--------------------------------------------------------------------------
PSYCHE!

That's right! Its Elmer episode 150! YOu all thought we were were gone for
good but... nope, we're back, large as life and twice as ugly. And for the
big 150 we're presenting a "special" format MSTing. Be warned.

Robotech is copyright Harmony Gold
Tekkaman Blade II and all sundry fanservice is copyright Sotsu-Tatsunoko
Productions Inc.

"The Wandering Star Saga" is copyright Tekkaman Paladin and possibly the
enigmatic Robotekmaster.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The scene - A mock-up of a well furnished apartment, with two couches in
an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV
and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and
a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and
a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two
Fake plastic Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.
The whole place has a very 'new' and unused look to it, like it was hastily
knocked together]

[A man walks onscreen. He has square glasses, a weedy pencil moustache and
an obviously fake toupee, and wear a cheap suit. He walks over to one of
the couches and leans on it]

Man: Hi! I'm Henry J. Urgleflogger, and I'm standing in the famous Elmer
Studios apartment. It was this place over the course of five long years that
the Elmer Studios Fanfiction Review Group made history.

[He walks over to the computer and pretends to press a few buttons]

Henry: It was in this frequently destroyed apartment that they viewed such
classic fanfics as "Delta Invasion", "Cruel Lina's Thesis", "Neon Exodus
Evangelion", "Bubblegum Shift" and of course "Gates of Oblivion." Along
the way they popularised the "WA-TAK", made many a bad fic famous and
set the standard for Evangelion Fanfic cliches.

[He continues over to stand by the painfully fake Mallies]

Henry: Rebecca, Dan, Tsuneo and Rick, along with a crazy, wacky and goofy
cast of supporting extras would watch some one hundred and fourty nine
fanfics here. Or, should I say, one hundred and fifty.

[He walks over to stand in front of the TV. There's a tape on the coffee
table]

Henry: A week ago, we at the Multiversal Television Network received an
anonymous package. Inside it was a tape, with a note saying 'to be played
on the advent of my death or being sent flying across the city in a rocket-
propelled flaming wooden packing crate.' The contents of this tape were,
to say the least, illuminating.

[He picks up the tape]

Henry: The contents of this tape were quite interesting. Back in January
of 1998, the Voice held auditions and try-outs for a fanfic review group.
From all the applicants, he selected four finalists and put them in front
of a "test" fanfic. However, this group of reviewers weren't quite what
you would expect. Certainly, they'd have very little bearing on the final
cast that the Voice decided on.

[Henry places the tape in the machine, albeit upside down. He pretends
to push it in then picks up the remote]

Henry: A single copy of this test review survived on tape and passed into
the hands of an anonymous individual, presumably one of the reviewers.

[He sits down. The camera settles behind the couch, and henry turns to face
the viewer]

Henry: Join me now for the first ever screening of the lost Elmer Studios
pilot episode, "The Wandering Star Saga".

[The TV switches on]

[Fade in to a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation
in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video
recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small
kitchenette. There is a small counting timer in the right corner, that reads
"03 JAN 98" with a constant count of the time]

[A man enters from the kitchenette - he is tall and slim, with short, rather
flat looking brown hair and blue eyes. He is wearing a bathrobe and holding a
bowl of breakfast cereal with a spoon sticking out of it. It is clearly a
younger version of Rick R. Mortis]

Rick: Hello? Anyone about?
Voice: Well, hello neighbor!
Rick: Oh, hey there, J-Man. How are you?
Voice: I'm, uh, good. And how are you going, Morris?
Rick: It's Mortis, but otherwise I'm fine. [He eats a spoonful of cereal]
Great cornflakes by the way. That kitchen of yours is really well stocked.
Voice: Uh, Rick, those are my cornflakes, right?
Rick: Yep.
Voice: And that's my bathrobe, right?
Rick: Got it in one.
Voice: I'm going to sound stupid asking this but... what are you doing
wearing my bathrobe and eating my cereal?

[Rick takes another spoonful of cereal]

Rick: Well, when I moved in, you said "We're neighbors, right? Let's all
get along, right? What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours, right?"
Voice: Well... yes.
Rick: So, I'm wearing my bathrobe and eating my cereal.
Voice: That's not what I meant...
Rick: Anyway, you haven't seen my Mint in Box Giant Vamp have you?
Voice: Your what?
Rick: I put it down here a while ago, and now I can't find it.
Voice: You wouldn't mind cleaning up a bit? I've got a couple of people
coming over.
Rick: Sure thing.

[He finishes off the cornflakes then vanishes into the kitchen. He emerges
a few minutes - and one jump-cut - later in a baggy khaki flightsuit with
a WWII style bomber jacket on over it]

Rick: Ready.
Voice: I don't think I'll ask how the kitchen's going.

[A tall, attractive young woman enters. She has long blonde hair, blue
eyes and obviously pointed ears. There is an obvious computer datajack
on the right side of her forehead. She is wearing a plain grey t-shirt,
jeans and sneakers]

Elf: Um, excuse me? Is this the fanfiction review tryouts?
Rick: Whoah! Elf!
Elf: Yeah, so?
Voice: Yes, yes it is. If you could please introduce yourself and tell
us a bit about yourself.
Elf: Well, my real name's unimportant, but everyone calls me Lightspeed.
That is, when they don't cal me "Hey you", "Elf chick" or "You know, the
computer girl." I'm a professional shadowland Decker who for reasons she
cant comprehend hangs out with a bunch of idiots, loonies, generic
disposable mages and ver big trolls with very big guns.
Rick: Hi! My name's Rick. Sorry for over-reacting, but I've never seen an
Elf before. Catgirls, four armed musclebound freaks, Lizardmen and fat
psychic alien cross-dressers, but never an Elf.
LS: So what do you do, Rick?
Rick: I'm in a planetary defense kind of organisation called the Earth Corps.
We're trying to save the world from being invaded by aliens. The usual. I
pilot a big arse mecha and blow stuff up.
LS: You here for the fic review too?
Rick: Ayup. Hey, voice, can we get started?
Voice: Not yet. There are two more people to come.
LS: Hey, who's that speaking anyway?
Rick: That's our employer. He's a disembodied voice kind of guy that I call
'Voice'.
LS: Works for me.

[Another woman enters. She is tall, toned and attractive, with long red
hair and blue eyes. She is wearing impossibly tight cammo pants, a minitop
and fingerless gloves, and has an Aztec-styled armband tattoo on her right
arm.]

Woman: I'm assuming you guys are here for this fanfic review thing, right?
Rick: Legs...
LS: Yes. [Glares at Rick]
Woman: Cool. I've got the right place then.
Voice: If you could introduce yourself please?
Woman: Who the hell was that?
Rick: The magic disembodied voice.
LS: Also known as our boss.
Woman: Okay... well... My name's Sel Magyari. I'm the leader of a small but
very successful Battlemech mercenary group. Basically, I'm in it for the
thrills, the adventure and to make a lot of money for relatively little work.
Given how amazingly successful we've been so far, I imagine that'll be
coming pretty quickly.
Rick [Aside]: Modest, isn't she?
LS [Aside]: Not so much that you'd notice.
Sel: So what do you guys do?
Rick: Save the world from aliens.
LS: Hack into computer systems.
Sel: Cool.
Rick: Say, uh, what year are you from?
Sel: 3014. Why?
Rick: Come 3049, you might want to look into long term contracts in the
Capellan Confederation.
Sel: Oh, I plan to be retired and rolling in cash long before then.
LS: ...Incredibly modest.

[A figure enters. It is a Gnoll, a hyena-headed humanoid, that is about
two meters tall and thinly built. It has short, spotted brown fur and
brown eyes. It is dressed in immaculately neat stitched-together rags
and is carrying a three-section staff in a belt around its waist]

Gnoll [Very 'proper' British accent]: Excuse me, but is this the
fanfiction review group?
LS: Uh, yeah...
Rick: Friend of yours?
LS: Never met him before in my life.
Sel: What's with the dog?
Gnoll: I am no dog! I am a Flind, the highest and most noble race of
Gnoll!
Voice: If you could please introduce yourself to the others?
Gnoll: Very well. My name is Alistair Woof Growl-Yip.
Rick: Woof Growl Yip?
Gnoll: No, it's Woof Growl-Yip. The latter pair is hyphenated.
Rick: Oh.
Sel: Help me.
Voice: We'll need a proper intro.
Alistair: Very well. I classify myself as a part-time adventurer, although
my primary calling is in the field of intermediate villainy. I manage a
successful band of Goblonoid raiders in between plundering and pillaging
forgotten tombs and the like. In my spare time I enjoy classical music and
Hobgoblin community theatre. [He bows]

[The others stand in stunned silence for a few seconds]

Rick: He's a very well-read doggy.
Alistair: If you must compare me to a beast, you will find hyenas to be
closer in appearance.
Rick: Thanks... I think.
LS: And to think, just yesterday I was having problems with a pack of feral
aardwolves.
Voice: Anyway, if you would please take your seats, I'd like to begin the
review.

[They sit - Rick and Sel on the forwards-facing couch, LS and Alistair
on the other one. Rick and LS are closest on the corners]

LS: So what do you want us to do?
Voice: Basically, what you do is watch the fanfic and provide commentary.
At the end of the fic, I'll ask you for your thoughts on it. In essence,
a running commentary and review of the fic as you read it.
Rick: Sounds fun to me.
Alistair: And my I ask what piece of fiction it is that we are viewing
today?
Voice: Well, to start with I have a Robotech/Tekkaman Blade II crosover
called 'The Wandering Star Saga'.
LS: Unusual.
Rick: Sounds fun.
Sel: You're only saying that 'cause Tekka 2 had so much fanservice.
Rick: No! I like Robotech too!

[The TV switches on]

> Disclaimer: I don't own Robotech or Tekkaman Blade 1 or 2. I just like
> watching them ; )

LS: Can't imagine why...
Rick: Fanservice is good for you!

> I used the events in the last part of "Before the Invid Storm"

Sel: That's right, just pick the worst novel of the lot.
Rick: Or should I be thankful he's not ripping Bill Spangler?

> by Jack Mckinney as a starting point for this fanfic,

Alistair: Or would have, if he hadn't threatened violence.

> but it's all my own words.

> Now on with the story!!

Sel: Why do I get the feeling we'd rather you didn't?

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> (On board the REF vessel Homeward Bound, September 2032)

Rick: [Singing] Sit right back and I'll tell you a tale/A tale of a fateful
trip.

> Dana Sterling stared out of the forward viewport of the Homeward Bound's
> bridge, looking nostalgically at all the things that had made up her eighteen
> years of life.

LS: Bad clothes.
Sel: Bad hair.
Rick: Shower scenes.
Alistair: Shouldn't she be nineteen by now?

> Earth, the Factory Satellite, the Moon, and the shattered
> wrecks of human, zentraedi, and robotech master vessels scattered in orbit.

Sel: Earth orbit must be the spacegoing equivalent of a redneck's front yard.
Rick: But does it have a dodge pickup?
Alistair: I think they're in it.

> Soon all that will be swept away, replaced by whatever awaited her and her
> friends on Tirol.

Rick: Sentinels: Rubicon?
Alistair: She'll be walking up a 45-degree hill talking to identical people.

> Behind her, her friends and companions Marie Crystal, Angelo
> Dante, and Sean Phillips

LS: Maybe 'friends' is too strong a word.
Sel: How about 'co-workers?'
LS: That means they'd actually work.

> were preparing for the fold jump that would take them to

Rick: The Klingon Homeworld!
Sel: Which Klingon Homeworld?
Rick: The name-brand Klingon Homeworld.

> the robotech master's former homeworld.

Alistair: The homeworld formerly known as Tirol.
Rick: So what's it called now?
Alistair: Tyrol.

> Bowie Grant, who was like a brother to her,

LS: So she hit him and broke all his stuff?
Sel: Pretty much.

> and his love Musica were finding safe places for the one hundred or so
> Tiresian refugees, who the 15th ATAC had rescued, to stay for the ride.

Rick: Sitting space is pretty tight, so a couple of people are going to have to
ride in the overhead lockers.
Alistair: They're better off than the ones hanging on outside.
Sel: That was harsh.
Alistair: What did I say... Oh.

> She had just finished a nasty conversation with Nova Satori, who had berated
> her for disregarding her orders and betraying the ASC by hijacking colonel
> Wolff's starship to take the Tiresians to Tirol instead of going to Mars to
> try to destroy the Invid Nebula.

Alistair: Now there's a weighty and improbable sentence for you.

> She had flatly refused the former MP,

Sel: [Dana] I could never take orders from anyone with your dress sense.
LS [Nova]: ...I won't say a word.

> telling her that this was her destiny

Rick: And if this was Raymond E. Feist, she'd tell her about it for another
hundred pages. Then take her clothes off.
Alistair: This isn't the bloody sword and the stone again, is it?

> and that she felt that the REF had to be warned of the coming Invid threat.

Rick: They're threatening to monopolise the pay television industry and retail
poorly-packaged movie combo deals.
LS: I think they won already.

> She had then cut off Nova and had Marie move the
> ship to put distance between them and the shuttles they had thrown the GMP
> troops who were guarding the ship in.

Sel: [Nova] Fine! See if I buy you another sundae! See if I let you off for high
treason again.

> Dana had been looking out the viewport for some time

LS: [Dana] My face is stuck.

> when she felt a light
> touch on her shoulder. She turned around to find Marie standing behind her, a
> look of concern on her face.

> "We're ready to get underway Dana," the raven-haired pilot said as she removed
> her hand from Dana's shoulder.

> Dana was glad that she had such a dependable friend on her side

Sel: [Dana] Any idea who that is, Marie?

> and that Marie decided to support her in her endeavor.

> Dana nodded in acknowledgement, "Okay. I'll be there in a sec, thanks." 
> She tried to sound cheery,

LS: [Dana] Well, the Earth's about to be eaten by space aliens and my one true
love blew himself up in front of me, but you've got to smile.
Sel: [Marie] You're not fooling anyone.
LS: [Dana] I WANNA DIE!

> but Marie noticed something in Dana's eyes and
> stopped her as she was heading over to the command chair.

Rick: [Marie] Dana, are you aware that you have giant saucers in your eyes?

> "Are you alright? Something's wrong isn't it? You still can't fool me Dana,"
> she said gently.

> Dana put on her best face,

Rick: Which she had been keeping in a dresser all this time.

> trying to hide her true feelings from her friend.

Alistair: There's a first.
Rick: [Dana] I... I wanna get naked with all of you! At once!
LS: [Marie] You're *still* not fooling anyone.

> "Don't worry. I'm just a bit nervous

Alistair: [Marie] So that's why you're chewing my leg off.

[They all look oddly at him]

Alistair: Oh, I wouldn't chew on your legs. I don't have any mint sauce.

> about what we'll find when we get to Tirol.

Rick: [Dana] We'll get there... And... And they'll be all out of King Sized Mars
Bars!

> I can't wait to see my parents again after so long,

LS: [Dana] And I'm sure they'll be out of the way of that giant meteor shower
heading for Tirol.
Rick: [Max] Dana! It's so good to see you after all this time!
Sel: [Miriya] We've been so worried about you!
LS: [Dana] Hi. Can I borrow the car?

> and my sister for the first time.

LS: [Aurora] Weirdo.

> But, for all we know Edwards could have beaten the REF and we
> could be folding right into a trap.

Alistair: While we're here, I'd like to thank the authour for supporting those
who haven't read the novel.

> I've just been thinking on what would we
> do if that happened. I'm fine. Strong women like us

LS: [Marie] AHEM!
Sel: [Dana] Alright, you win. Strong women like you.

> should be able to handle
> situations like this, right?" Dana said with a smile.

Alistair: [Dana] My therapist says I'm making great [He twitches] Progress.

> Marie's features softened some,

Rick: See what happens when you stand out in the sun for too long?

> and she gave Dana a nod and returned to her
> station, not totally convinced of Dana's sincerity.

Sel: [Dana] We're going to make it to Tirol! We're going to make it to Tirol!
But I'm going to miss that dress sale!

> Dana walked over to her chair, sat down and enabled the crash restraints,

Alistair: If you look to your left and your right, you will see that there are
no exits. In the advent of an emergency, death is certain. Under your seat you
will find notepads for your last will and testament, as well as sedatives and
cyanide capsules. Thank you for flying Aeroflot.

> all the while feeling guilty
> for lying to Marie. Dana sighed softly and she closed her eyes for a moment.

Sel: [Marie] Fine. Just ignore me. Oh well, at least she's shut up.

> I'm sorry Marie, Dana thought, you wouldn't be able to understand how I'm
> feeling right now. Zor died right before my eyes. How would you feel if you
> lost Sean?

LS: [Marie] Party time!

> When he died it felt like part of me died with him, like I lost
> part of my soul, like it was torn away from me and scattered like the spores
> on the wind.

Alistair: And the amatuer "Pretentious Goth Poet of the Year" award goes to Dana
Sterling for "My Boyfriend Was A Clone And He's Dead Now."

> Sometimes I wish I had died with him.

LS: Would it be mean to agree?
Rick: Well, at least it would prevent the fic for happening.
Sel: You think this is bad? Wait until we get to Tekkaman.
Alistair: [D-Boy] I just killed my whole family. What do you want to do with the
weekend, Aki?

> A few quiet moments passed as her squad mates made the final preparations for
> the jump.

Rick: [Sean] What happens if I press this button?
Sel: My guess is a humpback whale and a bowl of petunias.

> "Dana, we're ready to go," a voice said from behind her, snapping her out of
> her reverie.

> She swiveled the command chair towards the voice and saw Angelo looking at
> her, giving her a smile that seemed only she could detect.

LS: If this becomes Dana/Angelo slash...
Rick: Would you believe that has some canonical weight?
LS: I feel dirty.

> "We're ready to go whenever you are Lieutenant."

Rick: Any day now. Any time. Really. Any second... Now...
Alistair: Can we just get this blasted fic started?

> She smiled back, grateful for the big man's presence and support.

Sel: [Dana] Angie, can you put the fold drive down over there? No, actually, it
would look better by the door.

> Maybe, just maybe, going on won't be so hard after all.

Alistair: Then do it already! The story is congealing before it even began!

> "Okay then. Let's go," she replied. She then hit a button on her command panel
> and contacted Bowie below decks, "are you and Musica ready? We're about to set
> out."

Rick: [Bowie] We've been ready for the last six weeks. How are you going up
there?
LS: [Marie] Just two more neurotic episodes and we'll be ready.

> Bowie's voice came over the comm., "We're all set down here Dana,"

Sel: They found and patched up most of the holes.
LS: *Most?*

> then came
> Musica's, "we prepared the Tiresians as best we could. It's all up to you
> now."

Rick: [Angelo, deadpan] We're doomed.

> Dana thanked them both and told them to standby. She then turned to the only
> other thing on the bridge; the robot Louie Nichols had given her

Rick: [Louie] Do you like it? I made it out of old used cereal packets.
Sel: [Dana] What does it do?
Rick: [Louie] It makes chili bread and is incredibly marketable.
Sel: [Dana] Gee. Um. Thanks.

> just before
> their departure from Fokker Base on Earth. It was connected to the fold
> interface by a pencil thin rod.

Alistair: And for those who haven't read the novel?
Rick: I think it's the Plot Device.

> "Machine, activate the fold generators," Dana ordered.

> The robot said Lynn Minmay

Alistair: Minm*ei*

> in Colonel Wolff's voice.

Rick: Then it did it again in Scott Bernard's voice just to be sure.

> The Homeward Bound
> shuddered, the stars outside elongated, everything seemed to split and reform,
> and the ship vanished into the void.

Rick: Prepare ship for ludicrous speed!

> Angelo turned towards Sean, who was sitting at the tactical controls. "How
> long did Louie say this fold would take?" he asked.

LS: [Marie] He said to tell us when we got there!

> "About a minute real time. Man that guy's a.."

Sel: Bespectacled little geek with big hair and a funny chin?

> he began to say, but then the
> ship began to rock violently, and if it weren't for the restraints on their
> seats everyone would have been thrown around the bridge.

Rick: Except Sean, who would have pitched in the other direction.

> But as quickly as it started, the rocking stopped.

> "What was that!?" Marie shouted as they tried to sort themselves out.

Alistair: I think you ran into a plot device.

> Sean unbuckled his straps and jumped over to the navigation console and
> checked the readout.

> "Whoa. Hey, it says here that we were hit by some sort of

Sel: Interdimensional subspace wormhole!
LS: Quantum singularity superstring!
Alistair: Temporal distortion anomaly!
Rick: Um... Frost free fridge?

[They all stare at him]

Rick: It could happen.

> hyperspace shockwave," he said as he looked up towards the others.

Rick: They collided with a two-dimensional dog! No offence.
LS: Rick, you read Stephen Hawking?
Rick: I read it for the funny pictures. The wheelchair guy cracks me up.

> He told them that the wave had passed and that they were coming out of fold in
> a few seconds any way, but stopped speaking when he noticed that Dana hadn't
> unbuckled herself and wasn't looking so well.

Sel: Was she turning green?
Rick: No, but her hair has.

> Her eyes were wide, she was
> sweating profusely, she had her arms wrapped around herself, and was gasping
> for air and shaking as if she was in pain.

Rick: [Sean] What did she have?
Sel: [Waitress] She had the special.
Rick: [Sean] The special? Wait, that's what I'm having! Change mine to the soup!

> "Help.help me."

Rick: I just wanted to bbe a moderatr.

> she choked, as tears began to appear in her eyes. A faint blue
> light started to shimmer around her,

Sel: [Dana] OOOOOHHHHH!!!! Hundred fist crack! WA-TAK!
Rick: [Zee] What was that? That didn't hurt a bit.
Sel: [Dana] In three seconds your head will explode.

> adding to her friend's growing alarm. They all rushed to gather around her.

> "Dana! Dana! What's happening to you?! What's wrong?!" Marie shouted.

Alistair: She was hit by a drive-by plot device.

> She tried to grab Dana by the shoulders to get her out of her seat, but there
> was a bright flash of light

Sel: Great. We just got busted for running the toll as well.

> and she was thrown across the bridge and into a
> bulkhead, falling to the floor in a heap. Sean shouted Marie's name and rushed
> to check on his lover.

Rick: [Sean] "Scream Marie's name, check on..." Hey, what's my motivation for
this scene?

> Angelo tried to get through the energy field that was
> surrounding his friend, but was repulsed as well.

LS: There's this powerful force that we can't penetrate! Could it be... The
plot?

> "Lieutenant! Dana!"

Alistair: Sergeant! Captain maybe, even!

> he shouted as he picked himself off the floor, "whatever
> is happen'n to you, fight it! You're stronger that it is! Come back to us!"

Sel: Don't go into the light!

> Dana struggled to look at Angelo, but when she spoke it was obvious her
> strength was failing.

Rick: Okay, you're losing a D6 PS per round... Give me a saving thow!

> "Angie.help.. it feels.. like.. my body is.tearing it.it..sel..f...
> a.p..a.r..t.

Sel: [Dana] And causing. Me to. Speak. Like. William Shatner.

> AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" she screamed.

Alistair: And again, with feeling!

> Suddenly she started to fade in and out,

Rick: Hey, look at this! Dana turn on! [Mimics flicking a switch] Dana turn off!
[Flicks the switch] Dana turn on!
LS: Stop that.

> and the light around her grew in
> brightness and everyone on the bridge had to shield their eyes or they would
> have been blinded.

Sel: Ah! My eyes! Ze goggles! Zey do nozing!

> When they were able to look again, Dana was gone, with only
> a few luminous particles floating where she used to be the only indication
> that Dana was there at all.

Alistair: She's traveling by Beam Of Light (TM)!
LS: Well that and the Latin choir.

> Dana!

> Where'd she go?!

> We're coming out of fold!

LS: Is anyone actually saying this, or are random words floating past again?

[Rick holds up a sign reading: They just can't afford to pay the voice actors]

> DAAAAANNNNAAAAA!!!

Rick: TETSUO!!!
Sel: KANEDA!!!
LS: KIMBALL!!!
Alistair: WEIRD DRAGON GUY!!!
Rick: BLEEPLE BLORB BLEEP!!!

> Dana Sterling felt herself floating down in a vast black void.

Rick: Dude, this is a totally long hole.
LS: [Aurora] Beware the spores!
Sel: [Dana] Hey, that was my last trip-out!

> A cold wind chilled her skin, and the darkness seemed to go on without end.

LS: Then she opened her eyes.

> She couldn't move, almost couldn't breathe.

Sel: Hint: In, out, in, out...

> She felt herself drifting in and out of consciousness.

Alistair: Ah, a fellow victim of the fanfic.

> When she was able to, she thought, "Where am I? What happened? Did I die?"

Rick: No, you're just in a holding pattern.
LS: I'm sorry, but this fanfic is experiencing technical difficulties. Please
bear with us as we correct the problem.

> Dana had no idea of how much time was passing, she seemed to be falling
> forever.

Rick: Falling... Falling, falling, falling... Falling - falling, falling...
Sel: And then she passes a kid and a dog wearing glasses going the other way.

> "Angelo is going to be so pissed at me for this one," she thought with a
> laugh,

Alistair: He doesn't mind you falling into another dimension, it's that you
didn't apply for leave first that has him in a tizz.
Sel: "Tizz?"

> "I don't mind dying, but there were many things I wanted to see first.

LS: A driver's license with your name on it?

> Now I'll never see my parents or my sis. I had so much stuff to tell them, and
> to say that I loved them even after so long."

> She sighed deeply, "I wonder if Zor is waiting for me when I get where I'm
> going?"

> She felt a tear slide down her cheek, "God I'm scared. I've never felt so
> frightened in my lift,

Sel: Well take the escalator!
LS: [Dana] I can't! They're broken and they won't move!

> not even during all those battles,"

LS: Not even when you found that disembodied hand in the tank?
Sel: [Dana] Well, maybe then...
LS: And the time your mum waved you around in front of all those armed
Zentraedi?
Sel: [Dana] Okay, that too.
LS: And the time...
Sel: [Dana] Okay, okay! I shouldn't have touched the probes already!
LS: And the time you rode off with the back of your dress torn off?
Sel: [Dana] Hey, that was cut!

> she admitted to
> herself. She continued to fall, but after awhile felt herself get angry. 

Rick: She had to whack herself over the head to build up her super meter first.

> "Dammit! Something better happen or I'm going to go completely nuts!"

Sel: [Dana] Stupid void. I should get Showtime.

> She got her wish. She didn't notice it at first, but a small light appeared
> below her what seemed to her to be very far away, but rapidly grew closer.

Rick: Hey, it's the garbage chute again.
Alistair: If this turns into a flashback, I'm leaving.

> Dana's excitement grew as she thought she was coming to the end of her
> journey, that she would finally see Zor again.

Sel: Wait until she meets Rem.

> But as she got closer,

Rick: She realised it was just a commercial break.

> she saw something in that light that shook her to her core.

Rick: The recommended retail price of CDs has gone up to $24.95!
Alistair: Does this mean we've finally hit the crossover?

> She realized at that moment that she wasn't dead after all.

Sel: She was watching the loading screen.
LS: Maybe this is all a cut scene.
Alistair: Then she was confused by the multi-coloured lights racing past her and
the odd warbling noise. And then we cut to the old Dana in bed, reaching out to
the rectangular monolith.

> If I'm not dead, then where am I going?

Alistair: To the fairy realm of Byston-Well.
Rick: Yeah, you get to run around in neat bio mechanical bug mechs!

> On a new adventure, maybe?

Sel: Shouldn't we be getting the narrator guy about now?
LS: And so it was that she fell into an alternate universe and her new life had
begun. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night.
Rick: Uh, Mr. Nimoy? We've still got two parts left.
LS: Oh? Well... I've just got to... Go and get something... From my car.

[They imitate screeching tires]

> Yeah! That's it!

LS: My car!

> This is an end, but also a beginning!

Rick: Mmm, Dana's end. [LS slaps him]

> The light surrounded her, and she faded from view once again.

LS: Hey voice, your TV's on the blink.
Alistair: Hush, you fool! He may yet notice!

> Her new journey starts now.

Sel [Mysterious Voice]: "Mother, is there anything wrong?"
LS [Mysterious Voice]: "I'm not sure..."

> End Part 1

[They all cheer]

Voice: Now for part 2.

[They all moan]

> Part 2: "Knights of the Stars" coming soon!

> I'd like to dedicate part one to field76, a member of robotech.com,

Rick: Robotech has its own dot com?
Sel: Like that will ever happen.
LS: According to the financial papers, it's rated alongside Excite, @home,
Beanz, Flooz, Webvan, and Kozmo as "Recommended Investments."

> for it was him that inspired me to write this fanfic in the first place. 

Alistair: Field76, may you burn in hell.

> *****
 > Disclaimer: I don't own Robotech or Tekkaman Blade 1 or 2.

Alistair: One of these days, someone will be able to figure out who *does* own
Robotech.

> Tekkaman Paladin: You don't?

> Rbotekmaster: Nope.

> Tekkaman Paladin:

LS [Tekkaman Paladin]: Hey, you misspelled your Handle!
Rick: "Rbotekmaster", evil clone of Chris Meadows.

> Oh well, on with the story!

> Rbotekmaster: Please review this story! Flame me if you want, I love to
> barbecue!

Rick: Alistair, you're drooling.
Alistair: Ribs... Hmmm...

> The Wandering Star Saga Part 2

LS: Is that *really* what the fic is called?
Rick: I think so...
LS: I'm embarrassed to be reading it now.
Sel: What, you weren't before?

> "Knights

Sel: Who say "Ni!"

> of the Stars"

Rick: "To the Stars?" You know it was years before I could watch that episode
again.
LS: I'm going to shift away from you, Rick.
Sel: Man, I'd hate to have seen you during "Catastrophe."

> Dana..

> Hmmmmmm...

Alistair: [Raymond Burr] Yes, I see...

> Dana, my love, wake up.

Rick: Wakey wakies!
Sel: [Dana] Gah, football practice...
Rick: Gotta get ready for some FOOTBALL!

> Dana Sterling opened her eyes slowly, wincing at the sudden brightness. When
> she was able to see, she was astounded to see that she was lying in a field of
> flowers,

LS: [Dana] I hate this place.

> much like the field that she saw when her sister contacted her
> telepathically.

Sel: [Dana] No weird little black-haired girl. Is this good or bad?

> She tried to get up, but was too tired to move. Then someone
> walked up to her side.

Rick: Ricardo Montebalm!
Sel: Or if you're really unlucky, Malcolm McDowell.

> "Do you need help?" said a voice that was all too familiar.

Alistair: Yes, I think we all need help right now.
Rick: Much to her surprise, it was Ambassador Kosh.

> Dana looked up and immediately sucked in her breath. Kneeling next to her,
> dressed in his Southern Cross uniform, was Zor Prime,

LS: For some reason, his uniform was solid green and he had brown hair. Damn
those Del Rey artists!

> smiling his usual smile.
> He extended a hand to help her up. Dana leapt into his arms, tears falling
> from her face as she did, and embraced him tightly.

Rick: Aaah! My torso! My precious torso! What are you doing to my torso?
Alistair: The fact that he's dead doesn't seem to have bothered people.

> Zor returned her
> affection, and they remained together for a long time,

LS: Conveniently keeping the animation budget down.
Sel: Are they standing in an elevator right now?
Rick: Don't worry, the movies will make it all better.

> the wind playing with
> Dana's blonde hair and Zor's purple hair, Dana crying into Zor's shoulder and
> Zor holding her tightly. Then they shared a long, passionate kiss, lasting
> almost forever, until

Rick: Dana turned blue, passed out, and we got yet another crossover.
Alistair: We haven't even gotten to the first crossover.
LS: Do we want to?

> Zor broke the embrace. Dana looked into Zor's eyes,
> feeling truly happy for the first time in so many months.

Sel: You're dead and all, but who cares?

> "I'm ready," she said, wiping tears from her face.

Rick: I think we've  been ready for hours.

> "I have no regrets, and I will follow you wherever you go, even to the
> farthest ends of the universe."

Rick: And when she gets there, she finds five pillars with "Monkey was here"
written on them.
Sel: This dialogue is so trite... so cheesy... so in character...

> She started to say more, but Zor stopped her by placing two fingers on her
> lips.

> "Dana, you can't follow me yet. For one thing, you're not dead,

LS: Just press the space bar to re-spawn.

> and there's so many people that need your help."

> He hugged her again and stared into her green eyes for a long time.

Alistair: Blue eyes. Dana's eyes are blue.
LS: Now if it was Macross, the answer would be 'all of the above'.

> "You need to be patient.

Rick: Duke Nukem Forever will be out by the end of the year, okay?

> I understand the pain in your heart, for I have
> experienced it myself. So I set you heart free.

LS: It's not *really* that easy, you know.

> Live you life to the fullest. Many hardships and trials are waiting for you,

Sel: On your journey to drop this ring into that volcano.

> but I know you'll overcome them," he said.
> Dana relaxed in his embrace, not willing to move for a second, but Zor
> unexpectedly broke it.

> "There's something I must tell you.

Rick [Zor]: I was seeing Nova behind your back all along.
Alistair [Zor]: When I said "I have no regrets", I lied.
LS [Zor]: There's this green stuff in your teeth.
Sel [Zor]: You must do something about that hair.

> I.will never see you again," he said sadly.

LS: [Zor] Unfortunately, I have been vaporised by a fusion reaction. I kinda
blew myself up, y'know.
Rick: [Very Bad Zor] I must go now. My home planet needs me.

> "W.what?! What did you say?!" Dana almost screamed the words.

Sel: [Zor] C'mon! Consider yourself lucky we got this chance.

> "I must atone for my predecessor's mistakes. That task alone will take
> millennia. It'll take me to many different worlds, and I might not be able to
> come back. I'm sorry, Dana" Zor said, solemnly.

Sel: Man, when he dumps, he dumps. That's the best "its not you, it's me" I've
ever seen.

> "No, no! Please! I want to be with you! You're the only person I've ever truly
> loved!" she shouted in despair.

Sel: [Dana] Ooh, who's that? He's cute!

> "That's not entirely true," Zor said. 
> "Huh!?"

Alistair: [Zor] I'm a figment of your imagination, so I should know.

> "There is a certain muscle headed sergeant that cares about you very much, and
> I can sense you have deep feelings for him, you just deny them," he declared.

Rick: Why does this sound more like Sean then Zor?
LS: Maybe the script messed up again. In a second, Scott and Lancer will talk
with each other's voices again.

> "Angelo?"

Rick: You got any other muscle-headed sergeants lying around?
Alistair: Fred Colon?

> "Yes, Angelo. Don't try to hide your feelings from him. You love him. Let him
> know that before it's too late," Zor said.

LS: That's it. Canonical or not, I feel really dirty now. I need to wash.

> He suddenly cocked his head to one side, as if he was hearing a voice she
> couldn't.

Alistair [Cocks head]: Hmm... Yes, I'm getting it too.
LS: What does it say?
Alistair: Walkies.

> He looked back at her and smiled, but there was something that
> looked almost sad in his eyes.

LS: He just realised that in vanishing into an endless void, he's getting the
better deal here.

> "I have to go.

Rick: [Zor] I'm not actually leaving, I'm just not going to talk to you any
more.

> I love you, Dana Sterling," he said. He started to fade away,
> drifting into the breeze, making his final journey beyond.

Sel: Just to clarify, by this point he's been dead, what? A year? Two?

> "Zor, wait! Come back!" she cried, trying to run after him, but stopped when
> she realized it was point

Rick: Blank?

> less.

Rick: oh.

> She dropped to her knees into the flowerbed,

Sel: Hey, don't step on the flowers! You're gonna catch holy hell for that!

> and felt herself misting up again.

Alistair: 'Misting'?
LS: Isn't that what we're doing?
Rick: I think it's meant to be a review.

> "I love you, Zor. I always have and I always will. I understand what you said,
> but dammit it's so hard sometimes. But I'll try. I'll live my life and never
> look back! And, I'll let Angelo know how I feel about him. Thank you for
> helping me realize how important he is to me."

LS: So... We've just resolved all character conflicts and romantic tension?
Sel: And we haven't even hit the crossover.
Rick: Okay, I'm officially lost.

> She started to fell sleepy,

LS: It's important, but it can wait until after nap-time.

> and stretched out on the soft flowerbed, and
> closed her eyes. She dreamed of her friends, family, and of those she had
> loved and lost.

Rick: I get it. This is just a set-up so we can have crossover slash. Everyone,
pick a couple!
Sel: Dana and David.
LS: Dana and Hayato.
Alistair: One furless savage and another. I don't care which.
Rick: Natasha and Dana and a whole box of Kleenex.

> After a while she thought she heard a voice in her head.

> Wake up.

> The voice got louder.

> Wake up!

Sel: I'm not paying you $3.20 to sit around here sleeping! If you want to get
paid to sleep, go work for a dot com!
Rick [Inspector Praline]: Wakey-wakey Mister Parrot! I have a nice piece of
cuttlefish for you if you wake up now!

> The she realized that the voice wasn't human!

Alistair: I take offence at that remark.
Rick: It's the crank-call of Cthulu!

> WAKE UP YOU WRETCHED GIRL!!!

> * * *

> Dana woke up with a start, and the first thing she noticed was the horrible
> smell, almost like that of rotting vegetables, that assaulted her senses.

Sel [Dana]: Damn, it *is* that Garbage chute!

> When
> she opened her eyes she realized that the smell was the last thing she needed
> to worry about. She was being restrained by her arms, legs, waist and neck by
> some sort of tentacles to a wall that seemed almost alive,

All: O_o
Rick: ...Voice didn't say it'd be one of *those* fics!
Voice: It isn't! [Muttered] I think.
LS: It had better not be. Otherwise, I talk to my friends with big guns.

> and staring her in
> the face was a red-eyed monster. It looked humanoid, and was wearing some sort
> of bio-organic armor,

Rick: It's the Guyver! Does that mean we're going to see Mark Hamil turn into
a cockroach?
LS: Mark Hamil would be a good thing?
Rick: Mark Hamil makes everything better.

> with a white colored helmet the exact shape of the creature's head,

Sel: Whatever that was.
Alistair: It was just like its helmet.
Sel: Well that makes... no, no it doesn't.

> with a crystal embedded where the forehead was. It had two
> tendrils coming out of the back of the helmet and it extended down to the
> creature's waist.

Rick: So this has turned into an Orguss crossover?
Sel: Hey, everything crossed over into Orguss.

> The eye slits were ruby red, and the creature seemed to have
> no mouth, and no hair at all.

Alistair: So if the helmet was just like it's head... it'd be in severe trouble.

> The monster's limbs were about the same
> proportion to a human's limbs, with arms that ended in hands that had one
> large finger, one smaller finger, and a thumb,

LS: Great. She's been abducted by the Ninja Turtles.
Rick [Surfer]: Cowabunga Naked Dudette! We're going to totally trash those 
Space-Knight Geeks in a totally radical and tubular way! Righteous!
Alistair: Never, ever do that again.

> and all the limbs were covered
> in the form-fitting armor. The color of the body armor was rust red, while the
> leg and arm armor was navy blue.

Rick: It's the Tekka-Viper.
Sel: Tekka Viper?
Rick: He has fourteen Voltekkas.

> Several similar creatures surrounded it, but it was obviously the leader, for
> it stood almost two feet taller than the others

LS: The others don't get platform shoes.

> and almost four feet above Dana.

Alistair: I resent the implication that size is indicative of leadership. The
short ones always fight dirtier.

> It leaned down to get a better look at her, and that's when she noticed
> that she was stark naked,

Rick: Ah! We've crossed over into Super Dimensional Cavalry Southern Cross then.
Sel: You've seen SDC:SC?
Rick: Just the bits that count. [He grins]
Sel: I should hit you for that, but I can't find a weapon and I don't want to 
bruise my knuckles...

> and that the things holding her were tendrils and
> not chains or ropes.

Rick: Goodnight everybody!

> Oddly enough, Dana was not frightened but rather
> disgusted by the sights before her, and in her usual manner let her feelings
> be known.

Sel: And complained to the manager!
LS: [Dana] What kind of second-rate alien dungeon are you running here? This
champagne is meant to be served slightly chilled, not room temperature!

> "Ewwwww! What in the hell are you and why do you have me retrained you giant
> space slug!"

Alistair: My, such witty banter.
LS: Sad thing is, she really talks like this.
Sel: Hoo boy. Wait 'till she meets the Invid...

> she shouted. She was immediately backhanded by the creature, and
> was told to be silent.

Rick [Camp]: Silence, scum!

> "My name is Krojodan,

All: Bless you.

> and you will treat your savior with more respect, you
> pathetic human," it commanded.

Sel [Dana]: I dunno, isn't my savior meant to be this hippie guy in sandals
and a robe?
Rick: I've got a feeling we're going to like this guy.

> Dana spat out blood and glared at Krojodan with a mixture of anger and
> bewilderment.

LS: [Dana] I'd be a bit more understanding if not for the tentacles...

> Krojodan understood the look in her eyes.

Alistair: No, she doesn't care either.

> "Yes, your savior. We found you drifting outside our flagship, surrounded by a
> ball of energy. We were so intrigued we decided to bring you aboard. Oh, and
> don't try to ask these minions of mine anything,

Sel: They're only just up to pronouns.
LS: Krojodan pays them by the line, and they're not allowed to say anything. It
keeps the budget down.

> I'm the only one that took the time to learn your simple language,"

LS: [Dana] Any reason?
Rick: [Krojodan] All the better to ineffectually taunt you, my dear.

> he said in that weird, monotone voice
> of his that sounded like it was being said through a synthesizer.

Alistair: Special guest star Stephen Hawking as Krokojam.

> Dana's expression changed to shock as she took that in. When she composed
> herself, she asked where she was and what they were.

> "We are the Radam Tekkamen,

Sel [Dana]: Well *that* explains a lot.

> and we're in our flagship near the dark side of
> the moon," he used his hand to indicate their surroundings, "preparing our
> assault upon your Earth and the Space Ring."

Alistair: Maybe I didn't pass master villainy 101, but why exactly is he
explaining all this to her?
LS: Besides villainy, he also serves as handy exposition.
Sel: And his minions can't answer.

> Dana was puzzled. What's a Space Ring? She asked that question, and Krojodan
> replied, "You don't know what the Space Ring is?!

Rick [Krojodan]: You don't know what the space ring is? Ha ha ha! You silly
little fool!
Sel [Dana]: Well... no.
Rick [Krojodan]: Ha ha ha! You are so foolish! Conquering your people will be
so easy! Ha ha ha!
Sel [Dana]: So, um, what is a Space Ring?
Rick [Krojodan]: Its... Well, A Space Ring is... its a Ring. In space. Yes. A
Ring in Space. Ha ha ha!

> Well here, take a look."

LS: It's a wall. Amazing. We have those at home.

> He pointed to an oval in the wall. It opened like an eyelid, exposing some
> type of viewscreen.

Alistair [Dr F.]: Push the button, Frank!

> It showed the Moon's dark side with Earth in the distance,
> but Dana noticed that something wasn't right.

LS: It looked suspiciously like a pair of cardboard cut-outs against a paper
background.
Rick: Hang on, if they can see the Earth, can't the Earth Forces detect them?

[Long pause]

Sel: On with the show!

> Encircling the Earth was, at
> this distance, was a very fine ring, but when it zoomed in on it, Dana's jaw
> almost dropped to the floor.

Rick: [Krojodan] Pretty cool, huh?
Sel: [Dana] Yeah, we've got zoom lenses as well.

> The ring was actually a gigantic orbiting space
> station that surrounded the entire planet, which was connected to the Earth by
> what she could guess where several elevators which extended from the ground,
> passed through the atmosphere, and connected to the lowest orbital ring.

Rick: Oh sure, it's convenient for transport and has great views, but parking's
a pain.

> They
> looked big enough to carry ships from the surface into space. Dana was so
> stunned she was unable to speak for a moment. When she was able to talk, she
> turned her head towards her captors.

Rick [Krojodan]: What do you think?
Sel [Dana]: It's only a model.

> "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" she laughed, "What type of sick joke is this? I know for
> a fact that that Earth doesn't have a ring like what you've shown me! What
> type of fool do you take me for!?" She glared daggers at Krojodan.

Alistair [Tekkaman]: Gotta admit, she got you there, boss.
Rick [Krojodan]: Silence, minion. You're not being paid to talk!

> Even though he didn't have a mouth, Krojodan seemed extremely amused.

> "Heh. This is no joke. It doesn't matter anyway, since you will soon be one of
> us. Mwuahahahahaha!!!!"

Rick: I like this guy. He's funny.

> his booming laughter echoed though the hallway, in
> that voice that sent chills down Dana's spine.

Sel: No, wait, that's just the ice cream.

> "Take her to the spore plant chamber,"

LS: And feed her to the sharks! And close the tank. I'm just going to presume
that everything went according to plan. What?

> he then turned and walked off, leaving Dana to his cronies.

Alistair: So he brings her inside, ties her up, learns her language, laughs at
her a bit and does nothing. I forsee an amusing death, hopefully involving
liquid nitrogen.

> Two of them touched the tentacles that were holding her
> and they disconnected from the wall, wrapping around her tightly.

Sel: Evil overlord lair with complementary gift wrapping. Now that's service.

> She tried to
> struggle against her bonds, sweat dripping down her face, but was hit again
> and tasted blood in her mouth and felt her strength drain.

LS: Hey wait, they're not allowed to speak, but they're allowed to slap?
Rick: They get paid less per slap than per line. If they speak, their names get
on the closing credits.

> The two Tekkamen dragged Dana through the ship,

Sel: [Tekkaman] What we were gonna do, we were thinking of knocking through this
wall, putting a few windows in the next room and doing everything over in a kind
of faded blue. It makes the place look so much bigger.
Rick: [Tekkaman] Oh yeah, and we're going to put a shark tank in over there.

> and she noticed that the aliens used a
> combination of technology and organic components in the design. She also saw
> that there were many more Tekkamen on board than she thought,

LS: Although we can't show their faces, because that costs money.

> coming in all
> shapes and sizes, but having basic similarities in their armor. It was
> obviously some sort of metal, but it looked organically fluid.

> After hauling her throughout the ship, with Dana squirming in her bonds and
> cursing at her captors in both English and Zentraedi,

Alistair: Oh, my!
Sel: What did she say?
Alistair: You don't want to know.

> they finally stopped outside a door leading to another chamber.

Rick: [Tekkaman] We call it a door.
Sel: [Dana] You guys are really not impressing me.
Rick: [Tekkaman] Sorry. We don't get many guests up here.

> Amazingly one of the Tekkamen
> escorting her released her from her restraints, but before she could make a
> run for it the other guard who had somehow gotten a lance-like weapon into his
> hand

Rick: Say little buddy, where do you keep that lance-like weapon?
LS: That's none of your damn business!

> prodded her forward.

Sel: Oh, I get it. These guys are theme park attendants.

> "If you keep poking me with that I'm going to take it and shove it up you
> ass!"

Rick: [Tekkaman] We're not that sort of alien invaders!
Sel: [Tekkaman] We've learnt as much as we can via that method of probing.

> she shouted, looking back at the Radam. He paid her no heed, only
> shoving her forward towards the door. It slid open, and Dana had to shield her
> eyes from the bright light from inside.

LS: And then this little guy with a big head steps out.

[They all hum the "Close Encounters" theme]

> When she could see again, she was
> forced through, and the sight before here made her heart skip a beat. Numerous
> giant plants were growing out of the floor, and there was a fine mist
> permeating through out the room.

Rick: [Tekkaman] Do you like it? It's our arba... Arbora... Aibra... Our
greenhouse.
Sel: [Tekkaman] This is where we grow our weed.

> The plants reminded her of the Flower of Life
> pods Sean Phillips had seen inside the Master's flagship during the 15th's
> first recon, only they resembled Venus flytraps somewhat.

Rick: So... they weren't really like them at all.
Alistair: Well, no.

> There was a Radam
> Tekkaman standing next to a growth that she could assume was a control panel
> of some sort.

LS: No, that's just a coffee cup he hasn't cleaned out in months.

> "What are those things?" she wondered aloud, but soon got her answer from the
> horse's mouth. 

Sel [Tekkaman]: That's my mother!

> "Those are the spore plants. They will be the first step of your
> transformation into a Tekkaman, my dear girl," said a voice.

> Dana looked and saw Krojodan, who had entered the room from another entrance.

Sel: [Dana] Why didn't you just come along with me?
Rick: [Krojodan] I was done for the scene, but we realised these guys had a
line. So they got me to deliver it instead.
Sel: [Dana] You got lost, didn't you?
Rick: [Krojodan] No!

> "You again," she spat, "Don't you have anything better to do than watch me,

Alistair: Not really, since there's no-one here to talk to.

> or are you as perverted as I think?" She tried to provoke him to do something
> stupid,

Alistair: Oh, he's done plenty of that already.

> but Krojodan only laughed.

LS: Do you think the authour's trying to suggest that Krokojam here is evil?
Just wondering.

> "Soon it won't matter what you think, but I'll tell you what we have planed.

Rick [Krojodan]: Now listen very carefully, for this is the *plot.*
Sel: [Dana] And it's so important that it should be shouted loudly so that any
one passing by will overhear every minor detail?
Rick: [Krojodan] Yes.
Sel: [Dana] And we're talking about the microfilm that contains the secret for
turning cocaine into innocent looking girl scout cookies?
Rick: [Krojodan] Precisely.
Sel: [Dana] I don't know anything about it.

> These plants you see before you will reconfigure your body, so you will be
> able to accept Tekkaman armor. You'll be known as a primary body, and have a
> lighter version of our armor. But if your body and mind are not strong, you
> will not survive to process," he said with an underlying tone of malice.

Alistair: Well thank you for that exposition, kind sir.
Sel [Dana]: Could you say it all again? I kinda missed it.

> He looked over to the other Tekkaman who was standing next to the panel and
> made a quick motion with his head. The other Radam nodded and pressed some
> controls in.

Rick: [Tekkaman] Inserting the intensifier disk. Turning the control wheel
eighteen degrees to the left. Sixteen... Seventeen... Almost there...

> One of the spore plants began to glow with a soft internal light, and it moved
> down so the "bulb" of the plant was right in front of Dana. It opened like a
> flower in bloom,

Rick: [Deep] The flowers in bloom.
Sel: Beware the spores!

> and there was a chamber inside that was just big enough for her to fit.

Sel: They're checking her in to the coffin hotel.

> She tried to back off but was shoved inside by one of the guards.

Sel: [Dana] But I don't want to go in the pod!
Rick: [Tekkaman] Oh, don't be such a baby.

> The pod rose up and she saw that the inside of the pod was transparent and she
> could see Krojodan and the other Radam on the floor below.

Sel: [Dana] Aaack! They can see up my skirt!
Alistair: She's not even wearing a skirt.
Sel: [Dana] Oh. That's okay then.

> "Let me out! You'll regret this!" she screamed

LS: [Tekkaman] Say boss, you don't think there's any chance of her breaking out
or being rescued after her transformation is complete but before her mind is
enslaved, turning her into an awesome force of vengeance that will destroy us
all?
Rick: [Krojodan] Naw, what are the chances of that happening again?

> as she pounded on the plant's
> interior, trying to get out, but the inside was as hard as steel.

Alistair: Ah well, at least the corny dialogue is mutual.

> Suddenly the inside of the spore plant began to fill with a fluorescent green
> liquid,

LS: [Tekkaman] Adding the mountain dew. TO THE EXTREEEEME!!!
Rick: [Krojodan] What was that?
LS: [Tekkaman] Sorry. Just thought I'd ad-lib a bit, sir.

> which quickly rose to Dana's neck. She only had enough room to crouch
> on her knees, but felt herself floating as the pod completely filled with the
> liquid. She was surprised that she was still able to breathe,

Sel: [Dana] It smells like Ikari.

> and saw that her entire body had begun to pulsate with a soft pink light.

Alistair: Green liquid with pink light? They do need to rethink their colour
schemes.

> She started to grow
> sleepy, and curled up into a ball as the darkness came over her.

> "Crap, not again.."she muttered as her eyelids closed.

Alistair: Oh yes. This is just like the other time she was kidnapped by aliens
and stuck inside a bizarre techno-organic plant pod thing filled with green
liquid.
Sel: She has done this before?
Alistair: *No*

> Krojodan, who had been watching her with interest,

Rick: [Krojodan] She is quite hot.
Alistair: [Krojodan] I'd love her to deposit her eggs in me, so her young would
consume me whole.

> was extremely pleased. The
> spore plant had taken Dana without incident, and he was certain that it
> wouldn't reject her now.

LS: But then we wouldn't have a story.

> "Yes. Soon she shall be one of us. She will have powers beyond any normal
> Tekkaman, for I have sensed within her a force that surpasses all except my
> own, and that force shall serve me!"

All: AND NOTHING CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG!
Alistair: [Krojodan] BWAHAHAHA!
Rick: [Tekkaman] BWAHAHA!
Alistair: [Krojodan] Silence! You're not being paid to laugh!

> * * * *

> The man had killed thousands of living beings to save his home,

LS: Yes, curse those termites!

> had watched as he lost his family and his past to aliens from another star.

Rick: And he refuses to pay their repo department to get them back.

> He was forced by
> circumstances to slay them all to rescue the people of this planet Earth,

Rick: Aw, screw it. The aliens are there to get uranium, right?
Alistair: *No!*
Rick: Aww...

> and had witnessed his beloved sister destroyed herself to save him and all he
> cared about, ten years ago.

Sel: But only in the Japanese and Australian versions.

> Now, in the soft light of the sun's dawn, the man watched the sleeping form of
> the person he loved the most in this world. D-Boy sat on the edge of their
> bed, softly stroking her hair, remembering the first time more than a decade
> ago that he had first laid eyes on the beautiful Aki Kisaragi.

LS: He'd fallen from space and landed on his head. It wasn't an ideal moment,
but it was *their* moment.

> She lay in the
> bed, breathing lightly, exhausted by the twenty hour day she had pulled
> yesterday getting the new Tekkaman recruits situated in their new quarters and
> showing them around the Space Knight HQ.

Rick: -or so she claimed.

> He was getting up, about to make some coffee, when he felt as panicked mind
> touch his.

Alistair: [D-Boy] Can you call back later? I'm kinda busy.

> He recoiled from the sudden mental shock, and the outline of his
> Tekkacrystal appeared on his forehead.

Rick: It means that another immortal must be near! Vrooom!

> He walked over to the window and looked
> outside, wondering where the signal had come from, but in reality he already
> knew.

> "D-Boy, what is it?' said a concerned voice from behind him.

Rick [D-Boy]: Nothing, I'm just taking one of those uninspired 'butt in the
moonlight' walks.
Sel: His name's D-Boy. What do you think is wrong?

> He turned around to see that Aki had woken up, and the outline of her
> Tekkacrystal was glowing on her forehead as well, red to his green.

Sel: Why does she have a red crystal if she's not evil?
Rick: It's a packing variant. Most have green crystals, but some have red. The
red ones are worth more if they're mint on card.
Alistair: Actually, it's because-
Rick: Oh, shut up, Fido.
Alistair: *Fido?*

> "Is there trouble coming?' she asked,

Alistair: [D-Boy] No, the old crystal's playing up again. Gotta get this thing
replaced.

> sliding out of bed. The outline of their
> crystals faded as she was walking up to him.

> "Someone touched my mind just now.

Rick [Deep]: Sylia. Sylia Stingray...
LS [Aki]: Wrong mind!

> The person was extremely upset. I think he
> or she has been captured by the Radam," he replied.

LS: He got all that in an instant?
Alistair: Actually, he was reading the cliff notes.

> Aki slid her arms around D-Boy's waist. She knew that another battle was going
> to start as soon as he spoke those words.

Alistair: The words being "Round one, fight!"

> "Do you know where it came from?" she asked, but she already had a good idea
> where.

Alistair: London.
LS: London?
Alistair: London, a small town on Mars, just out side of the capital city of
Wubble.

> "It was from that Radam ship we spotted a week ago," he replied, putting an
> arm around her shoulders.

> "They're probably planning something. We better get to command and control,"
> she said, breaking the embrace.

Sel: Hang on, you found this ship a week ago and you haven't done anything about
it since?
LS: They didn't want to rush into things.

> "Do we have time for a quick shower?" he asked, a grin on his face, and gave
> her a slight smile.

Sel [Mrs Ikari]: Are you ready dear?
Rick [Mr Ikari]: I'm always ready, dear.

> Aki's eyes brightened and she smiled back.

> "Of course," she said, taking his hand as they walked towards the bathroom.

Alistair: Well, we have impending doom, someone in great peril and a possible
new Radam superweapon hanging over our heads, but there's always time for a
little slap and tickle.
Rick: There's *always* time for slap and tickle.

> * * * * *

> (Space Knight Headquarters, Global Space Year 203)

LS: War was beginning.
Rick: What the hell was that?
LS: Um, it was just some line from an old video game. Don't worry about it.

> The morning dawned quietly on the Space Knight Headquarters, located somewhere
> in the south Pacific Ocean.

Rick: Right next to a failing Pacific Island state.

> The seagulls were flying in search of a quick
> meal, the soldiers in the base were changing shifts, and the civilians were
> either going to work in the city that surrounds the base or shopping for
> Christmas gifts, the holiday was only a few short weeks away.

LS: Which holiday is that, Spendover? We just had that, and Loveday number two!
Rick: The sea is calm, the sun is shining away and just doesn't know what's
going to hit it. The environmentalists do and decided to complain about it, so a
representative of the band met with them and had them all shot. So it looks like
this evening's concert is going to go ahead as planned.

> But in the main hanger bay it was anything but quiet.

LS: For whacky comedy hijinks were about to ensue.
Rick: You said ensue.
LS: Yes, I did. So?

> Hiyato, pilot of Alpha ship, knew he was in for it. He had just played a
> rather nasty prank on his girlfriend, Yumi Francios by rigging a bucket of

LS: Acid?
Sel: You're dark.
LS: I can hope.

> water so it would fall on her when she opened the access panel under the ship
> to do repairs.

Alistair: Am I the only here who thinks that buckets of water should *not* be
put near sensitive equipment.
LS: You're absolutely right. But this is *comedy*. Common sense doesn't enter into
it.

> Yumi usually did her own repairs because she was a mechanic
> before becoming Tekkaman Hiver.

Rick: I wonder how good she was as a mechanic.
Sel: As good as she is as a Tekkaman.
Rick: ...you could take that several ways.

> Now he was being chased around the hanger bay
> by a soaking wet Yumi, her waterlogged orange-blonde hair waving behind her,
> getting wrenches and ship parts thrown at his head.

> At 5' 11" tall with brown hair, green eyes, and toned body, Hiyato was

Sel: Wearing platform shoes.
Rick: Really big platforms.
Alistair: And a top hat.
LS: And an inflatable body suit, apparently.

> not the
> type to be taken lightly, but he knew that if he stopped for a second, Yumi
> would tear him to pieces like she was on a PMS trip!

All: ...
Alistair: How droll. What mirth. How mindlessly inane.

> "Yumi come on! Give me a break!" he shouted back at her, ducking to avoid
> being hit in the head by a tire iron.

Rick: I'm torn. Who do we cheer for?
LS: "All maimed and killed" comnes to mind.

> "Give you a break?!" she was seething mad, "You just ruined two hours of hard
> work! The only thing that's gonna break is your head!"

Rick [Yumi]: What? You dare drench me and deflate my hairstyle? KER-POW!
Sel: "Ker-Pow?"
Rick: Hmm... doesn't quite work. Maybe I need to refine it.

> A few feet away, unnoticed by Yumi and Hiyato, two figures watched the
> commotion play out with a mixture of humor and concern for Hiyato's safety.

Alistair: If they're concerned, shouldn't they interject before he suffers a
permanent injury?
LS: I guess it's more humour then concern.

> "Hey Dead, bet ya five credits that Yumi cleans his clock real good," the
> taller figure said to the other. The other person sat down on a crate and
> thought for a moment. 

Rick: It's Rodan's thinker.
Alistair: Actually, that's Rodin. Rodan's a giant rubber pterosaur.
Rick: I know what I said.
Sel: I've often wondered what he was thinking about.
LS: He's probably wondering who stole his clothes.

> "Hmmmm. Sure David, and I bet that Hiyato gets torn in half.wait, make that a
> sixty forty split, "Dead-End said with a chuckle.

Rick [Dead]: Ha-ha! Dismemberment is funny!

> David nodded and returned to the runaround they were watching. Standing at
> about six feet tall with spiky blonde hair and turquoise blue eyes and a well-
> muscled physique, he was the fantasy of every woman on the base,

Sel: -And Dead End.
LS: Tekkaman blade had something for everyone; fanservice girls and hot boy-boy
luvluv.
Alistair: So if Hyato's 5'11", then how tall is David?
Rick: He's huge.

> but after
> recent events he had eyes only for his fellow Tekkaman, Natasha Pavlochiva.

Rick: She was the nicest couple he'd ever met!

> His friend Dead, also called Dean-End, was David's complete opposite. He was a
> feminine looking young man with shoulder length light green hair and red
> painted fingernails. He had worn semi-female clothing in the past,

LS: "Semi-female clothing?"
Sel: Quasi-futuristic unisex jumpsuits.
LS: Oh.
Rick: With his frame, he could wear dungarees and a moustache and still look feminine.

> but since
> joining the Space Knights about four months back he had gotten used to their
> uniforms and usually wore one.

Rick: Some days he wore a slinky red evening gown with a high-split skirt and heels.
They got used to it after a while.

> He still wore his ancient cross around his neck
> at all times however.

Sel: That's the one his father gave him just before he died during second impact,
right?

> When he first joined, there was a general sense of distrust towards him
> because he almost killed Tekkaman Blade twice,

Alistair: Minor details!

> because he blamed the Space
> Knights for the deaths of his friends and family during Black September.

Rick: -the drect-to-video sequel to "Red October."
Sel: Any good?
Rick: It's got a Baldwin.
Sel: Ah.

> But
> that distrust had abated and Dead was now well respected on the base.

Sel: Or maybe they just thought he had nice hair. Your call.

> "If Yumi gets her hands on Hiyato there's not going to be much left of him,
> you know," Dead-End said,

Rick [Dead End]: Heh. Fracticide is fun!

> fiddling with the knife he kept in a sheath hidden
> in one of his boots. Embedded in the knife's hilt was Dead's Tekkacrystal,
> which Dead could summon if needed.

> David laughed at Dead-End's comment.

> "Yeah, there probably wouldn't be enough pieces to sweep.DEAD HEADS UP!!"

LS: ...how did he say that with a straight face?

> he
> shouted. He saw Yumi throw a wrench at Hiyato and miss, and now it was headed
> straight for Dead.

> "What?" he asked and looked up, but before he could move he was hit full in
> the face by the wrench.

Alistair: Good shot, madam! [He applauds politely]

> He fell to a knee, one hand clasping his forehead
> where it hit him, groaning in pain.

Rick [Dead]: Aaaaah!
Alistair: No! A bit higher! WIth some more feeling!
Rick [Dead]: Aaaaahhhh!!!
Alistair: Much better.

> "Dead I'm so sorry!!" Yumi shouted and ran up to the two men, her hands
> covering her mouth in horror.

Rick [Dead End - The Decepticon]: Why bother? We all die eventually.

> "It's alright," he said as he removed his hands from his face, revealing only
> a light bruise,

LS: A light bruise? He's been whacked in the face with a flying wrench! He
should be a bloody mess, if not dead!

> "You're forgiven, just watch where you aim next time!"

> "What're you two doing here anyway any way?" Hiyato asked,

Rick: They were going to go out and play cricket, but the pitch was wet.
Alistair: They're in the middle of the Pacific ocean!
Rick: See? That's how wet it was.

> walking up to the
> two men but keeping a respectful distance from Yumi.

Sel: -in case she suddenly exploded.

> "The Chief wants to see everyone in the briefing room ASAP. I think it's about
> the new recruits we got yesterday but something in the Chief's eyes tells me
> otherwise," David said thoughtfully.

Alistair: So why didn't you end that farce earlier and inform them straight away?
LS: Well, they could have, but it wouldn't have been any fun.

> "We better go then," said Yumi, "What about Natasha, Anita and Goliate?"

Rick: Natasha's nude sunbathing on the roof.
Sel: Any reason?
Rick: Does there have to be a reason for Fanservice?
Sel: Hmm... [She picks up a cushion and hits him with it] That works.

> "I gave them a call. They're doing some Christmas shopping but should be back
> anytime now," David replied.

> Yumi nodded and began to walk towards the turbolift, but looked back at
> Hiyato.

> "This isn't over," she smiled wickedly, "After we see what the Chief wants
> we're going to.talk about certain things."

LS: Oh. I'm so scared. Yumi's going to kill me. Hold me.
Sel: She does have the megaweapon, you know.
LS: Good point.

> Then David, Dead-End and she got on the turbolift and asked it to take them to
> the main control room, located a few levels above.

> Hiyato looked dumbfounded.

> "Talk?" he thought, "Now why do I feel like someone's dancing on my grave?"

> He swallowed nervously, but then noticed that everyone left without him.

> "Hey! Wait for me!"

All: COMEDY!

> * * * *

> Yumi, Dead-End, David and Hiyato walked into the main control room

Alistair: Wait, don't tell me, I know the punchline to this one.

> and noticed
> that Natasha, Goliate, Anita and the Chief were already there,

Rick: As well as two Orcs guarding a treasure chest.
LS: Any reason?
Rick: Nobody knows why.

> along with two
> other people dressed in Space Knight uniforms who saluted them as they walked
> in.

All: SEIG ZEON!

> When they were lining up, Chief Aki Kisaragi noticed Dead-End's bruise and
> asked him about it.

> "It's nothing. Yumi was using Hiyato for target practice and, um, missed," he
> replied with a shrug.

Sel: Being beaned with a wrench is nothing? I'd hate to know what he calls a
grievous injury.
Alistair: Oh look, I've been dismembered, tum-te-tum...

> Aki smiled slightly. A door opened behind where she was sitting, and D-Boy
> walked up to stand next to her, dressed in his usual suit, tie and sunglasses.

Rick [D-Boy]: Pay no attention to me. I'm not here.

> "The first reason that I asked you here is to introduce you to our newest
> Space Knight cadets," she said

LS: -sniggering as she did.
Sel: It takes a lot to say that with a straight face.
Rick [writing]: "Space knight cadets..." gotta use that some day.

> as she motioned to the two others in the room,
> the one on the left a young man, the other a young woman.

> The young man was Hiyato's height, with spiky blondish brown hair and well
> toned but not overly defined muscles and chocolate brown eyes and caucasian
> features. His uniform was white with a gold collar.

> The young woman was strikingly beautiful, about five inches shorter than her
> companion, with short honey blonde hair tied up in pigtails. Her eyes were
> ice-blue, and she was very slender, and her uniform did good things for her
> figure.

LS: Say hello to the Self-insertions, kids.
Alistair: You can't talk. You're tall and strikingly beautiful.
LS: I'm an elf. It's genetic.

> It was green with a blue collar and like all female uniforms had a
> short skirt instead of pants.

Sel: Sexual discrimination of the future.
Rick: Its anime. All female uniforms of the future have short skirts.
Sel: What about Southern Cross?
Rick: Hmm... Long legs in short skirts or firm rears in tight uniforms...

> "The man's name is Jeffrey Alexander, and the woman's name is Samantha
> O'Conner,

Rick: There can be only one!

> both sixteen," said Aki, "They're both primary tekkamen, and when
> their training is complete they will undergo the same transformation process
> you did, and they will become permanent members of our fighting team."

LS [Aki]: That is, if you live that long.
Rick [Jeffery]: What?
LS: [Aki]: Nothing. I didn't say a thing. [Whistles innocently]

> "It's good to finally meet you guys. I've heard a lot about your exploits over
> the past year!" Jeffrey said, putting out his hand.

LS [Aki]: We assure you, it's all lies. 

> "Yeah. It's been our dream since we were kids to join the Space Knights,"
> Samantha said, doing the same.

Rick [Jeffery]: I mean, I always wanted to be a member of a quasi-legal
space science ninja team!
Sel [Samantha]: I also wanted to be the king of France, but never mind.

> What followed was a round of hand shaking and introductions as everyone go to
> know each other, except Dead-End, who was usual keeping his distance.

Alistair: [Dead] If anyone wants me, I'll be over here brooding.

> Natasha knew she had seen those two before somewhere, but where? She racked
> her brain for a minute, then a light went off in her head.

LS: Yeah, the circuit breaker tripped. Too much strain.

> "Hey! Weren't you the two that stopped that primary tekkaman who went on a
> rampage in St. Louis a few months back?" she asked.

LS: No, they were the two who ran naked through Seattle being chased by
a horde of crazed ferrets.
Sel [Natasha]: Sorry. My mistake.
Rick [Jeffery]: I am filled with shame.

> "You saw that?!" Jeffrey and Samantha said at the exact same time. They smiled
> at each other, but then Jeffrey's expression became somber.

Rick [Jeffery]: It was her fault!

> "He was one of my best friends, and we grew up together.

Alistair: Ah, it's time for his tragic backstory.

> He had a girlfriend,

Rick: [Jeffery] Then I slept with her.

> a primary tekkaman like himself. But then anti-tekkaman extremists killed her
> when they fire bombed her house. He went completely insane after that. He

Rick: -kept insisting that Soylent Green was made from people.
LS: It is?
Rick: Um, yeah.
LS: What have I been eating?

> stole a MK-47X heavy assault weapon from the local armory

Sel: What's one of those at home?
LS: The combination floor polisher/hedge trimmer/sink-unclogger. Lethal in
the right hands.

> and started killing every normal human in sight.

Alistair: Because when you're infused with god-like alien power, what you really
need is a big gun.

> We managed to stop him by knocking him into some
> downed power lines,"

Alistair: It was a shocking experience for him.

[They all glare at him]

Alistair: What?
Sel: I want a better weapon. [Brandishes cushion]

> Jeffrey said as he bowed his head slightly, remembering his friend.

Rick: Enough of that. Time for her tragic backstory!

> Samantha did too, for they both suffered numerous injuries in that fight.

LS [Samantha]: I stubbed my pinky!
Sel: [Samantha] I got shot five times in the spine! I had to take a whole week
off work!

> Both of them were laid up for a couple months after in the hospital.

Rick: Hey, no fair! It's Tekkaman Blade II and she's still got clothes on!

> There was
> silence after they finished telling their story as the others took it in.

[Long pause]

Alistair: So, anyone for dessert?

[Rick snores loudly]

> "Yes, and that's why they were recruited," Aki said, breaking the silence.

LS: Because they threw a guy into power lines.
Sel: In all fairness, the other guy had run out of ammo and was just standing there.
Rick: So, great warrior, how is it that you earned the Medal of Honour?
Alistair: [Jeffery] I uh... Pushed the green button when it flashed.
Rick: Incredible.

> All the tekkamen turned towards the Chief.

> "Jeffrey will be known as Tekkaman Paladin, and Samantha as Tekkaman Minerva.

Alistair: Why do they get proper names and the others get nonsense names like
"Hiver" and "Sumer?"
LS: Because the authour wants them to be cool!
Sel: Notte that Jeff here has the same callsign as the Authour's handle. Coincidence?

> Now on to the second item on our agenda. D-Boy?" she said.

Rick: [D-Boy] Where are my pants?
Sel: Why do you think he spends all day sulking behind his desk?

> D-Boy stepped forward, and Yumi could just about see the vertical scar he had
> on his left eye that he hid under his sunglasses.

Rick: For few know D-Boy's true ideanty as... Xamot of the Crimson Guard!
Sel: It's Tomax with the scar.
Rick: It is?
Sel: I think so... I forget.

> "Early this morning, both Aki and I felt a panicked mind touch ours. It was

Rick [D-Boy]: A wrong number.

> human, but we also felt Radam energy in the signal,

Sel: And just a hint of garlic.

> and it came from the Radam
> ship located behind the moon. You should all know what that means," he said,
> staring into their eyes.

[Long pause]

LS [Yumi]: Umm... no.
Alistair: [David] We're all going off on a suicide mission because of some stupid
hunch?
LS: [Natasha] Now I know why the new guys have "Replacement" on their uniforms.

> All the tekkaman looked at each other, unsure of what D-Boy meant, but it was
> David who spoke first.

Rick: [David] So are we going to actually keep this mothership we're stealing, or
are we just going to ram it into the planet as usual?

> "The Radam are going to change him or her into a primary body, then a full
> tekkaman, right?" he said.

> D-Boy nodded in acknowledgement.

Sel: Give the man a cookie!

> "WHAT!?" all the others shouted in unison, completely shocked.

Alistair: Don't sound so surprised. It's what you all went through.

> "This isn't good. If the Radam get another Tekkaman Plus on their side we're
> really in for it.no offense Dead," said Anita; pilot of Gamma ship, with
> tanned skin and dark pink hair.

Sel [Anita]: And that's my only line!
Rick [Goliate]: Am I actually here?

> All of those assembled, except D-Boy and Aki, exchanged looks of dread.

Alistair: D-Boy settled for an impassive stare. Aki took her clothes off.
Sel: Down, boy.
Alistair: What do you think I am? Do you think furless monkeys excite me? I'm no
hairvert!

> "Yes, and that's why we must rescue this person before the Radam can infect
> him or her

Rick: Delete as appropriate.

> with a control parasite, and by D-Boy's estimate we don't have much
> time. Yumi, David, Natasha, D-Boy and myself will go into space aboard the
> Blue Earth, while Dead-End will stay behind to guard Earth

Sel [Aki]: 'cause nobody likes him.

> and start training cadets Alexander and O'Conner.

Alistair: So we're leaving fresh recruits with the suicidal manic-depressive?
Rick: Reminds me of cadet corps.

> You have two hours until departure. Dismissed!" she ordered.

> The Tekkaman team saluted as one, then filed out of the control room to
> prepare fro the upcoming battle. D-Boy put a hand on Aki's tense shoulder.

Alistair: It was one of Hayato's. It appears Yumi got him after all.

> "You look nervous. What's wrong?" he asked.

Sel: I'm begin to look like a Masami Obari character design.
LS: Our oceanic base has rising damp.
Alistair: We're overloaded with inane new characters.
Rick: I'm paying too much for my long-distance calls.

> Aki looked up at him, her eyes full of worry.

> "I don't know," she replied, the anxiety obvious on her face, "I just have a
> bad feeling that this mission won't turn out like anything we had planned on.
> Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it."

Rick: They're going to face... Krokojam!
LS: That's not so scary.
Rick: What if he talks to them?
LS: *Then* they're in trouble.

> To be continued..

> Part 3: "Dana's Rescue, Hiver's Defeat" coming soon!

LS: You know that 'bad thing' that everyone was worried about? I think I
know what it might be.

> I wish to dedicate this chapter to the Clone Zone Café, a recurring chat
> thread on Robotech.com, and to all the Loiterers!

Rick: That it, untill The-Regent, Jay, J-DOGG, The NEW Regent and "." got
to it.
Others: ...
Rick: Sorry. Very obscure.

> *****

> Disclaimer: I don't own either Robotech or Tekkaman Blade.

Rick: Figureing out who does own them would take far too long.

> Tekkaman Paladin: You should.

Alistair: What? Do you *really* want to be Bandai's punching bag?

> Rbotekmaster: I know, but nothing's perfect, is it?

> Tekkaman Paladin: Never is.

> Rbotekmaster: On with the story!

> Read and Review and flame me if you want.

LS: My life has taught me one thing. Never say that to a Dragon.

> The Wandering Star Saga

> Part 3: "Dana's Rescue, Hiver's Defeat"

All: FORESHADOWING!
LS: That isn't a chapter title, that's cliff notes.

> "Did you see the look on the Chief's face when we left?"

Sel: What, that cross between serious concern and a barely-suppressed giggle?

> Yumi asked the others as she zipped into her space combat suit.

> The Space Knight Tekkamen, except Dead-End and the cadets, and their pilots

LS: So that's really only Natasha, David and Yumi
Sel: Well, yeah...
LS: Which would have been easier to say.
Sel: Well, yeah...

> were suiting up in a locker room next to the main hanger bay, mostly in
> silence.

LS: Mainly due to the embarrassment of having a unisex change room.

> Nobody was really in the mood for conversation.

Alistair: Mostly because David's eyes were out on stalks...
Sel: [Natasha] David, that's *bad* naked.

> Natasha looked over
> at her friend and nodded. She too had noticed the Chief's expression as she
> walked out the door.

LS: [Aki, deadpan] The idea is to put clothes on.
Sel: [Natasha] Why? They're going to come off anyway.

> "She's probably got a lot on her mind.

Rick: Y'know, secret government conspiracies, arcane alien technologies,
lunch, that sort of thing.
Alistair: Hey, it worked for Freeman.
Rick: Yeah, but he had those mysterious shades!

[They both nod sagely]

> We're about to head off into a major battle after," she said.

Sel: Correction: You are, she gets to stay home and watch. That's called
leadership.

> The others nodded in agreement to her observation, all except Dead-End.

Rick: [Dead] When your entrails are scattered around the Lagrange Points, I'll
be thinking of you.

> "Hmmmm. I don't think that's what the problem is," he stated. He was leaning
> up against a locker looking at his nails.

Alistair [Dead]: I feel pretty... oh so pretty... so pretty and witty and gay...
Rick: Not that there's anything wrong with that.

> "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Natasha said, annoyed. Dead-End looked
> directly at her, annoyed at her lack of understanding.

> "She's hiding something from us," he explained,

LS: So what else is new? Since when has she told you the full story?

> "I could see it in her face.
> She knows something bad going to happen on this mission, but she didn't bother
> to tell us."

All: FORESHADOWING!
Sel: This authour doesn't beat around the bush. When he wants to imply menace,
he implies menace.
LS: With a shovel.

> The others stopped what they were doing and looked at Dead-End with a mixture
> of confusion and downright annoyance.

Rick: Who let this guy join anyway?
Sel: He's only trying to impress David anyway.

> "Hah, that's Dead, the eternal pessimist," said David, rubbing the back of his
> head, embarrassed by his friend's outburst, "but seriously man, you're reading
> too much into the Chief's expressions. If she thought something would happen,
> she would tell us."

Rick: I thought one of the perks of being space Knight commander was that you
didn't have to tell anyone anything. Freeman did it all the time.

> "Yeah! You need to lighten up a little Dead, like me for example," Yumi
> declared.

Rick Yeah, I can see that now. [Dead] I'm walking on sunshine, yeah-eah!
LS: Perky goths. [Shudders]

> She then started to go into a triad of reasons of why people should
> relax more often, most where to prevent premature wrinkles, when David

Alistair: Shot her?
Sel: No, that was Dead.
Alistair: Well that's fair then.

> put her into a headlock and gave her a noggie.

> "If everyone was as laid back as you Yumi the Radam would easily overrun
> Earth, plunder our defenseless planet,

Rick: Rape our chickens and steal our women.
Alistair: I see they're new at this.

> then head back to whatever rock they
> crawled out of asking themselves 'why did we ever come here in the first
> place?'.

Alistair: I mean, the service is lousy, the portions are small, the food is
undercooked and the ambience is terrible.

> There are times when you should relax and take a load off, and then
> there are times when you need to get up and fight. The trick is to know
> exactly how and when," he said.

> Yumi squirmed out of his hold, shouting, "Alright, I get your point now get
> off of me!"

> Everyone started to laugh at the sight, but Natasha was not amused. She was
> still not comfortable around Dead-End,

LS: Is anyone? I wouldn't.
Sel: But you hang around Orks and trolls.
LS: Yes, but none of them were cross-dressers.
Sel: ...thanks for the image.

> and he felt the same. She looked him
> dead in the eye.

> "You know, Dead, your cynisism is really starting to annoy me. Why don't you
> go and find a coffin to sleep in or something?"

Alistair: Oh come on. I know the living quarters are a little cramped, but
they're not *that* cramped.

> she said as she finished
> suiting up. She then started to walk towards the door and beckoned the others
> to follow.

> "Hey, wait up Natasha! I'm coming!" Yumi shouted to her friend as she lept to
> her feet and zipped up the front of her suit. She ran out the door, trying to
> catch up to the red-haired woman.

> Hiyato, Goliate, and Anita followed as well,

LS [Anita]: Remind me, what are we doing in this fic?
RIck [Golate]: Getting our appearance fee.

> leaving David, Dead-End and the
> cadets behind. David looked over at his friend.

> "Hey, sorry about Natasha. You know how she is," he said with a laugh.

> Dead-End brushed a hair out of his face and told David not to worry about it.
> He was used to people reacting to him like that.

Rick [Dead]: She's just jealous because my hair and nails are nicer.

> "I'd better get you started on your training," he said, looking over to the
> cadets. 
> He then walked out, but before he left he said, "If you think I'll be easy on
> you you're mistaken," over his shoulder, and told them to follow.

Rick [Dead, Hillbilly]: You're gonna be mah special freinds.

> Jeffrey and Samantha gulped at the same time, looking at each other with a
> mixture of excitement and horror, then walked out in search of their teacher.

> David laughed out loud, shaking his head.

> "If I know Dead," he thought, "Then those two are in for a lesson they'll
> never forget."

Sel: Do you hear a banjo? I hear a banjo.

> He then ran out to the hanger, closing the door behind him.

> * * * * 
> When David, Yumi and Natasha arrived at the Blue Earth, they saw that D-Boy
> and the Chief were already waiting for them and were similarly suited up.
> Alpha, Beta,

Rick: Or Legios and Tread, if you prefer.

> and Gamma,

LS: So what's Gamma?
Rick: A generic fan-created Veritech with a force field and a fold device.
LS: Wasn't that in 'Wings of Gibraltar?'
Rick: Probably.

> the three two-seat fighters that made up the Blue
> Earth (along with the main ship itself) were already linked up.

> "Good, you're here," Aki said as the three Tekkamen walked up. They saw that
> maintenance had just finished the final repairs on the Blue Earth

Alistair: Dare I ask what happened to it?
LS: Hyato tried one of his jokes and it was collateral damage.

> and were now clearing the area. 
> "We have to hurry. We don't have much time left," D-Boy said, then walked up
> the ramp, into the ship.

> Aki turned to a rather chubby man with graying hair and mustache, who was
> wearing a brown tech uniform.

> "Are we ready to go Honda?" she asked.

> The man looked up and sent the person he was talking to on her way, lifting
> his cap up onto its proper place.

> "You're all set. Good luck up there, Chief," he said,

Sel [Aki]: Don't call me chief.
Alistair [Honda]: Sorry about that, chief.

> giving Aki the thumbs-
> up. Then he and his crew left the bay as the Tekkamen and their pilots entered
> the Blue Earth. Anita, Goliate, and Hiyato took their places in the cockpits
> of the fighters. Aki, Yumi, David, Natahsha, and D-Boy crewed the bridge. They
> warmed up the engines

Rick: They revved them like a hoon at a red light.

> and initiated the launch sequence.

> The whole place shook as the Blue Earth was lowered below the hanger into the
> large reservoir, which served as the catapult's launch pad. They were
> connected horizontally to the start of the catapult.

> "Alright, let's move out," Aki ordered.

> The Blue Earth's engines fired, and everyone felt themselves being pushed back
> into their seats from the g-forces. The ship flew forward, underwater,

Sel: One question. Why do they launch their spaceship from underwater? It doesn't
make much sense.
Rick: Um... Because they got the launch bay second hand from the Gekigengar team.
Sel: Well... yeah, I suppose.
Rick: Besides, if it's good enough for Gatchaman, its good enough for them!

> below
> the lagoon, until finally the track sloped upward and they found themselves a
> hundred feet above the highest of the base. The ship left the track and
> quickly passed through Earth's atmosphere, until they reached outer space,
> just below the first orbital ring. The circular sensor pods extended
> themselves forward and fixed into place.

Rick: They can get 698 channels on those.
LS: Even SBS?
Rick *Even* SBS.

> The trip past the orbital ring took only a few minutes, and Yumi could see,
> through the forward viewport, children inside the ring waiving at them and
> people visiting the various buildings and shops inside.

Sel: And some wise-arse mooning them as they passed.
Alistair: Um, excuse me, but aqren't you flying a little too close?

> She waived back at the
> children, a smile on her face. Then they passed the outer most ring, and set a
> course for the moon. But when they were about three-fourths of the way to the
> moon's dark side and the Radam ship, Yumi sensed something coming at them from
> the darkness, and her tekkacrystal flashed on her forehead.

> "What!?"

> * * * * 
> Aboard the Radam ship, Krojodan was still observing Dana's transformation with
> interest.

Alistair: And it was compounded monthly rather then annually.

> Her armor was bonding to her extremely well, and he could see,
> through the skin of the pod, it appeared on her like a second skin, and then
> disappear.

Rick: Armour on, armour off. Armour on, armour off.

> This process kept happening over and over, faster each time. Around
> her neck, her primary tekkacrystal was almost complete, as well as the pendant
> and chain that the crystal was embedded in.

Rick: Now there's a useful add-on. You get your crystal and a convenient neck
chain to keep it on.
LS: Since when have they started adding crystal-holder neck-chains in the Tekka-
pods anyway?
Alistair: Since the operation has been run by a goony clod who is more or less
oblivious to the world around him.

> Suddenly one of his subordinates ran up to him.

> (They are talking in the Radam language)

Alistair: Until they suddenly start speaking English a few sentences in.
Rick: And Krokojam there has a Scottish accent for no apparent reason.

> "Master, an Earth ship approaches. We believe that the human Tekkamen are
> aboard," he said with urgency.

LS: Actualy, it's a busload of nuns. Who'd have thought?

> Krojodan turned swiftly to face his lacky, his eye shield burning red with
> rage.

Rick: You should get someone to look at that. It *can't* be healthy.

> "Assemble our best warriors and prepare for battle! I WANT THAT SHIP
> DESTROYED!" he boomed.

Alistair [Radam]: Yes, my queen!
Rick [Krojodan]: I wish you wouldn't do that.

> The other Radam saluted and ran out. Krojodan turned his head towards Dana's
> spore plant. He could see that Dana's armor had not disappeared this time,
> which meant the first part of her transformation was almost complete.

Sel: So what's the second stage of the transformation?
Rick: She merges with the other Constructicons to form Devastator.

> "Excellent. It's almost time," he thought, "And if those fools can't dispose
> of the human filth, then I'll just deal with them.personally."

Alistair: At this point I believe a round of diabolical laugher is appropriate.

> * * * *

> A beeping sound on David's console drew his attention, and what it displayed
> wasn't good. 

Alistair: They renewed Sliders *again?*

> "Chief, we've got company!" he shouted. The forward viewer magnified, and they
> could see about a hundred Radam Tekkamen coming straight at them!

Sel: Great. Bugs on the windscreen.
LS: And if you watch carefully, you can see Chiggy Van Rictoffen amongst them...
Rick: Where? Where?!
LS: Sorry. Missed him.

> "David, you're job is to rescue the Radam's captive, while the rest of us hold
> off the enemy, understood?" Aki told him.

> "Yes ma'am!"

> Aki nodded, then she and D-Boy entered the elevator and headed for the main
> cargo bay, where Pegasus was located.

> Natasha looked at the other two tekkamen.

> "What're we waiting for? Let's go!" she barked.

LS: Well, I knew she was a bitch...

[Alistair glares at her]

LS: What? What?!
Alistair: Do you mind? I've known some very nice bitches.

> The three tekkamen willed their tekkacrystals to appear in their hands.

> "TEKKSETTER!!" they shouted at the same time.

> The three tekkamen felt their armor form around them as their clothes
> disintegrated.

[Rick leans closer to the TV]

Rick: Now I remember why I liked this show. Mmm... Natasha...

> Each of their armors was different depending on the wearer and
> his or her skills,

Sel: David, for example is good at disco dancing. Thus his armour has
flared pants and an afro.

> but they each had one similarity, a blue eye shield, which
> meant they weren't under the control of the Radam.

> "Tekkaman Hiver!" Yumi's armor was magenta and white.

> "Tekkaman Vesna!" Natasha's armor was

Rick: An Itallian brand of motor scooter.

> dark pink, red and white.

> "Tekkaman Sommer!" David's armor was lavender with red voltekker cells in the
> shoulders.

Sel: How... manly. I suppose everything they say about him and Dead is true.

> Outside the ship, Anita, Goliate, and Hiyato had disconnected the fighters
> from the main body of the Blue Earth and were waiting for Yumi and the others.

Rick: Unfortunately, their train was delayed so they'll be waiting a while.
LS [Anita]: Um... guys? Radam? Crabby buggy things? Coming to eat us? Hello?

> Suddenly three green streamers of light lanced out of the ship and each landed
> on a different fighter.

Alistair: All this and a free light show. How quaint.
Rick: Hal Jordan, John Stuart and Guy Gardner all at once? Cool!

> The light faded, and Hiver, Vesna, and Sommer came
> into view. Hiver was riding on Alpha with Hiyato piloting, her sword ready.
> Vesna was on Beta, with Goliate at the controls, the blade that was stored in
> the shield on her right arm fully extended. Anita, piloting

Rick: -a Vindicator.
LS: Rick, the Vindicator is a myth!
Rick: It is not!
LS: It's just an animation error!
Rick: It is? Then what was that mecha in episode #81? It sure as heck had a
distabiliser gun!
LS: Take a look some day. It's a completely different mecha.
Rick: So it doesn't turn into the fighter Lancer was piloting?
LS: *No*

> Gamma, would carry
> Sommer into battle, and he had his unique lance/boomerang in his hand.

> "Everyone's here," Goliate commented.

> "How we have to wait for D-Boy and the Chief," Hiyato said over the comm.

> In the Blue Earth's cargo bay, D-Boy and Aki were sharing a quick kiss before
> he pulled away.

Alistair: Well, yes, it is a nice gesture, but shouldn't you we more concerned
with the hordes of killer arachnids outside?
Rick: Remember, there's *always* time for slap and tickle.

> "Good luck," he said.

> "You too," she replied lovingly, and removed her arms from his waist.

LS: They looked so silly on him. Best put them back where they belong.

> D-Boy's emerald tekkacrystal appeared in his hand, and he took off his
> sunglasses, letting them fall to the floor.

Rick: Well that's a waist of a perfectly good pair of shades. Why not put them
down where they won't get damaged?
LS: His clothes are going to get vaporised. Why bother?
Rick: At least this way he doesn't need new sunglasses.

> "TEKKSETTER!"

> His clothing was atomized, and he was endowed with impenetrable armor, quantum
> energy weapons, and super human powers.

Alistair: ...and that accursed narrator.

> It was white with a red and yellow
> chest plate, and his shoulder armor concealed his deadly voltekker cells
> hidden within. His double bladed lancer appeared in his right hand.

> "Tekkaman Blade!!" In a flash of green light, he left the ship to join the
> others.

> Aki watched him leave, then ran over to the control panel embedded in the
> bulkhead and flipped a switch. A chamber opened right next to her, revealing
> the Pegasus robot.

Rick: In fact, it was a whole pile of them in the discount isle.
LS: That's Pegasus, not Evil Pegasus.
Rick: Oh. So he doesn't eat babies?
LS: *No*.

> Aki stood before it.

> "Pegasus! TEKKSETTER!" she shouted.

Sel: Hang on, if she's going out, and D-Boy's going out, and the three smaller
ships have detached... who's piloting the Blue Earth?

> "Command acknowledged," the robot said, and its front section opened up,
> revealing an interlock chamber hidden inside. Emitters installed in the
> chamber sent green colored energy towards Aki, melting her clothes.

Rick: Saaaaaayyyyy...
Alistair: We've had clothes "vaporising", "atomising" and now "melting". Can we
get some consistency here, please?

> She leaped
> into it, and the chamber closed around her, locking into place. The door to
> the cargo bay opened, and Pegasus converted to flight mode and flew out
> towards where the others were waiting. The chamber opened again, and Aki, now
> wearing her scarlet

LS: -Ball gown.
Sel [Aki]: Damn, left my armour in my other Teknobot.

> Tekkaman armor, floated up to and landed on Pegasus's
> back. Her hair was so long it flowed outside her helmet; the same was true of
> Hiver and Vesna. She also wore a protective jacket and a trailing skirt
> attached to the back of her armor. She also carried a double bladed lancer
> like Blade.

Alistair: I've often wondered. Given all that D-Boy went through, why would Aki
volunteer to become a Tekkaman?
Rick: So she could get a nude transformation sequence?
Sel: She was drunk at the time?
LS: It was fashionable five years ago?

> Pegasus hit its thrusters and they met up with Blade and the other human
> Tekkamen, who were waiting for them in front of the Blue Earth.

Rick: So what is Blade riding on?
LS: Magic flying bicycle.
Rick: Oh.

> "Is everyone here? Good. Our objective is to open a large enough hole for
> David and Anita to get to the Radam ship. Now let's go get them! Leave none of
> them alive!"

LS [Badly Dubbed]: Destroy! All! Monsters!

> she ordered, then all the Tekkamen scattered in different
> directions.

LS: Oh dear. First rule of flight sims strikes again.
Rick: Huh?
LS: In a four on four dogfight with one human pilot, after a minute you will have
one enemy in front of you, three behind you and your wingmen off looking at the
scenery.

> The enemy was almost upon them. Blade spun around and faced the incoming swarm
> of Radam,

Alistair [Lokar]: Get these damn arachnids off of me!

> and went to battle mode. Suddenly, he changed into a giant bird of
> energy, shooting off like a rocket towards the enemy Tekkamen. With almost
> impossible speed and agility, he slammed into the enemy front line,
> incinerating tens of Radam on contact, flinging the rest in every direction,
> leaving explosions of white light in his wake.

Sel: You know, with these two they almost don't need the others.
LS: Think about it this way. What would you do to prevent Yumi from firing the
Megaweapon?

> "I never get tired of seeing that." Hiver said in awe.

> "What are you waiting for?! An invitation?! Attack!" Aki barked, then she left
> on Pegasus to join up with Blade.

Rick [David]: I dunno, I think you're doing a pretty good job on your own.
LS [Aki]: GOD DAMN IT, JUST DO IT!
Rick [David]: Whoah, okay.

> The other three followed close behind, and were soon besieged by the enemy.
> One tried to skewer Hiver from behind, but Sommer saw it coming and hurled his
> weapon, which struck and vivisected the Radam.

Rick: The new Turbo-Sommer 2000! It slices, it dices, it makes three different
types of French fries! It's a miracle worker! Order now!

> It swung from that Radam to the
> next and so on, until twenty of the enemy were drifting in space, cut up into
> little pieces.

Alistair: Bravo. Jolly good show! [He applauds politely]
Rick: I give it a nine.
Sel: I give it an eight point three.
LS: I give it a five. I'm hard to impress.

> The lancer/boomerang returned to Sommer's hand. Hiver thanked him for the
> assist, and vaulted off Alpha at an incoming enemy. The Radam tried to stab
> her with his lancer, but Hiver blocked with her sword and with a quick motion
> swatted the weapon away and hacked off the Radam's head.

Rick [Radam]: I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
LS: If I recall correctly, there were only a handful of Radam Tekkamen in the
series, and they certainly weren't as easily disposed of.
Alistair: Yes, but you'd probably also find that they weren't run by a goony
clod with the inability to spot the obvious.

> A blue and yellow Tekkaman tried to ensnare Vesna with it's tendril whip,

Sel: Nobody messes with the Blue Angels!

> wrapping around her arm, but she grabbed the tendril and pulled, drawing the
> Radam toward her rapidly, and she slashed with her shield-blade vertically,
> separating the Radam's arm from his body, spewing blue blood all over her eye
> shield.

Alistair: And the blood goes psssssssssht in slow motion.
Sel [Natasha]: His brains went down my front! Ewwwwwww!

> She then ran him through.

Alistair: A shot to the face. How nice.

> In another part of the battle, Blade and Aki were having a field day.

Rick: So they were touring some inanely boring historical site with an
overenthusiastic and underpaid guide?
Sel: That's a field trip.

> Any
> Radam Tekkaman who faced the white-armored Tekkaman or the red was soon
> floating in chunks in the cold void of space.

LS: Hey! Who's been feeding them corn?

> In a motion almost too quick to
> see, Blade gutted one tekkaman, beheaded a second, and sliced apart a third.

Rick: All while riding a unicycle and drinking a cup of tea with a monkey sitting
on his head.

> Aki used the wire stored in her wrist armor to grab an enemy by the neck and
> pulled him to her and sliced him in two.

Sel [Aki]: Get over here!

> They then moved on to the next Radam that opposed them.

Rick [Hick]: Change your partners, girls move on!

> During the course of the battle they all had taken some damage. Hiver had part
> of her shoulder armor sheared off. Vesna was bleeding where an enemy had
> gotten his lancer through her armor. Sommer had one of his helmet ' ears'
> removed rather abruptly,

Alistair: Oh yes. He must really be hurting from the removal of his *hood
ornament*. I'm sesnsing a little bit of favouratisim from the authour here.

> and Aki was singed where an enemy energy weapon had
> hit her. But it was starting to look like a complete rout.

Rick: One lone Radam bug fails his morale roll and routs. He then breaks and
flees, right into the morale threat zone of a whole horde of Radam Tekkamen
who, as a unit, fail their morale tests and scatter to the four winds.
LS: You still bitter about that one Halfling?
Rick: Never!

> Suddenly David saw his chance. A hole had opened up in

Sel: -his trousers.

> the enemy line! Not big, but manageable.

> "I'm going for it! Come on Anita!" he shouted.

All: Go for it, Domon!

> "Roger!" she replied from inside Gamma's cockpit.

> Sommer fired up the thrusters on the back of his armor and quickly caught up
> with Gamma, landing on it's back, and they dashed through the hole created by
> their friends. Two enemy tekkamen tried to block their way,

Rick: Defensive linemen of the future!
LS: Maybe they're playing Rollerball.

> firing a fusillade
> of shots from the emitters in their shoulders, but voltekker beams fried from
> Vesna and Blade blasted them to particles.

LS [Yumi]: Hey! How come I don't get to kick butt in any of these fight scenes?

> As they closed in on the enemy ship, Sommer thought, "I don't know who you
> are, but we're not going to let the Radam have their way with you. I'm almost
> there! Just hold on!"

Rick: Hmm... this sounds like a setup for crossover Slash after all.
Sel: And I called Dana/David. Pay up, everyone.

> * * * *

> "Master Krojodan, the enemy has broken through our lines. What are your
> orders?" on of his cronies asked apprehensively.

Rick [Krojodan]: I want a burger and a beer!

> Krojodan had been observing the final stages of Dana's transformation, which
> was a few minutes away from completion, but upon hearing the news he swung
> around and in his rage punched the other Radam full in the face. He flew all
> the way across the room, and was impaled on one of the spikes on the wall, his
> blue blood dripping down, collecting in a pool on the floor.

Sel: Wow. Krokojam has the fist of death.
Alistair: I know I can't talk, but must say that this is certainly one of the
most outrageous acts of cliche villainy I have ever seen.
LS: And why does he have a whole bunch of spikes sticking out of the wall of his
command centre?
Alistair: When you're an Evil Overlord, you've just got to have these sorts of
things.

> He cleaned the blood off his hand, then looked at another Tekkman standing
> nearby.

Alistair [Tekkaman]: Me? I, um, I have important things to do... at the other
end of the ship. Yes. Very important.

> "Issue the recall order, and prepare my beast for departure. I'll deal with
> the humans myself.

LS: So Krokojam's going out there to take them on alone when a zillion of his
underlings, all Tekkamen, mind you, have failed? That is quality stupid villainy.
Rick: It brings a tear to my eye.

> If the girl's transformation is done before I return,

Sel: You've got plenty of time. She's only up to the 'naked outline with lots
of sparkles' stage.

> infect her with the parasite but keep her sedated. She'll be confused right
> after the infection, and I don't want her tearing apart my ship!"

Alistair: I think you can do a perfectly fine job of that yourself.
Rick: This is Dana. To her, there's no such thing as sedated.

> he ordered.
> The other, smaller Tekkaman started to rush off to do as he was told, but
> Krojodan grabbed him by the neck, shaking him violently.

Rick [Hulk]: Hulk pat bunny, but bunny go to sleep. Did Hulk pat bunny too
hard?

> "Make sure that incompetent's mess cleaned up before I get back, or you'll
> suffer a worse fate than him!" he boomed, glaring at the other Radam, then
> dropped him hard to the floor.

Alistair [Tekkaman]: Oh thank you, sir! Thank you!

> He calmly walked out, preparing himself for battle, while the other Radam
> rushed to do as he was commanded, fearing his warlord's wrath. 

Rick: Fortunately, Tekkaman Mop and Tekkaman Bucket were on hand.

> * * * *

> As Sommer closed within a few yards of the ship, he saw a blur out of the
> corner of his eye race off to where his friends were.

> "What the hell was that?!" he wondered.

> "Worry about it later!

Alistair: You don't think it could be an incredibly powerful Tekkaman warlord
off to do unspeakable things to your friends?
LS: Nah!

> You need to cut through the ship's skin so I can blast
> out an opening!" Anita replied over the tact net.

Rick: Tact net?
Sel: You use it to say "We're screwed" in a nice way.

> Sommer used the curved edge of his lance to slice through the outer hull,
> wich was more like cutting through flesh rather than metal.

Rick: There's never a handy Super Dimnesional Fortress when you actually
need one, is there?
LS: I dunno, the SDF-3 could be around here somewhere. It shows up in the
weirdest places.
Rick: Naw. Robotech 3000 will be out soon. We'll know then.

> He backed off and
> could see the gash he made already starting to heal. Anita fired Gamma's
> lasers, blasting a hole just big enough for Sommer to get through.

Alistair: Two meters? How do you expect to hit a target so small?
Sel: That's nothing. I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home. They're
not too much more then a couple of meters long.

> "Wait for me her!" he told Anita, and saw her give the thumbs up. He then
> entered the ship through the hole they had created. He flew through the semi-
> organic halls at full speed, slaying any Radam that was foolish enough to get
> in his way.

Alistair: Oh, hello th- ACK!
Sel: Lovely day isn- aieeeeee!
LS: Got to love those automated EMWs.

> He was forced to stop when he came to a fork in the hall,

Rick: When he came into the spoon in the wall, he was really lost.
Sel: You thinks that bad? Imangie if he came to a *spork* in the hall.

> one corridor going
> left, and one right. He couldn't figure out which way to go, until he felt a
> massive energy spike coming from the end of the left corridor.

LS: Meanwhile, back at Three Mile Island...

> He shot down that one like a rocket, coming to the same door that Krojodan had
> left earlier. Two Radam Tekkamen were guarding it,

Rick [German]: It is cold tonight Hans.
Alistair [German]: Ja.
Rick [German]: I hope the war will be over soon.
Alistair [German]: Ja. I wish to see my lovely wife and two small children again.
Rick [German]: Let us hope that no Earth Tekkamen try to break in here, rescue the
prisoner and kill us both
Alistair [German]: What are the chances of that happening? No Tekkaman could get
in here! Ha ha ha!
Rick [German]: Ha ha ha!

> and tried to engage Sommer in battle, but he cut them to pieces easily.

Rick [German]: Sheiss.
Alistair [German]: Sheiss.

> Using all his strength, he forced open the door, and entered the spore plant
> chamber. He was amazed to find that he had the right place. He looked up, and
> saw that one of the plants had a person inside, and that his or her armor was
> fully formed.

Alistair: Given the general design style of Tekkaman armour, I think he'd know
if it was male or female.
LS: What if it was Dead?
Alistair: Good point.

> The plant was pulsating with a white light, which quickly grew
> in intensity. The light reached its peak, and Sommer had to shield his eyes to
> keep from being blinded.

Rick: Oh no! It's the Glowing White Thing in Space that goes EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Sel: They're going ot die of bad computer toning!

> Three Radam, who had been keeping tabs on the
> transformation in Krojodan's absence, also raised their arms to cover the eye
> shields of their armor.

All [Deadpan]: Aieee.

> When he could see again, Sommer saw that the plant had moved the pod closer to
> the floor, and it had begun to leak a neon green liquid through the seals that
> kept the pod closed. Suddenly it burst, spilling its contents all over the
> floor and fluid on the three Radam.

LS: And out came... a naked fourteen year old schoolkid.
Alistair [EVA-01]: Delicious!

> Sommer inched forward, and saw for the first time that the newly born primary
> Tekkaman he had been sent to rescue was a woman.

Rick [Animal]: Wo-man! Wo-man! Wo-man! Wo-man!

> She was strikingly beautiful,
> even in her armor, with long, slender legs, full breasts,

LS: Poofy afro.
Rick: He was checking out her breastplate.
Sel: Oh yeah. I am so calling David/Dana now.

> and she was tall, about Hiyato's height.

Alistair: Dana is not 5'11". Marie, probably, Nova maybe. But not Dana.
Sel: Maybe he mens as tall as Hyato *really* is.
Alistair: Well, yes. That would make some deal of sense. A pity that nothing
else here does.

> Her light armor was an unusual rose and gold combo, and
> her short puffy blonde hair covered most of her helmet, leaving only the
> faceplate and blue eye shield visible. The sides of her helmet were shaped
> like wings, and reminded Sommer of the valkreyes of Norse legend.

Rick: So... she's wearing her Southern Cross armour?
Sel: Her SC armour with an afro and a pallete-swap, but yes.
Rick: ...strangely amusing.

> She was unconscious, but unhurt by her fall.

Rick: But she looses one action this round.

> Two of the Radam moved forward, and Sommer was horrified to see that one of
> them had in his hand a creature the looked like a cross between a millipede
> and a worm, about an inch long in length.

Alistair: So it looks like... a long millipede?
LS: Ah, I see he's got the Ceti eel ready.

> Sommer knew that if the parasite was
> placed on the woman it would merge with her armor and allow the Radam to
> control her every thought and action.

LS: Well don't just stand there expositing, do somehting!
Sel: Okay, so you've seen the second half of the TV series. No ned to brag
about it!
Rick: Ah! But have they seen... Robotech the movie?
Sel: Do I detect a hint of smugness in your voice?
Rick: Oh sure! I've got a copy.
Sel: You do?
Rick: Oh yeh.
LS: So ah, do tell what happens in it. I've always wanted to see it myself.
Rick: Well, this kid... He steals a bike... And there's some stock footage
from Southern Cross - I think... And... He fights a guy... And his bike
turns into a robot. But not like Cy-Kill.
LS: That's... Not that helpful.
Rick: I didn't say it was a good copy.

> With a flick of his wrist he sent the
> wire stored there shooting across the room, wrapping it around the Radam's
> hand that held the creature. He yanked, sending the Radam flying backwards.
> Sommer angled his lancer and thrusted upward, impaling the Radam.

Alisair: Bravo! Jolly good shot, sir!

> The parasite
> landed on the floor, and Sommer squashed it beneath his heel.

Sel: Terry Gilliam strikes again.

> Another Radam charged, and Sommer threw the dead Tekkaman off his lancer to
> block the enemy Tekkaman's fierce strike. Unlike the other Tekkamen he fought
> earlier, this one had some skill.

Rick: Ah. Boss monster.
Alistair: Yes, this one had *three* hit dice.

> The enemy's strikes came so fast that Sommer had trouble avoiding them all,
> and was cut in several places. He was being forced back, and took to the air
> to avoid a lance thrust, trying to figure out a plan. Suddenly he noticed red
> energy gathering on the Radam's shoulders, and he realized that the Tekkaman
> was about to fire his voltekker!

LS: Should he be doing that inside the ship?
Sel: He figures that if Dana gets away, Krokojam is going to kill him anyway,
so it's no loss.

> He was running out of time, but saw that the Radam was standing directly under

Rick: -a piano?
Alistair: -a sitxeen ton weight?
Sel: -a safe loaded with anvils?
LS: - the plot?

> a spore plant! Flying in midair, he leaned back and threw his lancer

Rick: Only to find that it was actually a space destroyer.
LS: Obscure.
Rick: I could have said it was a Battloid's laser cannon.

> with all
> his might. It spun and sliced through the base of the plant, and it started to
> fall forward, making a creaking sound as it did. The Radam noticed the growing
> shadow, but by the time he looked up, it was too late.

Sel: I guess Larry DiTillo wrote this fight.

> The Radam let out a cry
> of pain as the plant crushed him, sending his blood in every direction.

LS: What is htis, a Troma film?
Rick: Let's see... abundant naked women, blood and gore flying everywhere,
paper-thin plot and a cheesy one-dimensional vilain. Could be.

> Sommer set down on the floor, ready to take on the last Radam Tekkaman, but
> heard a gasping sound to his side. He turned, and was totally astounded by
> what he saw. The young woman had woken up, and had jumped on the last Radam's
> back, squeezing its neck with all her strength.

Sel [Dana]: I'm going to crush you Crush crush crush stomp stomp stomp squeeze
squeeze squeeze until you're all dead! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Rick [David]: She has anger issues.
LS: Maybe this isn't a good time. Maybe He should come back later.

> The Radam swayed back and
> forth, trying to throw the woman off it, but with a twist of her arms she
> broke the Radam's neck. It dropped face-first onto the floor.

Alistair [Tekkaman]: At least... it wasn't... the boss... this time... ow...
owwwww...

> The woman landed
> lightly on her feet, but the shock of what had happened to her set in. She
> fell to her knees, going completely limp. Sommer could hear sobbing coming
> from behind her faceplate.

> He walked up to her and went down to a knee, putting a hand on her shoulder.
> She looked up at him and jerked backwards, thinking he was another enemy.

> "Wait! I won't hurt you!" he said, trying to calm her down.

Alistair: The piles of dismembered Tekkamen suggest otherwise.

> "Who are you?! What did they do to me?!" she said in complete panic.

Sel [Dana]: What year is it? Who is the president? Who am I?

> "My name's David, and the Radam changed you into a primary Tekkaman, but
> that's not a bad thing.

LS: One could argue that point. One could say that she would rather remain a
normal human. And how could it be 'not a bad thing' if she didn't do it
voluntarily?
Sel: Dana's anyhthing but a normal human.

> It's what they weren't able to do to you that's
> important. What's your name?" Sommer asked.

Sel [Dana]: I'm confused. Maybe it's Dana. Maybe it's Janne. Maybe its Maria.

> The woman seemed to settle down a bit. She tried to get up, but slumped back
> down, out of energy.

> "Dana.Dana Sterling.

Alistair: That will *never* do. You need a nonsesne-soudning codename.
Rick: How about Tekkaman Spartas?
LS: Good call.

> You're not a. 'what in the hell did that b-movie reject call himself?'

Rick: The Emporer of Destruction?
LS: Good to see that being abducted, stripped naked, subjected to an involuntary
transformation, slapped around and crushing people with her bare hands hasn't
affected her.

> .a Radam, are you?" she asked, putting her hands in her lap.

> "No, I'm from Earth. But I'm also a Tekkaman, just like you,"

Alistair: You know, that's a lot less helpful then you think.
LS: Just like my deck's support line.

> he replied, and
> even though Dana couldn't see his mouth she knew he had a smile there.

Rick: David is... Kim Kaphwan.

> "Oh great, another Sean Phillips impersonator," she thought sarcastically,

Rick: Actually that was Noel.
LS: Like you can talk.

> then asked in a tired voice, "How did you get your armor if you aren't one of
> them?"

> David laughed for a second, "That's a.long story,

Aistair [David]: In the worlds before time, primal chaos reighed. Heaven sought order.
But the phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown. The four worlds formed
again and again. Time, the wind, the rain and lightning all worked upon a certain
rock, old as creation. And it became magically fertile...
Sel [Dana]: Give me the cliff notes version.

> but I'll save it for later.
> I have to get you out of here. Do you trust me?"

LS: The funny thing is, by comparison he seems reasonable.

> Dana nodded, and let Sommer scoop her into his arms, she was too weak to move
> on her own. He fired up the thrusters on the back of his armor, and flew out
> of the chamber and back to the hole as fast as he was able.

Alistair [David]: Up and atom!

> More Tekkamen
> tried to stop him, but he dispatched them easily, even with Dana over his
> shoulder.

Alistair: Even carrying Dana on his back he's still only in the 'lightly
encumbered' category.

> He reached the hole, finally, and flew out. He felt zero-g take over, and
> floated onto Gamma's back. Dana told him she had the strength to stand, and he
> let her down.

LS: Oh yeah, you're real strong. You can stand up in *zero-g*.
Sel: Don't knock it till you've tried it. Zero-g allows me to justify that
extra slice of cheesecake.
Rick: Mmm... cheesecake.
Sel: Don't make me use the zipper edge.

> "Hey David," Anita said from the cockpit, "I see the mission was a success.
> Who's your new friend?"

Rick: Most know her as "Undercover Scarlett", but there are some who call her...
Quarrel!

> Sommer introduced Dana and Anita to each other, and Anita warned Dana to hang
> onto Sommer's arm or risk being thrown off. Dana acknowledged the warning,
> grabbing onto the lavender colored man's arm and held on tight.

LS: Please remain seated for the duration of the ride. Do not place your arms
outside the carrage. Do not remove the safety harness. Do not lean out of the
carrage. Do not spit out of the carrage. Do not drop anything out of the carrage.
This message bout to you by the liability lawyers.

> They flew away
> from the Radam ship at break neck speed to rejoin their comerades, Dana
> constantly looking back at the flagship.

Sel [Dana]: Damn, did I leave somehting in there? Let's see... meched-out armour,
check. Quantum Weapons? check. Weird hairband/headset thing? Check. Crazed cliche
villain? DAMN!

> She realized at that moment how lucky
> she was that these people came and rescued her from that demented alien
> sociopath,

Sel [Dana]: I can't think of anyhting more enjoyable then being locked inside
an alien space ship with a certified sociopath like you, little buddy.
Rick [Krojodan]: That's touching, Dana. I may weep openly.

> and she hoped that her change didn't leave her looking like that
> monster. She also was amazed that she was able to breathe in space with only
> her light armor on.

LS: You've done it before.

> She then saw her reflection in Gamma's metal hull. Dana
> realized that she didn't look like a monster at all, and that she looked
> glorious in her rose-gold Tekkaman armor.

Sel [Dana]: Shiiiiiiiinnnnnnnyyyyyyyyy...

> * * * *

> A few hundred miles from the Radam ship,

Rick: See the amazing Radam Mothership! Only one hundred miles to go! Gas, food
and toliet stops!

> Blade, Aki, Hiver and Vesna were
> mopping up the rest of the enemy Tekkamen, when unexpectedly, they all turned
> tail and ran.

All: Run away! Run away!

> "Hey! We're they all going? Come back here!" Hiver asked in bewilderment.

> "Who cares?" Vesna said, landing back on Beta, "Here comes David, and it looks
> like he has an extra passenger!"

LS: Hey, you remember when Zor blew up the Robotech Master's first flagship and
flew out on a Bioroid hovercraft carrying his Hovertank with him?
Sel: Yeah?
LS: It was just like this, only a zillion times less lame.

> They looked over to where Vesna was pointing to, and saw David, riding Gamma,
> was rapidly closing in. Standing beside him, holding on tightly to his arm,
> was a young woman wearing primary Tekkaman armor. 

> "Good. Mission complete. Let's get back to Earth,"

Rick [Blade]: Hopefully the Sega Katana I ordered will be in stock!
LS: That thing will so totally rock.
Sel: It totally will.

> Blade ordered, but as he
> turned to fly back to the Blue Earth, he saw a blur out of the corner of his
> eye heading straight for Natasha!

Rick: It's Joanna in her Summoner! And she's in a suicidal mood!
LS: ...good call.

> "Vesna! Look out!" he shouted. 

> Vesna turned, and was about to ask Blade what was wrong; when something kicked
> her in the back so harp

LS: So *harp*?
Alistair: It's obvious. She got kicked by a bard.

> she flew off Beta in a heap. Aki reached out her hand,
> and managed to stop Vesna's momentum.

Rick: Nice catch by Aki... now she's heading down feild, past the Radam lineup,
narrow miss on a tackle there from Krokojaam, she kicks... GOAL!

> "Everyone on guard! Hiyato! Anita! Goliate! Link up your ships

LS: OPERATION CROSS-CRASH!

> to the Blue
> Earth! We don't know what we're dealing with. We might need to make a quick
> getaway!"

LS: And the Blue Earth shifts into Getaway Power and passes Krokojam!

> she ordered. She helped Vesna, who had her left hand clutching her
> back, land on Pegasus, and raised her own lancer to guard.

Alistair: Parry... Parry parry parry... oh parry...

> Hiyato and Goliate did as they were ordered, but Anita was still too far away
> to change course.

> Suddenly David, Dana and Anita saw a giant Radam materialize right behind
> Yumi, who was floating behind the others.

Rick [Sulu]: Captain! Klingon ship decloaking off the starboard bow.
Alistair [Worf]: Permisson to atack, sir!
Sel [Picard]: No, you'd just screw it up like you allways do.
LS: Hang on, no mixing generations outside of william Shatner books!
Others: Sorry.

> The three of them tried to warn her of the danger, but the distance was still
> too great for them to be heard.

> "HOLY SHIT!!"

> "SHE'S GOING TO GET KILLED!!!"

> "YUMI! WATCH OUT! BEHIND YOU!!"

Alistair: Then how about you do somehting instead of just shouting?

[Pause]

Rick [David]: HE'S GOT A REALLY BIG SPEAR!
LS [Aki]: AND HE'S ABOUT TO ATTACK!
Sel [Natasha]: HEY YOU WANT TO ALL GET A BITE TO EAT? I'M STARVED!

> But it was too late. Before Yumi could swing around, the massive Radam reared
> back and with a swift thrust sent his spear right through Hiver's abdomen,
> piercing armor, flesh and bone! It went straight through and emerged just
> below her breasts, sending her blood flying.

Rick: Oh my god! They killed Yumi!

[Pause]

Rick: Well... um... popcorn anyone?

> "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Yumi screamed, in unimaginable pain,
> then went completely motionless, her sword falling out of her limp hand. Her
> blood formed globules, which floated out from her wound.

> The others heard her scream and turned. They saw Hiver skewered like a piece
> of meat on the Radam's spear!

LS: Ever get the feeling the authour doesn't like her?
Rick: What's not to like about a squeaky underaged girl?
Alistair: Squeaky, accident-prone, underaged girl.
Sel: Squeaky, accident-prone, underaged, clumsy and inept girl.
LS: Squeaky, accident-prone, underaged, clumsy and inept fanservicy girl.
Rick: Squeaky, accident-prone, underaged, clumsy and inept fanservicy girl with
disproptionally large breasts.
Alistair: Squeaky, accident-prone, underaged, clumsy and inept fanservicy girl
with disproptionally large breasts and the megaweapon.
Rick: Well, besides all that, I mean.

> Even Blade was completely horrified, and the
> others moved in to help her, but stopped when the Radam Tekkaman held up his
> hand.

> "I am Krojodan, warlord of the Radam, and you will move no farther, or this
> girl will suffer!"

Rick [Krojodan]: Otherwise... she will get the *point.*
Others: ...
Rick [Krojodan]: Get the point... I've impaled her on my frikking lance... the
*pointy* lance? The one with the sharp *point* that she *got* hence *getting
the point?* Work with me here, people!

> he commanded, and jostled Hiver to prove his point, causing
> her to moan in agony. Her wound started to ooze more blood, which immediately
> floated away.

LS [Authour]: Did I mention the blood? There was lots of blood. Yep. Lots of
blood, floating all over the place. Plenty of blood there. Ayup, lots of it.
Rick: In anime, the average body holds twelve gallos of blood. Often more.

> David and the rest finally rendezvoused with the others, and Dana and him let
> Anita go to link up her ship with the others.

> "Monster! Your fight is with me! Leave her out of it!" Blade roared, raising
> his lancer in challenge. 

> Aki was wracking her brain, trying to figure out just who this Radam was.

Sel [Aki]: Hmmm... he doesn't have a moustache... he doesn't wear glasses...
Hang on! Didn't I meet you at the Kreblekistani Ambassador's Ball?

> "How is this possible?' she thought, "Radam can't speak English. What's this
> creature's secret.

LS: A phrasebook.

> Suddenly Krojodan's booming laughter brought her back to reality.

Alistair: Diabolical laugher.

> "It is not the time for our decisive battle, Tekkaman Blade, that will come
> soon enough. I'm just going to kill your friends!"

Alistair: Diabolical acting.

> he shouted with demonic
> glee. He then flung Hiver off his lancer and prepared to charge. "I believe
> this piece of garbage belongs to you."

Rick [Krojodan]: Ha ha ha! I am so evil that I'll nearly kill her and then
hand her back to you for emercency treatment! Ha ha ha! This way there's a
chance your most powerful wepon can come back and be used against me! Ha ha ha!
LS: Gods help him, he's just not that bright.

> Vesna caught Hiver, and almost puked at the sight of the bloody hole in her
> torso.

Sel: Given she's in her armour, that would be *very* bad.

> Aki ordered her to take Hiver back to the Blue Earth for emergency
> treatment.

AListair: Do you have a human cleric? You should never go anywhere wihout a
human cleric!
LS: That or a platinum DocWagon contract.

> She acknowledged the order and scooped up the younger woman in her
> arms and made a beeline towards the distant starship.

[All hum 'MASH' Opening theme]

> Krojodan grasped his lancer in both hands and was about to leap into battle,
> when he saw Dana floating next to David. His eye shield glowed red, and his
> entire body tensed. His entire plan was ruined!! He decided to retreat and
> fight another day, and come up with another scheme.

> "Perhaps another time," he said in disgust, and he and the beast he was riding
> left to return to the flagship.

Rick [Krojodan]: Curses! One of them is badly injured and another one is weak
and incapble of fighting, and they're all tired and they're cut off from their
base and my ship is right behind me and I can call on a zillion underling
henchmen. No option but to retreat!
LS: Krokojam is my hero.

> Dana watched him fly off and swore on Captain Gloval's grave to hunt that
> monster down and kill him.

Sel [Dana]: And then I'll rip you into peices! And then I'll... um... Jump up
and down on them untill I get blisters... or I can think of something else to
do...

> It took all her will and David's restraining arm to
> stop her from going after him.

Alistair [David]: Repeat after me. Calm blue ocean.
Sel [Dana]: Calm blue ocean.
Alistair [David]: Good. Now keep going.
Sel [Dana]: Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean. Wavy blue ocean. Stormy blue
ocean. Angry stormy blue ocean. Angry crashing tidal waves fury of nature
blue ocean!
Alistair [David]: Oh dear.

> "Everyone back to the ship NOW!! Yumi's wounds need immediate attention the
> Blue Earth's infirmary can't provide! MOVE!!" Aki shouted, then noticed Dana.

LS: Took your sweet time.
Alistair: Hello? Mission objective over here? The person you all went out and
risked life and limb for? Hello? Hello!

> "Come with us. You need to be checked out and there's a lot we need to
> explain," she said, extending her hand.

LS [Aki]: However, as Space Knight comander, i'm within my rights not to say a
word and leave you in the dark. So there.

> "Thanks, and there's some things I need to say too, stuff that'll make your
> head spin,"

Sel [Dana]: Okay, it all started with this guy. His name was Zor. Oh yeah, and
there was a bunch of flowers too? And any way, he went to htis planet with the
flowers on it, and met this girl. Only she really was't a girl, as such, but
an energy being. Anyway, so he and the girl met and talked and then he took
some of the flowers and used them to make this super power source, y'know?
Anyway...
LS [Aki]: You know what? I'll belive you.

> Dana replied, grasping Aki's armored hand. The leader of the Space
> Knights helped her onto Pegasus.

> "What's your name?" Blade asked.

> "Dana Sterling, and I owe all of you my life. As soon as I get used to this,"
> she pointed to her armor, "That monster who hurt your friend is less than
> dead!"

Alistair: So he's... not dead?
LS: Ilove the way people skip subjects in this sotry. Its like they all have
Attention Deficit Disorder or somehting.
Rick: What were you saying?

> "Worry about it later! Yumi needs our help!" David shouted, and flew off to
> the Blue Earth.

> With that, Aki, Dana and Blade followed David to the awaiting starship,

LS: ...did anyone remember to bring Yumi with htem?

[They all stare at the dceiling and suffle feet.]

> where
> Yumi Francois's life hanged on a thread. Dana knew she had a ton of explaining
> to do, especially about her ancestry and where she was from.

Alistair: Oh dear. I can see this is going to go down well.
Sel [Dana]: And then my mum tried to kill my dad only she didn't know it was
him at the time so she got shrunk down form a giant - I did tell you that my
mum was a giant right? Anyway, she got shrunk down from a giant and snuck into
the ship in order to kill my dad but intread she thought she waned to kill this
Kung-fu guy instead...

> She also had
> questions about the events that have transpired in this new dimension, but
> concern for David's friend eclipsed all that.

LS: You know, whashername.

> * * * * 
> Beyond the dark side of Earth's moon, the Radam ship floated silently in
> space, it's master contemplating his next move, waiting to unleash his wrath
> upon the planet's people.

> The Space Knights, including Dana Sterling, knew their battle was far from
> over.

Rick [Krojodan]: I'll get you next time, Gadget! Next time!

[Alistair sniggers like muttley]

Rick: Close enough.

> To be continued.

> * * * *

[The screen switches off, cutting back to Henry in the faux appartment]

Henry: Ah-ha-ha! Great stuff!

[He stands and walks over to the TV]

Henry: As we jsut saw, the Elmer Studios pilot was a substantialy production
to the finished show that would go on to find such fame. But we must ask
ourselves why the Voice decided on the radical changes to the format and cast.

[He walks over to the computer]

Henry: In part two of this special presentation, we'll see the second episode
of the lost Elmer Studios pilot. We'll also learn more about the cast of this
perticular episode, why they were chosen from all the applicants and, ultimately,
why they were rejected.

[He picks up the video tape]

Henry: Join us next week for the second half of "the Wandering Star Saga". I'm
sure you're looking forward to it as much as I am.

[The camera lingers on his fixed smile for agonising seconds befor finally fading
out]

Voice Over: Up next, Torture Theatre Idol

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com), Zogster
(jinas@elmerstudios.com) and TwinCannon (TimEliot@TimEliot.com)

Alistair Woof Growl-Yip and Lightspeed are copyright 1990ish-2003 Max Fauth
(Zogster)
Rick R. Mortis and Sel Magyari are copyright 1994-2003 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis).

Elmer Studios!:
	http://www.elmerstudios.com
	All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, random
	DELTA Invasion Episode Generator and the Satellite of Rednecks in one
	spot.

Rick's Cruel Mockery of HTML:
	http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm
	Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova
	Satori shrine, Osama Bin Laden's Camel, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp,
	all in one big steaming pile.

Rick's Forgotten Joes:
	http://www.ugolino.com/joe/rickr/rickr.htm
	Rick's profiles of figures he is inexplicably fond of. See why Slice
	*doesn't* suck. Dice is a different matter.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Two Radam Tekkamen were guarding it,
> and tried to engage Sommer in battle, but he cut them to pieces easily.