Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Number 74 - Evangelion/Slayers continues relentlessly. Help. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Slayers is copyright (fill this bit in) "Evangelion/Slayers" is copyright Wanderer D ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A small, crumpled, plastic Christmas tree is stuffed headfirst into a plastic garbage bag. Behind the couch, an orange tail can be seen darting too and fro.] [Rebecca and Rick enter, talking] Rebecca: ...so I says to Mabel... What the heck? Yuki [from behind couch]: Mrph! Rick: What's new pussycat? [Yuki pops his head up, looking like he lost a battle with some dust bunnies] Yuki: *pfoot!* Hey guys. I was just cleaning up around here. Voice said the place needed some dusting and I was bored, so I figured, hey, why not. You wouldn't BELIEVE the stuff I found back here. [continues to rummage] [Dan and Tsuneo enter] Dan: What's happening? Rick: It looks like voice conned the cat into janitor duty. Tsuneo: Well that's nice, what's the catch? Yuki: [popping back up] I get to keep what I find. *grunts* [heaves up the body of Sachiel] Rebecca, Rick, Dan & Tsuneo: WHOA! Tsuneo: That brings back some memories. Rebecca: What else have you found back there? Yuki: Well let's see. [passes out a 4x4 cardboard box] This box has with some of the stuff I found. [The group huddles round and rummages through the contents while Yuki continues to scrounge] Rebecca: Check it out! One of the old RPG shells I used against the TV in Neon Exdous. That brings back some memories.... Dan: [looking sick] Yes.... yes it does. What else is in here? Rick: Well, there's a Battle Nun Arabella video that seems to have melted of it's own accord. Tsuneo: Well that's not surprising, look what it was laying on top of! Yuki: [looking up from behind couch] What killed it? Rebecca: *urgh!* Probably THIS! [Holds up a very shabby pair of men's briefs with a pencil. Everyone backs off slightly] Rebecca: Which one of you pigs left THIS behind? Yuki: Hey, don't look at me. I just started on this gig. [Tsuneo, Rick and Dan trade shame-faced glances at each other] Yuki: Hey guys, look at this! Guys: OOOOooooh! [holds up an autographed picture of Marta, complete with gratuitous cleavage shot]. Rebecca: [disgusted] *phbbt!* Men. Rick: So you found any other cool stuff? Yuki: a hello-kitty doll with a noose around it's neck. Tsuneo: That's mine. Yuki: And a pulsh Rei Ayanami. Rebecca: That would be yours, Wonder boy. Tsuneo: ... Yuki: Let's see... There's Issei's sword of power, a life size lance of longinus a Mr. Socko Eva-5 hand puppet, a Shinji action figure (with collapsible spine action), a talking Asuka action figure [He presses the button on the back.] Figure [Cheesy electronic voice]: GOT IN HIMMEL. Rebecca: How repugnant. Rick: How strangely like the real thing. Yuki: Let's see... There's a Tom Dryon action figure - without the head, scattered assorted Gobot limbs, a Dented cooking pot, half a broom and a Seaphantom sock puppet. Rebecca: How... Odd. Tsuneo: This probably says a lot about us. What exactly is another matter. Voice: Morning all. Yuki: So that's where the Tom figure's head got to. Voice: ... Rebecca: Look, voice. it means that he cares. Dan: Which makes one of us. Voice: Very funny. Dan: No, I mean it. Voice: Anyway, now that you're all here, we can start the fic. Rick: Ahh... nutbunnies. Voice: Today I've got the third part of Evangelion/Slayers for you. Rick: Couldn't we have Cruel Lina's Thesis instead? [Dan, Tsuneo and Rebecca glare at him] What? Yuki: These people don't appreciate the finer things in life. Rick: You got that. [They sit - Rebecca and Rick facing the TV, Dan and Tsuneo on the sideways couch. Yuki pulls up the computer chair and sits.] Rebecca: To summarise the last two chapters: Nothing. [The TV switches on] >"Hmm... well, Scully, it seems a giant foot crushed Wanderer D's little hut." Rebecca [Scully]: Gee Fox, was the big Nike logo and the tread prints your first clue? >Scully looked at Mulder, then at the giant footprint that took a >considerable space around the fragments of the once-happy-go-lucky- >fanfic-writer. Rick: Then she asked "What in blazes are we doing here?" Rebecca: If this has anything to do with DJ Croft, I'm outta here. >"I'm sure there's a logical explanation." Tsuneo: HE HAS PAID FOR HIS CRIMES! Yuki: Dude. Use prozac. >Mulder showed her a folder. >"What's this?" Rick: My collection of nude photos of Cancer-man and my mom. All: EW! >"I think it's some of his fanfiction... pretty good stuff I might add." >Mulder answered. Rebecca [Scully]: You've been dipping into my medical suppy chest again haven't you? >"Mulder... I thought you hated Fanfics." Yuki: [Mulder] Yeah, but have you seen how often you and I do the horizontal mambo in those things? >"Yeah... I don't know why I said that. Dan: [Mulder] I haven't even read them. >I didn't even know those were Wanderer D's fics..." Dan [Mulder]: Yeah. If I had I would have changed my opinion. >Scully grabbed Mulder and kissed him. >"Huh?" she let him fall to the ground. "Why are we acting this way?" >Mulder didn't answer, and Scully didn't like the silly smile he had. >"That's it! Mulder! Wanderer D isn't dead! Wanderer D is making us act OOC!" All: ... Tsuneo: Well, it is about all he's good at. >"That just proves he doesn't own us..." Mulder said sagely. >"..." Yuki: I concur with Scully >"Scully, I think were the Disclaimer." >"Hah! If that were true I would say he doesn't own Slayers or Evangelion >either!" Scully said rising her fists to the air. Yuki: I suppose there's your disclaimer. Dan: I should be laughing, but I can't think why. Tsuneo: Because it's even lamer than his last disclaimer? >Mulder Deadpanned. After a few seconds so did Scully. Rick: How does one "deadpan" anyway? >"I can't wait for a revenge fic." She muttered dragging Mulder away >from the scene. >She then stopped and kissed him again. "ARGHHH!!! This wasn't supposed >to happen until later!" Rebecca: [Scully] We have to stare wistfully and pointlessly at each other for another three seasons! >Mulder didn't complain. Yuki: Just wait until Scully finds out about Lara. Then he's for it. >********************************************************************** >EvaSlayers Chapter 3 >By Wanderer D Rick: That rhymes. >Misato shut the yellow folder with the NERV logo and let it fall over her desk. Dan: There is absolutely nothing important that you need to know in this folder. Go away. >A couple of pictures of Lina, attached to the folder with a red staple looked >silently at her. Yuki [Misato]: The pictures are looking at me, judging me. I will make them pay. [As mistao; Begins taping over the eyes in the photo with black tape]. >She smiled briefly at the commotion Lina had caused when they took >the pictures, the girl had thought it was some kind of spell and had >demanded to have it explained to her! Dan: Buy a clue. Tsuneo: So she's fine with the wonders of the modern world, but freaks out over a photo session? Rick: She's camera shy. Who knew? >Her smile faded slowly as she leaned forward on the table and rested >her chin on her crossed arms. 'Lina Inverse', seemingly just another >name, in reality just anotherlife to be exploited by NERV. Yuki: And fanwriters everywhere. Tsuneo: *Ahem!* Yuki: What? Not that again! >Under the circumstances of her appearance Rebecca: Which were... Still undescribed, I see. >it was doubtful they would let her go whether she accepted >to pilot an EVA or not. Rick: [MIB] You know to much. *BANG!* >Ever since taking Shinji in she had felt things change, Dan: Her place was a lot neater for starters. Rick: There's strange new clothes in the washing. Rebecca: There *is* washing. Yuki: And that was, what, a day or two ago? >she had supposedly been prepared to alienate all >feelings for the sake of humanity, Tsuneo: No, but she would certainly get pissed to save all mankind. >but the conflicting emotions that overwhelmed her Rebecca: *Snigger* Toothpicks. Yuki: *sighs* >when she got her young charge and watched him fight... and suffer... Tsuneo: Was before she even knew him, but never mind... >had Yuki: Resisted the urge to dress him in a skin-tight red and green outfit and call him "Boy Wonder" All: *stare-at-Yuki* Yuki: What?! >instead reinforced her internal battle between treating the children >like weapons -objects- or pilots -people-. Tsuneo: Which wouldn't come along until much later in the series. Thank you and good night. Yuki: Besides, it's for her revenge, remember? [Silence] Tsuneo: [To Yuki] I think we were the only ones to actually pay attention in that episode. Yuki: The writer certainly didn't. >It made it all the harder for her to try to convince her new charge >to pilot one of those... things. Rebecca: Which completely contradicts the early series, but never mind if you can put in some random waffle. Rick: Oh yeah, and Rei doesn't matter in any of this. >"That's it. I need a beer." Dan: When in doubt, drink it out. >Mistato emptied a beer can in one gulp. "Ah! That's the way to..." Rick: That's right, ignore introspection and provide an appropriate model for young women everywhere. >She then noticed that nobody was paying attention to her, Tsuneo: Mainly because she was in her office. Rick: Actually, I think a killer scene change crept up on us. Dan: Again? Damn, I was imagining her drinking in the middle of the Really Big Room. Yuki: Oh lay off will ya?! >instead, both Lina and Shinji were looking gloomily at the 'eggs' > she had prepared. Rick: She wasn't sure how to tell them it was the bacon. >The fact that they weren't complaining about it and that they >were eating it was a dead giveaway that something was wrong. Yuki: The poison wasn't working. Rick: I didn't know you did "dark." Yuki: I didn't know this fic would get this dull. >Well. It didn't matter. She had to take Lina to NERV HQ today. >"Lina, have you thought over the job offering?" Dan: Well, it's either pilot an EVA or get a bullet in the brain. Some choice. >"uh... huh" Lina mumbled. Shinji was a little more... loud. >"MISTATO! DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE FOR REAL!" Rebecca: Shinji, you suck. Revert to your angst ridden state immediately! Dan: [Shinji, small] Yes, ma'am. >"Yes Shinji, I am. Now, Lina?" >"Uh? What was that?" Rick: Do we have to go through that all again? This fic's dull enough as is. >"I asked if you had thought over the job offering..." Mistato calmly >repeated herself. Dan: [Misato] What is the problem? Can't you guys understand me, or something? Yuki: [Shinji] Uh Misato, you're speaking English again. Dan: [Misato] Whoops, silly me. >"Yeah, sure." She didn't sound enthusiastic about it, but... >"Excellent! Welcome to NERV!" She firmly shook Lina's rather flaccid >hand and handed her a folder that read: WELCOME TO NERV. Yuki: Inside was a profile providing the applicant with a wide selection of mood disorders to choose from. >Gendo hung the telephone, and looked straight ahead for a moment. He >smiled slightly, and dialed a number. Shortly a voice replied. >"Yes, Sir?" >"Get me the NERV branch in China." Yuki: Nihao! Nekohanten. Tsuneo: NO! There's enough stupid Ranma/EVA crossovers already without adding more! >"Yes Sir!." Rebecca: Why they're calling China is anyone's guess. Yuki: Wanderer D's avatar probably lives there. Tsuneo: Don't tempt fate. >"And tell them we have selected the fourth child." Rick: Of course, why you're telling China is another question. Tsuneo: Does he even know how pilot selection works? >"Okay Lina, what you have to do is concentrate." Dan: Llamalamalamalamalama... Rebecca: [Lina] I'm sorry, but all these abrupt scene changes are making it difficult. >"Right!" Lina shut her mind and tried to concentrate on being one with >this machine. She knew why she had agreed. Rick: Care to tell anyone? >She didn't want to think about... Yuki: Lunch! >no! She shouldn't, wouldn't think about them! Dan: "Them," of course, being her dietician and fitness instructor. >Ritsuko looked at the stats. Rick: [Ritsuko] A fourteenth level fighter with three hundred and seven hit points? >They had started decreasing a moment, but >Lina had gotten a grip again and was pulling them steadilly up. >The girl was muttering something, so she put up the volume so she could >hear what she was saying. Rick: [Lina] Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows... Dan: [Lina] Dang stupid ferking... When I get my hands on my agent... >"...stupid Mazoku!... why Gourry?... why did you... love... why did you >all die?" Rebecca: So the authour could set her up with freaking Xellos. Yes, it sucks. Deal. >Apparently Lina was unaware of what she was saying, Yuki [Maxx]: Damn, thinking out loud again. >concentrating like Ritsuko had said. >Her friend's faces flashed in her mind, one after the other gaining up >speed. Naga smiling, Dan: Hey, I thought this was her friends. Tsuneo: I thought this was EVA. Yuki: I thought there was Slayers stuff happening. Rebecca: I thought there was a fanfic. Rick: I thought we were gonna get lunch. >Zel turning, Gourry smiling, Amelia looking at >her, Gourry jumping, Zel, Naga, Gourry, Xellos, Gourry, Amelia... Dan: Vrumugun, Zangulus, Prince Phil, Zolf, Rodimus... Rick: Prime, Prowl, Ironhide, Ratchet, Brawn... Tsuneo: Aeris, Biggs, Wedge, Jessie, Shinra Manager... Yuki: Ash, Brock, Misty, Professor Oak, Pikachu... Rebecca: Torgo, Ortega, Brack, Exeter, The Evil John Saxon Guy... >It all stopped suddenly in a bright white flash. Dan: Better a white flash than a hot flash. [Rebecca whacks him with a cushion] Thank you. >"I love you Lina..." Gourry's voice whispered, before everything turned >black. Dan: What it is my brother? [Rebecca whacks him with a cushion] Thank you. >Everyone at the test center looked from the unconscious Lina to the >numbers in the screen. Yuki: [Hyuga] Bingo! >A red 51% was clearly marked by the red numbers. Tsuneo: Ahem! Ahem! Bullsh*t! Ahem! Dan: It would be kinda amusing if it was a blue 51 in red numbers. >"No way!" whispered a tech operative. Rebecca: I suppose that's Aoba's line for the fic. Rick: [Aoba] Damn straight. Can I go home now? >"I wonder what that was all about?" Ritsuko muttered to herself. Tsuneo: Oh, it just means that not only is she the world's most powerful - and only - sorceress, she's also going to be a better EVA pilot than the rest of the normal cast. How stupidly predictable. Yuki: Yes, but is she a world-championship kickboxer, expert cook, bestselling authour or interior decorator? Tsuneo: Give her a chapter or two. >Lina woke up in the hospital bed. Rebecca: [Lina] I hate this place. Rick: [Shinji] You're a pilot now, get used to it. >Ritsuko stood up when she saw her awake. >"Well, Lina, we have postponed the tests for today, Dan: [Ritsuko] Something to do with you passing out and all. Rick: [Ritsuko] Damn kids, they don't make them like they used to. Rebecca: [Rei] That wasn't funny. >I'll drive you home." >Lina nodded silently, then turned to look to her side. "Nice flowers..." Yuki: I don't think lillies are appropriate, though. >Ritsuko looked sharply at the vase with red and white roses that stood >silently over the small table next to Lina's bed, a small card between >two thorns. Dan: Why not just tie it on like a normal person? >That wasn't here before... and she hadn't seen anyone enter the room. >"I wonder who brought them?" She said as she grabbed the small card and >opened it. Rick: Gee, does this want to be any more suspicious? Yuki: Noonsa, the flaming fish man! [They all stare at him] Yuki: I'll stop now. >"THAT IS A SECRET." she read aloud. >"How... irritating." All: Tell us about it. >She turned the card around for any sign, and >incredulous looked at the back of the card and read the second message. >'INDEED, RITSUKO, INDEED.' Rebecca: Oh come on, not even Xellos is this omnipotently annoying. Close, but not quite. >She let it fall as if it was a spider and had bitten her, and looked >around. >Lina blinked. "Um... what is it Ritsuko?" Dan: THAT IS A [Rebecca holds a gun to Dan's head] ...vase. Just a regular ordinary vase of flowers. Rebecca: Good boy. [Holsters gun] >Ritsuko composed herself and picked the note, offering it to Lina. "Tell >me Lina, what does this say?" Dan: Ritsuko, are you feeling well? Rick: Relatively speaking, of course. Yuki: [Ritsuko] I think so... Which one of you should I address, Lina? >"um... 'get well'" >"What!" Ritsuko grabbed the note, and yes, it said 'Get well' in bold >letters. >She blinked a couple of times. "Oh." Yuki: [Xellos as Gendo] Dance my puppets DANCE! Mwuhahahaha! Rick: Well that was a waste of time. >The next day at school everyone remained silent as Lina sat down. Rebecca: They saw what had happened to the guy who left a whoopee cushion on Lina's seat. >Classes hadn't started yet, and they still had a couple of minutes before the >teacher arrived. >As soon as she was seated everyone gathered around her and started talking >at once. >"Wow! Whatever did you do yesterday Lina?!" >"I wonder how much time it took the teacher to get out?" >"Could you show me how to do that?" >"Was that magic?" >"How did you learn to do it?" Yuki: How do you get your hair to stay up like that? Rick: How come after billions of years of suspended animation you're younger than before? Dan: How can they be that small? Tsuneo: How much wood would a wodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? >Lina slammed her hands on her desk and stood up. "Enough!" >Everyone fell silent. Lina sat down. Rebecca: Lina has spoken! My rigid grill structure! >Everyone started talking again. >Lina let her head fall into her crossed arms. "Why me?" she muttered. Rick: Because the authour can't write? >Shinji sat down, and promptly Toji and Kensuke joined him. Dan: Well, they do sit next to him, and they do walk to school together... Duh. >"Hey Shinji!" Toji greeted as he sat down next to him. Kensuke only muttered >a salute as he also sat down looking at some pictures he had with him. Dan: [Shinji] What are those? Rebecca: [Kensuke] They're photos of Lina naked! Rick: [Toji] Lina? I thought that was Shinji's chest. >Toji looked like he had cleaned the inside of the fireplace and hadn't >bothered to wash off the soot. >"What happened to you?" Shinji asked, Rebecca: Lina being in character, I guess. >before Toji could answer, Kensuke muttered: >"Lina torched him for trying to grab her b-" Toji's hand closed over >Kensuke's mouth. Rick: Is Toji really that stupidly blatant? Tsuneo: No. Rick: Didn't think so. Dan: Not that there's anything to grab. Rebecca: Any reason why we're doing a lot of "Lina's flat-chested" jokes? Yuki: Because the fic isn't and thus is falling short of the minimum requirements. >"Don't you dare." He whispered. Yuki: I bet that's what Lina said too. Tsuneo: Of course, I find it odd that none of them are really freaked out about Lina being able to immolate them on the spot. Rick: Are you kidding? They want to direct her at the teacher again. >Shinji looked over Kensuke's shoulder at the pictures. It was Lina. >"Where did you get those?" he asked. Rick [Kensuke]: From the internet. What? You think I'd go somewhere near a real woman? >"Well... you didn't expect me to stay here while that goldmine walked away >from our class room the other day, right?" Kensuke answered. Shinji could see >that some of the pictures were in fact from the restaurant they had stopped >at. "Wow. Can't let the others see Lina hugging that guy." He said as he >pulled Xellos and Lina's hug out from the group of pictures. He glanced >around to make sure no one had seen him and tore it to pieces. Dan: Since when did Shinji get assertive? Tsuneo: This is between episodes two and three. He shouldn't be talking to anyone yet. Hell, if Shamshel hasn't turned up yet, he doesn't even know Kensuke and Toji yet. Heck, he hasn't even had his first day at school yet! [Yuki whacks him with a cushion] Yuki: All done? Tsuneo: Yes, thanks. I feel much better now. >"Who's that, anyway?" he asked Shinji. Rebecca: Please got, let that question NOT be answered with, "That is a secret." >Before he could answer another voice rose from behind Toji, Kensuke and >Shinji. >"That's the new teacher." >"Really? How come?" Toji asked as he turned around. "And how would you >know?" >Xellos smiled at him. "Guess." All: AAACK! Yuki: Don't do that! Tsuneo: Any reason why Xellos is... Nope. I'm not going there. Rebecca: Two words: Second Impact. >The three of them fell to the ground startled as Xellos walked to the front >of the class. >Lina wasn't paying attention, but the rest of the girls were. >"Who's that?" one asked. >"I heard he's the new teacher!" Yuki: Does this mean no more "Second impact" riffs? Awwww. Tsuneo: Deal. Rick: Xellos as teacher? You'd learn a lot, but it might not be relevant. >"Really?" >"He's SO cute!" Rebecca: In a kind of incredibly effeminate way. >"Well class, since this is my first day as your teacher, I would like >each and everyone of you to tell me your name so I can take list and >identify you in the future -if there is one-." Dan [Xellos]: Did I say that out loud? Ooopsie. >Xellos announced after >stopping and spinning in place so he could face the 'students'. Tsuneo: What else would they be? >"Also it would be a good moment to ask ME something. One question >only. Why don't we start with you?" Tsuneo: My name is Tsuneo and I want to know how we can get rid of this crappy fanfic. >He said pointing at Shinji, who stood up a little bit unsure. >"C'mon Shinji! You can do it! Now state your name!" Yuki: Umm... But you just said... Oh forget it. >"Um... Ikari, Shinji." >"Good lad!" Xellos congratulated him. "Now your question." >"Ah... are you really our new teacher?" >"Yes. Now, sit down." Rebecca: Well that achieved a lot. >"Now you!" Xellos said pointing at Rei. "What's your name Rei?" Rick: Well, I'm guessing it's Rei. Dan [Rei]: Yui... er... Didn't mean to say that. Whoops. >"Ayanami, Rei." >"Your question?" Yuki [Rei]: Is this accomplishing anything or just wasting precious text? Dan [Xellos]: Just wasting text. Now sit down and let someone else ask a pointless question. >"... Why are you asking the names of people you already know?" >"To set an example." >Lina had, by now, recognized the voice. "What are you doing here?" she >asked rather venomously. Rick: Being annoyingly omnipresent, re-using the same joke and being a lame romantic interest. What did you think? >"I'm your new teacher." >"Like hell! What happened to the other one?!" Dan: I'm guessing that the staff from the retirement home finally caught up with him. >The Grand Canyon, 2:30 A.M. Dan: Sunday. >"[sigh!] Are you sure it was around here, Mulder?" A female voice asked. >"Yes, Scully. The locals agree that the strange sounding meteorite fell >somewhere around here." Dan: Strange-sounding meteorite? Is that as in the strange sound it made when it fell through the air? Yuki: If this is Mork from Ork, I'm out of here. >"And what do you think you'll find?" Scully asked using her flashlight to >light her partner's face. >"I don't know... Rick [Mulder]: Either a plot device or a lame joke. I suspect the latter. >there!" Both quickly ran down a slope to the smoking crater. >"... looks like an old man!" Mulder muttered. Rick [Mulder]: See? >"... is that a ruler in his hand?" Scully asked looking a little closer. Rebecca [Scully]: Mulder? Dan [Mulder]: Yes Scully? Rebecca [Scully]: Why are we in the same job fifteen years after our show ended? Dan [Mulder]: Because the author can't think of anything better. Rebecca [Scully]: Mulder? Dan [Mulder]: Yes? Rebecca [Scully]: You're a knobhead. >Back to Tokyo 3: >Xellos smiled at Lina. "That's a secret." All: I didn't see that one coming. >"You've got to be kiddin' me." Toji muttered. >"You're not a teacher, Xellos!" Lina insisted. Yuki: And you're not 14 years old. So? >"I'm surprised of you, Lina. Now, show a little more respect or you're >going to stand in the hall." >"Like hell!" Dan: Meanwhile, out in the hall. Rebecca: This is the sort of conversation that can only end in violence. >The other students pulled back. They had heard Lina had somehow torched >Toji, and they had all seen the knife that held the teacher in place. In >other words, you didn't mess with Lina Inverse. Yuki: It could be amusing to see how it goes when Auska turns up. Tsuneo: Don't even think that. >Five minutes later Lina stood outside the classroom holding two buckets >full of water. Dan: So what the hell happened in the intervening five minutes? Rick: Absolutely nothing. >A 'shadow snap' held her in place, while a 'nullify magic' circle ensured >she didn't try anything funny. Yuki: So was that Shadow Snap *inside* the nullify magic circle? Just wondering. >"And to think I was happy to see him..." She muttered. Her scowl slowly >receded into a sad smile. "And I still am." >A few seconds later Rei stood next to her holding two buckets herself. >She blinked a couple of times. "Rei? What are you doing here?" Rick: Waiting till after school. Xellos is going to make her write "I must not cause third impact in class" on the board. >"It seems Xellos sensei encourages student participation." Rebecca: That sounds so dirty I won't even contemplate it. >"Tell me about it." Muttered Shinji standing, buckets in hands, next to >Lina. Dan: And why's he out here? Tsuneo: To provide a lame ending joke for the chapter. >----- >Well, for those of you out for blood there's my private email, okay? >wandererd@hotmail.com >Anyway, Lina faces her first Angel next chapter! Rick: Hurray! Shamshel at last! Tsuneo: Of course, I'd love to know what she's meant to pilot... >And questions like "What is SPAM really made of or What is Xellos >teaching the kids will probably be adressed then. [The TV switches off] Dan: It's over? Tsuneo: Did it even start? Yuki: Some days it's hard to tell... Voice: So what did you think of it, guys? Tsuneo: The sheer loopy senselessness of this whole fic just amazed me. In addition to the "no good reason" set-up, this chapter adds a whole new ream of idiocy to the fic as a whole. Firstly, Lina gets a better first time sync rate with her EVA than anyone else. Why? Because. Then Misato's getting nervous about things that will bug her much later in the series. Then Xellos has apparently killed off the old teacher, just so he can take the class. And last of all, Rei and Shinji are punished for no reason whatsoever. If anyone can find any sense in any part of this fic, please tell me. Dan: I really, seriously hate how the authour thinks he's funny. I mean, we have that whole "note on the flowers" bit that's too dumb for words, the "bucket punishment" bit with no reason and of course, Toji gets fried and no-one seems to care. It's like he thinks he's so funny, when he's just so dumb. And I'm not even going to mention the disclaimer. Yuki: *muttering* AtleasttheresnoDJCroftAtleasttheresnoDJCroftAtleasttheresnoDJCroft... What? *normal* Oh, opinions. Right. I think -UNGH!- summarizes it rather well. This was about as progressive as a bowel movement and only half as entertaining. Rebecca: Gee, thanks for that image. Yuki: Anytime. Going on with my rant, almost nothing happened. The jokes were too drawn out. I appreciate a running gag as much as the next guy.... Tsuneo: *grumbles* Yuki:... yes ... quite, but this is to much even for me. I'm not asking (or wanting) him to resolve the series in one episode, but he could up the pace as well as explain to the audience what the hell is going on. Rebecca: At least a bit more happened in this chapter. We got a total of one plot point, which is pretty good for this fic. All that aside, it's pretty lame. The fic still seems to be setting the situation up, which it should have done in earlier chapters. I'm still waiting for the fic to start. Rick: The characterisations are really getting to me. Misato's getting concerned about her job and Shinji's welfare before she barely knows him, Shinji's fiting in at school before he even knows anyone there and haging around Rei before he's even met her, Lina's getting all stroppy and sentimental and Xellos is managing to be even more omnipotently annoying than he was in the series. And that's not easy. Dan: I can't help but wonder how some of that garbage got down there. Rick: Garbage? Some of this stuff is neat! Tsuneo: Like what? Yuki: This little EVA-05 sock puppet. I think it's cute. Rick: Nah, the Sea Phantom one's better. Yuki: No way! Rick: Oh yeah? You want to settle this? [Rick and Yuki put the sock puppets on and immediately start grappling with them while making silly monster noises. Stunned silence.] Dan: Now I've seen everything. Tsuneo: I'm not even going to ask. Rebecca: This is very fruity. [Silence while the two fight some more.] Tsuneo: We might as well leave these two to it. Rebecca: Sounds like the smartest option. [Dan, Tsuneo and Rebecca quietly leave, while Rick and Yuki continue their fight. The screen goes blank.] Yuki: Aha! I'll rip your sock off! Voice: I don't want to know either. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) and Trevor Laughlin Yuki is copyright 1999-2000 Trevor Laughlin Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-2000 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-2000 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ >"That's it! Mulder! Wanderer D isn't dead! Wanderer D is making us act OOC!"