Elmer Studios presents... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's Episode 132. We think. Anyway, it's time for more Tango and more Space Waltz! Cowboy Bebop is copyright Sunrise Space Waltz is copyright ChibiJamie --------------------------------------------------------------------------- [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. There is a small, battered artificial Christmas tree next to the computer, looking for all the world like it has been trodden on. Ragged tinsel and streamers adorn the wall.] [Rebecca and Dan enter, talking] Rebecca: Imagine this. It's our first Christmas here without Rick. Dan: Yeah... I mean, as much of a useless slacker as he is, he's always here around Christmas time. Rebecca: How could he pass up the opportunity for free stuff and lots of food? Dan point. [Tsuneo enters] Tsuneo: Of course, no Rick does mean one positive thing. Rebecca: What's that? Tsuneo: The quality of gifts will be far better this year. Rebecca: Point. Dan: Say, do we know who's our temp for the day? Tsuneo: Point. It might look bad if there's no gifts for them. Rebecca: I'm sure we can work something out. [Tango, on a sleigh, falls through the roof in a cloud of plaster and debris] Tango: Happy Xmas everyone! Rebecca: Tango, did you forget to hook up the reindeer *again*? Tango: I couldn't get reindeer, so I substituted. Tsuneo: And what, and I know I'm going to regret asking this, did you use instead? Tango: A belt-driven catapult! Dan: Well that actually made sense. Rebecca: And you were worried about not having a present for them. Tsuneo: You got Tango a present? Rebecca: I figure that if it keeps him occupied for five minutes, it's worth it. Tsuneo: Good point. Tango: Here you go! Gifts for all! [He hands out horribly misshapen, poorly- wrapped presents] Rebecca: Gee, thanks. Tsuneo: You seem apprehensive. Rebecca: It's coming from Tango. Tsuneo: Point. Dan: Hey, a present's a present, and I'm not arguing! [He rips open his present] It's... my wallet? Tango: Cool, huh? Dan: Complete with all my cards! Tango: Merry Xmas! Dan: Um, thanks. Tsuneo: What were you saying about free stuff? Dan: You won't be so smug when you open yours. Tsuneo: Probably. [He unwraps it, to reveal a huge sign that couldn't have possibly fit in the wrapper. Heck, it barely fits in the room.] It's um... it's um... Tango: Go on, plug it in! Tsuneo: Sure... [He plugs it into the wall. Everything in the apartment turns off, except for the sign which has "Don't Go There" In huge flashing neon letters.] Tango: What do you think? Tsuneo [Teary eyed]: It's perfect! [He unplugs it, and the lights turn back on] Dan: So what did Tango get you? Rebecca: Let's see... [She unwraps the present, revealing a huge gun made out of neon-green and purple plastic] It's a Slugmaster 6000 Armour-Piercing Explosive Head Belt Fed Laser-Targeted NERF gun! Cool! Tango: As used by Australian troops in the gulf war! Rebecca: It's perfect! Thank you. Dan [Muttered]: How come I don't get any cool stuff... Rebecca: Here you go, Tango. We got something for you. Tsuneo [Muttered]: We? Rebecca [Muttered]: You can owe me for it later. Tsuneo: [Muttered] Your fault, you pay for it. Tango: Ooh! Shinies! [He rips the present open to reveal a stop sign, complete with pole] Wow! [He swings it around, almost decapitating Dan and destroying the computer] Thanks Becky! Voice: Morning everyone. Rebecca: And a merry Xmas to you too, Dr Z. Voice [Muttered]: Nobody respects me... but that will all change when I take over the universe... Tsuneo: Um, Voice? Voice: Oh, nothing. Tango: Pip pip! Jolly good Xmas, I say what? Voice: Oh, it's you. Tango: Yes, it's me! Voice: I thought you were hiring and evaluating temps. Rebecca: He put his name down multiple times. Voice: Right... Rebecca: Oddly enough, he spelt it incorrectly every single time. Tsuneo: Voice, what have we got today? Dan: You're keen. Tsuneo: It's that or talk to Tango. Dan: Point. Voice: Today I've got parts 5 and 6 of Space Waltz. Tsuneo: I think I was better off not knowing. [They sit, Rebecca and Tsuneo on the forwards-facing couch, Dan and Tango on the other one. Dan and Tsune are closest on the corners] Tsuneo: So what did I miss last time? Rebecca: Nasutei acted all twee, a Sayajin showed up and Spike and Faye did the wacky. Tsuneo: So I didn't miss a thing? Dan: Only Ling Ling's amazing cleavage. Tango: STARCRAFT! Tsuneo: ...I'll take that as a "no." [The TV switches on] > ~Things always get worse... and worse... and worse... Tango: Until it's so much worse it comes out the other side! > especially on THIS ship. Tsuneo: Especially with THIS writer. > Sometimes, you wish you could just curl up and die, but > that would be counterproductive. Tsuneo: On the other hand, you'd be out of the fic. Rebecca: You're getting started early. > So... here we are! Dan: Can we go now? > Looks like trouble is about to waltz our way again...~ Tsuneo: And the purpose of this intro was? Rebecca: None. Tsuneo: Good. It's consistent at least. > Session 31: No Special Rider Tango: Oooh! I know that! It's the show about a talking car and his boof-head sidekick! Dan: Did it ever occur to you that the man was the hero of the show? Tango: Witty retort! Dan: Damn. > Faye Valentine awoke in the morning sunlight, consciousness surfacing > slowly. Rebecca: The way this guy writes it, you'd think that waking up was nearly impossible. Dan: For me it is. Rebecca: I meant for normal people. > Cool air drifted through the ship, which meant Jet Black and > Nasutei Kaneka were likely outside with Ed and Ein, Tango: Or that the airlock was open and they're all gonna die! > and it made her happy they were docked on Mars. Dan: So when do you want to tell her that this isn't Mars? Tango: When the drugs wear off. > Drowsy with sleep, her body still heavy and sated, Rebecca: So... she was eating in her sleep? Tsuneo: I guess so... I have no idea. This fic is making my head hurt, and we're still on the first page. > she sorted through wisps of thought and feeling. She remembered > Spike Spiegel's hands on her body. She remembered touching him. Dan: She remembered throwing up. She remembered staggering home. She didn't remember where the Traffic Cone came from. > She > turned and pushed her face into the pillow and smiled. Had it been a > dream? Rebecca: [Faye] PLEASE let it be a dream. > That smile slowly spread into a grin. Rebecca: I see hose pointless DC mega-crossovers have claimed another victim. Any second, her hair will turn green. > No dream. Not for the past two months. > She was in Spike's bed. Dan: In bed for two months? Damn, and I thought I was a late riser. > A few hours earlier they'd made love. > Wild, passionate love. Dan: Oh, sure, just rub it in why don't you, fic? > She liked this relationship. Tsuneo: She liked being OOC. She liked Retcons. > She reached out her arm and hand and searched the bed, Rebecca [Faye]: I know his wallet fell down in here somewhere. Tsuneo: You search the bed and find... [Rolls dice] A Hackmaster +12 sword and 38 healing potions. > smiling > slightly when her fingertips met with the warm flesh of Spike's > shoulder. Tango: Unfortunately, the rest of him was nowhere to be found. > He shifted a bit, turning over to look at her, a grin on his > thin features. Rebecca: They then began cackling madly and spray-painted the ship in neon purple. > "Good morning," he stated, his voice a low rumble. Tsuneo: Special guest star James Earl Jones as the voice of Spike. > Faye tilted her head a bit and smiled. There were a few things anyone > could notice about Spike straight-off. Dan: The hair? > One, he was a toothpick. Rebecca [Sniggers]: Toothpicks. Tango: He was made out of wood and was stuck into a cocktail frankfurt. > Or at least he appeared to be. Tsuneo: So you mean that underneath that he's actually incredibly ripped? Dan: Better believe it. It's a wonder he doesn't just explode out of that suit. > In all due truth, under his rumpled clothing, > he was well built from long years of training. Rebecca: And running a lot. He seems to spend most of his life running, now that I think about it. > Two, if you looked close, > you could tell that his eyes were two different colors. Tsuneo: One's military grey, the other is ocean grey. Dan: So which one is which? Tsuneo: Isn't it obvious? > One was a paler > brown than the other. You had to be careful looking into them. Stare too > long and you could get lost in the depths. Tango: And next thing you know, there's some guys in a mini-sub poking you. Poke, poke! > "Good morning," she finally said back. "Sleep well?" Dan: [Spike] No, I had this odd lump in my back all night. Tango: [Ed] Hi there! > "Better each night." The grin on the bounty hunter's face was typical of > him, wide and goofy. Dan [Spike]: Just wait till I tell all the guys about this. > "How 'bout you?" Rebecca: [Faye] Fifty-five, sixty, seventy... Did you say something? > "Wonderful, as always," smirked Faye. She started to say something else, > but the sound of quick scrambling and slamming doors just outside meant > something was up. Rebecca: Ed had gotten into the weapons locker again. Tsuneo [Ed]: Ed has guns! Wheeeeeee! > Annoyedly, Spike grabbed a tank top and a pair of boxer shorts as Faye > reached for her robe. Tango: Last time they got up in a hurry, they ended up in each other's clothes. It was quite painful. > As Spike tugged on his boxers, he glanced back at > Faye. "Wonder what's got everyone so riled up..." Tango: Jay Leno must be on. Dan [Jet]: They've got a bounty out on his chin. > Faye shrugged as she tied the belt of her robe. Dan: No need to on my account. [Rebecca hits him] > "Let's go find out." > ***** > On the bridge of the Bebop, Jet stood extremely rigid Tsuneo [Jet]: If I stand here and do nothing, maybe they'll all ignore me. > with Nasutei and Ed behind him. Tango: They're doing the right thing. I think it's a good idea to always have a human shield handy. > His face was that of pure annoyance and disbelief. Dan [Jet]: They pre-empted Big Shot for for the ARIA awards? They've gone too far now! > What in the world was bugging him? Dan: Nasutei's incessant tweeness? Tsuneo: The totally warped continuity? Rebecca: A skunk? Tango: Michael Cole's continued presence on TV? > Spike raised his brow slightly. "Uhm... Jet... What the hell's going on?" Dan [Jet]: We were hoping you could tell us. > Jet shifted his eyes to his friend. "Spike, you don't want to know." Tango [Jet]: The UnderSeller just won the Unified ECWCWWF World Intercontinental European US Hardcore TV Heavyweight Tag-Team belt in a "first guy to sell looses" match. Dan: [Spike] Who was his opponent? Tango: [Jet] A lump of wood. > "Seriously, Jet, what's going on?" > "You don't want to know." > "Yes, I do." > "No, you don't." Dan [Spike]: Yes I do. Tango [Jet]: No, you don't. Dan [Spike]: Yes I do. Tango [Jet]: No, you don't. Dan [Spike]: Yes I do. Tango [Jet]: Yes, you do. Dan [Spike]: No, I don't. Tango [Jet]: Yes, you do. Dan [Spike]: No, I don't. Tango [Jet]: Fine! Dan [Spike]: Fine! > Faye dropped her head into her hand, exhasperated. "Jet... I don't get > it. Why won't you tell us?" Rebecca: Because he's waiting for the writer to think of something. > "Because Spike will flip if I say anything about him being back," Jet > replied lowly. Dan: Let's do it! > Spike blinked, and then his face grew serious. Deadly serious. We're > talking the gaze of a thousand unfriendly poodles serious. Dan: So what's so serious about a poodle? Rebecca: They're *angry* poodles, alright? Tango: If they're angry poodles, you've got to give them the piece of meat with the petal and the mystery sauce. Everyone knows that. > "You're not serious," he stated, his voice a flat monotone. "It's not..." > Jet nodded a little. "It is." Rebecca: The original Green Goblin! Dan: My sister! Tsuneo: Fred Savage! Tango: Hollywood Hulk FUNB Hogan Bollea! > How exactly Spike had figured all this out due to simply Jet's reaction > was unsure, but he did. And now, Faye was catching on. "Oh, God, not HIM..." Tango: Yes... HIM! [Dramatic music.] Tsuneo: Where'd the soundtrack come from? Tango: Well, Faye tried to get Orchestra in her Undies (TM), but they wouldn't fit. She did however manage to fit a jazz band in her jacket. Rebecca: So we're going to a Bebop/Powerpuff Girls crossover? > Ed only looked mildly interested, but Nasutei's expression was one of pure > confusion. "Who?" Dan: The band! Tsuneo: Who's the band? Dan: That's right, Who's the band. Tsuneo: I mean who's the band on stage? Dan: Yes! Who is the band on stage. [Rebecca hits them both with a cushion] > The three eldest members of the Bebop crew turned to Nasutei with entirely > serious faces. "Andy." All: ... Tango: Now with his own brand of Barbeque sauce! > ***** > Yes, Andy. Those who know him quake at the sound of his name, Tango: Some of us Unreal at the sound of his name, though. > if not because he was to be feared, Rebecca: For he should. > but because he was a nuisance. And now, > he was here. That was never a good sign. Tsuneo: So it's not a good sign when Andy's here? How often does he come over anyway? Rebecca: Whenever the ratings are low and they need a stunt to pull viewers. Dan: Andy IS Reginald Barclay. > Nasutei's look was one of pure confusion, as she had never heard of this > infamous Andy. Therefore, Jet had taken it upon himself to explain the > whole thing. And despite it all, she still managed to look clueless, Tsuneo: I thought that was her natural state. > looking up at him with the most endearingly cute expression, Tsuneo: AACK! [He falls off the couch] Dan: Hey, what's with him? Rebecca: Damn, he's gone into cuteness shock again. Dan: How do we cure him? Rebecca: We could hit him. Tango: Ooh! Let me, let me! [He pulls out the Inflatable Hammer of Doom from seemingly nowhere and bashes Tsuneo a few times with it] Tsuneo: Ow! Ow! Alright, already! [He returns to his seat] Dan: Say Tango, where did you get that hammer from anyway? Tango: Rumour has it the stork brought it. > her bottom lip sticking out in her puzzlement. Dan: Nasutei IS Saya from Blood: The Last Vampire. > Inwardly, he smiled. She didn't look 23. She barely looked 13. Tsuneo: What's this got to do with Andy? Dan: [Andy] She's my kinda lady. Rebecca: No, I don't think she's even the right species. > "All > right, I'll go over this again. Andy's a guy that annoyed the hell out > of Spike, basically. A literal cowboy. Rebecca: Except that he'd decided to turn into a Samurai by the end of the episode. Tsuneo: Yes, but by the same standard Spike and Vicious are dead, Ed and Ein are living on Earth and Big Shot is cancelled. Rebecca: Oh yes, of course. The Good ol' ASADAE Floating Island claims another victim. > He hits on any female he sees, > has a tendancy to bring trouble wherever he goes, and he's a general > nuisance. Tsuneo: In other words, he's just like you, Dan. Dan: I'm proud to be as cool as Andy! > You understand?" > Nasutei blinked wide magenta eyes at him again, Tsuneo: Urk... must hold out... [Tango hits him with the hammer again] Thanks. > then slowly nodded. She > still had that endearing puzzled look on her face. Rebecca: The one that made you want to hit her. Dan: In case we hadn't mentioned it yet: she's cute. > Jet smirked and gave her a quick pat atop the head. Dan [Jet]: Now don't talk to the strange man. Rebecca [Nasutei]: If I did that, I'd never say a word around here. [Normal] Not that this is a bad thing. > Gently, he made sure, so as not to hurt > her. She blinked again, still watching him intently. "You won't let him > touch me, will you, Jet?" Tango: Not without a hazard suit. Tsuneo: Yeah, Andy needs protection from her. > Jet was taken aback by the question, startled that she would trust him > for protection, even if it happened to be protection from something as > UNharmful as Andy. Rebecca: Andy is anything but harmless. Look at what happens to everything around him. > Recovering from the surprise, he smiled at the girl, > tapping her nose. "You know it." Jokingly, he flexed his good arm. "He > won't take a step past me!" Dan: Because all on his own, Jet occupies an entire 30 meter hex and no enemy unit may move through him. > Nasutei giggled, a sound that made Jet just grin wider. She was a cute > kid. All: We know. Tango: I want to hurt her. Dan: You'd think at 23 that she's barely a kid. Rebecca: She barely counts as human. > ***** > Spike frowned. Deeply. Faye was watching him quietly as Ed rocked back > and forth where she was sitting Indian style in the middle of the room, Rebecca [Ed]: Ed has discovered the meaning of life! Tsuneo [Spike]: Which is? Rebecca [Ed]: Free juarz and pr0n! > curious gold eyes fixed on Spike as well. > "Well... Jet, Nasutei, and Ed spotted Andy. Dan: So they'll act as forward observers for the artillery strike. > You'd think he'd be here by > now, knowing him." Spike took a drag of his cigarette, tilting his head > back ever-so-slightly. Dan: What, did they invite him or something? > Idly, he ran his hand over the scar on his > abdomen/chest. "Wonder why he's even here." Tsuneo: Going on past precedent, he wants to join the crew of the Beebop for zany comedy hijinks. Rebecca [Deadpan]: I can hardly wait. Tango: Me first with the Son of a Gun soup! > "Maybe he's tracking some horrible bountyhead who wants to blow up the > entire galaxy!!" Ed suggested hyperly, rocking back a bit. Dan: Isn't that being a little silly? Rebecca: We're talking about a statement made by Ed about Andy in this fic. Dan: Never mind. > Spike dropped his head into his hand. "Somehow, Ed, I doubt that." Tango: Maybe he got lost. Maybe his horse broke down and he's looking for a tow truck. > Faye's gaze shifted between the two for a moment before fixing on Spike. > "You know how I said you two were identical?" > Spike glowered despite it all. "Yeah." > "I was wrong." Rebecca [Faye]: He doesn't have a stupid afro. Dan [Spike]: Hey! What's wrong with my hair? > Spike let out a sigh of relief, then smiled at her. "So... I'm not a > stupid ass?" > "No, you're not a stupid ass." Rebecca: [Faye] Well, you ARE a stupid ass, but you're a different kind of stupid ass. Tsuneo: ...She is so OOC it's not funny. > "Nice to know you care." Rebecca [Faye]: Thanks. Can I borrow ten bucks? > And suddenly, as they sat there, they heard it. It was almost as surprising > as when Spike was heard whistling the day he returned home to the Bebop. Tsuneo: Except that, wishful thinking aside, Andy's not meant to be dead. Tango: [Mimes revving chainsaw; Ed] Ed can fix that! > But this was a different whistling, loud and obnoxious, and definitely not > welcome. Faye's back tensed as Spike growled, Rebecca: And then his hair stood up on end. By adding an extra three feet to his height, he frightens off potential predators. > low enough to be mistaken for Ein. Tango: Well, Ein in a cheap suit. > The hatch had been left open to let in the cool, spring-like Martian > air. Dan: Never do that. You never know what's going to wander in. Tsuneo: I think that's how we got you, Tango. Tango: It was? I thought this was a Nebraskan Anime con. Rebecca: Well, there's enough people here for it. > The sound of hooves clicking across the smooth metal made both of them > cringe lightly. Ed only blinked her big eyes again. While she had heard of > this Andy-person, she'd never actually met him face-to-face. Tsuneo: You know, if they had to bring back someone form that episode, couldn't it at least have been Teddy Bomber? Tango: [Ed] Ed wants a teddy bear! Dan: Wackiness ensues. > A grin spread across her face. Opportunity arises! Rebecca: [Ed] Ed must add rare Andy-type thing to Ed's collection! > Spike and Faye hadn't noticed the child's sudden enthusiasm, as their > eyes were fixed on the direction Andy would approach from. Tsuneo: Remind me again why they're letting him in? > And on cue, there he came, riding high atop his horse. Tsuneo: And hit his head on the hatch. That's gotta hurt. Tango [Spike]: You're not brining that horse in here! Dan [Andy]: And why ever not? Tango [Spike]: We've got a strict dress code here. No shirt, no shoes, no Son of a Gun soup. > Spike's eyebrow twitched. Tsuneo [Spike]: Must... control... Fist of death... > He thought Andy had given up being a cowboy! All: So did we. > Idly, he flexed his > fists, his body so tense he was shaking. Rebecca: If you put a drink in his hand, you get a free drinks mixer. > Oh, the horribly painful things he would do to Andy if he so much as > sent a casual _glance_ in Faye's direction! Tsuneo: He'd make Andy read the fanfic! > Very painful things that would result in Andy never having kids... Tsuneo: Not that it would be a bad thing. > not like that was a bad thing, of course. Tsuneo: ... Rebecca: Well called. > And he knew for a fact that Jet wouldn't stand for Andy even daring to > look at Nasutei period. Dan: And if he did, he'd hurt him, period. Rebecca: And then hurt him some more, period. Dan: And then throw him out, never to return, period. Rebecca [Cheetor]: I like pie, period. Tsuneo: Well that was pointless. Rebecca: So was Beast Machines. Dan: Period. > He was very protective of that runt. Tsuneo: I see that Spike thinks about as much of Nasutei as we do. Dan: Perio- [Tsuneo hits him with a cushion] > Faye frowned. During all of this time, Andy had finally arrived in front > of them, Tango: He got lost coming up the stairs. Rebecca: Well, the Talking Frog did throw him. > peering down with a grin. > "Well, well, if it isn't Spike." Tango: No, it's not. It's his brother, Mark. > Spike twitched. Rebecca: Just remember, Spike. Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean. Tango: Icebergs! Sharks! Tsunami! Giant killer attack squids! > "Hi, Andy," he growled bitingly, his teeth clenched so tightly it hurt. Dan [Spike as Seinfeld]: Well hello, Andy. Tsuneo: If I recall, the episode seemed to end with the two of them making their peace and accepting each other as friendly rivals. Rebecca: Island. Floating. Tsuneo: Point. > "My, don't we seem angry." His eyes shifted to Faye, and his grin widened > a bit. "And Miss Valentine, as lovely as ever." Rebecca: [Faye] I should have recognised your foul stench when I was brought onboard. > Faye gave a light, fleeting grin as inwardly, she cringed. Spike's demonic > glare Tsuneo: His eyes had turned red. Well, two different shades of red. Rebecca: When his head starts spinning, run. > had gone from shooting daggers to shooting guns and missiles. Tango: And he hit Chinese Embassies and Red Cross warehouses. Stupid Amrerican- made glare! > It was bad enough Andy had come back, Rebecca: And there were two of him, one red, one blue. > but now he was hitting on her in plain view of Spike. Not a wise decision. Dan: Andy here is showing all the survival instinct of a British reality TV contestant. > That was like standing up and screaming to > be shot full of holes. Tango: I do that all the time! It's strangely relaxing. > "Why you..." growled the bounty hunter. "What the hell do you think you're > doing, hitting on her?!" Dan [Andy]: Well I think I'm hitting on her, but I could be mistaken. > "I was simply commenting on how lovely the lady is," scoffed Andy in reply. > "Besides... I was unaware she was being courted." Tsuneo: It's not like she's holding up a big sign telling the whole universe about it or anything. > "Dumbass!!" Spike returned in a shout. "She's my girlfriend!" Tango [Spike]: i met hur on irc! she sez shez a sexxxy bab in skanty pantiez! Tsuneo: ...Don't do that. > Andy laughed shortly. Rebecca: And what's Faye doing in the meantime? Standing around and sticking her chest out? Dan: Yes. Rebecca: ...good point. > "Somehow, I find that hard to believe!" He almost said something else, but > his attention was grabbed by a pair of shy magenta eyes peering around the > corner. Dan: They'd just popped right out of her skull and rolled there. > Giving another smile, he rode his way over there. Tsuneo: The least he could do was get off his horse once he got it inside. Tango: I bet he hasn't even taken his hat off. Cowboys today. > Faye carefully > walked over to Spike, putting her hand on his shoulder, surprised by how > tense he was. "You okay?" Dan [Spike]: Define "okay". Rebecca [Faye]: Not disembowelled? Dan [Spike]: Yes. Rebecca [Faye]: In a stable frame of mind? Dan [Spike]: Am I ever? > "Yes," growled Spike as he carefully worked on easing his tensed up body. Tango [Spike]: No TV and beer make Spike go crazy. > "But something makes me doubt Andy will be if he hits on Nasutei." Tsuneo: He'll be tweed to death! Dan: Is "Tweed" a verb? Tsuneo: I think it is now. > Of course, as usual, Spike's prediction was right. Andy rode up next to > the blue-haired girl, taking her hand Tango: Where did he take it to? > and kissing it. "Well, what a > mysterious young lady. And what might your name be?" Rebecca [Nasutei]: It might be Four Masamune... but it isn't. Tsuneo: Ding! Obscure bonus! > Nasutei gave a nervous little grin as she pulled her hand away, a shy > giggle passing her lips. Tango: [Nasutei] Everyone falls for that one. > "Nasutei... Tango: [Nasutei] I've forgotten the rest. > Nasutei Kaneka." > "Such a lovely name for a lovely lady," Andy continued. Dan: I'll bet he says that to every newtype he talks to. > He leaned foreward > a bit and kissed her cheek, causing her to blush profusely, magenta eyes > wide. Rebecca: Any more and they'll take up her whole face. > Once again, he would have said more, but this time, he was > interrupted by a very tall and very dangerous looking man in his late > thirties, Rebecca: Dan, what are you doing in this fic? Dan: Hey! Rebecca: Silly me, you don't look dangerous. > glaring him down with the coldest shade of cobalt blue he'd ever > seen. "Can I... help you?" Tango: [Andy] Ah, jolly good. Here boy, take my coat and see if you can rustle up a drink or two. > "Yes, you can. You can step away from Nasutei before I break your arm." Tango: DO IT! DO IT! > "I take it YOU'RE dating her?" Andy said doubtfully. Dan: [Jet] She more kind of latched onto my leg, and won't let go. > The blush spread deeper across Nasutei's cheeks as Jet continued. Dan: [Jet] My best friend died and asked me to look after his daughter. Of course, she occasionally hits me with a mallet. Rebecca: Well, this is like City Hunter... Only more brain-deadening and with a better soundtrack. > "No. > But she's my best friend's little sister, and I promised to keep an eye > on her. Tsuneo: Now I got it! This is "A Better Tomorrow II!" Rebecca: That explains Spike. Tango: Does that mean Nasutei dies? Dan: That means *everyone* dies. > I don't think she really appreciates your gesture." Dan: Look out, it's an ethnic gesture! > Andy shrugged. "There is so such thing as being overprotective." Jet's > eyebrow ticked. Tango: [Jet as God] I have a script. Tsuneo: Ding! Fringe cinema bonus! > Spike actually chuckled a little. By this point, Nasutei had fled to her > room and wasn't showing any sign of leaving. Rebecca: [Nasutei] I'm not coming out until the bad man leaves! Dan: [Spike] But I live here! > Andy was really pushing his > luck. Of course, as it seemed, things were only going to get worse... Dan: Worse than this? How? Tsuneo: Appledehli Shiniz Hesop Ludvin comes for a visit. Tango: They take a side-trip to Wisconsin to visit a screen door factory. Rebecca: Ein has puppies. Dan: Forget I asked. > ***** > Spike's face remained dead-serious as he watched Big Shot that afternoon, Dan: I hear Big Shot's one of the top-rating programs on the Floating Island. > with Faye nestled comfortably against his side. Tango: The heater was on the blink, and this is the next best thing. Dan: What about Ein? Tango: Ed's using him for a chair. > He didn't like Andy, he > didn't like the fact that Andy was hitting on Faye, he didn't like the > fact that now the runt was being dragged into it, and he didn't like the > fact that this made Jet really pissy. Tsuneo: So, and I may be repeating myself here, why do they let him on the ship? Dan: Someone's got to pay for food. > At least he could regain some sanity at the thought that Big Shot was > coming on, and he could find comfort in the money he could possibly rake > in from it. Rebecca: The operative word here is "possibly." > "Howdy, amigos! All three-hundred thousand bounty hunters in the star > system! How y'all doin'?!" came Punch's obnoxious voice. > The buxom blond that was his co-host, Judy, jumped up and down a little > giving her breasts an appropriate bounce, [Dan's eyes bounce up and down.] Dan: Say, have we got a rewind on this thing? [Rebecca hits him with a cushion] > once again keeping half the audience enthralled. Tsuneo: So if that's where their ratings came from, why did they get pulled? Dan: It was up against a test pattern. > "Welcome to Big Shot, the show that tells all about fugitives!" > "Today's bounty is worth two-million woolongs, dead or alive!" Spike > frowned at this. That wasn't much at all. Just chump change. Dan: Don't they always ask for live captures? Rebecca: Two million? That's a huge bounty for them. Tsuneo: Yeah, but they've levelled up a few time and need to save up for some Silver Swords. > "And can you believe what he's wanted for?!" > The picture of the fugitive popped up on the screen as Judy's voice > continued. "Stealing chickens? How weird!" > "But a bounty is a bounty!" Punch admonished. "So go out there and get > 'em, buckaroos!" > Spike growled and kicked the side of the tv, turning it off. "Two-million > woolongs for stealing CHICKENS?!" Rebecca: It's what he does with them afterwards that's getting him the bounty. Tsuneo: He plucks them? Rebecca: He does something different... but it rhymes with plucks. [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion.] > Faye glanced at him, raising a brow. "Well, it's better than nothing." > Spike twitched and growled at the holograph machine that wished it was > a television. Dan: Any reason? Tango: Then he could play Beta and NES games. > On top of all this, he could hear Jet down the hall. > "Nasutei... come on out." > "No way!" came the small, muffled voice." > "Why not?" > "Because HE'S out there!!" > "Nasutei, he's not going to hurt you." > "Jet, he kissed me. That's close enough!" Rebecca: [Nasutei] He's got boy germs! Tsuneo: Now remind me how she managed to become a well-placed ISSP officer? Heck, for that matter, how did she survive to age twenty-three? > Faye gave a nervous laugh as Spike grew a bit more flustered. "Oh, come > on, Spike... it's not THAT bad, is it?" Rebecca: Just wait until you see what your horse did to the carpet. > The sound of a horse caused Spike to cringe again. "Yes, it is." He stood > up abruptly, his face set in a fixed expression between anger and > frustration. "I'm going after that bounty. Maybe it'll take my mind off > all the shit we're in today." Tsuneo: I smell a set-up. Tango: It smells like cheese. I like guns and cheese. > ***** > Jet grumbled lowly to himself as he marched dejectedly away from Nasutei's > door. Dan: [Jet] As if the boy-band posters and the fluffy pillows weren't bad enough, now she wants to paint the walls pink. > He was about to blow a gasket and rip Andy's head off at this point. All: YAY! GO JET! > Nasutei was normally not so shy and withdrawn, but you just weren't that > straight-foreward with a respectable young lady! Rebecca: None of them around here. Dan: Or in the fic, for that matter. [Rebecca thumps him with her bionic arm] > He glowered towards Andy > as he passed, a sort of mutual dislike passing between the two. "So, > where's the lovely lady?" Dan: [Jet] Out there with Spike. Tsuneo: [Andy] I meant the beautiful young lady I was talking to earlier. Dan: [Jet] Like I said, out there with Spike. Tsuneo: [Andy] The young, *cute* one! Dan: [Jet] Ed? Why didn't you say so. > "Locked in her room." He glared again before Andy could move. "Go near her > and I rip your arms off and beat you senseless with them." [Tsuneo waves a sign reading "Go Jet"] Tsuneo: I like Jet in this fic. He's a badass. Someone has to be. > Andy put his hands up in mock defense. "Hey, no trouble. I won't go near the > girl." He raised a brow. "Why are you so protective anyhow?" Tango: If they keep her alive for a few more levels, she can use the gem box. > "I have my reasons," huffed Jet indignantly. "Now... before anything else is > said... just how long do you plan on staying on this ship?" > "As long as you'll have me," Andy grinned in reply. Dan: Goodbye! > Jet's eyebrow ticked. Tango: [Ominous] He was never seen again. > ***** > Later on that afternoon, Nasutei had finally gotten up the nerve to peek out > of her room. Tango: Everyone else was out of the ship, leaving Ed to her own devices. The ship was re-painted purple and being used to host a LAN party. > There was a lot of noise in the living area, and she was curious > as to what was going on. Tango: They were dancing around a fire wearing Indian headdresses. > Blinking bright magenta eyes, she slipped into the > area to find a positively hysterical sight. > Faye was practically rolling in laughter as a shouting fest had ensued among > Spike -- who had not gotten to the bounty, Dan: And was covered in feathers. > Jet -- whose patience was tried > enough already, and Andy -- who was just shouting because everyone else was > (--; ~ChibiJaime). Rebecca: WILL EVERYONE STOP SHOUTING! > In the background, Ed was cheerfully riding around on > Andy's horse, with Ein following behind, barking. Tsuneo: [Nasutei] Wasn't I meant to be with 'responsible adults?' > Just another typical day on the Bebop. Dan: If the entire crew were on the magic mushrooms again. > ~Qué séra séra...~ > Spike: We can never have two funny stories in a row, can we? Tsuneo: We can't even seem to write one. > Faye: Not with this writer. > Spike: Something's wrong with Jet, Dan: He's missing an arm? Tango: Yes, but it's the wrong one! > and it's got the whole ship like a madhouse! > Nasutei: Oh dear...! Rebecca: Sounds like Nasutei's been in the prozac again. Dan: How would you tell the difference? Tango: She becomes a reasonable person. > Faye: Don't worry too much about it, we'll end up with a happy ending. Dan: That's right, just give the whole fic away. Rebecca: Hey voice, since we know what's going to happen- Voice: No! Rebecca: Dang. > Ed: Ed likes happy endings! Tsuneo: Ed really hasn't done much for this series, has she? > Spike: Be ready next time, for Session 32: Silence. > Jet: Why does this writer like pickin' on me? t_t > ~When the pressure of the moment finally gets to you, you can never expect > the many things that could happen. Tango: I mean you could grow wings and fly away. Tsuneo: That's not very likely. Tango: No, but it would be unexpected. > And when it nearly costs you your life, > you start to rethink what your priorities really are...~ Tango: From here on, I shall dedicate my life to re-wallpapering the bathroom! > ~.oOo.~Session 32: Silence~.oOo.~ > The past few weeks had been the most hectic the crew of the Bebop had ever > endured, even AFTER Andy had left. Dan: So what, he just left? Why? Tsuneo: Why was he there to start with? Dan: Uhm... For a comedic interlude? > Even Spike Spiegel, normally laid back and > uneffected by things, was feeling the stress. He was now laying on the couch, > a newspaper open over his face, snoring loudly. Dan: Yup, real stressed out there. > Even the others seemed worn out. Faye Valentine, usually draped off Spike in > a langorous manner, was in her room curled up, dead tired. Edward Wong Hau Rebecca: -Ole Ole Razzamataz F'Tang-F'Tang Biscuit Barrel Winston Churchill Onassis Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head Stoat Mangrove Bang Whoops Thompson Don't Sleep In The Subway Incubator Zinc Trumpet Harris- [She breaths] > Pepelu Tivrusky IV was sprawled out in the middle of the living area's floor, > using an equally tired Ein as a pillow. Even the usually perky Nasutei Kaneka > was showing some wear from this whole ordeal. Tango: She was bouncing around the deck at only half speed. > And where was pilot Jet Black? Dan: Examining his contract and career options. Tsuneo: Piloting the ship? > Where he usually was. Sitting on the bridge, smoking a cigarette, and staring > off into space. He was bored. Rebecca: I thought she said they were all stressed. Tango: Well, all of them except for everyone. > He was bored and nothing was happening. Bad > combo. Idly, he rubbed at the left side of his chest with his good hand. Tango: And patted his head at the same time. > Recently, he'd been feeling much more worn down than he normally did. Dan: He nearly had a facial expression. > It was making Nasutei worry, and even Spike was showing hints of concern. > He leaned back a little, a thoughtful look crossing his slightly aged > features. He was only 36, though many people told him he just plain didn't look > it. Dan: Are you kidding, he's decrepit. Rebecca: Yeah, he's almost as old as you are. > Well, that made sense enough. > A sound from the doorway made him lift his head. There stood Nasutei, > conservative as always in a fuzzy green sweater, blue jeans, and socks. Her > hair was down for a change, Dan: So how does she normally wear it? Tsuneo: Not down, obviously. > hanging well past her waist. Rebecca: Hey, where did all that come from? Tsuneo: Well, maybe if we'd had a description earlier... > She was frowning. > "Hey, Nasutei," he greeted. "Something on your mind?" Tango: An awful lot of hair. Dan: Some people *like* long hair, Tango. Tango: Hair is for wimps, along with bungee cords and breathing. > Nasutei nodded slightly, then cleared her throat and began to speak in her > small, timid voice. "Jet... have you considered seeing a doctor?" > Jet blinked a few times, thrown off by the innocent question. "...why > would I have any reason to?" > The frown on the childish face grew deeper. "You've just seemed so > much more worn out than you usually do... Dan: [Jet] That comes from spending all my time chasing around a bubbly, immature idiot. Rebecca: [Nasutei] I thought you liked Spike. > I was thinking maybe > something was wrong." The hurt in that expression was impossible to > miss. "I mean... you're not as young as you used to be... and..." Tango: [Jet] I get it, this is another "You're getting old" spiel. Let me tell you little whippersnapper that back in my day... > And Jet shrugged it off, interrupting her with a wave of his hand. > "Nah, I've been fine. Just the tension of this past week." Dan: [Jet] You know, all this loafing around, doing nothing really gets to you. > Nasutei sighed, fretting a bit at a lock of hair she'd pulled over > her shoulder. "I was just worried..." Tsuneo: Gasp! Don't tell me she's got a setting other than "annoyingly chirpy!" Rebecca: Yeah, "insincerely concerned." > This time, Jet couldn't help but grin at her. "Now, Nasutei... they > say too much worry is bad for your heart." Tango: So's getting shot six times. Damn, it's annoying to pull those babies out. > He turned briefly to check > a coordinate. Those deep magenta eyes shot Jet a look that could've > knocked him flat on his ass had it been possible, Tango: She's using her Newtype powers. Aieee! Dan: Remind me, what in heck are her Newtype powers? Rebecca: [Pulls out a clipboard and two dice] Let's see... she can [rolls dice] create and control mashed potatoes, [rolls dice] defragment hard drives with her mind, and [rolls dice] summon Bhudda. Tsuneo: Still need to iron out the bugs on that one. > and had he been looking. Her tiny fists clenched tightly, Dan: She has the Cute Fist of Death! > and with a short sound somewhere between frustration and hurt, Dan: What does that sound like? Rebecca: Let me demonstrate. Dan, you're not ever getting laid. [She then hits him with Tango's hammer.] Dan: Umph. Rebecca: Well there you have it. Dan: I did wonder. > she turned and briskly walked out. Rebecca: [Nasutei] How dare he be alright! Hmph! > As he turned > back, he noticed that she had already left. "...Nasutei?" He groaned. > "Damn, screwed that one up." Dan: And let's give a big hand for Jet Black. [They all glare menacingly at him] What? > Suddenly, he cringed, a sharp pain catching him. It was right where > that dull ache had been, in the left side of his chest. Tsuneo: No wait, over here... A little more to the left. No, wait, up a bit. > Clutching slightly > at the spot, he turned and headed towards the living area, feeling a bit > weaker with every step... Dan: Gotta lay off the tacos. > ***** > Spike lifted his head slightly, aroused from sleep by a strange noise from > the doorway. Tango: It was a noise not unlike "squeelukle." > Gazing in that direction, he saw Jet, leaning against the wall, > his bionic hand against his forehead. Dan: [Jet] Remind me, how long have I had this thing? > "Hey, Jet..." he mumbled, a sense of worry for his friend's health > rising in his chest. "You all right?" Jet didn't respond. Spike noticed > that the older man's other hand was pressed against his chest, and > that he seemed to be having trouble breathing. Frowning, Spike stood > and walked over to him. "Jet, I asked if you were all right..." Dan: [Jet] In this fic? Are you nuts? > When he arrived at the top of the steps, Jet finally shook his head. > "Spike... call Doc, now." Dan: Is it just me or does everyone in the universe know a doctor called "Doc?" Rebecca: That SAW Viper did. Briefly. > Spike felt a grip of fear rise in his chest again. He was rarely afraid, > but when it came to his best friend, this was one of the few times he > would be. "Why? What's wrong?" Tango [Jet]: I've ODed on WAFF. > "Dammit, Spike... just do it... I've got this godawful pain in my chest..." > Jet's voice was low and weak, surprisingly unlike what Spike was used to > hearing. Jet was not a soft-spoken man. He was big and dangerous and > intimidating. He did not speak in a low, weak voice. Dan: He was not a soft-spoken man. Tango: He did not speak in a low, weak voice. Dan: He was not a soft-spoken man. Tango: He did not speak in a low, weak voice. Rebecca: Okay, you two... Dan: We'd like to apologise for the repetition in this fic. Tango: We'd like to apologise for the repetition in this fic. [Rebecca bashes Dan and Tango's heads together] Dan: Ow! Tango: Wheee! > Spike swallowed back > that lump of fear. Nothing was wrong, nothing was wrong... "I don't see > why... you seem fine enough..." Dan: So he's clutching his chest, stumbling and muttering, but everything's okay? > Spike, this time, was not greeted by the response of Jet giving him some > sort of smart-ass remark. Instead, the older man staggered and fell. > Enough with the tough-guy act. Spike lost all ability to think rationally > and very quickly, he hit full-fledged spaz mode. > "FAYE!" he shouted. "ED, NASUTEI, Dan: TETSUO! Tango: KANEDA! Dan: TETSUO! Tango: KANEDA! Dan: TETSUO! Tango: KANEDA! [Tsuneo bashes their heads together] Dan: Ow! Tango: Again! > ANYONE, GET OUT HERE!! NOW!" ***** > Nasutei was just stepping towards the shower, Dan: Oooh... [Rebecca hits him] Rebecca: You're gawping at Nasutei? You're pathetic. Dan: I gotta take my yucks where I find them [She hits him again] > a towel holding up her pale > blue hair, as Spike's shouts suddenly rang through the hull of the Bebop. > After the name shouting, everything he said became indecipherable and frantic. Tango: Yerble! Moodle wak bak toodle! Nunky munky! > Something had happened. Something was wrong... something horrible. Tsuneo: Another "New Frontier" novel was being written. Rebecca: Ugh... Peter David pronouns. > She hadn't heard him yell for Jet... > Quickly tightening the band on her robe, she ran to find out what the > trouble was. Dan: Ed had gotten into the reactor again. > Faye had heard the yelling too, and she and Ed were the first to arrive on > the scene. Faye nearly fainted. Rebecca: Then she ran off to see where he left his wallet. > Spike was frantically trying to get Jet to > awaken from what appeared to be a dead faint. She rushed over as Ed stood > speechless in the door. Rebecca: Ed is speechless? Now you *know* you're in trouble. > "Spike, what happened?!" she cried. Tsuneo: He was pre-reading the fic again. We warned him not too.. > "I don't know...!" Spike responded nervously. Faye frowned. Never had she > seen Spike so frantic, so upset. He was on the verge of spazzing, if he > wasn't there already. Tsuneo: "Spazzing?" Tango: This fic is written in fluent eighties. > "He started complaining about chest pains... he > seemed really weak... he told me to call Doc, then collapsed...!" Tango: He was eating a Big Mac at the time, *with* the pickle. > Faye frowned. Something told her Spike hadn't called Doc yet, from the > way he was running around. So she stood up and walked to the vidphone, > punching in the number quickly. Dan: Herro? Wong Foo's food, how can I herp you? Rebecca [Faye]: Wrong number. Sorry. Dan: Welcome to Taxidermists R' Us, how can I help you? Rebecca [Faye]: Sorry, wrong number. Dan: Hello? Failed Dot Com here, Barry speaking. Rebecca [Faye]: Why don't we have this on the autodial? Tsuneo [Spike]: Ed used all the spaces for her ISPs. Rebecca [Faye]: I see. What was the number of that taxidermist? > As soon as the face came up, she started blurting off the situation. Tango [Dr Nick]: Hi everybody! > "Doc, we have trouble! Jet just suddenly collapsed, he...!" Tango: And she's still got shares in him! > Doc threw his hands up, surprised by the sudden onslaught of > information from the nervewrecked young woman. Rebecca [Faye]: The capital of Albania is Tirana! Charon is the moon of Pluto! The tomato is a fruit, not a vegetable! Lobster sticks to magnet! > "Faye, Faye, calm down. Tell me his symptoms." Rebecca [Faye]: He seems to be kind of dead. > Faye paused. Spike hadn't said. "Spike didn't say... he said that Jet > was complaining of chest pains... and that he had seemed very weak... > then he just collapsed..." > "Get him laying down somewhere comfortable, and land your shuttle on > Mars. I'll be there right away." Tsuneo: Any particular place on Mars, or will just anywhere do? Tango: Land on one of the red bits! > "Wait, Doc!" Faye stopped him before she shut off the screen. "What > do you think it is...?" Tango: I think it's a video phone, but I could be mistaken. > "...I think he may have had a heart attack." > ***** > It was all Faye could do to keep Spike calm, Rebecca: *Faye's* keeping *Spike* calm? Hoo boy. > let alone poor, frantic little Nasutei. Tsuneo: Get her to talk to Ed. She'll be so thoroughly confused she won't have time to panic. > She sat next to where they > had placed Jet on the couch, tired and upset, tears staining her fair > skin. Rebecca: She's got perfect hair and skin and is indefinably "special". How Mary Sue is this girl? Dan: I say, deliver me from perfect skin and teeth! [Tango holds up a picture of Nasutei] I say, deliver me from Swedish furniture! [Tango holds up the computer chair, and then throws it out the window] > Spike was sitting with his head in his hands, literally trembling > from tension. Ed was on the verge of tears, hugging Ein close. Tango: Yip! > For the > first time in a very long time, the Bebop was in a state of confusion > even greater than when Spike had left. Rebecca: They weren't confused then. They knew *exactly* what Spike was doing and where he was going. That was the problem. > Doc's visit had come and gone. Now, they were just waiting. For an > ambulance. Doc had been right. A heart attack. A f'king heart attack. Tango: Well see ,that's what happens when you carry around a big motherf'king gun all the time. Dan: Don't you? Tango: Mine's a bigger motherf'king gun. That makes it all better. > Faye looked over at Jet's immobile form. It didn't seem right. > "He's 36 goddamned years old... he's not that old...! How in the hell > could he have a heart attack at 36 f'king years old...?" Tango: Well if you guys stoped motherf'king well slamming your motherf'king ships into his, this wouldn't motherf'king well happen. Rebecca: F'k yeah. Tsuneo: The fact that he smokes constantly might have something to do with it. > Spike was muttering to no one in particular. Tango: Save for the voices in his head. > "At a time like this... he's > always... something always happens! And... goddammit all to > hell... not only is everything in this ship broken, Rebecca: You can blame Ed for that. Dan: She didn't break it, she overclocked it. > so is everyone on it!" Tsuneo: No, Spike, that's just you. > "Jet-person... will be just fine, right Ein?" Faye turned her eyes to > Ed, who was looking the whining corgi straight in the eye. Rebecca [Scarlet]: He's gone into a deep coma. Tango [Ein]: Look deeply into my eyes... you are becoming sleepy... very sleepy... You will give me lots of doggie treats... > Nasutei was trembling violently, continually twisting the long strands > of her soft blue hair in small hands. She had been in a mild state of > shock since they had gotten the news, almost completely unable to accept > that Jet, the one person she truly looked up to, was in such a dire > state. On three occassions, she had started to hypoventilate, and > sometimes, she would ramble off into the Lord's Prayer only to stop > halfway through and go back to being completely silent. Rebecca [Nasutei]: Forgive us our sins as we forgive... I forget the rest. Amen. > Faye was really the only person still in a stable mental state. Tsuneo: This is a relative term, of course. > She > levelled her gaze over the group, then sighed. This was horrible. > Positively, 100% horrible. Dan: It's a happy, on the up kind of terror. Tango: This is even worse than the time the soft-serve ran out of chocolate flavour and we all had to have vanilla. > It couldn't have happened to anyone else... it just had to be Jet. Tsuneo: "It just had to be Jet..." That sounds like the name of a banal Hollywood teen comedy. Rebecca: Expect to see it in cinemas soon. > She gave another annoyed sigh as she heard the sirens approaching the > mooring dock. It would be a long night. > ***** > Thoughts rolled through his mind in a neverending torrent, lids closed > on cold blue eyes as long tendrils of frost white hair fell into an > equally pale face. Rebecca: Killer Frost in a surprise cameo. Dan: That's the sort of thing Rick would say. Rebecca: I'll do it for him. > The stark black bird on his shoulder peered about > with its beady red eyes, examining everything and everyone that passed. Dan: And pooping on his back. > His eyes opened to survey the surroundings the bird was also checking. > Servants. Useless pieces of flesh whose only purpose was finding him. Tango: Oh, so they're unionised then. > Killing him. > He lifted a hand gingerly to touch the place where a scar now sat, a > constant reminder of his lost battle with Spike Spiegel. He had thought > Spike had died... All: He did. > Then again, he had also thought his own life would be lost. But no... > a loyal servant had taken him to the hospital, Tango: He'd used a spatula. > had him patched up, > brought back from the brink of the Valley of the Dead to once again walk > among mortal men, Tsuneo: We have the technology. We can rebuild him, stronger, faster, more ret-conned than before. Rebecca: Unfortunately, his surgeon was Dr Nick. > to be forced to live knowing Spike was still alive. > He hadn't yet won. Dan [Black Knight]: All right, we'll call it a draw. > Quietly, Vicious stared. His inside sources had already told him that > Spike was on Mars with his ailing friend, but this was not the time he > wished to strike. Spike would not be at his full capacity, and such a > battle would not be equal. > To any normal person, Vicious would not be so cruelly leniant. However, > Spike was a person he preferred to battle on level standings. They were > far too evenly matched, and it made Vicious feel inadequate to fight him > when one or the other was unable to. > So instead, he sat and stared, cold blue eyes through tendrils of frost > white hair, falling into an equally pale face. Tsuneo: No, wait, it's Elijah Frost. Rebecca: Planetary references in Bebop fics? We are doing well. > The time would come soon enough. > ***** > Seven cups of coffee, two cartons of cigarettes, Tango: Three blows to the head. > and several comforting hugs All: And a partridge in a pear tree. > later, Spike was finally starting to > calm down from the nervous high he was currently on. No word yet on > just how his friend was doing. He and Faye were now the only really > level-headed ones in the room. Ed had fallen asleep peacefully on the > floor, Tsuneo: Does Ed ever sleep? Dan: I thought she just got by on a 24-hour sugar buzz. > but Nasutei was not quite so well-off. Rebecca: She had to settle for sleeping on the wall. > She was bundled in > blankets shivering, huddled in a corner on a couch in the waiting room. Tango: Actually, that's a potplant. Nasutei left several days ago. > Time had been flowing slowly in the past two days. Rebecca: Well, each "day" on mars is actually 24.6 hours, so I guess it's a little slow. > So slowly, in fact, > that it felt more like two years. Spike's bold brown eyes were darkened > from lack of sleep, Rebecca: So had one of them darkened to match the other, or did they both darken equally or what? Tango: Yes. Rebecca: I see. > and despite the fact that he hadn't eaten, he wasn't > really hungry. Faye was watching him with an intent green gaze. Tsuneo: Because she'd switched over to low-light vision. Tango: I love infrared. You can see a man's fear so much better that way. Dan: No you can't, you can only see where they've spilled food on themselves. Tango: It's the same thing! > "You feeling okay?" All: No. > "Not particularly." Spike huffed, propping his feet up on the table in > front of him. "This really just..." He paused, trying to find a word to > describe his current mood. Tango: This really just is so... umptious! > "Hell, I don't know. I've seen it all. I've > seen people have their heads blown off, limbs ripped from their sockets, > disemboweled by opposing syndicates, hit by vehicles and trains at full > force... Dan: [Spike] Sometimes it was happening to someone else. Tsuneo [Spike]: And that was all chasing the one bounty. Tango: You ever seen explosive decompression? It's yummy! > you'd think I could handle this." Running his hands through his bushy > green hair, Rebecca: Check it out! Azaria Chamberlain's hiding back there. Dan: I guess the Dingo was innocent after all. > he sighed, then continued. "But... a heart attack? I'd never... > I never thought I'd react to a comrade being in this situation. But here > I am, a nervous wreck... I guess I just wasn't ready for it. Especially > since Jet never seemed like the type to be in this state." Tsuneo: What, you never expected him to be dying? Dan: Not without copious amounts of violence first. Tango: It's the best type. > Faye sighed lightly. "It certainly was unexpected, Rebecca [Faye]: I mean, the music hadn't changed or anything. > I'll give you that, > but as for Jet never being the type... well..." She bit her lip. "He's > under a lot of stress, Spike. That could've been the cause." [They all glare at Nasutei] Rebecca [Nasutei]: What? WHAT?! > Allowing > herself a slight smile, the dark-haired woman continued. "After all, > what person in their right mind *wouldn't* have heart problems after > worrying after the lot of us?" Tango: Me! Me! Tsuneo: You're not in your right mind. Tango: That's right. I left it in my other pants. Silly me. > Spike actually laughed a little, relaxing back in his chair before > turning his eyes to Nasutei. He was always unnerved when she was > looking at him from the depths of those magenta eyes. Tsuneo: You think that's strange? Try staring at a whole tank full of them. > She had a strange > look on her face, halfway between upset and terrified, and he actually > felt bad for the petite girl. "Something on your mind, runt?" Rebecca [Nasutei]: It's been bothering me for ages, and I supose this is as good a time as any. Tsuneo [Spike]: Go on. Rebecca [Nasutei]: How do you get your hair to do that? > There was a long silence as the girl started to toy with her ponytail > again. "Do you think Jet will be all right?" Tsuneo: With you around? Fat chance. > Spike and Faye looked at each other for a moment before, with a bit > of uncertainty, Spike responded. "You know, there's no telling. But > you know as well as I do that with the way Jet is, he won't give up > so easily." Tango: As long as he uses the save points, he's fine. > ***** > That steadily repeating beeping was enough to get on any one person's > nerves. Rebecca: Say, who did we have cast as Nasutei anyway? Tsuneo: I think we were tossing up between Tiffany Grant and Trish Ledoux. [He shudders] > Jet Black was no exception. Grumbling annoyedly, he forced > open slate blue eyes to find a doctor standing over him. Tango [Doctor]: At last we meet again. Mr Black! But as you can see, this time the advantage is mine! > So, he did > the only thing he could think of to do. He barked out a rather gruff > question. "...The hell do you want?" Dan: For you to die and have a cheap funeral. > The doctor gave a blink, then smiled brightly. "Ah, Mr. Black! It's > good to see that you're awake!" Tango: Because it's time to die! > Jet groaned, feeling a soft pain in his chest Dan: Pay no attention to that. It's just the alien trying to get out. > and realizing that > could be the cause for his problems. "Explain, please?" Rebecca [Doctor]: Here's your bill. I itemised it, so you'll know. > "You suffered from a rather severe heart attack, Mister Black. I > do believe I should inform your friends of this development." > "...?! Tango: Well that explains everything. > A heart attack?!" Jet cringed at how loud his voice sounded. > ...Everyone's out there? Nasutei too?" Dan: And Uncle Frank? And Cousin Billy Bob? And the weird old guy from down the street? And my long-lost evil twin? > "If you mean the young newtype, yes. Tsuneo [Doctor]: I only mention that for the benefit of those who've forgotten that she's special. Rebecca: Say what is it about her that makes her so damned special anyway? Tsuneo: Well, she's a newtype. Rebecca: Meaning? Tsuneo: Um... Well, she can use a Psycommu frame. > She was in shock, but I believe she's doing better now." > Jet gave a slight nod. "Good. And stop hovering. Dan [Jet]: Who do you think you are, M. Bison? > I hate it when people hover. I'm fine. Go away." > The doctor sweatdropped, contemplated his options, then chose the better > of the two Tango: Self decapitation? > and headed towards the waiting room. Tango: Into the heart of Darkest Africa! > ***** > The rest of the group had almost fallen asleep when the voice of the > doctor snapped them out of their thoughts. Dan [Doctor]: Fancy a jelly baby? > "Group for Mr. Jet Black?" > Spike was the first on his feet. "That would be us. How is he? Is he okay?!" Rebecca [Faye]: Or can we start divvying his stuff? > The doctor gave a slight nod. "We're having him transferred to a room right > now. You can go and see him if you like." > The room's reply was unanimous. Tango: I like guns and cheese! Tsuneo: I don't think they said that. Tango: I would have. > ***** > Jet yawned slightly as he waited quietly in his room. Dan: His only company were a box of two year old magazines and daytime TV. > The nurse had > said his friends would be arriving soon. Tango: Unfortunately, they forgot to book fast passes and would up having to wait four days. > She couldn't have been more > right. First through the door, peeking in with curiosity and a dainty > step, was Tango: Ein! Tsuneo: Why would they let Ein into a hospital? Tango [Spike]: He's a seeing eye dog. Yes. Tsuneo: That? Eye dogs are usually Labradors. Tango [Spike]: So what have they given me? > Nasutei, big magenta eyes trembling almost as much as her > small frame. Rebecca: Somebody fix the vertical synch on her! Dan: They probably turned it off to increase her frame rate. > When she saw Jet was awake and smiling towards her, > however, she bounded in instantly Tsuneo: Hey Dan, she's got one of those Ninja Space Hoppers too. Dan: Cool. > and gave him a hug. "Jet! I was so > worried! Don't you ever do that again!" Tango [Jet]: You're... cutting off... my air... > Jet laughed, giving the girl a hug in return while attempting not to > jerk the IV out of his arm. Rebecca: Which, for some reason, they'd stuck into his left arm... > "It's good to see you too, Nasutei. I'm sorry if I worried you." > "You know, sometimes I wonder why I put up with you." The voice from > the door belonged to Spike, Tango: He had the receipt for it and everything. Tsuneo [Jet]: Because I fly the ship, fix your plane, chase the bounties, coordinate our plans, cook your meals, feed the dog and haul your arses out of the fire. > and as Jet glanced over, the door swung > open and the lanky bounty hunter stepped in, Faye at his arm and Ed > behind him. Tango: And Ein on point with the M-60. Rebecca: Eat hot lead, motherwoofers! > The cynicism in the young man's voice was impossible to > miss. "Good morning, sleeping beauty. Hope you had a nice nap." > Jet gave a smirk. "Not funny." > "The doctor says you should slow down." Nasutei intervened wisely > before the two started shooting insults. Tango: So that's why she's wearing the blue beret. > "Lots of rest, not so much > running around, and regular visits to the doctor." She crossed her arms > and looked cutely annoyed. "Like I'd been telling you all along." Tsuneo: Great. She's a "change your life" style of Self-Insertion. Tango: She's here to help himself feel good about himself. [Enormous cheesy grin] Tsuneo [Nervous]: ...Don't do that. > Faye smirked. "Should've given the girl the benefit of the doubt, Jet. Dan [Jet]: Yes mum. > Then, maybe you wouldn't be laying here." Tsuneo: Nag, nag, nag. Is that all you ever do? Rebecca: No, sometimes she's in character. Sometimes. > For a moment, there was a pause, as Jet thought of how to respond, but > he was cut off as Ed bolted up next to Nasutei, practically sitting on > the blue-haired girl's back. Rebecca [Ed]: Yee-haw! Giddy up! > "Jet-person is okay! Ed is happy to see this, and Ein will be happy as well!" Dan: [Ed] You hear that, Ein? This week we get to eat! Tsuneo: You may think it's good news now. But within half an hour, it'll be all over alt.cowboys.loosers.beebop. Tango: Don't worry, it'll be lost in a flood of doctored pictures of Faye. > Nasutei hugged her old friend again, a big smile on her round little > face. Dan: That's not Nasutei, that's Pac-Man! > Jet, on the other hand, fought a blush, and Spike laughed. The > words 'cradle-robber' came to his mind, but he didn't say anything, > as he knew their relationship was strictly friendly. Rebecca: And we thank god daily for that. Tango: Can I thank the Overmind for that instead? Rebecca: If you like. > Idly, he glanced over the group, and he smiled to himself. He had > been so worried, all for nothing. Well... all's well that ends well, > he supposed. Smiling once again, he walked into the room with the rest > of his friends. He was rather cheery, until Jet suddenly spoke up. > "Oh, Spike, by the way, I forgot to ask when Andy was here... what > the HELL did you mean by Faye is your GIRLFRIEND?!" Dan [Spike]: It means I'm doing her, baby! > ...Oh yeah. He'd forgotten about that... Tsuneo [Spike]: I, er, said it to scare away Andy. Yeah. > ~Live and Learn, Space Cowboy...~ > ~.oOo.~Spike: Who the HELL is that guy?! > Faye: ...I haven't the slightest clue. Tango: Yuri Likes Toast! Dan: Meaning? Tango: I don't know either. But it tastes good with butter and coco puffs. [Dan edges away from him] > Nasutei: Jet, I'm confused. Dan: Is this a happy ending or a sad ending? Rebecca: It's an ending. Be thankful for that. > Jet: Hey, don't look at me. Does anyone know what's going on? > Ed: Ed wants chee~ese ni~ips... Tsuneo: Tsuneo wants out of here. Tango: Tango wants the first person back. > Ein: ARF! Dan: You know, I think that's the smartest thing anyone's said in this fic so far. > Robin: G'day, mates! ^_^ Dan: Robin? Who the hell is Robin? Rebecca: Boomerang Billy in disguise. Dan: What the hell? Rebecca: I am too the queen of obscure. > Spike: I won't even bother asking... just tune in for Session 33, > "Wrapped Up, Tied Up." > Robin: Are you two engaged...? > Jet and Nasutei: WE'RE NOT DATING!~.oOo.~ Dan [Jet]: And I didn't inhale! [Rebecca stands up and pulls out her Nerf gun. She fires a single dart at the TV which sticks to it. Then the TV and part of the wall, explodes for no apparent reason] Rebecca: This is the greatest Christmas present ever. Tsuneo: ...I was afraid you'd say that. Voice: So, um, can I have your reviews? Rebecca: I'll go first. The first part was more or less completely superfluous. It achieved nothing, went nowhere and had virtually no substance. Andy's return didn't add anything to the overall story of this fic. The second chapter basically could be summarised as Nasutei telling Jet, and indirectly everyone else, how they should lead their lives. Whoopedy-doo. Dan: What amazed me about these chapters was the fact that so little story content could drag out for so long. I mean, that whole 'Vicious broods' scene was totally unnecessary, but took up a good chunk of the fic anyway. I suspect if this fic ever does do anything interesting, it'll be negated by a dull and over-long delivery. Tsuneo: Nasutei bugs me more than anything else about this fic. She is at the same time shy and overbearing; modest and flirtatious and cute and beautiful. It's like the authour wants to project an 'adorable young girl' image, without hampering her right to boss everyone around. Tango: Well I think that [Suddenly a Censored sign appears over Tango's mouth] Voice: Thanks Tango but you can go now. Tango: But I [The Censored sign appears again] Awwww. Rebecca: Yo, Voice. Through hurting us now? Dan: Yeah, I was hoping to retain some festive spirit. Tsuneo: Don't push him. Voice: No, that's it for the day. Thanks again for your reviews. [Dan stands] Dan: What say we go get some festive drinks? Rebecca: Can we get festively bombed out of our festive skulls? Dan: If you like. Rebecca: Cool. [She gets up] You're buying [She holds up Dan's wallet] Dan: Hey! Tango: Merry Xmas, Dan! Tsuneo: Let's go. [He gets up] Rebecca: Coming, Tango? Tango: I wouldn't miss this for Wubble! [He leaps up] Onwards and upwards! [They leave. The screen goes blank.] Voice: Bah humbug. Tango [V/O]: j0, j0, j0! Merry Xmas to j00 all! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com), Zogster (jinas@elmerstudios.com) & Twin Cannon(ausmax@ihug.com.au) Tango is copyright 1997-2001 "TS" Eliot (Twin Cannon) Dan and Tsuneo Tateo are copyright 1995-2001 Max Fauth (Zogster) Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-2001 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.elmerstudios.com All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, random DELTA Invasion Episode Generator and the Satellite of Rednecks in one spot. Rick's Cruel Mockery of HTML: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova Satori shrine, Osama Bin Laden's Camel, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp, all in one big steaming pile. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ > ...?!