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Episode 141 brings us a new subject - The King of Fighters - with a
Completely random fic.

King of Fighters is copyright SNK/Playmore/Eolith
The King of Fighters 2001 Female Fighters Story EX: Part 2- Burning Heart
Explosion! The New Female Fighters Team Is Formed (gasp) is copyright Ben
Jonas
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[The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation
in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video
recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small
kitchenette. A coffee table sits in front of the two couches, and a desk,
home to a well-equipped PC sits off to one side. There are two Silver
Mallies resting on the bench in front of the kitchenette. A miniature
zepplin floats around the apartment.]

[Dan and Rebecca enter, talking]

Dan: ...and so I finally got it out on video. Missed it on TV, of course.
Rebecca: I don't think anyone actually watched it on TV. I was certainly doing
more important things.
Dan: Like what?
Rebecca: Posting abusive messages on message boards.
Dan: For an hour and a half?
Rebecca: When the option is Voyager, you'll do anything.
Dan: No point asking you what you thought of it then.
Rebecca: If you must know, I didn't completely hate it.
Dan: For a Voyager double episode? There's a first.

[Tsuneo enters]

Tsuneo: Hey there. What's up?
Dan: We just saw the final Voyager two-parter.
Rebecca: Yeah, I just surprised Dan by saying I didn't hate it.
Tsuneo: So the show's finally over?
Rebecca: It's been over for a year.
Tsuneo: Shows how much I care.
Rebecca: I think you could have watched a test pattern for an hour each week and
had more fun.
Dan: Except then you couldn't play 'mystery sponsor time.'

[Pause]

Tsuneo: I don't want to know.
Rebecca: The message board was laying best odds of it being Rectinol again.
Tsuneo: I just said I didn't want to know.
Dan: All in all, I'm sorry I missed it on TV.
Rebecca: I'm sorry I watched it in the first place.
Tsuneo: Oh, boy...
Rebecca: I'll quote some buzz-words from the back of the video sleeve. "Borg.
Time Travel. Future. Two-Part. Janeway."
Dan: Hey, that's not fair! She was in full Nazi mode.
Rebecca: I know, I know. I must admit, evil Nazi Janeway from the future was the
only good thing in it. In fact, she was quite cool.
Dan: Hey, it was far better than that.
Rebecca: No it wasn't. It was weak, predictable, slow-paced, and managed to
drive the last nail into the coffin of the Borg as even halfway credible
enemies. Any less credibility and they'd be on Captain Planet by now.
Tsuneo: That would mean more if anyone knew what Captain Planet was.
Rebecca: You understand what I mean.
Dan: Heck, no. The borg were at their best as a serious threat that the Voyager
couldn't do squat against without future Janeway's help. Hell, it's the best
they've been since 'First Contact.'
Rebecca: Bah. You know when the Borg appear, you know that they're going to be
effortlessly outsmarted and disposed of. I mean, when we got to Voyager
destroying cubes with a single plot device torpedo, I knew it was all over.
Dan: Don't you see, that was an extreme case. It took thirty years of advanced
technology to do that. And even then, the Borg were still wearing them down.
Besides, the whole gimmick with the Borg is that you need to outsmart them, like
Nazi Janeway did.
Rebecca: Outsmarting the Borg is like winning a flamewar with a three year old.
There is no effort and no satisfaction.
Dan: A three year old with the power to blow up half the galaxy, thank you.
Rebecca: Come on. The Borg Queen is practically quoting the master villain's
handbook. All she needs now is a fluffy Borg cat. [Borg Queen] Mr. Tinkles of
Borg is very angry.
Dan: All that happened was Nazi Janeway was more evil than her.
Tsuneo: *Besides* the Borg, how was it?
Dan: Cool. Neat effects, good ship battles - for Star Trek - and lots of shots
of 36 of D in her tight suit.
Rebecca: The major subplot was Boobjob of Borg and Chakotay going "I wuv you"
for an hour and a half. Spew.
Dan: The only downside for me was that Harry Kim didn't get to do anything in
the second episode.
Rebecca: On the upside, Neelix got five minutes in a cameo and that was it.
Tsuneo: So how does it rate next to the other final episodes?
Dan: It was better than "What You Leave Behind," but not nearly as good as "All
Good Things."
Rebecca: It stank to high heaven, but not as much as "What You Leave Behind," so
I'll give you a resounding bleagh.
Tsuneo: Rebecca, why do you even watch these things if all you do is complain
about them?
Rebecca: Mental conditioning.

[The door opens and a short Japanese girl enters, wearing a heavy jacket, dark
pants and a grey t-shirt. She has short black hair and green eyes.]

Girl: Hey, am I on time here?
Dan: Who are you, kid?
Girl: Kid?
Tsuneo: That's our try-out for the day.
Rebecca: Try out? I didn't know we were a daycare centre.
Girl: I'm not a kid already.
Tsuneo: [Sighs] Her name is Gem.
Dan: She's a girl? [Looks at her chest] Could've fooled me.
Rebecca: Gem, if you want to kill him, go ahead. It's on the house.
Gem: It's not worth the effort. So what exactly did I sign up for?
Rebecca: Hell in a text file.
Gem: Very funny. Really?
Tsuneo: We're reviewing fanfics here. All we need to do is watch it and supply
reviews at the end.
Dan: But we usually snipe at it as it goes past. Hey, don't worry. We'll keep
our language clean for ya.
Gem: I am *not* a kid already.
Dan: Aw, isn't she cute? She's acting all grown up.
Gem: How do you get him to listen?
Rebecca: I've been trying for years.
Tsuneo: Would you mind telling us a bit about yourself?
Gem: Yes.
Rebecca: [Laughs] I like her!
Tsuneo: Let's try this again. Please introduce yourself for the readers at home.
Dan: Readers?
Gem: Do I have to?
Rebecca: It's compulsory.
Gem: Fine. [Crosses arms] My name's Gem, I work as a bodyguard and street sam in
Neo York in the Kazei 5 universe. I'm short and underdeveloped, but I'm not a
frigging kid. Got it?
Dan: K5? You ever met Marta?
Gem: Yes...
Dan: So what happened?
Gem: We got drunk and talked a lot.
Dan: Any intimate moments?
Gem: We both like guns and shooting people.
Rebecca: I like her.
Dan: Tsuneo, are you sure you've got that roster right?
Voice: Good morning all.
Rebecca: And here's Mr. Tinkles of Borg.
Voice: Pushing right ahead, said he, pointedly ignoring the childish name
calling.
Rebecca: You're just jealous because you didn't think of it.
Voice: [Sulky] Am not.
Tsuneo: Can we get this over with?
Voice: Ordinarily yes, but... Um, this is meant to be a review group, not-
Gem: You say 'daycare centre' and I'm going to plug you.
Dan: I'd like to see you try.
Rebecca: I'd like to see you succeed.
Tsuneo: Voice, she's here voluntarily, which is more than I can say for the rest
of us.
Voice: Oh well... For today, I've managed to find you a King of Fighters fic.
Dan: Cool! I've always wanted to do one of those.
Voice: You have?
Dan: Yeah! Those babes are hot!

[Gem grabs Dan by the ear and drags him onto the couch]

Gem: You get to sit next to me, in case you do anything stupid.
Dan: Why do I have to mind the kid?

[Rebecca passes Gem a cushion. She hits Dan with it]

[They sit - Dan and Gem facing the TV, Rebecca and Tsuneo on the sideways couch]

Gem: One more shot outta you...
Dan: Alright, alright. Sorry.

[The TV switches on]

> Disclaimer: The King of Fighters is a property of (and owned by) SNK (who are
> now known as SNK Neo Geo, who are a subsidiary of Playmore. Got it? Good!)

Dan: I think by now I can lay a claim on SNK.

> Ben Jonas presents:

> The King of Fighters 2001 Female Fighters Story EX: Part 2-

> Burning Heart Explosion!

Rebecca: That's what happens when you eat too many tacos.

> The New Female Fighters Team Is Formed!

> Elsewhere, a few minutes later...

Tsuneo: What, a few minutes after the title?
Gem: It took him that long to read the hyperbole.
Rebecca: I suspect there's a deleted scene in here, but I can't figure how.

> Kasumi Todoh: Mom! Dad! I'm leaving to go fishing with Shingo!

Rebecca: [Mrs. Todoh] Bring us back a tyre.

> Mrs. Todoh: Have a good time, Kasumi! Just be sure to make it back by 4 for
> your tea ceremony lesson.

Gem: Go ahead and skip your training, but make sure you're there for the tea
ceremony.
Dan: Okay so she got her arse whipped, but she makes a mean cup of green tea.

> Kasumi *thinking to herself*: Oooohh! I hate practicing for tea ceremonies!

Tsuneo: [Kasumi] Damn you! Damn you and your traditional rice mat too!

> If it weren't part of the family tradition, I would've tossed it like a bad
> habit.

Dan: Remind me, why are we focusing on such a minor character?
Gem: The writer thinks she's hot for some strange reason?

> Mr. Todoh: Hope you catch us a nice, big salmon. I haven't had one in ages.

Tsuneo: You could just go down to the shop and get one.
Rebecca: Don't make this difficult.

> Kasumi: I highly doubt that there are any salmon in Southtown, dad, but I'll
> try to catch something of equal or lesser value. See ya!

Gem: Do people really talk like this?

> As Kasumi headed off toward the Southtown River

Dan: Southtown has a river?
Gem: I figure it's more of a slow-moving stream of muck, but anyway...

> to meet up with Shingo, Ryuhaku Todoh noticed something surprising.

Rebecca: His pants were on fire!
Tsuneo: [Todoh] Goodness! I've been re-drawn!

> Mr. Todoh *looking at his watch*: Look at the time! I'd better get a move on,
> or I'll be late for my job.

Rebecca: He has a job?
Dan: Well, he *jobs...*

> Today's going to be a big day, honey.

Rebecca: [Mrs. Todoh] Are we actually going to have money, dear?

> Mrs. Todoh: What's so big about today? Did you finally make enough money to
> buy me that SUV I've had my eye on?

Gem: It wasn't her fault that the last one drove off on its own.
Rebecca: [Kelly] Why does this keep happening to me?

> Mr. Todoh: Close, but... well, not even.

Tsuneo: [Todoh] In fact, I think I'm going to have to sell the house.

> They're finally starting to record
> the voices for the third Tenchi Muyo! OVA series

Gem: They'd need to make it first.
Tsuneo: [Todoh] Well, they've nailed together a script just in case.
Rebecca: I read spoiler pages for it on the internet.
Dan: What happens?
Rebecca: Ryoko and Ayeka bitch at each other and stuff blows up.
Dan: I didn't see that coming.

> down at Southtown V.A.
> Studios, and they've re-hired me to play the voice of Katsuhito "Yosho"
> Masaki.

Dan: [Todoh] I've been growing my moustache just for the part.
Gem: [Mrs. Todoh] You don't need a moustache to play somebody's voice.
Dan: [Todoh] Three months hard work down the drain!

> Mrs. Todoh: Sweetie pie! That's great news! You know how much Kasumi likes
> that show. She'll be pleased to her such news. *gives Ryuhaku a hug* Have a
> great day at work!

Tsuneo: Is there any reason why a very traditional Japanese couple are talking
like characters from a sixties sitcom?

> Mr. Todoh *impersonating the voice of Katsuhiro Masaki*: Now is my time to
> grasp the future! Farewell.

Dan: [Makes whooshing sound; Todoh] I forgot my lunchbox.
Rebecca: He was actually hoping to land the part of Dad, and had spent plenty of
time getting into the character.

> In a matter of seconds, Mr. Todoh dashed out the door and headed off for work
> (via the Southtown Express bus).

Gem: Do we really need all these details?
Tsuneo: It's the little details that make stories like these so memorable.
Gem: Remind me, what are we reading?
Tsuneo: I can't remember.

> Meanwhile, over at the Southtown River,

Rebecca: [Kasumi] Tyre... Old boot... Shopping trolley... Mr. Big... It's a slow
morning.

> Kasumi was thinking over what happened
> to Li Xiangfei and Hinako last night after reading the news about their
> apparent deaths earlier this morning.

Gem: Wait a sec, we just lost two characters in fluff text?
Tsuneo: They were killed off during a scene change.
Rebecca: Them and Huffer.
Dan: Trannies came in?
Rebecca: Sky-Byte rocks my world.
Gem: What are they going on about?
Tsuneo: Best not to ask.

> Kasumi *thinking to herself*: I can't believe both Li Xiangfei and Hinako were
> murdered last night! How could such a terrible thing have happened?

Dan: Hinako took her sumo training a bit too seriously. It was a tragic pork bun
accident.
Rebecca: Hang on... Sumo training?
Dan: She's a schoolgirl sumo wrestler.
Gem: People like this deserve to die between scenes.

> On the
> other hand, with them out of the picture, I'll never have to put up with those
> annoying S.O.B.s ever again.

Gem: Wow, you're really broke up about that.

> And to top it all off, this gives me a grand
> opportunity to make Shingo Yabuki my boyfriend. This is going to be a grand
> day, indeed!

Rebecca: This is when she realises that the pier is sinking.

> Just then, Kasumi spotted Shingo in the distance.

Dan: Maybe it was the way he was wandering around shouting "Hey, look over here!
It's me, Shingo!"

> Kasumi: HEY! SHINGO!

Gem: [Kasumi] Go away!

> Shingo: Oh! Hi, Kasumi.

> Kasumi: What's wrong, Shingo? You look kind of depressed.

> Shingo: Well, I did something to make Kusanagi-san very angry with me.

Dan: [Shingo] I don't see why he's so mad, his hair will grow back eventually.

> *cue flashback*

Tsuneo: [Shingo] It was Woodstock, the summer of love. I was young, free and
impressionable.

> Four days earlier...

> Shingo *as narrator*:

Dan: [Shingo] Does this thing work? Hello? AACK! I tripped over the cord...

> Kusanagi-san and I had just reunited with Benimaru- san

Gem: [Shingo] We reconciled and decided to give our marriage a second chance.

> and Daimon-san. Our reunion was very timely, since the King of Fighters 2001
> tournament was coming up, and Kusanagi-san wanted

Gem: A training dummy.
Rebecca: The two of you to go away.
Tsuneo: Team edit mode.

> to form his own team this
> year instead of being a single-entrant (like he was last year). Naturally, I
> was very excited about hearing the prospect of fighting alongside the original
> Japan Heroes team.

Dan: [Shingo] Turns out all they wanted was someone to get their coffee.

> Well, you think the story would've ended with me becoming
> the newest member of the reunited Heroes team, but sadly, it didn't end up
> that way.

Rebecca: [Shingo] Instead it ended at a roadside restaurant in Mexico. Kyo
walked in, apologised to the owner, and gave him some money to pay for damage to
the door. That's when the mafia turned up.

> The next day, after school got out for the day,

Dan: Wouldn't that mean he's been in school for the past four or five years?
Gem: He finally got through kindergarten.

> I got a phone call
> from Kusanagi-san, telling me that I've been thrown off the team,

Tsuneo: How long did that take them?
Gem: One try-out and a team vote.

> and that
> I've been replaced by Moe

Rebecca: Sizliak.
Gem: The offer of free beers if they won was too much to pass up.

> Habana. (Writer's Note: Moe Habana was a member of
> Kyo's team in KOF EX: Neo Blood.) To think, that Kusanagi-san would choose
> that Moe tramp over me. Naturally, I was heartbroken to hear such news,

Rebecca [Shingo]: How could he choose a *girl* over me?

> and
> after I slammed down the phone, I began thinking about all the different ways
> I'd get revenge on Moe (such as tying her up to the back of a bus and watching
> her get dragged all across Osaka, or telling Yuki that Moe was secretly making
> love to Kusanagi-san when she wasn't around, and watching the two ladies cat-
> fight).

Gem [Kasumi]: Ah, Shingo, the flashback?
Dan [Shingo]: Sorry... where was I?
Gem: Forget it.

> Just then, it hit me. Instead of doing such hateful things, I'd win
> Kusanagi-san over by giving him a Styrofoam box full of yakisoba noodles at
> his apartment.

Gem: Um... Right.
Rebecca: Styrofoam! The way to a man's heart.
Tsuneo: [Kyo] Gee... More instant noodles. I don't know what to say. Really, I
don't.

> The following evening, I went over to his apartment, and as I
> was about to knock on the door, I noticed that it was unlocked (and opened
> slightly).

Dan: [Shingo] Turns out I wouldn't have to break in this time.
Rebecca: [Kasumi] What do you mean, "this time?"

> I decided to sneak in, hoping to surprise him with my gift. As I
> snuck in, I heard a squishing sound beneath my feet.

Dan: [Shingo] That's when I remembered - He'd gotten a dog.

> As I looked down, I noticed I was stepping in paint.

Dan: [Shingo] I thought he wouldn't mind if I wiped it on his carpet... That was
another mistake.

> Just then, I heard a loud scream coming from inside Kusanagi-san's apartment.

Dan: [Shingo] So I dashed in to investigate! Pity about that lamp. And the vase.
And the display cabinet full of trophies. And his crystal collection. And the
urn with his mother's ashes.

> I looked up, and saw Yuki and Kusanagi-san
> staring right at me. Problem was, they weren't looking too happy

Tsuneo: [Kyo] Oh god, it's Shingo again.
Gem: [Yuki] I thought you took out a restraining order.

> Yuki *horrified*: MY MURAL IS RUINED!!! *sob*

> Kyo Kusanagi *incredibly pissed-off*: SHINGO! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE
> HELL YOU'VE DONE?!!!?!

Dan: [Shingo] Uhm... Instant noodles?

> Shingo *as narrator*: Terrified over how I made Kusanagi-san very upset at me,
> I accidentally dropped the box of yakisoba noodles on top of the painting,
> thus making things even worse.

Dan: [Shingo] It's not that bad! It's modern art! AACK!
Gem: Worse still, Yuki sold it for a small fortune and Shingo got zip.

> Shingo *terrified*: I'm sorry, Kusanagi-san! I'm so sorry!!

Rebecca: He must be used to this by now.
Gem: Shingo or Kyo?
Rebecca: Both.

> Kyo *P.O.ed*: Yeah? Well, not as sorry as I'm going to make you when I'm
> through with you!!!

> Shingo *as narrator*: Up until now, I had never seen my mentor act so
> furiously toward me.

Dan: [Shingo] Usually he stops after smashing my head against the wall the sixth
time.

> It looked like he was going to perform his "Kuraiyagare"
> DM on me! To quote you Americans,

Gem: [Kasumi] I'm Japanese.
Dan: [Shingo] Oh yeah.

> I "got the hell outta dodge", and fled from
> his apartment. As I left, I heard Kusanagi-san shout something about how if he
> ever saw me again, he'd kill me!

Dan: [Shingo] Pretty bad, huh? Uh, Kasumi?
Gem: [Kasumi] Zzz...

> Kasumi: Geez! That's terrible!

Dan: [Shingo] Guess I shouldn't have bombed his letterbox then.

> Shingo *as narrator*: But that's not the end of the story. Normally, I
> would've thought that such a threat was idle, but after accidentally ruining
> his girlfriend's mural, I knew that Kusanagi-san was serious.

Tsuneo: That and the way his eyes were glowing red.
Rebecca: Now is when you realise Kyo was in the K groove.

> Seeing as how I
> had to distance myself as far away from Japan as possible, I ran back to my
> house, took some money from my mother's purse, rode the subway

Dan: [Shingo] And got mugged. Just my luck.

> to the nearest
> airport, took the first available flight, and wound up here, in Southtown,
> where I've spent the past couple of days staying at a Motel 6.

Gem: [Kasumi] Your mum's loaded.

> *end flashback*

Rebecca: [Kasumi] Your text is obscuring my vision.

> Kasumi: WOW! That's some story. But how were you able to contact me?

Dan: He's gone door-to-door, looking up every Todoh in Southtown.
Rebecca: Can't be that many of them.
Dan: Turns out it's a common Jewish name. Go figure.

> Shingo: Simple. Thanks to my handy notebook, I've got the phone numbers of
> every single King of Fighters contestant that's ever fought since 1996.

Tsuneo: Even Lucky Glauber, Heavy D! and Brian Battler?
Gem: Frankly, I'm surprised "Orochi" is a listed number.

> Here, have a look.

> Kasumi: Holy Shazbot!

Rebecca: Shazbot?
Gem: Shazbot?
Tsuneo: Shazbot?
Dan: Shuzbutt?
All: Ahh...

> You've got the phone numbers for just about everyone!

Gem: [Kasumi] How did you get these?
Dan: [Shingo] It's easy, you just bug people until they give up and tell you.
But I keep getting wrong numbers.

> And in alphabetical order, no less.

Gem: [Kasumi] Just how do you alphabetise K' and K9999 anyway?

> Mind if I borrow your notebook for just one second?

> Shingo: Not at all. Go right ahead.

Gem: [Kasumi] Let's see... Iori: "Gwahaha, HAHAHA, bwahaha, g'yahahaha! BURN!" I
wonder if that's a local call?

> Pulling out her cell phone,

[Gem makes a phone ringing noise]

Dan [Rugal]: Hello?
Gem [Kasumi]: I'm looking for a guy called Mike, last name Rotch. Anyone
seen him lately?
Dan [Rugal]: Just a second. [Shouts] Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Anybody
seen Mike Rotch lately!
Rebecca [Mature]: Me!
Dan [Rugal]: Well there you go.
Tsuneo: ...you all die.

> Kasumi punched in the number for some place referred to as "NESTS".

Tsuneo: This cannot end well.
Rebecca: Didn't we just do this one?

> At an undisclosed location on the planet Earth:

Rebecca: Somewhere between Warehouse 23 and Cobra-La.

> Igniz: Zero, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Dan: [Zero] I think so, Igniz, but shouldn't it be "Capcom vs. Eolith 3?"

> Original Zero: I think so, Igniz, but shouldn't the Enron executives be forced
> to testify to Congress instead of simply getting away with "Pleading the 5th"?

Tsuneo: [Igniz] You fool! I *was* the Enron board!

> Igniz: Good point. In fact, I.... what's that beeping noise?!

> Original Zero: Sorry. It's my cell phone. Hold on one second. *pulls out and
> answers cell phone* N.E.S.T.S. Headquarters, Zero speaking. How may I help
> you?

Dan: [Rugal] I'm back from the dead and I want my tournament back!
Tsuneo: [Zero] It's for you.

> Kasumi: Hi Zero. Did you just take a #1 or a #2?

> Original Zero: What the f*ck?! WHO IS THIS?!? Hello? HELLO? DAMN! *hangs up
> cell phone*

Gem: How's he get this number anyway?
Rebecca: Funnily enough, it's the number Joe Higashi gave for his home address.

> Igniz: Who was it?

> Original Zero: Some punk kid who asked me if I took a #1 or a #2. Are you
> laughing at me?

> Igniz: *snicker* No. Well, actually, yes.

Dan: [Igniz] What are you going to do about it, second banana?

> Original Zero: *SIGH!* I'll be in my office if you need me.

Tsuneo: [Zero; muttered] Just go off and wipe out a third world nation...

> *Zero leaves the NESTS executive office*

> Igniz: Heh heh. Asking Zero if he took a #1 or a #2. Good one.

Rebecca: They may be an omnipotent evil conspiracy, but they're easily amused.

> Back at the Southtown River:

> Kasumi: HA! HA! That was great!

Gem: It won't be so funny when you see your phone bill. Let's just say it's not
a local call.

> Shingo: Yeah!

> Kasumi: Tell me something, Shingo. Why did you want to go fishing with me,
> anyways?

> Shingo: Actually, I wanted to do something else, but since I found this
> fishing rod and tackle box in the closet of my hotel room,

Gem: [Kasumi] Now you did pay for that hotel room, didn't you?
Dan: [Shingo] The other guy wasn't using it!

> I figured it'd be
> nice if I went fishing with a friend. You know, to put my mind at ease over
> what happened a few days ago.

> Kasumi: I see.

Rebecca: Push him in the river!

> Shingo: The other reason why I asked you is because I need a place to stay.

Gem: [Kasumi] Damned loafer.
Rebecca: I don't see why he had to run all the way to America.
Dan: [Shingo] I panicked. Besides, everyone knows how safe and peaceful
Southtown is.

> You see, the plane ticket on over here cost me a lot of money (especially
> since I bought it at the last minute), and since I'm running low on funds, I'm
> either going to have to go back and face Kusanagi-san soon, or stay here and
> sleep on the streets like a homeless drunkard.

Tsuneo: Why don't you try getting a job?
Dan: [Shingo] I was thinking of following around the guy in the white gi with
the bushy eyebrows and red headband.
Tsuneo: [Ryu] Oh god, not another one.

> Since neither of those options work for me,

Rebecca: Stand up for yourself! Go back there and grovel!

> I decided to ask one of my friends if I could stay over, at least
> until this whole dilemma blows over.

Gem: [Kasumi] You don't have any friends.
Dan: [Shingo] Well, there's you.
Gem: [Kasumi] I rest my case.

> Since you were the first person on my list,

Dan: [Shingo] Correction: You ARE the list.

> I decided to ask you if you wanted to go fishing with me, so that we
> could at least talk face-to-face with one another before I ask you the
> question of whether or not I could stay over at your place.

Tsuneo: Rejection hurts so much less when it's in person.

> That explains everything up 'til now. So, can I PLEASE stay at your house??

> Kasumi: Sure, but only if my dad lets me do so.

Rebecca: [Kasumi] I'm not too sure, he's gone a bit funny. Keeps going on about
cat-rabbit things.

> Shingo's eyes lit up with glee.

> Shingo: Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I'll do whatever I can to help pay
> off my debt to you. I'll cook, I'll clean, I'll even maintain your garden!

Dan: [Shingo] Welcome home! Boy, you're garden was a mess. I got rid of all
those dumb rocks that were cluttering it up.
Gem: [Kasumi] That was a traditional Japanese rock garden, you twit!
Dan: [Shingo] So who's next on my list?

> Kasumi: Whoa! Settle down, Shingo. It's not like I'm asking you to be my
> personal slave or anything. *thinking to herself* But, it would be nice if you
> became my boyfriend.

Rebecca: She doesn't get out enough does she?

> Shingo: You're right. I over-reacted. Sorry about that. By the way, how often
> do the fish bite around here, anyways?

Gem: [Kasumi] Well there's plenty to catch. Not much fish, but plenty to catch.

> Kasumi: Not too often. Many people just simply give up after a while and end
> up buying their fish from the local fish market.

Dan: So why don't you?
Rebecca: Stop trying to make things difficult!

> Shingo: I see.

> Five minutes had passed, and Shingo was deeply focused on catching a nice, big
> fish, so that he could win over Mr. Todoh and stay at the Todoh residence for
> a few days.

Dan: [Todoh] Just what I was looking for! A new student to work for me, learn tea ceremonies, tend to my garden...
Tsuneo: [Shingo] Whoops, gotta run!
Rebecca: I wonder if he'd accept a fish sculpted out of instant noodles.

> Just then, Kasumi put her hand on top of Shingo's right hand.
> Shingo turned his head toward Kasumi and started blushing.

Rebecca: He'd been caught out playing with his rod.

> Shingo *stammering*: W-W-What are you d-doing, Kasumi?

Gem: She's either making a pass at you or checking your pulse. I'm hoping for
the latter.

> Kasumi gave a cute smile.

> Kasumi: I'm putting my hand on top of yours, silly.

Rebecca: Shingo needs to be taught these things.

> Shingo *stammering*: W-W-Why?

> Kasumi *whispering in Shingo's ear*: I want you to be my boyfriend.

Gem: [Muttered] She's about as subtle as my girlfriend.
Dan: [Perks up] Girlfriend?
Gem: [Muttered] Didn't mean to say that.

> Shingo *surprised*: WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Oh man! I've never had a girlfriend before!
> I've always spent my free time following Kusanagi-san around;

Gem: Probably why you don't have a girlfriend. People are getting the wrong idea
about you two.

> all the girls at
> my school would make fun of me, calling me a "Kyo Kusanagi- wannabe" and a
> "dateless loser with no social life".

Rebecca: Could it be because you are?
Dan: About the only girl he gets along with is Sakura. They share a common
pastime.

> This is all happening so fast! I... I don't know what to say!

Tsuneo: "Wstfrx" often works.

> Kasumi: Just say yes.

> Shingo: I don't know. Are you sure it would work out? I mean, you and I live
> in different parts of the world; you live in America, I live in Japan...

Dan: He sounds like he's making excuses here.
Tsuneo: A girl might take him away from his full-time Kyo worship.
Dan: Hey Shingo, count yourself lucky. She's throwing herself at you.

> Kasumi: Don't worry. I'm sure I could convince my mom and dad to let me go to
> Japan as a foreign exchange student.

Rebecca: You know, that does cost an awful lot of MONEY!

> Plus, I know the language and customs by
> heart, so fitting in wouldn't be a problem.

Gem: You'd fit in better than loser boy here.

> Shingo: Well, in that case... I say YES!!!

> Kasumi *eyes sparkling with joy*: SHINGO!!!

Dan: [Shingo] Kasumi!
Gem: [Kasumi] Sie Kensou!
Tsuneo: [Sie] Athena!
Rebecca: [Athena] Jhun!
Dan: [Jhun] May Lee!
Gem: [May Lee] Ralph!
Rebecca: You said Ralph.
Gem: Damnit.

> As the two of them leaned in and hugged each other, a lone figure appeared
> behind them.

Tsuneo: It's Krizalid, back from the dead and he's pissed!
Dan: [Shingo] AACK! It wasn't me, honest, it was the other guy, that new guy,
the weirdo in black, it was all his fault, I was just along for the ride, I
don't know anything, don't hurt me sir, please don't hurt me, I have a wife and
eighteen kids, they'd be very sad if something happened to me, please sir, I
want to live, I want to light one small candle in this dark world, I want to
live!
Tsuneo: [Krizalid] Bug off, I want to go fishing.

> Chizuru Kagura: Woo Hoo! Go lovebirds, GO!

Gem: Well there's a completely random appearance for you!
Dan: They're coming out of the woodwork today.

> Shingo *surprised*: WHAAA! Kagura-san!

> Kasumi *surprised*: OH! Ms. Kagura! I didn't know you were behind us.

Rebecca: [Chizuru] I've been waiting here for hours.

> Chizuru: Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.

Dan: For only Chizuru, Kasumi and Bao know that when Shingo holds aloft his
magic sword and shouts-
Rebecca: [Hits Dan] Don't go there.
Dan: He becomes He-Man... The most powerful wiener in the universe!

> Shingo: What are you doing here, anyways?

> Chizuru: This area is part of the path I take during my morning jog.

> Kasumi: Wait a second! I thought you went back to work in Osaka, Japan after
> the Orochi threat had ceased.

Gem: She's allowed to take holidays too, you know.

> Chizuru: I did, but what I didn't mention is that my company has numerous
> locations around the globe (some of which include Rio De Janeiro, Singapore,
> Switzerland, South Africa, New Zealand, Vancouver BC, Osaka, and Southtown,
> California).

Rebecca: Tirana, Ulan Bataar, Pyongyang, Andorra, Equatorial Guinea, and Tierra
Del Fuego.
Dan: Cobra Island, Latvaria, Belgistan, Smyrkania, Wakandia, Gamorra, Genosha,
Trucial Abysmia and Dirtistan.

> During different months of the year, I tend to move around these
> locations a lot, just to make sure things are operating smoothly, and to take
> in the local culture.

> Kasumi: Interesting, but what does your company do that makes it so important?

Tsuneo: Each year they produce a stockholder's report.

> Chizuru: Here. Read my business card.

> Kasumi *reading business card*: "Kagura Global Industries, INC. Specializes in
> stock portfolios, investment funds, marketing & advertising, computer data
> storage systems,

Tsuneo: Eliminating elder gods.

> and more." Very interesting.

> Just then, Shingo felt a strong tug on his line.

> Shingo: I got a bite!

> Kasumi: Me too!

> Both Shingo and Kasumi struggled to pull in their catches.

> Shingo: Oh man! It must be something huge!

Rebecca: You idiot! You've snagged Rugal's aircraft carrier!

> The two of them pulled as hard as they could, eventually bringing their
> catches out of the water and onto land. However, to their dismay and horror,
> what they caught weren't fish.

Dan: They were unexploded World War II mines.

> Shingo & Kasumi *terrified*: WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

> Chizuru *shocked*: What the hell?!

> Instead of catching a pair of nice, big fish, what they got instead were a
> pair of mutilated corpses.

Tsuneo: It's Mr Big and Wolfgang Krauser.

> Shingo *shocked*: It's... Xiangfei and Hinako!!! How could such a thing have
> happened to them?!

Dan: Didn't you hear? They died in a scene change.
Gem: I'd already forgotten about that.
Rebecca: So had Shingo, it seems.

> Kasumi: So THAT'S what happened to the bodies. They ended up floating
> downstream after they fell into the dam.

Tsuneo: Yes, they just FELL INTO THE DAM. And there's NOTHING SUSPICIOUS AT ALL
about it. No sir.

> Shingo: How do you know about this?!

> Kasumi: It was in this morning's newspaper,

Dan: [Shingo] Wow, what luxuries!

> underneath the headline.

> Chizuru: It doesn't look like those two were killed in a dam stunt; more like
> they were murdered.

> Kasumi: How can you tell?

Rebecca: The knives sticking out of their backs might be giveaways.

> Chizuru: See these bite marks on Xiangfei?

Dan: Kinky.
Tsuneo: Well maybe if you'd described them...

> Those couldn't have been done by an
> ordinary human being. Only someone with Orochi blood could've pulled off a
> murder like this.

Tsuneo: So if you've got Orochi blood, you get huge, scary killing teeth?
Gem: Yup. You should see how many orthodontists Iori's been through.

> I'd better call some of my employees over here and have them
> dissect the bodies.

Dan: Don't you mean 'examine' the bodies?
Rebecca: [Chizuru] Yeah. Examine. Of course.

> Shingo: Wait a second! Can't we just call the police?

> Kasumi: Are you kidding? The police force around here is so corrupt, that
> they'll rob a bank for a big box of jelly donuts.

Tsuneo: They could just go to the store and buy some.

> It's probably better that we
> let someone else handle the job.

Rebecca: This looks like a job for... the Freelance Police!
Dan [Sam the Dog]: We handle the jobs that are too messed up for the usual
police.

> In a matter of seconds, Chizuru phoned up some of her employees and told them
> to get down to where the bodies of Xiangfei and Hinako were discovered as soon
> as possible. Half a minute later, a giant chopper with the initials "K.G.I."
> appeared overhead and carted the bodies off to a nearby building.

Gem: So subtle.
Tsuneo: So how did it get here so fast?
Gem: She's always got a giant black chopper following her around.

> Chizuru: That ought to keep the company morticians busy for a while. Well, I'm
> off to work. I'll see you two lovebirds later.

Dan: Shouldn't someone tell their relatives? Anyone?
Rebecca: That's one of the advantages of being the boss. You get to delegate all
the icky stuff.

> Shingo: Bye, Kagura-san! *to Kasumi* What was that all about?

Gem: [Kasumi] The two corpses we found in the river?
Dan: [Shingo] Oh yeah, that.

> Kasumi: I have no idea whatsoever. Besides, why should we care? Those two were
> lame, anyways.

Tsuneo: But they were members of your team!
Gem: [Kasumi] I never liked them anyway.

> Shingo: You're right. If I never liked Xiangfei or Hinako at all, then why
> should I care if they got killed?

Gem: Do you think the authour could be any less subtle about his character
preferences?

> With that, Shingo and Kasumi resumed fishing, hoping that this time, they
> wouldn't catch any more dead bodies.

Rebecca: Instead, they got Harold Holt.

> Meanwhile, over at King's apartment:

Dan: Doesn't King live in London?
Tsuneo: It's a lengthy transition.

> King: Okay. It's obvious the five of you knew about the murder of Xiangfei and
> Hinako, but how did you know where I lived? How did you know that Hinako's
> students would come barging into my apartment? And why did you three come in
> through my window?!

Gem: [King] And who the hell am I talking to anyway?
Rebecca: I have a horrible feeling we entered about halfway through the scene.
Tsuneo: Well, it was a long transition.

> Vice: Easy. Your name, phone number and address were in the Yellow Pages.

Gem: She's got an entry under 'bodyguards' and another under 'drag acts.'
Dan: Familiar turf, huh?
Gem: Shaddup.

> Mature: Simple. We followed them for about two blocks, and got to your
> apartment by taking a shortcut.

Rebecca: Only wimps use street level.

> Yashiro: We wanted to make an explosive entrance. Is that so wrong? Besides,
> Shermie and Chris are already working on replacing your window.

> Over where King's window was broken, Shermie was taking measurements for the
> replacement window, while Chris swept up the broken shards of glass.

Gem: [King] Okay, next question. Aren't you all meant to be dead?
Rebecca: [Vice] Only in a 'Baron Zemo' sense of the term.

> Suddenly, King noticed some red stuff all over Vice's hands.

> King: *GASP!* You're the one who murdered Li Xiangfei and Hinako!

Tsuneo: Assuming that she hasn't washed her hands since the murder last night.
And weren't they meant to have been bitten or something?

> Vice: Uhh... no I didn't. That red stuff on my fingers is just nail polish.
> You're just seeing things, that's all.

> King: Is that so? Then why is it all over your fingers instead of just your
> fingernails?!

Rebecca: [Mature] She's a very messy eater.
Gem: [Vice] It's my secret shame.

> Vice: Heh. Looks like you figured us out. I admit it; Mature and I were
> responsible for the murders of Li Xiangfei and Hinako.

> Mature: But we had good reason to do so! You see, recently, whenever we tried
> to sign up for the King of Fighters tournament, those lousy upstart tramps
> Hinako and Xiangfei would fill in the last two available slots, leaving us out
> in the cold.

Dan: So you killed them to get into the tournament? That's harsh.
Gem: You think that's harsh? You should see what they'll do for concert tickets.

> We couldn't take it anymore, so we decided to pull off a scheme
> worthy of Melrose Place.

Rebecca: What, corny, badly acted, and repeated three times per season?

> It involved making a trick call to the two upstarts,
> luring them up to an isolated location, murdering them and disposing of their
> bodies. After we tricked the duo into believing that there'd be a big party
> for them, we killed them and dumped their bodies into the Southtown dam.

Tsuneo: Of course, you could have just crippled them, or maybe tied them up, or
something that won't have such terrible consequences if you're found out.
Gem: [Mature] Yes, but it's not as much fun that way.
Rebecca: [Vice] And I was so hungry!

> Vice: And now, with those two out of the way, we'll ask you this question one
> more time: "King, can Mature and I be your new teammates for this year?
> Please?"

Gem: [Vice] Pretty please? We promise we won't kill off any more of your friends
if you say yes.
Rebecca: [King] Let me think about this for a while.

> King: Even though you did get rid of two of the biggest nuisances in the
> world, I still refuse to team up with cold-blooded murderers!

> Mature: But we're not cold-blooded, we're Orochi-blooded.

Dan: She won that one.

> Yashiro: Besides, I'm afraid you don't have much of a say in this matter.
> *pulls out a walkie-talkie* Oh, Yamazakiiiiii!

> All of a sudden, a helicopter armed with twin chain guns appeared and hovered
> outside of King's apartment.

Dan: Well that was completely unexpected.
Tsuneo: Is it worth asking where a street thug learnt to fly a helicopter?
Gem: Never mind that, where did the helicopter come from?
Rebecca: He borrowed it from Chizuru.

> King *shocked*: EEP!

Rebecca: [King] Alright! Alright! I'll pay my rent on time from now on!

> Yamazaki *through the helicopter's speakers*: Listen up, lesb*tch! Either you
> make Vice and Mature your teammates, or I'll turn you and your apartment into
> Swiss cheese! Got it?!

Gem: [Vice] Uh... We're still in here...
Dan: [Yamazaki] Why do you have to make everything so complicated? You're making
my brain hurt!

> Chris: Wait a second! Don't fire just yet! *removes broken window and secures
> new one in* Okay! Go ahead!

Tsuneo: [Chris] Now that we've fixed it, you can break it again! Wait a
minute...

> Shermie: It's your move, King. What's it gonna be?

> King: Threatening to murder someone while they're still in their pajamas.

Dan: Aw, she's got cute little teddy bears on them.
Rebecca: [King] I have never been so embarrassed in my life.

> Have you people no shame?

Gem: This from the woman who used to work for Mr. Big.

> Vice: Actually, we do have some shame. We just prefer to use it at different
> times.

Tsuneo: I don't want to think about that.
Dan: [Rugal] Yeah bay, yeah!

> Yashiro *talking into a walkie-talkie*: Whenever you're ready, Yamazaki!

Dan: Shouldn't you get out of the apartment first?

> Yamazaki: Heh! Heh! Heh! It's perforation time!

Rebecca: Good boy, Yamazaki! You handled a polysyllabic word! Now fetch the
stick, boy. Fetch the stick! 

> Just as Yamazaki was about to unleash Hell onto King's apartment, a missile
> came flying out of nowhere and nailed the helicopter in the rudder. The
> explosion sent Yamazaki spiraling out of control.

Gem: [King] I was hoping something spontaneous yet not altogether unexpected
like this would happen.

> Yamazaki: GYYYAAAAAHH!!! Looks like Yamazaki's spiraling off again!

> Mature: Where the Hell did that missile come from?!

Dan: [Raises hand] OOH! I know! Somebody launched it!
Gem: Perfectly accurate yet utterly useless at the same time.

> As the Orochi gang tried to find the origin of the missile that destroyed
> their helicopter, they noticed an army jeep armed with a rocket launcher pull
> up to King's apartment complex.

Dan: Where'd you guys get that jeep?
Rebecca: Cobra was having a yard sale. It's still got thirteen missiles left.
Tsuneo: Well there's an interesting variation on a tired old gag.

> Ryo Sakazaki: Nobody threatens King and gets away with it! Nobody!

> Ryo, Yuri, Takuma, and Robert Garcia: YO KYOKUGEN!

Rebecca: ...
Tsuneo: Good lord, it's a jeep load of shoto-clones.

> Vice: Well, so much for the idea of making King and Mai our teammates. Any
> other suggestions?

Dan: What kind of a plan was that?
Rebecca: [Mature] We were going to be team bustline.
Gem: ...

> Shermie: I know! We can form our own team. It'll consist of Vice, Mature,
> Yashiro, and I. We'll call ourselves the New Faces Four! (or YMVS)

Dan: Why didn't you think of that earlier? You know, before you went and started
killing people?
Gem: Look, they're evil, alright? It's what they do.

> Chris: Great idea, but you left out one minor detail:

Dan: Where are we going to find a live chicken and a Rabbi?

> ME! Where do I fit into all of this?

Tsuneo: Chris, don't push your luck. These two have killed people for less. They
ENJOY it.

> Mature: Well, you can be the team's shoeshine boy. Every team needs a shoe
> shiner.

> Chris: Absolutely not! I refuse to be a shoe shiner!

Dan: Ball boy?
Tsuneo: [Chris] It's a deal.

> Yashiro: It's a bit late to join our team at this point, since we've already
> chosen the members. Tell you what: we'll get you tickets to this year's King
> of Fighters tournament so that you can watch us fight. How does that sound?

> Chris: That sounds terrible! Why do all of you always treat me like a little
> kid?!

Tsuneo: Because you are a little kid.

> Shermie: I don't know. Probably because you are one.

Dan: Good call.
Tsuneo: I hate this fic.

> Chris: I am NOT a kid! I am a team members of the New Faces Team! Why can't
> you treat me with more respect?!

Rebecca: Because you're an obnoxious little rat turd who's more or less
worthless?
Tsuneo: That's getting carried away.
Rebecca: I'm just saying it before the fic does.

> Vice: Well, we'd like to, but...

> Chris: But nothing! I'm tired of being the spare tire for this four-wheeled
> wreck! I'm leaving to go join another team! *sob* And DON'T TRY TO FOLLOW
> ME!!!

All: We won't.
Tsuneo: [Chris] Damn you!

> With that, Chris ran out the door to King's apartment, sobbing all the way
> out.

Dan: This really isn't helping your claim that you're not a little kid.

> Vice: Poor kid. Maybe some Prozac will help.

Rebecca: See? See?

> Yashiro: I don't think that'll help at this point, Vice. He needs some time
> alone, away from us. I'm sure he'll come back to CYS one day.

Rebecca: But if we're lucky, he won't.

> Until then, let's try to move on.

Gem: [Shermie] We did, that's the problem.

> Vice: Right. Time to go. Sorry if we caused you any trouble, King. See ya at
> KOF 2001!

> Mature, Shermie & Yashiro: Bye, King!

Gem: Okay, so they may be ruthless killers. But they're nice, cheery ruthless
killers.

> With that, the four of them exited King's apartment complex, taking the
> unconscious students of Hinako with them.

Dan: Where did they all come from? And what happened to the jeep full of shoto-
clones? And where did that helicopter land? And what about Raven?

> King: Huh. That was weird.

Gem: You said it.

> Yuri Sakazaki: Ms. King! Are you all right?

Rebecca: [King] Oh, wonderful. I've just had a whole bunch of people break into my apartment, ask me to join their team and threaten me with a helicopter. How
are you?
Gem: [Yuri] Is this a bad time?

> King: I'm fine! Where did you guys get that jeep from, anyways?

Tsuneo: All of a sudden, I don't think I want to know.

> Robert Garcia: The Ikari Warriors were having a garage sale at their Southtown
> base.

Rebecca: Don't anybody say anything.
Dan: Hey, you called it.

> We got this battle jeep for an incredibly low price.

Gem: So why the hell did you buy it anyway?
Dan: Their SUV got up and drove off on its own.

> King: Go figure. Anyways, I'm doing alright! Thanks for saving me from
> Yamazaki.

> Takuma Sakazaki: You're welcome! To celebrate, I want all of you to drop and
> give me fifty sit-ups!

Gem: I'd hate to see what happens when he's angry with them.

> Angered by that statement, the trio of Kyokugen students shoved their master
> off of the jeep and drove off.

Dan: [Takuma] Damned ingrates!

> Takuma: You damn ingrates!

Dan: AACK! This fic is scaring me!
Rebecca: Hey voice, the fic's doing it for us again. Can we go home?
Voice: No!

> Come back here so that I can punish you for such insolence!

> Yuri *giving the finger*: Up yours, Father!

Rebecca: This is what happens when Shoto-clones go very, very bad.
Tsuneo: [Takuma] That does it. I'm forcing you to get a job!

> King: *Sigh* I guess I'd better give Mr. Sakazaki a lift home.

Rebecca: [King] Just give me a sec. I'm still in my pyjamas, you know.

> Speaking of which, I wonder what ever happened to Yamazaki?

Tsuneo: Well that sounds like a link to me.

> Two minutes earlier, a short distance away from King's apartment building,
> Athena Asamiya and friends were holding a special early-morning concert inside
> of a warehouse (the concert was called "Athena A.M.").

Rebecca: They've been really hard up for work since she hit legal age.

> As the audience were
> "gettin' their groove on" to the beat of Athena's music, Yamazaki's helicopter
> suddenly crashed into the warehouse, through the roof of the building, and
> landed on the left-hand side of the stage. This sudden turn-of-events sent
> everyone fleeing for safety.

Rebecca: [Brak's dad] Ah, I see the exploding circus is in town. One night only.

> Kensou: ATHENA! Are you okay?!

> Athena: Yes... but where's Bao?

Gem: Nowhere pleasant, I hope.
Rebecca: Twenty says he was crushed by the helicopter.

> At the duo turned to their left, they saw Yamazaki emerge from the wreck,
> battered and bruised from the crash, but still alive.

> Yamazaki *dazed*: I'll... get you... for this... Hon-Fuuuuu...* *THUD!*

Dan: [Yamazaki] ...guppy...
Tsuneo: Well that was perfectly random.

> The psychopathic Yakuza gangster fell to the ground unconscious. Just then,
> Athena and Kensou noticed a small puddle of blood underneath the wrecked
> chopper.

> Athena *shocked*: Oh No! BAO!!!

> As it turned out, Bao was crushed to death when the helicopter landed on top
> of him.

Dan: So what was he doing on stage anyway?
Gem: Getting a special award for contributions to SNKglish.
Rebecca: Pay up!
Tsuneo: Too easy.

> Athena *crying*: WHY?! Why did this have to happen?!? *SOB!*

Gem: Because the authour didn't like him?
Rebecca: It was a perfectly random event that could have happened to any other
obnoxious little oyster.

> Kensou: Are you going to be all right, Athena?

Rebecca: [Athena] No, you're still here.

> Athena: *sniff* Of course I'm going to be all right. Bao's dead! I'm crying
> tears of joy. Finally, someone got rid of that annoying brat without me having
> to get my hands dirty.

Tsuneo: ...
Gem: Hey, she said it, not us.

> Kensou: ALL RIGHT! My psychic powers have returned! Talk about an ironic twist
> of fate. Bao's death actually did something good.

> Athena: So what do we do now?

Dan: Look for a new roadie.

> Kensou: That's simple. We RUN!!

> Athena and Kensou made a mad dash for the exit, and were able to escape the
> warehouse just before the crashed helicopter exploded.

Gem: [Athena] Do you think he survived?
Tsuneo: [Kensou] Do we care?
Dan: [Yashiro; fading] Guuupppyyy!!!

> Kensou: WHEW! That was a close one!

Dan: [Kensou] Wait a sec! I just realised we left Chin in there!

> But now, we're short one team member for the King of Fighters 2001 tournament.

Rebecca: Mature and Vice needn't have worried. They're dropping like flies
around here.
Dan: Do you reckon Yamazaki survived?
Tsuneo: He's fine.

> Athena: Don't worry, Kensou. I know someone who would be a suitable
> replacement.

Tsuneo: Well that sounds like a link to me.

> At a busy city intersection somewhere in Korea:

Rebecca: YAY KIM!
Dan: Hey, we don't know it's going to be Kim.
Rebecca: I can hope.

> Jhun Hoon: Alright! They just released Athena's newest CD! I gotta get over to
> that music store across the street and get me a copy!

[They all hum the 'Jaws' theme]

> Right when Jhun was about to go dashing headlong into oncoming traffic,

Tsuneo: Okay, I'm sure it wasn't quite like that.
Dan: Have we wandered into Excel Saga by accident?

> he felt his cell phone go off.

> Jhun: OW! I knew I should have set this thing to "vibrate" instead of
> "electric shock".

Gem: These mobile phone options are officially out of control.

> *picks up and answers cell phone* Hello?

> Athena: Hi Jhun!

> Jhun *excited*: OH MY GOD! IT'S ATHENA ASAMIYA!!! I can't believe you called
> me, on my cell phone no less!

Tsuneo: [Jhun] I'll never wash my phone again!
Dan: Then he got hit by a car. Sucks, huh?

> Athena: *Giggle!* I'm glad you're happy to hear me. Listen, we need a new team
> member for this year, and I was wondering:

Dan: [Jhun] YES! YES! I would love to be your new team mate!
Rebecca: [Athena] Actually, I was going to ask if you knew anyone who could fill
in for us.
Dan: [Jhun] My life is over.

> would you like to be our new teammate?

> Jhun *stunned*: .... ARE YOU SERIOUS?! You want ME to be YOUR teammate?!

> Athena: Yes. That is, if it's okay with Kim Kaphwan.

> Jhun: Let me ask him while I put you on hold. *puts Athena on hold;

Gem: She's calling from America. You'd better not take too long.

> dials up the number for Kim's Tae Kwon Do dojo*

Dan: [Kim] Hi! You have reached Kim's utterly amazing in every respect school.
I'm afraid I'm out proving the superiority of Tae Kwon Do by kicking everyone in
sight, but if you'll leave your name, number, and a place where I can come and
beat you up, I'll get back to you. [He grins]

> Jhun *on cell phone*: Hi! Is Kim Kaphwan there? Oh, hi Kim! I didn't think
> you'd be taking calls today. What's that? You wanted to give your wife a
> break?

Tsuneo: [Jhun] You've invited Chang and Choi over for tea? How... Thoughtful of
you.

> Oh, how thoughtful of you. Anyways, the reason why I called you is
> because Athena wants me to become the newest member of the Psycho Soldiers
> team. No, I'm afraid I don't have any idea what happened to the fourth member
> of their team.

Dan: [Yamazaki; faint] Guuupppyyy!!!

> What?! I have your permission?!

Tsuneo: [Jhun] And your blessing?
Gem: He just doesn't get it.

> OH YES!! Thank you, Kim! I knew
> you'd understand how much it means to me to be with my favorite pop idol.

Rebecca: Kim doesn't, but whoever does his laundry does.

> But why do you want me to join Athena's team?

Tsuneo: [Jhun] Oh. To get me out of your hair. What, you'd rather have Chang and
Choi than me? You would? Where's that car?

> You want to make May Lee your new
> assistant? May Lee, as in the 17 year-old Tae Kwon Do wonder? Well, I'm all
> for it. I'm glad to see such a young prodigy take on a big responsibility at
> an early age. But do you really think that she'll be able to keep Chang and
> Choi in line?

Dan: [Kim] No, it's because she has nice legs. [He grins]

> Oh yeah, I almost forgot, she HAS been studying intensely under your tutelage.

Rebecca: IfyouknowwhatImean.
Gem: Oh come on. He's married with two kids already.

> All right then, thanks so much, and I'll see you at the King of
> Fighters 2001 tournament in a few weeks.

Dan: Unless he gets hit by a passing garbage truck.

> Be sure to tell May Lee I said Hi. Bye for now! *re-connects Athena*

> Jhun: Athena, I'm back. Mr. Kaphwan approves, so I SAY YES!!!

> Athena: That's wonderful, Jhun! It'll be interesting having a Tae Kwon Do
> expert on our team.

Tsuneo: Because he won't match to the rest of you at all.

> Be sure to meet me at the Five Seasons hotel in Southtown,
> California, U.S.A.,

Tsuneo: [Jhun] I can't afford that!
Rebecca: Aw, just pawn one of your kidneys.

> sometime within the next few days so that we can make you
> an official team member. Okay?

> Jhun: You bet I'll be there!

> Athena: Excellent! Talk to you later. Bye, Jhun! *both Athena and Jhun hang
> up*

> Jhun: I can't believe it! I'm going to be able to fight alongside Athena
> Asamiya! This is like a dream come true! YAHOO!!!

> Jhun happily danced across the city block,

Rebecca: And out in front of a sports car driven by a couple on a cross-country
crime spree.
Tsuneo: Nice obscurity bonus.

> screaming and shouting that he
> would be Athena's new teammate. Many of the city's onlookers simply stared at
> him in disbelief (some people thought that he had escaped a mental
> institution).

Rebecca: And the North Korean saboteurs went back to digging their tunnels.

> Back in Southtown:

> Athena: Well, that's that. Jhun Hoon is coming here to Southtown to officially
> become our newest teammate.

Dan: If he survives the trip.

> Kensou: Awesome! *thinking to himself* I can't wait to meet Jhun again! I hope
> he brings the "2000 Limited Edition Athena Asamiya Doll" with him. I have to
> have it in my collection!

Tsuneo: I don't want to know.
Gem: You're putting the world's two biggest Athena fans in the same place.
They'll kill each other before the first round.
Dan: [Kensou] Did you know that Athena has beaten 48 monsters? And she was
knocked out three times?

> Kensou: Ready to get on outta here?

> Athena: I sure am! *pulls out a silent whistle and blows into it*

> Immediately, a hot pink limousine drove up to where Athena and Kensou were.

Dan: [Kensou] It pays to be on a team with a star.

> Limo Driver: You called, Ms. Asamiya?

Dan: How did he hear it?
Rebecca: It's a special whistle that only dogs and chauffeurs can hear.

> Athena: I certainly did. Take us to the Five Seasons hotel, pronto!

> Limo Driver: You got it!

> In an instant, Athena and Kensou were off, all the while being tailed by a
> whole bunch of rabid fans.

Tsuneo: It's good to see that whole "burning helicopter crashing through the
roof crushing people" thing didn't put anyone off.

> Thankfully, a group of security guards (dressed in manly pink uniforms)

Rebecca: However much she's paying them, it isn't enough.

> prevented the overly excited crowd from going any further.

Gem: They were also slowing down the fire and medical crews.
Tsuneo: [Chin] Hey, don't mind me. Nice and toasty in here.

> Not too far away, at a nearby walking trail, Chris was brooding over the fact
> that he was kicked off of the New Faces Team.

Tsuneo: Well that sounds like a link to me.
Rebecca: So let's see... In their effort to join a team, Mature and Vice have
only managed to break up and rearrange four other teams and yet not get on the
team they were after.
Gem: Forget about holding the tournament, those two should just wander around
trying to join other teams.

> Chris *thinking to himself*: It's not fair! I was Shermie and Yashiro's best
> teammate

Dan: You were their only team mate!

> (not to mention that I was also the host body for Orochi),

Gem: We're still wondering how you survived that.
Tsuneo: [Chris] I got better.

> and this
> is the thanks I get after being forced out of the team? This sucks! Now I'm
> either going to have to find a new team to join, or risk having to go back to
> my old team and face the humiliation of being a shoeshine boy, and I don't
> feel like shining anybody's shoes.

Rebecca: Especially with all the blood and gore Mature and Vice are going to get on their heels.

> Just then, Chris saw a pair of familiar faces up ahead of him.

> Chris: HEY SHINGO!

Tsuneo: And the fic has just lapped itself.

> Shingo: Huh? *looks behind him* Oh! Hi, Chris!

> Chris: Whatcha doing?

> Shingo: Fishing with Kasumi.

Dan: [Shingo] I'm the bait!

> Kasumi: You look kind of glum, Chris. What's wrong?

> Chris: I got kicked off of my team. Lousy Orochi adults think I'm not good
> enough for them.

Tsuneo: [Chris] I'll show them! I'll hit puberty and then they'll be sorry.
Gem: Shouldn't he be eighteen by now?
Tsuneo: He should be dead by now.
Gem: Forget I asked.

> Shingo: I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you said that, because I've got
> an idea. Kasumi, Chris, how would you like to join me so that we can form our
> own team?

Dan: Kasumi, Chris and Shingo are... Team Weiner 2001!
Rebecca: Remind me, wasn't the title something to do with the women's team?
Tsuneo: Chris practically counts.
Rebecca: And Shingo?
Tsuneo: See obscure KOF design note #38B.
Gem: What's that one?
Tsuneo: Shingo was originally going to be a girl.
Dan: Well that explains a lot.

> Chris and Kasumi *eyes sparkling*: WE'D LOVE TO!!

> Shingo: Excellent! It'll be just like three years ago, when Chris, Kensou and
> I formed our own team.

Rebecca: [Kasumi] Really? I though Chris was busy trying to reawaken an elder
god back then.
Dan: [Shingo] Well yeah, in his spare time.

> Kasumi: Hold on a minute! You guys were teammates once before?

Dan: Yup. They were Team Weiner 1998!

> Shingo: We certainly were!

> *cue flashback to three years ago*

Tsuneo: It was in the long lost days past of the late nineties.

> Young Kensou: Alright, Chris. Your opponent's coming right toward you. Just
> stay focused, remain calm, wait for the moment to arrive, and you'll do fine.

Tsuneo: [Chris] So what are you two going to do?
Dan: [Kensou] Leave you to face the music.

> Young Chris: I don't know. Are you sure I'm capable of doing this?

Gem: [Shingo] No, but it'll be funny to watch.

> Young Shingo: Don't worry, Chris. We're right behind you.

Dan: [Shingo] You'll make a great human shield.
Rebecca: Is it fair to be this mean to Chris?
Gem: No, but we'll do it anyway.

> Young Kensou: Look alive, Chris! Here it comes. Okay, wait for it... wait for
> it...

Rebecca: [Kensou] Keep waiting... Keep waiting... Wait a little more... It's
gone. What were you waiting for?

> NOW!!

> *Young Chris tosses a water balloon filled with paint right at an oncoming
> car.

Dan: Heh. Juvenile delinquency is fun.

> The balloon hits the car right in the windshield, exploding on contact,
> and covering the entire front of the car (windshield included) in brown
> paint.*

Gem: Now just don't ask where they got the paint from or how they loaded it into
a balloon, and we'll all have much more fun.

> Young Kensou: BULLSEYE!

> Young Shingo: Way to go, Chris!

> *The driver of the car suddenly slams on the brakes, gets out of the car, and
> (slowly) starts chasing after the trio of troublemakers.*

[Dan hums the 'Torgo' theme]

Rebecca: Uh, Torgo? A little to your left.

> Young Chris: Uh-oh! He's after us!

Dan: [Chris] He's chasing us very slowly!

> Young Shingo: Let's get outta here!

> Young Kensou: Quickly! Over that nearby fence!

> *The three make a break for it, and take a huge leap over the fence. Shingo
> and Kensou make it over, but Chris ends up tripping over the fence and lands
> on the other side face-first.*

Gem: [Chris] Hah! I fool you with my mystic ninja 'falling flat on my face'
technique.
Rebecca: Master of the mystic arts my arse.

> Old Man McGuffin (the driver of the car):

Tsuneo: Okay, the authour's not even trying any more.

> You God-damn whippersnappers! I'll get you someday for this!

Dan: [McGuffin] Just you wait 'til I revoke the Declaration of Independence!
You'll be sorry!

> Young Kensou: Chris! Are you O.K.?

> Young Chris: I'm fine. That was awesome! You should've seen the look on that
> old guy's face!

Gem: And the bright purple colour he turned.

> Young Shingo: That oughta teach that old man not to mess with us!

Tsuneo: [Kensou] He wasn't messing with us.
Dan: [Shingo] Well... He won't do that again!

> All Three: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

> *end flashback*

> Shingo: Old Man McGuffin never did get us; he ended up having a stroke a few
> minutes later, and was pronounced dead soon after. The city's Zoning
> Commission later thanked us for getting rid of the old man, since his house
> was blocking construction of a new neighborhood development. May his soul rest
> in peace.

All: ...

> All Three: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Tsuneo: It's funny because you killed an old man.
Gem: Actually, Mature and Vice just tried to join his team.

> Little did the trio know that they we being watched.

Dan: They hadn't noticed the weird looking guy in the cloak with the glowing red
eye.

> In an unmarked van a few blocks away:

Rebecca: Pay no attention to the huge black van bristling with antennae!

> Foxy *through binoculars*: It looks like those three twerps are forming their
> own team.

Gem: Let them.

> Diana: Yes. This could prove quite interesting.

Tsuneo: And why is this NESTS' concern?
Dan: NESTS have got to get their yucks somewhere.

> Kula: Why are we here, anyways?

Gem: [Foxy] That's a very interesting question. For most of us, it's a
philosophical debate that has tested the greatest minds of history. For you,
it's because we made you in a test tube.

> Aren't we supposed to be spying on K'?

Rebecca: [Diana] Yeah, but he's boring.

> Candy 2.0:

Dan: I've got to upgrade to Candy 2.25. Apparently they fixed a lot of the
stability issues.

> According to my calculations, K' isn't supposed to be here for
> another few hours.

Tsuneo: How do you 'calculate' when someone's meant to show up?
Gem: Find out how late the trains are today.

> Foxy: True, but at least this gives us something to do.

> Kula: Let me see! *swipes Foxy's binoculars* It looks like they're having fun.

Rebecca: They're taking turns pushing each other into the river. You call that
fun?

> Why can't I join them?

Dan: Because you're a freak of nature feared and reviled by everyone in the last
tournament?
Gem: [Kula] Well apart from that...

> Diana: If you show yourself in broad daylight, our cover we'll be blown, and
> the entire world will know about the N.E.S.T.S. organization!

> Candy 2.0: News flash, moron. The world has ALREADY known about us for quite
> some time! Here, read this.

> Diana *reading headlines*: "N.E.S.T.S. Base Discovered Underneath Port-A-
> Potty In Mobile, Alabama".

Rebecca: You guys have really gone downhill, haven't you?

> "Ugh! I Didn't Know What Was Worse; Being Hidden
> Underneath An Outdoor Toilet, Or Being Stuck In The Middle Of Alabama" Says
> Captured Operative.

Dan: How about being underneath an outdoor toilet in the middle of Alabama.
Rebecca: There are some things no human should have to do.
Gem: Like read this fic?

> Diana: But that was eight months ago! Besides, the world has never seen us
> "Special" operatives. If we expose ourselves to humanity, who knows what might
> happen?

Dan: Like entering the tournament?
Gem: [Foxy] Wait, we already did that...

> Kula: I know what might happen: nothing! There are people in the King of
> Fighters tournament that can shoot fireballs, energy blasts, and electric
> bolts, and they haven't caused any panic amongst the human populace.

Dan: Yeah, but they don't wander around in the freakish outfits you lot do.
Well, except for Benimaru, but he's different.

> And another thing: why are we hiding out in an ice cream truck?!

Tsuneo: I thought it was unmarked.
Dan: It's an unmarked ice cream truck.
Tsuneo: Well that makes... huh?

> It's 84 degrees
> and rising outside, not to mention the fact that it's sunny and humid!

> Everyone turned to look at Candy 2.0.

Rebecca: [Foxy] That's the last time we let you steal the truck.
Gem: [Candy] I was hungry!

> Candy 2.0: What?! I said I could do lots of things, but I never said I could
> predict the weather! How was I supposed to know it wasn't going to be rainy
> and cool?

Dan: Because you're in Southern California, and it's always hot and humid?

> Foxy: I wonder how Angel and K9999 are doing right now?

Tsuneo: Getting out of this fic while they still can.

> At another part of the van:

Dan: Is it just me, or is this an awfully big van?
Rebecca: They got a second floor put in.

> Kid 1: I want a Fudgy Delight Bar!

> Kid 3: Gimme a Fruity Frost Popsicle!

> Kid 2: What can I get for fifty cents?

Dan: [Kid 3] Hey, why am I Kid 3? I got a line before you!
Tsuneo: [Kid 2] I'm Kid 2 'cause it says I'm meant to be kid 2!
Dan: [Kid 3] So why did I get my line before you?
Tsuneo: [Kid 2] You stole my line!

[Gem and Rebecca pelt them with cushions]

Dan: [Kid 3] I'm not talking to you.
Tsuneo: [Kid 2] Meanie.

> K9999 *in Ice Cream Man uniform*: Go away, you little brats! How many times do
> I have to tell you: we DON'T have any ice cream!

Dan: [Kid 3] But it's an ice cream van!
Gem: [Angel] Yeah, brilliant disguise.

> Kid 4: Aw! Come on! I know you've got some hidden in the back of the truck!

Tsuneo: [K9999] Listen kid! We are not ice cream men! We are undercover agents
of an evil organization who are posing as ice cream men! Now go away!

[Pause]

Dan: [Kid 4] Do you have any chocolate bars?

> Kid 5: Hey! That Ice Cream Man looks like Tetsuo from Akira! He's so cool!

> Kid 6: Nuh-Uh! Kaneda was cooler! He had a cool looking bike!

Tsuneo: I have to wonder who let these little kids watch that movie.
Rebecca: Lazy child minders.

> K9999 *whispering in Angel's ear*: How much longer do we have to put up with
> this?

Gem: [Angel] Until K' shows up or we get sick of it and leave.
Dan: [K9999] Well, that's me done. Later!

> Angel *in ice cream man uniform* *whispering back*: Only a few more hours. And
> how can you be mad at such adorable children?

Dan: [K9999] You haven't been talking to them.

> Kid 3: Hey! Ice Cream Lady!

> Angel *thinking to herself*: How cute! He just called me Ice Cream Lady!

Rebecca: And right next to her is Ice Cream Soldier.

> Angel: Yes, little boy?

> Kid 3 *points to Angel's chest*: Can I have your two scoops?

Rebecca: Hey Dan! It's you at age 5!
Gem: That's not fair. That kid's acting far too mature.

> Angel *annoyed but cool*: Guh! How old are you, kid?

> Kid 3: I'm five years old!

> Angel: And where did you learn to talk like that?

Dan: [Kid 3] Mummy blames the television.

> Kid 3: From my Uncle Fred. Here's right over there! *points to Uncle Fred*

Tsuneo: Why can imagine that 'Uncle Fred' is actually Mr. Big?
Rebecca: No, it's just the Shockmaster without his helmet.
Dan: DING! Obscure bonus!

> *Uncle Fred makes a "squeezing" gesture at Angel*

> Angel *enraged*: YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, PERVERT!!!

> Angel leapt out of the truck, dashed toward Uncle Fred, and gave him the
> beating of his life (which consisted of a barrage of punches and kicks),
> before finishing him off by slamming him against the side of a street lamp.

Tsuneo: Now remind me, is this King of Fighters or Ranma?
Dan: Are you kidding? Ranma's far more mature than this.

> Uncle Fred collapsed to the ground, broken, bloody and beaten.

Rebecca: And looking for his stormtrooper helmet.
Dan: Yeah, we get it already.

> Kid 3: Uncle Fred!

> Uncle Fred *dazed*: Ugh... tell the mailwoman... that I'd like to deliver...
> her package... someday...*

All: Comedy!

> Angel: AH! That felt good!

Gem: Uh, cover? Pretending to be innocent ice cream men? Oh, forget it.

> Angel walked calmly back to the ice cream truck and got back in.

> K9999: See that? That's what happens to people who ask for ice cream too much!
> Now beat it! The ice cream shop is closed! *slams down the hood*

Rebecca: However much NESTS paid to make these guys, they should get a refund.
Gem: So if they didn't have any ice cream, why not masquerade as a *closed* ice
cream van?
Tsuneo: That would be too suspicious.

> *reopens the hood, looks at Kid 5* Oh, and kid, thanks for the compliment!
> *slams the hood shut again*

Dan: [Kid 5] He's a funny freakish ice cream man.

> Kid 3: You'll pay for this, you big meanie!

> Kid 2: No! Wait a second, Rock! That was cool!

Tsuneo: Rock? So who the hell is uncle Fred?
Rebecca: Andy Bogard trying to hide from Mai?

> Kid 5: Yeah! I want to see my Aunt Shelly get beat up for whining too much!

> Kid 4: My parents should be beaten up for making me do chores on Saturday
> morning!

> Kid 1: I've got an idea! Let's all get our mean old parents and relatives,
> bring them down here, and see them get beaten up by that Ice Cream Lady!

Tsuneo: The kids in this fic are sick.

> Kid 3: You're right! I never liked Uncle Fred. He drank and smoked too much,
> and he had all these stacks of magazines with pictures of naked women on them.
> I'll go bring my dad down here! Let's go!

Dan: Dad can't make it. He's busy falling from the top of Geese tower.
Tsuneo: So maybe 'uncle Fred' is Krauser in disguise.

> All the kids (except for Kid 3) ran off to bring their family members to the
> ice cream truck.

Gem: [Angel] Heh, kids these days. I blame violent video games.

> Kid 3: Oh, and Ice Cream Lady, if my dad doesn't show up, come to this address
> tomorrow morning.

Gem: [Angel; reading] Top floor, Geese tower, number one, Geese drive, my city.
There's something funny going on here.

> *slides a piece of paper underneath the hood of the truck*
> And one more thing: my name is Rock Howard, just so you know.

> Kid 3 (er, I mean, Rock Howard) ran off to go get his dad.

Tsuneo: Hang on, Geese should be long dead.
Dan: Along with Mature, Vice, Chris, Shermie and Yashiro?
Rebecca: Continuity's way overrated anyway.

> Angel *picks up piece of paper slid underneath hood*: Rock Howard, huh?
> Hmmm....

> *puts piece of paper in her pocket*

Gem: Well that was a pointless interlude.
Rebecca: This fic is nothing but pointless interludes.

> Kula: That does it! I'm tired on having to do menial labor while all the other
> kids get to go outside and play!

Rebecca: All you're doing is sitting in a van.
Gem: [Kula] But it's a tiring job!

> I'm leaving the team to go have some fun!

Tsuneo: World domination is way overrated.

> Everyone: WHAT?!?

> Diana: You can't be serious!

> Candy 2.0: This is highly illogical!

> Foxy: What will you do? Where will you go? Who are you going to turn to when
> you're in danger?!

Dan: If you have a problem, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The
A Team!

[They all beat him with cushions]

Dan: OW! I don't care! It was - OW! - worth it!

> Kula: The answer to all three questions is THERE!

Rebecca: [Foxy] The end of your finger?
Gem: [Kula] No, what I'm pointing at!
Rebecca: [Foxy] The ice cream freezer?
Gem: [Kula] No! What we were watching!
Rebecca: [Foxy] The obnoxious kids?
Gem: [Kula] Remind me why you're the leader.
Rebecca: [Foxy] I'm the smart one.

> *points to where Shingo, Kasumi, and Chris are*

Dan: A bunch of kids?
Gem: [Kula] Maybe I should re-think this plan.

> Angel: But what about K'? Didn't you say it was your personal mission to find
> him?

Rebecca: Yes, but she also made it her personal mission to have the worst outfit
in KOF, and she'll never manage it next to this team.

> Kula: Yes, but that's also what the big boss of N.E.S.T.S. and K9999 said.
> Besides, I've got a much better chance of finding him out in the open than
> trying to spy on him.

Dan: So what are you going to do, wander around shouting "Yo, K'! Where are you?
Over here!" everywhere you go?

> Candy 2.0: What about me? The one who has cared for (and nurtured you) the
> most? Would you abandon someone like me?

Rebecca: [Candy] Okay, so I kind of blew up, but big deal! I'm better now!

> Kula: I certainly would, unless their data were uploaded into a cell phone.
> *pulls out cell phone* Thanks to the tech boys, they were able to transfer
> Candy 1.0's personality data into this handy-dandy little cell phone.

Tsuneo: Cell phones don't have that much capacity.
Gem: Candy didn't have that much personality.

> *Cell phone flashes "How are you doing today, Kula?" across its' screen.*

Dan: Poor Candy. Reduced to SMSing.

> Kula: I'm doing fine, Candy.

> Candy 2.0: I'm appalled that you'd choose a cell phone over me!

Rebecca: [Kula] I'm sorry Candy, that's just the way I swing.
Gem: [Kula] I can switch off the cell phone.

> Kula: Yeah, well maybe you'd be more appealing if you didn't say "404 error"
> after every 25th sentence!

Dan: Candy for Windows?
Rebecca: [Candy] How dare you even suggest such a - 404 not found - I'll shut up
now.

> K9999: How are you going to fit in with those "normal" kids? Betcha didn't see
> that one coming, did you?

> Kula: Actually, I did see this question coming, and I can fit it with the
> other kids with these sunglasses, this cap, and my city attitude.

Tsuneo: And a handy phrasebook for the primitive tribes of Los- er, Southtown.

> *puts on cap and shades, puts hands in a weird position*

> YO! YO! YO! Whazzup, my homies an' b*tches?!

Dan: Ladies and Gentleman, Ali K.

> An awkward, uncomfortable silence filled the van.

Tsuneo: And the room.

> K9999: *Snicker!* FAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

> Suddenly, the whole van erupted with laughter.

> Everyone (except Kula): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Gem: [Hold up cell phone; reading] HAHAHAHA!
Dan: [Rock Howard] Now that's some good ice cream.

> Kula *insulted*: FINE! I can take a hint! I'm outta here! *slams cap on the
> floor and walks out*

> Kula exited through the rear of the ice cream truck (or van).

Dan: Make up your damn mind.

> Angel: Oh my God! Was she serious?

> K9999: So what if she was? She'll be back. And even if she never returns, we
> can always make Diana our new teammate for this year's King of Fighters
> tournament.

Rebecca: Are Mature and Vice anywhere near this van right now?

> *picks up cap that Kula tossed on the floor and puts it on* Hey!
> Who am I? "Booty! Booty! Booty! Yeeeeeaaaah, boyyeeee!!"

Tsuneo: I know! You're a moron!

> Just then, everyone started laughing again.

Dan: You think this is bad, wait until the tournament actually starts.

> As Kula began walking away from the ice cream truck:

> Kid 2: Hey look! It's the Ice Cream Girl!

Gem: [Kula] Say anything about scoops and I'll plug you, brat.

> Rock: Maybe she can go get the Ice Cream Lady for us!

> Kula *annoyed*: You want ice cream? I'll give you ice cream! HYYYAAAA!!!

> Using her icy powers, Kula encased the children's evil relatives inside giant
> blocks of ice.

Dan: I'd like to see the newspapers explain this one.

> All the kids stared at her in awe.

Tsuneo: [Kid 2] Do you do birthdays?

> Rock: WHOA! That was AWESOME!! *Thinking to himself* I only wish my dad
> could've seen this.

Dan: Right now dad's busy trying to pull his head out of the pavement again.

> Kula smiled back as she continued to distance herself from her fellow
> N.E.S.T.S. compatriots.

Rebecca: [Kula] Hah! Any second now, they'll come running, begging me to go back to them. Any second now. Any second... now. Any second. [Pause] Any second now.

> Kula: If you want them defrosted, ask the Ice Cream Man to do so.

Gem: Could they be any less subtle if they tried?

> With that, Kula headed off to the Southtown River, leaving the "grown-ups" to
> thaw out underneath the morning sun.

Tsuneo: Only morning? I thought this had been going on for longer.
Gem: It only seems that way.

> A few minutes later, at the Southtown River, Shingo, Kasumi, and Chris were
> each taking turns fishing.

Dan: [Shingo] Hey Chris, it's your turn to be bait.
Tsuneo: [Chris] It was my turn last time!
Rebecca: [Kasumi] Take a hint.

> Shingo: So, what type of fish do you guys want to catch?

Dan: One that's edible would be a good start.

> I'd like to get a nice, large river trout.

Rebecca: I don't think this is trout climate.

> Kasumi: I want to catch a salmon, since that's my family's favorite type of
> fish.

> Chris: A giant tuna, so that I can make my famous tuna noodle casserole.

Gem: So just what does live in Southtown river?
Rebecca: Flushed goldfish and unsuccessful mobsters.

> Just then, a blue-haired girl wearing sunglasses appeared behind the trio.

Dan: It's Leona undercover, looking for geeks!
Rebecca: [Leona] Mature and Vice just came along and killed the rest of my team.
You guys got any openings?

> Kula: Excuse me, but do you have room for one more fisherman?

> Kasumi: Hey! It's Kula Diamond!

> Kasumi, Shingo, and Chris: Hi Kula!

Dan: [Shingo] Hey, didn't you try and kill the winning team last year?
Gem: [Kula] Um... Well, yes...
Dan: [Shingo] Okay. Have a seat.
Gem: [Kula] Doesn't that bother you?
Rebecca: [Kasumi] Chris used to have an elder god inside him. Nothing bothers
us.

> Chris: Sure, we've got room for another fellow fisherman. Have a seat.

> Kula: Thanks. *looks at Chris* But I thought you were dead.

> Chris: Yeah, I died, but so what? I came back to life, didn't I?

Rebecca: He's so damn casual about it, anyone would think he's an X-Man.

> Kula: True. Good point.

Dan: Isn't anyone worried about just *how* he came back to life?
Rebecca: [Kasumi] Hey, he promised not to perform any more demonic rituals, so
that's fine by us.

> Shingo: *looks around* Hey! Where are the rest of your N.E.S.T.S. teammates?

> Kula: They're not with me, anymore. They were making fun of me, so I decided
> to quit the team. Now, I'm stuck without a team.

> Shingo: Funny you should mention that. Kasumi, Chris, and I are forming our
> own team. How would you like to become our fourth member?

Tsuneo: And thus completing the quartet of immature stupidity?
Dan: It's the completely un-fantastic four!
Gem: The random button has a lot to answer for.

> Kula *surprised*: Really?! I can join with you guys? After all the trouble I
> caused at last year's King of Fighters tournament?

> Shingo: Piff! You didn't really cause THAT much trouble. Chris was possessed
> by Orochi, and we forgave him.

Dan: I don't believe it. I just said that.
Rebecca: Voice!
Voice: No, already! Besides, it's almost over.

> Kula: Well then, count me in!

> Shingo: Then it's decided! Welcome to the team, Kula Diamond! Nice sunglasses,
> by the way.

> Kula: Thanks! I swiped them from K' when he wasn't looking.

Dan: Er... Weren't you trying to find him?
Gem: So what? Steal first, ask questions later.

> Shingo: And with that, our team for the King of Fighters 2001 tournament is
> formed! Now, only one problem remains: what shall be the name of our team? How
> about Burning Youth?

Rebecca: There's an idea I could live with. [She blinks and rubs her hands]
Shakka-Zulu!
Dan: Put your C Martin Croker fan club card away now!
Rebecca: Aww...
Gem: Do I want to know?
Tsuneo: No, and neither do I.

> Kasumi: Nah. That sounds more like the name of a rock group? I know! Why don't
> we call ourselves the Kids of America?

Dan: Because you're not American?

> Chris: It wouldn't work, I'm afraid, since Shingo's from Japan, and I'm
> originally from Sweden.

Dan: Well there you go.

> Why can't we be called the Fantastic Four?

> Kula: Because that's a copyright-infringement lawsuit waiting to happen?

Rebecca: You could be the Fearsome Four.
Tsuneo: What, and have Warren Ellis come after them? He'll bite them!

> Perhaps the name Knight Sabers might work?

> Kasumi: Same deal. We'd be sued. Plus, where would we find four hardsuits?

> Shingo: I got it! We'll call ourselves Gekiganger 4!

> Kasumi: Shingo! That's an excellent name!

[Long, long pause]

Tsuneo: That's it. I'm jumping out the window.

[He dives for the window, but they hold him down]

Dan: You're not Geese Howard! You won't come back for the next game!
Tsuneo: I don't care!

[They drag him back onto the couch]

Gem: Now damn well stay there.

> Kula: I like it! It symbolizes strength and unity.

Rebecca: It doesn't actually mean anything.

> Chris: Same here! It sounds catchy, has a good beat, and you can dance to it.

Dan: [Leaps to his feet] LET'S GO GEKIGANGER FOUR!

[The others beat him down]

Tsuneo: I feel much better now.

> Shingo: Then it's settled! From this day forward, we shall be known as the
> Gekiganger 4 team!

> Everyone: LET'S GO GEKIGANGER 4!!!

Dan: Oh sure. They can get away with saying it.
Tsuneo: That's because they're not here.

> One hour later...

> Chris: *Yawn!* It's been over an hour and we still haven't caught anything.

Gem: And the fic's just going round and round in circles.
Rebecca: Yeah, there's Yamazaki soaring overhead again.
Dan: [Fading] GUUUPPPYYY!!!

> Shingo *excited*: WHOA! I got a bite! It's struggling to get free! You won't
> get away from me that easily!

Gem: He's just talking to himself.
Tsuneo: He does that a lot.

> Kasumi *thinking to herself*: It had better not be another dead body.

Dan: Oh look, they killed off Brian Battler and nobody cared.
Rebecca: [Mature] So we can cross Team America off the list.
Gem: [Vice] Sorry. I just got carried away.

> Shingo: SHINGO PULL!!

Dan: GAI SUPER UPPER!

> And with a mighty tug,

Rebecca: He practices that move a lot. [Tsuneo hits her with a cushion]

> Shingo yanked the fish out of the water and sent it
> flying into the air.

Gem: And it hit him in the face.

> Everyone caught a glimpse of the massive mackerel as it
> flew through the air, and landed in Kula's arms, where she used her icy powers
> to encase the fish in a block of ice, thus preventing it from escaping (and
> keeping it fresh at the same time).

Tsuneo: She's really handy on these fishing trips.
Dan: Next time she can bring the beer.
Gem: None of them are old enough to drink.
Dan: Never stopped me.
Rebecca: We guessed.

> Everyone: WHOA!! Look at the size of that thing!

> Kula: It's a giant salmon! But I thought that those types of fish never
> spawned around here.

Dan: Yeah, but he's visiting.

> Chris: It's the size of a shotgun!

Rebecca: Yes, but is it loaded?
Dan: PUMP-ACTION SALMON! [Tsuneo stares at him] What? WHAT?
Gem: I think that might have been an independent comic book.

> Kasumi: YES! I know my dad's going to be pleased to see this!

> Shingo: WOO HOO! We'll be able to win over Mr. Todoh with this fish!

> Kula: What I'd like to know is where a fish of that size came from.

Tsuneo: Remind me, is this down-river from the nuclear reactor?

> Kasumi: Who cares where it came from? Let's take it back to my house and show
> it to my mother.

> Shingo: To the Todoh residence!

> The four teens headed off to Kasumi's house to show off their massive catch.

Gem: Stupid question, but are all three of them planning on staying there?
Dan: I'm sure they've got plenty of space under the stairs.
Rebecca: Maybe they should try vertical stacking.

> Elsewhere, some 30-odd miles outside of Southtown...

> Cletus: Nice going, Enos! Your lousy driving caused our Arctic Fishery
> Delivery truck to tip off of the edge of the road, slide down the hill, land
> in a river, and force all of the fish out of the truck! Now how are we going
> to explain to the boss that we let one giant salmon, twelve carp, six tuna,
> and three trout end up floating away in a nearby river?!

Rebecca: Well thank you for that, Captain Exposition.

> Enos: I swear! I thought that sign said "Speed Up Ahead" instead of "Speed
> Bump Ahead"! And how was I supposed to know that you were supposed to slow
> down at a speed bump?

Tsuneo: You do have a driver's license, don't you?

> Yeesh! What a country!

Gem: Well that was a pointless interlude.
Rebecca: I'm beginning to think this whole fic is a pointless interlude.

> Meanwhile, at the home of Kasumi Todoh, the newly formed Gekiganger 4 team
> entered the home of the Todoh family with their massive catch in tow.

> Kasumi: Mom! I'm home!

Gem: [Mrs. Todoh] You haven't been talking to strange people, have you?
Rebecca: [Kasumi] You guys had better wait outside.

> Mrs. Todoh: Welcome back, dear! How did your fishing trip go?

> Kasumi: See for yourself. *holds up giant salmon encased in ice*

> Mrs. Todoh *surprised*: HOLY...!! Where did you catch a fish that size?!

Dan: I guess it really did fall off the back of a truck.

> Kasumi: At the Southtown River, of course. Oh! By the way, I met some new
> friends while I went out fishing. *points around* Mom, this is Chris.

> Chris: Hi! How are you?

> Kasumi: That's Kula over there.

> Kula: Pleased to me you, Mrs. Todoh.

Gem: [Mrs Todoh] Dear, your friends are freaks.

> Kasumi: And the guy with the bandana is Shingo.

Gem: [Mrs Todoh] I rest my case.

> Before Mrs. Todoh could speak, Shingo ran over to her and knelt down on two
> knees while holding her hand.

> Shingo: I'm honored to meet you, Mrs. Todoh. I'm Shingo Yabuki, and I'll cook,
> clean, and do just about anything to make you happy.

Gem: [Mrs Todoh] I'm sorry, but we've already got a servant.
Rebecca: [Kasumi] Mum, that's Dad!

> Mrs. Todoh *stunned*: Uh... Kasumi, why is he acting like this?

Tsuneo: Because he's an idiot?

> Kasumi: Well, while I went fishing with Shingo, these two people (Chris and
> Kula) stopped on by and fished alongside us. Shortly after that, Shingo here
> got an idea to form our own team for the King of Fighters 2001 tournament.

Dan: They were all drunk at the time and it seemed great.

> We agreed to do so, and from now on, we're known as the Gekiganger 4 team.

Tsuneo: Mum, just back away slowly.

> Unfortunately, neither of my three friends have any places to stay, so... Mom,
> can Shingo, Chris and Kula please stay over here?

Gem: [Mrs Todoh] Do they have money?
Dan: [Shingo] Money? What's that?
Rebecca: [Kasumi] Oh dear...

> Mrs. Todoh: Well, I don't know... *whispering to Kasumi* Do their parents know
> about this?

Tsuneo: I'm not sure their parents know about them.

> Kasumi *whispering to Mrs. Todoh*: Chris and Kasumi don't have any parents,
> they're orphans.

Gem: [Mrs Todoh] No you're not, dear.
Rebecca: [Kasumi] You mean you *are* my real mother?
Tsuneo: [Kula] And I thought I had problems.

> Shingo does have a family, but he fled his country (Japan)
> after having his life threatened by an assassin.

Dan: That's a polite way of putting it.

> Mrs. Todoh *whispering to Kasumi*: Oh my! I'm sorry I asked.

Tsuneo: After hearing that, are you sure you want to put him up at your place?

> Chris: Oh please, let me stay here, Mrs. Todoh! I had to sleep on a couch in a
> crowded hotel room!

Rebecca: Hey, it sure beats being dead, so stop whinging.

> Kula: I had to sleep in a van!

> Shingo: I had to sleep at a Motel 6!

> Mrs. Todoh: Geez! That sounds terrible (especially the Motel 6 part)! All
> right, you can all stay here... on ONE condition.

Dan: That you water the dog and take the plants for a walk each day.
Rebecca: Don't you usually do it the other way around?
Dan: No, I always water the dog first.

> You must be willing to take
> care of household chores every day you live here (except for Saturdays).

Rebecca: What happens on Saturdays?
Gem: [Mrs Todoh] We fumigate.

> Kula, Shingo, and Chris: Agreed!

> Mrs. Todoh: Well, that settles it, then. Welcome to your new home, kids!

Rebecca: [Mrs Todoh] $25 each, per night. Pay up or get out.

> Shingo, Chris and Kula: Thank you, Mrs. Todoh!

> A short time later, after Kasumi gave her new teammates a tour of her house:

Rebecca: [Kasumi] Well, here's the front door and there's the back door. That's
it.

> Shingo: Wow! You live in a very nice house, Kasumi.

Tsuneo: How'd her family afford all this?
Rebecca: [Kasumi] My dad finances it on all the money he's won in the
tournaments.
Tsuneo: He's never won any of the tournaments.
Rebecca: [Kasumi] Oh dear.

> Kula: Yeah! I can't wait to try out your family's big screen TV and DVD
> player.

Gem: [Kula] I'm going to be what I always wanted to be: A couch potato!

> Kasumi: Why thank you. This calls for a celebration! Mom, we're heading out
> for lunch!

Rebecca: [Mrs Todoh] You just got home!
Tsuneo: Do you know how long they spent fishing and setting up the plot?

> Mrs. Todoh: Okay, but be sure to make in back in time for your tea ceremony
> practice.

> Chris: You have to perform tea ceremonies?

Tsuneo: What's so bad about that?
Rebecca: [Kasumi] Dad makes lousy tea.

> Kasumi: Sadly, yes. It's a part of the family tradition that I'm supposed to
> partake in. It's not something I'm proud of, though. I can't wait until I
> leave for college (in two more years), then I won't have to do any more stupid
> tea ceremonies.

Dan: What's the big deal with the tea ceremonies, anyway?
Tsuneo: It's something completely random that the authour's obsessed over.
Dan: But why?
Gem: Why not?

> Mrs. Todoh *shouting to Kasumi*: What should I do with the fish while you're
> gone?

> Kasumi: Just leave it in the sink. I want Dad to take a good look at his
> favorite fish.

Dan: [Todoh] What's this fish doing here?
Rebecca: [Mrs Todoh] That is Old Kentucky Shark, and he's always been there.

> Mrs. Todoh: I'm sure he'll be pleased. See you later!

> Kasumi: Bye Mom!

Gem: [Mrs Todoh] Don't go talking to anyone... er, stranger.

> Kula, Shingo and Chris: Bye Mrs. Todoh!

> The Gekiganger 4 team left the Todoh household.

[The TV switches off]

Rebecca: So.
Tsuneo: So.
Gem: So.
Dan: Guppy.
Gem: I see. [Pause] Are these things always like this?
Tsuneo: Usually... no. This is an, uh, exceptional case.
Rebecca: We've had more incoherent fics, but that's usually because they're
Just badly typed. This one is, well...
Gem: Stupid?
Rebecca: Yeah.
Gem: And you do this for a living?
Tsuneo: Sad, isn't it?
Gem: Remind me why I signed up for this?
Dan: You needed the money?
Gem: I'm not that desperate.
Dan: You were inexplicably drawn to the incredibly studly guy in the recruitment 
office?
Gem: I responded to a "help wanted" ad in the paper.
Rebecca: We don't *have* a recruitment office.
Dan: Yes we do, it's called "Tsuneo's apartment."
Tsuneo: Yes... Thanks for that, Dan. I now have all these weirdos coming by all
hours of the day. And Tango is *still* camped out in my sock drawer.
Gem: Well that wasn't it.
Rebecca: You thought it couldn't be any worse than what you do for a living
right now and that reviewing stuff would be relatively easy and painless.
Gem: That sounds about right.
Rebecca: Well, I'm off. I've got a three year old to flame. [She gets up] Coming
Tsuneo?
Tsuneo: Yeah... I've got to go through all those application forms.

[The two of them get up and leave]

Dan: Hey, uh, Gem?
Gem: Oh-oh. Yes?
Dan: A while ago, you mentioned you had a girlfriend.
Gem [Blushes bright red]: I said that?
Dan: Yep.
Gem: Aaack! I didn't mean, I mean, not like that, I mean-
Dan: Naw, it's okay. I'm fine with that.
Gem: You are?
Dan: Yeah, It's cool with me.
Gem: Thanks.
Dan: So, uh, can you give me some details?

[The screen goes blank]

[There is the sound of automatic gunfire]

Dan: Okay, okay, maybe not!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@elmerstudios.com) & Zogster
(jinas@elmerstudios.com)

Gem, Dan and Tsuneo Tateo are copyright 1995-2002 Max Fauth (Zogster)
Rebecca Bartley is copyright 1995-2002 Alex Fauth (Rick R. Mortis).

Elmer Studios!:
	http://www.elmerstudios.com
	All of Elmer Studios' MSTings, artwork, character profiles, random
	DELTA Invasion Episode Generator and the Satellite of Rednecks in one
	spot.

Rick's Cruel Mockery of HTML:
	http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm
	Fighters Anthology .lib and mission files, utterly disturbing Nova
	Satori shrine, Osama Bin Laden's Camel, the AntiKevs and Fanfic Carp,
	all in one big steaming pile.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Shingo: Piff! You didn't really cause THAT much trouble. Chris was possessed
> by Orochi, and we forgave him.