Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 22! A solo by Rick R. on a somewhat... clueless Transformers fic. To Hot To Handle! is copyright George Morgan, and he can go stuff it up his... er... Reactor linkage. Transformers is copyright Hasbro/Kenner or something like that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side.] [Rebecca enters, wearing a tight black sleeveles bodysuit. Rick follows her.] Rick: So, I was basically going over this formative campaing world for someone. Rebecca: What was it like? Rick: Earth's a wasteland populated by gun-toting redneck hicks and run bu a millitary dictatorship. You'd have fitted in perfectly. Rebecca: Very funny. I might spare your life. Rick: Er... [Gulps] Say... um... where'd you get that outfit from? Rebecca: It's a birthday present from a mysterious admirer. Rick: When was your birthday? Rebecca: May. That's what worries me. It's probably from Dan or Marta trying to get nice with me... I do like it though. Rick: Me too! I like it a lot. Rebecca: Ha ha. Now be nice and I might not tell Jo you said that. Rick [Meek] Ok. Rebecca: Hmmm... [Looks around the apartment] Seems a little sparse today. I wonder where Wonder Boy and Captain Enema are? Rick: No Idea. Rebecca: Tsuneo's probably still trying to shrug off Neon Exodus... Hell. Dan's probably off chasing some poor girl. Or being pulverised by his sister. Rick: Which probably means that we're gonna get replacements in... Rebecca: Could be bad. Voice: Actually, you've worked with these guys before. Rebecca: Hi there, Mr Great Big Head. How's things in disembodied voice land? Voice: Very funny. Rick: So I suppose they'll be here any second? Voice: Should be. [The door opens. Karen McMillain enters. She and Rebecca catch each others eyes and begin glaring at each other] Rick: Hi there. I haven't seen you tround here before. Karen: Oh! Er... [Stops glaring] Hi! [Cheery] I'm Officer Karen McMillain of the Chicago SVD! [Extends hand] But you can just call me Karen! Rick: Rick R. Mortis. Earth Corps. Rebecca: Engaged. So cut the cute act. Karen [Under breath]: Damn. Rick: What was that? Karen [Innocently]: Oh nothing! Rebecca: Right. So I suppose we're going to get Maya again. [The door opens again. Natasha Isavia (From exper... episode #3, Surruptitous Encounters) Enters. She is wearing a light grey flightsuit with a strange circle and triangle insignia on it. She has several wires apparently attached to her hair.] Rick: Natasha! Where you been? Natasha: I got meaningful employment. Hi Rick, [Strained] Rebecca. Rebecca: Sorry about luring you into the job. We'd done a Sailor Moon fic and I just had to get out of the place? Natasha: Sailor what? Or don't I want to know? Rick & Rebecca: You don't. Karen: Er... Hi. Karen McMillain. Natasha: Natasha Isavia. Karen: Say... um... What's with the wires? Natasha: Umm... Oops. Forgot to take them out after work. Silly me. Heh. Voice: Now that you're all introduced, can we begin? Rebecca: If we must. [They sit down. Rebecca and Nathasha are on the couch facing the TV, with Rick and Karen on the other one. Rick is next to Natasha] Rebecca: This time I'm staying well away from that sledgehammer! Karen: Ha ha. You know, you two look so much alike! Rebecca & Natasha: WE DO NOT! Karen [Meek]: Ok. Rick: OK voice, what's the hurt for the day? Voice: Today's hurt... er fic is a Transformers fic called "Too Hot To Handle". All: Woo-hoo! Natasha: Something I actually know about? Rebecca: You're a TransFan? Natasha: A bit. My mum got me a few when I was a kid... Umm... Jetfire, Fortress Maximus, Scorpinok, Gen 2 Megatron, Laser Sword Prime... I've still got them all. Others [Under breath]: Bitch. [The TV switches on] > Too hot to handle! Rebecca: Too crappy to read! Rick: Hey, it might actually be a good one. Rebecca: And when, pray tell, has his great big headedness ever sent us a good fic? Rick: Touche. > Although he was small, and in HIS Rick: Whoa there! No need to shout! > mind, insignificant, the larger > Autobot couldn’t help feeling that the smaller Autobot was looking at > him - scornfully. He had FAILED. Natasha: Art, english, maths, gym, lunch... > Still ahead of him was the Karen: Rest of the fic. > explanation to his Commander, Rebecca [Autobot]: Er... It wasn't me! It was the one-armed man! > and then what? The need for righting the error burned, > in his circuits. All: Ow! Hot! > The feeling he KNEW that as an Autobot, he shouldn’t > FEEL. The need - the WANT - for revenge! Rick: Against the fic's authour! > " What’re you staring at?!" Karen [Autobot]: A crappy fanfic! > Was the rude remark, after an awkward pause. > High Beam stared up, at him, sympathetically. Rebecca [High Beam]: You're in the crap, and I've been there. > He knew that the > Cybertronian General hated to be outdone in his own field. Natasha: The potato field. > He was > probably feeling angry and, to a certain extent - helpless, NOT an > emotion best suited to it’s recipient! For without an order from Prime > to take revenge, Rick: And I can really see that order coming. > which was unlikely, the Gobot All: Eh? Rick: Is this a crossover all of a sudden? Rebecca: So are we gonna have to put up with Scooter and Crasher's uncontrollable hidious laughter? Karen: Isn't that an AD&D Spell? Rebecca: Probably. > knew BreezeDome All: [Laugh helplessly] Rebecca: Breeze... dome?! What kind of a name is that? > could not > repair the damage done. There was a war on… Karen: Well then change the channel! > and individuals personal > feelings were best kept to the individual. Unfortunately BreezeDome All: [Blow rasberries] > keeping his feelings inside was like bottling TNT! Karen: Woah! Breezedome's gonna blow! Rebecca: From both ends too! > " Listen, BreezeDome, All: [Blow rasberries] > I know you feel bad… Karen [BreezeDome]: Oh, gee thanks High Beam. Just rub it in some more. > .but no one thinks you didn’t try. Especially Prime. In fact-" Rebecca: The captial of New York is not New York! > " Oh - cut the static, High Beam! I know what you’re thinking! What > you’re ALL thinking! I’m a loser, right? All: Right. > I suppose Primes gonna’ demote > me, now…well, I don’t blame him! Can’t even keep a few ‘Cons under for > a few breems…" Karen: Eh? Rebecca: Breem. Unit of time. Equal to 8.3 minutes. Rick: Fangirl. > " It was more than THAT…it was DAYS, even a WEEK or so, before they got > out. Natasha: They really needed a map. > Oh-I can’t remember how long, Sir, but it was a while! And…" > " Look, save the nice cushy remarks for AFTER I’ve been reprimanded, > ok? Rebecca: No, he's saving the taunts and quips for then. > Now…what was it you wanted to say? EarthBase has been attacked and > levelled by the ‘Cons I let escape, right?" > High Beam was loosing patience! Rick: He wasn't the only one. > " Look, BreezeDome, All: [Blow rasberries] Natasha: Are we going to keep this up all fic? Rick: Probably. Natasha: OK. > if you spent HALF as long LISTENING as you do shooting > your mouth off, All: BANG! Rick: He really needs some target practice. Rebecca: Try this fic. > then I’d already have explained! A - all the ‘Cons did NOT > go to Earth Natasha: They went to Disneyland! > …Outback sent a report from somewhere beyond our scanner range > that the StormTroopers Rebecca: Stormtroopers? Is that as in Jihaxus's soldiers? Rick: Or Imperial Stormtroopers? The last thing I want right now is another crappy TF crossover. > are still here - and under Sixshot." Karen: That must hurt. > BreezeDome’s All: [Blow rasberries] > target crosshair eye glinted and the corner of his mouth rose > in his characteristic snarl! But before he exploded, Rick: Then, BreezeDome explode. Rebecca: He's gotta cut down on those beans! > High Beam continued - > " And B…yes, Optimus Prime wishes you to report at once, to his Command > post, without your team. Natasha: Face it BreezeDome. You're in it now! > But it’s NOTHING to do with what YOU were grinding > on about, so quit sulking and get UP there! Rick [BreezeDome] Was not! > Before he sends the other Gobots Karen: Please no Gobots! > down to check that you haven’t knocked me out, in a fit of rage." Natasha: Or with a rouge comma. > The large Autobot scanned the floor, Rick [BreezeDome]: Yup, it's a floor! > wanting to scream and run out into the > waste regions, until he found Sixshot and the Stormtroopers…and then KILL them! > Instead, he nodded, dutifully. Rebecca [BreezeDome, meek]: Yes oh high and mighty toilet hog. > " Very well, mate. Thanks for giving me the message. And I’m sorry I’ve been > an animal. Karen [High Beam]: Yeah, but look at what you did to the couch. Bad BreezeDome! > You know I don’t mean nothing by it, don’t ya’?" > High Beam grinned, at BreezeDome’s usual slangy and incorrect grammar. Rebecca: High Beam grinned while we winced. > " Sure, Sir…forget it?" > " Yeah, thanks! O.k, I’d best hightail it upto Prime’s now, then. See ya’." > " ‘Bye, then!" Called out High Beam, as the larger Autobot strode away, down > the steel corridor, his feet making the usual clang-clang-clang! Karen: Were those sound effects *really* neccacary? Rebecca: Methinks this authour is on something. > " Jeeze…wish he’d sort that OUT!" Groaned the Gobot, Natasha: So BreezeDome's a Gobot.... Um... OK. > as he raced off, to join his fellow Gobots upstairs. Rebecca: And try to pick their arms up off the floor, no doubt. > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Rick: Breezedome's really been hitting those beans again. > " Aaarrrrgghh!!!! Karen: Our thoughts exactly. > Too damn close, that time, SCUM!" Rick [Announcer]: That's right! New and imrpoved SCUM is more accurate and closer on target more often than old fashioned Scum. > Cried Outback, as a fury of laser bolts and missiles from the Rebecca: Bored audience. > pursuing Air Strike Patrol ploughed > into the metallic ground behind him, throwing deadly shrapnel up into the > air. Karen: Hey! Watchit with that stuff! Somone could get hurt! > The nifty Autobot 4x4 All: Nifty?! > twisted and skidded, avoiding it narrowly, but > with skill. Suddenly, he hit reverse gear, and before the airborne > Decepticons knew what was going on, he was behind them, at full chat… All: Uh? Natasha: So now he's behind them and on his own talk show, right? > firing his roof-mounted mortar cannon! Rebecca: Bang! Shlip-shlop! > " No! Quickly…turn and BURN Rick: Hey! When'd BW Inferno get here? > the Autobot spy! Our even REMOTE whereabouts > must NOT be transmitted to his pathetic comrades!" Shouted Nightflight, > turning in an incredibly tight circle and zeroing in on the small vehicle > far below. > The other three turned, to join in. They chased Outback down a corridor > between two complexes. Natasha: Boy. Someone around here really needs a psychiatrist. > Deep in un-Autobot-manned territory, Karen: Enemy territory? Hostile territory? Neutral territory even? > the Autobot > knew that if he couldn’t handle the Air Strike Patrol alone, then he was > rusted scrap iron! Rebecca: Not just any old rusted scrap iron, but exclamatory rusted scrap iron! Karen: Are you OK? Rebecca: Fine. This fic's getting to me. > " Ha Ha! Run in terror, Autobot fool! Rick [Outback]: I prefer to drive. > We ENJOY your futile little games > …although when we rip you apart we’ll have TWICE the fun!" Natasha: Oh yeah. Someone around here needs help. > Laughed > Tailwind, barging his way to the front of the pursuing squad and > launching an almighty salvo. This time there was little warning and > Outback was hurled Rick: My lunch may follow suit. > by rising surface panels, into an out of control roll. > As he hit the ground, All [Singing to "Time Warp"]: Outback hit the sidewalk again! > transforming on instinct, he saw a black-purple blur Rick [Outback, stoned]: Woah man. Pretty colours. > as the Air Strike Patrol landed and surrounded him, all in their small but > deadly robot modes. Rebecca: Please. Those guys couldn't menace a boy scout camp. > Outback had his gun in hand but could see that it was > relatively useless. Karen: Eh? Umm... Why not try shooting the little runts? > If he had been a larger Autobot, he would have stood a > chance….but he was himself small, though a fraction bigger than the four > that now faced him, assured of their triumph in their own minds. Natasha: That and they were armed with a run-on sentence. > Nightflight grinned a twisted grin Rebecca: A good orthadontist could fix that. > and took a step closer. Outback scrambled > to his feet, quickly and pointed his gun at his attacker. > " Stay back, creep! Or I’ll use this…GLADLY!" Karen [Hysterical]: Help! Help! He's got a GLADLY! Help me! > He warned, trying to mask how scared he really was. Rick [Kryten]: You don't frighten me! Others: Yes he does! > The other three laughed and tightened the semi-circle > around him, against a wall. Rebecca: You know, by now they should be fighting over who gets to finish him off. Rick: The Air Strike Patrol are OOC? Now we are in trouble. > Nightflight came closer, raising his gun, knowing > Outback was not just a pushover and NOT likely to give in without a fight! > Time was running out for Outback to get away….and Decepticons were not usually > in the habit of letting their hard-pursued foes OFF! > * * * * * * * * * * * * Rick: Insert lame star gag here. > " You requested I came to report to you, Sir." Rebecca [Voice]: Right! Now sit down and watch the crappy fic! Voice: Hey! > Optimus Prime turned around, although he knew by the voice who it was. He saw > how weathered BreezeDome looked, Rick: BreezeDome's gotta knock off the cigs. Natasha: Aren't we forgetting something? Karen: Oh yeah. All: [Blow rasberries] > and by the way he was looking at the floor, > Prime could tell that his ‘don’t feel guilty’ message had fallen on deaf ears. Rebecca: Well, he doesn't really have ears... Others: Fangirl! > " Er….indeed, I did, didn’t I? Rick: I didn't? Oh, OK then. > Now, shut the door, if you would, and come > over here…we NEED to talk….urgently." Rebecca [Prime]: It's about this baked beans habit of yours... > BreezeDome could tell that Prime meant > it, so he shut the door and came over to the Command Desk. Natasha: Generally if your CO says something, they mean it. Uless they're my old CO, who rarely said anything straight. > " Now, I heard about the breakout on B-floor, and I think you should KNOW > something…" Karen [Prime]: You were adopted. Rebecca: And in the Furmanverse, that's very bad. Rick: Well, he is a Gobot. Rebecca: In which case his arm should have fallen off by now. Karen: What is this with Gobots and arms? Rebecca: Gobot toys had a tendancy for their arms to come off very easily. > " Wait up, Prime, er….Commander, I mean" Natasha: Whups! Social flub number one! > cut in BreezeDome. All: [Blow rasberries] Rick [Prime]: First, I want to talk to you about that little problem of yours. > Prime gave him > the ‘I’m not impressed but carry on now that you’ve interrupted’ look. So, > BreezeDome All: [Blow rasberries] > did :- > " I know that also on duty at that time were two of my BreezeForce [All laugh hysterically] > team, Sabreblade and Ultimar. Rebecca [Dark Sonic]: BLACK ULTIMA! Rick: Woah. Bad ASADASE flashback there. > With your permission, Sir, I want to free them of > all blame. I am the General and therefore, it falls to ME in a moment of > crisis to command them, and to succeed in a mission. The only person who > failed was ME, Sir. I take full responsibility for the escape." Natasha: I'm stunned. A CO taking full responsibility. Will miracles never cease? > Optimus Prime looked at his eyes, hard. Karen: And then gave him a Stoogie. > He sighed, and began: > " No one is to BLAME, Rick: How come I get the feeling that by the way he's saying that, he is blaming BreezeDome? > BreezeDome. All: [Blow rasberries] > It was a joint failing by the Autobot force, as a whole, Natasha [Prime]: But especially you. > not to stop the Decepticons getting away. You AND all > your team tried very hard, General, but it just wasn’t our day." Prime smiled, All: Uh? Rick: Hello mr authour! Prime sort of can't smile! He's sort of lacking in the mouth department! > and leant back in his chair, Rebecca: CRASH! [Prime] Whups. > finishing. " I want you to stop feeling guilty and get back to being YOU. Natasha: No thanks. Could he get back to being someone else? > Revert you and your team to secondary functions, > BreezeDome All: [Blow rasberries] > …I want you to join the battles. We need more troops, and you are > an ideal selection, plus you know Cybertron better than a lot of us. Rick: I bet he even knows the best resturants. > Do you accept, General?" > BreezeDome All: [Blow rasberries] > saluted promptly, before grinning, suddenly cheerful again. Karen: Someone's just hit the happy pills. > " Mission ACCEPTED, Sir. Rebecca [Prime]: Allright. No need to shout about it. > I’ll inform the rest of the team at once. We move > on your command." > Prime smiled. All: Aaak! Again! > " Good. I’ll call you and others up for a briefing later on. Dismissed" > He replied. > " Sir" replied BreezeDome, All: [Blow rasberries] > and he turned abruptly, as always, and left > the room, shutting the door behind him with a snap. Karen: Great work, BreezeBrain. Now fix those doors! > ‘ He’s back to his good old military self. Good’ thought Optimus Prime. > Then he reached for his radio panel button. Natasha [Prime]: Prime to Enterpirse. One to beam up. > " This is HQ…Outback, come in, please." Rick [Outback]: No! That ought to fool him. > •* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Karen: Man, the Air Strike Patrol sure are lousy aims. > Outback heard his arm-mounted radio crackle, as the sneering Nightflight > and his three comrades moved in, for the kill. Natasha: Hopefully they'll get that rouge comma while they're at it. > " Prime! Get off line….QUICK! Rick [Outback]: The ISP charges by the hour or portion thereof! > I’m HISTORY… Natasha [Outback]: Worse still! I'm GEOGRAPHY! > you can’t track me from here… > and they can track YOU from my radio bank! GO!!!" He cried, hitting the > VOX speech button. > Prime jumped, at the sudden shout, before leaning forward, to the > auto-tracker. Sure enough….it was fuzzy Karen: That's just great. The last thing we need is a Muppet bear who thinks he's funny. Rick: Er, thar's Fozzy. Karen: Heh. I knew that. > and unable to lock onto Outback, > as he was too far away. The Autobot leader hit the Red Alert button, > for Decepticon counter attacks. > " SCRAMBLE!" He shouted down the mic’. Outback was only one Autobot…but > a close one to Optimus Prime’s heart… Rebecca: Heart? Natasha: Maybe he means fuel pump. Rebecca: Could do. > and for good reason! Besides, > they needed to track down these hidden Decepticon bases that were > spouting so much trouble…or they could lose Iacon… Rick: If they do, it'll probably be behind the couch. That's where lost things allways end up. > and then, ultimately - Cybertron itself! > Nightflight laughed, Natasha: Diabolical laughter. > at Outback’s attempts to be noble yet also courageous. Karen: Usually, the two things go together. > He pushed his blaster into the Autobot’s nose. Rick [Dark Helmet]: I said across his nose, not up it! > Outback > froze - not in FEAR, but merely to plan how BEST to surprise them with > a counter attack, now that they assumed he’d surrendered. > " Well well! See that you’re not the plucky, predictable little Autobot > we all THOUGHT you were!" Natasha: Diabolical acting. > Laughed Whisper, evilly. Outback kept up the act. He grinned, weakly. > " Oh no, Decep’….far from predictable. I am always full of surprises." > The four Micromasters glanced at each other - then laughed! Rick [Whisper]: Ha. Ha ha ha. We have the advantage. He's joking with us. Of course he's totally harmless! > " Oh yeah? Well, WE sure out matched you…and NOW, we’re gonna’ KILL you!" > Laughed Stormcloud. Rebecca: What's this we business? Those four runts should be pounding each other by now... > " Yeah, so get ready to meet your MAKER, Autobot!" Added Nightflight, > clicking his trigger into place. Karen: So Nightflight's gotta assemble his gun? > Outback grinned. He had already picked up the sound that he wanted to hear. All: [Blow rasberries] Rebecca: BreezeDome's here to save the day! > TWO sounds, in fact. And BOTH meant curtains for the Decepticons!!! Rick: Someone in the distance going "Oooooooooooooooooooooh!" > " Well, it’s been fun, lads, Rick [Outback]: Must be going! Toodle pip! > but I’m afraid that Prime and I have urgent > matters to discuss…..like busting into your BASES, hidden as they MAY be! > So, I hope you won’t think me at all RUDE, Natasha: Not Rude. Maybe a little Reno or Elena though. > if I do THIS!…" And with that > Outback swung a huge punch at Nightflight, knocking his gun clean out of > his grasp! The group couldn’t believe it! All his fight had come back, > and now Outback was in his element, mad, frenzied, juvenile Rick: Fanfics. > COMBAT! Natasha: INTENSE CAPITILISED ACTION! > Things were just beginning to get ugly with the lasers pointed at him, > when the sound grew nearer… Rick: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! > ..and then there he was! On land - Blurr, > speeding along, to battle….and in the sky - BlackHawk, Natasha: Who? Rebecca: Probably some other dumb authour-created character who we don't give a rats about. > having used his > ‘Elevation’ to zoom ahead of the rest, followed by a group of Autobot jets! Rebecca: Just any old Autobot Jets. No-one we know or care about. > " Oh NO! He’s brought his MATES!" Cried Stormcloud, stepping away from > Outback and taking a long shot off at Blurr. It missed, and the Autobot > blurred into his robot mode, from the ground….from nowhere a shot lanced… > and Stormcloud fell down, his chest smoking, helpless. Rick [Stan]: Oh my god! They killed Stormcloud! Karen [Kyle]: You bastards! > " No! You slime! Autobot - I’ll…..AAGGHHH!!!" Natasha: You won't die in one peice! > " Put a ROD in it, shortie!" Cried BlackHawk, as he and the rest swooped > down, firing. > " Nightflight AND Stormcloud…oohhh All: Oooooooooh! > …now I owe you BIG time! Karen [Whisper]: Yeah! I wanted to do them in! > Take THIS!" > Cried Whisper, letting rip at BlackHawk’s underside with everything he had. > A few charges HIT, Natasha: Do you reckon there's any reason why that was captitilised? Karen: No. Natasha: Thought not. > but the rest skimmed his wingtip, and the Autobot > instantly landed, rather violently, transformed and charged at the two > Micromasters, firing his arm laser with quite worrying accuracy! Rick [Whisper]: How come he hits all the time and we keep missing? > Blurr also dashed forwards, firing his electro-laser in short, successive > bursts, narrowly missing the ducking Decepticons. The remaining Autobot > jets circled, firing whenever no one was in the way. Rebecca: boy, you guys are sure doing a lot. > Outback raced clear of the carnage, before crouching behind a metal panel > and firing over the top at the two cross-fired ‘Cons. > " You’re HISTORY, Decep-rust!" Karen: You're stain! > He shouted, narrowly missing Tailwind’s shoulder. Rebecca: If he'd hid hit him, it would be no-more Tailwind! Rick: Oh come on! A shoulder shot wouldn't do him in! Rebecca: It killed Brawn. Rick: Did not. Rebecca: Did to. Voice: Oh no. Not again. Rick: Did not. Rebecca: Did to. Rick: Did not. Rebecca: Did to. Rick: Did not. Rebecca: Did to. Karen: Shall we? Natasha: Better. Karen: Right. [Karen wallops Rick with the Sledgehammer. Natasha body-flips Rebecca to behind the couch. Karen uses the hammer to punt Rick over the couch to land on Rebecca] Voice: Thank you. > The panic-struck Decepticons hid behind a lump of debris, reloading > their guns. Rebecca: The panic stricken riffers hid behind the couch reloading their brains. Rick: Yeah! What was that for! Karen: New rule number 1. No holy wars. Rebecca: Ahh... You're no fun. [The two of them resume their seats] > " PRIMUS, Whisper, we’re DEAD if we don’t transform an’ head for base. > They’ll wring our NECKS!" Cried Tailwind. > " You FOOL, Tailwind - d’you think those other jets are up there for > FUN? Natasha: After seeing how much they've done? Yes. > Their waiting for us to try that, mate! Besides, if we lead ‘em > back to base the boss’ll KILL us!" Rebecca: And if this goes on too much longer, the fic'll kill us! > A nearby explosion made both ‘Cons cringe. Then Tailwind glared at his > comrade. > " Oh - an’ you’re sayin’ that lot WON’T?!? We’re dead either way, now…" Rick [Whisper]: You are allready dead! > " They are Autobots…maybe -" Karen: -We can reason with them? They are good guys! > " You try to surrender an’ I’ll shoot you myself!" Rebecca: Great strategy there! > " No! But, when they GET us…perhaps they won’t kill us." Suggested Whisper. Rick: Probably not. But this *is* a fanfic.... > Too late…..just at that second one of BlackHawk’s missiles ploughed into > the lump of debris that was their shield. Both were sent flying clear and > left a little stunned, but still armed and angry. Natasha: They're back... and they're *pissed!* > Whisper hit Blurr lightly > once…but one shot from his target BACK proved to end the fight for him! > It immobilised him, except his head. His gun hit the ground and Blurr > stamped on it - it exploded, underfoot. Rick [Blurr]: Ow! Owowow! Thatreallyhurtyouknow! Ijustgotmyfootblownoffthank- youverymuch! > " Youdecepticons justdon’t know when your’e outof your depthdoyou, huh?" Rebecca: I'm impressed. Even Blurr's OOC. Natasha: How do you figure that? Rebecca: There's spaces in his dialouge. > Came the barely decodable remark. Whisper went mad! Karen [Whisper Singing]: We're tiny... we're toony... we're all a little looney! > " Leave me alone, ya’ fast-talking FREAK!" He yelled. Rebecca: An opinion shared by many TransFans. > But Blurr left him, > unable to move an inch….and he approached Tailwind. > " Give it up, Decepticon, we have you surrounded, and there’s NO way OUT. > Come out - or we attack!" Warned BlackHawk, as he and Blurr teamed up to > come closer to where the Micromaster was hiding. Rebecca [BlackHawk, baddly dubbed]: I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! > The other jets circled, > keeping them covered. Outback came out of hiding and strode upto the > helpless Whisper. > " I see Blurr’s left you to ME, slime bucket! Karen [Whisper]: That's MR Slime Bucket to you! > Let’s see if YOU like being > captured half as much as I do!" He said, gun aimed. > " HEY! You can’t do that…I…I can’t MOVE…I…I’m helpless!" Cried Whisper, Rick: Ya big woose Whisper. Real bots don't cry! > trying to move and falling flat on his back, instead! > " Ah - you BORE me! A cool guy like ME needs a challenge! I’m outta’ her > - see you back at AutoBase, guys! And thanks, for the save!" Cried Outback, > as he roared off. Natasha: So they're in the middle of a fight and he... goes home... Right. Makers perfect sense. > Blurr decided to join him, and asked BlackHawk if he could hold up alone. Rick [BlackHawk]: Let's see... I've just pulverised three of them, and let my backup go home. Hmmm. Could be in trouble. > " Sure, I’ll be fine, Blurr! See you later." Replied the jet, as he crept > up behind the cover. Blurr was soon out of sight. Prime needed him, back > at base. Three of the ‘Cons were down, Karen: It's near the end of the convention season! Hooray! > two cold out and one immobilised. > The fourth was armed but hurt. The Autobot was positive he could catch the > last one. > Suddenly, pain flared, in his back. The Decepticon had sneaked around, > gradually…and had shot him Natasha: With a whole swarm of commas! > on a painful fuel duct! Oil spilled Rick [Director]: And the oil goes Psssst! in slow motion. > and the > Autobot whirled around to face his enemy, a snarl on his face! > NO!!! All: Yes!! > It was NOT Tailwind…he was still hidden - it was the damaged but > still operational Nightflight who had pulled himself up to his feet to > fire the shot! Rebecca: Great going, moron. First you send all your buddies away *then* you turn your back on an armed foe. This is millitary training at it's finest, ladies and gentlemen. > BlackHawk ducked a salvo from behind which WAS Tailwind, Natasha: So now he lets Tailwind get behind him? This guy is a total moron! > turned and shot the Micromaster down, hard. He turned and pointed his > weapon at Nightflight. Rick [BlackHawk, Baddly dubed]: I'll burn you to BBQ chicken! > " Game over, creep" he growled. Karen [Hudson]: Game over man! Game over! > Nightflight’s systems involuntarily shut down, after the physical stress > of getting up when he really didn’t have the reserves. BlackHawk watched > his small enemy crumple to the ground without him touching him. His task > done, BlackHawk turned and transformed, before cruising back to base, > the other jets flying fast to keep up with him. Rick: So he goes to great lenths to beat up these guys and disable them and then... Leaves them alone. Makes perfect sense. > The Decepticons limped back to Sixshot, one by one, explaining their > humiliating defeat. Rebecca: Pretty humiliating! They were beaten by a moron, a runt they allready had disabled, a hyperactive moron and a whole bunch of jets who did nothing. > He had little mercy and spared them on the condition > that they never allowed Megatron to get word of the incident! Rick: Of course, If he hadn't spared them they wouldn't have ben able to tell Megatron anyway... My brain hurts. > Optimus Prime welcomed them all back, warmly, glad that Outback had been > saved. It wasn’t long before new missions were on the cards, Rebecca: More mission cards! New expansion pack! Cool! > though, and > everyone wanted to be a part of them! But this time, his newly assigned > warriors, the BreezeForce All [Burst out laughing again] > team, were heading the list of those to be > included. It would be a long battle to keep Iacon and Cybertron from > Decepticon occupation. But Prime was determined to win. And if Megatron > got involved…so much the BETTER! Rebecca: Could we stop with the shouting? I have a really bad headache. > It would kill two birds with one stone. > Prime just hoped he could find this ‘stone’…….and QUICKLY! Rick: Try a fanfic. Rebecca: OR a Budansky comic. That'd kill him dead. > By George Morgan. Natasha: May he rot in hell. [The TV switches off] Voice: So, what do you think? Rebecca: It was pretty bad, but nowhere near the worst that you've given us. There was allmost no characterisation save for old FartDome, and what little there was managed to be pretty OOC. Rick: The thing that got me was all the new characters. We have a whole ream of new characters, about which we know nothing! Save for ol' Breezy's habits. Voice: Yes, thankyou there. Rebecca: And his BreezeForce! The baked bean bandits of the west! Voice: ... Karen: What got me was the fight scenes. Whenever anyone is down, there's a lot of gloating, but they don't bother to keep their eyes on things. Whisper doesn't notice a whole swarm of Autobots coming down on him untill they're all shooting. Rebecca: Probably distracted by the smell. Karen: True. Voice: ... Natasha: And don't forget BlackHawk! He sends away all his teammates, turns his back on an armed oponnent *then* goes after Tailwind... And is *surpised* when he gest shot in the back! Voice: Well, thank you very much for that. Rebecca: So, we free to go? Voice: Certainly. Rebecca: Cool! Everyone! To the Club Anipike! Last one sober is Breezy's second officer for the week! [They all rush out the door.] Voice: that didn't go too badly... [Natasha walks back in and pulls out a short-barreled revolver. She quickly pumps six shots into the TV, then leaves] Voice: Sigh... [The screen goes black] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Rebecca Bartley, Rick R. Mortis, Karen McMillain and Natasha Isavia are copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > " No! You slime! Autobot - I'll…..AAGGHHH!!!"