Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Number 53. And now for a BGC self-insertion with a twist. You see, this new Knight Sabre is female. What a surprise... Bubblegum Crisis is copyright Artmic/Youmex. BGC: Time & Time Again is copyright Mechaman. Not Orlando. Seriously. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Dan, Rebecca and Rick enter.] Rick: So... Dan: So... Rebecca: So... Rick: That was crap. Dan: Are you kidding? It was hilarious! Rick: Dan, only you would find people lighting farts to be hilarious. Dan: I didn't mean that. I mean, you know, it's all satire. It was great. Rick: No it's not. Dan: [Sigh] Rick, you fail to appreciate the subtler points of that film's humour. Rick: What, Saddam Hussein and Satan having sex? Dan: Well besides that, obviously. Rick: Someone getting their heart replaced with a baked potato? Dan: Yeah! That was hilarious! Rebecca: Sad. Truly sad. Dan: No, seriously. Okay, so on the surface it's a sick little skit, but when you think about it, it's really a parable for the declining standards in America's hospitals. Rebecca: No it's not. It's Matt and Trey trying to get the last juice out of a tired joke. Dan: It's not tired. It cracks me up every time. Rick: You and you alone. Dan: Yeah, I know what you're thinking. But Kenny really mirrors the plight of the poor and oppressed of America. Rick: No he's not. He's just some potty-mouthed kid they kill every episode. Dan: Yeah, but you'd stuck up for Duckman when he does it to Fluffy and Uranus. Rebecca: They deserve it. Dan: Ah, whatever. Rebecca: What got me is that... Well, we've been there and we've seen that. Dan: So that's a bad thing, huh? It assures familiarity for the viewer, and furthermore they still managed to put new angles and impressions on established characters or situations. Rick: No they didn't. Dan: Yes they did. Rick: No they didn't. Kenny died, Stan, Kyle and Cartman swore like crazy and there were bad ass jokes. Dan: Yeah, but they were *new* bad ass jokes. Rick: No they weren't. Dan: Yes they were. Rick: No they weren't. Dan: Yes they were. Look, you just don't get it. There was an important message in there, okay? Rebecca: If you're on to a good thing, milk it for all it's worth? Dan: Well besides that. Rick: All Canadians are evil and deserve to be exterminated? Dan: No! You see, they just overinflated a ridiculous viewpoint and that provides the humour. You see, it's really satire, you know? Or maybe parody. Rebecca: Or maybe hypocrisy. Dan: Philistines. [Rick and Rebecca glance at each other, and slowly shake their heads.] Rebecca: On the upside, the animation was almost as good as "Battle of the Rock Lords." Rick: So now what? [The door opens and a beautiful woman walks in. she has long, wavy ice-blue hair and pale skin. She is dressed in a short white dress and a white jacket, and walks with grace.] Dan: Whoah... Rick: Rowr... Rebecca: [Bored] Oh my, it's the demon goddess Ifurita. Woman: Very funny. I just finished work for the day, and was asked to join you two *fine* gentlemen. Rebecca: Give it up, Maya. You're not fooling anyone. [Rebecca looks over at Dan and Rick who are clearly gawking at the woman.] Rebecca: At least not anyone with a shred of intelligence. Woman: Hold on, boys... Just let me change. Rick: Ooohhh... Dan: Go right ahead. Rick: I'd better get my sketch pad. This could be useful for when the sales next drop. Rebecca: Sad. [The woman smiles, and her hair suddenly shimmers and turns black.] Maya: Hah! Fooled you! [Rick and Dan both collapse to the floor.] Rebecca: Oh look, it's still the demon goddess Ifurita. Maya: Very cute, Rebecca. Good to see them too. [She steps over Dan & Rick.] Rebecca: Come on, you two wakey, wakey. The voice is going to start hassling us in a second. [She drags Rick and Dan to their feet.] Voice: To late. Rebecca: Oh, good morning Terrence. Maya: Him? That's too sophisticated. Voice: ... Rick: Aw, poopie. You mean we've gotta have a fic? Rebecca: Why else did you think you were here? Dan: Let's just get this over with. Maya: So what is it today? Rebecca: The badly animated exploits of four foul-mouthed schoolkids. Rick: Are you kidding? We're too good for that. Voice: ... Rebecca: I guess someone else liked it. Voice: Just watch the damn fic, okay? [They sit - Rebecca & Rick on the forwards couch, Dan & Maya on the sideways one. Dan and Rick are closest on the corners. Dan inches closer to Maya until her hair suddenly turns light purple in colour.] Rebecca: Do you mind? Maya: Whoops... Sorry, it's been like that all day. [The screen lights up.] > [Title fades in] Rick: Brain fades out. > A RAZORWARE UNLIMITED PRODUCTION Rebecca: All the humility of Eyrie, really. Maya: And with only half the calories. > IN COOPERATION WITH YOUMEX Dan: Like hell. > [Title fades away. Another title fades in and out quicker than the > last.] > WELL, NOT REALLY. BUT WHO'S CHECKING? All: Us! > [Music and video fade in] > <> Maya: Soon to be replaced by Sekiria, featuring Aobo with a dye job. > [Slow zoom in on Mega-Tokyo. Rick: We'll get there. Eventually. > Looks a bit more high-tech, with air-cars instead of helicopters.] Dan: Hey, it's a flying DeLorean! Rick: [Singing] Meet George Jetson! > [Cut to a shot of dark-haired woman Maya: That's really not helpful. Rebecca: Misato? Dan: Ayeka? Rick: Naga the Serpent? Please? Maya: Me on a bad day? > looking out onto MegaTokyo from a window(reflective shot, like BGC1] Rick: Funnily enough, her reflection is the Demon Goddess Ifurita. > [Cut to a follow on brown-haired man Maya: So he's following her around her apartment? Rebecca: [Woman] No! Bad boy! Heel! > with dark goggles Rick: It's Kurrgan! > and a > trenchcoat riding a large motorcycle(which looks suspiciously like > Kaneda's). Dan: Yeah, funny that. > His hair comes down in front of his face, like Ryouga's, Maya: Added to his goggles, that's really got to help his driving. > but without the headband. Rick: Just like Guld Goa Boman. > He weaves around traffic, Dan: Just like- Maya: That'll do. > and the camera pulls in close to his face.] Rebecca: Eew! Right up the nostril! Rick: [Man] Camera van! You're driving too close! AARGH! > [Upper-body shot of woman Dan: Oooh... Maya: Good grief. > with ash-blond hair tied in a ponytail, Dan & Rick: SABLE! Hooray! > and > Oakely-style wraparound sunglasses, walking alongside the camera with > an impassive expression] Rebecca: Unfortunately you can see the camera's reflection behind her. > [Shot of a black-haired girl with several purple locks Rick: Aah! It's Roxy! Dan: If we're gonna have a Gen 13 crossover, couldn't it be Kat instead? Rebecca: Actually, wouldn't Sarah be more appropriate in a BGC fic? Maya: Bad girl. > riding up to a storefront on a hoverboard. Dan: Insert product name and "Back To The Future" reference here... > It's the Lady633 building, Rick: Stately Wayne manor. > but there's an art store in place of the Silky Doll. Maya: The average level of taste around here has just shot up a notch. Dan: Yeah, but where's Happosai meant to hang out now? > She waves hello to a young man > with a baseball cap and round-framed glasses Rick: Kensuke? Here? > also walking up to the store.] > [Pan over Rebecca: Oh, for crying... Who let WARenfeld direct? > of the dark-haired woman pointing out objects on a wall display. Rick: [Woman] This is a cow. Yes, I believe there's a question up the back? > The guy and blond woman sit forward in separate chairs. Maya: You'd hope so. Rebecca: They've got that classic "pretending not to look at each other" attitude. > Baseball cap looks asleep on a couch, until the girl whacks his > kneecap and he jumps.] Rick: [Kid with Cap] Neil Armstrong! Buzz Aldrin! 1969! What was the question? > [Quick head shot of each person-they all look apprehensive, or > worried-except for Baseball cap, who's asleep again until a soda can > beans him one on the head.] Rick: Comedy! Rebecca: Are you sure WARenfeld isn't in charge? > MEGA-TOKYO 2135 Maya: Reset you calendar. Dan: Do you know where your boomers are? Rick: So in summary, we've got a future team of Knight Sabres that consists of Misato, a guy who doesn't look a thing like Ryoga, Kensuke, Roxy and Sable. > |BUBBLE > |GUM: Maya: Shift? Dan: Wars? Rebecca: Zone? Rick: Crossfire? > |CONTINUED Rick: Oh, so that's the end of the chapter? Let's go! Voice: It's the title, twerp. Rick: Hey! > The Story of Future Knight Sabers Dan: Isn't that what BGC 2040's all about? Maya: Um... Not quite. > [BGC]Time And Time Again[ep.1] Dan: The Phantom Menace. Rick: So the fanfic's entitled "BGC:T&A?" [Rick and Dan both chuckle to themselves.] > From: mechaman@mail.wsu.edu (Scott Francis(Mechaman)) Rebecca: Who combines with the blue Mechaman and the yellow Mechaman to make the ultra mega Mechaman. > ---- > [Shot of building top. An elevator rises into view with a large truck > on it.] Dan: [Truck driver] Okay wiseass, what now? > [Hatch opens on top of building and a semi-truck is lifted into > position. Maya: That's very nice, but what happened to the other truck? Rick: The elevator shaft was too small, so it's only a "semi-truck" now. > The wheels pivot to face down, Back To The Future style, as > the truck lifts off into the air] Rebecca: It had nothing to do with the wheels actually; they just stopped the lift rather suddenly. > [A man with European features stands alone with his arms folded in a > dark room. His face shows a slight smile] Maya: Care to be any more ambiguous? > [Pan through of laboratory/tech room Maya: This is getting more vague by the second. Rick: Welcome to Muppet Labs! > with lots of flashing displays > and energy conduits. Technicians and armored figures are rushing > around frantically.] Dan: No-one's actually doing anything here, they're just part of the set. Rebecca: Say, is that Dr. Evil over there? > [Shot pulls back to reveal a medium-sized skyscraper with the words > "Temporal Security Protectorate" running down it. Maya: Oh, gee. I wonder what this fic could be all about. Dan: Listen very carefully, for this is the plot. > Camera then follows on truck Rebecca: No particular truck, just any old truck. > as it weaves around buildings, and lands on the roof] Rick: Look at that, they parked in a "disabled flyer" zone. > [Shot of TSP building. Dan: And there's Gary Gygax. Maya: Um, that's TSR. Dan: Oh, whatever. Maya: Careful, they might sue. > Suddenly, electrical sparks start flying around > the upper half of the building with traditional effects. Rick: "Traditional effects?" Rebecca: Yeah, cheesy 1970s ones. I expect to see a Dalek any second now. > The sparks > gain intensity, and finally, the top portion vanishes in concentric > spheres of white light. Maya: And strangely enough, a World War 2 battleship crashes into it. Rebecca: That's gonna do wonders for the property value. > Camera whites out.] > [Title flashes across screen] Dan: Fan service! > TIME AND TIME AGAIN Rick: In case you'd somehow missed it before. > [Final credits show. Music fades out] All: Thank you. > --prologue-- Rebecca: For wood. > Time is a character in this novel. Maya: Although it's only a small part. > It does strange things; moves in strange directions, and at strange > speeds. Rick: Usually sixty seconds per minute, but your actual mileage may vary. > Don't trust Time. Dan: Especially after how they screwed over Mick Foley. > Time will always get you in the end. > -Grant Naylor (Alexandria, 25 BC), "Better Than Life" Rebecca: And now to leave the good stuff behind. > SOMEWHERE IN MEGA-TOKYO, LATE 2032 Maya: Although it was early 2033 before this fic got started. Rick: It was the dawn of the third age of mankind. > The traffic, both cars and bipeds, Maya: Hey, that's legist! Dan: Yeah, and what bout the trucks, motorbikes, vans, taxis and all that? Rick: And pogo sticks. Don't forget the pogo sticks. > that passed by the alley usually didn't give it a second glance. Dan: I smell a superhero origin story coming on. > The N-Police Rick: Isn't that a wonderful name, the "normal police?" Who came up with that? "Hey, we're the *normal* police!" Do you reckon they've got abnormal police? [They all stare at him.] Rebecca: Only if you signed up. > usually gave it the once over, Maya: And then left it for the maid to clean up. > and retreated to their squad cars as soon as they could. Rick: Ewww... Dead skunk. > The ADPolice didn't even know it was there, Dan: They keep on tripping on it. > unless a boomer happened to fly bodily through it. Rebecca: So, boomers fly through this alley on a regular basis then? > Only the homeless and derelicts happened to frequent it, Rick: And Jack Napier, although Mr and Mrs Wayne didn't know that. > and even then, they usually gave it a miss. > But they were the only people to ever be there most of the time. Dan: But no-one cares about this rat-hole, so let's move on. Maya: You can just tell the plot's going to happen here. > Which is why one was in position Rebecca: Assume the position... > to see what very few people get to see. Dan: The incredible secrets of Lara Croft's antigravity chest. > Not that he was appreciative of the honor. Maya: Some people are so ungrateful. > Orlando was the bum's name, Maya: [Singing] Can you hear the drums, Orlando... Rebecca: [Whacks Maya with a cushion] Never, ever do that. > and boozing his game, as the old > proverb put it. It wasn't his real name, but it did well enough. Dan: Not that anyone here cares. Rick: Actually, his real name was Simon Cristopher Francis Benjamin Franklin Moses Disraeli Aristotle Onassis Winston Churchill Algernon Ole Ole F'tang F'tang Biscuit Barrel Razzamatazz Furman. > He > was in his late 40's, and had what was termed a "substance abuse > problem". Rebecca: That's the politically correct term for a "filthy old bum." > Mildly surprising for an aging derelict, he took no drugs, > preferring to kill himself through the use of liquid poison. Maya: Take notes everyone, this'll be on the test. > If asked, > he could sometimes remember that he had been the CEO of a major > production company in his 20's, Dan: He'd also been the Emperor For Life of the Entire World, a firetruck and Miss America if you asked him. > before he had lost it to GENOM > Entertainment. He was the only witness for the first Jump. Maya: Thrill as we get every single detail of a bum who's totally unimportant to the story! Rick: Actually, he'll probably end up dead in a public lavatory for Inspector Frost to deal with. > The alley air seemed somehow _charged_ to Orlando tonight. Or > at least as far as his boozed-out nervous system could tell. Dan: Or maybe it was just the booze. > Maybe the > booze had affected his nervous system, and all that crap at last > instead of leaping right at his vital organs. Maya: So his nervous system isn't vital? Makes sense... I think. > Hmmph. Bullshit. He chalked it up to air pollution, Rebecca: Yeah, blame it all on pollution. Bloody greenie. > and tried to fall deeper into an > alcoholic stupor. Unfortunately, the stupor wasn't going to come easy > tonight. Rick: I've got to argue that point, personally. > The air suddenly increased its charge by a factor of ten, Dan: That'll look great on the credit card bill. > and various loose debris started flying around, Rick: Hey, there goes a chicken. Rebecca: And whaddya know? A sparkplug. > some caroming off the old bum, most swirling around in the night air. Rick: It's the swirly thing of doom! Dan: There's one for all you "Red Alert" players out there. > The old man cursed, and shaded his eyes, rolling over in his sleep. Rebecca: [Bum] Uuh, football practice, uhh... > Deep blue electrical bolts > started leaping around everything metal in the alley. Maya: Including the plate in his skull, funnily enough. Rick: Damn static. > A loud humming noise, Dan: Like a million hummingbirds all at once. > and a tang of ozone split the air, Rebecca: Okay, who farted? > sending Orlando's hair madly in all directions. Rick: Oh look, it's Sonic the firking Hedgehog. > All of a sudden, Maya: Nothing happened. But it happened suddenly. > it stopped. Suddenly. With a large ball of > light flashing into existence, and a loud BANG that shattered most of > the nearby windows. Maya: And sent James Cameron reaching for his copyright lawyer. > The derelict yelled, All: Aliens! > and shielded his eyes Maya: With the price of those designer sunnies of his, no wonder he's out on the street. > unconsciously. A silence fell on the alleyway, Rebecca: Save for a solitary giggle. Dan: And of course the noise of the passing traffic, the general background noise of a city, that kind of stuff. > punctuated only by the > rustling of papers landing. Orlando opened his eyes. Rick: That's always a bad move. > Damm. Must have > been one hell of a nightmare, he thought in his boozed-out state. He > opened his eyes wider, and suddenly jolted out of his stupor for one > unnegotiable fact. Dan: His trousers were missing... Ugh. > Nightmares don't leave their crap behind. Rebecca: Bad nightmare! BAD! Look what you did to the alley! > A dark purple-blue, humanoid-shaped object All: EVA-01! > was crouched on the ground. Dan: Lurking with malicious intent. Maya: [Figure] Come on, starter... Any time... > The bum let out a mild "Shit" Maya: And that's all the dialogue we've had to date. Treasure it. > and upended the bottle into his > mouth with wide eyes, as if strange humanoids came falling out of > electrical storms every day. Rick: You mean they don't? > Which, if you have worked in Hollywood, they do. Rick: Not that he worked in Hollywood or anything. Dan: *Ahem* Terminator 2. *Ahem* > Irene Walker raised herself up slightly from the fetal > position she had unconsciously assumed. Her limbs still felt shaky, but she > managed to stand up. Suddenly she flipped her visor up and projectile- > puked into the nearest heap of newspapers as she collapsed to her > knees again. Rick: Problem is, that was Orlando's bed. Rebecca: She'd just seen the Osmond family walk by. Can you blame her? > She shuddered slightly, then emptied the remaining contents of > her stomach into the alley. Maya: I hope you're going to clean up when you're done. Dan: [Orlando] Hey! That's my racket! > Irene groaned as she closed her visor, > feeling the familiar "maniac-with-sledgehammer" effect. Rick: Well that comes from listening to most modern music. > Much like her > old hangovers, except she was *sure* she hadn't been drinking at all. Rebecca: Guess someone spiked her drink *again.* > "Where..." Rick: [Irene] Colonel Mustard! In the ballroom! With the dagger! What was the question? > she managed to croak out over her pounding headache. > aA rustle behind her snapped her Dan: In half. > around, railgun covers opening with a click. Rebecca: Don't you think she's overreacting a bit? Maya: No, overreacting is when she instinctively pulls the - BANG! Oh, I guess you're right after all. > The old bum threw up Rick: Just to match Irene's decor. > his hands with a feeble "Don't shoot!" > She sighed, then brought her gun arm down to a ready position. "Who > are you?" Dan: What, you mean you didn't read all that crap? Maya: She's the lucky one. Rick: Don't tell me we're gonna have to sit through all that again! > "H-huh? J-Just O-Orlando, or something." he slurred nervously. Rebecca: [Orlando] Man, that was good stuff. I need more of it! > This satisfied Irene, Maya: In the middle of an alley? Rebecca: She must be desperate. > or at least enough for her to relax. Not that Orlando noticed. Dan: By this point, Orlando's past noticing anything. > She stood up fully, and looked around. Rick: Can't say much for the view, huh? > Suit sensors reported system faults within the logic processors Maya: Windows has detected a grievous error and will now proceed to screw over your entire system. Have a nice day. > and outer > armor subsystems-though they were rapidly coming back online. Minor > carbon scoring around her legs and chest Dan: Means she was left in the oven for too long. > -evidently from combat. Rick: Ya reckon? > The > half-full railgun magazines and partially-depleted power levels seemed > to bear out the theory. Rebecca: Wouldn't she know if she'd just been in a fight? It's not the sort of thing you easily forget. Dan: Actually, she'd just been commuting to work in LA, but I wouldn't blame her for getting confused. > The subspace comm array Rick: The what? On a hardsuit? You've gotta be joking. > had quit totally, and the chronometer was flickering 12:00 off and on. Maya: Guess who just tried to program her VCR. > She looked around the alley again, Maya: That must be so fascinating. > observing the swirling newspapers Rebecca: Hey, the Cubs lost again. > and the rapidly receding ionization level. Dan: Oh, so that's just the kind of thing you casually notice, huh? > Irene sighed, evidently this was another > part of the weird night she'd been having. Rebecca: It had also involved the Teletubbies, a vat of extremely old mayonnaise and prehistoric Earth, but that's not important right now. Rick: Any second now I expect Colonel Sanders' disembodied head will start yelling at her. > "You lost or something?" Irene jolted out of her thoughts and > stared at the bum. Rick: Join the club. Maya: Yes, I expect he'll be a lot of help. > "Something like that." > "Are you gonna kill me?" Dan: Well if she did, it would make him the equivalent of the redshirts from "Gundam 0081." > said Orlando as his brain, long ignored, Rick: And well past its use-by date. > started reminding him what armored human-shaped things > usually did to bystanders in this town. Rebecca: They gave them... A wash! Rick: They said... Ni! > As his brain started functioning Dan: Smoke rapidly poured out of his ears. > even more he began to notice more details about it. It had > a female profile, Maya: Trust him to notice that first. > taller than average. Its face was a solid rounded > bulge, with two silvery antenna "wings" protruding from the ear-areas. Dan: Oh, I get it. She's wearing a Viking helmet. > The right arm was more skeletal than the left Dan: No, if it's a proper hardsuit design it would be thicker than the left arm. Rebecca: What if she's left handed? > with a large weapon bore > protruding from the palm of the hand, recessed in between the two > barrels that were now covered with small retractable plates. Dan: Then all those would be in the left arm. Rebecca: Fine. Carry on. > The long legs ended in armored boots that resembled high-heels Rick: And must be hell to run in. > (something he remembered from the old days), Maya: He wore them a lot, you see. > right down to the point coming down off > the heel. The whole thing was done in light purple, with neon-green > trim. [Dan mimes being sick.] Rick: Hey, it *is* EVA-01! Rebecca: Either that or Devestator with a colour flip. > Additional blockish components were attached all over the > thing's armor, the biggest pieces being attached to the upper torso Dan: I get it, she's wearing a wonderbra. Here's a hint, that's meant to go on *under* your clothes. > and left arm. > The figure turned and looked at him. "No. Why would I do > that?" came a quizzical voice. Rebecca: Because you can't stand him after that extensive introduction. > Orlando trembled. "You're not a b-boomer?" > "A _boomer_? _Me_? You've been drinking waaayy too much, Pops." All: That's "doctor!" > the figure said with a laugh. She lowered her arm to her side, and > started walking casually down Rick: The catwalk. Maya: Here we can see Irene modelling our latest Hardsuit design from Alex of Paris. > to the street. The bum watched her receding back, Dan: [Orlando] Whoa, look at the tush on that one! > then worked up his courage. Rick: And asked her out for dinner. Rebecca: [Irene] Eew, you're old enough to be my... Oh, forget it. > "Hey! Who are you, anyway?" Maya: [Irene] Well I'm not Takei Orochi and I'm not Bert Van Millet, but I'm certainly better looking than either of them. > The figure turned around slightly, > and stared at him. Orlando shivered-its gaze went right through him. Dan: X-ray eyes! X-ray eyes! > "Don't you know?" came a bemused voice. > "N-no." Rick: [Orlando] I was the only one who got the lengthy intro here. > The figure shook its head. [They all make rattling noises.] Maya: [Irene] Is the noise in my head bothering you? > "And I thought no one would forget us after that shit last year. Rebecca: Irene do boo-boo? > Figures, considering what else interests people." Dan: You know, sex, drugs, rock & roll, all that kinda stuff. > Two large armor plates rose from the area of the shoulder > blades, revealing Rick: A three-piece lounge suite. > a thruster array. Two additional ports appeared in > the back of her legs and fired along with the main thrusters. The > armored figure shot skyward with a ear-piercing whine towards the > stars. Dan: It's Jet Jaguar! [They all start singing the "Jet Jaguar" song from Godzilla vs. Megalon.] Voice: Please stop that. Rebecca: Ah, you're no fun. > 'Well, shit...' thought the now-fairly-sober bum as he watched > with wide eyes. 'Better start hanging around nearer the homeless shelter...' Maya: You know, in a properly arty film Orlando would have been revealed to be god by now. > --act one-- Dan: Begin fic here. > Irene Walker really wasn't having a good night. > 'First that jerk Gunther spikes my Baka Pepper Rebecca: Someone thinks they're being funny. > with tabasco sauce. Maya: Well at least it would improve the taste. > Then Hitomi tells us about some super-priority job, and cancels > my date for the night. Rebecca: I guess she and Hitomi will have to save that for later. > And now this! Waking up in an alley with the mother of all hangovers! Rick: Where was the traffic cone? It's not a good night unless you get a traffic cone. Rebecca: The policewoman's helmet really had her worried, though. > That Dave guy's going to be really pissed at > me for standing him up-wait a minute.' Irene's train of thought > delayed for a minute Maya: And then turned up on the wrong platform, funnily enough. > as her senses informed her brain of an interesting fact- Rebecca: She needed to pee. > 'Why isn't there any air traffic out here? Dan: Controller's strike? they're all holding in pattern at twenty thousand feet. > It's near > district 4-there should be enough speeders to crush a herd of > wildebeests.' Dan: Any reason why she said wildebeest? Maya: From this, I think we can assume that Irene's one of the girls from the intro. Presumably the blond one, since the dark-haired one seemed to own the place. Rebecca: So she's the all-knowing girl from the future? Great. > Her observation was abruptly interrupted by an large explosion > in the distance. Rebecca: I see Takei hit the bean burritos a bit too hard last night. > A large plume of smoke rose into the night air, and > what sounded like secondaries went off slightly to the left and right. Rick: Yep, just a typical day in MegaTokyo. > Usually in Mega-Tokyo, this meant a fight. Or a really good rave. Dan: I wanna go to one of those parties. > She > hovered in place for a second, then gave a mental shrug and headed for > the site of the explosion, Maya: Isn't the usual practice to go the other way? > forgetting about her earlier thoughts. Rebecca: [Irene] Hmm... Carnage, death, destruction... Sounds like fun. > 'Oh 'ell. Might as well get _some_ fun out of tonight at least.' Maya: From that line, I hope she's assuming it's the party. > One thing was noticeable as she drew nearer to the fight scene. Dan: The bright lights, the intro music, the commentary by JR and Mike Tenay... > The cops in this section were either severely underfunded, incredible > morons, or stupidly brave. Rick: In MegaTokyo? All three. > She zoomed in on visual and noticed that > the flying objects were small old-style helicopters with rotary > chainguns. Rebecca: [Irene] Police murder-bait's much better in my century. > 'Hmm...aren't those old Fire-Bees?' Maya: If she's from one hundred years in the future, I seriously doubt that she'd recognise an ineffectual and unliked police helicopter. Dan: She might as well save time and say that in the past tense. > Abruptly a bright blue > beam split the night air and neatly divided the nearest chopper into > two halves. Rebecca: Yup, that *was* a fire-bee alright. > Another explosion lit the blackness as the ammunition and > fuel inside the body detonated. Irene growled-she hated seeing people > getting killed, even if they were stupid enough to fly around in tin > cans. Maya: So the violent demise of a hard-working police officer just annoys her and prompts an insult against the deceased? Charming. > A flash caught her eye, and she got a close-up of the beam's > origin. Her breath froze. Maya: And fogged up the inside of her helmet. > This was the first thing that started Irene's night down the > crapper. Rick: Apart from Orlando, that is. > Boomer. > More to the point, a large ugly blue cyberdroid racing down the > dual-stack highway with a large chaingun in its arm, evidently ripped > off of one of the police copters. All: Oh no! Rebecca: It's Tinsel City all over again! Rick: You know what that means. Rebecca: Yeah, now it's just a question of which Knight Sabre she ends up with. > That wasn't what drew her interest- > the boomer simply looked like it was having fun with the local cops. Dan: So, uh, is that a 33S then? > Zooming in further, she noticed her suit computer had recognized the > model: Rick: But since it was a crappy garage kit, she decided not to get it. > Bu-55C. 'Always knew Hunter's nostalgia would come in handy > someday.' Maya: Hmm... I'll let that one slide. Barely. > The boomer didn't seem incredibly interested in anything Dan: Damned modern boomers with their five-second attention spans. > other than the police copters it shot out of the air with the captured > weapon. Which wasn't unusual: most of the time, they were terrorists > aiming for specific targets, or being remotely controlled. Maya: No, most of the time they were just berserkers that attack anything that comes along. > Irene > wasn't close enough for anyone to see her and no one would pick her up > with her suit's stealth coating, All: Of course. Rebecca: So let's see, so far it's got a stealth coating, full flight capacity, bolt-on armour, sub-space radio and as many weapons as Priss' hardsuit. Even Takei with his "hip guns" has got nothing on this girl. > so she decided to follow it. What the > hell. No sense jumping right out in front of it. Dan: Why not? Not like *she'd* have any problems with it. > Maybe the police got something bigger waiting for it. Rick: They've got a guy with a Nerf gun Rebecca: Next to a Fire-Bee? Rick: You're right, you know. > Yeah, right. > There now appeared to be some guy on a motorcycle following the > boomer. Rick: Who didn't look a think like Ryoga. Rebecca: Hey, maybe it's Rand. Dan: No, it's Shogo Yahagi I tell ya. Maya: It's Kaneda. Seriously. > She'd seen Hunter drive like that when he was chasing someone- > 'Maybe this guy's with the cops? Maya: Depends. How many flashing lights does it have? Dan: Gee, how many cops do you reckon get around on huge norking red bikes? Rick: Umm... Quite a few. > Not a lot of people are stupid enough > to tool around on a conventional cycle after a heavily armed fighting > machine. Maya: Personally I count that as one of my top ten pasttimes. > Could this be Neo-York, Rick: If it is, then maybe the Empress will come down and smite Irene from on high! [They all hold up "Shion 3:16" signs.] > or San Angeles?' Rebecca: Or Neo Angeles or Night City or San Francisco or Neo-Portland or Mega-Baltimore or Mega-Gotham or Seattle or Cologne or Sydney or any of the other lame campaign settings from the BGC EX RPG book. Rick: You're really inviting a smiting from the MSTer, you know that? Maya: And you're really pushing that fourth wall. [Rebecca gets hit with a sudden bolt of lightning.] Rick: Told you. > But that didn't make > sense, since most of the signs she had flown by were in the bad- > English and Japanese mix that was so common in Mega-Tokyo. Maya: Or about half the badly-written pseudo-cyberpunk metropoli out there, but never mind. > All of a sudden, the boomer looked over its shoulder at > something. But it wasn't the cop on the cycle- Rebecca: It was Scott Bernard! Dan: No, it was Eiji Takanaka. Rick: Nup. BD Andrews. Maya: You're all wrong. It was Isamu Dyson. > he had stopped a ways > back. Irene looked in that direction as well, and received her second > kick in the head for tonight. Rebecca: [Raises hand] Can I add a third? > A red motorcycle, Dan: Garland! Garland! Rick: It's Rook Bartley I tell you, Rook Bartley! Maya: Do you two mind? Dan: Not at all. > similar to Hunter's motoroid, Rebecca: Gee, I wonder why. May: Say goodbye to BGC continuity. [Sighs] Again. > was speeding > down the highway in hot pursuit. But what got Irene's attention was > the powder blue female hardsuit riding it- Rebecca: And its proportions. > 'The hell did she come from?' Rick: Sonada's sketchbook. > The boomer flicked its head back to the front and deployed its > flight pack, sending it even faster from the cycle. Another hissing > roar got Irene's attention- Dan: She'd sprung a leak. > a green painted suit zipping along on the > other side of the highway with what looked like monoribbons hanging > from the back of her helmet. She didn't notice Irene. Rebecca: Oddly enough, no-one seems to. > Waiting at the > end of the highway was yet another hardsuit, white this time, that > bore a vague resemblance to Hitomi's suit. Rick: Funny, that. Maya: Okay, given that Irene's Hardsuit is clearly similar to Priss' one, and that this Hitomi person has one like Sylia's, do you think it's a fair assumption that the rest of the team would pilot similar rip-offs? Rebecca: At least Takei was inventive with that self-repair system and his *hip* guns. Maya: Thank you. I've been trying to forget them. > The boomer noticed the > impending roadblock, growled, and let off a long burst from the > chaingun at the armored figure. Rick: Yeah, spin on. We've seen this bit. > The woman dodged by moving to one > side, then as the boomer came to the end of the road, flipped around > it and neatly place-kicked it off into the canyon. Irene heard a faint > crunch from that direction, along with metal-on-metal thuds. God- not > _another_ bunch of wannabe's. Dan: Oh, that's rich coming someone driving a hardsuit with a laser and two railguns. Rebecca: Yeah, another bunch of wannabe's along with the Star Angels, the Dragon Knights, the Exorcists, the Fright Knights, the Star Sabres, the Night Sabres, the Darknights and the Crescent Knights. Rick: You're just begging for another lightning bolt, aren't you? Rebecca: Go on. I dare you. [Rebecca gets hit with a sudden bolt of lightning.] Dan: Some people never learn. > The blue suit rode the motorcycle off the end of the highway, Maya: Well that was smart. Rick: Watch that first step! Oh, never mind. > parting from it at the apex. The cycle blurred and folded Rebecca: Then took off to Spain, leaving behind its angry creditors. > like metal origami into an armored figure, Rick: A Garland? Rebecca: A Cyclone? Dan: A Stallion Mechabike? Maya: That last one was ultra-obscure. Well done, Dan. > catching the suit in its arms and > landing on the ground near the crash site of the boomer. The green > suit landed a few feet away from Blue, followed by the white one Rick: Which was introduced half-way through the season along with a new Zord. > touching down on the other side, catching the boomer in a triangle. Rick: [Neddie Seagoon] Eccles, form square and face outwards. Dan: [Eccles] Right. Ooh, it hurts! > The boomer howled at them, Rebecca: You know, this guy gets wasted in fanfics almost as much as Sachiel. > fired its cannon, and flung a manhole cover Dan: Where does this guy think he is, a hardcore match? > at the white suit almost simultaneously. Maya: At a minus two penalty to all actions. > Not a smart move, as White Rick: Perry White? What's he doing here? > deftly caught the cover Rebecca: Then ran downfield and made the touchdown! > and whipped it right back at the cyberdroid, > which went airborne to avoid it. > Sylia Stingray was worried. Maya: Next time, warn us before changing perspective like that. > This boomer model was one of the new upgraded combat boomers, Rick: It comes with free air conditioning and anti-lock disc brakes. Rebecca: Of course, it crashed three times during the upgrade. > and it had torn up the ADPolice detachment sent out after it. Dan: So what else is knew? > Well, it wasn't much of a match for us, she thought, Maya: Um, past tense? Wait until it's finished first. > as she whipped the manhole cover it had tossed back towards > it. 'Even though Priss will still complain about not getting paid.' Rebecca: And she still has to pay Linna for "services rended." Figures Linna would charge for that. > As the boomer turned its head to look at the metal disc flying past it, Rick: Pay no attention to me, I'm just a weather balloon. just some swamp gas. Dan: In other news, a giant flaming hat was seen off the coast this morning. Maya: Alright, that's enough with "This Island Earth." > Linna ducked in with a knuckle bomb to its torso, spraying metal and > nutrient fluid into the night air. Rebecca: Of course, with the boomer being such a ham and all it took ages to die. > As it began falling, it started > firing its chaingun in a vain attempt to hit something. Dan: I guess he went to Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy. > Priss then > ascended on her jump thrusters and sent a pair of railgun spikes > through the shoulders, Rick: No. We are not having this conversation. Rebecca: But I- Rick: No. Rebecca: I only- Rick: No. Rebecca: Brawn- Rick: No. Rebecca: Aww... > pinning it roughly to the side of the canyon. > Sylia stepped up. "It's a new class, a totally different breed" she > said, softly. Maya: What, not one of those "upgraded" ones? > "What can they be up to?" Maya: About Episode 4 by the time Orlando's introduction was over. > All of a sudden, the boomer's frame groaned in protest as it > tore itself loose from the canyon wall. It left most of its upper > torso behind in the process Dan: Er... Did I forget something? > and ran towards them like a dying chicken. > Sylia drew back her arm, extending her palm cannon, but before she > could blast it- Rick: Takei jumped down from the darkness! Maya: No, it was Darkwind. Dan: Actually, it was Bert Van Millet. Rebecca: No, he didn't get this boomer. Dan: Really? Maya: It was about the only one he didn't kill. > -a loud CRACK-whine echoed in the canyon as Rebecca: Priss told Linna to put the whip away until "later". Rick: Nene fell and twisted her ankle. Again. Dan: Uh, Rick? She's not even here. Rick: Does she need to be? Maya: Certainly not with Susan Grillo doing her voice. > a green-white beam > punched through the boomer's torso, neatly cutting it into two halves Maya: No, how many halves would it be cut into? > which came to rest at Sylia's feet, Dan: Gross. Rick: [Mackie] Sis? You'd better wipe your feet before coming in. > twitching slightly. She looked up- > seeing a shadowed figure standing on the side of the enbankment, its > right arm smoking. It then jumped the 50 feet down Rebecca: Which is pretty amazing, given that it's fifty *meters* down. > to stand a few > yards away from her-it was another female hardsuit! > "Who are you? Rebecca: Bert Van Millet in drag. > And where did you get that suit?" Dan: Hardsuits R Us. Rick: She made it out of old used cereal packets. Maya [Irene]: I found the Hardsuit in a bicycle shop in Cairo! The owner wanted it taken away so... > Sylia asked in > confusion. Her father wasn't supposed to have left any data behind- Dan: Don't, Rebecca. You'll just get hurt again. Rebecca: Aw... Poopie. > could GENOM have built this one from scratch? Rick: Why not? Takei did. Dan: The eternal miracles of kitbashing. > It actually resembled Priss' suit, Rebecca: And trust me, Linna noticed. > except the design seemed to emphasize Maya: *Certain* features. > combat and armor more than any of their suits, Maya: Funny, I thought that's what Sylia's did. My bad. > an appearance reinforced by the bolt-on armor array. Dan: And the BFG 9000. That helped. > The figure laughed, Rick: Posed up a storm and died in a puddle of its own gore. > a harsh bark. Dan: I always knew she was a bitch. [Maya hits him with a cushion.] > "Funny. I was just about to ask you that question." Maya: So if you don't recognise the Knight Sabres, where did your hardsuit technology come from? Rick: The demon Goddess Ifurita gave it to them. Who did you think? > Sylia shot back, "Are you working for GENOM?" > "Who? Some new corporation?" > Sylia stared at her in shock. "How can you not have heard about > them? They own half the planet!" > "What? Another corp trying to rule the world? They're a dime a > dozen." said the figure with a mocking tone. "You another bunch of do- > gooders trying to make yourselves look big and strong? Well, we don't > need it. We had enough trouble from that last bunch." Maya: Okay, that's the limit. I can possibly accept that she recognises the BU-55C, given it was *the* most successful combat boomer of its time. I might accept that she recognises the Fire-Bee, if only from laughing at history books. But I refuse to accept that she uses a hardsuit and doesn't recognise the Knight Sabres! And as for not knowing Genom's name... Well, this is just stupid. > Sylia could only stare in shock and reply, Dan: [Sylia] Green with purple? What was she thinking? Maya: [Sylia] God, they're huge. Where can I get my hands on some? Um... yeah. > "What are you talking about? Rebecca: [Irene] Weather, current events, sports, road rage... You know, stuff. > Just who the hell are you?!" Rick: [Irene] I'm from the future, and I know... [Normal] Well, not much really. Rebecca: She's a dolphin/bat fuzor with the head of a twelve year-old nincompoop. > Priss and Linna each took a step > forward, barking out their own questions at the interloper. Rick: Can I use the bathroom? Maya: How do you get your hair to do that? Rebecca: What kind of heat sinks do they use? Dan: Are you free Friday night? > Suddenly, > the discussion was interrupted by an ADP chopper shining its spotlight > down on the group. Rick: It then abruptly exploded into a fireball and crashed to the ground. No reason, it just did. > The figure looked up at the spotlight, Dan: Kinda like a frog and headlights. > and deployed > her flight pack, resembling that of the boomer which she had just > killed. "Wait! What are you trying to accomplish?" Maya: Self-insertion and re-writing BGC. Isn't it obvious? > The figure said > something which was lost in the roar of the rotors, and took off into > the night sky. Rebecca: She collided with a helicopter and was killed instantly. The end. > The three women could only look into the sky, after her. > "Let's get out of here." said Sylia. Dan: And have some pie! [They all pound him with cushions] Okay, sorry! > She sighed as she approached the Lady633 building. Rick: [Irene] Is that Happosai again? > A nice shower, Dan: Fan service. Lots of fan service. > some coffee, Rick: Caffeine! I need caffeine! > and a chance to get out of this Duranium can. Maya: And into a nice, comfortable tin one. > Nearing the site, she rounded a corner-and stopped, shocked. Rebecca: For Lennier was lurking behind it. Rick: Remember: No matter where you go, there he is. > The building itself was there. But nothing else was. Some place > called Silky Doll was occupying the main space, where Hitomi's art > store was supposed to be. Maya: Okay. So they use hardsuits. Hardsuits that are patterned after the Kmnight Sabres. They have at least one motoroid. They operate out of Ladys 633 which this Hitomi person probably owns... And the *still* haven't heard of the Knight Sabres? This is a bloody joke! [Maya's hair spontaneously turns flame-red.] Maya: Uh... He he, whoops. Rebecca: Don't do that. Maya: Sorry. > None of the usual shops along the sides were there either. Rebecca: She was really going to miss browsing in that "leather wear" shop. > As she watched, she could see a dimly lit figure moving > around inside the store. Maya: I hope that's meant to read "a figure moving around inside the dimly-lit store," otherwise it would be quite weird. > Grounding on a nearby building, half in shock, she activated her comm. Dan: Hey, I thought it wasn't working. Rick: Well, she's activated her non-functioning comm. > "Scabbard, are you there?" She was met with static. Rebecca: And no wonder. > "Anybody?" > Silence. Annoyed, she activated the emergency call. That would have > set off alarms all over the base Maya: Wouldn't you hate it if that went off in the middle of the night and woke all the neighbours. > and on the individual comm units as > well. No response, not even a confirmation. She let out a few choice > curses. Dan: Face it, you're screwed. > Irene flipped both of her Maya: Oh, that's just immature. > visors up, not caring who saw her at > the moment, and put her hand to her face. "OK. This _is_ Mega-Tokyo, Rick: Yes, it's got *Genom* Tower, which isn't even complete. How'd she miss that? > there's another team of powersuited mercs," Rebecca: [Irene] How dare they rip us off? We ripped them off first. > she muttered under her > breath, "the building is here but vastly different, Dan: It's the little things like the huge Nazi banners that give it away. > and the cops are using-" Rick: Crap. > Irene cut off and her eyes widened as a deeply disturbing > train of thought Maya: [Irene] Soylent Green is made from people? What have I been eating? > coupled with several returning memories hit her. Dan: The train, crying as her father sends her away, her mother's distant voice... Rick: If Tsuneo was here, he'd hurt you. > Hardsuited women. Rebecca: [Irene] Mmm... Tight rubber underwear. > Ancient police equipment. Maya: Funnily enough, the ADP in her time are just as chronically underfunded. > No sign of the things she was accustomed to in Mega-Tokyo. Rick: Although in the case of the4 giant rubber lizard, that's probably a good thing. > A building with Temporal Security Protectorate running down it. Dan: Oh what, so you finally noticed that one? > Oh, shit. > Very definite oh shit, she thought, as she rubbed her forehead > absently. Maya: That's right, it's taken her three-quarters of this chapter to realise what we'd guessed in five minutes. > A sudden noise came from the side of the building near where > she was standing, interrupting her train of thought.. > ..Macky Stingray turned his head from the pile of trash and > frowned. 'Did I see something up there?' Rebecca: Well, that just depends on what he's looking up, really. > He craned his head around, > trying to get a better view. "Nahh, must have been my imagination." Rick: [Fake German accent] It's cold tonight. I miss my wife and kids. I hope the war will be over soon. > Mackie mumbled. He grinned. 'Maybe I can catch Sis getting ready for > bed...' Maya: Ooh, I almost want to hit him. > he thought as he started back inside the building. Up in the > sky, a solitary figure flitted away. Dan: Batman? > --interlude-- Rick: Get up for drinks, fight for a space in the bathroom, buy horribly overpriced snacks, that kind of thing. > Far away from the heart of the city, Dan: [Ominous] Welcome to suburbia! MWAHAHAHAHA! > Irene landed on a small > abandoned office building in an old industrial complex. Rebecca: Don't tell me we're going to bump into Orlando again. > After casing > the area for a good half-hour, this looked like the most empty space, Maya: The "rooms for let" notice was a dead giveaway. > away from any passing traffic or gang hideouts. Dan: It's also got great views and is handy for shops and public transport. > In her arms she held > a small bundle that she'd "appropriated" from several small stores. Rebecca: Although I'm not sure what knocking over the Silky Doll would accomplish for her. > Irene smirked under her visor, giving thanks that she'd let Hitomi > talk her into that passive stealth equipment. Rick: What that was just an optional extra? Dan: Yeah, she had to give up the tactical nuclear warheads for it. > And the fact that her suit was the strongest. All: Of course. > She nudged open the stairwell door with one foot, keeping her > gun arm free. As she walked carefully down the steps, she noticed the > building hadn't been occupied for some time. Maya: This is what we call a "fixer upper" opportunity. > 'Good. Less chance of people walking in while I'm here.' Rebecca: Don't forget that, it leaks, it's cold, damp and draughty, there's no lights, power or hot water, it smells like there's a dead rat in the corner and Orlando's camped on the couch. Rick: On the other hand, Rei Ayanami the next door neighbour isn't likely to make too much noise. And it's got an Olmec God in the basement. > She chose a room on the top floor, entered, Dan: Ah, the "Ken Shabby" suite. A good choice. > and locked the door behind her. Maya: The fact that it promptly fell off its hinges didn't help. > There wasn't much in the > place, apparently the former owners had taken whatever they could haul > away. A moldy leather couch stood in the middle of the room Rebecca: With another one next to it. there were four people on them, watching a crappy fanfic on the TV. > along with > a sagging office chair, and a small pile of debris in the corner. Rick: Containing several valuable Aztec relics, but never mind. > The windows were boarded up, and a rat scurried along the wall. Dan: [Irene] Looks just like home. > "The side of Mega-Tokyo tourists never see." she mumbled. Maya: That all depends on how cheap their package is. > Taking one last sweep > of her sensors, she removed her helmet and placed it on the chair and > clicked the suit entry control. Dan: Woo-hoo! Fan service at last! > With a quiet hiss, the suit lining expanded out to maximum fit > and the front myomer/hydraulics unlocked themselves. The chestplates > swung themselves up and out to both sides. The bicep armor split in > half, followed by the major leg armor assemblies. With a final hiss of > gas, the suit locked itself into a standing upright position Rick: Yadda yadda yadda, upright locked position. > and she stepped out. Rebecca: Well, since he's not here... [Tsuneo] Irene took off her hardsuit. > Irene brushed her hair out with her hands, settling it > back into her normal ponytail with her ribbon. Maya: That pink ribbon just ruins the whole effect. > She yawned and stretched, then shivered from the cold. She was > clad only in her softsuit, and they were not meant for external > temperature control. Dan: That's right, it's fan service time! ? A quick search of the room turned up a worn but > intact blanket, evidently left behind from a different resident. Rick: Well obviously she didn't leave it behind. Rebecca: When she was busy knocking over those shops, why didn't she get herself a blanket? Or a sleeping bag or something? > She curled up on the couch and drew the blanket over her. Dan: Aww... > She was so > tired, both from the fight beforehand and the aftereffects of the time > displacement, Maya: Not to mention that she has to re-set her watch. > that she fell asleep almost immediately. Rick: [Inferno] SNOOZE! > AN HOUR LATER... > "These are the Knight Sabers." Dan: This is a bowl of fruit. Can you tell the difference? > "This is their stock-in-trade?" Rebecca: Yessiree, the Knight Sabres. The best commando plumbers around. > "Yes, sir. The details are unclear, but the facts seem to be > that they will work for money." Maya: *Especially* Linna. Rebecca: You'd be amazed at what Linna would do for money. > "To think that such suits actually exist... Rick: And have babes in them. > I would very much like to acquire them for analysis. Dan: The suits or the babes, sir? > We can't let it be known that this > new fiasco is a USSD military secret." The owner of the voice lit his > cigar Rebecca: I'm hoping that's not Bill Clinton [They all hail her with cushions.] Alright, I'm sorry already! > and stuck it in his mouth. "Yes, offer them the job." Maya: That's where the original scene ends. Now read on. > He paused. "Wait, what is this other suit? Rick: It's got a bad paint job, is wearing a wonderbra, is about a trillion times more powerful than the Knight Sabres and has hip-mounted guns. Thank you. > "This was the suit that finished off the boomer. She apparently > is not working for the Knight Sabers, judging from the audio > enhancements. However, her suit bears several design elements from the > other three. Dan: It's got boobs! > It has not been recorded anywhere before tonight." > "Interesting...another formidable suit." Rick: And it's got a babe in it too! Rebecca: What's with you two? Dan: We're bored. > He nearly gulped down his cigar as the suit neatly cut the boomer in half Maya: Then stuffed it with a pre-prepared mixture and put it in the oven for half an hour. > with -a miniature particle beam cannon?! Maya: Read it and weep. Rebecca: In case you weren't convinced that Irene's hardsuit was all- powerful, here it is again. > He swiveled his head to face the other man. "Do > we or GENOM have _anything_ like that in production?" Dan: Well I *hope* you'd know if you had it. > "No, sir." > "We must have that suit. The advantage we could gain over > GENOM..." he trailed off. > "Make it top priority to find her." Rick: So why do they spend more time going over Irene's suit than the Knight Sabres' suits? Dan: Because she's the authour Avatqar, so she'd much more important. > AROUND THE SAME TIME... Rebecca: Meanwhile, in another part of the fic. > "My men have acquired the items from USSD, sir." Rick: [Mason] But what do you want a giant inflatable banana, a roll- top desk and an ant farm for? Dan: [Quincy] Silence! > "I wanted those items at any cost, Rebecca: He's an avid collector. > for the expansion of GENOM. > Mason, this is a very important collection. Handle it with care." Maya: [Quincy] This end up. Do not use hooks. > "I believe I can have the items for you in twenty hours sir." Rebecca: Less for cash. > "Good." > "There is another matter sir." Dan: [Mason] Your fly's undone. > "Hmh? What, those Knight Sabers? Maya: What, there's more? > They are of no importance to us right now." Rick: Famous last words and a half. > "Not them in proper sir-the other person with them tonight." Dan: Bert. Rick: Takei. Rebecca: Darkwind. > "There was another suit?" Rick: A mobile one. Get it, mobile suit? Rebecca: Watch it, Rick. I may have to hurt you. > "The logs we pirated from USSD Dan: [Kirk] Captain's log. I spotted another... hard suit. Hopefully the... babe... in this one... wants... me. > showed another suit with similar > design finishing off the decoy boomer. Maya: Just to replay that footage a few more times. > She did not appear to be affiliated with the Knight Sabers." Rick: [Hick] And she don't work with them either. > "Intriguing. But the items are more important at the present > moment. If the Knight Sabers or this interloper get in the way, deal > with them as you see fit. Do not forget that GENOM is a respectable > company. [They all crack up with laughter.] Maya: [Quincy] So make sure you rub them out politely. > It would be an embarrassment if our name was to surface in any way." > "Yes, sir." Rick: [Mason, muttered] Just you wait 'till BGC 2040, I'll get you, I'll yank your cord when you're not looking and - Dan: [Quincy] Mason! Rick: [Mason] Yes sir! Going, sir! Right away, sir! > ABOUT A HALF-HOUR LATER... Rick: Well that was a waste of time. > Sylia swam down the length of the pool, Dan: That's right, it's time for *more* fan service! > her mind working slowly. Maya: All those late-nighters on a caffeine high were finally catching up with her. > An image of her kicking the boomer flitted through her mind. Another > image of the other suit blasting the cyberdroid passed through also. Maya: Just to re-re-use that footage. > She dove forward suddenly, Rick: Dive! Dive! > flipping around to rest on her back, > looking up at the ceiling. Dan: [Sylia] The situation is so tense, at any moment there could be a... Is that a crack in the roof? > Who was this person? Rebecca: Was she cute? > She seemed almost *annoyed* at us. Rick: Normally it's the other way around. > As if we were intruding on her city. Dan: [Cartman] This is my city, god dammit! > But she is not > familiar. And she does not seem to be working for GENOM. What could > she want? Rick: Money? Rebecca: To hop in the sack with Priss? Dan: Mint in box Laser Rod Optimus Prime? Maya: No, she just thinks Takei's cute, that's all. > She sighed, closing her eyes, and let her memories take her back > in time to when it all began... Dan: The summer of love. Rick: It was the dawn of the third age of mankind. > Her final phone call with her father. Rebecca: [Dr. Stingray] Hi there, Cindy! You all hot and ready... Oh, hello Sylia. Wrong number. > The explosion at the lab. Maya: It was tragic. They all plugged in their hairdryers at once. > Mackie delivering the data unit. Dan: [Mackie] It followed me home, can I keep it? > The images that had flown through her mind. The boomer prototype > plans. The hardsuit design specs. Rick: The recipe for a diet cola without a yukky aftertaste. > The final moments of her father. Maya: He never did see the bus. > The final pistol shot-the lab exploding... Rebecca: Then, lab explode. > Her eyes snapped open suddenly. Maya: And she was still in a crappy fanfic. [The TV switches off.] Dan: Yow. Rick: Ouch. Rebecca: Snooze. Maya: It was a bit like that. Dan: Yeah. So damned slow. Rick: And there was a lot of time wasted on pointless things, like introducing Irene's buddies in the future or... Orlando! Maya: What was with him? Dan: You watch, he'll come back and haunt us. Rebecca: Speaking of which, is there any more, voice? Voice: Yes there is. Dan: Ow. Voice: Two more chapters, to be precise. Rick: Aargh! Can't you tell me anything good? Voice: Well... The third one's rather short. Rebecca: That's encouraging. Maya: Notice how he doesn't mention the second chapter. Rick: This bodes badly. Rebecca: Look at it this way. I very much doubt that we will ever see Orlando again. Rick: Thank you! Dan: Amen to that. Maya: I'm getting out of here before he decides to fling anything else at us. Dan: Sounds cool. I'm with ya! Rick: You never learn, do you Dan? Dan: Hey, it's got to work some day. Rebecca: [Sniggers] Yeah, right. [They file out. The screen goes blank.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAVM conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Sylia shot back, "Are you working for GENOM?" > "Who? Some new corporation?"