Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MSTing no. 69 brings us the DELTA Invasion Christmas Special. And what's so special about it? Well, nothing, really. Evangelion is copyright Gainax. Evangelion II Delta is copyright Tom Dyron (Gee. Who'd have guessed?) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk, home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette.] [Tsuneo and Rebecca enter] Tsuneo: That was really unkind of you, Rebecca. Rebecca: I'm sorry. But that was just plain funny. Tsuneo: No it wasn't! After many episodes of inconclusive fighting which has lead to a bitter rivalry, the hero and villain clash in the final, decisive conflict. And when it's resolved, all you can do is laugh. Rebecca: But it was so funny, dammit. Tsuneo: It isn't. Rebecca: Come on. Any more of a pathetic demise and it would be one worthy of a Bond villain. [Rick and Dan enter] Rick: What are you two shouting about? Dan: Yeah. I can hear you from down the hall. Tsuneo: Rebecca doesn't appreciate good villains. Rebecca: Bah. He had it coming. Rick: Care to explain? Rebecca: I was at Tsuneo's place, watching his tapes of Transformers: Victory with him. Dan: So you are a TransFan after all. Tsuneo: Only of the Japanese shows, which are far superior. Rick: Even Beast Wars Second? Tsuneo: ... Rebecca: Anyway, it's the last episode, and the Hero, Victory Saber and the villain, Deathsaurus, are fighting in space. Both of them are wounded. Deathsaurus charges up his megaweapon to finish of Victory Saber, but then turns and fires at a passing Cybertron, er Autobot, Shuttle. And he misses. Then, he turns back to Victory Saber and fires again, only to find that the Megaweapon is out of power. Then Victory finishes him off. Rick: Whereupon you burst out laughing, right? Rebecca: Got it in one. Dan: Kind of makes you wonder what his last words were. Rick: Probably something like "I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way". Tsuneo: ... Rebecca: He might have said something more like "Remind me to fire the dinoforce." Dan: The who? Rebecca: The Japanese versions of the Pretender Monsters. A bunch of goofy little guys who hit each other and let kids ride on them. And they're the bad guys. Dan: How about "On any other day, that may seem funny" then? Rick: Or how about "One more step... and I would have advanced two ranks and earned three square meals a day. I, Deathsaurus, will regret this" Tsuneo: ... Rebecca: Nahh. I've got it. A little earlier, his Gestalt super soldier Liokaiser is chasing Jan, a kid in distressingly tight shorts around the outside of their space station. And he manages to wander into the bases force field and get kill-o- zapped to death. Rick: Wow. Dan: That sucks. Tsuneo: ... Rebecca: So, thinking about it, Deathsaurus's last word were probably something along the lines of "I would have gotten away with it too, if not for that lousy kid." [Dan and Rick break up laughing] Tsuneo: I'm going to check the fanmail now. Rick [laughing]: Sure thing, wonder boy. Tsuneo: ... [He goes over to the computer and clicks on some clicky things] Dan: So we got any? Tsuneo: Lots. [They all crowd around the computer.] Tsuneo: This one's from Chameleon on various fics. > I just finished the fifth part of "Delta Invasion". Hoo-boy. Tom Dyron > seems to get worse with every further installment. At first, I didn't > think he was too bad. Not great, but not nearly at the level of, say, > Issei Mataloun. But first the wrestling episode, then this...Even > Hellstorm didn't make me want to slit my own throat with my thumbnail. Dan: Thanks. I couldn't find a way to express my precise feelings about that fic. > Anyway, I want to thank you guys for taking such tripe and creating > something good out of it. No matter how bad the story, I know that Rick, > Rebecca, Dan, and Tsuneo will help take the pain away. (BTW, I just have > to say that Dan's my favorite. You all should go easy on him. Plus, > judging from his picture at Elmer Studios' web site, he's kinda cute.) Dan: Woo-hoo! Alright! I've got a fan! I've got a fan! Rebecca: Treasure it, Dan. Rick: Thanks anyway. Tsuneo: The next one's from Keith Palmer on Macross FX. Rebecca: This should be good. > I've just finished reading your MSTing of "Macross FX," which I've been > waiting for since you announced it. Over a year ago, so I believe, I ran > across the original story and attempted to get a handle on its many vaguely > described characters (plus the way the idol singer was trying to start her > career while stuck on a hundred-year mission) before it just quit updating. Rick: That's probably for the best, actually. > This time around, of course, the vagueness was an asset for allowing riffs. > It wasn't quite as incoherent as Macross Chronicles (at least the story > actually started before it stopped this time), Tsuneo: Nothing's as incoherent as Macross Chronicles. > but it was still a fun > MSTing. I always like Macross/Robotech works, given that I became an anime > fan because I was obsessed with Robotech, I spent a lot of time writing bad > sequels to Robotech (which will remain forever locked away on 5 1/4" > diskettes), Voice: If you ever change your mind about that- Tsuneo: Don't listen to him, Keith. Rebecca: Yeah, shut up, voice. > the first anime MSTing I read was "Robotech III: The Odysseus > Epic", and the first MSTing of yours I particularly liked was "Robotech: > Atonement." Rick: Thanks for that, Keith. Rebecca: I still cannot believe that you have fans, Dan. Tsuneo: Anyway, the next one's also from Keith Palmer, this time on the dreaded NXE 1.4. > After a weekend away, I checked SVAM in the hopes that there would be an > update. I was rather surprised to see that the update included the > long-awaited MSTing of NXE 1:4. Rick: You weren't the only one. > I had finally decided to live and let live > and stop sending you emails containing questions about when this MSTing > would be finished. Voice: The first riffs on NXE 1.5 are being done by Tim and Alicia. Bug them. > I can only imagine you're as glad to see it released as > I. However, now that it's here, I'd like to make up (in some strange way) > for bothering you by sending my comments. > I had wondered how Alicia Ashby might change the slightly critical riffing > style established in the first three instalments, just as I had wondered > what Mark Sachs might add to the style before. In the end, the MSTing > remained the same entertaining deconstruction of DJ's excesses as before, > and I was ultimately pleased to see it. Dan: Wow. This guy uses really big words. > (I noted Gouka taking Dan and > Rebecca to task at times. Still, as you left those riffs in, I'm tempted > to believe that you accepted them as well.) Rebecca: I still wanted to pulp him, though. > I was slightly saddened to see your warning that there might not be > additional chapters, but if you want to slow down your pace of riffing to > maintain your good humour, then it's an entirely acceptable tradeoff for > me. Voice: Actually, we were busy sorting out the arrangements for NXE 1.5, trying to avoid all the hiccups that delayed 1.4. > (I have daydreamed of a few riffs that might be placed in the more > overblown moments remaining in NXE 1, but only a few. For this chapter, I > had imagined that Rei smiling merely as a result of being given a nice room > could be answered with something like "Forget self-sacrifice, friendship, > and love. Interior decorators will lead us to the New Jerusalem.") Rebecca: I wish I'd thought of that. Tsuneo: I'm glad I wasn't there. Dan: Thanks. Good to know that *someone* appreciates our pain. Tsuneo: Anyway, the next one's from Rick Borden on stuff. > Hello again. Sorry it's been a while since I last > wrote to you. My computer's been in the shop thanks to > a blown motherboard. Lucky me. But he very first thing > I did once I was back online was check your page and I > wasn't dissapointed. > Your MSTing of Altered future part 3 was well up to > spec. I enjoyed the way you found humour everywhere, > especially with the self-destructing voomer dog. Rick: Sorry, it just sounded like something straight out of Monty Python. > I have to agree that it could be quite hilarious, > depending on how you picture it. I didn' think of the > Mikhail/Seifer connection myself either... Rick: When you're an MSTer, you have to spot these things. Rebecca: It's beginning to worry me just how much time Maya spends playing FF8, actually. > As for Macross FX? Well, Two Ships Of Same, really. Dan: My thoughts exactly. > You did that fanfic a justice it didn't deserve by > MSTing it. You're right, that singer odes seem to have > made a rather poor careeer choice. Almost as if > someone wanted to get rid of her, really. Rick: Hmm... > It may be a while before the next chapter of Altered > Future arrives, I'm afraid. I've been rather busy of > late, and we haven't gotten around to much gaming > either. Sorry for the wait. Dan: That's fine, we'll just have to kill you. Tsuneo: Thanks anyway. The next one's from Diane Hall on various things. > Dear Alex Fauth/Rick R. Mortis > I just finished reading a pile of the MSTings you have written with Max > Fauth/Jinas, and I loved them. SMAK part 11, the Chaos in Time series, and > those horrible Issei stories are my favorites-- I nearly fell out of my > chair laughing while reading those. Rick: It's good to see someone gets some humour our of our pain. > My favorite "riffer" is Rick. I think > he's adorable, and I'd like to see another picture of him. Rick: I've got a fan, I've got a fan! Dan: That is freaky. > (My second favorite is Tsuneo, because he's so dark.) Tsuneo: Dark? > I also like Rebecca, although her "red-necky" aspects grate me at times. > Looking forward to Delta Invasion part 7, and more MSTings with Rick, > Rebecca, Tsuneo, and Dan in them, > Diane > PS-- Is that Issei brat really twelve? Where the hell do you think his > parents are when he's writing borderline lemons (badly)? Voice: Actually, he's since turned thirteen and wrote a real lemon. Yuck, eh? All: ... Tsuneo: Um... thanks voice. Finally, we have a quick note from Trevor Laughlin on NXE 1.4. > BTW: congratulations on NXE CH:4 - could someone think of a possibly more > boring script? : ) Rebecca: Only with considerable effort. Tsuneo: Only if they set out with that intention in mind. Voice: Morning guys. Tsuneo: And hello to you too, Masami Eiri. Voice: Not you too. Tsuneo: Sorry. Rick: So what do you have for us? Voice: Due to popular demand- Rebecca: Yeah, right. Voice: OK, due to unpopular demand- Dan: You're not fooling us. Voice: Due to absolutely no demand, I have the next chapter of Delta Invasion. Rebecca: Thrilling. Tsuneo: I am in considerable pain already. [They sit; Dan and Rick on the forwards facing couch, Tsuneo and Rebecca on the other one. Dan and Tsuneo are closest on the corners] Rick: I wonder what John will do in this one. He is special, you know. [The TV switches on] > Genesis 0:20 : When Things Get Tougher.../Life Is Not Easy Rick: Tell us about it. > December 25th, 2017 All: [Singing] It's Christmas at ground zero... > Early in the morning, the sun rose and its rays blessed the closed eyes of Tom > Dyron. Dan: Then it wondered what the hell it was doing, and dropped back under the horizon. > He started mumbling something that no one could understand Tsuneo: Hey, he's speaking in tongues. > before opening > his eyes. He finaly got up and went in the bath room to take a shower. Rick: Do we *have* to watch this? Rebecca: I still want to know where Pen-Pen's got to. > When he got out, he put on some clothes and went to the kitchen like every day. Dan: So this is how you celebrate Christmas? Wow. Such class. > He took out some toasts, Rick: *Powdered* toasts? > eggs, butter, milk and sugar and made french toast the french > way, not the american way. Rebecca: And anyone who isn't French or American: Deal. Tsuneo: So how does John make French toast? He's French, American *and* English. Rick: He does it the *special* way. > The 1st person to get up after Tom was Rei as she > walked in and said "Hi" and sat down. Dan: God, Rei's got to be injecting sugar by now. > The ideas of John being weird was almost totaly out of their minds now. Tsuneo: [Tom] Yeah, we almost went a whole paragraph without reminding you he's special. Sorry. > Shinji and Asuka woke up in the same time and > walked to the kitchen both with the eys almost closed. Rick: Wait, watch out for the... Oh, nevermind. > "Rough night, huh?" asked Tom. > "You bet!" answered Shinji. Rebecca: I didn't know Rei was into that kind of thing... Rick: Actually, he walked out with Asuka. Dan: Shinji, you horny bastard! Can't you stick to your own girl? > "You could put it like this..." responded Asuka. Tsuneo: Like how? Rebecca: [Asuka] You know, just this. Tsuneo: Like what? Rebecca: [Asuka] "This." Dan: [Tom] You've been talking to Rei too much. > Tom served the breakfast to everyone as Misato walked in the kitchen all dressed > up and wide awake. She had an imortant rendez-vous at the Nerv HQ. Rick: Nerv was throwing a Christmas party, and she had to be there for Gendo to unwrap his "present." > "Do you have time to eat breakfast Misato?" asked Tom. > "No, not really, I'll see ya guys later." as she walked out the apartment. Dan: Off the set, over to the office, collected a ridiculous amount of money for her brief appearance and left the studio. Rick: She's got the perfect job. She gets paid, but doesn't have to do anything. > The Children ate breakfast and got ready to go downtown. They walked downtown, Tsuneo: Can we keep pace with these unexpected plot twists? The relentless excitement is killing me. Rick: [Colonel Sanderz] Driver, prepare to move out. Dan: [Dark Helmet] Why are you always preparing? What's with you and preparing? Can't you just go? Rick: [Sanderz] Driver, just go. Sir, shouldn't you sit down? Dan: [Helmet] Aaah! > they didn't take the motorcycles this time, and went to a video game store. Rebecca: Funnily enough, it was closed for Christmas. Take a hint, guys. > Tom > looked around and flashed on one game. It was the brand new game by Origin, Rick: Oh look, Wing Commander fourty-three. Whoopde. Dan: Hey, it's still got Mark Hamil in it! Rebecca: Unfortunately, it doesn't include the WC 43 speech pack, the WC 43 secret missions disk, the WC 43 patch disk to fix all the bugs that were brought up by all the other disks, the WC 43 RAM expansion slot so your computer can actually handle the game and the WC 43 nuclear reactor to power the minimum PC required to run WC 43. > "Power Quest". Tom ran in front of the game and said clearly : > "This game is mine!" > He took a copy of it and bought the game. Dan: Thrilling. I just can't keep up. Rebecca: Who wants to bet that the game will never be mentioned again? Tsuneo: Wake me when the fluff text ends. Rick: That could take a while. > They walked to the music store, and > Shinji needed a new guitar for DOD Rick: His electric cello just couldn't hack it. Tsuneo: So what, they already had a keyboard, a drum set and a bass? > and bought a new one with the credit the kids had at the Nerv. Dan: So Nerv gives you free credit? I have never so much wanted to be an angst- ridden 14 year old in my life. > It was now noon, Rebecca: It takes you that long to buy a guitar and a computer game? > the Children decided to stop at a restaurant. > This time, Shinji paid. They went to a japanese restaurant. They ordered and > started eating soon. Tsuneo: They did things in fragments. Then they finished. And they left. Rick: [Shinji] You know, the service here is really lousy. Dan: Could it be because it's Christmas day and the place is closed? > "You know, those Invadors were weak so far, you know what I think?" asked Tom. Dan: You think? > "What?" responded Shinji. > "They're analysing us right now, Rebecca: What, while you're eating lunch? > they're gonna send what they really got soon Rick: You're just making this up, aren't you? Dan: [Tom] Damn, found out. Tsuneo: Of course, they could *all* just be that pathetic. > 'cause I see that Ritsuko is kinda worried about those beasts, Rebecca: They never call, they never write, they stay out all hours and never say where they're going... > there's probably more about them that we know, it's a feeling I have." Rick: "The" feeling? You mean Tom's the illegitimate love child of Hawk Hunter? > "I think Tom is right..." said Asuka. Rick: [Shinji] He's writing this, of course he's right. > "But who cares? So far we're doing very good. Dan: [Shinji] Because we have the almighty power of Tom! Oh yeah, and John... Say, where is John? Rebecca: Hey, don't forget about John. You can't forget John, you know. He's special. > Let's drink to our success!" said Shinji. > "To our success!" said Tom. > "To our success!" said Asuka. Rick: [Asuka] To *my* success! > "To our success..." said Rei. Tsuneo: [Rei] To not dying recently. > They stood up and touched glasses. > "God damn those Invadors!!!" declared Tom. Rebecca: By now the whole restaurant's staring at them like they're a bunch of loonies. > "Yeah, screw those monsters!" said Asuka. Rebecca: [Tom] I'm working on it, trust me. Rick: See, he has to be related to Hawk Hunter. > "Anyway, the thing I said about them came up because it's been a long time since > they havn't attacked!" All: Foreshadowing! Dan: Wait a sec... It's been a long time since they haven't attacked? So has there been nothing but wall to wall Invadors or something? > "I know, that's kinda weird..." said Asuka silently. Rebecca: Don't you know? The Invadors have all gone on their Christmas break. > "Oh, who cares? We came here to hang out, let's forget about those asswipes!" > said Tom. > And the day went on. Dan: Stuff happened, but seeing as it didn't involve Tom buying anything pointless we skipped the details. > They came back home around 5:00 P.M. > Same time, Nerv HQ... > "Misato, I called you here because Rebecca: [Ritsuko] I wanted to see how you'd look in tight rubber. Rick: [Misato] Ritsuko, this fetish of yours is getting *way* out of control. > I found out something scary about those > specimens, all the ones they fought so far..." said Ritsuko. Dan: So she left in the morning but didn't get there until 5 in the afternoon? Where the hell was Misato? Rebecca: She got lost. What did you think? > "And what is that?" asked Misato. Rick: They're big, goofy and kind of easy to kill. > "Well, I looked at those beasts closer, Dan: [Ritsuko] I actually bothered examining them this time. > and found out that those creatures just > got out of their embryos, Tsuneo: So they were all unborn? This makes no sense. > they all have the tissues not developped, Tsuneo: And another thing, why didn't she spot this earlier? > I think > those monsters were just sent to that the Invadors could know what we were able > to do..." Rick: [Misato] Wow! Amazingly enough, Tom said exactly the same thing in the last scene! Dan: So once again, Tom is exactly right. > "This is getting scary, those creatures get something new all the time!" Rebecca: So does a spoilt kid. Big deal. Tsuneo: What, just like the Angels did? > "Yeah, I know, and I think they were absent a long time to think about how > they're going to get us, or how strong they should come to beat us." Dan: Or maybe there aren't any more Invadors. Ever think of that one? Rick: Or maybe their luggage just got held up. Your choice. > "I hate those god damn things. Rebecca: [Misato] Goddamned Invadors! Can't stand them! > I hope the Children will be good enough to stop what's coming for us..." Rick: How can they fail? They have the unbeatable power of Tom Dyron! Rebecca: And don't forget John! He's special! Tsuneo: Okay, that's enough of that. > "I think they can, but the question is, for how long?" Dan: Depends. How many more chapters of this drek is there? > "You're right, for how long..." > "INVADOR ALERT INVADOR ALERT INVADOR ALERT" > "Speaking of the devil!" said Misato. Rick: No, that's Hellstorm. > "Contact the children! The Invador will come in about fifteen minutes!" Dan: How do you know, you've just heard the alert? > Misato picked up the phone and called the Children. > "Hello?" Rebecca: [Misato] You've got to come quickly, there's an Invador on the way! Dan: [Apu] Hello, Quick-E-Mart. How can we help you? Rebecca: [Misato] Oops, sorry. Wrong number. > "Hello, Tom, this is Misato, an Invador has been detected, hurry up, you guys > have fifteen minutes!" > "Holy shit, we'll be right there!!!" > Misato hang up. Dan: Got that, Misato? Hang up! > Ten minutes later, the Children ran in. Rick: Geez you people, why don't you take a bus? > "Tom, Shinji, we're sending you there, Rebecca: I hope you've got sufficient postage. > get ready right now!!!" > "Hai!" Tsuneo: You know, sooner or later sending only two EVAs at a time is going to hurt them, and I want to be there when it happens. Dan: Speaking of which, where's John? Isn't he on call too? > Tom and Shinji did as fast as they could and got in their entry plugs. When the > Evas were launched, the Invador had already come in the city and was destroying > houses. Rick: Atomic monsters attack cardboard Tokyo! Citizens flee in badly dubbed panic! [Tsuneo hits him with a cushion.] > He was taller than an Eva, grey, and he looked like a huge human with > bull horns and a ring in the nose. Rebecca: So the Invadors are into body piercing? Told you they were stupid. Rick: It's the brahma bull! The Rock! Dan: [The Rock] They Rock's gonna lay the smack down on your ignorant EVA. > The Invador ran to the Evas when he saw them > and punched Unit 03 as soon as he saw All: PACK! > it knocking it down and making a crater on the floor. > "Holy shit this bastard is strong!" yelled Tom. Tsuneo: Oh yeah, that's like missing with some darts and being called a mighty warrior. > Shinji jumped on the Invador and punched it in the stomach barely hurting it. Rick: Don't you have weapons or something? > Its AT Field was very powerful. The Invador used its AT to push Shinji twenty > yards away. Dan: Well that did a lot. > Tom got back up and raised his AT Field at max and used it to pierce > his enemy's defense. Tsuneo: Um... Insert generic AT field rant here... I can't be bothered anymore. > He kicked the beast in the stomach, punched him in the face > knocking it down and stepping on its chest. The Invador got up Rick: Wasn't Tom standing on its chest or something? Rebecca: Yes, but that was *last* sentence. > and used its > horns to pierce the Eva's chest. Tom screamed in pain as the Invador picked up > the Eva Dan: Bought it a few drinks, flattered it with compliments and took it back home. > with its horn and threw it away. Shinji got back up and ran towards the > Invador as fast as he could and shouldercharged him making the beast take three > steps back. But the monster punched Unit 01 in the face, and spit a ball of ice. Rick: Time for stupid special effects weapons, guys! Dan: Do we have to? > The arms of Eva 01 started to freeze. Tsuneo: Gee, where are those other *three* EVAs when you need them? > The Invador jumped on Eva 03, pounded it > in the stomach and spit a ball of ice at its face. Rebecca: Yes, but did that do anything? Rick: Um, it might have given Tom a cold. > The monster reached for the entry plug, opened it Dan: Can opener? > and took out Tom who was unconscious. The monster grabbed > Tom in his right hand and ran away. Tsuneo: Aah, smug mode. Rebecca: Did it ever occur to them to scramble the other EVAs or follow it, say? Rick: Why? It's only Tom. > "NO!!!!! TOM!!!!!!!" yelled Asuka as she fell down in tears. Rebecca: [Asuka] What am I gonna do for cheap sex now? Rick: There's always John. He's "special." Tsuneo: Thanks for that, Rick. > Everyone in the room looked down and had tears falling off their faces. Dan: Gendo had Fuyutski spray them on. > The Nerv took back Eva 01 and unfroze it. Rebecca: So are they just going to leave EVA-03 lying there? Rick: Rotting grill structure... > They took out Shinji who was unconscious too. They put him in > the hospital as Asuka made a crisis of depression. Tsuneo: Asuka made a... Huh? Rick: Asuka can get anyone depressed. > She lied in bed all day crying. Rebecca: [Asuka] If I keep this up for long enough, they might give me free stuff. Dan: [Shinji] C'mon Asuka, you're missing out on the "Good Riddance" party! Oops... Sorry, that came out all wrong. > A whole day passed with Tom gone and everyone thought he was dead. Rick: Except for the teacher, because Tom never shows up at class anyway. Not that the teacher would notice anyway. Tsuneo: Say, has anyone here even considered trying to follow the Invador, or find Tom, or even that nest of Invadors that's supposedly producing them, for that matter? > The next day, in a cave near Tokyo-3... Dan: Hold on, who's the party's mapper for tonight? > Tom woke up and looked around. He didn't know where he was. He stood up and > found out he was inside a cave. Rick: Wow, that was easy. What gave it away for ya? Rebecca: Probably the rocky walls, uneven floor, distant entrance and huge sign saying "This is a cave." > He started walking around and as he stepped out > of the dark place, he saw three Invadors around a fire Rick: Roasting marshmallows and burning each others' hats. Dan: This is one heck of a huge cave. > talking in some unknown language. Rick: Welsh? > When they turned around and saw Tom they started talking to him in a > good Japanese : Dan: Pity this fic doesn't have a good English. > "Hi human, I know you are scared, but we are going to bring you to the base and > analyse you, then, I think we are going to kill you!!" > And they all laughed. Rick: He's been kidnapped by the Demons from Hellstorm Evangelion! > "Why do you wanna kill us?" asked Tom. Rebecca: [Invador] The pay's good. > "You betrayed your creator, now, you shall pay for your crimes!!!" Dan: When metaphysics goes hideously wrong. > "This is all a bunch of bullshit, god is afraid we will overwhelm him and sent > the angels then you to destroy us before it's too late!!" Tsuneo: Ugh. Are we going to have to sit through some pseudo-religious history rewriting crap? Rick: Dunno. I didn't watch the End of EVA. > "You are a smart human, and you understood god is not an almighty nice guy, this > I admire you for, but we won't fail killing your kind!!!" Tsuneo: Yup, they're going to do mankind in with hideous pseudo-religious gobbledegook and run-on sentences. In other words, the NXE way. > "We're going to analyse you to know human's weaknesses, angels knew, but we > don't and we have to start all over, what we sent you were just new borns sent > to see what you guys were made of, and we saw... that mankind had become more > powerful than we thought..." Dan: [Invador] Now that we have explained all our plans to you in clear and precise detail, we're going to leave you in an elaborate yet easily escapable deathtrap protected by only one incompetent guard. > "You assholes! You just wanna protect that dumb ass god!" Rebecca: So all the Invadors are Evan and Kimmy? > "Because the prizes he gives us are beyong imagination!" Rick: That's right, destroy all of humanity and you can win a new car! > Tom went through the conversation and pretended to go to sleep. Rebecca: The audience went through the fanfic and pretended to pay attention. Tsuneo: We're gonna do this conversation the DELTA way: By skipping over it. > Same day at Misato's apartment. Rick: Everyone was partying like there was no tomorrow. > Asuka was lying on the couch crying. Shinji went to her. > "Look, Asuka, we all miss him, but he's gone. We can't change the past!" > "I know, but I loved him! He was the person I loved the most in the whole world, Rebecca: [Asuka] Except myself, of course. > why did he have to fuckin' die?" > "I know how you feel, Tsuneo: Yes, remember folks, Asuka is a weak, lost human being that depends on others for comfort and is useless on her own. > but do you think Tom would like to see you cry like this?" Rick: [Asuka] It doesn't matter what Tom likes! > "No, but I can't help it!!!" Asuka fell in Shinji's arms and cried on his > shoulder. Dan: Sometimes I think Shinji has got the best role in Delta Invasion. Rebecca: Let's see... Gets to sleep with Rei and Asuka at the same time, gets his own motorbike, gets to rampantly skip school, acts like a badass and still kicks hideous alien butt. Way to go! > "I need Tom! I can't live without him!" Rick: [Asuka] if I don't get my Tom, I'm gonna have a major wobbler! Tsuneo: He could at least *try* for an accurate characterisation... > "I know Asuka, but you'll have to! That's all there is to it..." > "I don't think I will survive without him Shinji..." > "Asuka, who knows? Maybe they kept him alive!" Dan: Maybe they put him in a zoo. > "Don't dream, Shinji, he's probably been chopped in pieces already..." Dan: Don't sound so hopeful. > "Asuka, all we can do is remember the good times, that's what Tom would like." Rick: [Shinji] Like remember that time when Tom beat up a lot of people, killed an Invador, drank a ton of beer and had sex afterwards? Rebecca: [Asuka] Which time? > "You're right, but I'll miss him so much..." > The conversation ended on louder tears from Asuka. Tsuneo: That's right, Tom Dyron is not afraid to write any scene, even if he can't figure out how to finish it. > Same time, at the Nerv HQ... Rick: They were partying like crazy too. Dan: What, Gendo and Fuyutski? Partying? Rick: Okay, so Gendo's just wearing a paper hat. Happy? Rebecca: [Fuyutski, deadpan] Whoopee. > "I can't believe they got Tom, I can't stand it!!!!" Misato yelled. Rick: They outbid you on eBay, huh? > "Why were we so stupid and only sent 2 Evas?" Ritsuko asked herself. Tsuneo: Could it be because you've only sent two EVAs in every other damned chapter of this fic? > "I don't know, but now we lost one of our best pilots, and more, one our > friends!!!!" Rebecca: So they lost Tom and someone else? Rick: Just admit it, you did it on purpose. > "All we can do is pray that they kept him alive..." Dan: Just to repeat the last scene... > "Pray when god is probably the one that sent those guys!!!" Rebecca: Ouch. Score one to Misato. > "In a way, you're right..." > "They probably already ripped him apart!" Dan: Face it Misato, you're enjoying this. > "You know, the chances of Tom alive are 0.1% which could be worse..." Tsuneo: I'd love to know how you figured that. Rebecca: Don't you know? SHODAN did it. He can do anything. > "Knowing you, it could be way worse, Rick: What's Ritsuko got to do with this? > but I don't really think they actualy kept him alive." > "You're right, but we can still hope..." Rebecca: [Misato] That it was long and painful. > They remained silent and starred at the floor a long time... Rick: [Misato] Psst. Ritsuko, what's my next line? Rebecca: [Ritsuko] There isn't one. The script just ran out. Rick: [Misato] Again? [Long pause] Rebecca: [Ritsuko] You wouldn't happen to have any tight rubber outfits handy, would you? > In the cave, around 1:00 A.M. > Tom faked Rebecca: Usually it's Asuka doing the faking. > to sleep and got up silently. He looked around and saw the 3 giants > sleeping inside the cave. Dan: Hello? Guards? Hello? Rick: Just how incompetent are these Invadors? > Two of them were behind Tom, and one of them was in front. Rebecca: And all this in a ten by ten room. Wow. > Tom made silent and slow steps and came right at the Invador's head, the > one that had captured him. Rick: Okay, make your move silently roll. Dan: Um... I got a one, is that bad? > He went around its head and five minutes later, Tom made it out of the cave. Tsuneo: Five minutes? How slow does this guy walk? > He saw that a forest was around the cave, Rick: So... It's just a cave entrance in the middle of a forest? Dan: Something like that. Rick: This gets sillier by the second. > Tom walked > silently to the trees and, once he was far away enough from the cave, he started > running. After about twenty minutes of running, Rebecca: He encountered a... [Pretends to roll dice] Um, monster table C... T-Rexaur. Roll for initiative, Tom! > Tom found out he was about fifteen miles away from the city. Dan: That's right, in the middle of the forest, there was a sign saying "City, fifteen miles." Rebecca: He also bumped into Adam Sheehan, and any number of Sonic SIs. Rick: And a short, bald guy in red robes. Tsuneo: Nice and obscure there. > He found a tree he could lie against and slept. Dan: Where's a handy tree when you need it? [Yawns] Tsuneo: That's right, when the Invadors could notice your absence at any minute, the best thing to do is stop and sleep. Right. > In Misato's apartment, 9:00 A.M. Dan: Dawn breaks at ground zero. > The phone rings. Shinji wakes up suddenly and figures out the phone is ringing. Rebecca: [Shinji] What is that recurring ringing noise? What could it possibly be? Rick: [Shinji] Hey Asuka, is the noise in my head bothering you? Dan: [Asuka] That's the phone, dumkoff! Rick: [Shinji] Er... I knew that. > He runs to get it. Rebecca: Um, Shinji? Next time, puts some clothes on. No-one wants to gape at your manly physique. > "Hello?" > "Shinji, the Invador that captured Tom is back, Dan: Finally, the Invadors have come back to Tokyo-3! Rick: [Misato] It wants to know if it can take John this time. Rebecca: [Shinji] Sure! It's not like we're using him. > only, he brought two of his friends, Rick: Oh my god, it's Farooq and Bradshaw! No bar is safe! > they're going to come in the city Rebecca: Oh, that's just disgusting. > in thirty-five minutes, hurry up!!!" Dan: I thought it only took them fifteen minutes last time. Tsuneo: They're caught in early morning traffic, what do you want? > "O.K. I'm waking up the others right, now, bye!!!" Dan: With how much noise you're making, they've got to be awake by now. Rick: [Asuka] What? You dare disturb the great Asuka's sleep with such trivial things as Invadors? WA-TAK! > Shinji hang up, woke up the others and told them to get ready. They went at the > Nerv HQ in Misato's car. Dan: So how did Misato get there? > When they got there, they had fifteen minutes left, all > the Children got ready, including John. [They all gasp in shock] Tsuneo: Wow! We're *only* two-thirds of the way through this fic and John *finally* appears! > The Evas were launched right on time. > Forest 20 minutes before this event... > Tom woke up suddenly hearing noises. He saw the giants running to the city. Tom > got up as fast as he could and ran in direction of the city. About an hour > later, he got there. Tsuneo: What, so Tom ran fifteen miles in an hour over uneven terrain through a forest? I call official no way. Dan: World's most dangerous man, world champion kickboxer, No Holds Barred champion, professional cook, greatest EVA pilot who ever lived, expert hacker and now world- championship runner. Is there anything Tom can't do? Rebecca: Interior decorating? Dan: Ouch. > When he arrived in the city, Rick: The city, my city. > he saw that the three Invadors were beating the living hell out of the Evas. Tsuneo: Of course, they're utterly useless without Tom. Rebecca: But they've got the power of John! How can John lose? He's special! > Shinji was still standing up, but > the one that had captured Tom knocked him down suddenly as the Invadors started > destroying the buildings. Dan: That's right, the EVAs are still operational, so we're going to wreck the buildings. Rebecca: Destroy them stomp, stomp, stomp, squish, squish, squish, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze until they're dead! > Tom ran as fast as he could to get his motorcycle. He > got there ten minutes later and he saw that the Evas were getting up like they > could every time. Tom arrived at the Nerv HQ fifteen minutes later, and got in > the room where Misato and Ritsuko were exhauasted. Rebecca: Oh, typical. The EVAs are getting thrashed out there and that's all you two can think of? Rick: [Ritsuko] I'm sorry. She was wearing tight rubber. I couldn't help myself. > His plug suit was all ripped. > 'TOM!!!!" yelled Misato as she grabbed him and hugged him. Dan: [Tom] Ghaack... Misato... You're crushing me... Tsuneo: Good thing he didn't have any horrible internal injuries or anything like that... He did? Oops. > "No time to talk!" he said, "Give me a new plug suit, Rick: That's right, when the world's in peril, all Tom can think of is his outfit. > I'm going to blow up those mothafuckas!!!" > Ritsuko handed Tom a new plug suit, Dan: Was it in a mallet? These details are important. > he hurried up to his entry plug, and his Eva was launched. Rebecca: He didn't actually change or anything. > When he got in the city, Rick: He drove it round to the shop, and picked up some booze. > Rei, Shinji and Asuka were barely up, and John's Eva was out. Dan: So that's what his special power is! To do nothing! > "Tom!!!" yelled Asuka. > "Miss me?" asked Tom in sarcasm. Rick: Of course she didn't. Rebecca: [Asuka] Yeah, I'll have to work on my marksmanship. > But the Invador that had captured Tom knocked Asuka back down. Dan: Didn't hurt her or anything. Rick: Looks like it's up to Tom to save the day! Tsuneo: Whoop-de-shit. > "Oh my god, Tom's synchro suddenly went up to 325%!!!" Rebecca: And in financial news, Tom's Sync rate went up *again.* > yelled Ritsuko. > Tom rushed one one of the other monsters and tackled him so violently that the > beast flew 5 yards away Tsuneo: Ooh, wow. A sixty meter tall robot collides with a sixty-plus meter tall monster and they fly a whole... Four and a half meters. > as Tom yelled "Tackle, fumble", Tom ran to the other > creature and punched it right in the face knocking it down too, Tom yelled > "Defense penetrated!!!". Dan: Great, now he thinks he's a football star. > Tom then went in front of the Invador with the bull > horns started running. Rick: Say, what do the other two Invadors look like anyway? Tsuneo: Do you really want to know? Rick: You're right actually, I don't. > He tackled the monster and yelled "QB Sack!!!". Rebecca: Pigs in a blanket! Dan: Give it wings! Rick: Two fat ladies! Tsuneo: I'm going to be sick! > Unit 03 started pounding the Invador's face and made it bleed. Rick: Hey no fair, he's using a ubiquitous WCW foreign object! > The monster tried to spit > out ice but Tom put his hand in front of the monster's mouth and closed it. Dan: Freezing Tom's hand. Naturally. > The Invador froze its own mouth. Dan: Well that worked. Rick: [Invador, camp] I get *so* embarrassed when that happens! > During that time, Shinji, Rei and Asuka got back up > and attacked the Invadors again. Tsuneo: [Shinji] What ho, unto the breach and all that crap. Rebecca: [Asuka] Don't know why we bother anymore? Rick: Say, what about John? Dan: I think the authour's forgotten about John. > Tom then grabbed the monster by the throat and > picked it up with one hand. He started pressing as hard as he could yelling > "That's for trying to kill Asuka, asshole!!!!". Eva 03 pressed so hard that the > monster's head got chopped off in one quick instant. Dan: [Bored] Y'know, rivers of blood and all that stuff. > Tom ran to help Asuka > against an Invador that had the body of a human with scales and the face of a > human with shark teeth. Rick: Um... Um... He's got me on this one. > Tom started pounding it and kicked it on the chest. Eva > 03 grabbed the monster by the forehead with one hand and yelled "Asuka, stab > that monster as many times as you want!!!". Tsuneo: Like you need to tell her or something. > Asuka took out her progressive knife > and started stabbing the monster all over its abdomen and chest. Rick: [Asuka] Guess what we're having for dinner. Rebecca: And considerably lower, making Tom's eyes water. > Tom dropped it, > dead. Shinji and Rei were beating the other Invador that looked like a werewolf > with bright purple scales. Dan: But werewolves don't have scales. Rick: [Shinji] Uh-oh, better back off so Tom can kill this one instead of us. Rebecca: [Rei] I used to do something in this show. > Tom rushed to the Invador, took out his progressive > knife and cut a hole in the monster's stomach. Tsuneo: Just as the alien popped out of it. > Tom grabbed a progressive grenade > and put inside the hole and said, "See ya in hell, asshole!!!". Tom watched the > Invador's whole body explode. Rick: In a puddle of its own gore, no less. > The Evas were taken back to the Nerv HQ, Dan: [John] Hello? My EVA's shut down out here. Can someone help me back in? Don't just leave me out here. Hello? This pretty much sucks right here. > and as soon as Tom got out of the entry plug, he fainted. Rebecca: [Asuka] My hero. > About two hours later... > Tom was lying in a hospital bed, All: [Tom] I hate this place. > when Asuka came in. Tom found the strenght to > stand up and Asuka gave him the longest passionated kiss Dan: Passionated kiss? Tsuneo: Yeah, it was passionfruit flavoured. > Tom had ever gotten. > "That's the best kiss I ever got!" said Tom. > "It's the welcome back kiss..." said Asuka in tears, "I thought you were dead!" > "Yeah, I hear that a lot..." Dan: [Tom] Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Rebecca: More's the pity. > Tom entered the room where Misato, Ritsuko, John, Shinji and Rei waited Dan: [Tom] Hey, it's Shinji! And Rei! And Misato and Ritsuko, you're here too! Rick: [John] Hello? Remember me? I'm here too! I'm special remember? Hello? > and explained everything that had happened to him Dan: Nothing. > and why the Invadors wanted to kill humanity. Rick: Dunno, you got us. > "Well, Tom, before you came, the Evas were getting the shit beaten out of them." > said Misato. Tsuneo: Remember, the entirety of Nerv is useless without the unholy power of Tom. > "I saw, that's why I rushed as fast as possible. But when that asshole hit > Asuka, I snapped and went from a 200% synchro to something like 320% or > something..." Dan: How does Tom know this? Rick: Because. Just because, okay? Rebecca: Ah, the great Marvel comics excuse. > "325%!" corrected Ritsuko. Tsuneo: I hear 325, do I hear 330? Dan: 330! Tsuneo: Any advance on 330? Rebecca: Ying tong iddle I po! Tsuneo: Any advance on ying tong iddle I po? Rick: Ying tong iddle I po and sixpence! > "You totaly destroyed them, Tom!" said Shinji in excitement, "We owe you our > lives!" Rick: [Shinji] Aw, nuts. Back to kissing up to god boy. Couldn't he have died for real? > "I was so pissed off, I don't think anything could have stopped me from > annihilating those Invadors!" > When Tom, Rei, Shinji and Asuka came back from the Nerv HQ, Dan: [John] Uh, hello? Hello? Did I do anything for this scene? Hello? > they sat down and > ate dinner, it was already 10:00 P.M. and Misato was out with Kaji again. Rebecca: What? So she had to wait for Tom to get back before she got any? Tsuneo: Let me think about this... 9 am, Invadors approaching; 9:35 am, Invadors reach city, begin fighting EVAs; 9:40, Tom reaches city; 10:05, Tom reaches Nerv, brief fight, Tom collapses, 2 hours later Tom wakes up... Where'd the day go? Rick: Obviously that debriefing took a long time. > When the Children went to bed and separated themselves like last time, Rebecca: Shinji and Rei separated pending a divorce, and Asuka separated Tom with a hatchet. > Tom and Asuka looked at each other deeply in the eyes : Rick [Asuka]: Should I tell him that he's got a booger hanging out of his nose? > "Asuka, I found the strenght to come and pilot the Eva because of you..." > "Tom, I was gonna die without you..." > "Asuka, I love you more than life itself!" > "I love you too, Tom..." > This night, Tom and Asuka made love again. Rebecca: [Asuka] Shinji's better. > This day, Tom woke up at 11:30 A.M. Tsuneo: *This* afternoon... > When he got up, he went straight to take a shower. The nights with the Invadors > had gotten him so tired. Rebecca: He went where no man has gone before. Tsuneo: Thank... you for that. > When he walked inside the kitchen, no one was there. He > told himself, "Damn, did I sleep that long?". He looked at his watch and found > out what time it was. He told himself, "Damn, I did sleep that long!". He fixed > a bowl of cereal and ate slowly. Dan: [Tom] I'm in a hurry for no discernable reason, so i'll eat slowly. Rick: Back to the intense "Tom's morning" routine, I see. > He entered the living room and saw Misato, Rei, > Shinji and Asuka Rebecca: Writhing on the floor in a tangled mess of limbs. Dan: So how'd you miss them, especially since the kitchen is part of the living room? Rick: Hey, don't blame him, his cereal was just *that* interesting. > sitting on the couch in front of the TV. Tom walked behind > Asuka, put his hands on her shoulders and said, Rick: [Tom] Don't cut them off this time, okay? > "Hey everyone!!" > Asuka turned around in surprise and said : Tsuneo: [Asuka] How'd you get there? this couch is up against the wall! > "Hey Tom, had a good night?" Rebecca: [Asuka] Answer yes, or I'll kill you. Dan: [Tom, small voice] Yes. > "Well, I don't really know since I woke up so late. I didn't sleep when I was > with the Invadors, Rebecca: [Tom] those guys have such stamina. Tsuneo: Thanks again, Rebecca. Rick: See, he *has* to be related to Hawk Hunter! > I was staying awake to prepare my escape, Rick: [Tom] There's an unguarded cave door... They're all asleep... I'll never figure a way out. > so I had a lot of sleeping to catch up, but I'm feeling less tired than yesterday..." Tsuneo: That's what sleep is there for! [They all cheer wildly] > "It's already something that you were able to make it back to Tokyo-3!" said > Shinji. > "Yeah, we all thought you were dead..." added Rei. Rebecca: [Rei] Not that it really matters. Rick: [Shinji] Uh, Rei? They don't clone the other pilots. [Pause] Rebecca: [Rei] They don't? > "Well, he's back and alive and gave the Invadors the beating of the century!" > said Misato as she stood up. Dan: [Misato] Allow me to stroke you're ego some more, Tom. > "When the Invadors came and beat the living shit out of Shinji and I, I almost > thought we were screwed. But the last fight proved that idea wrong." said Tom. Tsuneo: Any reason why he could beat the Invadors when he was tired and worn out, but not when he was fresh and had backup? Rick: Because he had the strength of madness! Tsuneo: Figures. > "Those Invadors are not as powerful as angels, but they're so many! That's what > scares me..." stated Misato. Dan: Sooner or later, someone's gonna figure that hordes of low-grade troops does *not* equal a single more powerful war machine. Rick: Unless it's a One-Year War Mobile Armour. > "I know, they got their names right, they make a total Invasion!!" said Tom. Tsuneo: That's why they're misspelt. > "Yeah, but right now, we're winning, so who cares?" asked Asuka. > "Well, the thing is, for how long can we keep it up?" answered Tom with a > question. Rebecca: [Asuka] I know you can't keep it up for long. Dan: [Tom] I said I was sorry. > "Damn, Tom, could you be positive?" asked Asuka. Rick: [Asuka] Being a depressive little weed is Shinji's job. Dan: [Shinji] Damn stra- Hey! > "Well, usualy I am, but this a real bad problem!" responded Tom. > The conversaton ended on this. Tsuneo: Dammit, again! Can't this guy finish even one scene properly? > This day, nothing really happened, Rick: I couldn't agree more. > but the next day... > "Hello?" said Misato answering the phone. > "Misato, Two Invadors are coming to the city, and one's coming to the cliff. Dan: Any reason why it's not heading for the city? Rick: It's taking the scenic route. > Hurry up!!" yelled Ritsuko, "You have about twenty minutes!" Rebecca: Notice the incredible lack of consistency. They detect Invadors at fifteen, twenty and thirty-five minutes away. > "O.K. We'll be right there!!" Dan: [Ritsuko] And this time Misato, bring the pilots with you. > Misato hang up and warned the Children. Rick: [Misato] Wackiness inbound, guys! Time to fight goofy critters for no good reason! > They arrived twenty minutes later. > "You guys are going to be late for the Invadors in the city, Tom, you're taking > the cliff!" said Ritsuko. Rebecca: Any reason? Tsuneo: They're hoping someone will push him off it. > "O.K.!" > "And John, Rick: Hey, John's here and he's doing something! Rebecca: Yeah, right. > Rei, Shinji and Asuka, you four take the two in the city!" said Misato. > "Hai!" > Tom got in his plug suit, then in his entry plug. His Eva was launched, and he > ran to the cliff. He got there about a minute later. Four minutes of full power > left. Tsuneo: So how come they launched him somewhere nearby where they don't have a power cord - even though they have power cords all over the place - without any extra batteries? And what about Unit 03's mythical S2 engine? Rick: S2 engine's in the shop > The Invador was already there, looking down at the city, preparing a > bright beam with his hands. Rick: Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows... > Tom ran towards the monster that looked like a huge > human with a lion's hair and a beasty face. Tsuneo: Just, you know, generally beasty. > It had ripped clothes. [They all break out laughing] Rebecca: Oh, now I've seen it all. It's a gigantic alien beasty with trendy torn jeans! > Eva 03 grabbed the monster by behind Rick: Getting a bit fresh aren't we, Tom? > and threw it on the floor. > "Tom, don't throw him off the cliff, it probably won't kill him!" said Misato. Dan: You can try anyway. She's been wrong before. > "Hai!" > Tom kicked its face, punched its stomach and elbowed its chest making it fall. > The monster pointed its hand wide opened at Tom and threw a yellow beam that > blew Unit 03 a few meters away damaging its chest. Rick: 'Tis but a scratch! > Eva 03 got back up, Tom was > in pain, and saw that the Invador was still trying to throw that beam at the > city. Tsuneo: Sorry, if it's got the full turn limiter, it needs to restart if its concentration is broken. > Tom got out his progressive knife and tried to get the monster, but the > knife couldn't penetrate the skin. > "I need a bigger blade!!!" yelled Tom Rebecca: Poor Tom. His weapon is too small. > as he looked down at the city and saw the > Central Tower. It was not as large as the monster, and it was spiky at the end. Rick: His intensely detailed descriptions amaze me. > "Found it!" said Tom Tsuneo: Of course, you could use one of the multitude of actual EVA weapons that Nerv has prepared for just such an occasion. > as he punched the monster right in the face, grabbed its > legs and picked it up. Tom jumped off towards the Central Tower, and smashed the > Invador down on the Tower's spike. Rebecca: It's the world's biggest mail spike. > The creature's body got totaly pierced, Dan: And it turned into Prince Albert. > and > Tom was still holding its legs. The monster was dead, but Tom needed to get > down. Rebecca: And get grooving. > He had 1:00 of power left. He grabbed the tower and started climbing down. Dan: Swatting little biplanes as he went. > When he got down on the floor he ran to the Nerv HQ and put back his onbilical > wire Rick: What's an "onbilical wire?" Tsuneo: Um... You've got me. > and got back all his power. > In the same time as Tom was fighting the Invador, Shinji, Rei, John and Asuka > were fighting two Invadors. One looked like a green Alien(From Alien the movie) Tsuneo: Just admit it, you've run out of imagination. > with three fingers on each hand, and glowing yellow eyes. The other one had the > body of a gorilla with a shaved front, and its head was flatter and had long > sharp teeth. Rick: These things just don't get any prettier. > Shinji and Rei took on the one that looked like an Alien, and John > and Asuka took the other one. Asuka took out the submachine gun and started > shooting at it, but the AT Field made the bullets bounce. Tsuneo: I won't even bother. > John ran to the right and stopped, at the left of the monster. Dan: Wait, was that his right, or it's right or... Never mind, I don't really care anyway. > The monster jumped on John fists first. > The Eva 04 took one step back and the creature hit the ground. All: TOGG! Rebecca: That worked. Rick: [Invador] I am so embarrassed > John raised an AT > Field and used it to pierce the Invador's defense, but the monster punched Unit > 04 in the face and knocked it down right away. Dan: Yep, John's doing as much as usual. > But Asuka got behind the monster, > and stabbed it in the back. Rick: For double damage. Dan: I didn't know she had that skill. > The creature yelled and bit Eva 02's arm off. Asuka > screamed with her right arm on her left shoulder. Rick: When limb replacements go wrong. > John got back up and punched > the monster right in the face, making it take two steps back, but it charged > back and punched John in the stomach, Tsuneo: And they started to dance. > then in the face and bit his neck. Rick: It's the hickey from hell! > John pushed it away plunging the progressive knife in the monster's chest. The > Invador jumped back and yelled. Asuka took the machine gun in one hand and, > while the monster was turning its back, she shot it in the back, in the neck and > in the head. Probably ten bullets in each hit part. Rebecca: You don't know? You're the friggin authour. > The monster fell down in a horrible scream, it was dead. Dan: Uh, Asuka? You can stop shooting now. > During that time, Shinji and Rei were fighting the other one. Shinji jumped on > it and punched it right in the face, but the monster stood still. Rick: And got hit anyway. > It hit Shinji in the face with its tail and knocked him down. Tsuneo: Do gorillas have tails? Rick: Not usually. Tsuneo: So it doesn't look much like a gorilla after all, does it? Rick: You've got me. > Rei came from behind and hit the monster. Dan: Don't any of you people have weapons? Rick: Real EVA kids don't need weapons. > It yelled and turned around. The Invador kicked Rei in the stomach, > grabbed her with its arms and picked her up. It threw her away, Rick: Hey, don't you know those things can be recycled? > while Shinji was > getting back up. The Eva 01 ran to the Invador and stabbed it in the back making > it scream in pain. But the monster punched Unit 01 so hard, it pierced it > stomach. Shinji fell down, holding his stomach. The pain was horrible. Rebecca: [Shinji] I knew I shouldn't have had that bean burrito. > Eva 01 tried to stab the monster in the face but it didn't feel anything. Dan: Dude, you've got a progressive knife sticking out of your forehead. Rick: Do I? Man, I hate that. > Rei looked up and saw Tom climbing down the Central Tower. Rebecca: Still swatting at those little biplanes. > He had watched the whole fight. Tsuneo: That's nice Tom, but how about helping them? > Rei > ran to the monster and knocked it down punching it in the back of the head with > both hands. Rick: Stitch that, Jimmy. > The monster turned around to get Rei. She saw Tom running towards > them a lance in the right hand. Eva 03 jumped up and threw the lance, piercing > the monster's back. Rebecca: That's gonna hurt in the morning. > "I got it!" said Tom. "This Invador protects itself from everything he sees!!!" Rick: Gasp, an Invador with a gimmick! What'll happen next? > The Invador turned around and looked at Tom in the eyes, the lance still > piercing his body. Dan: Uh, you might want to do something about that. > Rei grabbed the lance and put more pressure on it. Tsuneo: Precisely how do you do that? Rick: By jumping up and down on it? > The monster screamed and turned around, Rebecca: [Invador] I knew I should've done something about that thing. > but this time, it fell down, dead... Rick: Until it died of it. > Back at Nerv HQ... > "Those monsters are getting tougher, damnit!" yelled Asuka, "That bastard bit my > arm off!" Dan: Hey, having your arm bitten off is no problem. Just ask Toji. > "I know, they resist better, and they have better power..." said Tom. Rick: They die just as easily, though. > "In the beginning, they were playing with us!" said Shinji. Rebecca: [Motherly] How many times do I have to tell you not to play with your food? > "I guess you're right." said Rei. > Shinji, Asuka, Tom and Rei got back at the apartment... Tsuneo: Is it worth mentioning what John did? Didn't think so. Rick: He didn't even get a single line this whole chapter. Dan: So much for being special. > "This is getting scarier and scarier!" stated Tom. > "Yeah, they come in groups, Rebecca: Invadors, now in six-packs. > and they're getting more powerful, they were just > testing us before, that's all they were doing!" yelled Shinji and hit the table > with his fist. Rick: Yes, we went over this. Start of the chapter, remember? Dan: Somehow, I just can't imagine Shinji hitting a table. > "John still didn't make a mistake!" noticed Tom. Tsuneo: It's not like any of the rest of you did either. > "Damn, you're right, what's with John?" asked Asuka. Rebecca: Good point, what is with John? He never does anything, he never says anything, he hardly appears... Heck, Jon Ellis gets more airtime than this loser. > "That's the thing I can't figure out, I don't know about John..." answered Tom as > he took out a beer and drank up. > "But those Invadors are learning every time we fight them, Tsuneo: No, they're all goofily stupid except this batch were slightly tougher and goofily stupid. > that's what's pissing me off! Every time they find another way to try to beat us, Rick: No they don't. They've tried attacking one at a time and attacking in groups. Whoop-de-doo. > and I'm afraid > they're gonna succeed at the rate... But it's not sure at all..." said Tom. > "Damnit, I shouldn't be scared, we whooped the angels!!" yelled Asuka. Rebecca: [Shinji] Yeah, I remember you doing a lot back then. > "Huh, Asuka, we almost all died against the angels, we should be all dead, but > Kaoru had feelings, Dan: He's a sensitive, new age Angel. > that's the only reason we're alive." said Shinji. > "He's right, Asuka. I saw the battle..." said Rei. Tsuneo: [Rei] I was involved in it, actually. Rebecca: [Rei] And I seem to recall a certain someone else was lying in a hospital bed, gibbering. > "Damn, so those monsters are more of a threat than we thought..." > Same time at Nerv HQ... > "Oh my god!!!" yelled Ritsuko. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] It's so tiny! Rick: [Gendo] Shut up, you've seen it before. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] It just amazes me, each time. > "What?" asked Misato who was still at the Nerv. Rebecca: [Ritsuko] The rubberwear spring catalogue just arrived. You should see this stuff! Rick: [Misato] I worry about you, Ritsuko. I really do. > "Those Invadors see everything the others do, I just found something in their > brains. Dan: You know, something. > They are all related to each other Rebecca: That explains it all. The Invadors are all inbred. > by minds. Something the humans never could do!" Tsuneo: Uh, *the* humans, Ritsuko? Rick: [Ritsuko, whispered] Kang to mothership. The humans are becoming suspicious. > "Oh shit!" said Misato, "That's the way they learn from each fight?" > "Yes, it is..." > End of Genesis 0:20 [The TV switches off] Tsuneo: Well that was a waste of time. Rebecca: Oh yeah. Can someone please tell me what that chapter accomplished? Dan: There was a chapter? Rick: Sometimes I wonder. Voice: Can I have proper reviews, please? Dan: It kinda ticked me off how every scene just stopped. You know, just "they stopped talking," or "they went somewhere else." Obviously, no thought had gone into the story, and he was making it up as he went along. And that last Invador fight was just pointless. Tsuneo: It amazed me how pointless everything in that chapter was. Tom buys a guitar and a game. They have lunch. They eat dinner. They repeat conversations. The Invadors attack. and it all accomplishes nothing. I miss the real EVA. The fights actually meant something then. Rebecca: OK, what I want to know is what's with John. They spent the whole of the last chapter pointing out that he's special. They don't say how, just that he's special. And now in this chapter he hardly appears, doesn't say anything and doesn't do anything. You'd think with the amount of time they spent on it last chapter, it would be a major part of the story. Rick: That's the best damned Christmas Special I've ever seen. Rebecca: But there's nothing Christmassy in it save for the date. Rick: My point. Rebecca: Well I'm outa here. [She stands] Say, anyone else want to go back to Tsuneo's and poke fun at other Destron villains? Rick: Sounds cool to me. Dan: Woo-hoo! [They get up and leave] Tsuneo: Do I get a say in this? [The screen goes blank] Tsuneo: At least it's not Five Faces of Evil. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Writer's notes: If anyone gets the "Hawk Hunter" jokes, please tell us. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Jinas & Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Dan and Tsuneo are copyright 1995-1999 Max Fauth (Jinas) Rebecca Bartley and Rick R. Mortis are copyright 1995-1999 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis). Elmer Studios!: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/2628/elmer.htm All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, AAA conversions and the Satellite of Predacons in one spot. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > "Hi human, I know you are scared, but we are going to bring you to the base and > analyse you, then, I think we are going to kill you!!" > And they all laughed.