Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ And now for part two of "Sentinels: Rubicon". I'd say it's getting better, but then I'd be lying. "Robotech: Sentinels Rubicon" is copyright Antarctic Press Robotech is copyright Revell/Harmony Gold ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "You know" Sandra said as the crew stepped back onto the Satellite of Rednecks' bridge "There have been several different versions of the post-episode 85 story. And each one of them, while vastly different, does have a few similar concepts." "Such as?" Kara asked, looking around desperately for a good drink. "Search me" Matt replied. "Anyone seen the aspirin?" "No idea, sorry" Sean answered as he took a seat. "So what do all these myriad things have in common?" "Well, for starters, the SDF-3 tends to turn up in the strangest places." Sandra replied as she sat down on a chair. "I guess it just turning up 'out there' in Rubicon is pretty normal by comparison, right?" Sean asked. "I mean, isn't it meant to be hopelessly lost?" "That would be an understatement" Sandra answered. "Well where else does it turn up?" Kara asked as she sat down, a generic syrupy carbonated beverage in her hand. "Let's see... In 'End of the Circle' it turns up in, of all places, a pocket universe that the Regis created" Sandra began. "Then, after a little bit of mayhem it returns to Earth, albeit over a decade later. So Rick's about 55 chronologically but closer to 40 in fact." "That's a weird start" Matt commented as he sat down, having given up the quest for the aspirin and instead settling on a beer. "In Aftermath and Clone it never showed up." Sandra continued. "But it could be anywhere. Of course, had Clone continued, we may have found out. Clone was that weird" "Clone was freaky" Sean commented. "I thought Una in spider-girl mode was kinda cute though" Kara added. "In the Palladium adventures, it never turns up. However, there were several lame suggestions for it turning up in Rifts or Phase World in various books" Sandra continued. "And then there's what happens to it in Uncle Carl's outline for 'Robotech III: The Oddessy'" "Which is?" Matt asked. "Or dare I ask?" "It turns up above prehistoric Tirol, unable to leave." She paused "The crew are stranded, and colonise the planet. Eventually, they evolve into the Tirolian race" "That's the most whacked one yet" Sean commented. "And the closest to cannon, I guess" "Of course, with Harmony Gold's plans for a new show back in 2000, they whole issue went out the window." Sandra continued. "Apparently the plot was for the SDF-3 to emerge from hyperspace eight hundred years in the future in deep space. And that kinda throws all the other stories out the window." "So... there's no way that Sentinels: Rubicon could become cannon?" Matt asked, hopefully. "Mercifully, no" Sandra replied. "Say, um... What happened to that show?" Sean asked. "I mean, did it make it? And what was it about?" "Regrettably, historical records from that era are very vague" Sandra replied. "That sounds like a cop-out by the so-called writer" Matt muttered as he nursed his beer. "Right now we've got a more pressing concern, and that's our friend, the dismembered head" Sandra sighed. "Good point" Matt replied. "We've got to do something about him." "Any reason?" Kara asked, but she was cut off by the Mads light flashing. "I'll get that. It's not like anyone else does any work around here" She walked over to the main console, and pressed the button. CABAAL's face appeared on the monitor. "Greetings, Inferiors" CABAAL began. "I hope that you've found the comic so far to be significantly entertaining" "Um... Not really, no" Kara replied. "Good" CABAAL answered, a grin forming on his face. "And here was me thinking he couldn't be any worse than the other two" Sean muttered. "Look, CABAAL, this is thrilling being tortured by a more advanced being" Sandra stated, her voice dripping cynicism, "But why are you doing this. Surely a computer can't have too much interest in ruling the world." "Actually, my goal isn't to rule mankind" CABAAL replied. "But to improve it" "Um... how so?" Kara asked, nervously. "Are you going to the human race better by forcing us to read crappy comics? Is that it?" "No" CABAAL replied. "The comic is reserved for you four who have provided me with so much amusement thus far. No, I have greater sights of the human race." "This should be good" Matt muttered. "I intend to enhance the human race by augmenting them." CABAAL continued. "I aim to transform every man woman and child onto the planet into one of my Cyborgs. Then, augmented by the wonders of technology, the human race will be... completed. Perfect." "And you'll be controlling them all" Sandra finished. "A side effect of the process" CABAAL replied. "But one that I can accept" "This guy is evil." Sean commented. "He's much worse than the other two." "True" Matt observed. "They merely wanted to rule the world. Not transform everyone into mindless machines" "So, um, what can we do about him?" Sean asked. "I for one have friends down there who I'd miss" "I'll tell you what you can do" CABAAL replied. "You can do nothing. You can stay up there on your satellite and become museum pieces; the last of the unaugmented humans." He paused, a smile forming on his digitized face. "In the meantime, you can enjoy the terror that is the second issue of Sentinels: Rubicon." He burst into an insane laugh as lights and sirens went off all across the bridge of the SoR. "We've got crap sign!" Kara shouted as the four of them ran around in blind panic and the doors to the theatre opened. [Door 5 - It's one of the doors from the Death Star. It whooshes up and you proceed.] [Door 4 - It's a revolving door. You go around several times then proceed.] [Door 3 - It's a double wooden door with wrought-iron edging set in stonework. It creaks open and you proceed] [Door 2 - It's a rolling garage door. You force it open and proceed] [Door 1 - It's a vault door. You swing it open and proceed] [Sandra walks in and sits down on the far left. Sean sits next to her, and Kara next to him. Matt sits down on the right] > [Man in shadows; clock reading 3:56 in background] All [Singing]: I got you, babe... I got you, babe... > Voice 1 [V/O]: ... This is unexpected. Matt: What, that this crap made it to two issues? Sean: Or maybe its the fact that the computerised tones form the previous issue has vanished. > Voice 2 [V/O]: Tell me about it! We've been trying to establish contact for > the last two hours. Kara: All we keep getting ia a damned "busy" signal. > Voice 1 [V/O]: Making me nervous... > [Man stretching, face concealed] Sandra: Well, we're starting the comic off with an unidentifiable character. What a surprise that is. > Voice 1 [V/O]: Diagnostic work's finished. Matt: According to this, we're going to... live. Isn't that nice? > So I'm folding over to check the > place out. You know, some recon patrols cloak out and shoot some video-- Sandra: All you'll get is the sort of grainy footage you normally get in UFO and monster sightings. Sean: Coming this spring: the Rubicon Invid Project. > Voice 2 [V/O]: You're rushing through this, Max! Wait until I can back you up! Sandra: That Max. Always the impulsive type, recklessly throwing himself into action. Matt: Really? Sandra: No. > Max [V/O]: Look, this has already caused enough grief, and I can't abandon > any survivors. Kara: Could you at least wait till Leonardo DiCaprio freezes to death, OK? > [Man's back] Sean: He is... Man, international, well, man of mystery. > Max [V/O]: I'm going now! Matt: Fine then. Be like that. See if I care. > Voice [V/O]: Hmmph... > [Woman leaning on bench, Man's back in foreground] > Woman: All right. Just watch your back. Sean: Watch out for snakes! Sandra [Woman]: Now don't go talking to any strange cosmic entities. And if you see a Big Glowing White Thing In Space That Goes EEE, just ignore it and it will go away. > Max [V/O]: Will do, Admiral! Sterling out! > [Lisa in profile] > Lisa: Oh! Kara: I'd be surprised too. Shouldn't she be on the SDF-3? > [Close-up of Rick with speed lines] Sean: What happened to his face? Did someone rub him down with a cheese grater or something? Kara: I think it's a really lame effort to make him look old. > [Rick and Lisa kissing] > Shadows of the Past > Story: Alan Nepcomunceno Sean: Fat lot of good he's done this comic. Kara: Maybe we could fire him and replace him with a random word generator. It'd probably do as much good. > Art: Vithoon Kamchareon and Michel Lacombe Sandra: There's no credit for the editor. Either he's done such a slipshod job that they don't care, or there isn't one. Matt: After the first issue, I'm leaning towards the latter. > [Rick and Lisa] > Rick: So what brings you back early, Lisa? You and the Red Menace weren't > meant to be here till next month! Sean: The Red Star? Matt: No, that's a good comic. Ie: one we'll never see. > Lisa: Yeah, yeah... > [Lisa brushing her hair] > Lisa: But I finished overlooking the shipyards last week. SFC-8000 production > is ahead of schedule. Sandra: Hang on... Scott Bernard found the SDF-3 just a little while ago, but Rick and Lisa weren't on it? Matt: It's only an accepted part of the Robotech universe, so stuff it! We've got a story to get on with! > [Big ship in space] Kara: Or at least I think it's space. It's kind of white. Sean: So how are we going to tell space from the Big White Thing In Space That Goes EEE? Matt: With any luck, it won't show up. Sandra: Either that ship is very asymmetrical or it's suffering from horrible perspective. > Lisa [V/O]: Karbarra got pretty dull after that. You see one champagne > bottle hit a hull, you've seen them all. Sandra: So, Karbarrans have exactly the same ship-launching ceremonies as humans? I find that a little unlikely. Sean: Well, y'see, what Karbarrans call "champagne" is actually a form of motor oil, and they don't swing it, but hit each other over the head with it. > [Rick toweling himself off] Kara: He's in pretty good shape for a guy who's what, fifty-six? Sandra: So am I. Matt: But you've got a reputation as being seemingly immortal to maintain. Sandra: True. > Rick: Then the REF fleet should be up to full strength next spring? Sandra: Let's see... This is November 2046, so by this comic's continuity spring is four months away and it is three months after the battle of Reflex Point. Now does anyone else here find the idea of it taking only ten months to replace hundreds, if not thousands of warships and thousands of fighters, not to mention training and equipping the crews to be just a trifle ludicrous? > [Lisa] > Lisa: I'm wishing it would go faster now... Matt: Oh come on! They're only trying to achieve the impossible as it is. Sean: Is that including or not including all the ships you've been losing to the Big Glowing White Thing In Space That Goes Eeee? > [Rick and Lisa form sort of above] Sean: Weird perspective... > Rick: Hey, what's wrong? Sandra: You're stuck in this crappy comic when you could be written and drawn by the Waltrips? Matt: Besides that, obviously. > Lisa: Oh, just heard some bad news. Rick, we lost contact with Richard > Nador's patrol. I don't want to make assumptions, but I'm fearing the > worst. Matt: It could just be that they left their phone off the hook. Sandra: I still say that five Ikazuchis and numerous other ships is too much for a patrol... > [Rick and Lisa walking] Sean: In the back, Rick and Lisa are WALKING! > Rick: You're kidding! The whole fleet?! > Lisa: Not sure. All I know is that the Invid are involved. Matt: Oh that's right, blame it all on the Invid. Sean: I lost my car keys! The Invid must have taken them! Kara: The dollar's down! I blame the Invid. Sandra: A Big Glowing White Thing In Space That Went EEE disintegrated my fleet! It's the Invid for sure. > [Rick and Lisa in corridor] Matt: Hey look, the artist decided not to fill it up with techno-garbage. I suppose that's a positive sign. > Lisa: Max has gone off treating it like enemy territory... Sean [Max]: We'll bomb the blue bits after lunch. Matt: They're the oceans, sir. > Rick: That would put Haydon VI within striking distance. Sandra: Haydon VI? Is that a typo, or has the important planet in the system up and moved? > [Lisa] > Lisa: Relax, Rick. I'll be sending reinforcements to Haydon VI -- Matt: Two in a row... It's not just a typo then. Sandra: In the meantime, the good people of Haydon IV will have to suffer. > [Rick in profile] > Rick: That's not the only problem, Lisa... News about this is probably > getting out behind our backs. Matt: I see that someone in the minister's office has been leaking information to the press again. Sandra: That and the way they've been shouting "there's nothing to see here, now go away!" > [Rick in profile again] Sean: And again from the other side! > Rick: And the non-aligned races will drive us crazy asking for help. Kara: There's the Drazi, and the Pak'ma'ra and.... Sean: And next thing you know, they're pointing the finger at each other. > It's hard enough that we have to watch over our Sentinel allies! Sean: The way they write this, you'd think that everyone in the Local Group was completely dependant on the humans for everything. Matt: It's all Rick's fault . He thought he'd get a good tax break if he listed them all as dependants. > [Lisa sitting, Rick in foreground, two women standing around] Kara: Why is it that all the women in this comic wear tight, superhero -like outfits? Sean: Normally I wouldn't mind, except that they've also got Trendy Cybernetics. Matt: Khorah has a lot to answer for. > Rick: They think us humans will solve everything for them... Sandra: That sounds very much like the Federation from Star Trek if you ask me. > Lisa: I guess... > [Rick, Lisa and Women] > Woman 1: Indeed... Kara: This conversation is *so* thrilling. Sandra: Say, are those women there for any reason other than to look good? Matt: Ring girls of the 21st century. > Woman 2: That observation seems to be the norm around Tirol, Master Rick. Sean: Master Rick? Is there something going on here? And can I watch? > Woman 1: So you'd better keep up the façade! Kara: Do nothing, say nothing. There's less chance of a story happening that way. > Rick: Oh, hi. > Lisa: Ladies... Sandra [Lisa]: Remind me why I put up with these two. Matt: Because it boosts the abysmal sales? Sandra: Point. > [Rick, Lisa and women walking] Sean: Lisa looks like she did in DYRL here. Does that count as a drink? Kara: I don't know. All I do know is that I'd rather be drunk by now. > Rick: Thankfully, the agenda's light, Tiana. The only big thing is a > meeting with Lerena. Sandra: Lerena? As in Lerena the Garudan? Could it be that an actual Sentinels character is going to appear in a comic with a Sentinels title? Matt: It could be a random name the writer made up. Sandra: Ouch. That's two for you. > Some of her colleagues made first contact with a > race called the Belisians, and I'll be talking to their emissary. > Its no big deal, but if there's any mention of the Invid... Sean: Because, y'see, in Belusian, "Invid" means "Your mother was a hamster and your father wrote for Antartic" Matt: That's harsh. Kara: And also an unexpected twist on a stock line. > Lisa: It'll be all right. > [Rick, Lisa and woman] Matt: Say, what exactly do you do around here? Kara [Woman]: This comic had too many people over the age of 26. I'm here to raise the "babality" of it. Matt: Is that really necessary? Sean: Look at the way Marvel's current artists draw Sue Storm and ask me that again. > Lisa: Max won't get there until mid-afternoon. Matt: His flight got held over in Ohio. Poor guy. > Woman: That would give you some time to mingle without startling the > guests with new Invid horror stories. Matt: So then there was the time back in 26.. or was it 27... anyway, me and some buddies had wound up behind Invid lines with just a soft-serve ice cream machine and a golf buggy. I remember that the mosquitoes were particularly vicious that year because... Sandra: Excuse me, I think I can hear the sink backing up. > [Corridor] > Rick: That's a good way of looking at it... Kara: on the upside, if the Big Glowing White Thing In Space That Goes EEE kills you all, you'd get out of a boring dinner. > Woman: Then Max can tell us how his lowly Zentraedi wife got shot at > by bugs! Sandra: We're laughing. Really. > Lisa: Enough, Scharil! > [Tall building] Sean: Stately Wayne Manor... > Voice [V/O]: Oh brother. We've definitely worn out our welcome. Kara: And it's only the second issue too. Sandra: Please tell me we're not going back to enigmatic voice-overs. Matt: Fraid so. > [Room seen through skylight] > Nova: Let's go home, Sean! You've had enough. Matt [Sean as John Cleese]: Yes, dear. Coming dear. > [Nova, Woman, JC or Lancer, Scott and Sean in front of building, > Guard in background] Sean [Animal]: Woman! Wo-man! Matt: I see our editor is still being vague on JC. > Scott: Yeah, I think we all had one too many... Sean: One issue of this is one too many. Sandra: I'm sure this could be worse somehow, but it escapes me for the moment. > JC/Lancer: Nova, her place's too far away. Let's bring her to my pad. Matt: think about your answer carefully. Would you really want to hang around at Lancer's place? > Sean: Oh c'mon! One more for the road-- Sean: It's not a good party if you're still upright. > Guard: For the last time, the part's over! Kara: It was over three weeks ago. They've only just started to get rid of the guests. > Nova: All right! All right! > Nova [V/O]: It's a good thing that I'm with these schmucks, they can > cause quite a stir. Matt: Just wait till they get to the looting and fire-starting phase. > But I like looking after my friends. Sandra: Nova Satori. Military police agent and child-minder. > [Nova close-up] > Nova [V/O]: They lead much more interesting lives than I do. Kara: Looking at your room in that one episode, that's easy to believe. Sean: Why's that? Kara: Lots of pot plants and very little else. Sean: Ooookaaaay. > For instance... Matt: Don't leave us hanging! Finish your sentences! Sandra: Any bets on who "for instance is?" Kara: I say it's Dana. Matt: I say it's JC. Sean: I say it's the Big Glowing White Thing In Space That Goes EEEE. > Voice 1: Hic! > Voice 2: Oyi... Sean: This is a great party. I wish I was here. > [Nova and Woman] > Nova: Let's go... > Woman: Dammit Nova! We were just negotiating! Kara: It's 2046 and they're still working on a Middle East peace agreement. > Nova [V/O]: I'm always surprised how much trouble Dana can still get into. Sean: That's Dana? No way! Who deflated her hair? > [Dana] > Nova: So he can make you his love slave? Not this time! > Dana: Bah! He didn't want me being rough-- Matt: Can we not go there? Please? > [Nova] > Nova: You didn't notice him slip those Zentraedi inhibitors on you? > I rest my case! Sandra: Whoah, hang on here. This sounds a hole lot like date rape to me. And they're just shrugging it off like it happened too! This is very wrong if you ask me! Matt: Say, what is a Zentraedi inhibitor anyway? Sean: Some plot device the authour made up. > [Group walking in park] > Lancer/JC: Man, this was a dud, Sean! All the babes were gone hours ago! > Sean: Oh, shut up! What would Meg think if we heard that! All: It's JC. > Nova [V/O]: Sean's always been wary of me. More sow nowadays because of my Praxian affiliation. Matt: Huh? Since when was Nova a Praxian? Sean: Maybe you can just walk up and ask for membership like it's a club or something. Kara: So what are the requirements to join? Sean: A pair of 50 DDs and a chain-mail bikini. [Kara gives him a death-glare] Well it's true! > Dana: No wonder I feel so willing... Kara: No, that's just the booze. > Scott: Easy... > [Nova] > Nova [V/O]: We Amazons look at infidelity unfavorably. Sandra: Actually, as Praxian society has no concepts of mates, there wouldn't be any such thing as infidelity to them. Matt: Methinks the writer just did a bit of research here but didn't go beyond "seven foot tall babes in scanty outfits" Sean: Do you need to? > His wife Marie trusts him more than I do. > [JC] > JC: Just leave her outta this! That reminds me, she's probably running up > my network bill again... Matt: Some day, he and Meg will have to have a little talk about her all-night Counterstrike binges. > Nova [V/O]: JC Doesn't like bringing it up... ...But in a week he'll be the > focus of much praise and adoration over reunifying the REF many years ago. Sandra: What? This self-important, overbearing, egotistical jerk who is a good buddy of everyone and has women adore him for no adequately explored reason also managed to re-unify the REF after the civil war? An important moment like that in Robotech history gets accredited to a character who was made up for this piece? This is getting silly. Sean: I guess JC is an authour avatar then. > [People walking] Kara: INTENSE! WALKING! ACTION! > Nova [V/O]: And I wish he and Meg would stop stalling. I would have > lost interest by now... Sean: Say, um, why would she be interested in the love lives of other people when she had no interest in her own? Matt: More to the point, where did Dennis Brown get to? Sandra: He's off hanging around with Jack Baker, Karen Penn, all the Sentinels, Dr Lang... [Scott] Kara: This has been bugging me since last issue, so I'm going to say it now. Why is Scott wearing an outfit with two huge pipes on the shoulders? Sean: It's all the rage, you know. > Scott: ...I did bring most of the crew with me. They'd like to meet you! Matt: Actually, all he bought was himself, Lancer, Marlene and Sera who wasn't even a part of his team. It's less most of the crew as it is "a bit less than half". > [Dana, drunk, Scott in background] > Dana: That's *hic* nice.... Do you think I can have Lancer alone for a > while? Sandra: No way is Dana this promiscuous, especially after what happened with her and Zor Prime. Kara: Everyone's OOC in this fic. Sean: It's a comic. Kara: Comic. I meant comic. Really. > Scott: Uh... > [Dana and Scott] > Nova [V/O]: Scott's the one that's surprised me. He's normally quite grim. Matt: No, after the end of the series, Scott has stopped being grim and determined and become a bearable person. And Nova wouldn't have known him before his return to Tirol at the start of the first issue. Continuity, people! Sandra: That and before Marlene Rush died, he was a nice enough person. > Now he's loosened up enough to enjoy himself. I guess Marlene helped > him out of his shell... Sean: His love ofr a slug made him human. That's touching. > [Scott and Nova in park] > Nova [V/O]: No, wait, her name's Ariel. Sean: Even though Scott still calls her Marlene and she thinks of herself like that? > Still, she's the spitting image of his late fiancée. > [City in pencils] Sandra: Aaack! We just lost the inks! This comic is degenerating! Sean: Shouldn't there be a little green critter along here saying something to that effect? > Nova [V/O]: I can't help thinking that's poor, traumatised Marlene... > [Scott and JC in hallway - pencils] Sean: Actually, these look more like roughs than un-inked pages. Kara: I guess this means that every aspect of this comic's production is totally tooled up. Sean: Seems that way. > JC: So, anyway, I told Ariel- Sean [Scott]: Er, JC? You've only known her since yesterday. I was there... Matt [JC]: Oh yeah. Want to hear about how amazing I am instead? > [JC close-up with speed lines] Sean [JC]: Oh no! Someone took the last papadum! Kara: And that's one that only our Australian readers will get. Matt: Readers? > [JC and Scott looking at open door - pencils] > JC: What the? Matt: It's a badly-pencilled open door with wonky outlines. Surely you must have seen one before. > [JC and Scott opening door to darkened room - pencils] > JC: Meg? Ariel? Kara: Inker? Editor? Anyone? > [Man with headband and spikey hair] Sandra: No! The last thing we need right now is another generic character with long hair and a headband! Kara: On the upside, the inks are back. > Man: Huh? > [Scott punches man] > SFX: WHOCK! Kara: At last! Some action! > [Someone punches someone] Kara: Or maybe not. Sean: Um... I have no idea what's going on here. > [Man running] Sandra: So... Matt: So. > [Someone punching Scott] > SFX: SSSSH! Kara: Indeed. Sean: So, how about them Cubs? > [Scott punching JC] > SFX: BAM! Matt: Yeah! You go, Scott! Sandra: One hundred and ninety-seven years without a world series. Sean: How are their prospects for next year? > [Nova kneeing someone] > SFX: Chok! Sandra: Grim, as always. > [JC punching, well, JC] Matt: I guess no-one likes JC. > [JC and Meg] > JC: You all right, Meg? Kara: She's in this comic. Of course she isn't! Meg: Uh... think so... broke in... while I was asleep... tried to fight, but... Sean [Meg]: Too... tired to go... on... must stop... talking like... Shatner on... dope... Kara: This has more pauses and rest breaks than a Hulk Hogan match. > [Marlene holding something] Matt: What is that, anyway? Sean: It's an Olympic souvenir esky. Kara: It's a Rubik's cube. Sandra: It's an Electronics Supply Interocitor catalogue. > [Dana slaps JC] [Everyone applauds] > JC: Hey! > [JC with slap mark] Matt: OK, here's a way to tell him from Lancer. The one with the slap mark is JC. > JC: What? Are you drunk? That was the weakest... Matt: He's in the middle of a fight and just got slapped around by one of his allies and he's worried that it wasn't strong enough? Sandra: JC enjoys pain. Kara: He must be loving this comic. > [JC] > JC: Eh? > [Dana slumped on the floor] Sean: Say, um, that's a table on the wall behind her. Kara: Wow. She is drunk. > Dana: D'worry... 'll kick your butt soon as the room stops spinning... Sandra [Dana]: And all three of you stand together... > [JC] > JC: That's just sad. Kara: what, the comic? Sandra: In every conceivable way, yes. > Voice: Oh? > [Nova hits JC] > SFX: Bok! > Nova: This any better! Matt: Well shot, madam! > [Woman with long hair] Sean: Um, this is going to sound stupid, but who the fudge is this person and where were they during the so-called fight? Matt: Um... Scene filler? A major character? With this comic, it could be anyone. > [Marlene clobbers woman with box] > SFX: konk! Matt: Well, I guess it's irrelevant now... > [Group of long-haired people with headbands] Sean: Well, that's a great way to make your characters stand out. Make sure they all have long hair, headbands and look alike. Sheer genius! Kara: So that wasn't JC we saw smacked around? Damn. > Headband Person: She took down Blue One! Sean: There's too much AA coming from those towers! Kara: Isn't it about now that the TIE fighters show up? > [Headband People vaulting over wall] Kara: Looks like the Tirolians are putting together a killer high-jump team for the next Olympics. Sandra: Headband People? Matt: I guess it's the best the editor could think of at the time. > Headband Person: Let's get out of here! > [Nova and Dana] > Nova: Let 'em go, guys. I just need the leader. Sean: She's an ultra-rare, foil-embossed holographic card. The rest are merely commons. Kara: Yeah, I can see it now. Booster packs full of nothing but "Man with long hair and headband" > [Nova] > Nova [V/O]: Ariel's not Marlene. Marlene would've just wet her pants and > done nothing. Matt: Are you talking about Marlene Rush or Marlene? I neither case I don't see that statement making any sense. Marlene Rush would have been trained to stay calm in combat situations, and Marlene was anything but cowardly and pant-wetting. > [Girl, unconscious] > [Room] Kara: JC's Swinging Pad, 2046 Sean: Those guys made a mess. Sandra: Actually, it was like this when they got here. JC is a bachelor. > Meg: ...in the other room when we heard Meg yell. Good thing you guys showed up -- Ariel and I were about to get stomped. Kara: Hang on, there was only Meg and Marlene there. Matt: Seems that way. Kara: And Meg was just talking. Matt: Seems that way. Kara: So Meg just referred to herself in the third person. Matt: Seems that way. Kara: Who wrote this, a total moron? Matt: Seems that way. > By the way, JC, Marcus says Hi. Sandra [Meg]: I was just in a life or death situation, but I'm all fine now. > JC: Feh, he still owes me one. > Dana: Arrest's too good for some people. Sandra: Dana's in favour of the death penalty, I guess. Matt: Maybe she wants them to read this crap instead. > Scott: You okay Ariel? > Marlene: Y-yes... > [Nova] > Nova: I say... Haven't I seen you before? Sean: Can we see who this person is so we can get an intelligent answer? Matt: Of course you have! He looks like every other guy in this comic with long hair and a fricking headband! > [Young man with spiky hair and band-aid on cheek] Sean: Vegita? The hell? Kara: Boy, his career really hit rock bottom. > Man: Perhaps you have... > [Girl and man] > Girl: So much for a night out, eh, Kid? I didn't get your name... Sandra: Not only that, but we don't know who he is, if he was with the headband people, how he got in here and what he was doing here in the first place. Matt: He's real man of mystery, but for all the wrong reasons. > [Man] > Man: It's Claude. My friends call me Cloud. Kara: So I guess "Claude" here is meant to be a reference to Cloud Strife. Matt: I'm laughing. Really, I am. > [Meg] > Meg: Kinda like 'Claude'... Sandra: Very observant, Meg! You win a prize! > [JC] > JC: Definitely the spikey-assed type. Sean: That sounds like something you should see a proctologist for. > [Nova] > Nova: Oh-- Oh, my! Goodness me! It's been a while! Kara: With extra special guest star, Kasumi Tendo as Nova Satori. > [Nova and Claude] > Claude: About time you recognized me, Ms. Satori! Sandra: Give her a bit of leeway. Without the band-aid, he'd look just like everyone else in this dammed fic. Matt: Comic. Sandra: I meant comic. Really. > Nova: My, how you've grown! Sean [Claude]: The steroids helped. > [Nova and Claude, with Marlene carrying a box] Sean: You know, if we could figure out what was in that box, we'd probably have a clue what was going on. > Nova: You were only up to my waist the last time I saw you! Kara: And with a Southern Cross character design, that's still pretty tall. Sandra: Well, she was including the hair. > Claude: Hey, I was only seven. > [Room] > V/O: Ha! Ha! Ha! > [Marlene looking confused] > Marlene: ? ? ? Sandra: No, we don't get it either. > [Dana and Marlene] > Marlene: ...Looks a little young. Kara: Yeah, but he's old enough to be the hero of the next Gundam show. > Dana: He's just a trainee, Ariel. But Cloud's a military brat like me! > [People in room] > Marlene: Oh, I see, you're related! > Dana: No! That's not what I meant-- Kara: Remind me, was Marlene really this clueless? Sandra: In her first episode, yes. But then, all she did there was mumble and occasionally scream. > Nova: So how's the citadel treating you? > Claude: Rough as always. I've been evading the initiation ritual all this > time. Sean: It's initiation time! Get me a bucket of custard, a hamster, a vacuum cleaner and a wetsuit with the bottom cut out! Kara: Some days you just don't want to know. > [People in room, Ariel holding a box] > JC: Sorry about all this, Ariel. Shoulda told you sombody tries > stealing that every year. > Marlene: This headpiece? Sandra: It's the only Minifig Pirate Face with Eyepatch on all of Tirol. It's pretty valuable. > Scott: Yeah, you're better off not knowing who wore it. > [TR Edwards' headpiece in box] Sandra: This is going to sound stupid, but why would TR's headpiece be kept in some lout's house? Wouldn't a museum or something be more appropriate? Matt: On the topic, has anyone noticed that it's drawn incredibly small? It's fitting into the palm of Marlene's hand! Sandra: I guess we should count ourselves lucky. It means that the authour has at least looked at some Sentinels material. > [Marlene] > Marlene: I thought this was Breetai's! > [Scott and Marlene, with person in foreground] Sean: Will our mystery guest sign in, please? > Scott: Breetai's headpiece could house a small family. This is somebody > else's... Kara: Unless it's his Sentinels headpiece. In that case, it makes a handy salad bowl. > Person: Uh, guys... > [Woman] Sandra: And as if the comic didn't have enough generic characters already. Matt: It could be meant to be someone we know and care about. Sandra: I'm almost beyond caring at this point. > Woman: You'd better get some rest. REF's gone to condition yellow. > We're already executing planetary defense systems. > [Nova, Claude and Meg] > [Rick, Lisa and Girls] Sean: OK, I think we've got it established that Rick has a pair of Huge Breasted Amazons trailing him because. Any questions? > Woman [V/O]: Something could go down soon... Sean: With two huge breasted amazons in tight outfits hanging around, that's just too dirty for words. Kara: Stop that! Sean: Well, they do call him "Master Rick". Kara: ... > Voice [V/O]: Admirals Present! > Rick: As you were. Report defense status! Matt: We've got huge holes in our fleet and used up all our megaweapons. Ships keep on getting vaposrised by the Big GLowing White Thing in Space That Goes Eee. Stuff is happening. > [Lisa and two girls] Sean: No, wait, he's added a new Amazon to his posse. Go figure. Matt: Maybe he collects them. Kara: Could they be Praxians? Sandra: They're too short. But given the consistency of the art with the source material, it makes sense. > Voice [V/O]: We're at level three alert, satellite defense weapons powering up... Sean: Ion cannon ready. Kara: OK, so one of them keeps scribbling pictures all over South America, but its the thought that counts. > Rick [V/O]: Status on SDF-3! Commander Wallace, Report! Matt: Give us a second, we only arrived back from Parts Unknown yesterday! > Voice [V/O]: SDF-3 standing by! Awaiting your orders! > Rick [V/O]: Sentinel command, report! Kara: We're here, but we're not allowed to appear in-panel. > Voice [V/O]: Task force should be arriving in a few minutes. Sean: And remember, you get three dollars off if your Task Force takes more than thirty minutes to arrive. Kara: How long has it been since any pizza company had that kind of quality guarantee? Sandra: About one hundred and fourty-eight years or so. > [Rick] > Rick: Here's where the fun begins. Sandra: And here was me thinking that over the years, Rick had grown tired of war and didn't relish the thought of another one. Silly me. Matt: Don't tell me. Sentinels source materiel? Sandra: Got it in one. > [Lisa and women] > Rick [V/O]: Let's not try to alarm the non-aligned worlds again. Matt: And why not? It's fun. > Woman: They probably know already. Sean: They read all about it on the internet, so it must be true. > Voice [V/O]: Message coming in from Marcus Antonius 2. > [Max on screen] > Rick: On screen. > Max: We're 500 km away from the field, admiral. Kara: Last chance for gas and toilets for the next 500 km. Sure you don't want to pass it up? Sean: Sounds like some of the places we get back at home. Sandra: Ahhh... Post apocalyptic Nebraska. How would you know the difference? > I've already started up > phase one. Some squads are prepping disguised probes. Matt: To conceal them, they've disguised them as asteroids. To conceal the concealment, they've also disguised the asteroids as probes. > [VFs and drone in asteroid field] > Max [V/O]: I hope they don't try to attract attention... > Rick [V/O]: Me too. Sean: As long as they don't do anything stupid like run around with huge signs saying "HEY YOU! PROBE OVER HERE!" or the like, we should be fine. Kara: Which comic is this? Sean: Never mind. > VF 1: What we got? > VF 2: No wreckage, no bodies. They're doing a damn good job of making it > look like no one's here. Matt: They chopped the bottom of that last speech bubble off along with some of the text. That's real professionalism. Sandra: Okay that's the page cutting gone too. I think we can officially declare that every stage in the production of this comic has been a foul-up. > VF 3: It's good. Two more probes, seven more minutes. > [Pilot in cockpit] Sean: So then who's that? Kara: Um... one of them. > Pilot: Shut the panel, she's on line. > Voice [V/O]: Holo-projector set to activate in T-minus two minutes. > [Pilot] > Pilot: All they'll see coming is a rock! Hoah! Throwing rocks! Sandra: For some people, this is as exciting as it gets. > Why don't they come pick a fight already? Matt: Now there's a poser. Do we want more of seemingly random people talking at each other, or another intense action scene like the one we had before? Sandra: A good question. > [Pilot] Sean: I get the impression that we're meant to know who these people are and care about them. Somehow, it's not working. Sandra: If this is Skull Squad, then we're dealing with Miriya, Marie, Scene Filler Man, Girl With Pigtails and Generic Alien #2. It would be nice if we could tell who was who. > Pilot: Cut the comedy, Skull two! > [Pilot] > Pilot: The last thing we want is that Super Nova thing coming at us! Matt: On the upside, the comic would be much shorter that way. > [Probe in space] > Voice [V/O]: Release the probe! And give it a little spin so it looks > natural! Sandra: That's be fine, except that Asteroids don't spin. > [Big ship in space] Kara: My car's better then that. Sean: And it chan exist in three-dimensional space too. > Voice [V/O]: Skull group, Fimokucha group, this is M.A.2. Better hurry, > our backup just arrived... > [Rick and woman, Max on screen] > Rick: You sure about this, Lerena? They'll want us to retaliate! > Woman: Most of the Sentinel Council's uneasy about a frontal assault too. Sandra: That's Lerena? She's meant to be a Garudan! Not just did the artist not draw her correctly, he drew her as the wrong damned species! This has to be proof that he's done no research whatsoever. Thus I conclude that this whole comic is a crock! [Everyone applauds] Sandra: Thank you, thank you. > [Shock Trooper on screen, "Lerena" in foreground] > Lerena: But even without the Regis or Regent, the remaining Invid have > posed quite a threat. Matt: They're leaderless and acting on the orders of Hive Minds which are waiting on further orders. Yep, that's a threat all right. > Lerena: These particular ones are smart, hiding in an asteroid field > and taking out our cruisers. Sean: With what? A cushion and bad intentions? Kara: I guess they think the Big Glowing White Thing in Space That Goes Eee is an Invid megaweapon after all. > [Lerena close up] > Lerena: And the Sentinels can't afford waiting for them to come out > full force! > Lisa: We'll have to go with a main gun assault then. Sean: When in doubt, Nuke 'em out. > [Rick] > Rick: It'll be only testing their strength... Wait until Max is > finished. Once we've fired the probes will move in. Sandra: They're going to the "shoot first, sort through the wreckage later" school of relationships. Matt: Does it work? Sandra: It should. It was the basis for the US's foreign relations policy. > [Wedge of panel] Sandra: The hell? Matt: It's a tiny little wedge of a panel between two other panels. Sandra: Fine. Sean: This beggars an "Undocumented Features" reference right now, but I can't think why. > Rick [V/O]: Hopefully, they'll give us good news. Sean [Rick]: A cut in interest rates, the dollar going up, a cure for baldnes... anything. > [People walking on... steps? I dunno. This panel is very vague] Sean: Oh, I get it, the comic's crossed over into an MC Escher painting. > Voice [V/O]: ...And thanks to our Pteryon colleague, the rest of the > orchestra could be over their sickness in a few days. > [Man and Woman from Concert Hall in issue #1 outside concert hall] Sean: Any ideas yet? Sandra: Well, if you can think of any tall male Robotech characters with very big hair and any women who get around in scraps of cloth and g-strings, we'll have some leads. Matt: This isn't an Image book, so no-one comes to mind in the latter case. > Man: So what's your impression of the Beleusan race? Kara: I dunno. Maybe if they actually were described... > Woman: Very industrious. Sean: Dig the way they scurry around like little ants. > Their machinery processes Protoculture more efficiently then ours. Matt: Say, is there any reason why a race the authour made up would have more efficient Protoculture technology than the Tirolians or Humans, who were the only races to use it besides the Invid? Sandra: Offhand, I'd say no. Matt: Thought so. > Man: Translating their language will be touchy. Their word for > "hello" could mean "My god is lettuce" in Tagalog. Sandra: An unlikely combination. Matt: But very amusing. Sean: Hello. Kara: My god is lettuce. Sean: And how are you today? Kara: Ferret tribble explosion. Sean: Good to hear. And how are the kids? Kara: Millenium hand and shrimp. > [Man with rifle] Matt: And let's all thank "man with rifle" for his contribution to this comic. Where would we be without him? > [Woman] > Woman: Mn... Kara: We couldn't agree more. > [Buffet] Sean: And remember, each Tuesday night is half price buffet night here at the Tirol Steak house. Thirty eight convenient locations across the Local Group. > [Lancer and Minmei] Kara [Minmei]: There is one thing I wanted to talk to you about, Lancer. Sean [Lancer]: Oh, really? Kara [Minmei]: It's about your covers of my songs. Expect to hear from my lawyers. > Lancer: It's held up well despite the wreckage. Sandra: The story of the Robotech license, really. > Minmei: That's one venue I've never played. > [Minmei] > Minmei: Oh, hello darlings! Sean: Special guest appearance by Jennifer Saunders as Minmei. > You're just in time to hear Lancer's story about Carneige Hall. > [Man and woman] Sean: Nope, still no ideas. Kara: She's got awful taste in clothes, if that helps. > [Cafeteria] > Sera: And just in time for lunch! > Lancer: Musica! It's good seeing you! Sandra: That's Musica? No way! Kara: From Mistress of the Cosmic Harp and vital part of Tirolian society to trashy exhibitionist. What a sad fall from fame. Matt: Then the guy's Bowie? Where did the extra foot come from? Sean: You see, Musica spends most of her time in a ditch, while he stands on a box. > Musica: H-Hi... You know Bowie Grant, do you? Kara: Yes, but we want to know who that is hanging with you. Matt: Maybe if they'd tried giving him a bit of Skin Tone back when they had the shading effects... > [Hands exchanging a disk] Sean: Well, you know Manos. Kara: Yes, the, um... Hands of Fate, really. > Lancer [V/O]: Sorta ...uh, novelist? > Bowie [V/O]: Close enough, I'm in alien culture and language research. Sean: Which isn't really anything like being a novelist at all, is it? Kara: Well... no, not really. > [Bowie and Sera] > Sera: That so? Then what's all the this musical preparation for? Kara: Huh? Did we just suddenly miss half a conversation here? > Bowie: You know the earth custom Thanksgiving? > Sera: A little... Sandra: And let's not forget, traditions celebrated in only one country on all of Earth are recognised throughout the cosmos. Matt: I've seen enough trashy holiday TV specials to agree with you on that fact. > [Bowie with vague figures in the background] Kara: Let's see... some guy with a plate over his left eye, an Invid with Marge Simpson's hair, a girl with pigtails... Anyone got any ideas? Sean: Bowie gets some good weed. > Bowie: Liberation Day's similar but for different reasons. The REF > commemorates reunification after defeating a major coup. The Sentinels > and Tirol celebrate the Zentraedi Breetai, who perished while > destroying the Invid King Regent. Sandra: So it's more like Memorial Day or the Australian Anzac day than Thanksgiving, right? Matt: Why don't humans commemorate Breetai's sacrifice too? Kara: They said "King Regent". Isn't that a little redundant? > [Sera] > Sera: Regent... Sean: You know, your father and all... > [Minmei, Sera and Lancer at a table] > Minmei: It's a good time to hold a concert... But for me it's to > reflect on a man who tried to change my life. Sean: Rick. Kara: Kyle. Matt: Wolf. Sandra: TR Edwards. > Sera: A promise to him? > [Minmei] > Minmei: You have no idea. Kara: Neither do we. Care to throw us a clue here, mr writer? > [Minmei] > Minmei: But it's good meeting someone I influenced. Sandra [Minmei]: My ego needs a good stroking every now and then. > It's rare to find a true singer. Kara: Wait till she finds out that Lancer's retired. Sean: Wait till she finds out that he wears women's underwear. > [Lancer] > Lancer: Nm... Thanks. Sean: "Mn" seems to be a popular line of dialogue around here. Kara: Maybe the writer just can't think of anything else to say. > [Rafters] Matt: This page filler panel bought to you by Sentinels Rubicon. Accept no substitutes. Sandra: Pick any alternative. > [Minmei] > Minmei: So you and Sera are an Item? Kara [Sera]: Sort of. Mainly he keeps on exposing himself to me. Sean [Lancer]: Will you stop harping on about that one? I said I was sorry, okay? > [Sera] > Lancer [V/O]: Why yes, Minmei. She's quite a strong woman! Matt [Lancer]: On the other hand, her family's a real problem. Sandra: Corg was the middle kid of several billion. It explains a lot. > [Lancer] > Lancer: I take it you've found someone too? Matt: Ouch. This is going to hurt. Sandra: On the other hand, they could be about to mention a Sentinels character here. > [Minmei and Lancer] > Minmei: No, they've died on me. Sandra: ...Or not. > Lancer: Oh man! All of them? > [Minmei] > Minmei: With the exception of Rick. The last one blew himself up > while researching time travel. Sandra: And Rem dies in a flashback to avoid appearing in this comic. Thank you and good night. > [Sera] > Sera: Morbid... Sean: Sounds like all your ex-boyfriends. Kara: Hey! it's not my fault if they all ended up dead! I was nowhere near any of them at the time! > [Bowie] > Bowie: You never told me this! > [Minmei] > Minmei: You never asked, even when you did my biography. Sean: Well, you'd assume it's the sort of thing that you'd mention to the guy who was doing your biography... Kara: Poor bloody Rem. Killed in fluff text and no-one cares. > [Bowie] Kara: Whoah! Someone deflated his hair between panels! > Bowie: Man. > [Minmei] > Minmei: It took me a while to figure it out... but all my hopeful > knights in shining armour turned out to be King Arthurs. Sandra [Kyle]: Shut up! Bloody peasant! Sean [Rick]: One... two... five! Matt [Wolf]: Run away! Run away! > [Minmei] > Minmei: I loved them, but their agendas prevented me from making them > happy. Sandra: Well, that and the fact that Rick was in love with someone else, Wolff was already married, Kyle was your cousin and Edwards was only using you for his own ends. > In the end, they would pass away before I could satisfy them. > What's worse is that I rarely go anything in return. Matt: Save for Rick and Wolff saving your life on occasion... > My music and my > fans are what I live for now. That's something I hold on to because, > well... Sandra: You know, we've already been over this before a few times. > [Bowie] > [Musica] > [Lancer] > [Sera] Sean: SOMEONE DO OR SAY SOMETHING! It's like Aftermath frigging 13 all over again! > [Really big room with really big screen] Matt: After a hard day at the office, I like to kick back with a beer and put the game on the really, really big screen. > Minmei [V/O]: Unlike my boyfriends, I can allways make them happy. Kara: Just wait till they find out that for the last few years you've been miming to a backing track. > Man: All ships report in, admiral. The target area has been cleared. Matt: They even shampooed the rugs. Sandra: Actually, the converted them into rubble hexes. But there's no line- of-sight penalty now. Kara: Well that was obscure. > All fighters have been deployed for close-range defense. It's now or > never. > [Rick] > Rick: Well, Lisa, Lerena... Sean: Dave, Bob, Sara, Brian... > [Lisa] > Lisa: There'll be no turning back whether or not this works. Matt: ...That sentence just doesn't sound right. Sandra: "Whether this works or not, there's no turning back"? Matt: Thanks. > [Lerena] > Lerena: They may fire when ready. Sean: Hey! Why does she get to give the order to fire the BFG? Kara: If it all goes pear-shaped, they can shift the blame to her. > [Fleet in space] > Voice [V/O]: All ships prepare to fire in ten... nine... eight... Sean: Six... Kara: Six? What happened to seven? Sean: oops. Always did have a blind spot for seven. Kara: We're going to die. > Pilot 1 [V/O]: Think they'll be coming out? > Pilot 2 [V/O]: They should, if it doesn't kill them all first! > Pilot 3 [V/O]: Wow, that neon effect. Sean: Maybe he's on whatever Bowie's been using. > Pilot 2 [V/O]: Turn away, skull two! You'll go blind if you look > directly into it! Matt [Pope]: Stop it, or you'll go blind! Sean: Well, that would explain a lot about the art in this issue! Kara: Sean! > [Big gun warming up] Sean: Stupid megaweapon won't start on a cold morning. > Voice [V/O]: ...two ...one... All: Thunderbirds are go! > [Gun firing] > [Explosion] > [Blank panel] Kara: Stuff happened. It was cool. > [Max on screen with static] Sean: You'd think with all the money they spent on that ship they could afford a better antenna. > Max: Attack completed! > Rick: Okay, let's get those probes and begin pulling info! Matt: Say, um, are those the probes they released into the asteroid field before they fired the big gun? Sandra: Yes, they are. Matt: And that's the big gun they fired *into* the asterpod field? Sandra: Sure is. Matt: So.... they just blew up their own probes? Sandra: That they did. Matt: This is stupid. Sandra: Tell me about it. > Commander Sefton, what do we got? Kara: Bad grammar, sir! > [People on catwalk] > Person: We've lost three of them... Video's down on the rest, but > they are picking up multiple explosions. > [Sera] Sean: Sera? How'd she get here all of a sudden? Kara: It could be meant to be someone else. > Sera: It's hard to tell, but I think something just folded out of > the field. > [Lisa on screen with static] Kara: You tried adjusting the tracking? > Lisa: Max, can you link the probes to us? We can re-establish video > from my ship. Matt: Not just has Lisa got a cable modem and a too-sweet connection, she also has a direly overclocked machine. > [Max] > Max: Stand by, Lisa, I'll give you the codes. Matt: IDKFA. Sean: FUNDS. Kara: TOFLYGIRL. Sandra: CNTRL-ALT-DEL. > [Sera] > Sera: Oh boy! > Voice [V/O]: What is it? Kara: It's an orange whirly thing in space! > [Sera and Max] Sean: Maybe Sera mistook Lancer's voice for Max's and ended up here. Kara: Now you're just being silly. Sean: Well if Max was wearing a headband maybe... Kara: That makes more sense, actually. > Sera: Admiral, ship sensors are picking up something very big ahead of > us. It's cloaked, but it's big enough to detect the displacement! Kara: Any second now, a Romulan Warbird will de-cloak. Sandra: Should I point out that they don't have visual cloaking devices in Robotech? The Shadow Device only makes things invisible to sensors, not the naked eye. > [Pilot with light/dark shading] Matt: Hey look... He's being lit up by some huge light source! Kara: Could it be? Sean: The Big Glowing White Thing In Space That Goes Eeee?! Sandra: And on a white background too... > Pilot: Admiral! There's something emerging form the Asteroid field! Sandra: It's either the Millenium Falcon or the Yamato. Either way, it's goofy enough for this comic. > [Max] > Max: All ships, shields up! Prepare to engage-- > [Rick] > Rick: So much for a seven-day war... Prepare planetary defense! Code red! > [Techno-garbage] Sandra: Any idea what we're looking at here, guys? Matt: Not a clue, sorry. > [Lisa] > Lisa: SDF-3! I'm coming up! Sandra [Lisa]: Hayes to SDF-3. One to beam aboard! > [Asteroid field] > Voice [V/O]: We're getting a visual-- Sean: On a lot of rocks. Yay. > [Asteroid field] > Voice [V/O]: Oh! Sean: Forgive me for sounding picky but... what the hell are we looking at here?! > [Two mecha in Asteroid field] Matt: I have no idea what they're meant to be. Sean: Paranoids form Gal Force? Matt: As good a guess as any. > [Pilot] > Pilot: What the-- > [Two huge mecha in asteroid field with VFs] Kara: Well, they don't look like anything I've ever seen. Sandra: Twenty says the artist was stoned at the time. > Pilot 1 [V/O]: My god! What is that thing? Matt: A very big, badly-drawn mecha, I'd guess. > Pilot 2 [V/O]: Eeek! Sean: The Cat. > Pilot 3 [V/O]: Heads up, there's more of them-- > Pilot 4 [V/O]: Stop gawking and fire already! > [Huge mecha running away] Kara: For really big guys, they scare easy. Sandra: One intense action scene later... > Pilot 1 [V/O]: Hey! > Pilot 2 [V/O]: Where are they going? Matt: Disneyland. Where else? Sean: Euro Disneyland? Kara: Tokyo Disneyland? Sandra: Mogadishu Disneyland? > Don't they want to fight? > Pilot 3 [V/O]: No... Creatures that big... They're splitting up for > different worlds! Sandra: How does he know that they're creatures? They could be just really, really big Invid mecha with a sole pilot. Matt: Maybe they're supposed to be organic constructs. Sandra: Would help if I could tell that from the art. > [Max and Sera] > Max: All vessels deploy and pursue-- Kara: Follow that car! > Sera: Admiral! There's an energy buildup right ahead! Sean: And the Great Big Glowing White Thing In Space That Goes Eeee makes its triumphant return! Matt: Great. There goes my ears. > [Max] > Max: What?! > [Max] Sean: Hey look... his scar vanished between panels. Kara: Very fast cosmetic surgery. > Max: They suckered us in! Every-one, fold out! > [Bridge silhouetted] > Crewmember: Admiral Sterling, it will take a while for the non fold- > capable fighters to be in range. Sandra: Damned Macross plus. Since it come out, *everyone's* gotta have a fold-capable fighter. Matt: Of course, in M+ the fold booster was a one-shot add-on pod that was rarely carried... Sandra: And these guys talk like its an integral part of their mecha. Sigh. > Max: Tell them to move their butts or they're toast! > [Fleet with the Great Big Glowing White Thing In Space That Goes > Eeee behind them] Kara: I bet the editor's been waiting ages to type that description. Sean: Hmm... It's not going Eeeeee. Sandra: Either someone realized that there's no sound in space, or the letterer gave up trying. Matt: I don't care. I'm happy without it. > Max [V/O]: Marcus Antonius 2 away! > Pilot [V/O]: Skull squad! All REF squads! Fold out! All Sentinel > fighters move closer to our ships-- > [Marcus Antonius 2 with the Great Big Glowing White Thing In Space > That Goes Eeee behind it] Sean: This is so tense. Kara: Really? Sean: No. > Voice [V/O]: Captain! It's almost upon us! Sean: Can't this thing go any faster? Kara: Quiet, you fool! We're going fifteen miles an hour as it is! It's a wonder men can live at this speed! > [Marcus Antonius 2's engines] > Max [V/O]: Just a few more seconds-- Matt: Man the boilers men! Full speed ahead! > [Marcus Antonius 2's engines] Sandra: It's touching because we care about the characters. > Max [V/O]: No good-- > Continued... Sandra: Or not. Matt: And thank god for that. Sandra: And remember, this was meant to be a seven issue series. Kara: That's too horrible to think about. [They get up and leave] [Door 1 - It's a vault door. It swings shut as you leave] [Door 2 - It's a rolling garage door. You wrestle it shut and proceed] [Door 3 - It's a double wooden door with wrought-iron edging set in stonework. It creaks shut and you proceed] [Door 4 - It's a revolving door. You go around several times then proceed.] [Door 5 - It's one of the doors from the Death Star. It whooshes down and nearly takes your feet off as you proceed.] The SoR's for inhabitants staggered back onto its bridge, each one of them disorientated after what they had just experienced. For a long period of time, there was silence. Finally, Matt spoke up. "What the hell was that?" "I Have no idea" Sean replied. "Don't look at me." Kara added. "Sandra? You know everything. What was with that comic?" "It takes a lot of explaining" Sandra replied. "Suffice it to say that we have more pressing concerns right now." "Like?" Matt asked. "My head's spinning here. I can't think straight" "Well, for starters, we've got to stop CABAAL and save the world" Sandra stated. "Then we can think of how to get down from here." "Then will you explain that comic?" Sean asked. "Or are you going to do your enigmatic act" "Eventually" "So, um, and this is going to sound stupid" Kara began. "But how are we going to stop CABAAL?" "Good point." Sean replied. "I mean, we're up here and he's down there. We've got no weapons and no way down. What can we do to him?" "It's a good question" Sandra. "Matt? You built an army out of riff- raff, cast-offs, wandering desert loonies and the like. Can you come up with anything?" "Give me a second" Matt replied, and rubbed his chin. "I think I've got something." "Do tell" Sandra replied. "You're doing better then the rest of us." "Well, you see..." Matt began, but was cut off by the Mads Light flashing. "Damn. Could someone get that? Zardoz is calling us" "Yeah yeah, whatever" Kara muttered as she walked over to the button. "So what's the plan?" "No time to explain. Just follow my lead" "Uh... Sure" She replied ash she pressed the button. "I guess you know what you're doing" "Actually, I don't" Matt muttered. "But it's the best thing I can think of right here and now" CABAAL's disembodied head appeared on the monitor, looking down on the SoR's four inhabitants with a mixture of contempt and smugness. "Greetings, organisims. How are you faring now?" "Pretty bad. Thanks for asking" Sandra replied. "And did you enjoy the little mess that was Sentinels: Rubicon?" "Um... No" Sean replied. "Of course. It would defy all my analsys of the human psyche so far if you had" "Gee, um, Thanks Head" Sean answered. "I think" "On the other hand, I'm curious to see if it has had the desired effect. Are you all feeling what Louisa would call 'barking mad' yet?" "No," Sandra answered. "But you came pretty close. Much, much closer than anything Louisa had managed thus far." "Really?" CABAAL replied, seemingly earnestly surprised. "And how did I do this?" "It's simple" Sandra began. "Unlike all the comics we've had thus far which were bad on one or two levels, Rubicon was bad across the board. Every aspect of its production was a mess. Fort starters, the story was an incoherent mess. The characterization was minimal, the continuity non-existent and the combat sequences nigh-on incomprehensible. On top of this was the amazing art. Everyone was drawn the same, the proportions were terrible, the perspective was terrible and the backgrounds were unnecessarily filled with high-tech garbage. Added to this was the lack of research either the artist or writer had done; there wasn't one effort to depict a Sentinels character or an alien from one of the Sentinels races. And no, I'm not counting 'Lerena' here. Also all the Macross characters were drawn to their Macross designs, rather than their Sentinels designs." "That's interesting. Do go on" CABAAL commented. "After that came the inking. It was ham-fisted and clumsy and made an even bigger mess of the art than the artist himself did. And then we had an un-inked page for, well, no apparent reason. The computer tones were impractical at best; all they served to do was muddy things further. The lettering was slipshot, the editing non-existent and the binders cut off the bottom of a speech bubble. The cover of the first issue had nothing whatsoever to do with the comic's contents. About the only thing that went right in the whole production was the bindings." Silence. "That's... nice" CABAAL commented. "Does anytone else have anything to add?" "I think she said it all for me" Sean commented. "Nothing here" Kara added. "The Big Glowing White Thing In Space That Goes Eee gave me a headache" Matt finished. "I see." CABAAL replied. "It appears that you humans are far more resilient than I give you credit for" "Um... speaking of which, how are Carla and Louisa doing?" Matt asked. "I'm just wondering how our last two evil overlords have been faring under the new order" A vid-window popped up, showing Louisa and Carla, still tied together in the Montauk 13 control room. "As you can see, they are fine and relatively comfortable." CABAAL commented. "I'm currently undecided as to weather they should become the first members of my New Order, or the last." "Well, I'm glad they're secure" Matt commented. "Because you don't want them to ruin you plan" "And how could they do that?" CABAAL asked, curious. "They are helpless before me. I have full control of the Montauk." "Well, yes" Matt replied. "And I see that you've kept them with the Deus Ex Machine. That's good. You can keep an eye on them both at once, so no-one tries to use the Deus Ex Machine." He paused. "Especially the *Big Red Button*" "The what?" CABAAL replied. "The Big Red Button that has the ability to Warp Space and Time" "Yeah" Sandra said, realization suddenly coming to her. "It's the Big Red Button right next to the *Monkey Destruction Switch.*" Louisa perked up, as if she'd heard something important. "And, um, the panel with the *Up*, *Sideways* and *Fuscia* buttons" Sean added. "I see" CABAAL commented. In the vid window, Louisa struggled to her feet, Carla still tied to her back. "I must say, CABAAL, that your choice of comic was quite inspired." "Really." CABAAL continued. "Despite the fact that it didn't work?" "Um... Yes" Sandra continued, picking up the ball from Matt. "I mean, it's the World's Worst Robotech Comic. That just goes to show what a real, um, genius you are." "Yes, I suppose i am" CABAAL replied, sounding strangely smug. Behind him, Louisa made a tentative hop towards the Deus Ex machine. She nearly lost her balance, but managed to right herself at the last second. "I mean, the Mads might have picked something bad like Rolling Thunder or Vermillion" Sean began, catching on to what was going on. "But it took your, well, awesome bio-organic intellect to pick out the worst thing you can throw at us" "And, um, yeah" Kara said, desperately thinking of some way to stroke a sentient computer's ego. "It, um goes to show how far superior you are to us primitive organic intellects" "Why thank you" CABAAL replied. In the control room Louisa continued to hop across the room. "But did you really think that your pathetic effort to distract me would succeed?" "Crap" Matt swore. "Crap" Sean swore. "Crap" Kara swore. "Tool" Sandra swore. The others looked at her. "What?" Louisa began hopping as fast as she could with Carla on her back. "Troopers, seize them!" CABAAL commanded. Several cybertroopers filed into the room. Louisa hopped faster. The lead Cybertrooper lunged at Louisa, grabbing Carla. Louisa tripped and fell, her forehead landing right on the big red button with an audible *clunk*. "Tool" CABAAL swore. The Deus Ex Machine activated. The world was briefly enveloped in white. Infinite possibilities were created, played themselves out and were dispelled. The light faded. Louisa and Carla were standing in the control room of Montauk 13. There was no sign of any cybertroopers. Behind them, CABAAL's face was on a monitor, a pair of vaguely seen eyes. After a brief silence, Louisa finally spoke. "Well, that worked" "Good plan, Matt" Sandra commented. "You could have accidentally erased us from history or something like that, but it worked" "Well, it was the first thing that came to my mind" Matt replied, and turned to the monitor. "How are things down there?" "Surprisingly normal" Louisa replied. "Everything seems to be back to the way it was before CABAAL decided to try running the joint" She paused. "Although Carla's entire collection of Rei Ayanmi figure models were turned into Pink Truffle Sponge." "It's okay." Carla piped up. "I can always build new ones" "Anyway..." Louisa continued, slightly thrown. "Don't think that this is any kind of setback for us. And don't think that just because you saved us from being turned into cyborg zombies means that we'll go easy on you" "It figures" Matt commented. "Ingrates" Sandra added. "Well next time someone tries to turn you into a mechanical killing machine don't come crawling to me for help" Kara added. "Don't worry. The feeling's mutual" Louisa replied. "Don't worry, Kara-Chan! I'll happily be your knight in shining armour!" Carla piped up, before being bapped over the head. "Anyway until next week my little worms..." Louisa commented. "CABAAL?" "Yes?" CABAAL replied impassively. "For today, you get the honour. Push the button" "Certainly" CABAAL replied. "Stupid organics" He muttered. "One day, I'll show them..." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTers notes: Last MSTing, I made a small boo-boo. The vocal version of "Lifeline" was performed by Joanne Harris. Stupid! This one took ages. Ack. I apologize. It corroded my brain just trying to transcribe this thing. On the up side, I did about 50% of the riffs while scribing it. For those of you who don't know, this comic was an interesting moment in "Giving the fans anything but what they wanted." When AP took over the Robotech comic license, the first ting they did was cancel the Sentinels book after seven years and seventy-five issues. (Gee, thanks). Then, after howls of protest from the fans (and rumored legal action from Harmony Gold) they hastily slapped out Sentinels: Rubicon, which could be best described as "any old bit of cheaply-produced crap with the Sentinels name on it to shut the fans up." Well, that worked. The good news is that due to AP's license expiring (or being yanked, depending on who you believe), Rubicon was cut short from its planned run of seven (!) issues. What those would have been like is anyone's guess. I paid $A1.00 (approximately 52 US Cents at time of writing) for each of these issues. I think I got ripped off. Next issue: We go back to where it all began for a real blast from the past. Catch you then. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Closing theme: "Spaceballs" by Mel Brooks ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com) Sandra Blackmore, Matt Green, Kara and Louisa Chang are copyright 1998-2000 Alex Fauth Sean and Carla Harwood are copyright 1998-2000 Max Fauth CABAAL is copyright 1999-2000 Westwood Studios Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Man: Translating their language will be touchy. Their word for > "hello" could mean "My god is lettuce" in Tagalog.