Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Number 71 - Evangelion/Slayers continues to go nowhere fast and make Cruel Lina's Thesis look like a happening thing. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Slayers is copyright (fill this bit in) "Evangelion/Slayers" is copyright Wanderer D ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A small, tattered plastic Christmas tree is sitting on the coffee table, and there are ratty tinsel streamers hanging from the roof, as well as a tattred "Merry Christmas" banner] [Rick and Rebecca enter] Rick: Ahh... the Christmas season. Time to eat too much, drink too much, spend time with people you spend the rest of the year avoiding and to get lots of neat presents! Rebecca: Well, I don't have as many problems with the people count. Rick: Figures you'd have no friends. Rebecca: I meant relatives, you twit. Rick: Er... I knew that. [Dan and Tsuneo enter] Dan: Well for once I agree with Rick. Relatives are a pain in the butt during the holiday season. Tsuneo: You'd be amazed Dan, but not all of us have siblings who want to kill us. Dan: ... Rick: Whatever. But I did well on the all important present count. Rebecca [Sarcastic]: Go on. We're all dying to know. Rick: Okay... Let's see... Books I'm never going to read, three calanders, model car, copy of the Battle Nun Arabella OVA, another model car, a couple of shirts and socks and underwear from my Aunt Edna. Rebecca: I was being sarcastic. Rick: Oh. Tsuneo: Model cars any good? Rick: Yeah, actually. How'd you do? Tsuneo: Well, I think that comparing present tallies is a disgraceful dilution of the true festive spirit of Christmas. Rick: Just socks and undies then? Tsuneo: Yup. Rebecca: Looks like I beat you out, then. Dan: Do tell. Rebecca: Couple of computer games, large amount of cash, TM2 Megatron and, for no reason, vouchers for scuba diving lessons. Rick: Voucers for scuba diving lessons? Rebecca: I've got a horrible feeling that it involves whoever sent me that catsuit. Dan: I did great this year. Tsuneo: People gave Dan presents? Rick: You'd be amazed. Dan: No, seriously. I got a couple of console games, two videos - yeah, including that Arabella thing - and a brand new gun. Rebecca: Whoah! Who sent you that? Dan: My sister. Rick: Really? Dan: Yeah. It came with a note saying "Shoot Yourself," but it's the thought that counts. Rick & Rebecca: ... Tsuneo: Your family is really screwed up. Dan: Oh, well. I decided not to open the obligatory festive mailbomb this year. Tsuneo: I rest my case. [Yuki enters, wearing a diamond studded flea collar] Yuki: Well I got the best present ever! Tsuneo: And that is? Yuki: A really big ball of yarn! Rebecca: Yeah... Yuki: It's the simple things that make life worthwhile. And well hey, at least it's better than socks and underwear. Tsueno: *grumbles* Yuki: So, where's the Headless Houseman? Voice: Morning. Rick: Socks and undies for you too, huh? Voice: I decline to comment. Tsuneo: Oh, *that* good. Voice: Anyway, I'm in a festive mood today- Yuki: That bodes. Voice: So I'm sending you a nice, fun and more importantly, short fic. It's the second chapter of Evangelion/Slayers. Rick: Help. Yuki: Personally, I'm waiting for part five of CLT. Dan: Don't we have some rules about blatant self-promotion in this place? Tsuneo: Go choke on a furball. [They sit - Rebecca and Rick facing the TV, Dan and Tsuneo on the sideways couch. Yuki pulls up the computer chair and sits.] Rick: Just to summarise the last chapter: The Slayers cast got in a fight with the ninjahut guys, which... Oh, wrong fic. [The TV switches on] > YOU @#$*&! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO EVANGELION! YOU PUNY... Tsuneo: My thoughts exactly. > Yeah, you get the idea. Well, since it seems I won't be hanged for this one Dan: I voted electrocution myself. Rebecca: I vote death by Oscarizing Tsuneo: No. I'd reserving that fate for someone else. [looks at Yuki] Yuki: [Nervous] Eh...he... > I'm going to continue it as long as I keep getting C&C on it, Rick: Even if it says "Never, ever write another chapter?" > makes me feel important, you know... [sniff] Rick: Y'know, this is just too easy sometimes. > BTW, about the other fics you might have read: Dan [Authour]: I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry! > Masks and Dragons 9 will > come out as soon as my pre-readers give it a go, Magic Knight Pokemon 3 is > on the works right now, so... Rebecca: Magic ?! Rick: Knight ?! Dan: Pokemon...?! Tsuneo: ... 3 ?!!! Yuki: [Blinks] Now, who was it who said that I had the worst crossover idea? Tsuneo: Alright, I'm sorry already. > ah, never mind that now, here's the Fic! Rebecca: Although I'm not sure that's an improvement. > Disclaimer: (Sort of) > The wolf with a jacket labeled 'GAINAX' Rick: Hey! It's Dilgear! I wondred where he'd gotten to. > bellowed: "Give it up! I know you're in there!" Yuki: Come on out with your hands up and your pants down! > "No! there's nobody here, Mr. Wolf!" Came the weak reply from the hay house Rebecca: Face it, you're not fooling anyone. > that protected poor little Wanderer D from the whims of nature. Dan: I'll go get the torches. > "Okay then! I will blow up your car! Burn your crops! Paint Graffiti in your walls!" Dan: I like this guy. Rick: Doesn't he work for Vince MacMahon? > "...no...." came the small whimper from the hay house. > The wolf sighed, then grabbed a small radio. "It's no use. Bring it, Asuka." > A large metal covered foot slammed down on Wanderer D's house, making it a part of the > ground. Rick [Auska]: What? You dare infringe the great Auska's copyright? WA-TAK! > "Asuka! You were supposed to lift the house! Not step on it!" Yuki: Cool maybe it'll stop the fic. Tsuneo: Yeah, and maybe it'll stop Cruel Lina Thesis 5. Yuki: Dream on dour boy. > "Sorry!" Asuka radioed back, as she tried to clean her EVA's foot on the > spot where Wanderer D's former sanctuary had been. Dan: Sklitch, sklitch, sklitch. Rebecca: Do you know how hard that stuff is to get out of the tread? > "When will they ever learn to put disclaimers in their stories?" the wolf sighed. Rebecca: When pigs learn to... Ah forget it. > "Well, at least we beat the Slayers gang to it, I don't want to imagine > what they might have done!" Asuka said trying to cheer up the wolf. All [Lina Inverse]: DRAGON SLAVE!!!!! > She just didn't understand why these writers did this without four thousand > dollars to back them up... Dan: Probably cause we're all high school to university students with loads of debt. What say you? > Now, on to the story: Yuki: Such as it is. > "Oooohhhh!! Rick: Kim Zee action wear! Powered by the power of Ooooohhh! > Do I have to wear this Misato?" Lina asked for the third time. Yuki: Listen, if it's good enough for Naga it's... Tsuneo: Don't even complete that thought. > "Yes. You do." Sighed Misato. > "But..." > "Listen, Lina, you have to go to school with Shinji, ok?" Rick: Why? Tom Dyron never does. I wanna be like Tom. Dan: Tom kicks ass. Tsuneo: It's not like DJ ever goes to school either. > "BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!!" Rebecca: Do we have to start a rant about Second Impact again? Tsuneo: You watch. They will. > "So, Shinji, who's the new girl?" Toji asked glancing at Lina > from his position next to Shinji. Dan: [Kensuke] Girl? I thought that was a cross-dresser! Rebecca: [Lina] Dill Brand! > "She's Lina." He answered simply. "I think she might be one of the > new pilots." Tsuneo: She's living with you and NERV have recommended her as an EVA pilot and you don't know? > "Another pilot?! Her!" Kensuke looked at Lina. "Oh man! why don't > they pick me! I wanna pilot an EVA!!!" Dan: Um, I'm thinking because they want to survive. Yuki: You know, even we thought it was a bad idea to give Kensuke an Eva. Tsuneo: But that didn't stop you did it? Yuki: [Grins] > Lina looked at the teacher, as he droned on and on. Tsuneo: I guess we are going there. > "Man! What a moron!" she muttered. This started some giggling among > the students seated next to her. Dan: So there's a whole lot of girls on the seat next to her? Rebecca: Man, those education cutbacks are really hurting. Rick: Case in point; the teacher. > The teacher stopped to look at the laughing girls, then turned to look at Lina. > "Is there something wrong, miss Inverse?" Rick: Yes, there is a capitalization error in my name. > Everyone stopped laughing. Lina sighed as she stood up. Dan: Take cover, everyone! Tropical cyclone Lina is approaching the coast! Rebecca: [Lina, bored] Oh well... Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond yada yada... Dragon Slave. > "Yes. You are boring me out of my mind!! Do you realize you've said > thirteen, THIRTEEN TIMES, All: Whoo! > that the second impact was caused by a large meteorite!!" Rebecca: [Teacher] Damn, the needle on the record got stuck again. Tsuneo: ... > "So what's your point, miss Inverse?" Yuki: [Lina] I'm just saying, that's all. > Lina was starting to turn red. > "What's my point?! My point is I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!" Yuki: And I'm joining her. [gets up to leave] Voice: Sit down cat-boy. In for a penny, in for a pound. > With a screech, she pulled her chair back as she started walking > towards the door. Rebecca: Ladies and gentlemen, Lina has left the building. > The teacher walked towards her. "You cannot abandon class!" Rick: Why? You have. Tsuneo: ... > "Shadow Snap!" Out of no-where Lina pulled out a small knife and > threw it at the teacher's feet. That stopped him cold, as everyone > looked at her in surprise. She smiled and left the room. Dan: I'm no threat. I just nearly assaulted the teacher. Yuki: So, she's basically Asuka with too much power, yes? Rick: Well, that and a venue for tasteless breast jokes. Yuki: Ah... > Rei looked at the new girl as she left the building. She hadn't seen > the knife before she pulled it out of no-where. Yuki: Yes, that's what "pulling out of nowhere" means. > Intrigued, she stood and followed Lina out. Tsuneo: As if Rei could care. Rebecca: Do you care? Tsuneo: Not really. Dan: It's gotta be more interesting than sitting here. > The old teacher could do nothing but watch them go out. He quickly > snapped out of it and tried to follow them, but, to his surprise he > couldn't move an inch. Rick: And this is different to normal because? Rebecca: Because he wasn't gazing out of the window. He's lost! Tsuneo: ... > Lina stopped and turned to look at the girl that was following her. > "What? I hope you didn't come to try to stop me!" Rick: Okay, what's the bets Rei knows shamanic magic? Tsuneo: In *most* other fics, I'd say ridiculous. > Rei only shook her head, frowning a little. "I came to ask you, where > did you pull out that knife?" Yuki: In class. Didn't you notice? Rebecca: Hammerspace, same as every other anime girl. > She said it flatly that for a moment Lina didn't understand it was a > question. "Oh... that knife is created when you cast the Shadow snap." Rick: Uh, Lina? Carefull... Oh, never mind. It's only Rei's sense of reality you're busy destroying. Rebecca: [Rei] That's okay. I have no sense of reality. > "Cast?" Rei asked in almost the same toneless voice as she caught up > with Lina. Dan: You know, as in fishing. > "Yeah, Shadow snap is a spell that immobilizes the target for as long > as their shadow is in sight." Rebecca: [Rei] Oh. That's okay, then. > Rei nodded. Lina blinked. Lina's stomach grumbled. Rei stared. Lina > blushed. Yuki: Yuki groaned Dan: Dan retched Rebecca: Rebecca snoozed Tsuneo: Tsuneo drooled Rick: Rick left. > "Um..." > "Are you hungry?" Dan: [lina] YES! WILL YOU FEED ME?! Tsuneo: [Rei] No. Dan: [Lina] Drat! > "YEAH!! LET'S EAT! Oh... wait. I don't have money." Lina looked down, beaten. Yuki: [Lina] Oh, I'll just blow up a passing bandit. Do you guys have passing bandits? Rebecca: [Rei] No. The wandering monster tables for Tokyo 3 do not include passing bandits. The do however include Angels, Demons, Invadors, citrus fruit, fanboys, MiBs, uberkids, Ranma 1/2 characters, stupid cameos and Kensuke. Rick: Kensuke's a wandering monster? Dan: How would you classify him? > "Come. I'll pay." Rei said. She didn't know why, but she wanted to > learn more about Lina. Dan: Y'know, you can learn a lot about Rei by reading- Rebecca [Hits Dan with a pillow]: No intense reading action for you. This isn't Neon Exodus. > As the two girls walked down the street, a figure walked out of the > shadows, stood looking at them for a moment, then vanished. Dan: An MiB? Rick: An Invador? Rebecca: Elvis? Tsuneo: That evil John Saxon looking guy? Yuki: Who? > Lina and Rei were seated in a small table talking, well Lina talked > and Rei answered with one syllable words, when Shinji found them. Dan: While you talked, and added some commas, while dragging on a sentence. Rebecca: Was that your best shot? Dan: Hey, it can't be a Silver Mally every time you know. > He grabbed a chair and took a seat. Yuki: Glad he didn't do the opposite, that would've got him slapped. > "Hey, Shinji! Good to see ya around here! How was class?" Lina asked. Rick: [Shinji] Well, after you cast the spell in class we overthrew the government and elected Gendo as our supreme lord and master. Y'know, same ol' same old. > "Well, the teacher couldn't move, so everyone just left. Dan: Displaying the true amount of respect they have for him. Tsuneo: "Question authority" indeed. > I spent all > morning trying to find you, in fact, if it weren't for a man that > told me you'd walked in this direction Rick: [Shinji] after telling me five times it was a secret. Yuki: Does he want to make it any more blatant? > I wouldn't have found you!" Rei passively sipped her water. Tsuneo: As opposed to actively sipping it? What? Did it just move into her mouth by osmosis? > Lina shrugged. "Anyway, do you want anything Shinji?" Rebecca: [Lina] Not that I care. I just racked up a huge debt on Rei's card and now I need yours. > Shinji looked pensive for a moment. "Come to think about it... I do > feel a little hungry..." He grabbed a menu and beckoned a nearby waiter. Dan: Hold on, I just realised I haven't eaten in two weeks! Rick: [Rei] You too, huh? > "Yes? How may I help you, good sir?" > "I would like to order the soup of the day, what's it made of?" > "Ah... that is a secret." All: O_o ... Oh oh. > Lina choked on her coke. Tsuneo: I'll strangle the first one of you that makes a comment about Mr. Pibb. > Shinji tried to ignore her desperate coughs for air. "Okay, what > makes the 'special curry' special?" > "That is also a secret." replied the waiter. Shinji looked confused [Tsuneo looked nauseated] Yuki: Ah, I see they're ordering from Mystery Pizza and Chicken. Dan: So what does make the special curry special? Yuki: It was the chicken the previous day > from the waiter to the menu then back to the waiter. Lina was by now > choking so bad that the waiter absently patted her in the back. > "Hmm." Shinji finally gave up. "Okay, what do you suggest?" Rick: [Xellos] Escaping while you can > "About what?" The waiter asked patting Lina harder in the back. Dan: [Shinji] Oh, I dunno. Anything. Yuki: [Xellos] Did you happoen to notice your friend's choking to death here? Dan: [Shinji] Yeah, but she's far less dangerous that way. > "[Sigh...] Okay, what would YOU have for lunch?" > The waiter leaned forward to whisper to Shinji's ear. "That is a > secret!" Rick: [Xellos] So, am I going to get a big tip Yuki: [Shinji] Well, that's no secret. > Finally Lina stopped choking and stood up pointing a finger at the > 'waiter'. "Xellos!!!" All: NAW! > The waiter smiled. "Hello Lina! Long time no see!" Rick: It's been, ooh, one chapter. > Xellos had been prepared for anything. From the physical attack to > a Dragon Slave, to bickering. He however was certainly not expecting a hug. Rick: Or the chokeslam Rebecca: Or the kissing Dan: Or tongue. Tsuneo & Yuki: Ew! > Much to Xellos' surprise, Lina threw herself at him and hugged him > fiercely, Rick: [Xellos] It's a good thing I don't need to breathe. > he was further surprised when he felt tears through the > soft fabric of his fake uniform. > "L-Lina?!" he stammered. For once, in his whole life, Xellos didn't > know what to do or say. This was very much unlike the Lina Inverse > he knew... All: We noticed. > he honestly didn't know what to do. Rick: And if he did, he wouldn't tell you. It'd be a secret. > "Xellos..." Sniffed Lina. "I'm so glad to see you..." > Xellos' brain was in override. "Ah...ah..." Mazoku weren't trained Dan: Don't you mean overdrive? Rebecca: Dude, leave the grammar alone. What's it ever done to you? > for this... he tentatively hugged her back. Yuki: [Xellos] Funny... I can't feel anything there. Rebecca: WHAM! > "Lina?" Shinji looked at the couple. Rick: Shinji, just wait a couple of years and someone will explain it all to you. > Lina finally got her bearings back, and pulled herself away, -much > to Xellos' relief- and turned, blushing, to face Shinji and Rei. Dan: [Lina] Him? I hardly know him. > "Rei, Shinji... I want you to meet my favorite enemy; Xellos the Mazoku." Yuki: [Shinji] Hi Xellos. This is Rei, the clone. Over there is my father Gendo the bastard. To your right is Misato, the fan service and I'm Shinji, the doormat. > "What's a Mazoku?" Shinji asked. Rick: [Xellos] What's a doormat? > "I'll tell you later." Lina answered, Dan: She has got a *lot* of explaining to do. > for a moment it seemed she would cry again, but then regained her composure. Yuki: Because, as we all know, Lina is just one big emotional basket case. > "Xellos... what happened to... to the others? What happened to... > Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Naga? Are they...?" Rick: [Xellos] Yes Lina, they're on vacation. They escaped this fanfic, we didn't. > Xellos suddenly found himself wishing he didn't have to tell her. > "Did you check you things, Lina?" When she nodded, he continued. Yuki: [Jar-Jar] You'sa people gonna die. Tsuneo: Where did that come from? Yuki: I haven't the foggiest.... > "There should have been a message sphere in there, did you find it?" Dan: [Lina] Was that the little thing that looked like an 8-ball and tasted delicious? Rick: [Xellos] Uh... Never mind. > Lina nodded again. "Did you use it?" Lina shook her head no. Yuki: Sadly Misato had already taped over it. > Xellos sighed. "We should go and have you watch it Lina." > They arrived to Shinji's and Lina's apartment. Yuki: [Xellos] Oh my! Dan: [Shinji] You know this place? Yuki: [Xellos] Of course, it's the ninth layer of hell! Rebecca: [Lina] Well, close enough. > Misato was still Rebecca: Trying to claim some ownership to it apparently. > out so they walked inside without a problem. Xellos looked at the > two kids. "Listen, this will be hard to Lina," Tsuneo: Eh? Hard to Lina? Dan: Nothing's hard to her! Nothing's firm on her either. [Rebecca whacks him with a cushion] > he whispered as she > went to her room to fetch the sphere. "I know you are her friends, Rebecca: [Rei] I resent that "friend" thing. > so I want you to swear that you won't mention any of this to anyone, okay?" Dan: [Shinji] Well so much for that exclusive from Jerry Springer. Yuki: [Apu] I promise nothing. > Shinji and Rei looked at each other. Did they consider themselves Lina's friends? Rebecca: There is no 'right' way to answer that. > Lina came back with the crystal sphere and placed it on the table. After a moment > everything became black Rick: Damn thing's unplugged. Sorry, guys. > and ... two breasts covered in leather appeared. Rick: Gainax cam! > Shinji bigsweated. Yuki: Then passed out due to the massive nosebleed. Rebecca: Pardon while I bigpuke. > The breasts pulled back to [Dan & Rick drool and pant] Rebecca: Down boys. Down. Now stay. Good boys > show the image of a woman barely covered in a leather bikini with spikes. Rebecca: [Misato] Heh, whoops... That's my summer holiday video. Here's *your* message sphere. > Naga sighed looking at the assembled group. "I hope this piece of junk works..." Rick: Hey... is this thing on? Dan [Singing]: Gimmie a little bit of that HHH... [Rebecca whacks him with a cushion] > she muttered darkly. Suddenly her face lit up and she jumped back. Yuki: Someone had set fire to her nose. > Rei and Shinji > both wondered why Xellos and Lina were covering their ears when they heard > their answer. Tsuneo: Oh oh. [They all cover their ears] > "HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Yuki: All clear. [They all uncover their ears] > The windows of the apartment threatened to break. > "Lina Inverse! I your greatest enemy, 'Naga the White Serpent' have > come up with a great plan to help you recover!" Tsuneo: Why does Naga want to save Lina? Yuki: Mouth to mouth resuscitation! Dan & Rick: YES! > She walked out of view, and the background moved as if they were > using a video camera. Rick: Yeah, there's even a small date stamp down the bottom. > There, over a stone altar rested Lina's body. > Rei frowned. That woman looked like Lina, except she was obviously > older and had white hair. Tsuneo: Older by what? About a year and a half. > Around the altar stood 4 more people. A blonde man in blue armor, > another man covered in white clothes, Xellos wearing a loose mantle, > and a girl with blue hair. > Shinji was surprised to say the least, Rick: [Shinji] Rei? What are you doing there? > they all dressed like people from the middle ages! Rebecca: Can't be, they're not covered in muck. Tsuneo: Okay, so they were dressed like generic fantasy warriors. Happy? > "As you can see, the second casting of the Giga Slave left you > without energy, Rebecca: Methinks this authour doesn't know how that spell works. > if you had stayed like this, you would have aged in > a coma state for the rest of your days. Rick: Weekend at Lina's! > Therefore I have devised a > spell that will stop time for you at the same time it lets you gather > back your energy, and recuperate." Dan: [Naga] Thereby removing you from power and leaving me as the greatest threat to the world at large! Bwhohohohohoho! [Rebecca hits Dan with a footstool] Dan: Ho. *urk* [falls backward, then beginning to regain consciousness] Tsuneo: Thank you. > "Each of us will give some energy to the cocoon which will -hopefully- > protect you until you regain your own energy." Rick: Hopefully? Yuki: Well Naga did design it. Tsuneo: Obviously in Slayers, intelligence isn't vital to spell casters. > Naga's voice softened > a little. "We don't know how much time it will take, but it was the > only way. Dan: [Naga] Not that I care or anything. In fact, why am I even bothering? Hey guys, let's get soemthing to eat! > The healers were unable to do anything, and giving all the > energy back to you would kill you immediately. Tsuneo: So why not give her enough to wake up and take it from there? Rebecca: Because it wouldn't have been much of a crossover that way. > I'll turn this thing off now, so it won't interfere with the casting." Rick: Hey, is it flashing 12 o'clock down in the corner? Just wondering. Tsuneo: Oh, that's because the Y0K bug hit hard. > The image seemed to blur for a moment, then the image of Naga was > replaced by Zelgadis. Yuki: [Shinji] You need to adjust the reception. He's gone all blue. > Shinji jumped at the image of the golem, but remembering that it was > some sort of video, he quietly sat back down. Yuki: [Rei] I wonder who does his hair? > "Hey Lina, we've finished the spell..." The image shifted to the > altar where Lina was covered in a cocoon. The cocoon was opaque, then > semi transparent, inside it they could catch a glimpse of Lina before > it turned back to it's yellow-white color. Dan: Someone needs to fix that thing. > Lina was able to see the sword of light in her hands for a moment. > "I know what you're thinking Lina, but Gourry wanted you to have it. Rebecca: [Lina] He...he wanted to kiss me? Tsuneo: [Zelgadis] Nah, he wanted to give you the sword. We had to talk him into the kiss. > Anyway, everyone is dead tired, specially Naga, but it seems it was a > success, Rick: Well he sounds confidant. > I don't know how much time will pass before I see you again, > I hope it's not much, well, I'll see you later." Dan: Yeah, that really sounds like Zelgadis, doesn't it? Yuki: [Zelgadis] At last, I can go off and be my own straight man! Yes! > The image was immediately replaced by another of Gourry, he had scars > all over and his blue armor was dented. Rick: Are you sure that isn't Siegfried? > "Lina, I don't have much time... Dan: [Gaurry] This is a timed call, and the rates have gone through the roof. > all hell's broke loose, the dragons > and the Mazoku have started a war and we're caught in the middle of > it, it's been five years, and... well... anyway, I-I don't think we'll > walk out of this. Goodbye Lina." Rebecca: Actually, Gaurry peobably would've raqmbled for five minutes and forgotten what he was going to say. > The image was replaced by one of Zelgadis helping Gourry stand. A large > slash could be seen to the right of his waist Rick: Who's waist? Anyone's waist in particular? Yuki: Actually, it's on the wall to the right. > as he tried to cover it with his hand unsuccessfully. > "The war's over, Lina, Xellos was able to handle things so the attack > would not come here... we were fighting back at Sailoon, it's been > completely destroyed... Amelia's alright, she's waiting outside." > Gourry doubled over in pain. Suddenly Amelia came running in. Yuki: It's five years later, and she looks like Naga! [They all scream in panic] > "Zel! The Mazoku are attacking!" Rick: Didn't he just say the war was over? Tsuneo: Guess who forgot to sign the comprehensive test ban treaty? Dan: [Gaurry] Really? I knew something slipped my mind! > "Damn!" The Golem muttered. Gourry and him exchanged looks. Zel nodded > and gently put Gourry on the ground. He then ran outside following > Amelia. > "Lina... I wish I could've seen you... before...I... I love you Lina..." Rick: This is so tragic. Yuki: What, Gourry confessing his unrequited love before he died? Rick: No, I mean this whole piece. It's a tragedy. > The background shook and the image blurred then it turned dark. Dan: And in the intervening thousands of years, the coocoon remained completely unfound, unmolested and intact. Yeah, right. > Lina was now crying, holding the crystal sphere in her hands. She looked > up at Xellos. > "What happened?" Tsuneo: [Xellos] The batteries ran out. > Xellos sighed. "Well, some idiot had the bright idea of waking another > part of you know who. Rick: Boris Yeltsin? > Cephid had to come back since your sister was > unable to beat him and both dragons and Mazoku started fighting all > over the world, not sparing any place. Dan: When hardcore wrestling goes bad. > If there was space to fight, it > was fought for, they eventually made it to Sailoon, where all of us > were at the moment, the magic destroyed most of the city, the few Yuki [continuing sentence]: ...punctuation marks that survived were rapidly replaced by commas. > survivors ran to the mountains, where the altar was hidden, we went with > them, but the Dragons and Mazoku eventually found us. Dan: [Xellos] And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pass out from lack of breath. > We had to keep > fighting for almost a day, Gourry... he stayed by your side 'til the > end, Lina. Amelia died during the battle, which enraged Zel to no end, > when the fight ended he said that he didn't have anything else to stay > for, as he buried his wife next to Gourry and Luna, then left. Dan: Is everyone getting this? This will all be on the test. Rebecca: [Lina] That's tragic... Has anyone got anything to eat? > I never > saw him again. Before he left, we built a small shrine for Naga next > to the others." Dan & Rick: All hail the altar of the silicon goddess. Rebecca: A small shrine for Naga? I'm assuming she wasn't buried under it then. Tsuneo: Of course. Slayers is dark and nihilistic while Evangelion is all about the comic releif. Yuki: It isn't? Tsuneo: *No.* > Shinji felt bad for Lina, but there was something nagging at him. Rick: [Shinji] Are those *really* real? > "When did all this happen? Dragons? Mazoku? Why swords and all that?" > Xellos looked at Shinji. "That is a secret." All: ... Tsuneo: Y'know, I'm starting to find that line tiresome. > Rei looked at Xellos steadily. "I would like to know." Yuki: Funny, I thought she would already. > "Oh well, I suppose you should know anyway. That happened before this > universe was created." Rick: Boy Lina, when you oversleep, you *really* oversleep. Rebecca: [Lina] Come on, it was only a mere 30 billion years. Give a girl a break. > Rei arched an eyebrow. Yuki: [Spock] Facinating captain. > Shinji was a little more surprised. > "BEFORE THIS UNIVERSE WAS CREATED?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! HOW CAN THAT BE?" > Xellos shrugged. "That's a secret." All: ... Tsuneo: I'm REALLY starting to find that line tiresome. > Lina had cried herself to sleep. Xellos was a little spooked about that > since Lina had never, ever cried before. All: Yes she has. > He couldn't do anything about > the conflicting emotions seeing her like that brought around. Rebecca: If this is all just to set Xellos and Lina up, I'm gonna hurt someone. > He had left the house shortly after, leaving Lina in the care of the two kids. > "What do you make of all that, Rei?" Rick: [Rei] That's a secret. Tsuneo: Now don't you start too. > Rei didn't answer, so he tried again. "Man, I... all this is impossible, > I mean, before this universe was created? You have to be kidding me!" Dan: Yewah, that's pretty much my thoughts too. > Rei stood up. "I have to go now, Shinji Ikari." > Shinji looked at her for a second. "Um, sure Rei..." Yuki: [Shinji] Um, Rei? Rebecca: [Rei] Yes? Yuki: [Shinji] Are you going to consult the Dead Sea scrolls about this? Rebecca: [Rei] Yes. Yuki: [Shinji] Oh. Ok. > He opened the door for her and she walked outside without batting an eye. > Shinji sighed and closed the door. > It was night already, and Misato shouldn't take long to get back. Rick: She was out with Kaji *again.* Tsuneo: Uh, this is *before* Kaji arrived. Rick: So? > At that moment the telephone rang. > "Hello?" Tsuneo: [Ritsuko] You have to come quick, four invadors have been detected, they'll be here in fifteen minutes. > "Shinji? Is Misato there yet?" Ritsuko's voice greeted him. > "No, she hasn't arrived yet, should I tell her something?" > "Yes, tell her that I'll be by later with some papers for her." Rebecca: [Shinji] I assume you two will be working alone in her room again. Dan: [Ritsuko] Uh... Yes. Rebecca: [Shinji] So I'm to ignore all the strange groaning noises? Dan: [Ritsuko] Definitely. > "Sure... say, Ritsuko, is it possible that there was another universe > before this was created?" Dan: [Ritsuko] What? Oh, thank god that was all you wanted to know. I thought I was going to have to explain to you about the birds and the bees. > "Well... I really can't answer that question, Shinji, but... have you > heard about the 'Big Bang' theory?" > "Yes..." Yuki: [Shinji] Does that have anything to do with the birds and the bees? Dan: [Ritsuko] To a *certain* extent.... > "Well, then you know that the universe is expanding, however one of > the assumptions is that the Universe will one day start closing on > itself and that is called the 'Big Crunch' if that were to happen > then the 'Big Crunch' would start another 'Big Bang' again. Rebecca: Amazing. The authour's plagarising Red Dwarf. Tsuneo: And Lina's cocoon is meant to have survived *that?* As if. > Are you getting this? Does this answer your question, Shinji?" > "Yes... sort of.." Tsuneo: Translation, "No". > "Well, I have to go now, remember to tell Misato my message, it > wouldn't do for me to get there and find her snoring like there was > no tomorrow. Yuki: Like the last three times, you mean? > Bye, Shinji." > "G'bye, Ritsuko..." > Shinji hung up the phone. Later he repeated Ritsuko's message to > Misato and went to sleep. Tsuneo: Remember, anything that doesn't involve Lina is inherently uninteresting. I hate this fic's attitude. > However sleep wouldn't come to him as easily as he thought it would. > 'Before this universe was created...' he thought to himself as sleep > finally claimed him. > End chapter 2 > Okay, first off, I'm sorry for that disclaimer, Rebecca: DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND APOLOGISE, WORM! > it seems worse than the > 'Roses are Red' one. Second, I sugest you don't try to fit common sense into > my story, it... just won't work, trust me, I've tried. Dan: Well if the author tried and failed I doubt we'd have any more success. > Third, if you like it... TELL ME PLEASE!! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!! All: ... Yuki: I think that about sums it up. > Well. later! > -Wanderer D > ... and NO I DON'T LIVE IN A HAY HOUSE! [Although sometimes I wish I did...] Tsuneo: Why do I tend to think he does have a padded room though? [The TV switches off] Dan: [Yawns] So when does the fic start? Rick: You know, I'm beginning to miss CLT. [Tsuneo glares at him] Actually, no I'm not. [Yuki glares at him] I can't win. Yuki: Hey, at least CLT went somewhere. Tsuneo: Yes, it went *there.* Voice: Can I have your reviews please? Rick: This just keeps on making less and less sense. I mean, Lina's being ludicrously sentimental and stroppy, Naga's coming over as concerned for someone other than herself, something's caught Rei's interest and as for Xellos... Well. I've started to think that maybe the Lina in this fic is from the Mirror Slayers universe and she's gone to the Mirror EVA universe or something stupid like that. Rebecca: This hads been bugging me. What exactly did we achive in that chapter? Did we get anywhere? Did we advance the plot? Did anything happen? No. Not a smegging thing. Tsuneo: It awes me just how this writer thinks he's funny. The intro/ disclaimer scene. Boring and pathetic. Xellos repeats his one catchphrase. Irritating to annoying to downright infuriating. The teacher drones on about Second Impact. Overused like crazy. That, and he's trying to make Slayers serious and EVA comedic. Dan: It was even worse than that Arabella rubbish, and doesn't have the advantage of Gainax Bounce. Yuki: Well,... the disclaimer was interesting for about the first 5 lines. Grammar, for the most part was ok. I'll give wanderer some credit, at least he knows how to use a spellchecker. But, I'll have to agree with Rebecca, nothing really happened. It was just... well... dull. I know you do have to take some time to set up a situation but REALLY, the author hasn't even hinted in this chapter as to where the direction of the story is. Tsuneo: Yeah, where do you think this thing's going? Yuki: *There.* Dan: Down the toilet. Rebecca: Um... Pairing off Xellos and Lina. Tsuneo: And with the EVA characters? Dan: What have they got to do with it? Rick: I'm beginning to wonder that myself. Rebecca: Come on, let's go. Before the voice decides to unleash any more festive joy on us. Yuki: And I've got some yarn to get back to. [The screen goes blank] Tsuneo: Furball, you really worry me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) and Trevor Laughlin Yuki is copyright 1999 Trevor Laughlin Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1999 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1999 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "BEFORE THIS UNIVERSE WAS CREATED?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! HOW CAN THAT BE?" > Xellos shrugged. "That's a secret."