Susano Studios and Elmer Studios presents... CHAOS IN TIME ------------------------------------------------------------------------ And now for No. 14: More of Chaos in time! I've been wanting to work with Mike Surbrook for some time, soo here goes... Sailor Moon is copyright Naoko T./DiC. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [SCENE: A dimly lit room. There is a large plush couch, a big screen TV and a VCR. Marta and Shion Nys are sitting on the couch. Shion is getting her knee-length white hair brushed out by Marta. Marta, has a brush in one hand, handfuls of her sister's hair in the other and is giving a running commentary.] MARTA: ... so Ryoko opens her top, and Alex practically faints. So *I* zip open my jumpsuit and he practically has a nosebleed on the spot. SHION: Marta, you are a tease and a bitch, do you know that? MARTA: Oh relax, Shee, it's not like I was trying to seduce him or anything. SHION: No, Noriko told me you we're too busy taking notes to do much of anything. MARTA: Hmmph... Well, at least Lynxara liked some of my comments. SHION : Multiple orgasms... oh god, I don't think I have ever laughed harder! MARTA: See! You all get on me for having my mind in the gutter and here you are laughing! SHION: Well, you do over do it. MARTA: Keep it up and I'm not going to brush your hair for you anymore. SHION : I'll be good. [SCENE: The Door opens, and two people walk in. The first, Rebecca Bartley, is a tall, attractive woman with long, plaited black hair and gray-blue eyes. She is wearing a black flightsuit with a "Mars Division" patch on the shoulder. She wears a black glove on her left hand.] REBECCA: Nice joint. Shame about the occupants. Come on! [SCENE: The second one through, Dan, is 6' tall, 28 years old and ruggedly handsome in a 'bandaid-on-the-nose, pity-about-the-smell' kind of way. He has long, scruffy brown hair, all tied back into a ponytail save for a single strand that hangs out the front. He wears a pair of combat pants, heavy boots, a sleeveless jacket open at the front showing off his bare chest and has a bandaid on the right side of his chin. He is currently looking a bit more frazzled than usual, and is smoking slightly.] DAN: Alright, alright already. It still hurts, though. REBECCA: Well, that was a bit of an extreme measure; kicking the TV set in and all. DAN: Sorry, it had to go. REBECCA: But your *cybernetic* leg? DAN: I wasn't thinking. SHION : Excuse me, but what are you two doing here? REBECCA: We need to borrow your room for our job. Apparently the Magic Voice and The Great Big Head In The Sky arranged it after Dan wrecked our TV set. MARTA : You're joking. Right? SHION: Magic Voice!! MAGIC VOICE: Yes? SHION: Who *ARE* these people? MAGIC VOICE: They will be the guests for tonight's fan fiction reading. Oh, and for the benefit of the readers, would you mind introducing yourselves? DAN: Okay, then. My name's Dan... sort of. I come from a rather warped version of Palladium's Rifts Earth. I'm the greatest pilot on the planet- REBECCA: Nooo. DAN: Well, no-one beat me, so that's proof enough. Basically, I'm a self-serving mercenary, with an artificial left leg, an evil twin sister, a world-domination agenda and a secret identity so secret that even I don't know it. But I'm still a heck of a nice guy. REBECCA: In your dreams. SHION: I feel a headache coming on... MARTA: And Noriko thought *she* had problems. SHION: She does, she's dead, remember? MARTA: Point. REBECCA: Well.... Um... I'll be hard put to top that. Anyway, I started out in a very crappy campaign, and ended up on the same Rifts Earth as *him*. Dan thinks I'm a pain. He's right. I've done a few other jobs including being a UN Spacy test pilot. People have described me as a gun-happy redneck maniac. They're mostly right. MARTA: UN Spacy? DAN: And she's got the bullet-ridden NRA Responsible Gun Owner award to prove it! MARTA : Guns? What kind of guns? REBECCA: Uhhh... let's see... DAN: Don't get her started, please. MAGIC VOICE: Would you please be seated? DAN: Huh? Yeah. Of course. Saaayyy... [SCENE: Dan Vaults over the couch, wedging himself between Shion and Marta. He immediately turns to Marta and puts his arm around her. Rebecca sighs, and sits on the other side of Shion.] DAN: I don't believe it! I've waited ages to actually meet you! Miss Nys, I'm a huge fan of yours, and really respect your work. REBECCA : Even though whenever I say what she does, you call me a... DAN: Shuddup, Rebecca. Anyway, I'm really glad to be working with you! I know we'll be a great team. I'd really like to take you out later, hey? What do you say? SHION: REBECCA: This is going to be painful. Funny, but painful. MARTA: Dan? DAN: Yeah? You do? MARTA: I'm a lesbian Dan, haven't you figured that out by now? DAN: You... are? Oh. Excuse me. [SCENE: Dan gets up, completely deadpan, and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. A few seconds go by in complete silence, then a loud scream and an explosion is heard. The door opens. Through it, we can see a large hole blasted in the opposite wall. Dan reenters.] DAN: I'm fine. Really. [SCENE: Dan sits on the couch, between Marta and Shion again. He then suddenly turns to Shion, putting an arm around her shoulder.] DAN: So, Shion, you busy tonight? SHION: Dan? DAN: Yes? SHION : Did you know that I can physically lift 8 tons? And telekinetically, I can top 100? DAN : N-o-o-o... SHION : Keep that in mind during the rest of this viewing. [SCENE: Dan stares at her, slightly worried. He then shrugs, and regains his cheerful expression.] REBECCA It's a good thing Ling Ling's not here. Otherwise he'd be fighting with Marta over her by now. SHION : The only thing Ling Ling wants from Australia is Fosters and Mel Gibson. Still, this is going to be a long stretch. (Note: Dan's not Australian. Waaayyy not Australian) (Note: So? You guys are; so the joke still works.) REBECCA: Shion, I owe you an apology. I earlier described you as looking like a guy based on the pic of you on the SVAM page. SHION: Oh? REBECCA: I just saw the pic of you on the lakeside. Sorry. Dan saw it too, you know. So did Rick. And Tsuneo, I think.. SHION : And... REBECCA: Dan's nailed it up on his wall. [SCENE: Shion's eyes narrow, and Dan suddenly flips over the back of the couch and lands on his face.] DAN: What was that? SHION : Oh, nothing. REBECCA: Well, we brought and ample supply of cushions in case of emergencies. SHION: Cushions? DAN : Yeah, in case things get too out of control. MARTA: So what are we actually doing? MAGIC VOICE: Today's viewing is the third part of a multi-author Sailor Moon story, entitled Chaos in Time. MARTA & SHION: Sailor Moon!!! Nooo!!! SHION: It doesn't involve Gonterman, *does* it?!! DAN: It's pretty messed up, but survivable. MARTA: I dread to ask, but what's actually happened so far? DAN: Here goes. DiC imported a popular show, trashed it and cut it way too short. The end. SHION: She meant in the fanfic. REBECCA: Aliens abducted Sailor Moon and gave her an anal probe. Raye and Amy ran off to get married. Tux boy died horribly screaming with sharp things in his head. Oh yeah, and Mina fell through a wormhole and ended up in mythical Greece. Not quite, but it would be more fun. MARTA: I like your story better. [The TV turns on and the tape starts.] SAILOR MOON: CHAOS IN TIME MiSTed by Michael Surbrook, Rick R. Mortis and Jinas with Dan, Marta Nys, Rebecca Bartley, Shion Nys > Tina's World SHION: A world where nothing is as it seems. MARTA: Is this like Wayne's World? REBECCA: Like that, but less cerebral. > Sailor Moon: Chaos in Time REBECCA: Oh, no. Not again. DAN & MARTA: Gratuitous panty shots! [They both stare at each other] SHION: I'm doomed. > A multi-authour fanfiction. DAN: A multi-authour riffing. > Chapter 21 REBECCA: It's too late for the 'Audience nil' one, isn't it? SHION: Yes. Nice try, though. > "It started seven years ago," DAN: At the end of a century, they met. REBECCA: It was the dawn of the third age of mankind. MARTA: The gangs had taken over the highways. SHION: Men had begun feeding upon men. MARTA: It is a period of civil war. SHION: Episode Four: A New Hope. > began Tuxedo Mask.Ý "The Nega-Moon won. SHION: Heyyy... what's with the wierd Ý character? > Sailor Moon and the scouts went to confront Rubeus. DAN: Oh, scarey. What's he gonna do, bleed on them? SHION: Did they all die? REBECCA: Please tell me they all died. > But only Sailor Moon returned two weeks later. SHION: Oh well, can't have everything. MARTA: There, there, sis. DAN: They'd fought a powerful monster known as... Nav! REBECCA: Please. > She told me that the others were dead. SHION: And there was much rejoicing. MARTA : Yeah... REBECCA: Nav *and* Bane! DAN: Am I the only fan here? > So, she and I felt we had to have a family of new scouts. MARTA: Given there's about a zillion of 'em, that's gonna keep you real busy. REBECCA: Well, with Mina not around anymore, what else is she meant to do? DAN: Never mind fighting back or anything like that. > And uh-well, Rini was born." REBECCA: A dark day for mankind. > He blushed.Ý So did Serena.Ý He set her down and continued. > "But they didn't all die.Ý Mercury was still alive. REBECCA: Dr. Akagi had obviously been busy. DAN: Stop that! Rick was bad enough. MARTA: I'm really missing something. SHION: And I don't care. > She returned and said that Serena couldn't be trusted. MARTA: 'Cause she and Mercury were- REBECCA: Hey! That's my line! MARTA: Too slow. > Well, it was proven right years later. > When Rini was two, Serena was pregnant again.Ý >By then, she had sworn loyalty to Rubeus. SHION: Unhunh... and why did she do something like that? He only killed all her friends. REBECCA: But Rubeus had some incriminating photos. MARTA: Ooh... so Rubeus is Kenneth Starr? > Serena and I, leaving Rini with Cyllene of the > Resistance, went to get Rubeus.Ý But that was the trap. DAN: [Announcer] Not just any trap, THE trap! > Rubeus injured me and the Wiseman ripped the baby from Serena MARTA: That's gotta hurt, DAN: Did she do the infectoid thing first? > and sent it through a time warp. ALL: [Singing] Let's do the time warp again! MARTA: It's just a jump to the left... > I heard him say something about it being the one to stop him."Ý Tuxedo Mask > couldn't look at the scouts as he continued.Ý "Cyllene tried to track it but > the baby died in the warp.Ý Angry, I attacked Rubeus but Serena showed her > true colors DAN: Beige. SHION: Off-white. MARTA: Safety orange. REBECCA: Lime green. Spew! > and gave me the scars you see."Ý SHION: As opposed to the scars we don't. REBECCA: What a thoughtful present. I hope it was nicely wrapped. > "How awful!" said Mina. ALL: [Yawn] SHION: How dull. > "What happened to Mercury?" asked Serena. REBECCA: She got a job with Nerv. Whaddya think? [Dan reaches past Shion and whacks her with a cushion.] DAN: THAT'S what they're for. > "I'm not sure.Ý But it didn't end there. ALL: It never ends! SHION: Like this story. DAN: Gee, that *is* obscure. > With another raid, I was able to > get all of the wands back and I scarred Sailor Moon." DAN: Er... not to piss on your continuity or anything, but Rubeus said he did that in an earlier chapter. SHION: Quiet. REBECCA: Actually: just a thought here, but wouldn't finding out her future burn out Serena's tiny little brain? MARTA: That makes sense. So it's not in the fanfic. > "You caused her eye to be blind!?" replied Lita, surprised. SHION: I'm surpised you managed to say that sentence on the first try.. > "Yes.Ý In one battle about a year ago, I was fighting the Wiseman and... > remember how Rini fell from the sky?" he asked. DAN: Yeah, how did that happen anyway? REBECCA: Obviously she didn't fall far enough. > "Yeah...I remember," said Serena sourly. REBECCA: [Serena, muttering] Yeah, stupid little mutie freak, never liked her. > "Well...someone else fell from the sky. She landed on top of the Wiseman MARTA: I bet he enjoyed that! REBECCA: Naw... it wasn't Rubeus. MARTA: He was sick of Rubeus anyway. REBECCA: That's why Rubeus had the operation. SHION: This could go on all night. > and rolled away.Ý She was wearing a sailor fuku.Ý > I heard her say, 'Earth Spirit Bomb!' MARTA: Lemme guess, there's a Sailor Earth in here? DAN: Sorry. MARTA: Generic Sailor Moon fanfic hell. [Sighs] SHION: Exactly how many of these stupid scouts *are* there? DAN: Let's see... We've got Warriors Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter, Sailors Time and Earth, as well as Neo-Mars and Neo-Jupiter. REBECCA: And we don't even have Dr. Thinker to make it less painful. SHION: *Less* painful? > and she sent him crashing through the walls...I think about four of > them." ALL: One... two... three... > A smile came to his face. SHION: Realized it was in a crappy fanfic and left.. > "She explained that she was Sailor Earth, DAN: One of thousands. > the last scout from about ten years in the future.Ý > She said that her 'friend' REBECCA & MARTA: Her 'special' friend! [They both glare at each other] DAN: [Sinking into couch] This is gonna get painfull. > found her after she fell from a warp and gave her the > last existing scout power. MARTA: The Universe Enema! > She fought Garnetia and then was sent here to stop her before she got really > powerful." > "Wait...is Sailor Earth...the baby?" asked Rei. SHION: [Tuxedo Mask] No, I thought I just explained that. REBECCA: Hang on a sec. When did Rei get here? DAN: Since the author became a hopeless fanboy. MARTA: One of your friends, eh Dan? > "Through testing...she was. SHION: Pregnant? At 10? Impossible. > I was overjoyed.Ý I asked her her name..."Ý SHION: And she gave me her business card. REBECCA: Sailor Earth: Cuteness to go, villains annoyed at special rates. DAN: All the generic fanfic hell you could want. MARTA: Void where prohibited. > "And I said it was Celeste because that's what my dad would've named me," DAN: If he was stoned at the time. REBECCA: Maybe in the hope that you'd vanish like your namesake's crew. > said a voice. Sailor Earth, Sailor Time, Sailor Little Moon MARTA: That is a very awkward translation. DAN: At least it wasn't in Japanese. REBECCA: Pity. It would have been a whole lot better if we couldn't understand it. SHION: Sorry... I read Japanese. And I would have been sure to pass on the deathless prose. > and Warrior Mercury came up to them. "And we better get back. > Something's not right here."Ý REBECCA: [Tuxedo Mask] Yeah, we're stuck in a crappy multi-authour fanfic. DAN: You know, neither Tsuneo or Ling Ling are here, but it still works. MARTA : *What* works? > In the bushes lurked the mohawked Sailor Moon.Ý She smiled.Ý "So...Sailor Earth > is my daughter.Ý We shall meet, failure scout." DAN: You mean future scout. MARTA: No, I think that was phrased perfectly. > Chapter 21 was submitted by Malaur. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SHION: Cut here. > ---Elsewhere--- SHION: I'm stuck in the middle of a horrid Sailor moon fanfic. I feel a serious headache coming on. > "Athena, we're close.Ý I can feel her nearby. REBECCA: I bet you can feel her. > Give us a little-" MARTA: Fan service? Please? [Rebecca throws a cushion at her] SHION: No, no. You do it this way. [Reaches over and whaps her sister on the back of the head]. MARTA: Oww... REBECCA: Well, sorry, I can't reach. > Sailor Neo-Mars' transmission to the Resistance was cut off abruptly as a long > tentacle lashed down at her. DAN & MARTA: Saaayyyy... SHION & REBECCA: [Shaking heads] Hopeless. > She leapt back and looked up, to see a humanoid > figure perched on a rubbled wall.Ý It was tall and gaunt, and its right arm was > retracting from the attack it had made.Ý Its face was featureless, save for a > pair of red slits for eyes. SHION: So it wasn't really a face then, was it? MARTA: Noriko would feel right at home. > "Damn," said Neo-Jupiter, leaping down and landing beside her partner. [Dan and Shion nod to each other. Shion clamps a hand over Rebecca's mouth, and Dan clamps one over Marta's.] SHION: Just to be sure. [Marta elbows Dan, who lets her go.] MARTA: You can be my partner any day! SHION: You wimp. [Whacks Dan with a cushion] Hmm, thanks for the idea, Rebecca. > "We're too late.Ý They got here first." REBECCA: [Struggles free] And they've taken all the best seats too! > "Just pray they can't convince her," SHION: Your acting wouldn't convince anyone. > the purple-haired one replied.Ý They both > jumped at the creature, readying their powers. MARTA: [Neo-Mars] MARS LAME-ASS FIREBALL RIPOFF! REBECCA: [Neo-Jupiter] JUPITER MILD ELECTRIC SHOCK! > ----- > Michelle SHION: Who's that? MARTA: Is she cute? SHION: You better hope Ling Ling doesn't hear you. DAN: She's new. This is her intro. REBECCA: And boy I hope you're right, Shion. > looked away from the figure addressing her.Ý At first, she had thought > the mist-monster was hideous, SHION: And she was right. > but now it seemed friendly enough.Ý Mistan > continued her speech, holding Michelle's hand, REBECCA: But they're just good friends! Only good friends! Really! SHION: If not for one thing, she and Marta would get along famously. > trying to convince her. MARTA: To... what precisely? REBECCA: [Michelle] But whipped cream brings me out in a rash. [Marta grins] > "Order is what is missing in this world, Michelle.Ý If the city is ever going > to be restored, then we need to restore order.Ý But the so-called Resistance > stands in the way of that goal." SHION: They've got a very good defensive line-up this year. > They both heard an explosion outside, DAN: Someone overdid it on the beans, did they? > and Michelle screamed with fright. Mistan held on to her, and comforted her. REBECCA: Just friends! Really! MARTA: This is one monster I could get to like! > "You see?Ý Even now, they fight in a > civilian area.Ý Who knows who could be hurt?Ý Your family?" DAN: Sailor Moon fans reading this crappy fic? REBECCA: Please? > Michelle's eyes snapped open. MARTA: Crack! [Michelle] Ow. I'm gonna need those. > ----- > "Damn it, another one!" DAN: [Neo-Jupiter] These fanfics don't stop! > Neo-Jupiter shouted as two spears of energy shot past her. ALL: ZINGGG!!! > Her purple-haired partner REBECCA: Dance partner! [All start humming a waltz] SHION: You come here often? DAN: Only during the mating season. REBECCA: [To camera] Obscure gag. Ask your parents. > leapt up at the new monster, diving straight at it with her fist outstretched. REBECCA: I've got it! This isn't Sailor Moon Aftermath! It's Fist of the Sailor Star! MARTA: I'll take the Fist of Legend. SHION Ditto. > "Mars Fire Aura!" she yelled to the world, SHION : "Shut up!" > and her fist became surrounded with flames. DAN: Ouch! Ow! Hot, hot! > She sped at the monster, but it vanished the instant before she tore > into it. > "What?" MARTA: Is this rebellion? It is! Kill! REBECCA: You're stain! DAN: Noodles? Try my fist! SHION: I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. REBECCA : Ladies and gentlemen, the 'Grunge: The Movie' sketch. > cried Neo-Jupiter, and suddenly felt a presence behind her. MARTA: A soft, squeezy kind of presence... SHION: Cool it. > Acting out > of instinct, she leapt forwards and upwards, twisting as she went to see the > monster stand behind where she was, it's lethal energy scythes cleaving into the > ground where she had just stood. REBECCA: Try harder next time! [Dan whacks her with a cushion] DAN [muttering]: Anti-moonie. [Rebecca blows a rasberry at him] MARTA: You're so immature. > "We can't afford this delay!Ý Jupiter Thunder-discs Blast!" > ----- > Michelle looked up at Mistan, staring at her blank eyes.Ý "I'll do it," she > said, resolute. REBECCA [Michelle]: But can I be on top? MARTA: [Neo-Jupiter] Aww... I wanted to go first! > Mistan smiled.Ý "Good," she purred.Ý "You'll need this."Ý She presented a small > rod to Michelle. MARTA [Mistan]: It's my "special friend" SHION: That was low, even for you. >ÝIt was apparently made of black marble, laced with blue veins. REBECCA: [Mistan] You know how to use one of these. DAN: Enough out of you! > Michelle took the rod from her. SHION: This scene is so suspect. > ----- > The creature crashed to the ground, then dissolved into a pile of dust. DAN: [Muttering] Friggin' monsters, always muck up the place. > Its crystal immediately blackened, disenchanted. DAN: My god, continuity with the series. EVERYONE ELSE: Fanboy! > "Come on, Mars, let's find her!" Neo-Jupiter said to her kneeling companion. REBECCA: Maybe we should leave off the gratuitous lesbian jokes for a bit. MARTA: What's wrong with them? REBECCA: [Muttering] Just 'cause you are one. MARTA: And you have a problem with that? DAN: I decline to comment. > Neo-Mars clutched the wound on her shoulder and spoke through clenched teeth. SHION: [Michael Palin] Fine said he through firmly clenched teeth whilst obviously such was not the case. > "You go on.Ý I'll just hold you up." > Neo-Jupiter was about to reply, DAN: [Cat] Take the fifth! > when they heard a cry from nearby. A figure > shot into the air, and landed kneeeling on a pile of rubble. SHION: While we're at it, what's with this perching on rubble motiff anyway? > It stood up, and crossed its arms over its chest. MARTA: Do we have a gender here? > She was about sixteen years of age, with shoulder-length red hair held back from > her face by a clip on the back of her head. MARTA: My god! It's Molly and her free-range Brooklyn accent! > She wore black slacks and a long- > sleeved black shirt, both decorated with crystal-blue lines down the sleeves, > pant legs, on the shoulders and across the chest. DAN: Where do you find an outfit like that? MARTA: Look in Ling Ling's wardrobe. REBECCA: [Jimmy Lee] Do I have to wear this? SHION: [Billy Lee] Are you kidding? You can't buy stuff like this off the rack! > Michelle called out to them "I am soldier Mercury!" DAN: [Michelle] Lame authour-created character and all-round cliche! > Chapter 22 was submitted by Jinas. REBECCA: Hoh, boy. MARTA: I'm missing something, right? DAN: Our boss. SHION : WHAT!!! This guy has the nerve to slam Micheal's fight scenes in "The Price of Business" after writing nonsense like THAT!!! MARTA : Err... now I know where I've seen you two before! You two dissed the shit out of me and Ling Ling! REBECCA I wasn't in for that one. Ask Dan about it. DAN: Gee, thanks. Er... well, your boss asked him to! I was just doing my job! REBECCA: Now take your seats, and take it up with him afterwards. MARTA: I'm goiong to take up with him *right* now! DAN: Look, okay, peace offering. How about you trash one of his, hey? There's a lame BGC alternate fanfic, or a lame Robotech fanfic. Take your pick! SHION : Sounds tempting. DAN: The BGC one's got a bimbo lesbian in it for you, Marta. MARTA : Is she cute? DAN: Yeah! MARTA : All right, but I'm not forgetting what you said about me. SHION : Or what you said about me, either. DAN : Say Marta... Where'd those guns come from? MARTA : Trade secret... and *don't* try to change the subject! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "Ah, my little Mohawk-girl, back so soon?" MARTA: [Sailor Moon] Yeah, the scout meet was cancelled. DAN: That was so bad. > Garnetia said in an irritatingly SHION: Ah, truth in advertising at last. > sweet tone.ð "What have you to report?" MARTA: We found this spoon! > "The Sailor Warriors escaped with Tuxedo Mask," she began.ð "They met up with > Mercury in the Dark Forest. DAN: It's dark everything around here. Dark tower, dark dimension, dark forest, dark energy... MARTA: I guess they took inspiration from the inside of Dan's head. REBECCA: Stop stealing my lines! > She had the most annoying little girls there with her..." ALL: [Pained] We noticed. > Garnetia complained, "You're wasting my time, Miss Mohawk.ð Did you find out > anything useful?" SHION: [Sailor Moon] No, but I found a really neat hairdressers. REBECCA: [Garnetia] Yeah, I notice your mohawk was extra grungy today. > "Useful?" Sailor Moon repeated. MARTA: Yeah, usefull. Ie: what you're not. > "Oh yes, of course.ð One of the girls with Mercury was 'Sailor Earth'-- REBECCA: All-round disposable extra and generic fanfic character. > my second daughter, Celeste-- the one the Wiseman > was afraid would destroy him. SHION: [Sailor Moon] But it's just an important plot point and major revelation to me, so of course I almost forgot it. > He sent her through a time warp, and we thought she was dead, but..." SHION: [Sailor Moon] That was covered in the last chapter, so I don't know why I'm saying it again. > Sailor Moon shrugged. REBECCA: That's the most intelligent line in this fic so far. > "Sailor Earth is that baby the Wiseman's so afraid of?ð MARTA: What does the Wiseman get up to in his spare time? SHION: No way, do NOT go there. >Fascinating." SHION : Captain. >ð Garnetia > grinned evilly, a plan beginning to form in her mind.ð "Anything else?" MARTA : Yeah, how do I get out of this chickenshit outfit? SHION : You secure that shit, Hudson. > "Oh yeah, there was one other thing..." Sailor Moon began, but was cut off REBECCA: At the neck. DAN: And Bane's your boyfriend, right? > by a shout from above... > "Mercury Liquid-Nitrogen Bubbles Blast!" ALL: SUPER-CHEESY ATTACK... GO! > Chapter 23 was submitted by Naia Zifu. DAN: All round wonderful authour and nice person! REBECCA: [Looks up] You can lay off the 'Smite' key now, Naia! > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Garnetia was roughly pushed MARTA: To the ground by Grunge Moon. DAN: Dream on. SHION: She does. > aside as a girl with a sailor fuku and short purple > hair dropped to the ground, barely missing the whirlwind of icy crystals that > rushed above her to encase nearby rubble in a glacier. SHION: Which overrun the entire dark tower due to its enourmous size. The end. > She was immediately > followed by a second girl, dressed similarly, with a long green braid.Ý "Excuse > us," MARTA : Exxcccuuuusseeeee meeeeeeeeeeee!!! Rebecca: [Slag] Excuse me! > she called as she sped past. > Garnetia regained her balance just in time to be completely knocked over, this > time by a teen dressed all in black. DAN: Oh, look, it's the Empress when she was young and cute! SHION Dan, did you ever see Star Wars? DAN [responds and then finds it hard to breath] MARTA: And don't think I'm going to even *try* to intervene! > "You Resistance members come back here! > In the name of Love and Justice, I, Soldier Mercury, will punish you!!" MARTA: Yes, please! SHION: She never changes. Rebecca: [To Shion] Cushion? > She > struck a dramatic pose.Ý "...hey... wait up!" she cried, running after them. REBECCA: Yes, that's right! Write a crappy fanfic and slag out the Sailor Moon cliches while you're at it! > The mohawked girl slowly stood and brushed herself off.Ý Garnetia didn't move, > remaining sprawled in the rubble. MARTA: [Garnetia] Was it good for you to? > "How did that just happen?" she asked quietly. REBECCA: Well, you and Grunge Moon- [Dan hits her with a cushion] > "Well, between Master Rubeus and Tuxedo Mask's chi explosion REBECCA: Awww, poor Tux Boy's chi exploded. [They all glare at her] Sorry. > and your crashing here, MARTA: But just for the night. > there isn't much Tower left... it's easy for people to just run through--" SHION: What, just run you through? REBECCA: Please? SHION: Is she always this bad? DAN: At least there's no sign of Sasami. Then she gets violent. > "That's NOT what I meant you ninny!Ý >I thought you were supposed to be filling me > in on things here!Ý Who were those people, and >why were they running me over?!!" MARTA: [Garnetia] And why am I in this llama costume? > The dark Sailor Moon looked down. "I... don't know." DAN: You don't know much, do you? > "Then Hadn't You Better Find OUT!!?! REBECCA: Aack! Punctuation attack! > You will FIND those sailor suited freaks, > and you will deliver them to ME! SHION: Allow four to six weeks for delivery. > THEN, you will retrieve this Sailor Earth > character.Ý ANYONE who gets in your way you will Take Care of. SHION: [Garnetia] In Excruciatingly Clear Capitals! > Am I making myself Perfectly Clear?!" MARTA: Yeah, I can see right through you. > "Yes ma'am," Sailor Moon replied in a small voice. DAN: [Squeaking] Yes mister Lister sir! Eee eee eee eee eee! > "GO!!!" All: AWAY! > Garnetia yelled.Ý She spied the frozen Rubeus, SHION: It was the last one in the fridge and she'd been dying for one all day. > who had also been > knocked around in the commotion, underneath a small pile of rocks. DAN: Best place for him [They all nod in agreement.] >Ý"With help like > this, no wonder you always screw up so badly.Ý Oh, what would I give for a decent > lackey!" REBECCA: Then try Lackeys-R-Us, for all your lackey needs. Lackeys for every occasion. > Spent, she stalked off. > Chapter 24 was submitted by Double E. MARTA: A bra size so big, only Mai Shuranui could use it. DAN: You never met Celena. MARTA: [Suddenly interested] Oh? DAN: And she wore these really tight singlets... [Rebecca whacks him with a cushion] > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ DAN: Fanfic approval graph. > Finally out of Garnetia's sight, Sailor Moon slowly followed the trail of the > three strange girls.Ý She was not quite sure why, but there was something about > this mission she did not like. DAN: Maybe it's because you've turned evil, completely against your character, and are currently going to hunt down your daughter? Others: Nah. >ÝIt wasn't the violence, REBECCA: Ooh, goody. Is someone going to get killed? > because she surely had seen plenty in her time under Rubeus. SHION: [Hick] Yessir, nothin' like good ole Rubeus for plenty of carnage and violence. > It was just... everything seemed a little > different now that Garnetia was in charge. MARTA: Kinda... softer, and more squeezy. > For instance, she never would have hidden anything from Master Rubeus. REBECCA: I bet she didn't. >ÝHowever, the mohawked girl had not been > completely honest in saying she didn't know the girls whose trail she now > followed.ÝIn actuality, she knew two of them, Neo-Mars and Neo-Jupiter, pretty > well. DAN: [Puts face in hands] Oh, god. SHION: That's too easy. MARTA: Won't stop us, though. REBECCA: Dang tootin'! > She had helped train them, MARTA: And teach them... things. > after all.ÝAhh... those were the days when she > worked for Good... was it so long ago?Ý And she did work for good now, right? DAN: Wrong. > Master Rubeus had told her that all his-- their-- work was for the good of > Crystal Tokyo. SHION: And if you believe that, I've got a bridge in New York to sell you. > That's a goal worthy of working towards, even if it did go against > all her previous beliefs... DAN: Yeeesss... That's what I've been saying... > and her dear husband...Ý This had never been a problem > when Master Rubeus was around.. if only she could talk to him... everything was so > cloudy now... "Oh, why doesn't anything make sense anymore!?" she cried. All: Because you're in a crappy inconsistent multi-authour fanfic! > "Perhaps I can help you." MARTA: Agghhh!! It's Thunder from Big Trouble in Little China! SHION : Pray your cawds right, you rive to talk about it! > Sailor Moon twisted around towards the voice, body tensed and energy sword at the > ready. All: [Make light saber noises] > "You can let down your guard.Ý I have no desire to hurt you." SHION: [Mistan] Yet. > The mist creature > approached her slowly, hands outstretched.Ý Instead I propose a deal." DAN: [Mistan] I'm looking for a missing quotation mark. Have you seen it anywhere? > "Really," commented the mohawked girl, not relaxing.Ý "What could you have that > would possibly interest me?" REBECCA: Who-ho-hay! MARTA: Is this one of those tentacle monsters? In which case the answer is easily yes! > The creature's harsh features became almost pleasant.Ý "You question where your > beliefs have led you.Ý Perhaps you have been misled.Ý Let me... help you find your > way." DAN: [Mistan] Here's a map. Now beat it! > As the creature gazed into her eyes, Sailor Moon felt her doubts slip away. REBECCA: With her clothes. > "But... but... what would I do for you?" Marta: [Giggling] This stuff is waaayyy too easy. > "Oh, don't worry about that."Ý Mistan smiled.Ý "I have great plans for you." DAN: First will come the movies. Then the spin-off TV series. Then... > Chapter 25 was submitted by Double E. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MARTA: It *is* a tentacle monster! REBECCA: [Muttered] You wish. > Part I. In the Wiseman's Dark Dimension. DAN: Oh, so it's a dimension again, huh? > Rubeus knelt before the dark, decrepit figure ('Not that he's ever NOT been > decrepit,' Rubeus thought to himself). REBECCA: You would know, wouldn't you? > He could feel the hot glare on the back of his neck. SHION: Left the sunlamp on again, didn't you, Rubeus? MARTA: Pssshhh [Rubeus] Ow! > "FOOL!Ý IDIOT!Ý INCOMPETENT!" DAN: [Rubeus] Yup! That's me alright! SHION: You said it. DAN: Hey! > screeched the Wiseman.Ý "Garnetia WAS NOT to return! > You were to be SURE of this!" REBECCA: [Wiseman] Why'd you put a return adress on her anyway? SHION: [Rubeus] I knew there was insufficient postage on her. > "I'm sorry, Wiseman," whimpered Rubeus. MARTA: You sure are. DAN: He's really good at that, isn't he? > "Your 'sorries' will do you no good when she tries to assassinate you next!" > growled Wiseman (who had become all the crabbier at his attempted murder). SHION: Thank you for that, Mr. Exposition. > "Although you'd certainly deserve it." DAN: No-one say a thing, okay? > "I won't allow her to find out about you, MARTA: [Rubeus] And me. REBECCA: [Rubeus] Just 'cause she was snogging Prisma on the side all the time. DAN: [Groaning] I'm trapped. > Wiseman," Rubeus muttered as a peace offering. SHION: [Wiseman] Peace off. > "She surely must know she couldn't have killed me!Ý But I will humor you." > "Yes, Wiseman," SHION: [Rubeus] Yes, oh high and mighty toilet hog. DAN: [Igor] I am at your beck and call, master! > Rubeus said before standing and leaving.Ý Wiseman cackled after he was gone. > "Oh, I have plans for you...Ý You will make up for all your mistakes, REBECCA: But it'll take ages! > as well as > your sister's..."Ý He cackled again before sputtering and coughing, DAN: [Wiseman] Gotta knock off those smokes. > then settling in for a rest. > Part II. Outside the Ruins. REBECCA: Meanwhile, back on the ranch. > Sailor Moon sighed and sat down on a rock. SHION: There goes that 'perching on rocks' thing again. > The energy sword in her hand faded > and dissipated.Ý Mistan sat next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. REBECCA: But they're just good friends. DAN: Leave it off, already, guys. REBECCA, SHION and Marta: Guys? DAN: Ulp! > "There, there..." SHION: [Mistan] The fanfic'll be over soon. > the creature said.Ý "I know you're confused, DAN: She's not the only one. > but I can help > you.Ý With Garnetia's return, Master Rubeus is in grave danger." DAN: [Mistan] Wiseman just got the phone bill. > The mohawked girl looked up at her, surprised.Ý "Yes, I work for Rubeus too. All: Naw! MARTA: [Mistan] The *special* *night* shift. > I was on special assignment to find the remaining Neo-Scouts. DAN: Thus introducing more lame authour-created characters to the story. > "It is only through their remaining powers that we can free master Rubeus. SHION: [Mistan] Save the world, stop male pattern baldness and get rid of Gonterman forever. > The > Resistance already have Jupiter and Mars, but just today I discovered Mercury. > Between us, we can find Venus and Neo-Moon, and then free Rubeus." DAN: [Grunge Moon] But what will we do with the rest of the afternoon? [An evil grin spreads on both Marta and Rebecca's faces] I really walked into that one. > Sailor Moon looked up at her.Ý "But why do we need them?Ý Can't we battle Garnetia > on our own?" SHION: We need more expendables! All [Singing to 'Age of Aquarius] But you can do it with a crew that's expendable! Expendable, expendable! > "Not now, I'm afraid.Ý You see, in a week's time, a planetary conjunction will > happen. DAN: And I'm selling tickets. Care to buy one? > Garnetia's powers grow by the minute as that approaches, but the Neo- > Scouts can also draw from the conjunction.Ý We have to find them before that, or > she will be unstoppable." REBECCA: [Ominous] And this fanfic will never end! MARTA: Aack! > They both stood, and Sailor Moon looked Mistan square in the eye.Ý >She saw nothing but sincerity and trust. DAN: Obviously she needs her eyes checked. MARTA : What do you see? SHION : I see all. > "How do I find them?" she asked the creature. Marta: [Mistan] Look in a phone book. > "Like Luna did in the past," the mohawked girl winced >at the mention of her long-lost friend. DAN: She just strayed a bit too close to that stodgy chinese restaraunt. MARTA: Ling Ling would have you for breakfast for that. DAN: Please? [Marta whacks him with a cushion. Rebecca does likewise.] Hey! What was that for? REBECCA: Do I need a reason? > "You will sense them when you meet them.Ý Call for me, SHION: [Mistan] Here's my number. > and I'll come for you." MARTA: Ah! One of *those* numbers! DAN: Hey! [He whacks Marta with a cushion] That was disgusting! REBECCA: Yeah! I was going to say it. [Dan whacks her with a cushion] > Sailor Moon nodded grimly and set off on her mission. DAN: [Gangster] Go away, kid, you bother me. > Mistan smiled.Ý "And when I > have all the Scouts," she said quietly to herself, "I won't need a fool like you... > or Rubeus!" DAN: Now who saw that one coming? [They all raise their hands.] > Part III. Meanwhile, a Little Ways Away. SHION: In another part of the movie. MARTA: Over the hill and through the woods. SHION: Over the hills and far away... > Garnetia paced back and forth in the ruins of the Dark Tower. SHION: So it's a tower again. DAN: You get used to it. > She liked complete submission in her lackeys, MARTA: Saaayyy... > but that mohawked girl just didn't act right. REBECCA: Not even when she asked *very* nicely. SHION : That boy just ain't right... > Something about her-- it was almost as if she was hiding something. REBECCA: Naw. Did a 'special friend' riff earlier. MARTA: So? > Stupid girl, better keep an eye on her, DAN: What, like G'karr? > Garnetia thought. REBECCA: It wasn't easy. > As Sailor Moon left on the track of the fugitives, Garnetia decided to follow, MARTA: How unvillainlike. Doesn't she have lackeys to do that? > always at a safe distance of course. > Suddenly, there was a rustle in the bushes ahead. REBECCA: Maybe some kind of wild animal will jump out and eat her. > Looking carefully through the > tall grass, she saw a misty figure form. SHION: [Loud] And I wonder who this could be? DAN: Will our mystery guest sign in, please? > Mistan, traitorous creation, Garnetia thought- > trying to turn that mohawked girl > against me and my plans.Ý Sailor Moon may be stupid, REBECCA: Your point being? SHION: No arguments here. > but she still can be of some use to me. Marta: Two-timer! > Garnetia concentrated. SHION: You can hear the hamster wheel squeaking. > The dark moon on her forehead glimmered slightly, and a > long thin dagger appeared in her hand.Ý The hilt was bright blue, with a large > black opal in the center of it.Ý Dark power swirled around her hand. DAN: [Shocked] Amazing! Description! MARTA: Shocking, huh? > Her green eyes glinted maliciously.Ý The time for subtlety REBECCA: Oh, yeah. About as subtle as a brick between the eyes. > had passed-- the time for action had arrived. > Chapter 26 I. was submitted by Sailor Dragon. SHION: Oh, please... is there no end to this? > Chapter 26 II. was submitted by Jinas. MARTA: Grr... DAN: You're really dropping us deeper in it, ain't you boss? SHION : Yes... > Chapter 26 III. was submitted by Silver. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ REBECCA: The beautiful landscapes of Wyoming. > "Sorry to break up your tÍte-ý-tÍte," a voice boomed, DAN: My god! It's a Magic Voice! Magic Voice: Yes? SHION: Not you! > startling Sailor Moon and > Mistan.Ý "My mohawked friend, >it seems as if you've fallen in with a bad crowd. DAN: As compared to you, I suppose? > You should be more careful about who you associate with--" MARTA: [Grunge Moon] I can't help it, you're my boss. > Garnetia appeared > directly behind Mistan and plunged her dagger into the mist creature's exposed > back.Ý Mistan shrieked and fell, her body swirling into nothingness.Ý > Sailor Moon stared, aghast.Ý "You killed her," All: Naw! SHION: Ten out of ten for observation, that girl! > she accused. > Garnetia frowned, knowing otherwise.Ý "I do not take kindly to traitors." SHION: Incompetent, double-dealing, backstabbing, traitorous siblings yes, but lackeys, no. > She > turned Moon's face to hers.Ý "One more act like that..."Ý MARTA: And I'll give you such a pinch! >She left the thought unfinished, tightening her grip on Moon's chin DAN: What grip! She didn't touch her! SHION: Wonderful. Inconsistency in the same chapter. > and sending a few licks of electricity through it. DAN: ZOG! REBECCA: General sound effect for lightning bolts, short circuits, Tesla coils and Dan's brain ticking over. MARTA: Amen to that. DAN: [Mutters] > Sailor Moon broke SHION: -In half. > away then bowed humbly.Ý "I have strayed from my task," DAN: [Grunge Moon] I've been a very naughty girl. MARTA: [Grunge Moon] Punish me. Please. DAN: [To Rebecca] Face it. You're outclassed. REBECCA: Oh yeah? Watch me. > she said apologetically.Ý "I would continue gathering the Sailor Scouts you > requested." SHION: [Grunge Moon] So you can have the complete set, and be the envy of all the other kids on the block. > Her presentation was every bit formal REBECCA: She'd spent hours learning Power Point to ensure this. > and submissive, but the glint in her eyes hinted otherwise. > The tall red-haired woman noticed this and gave a hard smile.Ý "Go then.Ý And > remember that rebellion is as foolish as it is futile." All: [Borg Voice] Resistance is futile. SHION : There will be no one to stop us, this time! > She watched as Sailor Moon set off, face a hard mask of hate. > Elsewhere--Ý Athena suddenly sat bolt upright.Ý "Oh--!" MARTA: So she's a screamer too, huh? REBECCA: Just the way you like 'em, eh? DAN: No, just like the Emp... ohshit. [SCENE: Dan is suddenly lifted into the air, slams into the roof twice, and is unceremoniously dumped behind the couch.] SHION: And enough of that. MARTA : Yeah, leave my sister out of this! > Chapter 27 was submitted by Double E. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Part I. SHION: When titians clash. > Tuxedo Mask, the Warrior Scouts, Serena, Sailor Little Moon, Sailor Time and MARTA: Herculeas and Xena and the Tin Woodsman and the Cowardly Lion and Totao and you and you and you and... SHION: Enough. > Sailor Earth sat near a dead oak tree on the edge of the city. MARTA: Which city? SHION: You know, the city... the one they always use for shots like this. REBECCA [Tick]: The city. My city. >Ý Sailor Time thought > it was time to find the other pieces of the Time Key. SHION: Especially since the Lucasfilm prop department wanted it back. > "What Time Key?" asked Sailor Earth. MARTA: Fezzik? Rip his arms off. SHION: Oh, *this* Time Key! > "It's how we got here," replied Warrior Venus. > "Rubeus sent us here from the past," continued Warrior Mars. > And we can't get back without it all back together," added Warrior Jupiter. MARTA: Do they always finish each other sentances like that? You'd think they were married or something. REBECCA: They are. > "So far, all we have are these two pieces..." SHION : We found this spoon! >Ý Sailor Time showed everyone the two pieces that they had. All : Oooohhhh... Aaahhhhhh... > Sailor Little Moon held something behind her.Ý She couldn't give them the piece > she had... MARTA: Not that anyone would want a piece of her anyway. REBECCA: [Clears throat noisily] > "Rini...give it to them," MARTA : Give it too me! >said Sailor Earth, getting up.Ý She stared at her older > sister and then walked away. > "Cel-" began Tuxedo Mask but Serena stopped him. MARTA: Cell? Cell's here? Oh, the Scouts are going to get their asses kicked for sure! > "Let her go. She'll be fine." > Sailor Little Moon handed her piece over to Sailor Time.Ý MARTA: Damn, everyone's getting a piece but me. >She was really beginning to think that Celeste was angry. SHION: The steam hissing out of her ears was the first clue. > "Thanks!" replied Sailor Time cheerfully.Ý The new piece glowed with the other >two. DAN: Time key parts! Collect the whole set! > Part II. DAN: Electric Boogaloo!!! > Garnetia watched Sailor Moon go off into the forest, trusting her even less.Ý She > sighed, good help was so hard to find these days.Ý SHION: Tell me about it. >Suddenly, she was hit in the back of the head by a blunt object.Ý SHION: MARTA: What? What? REBECCA: Blunt object? What, The plot? >She fell forward, but somehow remained > conscious.Ý She started to get up, but was kicked in the side.Ý SHION: That'll leave a mark. DAN: [Sergeant Colon] Kicking them while they're down? REBECCA: Blunt object? What? The plot? >She groaned and > rolled on her back to face her attacker.Ý Rubeus, she thought, what is he doing >here? MARTA: Right now? Beating the shit out of you. > "Hello dear sister," he said mockingly.Ý "You should be careful walking through REBECCA: Central Park? SHION: The Bronx? DAN: Watts? MARTA: Anicostia? >the woods alone-- ALL [Singing]: When you go down to the woods today... > bad things can happen."Ý He held a long black sword MARTA: Is *that* what that is! >next to her throat. > She sighed.Ý "Well, get it over with." SHION: Hmmm... sounds like one of your girlfriends, dear sister. MARTA: Oh, that was sooo funny. > "Huh?" SHION: A bit dim, isn't he? DAN: Actually, this is an improvement for him over some of the earlier chapters. > She looked up at him.Ý "I don't like repeating myself.Ý So come on, kill me and >get it over with." SHION : I read the rest of this fanfic, please kill me now! > Rubeus looked at her blankly.Ý MARTA: How can you tell? >That was the last thing he had expected her to say. > "Why do you want me to kill you?" REBECCA: Weren't you listening? So she can get out of this fanfic!!! [Dan and Rebecca suddenly look around. After a few seconds, they go back to the fic] DAN: I could swear he was in the room with us! > "Because I deserve it!Ý SHION: I am filled with shame. REBECCA: Well... no arguments, there. DAN: Can you lay off it for once? >I should have heard you sneaking up on me, and that spell I > put on you should have held through anything.Ý I dislike failure." MARTA: And you let him live *this* long? Bad girl! >He held the sword at her throat for what seemed to be an eternity.Ý Then he took >it away, and slammed it into the ground.Ý SHION: Ouch! >"I can't do it!Ý Despite everything, I can't kill you." REBECCA: You have script immunity! > "Well if you're not going to kill me, then help me up."ð MARTA: I've fallen and can't get up! SHION: That is *so* old. >He did and they looked each > other in the eye.Ý Garnetia's eyes widened as she finally noticed MARTA: - the fact that her brother was totally naked and totally ripped. SHION: ... REBECCA: Why, Marta. I didn't think he'd be your type. MARTA: ... DAN: What about that 'operation?' REBECCA: ... >the long scars on her brother's face.Ý MARTA: Hey! It's Inigo Montoya! SHION: Start looking for a six-fingered man, quick! >A fierce rage grew inside her.Ý How dare those Sailors do that! > I'm supposed to be the only cause of pain in his life!Ý DAN: Ah, family. Don't you just hate 'em? > I really hate him- but he is family... REBECCA: MARTA & SHION : What? What? > "So now what?" Rubeus asked. DAN: We're going to Disneyland! > "I don't know.Ý Truce?Ý Whether we like it or not, we are on the same side." > "True." > "So a truce?"Ý Turns out I don't want to kill him either, she thought. > "Fine."Ý After all, what did he have to lose? He hated and distrusted his sister, > but blood is thicker than water.Ý SHION: And much tastier! DAN: [Nervous] Uh... okay. [Inches away from Shion] >"So now where?" > She smiled coldly.Ý "We find the scouts, and we crush them." DAN: I'm crushing your head, crushing your head! Crush! Crush! REBECCA: Squish squish squish! Stomp stomp stomp! > Part III. > "Don't scream," MARTA: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! >a voice told Athena, as something sharp was held against her throat. SHION: Didn't we already see this scene? > "Who are you?" she asked in a quivering voice.Ý "And what do you want from >me?" MARTA: Sex. > "I know of all the evil you've done," the voice replied.Ý "And in the name of the > planet Mercury, I will punish you." MARTA: Ooohhh! Punish... aww forget, I've done that gag to death. REBECCA: The oldies are the goodies. > Those were the last words Athena would ever hear. DAN: Not counting "Game Over" > * Ý * Ý * Ý * Ý * > Elsewhere, Rei gasped, and stopped in her tracks. MARTA: Wow, SO that's what an orgasm feels like! REBECCA: Do you ever think of anything else? SHION: This'll take a while. MARTA: ... > "What's wrong?" Mina asked, surprisingly unconcerned. REBECCA [Rei Ayanami]: An angel. > Rei lowered her eyes and said in a soft, quivering voice, "It's Athena...Ý She's > dead." SHION: Great, can we go home now? > The others just stared in silent disbelief. DAN : Didn't she have script Immunity? REBECCA: Level 1 Script immunity. TV times 1.25. Description: "This is my only line!" EVERYONE ELSE: Uh? > "She was... murdered," Rei went on, tears streaming down her cheeks. MARTA: Killed even. > "By whom?" Lita asked. SHION: No, no. "By who?". > Rei looked confused.Ý "I can't explain how, but I'm sure she was murdered by... > Sailor Mercury?" > "That's ridiculous, Rei," Serena cried.Ý "Amy's been here with us the whole > time.Ý There's no way she could have killed anybody." > Lita added, "Amy's not even the murderer type..." REBECCA: A touch sociopathic and a bit anti-social, but she's no killer. DAN: It's always the quiet ones... > "The Negaverse must have gotten to Neo-Sailor Mercury," Sailor Earth > concluded. DAN: Ya think? > "They've turned her to their ways and ordered her to assassinate Resistance >leaders." SHION : Resistance is futile! OTHERS : EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! > "Then we have to hurry," insisted Sailor Little Moon.Ý "Or else Cyllene could be > next." SHION: We can only hope. > Chapter 28 I. was submitted by Malaur. > Chapter 28 II. was submitted by Silver. > Chapter 28 III. was submitted by Naia Zifu. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "Dead..." Sailor Time repeated.Ý "But... we can bring her back or something,... > right?"Ý She looked around the group wildly as her eyes began to tear.Ý "R-right > Mercury?Ý Serena?Ý ...please..."Ý Serena took the child in the adult's body SHION: Bill Clinton? > and comforted her. MARTA: [Coughs loudly into her hand] SHION: Good girl. > Tuxedo Mask rose.Ý MARTA: Obviously the sight of Sailor Time being comforted is getting to him. REBECCA: Quit stealing my lines! >"This isn't a game.Ý This is real life, and in real life, people > get hurt."Ý SHION: Life isn't fair, anyone who says otherwise is selling you something. DAN: [Manning] In war, things happen. >His tone softened at the stricken expressions of the group's younger > and more sensitive members.Ý "Whoever's done this... has struck a great blow.Ý > We've lost the leader of the Resistance.Ý REBECCA: Obi-wan Kenobi? DAN: Luke Skywalker? SHION: Princess Leia? >But we have no time to mourn now.Ý We must > assume the killer-- Neo-Mercury you say-- will strike again until the entire > Resistance is eliminated.Ý SHION: Note the sudden leaps of logic around here. > We must protect Cyllene.Ý And Neo-Mercury must be >found and punished.Ý MARTA: Brace for another 'in the name of the Moon' speech. >Where is Cyllene," he commanded. SHION: Looking for a lost question mark. > Venus was the first to recover from the general shell-shock of the group. > "Cyllene...Ý She had located another piece of the Time Key.Ý Mercury and I were > about to join her MARTA: For a torrid three-way orgy. REBECCA: She'd gone to get the whipped cream and the gerbil. >when..."Ý She let the sentence dangle. REBECCA: Like- DAN: No. Just no. > "Good," Tuxedo Mask replied.Ý "You two will keep your appointment.Ý >Take Time, SHION: Hey... I thought they were in a hurry? >Earth MARTA: Sailor Dirt... there's a name for ya. > and Serena.Ý REBECCA: Ah, fat lot of good she'll do. DAN: Hey, we're meant to riff the fic, not the show. OTHERS: So? > Your job is to retrieve the pieces of the Time Key and protect > Cyllene...Ý DAN: Your mission, should you choose to accept it... OTHERS: [Hum Mission Impossible theme] MARTA: This fanfic will self-destruct in five seconds! REBECCA: It already has. > The rest of you, our job is to make sure they don't have to."Ý SHION: Hang on, so you're going to make sure they don't have to retrieve the Time Key... My head hasn't hurt this much since American Kitsune. >He whispered something to Earth, MARTA : Meet me in five minutes behind the woodshed! >and flipped a small device to Venus, REBECCA: It was her special... 'friend'. DAN: Oh leave it out allready! >who nodded in understanding.Ý MARTA: She's suppsoed to show up in ten minutes. >"Rendezvous here in 48 hours," REBECCA: Oohh... I love it when the boss speaks French. >he called as the two groups set off on their separate ways. SHION: To get hoplessly lost amid all the plot twists. > "He's become quite a competent leader," the watcher commented.Ý "But then, >what less could I expect from my husband?" SHION: I want to say somethign rude there, really I do... REBECCA: After the honeymoon: Nothing. > Sailor Moon stood and stretched from her vantage > point high above the Scouts.Ý SHION: What's the bets she's perching on a rock? REBECCA: You'd know, I suppose? SHION: Rocks? Not a chance, I prefer telephone poles and the tops of trees. And besides, I only do stuff like that when it's dramatically appropriate. > Garnetia doesn't need to know about this little > development...Ý Darien would dispose of Neo-Mercury, and the other Neo-Scouts > were of no consequence, despite Garnetia's orders.Ý Sailor Moon decided instead > to follow her newfound daughter.Ý You will be mine, Sailor Earth... REBECCA: Exactly how are we supposed to take that? > * * * * SHION: Four stars? Hardly. > The wind swirled in the Wiseman's chamber, and a dark mist formed. >Mistan congealed out of thin air, and was left panting for breath on the floor.Ý MARTA: Was it good for you too? REBECCA: [Bored] You really like this monster, don't you? [Marta throws a cushion at her.] >The Wiseman's > coughing brought her to attention, and she immediately stood, although pained. > "My apologies, master...Ý The regenerations are becoming more difficult."Ý >Wiseman looked on impassively.Ý "My strength drains as the conjunction >approaches."Ý Once again, Wiseman was emotionless.Ý "I NEED more power!" ALL : Power Scotty! I need more power!!! > At last the Wiseman spoke.Ý SHION: Woof! Woof! That's my other dog impersonation. [Dan grins broadly] > "Garnetia and Rubeus are not the only ones who can > channel the conjunction's power.Ý You will gain more power in time.Ý >Unfortunately, > it seems Rubeus has now sided with his treacherous sister..." he was stopped by > another coughing fit. REBECCA: Cigs... those things will kill ya. > "Master?" Mistan said, her voice betraying concern for once. > "I will be all right." SHION [Mistan]: Damn. Whoops! Didn't mean to say it out loud! > he said sternly.Ý "Worry yourself with finding Venus.Ý She > is pivotal to this whole matter.Ý When I crafted you, I did not expect to rely on > you so much..."Ý His voice faded, and he lay back in his throne, seemingly > exhausted. MARTA: A bit too much of the one-hand shuffle, eh? > Mistan bowed her head, a single tear emerging from her mask-like face, then > disappeared. > "At least I can stil rely on someone..." he whispered hoarsely. REBECCA: Expect disappointment. > Chapter 29 was submitted by Double E and Jinas. SHION: There's that name again. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "Are we there yet?" Sailor Time whined in typical Rini fashion. MARTA: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? SHION: If you don't shut up, I'm turning this fanfic around and heading stright home young lady! > "Almost," Mina replied.Ý "Cyllene said she'd meet us right in this next clearing." MARTA: What? The one with the pile of skulls in the middle? DAN [GM]: You enter the clearing. There is a small pool with frogs and dragonflies about it. In the centre is a gazebo. REBECCA: A Gazebo?! What's it doing? DAN: Nothing, it's a gazebo. REBECCA: Right, I pull out my sword and charge. SHION: I'll begin casting a fireball. MARTA: I'll ready my bow. How many Eep's is a Gazebo worth anyway? DAN [To Camera]: Ladies and Gentlemen: The Gazebo sketch. > "Please, please let Cyllene be all right," Serena prayed. REBECCA [Serena]: It's my go tonight and I don't want to miss out! > But as they stepped into the clearing they saw Cyllene lying motionless on the > ground.Ý Amy rushed over to feel for a pulse. DAN: She's dead, Jim. > "She's still alive... barely," she reported.Ý REBECCA: Darn... DAN: Will you get out of anti-fic mode? SHION: So someone just stabbed her and left her to die? How unprofessional. >"But it's not safe to move her in > this condition."Ý Amy tore a strip off her skirt DAN & MARTA: Nice view... > and tried to stop the bleeding. > "I'll stay here and do what I can for her.Ý You've got to hurry and get help. SHION: Yeah, just go to one of those well-equipped hospitals standing around in this ruined city. REBECCA: We need a human cleric! > She won't last long without stitching up and a transfusion." ALL: NURSE! > Sailor Earth looked around frantically.Ý "The Time Key!Ý The pieces Cyllene said > she'd found are missing!Ý Now the Negaverse has them." REBECCA: And there won't be any more in the stores before Christmas! > "We can't worry about that now, Celeste!" Rini cried.Ý "Cyllene is lying there > dying, and if we don't do something, she'll end up just like Athena!" DAN: A dead extrta in a crappy fanfic. > "The Time Key is the only important thing," Celeste retorted. SHION: Well, nice to see someone has their priorites straight. > "Everyone, stop arguing!" Amy shouted.Ý "We will recover the rest of the Time > Key, but right now a girl's life is at stake.Ý That's the most important thing > right now.Ý Mina, take Serena and Celeste and find help for Cyllene.Ý And hurry. > In her condition I'd guess she's got an hour or two at best without proper > medical attention.Ý I've stopped the bleeding, but I'm no doctor, there's not > much more I can do.Ý Rini, stay with me and help care for Cyllene.Ý We've got to > keep her alive until the others get back with help.Ý If we get Cyllene stitched > up in time..." she looked directly at Celeste, "then we can go after the Time > Key.Ý Until then, Cyllene is our top priority.Ý Is that clear?" MARTA: Uhmm... can you repeat that part that started with "Everyone"? I sorta missed your speech. > Sailor Earth nodded silently and left with Serena and Venus.Ý Amy watched them > go, and then returned her attentions to her patient. > Rini stood staring at the badly-wounded Cyllene, on the verge of tears.Ý She'd > never seen anyone so near death before. DAN: Not even Mclean Stevenson's acting career. > "Amy?Ý Is Cyllene going to be all right?" she wondered. MARTA: Apparently I wasn't the only one to miss that last paragraph. > "I don't know, Rini," Amy answered quietly.Ý "All we can do for her now is wait > and pray." REBECCA: Pray!!! Pray for death! > * * * * * > Sailor Earth was surprised at the ease she'd gotten away from Venus and Serena. > Under the pretense of having to do her 'Necessary', DAN: 'Necessary'? Really... REBECCA: "Out pooped Sailor Mercury" comes to mind for some reason.... > she had walked off for some > time alone.ð Earth sat at a dried up pond and brooded. MARTA: Waaark... Wark cluck cluck... Waaark. SHION: Bet she's sitting on a rock too... > "I needed that piece to > get me home.ð Oh, what am I talking about!?ð I can't go home!ð My own friend > died getting me here." > "And someone else is going to die too!" ALL: Explode at 11 o'clock sharp! > yelled Sailor Moon as she leapt towards Sailor Earth. > Celeste was ready for her.ð She threw the mohawked woman off and called, > "EARTH! KAO ATTACK!"ð SHION: Earth Cow? > A dark brown aura ALL: [Snigger] DAN: And there you see the disadvantages of being a Sailor Earth. REBECCA: Apparently she needed that 'Necessary' rather urgently... > covered her body as she ran up and kicked Sailor > Moon in the stomach.ð That kick sent Moon flying into a nearby stone wall. REBECCA: SPLAT! > Celeste ran at her again, hoping to finish the job. MARTA: It was nearly quitting time, and she wanted to go for a beer with the boys. > But Sailor Moon was ready.ð She gathered a ball of pure Negaverse energy, and > when Celeste got close to her, she threw with deadly accuracy. DAN: Strike Three! Yer out! > "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" SHION: Arguing with the ump *never* helps! > screamed Sailor Earth as she was thrown through the air.ð DAN: What... no attack name? Lame-oh! > Sailor Earth slumped down the wall and fell into a heap REBECCA: Wow! That was one *humungous* 'Necessary'! > on the ground. REBECCA: Oh. > Smiling, the mohawked girl went over and touched the girl.Ý "A weak pulse. > She's dying soon anyway!"Ý With a snap of her fingers, Sailor Moon and the > unconscious Sailor Earth was gone. DAN: Scotty! Beam me up! > * * * * * > Lili lay on her bed, staring through the gaping hole in her roof.Ý "GD mist > creatures!Ý Always rippin' up MY house!" MARTA: Always eating my porridge, always borrowing my Dragonball Z tapes and never returning them and always telling me they love me! SHION: Calm down, why don't you! DAN: [Falsetto] Goddamn cyborgs! Can't stand 'em! > She turned to look at the wall.Ý A broken mirror hung lopsidedly, a network of > cracks spiderwebbing across its surface. DAN: Seven chapters bad luck for you! > As Lili began to doze, SHION: She's not the only one. she thought she saw a faint yellow glow in the mirror. REBECCA: I taw I taw a puddy tat. DAN: Wait for it... > She opened her eyes wide-- she did see the a faint glow.Ý REBECCA: I did! I did taw a puddy tat! > And behind that, a misty creature... > "Hello, Lili," whispered the mist cloud forming behind her.Ý Lili gasped. > "What the hell'r you doin' here?!" she cried, sitting bolt upright. > "I've come to claim you, Neo Venus," stated Mistan matter-of-factly as she > loomed over Lili. MARTA: Oohh... kinky. > All through the tiny camp, a scream pierced the night. SHION: Weren't they just in a house a moment ago? > Chapter 30 was submitted by Naia Zifu, Malaur, and Sailor Dragon > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SHION: Exactly how many chapters *are* there? REBECCA: Who knows? All I know is that the Great Big Head In The Sky tended to send it to us in 10 chapter chunks, so we're finished for the moment. DAN: And thank god for that. MARTA: I suppose it's review time now? DAN: Yeah, I guess. Well, the main thing is that it's improved a lot over previous chapters. The continuity in the story is a lot better, although there's still a bug or two. SHION: Like the shape-shifting dark tower? DAN: Uh... something like that. REBECCA: And a record low of only two new or mangled characters this part. I hate to say this, but this fic's getting easier. It's a lot less painful, and the suspect setups are... well, more suspect. Like the 'special friend.' DAN: Ad infinitum. SHION: Ad naseum. MARTA: Well, I, for one, found the story to be an incoherent mess. Even the sexual innuendo was more in my imagination than actually in the story. SHION: I think this points out the major probjems in any story written by two or more people without benefit of a strong editor. Changes in style, spelling, description, setting, characters and such are usually too jarring to flow smoothly. The end result? A disaster, much like we see here. MARTA: And to make it worse, it stars the Sailor Scouts, which, due to their nature, seem to spawn infinate combinations and ripoffs. SHION: Not to mention dull, insipid and cliched plots. MARTA: Like Sailor Dirt... excuse me, I mean Sailor Earth. MAGIC VOICE: I see. Dan, Rebecca? Do you have anything to add? DAN: It wasn't as bad as you say. I just guess it could have been a whole lot worse. REBECCA: It's a Sailor Moon fic. It is worse. I think you two covered it best. SHION : That seems like it for now. Thank god. MARTA: What say we hit a bar? I'm buying. REBECCA: I'd rather respect myself later. And not hurt anyone. DAN: I'll join you! SHION : Scrap that one. DAN: Hey, give me a chance for once, will you? REBECCA: Why? DAN: Well, you never did. REBECCA: Mainly because I caught you trying to perv on me while I was getting changed. MARTA: Yer point? DAN: Details, details. REBECCA: Grr... I'm outta here. [SCENE: Rebecca gets up and departs in a huff.] DAN: So, ladies... SHION & MARTA: Let's go. \ / \ / -- O -- FFIIIIISSHHHH / \ / \ DAN: Say, Marta. Are you *sure* about that? "Chaos in TIme" written by too many people to count. No copyright infringement indended by this MSTing, which is for amusement purposes only. Shion Nys & Marta Nys Copyright 1997-1998 Michael Surbrook Dan Copyright 1995-1998 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley is Copyright 1995-1998 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). MSTed by Michael Surbrook susano@access.digex.net Visit Surbrook's Stuff! A Hero System/Champions source (especially for anime and manga material) at http://www.access.digex.net/~susano/index.html Max Fauth (Jinas) Jinas' world: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/index.htm RPG info, amateur fanfics, MSTing site and official Bubblegum Crossfire material. Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis) Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. > "You caused her eye to be blind!?" replied Lita, surprised.