Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode 94 brings us back into the land of the rising dragon slave. That's right, it's EVA/Slayers crossover time again! Hooray. Extra special apologies for the amount of time it took to complete this one. Sorry floks - real life got in the way. also, bonus points for anyone who recognises the voice's nickname for today. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Slayers is copyright Softix/TV Tokyo "Evangelion/Slayers" is copyright Wanderer D Tekken is copyright Namco "The Ultimate Batttle" is copyright Brave Heart ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A cardboard box sits by the bench, with a tattered plastic Christmas tree lying on the ground next to it.] [Yuki is curled up on the couch, sleeping contentedly. The door rattles slightly as it is unlocked. In walk Tsuneo, Rick, Rebecca and Dan.] Rebecca: So I says to Mabel... Oh hey. The cat's here again. Dan: Well that bodes. Tsuneo: *nods* Yuki: Purrzzz...Purrzzz...Purrzzz Rick: What's wrong with the cat?... I mean aside from the shameless self promotion thing. Tsuneo: Come on Rick, you know that every time the cat comes back, Voice sends us a Wanderer D fic. Rick: Oh, yeah... Evangelion/Slayers. Dan: As opposed to say, Neon Slayers Evangelion or... Cruel Lina's Thesis. Rick: Hey, I liked Cruel Lina's Thesis! Tsuneo: ...I'll say nothing at this point. Rick: What? What? Yuki: *twitch* *twitch*... *Yawn*... *streeeeeetch*... Mornin All. Rick: Afternoon cat. Rebecca: Would it be stupid of me to ask what you're doing here? Yuki: Well, I had nowhere else to go, so I figured that I'd drop off the fic for the day and take a nap. Tsuneo: Don't you have a job to go to? Yuki: You call that work? Dan: The cat's got a point. Yuki: Besides, I was waiting for you guys. Tsuneo: How come? Yuki: Well, a friend of mine is compiling a page of various quotes from anime, and sci-fi in general. Dan: And you were hoping we could come up with some winners, right? Yuki [Aside] Or at least some to avoid. Rebecca: No problem. This should be easy. Rick: okay, let me start. How about... Good ole' Shinji. "I hate this place." Yuki: It's not all that usefull... Rebecca: Okay. "Reapeat after me. Ivonova is allways right. I will listen to Ivonova. I will do what Ivonova says. Ivonova is God." And I shouldn't need to tell you who that's from. Dan: You lost me. Rebecca: [Yelling at Dan] Susan Ivanova from Babylon Five, you moron! Dan: Oh yeah. Tsuneo: Here's a good one. Picard from the first TNG episode. Q taunted him in French. When asked what language it was by a crewmember, he replied "It's an obscure Earth language known as French." Yuki: So the future is free of cultural diversity? Tsuneo: Seems like it. Dan: I got a great one, from Apollo thirteen. After all the accidents and dramas and stuff, when they're finally going to land, they get a report of a hurricane at the landing site. so the commander asks "Is there anything we can do about it?" Rick: Yeah, I remember that. And the operator replied "No sir." Dan: So the commander said "Don't tell them" about the astronauts! [Rick and Dan break up laughing] Yuki: Um... It's real nice and all, but it's still not what I'm looking for. Rebecca: "I made such a great impression on you, you don't even remember my name." B-Ko, from project A-Ko. Yuki: Um... Dan: How about that classic line from Ayeka? "I want you to kill that pirate Ryoko stomp stomp stomp squish squish squish squeeze squeeze squeeze until she's dead!" Yuki: Well, it's- Tsuneo: Super Boomer X's "It's just brimming over with Genom's technolgical might!" when he got left at the starting block! Yuki: That's not- Rick: Lina gets bored! "Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows... Et cetera, et cetera," and casts the dragon slave! Yuki: I was looking more for- Tsuneo: Oh, there's Akito from Nadesico episode ten. "Get away from me, I'm a tragic protagonist." That was classic! Yuki: I- Rick: And the announcer. "You'll get to see all the girls in really short skirts!" Yuki: Listen- Dan: Or Shinji's highly suspicious "It smells of Rei." What a hoot! [Dan, Rick and Tsuneo crack up laughing] Yuki: WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN! Rebecca: "Years ago, my commander would cover up for me when I goofed off. Now I'm the commander, and I'm covering for them." [Dead silence] Yuki: Now that is a good one. Rebecca: It's from Colonel Millard, in the movie version of Macross Plus. Yuki: When Isamu and Guld have just left for Earth, right? Rebecca: Precisely. Yuki: Now that's what I'm looking for. Dan: What, serious stuff? Why didn't you say so? [Yuki lunges across the room to savage Dan, but stops short when he is interrupted] Voice: I really hate to intrude- Rebecca: So don't, Zardoz. Voice: *But* I'll have to insist you get on with today's viewing. Yuki: Is it more Wanderer D? Voice: Yes. [They all groan loudly] Tsuneo: Is it more of EvaSlayers? Voice: Well, it's only a short chapter- Rick: All right! Voice: So I've added a short on afterwards. Dan: You know you didn't have to. Yuki: He probably thought it was a nice thing to do. [They sit - Dan & Tsuneo facing the TV, Rick and Yuki on the sideways couch. Rebecca takes the computer chair.] [The TV switches on] > From the top of the High school, Rebecca: We can see the other students pushing Kensuke off. > Kensuke filmed the various helicopters, > planes and trucks that had arrived at Tokyo 3 early that morning, > transporting something big. Tsuneo: Is it bigger than a breadbox? Rebecca: Yes. Tsuneo: Is it smaller than Dan's ego? Rebecca: No. Dan: Hey! Yuki: *snickers* Rick: What I want to know is what takes planes, helicopters *and* trucks, all at once, to transport it. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Evaslayers; Chapter 4 > > By Wanderer D > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dan: What? No supposedly witty yet highly irritating disclaimer? Ripped off! > *** > "Okay kids! Wake up!" Misato shouted down the hall. Rebecca: Uh, Misato? They all left about three hours ago. > "Shinji! It's your turn at the kitchen!" Rick: [Shinji] Dammit Misato! I'm a protagonist, not a cook. > *** > > Lina silently thanked the kamis that it was Shinji's turn and not > Misato's at preparing breakfast. Yuki: This Hasn't turned into a Dragonball Crossover has it? Tsuneo: [Looking ill] I HOPE not. > She might eat almost anything, but Misato's cooking was just... not > edible. Dan: Hence the ALMOST. > As she sat and stretched, Rick: The eternal embarrassment of morning face. Not pretty. > she briefly wondered what had made their > guardian wake up before either of them. Yuki: I'm guessing an alarm clock. Rebecca: Dream on pussycat. She wouldn't wake up if you dropped an anvil on her head. Yuki: Given the nature of what anvils usually DO to one's head, I'm not surprised. > With a yawn and a scratch, Tsuneo: Is she allowed to do that on national television? > Lina promptly forgot about that and groggily walked into the bathroom. Dan: Pity she was naked. Rick: ...and bumped into Shinji on the way out. Rebecca: *sniggers* Toothpicks Yuki: [Holds up sign] "Let's not go there!" Tsuneo: Hey! That was my shtick cat. > "Beat it, Pen Pen." She muttered at the warm water penguin, Rebecca: [Lina] Hmm... Warm water penguin... Never tasted one of those. > who just so happened to be floating in the tub. Dan: Face down? > The penguin ignored her and closed it's eyes after only a first glance. Rick: [Pen Pen] You dare to order around the great Pen Pen? WA-ARK! All but Rick: *Wa-ark?!* Rick: Well he couldn't say anything else, could he? > Lina smiled sweetly and kneeled next to the tub, sticking a finger into > the water and stirring it casually. Rebecca: [Lina] All ready for stewing. Yuki: [Uncomfortable] Um,... I'm getting reminded of what we hinted at in CLT. Tsuneo: Which was... Yuki: Asuka drunk, in bed, with Pen Pen Tsuneo: [Nauseus] *Urp!* Dan: That's your own fault, you live with it. > Pen Pen opened an eye and looked at Lina warily. Dan: He ain't the only one buddy. > "Listen, Pen Pen, why don't you step out of the water and let me take a > bath?" Yuki: [Pen Pen, suave] Why don't you hop in here with me. Tsuneo: [very nauseous] *Urk!!!!* > The penguin shook it's head. Rick: You've got no idea what you're in for. > Lina smiled sweetly again. Rebecca: $20 bucks says she Dragon Slave's the bathroom Dan: You're on. And I bet she just Freeze Arrow's it. > "Ok... FREEZE ARROW!!" Rebecca: No fair! Dan read ahead. Yuki: Well, this IS text you know. Rick: Now you just leave that fourth wall alone young man. > *** Tsuneo: [Very woozy] I think I'm delirious, I'm seeing stars. > Misato jumped out of the way as Pen Pen ran past her with a small ice-cube > sticking out of his tail. Rebecca: Now there's something you don't see every day. Fortunately. Dan: [Misato] You saw that too? I thought I had the DTs. > Shrugging, she walked up to the door and knocked. > "Lina! Breakfast's ready!" Dan: Funnily enough, she was dressed and at the table without the door even opening. > "Coming!" Came the answer from the inside. Rebecca: Um, what's Lina doing inside breakfast? Yuki: Does that mean that Misato and Shinji will eat her? Tsuneo: *Hgnnrg!* > *** > Shinji and Lina found Kensuke typing furiously at the computer, Rick: So that's where the voice gets all his fanfics from, Kensuke's archives. Dan: What kind of fics does Kensuke write? Yuki: Well, the kind where he becomes an EVA pilot, totes around massive guns and gets to hang with a black-haired babe with huge... Um... Why are you all staring at me? > completely ignoring Toji, who was staring dumbfounded at his friend. Rebecca: It's called literacy, Toji. You'll get the hang of it... eventually. > "Hey, Toji." Shinji greeted his friend. All: WAZZUP! > "What's up in the losers corner?" Lina asked pointing at Kensuke, who > ignored her and continued typing. Rebecca: Be careful where you stand when you say that girl. > "What's with Kensuke?" Rick: We've been trying to figure that one out since the series started. > "I don't know, he's been typing all morning..." Toji answered. Yuki: [Toji] He trying to complete Cruel Lina's Thesis Part 5 in time for lunch. Tsuneo: Oh yes, the "loser's corner." Rick: Now what was I saying about the fourth wall and shameless promotions? > "... Something big arrived today to the military, I don't know what it is, > but it's definitely BIG." Kensuke finally answered, with a last strike at > a key. Rebecca: Let's see, big military delivery, Lina testing as a pilot, figure it out! Dan: Probably just her order for lunch. > At that moment 'Sensei' Xellos arrived walking calmly into the classroom. Dan: Entering to a hail of erasers, lunch boxes and socks. > "Well, class, guess who's here!" He announced. Yuki: [Xellos] It's a secr*urp*. Tsuneo: [Yanking Yuki's tail] That's quite enough from you, kitty. > Lina sighed at the reaction of the female populace of the group. Dan: Even Rei? > "Oh, please!" > Xellos smiled at her. Rick: [Xellos] And now for today's lesson. I remember the war of the monster's fall very well... Rebecca: You must admit, it is original. Tsuneo: ... > "Well, well, guess who's here? Rebecca: The teacher, for once? Dan: DJ Croft and Tom Dyron? Rick: No, it's John Barren, and he's special! > Lina Inverse... you get out of class now and report to the principal." Rick: Something to do with obliterating the gym. > "But... I didn't do anything!" Lina protested. Dan: Not yet, at least. Tsuneo: So? Since when did that matter? > A shrug was his only answer. "Orders from Above, Lina..." Rick: Beastmaster Xelas Metallen is their principal? Cool. Yuki: Almost as cool as a Principal "Big Toenail of Satan" All but Yuki: Hunh? Yuki: Watch more Slayers, you'll understand. > Lina wasn't sure she liked Xellos way of saying 'above', Dan: As in "up." > but, it seemed that she would have to go after all. Rick: [Xellos] It is a greater power. One that defies even my comprehension. One so terrifying that all you have seen until now pales by comparison. Rebecca: [Lina] A greater power? Rick: [Xellos] Yes. The parent's association. > *** > Misato was already waiting outside the school gates for Lina as she walked > out. Dan: She's there to protect Lina from her groupies. Rebecca: Or at least from her creditors. > Neither Misato nor Lina looked happy, although for different reasons. Rick: Misato realised she was signed on for at least five more chapters, and Lina realized she had another five Eva Slayers crossovers to do this week. Tsuneo: You DO realize that that's just WRONG. [Rick grins and nods his head vigorously] > Lina was pissed off because she just *knew* this was her Xellos' fault... Tsuneo: Sure. Why not. Heck, let's just put him on as a member of the Seele council too. Rebecca: Don't encourage the writer, Tsuneo. Dan: "Her Xellos?" Lina's not that possessive. Okay, pretty close but... > While Misato was pissed off because: Rebecca: ...Kaji was interested in Ritsuko and not her? Tsuneo: ...she was being characterized horribly. Dan: ...it was 'that' time of the month Yuki: Oh come on. Author couldn't possibly be THAT crude Dan: You wanna bet on that? > 1.- She had no beer in the apartment Yuki: And a sober Misato is a dangerous Misato. > (it seemed Lina drank as much -or > more- beer than her, only without the effects) Rick: I think she's been smuggling it out to DJ. Tsuneo: That's right, remember any crossover character is automatically better at anything than an EVA character. > 2.- Someone had forgot to tell her of the special arrival for today. Dan: Whoah, let me get this straight. A new EVA arrived today and no-one told Misato? Come on, no-one's that incompetent. Rebecca: Except you. Dan: Yeah, except me. [Everyone except Dan breaks up laughing] Dan: What? > 3.- It was that time of the month when you just DON'T MESS WITH MISATO! Dan: Seee. Yuki: *grumble* ...smug little ... *grumble*.... razafraggin fourth wall.... *grumble* > If she didn't know any better she would just assume that this was all > planned... Rick: [Misato] It's a conspiracy, I tells ya, a conspiracy! Rei, you wouldn't happen to know anything about this great international Nerv conspiracy, would you? Rebecca: [Rei] Who, me? > but of course that was impossible... wasn't it? Tsuneo: Nothing is impossible in the face of... Contrivances! > *** > "Well, Lina, I hope you don't mind getting out of school..." Dan: Why? She'd skip it anyway. > Misato said > smirking, as she drove past a truck and avoided a small Volvo with a 360 > turn. Rebecca: 360? But that would mean she spun in a circle! Tsuneo: [Massaging his forehead] Yes I know it's stupid, try not to think about it. About as dumb as an immleman, really. Yuki: But only I have the power to pull THAT off! > Lina, who was glued to the seat did nothing but stammer and murmur > something about school under Xellos being safer. Rick: [Lina] Eeble eeble yabble. Rebecca: True, the chances of dying in a fatal accident involving a semi- trailer are slightly less in class. Yuki: Slightly? Dan: Can we have an original scene here? Please? > Eventually they arrived at NERV HQ, where Misato escorted Lina to the > Eva's 'den'. Rebecca: You know. Just a regular den'. Tsuneo: Oak paneling Dan: Wall to Wall carpets Rick: Velour chairs Yuki: And a lava lamp for effect. Rebecca: [Lina] Hey, the EVAs live better than we do! > "Well, here it is." Misato said, pointing at a big green Eva. All: Hunh?! Yuki: Now, in new Minty lime! Rick: Powered by Turbonium. Tsuneo: Since when have they had a green EVA anyway? Dan: Don't you know, it's the new forest camo model. Yuki & Tsuneo: .... > Lina stared mutely at the giant 'robot'. Yuki: [Lina] Wow, an enigmatic weapon of mass destruction of my very own! It's just what I've always wanted! Tsuneo: But it took over 10 years to GROW an EVA using DNA samples. Where they pull this one from? Rebecca & Rick: Floating Island. > "Ah. I see. So, what does that have to do with me?" Rebecca: [Misato] Oh, nothing. We just thought you'd like to see it. > Misato face faulted. She then seemed to loom over Lina. Dan: Wow, the view from where Lina is must be quite spectacular. [Rebecca hits him with a cushion] > "DIDN'T YOU PAY ANY ATTENTION TO WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING ALL THESE > LAST DAYS!?" Yuki: No, and quite frankly I can't blame her. > "..." Tsuneo: Hey look! Rei's getting a line. > Misato put a hand to her forehead. "This can't be happening." Dan: [Misato, panicked] Game over man, game over! > *** > > That afternoon a certain gigantic Diamond shaped Angel Tsuneo: Uh... Waht ever happened to Shamshel? you know, the *fourth* Angel? The one that comes after the *third* Angel? > decided to float over Tokyo 3, and start drilling into NERV HQ. All: The D8 of Doom. Tsuneo: So why is Nerv's response time so much slower here than in the real episode? > *** > > Shinji, Rei and Lina were seated inside their EVA. Rick: All in one cockpit? Cozy! Rebecca: [Lina] Shinji! Move your hand! Dan: [Shinji] My hand's stuck on the arm rest. Rebecca: [Lina] That's NOT the armrest! Dan: [Shinji] That can't be. It's resting on a completely flat surface. *flexes hand* Rebecca: [Lina] DRAGON SLAVE! Tsuneo: [Disgusted] Couldn't we go through at least ONE episode with a breast joke. Yuki: Not a chance in hell. > Gendo's voice could be heard inside the cockpit. Rick: Don't tell me he's in here as well. > "The fifth angel, Ramiel, is drilling into Nerv HQ. Rebecca: [Gendo] Since we've only just had the third Angel it should be the fourth, but who's counting? > You all know how important it is that it doesn't reach Central Dogma." Tsuneo: Actually, no they don't. > Misato's voice took over. "Lina, you'll be the first out, when you're > outside, grab the rifle and shoot at a distance. Rick: [Misato] Lina, you draw his fire while we sit back and watch. > We don't know the capabilities of this Angel. Rebecca: Except that it's really big. > Shinji, you and Rei will each appear 20 seconds > after Lina, so the Angel won't notice you. Be fast, and good luck." Dan: [Gendo] Lina is untrained and therefore expendable. Shinji and Rei get to watch her die in a highly amusing manner before they have to do anything. > "Right!" Shinji acknowledged. > "Acknowledged." Rei Agreed. > "Huh-huh." Lina affirmed. Rick: Sure thing, Slappy. > *** > The hatch that permitted the Eva's access into the city, slid open and > Lina's Eva emerged out of the ground at an impressive velocity, only > to stop short as he was blasted by a huge ray that started melting Eva-04. Dan: Well that was quick. Tsuneo: Can we stop for a breath some time soon? > Inside it the LCL was boiling Lina alive. Yuki: The mystery ingredient on THIS week's Iron Chef; Eva Pilots! All: Ew! > *** > "GET LINA IN HERE. NOW!!" Mistato ordered. Rebecca: [Lina] Here I am! Dan: [Misato] What? You were supposed to be in your EVA! Rebecca: [Lina] Yeah, but the cafeteria was "all you can eat," and I wasn't finished yet. > "Can't! THE RAILS ARE JAMMED!" Makoto shouted. Tsuneo: Say... what? Rebecca: I don't believe this! It's yanked straight from NXE! > Misato grabbed the microphone. Yuki: Watch out, she's drunk and she's gonna start singing! > "LINA!! YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THERE!! LINA!!!" Rick: And how's she meant to do that? On roller skates? > *** > Lina forced her right eye open, it stung in the Boiling LCL, Dan: Oh, just stung? She's being boiled alive and it just stings a bit, does it? > but she had heard Misato. > "RAYWING!!!" Rebecca: [Rei to Shinji] Do I have a wing? Dan: [Shinji in response] Funny, you don't look like an angel. Tsuneo: NOW CUT THAT OUT! > *** > "Raywing?" Misato mouthed to herself, when suddenly she noticed Gendo > standing up from his chair. Rick: Gendo's standing up. That can't be good. Tsuneo: He needs to summon the miracle spare contrivance EVAs. > Gendo never stood up. Ever. She turned to look at Lina's Eva... and >gasped. Rick: [Gendo] My God! That's the ugliest green I've ever seen. Fuyutsuki? Did I really order it to be painted that color? Yuki: [Fuyutsuki] Cool! I get a speaking part this episode! > An almost transparent field was surrounding the Eva unit Dan: No, that's just the cruddy special effects. See? It hasn't been pasted in properly. > and protecting > it, but the most impressive thing was that the Eva was starting to float > up! All: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND! > Lina's Eva suddenly flew up, Tsuneo: Despite the fact the rails had jammed and it was stuck in place. > the ray continued it's path unobstructed, and blew up a nearby mountain. Tsuneo: Rather than, say, tracking the EVA and keeping it under fire. Rick: I sure hope there's no-one on that mountain we know or care about. > Lina flew higher, and higher, until a sudden jolt almost made her fall. > She looked down at the cable that had obviously reached it's limit. Dan: Shouldn't the blast have atomized that extension cord? > "THIS IS IT!!! NO MORE!! YOU ALMOST KILLED ME! THE GREAT LINA > INVERSE!!!" All: WA-TAK! > *** > > Inside NERV, Yuki: Stuff happened. > everyone watched intently as Lina's Eva lifted it's arms, > and through the speakers Lina's voice could be heard clearly. Tsuneo: [Lina] Get me out of this crappy fanfic! > "FIREBALL!!!" > > Everyone could see darkish red energy surrounding Lina's Eva, All: Oooohhh! > and > as Lina's shout reached their ears, they could all feel a chill > running down their spines. Dan: [Ramiel] Ooh, I've wasted my life. > *** > > End Chapter 4 > --------------------------------------------------------------------- Tsuneo: That's a chapter? I though it had only just started. > Yeah, took quite some time, didn't it? But I do not dictate the dates > for the tests. And those who are in College know what I mean... Tsuneo: [Agog] You mean a COLLEGE BOY wrote this junk? Dan: Well, so much for higher education. Yuki: Hey! Don't knock colleges. I was in university when I was writing CLT. Dan: Thanks for proving my point. Yuki: Why you little!... [He pounces on Dan, knocking both behind the couch where they continue to fight] > Anyway, we'll see what happens to Lina in our next Chapter! Be here! Rebecca: Of course you realize what happens when the next angel after Ramiel comes along. Rick: Oh, sure. It's Israfel. Rebecca: Very funny. But you know what I mean. Rick: Oh yeah, you mean when Asuka shows... Oh, dear. [All get up to leave but are stopped short as voice interrupts] Voice: Not so fast. This is a double feature remember? All: *groan* [Dan and Yuki break off their wrestling match to return to their seats.] > THE ULTIMATE BATTLE > by Brave Heart Dan: I'm hoping this involves Mel Gibson and scantily clad Celtic Warriors. [Everyone looks at Dan strangely] Dan: ... I mean for the fight scenes Rebecca: Suuure Dan. Whatever. > Version 1.0 > > When Jin Kazama face the final Battle with the Toshin(Ogre), he knew Rebecca: That this had NOTHING to do with Celtic Warriors. Yuki: Remind be again, is Jin the one with the bad hair? Tsuneo: Well that describes about half the cast... Yuki: Oh. > that this is the Battle of his Life, and he knew that toshin has a power Dan: ...to leap tall building is a single bound. Tsuneo: ...to ignore grammar and capitalization. Rebecca: ...to level half the cast between sequels. Yuki: ...to eat Misato's cooking. Rick: My GOD, what a monster. > of Immortallity. aside from Jin almost all participant of "King of the > Iron Fist" are also there. Julia shout to Jin Rebecca: [Julia] Me Tarzan, you Jane Dan: [Julia] Tankor Smash! Rick: [Yoda] Remember your training. Save you it can > "Jin be Carefull and good Luck", Jin smile to her and shake his head. > Seconds later a cold wind Yuki: Ew! Who cut loose? Rick: Gon? > and horrable sound destruct the silence and Toshin appear Tsuneo: "horrible sound destruct the silence?" The hell? > not far to > Jin. "What a nice entrance butt Head" Jin's shout, a horrable voice Tsuneo: What wonderful dialouge. I see he graduated from the Tom Dyron school of acting. Dan: Sticks and stones may break my bones... Rick: ...but chokeslams will just wind me. > answered Jin, "I know you young boy, you are the Son of one of my > Victim, Rebecca: Which one? Between Jun, King, Wang, Bruce and Kunimitsu, not to mention hordes of Heihachi's soldiers, the Ogre's bumped off a fair few. > and you will meet her after I crushed you, Ha ha ha ha".Jin Yuki: [Toshin] ... I'm your father. Join me and we shall rule this game as Fanboy and Son. > almost cried Rebecca: Big baby. > and said "you will pay....". A loud voice said "Let the Battle Begin, >FIGHT". Rick: Was that you, Magic Voice? Voice: Not me. > Jin was so agrressive but has a discipline, Rebecca [Monty Python'ish]: A thorough spanking. And then the o..... Yuki & Tseuno: [Holds up sign together] "Let's not go there!" > almost all of his Strategy are countering, he has an advantage in speed, >but Dan: Displayed a strong weakness against water Pokemon > Toshin is very powerful, and unbeleavable strength. Jin was confident Yuki: He'd read the hint book and knew how to beat him. > because all of his Fist are connecting to the face of Toshin. Tsuneo: You bastard try this melon! > And the > time has come, Jin was tired and his speed is reducing but Toshin is > still Strong. Toshin take advantage on that and make a powerful offence Yuki: [Toshin] Your Mother! Rebecca: [Toshin] I blow ma nuse in yaur general direction Dan: [Toshin] Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! Tsuneo: [Toshin] You spoony bard! Rick: [Toshin] I am the dice man! I am the walrus! Koo-koo-ka-choo! > on Jin and all are connecting, When Toshin do the shoulder smash, Jin > was almost died. Rick [Bluebottle]: You rotten swine! I have been deadded again! > Julia Cried "Jinnnnnnnnnn " Tsuneo: [Tetsuo] Kaneda! Dan: [Kaneda] Tetsuo! > and attempting to attact Toshin, but Hwoarang stop her and said Rick: [Hwoarang] So, what are you doing Saturday night? > "Let me do the Honor". The Hunting Hawk of Hwoarang was smashed the body Yuki: No actual birds were harmed in the making of this fanfic. > of Toshin. Toshin was very > angry and said "I know your Style, but who are you ?", Hwoarang answered Yuki: [Micheal Keaton]: I'm Batman. > "you have a lot of question Bone Head, why dont you shut up youre mout Rick: [Hworang] And no you're roll. Rebecca: [Hwoarang] ...I'm talking about Shaft. Tsuneo: This grammar is giving me a headache. > and begin to fight with me", Tsuneo: I think that's the plot of every Jackie Chan movie right there. > Toshin smile and said "Okey then, I give a > fair fight, I use the Taek Won Do, Rick: [Hwoarang] That's right, the one and only Tae Kwon Doe! Accept no substitutes! > he he he". Rick: Ha ha ha. Dan: Ho ho ho. Yuki: ACTING! > The Fight become fascinating, All: Not to us! > because they both use the Taek Won Do. All the move of > Toshin are anticipated by Hwoarang, Tsuneo: Except that the ogre uses a kludge of different styles, but what the hey. > but when Hwoarang do the offence, it > will blow the body of Toshin specially when Hwoarang do the Flamingo > Offence. Rebecca: So did he, or is that all hypothetical? > Toshin was very angry and said "you are good boy on your style, > but why dont you take this, yaaaaaaa..", Yuki [Hworang]: No thanks, I've already got a "yaaaaaaa." > Toshin do a shoulder smash again, Dan: He's just covering because he doesn't know any other moves. > but Hwoarang know's that and he make a side step and do the five > kick barrage. Tsuneo: Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected! > Toshin almost kneel, and you can see to his face that he > is very angry. Rick: Nah, he always looks like that. > Jin has now conscios and saw Hwoarang Fighting on Toshin. Rebecca: Toshin... Toshin... I think that's a planet in the Taurian Concordat. > Jin was angry to Hwoarang but Julia said "He save your lives". Dan: [Jin] What, both of them? > Hwoarang do the side step again and do the Neck Snapper, the firts Kick > in the Middle was connect but the second Kick was cathed by Toshin, Rick: Er... Dan: Um... Rebecca: Wha? Tsuneo: Huh? Yuki: Super Nonsensical Fight Scene Tekken! Rick: What? Yuki: [Shrugs] > he grip Hwoarang and smash to the ground. Rick: What did the ground do to deserve that? > Toshin act to make a flame throw on Hwoarang, Dan: He acts to make a flame throw? what does that mean? Rebecca: He's doing the Ultra Redundancy Attack. > But a Death Fist of Paul smash the back of toshin. Tsuneo: So Paul really has the Fist Of Death, then. Yuki: I know a character from Dilbert who would argue that point. > Forrest Law shout to Paul "Paul Noooooooooo". Dan: What's his problem? Rick: Apart from the fic, you mean? > Paul said to Toshin "over using of > shoulder smash hah, why dont you take mine.." Tsuneo: Noodles? Try my fist! Rick: You know, this whole fic reads like it's written in Hong Kong subtitles. > and paul do the super shoulder smash. Yuki: So his super-amazing attack is just a boring and normal move? Rebecca: Yeah, just like Hogan, really. > Toshin shout "all of you are no match to me, graaaaaa...", Rick: Oh yeah? Who's the one getting his butt whipped? > Toshin fly to the back of Paul and do the Infenity Kick. Tsuneo: Explode at 11 o'clock sharp! > Almost all kick are taking by Paul and he loose his strength because of > his age. Rebecca: Poor Paul. He's 38. In fighting games, that makes him positively prehistoric. Dan: Don't knock the old guys. Don't knock Heihachi Chicken. He kicks ass. Rebecca: But Paul's too young to be a Dirty Old Master. Dan: Oh. > Law cried "Paulllllllll" Rick: AAAAADRIAAAAAN! > and hit toshin with double pop-up Kick Rick: Are we meant to know what all these moves are? Rebecca: I don't think the author even knows. > and toshin throw from adistance. Tsuneo: So... He does a kick... That throws the Ogre... *From* a distance? > Law trying to help Paul to get-up, but Toshin take advantage on that Dan: How do you take advantage of being thrown across the room? Yuki: [Ogre] Watch as I block your fist with my face and you foot with my gut! > and prapare to attack Law, Yuki: So he's a Lawyer then? > "Law, watch > out" Paul said and Law quick to do the Dragon Knucle Combo. Tsuneo: You're stain! Yuki: One Dragon Knuckle Combo with noodles, please! > Toshin Kneel > for the first time. From behind Jin attack Toshin with Thunder God fist > with side kick, Rick: And Cheese. Rebecca [Robin]: Holy Toshins, Batman! Yuki [Arthur]: Not in the face! Not in the face! > That was the time that Toshin face the ground, Yuki: It was the time of the Spider Kingdom, during the right of the High Preist Murdor. > Toshin is > trying to get-up,but Hwoarang is quick to do the Heel Explosion Rick [Hworang]: Ow! Ow! Geez! Remind me never to do that again! > and smash the head of Toshin. Tsuneo: You always use violence. I should have ordered glutinous rice chicken. > The face of toshin is bleeding but his blood > is not red but light green. Rebecca: Oh! It's the new Mint Flavoured Toshin. > Dr.B was glance and said to Yoshimitsu "That > is what we're waiting for, try to cathed some of his Blood". Rebecca: In a desperate attempt to include as many Tekken characters as possible. > Yoshimitsu fly to the air and do the Helicopter Leap that chop the left > hand of Toshin and easily catched the blood . And Toshin Cried Dan [Mark Madden]: There's no crying in wrestling! Yuki [Dr Evil]: Going to cry, huh? You want to cry? > 'Aaaaaaaa, Graaaaaaaaaaaa' and he is Start Burning Tsuneo: Damn! I'll burn you to BBQ chicken! Rebecca: Heihachi Chicken, even. > but still cried "You > are all pay for this, I will combackkkkkkkkkkk.......". All: Sequel. Rick: Or at least Tekken Tag Tournament. > And the crowd cheering, "yeheey, yeheey ". All [Bored]: Yay. > Jin Shake Hand with Hwoarang and said "Thank's Bob, Rebecca: Bob? Who the hell is Bob? > I will never forget this" Hwoarang answer "That's was > nothing pal, Im just doing the right thing to do, hey how you doing > Paul", Paul try to answer "Im Fine", Rebecca: Just a mere gash to the bone. Tsuneo: He's the most useless character in all of Tekken and his hair stands on its end in an unearthly way. Of course he's not fine! > Forrest Law also said "He is fine > but im not, Maybe my Father is very Angry with me, come on get-up Paul". > While all are happy Panda release a bad air from his Ass and Ling Xiaoyu > said oh my god lets get out of here and all are Laughing. All: Not Us! [The TV switches off] Tsuneo: After this, I have a sudden urge not to play Tekken. Rick: Could have been worse. The first fic could have been longer. Rebecca: Or the second could have been a Mortal Kombat fic. Yuki: ..or Mortal Combat 2, that actual movie. Tsuneo: Let's not go there. Dan: Or a Street Fighter EX one. Tsuneo: That's just too horrible to contemplate. Rick: Or a Rival Sch- Tsuneo: Okay! I get the point allready! Voice: All that aside, can I have your reviews? Dan: The fic was basically over before it started. He apologized for taking so long to write it, then turned out an incredibly short chapter. It's not like nothing happens in it, it's just everything's rushed and there's no detail. Essentially, a wholly unsatisfying experience. Tsuneo: I was annoyed by some of the ridiculous contrivances in that chapter. First of all, Lina gets selected as a pilot. Yeah, we all saw it coming, but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow. Then Nerv has a new EVA, completely out of nowhere. Lina's only been there what, a month at most, yet it takes years to build an EVA. Are we meant to believe that they had a lime-green mass-production EVA just lying around waiting for her? And then there's Ramiel... Rebecca: Once again, Evangelion/Slayers amazes me with its acute lack of story. A new EVA shows up. Ramiel shows up. The chapter ends. There's a few other generic Evangelion scenes in the middle, but that's about it really. There's no real story, just what looks like an outline of one. And there's certainly nothing original. Rick: Well, basically, all it amounted to was a bunch of people fighting a big scary monster. The author calls out a few move names which I'm betting they actually made up, but that's it. There's no plot, no story, no description and minimal dialog. It's barely a fic, and reads more like an extract from one. A very, very bad one at that. Voice: Um, we're talking about Evangelion/Slayers here. Rick: We are? Oh, um... I'll just say what they said. Yuki: I guess I can't get off that easy. Well, lets start with Tekken; it was horrible. It was unintelligible. Zero plot. Zero grammar. Zero interest. Half the time you couldn't tell what was going on and the other half of the time you didn't even care. As for Wanderer D.... *sigh* what can I really say. It's more of the same from last time. They missed an angel, and Lina got a contrived Eva of her own. The author shows a large degree of ignorance of the plot in EVA and the story he DOES try to write fails to engage the reader. Still, at least his grammar makes sense. Dan: Why's that good? Yuki: So you can understand what you're missing. Rebecca: And be glad it's not there. Rick: Actually, I can think of another crazy quote that summarises the fic quite well. Yuki: Is this neccessary? Rick: "It's obvious I'm dealing with a moron," from Southern Cross. Yuki: Okay, I think we're done with the- Rebecca: How about that line from BGC 2040. Nene offhand says "Linna and Priss must be at it 24 hours a day." Dan: They don't come more suspect than that. Yuki: Yeah, that's nice, but- Dan: Or that classic from Gaurry in Slayers Next. "Is a fiancee a type of pickle?" What a moron! Rick: He could be writing this fic, you know. Yuki: Okay, enough- Rebecca: What, Wanderer D is Gaurry? Rick: Quite possibly. Yuki: [Yelling] I don't need any more quotes, okay? [Dead silence. The screen goes blank.] Voice: [Ruri] These people are idiots. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) and Trevor Laughlin Yuki is copyright 1999-2000 Trevor Laughlin Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-2000 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-2000 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova Satori shrine, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp, all in one big steaming pile. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > "What's up in the losers corner?" Lina asked pointing at Kensuke, who > ignored her and continued typing.