Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode 109 sees the ongoing saga of Recollections of a Tekkaman, starring the awesome Tekkaman Shrapnel! Recollections of a Tekkaman is copyright Brandon Atkinson Teknoman/Tekkaman Blade is copyright Sotsu-Tatsunoko Productions Inc. and Saban entertainment. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A cardboard box sits by the bench, with the tattered pieces of tinsel sticking out and a trodden-on plastic Christmas tree lying next to it.] [Rick and Rebecca enter] Rebecca: I didn't want to say this in front of Wonder Boy, but I'm kind of enjoying this experiment. Rick: Me too. It's more goofy then terrible. Rebecca: Tsuneo must be hating every minute of it. Rick: Probably. [Tsuneo and Dan enter] Tsuneo: What was that? Rebecca: We were just discussing the redeeming features of this fic. Dan: Well this should be a laugh. Rick: Actually, we found several. There's Brandon/Shard's general ineptitude, the GPS, Shard vs Canada and, of course Shrapnel. Tsuneo: Oh yeah, our oh so brilliant master villain. Rick: Well this got me thinking- Rebecca: Now there's a change. Rick: Anyway, I was thinking about how good a villain is our boy Shrapnel. I came to the conclusion that as villains go, he's brilliant. Tsuneo: And this is coming from a guy who writes a comic featuring villains with names like The Villain Formerly Known As Dr Destructo, the Big Aryan Guy and Megabee. Dan: Hey! Megabee's cool. Rick: So what I did to try and figure how cool he was by comparing him to other original villains from fanfics. Rebecca: This should be good. Rick: Number one was Jeff "No Witnesses" Garyn from DELTA Invasion. Now, Jeff had a lot of positive marks going for him. He was physically imposing, grossly over-armed with his dreaded 45mm silencer, and wanted "NO WITNESSES" to anything he did. So that makes him big, mean, and with little regard to casual killing. And he tried to kill Tom, so that gives him a few bonus points. Dan: Say, how did you find out about Jeff? You missed that one. Rick: I read the cliff notes. Tsuneo: So how's Jeff rate? Rick: Regrettably he lost a few points for being hopelessly ineffectual, spending two years chasing the one target and never changing his clothes. In that time I figure that he must have begun to smell like hell. Rebecca: That's, um, fascinating. Who else made the list? Tsuneo [Aside]: Why are you encouraging him? Rebecca [Aside]: It's kinda fun. Rick: Well, next came the Hellraiser, the famed war load and spelling error. I tried to find his redeeming features, and, well, there were none. He utterly failed to do anything. Furthermore, every time he killed Colt, the guy just got better. To his credit, however, he did employ Rift and Zar as henchmen. They rock. Dan: Rift and Zar made that fic. Rebecca: They could make this one too. Rick: So up next on my list came Garnetia, from all the way back in "Chaos in Time". Dan: Dude, that's a long way back. Rick: Tell me about it. Tsuneo: So, um, how'd she do? Rick: She got lots of points for being stupendously powerful, as well as betraying everyone, killing authour-created Senshi at the drop of a hat, effortlessly disposing of henchmen, turning on her own brother and being all-around evil. Rebecca: And what cme up as her minuses? Rick: Turning stroppy at the end and being too inconsistently written for words. Tsuneo: Is that all? Rick: Nope. Then came Madigan from "Bubblegum Shift". All except Rick: There's an extra "F" in there. Rick: Whatever. OK, she was the head of a secret society, told Quincy what to do, handed out arbitrary orders and had made it her personal goal to get rid of Dorkfish. Tsuneo: Those are good points. The bad ones? Rick: Having all the personality of wet cardboard. Tsuneo: True. Dan: OK, I'll bite. How did our boy Shrapnel do? Rick: Good at first. He's out to kill all the good guys and isn't under any illusions about what he's doing. He's ruthless enough to out and blast one of them to oblivion straight up. And he has a personal reason to hate them. Rebecca: So he won? Rick: Actually, he was pushed into second. He lost points for spending more time gloating and posing before he got round to actually kicking some hero dates across the landscape. Tsuneo: So, and I know I'm going to hate myself for asking this, but... Who came first? Rick: Kim Zee from that "Fist of the North Star" comic. He had ruthlessness, Mad Martial Arts Skillz, corny dialogue *and* bad ASCII art. Dan: I'm impressed. Rebecca: I'm impressed. Tsuneo: I'm vaguely suicidal. Voice: Good morning guys. Rebecca: Speaking of low-grade villainy, it's Mason-On-A-Pole. Voice: ... Tsuneo: I take it by that response that you still haven't gotten us a BGC 2040 fic? Voice: Well... No. Dan: So it's back to Recollections of a Tekkaman then? Voice: Yes. Rick: Cool! Let's see if Shard can get himself into even more trouble this time! [They sit - Dan and Rick on the forwards-facing couch, Rebecca and Tsuneo on the other one. Tsuneo and Dan are closest on the corners.] Dan: Twenty says he trips over his own shoelaces. Tsuneo: In his armour, no less. [The TV switches on] > Recollections of a Tekkaman > Copyrights: > -Teknoman / Tekkaman-Blade and related characters are property of > Sotsu-Tatsunoko Productions Inc. / Saban Entertainment. > -The Character "Tekkaman Shard" was created by me (Teknos Shard) and is not to > be confused with "Teknoman Shard" which was created by Leizel Ann. They are > totally different characters! Rick: 'Cause one's Shard and the other's Shard. You see, Shard's nothing like Shard. > "Teknoman Blaze" and "Tekkaman Shrapnel" are also my creations. > -"Teknoman IceBlade" is the property of IceBlade. Dan: Oh, so he's a loaner avatar. > ________________________________________________________________________ > I have decided to use terms from both Tekkaman-Blade 2 (I have not seen the > original Tekkaman Blade series) and Teknoman. Rick: Any reason? [Long pause] Didn't think so. > For example: > Teknoman = Regular ordinary armored Form Tsuneo: Just your average, every-day super-powered, half-alien, armoured human. > Tekkaman = More powerful form of A Teknoman. Dan: That's after you get the red mushroom. > Note: Tekkaman status can ONLY be reached when a Teknoman uses another > Teknoman's transformation crystal in conjunction with his/her own. Rebecca: Hey buddy, can you lend me your crystal? I want to get to SSJ 3. Dan: Get lost, I need this! > Blastor = Ultimate (almost god-like) State - Highest level a Teknoman can > possibly reach. Though, there is currently no knowledge of anyone who's been > able to or have tried to achieve this state. Tsuneo: Sounds like a set-up to me. > Just so people don't get confused when reading this chapter, the names of the > energy weapons that Teknomen and Tekkamen use are series specific. Teknoman have > their Teknoblasters, and Tekkamen have their Voltekkers - Same type of weapons, > different names for them. Rick: That's a great way to confuse people. Why not just stick with one set of terminology? Rebecca: Valkyrie, Veritech, go figure. > When a Teknoman rises to Tekkaman level, the names of his abilities change to > fit the format of his new status (I don't think this makes sense, and I am the > one writing it!). Rebecca: So why did you do it? > ________________________________________________________________________ > Recollections of a Tekkaman > By Brandon Atkinson > Chapter 4 - The Battle Begins.... Dan: Begins? So what was fricasseeing Blaze at the end of the last chapter? Rick: Oh, that was like watching Essa Rios and Taka Michinoku do a dark match before the show. > Shard and IceBlade watched in horror as Shrapnel hit Blaze with his more > powerful energy blast. Tsuneo: Alas poor whats-her-name, I knew her, kind of. Dan: Damn, she was hot. And she got naked when she transformed. > A bright explosion shortly followed, and Shard and IceBlade were momentarily > blinded. > When the light finally faded away, Shard saw Blaze lying in human form on the > ground unconscious. Dan, Rick & Tsuneo: Ooohhh... [Rebecca hits them all with a cushion] > "Shard, while I distract Shrapnel, you get Blaze out of here." Iceblade > half-whispered. Rick: [Shard] Now that's a plan I like. You get to fight the monstrously powerful bad guy, while I scarper with the naked chick. Dan: [IceBlade] Err... Wait a sec... > "Right, but try not to get yourself killed, okay? I don't like to bury my > friends." Shard responded. Tsuneo: [Shard] And I've known you for a whole... What, five minutes now? > "NOW!" IceBlade said. > They broke free of their restraints and disappeared in a blur of lines. Dan: Cheap animation in fanfics, what next? Tsuneo: So why didn't they do that before their buddy got fried, and maybe help her out? Rick: They didn't really like her anyway. > Shrapnel > was 50 meters away, and he was facing Blaze, so he did not see Shard and > IceBlade make their move. Rebecca: I see Shrapnel's another fine graduate of the SPECTER school of cliched villainy. Rick: I wonder if he's got a tank full of piranhas? > *** > In his "blurred" state, Dan: Read: high. > Iceblade, now in his Tekno-form, began his attack on the > person who used to be his friend. Tsuneo: I guess he doesn't like Shard either. Rebecca: I think he means Shrapnel. Tsuneo: Oh. > IceBlade was fast, charging in and striking his opponent then running away, > before he could react. Dan: [IceBlade] Change of plan! Leg it! > "WHA-!" Shrapnel gasped staggering from the wounds inflicted by IceBlade's > weapons. He had no idea where his enemy was. Rebecca: [Shrapnel] Cut that out! Come back here and fight like a man, you big pansy! > Meanwhile, Shard, also in Tekno-form, exited out of his Blurred State just long > enough to pickup the wounded Blaze and then Blurred out again. Tsuneo: Does he realise that this "blurred state" of his is just a cheap animation trick to represent someone moving very fast? Rick: [Shard] Ahah! Shrapnel, I'll defeat you by saving on production costs! > This did not go > unnoticed by Shrapnel who happened to be looking in that direction at the time. > "So, these attacks are just a diversion to buy Blaze time to escape. Well, I > will get her and the other one soon enou- ARGH!" Dan: [Shrapnel] Damn, shouldn't have spent so much time gloating. Rebecca: Shrapnel, you are an idiot. > Shrapnel staggered from the > force of another blow. "I will deal with this annoying pest first." Shrapnel > thought. > "Enough of this!" He roared. He made a gesture with his right hand Rick: Oh, come on. You are so mature. > and somewhere > off to the right of him, a scream of pain could be heard and IceBlade was > forcefully returned to the visible world. IceBlade hit the ground hard and laid > still. Dan: So what did Shrapnel do exactly? Rick: [Shrapnel] Well, I just, you know, *did.* Dan: Unh-huh. > Shrapnel walked over to where IceBlade was lying, and hauled him to his feet by > his throat. > "First I'll kill you, and then I'll kill your friends." Shrapnel sneered. Tsuneo: [Shrapnel] And I'll take a very long time to do it, so you can retaliate! Rebecca: By now his friends are on a plane to Brazil. > "I don't think so, not if I have anything to say about it!" IceBlade said. > Then he closed his eyes tight and muttered something. > Finally in a louder voice he said "LIGHTBLAST!" Dan: And what was shrapnel doing all this time? Rebecca: Posing. Rick: Rehearsing his dialogue. Tsuneo: Trying to think. > A real bright light, almost equaling that of the sun itself, flared up into > Shrapnel's face, blinding him and causing him to lose his grip on IceBlade. Tsuneo: [Shrapnel] Should've seen that coming. > "AHHH! MY EYES! MY EYES! What did you do to My Eyes?!" Shrapnel screamed > covering his face with his hands. Rebecca: Guess who wasn't wearing appropriate eye protection. > "Take that you bastard!" IceBlade muttered. He flew away to a safe distance, and > began casting another spell. Dan: Casting? Spell? The hell? Tsuneo: Remeber, he's a loaner avatar. He can do whatever he likes, so long as he doesn't show up Our Hero. Rebecca: [IceBlade] Darkness beyond twilight... > The light quickly faded and Shrapnel shortly regained his sight. Dan: [Shrapnel] I was blind, but now I can seeeaaaAARGH! THUMP! > His left eye > had been destroyed and the left side of his face had taken some serious damage. > He turned to where IceBlade was. Rick: [Shrapnel] I think you're not a very nice person! I'll never be your best friend! > "ARGH! You F***ing ASSHOLE! Tsuneo: Note the effortless pronunciation of a stream of asterisks. > You destroyed my eye! For that I am going to make > you suffer greatly before I kill you." He declared. Tsuneo: [Shrapnel] Kill him. Ah yes, that's what I forgot to do! > IceBlade was about halfway through casting the spell when Shrapnel suddenly > charged at IceBlade. Dan: [IceBlade] Damn that extra casting time! Damn it! Rebecca: [IceBlade] That's it, next time I pick a spell without a lengthy Latin chant. > IceBlade didn't have any time to get ready as Shrapnel > attacked. He was even more ferocious than before. Rick: [Shrapnel] You showed Farscape out of order, you bastards! Rebecca: And there's one for our Australian audience. > Shrapnel slashed fiercely at > IceBlade with his lance scoring a few hits in the process. Tsuneo: He could be really handy in a fast order kitchen. > IceBlade managed to get one of his swords up in time as Shrapnel brought his > lance at him again. Deflecting the blow, he jabbed at Shrapnel with the other > sword, and missed. > Shrapnel grabbed IceBlade's free weapon out of his hand and tossed it away. Rick: Okay wiseass, what now? Dan: [IceBlade] Don't worry, I've still got one. > "Shit!" IceBlade thought. > Then Shrapnel activated his laser whip (the thing that Tekkamen use to retrieve > their thrown weapons) and wrapped it around IceBlade causing him to drop his > remaining sword. Dan: [IceBlade] D'oh. > "Now you wont get away!" Shrapnel said. He then thrust his lance right into > IceBlade's chest. > "AAAHHH!" IceBlade screamed. Rick: [IceBlade] It stings. Tsuneo: Masterful over-acting there by IceBlade. > "I think its time that I send you on your way...to Hell!" He powered up his > Voltekker. Rebecca: He doesn't get hugged enough. Dan: Who writes his dialogue, Skeletor? > "NO!" IceBlade exclaimed. > "Goodbye IceBlade, it was nice killing you." He stated evilly. Rick: Geez, Shrapnel sounds like the world's most evil checkout clerk. Dan: [Shrapnel] Will that be plastic or paper? Muahahahaha!!! > "VOLTEKKA!" He yelled as he activated his now fully charged energy weapons. > "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" IceBlade screamed as the powerful energies tore > through him. Dan: So much for IceBlade. Rebecca: I'd say it was nice knowing him, but heck, it wasn't. Tsuneo: Don't worry, he's probably got a perfectly contrived reason for living through all this. > *** > Shard had gotten Blaze away from the battleground safely and was now tending to > her wounds as best he could in the cave behind the waterfall. Dan: So they're right by the fight, aren't they? > "Shard?" Blaze said weakly. Rick: [Shard] Let me check. Yep! > "Yes, I am here." He answered. > "What happened?" She asked. Rick: [Shard] Shrapnel did something competent. Rebecca: No wonder she's confused. > "You were hurt pretty bad. Iceblade distracted Shrapnel long enough for me to > get you out of there. I don't know if he is all right." Shard told her. Dan: [Shard] But listening to those screams of pain and agony... I'd say he's fine. Tsuneo: So given that Shrapnel's been hunting these good Tekkamen for ten years, how many do you reckon he's actually killed? Rebecca: One and a bit. Tsuneo: A bit? Rebecca: He's still working on IceBlade. > "Shard, IceBlade wont be able to even hold his own against someone as powerful > as Shrapnel. Rick: Did we mention Shrapnel's huge? He's huge. > He has become far stronger than i had thought possible. Dan: He drinks his milk, takes his vitamins and says his prayers. Tsuneo: But it's all regular exercise and good nutrition. No, really! > You wouldn't survive either in your present state. Rebecca: [Blaze] Because even though you've got incredible armour and butt-kicking weapons you're still a loser cartographer underneath. > Neither of you are powerful enough. Tsuneo: [Yoda] Face him you must. Only then, complete will your training be. > It seems that I also wasn't strong enough..." > "What do you mean 'in my present state'?" Rebecca: [Blaze] You're a wuss. > "Shard, I don't have much time left, and where I go next, I wont be needing my > powers. Dan: [Shard] Where you go next? Rebecca: [Blaze] When I've passed on. Dan: [Shard] Passed on what? Rebecca: [Blaze] When I'm no more. Dan: [Shard] You're no more what? Rebecca: [Blaze] I'm dying, you dimwit! > I want you to take my crystal and use it to enhance your own abilities, > if you can." She handed her orange colored crystal to Shard. Tsuneo: This would be a totally unexpected plot twist, if the authour hadn't explained it in the notes at the start. Rick: It's like at the start of each episode of Inspector Rex where Rex shows off his newest trick, so you know that he's going to use it at the end of the episode to save the girl and get a ham roll to eat. [Pause. They all stare at him] What? > "I don't know how." Rick: Well that sinks that one. > "You will shortly. Now open your thoughts to me." Dan: Didn't we do this already last episode? > Shard new better than to argue with her (even in her weakened state, she could > probably still kick his ass right into next year!) Rebecca: Please do. Dan: Wow, Shard can be whupped by someone on her death bed. He sucks. > so he let her into his mind. Rebecca: [Blaze] Eeew! The decor in here is terrible. I mean... Bean bags? Lava lamps? What is wrong with you? > Suddenly his memory was a jumble of information and images, Rick: And if you know how to look at it, you can just make out the 3-D shape of the Spanish Inquisition. > like when Blaze had > shown him what happened at antarctica - only now it was much more ... Dan: Now it was in full Dolby surround. > When it ended, the crystal outline on Blaze's forehead began to dim, and slowly > fade out. Rick: I think her batteries need to be replaced. > "Shard," she said in his mind "I know you will be victorious." Dan: -And happy as an oyster. Tsuneo: Because you're the damned authour. > And with that, the crystal outline completely faded and Blaze's presence faded > from his mind and she died. Rebecca: She was my second favourite character in this fic. Dan: Why her? Rebecca: There's only four to choose from. Dan: Who's first? Rebecca: Shrapnel. He rocks. > "Goodbye Blaze... I shall avenge your death even if it means my own!" Dan: You know, that really doesn't make much sense. Rick: He's really choked up about this girl he only knew for half an hour. Rebecca: Well, it was the closest to a real woman he'd ever gotten. > Shard said, his voice filled with sadness. > Shard turned to leave the cave that held the cairn of rocks which was Blaze's > grave. He looked up just as a bright explosion filled the sky in the distance. > In the back of his mind, he felt IceBlade scream in pain. Tsuneo: Way to go, buddy. You take the time out to give her a proper burial while your friend is getting slaughtered. I think you need to get your priorities straight. Dan: Yeah, he should have waited until IceBlade was properly dead. > "Oh Shit! Time just got a heck of a lot shorter." Shard thought. Rick: So why did you spend so long- Oh, forget it. Rebecca: Actually, she had one prepped. > He knew what to do now. Before Blaze had died she gave him all her knowledge, > training and abilities... Rick: She even taught him to Waltz. > he hoped that he was now an equal to Shrapnel and there was only one way to find out. Dan: Go out there and job mercilessly. > His mind was a jumble of information, it would be awhile until he could sort the > information and clear his mind enough to even begin analyzing it. Tsuneo: Try rebooting your head, Shard. Rebecca: I'd gladly reboot Shard's head. > Shard saw bits > and pieces of tactics and other 'things' in his mind. Rebecca: Emphasis on the "things." Dan: [Shard] She lead a *very* interesting life in university. Rick: [Shard] Pink with little blue bears? > He wondered why Blaze hadn't used any of these abilities against Shrapnel when > she was fighting him... Tsuneo: She didn't get much of a chance. Rick: Tek-Lance, Voltekka, Splat. Your winner: Shrapnel via Voltekka in 0:29. [Dan holds up a card saying "Boring".] Rebecca: Ladies and gentlemen, the "DDT Digest" sketch. > but there was no time to figure out any of this now, his best friend Dan: Of a whole five minutes now. > was getting his butt royally kicked by someone who used to be his friend. Tsuneo: So he used to know Matt whatsisname too? Rick: I don't think that came out quite how the authour intended. > "TEK-POWER!!!" Shard yelled holding Blaze's crystal high over his head. Rebecca: Wouldn't it be funny if it put Blaze's armour on him? > It flared brightly, more so than it normally would, and Shard was surrounded in > orange light. Dan: So he's been teleported into a disco? > He barely able contain a sudden cry of pain as his existing armor was reformed > right on his body, and that meant that whatever adjustments the TeknoPod had > originally made to his body were also being redone - he was being reformatted, Rebecca: Into a gut-wrenchingly ugly techno-organic form. God damned oracle. > almost like a floppy disk so to speak. Rick: So he's being erased first? Tsuneo: So what happens if he comes up with a bad sector? Rebecca: Nothing printable. > The orange light that surrounded him > began to change color. It was changing from orange to white. Dan: He's accelerating to ludicrous speed! > Shard blasted off towards the battle while he was still re-transforming. > He hoped that IceBlade would still be all right. Rick: IceBlade's a big boy. He can look after himself. Dan: [IceBlade] AARRGGHH!! > *** > The energy blast subsided but the pain did not. Shrapnel pulled his lance out of > IceBlade's battered body and threw him to the ground. Tsuneo: [Shrapnel] Hey. You dead yet? > "Maybe if I play 'dead', he'll think I am..." IceBlade thought. Dan: [IceBlade] It's not to hard to pretend. Rick: It's not that hard to outwit Shrapnel either. > He closed his eyes and was very still. Rebecca: For added effect, he could flip open the little panel on his side and show his ribs. > Shrapnel towered over IceBlade's body. "Ha!" he snorted. "What a pathetic excuse > for a warrior you turned out to be." He kicked IceBlade a few times until he was > sure he was 'incapacitated'. Tsuneo: Why not just finish him off? [Long pause] Rick: [Shrapnel] Nnngggrr... Dunno. > "Argh!" He winced from the force of the kicks "I'll get you for that!" IceBlade > thought. > Shrapnel turned and walked away from IceBlade. IceBlade then resumed silently > casting the spell that had been so rudely interrupted by Shrapnel. All: ... Tsuneo: [Ruri] Shrapnel's an idiot. > *** > Shard flew towards the battle field. He could sense what was happening to > IceBlade, that his friend was on the ground and Shrapnel was standing over him. Dan: He was also eating popcorn and watching. > He sensed that IceBlade wasn't dead and breathed a sigh of relief. He also > sensed that IceBlade was "silently" casting a spell, a long one, one that was > extremely powerful, and could use up almost all of his energy reserves. Rick: So if he can sense all this, why can't Shrapnel? Dan: Shrapnel's using his extra-sensory powers to get the Playboy channel. > How Shard knew that, he wasn't sure. Tsuneo: He was thumbing through the script. > Shard hoped that he was not yet visible to the > enemy. His armor had finished reconfiguring itself, and he now looked quite > different, he also felt stronger and faster than he had before. Rebecca: He also had breasts for some reason. > He focused his thoughts and carefully sought the presence of his battered friend > through a mind-link. Rick: And when that failed, he thumbed the telephone directory. > He felt IceBlade's presence. > "IceBlade, can you hear me?" Dan: [IceBlade] I'm sorry, but IceBlade's out of his skull at the moment. > "Yes." > "Good, its going to take me a while to get there, so hang on." Tsuneo: So if he's bigger, stronger and faster than before, and was hiuding right by the battlefield, how come it's taking him so long to get there? Rick: He got lost. > "I will try, but this guy is tough." Rebecca: [IceBlade] And he's really, really mean. > "Yes he is, but we will make him pay! Oh by the way, Good luck with your spell." > ""Wha-? How'd you know that I was casting a spell?" IceBlade's asked, but Shard > had already ended the mind-link. Dan: [IceBlade] How did you know I could cast spells when I didn't even tell you? Rebecca: [Shard] I've already accessed all of Blaze's memories. Dan: [IceBlade] All of them? Rebecca: [Shard] That's right, nummy-muffin. > Shard then concentrated thoughts and Blurred. > *** > Shard wasn't the only one who was en-route to the battle field. For at that > moment, a shadow moved in the woods below. Tsuneo: We interrupt this fic to bring you a pointless scene. We now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfic. > *** > Shrapnel continued to walk away from the supposedly incapacitated IceBlade, Dan: Hey, don't you want to check? Don't you want to make sure he doesn't jump up and hit you in the back with a fireball? > wondering where had Blaze and the other Teknoman had gotten to. Rick: [Shrapnel] I'll just stand here with my back to my supposedly vanquished foe, not even checking to see if he's incapacitated or not, even though he's already turned the tables on me once when I thought he was helpless. I hope nothing bad happens to me. > "Now..." Thought IceBlade, and he slowly got to his feet. Dan: Here's a thought. Blaze gets blasted and dies. IceBlade gets hit with a rude gesture, run through, blasted and kicked yet he can still cast a whopping huge spell. Why? Rebecca: Because IceBlade's a loaner avatar, whereas Blaze was a handy plot device. > Sharapnel heard something scraping the ground behind him, turned around, and saw > IceBlade getting up. Tsuneo: [Shrapnel] Aren't you dead yet? > "Are you still alive?!? Oh well, at least your turning out to be challenging > prey. Heh heh heh." The evil one said chuckling. Dan: At least he's not totally surprised. > "More than you know Pal!" IceBlade muttered. > IceBlade then pointed his remaining sword at Shrapnel and it began to glow, Rick: [IceBlade] I have a sword, and it's loaded! Tsuneo: Remaining sword? Didn't he lose both of them? Dan: He always keeps a spare in the boot. > then burst into a very intensely burning red flame. Rebecca: [IceBlade] Oh my god, my hand's on fire. > Upon seeing this, Shrapnel smirked and said. > "Now what can you possibly be doing?" Rick: Shrapnel, this is not a time to stand around asking stupid questions. This is a time to hit the idiot again. > "This ... CORONA FIRE!!!!!" IceBlade yelled. Tsuneo: You know, I don't know who's more of an idiot. IceBlade for standing, proclaiming and losing the element of surprise, or Shrapnel for just standing there and taking it. > The effect was instantaneous. First, there was a flash at the end of his burning > sword. Then, a real bright flash at Shrapnel's feet, and finally, a column of > bright flame shot up from beneath Shrapnel, turned orange, then bright blue, and > finally Rick: A kind of off paisley. > pure white Dan: So it didn't actually happen instantaneously, it just kind of progressed slowly. > as the flame approached and passed 1000,000 degrees. Rebecca: Travelling at lightspeed, the initial pulse of hard radiation will hit first, killing him instantly, followed shortly by the sexier thermal effects, which will char his lifeless corpse into superheated plasma! Hopefully, his gruesome yet spectacular fate will amuse and entertain you! > Then > suddenly the flame disappeared and there stood Shrapnel in heavily singed and > smoking armor. His armor was even blacker than before (if that's possible). Dan: [Dusts off chest; Shrapnel] Is that all you've got? Rick: [IceBlade] Next... I'll sing the birdie song on one leg, doing the actions with a toasting fork against my throat. > "Heh heh heh, My turn." Shrapnel said chuckling evilly as he again charged his > Voltekker, his armor seemed to be no longer smoking. Rebecca: How many uses does he get out of that thing? I mean, usually they could only use it once each. Dan: He's got the new power-saving Voltekka. > As he is about to fire, a small missile-like object smashed into Shrapnel from > behind, Dan: Chance of rock shower increased to ninety percent. Rick: [Shrapnel] Really? > and he lost control of Tsuneo: Tense? > the already gathered energy in his Voltekker and > it caused an explosion that rocked the surrounding country side. > When the explosion subsided, there stood Shrapnel looking pretty much the worse > for wear. His armor was beginning to crack in several places. Rick: Oh, so being char-boiled to a million degrees does nothing, but one missile busts him open? Rebecca: Yeah, that's because Our Hero fired it. > "ARRGH! Who did that?!?" he yelled. Dan: The man behind the grassy knoll. > He didn't get an answer. He looked around but didn't see anyone. Tsuneo: [Shrapnel] I'll just open my back to my opponent there. Rebecca: Oh, it's just IceBlade. It's not like it's anyone dangerous. > A shadow > flickered at the edge of vision for a split second, then he felt a presence > behind him. Rick: [Shrapnel] One I have not felt since... > He turned around to look in IceBlade's direction and saw the back of a Teknoman > standing there in front of IceBlade. Dan: Now Shrapnel. Buddy, pal, friend. This is a good time to just, you know, haul off and gloop the bastard. Okay? This is not, I repeat not, a time to stand there and gloat. Got it? > The Teknoman pressed his right hand against IceBlade's chest. A white glow > encircled the hand and soon it covered IceBlade as well. In a moment or two, > IceBlade was fully healed and all traces of battle damage were gone from his > armor. Rick: Wow. Thanks to this guy, IceBlade can just jump back on up and get thrashed senseless again. > "Thanks." IceBlade said. > The Teknoman just nodded his head and turned to look at Shrapnel. The newcomer > was clad in black, bluish-purple, and dark-green armor with smokey-grey trim. Dan: Who designed your outfit, the Kwee-Wee? > He > was also holding a very long sword that had a huge jewel on the end of its hilt. Tsuneo: Be pretty weird if it was on the other end. > Shrapnel immediately knew who this Teknoman was. > "Shadow." He seethed. Dan: I seem to recall saying something about glooping him in the back and not pausing to gloat or anything? Rebecca: Forget it. He's useless. Rick: Shrapnel deserves whatever kind of goofy yet highly predictable fate Our Hero cares to dish out. > "So we meet again..." Shadow said pointing his weapon at Shrapnel. Tsuneo: That's nice. Who the hell is he? > "You wish to fight me?" Shrapnel said taking the gesture as a challenge. Rick: [Shadow] Heck, no. I was just dropping by to say hello. > "So be > it then." Shrapnel brought out his lance. "My Warriors," He sent out > telepathically. "you will deal with IceBlade. I shall handle this one." Dan: Now that's just rude, sending nameless minions to deal with IceBlade. Rebecca: I guess he feels just that highly of him. > The responses came a few seconds later, "Understood Master." "Yes Sir." "As you > wish Master." "It shall be so My Lord." Rick: Yes, oh high and mighty toilet hog. Dan: Get rooted, sir. Rebecca: Preparing to job, sir. Tsuneo: I quit, sir. > "Lets rock!" Shadow said adjusting his grip on his weapon. Rebecca: You know, you could easily take that one the wrong way. > As they are about to do battle, a commotion erupts from the area of the forest > where Shrapnel first appeared. 4 Teknomen appeared and charged at IceBlade. Dan: What do you know, it is Rift and Zar! > IceBlade dove out of the way of the oncoming attackers and picked up his other > sword on the way. Now that he had both of his weapons, he could finally cast > some his more powerful attack spells. Tsuneo: So is that more powerful than the incredibly powerful attack spell he just cast which completely drained him? > He really didn't need the swords > themselves to cast the spells, he did, however, need the jewels that were > embedded in the pommels of the weapons - for they served as magical amplifiers > and are more powerful when paired. Tsuneo: Oh *yes.* Now he can superheat someone to *two* million degrees. After the first million, anything higher is pretty much academic. Rick: Was that Fahrenheit, Celsius or Kelvin? > That, and when certain spells are cast using the jewels, the swords look cool, Dan: And that's a good reason? Rebecca: A good reason to bulk this fic out with useless text, that is. > and the damage done to the target of such a spell is great. Rick: Well thanks for that mister exposition. Dan: What did IceBlade do, just take five minutes out to explain to everyone how his powers work? Rick: He could be an X-Man like that. > "To my swords, I call the power to turn back the darkness." He chanted. Rebecca: Didn't we see this in Storm Riders? Tsuneo: Yeah, and it was cooler then. > IceBlade's swords began to glow as the jewels were powered up. He then held his > swords out in front of him and crossed them. Tsuneo: Just be careful not to cross the streams. Dan: What happens if we do? Tsuneo: All of our molecules go on separate vacations. > The glow intensified and it looked > like IceBlade was covered in a radioactive-like aura making him look really > supernatural. Rebecca: As well as glowing green. Rick: This is so silly. > He then charged his TeknoBlasters and smiled evilly beneath his > helmet. "This wont hurt me as much as its going to hurt you guys!" He said. Dan: Stand here, let out corny phrases, and the mooks do... What? Rick: What are these guys waiting for, instructions? > Then > he yelled, "TeknoBlast!" , fired his TeknoBlasters and released the built up > energy from his swords. The two blasts of energy combined and shot forth toward > the 4 evil Teknomen at an incredible rate. All: Ooooh... Ah... > Meanwhile, Shadow and Shrapnel were engaged in single combat. Shrapnel thrusted > his lance at Shadow, Rebecca: This scene is seriously Freudian. > Shadow deflected the blow with his right gauntlet. They jumped back from each other. Tsuneo: Yes, but can they leap backwards up into trees? > Shadow charged at Shrapnel and leaped into the air, > holding his sword high above his head, ready to bring it down upon his enemy. He > did so, but his swing was blocked as it had run into a force field of some kind. Dan: So is there any reason he didn't use it every other time he got shot at? Rick: He only just remembered he's got it. > Shadow looked at Shrapnel and noticed that Shrapnel's helmet crystal was glowing > very brightly. > "Incredible, he's using mental energy to form that shield." Shadow thought. Tsuneo: So while we're busy mucking up the genre with magic, let's throw some inexplicable psionics in there too. Dan: Hey, it's just like a Bubblegum Crisis fic, except dumber. > Just then, a huge explosion nearby, blew the two warriors apart from each other > as IceBlade had unleashed his magic-enhanced Teknoblast upon his 4 opponents. > *** > The explosion was incredible. There was smoke billowing out of the huge crater > that his attack caused. The smoke cleared and there were 3 Teknomen still > standing, the fourth had been vaporized. Rebecca: Alas poor Tekkaman Throwaway. I knew him well. Tsuneo: So he unleashes his mega-attack on four nameless mooks and only one of them gets taken out? IceBlade's totally useless. > "NO!" IceBlade exclaimed in his thoughts. He had put just about everything he > had into that attack, and then some! Dan: So he used almost everything and more than he had? Unh... My brain hurts. Rick: Don't try to think about it. > Without any Magic Power, Tsuneo: Use a damned turbo ether. You'll be fine. > he was now forced to rely on raw strength alone. Rick: Oh yeah, and the arsenal of incredible weapons that every Tekkaman usually has. > IceBlade continued to look at his adversaries, he > noticed that the reason they survived was that they had managed to raise some > kind of shield that was strong enough to protect them against the attack that > had just annihilated their comrade. Dan: So these nameless expendable Tekkamen are loaded down with the same kind of inexplicable contrivance powers that Shrapnel has? Man, you picked the wrong fight. Rebecca: So then why didn't the fourth one save himself? Rick: He was asleep. > It was becoming clear to IceBlade that he was having the worst kind of luck > anyone could get. Tsuneo: That and he was IceBlade. > 2 of the 3 evil Teknomen charged at IceBlade, all he could do > was block their attacks. One Teknoman, in dark grey armor, swung his weapon - a > spiked-ball and chain - at IceBlade, IceBlade raised his sword to block. The > ball and chain had wrapped around the blade, and pulled it out of IceBlade's > grasp. Rick: Is it just me, or does IceBlade here seem to spend all his time getting beat up? > The other Teknoman, garbed in dark purple and pinkish-red armor, [They all snigger] Rick: [Camp] Oh, that's just smashing, darlings! > engaged > IceBlade in close combat, using what appeared to be an ax of some kind, while > the grey Teknoman now stood aside waiting for a chance to attack. Dan: Any reason why he's hanging back? Tsuneo: It's a classic martial arts fight rule. Only one or two mooks attack the hero at a time. > The grey > Teknoman saw his chance as The Purple/red Teknoman forced IceBlade's attention > elsewhere leaving his left side was unprotected. He decided to use this > opertunity to his advantage. He swung his ball and chain at IceBlade's > unprotected side and .... It connected. Rick: Don't make that sound so amazing. Rebecca: So why the pause? Was it a futile attempt at suspense? Tsuneo: No, the authour just couldn't decide what happened next. > IceBlade screamed with pain as he swore > visciously at himself for not keeping an eye on the grey Teknoman. > The Third Teknoman, black and dark green in color, attacked with his weapon - a > firece looking spear. Rick: What if he's got a Voltekka? Dan [John Cleese]: Shut up! Rick: What if he's got a Pointed stick? > IceBlade managed to avoid his attack by mere inches. The > purple Teknoman swung his axe-like weapon Tsuneo: "Axe-like" meaning... it was an axe? Rebeca: I guess that's what he's trying to say. > at IceBlade's lower back, more > specifically at the spot where his upper torso armor ended and the armor > protecting his ass began. Rebecca: IceBlade's got visible panty lines. Rick: Remember folks, say "no" to crack. > The blade of the weapon hit its mark, broke through > the armor, and cut deep into the flesh beneath and snapped the spinal cord! Dan: And you know, that's just gotta hurt! Rick: [IceBlade] Don't worry about that, I'll just get Shadow to throw me another 99 heal potions. > IceBlade barely controled a scream, falling into a heap as his legs suddenly > gave out from under him. Tsuneo: IceBlade's been into the hard stuff. Rick: OK... let's see you walk a straight like. OK, that's good. Now raise your right leg... and now your left one... > The Dark Teknomen then set themselves upon IceBlade, > pounding the living daylights out of him, and there was nothing he could do to > stop them! Rick: Dogpile in the ring. F**k you, WCW (C). > *** > Shrapnel had quickly recovered from the explosion, an saw that one of his > minions was destroyed. Dan: He got vaped by IceBlade. How humiliating. > "Stupid incompetant fool forgot to cast his barrier shield..." Shrapnel thought > to himself. Tsuneo: You know, not all Tekkamen have super-contrived abilities like you, Shrapnel. Some of them are at the same level of power as the *canon* characters, shocking as it may seem. > Shadow also had recovered from the blast and had taken notice of IceBlade's > handiwork. Rick: He redecorated the whole place, gave the garden a makeover and installed a new skylight. Dan: Hey may be a totally useless warrior, but he's one hell of a decorator. > "Impressive." Shadow remarked. Rebecca: Big deal. Any *normal* Voltekka attack would have done that. Dan: Kills against expendables don't count. > Shadow then saw IceBlade's horrible defeat at the hands of Shrapnel's Dark > Teknomen. > "Savage Bastards!" Shadow thought. Tsuneo: Say, are you two actually going to do anything or just stand there and pose? Thought not. > He charged at the the Teknomen and engaged them in a melee. > Shrapnel, seeing this, decided that his warriors could handle Shadow. Rick: Never rely on your witless minions to do anything. That's stupid villain mistake number two. Tsuneo: Number two? Rick: Number one is putting your enemies in elaborate deathtraps, explaining all your plans to them and then leaving them to die watched by only a singe inept guard. Tsuneo: Oh. [Pause] Why do I expect Shrapnel to do that too? > He told > his warriors so and then left to find where Blaze and Shard had hidden > themselves like the cowards. Rebecca: Like the cowards what? Dan: Like the cowards, obviously. > *** > When Shard reached the battle field, he was shocked to see his best friend > laying on the ground like he was run over by a train. Rebecca: I see that it was really worth Shadow's time to heal IceBlade. Dan: Why do so many of the characters in this fic have names beginning with "Sh"? It's so confusing. > He also saw 3 Teknomen > involved in a melee with another Teknoman nearby. He un-blurred, in human form, Tsuneo: If this "blurring" is a special ability of being a Tekkaman, why is he doing it in human form? As a human he's pretty normal. Rebecca: Brandon is anything but normal. Tsuneo: Point. > beside his fallen comrade and assessed his condition. IceBlade was in worse > shape than Shard thought was humanly possible. The only thing that Shard could > do right now was to get IceBlade's body to begin the healing process. Tsuneo: I don't think he can heal a severed spinal cord. Rick: What if he uses his Mutant Healing Factor? Dan: What is is with you and Mutant Healing Factors anyway? Rick: Everyone in comics has a Mutant Healing Factor. Some of us writers would like one too. > He > mind-linked with IceBlade and did so. He also took control of his nervous system > and shut down the pain recepters at the damaged areas. > "I can't heal you by myself right now, Dan: Since when could he heal people anyway? Rick: Shard knows the "infinite heal potions" hack as well. > but I can at least keep you from feeling > anymore pain for a while. Rest my friend." Shard said. And with that, Shard put > IceBlade into a forceful slumber. Rebecca: This is a delicate case. Pass me the sledgehammer. Tsuneo: A forceful slumber? Rick: Yeah, he's asleep and not happy about it. > Then he with drew his prescence from IceBlade's mind. Dan [Shard]: Ewwww! It's all icky in there! > Shard looked over at the melee and saw that the 3 Teknomen had completely > surrounded the fourth. The unknown Teknoman was just barely holding his own, but > wouldn't last much longer. Rick: He'll last long enough to make it to the corner, whereupon his tag partner comes in and cleans house. It always happens. > "3 vs 1, that's not right." Shard said reaching into the bluish monk-like outfit > he was wearing, and pulled out a Diamond Tek-crystal. Tsuneo: Um... where did he get that? Rick: It was one of only two sets of his clothes that survived the trip last chapter. Tsuneo: The other one? Rick: A ballerina costume. > "So, let's even up the odds a little...TEK-SETTER!" > Shard was then engulfed in a blinding column of white light as he transformed. Rebecca: Now this is going to sound weird but... He took Blaze's crystal, right? Dan: Right. Rebecca: Then he went through the lengthy super transformation sequence as he gained all of Blaze's powers, right? Dan: Right. Rebecca: Then he rushed to the site if the battle, right? Dan: Right. Rebecca: And once getting there, he turned back to his human form, right? Dan: Um.... Right. Rebecca: One question then: Why? > Now, before the 3 evil Teknomen and Shadow, stood a warrior garbed in > sky-bluish-almost white armor with patches of deep blue and gold here and > there,with grey-black "skin", and topped off with an emerald green cape that ran > to his ankles Tsuneo: Since when have Tekkamen had capes? Rebecca: Since ponce-boy decided that he needed to look even cooler. Rick: Just wait till he trips over it. > and a crystal sword with a diamond edge that was about a molecule thick Dan: So was it or wasn't it? It's important, you know. Rick: So is that a near-monomolecular sword? > - in other words, a sword of death. > "Okay, whose first?" Shard asked the 3 evil Teknomen. > They took their time in deciding who was the first person to fight Shard. They > even did Rock - Paper - Scissors - which all ended in ties. [They all sit in stunned silence] Tsuneo [Ruri]: These people are idiots. Rebecca: Shard, now is the time when you Voltekka them back to the stone age. > While they decided > who was going to be first, Shard began to sort out the information that Blaze > had given him. There was a lot of stuff here Shard noticed. Rebecca: He was paying particular attention to everything Julia got up to in university. > Eventually, after giving up on a decision, Dan: They gave up on waiting for the supreme court's verdict on the Florida votes. Rick: Anyone would. > the evil Teknomen all charged at Shard as one. > The charge was rather short lived however, because Shard then sliced the 3 > Teknomen neatly in half with one stroke. They fell to the ground in a pool of > their own blood and guts. Rebecca: ...Never mind. Tsuneo: That was, um... kind of pathetic, actually. Dan: Um, what's Shrapnel doing while all this is going on? Rick: He's patting his fluffy white pet cat. > "That's for IceBlade." Shard said. Rebecca [Blaze]: What about me? IceBlade's merely badly wounded. I'm a rapidly stiffening corpse! > Shard turned to Shadow, and asked: "Would you like to do the honors.... um... > what did you say your name was?" Dan [Shadow]: Ramases Niblik III Ker-Plunk Ker-Plunk Whoops Where's My Thribble. > Shadow replied "With pleasure, and the name's Shadow. And you are?" > "Shard." > "Ah. I'll only be a moment..." > Shadow mumbled something, then he held out his palm, face up, and suddenly there > was a ball of flame in it, Rebecca: Another magic-using Tekkaman? What is this, a convention of them? Rick: I'm looking out for the short female one with the flat chestplate. Tsuneo: Don't go there, Rick. > and it was getting bigger. When it reached the size of a basketball, Rick [Shadow]: Anyone want to shoot a few hoops? > Shadow shouted: "FIRE BALL!" as he hurled it at the 'Pile-O-Teknomen'. > There was a huge explosion and another crater. When the smoke cleared, all that > Shard could see that was left of the Dark Teknomen were little peices of > scorched armor. Tsuneo: Now this is going to sound stupid, but was there any reason to expend a huge attack like that just to blast a few already dead opponents? I thought not. Rick: Um, Shrapnel? Your witless minions have just been obliterated by these guys. You might want to do something about it.... > "Cool." Was all Shard had to say. > Shadow and Shard went over to where IceBlade lay. > "Is he gonna be ok?" Shadow asked. Tsuneo: His spinal cord has been severed! How do you think he's doing? Rick [IceBlade]: I'm not dead yet... I'm getting better. I don't want to go on the cart. > "I honestly don't know Shadow. IceBlade was beat up pretty bad, and to make > matters worse, his spine was completely severed. Dan: That's not so bad. All you need is some superglue. > I don't know if I can heal him but I will try. Shard replied in a grave tone. Rebecca: All these guys ever seem to do is heal IceBlade. He's such a pain to look after. I don't see why they keep him around. > "Not if I have anything to say about it." A voice said. > Shard and Shadow looked around for the source of the voice, but they didn't see > anyone. Dan: Voice? That you again? Voice: Not me. I'd never appear in something like this. > Suddenly a huge explosion threw the three of them across the clearing. Rick: That would be Shrapnel, I'm guessing. Dan: Say, where was he while they were butchering his troops? Rebecca: He was taking a number one out the back. > Shard looked up from where he was thrown and saw Shrapnel hovering in mid air > about 20 feet up. Tsuneo: He's such a show-off. Rick: Oh yeah, let's see you come down here and try that again, buddy. > Shrapnel, his armor nolonger showing any damage whatsoever, Rebecca: Damn, how did he do that? Rick: He knows a *very* fast panelbeater. > suddenly descended > to the ground and walked over to where IceBlade was thrown by his little > explosion. Rick: Little explosion? A while ago you said it was a huge one. Dan: He was exaggerating. Rick: Oh. > He could clearly see that his old friend was writhing in pain - Rebecca: I guess he's been reading this too. > apparently Shard's little treatment had worn off. > "I can see that you are in great pain Teknoman IceBlade. Why don't you allow me > to end it for you?" Shrapnel offered. Dan: But he can only do it legally in the Netherlands. Rick *Everything's* legal in the Netherlands. > "Go to hell." IceBlade said. > "Been there, done that. Rick [Shrapnel]: Bought the souvenir T-shirt. > Why don't you go in my place?" Shrapnel said as he > picked IceBlade up by the throat with one hand. Tsuneo: And Shard and Shadow are doing... what? Rebecca: Sharing Blaze's X-rated memories. > With the other hand he took hold > of his weapon, which appeared out of nowhere, and stabbed IceBlade just below > his chest armor. Rebecca: Shishkebab, anyone? Rick: Anyone would think that they didn't like each other. > IceBlade screamed. As if that wasn't enough, Shrapnel then > removed his hand from IceBlade's throat, muttered something which caused his > hand to glow electrically. Rick: He's using Shocking Grasp to finish him off. That's not just low, it's downright humiliating. > "Lets see how you like a MEGA SHOCK." He said placing his hand on his weapon's > blade. The electricity surged from his hand through his lance and into IceBlade. > "NO!" Shard cried. Tsuneo: Excuse me, Shard, but are you going to actually do anyhting here or just stand around like a stunned mullet? [Pause] Thought not. > IceBlade screamed in pain, again, as the electricity surged through his body, > totally frying it. Rebecca: Could you hold these? I need to jump start my car. Dan: We could fry some eggs on him. > When the shock ended, Shrapnel then took hold of IceBlade, > removed his lance, dropped it on the ground, and hurled IceBlade's body at Shard > and Shadow. Tsuneo: I'll give Shrapnel this much. When he doesn't like a guy, he lets you know it. > Shadow caught the "crispy crusader". Rick: Soon to be crispy critter- And proud of it! > "Shadow, look after him." Shard said as he undid the clasp holding his cape onto > his chest armor and let it fall to the ground behind him. Rebecca: Hey, um, Shard? That thing fell into the mud. It's going to be hell to clean. Rick [Shard]: Damn. Um, Shadow? Could you hold my cape? Dan [Shadow]: No way. It's covered in mud! Tsuneo: This is why Tekkamen don't wear capes. > He then charged at the Dark Tekkaman with crystal sword in hand. Tsuneo: Here it is, folks, the ultimate battle of do-nothing Avatar vs Horribly Overpowered Supermenace. Rick: But only on pay-per-view! > *** > Back at the cave, 3 figures, dressed in purple jumpsuits and white boots and > helmets, Dan: Nice outfits. Where'd you get them, a Trek convention? Rick: It's the Mighty Morphing Paisley Rangers! > were waiting outside the entrance while another figure was walking out. Rick [Figure]: Took your sweet time. Rebecca [Figure]: Sorry. There was no toilet paper. > Figure 1: It's Teknoman Blaze all right. There's a cairn of rocks marking where > she's buried. It seems that there was another person or persons there too. Tsuneo: Whoah! We just jumped into script format! Rebecca: No, actually. She died and then she buried herself. [Pause] Of course there was another person there! Dan: Say, have any of them noticed the huge fight that's going on a few meters away? Thought not. > Figure 2: Obviously. > Figure 1: There's another thing, the Transformation Crystal is missing. Rick: Did you look behind the couch? Under the fridge? On top of the wardrobe? > Figure 3: The other person(s) must've taken it. Dan: Say, um, how do you pronounce that? > Figure 4: Possibly. Tsuneo: Well it didn't wander off on it's own, did it? > Figure 1: If Blaze is dead, then that means that the Teknoman called Shrapnel is > in the area. Tsuneo: Aren't we leaping to conclusions here? I mean, it's possible that Blaze was killed by some other Tekkaman. Heck, she could have died in a freak accident while in human form. Rick: Don't worry. They're going to get the forensic department to "create" some evidence to pin it on Shrapnel anyway. Rebecca [June Ackland]: Now, Shrapnel, where were you on that day, ten years after the Cataclysym, when everyone's lives changed? Dan [Shrapnel]: I was at me mum's place the whole day. Honest. > Figure 2: We must inform the commander about this possible new development. Rick: So Blaze dying is only possibly a development? Tsuneo: I guess it depends if anyone gives a rats. > Back to base. Dan: Back to the Batcave, Boy Wonder! > They turn to leave, but find their way blocked by a group of Teknomen. Rick [Figure 1]: Um, don't mind us. We're just, ah, passing through. Yeah. We'll be on our way... > Figure 1: Wha-! > One of the Teknomen, a male clad in silvery-grey armor covered in a violet > over-cloak, moved forward a step and said: Dan: [Teknoman] Who are we and what are we doing randomly appearing in this fic? > "Blaze was our friend. We cannot allow you or anyone else to desecrate her > resting place. So, it seems that you will have to be 'removed'." Tsuneo: When did these guys show up? Blaze died, what, fifteen minutes ago, tops. Am I to believe that they just happened to be hanging around the neighborhood all this time? And if so, why haven't they helped out in the huge fight that's occurring only a few meters away where two of their people have been getting massacred by a whole horde of evil Tekkamen! This is just plain silly! It's- Rick [Waves a toy Nightscream in front of Tsuneo] Booyaka! Tsuneo: GAH! Don't do that! Rick: Sorry. You were loosing it there. > The second figure said quietly to the others: > "When I say so, transform and attack." Dan: Transform? Rick: I guess they *are* the Mighty Morphing Paisley Rangers! Rebecca: Either that or the Wonder Quintuplets. > In a slightly louder voice he said to the Teknomen: > "You are no match for us, as you will soon find out. NOW!" Dan: Okay, I'd love to see what they've got that's no match for a Tekkaman. Rick: Kevin Nash with booking powers? Dan: Good enough. > The four figures suddenly ripped out of their suits in a flash of light Rebecca: Hey, are these those cross-dressing, gender-swapping Sailor Scouts that Dan once mentioned? Dan: I'd tell you if any of these guys actually had genders. > and now > standing before the Teknomen were: a huge green monster with a horn coming out > of its forehead, a sand colored bat-like thing with huge shoulders, a huge red > thing with black claws; yellow eyes; it basically looked like huge screwed up > crab, and another bat-like thing but this one was covered in purple fur and had > long sharp teeth. Tsuneo: It's a bunch of... Zoanoids. [Pause] Well this has just taken a turn for the totally loopy. Rick: Are they comic book, anime or movie Zoanoids? Dan: What's the difference? Rick: Anime Zoanoids are badly drawn, comic Zoanoids are well drawn in monochrome and movie Zoanoids are kinda wussy-looking with good skin textures. And they're a heck of a lot funnier. > One of the Teknomen, a female clad in dark reddish-orange and navy blue armor, > said: > "Well that's certainly original. All: No kidding. > Gotta give them points for creativity." All: No way. > The other Teknomen chuckled at her comment. The monsters were pissed off by it. > The now enraged monsters charged at the Teknomen. The Teknomen readied their > weapons and also charged. Tsuneo: Well this is going to be kind of pointless. Zoanoids, especially the less powerful types like those ones, wouldn't stand a chance against Tekkamen. > The battle was very short lived because the Teknomen weaponry sliced through the > monsters very easily. Tsuneo: ... Rick: Nicely called. > As the monster parts hit the ground, they began to dissolve. Rick: Not only is each Zoanoid a highly-efficient combat machine, but they are also self-cleaning and leave only the fresh scent of pine. > In a few seconds, there was nothing left of the monsters. Rebecca: They are neat. Most monsters, when killed, just leave bits of themselves all over the ground for the cleaners to take care of later. > A few of the Teknomen were surprised when they saw this. Dan: You mean that they don't get into fights with shape-changing, dissolving monsters every day? Rick: Who does? > The silver-grey Teknoman turned to the others and said: > "Let's Go. Shrapnel must not be allowed to escape!" Tsuneo: So now we've got Shard, Shadow, four nameless extras and IceBlade's rotting carcass all taking on Shrapnel at once? That doesn't sound too exciting. Rebecca: Don't worry, based on this last chapter I'm sure they'll spend all their time standing around and shouting at each other and only fight one on one. > With that, The Teknomen left as quickly and as quietly as they had come. Rick: Do you think anyone heard us? Rebecca: Well, we did slaughter those monsters very, very quietly. > End Chapter 4 > Author's Notes: > For those of you who have seen The Guyver, you know who and what those monsters > are. Dan: No Zoanoids were harmed in the making of this fic. Everyone else was on their own. > For those of you who don't, I would recommend renting either of the 2 > Guyver live-action movies, or checkout the anime series. > The reason why, i put them in the story was because i wanted a sortof preview of > what the next story would be. Dan: A Guyver/Tekkaman crossover. Well, that would be kind of pointless. > That, and I needed some sort of a way to bring the > group of Teknomen into the story. Tsuneo: So why not have them turn up with Shadow and help him fight off the Nameless Expendable Tekkamen rather than tacking on that scene at the end? Rebecca: Because then Our Hero wouldn't be able to take on Shrapnel one-on-one, and wouldn't have gotten to plow down all those expendable extras. > well, I'd better go and start work on the next installment in this story.... Rick: No need to rush on our accounts. > so until next time, JA NE! > TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! email me at autobot_city@hotmail.com [The TV switches off] Rick: Well that was... well. Rebecca: Yeah. Tsuneo: He's writing a Guyver-Tekkaman crossover. My brain hurts. Dan: That could be kind of fun. Rubber monsters vs mechanized space ninjas. Rebecca: Coming soon to a Tokyo-Stomping near you! Tsuneo: Thrilling. Rick: On the up side, it's bound to have Shrapnel in it. Rebecca: Probably getting smacked down by Shard who has just gone to Blastor level power by some amazing act of contrivance. Rick: Naw, it'll be cool. I reckon he'll loose by his own ineptitude. While he's busy ranting, raving and posing, Shard will do the ultra-mega power-up and blast him. He'll be utterly surprised by his own demise. Tsuneo: That... makes a strange amount of sense, actually. Rebecca: Whatever. Let's get out of here before the voice tries to feed us the next chapter on top of this one. Dan: I like that idea. Rick: Quick! Beer! [They all stand up] Tsuneo: But, I don't drink beer. Dan: That's okay. I'll have yours. Tsuneo: Figures. [They all file out] Voice: I need some new material. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com) & Jinas (jinas@elmerstudios.com) Dan and Tsuneo Tateo are copyright 1999-2000 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1999-2000 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova Satori shrine, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp, all in one big steaming pile. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > "So, these attacks are just a diversion to buy Blaze time to escape. Well, I > will get her and the other one soon enou- ARGH!"