead.

Rick: Stitch that, mutant healing factor!

> During that time, the second monster got back up
> and spit a huge fireball

Tsuneo: Halitosis of the gods!

> which hit Shinji from behind and made him fall down.
> Shinji's back was in horrible pain.

Dan: Shinji would later go on to sue his chiropractor for malpractice.

> Tom ran as fast as he could and tackled the
> monster. Unit 03 started punching the beast on the head as many times as he
> could.

Dan [Tom]: And that’s for the people who lived in that building! And that’s for their mailman! And
that’s for Mister Tiddles, their cat! And that’s for not separating your recyclables!

> The monster tried to fire but Tom put his hand on the alien's mouth and
> made the fire go back in.

Tsuneo: You know what? I’m not even going to think about how that works.

> The monster screamed in pain.

Rick [Deadpan]: Aaaah.

> Eva 03 picked it up
> making it stand up, then, Tom took out his progressive ax

Dan: One day, a pilot found the perfect progressive axe.

> and chopped the
> monster's head off killing it.

Dan: I’ll chop off your head!

> Tom ran back to Shinji and took out the entry plug and put it on the floor.
> Eva 03's entry plug ejected. Tom ran out of his
> entry plug and opened Shinji's. He saw Shinji sitting down in pain. 
> "Dude, are you okay?" asked Tom. 

Rick [Shinji]: I just got fireballed in the ass by some big alien! How do you think I feel?

> "Yeah, I'm alright!" answered Shinji. 
> "Asshole, you made me worry as hell." 

Rebecca: -Tom replied as he stared longingly into Shinji’s eyes.
Rick: Hey. This isn’t a romance; this is a *bro*mance.
Rebecca: You ruin all my fun.

> "Hey, it wouldn't have been a good movie if I hadn't!" 

Tsuneo: Well, it could have made for some actual drama in this pile of crap. Everything else reads like
a dumb action film, emphasis dumb.

> Tom and Shinji laughed while the Nerv agents took the 2 Evas and Aliens in the
> plane.

Dan [Tom]: I’m sick of these motherloving aliens on my motherloving plane!

> Shinji and Tom were on their way home.

Tsuneo: Ride off into the sunset together, cue closing theme by currently popular yet eminently
forgettable band, add a stinger to the credits… see what I mean?

> After the fight at the Nerv HQ... 
> "They made it, they got the beasts and we can analyze them!!!" yelled Ritsuko
> happy. 

Rebecca [Ritsuko]: Is there a sign out the front of my houses saying “Dead Alien Depository?”

> "Are they O.K.?" asked Asuka. 
> "They're perfectly alright,

Tsuneo: Regrettably

> they beat the living hell out of those aliens!!" answered Ritsuko. 

Rick: Okay, even I can see she’s out of character now.
Tsuneo: Have another fight with the editor?
Rick: It was an honest mistake! I said I’d just reassign the dialogue bubbles!

> "Dr. Akagi, AT Field detected coming near Tokyo-3 in fifteen minutes." yelled
> Maya. 

Rebecca: Warning, warning. Stupidity detected. Repeat, stupidity detected.

> "Oh shit, girls, get ready to fight!!" 
> "Hai!" 

Dan: Let’s get out there and… do stuff!

> The girls hopped in their entry plugs and the Evas got launched. 

Rebecca: Such a stirring recreation of the Evangelion launch sequence, capturing all of its dramatic
Intensity and emotion in such eloquent prose.
Dan: Really?
Rebecca: No.

> "The Alien is gonna hit west out of the city, it's 10 miles away from here,
> you can make it in ten minutes, get there!!" 

Tsuneo: Does the dialogue in this have any setting other than over-caffeinated sugar frenzy? 

> "Hai!" 

Tsuneo: …forget it.

> The Evas 00 and 02 ran to the point where Ritsuko told them to and saw an Eva
> long flying monster.It was all green with long sharp wings and the face of a
> vampire bat.

Rebecca: This is Alien Space Bat country. We can’t stop here.

> The flying monster flew as fast as possible hitting both Evas with
> its wings knocking both down.

Dan: The city was rocked by another drive-by monster attack this evening as two Evangelions
were attacked by what witnesses described as “an Alien Space Bat.” Police as yet have no leads.

> 10 seconds later, the two Evas got back up and
> raised an AT Field.

Rick: Raised it, fed it, clothed it, put it through school only to have it run off to join the circus. AT fields
these days.

> The monster came back to attack but the girls both caught a
> wing, but the creature was goin so fast it chopped off the hand that was
> holding its wing.

Dan: I guess we’ve got to *hand* it to him.
[The others groan]

> The girls cried in pain but got back on attack.

Rick [Badly Digitised Chuck Yeager]: All right, get back up and try it again.

> Rei took out
> her progressive knife as the monster came back w/the same attack.

Tsuneo: “w/the same attack”? What is this, an outline?
Rebecca: It does have some elements of that, like the author accidentally uploaded his rough draft
instead of the actual fic.

> Asuka ducked but Rei took a step on the side
> and put her knife verticaly, the monster's wing
> got in the way of the knife and got cut off the monster.

Rick: NO WING! [He jumps up and mimes playing a gituar]

[Dead silence]

Rick: What?
Rebecca: Nobody, but nobody is going to get that.

> The creature lost
> balance with only one wing and crashed.

Tsuneo: Allowing the Australian speed-skater to pass it and take the gold.

[They all cheer]

> Asuka jumped on the alien to keep it down,
> Rei jumped on it, took out the new Eva handgun and shot the creature 10
> times in the mouth and killed it. 

Rebecca [Rei]: Eat hot lead, mother-whatever.

> "Nice job girls!" said Ritsuko. 
> "Thanks Ritsuko!" answered Rei. 
> The girls got back to the base and met the guys back there. 

Tsuneo: Notice that Rei and Asuka get a fight scene that’s a lot shorter, a lot less bloody and a lot
less one-sided. Coincidence?
Rebecca: Yeah, I noticed and I’m not entirely happy with the thought.

> "So how was it in Kyoto?" asked Asuka. 

Rick: There was a lack of protocol.
Dan: Lateral thinking. Nice.

> "Pretty tough!" answered Tom, "Those two were powerful as hell but we got their
> asses!!"

Tsuneo: What they plan on doing with the aliens’ donkeys is another matter.
 
> "Cool, that one was tough too, he chopped off one of my hands, and same for Rei." 

Rick: Starring Michael Ironside as Rei.

> "Us, nothin chopped off, but lots of fire on our asses though..." said Tom. 

Dan: Yeah, that Enigmatic Alien Chili… it may not be that hot going in, but you feel it the next day.

> "Yeah, he's right!" said Shinji. 
> "I'm going to give you the synchronization score in order, Asuka :

Dan: Pi.

> 198%, Rei :

Tsuneo: Fnord.

> 204%, Shinji :

Rick: Googolplex.

> 231% and Tom :

Rebecca: -3.

> 237%, nice score guys!!" 
> Misato's apartment, 4:15 P.M. 

Dan: If a train leaves Misato's apartment at 4:15 PM and Tom Dyron leaves Nerv HQ
at 4:20 PM, at what time will the train hit Tom?

> The Children come back from Nerv HQ, as they walk in, they see Misato watching TV
> and drinking a beer. 

Rebecca: Well, at least Misato's in character.

> "Hi Misato." said Shinji. 
> "Hey guys,
> I heard of your wins, very nice!" answered Misato looking at the Children,

Tsuneo: Of course, she should have been at NERV supervising the battle. It’s only her job and
all that.
Rebecca: There was serious boozing that needed to be done.

> "Tom, your motorcycles arrived, it's in the garage." 
> "Kick ass, my bike finaly arrived! Whoohoo!" 

Dan: Tom reacting to getting his bike, or Tom reacting to anything?
Rick: Um…

> "You have a motorcycle?" asked Asuka. 
> "Yup." answered Tom, "Cool, huh?" 

Rebecca: I think owning a bike is no longer cool. Not unless you’re an accountant having a mid-life crisis.

> "Yeah, pretty cool." Asuka responded. 
> "Actualy, I have 2 and you can put 2 persons on each,

Tsuneo: Well that's just ridiculously convenient.

> so if any of learns how to
> ride a bike, we won't be late to school ever! You're probably wondering how a poor
> ass like me has two motorcycle and a computer,

All: No.

> well I won them in kickboxing tournaments!" 

Dan: Somehow, I don't think motorbikes and computers would be prizes in fighting tournaments.
Rick: Since he lives on his own, wouldn't he be better off selling one of those bikes?
Tsuneo: That makes sense, so no.

> "Cool!" said Shinji. 
> "For two days, we're not going to school
> 'cause I'm gonna teach Shinji how to ride
> a motorcycle. Shinji, you'll take Rei with you, and I'll take Asuka, k?" 

Rebecca: How about teaching Rei and Asuka to ride motorbikes so they've got some degree of
independence?
Tsuneo: Has anyone else here noticed how incredibly sexist this fic is?
Rebecca [Darkly]: Yes.

> "O.K." answered the three others while Misato was watching TV barely listening. 

Rebecca: Inside of her, Misato has the making of a world-class deadbeat dad.

> During those two days, Tom taught Shinji how to ride a bike. It took a lot of hard
> work, but Shinji can ride the motorcycle now!

Rick: Shinji has learned skill: Not Fall Off Bike

> The next day, the 4 Children finaly
> went back to school and got there early for once!
> As class, the teacher said : 

Dan: For your continued lateness and absence, you are all expelled.
Tsuneo: What were Rei and Asuka doing while Shinji was learning to ride a bike?
Rebecca [Angry]: Probably sitting around and talking about how awesome Tom was and how useless
they are, being girls and all.

> "Today, class, we have a math test, if I see any cheating, it's an automatic 0,
> O.K.?" 

Rick [Shinji]: That's normal practice sir. Why bother reminding us?
Dan: [Teacher]: You young people have no respect! Why, before Second Impact...
Rebecca [Asuka]: Oh, wonderful. You've got him started again.

> "Yes ma'am!" answered the whole class. 
> The students got on their computers and the test showed up on the screen. Tom,
> instead of starting the test hacked on the computer to the answer file.

Rick: I’d point out how dumb this is, but truth is, if the teacher leaves the answers in a plain text format
on an unsecured machine, he deserves it.
Dan: So the teacher works for Sony Online Entertainment?
Rick: Seems so.

> Tom got all
> the answers and made a program. If the program used, every answer you type will be
> corrected to the right one. Tom then got in contact with Shinji, Rei, Asuka,
> Suzuhara and Kensuke and asked them if they wanted the program, and, of course,
> they all said yes, even Rei.

Tsuneo: I maybe could see Toji and Kensuke going for that, but not the others. Shinji and Rei wouldn’t
cheat on a test because they’d see it as the wrong thing to do, while Asuka wouldn’t cheat just so she
could prove how well she can do without anyone’s help.
Rebecca: What is this canon of which you speak?
Rick: And why do these class computers have any sort of messaging enabled? You’d think that they’d
be disabled to prevent this sort of crap.
Rebecca: I think I have to side with Rick. His concerns seem more legit.

> An hour later, they finaly got out of class. 
> "Hey, nice program Tom!" said Shinji. 
> "You bet!" answered Tom. 

Tsuneo: [Tom] We’re cheating ourselves out of a valuable education!
Rick: Wait, when did you care about education?
Tsuneo: …we’re old…

> Next class was gym. 

Tsuneo: High School gym class; like Roman gladiator games only with no crowds and more brutality.
Rick: Picked last for dodgeball then?
Tsuneo: Every time.

> "Hello class, today, we're gonna play basketball!" the teacher said. 
> The teacher made the teams and Shinji, Suzuhara, Kensuke, another kid

Rick: Who no-one cares about, so we won't even give him a name.
Rebecca: If you must know, his name's Bob and he raises goldfish. Happy?

> and Tom were one team.
> At first, the game looked fair until the ball was given to Tom. Tom
> started dribbling like crazy,

Dan: Got a bit of a drooling problem there, boy.

> passed the whole team's defense and finished with a
> monster dunk making the game 2-0.

Rick: TURBO JAAM!

> The game went on for 45 minutes, final score :
> 97-25, 69 points were for Tom.

All [bored]: Yay.

> The teacher seing that challenged Tom for a one on one.
> A game up to 5 points going by 1.

Rebecca: Scoring even the readers could keep track of.
Dan: Yeah, at last… Hey!

> The teacher started with the ball but got it
> stolen by Tom who run to the basket and made a lay up. 1-0. The teacher got the
> ball, shot the ball but got blocked, Tom gets the ball, fakes a shot, shoots a 3
> pointer and makes it. 2-0. As soon as the teacher went back on offense, Tom stole
> the ball and made a 360 lay up. 3-0.

Dan [yelling]: I have teacher hates me at basketball he is in my fic!

> All students cheering for the invincible student.

Rebecca: I think that says volumes about Tom here and now.

> The teacher went back on offense and went in front of Tom, he shot but Tom
> ran as fast as he could, and jumped to stop the ball before it hits the basket,
> Tom
> runs back to the other side and made a reverse lay up. 4-0. Final point. Tom steals
> the ball again, runs and makes a reverse dunk to score the final point. 5-0. 

Tsuneo: Hooray. Tom is once again shown to be awesome and unbeatable. Thrilling.
Rebecca: Glad we went from a fight scene showing how awesome Tom is to a school day showing how awesome Tom is.
Rick: I believe next he shows us his amazing skill at Sudoku.

> At the end of the day, Shinji, Asuka, Rei and Tom got back on their motorcycles and
> went back to the apartment. When they got there, Misato wasn't home and had left a
> message saying : 

Dan: Croaton? The hell?

> "Kids, I'm out with Kaji, do whatever you want with the apartment just don't set it on
> fire. 

Rick: So no flamethrower then.
Rebecca; No.
Rick: Awww

>     Thanks for understanding, 
>     Misato" 

Dan: PS, feed the Penguin.
Rick: Say, where is Pen-Pen anyway?
Tsuneo: Misato sent him away towards the end of the series… which means that it’s a strange moment
of continuity where everything else has been ignored or run roughshod over.

> "Damn, this thing with Kaji is serious!" said Tom. 
> "Damn right man!" responded Shinji. 
> "Well, we got the house for ourselves, let's go out for dinner!" said Asuka. 

Rebecca: Most teenagers, when they have the house to themselves chose to just invite more people
over.
Rick: So… Kensuke and Toji
Rebecca: Hm. Good point.

> "Huh, us and what money?" asked Tom, "'cause don't count on me, I'm broke!" 
> "I'm not!" said Asuka, "I got plenty of money left from Germany!" 

Rebecca [Asuka]: Not that I, the great Asuka, am going to spend it on peons like you.

> "Whoa, kick ass, someone with money!!" said Tom surprised. 

Rick: Tom has his priorities right, I see.

> "Well let's go!" said Asuka. 
> And the four of them went out downtown, and chose an Italian restaurant.
> They went in and sat down. A waiter came to give them the menus. 

Dan: Thrilling going to the restaurant action.

> "Would you like something to drink?" the waiter asked. 
> "I'd like some green tea." said Rei. 
> "Make that two!" said Shinji. 
> "I'll have a coke with a bit of lemon please." asked Asuka. 
> "And I'll have a beer!" said Tom. 
> "Thank you." said the waiter. 

Dan: Thrill as the cast order drinks!
Rick: Maybe Tom will start stalking some random girl and make things interesting.

> The waiter went away to the kitchen. 
> "Whoa, that's cool," said Tom, "in the U.S., you gotta be 21 to get a beer!" 

Rebecca: And I suspect it is in Japan too. [Dark] And it's eighteen in England!

> "Damn, that sucks!" said Asuka.
> "By the way, Asuka, I ain't that broke, I'm paying!" Tom said. 

Dan [yelling]: I said I broke but not.

> "Well, okay, I guess..." Asuka answered. 

Rebecca: This is riveting. I’m almost missing the fantastic fight scene. Almost.

> A few minutes later, the waiter came back with the drinks. 

Tsuneo: So how’s that comic of yours going, Rick?
Rick: Okay, yeah. The editors didn’t like some of the script though, so it needs re-working.

> "Thank you." Tom said. 
> "Are you all ready to order?" 

Rebecca: So what’s it about, actually?
Rick: Well it started out as a reconstruction of genre conventions that had been deconstructed over the
last couple of decades. But then, it went through editing.

> "I guess..." said Tom, "I'll have the Gnocchis with a mix of white and meat sauce." 

Rebecca: And now?

> "Very good choice!" said the waiter. 

Rick: Now it’s about a deranged time-travelling super-commando who shoots people with a man-portable
soft-serve machine.
Dan: Don’t think that’s a wee silly?

> "I'll have the same thing!" said Asuka. 
> "I want Calzone, please!" asked Shinji. 

Rick: Naw, the editors love it. Said it was postmodern.
Dan: That wouldn’t fly where I come from.

> "And I'd like the Toascana Pizza, please." said Rei. 
> "O.K. We'll get your orders in about twenty minutes. 

Rebecca: Dan, you come from a post-apocalyptic hellhole.
Dan: So? I like it.

> The Children started talking about school, Evas, the creatures coming to earth.
> When their orders came, they started eating.

Rebecca: My point.
Dan: At least it *had* a nice enigmatic ruin.

> When they were done, they got back home.

Dan: You didn’t need to - Wait, what?
Tsuneo: Ah yes, another memorable scene cut from Delta Invasion.

> When they arrived at the apartment, they all sat down on the couch and
> watched TV. When they put on channel 31, they saw the battle of Tom and Shinji
> at Kyoto. 

Rebecca: Just so he can stroke his ego some more. Or stroke something else for that matter.
Tsuneo: You've been good for a while, so I'll let that slide.
Rick: Besides, it's true.

> "Damn guys, you didn't go easy on those monsters!" noticed Asuka. 
> "Hey, like I always said, if you gotta get the job done, get it done right!"
> responded Tom. 

Tsuneo: Can we stop talking about Tom already?

> "Yeah, he's right! Besides, those guys were tough!" said Shinji. 
> "Anyways, who cares as long as they're alive..." said Rei. 

Dan: Wait, as long as the aliens are alive?
Rebecca: Given that the other option pretty much amounts to Rei saying “boys are the only ones who
matter”, I’m torn.

> Same time at the Nerv HQ 

Rick: Meanwhile, back at the Batcave.

> The creatures have been transfered to the science laboratory. 

Tsuneo: I keep wanting to spell-check it…

> "Damn, those creatures are special! I gotta call Misato..." 
> Ritsulo

Rick: Twisted clone of Ritsuko.

> picks up the phone and calls Misato's apartment. 
> "Hello?" 

Dan [Rough]: Bring back my ghost

> "Hello, Shinji, it's Ritsuko, is Misato here?" 
> "No, but you can call her on her cellular phone." 
> "Thanks, bye Shinji!" 
> "Bye." 
> Ritsuko hangs up and calls Misato on her cell phone. 

Tsuneo: …that was pointless, even by the standards of this fic…

> "Hello?" 
> "Hello, Misato, it's Ritsuko." 
> "Hey, any news about those monsters?" 

Rick: They look suspiciously like leftover Ultraman props.

> "Yeah, we analysed the three that we got, and, you're gonna be surprised,
> they're all different!" 

Tsuneo: How’s that a surprise? None of them bore any resemblance to each other.
Rick: It’s like each one was a random body part grab bag.

> "They are? Tell me about the 3 of em'." 
> "O.K. but they all have something in common.

Tsuneo [Ritsuko]: They're dead. And they're really stinking up the place.

> They all have the blood of reptiles and cellular tissues of humans or angels." 
> "Damn weird!" 
> "You bet, now, the 1st specimen we have had the constitution of a tiger!" 

Dan: What part is the constitution anyway?
Rebecca: A 3D6 roll.

> "Of a tiger?" 
> "Yeah, the 2nd one had the constitution of a human, the exact copy of a human
> except for the reptilian blood!" 
> "Damn..." 
> "And the 3rd one, well, he had a mixed constitution of an eagle and a bat..." 

Tsuneo: No, no matter how I look at it, this doesn’t make a shred of sense [rubs forehad]
Rebecca: You have failed alien space monster biology!

> "So, what do we call em'?" 
> "Well, so far, we call them the "Invadors"." 

Tsuneo: …you’re really going with that?
Rick: Hyuga bet Aoba dinner that she wouldn’t notice.

> "How do you think they were created?"

Rebecca [Ritsuko]: I think they’re the product of a five-year-old describing things to his comic artist
brother. Just at a guess.
 
> "My personal opinion is they come from Lilith too, but I don't know enough about
> them to make a 100% sure statement." 
> "O.K." 
> "That's all I had to say, so, bye!" 
> "Bye." 

Rebecca: Important revelation about the nature of enigmatic alien invaders-
Rick: -Inva*dor*s-
Rebecca: -Invadors, or casual goss between two friends? You be the judge!

> Ritsuko hangs up. 

Dan: Ritsuko Akagi, the master of interpersonal communication.
Rebecca: Don't make me laugh.

> Same time at Terminal Dogma... 

Rick: Stately Wayne manor.

> Commander Ikari walks in the room,
> and watches the giant, Lilith, crucified on the
> cross with LCL dripping under.

Tsuneo [Gendo]: Yup, still there. Just checking, you know, just in case.

> The Longinus Spear still piercing its heart. An
> expedition to the moon in 2016 had retrieved the Lance back and gave it back to the
> Nerv.

Tsuneo: And I quote from the episode: "There's no way to recover an object that large."

> Commander Ikari was holding the embryo of Adam in his eight hand. 

Dan: Is an eight hand like a six-footed man?

> "Adam, you have been too much of a threat, and you are dangerous, you need to be
> destroyed..." 
> Gendo suddenly crushed the embryo with his right hand.

Tsuneo: Sorry, is this Gendo here? Really Gendo? Just checking.

> Gendo walked closer to Lilith and said : 
> "Lilith, could you have created those Invadors to kill us just like the angels?
> Probably. And the 3rd Impact is too dangerous to humanity, I have been a fool,
> you're gonna have to be annihilated too!" 

Tsuneo: Okay. The author officially has no idea whatsoever about Evangelion.
Rick: Does anyone?
Tsuneo: A-
Rick: You wrote a university thesis on it. That doesn’t count and you know it.

> Commander Ikari stepped out of the room back to his post. 
> Later that night at Misato's apartment... 

Rick: Meanwhile, at the fortress of Doom…

> The phone rings. Tom runs to pick it up. 
> "Hello?" 
> "It's Misato, they analysed the monsters you guys killed." 

Dan [Misato]: The tests say they're dead. More details to follow.

> "They did? Great!" 
> "Those monsters have the blood of reptiles and the cellular tissues of humans!" 
> "The reptilian blood helped the 1st one regenerate its tail!" 

Rick: Biology in a purely Marvel Comics sense of the term. And loving it.

> "Yup, that's right, but the most incredible thing is that they all have a different
> constitution, the 1st one you though today had the constitution of a tiger, the 2nd
> one, the constitution of a human and the 3rd one was like an eagle and a bat!" 

Tsuneo: Just to restate what we heard earlier.

> "Oh my god, I'm gonna tell dat to the others..." 

Rick: Not again!

> "O.K. Bye." 
> "Bye." 

Rebecca: More of that *gripping* dialogue we've come to expect from Delta Invasion.

> Tom hang up and ran back to the couch. 
> "Who was it?" asked Asuka. 
> "Misato..." 
> "What did she say?" asked Shinji. 

Rick [Tom]: Um, something about aliens and tigers and Dr Connors… Stuff. Probably wasn’t important.

> Tom explained the whole thing. 

Dan: And thankfully we didn't have to hear it again.

> "Damn, those creatures are special!" said Asuka. 

Tsuneo: The writing in this fic's pretty "special" too.

> "Dat's what everybody says!" responded Tom. 
> They sat back down on the couch thinking about their enemies

Rebecca [Rei]: Invadors.
Rick [Asuka]: Invadors.
Tsuneo [Shinji]: Invadors
Dan [Tom]: Boobs and beer.

> and went to bed at
> about 2:00 A.M. 
> This night, Tom had another nightmare.

Dan: For some reason, it featured Penpen, a chainsaw and a copy of the Radio Times.
Rick: That is painful.

> "NO!!!!!!!! Don't touch my dad!

All: O_o
Rebecca: Take that one how you will.

> You bastards, no!
> Eric, don't die, no, don't DIE!!! ARGH!!!

Rebecca: We have no idea who you are but it’s too early in the fic for you to die!

> Why us? What did we do to you damnit?" 
> Suddenly, somebody appeared in front of Tom in his nightmare. 

Rick: And a girl who talked with her eyes.
Dan: This is ponderous, Tom, really ponderous

> "Dad??" said Tom. 
> "Tom, you know it's your fault that I'm gone now,

Tsuneo: You killed me off to give yourself backstory!

> do you know and understand that well, son?????" asked the form. 
> "NO!!!!!!! I never did anything to you, dad,

Rick [Tom]: I thought you liked getting socks and underpants for Christmas each year!

> don't do that to me, don't!!! How can you do something like that?" 
> "Bullshit, you know it's all your fault!!!!" 

Rebecca [Tom’s Father]: You were the one who needed a few more points of complications.

> "You're not my father
> you stupid piece of shit, I'm going to destroy you!!!" 
> The form suddenly changed to a very tall man. 

Dan: Big McLargehuge!
Rick: Stomp Beefknob!
Dan: Splint Chesthair!
Rick: Slate Slabrock!
Dan: Gristle McThornBody!
Rick: Dirk Hardpec!
Dan: Zap Rowsdower!
Rick: Uh… I got nothing.

> "Jeff? You god damn fucker, how could you do this?
> 1st you kill my family,

Rick: Come on. All he did was make the salmon mousse. Don't hold him to blame for
that.

> now you wanna destroy me??" 
> "Now, isn't that my job, Tom Dyron?
> I never got the job done 5 years ago, but don't
> think I will fuck up this time!!!" 

Dan: I’ll get you, Gadget! Next time! Next time!

> Tom watched as the form disapeared. Suddenly, another one appeared. 
> "Tom?" it said. 
> "Mom?" 

Tsuneo: And will our mystery guest please sign in.

> "Yes, Tom, it's your mother.
> I know you had to live a whole life, without a mother,
> and I'm sorry, but you learned how to live with it, right?" 

Rick: Actually, Tom was never potty trained.

> "Yes, mom, but it's been so hard.

All: O.o

> But my life is good in Japan!
> I have a few reasons to live, you know..." 
> "Tom, remember one thing, never try to end your life stupidly,

All: Too late.

> you have something to live for that you'll have to find out yourself..." 

Rick: Bacon!

> "I know, mom, but it is a very hard life... I had to go on with no parents for five
> years already,

Dan [Tom, over-dramatic]: My parents are dead!

> and I had to learn how to work to live when I was 11..." 
> "Tom, I'll always be with you, don't worry..."

Tsuneo: Ooh. What an oh-so-subtle Evangelion reference.
 
> "Yes, mom..." finished Tom as the form disapeared.
> Tom thought about his father and his nerves were cracking. 
> Tom woke up during the night again,
> and looked out the window.

Dan: Huh. When did the moon get there?

> "Dad, I promise, I'll avenge you, I will kill him, I will kill that man!" 

Rick: The six-footed man.
Tsuneo: And Tom’s dream sequence is the second-longest scene in the chapter, Make of this what
you will.

> End of Genesis 0:15


“Well.” Rebecca commented as the screen switched off. “I didn’t think that it could suck more than the first
chapter but, well, it did.”

“You know, I think it would have been better if it was shorter.” Tsuneo agreed.

“And not just because there’d be less suckage, right?” Dan spoke up.

“Right.” He nodded. “The second half of the fic – basically everything after Rei and Asuka beat the alien
space bat invader-“

“Invador, thank you very much.” Rick corrected him.

“Invador, my mistake.” Tsuneo continued. “Everything after that was pointless. I mean, you could argue
that yes, we got some plot development in the revelation of the nature of the Invadors, as nonsense as it
was, but the rest of it was rather superfluous, especially the restaurant scene.”

“It wasn’t all pointless.” Rebecca offered. “Tom got to show off how awesome he was.”

“Oh yes, how could I forget?”

“Booze helps.” Dan quipped as he opened a bottle.

“I’d imagine.” Rick agreed. “Gimme some of that.”

Dan passed him a bottle as he took a swig from his own. “I mean, man, that’s some bad crap.”

“And it’s only chapter two of thirteen.” Rick continued.

“I mean, a part of me says that it can’t get any worse than this.” Rebecca noted. “Though of course,
saying that it can’t get any worse usually means it will. At the very least, I doubt that we’ll ever have
anything as thrilling as the intense Italian restaurant action.”

“The worst part is that I almost found myself missing the ‘fantastic’ fight scenes.” Tsuneo finished.
“Almost.”

“Or more of the fantastic nonsense science.” Rebecca added. “This is the sort of stuff that Saturday
morning cartoon writers would wince at for being too dumb. Methinks that somebody didn’t know the first
thing about biology or, well, anything else for that matter”

“And what’s with the writing?” Dan continued. “I mean, it’s like a spastic rhesus monkey threw a keyboard
at the wall or something.”

“Which is saying quite a lot, coming from the semi-literate hick.” Rebecca added with a smirk.

“Damn right it is.” He proudly added. “Wait, what?”

“So in short, Delta….” Tsuneo finished.

“Sucks.” Dan added.

“Bites.” Rick suggested.

“Blows goats.” Rebecca nodded soundly.

“Hey, let’s not dwell on it.” Rick finally spoke up. “Tell you what, you guys have given me a bucket full of
ideas. What say we grab a bite to eat-“

“Not Italian!” came a chorus or replies.

“Okay!” Rick raised his hand as he stood. “Still, not like I’m gonna spend hours describing what we’re
ordering.”

“Let’s go to the bacon place again.” Dan offered. “Because, well… bacon?”

“No arguing with that logic.” Rebecca smiled. “Let’s rock. No more Delta for the week is good enough for me.”

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Author’s notes:

“Rebuild of Delta” was inspired by a random silly conversation about Rebuild of Evangelion. The question
came up as to what the “rebuild” version of Delta would be like, with the only answer offered being “Mari
would be paired up with John Barren so that there would be no ‘spares’ left over. Otherwise its
unchanged.” Although the Angel naming committee on the moon are more then a little reminiscent of the
trip to Planet Delta itself…

“Robe versus Dress” was a part of the orignal RP campaign that Rick came from some… many years
back. Rory Stonewall was another PC In said game; he appeared in the host segments of episode 151.


Evangelion created by Gainax

Evangelion II: DELTA Invasion created by “Tom Dyron”. You know who you are. Thanks for the laughs!

Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis created by Rick R. (natch)
Tsuneo Tateao and Dan created by Zogster

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Shock and/or terror? Email us at elmerstudios00 (at) gmail.com and
register your Jeff.

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http://www.heavens-feel.com/elmer/	
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> "So, what do we call em'?" 
> "Well, so far, we call them the "Invadors"."