Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Our sixteenth MSTing! We're working on three projects at once, two of which are co-MSTings, so we've got plenty of excuses for running late on this. I'm gonna need them all! More Than Meets The Eye is copyright Ron Keating and Justin Tucker, neither of which could come up with a more imaginitive title. Transformers is copyright Hasbro/Kenner or something like that. Sailor Moon is copyright Naoko T./DiC ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Dan, Tsuneo, Rebecca and Rick are already in the room, sitting around the coffee table. Rick and Dan are seated on the forward-facing couch, Rebecca occupies the other couch, and Tsuneo sits directly in front of the TV on the computer chair, facing the table. Each of them has a hand of cards, and a large number of cards are spread out on the table.] Tsuneo: ...but it was great working with her. Samantha's a pro, all right. Rebecca: Oh yeah? You should have seen the way he was looking at her. Rick: Do tell. Tsuneo: No fair! Rebecca: Yep! you could tell he had the hots for her... or something. I dunno what goes on inside that head of yours. Tsuneo: Thanks a bunch, Rebecca. You finished yet? Rebecca: Not yet... [She draws some cards from a stack on the table] Hmmm... Yup, go for it. Tsuneo: Okay. [He places two cards on the table.] I'm playing Deb Soulstone to my haven, and playing the Dibs List on her, for the Fanboy skill. Oh, and Rick? Rick: What? Tsuneo: [Puts another card down by Rick] Fanfic Sign! Back to your haven for a turn. Rick: Dang, frk, freakin'... Rebecca: [Sniggers] Oh yeah. That guy, Mohan we told you about. He was there too. Tsuneo: Yeah, he was doing great! Dan: Really? Was Sandara there too? Rebecca: Nice try, but no. Dan: Aww... Tsuneo: Anyway... Let's see, Kintobor's Closet- Rebecca: Which I'm still waiting for him to come out of. Rick: Oh, how droll. Tsuneo: Hmm... dimensional location. No chance. King Of The Net? [Starts muttering to himself.] Rick: Anyway, you said it was a self-insertion? Rebecca: Yeah, and a bad one too. We had DJ Croft, the fifth child, god boy extraordinaire, ace EVA pilot and illegitimate spawn of Fox Mulder and Lara Croft. Dan: Ye, gods! Sounds fatal. Tsuneo: It damn near was. [Goes back to studying locations] Rebecca: And he had a plot contrivance field a mile wide. Rick: Ouch. Was he more Kintobor god-like style, or ACL omniscient fanboy style? Tsuneo: Hmm... he was more like Pat Lee and Marissa Picard rolled into one. The litle freak claimed to know all about Seele in the first half of chapter one. Ah, hell with it. [Moves a group of cards] I'll have them meet Soulstone at the Anipike Theatre. I've got the skills for it. Rick: I dunno. I think it would be pretty hard to beat Kintobor for worst self- insertion. Dan: I disagree, actually. I think ACL's worse. I mean, the guy's given himself all these powers, yet he's so useless. Tsuneo: Bad news. [Holds up a card] Dark sonic. '+2 attack and defence to all Mobius avatars.' Rick: Any combat effect? Tsuneo: Nah, just stays on the sidelines. Dan: Natch. Just pray we don't run into Kefkain. Tsuneo: The other one's... A BU-99K KoopaBoomer. Rick: What the smeg? Rebecca: Falls over very quickly, right? Tsuneo: Right. Avoids those long, drawn-out fight scenes. [Starts playing out the combat.] Rebecca: Colt almost certainly doesn't count as self-insertion, so... I guess Mr. Analkoku here. He's bending all the other characters to his needs, AND he can take on Megatron and win. Rick: Naw. Kintobor's worse. The guy's so insentive, and even more powerfull. Rebecca: And you say Analkoku's a nice guy? Come on, he beats up Tux-boy for no good reason. I mean, other than the obvious one. Dan: Hear that? Nav's on the phone for you, Rebecca. Rebecca: Ha, ha. Tsuneo: Well, I'm done. Dan: Cool! [Looks at his hand] Naw, nothing worthwhile. Anyway... [Moves cards] I'll take on your group for your artifacts! Tsuneo: Prick. [They both deploy their cards] I haven't seen much of him yet- Rebecca: Mercifully. Tsuneo: Thank you, yes. But I'd have to say that DJ Croft is the worst ever. Dan: Get real! The guy's just a kid. Ha! Togg! Minus one attack and defence. Tsuneo: Damn. There goes Marta, and to Crow no less. Rebecca: Hah! Cop that, silicon princess! Dan: I wanted that card. [All except Dan roll their eyes.] Rick: You're useless, you know. Dan: Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Samantha's using a Big Ass Blast on Wolf. Tsuneo: Damn it! Rick: Kiss that mouse goodbye, buddy! Dan: I'll have those artefacts, thanks! Tsuneo: [Sighs] Well, I was going to lose it anyway... [Takes a card from his characters, and hands it to Dan.] Dan: Mentos? Damn you! Rebecca: Do tell. Tsuneo: 'Discard to negate the effects of one combat.' Not bad, huh? Dan: Oohhh... Voice: Morning, guys. Rebecca: Hey there, Hol. Dan: Grrr... Tsuneo: Cool it, man. Perfectly legal. Rick: Give it up, will you? Voice: Guys, could you take your positions on the couches? [Tsuneo returns the chair to the computer desk, then sits next to Rebecca on the couch.] Rebecca: Okay, what's the day's hurt? Voice: We're doing part two of 'More Than Meets the Eye.' Rick: Let's not and say we did. Voice: Tough luck. It's got to be reviewed. Anyway, there's only three chapters, so you haven't got far to go. Dan: And the fridge is empty, too. [The TV screen lights up.] Rebecca: I still say Analkoku could whip DJ Croft's ass. > Transformers vs Sailor Moon Rick: Damn, where's a Navatron when you need one? > "More Than Meets The Eye" All except Tsuneo: [Singing] Robots in disguise! Tsuneo: Help me. I'm locked in a room full of Transfans. > Part Two > A Sailor Moon Q R Super S T U V W Crisis X Y Z R P G Alpha 2 Tsuneo: [Authour] I don't really know what's going to be in it, so I'll take pot luck witht the title. > Fanfic by Ron Keating & Justin Tucker(JT) > Act/Scene/Chapter/Section/Part 4 Rick: Yuo know what I like about this guy? He's descisive. > [The decepticons have finished their "Soul Sucker".] Dan: With some help from Kefkain. > Megatron: Excellent! Now let's try out our new device! Rebeccca: [Megatron] Our thingamiwhatsit! Our doohickie! > [Soundwave and Starscream start pushing buttons and pulling levers and the > machine powers up. [All make various machine noises; whirring, beeping, humming, etc.] > Next, we see a shot of the city. Tsuneo: In all its lovely pastels. > All the people suddenly > get tired and we see the energy being sucked out of them. Dan: Slurp! Yum! > (Why is that? In > Sailor Moon, whenever someone's energy is being drained, we can see it, but > no one on the show appears to be able to see it. Tsuneo: Dramtic liscence. Suspension of disbelief. Learn. Rick: Never mind hitting a dictionary, this guy's gotta find an English class! > Hmmm...). All the energy starts going into the machine.] > Soundwave: Beginning conversion process for energon extraction. Rick: Toasting to a golden brown. Dan: Beginning spin cycle. Tsuneo: Ping rating at fourty per minute. > [The machine starts spitting out energon cubes. Starscream walks away from > the machine to the place where they fought the Sailor Scouts and stares at > the ground. We see a shot of the ground from his point of view and a small > point of light sparkles on the ground. Starscream stoops over and picks it > up. Rick: [Starscream] Oh, look! I've found a convenient plot device! > It is the silver imperium crystal. Dan: Uhh... Check that. a) there's no way she's just going to lose it, and b) if she did, she would have immediately reverted to normal. Besides, she may not even have it any more, depending on when precisely this is set. Rick: Fanboy! Dan: Well excuse me! I just happen to think that it's a major error that should be pointed out. Once again, the story's no doubt going to be based on authour mistakes in the continuity. > Starscream holds it up to his eye and examines it. Rick: [Starscream] Yup! It's a crystal! > He then places it in his storage compartment.] > -= LATER =- Rick: Should we all make stupid whirring noises or stupid whooshing noises? Rebecca: Let's not and say we didn't. > [Ankoku drives along in his van All: [Singing] Moving right along, diddy-dum, diddy-dum... > and stops by Mamoru's apartment. He takes out > the tied-together-pair of Mamoru and Chibi-Usa. He carries them up to the > apartment, opens the door, shoves them in the closet, seals it with steel, Tsuneo: How, precisely does one do that? Rebecca: Maybe it's special KoopaBrand steel, which mean you don't have to describe how your going to use it, just what you're going to do with it. > and leaves. He gets back in the van and drives away. He drives for a while > and parks by the side of the road. Usagi snaps out of the trance she was in.] Rebecca: I thought she was like that all the time. [Dan whacks her with a cushion] Rick: Naw, she would have asked for an icecream by now. [Dan whacks him with a cushion.] > Ankoku: Ok, we're here. > Usagi: Huh? Where are you taking me? Dan: [Ankoku] We're going to Disneyland! > Ankoku: Just come along with me. You'll see when we get there. > Usagi: _I don't like the sound of that._ Dan: She's going to follow him anyway. > [He leads her into an alley. He lifts a board off the ground to reveal a > ladder leading down. All: Search for secret doors! Rick: [To camera] AD&D gag. > They climb down the very long ladder into a very dark room. Rebecca: Yup, it's Sailor Moon all right! He lurks in a Dark Whatever! > You hear Tsuneo: Whoah! When did the POV change on us? > the flick of a very large sounding switch, and suddenly the > place powers up. The lights come on to reveal a huge underground room full of Rebecca: Crap. Tsuneo: Bad fanfics. > different power armors and partly built mechs. The ceiling is at least 30 > feet high.] > Ankoku: Welcome to my lab! Dan: Welcome to my nightmare! Tsuneo: *Our* nightmare. Rebecca: My god! It's Deep 13! > [Usagi looks around in awe and wonderment.] > Usagi: Cool! > Ankoku: I have something for you. This way. Rebecca: Through to the bedroom... > [Usagi follows Ankoku to a brightly colored yellow, white, red, and blue suit > of feminine-looking power armor.] Rick: Oh... how... twee. Tsuneo: [Bitter] I bet it even has a skirt. > Ankoku: I built this for you to help you fight those giant robots. Rebecca: Hoh, boy. Now she can be baked in her own foil. > Usagi: But... how did you know about them? And how did you know I would fight > them? Tsuneo: [Ankoku] I'm the authour! I know *everything!* > [Ankoku falls silent for a few moments.] > Ankoku: Here, why don't you try it on? Rick: [Usagi] No, I think it'll look cuter on you! Tsuneo: He usually wears that style anyway. Rebecca: I knew all those lessons would pay off. > [Usagi gets into the power armor and straps on all the gear.] > Ankoku: How does it feel? Okay? Rebecca: [Usagi] It feels like there's this hand right on my... > Usagi: Yeah. A bit heavy, though. > Ankoku: The jet pack on the back allows you to fly around. Give it a try. > [She does. She starts flying around the room, All: To infinity and beyond! > and in her usual clutzy way, bangs into a wall. Rick: As opposed to her unusual clutzy way. Tsuneo: You notice how he shows off his *considerable* intelligence by letting a total rookie fly a jetpack around his lab filled with no-doubt delicate stuff. > There is a loud clank and she is not even phased.] Rick: She hit it with her head, obviously. > Usagi: Oh, WOW! Cool! Tsuneo: [Usagi] I'm being treated like a total moron, and I love it! > Ankoku: I'm working on suits like that for your other sailor friends too. Rebecca: [Usagi] Will theirs have *special* attatchments too? Dan: That's enough out of you, young lady! > They're almost finished, so make sure you tell them to stop by before > they go running off to fight the Decepticons. !! I MEAN - those giant > robots. Rebecca: This is gonna sound nitpicky, but given his pedantic adherance to the Japanese SM names, shouldn't they be Destrons? > Usagi: -suspiciously- What did you call them? > Ankoku: Oh, nothing! Anyway, I should probably be giving you a ride home now. > Usagi: And why did you treat Mamo-chan and Chibi Usa like that? Dan: [Ankoku] Oh, no good reason. I just wanted to show how well I treat a girl. Rick: Wouldn't you, given the opportunity? Tsuneo: I've got first dibs on the stunty freak. > _And why couldn't I do anything about it??_ Rebecca: No... no... must not flame intelligence... > Ankoku: C'mon, we should go. > =- MEANWHILE -= > [Mamoru wakes up to find himself in a closet tied to an unconscious > Chibi-Usa.] Tsuneo: The best kind. > Voice: Endymion! Rick: [James Earl Jones] Simba! I am your father. Tsuneo: Bonus points if you get the reference. > [Mamoru, startled, looks around.] > Mamoru: Who's there! Rebecca: The Magic Voice! Voice: What? Rebecca: Nothing. > [Suddenly, the steel-reinforced closet wall blasts apart in an explosion of > blue flame Rebecca: [Makes farting noise] Whoops! Dan: That was disgusting. Rebecca: Yeah. Ain't I a stinker? [They all groan.] > and Vega is revealed standing ominously in front of him.] > Mamoru: -GASP!- Rebecca: [Mamoru] Gotta knock off those beans, man! Rick: Help. I'm having 'Homecomings' flashbacks. > Vega: You DO remember me, don't you? Dan: [Mamoru] Yeah! You cost me a lot of quarters! > Mamoru: VEGA! I thought Queen Beryl destroyed you! Rick: [Vega] I got better. > Vega: That's what she wishes my enemies to believe. I actually betrayed her > and escaped. All: Run away! > She doesn't take too lightly to defeat. But that is not > why I am here. I am here to ask a favour. Rebecca: [Vega] Can you set me up with Ankoku? [Tsuneo whacks her on the back of her head.] Tsuneo: Are you finished yet? > Mamoru: Forget it, Vega! Rick: [Mamoru] He's mine! I saw him first! [Dan sits stunned, blinking in surprise. Rebecca starts sniggering.] > Vega: All you have to do is one.. simple.. task. I can give you power beyond > your wildest dreams. Rick: [Mamoru] I don't know, I've had some pretty wild dreams. Rebecca: [To Tsuneo] You're keeping pretty quiet. Tsuneo: Let's say that neither show is exactly my favourite, and leave it at that. > Mamoru: I'll never help the likes of you... no matter what the task! Dan: [Mamoru] Not even if you ask nicely. > [Huge close-up on Vega] Dan: And if we're lucky, we can see something other than his chin! > Vega: Slay ANKOKU! Dan: [Eric Idle] Yes, friends, and now, destroy Ankoku. Kill the grand pooh-bah. Eliminate even the toughest stains. All: Yeah! Destroy Ankoku! Kill the grand pooh-bah! Eliminate even the toughest stains! > [Mamoru suddenly shows a hint of interest. He pauses for a few moments.] Rick: A short ice age goes past. > Mamoru: What kind of power? > [Vega shows a slight smirk.] Dan: Yes, this smirk can be yours, for only $9.99! > Vega: I knew you'd be interested. > [Vega does the vulcan mind meld thing Tsuneo: [Sniggers] Rick: Great. Now he's ditzing Star Trek. Dan: What's with you? Tsuneo: Sorry. 'The vulcan mind meld thing?' The authour's really sure of what he's doing, ain't he? Rebecca: Obscure trivia time! The Vulcan mind meld thing is a double reference, because Leonard Nimoy, most famous for Mr. Spock, also played the voice of Galvatron in the Transformers movie. I should just add that he's highly embarassed by this fact. Rick: Wow. Do you think that's an intentional and subtle joke by the authour? Dan: No, I think it's pure coincidence. > to Mamoru. When Mamoru opens his eyes a > few moments later, they are white and glazed over like Tsuneo: Anyone else who's been reading this fic. Dan: Hold on... [He gets up, and heads through one of the doors. After a few seconds, he returns and sits.] Just checking. > Vega's. Also, the mask > and tux have been transformed by his new found power to a mix between Vega's > own suit and Endymion's armor.] Rebecca: [Rubs head] So... that would make it... a poofy red suit with shoulder plates, a sword and a dumb cap. Tsuneo: Don't forget the cape. > Vega: Now, my friend, you have supreme power. You can crush whatever > obstacles stand in your way! Tsuneo: What's the bets he's just as useless as always? > [Mamoru looks down at his hand. He clenches it into a fist and it ignites > with blue flame. Rick: [Mamoru] Ow! Oh, ow! Hot! Ow! > A chaotic look of supreme ego/power comes over his face. A > smirk of sheer evil as well.] Tsuneo: Basically, the trademarked maniacal grin. > Vega: Good, good. Now, help me destroy our common foe! > Mamoru: Yes, master. Ankoku shall die. Rick: And the world shall be a better place. > [Mamoru teleports away, leaving Vega there, laughing diabolically.] > Vega: And as for you, my little pink-haired one... Rebecca: Anyone ever worry about Vega's hobbies? Rick: I don't know, he could just be into dwarf throwing. Tsuneo: What? Rick: It's a popular pub sport in New Zealand. Tsuneo: [Pauses for thought] Hey, I like that idea! > Act/Scene/Chapter/Section/Part 5 Rebecca: [Miss Piggy] Whatever. > [There is a meeting of the Sailor Scouts. Everyone is there, even Setsuna, Dan: For no good reason. She's just there. Rebecca: She's on a filming break from 'Full Circle.' > Miciru, and Haruka. Tsuneo: And maybe even Michuru. > Everyone except, of course, Usagi.] Rick: For which we should be thankfull at least twice daily. > Rei: I wonder where she is this time. Rebecca: Uh... actually, I'd better not. > Luna: I'm starting to get worried. She didn't come home. Tsuneo: You make it sound like that's a bad thing. > Artemis: Oh, well. No sense wasting any more time. Let's get started. It > seems those three robots from the negaverse are draining the energy > of the people in the city. Dan: So why aren't they effected? Rebecca: Maybe all the silicon jams the machine's effects. Dan: Stop right there, young lady. Rebecca: Oh, what, and you're saying they're built like real 14 year olds? Dan: You didn't know my sister. [Rick's eyes bug out] > We have to stop them, but the problem is > we don't have enough power to fight them. Dan: Uh? Hey? Since when? They've got *Pluto* on their side? Rick: It's a scientifically proven fact that the presence of Authour Avatars reduces ther main characters to a state of uselessness. Dan: Well there you go. > Ami: We'll have to find a way to stop them but avoid combat. > (This is a real puzzler for the Sailor Scouts. An episode with no fighting??? > ... ... ...NAAAAAWWWWWW!) Dan: Yeah. They always prefer not to fight. Never mind their actual views or opinions though, just keep doing what you want. > Usagi: No we don't!! > [They all look up into the sky and see "Sailor Cyber Moon" flying overhead > and yelling down to them.] > All: eeeeeh? Rick: My thoughts exactly. > [Sailor Cyber Moon lands.] > C-Moon: This gorgeous-looking guy made us some power armor to fight the > robots! Dan [Usagi]: He also beat up my boyfriend and daughter, but never mind about that! > Haruka: ALRIGHT! Let's get moving!! > C-Moon: Hey. Where's Chibi-Usa? Dan: [Usagi] And where were you guys when he was beating them up, anyway? Rebecca: [Scout] Wouldn't *you* like to know? > [Silence. Everyone looks around, quick-headedly, with big drops o' sweat.] > Minako: We thought she was with you. > [Silence. A tumbleweed rolls by.]   Tsuneo: Where the smeg do those come from anyway? Rick: It's a stylistic wossname. Tsuneo: You mean the kind of thing he keeps trashing? Rick: Natch. > Usagi: Aaah, she's probably just at Mamo-chan's. Rick: [Scout] Just as long as she's as far away as possible! Tsuneo: Amen! > [There is a mood of "I somehow doubt it..." amongst the Sailor Scouts.] > Luna: Anyway, we'd better get going if we're going to take on those robots! Rick: [Usagi] Yeah! Let's hurry on and get slaughtered! > All: Right! Dan: My god, we've been ported into Power Rangers! [Tsuneo falls off the couch, clutching his chest.] Rebecca: Ya big wuss. > [Usagi takes off and leads them to Ankoku's place.] > =- MEANWHILE -= > [Megatron and Starscream are arguing. (Heaven forbid). Rick: [Gypite-Thyne] Don't point that moot at me, Moriarty! Dan: [To camera] Anyone who gets that one, please write in and tell me what it means. > Megatron takes an offensive stance.] Tsuneo: [Starscream] I find your stance very offensive! [He climbs back onto the couch] > Megatron: I don't care about your stupid crystal! It's a worthless piece of > cosmic junk! All I care for is to return to Cybertron and DESTROY Prime! Tsuneo: [Megatron] And escape the fanfic! > [Megatron smacks the silver imperium crystal out of Starscream's hand and it > smashes on the ground and shatters into 7 different colored pieces. Dan: Just like that. Uh-huh. Rick: Probably hit a stray plot contrivance lying around the junkyard. Tsuneo: There's plenty to go around. > Megatron > and Starscream begin fighting. Meanwhile, Soundwave walks over and inspects > the rainbow crystals. He pauses for a moment. He picks them up and starts > running some experiments on them while Megatron and Starscream continue > fighting.] Rick: Now *there's* an original developement. Didn't see that one coming. > Soundwave: Master Megatron. Starscream. Your attention please. > [They stop fighting (eventually -JT) Rick: So one of them's scrap now, right? I mean, no-one interfered, and it's not exactly like those two are terribly friendly... Rebecca: Actually, no. Starscream probably just started grovelling again. Rick: Well don't you think it would be worth mentioning, then? Rebecca: Yes. But I'm not the authour. > and go over next to Soundwave.] > Soundwave: These crystals have enormous amounts of power. I believe they may > be an asset to attaining our goal. Dan: [Soundwave] We can flog 'em for the cash! > Jedite: Ha! I laugh at your puny attempt to damage me. All: Huh? Dan: He's friggin' dead! Rebecca: [British] I'm getting better! > [The Transformers look up. On top of a mound of junk is Jedite.] Tsuneo: There's a lot of junk in this scene. > Megatron: Get outa here! You had your scene already! You have no more parts > for the rest of this show! [All sit in stunned silence] > [Jedite pulls out a copy of the script and flips through it.] > Jedite: Really?? > [After he finishes the book...] > Jedite: Hey, you're right. Sorry. > [He walks off.] [Huge sweatdrops trickle down the backs of all the audience's heads.] Tsuneo: Uh... uh... um... help? Rick: That was there... because... why? Dan: I suppose it's his feeble attempt at humour. Rebecca: I suppose we should consider ourselves entertained. [Long pause] All: Ha. Ha. Ha. > Starscream: What an idiot. Someone should freeze him in a block of ice for > the rest of eternity. Dan: I'd like to point out here that the Japanese Queen Beryl actually did kill Jedite, not just imprison him, but I won't since that's a hopelessly fanboyish thing to do and I'll get clouted for it. Thank you and good night. [Rick applauds, while Rebecca glares furiously at Dan] > Female Voice: You nega-twirps ready to rumble! All: [Announcer] Get ready to rumble! Rick: No, Frenzy! [Tsuneo swings around and delivers a huge blow with a thrown cushion.] Auntie Em! There's no place like home! > [The Decepticons turn around.] > C-Moon: We're the Cyber Sailor Scouts! Rebecca [Bored]: Whoop-de-shit > And that means you're in big trouble! Tsuneo: Scarey, scarey, don't we look mean. > Starscream: It's those same girls from before! Rick: No, it's just any old random bunch of girls who love to throw themselves futiley into combat against giant robots. OF COURSE IT'S THE SAME GIRLS! Rebecca: Cool it, Rick. You're getting like Dan there. Dan: Hey! Rick: I take that personally! Dan: Hey! > Megatron: Back to get beaten again? Please, girls, stop fooling yourselves. > We've won, clearly. Dan: Except now they're going to win because they've got Analkoku's stuff. I feel sick. > C-Jupiter: That's what you think! Take this! JYUPITAA ELEKUTORO BULAAAAASUTO! > [Her whole suit electrifies Rebecca: ZAP! [Jupiter] Oww! > and sends out a massive electrical energy blast, > knocking Megatron to the ground. Starscream takes a couple of shots at the > scouts and manages to knock down Ami.] > C-Mars: MAAZU FAIAA INFAANOOO! [Stunned silense] Dan: Wha? > [Mars' whole suit also powers up to shoot a massive stream of fire, hitting > Starscream in the shoulder and melting it a little.] Rick: Ow. Oh. He must be really feeling that. Rebecca: Brawn did. Rick: Hey! He's NOT dead! It was just a flesh wound! Rebecca: He's dead. Rick: Is not. Rebecca: Scavanger killed Prowl with one shot. Brawn was shot by Megster. He's frigging dead. Live with it. Rick: No way can you get killed from a shoulder hit. He's not dead. Rebecca: Is to dead! Rick: Is not! Tsuneo: Amazing. A holy war and you're not in it, Dan. Dan: They're so immature. > Starscream: AAAARRGH! You little bitchoid! (I know, I know... "bitchoid"? Rebecca: Uh, yeah. My thoughts exactly. > Well, at least he didn't use "slag" or "slagin'" -JT) Dan: I get the feeling that might be preferable. > [Soundwave stands up and fires off his shoulder cannon. It hits Cyber-Neptune > square in the torso, severely damaging her armor, Rebecca: Is that all? Should've reduced her to Crispyscout (TM). Tsuneo: Remember whose armour they're wearing. Rebecca: Grr... > and sending her flying > back. She lands on the ground, unconscious. Cyber Uranus runs over to help > her.] > C-Venus: SAIBAA LABULII BIIMU! Dan: I've got no clue whatsoever as to what that should mean. Rebecca: BIG ASS BLAST! Rick: [Makes explosion and chicken clucking noises.] > [She blasts this huge beam at them. Megatron and Starscream both dodge to the > side and Soundwave gets hit.] Rick: I see Soundwave's up to his usual standards. > Soundwave: Lazerbeak! Razorbeak! All: Uh? Rebecca: Razorbeak? Maybe he means Buzzsaw? > Transform! Operation: Interception! Rebecca [Soundwave]: Nav, Bane, eject. Operation: Termination. > [Two cassetes pop out of Soundwave's chest and transform themselves into > bird-like robots. Dan: Watch that glass... never mind, he can fix it. > They then begin attacking the sailor scouts. The battle > rages on for a while and eventually the scouts are down on the ground getting > their asses kicked by the Decepticons. The Decepticons have taken a bit of > damage too.] Tsuneo: You know, that's one of the best battle scenes I've ever seen outside of a Koopa fic. > Megatron: I have you now! You puny human wench! Rebecca: [Bored] Now what does this remind me of? > [Suddenly, Megatron gets hit in the side of the arm by a barrage of mini > missiles. The Transformers look up to see Ankoku flying in to the rescue.] Tsuneo: Question: Why didn't he join them earlier? Rebecca: Question: Do we really care? > Ankoku: I don't think so. BIGGU LEIZAAAA! Rick: You know that one almost made sense. Tsuneo: Never mind that he was using English attack names last chapter. > [A big lazer cannon pops out of the back of Ankoku's power armor Rebecca: I'd love to know where he's keeping it... No I don't! No I don't! > and fires a shot at Megatron. He is knocked to the ground. Dan: Do these weapons actually do any damage? Rick: Nah. Just knockdowns. > All of a sudden, before the Decepticons have a chance to react, a blue streak Rick: What, he's in this one too? Rebecca: Grey or blue? Tsuneo: We're not going to have one of those Rumble/Frenzy things again, are we? Rick & Rebecca: No. > of fire flashes Rick: Oh. Sorry. My bad. > down on Ankoku, knocking him to the ground as well. Dan: Woo-hoo! Rick: My point. > Then we get a close up of what > hit him. Piercing deep into his armor is a rose, engulfed in blue flame, > which quickly disintegrates. Dan: Hmmm... now who could this be? > We look up and see a shadowy figure floating overhead. Tsuneo: Will our mystery guest sign in please. > The light breaks on him and it is Mamoru in his COOL NEW Endymion > plus Vega costume and his eyes white and glazed over.] Rick: [Stoned] What you been smoking? > Endymion: Now, it is time for my revenge! Tsuneo: [Endymion] I'm going to force you to read the fic! Rick: That qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment, mate. > [Endymion draws his sword. It ignites with blue flame. Rick: OW! Hot! Too hot! > He comes swooping down > on Ankoku to impale him on the sword. Ankoku rolls to dodge it. Dan: [Ankoku] I got a one. Is that bad? Rick: [B.A. Feldon] Yes, it is. The flaming sword impales you, sending blood flying all over your teammates. Tsuneo, roll for a fear reaction. Rebecca; you're blinded by the blood in your eyes. Rebecca: [To camera] Ladies and gentlemen, the 'Knights of the Dinner Table' sketch. > Ankoku then > fires his missiles at Endymion. Endymion phases for a second and the missiles > pass right through him. Rick: Ew, gross! He blew out his purple knobbly bit. Tsuneo: I think he meant they passed through him harmlessly. Rick: I'm allowed to hope. > He then teleports behind Ankoku and pulls his sword > back in preparation to run him through.] > Endymion: SAIKO KURASHAA! Tsuneo: I thought he said he'd stab him. Rick: Yeah, he's gonna stab him, but he's gonna yell out 'SAIKO KURASHAA!' for the hell of it. Dan: Will you please not do that so close to my ear? > [Endymion flies straight across, his whole body alight with "Psycho Power". Rebecca: I bet he has too many beans for breakfast too. Dan: You've been reading Don Euclid again, haven't you? > He hits Ankoku, but Ankoku is knocked down by this hit. It also blows a hole > in the back of his power armor.] Tsuneo: Doesn't hurt him or anything. Rick: What's everyone else doing, anyway? Rebecca: Aw, probably fawning all over him. Dan: Even the deceps? [Dead silence] Rebecca: No, you twerp! [Smacks Dan with a cushion] > Ankoku: OOOF! Hmm.. time to pull out the big guns. Tsuneo: I think this is the part where his problems become apparent. > [Ankoku flies toward his van. Endymion sees him and follows. He shoots a ball > of psycho energy at him. It is barely dodged. Rick: Such an intense fight scene. > Ankoku gets in the van and pushes some buttons. Dan: [Ankoku] ANKOKU BUTTON PUSHING! Rick: Aack! Dan: Revenge! > All of a sudden, -Transformers transforming noise- > (something like "boocha-boogha-bink"! -JT) Rebecca: Don't bother trying, please. > the van transforms into a giant mech! Rick: Why couldn't Fasa's lawyers blat him for that? > The mech shoots a large missile at Endymion. It hits him and sends him > flying back. Rick: Again? Tsuneo: You know, there's an awfull lot of forced flight around here. > The mech activates its super speed hover boots Dan: Er... boots? What other fashion accessories does it come with? Rebecca: As long as it doesn't have huge flares and a medallion, I'm fine. > to dash over to > the Sailor Scouts. A big mechanical looking arm with a claw comes out of the > front of the mech and scoops up the sailor scouts. Rick: Give uncle Scrotor a hug! Tsuneo: You used that on our last Transformers fic. Rick: You make it sound like I care. > It then retracts into the > safety of the mech's storage compartment. The mech launches a huge bomb in > Endymion's direction Tsuneo: However, since it wasn't a missile, it detonated at his feet and destroyed him. The end. > and turns around to leave. Dan: [Ankoku] I'm gonna shoot at you and... run away. > However, as soon as it turns > around, it is stopped in its tracks. There, standing before Ankoku and his > mech, are Soundwave, and Starscream. Starscream is holding a long gun with > both hands (transformed Megatron).] Rebecca: Woo-hoo! Blast him! Rick: Ah, he'll just get a lousy shoulder shot and wound him. Dan: Hoh-boy. Here we go again. > Starscream: Going somewhere? Tsuneo: Where Do You Want To Go Today (TM)? [They all pelt him with cushions] > [-Megatron the mega gun powers up-. Rick: It never did that before, but never mind. > Starscream aims, ready to fire.] Rebecca: [Starscream] Dying time! > Starscream: Can't say it was nice knowing you! Tsuneo: [Ankoku] The feeling's mutual. > Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! Rick: Such stunningly original dialogue! Dan: *Snort* Huh? What'd you say? I fell asleep. Rebecca: You didn't miss a thing. > Jedite: Wait wait wait wait wait wait WAIT! > [Jedite pops back on screen.] Rebecca: Oh, boy. Here comes the comedy relief again. > Starscream: Oh, what is it now!! Tsuneo: [Jedite] Well, for starters, that should be a question. > Jedite: I *DO* have another part in this show! > Starscream: What?! Rebecca: Grevious Casualty #1, with any luck. > [Jedite pulls out a script and shows Starscream.] > Jedite: See? It says right here. "[Jedite stalls Starscream while Ankoku > escapes with the Sailor Scouts.]". Rick: [Kryten] Excuse me, can I distract you for a brief second? > [Jedite and Starscream look up at each other in realization of what was just > said. They look around. No sign of Ankoku. Dan: Hooray. Tsuneo: No sign of plot, either. > Starscream looks angrily back at > Jedite. Jedite puts on a huge grin and puts his hand behind his head. (big > ass drop o' sweat on his head! -JT).] Rick: Thank you *so* much for that. > Jedite: Ah.. heh, heh... ah... Rebecca: [Jedite] Gotta run! Emergency dental apointment and all! Rick: [Ditto] I've got another seventeen Sailor Moon fics to get toasted in! > [Starscream powers up the Megatron gun and blows Jedite to smitherines.] Tsuneo: Hang on, here. [The fanfic pauses] Was there any reason for him to show up? Rebecca: He's the so-called comedy relief. Tsuneo: But he wasn't actually there for any storyline reasons? Rebecca: No. Rick: In other words, the authour just used a lame-ass comedy sketch as a plot point. Dan: That... seems to be the scope of it. Tsuneo: Fine. I'm fine. Really. Just dandy. Rebecca: I bet you wish you were back on Wyoming by now. PLAY! [The fanfic restarts] > Act/Scene/Chapter/Section/Part 6 Rick: I would say something here, but I can't be bothered. Dan: Can we say 'tired joke,' kiddies? Rebecca: [Ike] Anal probe. Tsuneo: Not quite, but close. > [Chibi Usa Tsuneo: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! [He collapses to the floor in a dead faint.] Rebecca: Geez, tsuneo, why don't you just admit you're an anti-moonie and get your own gun. [No response] Rick: I think he's out for good this time. Dan: And here's us without a replacement. We'll have to wing it. [The fanfic pauses as Rick and Dan lift Tsuneo, and carry him into another room. They return, and retake their seats.] Rebecca: Is he gonna be okay? Dan: Fine. [The fanfic resumes] > begins to regain consciousness. She looks up and sees Vega looming > over her.] > Vega: Aha. I see you have regained consciousness. Rebecca: [Vega] I must try harder next time. > Ch-Usa: Huh? Who are you? Rick: [Vega] I'm Batman! > Vega: I can give you power to destroy your enemies. Join me, and together, no > one shall be able to defeat us! Dan: What the hell does he want her on side for? Rick: Game of kick the baby? Rebecca: Maybe he- Dan: No way, girl, do *not* go there! > Ch-Usa: What have you done with Mamo-chan! Rick: Nothing pleasant, with any luck. Rebecca: [Ike] Anal probe. > Vega: He is quite safe. He was smart and accepted my gift. Rick: It had such nice wrapping, too. > Now come here Dan: [Scorpion] Get over here! > so I can Rebecca: [Vega] Wring your scrawny little neck. > bestow the same power on you. > Ch-Usa: Go away! Leave me alone!! Rick: [Chibi-Usa] Leave me alone, you naughty fanfic! Dan: Please don't do that voice again. > Vega: _She's a rather stubborn one. Looks like I'll have to resort to other > measures._ Rebecca: Yeah, a frontal lobotomy would be nice! > [Vega reaches out and grabs her arm. She does that moonbeam thing Rick: Nothing special, just that moonbeam thing. > that she > always does whenever she's in trouble. The beam goes up and scars Vega's > face.] Dan: Ow! Hot! Rebecca: And that's about all she's good for. Screaming and being a trouble magnet. > Vega: AGH!.. You little wench...! Dan: [Bored] Wow. Such harsh language. > [...This forces him to let go. Chibi-Usa seizes the opportunity and escapes.] > Vega: _I can't follow her any longer for risk of being seen. Dan: You're the one who can teleport, you twerp. Figure it! > Looks like > you've escaped me this time, little one. But I'll be back for you._ > [Endymion teleports in front of Vega.] > Endymion: Lord Vega. Rick: [Vega] Yup! That's me! > Vega: Is he dispatched? > Endymion: No, my lord. Rick: [Endymion] The couriers are on strike. > I almost had him but he came back at me with a giant mech. Dan: [Endymion] A really, really big one. > Vega: I expected as much. Ankoku is quite full of surprises. Rebecca: [Major Bloodnok] Ooowww! Owowow! You naughty boy, Vega! > There is something about him we do not yet understand. Rick: It's self-insertion. It's incomprehensible. Live with it. > (Yeah, Intelligence!) [All burst out laughing] Dan: That's rich! God, but that's funny! > Endymion: I failed. Do with me as you will. Rebecca: Great! Now just get into that neat sailor suit... [Dan whacks her with a cushion] > Vega: Hm. No, unlike Beryl I know better than to destroy my allies. Dan: Well, actually... SHE BLASTS THEM BECAUSE THEY *ARE* BLOODY USELESS MORONS WHO ARE NOTHING BUT DEAD WEIGHT, OR DISOBEY HER DIRECT ORDERS MULTIPLE TIMES! Rick: Whoah, dude! Cool it! Dan: I'm... I'm sorry. This guy's evil. That's all. > And speaking of allies... about the girl. Dan: Oh yeah, she's evil too. Rick: Eh? I thought you liked that show. Dan: One exception. > Endymion: Chibi-Usa? What about her? Rebecca: She's an annoying, cute, furry bogflop. Rick: What an interesting term. > Vega: I sense she has great power locked within that seemingly fragile > child's body. Rebecca: [Vega] That's why we're starting the drilling operations tomorrow. Dan: Lay off her, okay? She's a great kid. And that's a wig, anyway. Rebecca: I thought you said you didn't like her. Dan: On screen, no. > Endymion: She does, my lord. > Vega: Yet, she also has a tough will and is unwilling to listen to me. Rick: Hardly surprising. > Endymion: I don't think I get your drift. Rick: Endymion: Surfer dude without a clue! Dan: Eh? Rick: Never mind. > [Vega looks Endymion square in the eyes.] Dan: [Endymion] Oh, there it is! > Vega: I believe she could prove quite a formidable ally. YOU are the only one > she will listen to. YOU must convince her to join us. Rick: [Vega] Together, we can turn her to the dark side of the Force. > Endymion: ... > [Endymion looks uncomfortable.] Dan: [Endymion] Damn, these boxers are so itchy... > Endymion: ... a.. alright. Dan: [Endymion] Ah, whatever. [Muttered] I still think you're chin's fake. Rebecca: [Vega, muttered] No more so than your pecs, buddy. Dan: [Endymion, muttered] Dumbass. Rebecca: [Vega, muttered] Penguin boy. > Vega: Good. Then you are dismissed. Report back to me when you are ready for > further instructions. In the meantime, if you happen to encounter > Ankoku, destroy him at all cost. Be ready for anything. Rick: [Vega] Did you think of Aardvarks? Rebecca: [To camera] Obscure is his middle name! > Endymion: Yes, my lord. Dan: [Endymion, muttered] Ya great, big pansy. > [Endymion teleports away. Vega laughs "villanously" All: Ha! Ha, ha! Ha! Hahaha! > as he floats up into the sky Rick: What happened to the apartment roof? Rebecca: CRACK! [Vega] D'oh! > and also teleports away.] [All make transporter noises] Rebecca: Hey, we're doing fine without Wonder Boy. > -= MEANWHILE =- Rick: Ness and his men race to Capone's hideout. Rebecca: Obscure trivia you didn't want to know: Robert Stack, who played Eliot Ness in 'The Untouchables' also played the voice of Ultra Magnus in the Transformers movie. Dan: So that riff's got double value. Rebecca: This educational tidbit brought to you once again by Elmer Studios. Give us money and we'll stop. > [As the mech approaches the main streets, it transforms back into a van > (insert COOL Transformers noise -JT). Rebecca: At least he didn't try to type it this time. > Ankoku drives the Sailor Scouts back to > his underground laboratory (is it really a laboratory, though? What do you > call a place like that? You don't perform any experiments there, but is it > still called a lab? It's not really a base or a factory either. If anyone has > any idea of a better word for this place, e-mail Ron).] Rick: [Ron] While you're at it, does anyone actually know what happens to your left sock in the wash? I mean, do they get lost in the workings? Do they disintegrate, or what? And while you're at it, does anyone know where I left my car keys? Dan: Free hint: How about 'workshop?' > Ankoku: Well, we owe the negaverse a favour. > Girls: eeeeeeh? > Ankoku: Jedite really saved our butts back there. > Ami: He did? > Usagi: I thought that guy was dead. Dan: Oh, you finally noticed, did you? Rick: Well, he is now! Rebecca: [Laughing] This is *so* lame! > Ankoku: Anyway, I have to repair your armor. Dan: [Ankoku] Not that it was *damaged* or anything, you just got flung around. > That was a pretty intense fight. Rebecca: Oh yeah, real intense. Rick: Almost as edge-of-your-seat as the great "Colt is killed by the 4 Teknomen" battle. > Meanwhile, make yourselves at home. Dan: Kiss your fridge goodbye. > There's not really a whole lot of > food here. I usually, ah, go to Mamoru's house when I'm hungry. > (Which is not really a lie. He does eat there.) Rick: [Ankoku] Yeah, I always go over there, punch up ol' Tux Boy and raid his fridge. > Usagi: Oh! You're friends with Mamo-chan?? Rick: That's not the word I'd use. > Ankoku: ... Me and him go way back. Dan: [Ankoku] It all started in fifth grade... Rebecca: [Ditto] But we're just good friends! Really! > (This is also not a lie. Dan: It is, because she asked if you were friends, but never mind. > They've hated each other for a VERY long time.) > [The girls and the cats make themselves at home. Luna and most of the girls > are wandering around looking at the various unfinished mechs, Rebecca: [Scout] Why has this one got a- [Dan hits her - hard - with a cushion.] > while Rei, Makoto, and Artemis, who are soon joined by Usagi, pig out.] Dan: Wow. Even the descriptive passages are out-of-character. Rebecca: [Rei] Does he have any cucumbers? Dan: YOU ARE EVIL! [Whacks Rebecca repeatedly with a cushion] Rebecca: It was worth it, damn it, it was worth it! Rick: [Buries face in hands] > =- MEANWHILE -= > [We see a television screen depicting different scenes of the Decepticons.] [All suddenly look around] All: Huh? Rick: Is someone taping this, or something? Voice: Yes. Dan: [Looks at camera] Oh yeah. Enjoying the show? Rebecca: Stop being a moron! [Whacks him with a cushion] > Soundwave: Now look what your blundering has done! We shall never achieve > readiness at this rate! Where are we to aquire a new > winkle-hickey? Rick: Haven't we already seen this? Dan: Maybe they *still* haven't found one. > Starscream: Me? You're the one whose big fat head was in the way! > Megatron: Stop squabbling. We can construct a new winkle-hickey using parts > from that smashed up 70's corvette. Rick: And while we're at it, why that *particular* make of car? I'm sure it doesn't have any special parts. Rebecca: Ah, but that specific one had a plot contrivance field. > [The scene changes.] Dan: Nah, it looks better in red. > Megatron: Those bothersome humans have evaded us! > Soundwave: Megatron, we must concentrate on finishing construction of the > energy converter. > Megatron: Yes. Then those puny humans will pay! Hahahahahaha! Dan: Yeah, this scene is painfully familiar. > [We then see a shot of who's watching the TV. Rick: Us! > GMJoe, Dan: Who's obviously feeling a lot better now. > Andrew (the arcade guy), Rick: [Andrew] What's this bloody pulp here on the floor? > Yuuichiru (Chad), Rebecca: What's a Chad when it's at home? Rick: It's a small central African republic. Dan: It's a surfboarding, Californian beach-bum temple assistant. Rebecca: In Japan? Dan: Yup! Rebecca: I prefered Rick's answer. It made more sense. > Naru (Molly), Gurio (Melvin), Dan: I'd still love to know how he figures that. > and the other six rainbow crystal carriers are assembled Rick: [announcer] Some assembly and glue required. Rebecca: [Ditto] Especially for GMJoe. > and watching the TV.] Dan: Never mind that one of them's currently in Africa. > GMJoe: After the incedent at the arcade, I decided to follow the strange > robots Dan: How? You were a bloody pulp (TM). Rick: [GMJoe] I got better! > to their base in the junkyard. I took these clips with my camcorder. Dan: Which he's had since... when? Rick: Since he got beat into a bloody pulp. > [Back to the TV.] > Megatron: I don't care about your stupid crystal! It's a worthless piece of > trash! Dan: He, uh, said 'cosmic junk,' not 'trash.' Rebecca: Shut up, you hear. You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! > [Megatron smacks the silver imperium crystal out of Starscream's hand and it > smashes on the ground and shatters into 7 different colored pieces.] Rick: [Starscream, whiny] You broke my shiny thing! Rebecca: [Muttered] At least it wasn't a Plot Device. > [GMJoe pauses the tape and zooms in on the crystals.] > GMJoe: See that? Dan: Yes, it's called a TV screen. NEXT! > Greg: It's the rainbow crystals! Rebecca: Naw. > Hercules: (In a real deep voice -JT) Meow. Rick: That needed saying. > GMJoe: Right. Watch this. Rick: [GMJoe] Baywatch is on. > [Back to the TV.] > Soundwave: Master Megatron. Starscream. Your attention please. Rick: [Soundwave] There's a bloody pulp with a camcorder over there. > [They stop fighting and go over next to Soundwave.] > Soundwave: These crystals have enormous amounts of power. I believe they may > be an asset to attaining our goal. > [GMJoe stops the tape.] Dan: [Umino] Aw, it was just getting to my favourite part! > GMJoe: So after they drain the energy of everyone in the city, they'll find > out about us carriers and try to take control of us and use our powers > to help them conquer the rest of the world! Rick: [Megatron] Are you pondering what I'm pondering? Rebecca: [Soundwave] I think so, Megatron, but where are we going to find Leonard Nimoy in Tokyo? > Gramps: Then what can we do to stop them? Dan: Nothing! Rick: You could bleed on them. > GMJoe: We'll have to take them on! Rebecca: We'll throw ourselves under their feet, and make them trip up. > Gurio: You mean FIGHT them?! Rick: No, he meant in a ballroom dancing competition. > Naru: But they're big robots and we're just little humans. We don't stand a > chance against them! Rebecca: Of course! You know how GMJoe was meant to have been beaten into a bloody pulp, yet is mysteriously better? Dan: Yeah? Rebecca: It's Nav in disguise! He's trying to goad them into killing themselves and saving him the trouble. Dan: Only you'd say something like that. > [GMJoe smirks and adjusts his glasses.] > GMJoe: That's where you're wrong. I have a plan. Rick: [Baldrick] I have a cunning plan, milord. > Gurio, Andrew, come with me. The rest of you sit tight. Dan: Any reason why those two? Just wondering. Rebecca: He thinks they're the cutest. [Dan whacks her with a cushion] > [GMJoe, followed by Gurio and Andrew go into another room. The others look > at each other in confused wonderment. A while passes and they come back > into the room, GMJoe carrying a large rolled up sheet of paper under his > arm.] > GMJoe: Okay, we've just discussed it and we think it may just work. Rick: [GMJoe] We're going to build an extra story onto the arcade, and put in a swimming pool. > [GMJoe holds up the paper and it unravels to reveal the plans for a huge mech > which appears to be composed of many smaller mechs.] Dan: Since when were any of these guys mecha designers? It's not the kind of thing you just pick up overnight. Rick: Since about, oh, five minutes ago. Rebecca: [Muttering] Lemon dice, lemon dice... > GMJoe: Project A-Korn! [Stunned silence] Rick: [Stan] Dude, this is pretty ****ed up right here. > (I'm sorry.) (Yes, he is. -JT) Rebecca: We're regretting it. Rick: Yes we are. Dan: Instead of apologizing, why not think of something better? Um... > Yuuichiru: Whoa! Awesome! Do we, like, get do drive that thing or what? All: What! > GMJoe: Each one of us will have an individual mech which we can transform and > combine together as this big mech. Rick: Well, there goes any semblance of reason or seriousness. It's sort of like they got half-way through the fic and just gave up. Rebecca: Oh, god. I suppose they're going to wear bright spandex outfits too. > Hercules: (Same deep voice -JT) Meow. Dan: I have to agree. Rick: I think he said it best. > Greg: How do you propose to build this? Rick: Let's see... We need three miles of shoelaces, a whole lot of brown paper, two dozen assorted cardboard boxes, a tanker load of vodka and the left sock of a basketball star. Dan: Eh? Rebecca: Well it makes more sense than their plan. > Gurio: We don't have to. Dan: That makes sense. Rick: Maybe they're just going to go down to Mechs 'R' Us. > All: eeeeeeh? > Andrew: It should be waiting for us at the arcade. Dan: Uuhh... of course. Fine. > [Greg, Gurio, and Andrew look at each other and smile widely.] Rick: Never mind that it was Greg who was asking in the first place. > -= LATER =- > [The same gang as above arrive at the arcade. Rebecca: Or, rather, what's left of it. > Sure enough, the mechs are > there waiting for them, just as Andrew had said. Dan: Throught the miracles of plot contrivances. > Everyone is very confused at > this point (as, I'm sure, you readers are, but you'll find out what's going > on soon enough).] Dan: Aw, gee, mom, do we have to? > Yuuichiru: Whoa! Like, STELLAR! > (Sorry, I just had to put that in.) Rick: No you didn't. No-one was forcing you. > GMJoe: Alright, everybody! Let's get moving! Let's show those robots who > they're dealing with! Dan: [GMJoe] A bunch of morons who can't pilot mecha to save their lives! > [They all strike a dumb "Gee-We're-So-Cool" team pose, fists clenched in > front of their faces...] All: RIGHT! > All: YEAH! > [The camera pans across as we see each person mount into their mech in turn > from left to right. Okay, time for descriptions of the mechs: Rick: Shock, horror! Descriptions! > *(First, NOTE: The mechs aren't as big as big as you think (they are > Constructicon size and still form into the big, kick-ass robot which is > Devastator size -JT).* > GMJoe: A larger, scaled up version of what he transformed into when the > negaverse took control of him. Rick: That must look truly intimidating. Rebecca: I suppose it's got a UFO Catcher doll gun. > Hercules: A giant cat-robot that looks exactly like him. Exactly. Rebecca: Uh... does that include the fur, flat face, whiskas and... Dan: Lady, you stay well clear of that one! > Gramps: A big humanoid mech resembling Arnold Schwartzeneggar. Dan: Complete with huge cigar, huge lung cancer and huge wad of cash! Rick: Obviously it's only good for standing around in. Once you get into action, you need it's stunt double. > The Priest: Ever see "Warrior Nun"? Rick: No, and I don't think anyone else did, either. > That's what this mech looks like. :) Dan: So it looks like a video sleeve or something? Please be more specific in future. > Peggy: A big knight-like mech with a paintbrush for a sword and a pallete for > a shield. Rebecca: Oh, scarey. Dan: I suppose it's going to paint Soundwave purple. Rick: It's Niel Yomotov on a bad day! > The Archeologist: A big dude with a giant spade for a weapon. Dan: Is it just me, or are these getting worse. > Greg: A larger, scaled up version of that COOL robot thing he turned into > when the negaverse got him -JT. Rick: That helps. That really helps. > Andrew/Yuuichiru: These two share a mech which is made entirely out of arcade > machines and has a rocket surfboard. Rebecca: Bet you anything it hogs quarters like nothing else. > Gurio/Naru: These two share a mech which looks like Tuxedo Melvin. Rick: You're right; they are getting worse. > [Then they all take off toward the junkyard.] Rebecca: [Makes explosion and chicken clucking noise.] > =- MEANWHILE -= > [Ankoku's underground lab. He approaches the girls.] Dan: They move away for obvious reasons. > Ankoku: Well, I've been thinking. I fixed the power armor, but I fear that > the worst is yet to come. I had underestimated the Decepti.. er, ah, > giant robots Rick: I'm not an alien! > the first time and have come to the conclusion that > these suits alone do not have enough power to stop them. I had > anticipated this earlier and had begun construction on mechs for you > people. Rick: I'm still not an alien! > It may take a while, but I think through the magic of > plot descrepancies, All: Eh? Rebecca: That... that... um... help? Rick: I... uh... um... Dan: Oh, my... Tsuneo [Entering room] About the only way Ankoku could ever get anything done. [He resumes his place] Rick: You okay man? Tsuneo: I'm watching this, aren't I? Rebecca: Natch. Dan: Good to have you back. That one was almost too much for us. Tsuneo: And he misspelt discrepancies, anyway. Dan: I take that back. > I can have them done in a matter of a few hours. Rick: Then I'll ram my ova depositor down your throat and lay an egg in your chest. But I'm still not an alien! > In the meantime, I think you girls should have another go at them > with the power armor, Rebecca: [Ankoku] Even thought you just got massacred, I think you deserve it again. > just in case the mechs aren't needed. Tsuneo: Are you blind, man? You wrote them as useless, just so they'd need your mechs, and now you think they won't need them anyway. > And even if they are, you can wear the robots down a bit first. > Luna: I agree. Let's go, Sailor Scouts. Rebecca: [Luna] I'll take up the rear echelon position. > [The scouts suit up and take off.] Dan: [Cat] Why don't we just strap on our jet-powered rocket pants, and junior birdman our way outta here? > -= ALSO MEANWHILE =- Tsuneo: Shall I point out that that phrase doesn't exist? > [Chibi-Usa runs home. She bursts Rick: Eew! They're gonna be scraping that off the wall for weeks! > into the house and tries to find Usagi. Of > course, she's not home. She turns to leave Usagi's bedroom when suddenly > Endymion teleports in front of her.] All: [Hum Sephiroth theme from FF7] > Ch-Usa: -GASP- Mamo-chan?! Rick: [Endymion] Err... no! That'll fool her. > Endymion: Chibi-Usa... Tsuneo: the greatest evil ever to be unleashed upon man. > [He gives her a hug. (a FATHERLY hug, you sickos! -JT)] Rebecca: I wasn't going to say anything. Dan: I have to wonder why he feels the need to point that out. > Ch-Usa: How did you get here so fast? What's wrong? Your eyes... Rick: [Kid] What great big eyes you have, grandma. > Endymion: Help me, Chibi-Usa. Rick: [Endymion] You're my only hope. [Static noise] > Ch-Usa: Help you? How? Rebecca: Stand a little closer to this meat grinder. > Endymion: Help me get back at Ankoku for treating us like he did! Dan: Sounds like fun. Kill the bastard! > [Chibi-Usa catches on. She knows Vega got to him.] Rick: Yeah, well Vega's really getting to me too. > Ch-Usa: NOOOOO! Dan: [Chibi-Usa] You're not my real father! > [She tries to run away. Endymion grabs her arm. She tries to break free. His > grip is too tight.] Rebecca: [Chibi-Usa] Ow! Ow! Chinese burn! > Endymion: Join the dark side! All: [Hum Star Wars imperial theme] > Ch-Usa: NOOOOO! > Endymion: I am your father! Rick [Luke Skywalker]: Nooo! I'll never join you! > Ch-Usa: NOOOOO! Rebecca: [BW Megatron] Yeeess. > Endymion: Nothing can stand in our way if we let our powers combine! Dan: [Endymion] Join me, and together we shall rule the galaxy as father and brat. > Ch-Usa: NOOOOO! I'll never serve evil! Rebecca: Funny, I thought you were. Rick: No, she said she won't *serve* evil. Rebecca: My comment stands. > Endymion: Oh, I think Vega will feel differently. > [Endymion teleports with Chibi Usa to Vega's hideout in Thailand.] Dan: Uh... no. Just no. > Vega: Endymion. Aaaah. I see you have the girl. Tsuneo: [Endymion] Yeah, but she was a bitch to get throught customs. > Endymion: Yes. She puts up quite a struggle, though. Rick: Geez, amn, you are a wimp. Just clout her with a polo mallet. Problem solved! Dan: Guys, I think you're getting a bit too nasty here. > Vega: Yes, that will all change. > [Vega grabs her other arm and does the mind meld thing. Tsuneo: Now it's not even the Vulcan mind meld thing. > Chibi Usa tries to > struggle at first, but eventually relaxes and falls limp. When he is done, > she opens her eyes and they are white and glazed over. She now wears a suit > which is like a CUTE little version of Vega's suit, only with a skirt and > high-heeled boots.] All: Spew! Tsuneo: The authour either has the worst dress sense in the world, or serious problems. Probably both. > Vega: That's better. Now, Endymion. Go and find Ankoku while I train Chibi > Usa to master psycho power. Rick: [Vega] And don't forget to pick up my laundry! > Endymion: Yes, my lord. Rick: [Endymion] Yes, oh high and mighty toilet hog. > [He teleports away.] Dan: BLIP! FWOOSH! > -= MEANWHILE =- > [The Decepticons' machine is working away, draining the people's energy Tsuneo: Except for any characters that have appeared in this fic. Dan: Pot contrivance field must be protecting them. > and giving the Decepticons energy. Soundwave is testing the crystals.] Dan: Never mind that magical energy is complete out of his field of expertise. > Soundwave: I believe I have found a way to harness the powers of the > crystals. Rebecca: So Soundwave's a Feng Shui expert? Rick: He is! Just ask Rakshasa. Dan: Ouch. > Megatron: Well, what is it? Rick: [Soundwave] It's a crystal. I thought I just said that. > Soundwave: Each contains the spark of an ancient demonic presence. If we > could construct units from the scrap metal, Dan: Sounds about as plausible as the Ultra Magnus repair scene. Tsuneo: Ie: As much as anything else in this crappy fanfic. Rick: Couldn't help yourself, could you? > we could install the > crystalized demons into their sparks (the Transformers' "soul" or > essence -JT). This would give them great power. We could also > construct a machine to keep them under our control. Rick: Man, they can construct a machine to do everything out of just scrap metal. > Megatron: Excellent idea, Soundwave! Get to work on it right away! Dan: Man, they're gonna need a lot of winkle-hickeys. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Send questions, answers, comments, criticism, etc to Ron Keating or Justin Tucker. Dan: You don't want us to. Really. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Back Rick: To reality. [The TV switches off.] Voice: So. Rick: Uuhh... Voice: Well, see you guys next time for part three. Rebecca: AARRGGHH!! NO WAY! Tsuneo: Just cool it, will ya? Okay, we've gotten throught the worst. Surely He can't do anything to shock us more than he already has. Rick: You'll be eating those words, you watch. Dan: Anyway, back to the game. [Picks up cards] I beleive I was just about to whip Tsuneo's hide. Tsuneo: Mentos, remember? Dan: Dang. It was worth a try though. [The screen goes blank.] Tsuneo: Dan, you'd cheat at a one-player game. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Megatron: Get outa here! You had your scene already! You have no more parts > for the rest of this show!