Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 17! Or 18! Er... Whatever. It gets rather confused with working on multiple experi... Er, projects at once. On with the hurt! More Than Meets The Eye is copyright Ron Keating and Justin Tucker, neither of which could come up with a more imaginitive title. Transformers is copyright Hasbro/Kenner or something like that. Sailor Moon is copyright Naoko T./DiC ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Tsuneo enters. He looks around a bit, and then goes over to the couch facing the TV and sits down.] Tsuneo: Where is everyone? [Suddenly, Rebecca pops up from behind the couch holding a Megatron toy in gun mode] Rebecca [Shouting]: BANG! BANG BANG BANG! BANG!!! Tsuneo [Startled]: Wha??? [Dan pop sup from behind the other couch with a Glavatron toy in Gun mode] Dan: Take this! [The gun makes bleeping noises] Tsuneo: Eh? [Rick leaps out from behind the door with a Shockwave toy in gun mode] Rick: And this! [The gun makes bleeping noises] Tsuneo: Help me. I'm surrounded by TransFans. [The three of them sit down on the couches. Rebecca is next to Tsuneo, and Rick and Dan are on the other couch] Tsuneo: Was that really neccessary, guys? Rebecca: Well, I thought that since we were finishing off "More Than Meets The Eye" today, we could use some props. Dan: At the very least it helps us vent our frustrations. Tsuneo: Hoh, boy. I can't believe you guys still collect eighties toys. Rebecca: [Points Megatron at Tsuneo's head] Actually, these are all Rick's. BANG! Rick: What can I say? I horde garbage. Tsuneo: Great. Voice: Are you ready yet? Dan: No, but that's never stopped you. Tsuneo: Please. The sooner it's over, the better. Rebecca: Just a second... [Points Megatron in a random direction] BANG! Yup, all ready. Dan: Here we go then. [The TV screen lights up.] Rebecca [Unicron]: For a time I had considred sparing your puny fanfic. But now, you will witness it's dismemberment! Dan [Worried]: You do that WAY too well! > Transformers vs Sailor Moon Dan: Your toybox will never be the same again. > "More Than Meets The Eye" > Part Three Rebecca: Four parts too many. > A Sailor Moon Q R Super S T U V W Crisis X Y Z R P G Alpha 2 > Fanfic by Ron Keating & Justin Tucker(JT) Rick: Hey, I just noticed something. You noticed he hasn't done the TM stuff? That means that if Kenner, DiC, Hasbro, Capcom or Naoko Takeuchi ever get their hands on this, they can sue those two morons into oblivion. Dan: And thanks for covering our behinds. > Act/Scene/Chapter/Section/Part 7 > [(Ok folks, this is the moment you've all been waiting for. Tsuneo: The fanfic ends! Woo-hoo! Rebecca: Not yet. BANG! > Everything > written so far in all the previous chapters, but especially in #6, has been > leading up to this one last confrontation.) Dan: Wow! We never would have noticed! > Some time has passed since Act/Scene/Chapter/Section/Part 6, Rick: You know, one of those things. > and the Decepticons have finished their new robot demon lackies Tsuneo: I'd love to know just where they got all those parts. Rick: All those winkle-hickeys... Rebecca: Actually, apparently in the cartoon universe, all you need is some parts and a brain module. Plug it in, and it just adapts the bodies. Dan: Yeah, but that's the continuity-free cartoon for you. ['Shoots' Rebecca with Galvatron.] Tsuneo: And they say *I* nitpick. > (which I will name and describe before the battle -JT), Rick: [Bored] I can hardly wait. > Endymion has been unable to locate Ankoku, Dan: A bit difficult, since his ego fills the city. > and Chibi-Usa has been trained with psycho power. Rebecca: Oh, I'm *so* scared. Tsuneo: Are you kidding? Her 'Cuteness Crusher' would be deadly! > The GMJoe gang Rick: GMJoe action figures. Collect the set. Dan: Big fat cat not yet available. > has still not arrived at the > junkyard (not all those scenes happen in the exact same timeframe, okay!), Tsuneo: You don't say! Rick: Do you reckon we should lay off it for a bit so we can actually get through the intro? [Pause] All: Nah. > however the Sailor Scouts have. They arrive at the junkyard Rebecca: Thier ecological niche. > to find not only > the original 3 Decepticons, but 7 more giant robots for a grand total of 10 Rick: And there's your maths lesson for the day, kiddies! > huge technological nightmares!] Dan: That's it! This fic's just a nightmare! I'll wake up back at home, and none of this will have ever happened! Rick: I disbelieve the illusion! I'm disbelieving! Tsuneo: Beware! Near is evil close! > Makoto: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, crap. Tsuneo: Yes, this fic is. > Soundwave: Megatron, look! It's the humans! Tsuneo: Sudennly appearing and without warning - or even an establishing shot - it's the oppressive forces of cuteness - or whatever - posing up a storm! Rick: [Megatron] What? Is this rebellion? It is! Kill! > Megatron: Aha! Back to get defeated yet again? That can be arranged! Tsuneo: Such startlingly original villain dialogue! > Starscream: DEMONICONS! ATTACK! Dan: [Starscream] I always wanted to say that! Rick: [Megatron] Quit stealing my lines! ['Shoots' Dan with Shockwave] > [The 7 giant robots leap into the frey. > H'OKAY, people; ROLL-CALL: > Orcus: Red Rick: Cambot! > Talos: Orange Dan: Tom! > Shar: Yellow Rebecca: Crow! > Erevan: Green Tsuneo: Gypsy! > Tempus: Blue Rick: Mike! > Mystra: Indigo Dan: Joel! > Kiaransalee: Violet All: TORGO! Tsuneo: What kind of moronic names are those, anyway? Rick: [Muttered] Probably couldn't even pass for Gobot names. > C-Neptune: NEPUCHUUN TAIDALUU OSHAAN BULAAASUTO!! Dan: Uh... yah. Rebecca: [Makes quacking noises] Tsuneo: And he said he'd describe them before the battle. Rick: Are you kidding? That was a description! Tsuneo: Well, I don't see the name Koopa anywhere, so I'll have to disagree. > [A huge wall of water knock down the Demonicons. They get right back up and > continue their attack.] All: [Singing] I get knocked down, but I get up again. You ain't never gonna keep me down! > C-Uranus: I think we're out of our league! Tsuneo: Why? Everyone else just gets up again. Rebecca: why couldn't they be int heir ultra-violent movie incarnations? > Megatron: Yes, you've finally figured it out! You don't stand a chance > against us! -Gloating laughter- Tsuneo: [Megatron] Youngster, your brain is useless, I guess! > Kiaransalee(Violet): DAAAKU SANDAAAA! Rick: Is that some sort of power tool? Rebecca: Uranus of course knows all about power tools. [Dan 'shoots' her repeatedly.] > [A whole bunch of stuff Rick: You know... just stuff. Tsuneo: I take that back. This is Koopa under an assumed name. > opens up on one of the Demonicons Dan: Not neccessarily the same one that shouted the attack, mind you. Rebecca: Is our cruelty to this fanfic going to be excessive? Rick: Yes. Rebecca: Good. > and he blasts the sailor scouts with that black negaverse-pain-energy stuff. Rick: You know, just that... Tsuneo: Give it up already. > They are all blasted to the ground.] Rick: Damn, I'll burn you into BBQ chicken! Dan: Ah, they'll just get back up again. > C-Mars: Sailor Moon! Why don't you use YOUR special power! Rebecca: [Sailor Moon] Because it takes so long, the audience will all be bored to death. Tsuneo: In this riveting action scene? No chance. > Starscream: Because she knows it will be USELESS against us! Dan: Kiss your ass goodbye, pal. > Bad Guys: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! All: Ha! Ha ha! Hahaha! Ha! Rick: Have we done that one to death yet? Tsuneo: Has the fic? Rick: Point. > C-Moon: _I know that if I believe in myself, nothing can stand in my way!_ > (This is the point where the audience rolls their eyes, groans, and turns off > the TV. Just thought I'd say that.) Dan: Never mind that that's the central message of Sailor Moon, dickweed. [He is hailed with shouts of 'bang,' electronic bleeps and a cushion.] Rebecca: For once I find myself agreeing with the authour. Tsuneo: You just don't know what you're saying. > [Sailor Cyber Moon goes into a 15-minute-long dance routine, charging up for > her special move. [Dan takes out his pistol and begins polishing it. Tsuneo picks up a comic and starts reading. Rebecca yawns and closes her eyes.] Rick: [Bored] Those button combos take so long to do. > During this time, the rest of the negaverse crew spontaneously show up.] Rick: Ladies and gentlemen! Back from the dead! Rebecca: Eh? [They all return their attention to the screen] Dan: Let's see him plot contrivance his way around this little plot hole. > Nephlite: Hey, guys! Rick: [Nephlite] Heeere's Jonny! > [The Decepticons look over at them.] Rebecca: [BW Megatron] Oh look, target practice! Dan: Er... wrong Megatron. Rebecca: Who cares. At the rate this is going, I expect him to show up any day now. > Nephlite: We were just gonna roast some marshmellows. Tsuneo: What's this thing about marshmellows? Rebecca: At least it's... No, bad girl, don't go there. Dan: I'm stunned. > I thought you guys > would like a snack while you wait for her to finish dancing. Rick: Hell, at this rate, you could probably fit in a twelve course banquet. > Megatron: ...Very well. Hmph, why can't I have a dance routine... > (Just kidding! -JT) Dan: Oh, thank god! > [The Decepticons share a snack of roasted marshmellows with the negaverse > crew.] All: [Singing] Dare to be stupid! It's so easy to do... Rick: [Muttered] I'd love to know how Soundwave can eat marshmellows. Tsuneo: Stop nitpicking. > Soundwave: The human's routine is almost complete. We should resume our > positions and continue the battle. Dan: My god! Soundwave's in character for the first time this whole fic! > Megatron: -mouth-receptors half full of marshmellow- Mmhp-yes, ret's gro. Tsuneo: That's a *lot* of marshmellows. Rebecca: [Scooby Doo] Rokay, Raggy! > Nephlite: Well, see ya around. > Zoicite: Yeth, nithe tawking to you. Dan: Ah, of course. The gay character has a lisp. I'll bet Malachite doesn't, though... Rebecca: And why not? Tsuneo: Because he didn't in the flashback in part one? Rebecca: Since when's this authour been worried about continuity? > [The Decepticons resume their positions just in time for Sailor Cyber Moon to > finish her move.] > C-Moon: MUUN SAIBAA ITAANALU PURISAAMU SEPUTAA ALUFAA KIISU! Tsuneo: [Sailor Moon] Well! Masturbate in hell! Others: What!? Rick: There goes our PG rating. > (If someone has a cheesier line for her to say right here, please e-mail Ron) Tsuneo: Oh, yes we do! Hit it! Rick: [Ankoku] The Super-Duper-Low-Calorie- Dan: [Ditto] Dude-In-Black-Nameless-Monkey-Boy-Self-Insertion- Tsuneo: [Ditto] Totally-Gnarly-Give-You-Coldsores-You-Wouldn't-Believe- Rebecca: [Ditto] Lip-Sucker-French-Kiss! [All let out cheers and whoops] Rebecca: Back at you, Analkoku! > [The blast from Sailor Cyber Moon heads straight for Megatron. He dodges Dan: Uh... whoops. > to > the right, revealing that right in the path of the beam lies... THE NEGAVERSE > CREW!!] Rick: I forsee immense hurt and pain. Dan: Can't you find something better to call them? Rebecca: Why not: "The Beryl Bunch?" Tsuneo: How about: "That grease patch over there," in a few seconds. > Kunzite: _uh, oh._ Umm.. Queen Beryl? Tsuneo: Or after some more lame comedy relief. > Beryl: Quiet, Kunzite! Rebecca: [Beryl] Yah big poof. Dan: You're terrible. > Kunzite: Ah, I really think we should.. Tsuneo: [Kunzite] Renegotiate our contracts? > Beryl: How DARE you interrupt my snack!!! > [Kunzite puts on a nervous face and pushes his two index fingers together.] > Kunzite: Oooohhhhhkaaaayyyyy.. have it yoouuuurrrr waaaaayyyyy... Rick: How about you just run away yourself, you lame-ass. Tsuneo: Because the authour thought this would be funny. Rick: Fine. Shall we go for some more dumb laughter? Dan: Can't be bothered. > -BOOOOOMMMMMM!- Rebecca: That rates about fifth on my 'most blatant sound effects ever' table. > [The negaverse crew ceases to exist. Tsuneo: Who gave you a nerve to get killed here? > Sailor Cyber Moon does a victory pose, > then realizes that she missed her target entirely.] Dan: Never mind that they were already dead and shouldn't have been there- Others: Shut up, Dan! Dan: [Ignoring them] BUT we won't let that interrupt your pathetic excuse for a crappy multi-crossover ripoff self-insertion fanfic's comedy relief. Tsuneo: Good shot, sir! > C-Moon: YAY!.. Umm.. aheh-heh... Rebecca: [Sailor Moon] Oh, god, I'm stupid. Dan: [Deadpan] No arguments there. [BANG!] > [Megatron walks over to the sailor scouts.] Rick: Who are just sitting there of course. Not that I'm complaining, mind. Rebecca: They probably nodded off during the comedy relief. > Megatron: I will crush you like ants for thinking you could defeat me! Rick: Haven't we seen this one before? > This time for sure!! > (Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! > Rocky: Again??) Dan: And your point is? Tsuneo: Simply put: He's admitting that it's overused and lame, or he actually thinks that such repitition is funny. Rick: Oh, man! Now he's dissing the *really* good stuff! > [Megatron is about to crush the sailor scouts, when all of a sudden, a > humungous blue cat comes flying in from the side of the screen at lightning > speed and knocks Megatron right off to the other side of the screen. Tsuneo: When the tree falls, the monkeys run! Rick: Okay, man, cool it. Tsuneo: I've hardly started. > We then > see Megatron pinned to the ground by the giant cat, which happens to look > exactly like Hercules.] Rick: What? With his huge plastic chest and all? Dan: No, that was last crossover. Rebecca: No, you're mistaken. That was Xena's huge plastic chest. [Dan 'shoots' her.] Tsuneo: How can you tell the difference? [Dan 'shoots' him.] > Hercules: (here we go! DEEP VOICE! -JT) Meow. Tsuneo: Thank you so much for that contribution. Rick: Best supporting actor in a fanfic goes to Hercules! > [The bad guys look to the other side of the screen where the cat came from. > There are all the other mechs in GMJoe's gang.] Dan: [Sniggering] And what a truly impressive sight they are! > GMJoe: Hey, Megatron! Starscream! Soundwave! Tsuneo: You're a bad guy, where's your library card? > Decepticons: WHAT!? > Starscream: _How did he know our names??_ Tsuneo: [GMJoe] I read the script. > Who are you!!! Rebecca: [GMJoe] I'm your worst nightmare. > GMJoe: Hahaha. Rick: Ah, man, now he's doing it to! > I've been watching you all along, Dan: [Megatron] Really? Rebecca: [GMJoe] Yes. You're terrible. > and I know your plans to > take over the planet! Well, it'll never work! We're going to stop you! Tsuneo: [GMJoe] We'll bleed all over you! > Starscream: Demonicons! Trash those losers! Tsuneo: You're stain! > Megatron: STARSCREAM!!! Get this big lunk off of me this instant! > [Starscream tries, Dan: Yup, he's trying, alright. > but the Hercules mech is too heavy to budge.] > Starscrem: I can't! It's too heavy! Oh, well. > [Starscream leaves him there and goes to join in the battle.] > Megatron: STAAAARRRRSCREEEEAAAAMMM!!! Rick: [Starscream] Ah, kiss my big red butt. > [The Demonicons battle the GMJoe gang and, of course, the bad guys start to > win at first.] All: Hooray! Rebecca: Dan, I thought you liked Sailor Moon. Dan: Not these losers. Rebecca: Natch. > GMJoe: OK, team! Time to transform!! > GMJoe gang: LETS FORM BOLTRON!! Rick & Dan: We need Megazord power, now! Tsuneo: Aack! So... many... crossovers... Head hurting... [Rebecca whacks him with a cushion] Thanks. I needed that. > GMJoe: Form the feet and legs!! Tsuneo: My god! He's going through the whole thing! Dan: You know, when I see this, I begin to miss the classic combiner shows. Then I remember what crap they were. Rebecca: Kinda like getting all nostalgic about Star Blazers, then remembering the flares. > [Here Greg's mech + Gurio/Naru's mech form the legs. > Peggy's mech splits into two to form the feet. -JT] > Form the arms and torso!! Rick: Form waffle iron and blender! > [Here Herc's + Gramps' mechs form the torso. > Priest's + Andrew/Yuuichiru's mechs form two different arms. > Archeologist's mech splits into two and forms the hands. -JT] Dan: He doesn't even know their names, the dope. He could have at *least* done some research. > And I'll form... > [And his mech forms... -JT] All: [Bored] The head. > THE HEAD!! (with sholders!!) Tsuneo: Whatever 'sholders' are. > [The now BIG-ASS mech is NOT multicoloured. It's a COOL gold and black > colour (how? I dont know. Ask the Power Rangers or Transformers. -JT] Rick: Ah, they never change colours during combinations. Especially Devestator, who's left a rather embarrassing lime green. Rebecca: [Muttered] One of the better Gen 2 recolours was ol' Devvie boy. > [The mechs undergo a transformation and combine together as one big mech. Tsuneo: Yeah, you just said that. Rick: Maybe he just wanted to emphasise the point. Tsuneo: More than he had? Help! > This means Hercules has gotten off of Megatron. Dan: Well... yeah, that was assumed. > Therefore, Megatron can > transform into his gun form. He does so and Starscream holds him up to where > the sailor scouts lay on the ground.] Rebecca: [Starscream] Go ahead, scout, make my day. > Starscream: One move and they die! Tsuneo: Bump him dead! > GMJoe: Oh yeah? Why don't you look where you're pointing! Rick: Why? No-one else in this fic does. > [Starscream looks and sees the feet of a big purple/black mech. He looks up > to see the van-mech that Ankoku was in before, behind which are 8 brightly > colored mechs (in case you hadn't guessed, those are the sailor scouts.) All: NAH! Rebecca: [Laughing] This guy is amazing! Dan: [Sheep Sheep] Trivia question: Who is in those mechs? [He gets repeatedly 'shot' by Rebecca nd Rick.] Sorry. I had to. > The Decepticons and Demonicons, now surrounded, Tsuneo: Even though the number are even. > back into a huddle. Starscream still holds Megatron, ready to fire.] Rick: No, he just dropped him. Rebecca: [Muttered] Where's Scavenger when you need him? > Ankoku: Now who's turn is it to gloat? > [Suddenly, we hear a big explosion. There is another one as we see a huge > explosion of blue fire blow open the front of Ankoku's Mech. Rick: [Yelling] Blue fire! Blue fire! Rebecca: [Ankoku] One can of beans too many! > Ankoku flies out in his power armor.] > Ankoku: WHAT THE..!!!! Tsuneo: [Ankoku] ...Hell is up with my punctuation? > [Starscream uses this distraction to his advantage and blasts at the nearest > target, which happens to be, Sailor Cyber Moon('s mech). She is blasted to > the ground and doesn't appear to be getting up. Dan: Now *there's* a change! Rebecca: No, that was no lousy shoulder shot! > The Demonicons transform > together into "Demonicus", similar to what the GMJoe team did. Rebecca: Hey! How come the good guys don't get a lengthy description? Dan: *Good* guys? Rebecca: Comparatively speaking. > The rest is > just chaotic melee for awhile. Demonicus vs Boltron, Starscream/Megatron & > Soundwave vs Mecha-Sailor-Scouts, and Ankoku vs (of course,) Endymion.] Tsuneo: Is there any actual reason why he's here? > Ankoku: What happened to you! How did you get so strong all of a sudden? Dan: [Endymion] I've been using Weight Gain 4000! All: BEEFCAKE! > [Endymion replies with a Psycho Shot. Ankoku dodges.] > Ankoku: HOLY crap!! You fight like Vega! Dan: Oh, you mean you didn't notice after he psycho-crushered you last time? > Endymion: Lord Vega bestowed upon me the power to destroy you! All: THINKER DELETE KEY! > Ankoku: _So that's it, eh? Who would have guessed? Endymion with Psycho > Power._ Rebecca: Double nothing. [Dan 'shoots' her.] Dan: Get real. Rick: Up yours. Soul Edge could beat up Vega any day. Tsuneo: Oh, no, we are *not* going there, got it? > AKAGIYAMA MISSILE!!!! Tsuneo: I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! > [Endymion gets hit with the missiles and falls to the ground.] Dan: [Laughing] This is so *lame!* > Ankoku: Well. That wasn't so hard. Rebecca: It's not the only thing. Dan: Ah, yuck! You can't help it, can you? You just *have* to! > [Suddenly, an arm reaches around Ankoku's neck and grabs him. All: YEAH! Choke him! > The camera zooms out to give us a shot of who this arm belongs to. Tsuneo: So it's a toy arm, huh? > It is Chibi-Usa. Rick: [Ankoku] Oh, gosh, I'm scared! I'm being savaged by a munchkin! > Vega > floats behind her, arms crossed, and smirking to himself. Ankoku tries to > struggle, Tsuneo: [Laughing] That's real lame if you have to *try* to struggle. > but to no avail. Chibi-Usa continues to crush him until she can > crush him no harder and then...] Rebecca: Plucks his head off! Yes! Tsuneo: Damn. Stuntie-freak versus self-insertion. [Pauses for thought] Nuke 'em all! > Ch-Usa: SOUL THROW!! Dan: Oh, come on, now he's ripping off Rose's moves. > [She hurls him down at lightning speed. He smashes into the ground, and you > can hear his power armor sparking.] > Ankoku: AAarrggh... Tsuneo: You're petulant, but notconcentrated enough! > [He struggles to his feet. Chibi-Usa floats down.] Rebecca: Then her power got cut off. [Chibi-Usa] AAARRRGGGHHH!!! *Thud!* > Ch-Usa: SOUL SPARK!! Rick: South Park! The ultimate finishing move! > [Chibi-Usa hurls a ball of dark energy at Ankoku. He successfully dodges it. > He then retorts with his famous...] > Ankoku: AKAGIYAMA MISSILE!! Dan: WHO'S FAMOUS MOVE? That's IT! I'm gonna *kill* this sucker! Rebecca: Cool it, okay? We can form a lynch mob later. > [We see an extreme close up of Chibi-Usa's glazed over eyes as they narrow in > concentration. She focuses her power and extends her arms.] > Ch-Usa: REFLECT!! Rick: Ooh. Nasty. Rebecca: She is a right little bitch, ain't she? Tsuneo: [Muttered] Never mind that whole sequence was ripped off from Teknoman... > [A ball of energy appears in her hands. The missiles soar into the ball, do a > 180 degree turn, and come flying out at the same speed. Ankoku is not > expecting this, and therefore gets hit squarely and is knocked down. Again. > He struggles to get up. Again. He does. Again. Tsuneo: Man, he's even making a joke out of his own fic! > This time, however, a big Decepticon foot accidentally Dan: Yeah, right. Sure. Rick: Actually, it was Sailor Moon, finally glad to get rid of the lech. Tsuneo: Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep! > stomps on him. He is out cold, but alive.] All: Try harder next time! > Vega: Hmhmhmm. Good work, little one. Very good. Now. Kill him while he's > down. All: [Deep] Finish him! > Ch-Usa: (her concience fighting the evil. GO JIMNY CRICKET! Rick: Squish the damn bug. > -JT)_No! I must resist!_ Tsuneo: [Chibi-Usa] Crappy... fanfic... destroying... brain... > Vega: Destroy him NOW! Dan: Do it! Do it! You know you want to! > Ch-Usa: _I can't let him control me!_ Rebecca: Why not? It's an improvement. Tsuneo: I gotta say, Ilike evil bitch Chibi-Usa a lot more. > [Chibi-Usa walks over to Ankoku and begins to drain his energy.] Dan: Ah... Which has got *what* pray tell to do with Vega's powers? > Ch-Usa: _AArrgghh! No! He's too powerful! But I have to TRY!_ Rebecca: [Chibi-Usa] Must... kill... authour... > Vega: Very good. Rick: [Monty Burns] Excellent. > _Hmm.. she seems to be trying to resist my control. She is > extremely strong willed, but I must not let her go until Ankoku has > been slain._ > [Meanwhile, Boltron battles Demonicus.] Tsuneo: Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected! > Demonicus: DEMONIC NEGABEAM!! Rebecca: At last! An attack that means something... I think. > [A massive black lazer, about the same diameter as Soundwave, is blasted out > of Demonotron. Tsuneo: Er... Demonicus? Hellooo... Rick: Maybe we got two Decepticon monsters here! Rebecca: Or maybe one's the Destron version of the other. > Boltron attempts to dodge, but is grazed by the lazer.] Rick: [Black knight] 'Tis but a scratch! Dan: [King Arthur] A scratch? Rick: [Black knight] A flesh wound! > GMJoe: AAaarrgghh! Okay, team. It's time to pull out OUR big weapons. Rebecca: AARRGGHH!! Bad image! BAD IMAGE! Dan: [Smirking] Serves you right! > GMJoe team: FORM BLAZING SWORD!!! Dan: Oh, for crying... CAN'T YOU COME UP WITH ANYTHING ORIGINAL? > [Boltron puts its hands together and generates the Blazing Sword. It then > attempts to slice Demonicus to ribbons. Tsuneo: I'll cut your fats out, don't you believe it? > Demonicus avoids most of the slashes, > but on the last one, one of its arms is chopped off. The shoulder sparks.] Tsuneo: Damn you, stink man! > Naru: Yea! We hit it! > [Demonoicus just stands there.] Rick: It went to the Arnold Schwarzenegger performance school. > Gurio: Yeah! Let's finish him off! Dan: About time, too! > Greg: NOOO! WAIT! Don't attack it! > Andrew: Why? What's wrong, Greg? Tsuneo: [Megatron] AArrgh! I can't! The plot... it's... stopping me... Rebecca: Rub his nose in it some more, why don't you? > Greg: I just saw a glimpse into the future! That robot has just entered a > sort of self-destruct mode which, when it explodes, will take out all > of (insert Sailor Moon city name here)! All: Tokyo. > The same thing if we attack it! Rick: So... you're rooted if you do, and rooted if you don't. Who came up with this? > GMJoe: Uh, oh. What do we do now? > Gurio: Well, if what Greg says is true, if we want to finish our plan we'd > better get back to my house Rebecca: [Umino] For the group sex. > as fast as possible! > GMJoe: You're right. BOLTRON! SEPARATE! > [Boltron detatches back into the individual mechs and they all fly at top > speed back to the city. Meanwhile, Starscream, as he is fighting the sailor > scouts, realizes that Demonicus is just sitting there.] > Starscream: Demonicus! After them! > Soundwave: Demonicus has activated its self-destruct sequence. All will be > destroyed in 5 minutes. Rick: [Starscream] Poopie. Rebecca: What *has* Soundwave been doing all this time, anyway? Tsuneo: Praying the fanfic doesn't notice him. > Starscream: Well, shut it off! > Soundwave: It is irreversable. Rick: Bummer of a design flaw. > [Starscream continues shooting the Megatron gun at the sailor mechs.] > Uranus: GURAUNDO SHOKKU! Tsuneo: Explode at eleven o'clock sharp! > [Sailor Cyber Uranus' mech puts its fist to the ground, Tsuneo: Hits the ground? Punches the ground? Something meaning action, not just a movement? > causing a shockwave > across the ground which sends starscream flying. He backflips in mid-air and > lands on his feet. Dan: Starscream's been playing Tomb Raider again. Rebecca: Don't ever mention that game again. > He blasts Uranus with the gun and her mech is blasted to the ground.] Tsuneo: The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold? > Mars: TAIGAA JENOSAIDO! Tsuneo: Well, I've got furious now! > [From behind Starscream comes Sailor Cyber Mars' mech with a flaming > knee-bash type attack, followed by a flaming, spinning uppercut-style attack, > followed by a jumping, flaming, spinning uppercut-style attack. Rick: [Starscream] Flaming scout. > Starscream is > knocked to the ground, rolls with the fall, and lying on the ground, shoots > Mars as she descends from the attack. She is knocked down.] Tsuneo: You damned intellectual, kneel down! > Pluto: PULUUTOOO DEE... -Zap!- Rebecca: That's the best attack name I've seen so far. > [Starscream anticipated her attack and blasted her before she had a chance to > pull it off.] > Neptune: NEEPUCHUUN ATOLANTISSU UEIBU! (Ueibu = Wave. I know it looks ueird.) Tsuneo: Considering the other words are badly accented English and that's Japanese, I'd say 'wierd' is an understatement. > [Starscream dodges and the wave hits Soundwave. He is not too pleased.] Rebecca: That's right, hit Soundwave. See if anyone cares. Rick: So we've slipped into the comic now? Rebecca: Nah, he's like that all the time. Hardly lives up to that strength 8, skill 10, does he? Tsuneo: Fangirl. > Soundwave: Lazerbeak! Razorbeak! All except Tsuneo: Buzzsaw! > Ravage! Rampage! All except Tsuneo: Frenzy! Rebecca: [Muttered] Red. Rick: [Muttered] Blue. > Rumble! Transform! Operation: ANNIHALATION! Rick: Woo-hoo! Here comes the talent! It's an all Frank Welker marathon! > [The cassetes beat up on Sailor Cyber Neptune. Dan: Midget wrestling! > Meanwhile, Starscream shoots > at Sailor Cyber Jupiter. She jumps over the beam and kicks Starscream in the > head. He is knocked to the ground. Tsuneo: I... I've just given up. > Sailor Cyber Jupiter is standing on top of > him, about to finish him off when... The next scene we see is inside her > mech. There is a message on the screen. "System Halted".] Rick: Looks like she shouldn't have upgraded to Windows 98 either. Voice: Not funny. [They all snigger] > Jupiter: -A bunch of words you're not allowed to say on a cartoon- Rebecca: [Jupiter] Hey, you scrawny assed *****! What the ****'s wrong with you, that you can just ignore a crying child? You know what I'd like? I'd like to ****, to **** and **** **** ****. Rick: Whaoh! > [Starscream, seeing that Sailor Cyber Jupiter is stalling, seizes the > opportunity and blasts her down. He looks around and notices that Sailor > Cyber Venus has mysteriously dissapeared. Dan: Must've fallen into a plot hole. Rick: Or to get her roots dyed. > This leaves only Sailor Cyber Mercury standing.] Rebecca: [Mercury] Ahh... can we talk this over? > Mercury: MAAKYURII AISSU FURIIZU! > [Starscream is frozen in a block of ice. Soundwave orders his cassettes to > stop mangling Sailor Cyber Neptune's already unusable mech Rick: [Rumble] Ah, do we have to? Rebecca: [Frenzy] Yeah, I haven't beaten her into a bloody pulp yet! Rick: [Muttered] Blue. Rebecca: [Muttered] Red. > and instead break > Starscream out of the ice block. They do with little difficulty. Dan: And Mercury's just standing there all this time, right? > Starscream > fires at Mercury, who dodges out of the way. The beam hits (Geez! Every time > someone dodges something, it hits something else!) Tsuneo: Only in your crappy fanfic. > the Soul Sucker! Dan: B-doom tish. It's about the only thing left standing. > The Decepticons' machine is now a smouldering mass. Rick: Oh, man! They're gonna need yet another winkle-hickey. > Starscream looks angrily over > at Mercury. He summons up all his anger and hatred and vengance and focuses > it all into this one shot through Megatron (who's a gun -JT)! (It seems that > when people do this in anime, it makes the impossible possible).] Dan: Only when they're using magic or psychic style abilities, dickweed. You can't do it with a gun! Rebecca: [Grins] Watch me. > Starscream: DECEPTICON VENGANCE MEGABLAST!! > [A massive beam shoots out of the Megatron gun and totally incinerates Sailor > Cyber Mercury. Tsuneo: I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way! > (Sorry to any Mercury fans, but yes, she IS dead). Rebecca: WOO-HOO! Score one to Starscream! Dan: Geez Rebecca, you don't have to act like you're so pleased with the idea of her getting fried. Rebecca: Why not? Dan [Muttering]: Who do you think you are, Nav or Bane or someone? Rebecca: They're too amatureish for me. [Grins] > Starscream > stands there, breathing heavily. (Excuse me for interrupting yet again, but > why do robots need to breathe?? Rebecca: THEY DON'T, YOU CRETIN! [Pants for breath] > If you know, please e-mail me.) He then > focuses his attention on Sailor Cyber Moon.] Dan: Yeah, where's she been all this time, anyway? Rick: Probably getting her roots done too. > Starscream: You've caused me a lot of pain and trouble, you meddling human. > But this is the last straw! Now I shall destroy you once and for > all!! Rick: [Starscream] And I'm gonna love it! > [The scene switches back to Vega and Chibi-Usa. Endymion is nowhere to be > seen. Chibi-Usa has pupils in her eyes and has stopped draining Ankoku.] Rebecca: Damn it. Tsuneo: Yeah. The mutie's gone back to normal. > Vega: NO ONE BETRAYS ME! (Note of irony: Tsuneo: My god! A literary technique! Who bets he got that wrong too? [All raise their hands] > I'd like to refer you back to the > flashback at this point. Re-read the section of plot Dan: Aw, do we have to? > with Vega and Queen Beryl and you'll see what I mean.) Rick: Better yet, don't! > You have quite a strong will, > little one. But youth gives way to ignorance and foolishness! Dan: Yeah, but the young ones always get the girls! Rebecca: And that's exactly what she wants out of life! > Now you shall pay for your lack of vision!! > (Emperor: So be it, Jedi!) Tsuneo: Read: I'm ripping of even more scenes, and I don't care if you recognise them. > [Vega extends his arms and blasts Chibi-Usa with blue lightning from his > fingertips. Rick: Can he do that? Dan: Not since the inanimate movie. > Writhing in pain, Chibi-Usa happens to see Starscream about to > incinerate her sister. Dan: Mother. Her mother. How in blazes do you get that one wrong? > She summons up all the power she has left into one > last action: to teleport inside the Megatron gun! Vega is left standing > there.] > Vega: _Huh? Where'd she go? Oh well. I've still got an unconscious Ankoku > lying at my feet!_ I've waited a long time for this! Rebecca: [Vega] He's unconcious... and at my mercy... And wearing such *cute* pants, too! > [Starscream powers up for another megablast.] > Demonicus: Self-destruct in 5... Rebecca: [Demonicus] Last chance to push the cancellation button. Dan: [Dark Helmet] Even in the future, nothing works! > Starscream: I don't care if the whole UNIVERSE goes up in flames! I want the > final pleasure of destroying YOU!!! Tsuneo: [Starscream, ranting] And your crappy fic! Dan: [Ditto] And your little dog too! Rick: [Ditto] And your crappy self-insertion! > Demonotron: 4... Tsuneo: So Demonicus and Demonitron have swapped jobs again? > [Starscream pulls the trigger. The Megatron gun explodes in his hand and he > is sent flying back. Megatron manages to transform back, but he is severely > mangled.] Tsuneo: Woo-hoo! Rick: Huh? What's up with you? Tsuneo: The little Pink-Haied Mutie Freak wwas in there when he went up! Rebecca: Hey yeah! This calls for a celebration! Dan: Shouldn't that have totalled Megatron? Dumb question... > Megatron: Sss.. tar.. screeeeaaaammmm... Rick: [Starscream] That's my name, don't wear it out! > Demonotron: 3... > Starscream: It's all over! Dan: Bar the hurting. > [Ankoku regains consciousness.] > Ankoku: Vega?? Rick: [Vega] Yeah, what? > Demonotron: 2... > Vega: We're all dead. When that robot explodes, we all go with it. I don't > really care if I die as long as I have the comfort of knowing you were > taken out with me! Dan: You know, given the powers he's *credited* with in this fic, he could have just teleported out of there. Tsuneo: Shut up. It's finally getting good. > Demonotron: 1... Rebecca: [Demonicus] Have a nice day! > Ankoku: You really suck, you know that? Tsuneo: You always use violence. I should have ordered glutinous rice chicken. > -BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM- Tsuneo: That's the most blatant sound effect I've ever seen! > -End [They all cheer wildly] > Well, that's it. All trademarked names used in this fanfic are trademarks of > the respective companies. Rick: Ah, nuts! He got to it! > Send questions, answers, comments, criticism, Rebecca: Letterbombs. Rick: Or psychotic cassettes. Rebecca: [Muttered] Red. Rick: [Muttered] Blue. > etc. to: > Ron Keating: rkeating@pwcs.pwc.k12.nf.ca > -or- > Justin Tucker: jtucker@pwcs.pwc.k12.nf.ca > EPILOGUE Rebecca: Ack! There's more? > Picard: Yes, Data? Tsuneo: [Data] I am having these strange dreams where I am a military scientist in a crappy crossover self-insertion Evangelion fanfic. Dan: Eh? Tsuneo: Never mind. > Data: Sensors indicate a large dimensional fluctuation in this area. And it > is growing rapidly. Rick: [Data] No, wait, that's commander Riker's waist. > [Worf points at the viewscreen.] > Worf: Captain!! LOOK!! Dan: [Worf] Gargoyles is on! > SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE > Zeal: Mwahahahaha! Now feel the wrath of the mighty Lavos! > Lucca: I'm picking up a huge temporal distortion! > Ayla: Ayla no scared! Ayla fight! > Lucca: But it's not coming from Lavos! > Marle: Then... > All: -GASP!!- Rick: These are just people who dropped by the studio one day. > SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE > Sagat: I've been waiting for this fight for a long time. Dan: [Sagat] Ever since 'Change of Character.' > Ryu: One scar's not enough for you? > Sagat: Shut up! This time I've got something new to show you. Rebecca: [Sagat] I'm going to take off my shorts! > [Ryu points up in the sky, behind Sagat.] > Ryu: OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT!! Tsuneo: A missing puntuation mark, but never mind. > Sagat: That's the oldest trick in the.. HOLY!!!... > SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE > Luke: What's the matter? What's going on? Rick: [Han] Brace for impact! There's a crossover self-insertion fic dead ahead! > Han: There's a dimensional disturbance around here Rebecca: Should we bother pointing out that Han wouldn't know one if it bit him? Not every spaceship pilot's in Starfleet, you know. > and I don't like it. Dan: But is it a wibly thing or a swirly thing? > I think we should head back. Now. > Luke: But we can't! > Han: Listen, kid! Anything could happen! We could get sucked into a > dimensional rift or... > C-3P0: Um, sir! > Han: SHUT UP, 3-P0! > C-3P0: B-but sir! > Han: I SAID.. oh crap. > SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE > Ranma: Jerk. > Akane: Dweeb. Tsuneo: You'll get no arguments there. > Ranma: Fat. > Akane: Ugly. > Ranma & Akane: BAKKA! All: Cliche! > [Ryoga, Shampoo, Genma, Happosai, Ukyou, and everybody else come running down > the street toward Ranma & Akane.] > All: Look out! It's coming this way! Run for your lives! All: PAT LEE! AARRGGHH!! > [Akane & Ranma look up.] > R&A: eeeeeh? > [An anime shock/fear effect overcomes their faces.] > SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE > Bad Bird: Nyahaha! You Pizza Cats are no match for my giant robot! > Robot: Graaaaghhh! > Speedy: Oh yeah? We'll see how well he stands up to my Ginsu Sword! > Lucille: Excuse me for interrupting you two, but would somebody mind telling > me what that is? Tsuneo: It's another Koopa fic! RUN!!! > [She points off in the distance. Everybody looks where she's pointing and > screams.] > SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE > Scar: Okay, you vile blob of putrid stinking scum! I'm gonna blow your ass > off the face of this planet! > Frost: Peachy cream cool double wow! (Sorry.) (YES, HE IS! -JT) > Protoplasm: Hm. We'll see about that. HADOKEN! > [Scar dodges the hadoken. Spark is doing some calculations.] Rick: What is all this? Dan: Don't ask me, I just work here. > Spark: Um, I suggest we leave. Like, right now. > All: Why? > Spark: Well, there's a rather large dimensional fluctuation in this area and > in about 1 second... oops. Too late. > SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE > Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! > Rocky: Again? > Bullwinkle: This time for sure! Presto! > [Bullwinkle reaches into his hat. A look of confused shock comes over his > face.] > SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE > Gurio: Okay, we're all ready to go! Rebecca: [Greg] Always strapped, fully packed. > GMJoe: Right. The mechs are in position! > Andrew: Raising Temporal Energy Field. > Greg: We're not going to make it. > Hercules: Meow. Rebecca: Totally. > Yuuichiru: Date set to like totally the exact second we arrived. > GMJoe: We may not make it but the mechs will. The very fact that they were > there when we went to the arcade proves that we will successfully > transport them back. Tsuneo: Well, that explains it. Rick: Makes you mad, doesn't it? > Gurio: Activating time warp... NOW! All: [Singing] Let's do the time warp again! > SUDDEN SCENE CHANGE > Hot Rod: Optimus Prime!! > Prime: Yes, Hod Rod? Rick: Hooray! Talent! > Hot Rod: I just recieved information that there's a huge dimensional > disturbance near the Omega Alphus sector! > Prime: That's where Megatron, Starscream, and Soundwave dissapeared recently! > Hot Rod: Yes, sir. > Prime: Autobots! Everyone assemble at the Omega Alphus sector where the > Decepticons disappeared! I believe we may be in for some trouble! Tsuneo: Hoh, boy. Here we go again. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Send questions, answers, comments, criticism, All: You suck! > etc to Ron Keating or Justin Tucker. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Back [Rebecca pulls out a HUGE Dirty Harry gun and fires it at the TV. The screen shatters and electronics splatter all over the wall] Voice: Thanks Rebecca. Rebecca: That made me feel *so* much better. Rick: I didn't know that a cathode ray tube could splatter like that. Voice: I dread to ask, but I need your reviews now. Rebecca: Deep breath here [Takes deep breath]. IT SUCKED! IT WAS THE MOST PATHETIC HEAP OF **** THAT I HAVE EVER BEEN FORCED TO WATCH! ROD AND JUS PROBABLY THOUGHT THEY WERE GENIUSES! THEY"RE JUST TWO ****** HEAPS OF **** WHO WOULDN'T KNOW HUMOUR FROM A **** **** **** ***** ******! Rick: Whoah there! Rebecca: YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK! I THINK THAT YOU, MR VOICE, ARE JUST SOME ***** LITTLE HEAP OF **** WHO GETS A PERVERSE THRILL OUT OF SUBJECTING POOR LITTLE ***** LIKE US TO ALL THIS GODDAM ***** ***** ****! Dan: Feel better now? Rebecca: Much better. Rick: Well... um. I don't know what to say. It was... ummm... Bad. Yeah. I can't say much for the Silor Moon half of it, but the Deceps were pretty badly done. I think about the worst of it was the stuff that was being built up that never was explined, like how Analkouku knew about the Deceps and such. Tsuneo: What gets me is how out and out pointless it was. I mean, he includes Vega and the whole Negaverse/Vega thing for no reason, beats up tux boy and the stuntie freak for no reason, is bitter enemies with Vega for no reason... You get the picture? Self-insertion is senseless full stop, but at least they try to explain what they're doing there... usually. Dan: My turn? Well, all I can really add is that he was so inacurate with the original shows that it wasn't funny. Kinda like his comedy relief, really. Voice: Well... er... thanks. We're done for now. Rebecca: Great! [Rebecca starts blasting at the back wall with Megatron. Dan and Rick join in for the hell of it.] Tsuneo: Does that help? Rick: Here. [He hands Tsuneo Sixshot in gun mode] Try it, it's a great stress reliever. [They file out, mock-shooting each other. The screen goes blank.] Voice: Very valuable... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > C-Moon: _I know that if I believe in myself, nothing can stand in my way!_ > (This is the point where the audience rolls their eyes, groans, and turns off > the TV. Just thought I'd say that.)